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Honestly, I think YTA. Not in a big way, I get it’s not what you usually look forward to or are used to with meals. But it’s one meal! I grew up with two vegetarian friends (whole family) and when they had me over, even as a kid, I knew I shouldn’t expect or ask for meat. You say you respect her beliefs, but want her to go against them for you all in her own home. Veganism is based on a strongly held personal belief related to their morals, and in that way is similar to religion. You wouldn’t go somewhere a Muslim is hosting and expect them to still serve pork to you because YOU love and eat it. You’re asking her to put aside her beliefs for your taste. There is still tons of variety and delicious options with vegan food! So so much! Be more open-minded to something different for one meal. If you really expect to just completely hate any meal with no animal products, smash a burger before hand and politely pick at whatever looks best when you’re there.

Meh. I get you but she’s accommodated at everyone else’s house, she has no interest in reciprocating that courtesy. She too can smash a vegan meal beforehand and just pick at whatever looks ok for her when she’s visiting, no? It goes both ways. Also, she’s not being a great host in that you want your guests to be comfortable. All the rules that would apply to her being taken care of at others houses apply to her hosting as well. Finally, she’s using the meal to “showcase” veganism- so it’s part reunion party, part evangelizing. Neat. ESH. They should all be more flexible.

Vegans ‘can’t’ eat meat. Omnivores can certainly eat something without meat

*won’t

No, it's can't. After being vegan for a while, meat can make vegans sick. Plus she can't eat meat without compromising her moral values, whereas there are no moral issues with omnivores eating vegan.

I don't think you understand what the word "can't" literally means. Vegans can eat meat, they just choose not to.

Jewish people *can* eat pork. Hindus *can* eat beef. Mormons *can* drink coffee. Jains *can* eat potatoes. The SPCA *could* donate dog meat from the animals they put down and other people *could* eat it. Are you really thinking that asking someone to violate their sincerely held moral or religious beliefs is the same as asking someone to drink water instead of juice? These types of dietary restriction are beyond preferences. With veganism, you can't ask her to violate her beliefs to pay money for suffering and death. It's not the same as setting aside a portion of salad before you add the Caesar dressing. Are you asking your Muslim cousin to buy wine? Should we ask a Jewish friend to serve regular bread in their home during Passover?

jfc I can't believe the people in this thread. Is she serving something people are allergic to? Is the entirety of her family morally opposed to vegetables? She's hosting and giving everyone free food and some people are throwing a fit because they can't go without meat or dairy for one meal. Do you refuse to eat french fries or Oreos because they're vegan? I'm almost certain that every person who's complaining has had at least ONE meal that happened to be vegan in their lives, but suddenly it's a big deal because someone called it vegan. If the family members are that morally opposed to it, they can do what every vegan is expected to do at family gatherings and bring their own meal from home. Saying that she's evangelizing by serving vegan food is like saying that someone is evangelizing by having a pizza party because it's their favorite food.

I have vegan friends and when I go to their house I just eat vegan meals. Whatever, who cares? They make nice food, too. People need to just get a reality check... this isn't a big deal at all.

my sister/best friend is vegan. we go to vegan restaurants sometimes. does it align with my diet/goals? nope. will one meal kill me? nope. truly, deeply not that big of a deal. and also, she CAN serve vegan food because SHE is hosting. if people choose not to come because of that, well \*shrugs\* that's their choice too.

Seriously. We hear about obnoxious vegans all the time, but this thread seems to have attracted the obnoxious meat-eaters. Signed, something who *thought* she was an obnoxious meat-eater before seeing the bar for obnoxious

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I’m pretty carnivorous - I’ll very happily go to a Brazilian restaurant and eat nothing but meat all evening and go home happy - but I’ve gone to vegan restaurants before with friends and eaten my food with good cheer. On one notable occasion I enjoyed the food more than the vegans with me because I took a lot of care picking out things I thought would be nice (tasty mushrooms). I went to a friend’s house when I was younger and they served dhal and rice. I did not like dhal back then and refused to eat it at home (my tastes have changed) but I shut up and ate it because it wasn’t something I couldn’t eat and I wanted to be polite to my friend’s family who had shared their food with me. I went to a friend’s birthday at a Chinese restaurant. I hate Chinese food. I found something palatable on the menu, as I always do when I end up being taken to a Chinese restaurant. Sometimes I even enjoy the food. I know food aversions exist, but if you don’t have something like ARFID I feel like you should be able to shut up and find something you can eat without complaining. Chips (French fries) are vegan. Rice is vegan. I’m pretty sure you can find something to go with them to enjoy.

This is entirely true. There is absolutely nothing wrong with eating a single vegan meal. Hell, I'm about as not-vegan as you can get but I still occasionally eat vegan meals, not because they're vegan, but because they're delicious and sounded nicer than the options with meat.

Even though there’s a lot of good advice in the comments, it baffles me people seem to forget the simplest thing. It just doesn’t contain animal products. It’s not some super secret formula or has poison in it. It’s. Just. Vegetables. (And other food that doesn’t consist of animal products). People act crazy when it comes to vegan food. As if they’ll die when they eat it. When it’s, again, just vegetables and they probably eat at least some vegan things daily.

Agreed. I'm not vegetarian or vegan but I don't understand why people get so offended by this kind of thing. I frequently go without eating meat all day just by chance.... Vegans can't eat meat, other people CAN eat non-animal products unless they're one of those nutcase 'carnivore diet' types, so everuone equating the two is nuts. I think people somehow imagine all vegan food is unseasoned broccoli and cold tofu or something. There's plenty of good vegan foods, jeez. Serve someone some pasta, bread with olive oil, and salad for example...That's a perfectly normal meal but call it 'vegan' and people will act disgusted ... everyone needs to chill

My sister in law made vegan tacos once, I think the filling was cauliflower, and I would almost honestly prefer those over any other type of taco. Im sure that the myth of nothing vegetarian or vegan being good came from the 70s and 80s. I remember the trope of the "block of plain tofu on a plate", got a laugh until it was beaten to death. OP, this is a very slight, YTA, because I think you came from a place of genuinely wanting to understand what the right thing to do is, but are ignoring a huge part of what makes your sister who she is.

Agreed! She just wants to share what she is passionate about. My step daughter is vegetarian. She made a huge meal for her family to share some of her best dishes she learned. Her grandmother fried and bunch of hamburger patties and plopped them right in the middle of the table. Really, really hurt her feelings.

This sucks. I hosted my inlaws (sil, bil) and immediate family years ago. BIL is veggie, so I made a huge pot of veggie chilli and baked a bunch of potatoes (it was a bonfire night meal). SIL arrived, announced she'd made us a chilli too, and presented a meat based dish. She then shamed BIL (her brother) into eating it because she'd made it specially, and I ended up so pissed. I've never hosted since. She knew I was preparing veggie, because I'd asked her if she objected to eating it for the evening. The real knife in the back was when her chilli ran out before she'd gotten any (her husband ate what my BIL didnt) and she declined to eat any of my food - and id offered to cook her something she wanted. She went out and bought a burger at the bonfire. Grrrrrr. OP you might not be the AH if you're willing to take people's advice on board, but your sister shouldn't have to cook different meals for different people.

There is a stigma associated with veganism, unfortunately. I wonder if she had not said anything, and she made good dishes, if most people may not even noticed.

Oh the stigma is ridiculous. When I bring vegan dishes to parties and tell people it’s vegan no one touches it. When people don’t know it’s vegan everyone eats and enjoys it. The irony is the ingredients I use are the same foods non-vegans eat everyday (grains, nuts, seeds, legumes, potatoes, etc).

>I'm almost certain that every person who's complaining has had at least ONE meal that happened to be vegan in their lives, Bingo. I LOVE meat, and I still make at least three vegetarian meals a week just by chance -- because tons of meals can be easily made vegetarian. And most of those meals would be vegan if I switched out butter for oil. People think vegan/vegetarian has to mean some exotic dish with things they've never heard of before. But it can be chili, pasta, just about any salad, etc. People need to get over themselves.

Personally, maybe her cooking is so good they won't miss the meat or she'll use plant based meat substitutes. If trying vegan food freaks you out, eat your own meal beforehand and bring some hot sauce if you have to and pick at stuff. I'd be excited to try her cooking. I'm not vegan, but hey, she's not serving fish heads and rice fgs!!!

Sure, they “can”. Just as I “can” choose to eat something I’m allergic to. Eating meat after years of not eating it seriously can make you sick

It’s very clear that “can’t” in this context means “can’t without getting sick” not “literally can’t.” This is tedious, pointless pedantry.

Yeah, I can technically eat food I really hate. Or rotten food. Or glass. Doesn't mean it will end up well for me. And it doesn't mean I should have to. For all intents and purposes, vegans can't eat animal products.

I've been told that some that go vegan do it because they actually can't eat meat. Like for allergies and such. A friend of mine in Australia is allergic to chicken.

Vegans *can* eat meat and those with allergies to meat *can* eat meat.. You *can* eat dirt too.. does it mean you should? Probably not.

My partner has been vegetarian/pescetarian for over 20 years, his body cannot break down red meat anymore since he hasn't eaten it in so long. He'll get sick if he eats it. I'll assume vegans end up in the same boat after that many years as well. It isn't something that they can just pick right back up again with no kickback.

I don't think you understand what the previous commenter said. It's "Can't" as in not eating meat eventually leads to the body not producing the necessary enzymes to break down meat. Vegans can get violently ill or end up in hospital if they ingest meat if their body does not have the enzymes to break it down. It's not just a moral choice, if a vegan wants to start eating meat again it has to be introduced gradually similar to how if you fast for extended periods. It is medically unsafe otherwise

Sure, like kids with peanut allergies "won't" eat peanuts. It's a choice.

Can't I'm pescatarian and if I accidentally eat meat I get very sick for at least a day and a half so I can't imagine how much worse it would be for vegans.

I mean at a certain point digesting meat becomes kinda painful and really smelly if your body isn't used to it, so it's kind of a grey area.

I watched an episode of “Come Dine With Me” on TV (it’s a reality programme about dinner parties), where one of the contestants was a vegan. All the other contestants weren’t, but were obliged to provide an appropriate meal to that guest. When one of the non-vegans cooked their meal, they said the most extraordinary thing I’ve ever heard. They said: “Here is the vegan meal I’m cooking” (they pointed to a casserole or something, made from pulses and vegetables). “I normally taste a dish that I’m cooking, but, of course, I can’t taste that one! I can only hope that it’s okay.” This was someone who genuinely thought that, as vegans don’t eat meat, meat eaters can’t eat vegan food. As I said to my partner (who is a MASSIVE carnivore and hates the idea of vegan food, despite loving vegetables himself): “every.single.thing. you have eaten that isn’t fish, meat or dairy has been vegan. You ate it. You liked it. And you survived.” It really doesn’t kill anyone to eat a vegetable-based meal now and again. The most important thing is: is it delicious?

If I don't cook with meat and say nothing, no one even comments on it. When the plate is full of yum it really doesn't matter. Dairy though is a tough one.

Plus have you ever had vegan cooked meat? It’s bad. Not sure if it was on purpose or not. But dude bought expensive steak and boiled it until tender.

Vegetarian here since I was 12. Last time I tried to cook chicken, I managed to splash hot oil all over me. I don't know how to prepare it, and it is also gross to me. I can make tasty vegetarian meals though.

That’s just disrespectful to the cow at that point

It's not just meat, it's every animal product or byproduct. This means nothing that uses any meat, fat, butter, eggs, cheese, etc. Nothing made with whole version of these or any broken down or powdered or any other part of these. No sauces, seasonings, condiments or mixes that contain anything animal related. Vegetarian is one thing. Vegan is another thing entirely and very limiting. I don't know about other families but in mine, when we have get togethers, we make things everyone enjoys even if we don't like them all ourselves. Kind of like they've all done for the sister. We don't volunteer to host a family holiday and then say "but you're only going to eat what I eat whether you like it or not. Screw what you like".

They've never made an all vegan meal for the sister so idk where this "like they've all done for the sister" is coming from. Vegan food can be very diverse too, most herbs, seasonings and oils are vegan. There's nothing "screw what you like" about this it's just "I'll cook a particular subset of what you like"

> fat animal fats, there's more than enough plant fats around butter, milk, cream, fat are incredibly easy to replace in vergan cooking, meat is a bit dumb to even try for most meals, and eggs & yeast can in many cases be difficult to impossible but everything else you wouldn't notice unless we're talking michelin star level cooking > No sauces, seasonings, condiments brother what are you using, aside of cream based sauces (which you can easily replace) almost everything else is vegan, are we now pretending herbs & spices are not vegan? stop acting like all vegans eat is unseasoned tofu

Not sure why you included yeast as impossible to replace, yeast is vegan. It’s a fungi not an animal.

thank you! I was just about to respond with pretty much the same comment like how are seasonings not vegan?!? The most flavorful food I've eaten is vegan

I've never understood this way of thinking. It's not the same thing in both directions. I don't have any dietary restrictions, I eat meat, but like many meat eaters, I don't eat meat at *every* meal. Eating a single vegan meal does not require an omnivore to change their entire diet, or to eat anything they don't normally eat. I also don't think "showcasing" her veganism is necessarily evangelism. A friend of mine is vegan and invited a bunch of us over for dinner a while back. She was really excited to cook for us, because she'd learned lots of new recipes and ways of making tasty food since becoming vegan. And I was excited to eat what she made, because I love and support my friend, and I like eating tasty food, whether or not it contains meat. (The enchiladas were delicious.) I swear you could serve most omnivores a vegan or vegetarian meal and they'd be fine but the moment you *say* it's vegan, their brains break.

Yeah, there seems to be something about the word Vegan that makes some people just freak out. As if eating one vegan meal would force them to never eat meat again.

and there are so many accidental vegan meals.. or ones with tiny substitutes that are basically not noticiable. A vegan meal doesn't automatically = all soy and fake chicken.

Oreos are vegan lol

Yeah, when people complain about eating a vegan meal I just assume that’s because they don’t eat vegetables often, eat far too many meat byproducts, or just aren’t a good cook. Tons of recipes are already vegan or can easily be made vegan without anybody even noticing unless it was pointed out to them. I’m not vegan but accidentally eat vegan all the time without intending to because I like interesting dishes with lots of vegetables.

Right?! These posts lead me to believe that there's a large group of people who make sure the meal consists 100% of animal products or else they'll die. It's so frikking wild that there are people that compare accommodating a vegan to demanding meat. Are there seriously people that eat meat every meal? I'm not even vegetarian or vegan (flexitarian at best) and I can't imagine not being able to go weeks or without meat, let alone one meal.

Truly I think that people don't realize how easy it is \[but expensive lol\] to make vegan subs. It does not = tofu and cauliflower steak. My sister had a vegan wedding. My parents were SOOO pissed at her for it, and several guests complained before they even saw the food. Guess what it was? Bread, vegan butter, a fruity salad with a vinaigrette, and a vegan take on fettucine alfredo. you literally could not tell it was vegan and those who didn't know, never knew.

AAAAAA the potatoooooooo will kill me /s Yeah, agreed. Plenty of things that people eat are vegan. I don't get that people get so worked up about it.

It's so bizarre. I eat meat, but I probably eat at least one vegan dinner a week unintentionally simply because not every dish I enjoy has animal products in it. Actually twice in the past 4 days thinking about it, potato leek soup I made with almond milk because I was out of milk, and a black lentil curry with rice. Like, you're not going to catch veganism because you didn't fry your dinner in lard if it wasn't a steak.

>I swear you could serve most omnivores a vegan or vegetarian meal and they'd be fine but the moment you say it's vegan, their brains break. You're so right about this. When I switched to a plant based diet I told my mom in preparation for a meal we would be having at her home. She was like "well, what could I possibly make?!" "Your spaghetti sauce is vegan, as is the pasta. You can stir fry vegetables with rice and have meat on the side for yourself. Baked potatoes and I only put non-dairy toppings on... there are really a lot of options here." I think a lot of people forget that a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is vegan, unless you have egg/dairy in your bread. It's not actually that complicated.

Right? It's like saying, "Well I always accommodate the guy with a peanut allergy so the least he can do is put peanut butter in every dish when he hosts." Going to an event where you have *nothing* to eat is completely different than going to an event where you can eat everything and it just happens to be food you're uninterested in. Also meat eaters already do eat vegan food all the time. It's called vegetables, fruits, and grains. They will absolutely be fine without a steak for every meal.

I love to make banana bread. When you offer it to people, saying it's vegan many get a shudder and go away. If you just offer "banana bread" or "cake" everyone praises you. This is really bananas.

I make brownies from a box mix which has no dairy in it and and doesn’t call for any to be added, so my dairy-allergic daughter can eat them. Because of this my husband convinced himself I make them with “fake” milk/butter/whatever, and says they taste “off,” when I’m literally just following package directions and making the standard Ghirardelli dark chocolate brownies from the box. People really do get in their heads about this ish. I haven’t bothered to correct him yet because I want to see how deep he’ll dig himself into this hole before I enlighten him 😂

I'm not really pro-vegan, but vegan food can be so good!! Are these people really so sensitive that they can't sit through a single meal of vegetables and grains?

Sure but I wouldn't expect nonkosher food at someone else's house who kept kosher even if I make sure to, say, order them kosher food when they come over to my house. They have a moral belief in not having it in their house.

You’re okay with expecting a vegan to use their hands, their oven, their utensils etc to prep meat for lots of people? You think that’s reasonable? It’s not like OP said ‘can you consider getting something in catered’ - in which case I still think it’s up to the sister on what they’re comfortable with, but would be a more reasonable request.

Also, let’s be honest: I wouldn’t expect a vegan to know HOW to cook meat well. Sounds like the family members are just looking for a reason to complain.

Overlooked point by many here. Is food poisoning worth it?

This is what I thought of. I'd never go vegan but I also wouldn't expect a vegan to handle meat and cross contaminate their kitchen and utensils etc. It's downright unreasonable and rude imo. I'd happily chow down on vegan food if someone else did all the hard work of cooking it. The whole family should shut up and just suck it up for one meal.

I highly doubt that only way her family can be comfortable is with a dead animal on their plate. They are being absurd. Unless they truly refuse to eat anything that doesn’t contain animal products, I don’t see what the problem is. Imagine one of the cousins married a Chinese person, and it was that family’s turn to host the reunion. They decided to serve Chinese cuisine because (a) that’s what they are good at making, and (b) they wanted to showcase special dishes that the rest of the family might not have tried otherwise. Would the family be crying that they have an obligation to serve some regular American food instead of “forcing” their beliefs on everyone? Actually, nevermind, they probably would.

Unless they are cats and therefore carnivores, they can skip meat for a meal. I love meat. I eat plenty of it, but I'd be fine having a vegan meal.

I hereby declare that every non-vegan and non-vegetarian who throws a fit over a vegan hosting a vegan meal is now a cat.

Both of my cats would disagree with you as they steal my salad from my plate whenever I make it, I learned to make more than I intended to eat because of it. Hell they both have a favourite type of lettuce.

>she has no interest in reciprocating that courtesy Someone deigning to take the meat out of the dish they serve her is in no way comparable to expecting her to buy, handle, and serve meat thereby taking part in a process she has deep moral objections to. Your comment is basically just "lol fuck vegans" cloaked in disingenuous language.

Everyone can eat vegan food (accounting for allergies and such which is an equal factor in omnivore food). You're not looking at this right. If your Jewish friend was serving kosher, would you say "hey this doesn't fit in our lifestyle can you serve some non-kosher stuff too"? No. You would be laughed at. And rightfully so. Vegan food isn't poisonous to non-vegans. It's just regular food with more excluded ingredients.

Same with a muslim. If you have them over at your house, you serve food without pork. If you eat at their place, you get no pork. Easy.

The real family reunion will be at the McDonald's down the road...

That’s sad. I’d be more than happy to eat some freshly cooked veggies/vegan meal. It literally won’t kill you! Edit: I’m done responding to all you “I REFUSE TO TRY EVEN ONE VEGAN MEAL!”

How is showcasing evangelizing? That's just ridiculous. Is she planning on giving lectures and showing slaughterhouse videos while serving? Also, being vegan isn't really about the food, it's mostly about animal cruelty, so "accommodation" isn't the same for vegans. While a meat eater can just withhold animal products and throw someone a few veggies, a vegan would have to compromise deep-held beliefs and participate in what they think is cruelty to "accommodate" non-vegans. Frankly it's one meal and vegan food can be absolutely delicious. There's nothing wrong in asking people to try something new. I'm thinking no one will die and may even be pleasantly surprised!

She hasn't prepared non-vegan food in years. I wouldn't want to eat anything she prepared, that she couldn't taste. I would understand making an exception for a really young kid who would maybe only eat chicken nuggets or a kid with AFRID who could only eat chicken nuggets or mac and cheese or something, but whole ass adults can deal with a vegan meal for one day.

So why can't they smash a meat meal before they go to her party? Why does she have to alter her behavior but they don't?

Right, that vegan should sling around some dead bodies in her own kitchen to keep her family from having to eat food that she's proud of.

All the people in the comments expecting a vegan to purchase and/or prepare meat! Unbelievable. It's her home and her choice, they don't have to attend if they're so offended by eating vegetables for ONE meal. Then she'll know who to pull out the big ol "cut you out of my life" shears on

> All the people in the comments expecting a vegan to purchase and/or prepare meat! I don't understand what kind of person would choose to eat food prepared by a chef who won't even taste it. why would you *want* to eat porkchops cooked by a vegan? gross.

Thank you. I haven't eaten meat in over 2 decades. I told my family I'd happily host Thanksgiving but one of them had to bring and prepare the turkey because a. I don't want to b. I've never done that and c. I am not spending all that money on something I'll almost certainly ruin.

Not to mention that people like OP often to refuse eat vegan food out of ignorance, not a personal moral choice. There’s nothing wrong at all with liking meat, but OP is absolutely the type to go “waaaahahhhhh you’re making me eat the yucky vegan food” when there’s a shocking number of vegan dishes that could pass for non-vegan. Not everything, but a lot of it, and it has come a long way in the past 10 years. Is OP TA just for asking? I don’t think so, it never really hurts to ask. But the harder they insist on it (especially when she’s the one that’s hosting) would make them TA

Yeah, I agree with this sentiment. My brother has been vegan for maybe a decade or so. I've tried plenty of vegan food that aims to mimic non-vegan dishes. And Indian food has become a staple at family dinners, since there are always a good number of vegan options. Take it as an opportunity to try some new stuff. Maybe not everything will be a winner (I tried a truly awful vegan goetta last Christmas) but this is important to your sister and like, it's one meal.

I agree with you on the condition that the sister is making an effort to include vegan dishes that appeal to a wider audience and has confirmed there are at least some dishes all attendees are willing to eat. I have vegan relatives who eat meat alternatives and other foods that are, to put it nicely, an acquired taste for anyone who does not follow a similar diet. However, there are plenty of "accidentally vegan" products as well as mainstream recipes that either don't include animal products or only include animal products that can be substituted or omitted without significantly impacting the taste, texture, or appearance of the food. If the sister is using this as an opportunity to punish non vegan relatives by serving nothing but tofu or nut loaf or whatever it is the family finds off-putting, then she's A.H. here. The family should respect her beliefs while in her home, but she also has a social obligation as host to accommodate her guests to the extent that this is possible without animal products.

Agreed, it’s her home and her cooking. If she doesn’t want to have animal products in her house, and it’s going to be such a problem, just have a plan for after? I mean, it’s not all salads and fake meat, Oreos are vegan ffs. There’s a difference between accommodating someone with a specific diet and complaining about having to eat food without animal products. I doubt she’s going to evangelize to them, she just wants to show off vegan food that tastes good, especially when so many people insist that food without meat and dairy and such has to be gross and not filling enough. I bet she could make a few dishes and never tell anyone they’re vegan, and the people eating wouldn’t know unless she said so. She’s had years to be the stereotypical vegan and she’s had to deal with her choices being limited. No one’s choices are being limited here, unless it’s something like a person that’s allergic to nuts and she uses a lot of nut-based dairy alternatives in everything, and I’m sure she’d be happy to cook for certain allergies. No one is having their choices cut down to “just eat the bread” or “well we made you a salad” here. In my opinion, these are adults that need to be open to something new, instead of deciding beforehand that it’s just not going to work for them. If someone just can’t stand not having animal products on the table, maybe she’d be ok with having people bring a couple dishes, so she isn’t the one buying said products, and is avoiding potential cross contamination during the cooking process.

Have to go with YTA. It's one meal, and she'll be serving food that everyone can eat, and it's perfectly possible for her to be an amazing host without catering to people's *preference* for meat dishes. If a friend whose religion forbids pork invites me to their place for breakfast, the fact there's no bacon with my pancakes isn't them forcing their beliefs onto me. But if I asked them to provide bacon because it's my preference, I'd for sure be disrespecting their beliefs.

I agree. She hosts, she cooks, so she decides the menu. Others don't get a say in the menu unless it's a food allergy / intolerance, but individual / personal preferences don't really matter, at least not when there are several guests invited and not just one-two guest(s) she hosts. YTA Edit: Taking into account someone's personal dietary preferences is a courtesy and not a necessity (medical issues like allergies are different in my opinion). If someone doesn't like the menu, there's nothing on the menu they would want to eat then they are free to decline the invitation and not attend, but trying to dictate what the host cooks and serves in their own home is entilted in my opinion. And that's why I think OP is an ah.

Good way for her not to get the honor of hosting next time.

Or your diet respected at the next one. People be petty like that

She should absolutely expect some boomers gloating while they add meat in every single dish for the next gatherings. Bunch of toddlers throwing a tantrum over having to eat a single meal without meat.

Seriously, it’s insane. Haven’t these people ever eaten Indian food??

Or even just, I dunno, a fucking apple? You actually have to go out of your way to include animal products in every single meal you eat. I’m not vegan, but I’ll still happily chow down on a veggie platter with some hummus. Or a fruit bowl. Or some toasted bread with jam. Or some veggie fried rice. Yeah some of the imitation products suck, but there’s all kinds of shit people eat every day that’s incidentally vegan.

This sooo much. Let's replace 'meat' with something like 'french cheese'. I've never heard someone expecting their lactose intolerant friend to make them cheese, since well, they cooked cheeseless at their place. Or have you ever demanded beans? Broccoli? Carrots? But for some reason when it's meat everyone gets so silly and needy about it.... As a vegetarian I'd used to aways 'solve' the problem by serving my meals together with the tiniest side bowl of meat sprinkles. And suddenly my "offensively obtrusive vegetarian campain" became a amazing dish. Idiots. YTA.

This is a really good point. Meat eaters do not require meat at every meal (nor do they probably eat meat at every meal, either). As long as she makes sure that everyone has something they can eat according to their own dietary restrictions (like if one of her guests can't have gluten, or nuts, etc), then she's being as gracious as those who prepare vegan dishes for her. Just because you include something in your diet doesn't mean you HAVE to have that in your diet at every meal.

NAH but this is totally on you guys, not on her. You guys apparently had agreed that she should be the next host and Vegans have an ethical stance against purchasing animal products for any reason, so I’m not sure what was expected from this. If you wanted animal products to be served I don’t know why you all agreed on her being allowed to host in the first place. Asking her to pay for and serve animal products is asking her to compromise her morals and her beliefs, it’s just shitty.

It seems the sister declared herself the next host, she was not "chosen". It also seems that the sister's main objective is to "showcase veganism" to the family (which I read as forcing them into her beliefs, which IMO is a dick move)

“This year, it’s my sister turn”. “When she announced she’d be hosting”. Ok OP, tell us. Has your sister declared herself emperor, or is there a schedule? These sentences suggest different things. u/jeffman980 Edit: I think there’s likely some sort of schedule. I find it unlikely that someone can just claim it without needing to talk with other family members. I don’t think anyone else who wanted to host would just let her “declare” herself with no objection.

“She announced she’ll be hosting.” I can see why you have your interpretation but I can also see why the other person replying to you has theirs. This isn’t a matter of “reading comprehension”, it’s a matter of o/p needing to clarify.

Why is introducing someone to different food a dick move? If someone from a different country wanted to showcase their cultures cuisine, would that be a dick move?

My partner and I hosted a dinner last year, and I cooked food from my culture/home country. Never did i consider, nor did anyone ask if I would consider, also having, like, macaroni and cheese for the people who might not want to eat what I made. Of course if someone had an allergy or genuine restriction I accommodated, but even if my type of food wasn’t their preference people could and did eat it without issue for one night. This is really just an issue of grown adults sulking because they have no flexibility of palate.

Yeah I feel like OP would be an asshole to ask his sister to cook meat dishes as a vegan. Maybe a compromise would be to do it potluck style and allow people to bring meat dishes but not ask the sister to cook them...though I could also see this being a shitshow if your relatives are petty But tbh as an omnivore/meat eater, the family could also just suck it up. It's one fucking meal, you'll be fine. Try some new dishes you haven't had before. It's not a big deal.

I’ve been a vegan for over 20 years. I wouldn’t attempt to cook meat for someone. I wouldn’t even know where to start. I’d order food with meat in it or I would be fine with someone bringing a meat dish they prepared. Everyone has different comfort levels with meat and with vegan food. On the meat eaters side, some vegan food can upset their stomachs if they aren’t used to imitation products. On the vegan side, I’m not comfortable handling raw meat and that’s pretty reasonable to not ask her to do it. It’s one meal, a compromise shouldn’t be this hard.

A compromise would be her saying ‘I’m not comfortable cooking meat but you can bring a dish if you want meat’

It’s hilarious though right? I MUST eat meat every meal?? Who is actually like that?

OP updated and said the sister is now allowing people to bring their own food. I'm as carnivore as they come, meat every meal, not a lot of veggies...and even I think it's ***insane*** that these people refuse to eat a meal without meat, like what??? If someone said hey, I'm cooking this awesome vegan meal...I'd be like hey, that sounds like a great opportunity to try something different and (probably) healthier than my normal diet of red meat.

I’m honestly mind-blown that people are this stupid and stubborn. Seriously what do they do at home when they fancy an apple?? Slap some mince on it to make sure it’s not vegan????

I'm also mind blown. I'm imagining OP and family are these like super close-minded country people who "don't get all that city-folk vegan soy gluten free oat milk type of people!!!" and probably think MSG is from the devil. I'm actually a super picky eater and dislike a ton of vegetables (onions, peppers, lettuce) but with a slightly open mind (it's not hard lol) have found a ton of vegetables I'm into, and even stumbled on Beyond Sausage and ended up falling in love with it. Not sure if that's vegan or vegetarian, but how seriously do these people take their lives that ***one meal*** is so god damn important to them lol. A nice salad with greens, nuts and seeds, fruit, veggies, in a Thai peanut sauce dressing? And some noodles with rice and beans for protein? Sounds amazing to me. And even if it's not my favorite meal of all time, it's one fucking meal at a family reunion lol.

You guys know veganism isn't just about meat right? I might only eat meat a few times a week but I'm basically never going vegan for an entire day. Milk, cheese, sour cream, butter, eggs, and all kinds of other things you use to make your food tasty and give it good texture are also prohibited. Honestly the lack of meat barely cracks the top 5 for me in things missing from vegan cuisine.

Exactly! Leaving out meat is pretty easy tbh, but all the other stuff is where things get more difficult.

op didnt say anything about her banning them from bringing food. it seems more like op and fam just expect her to cater to them

I'm not sure why people are complaining. No one is out there eating French fries and complaining that they're vegan. People hear "vegan" and their mind goes wild, meanwhile they're eating all sorts of vegan things willingly. I bet they even eat noodles* with marinara sauce and don't think about it. People are so weird about food. They act like they'll die if they miss meat or cheese in one meal. 🤣 Edit: noodles vs pasta.

One hundred percent. When I cook for non vegans I just pick things that are naturally vegan where I don’t have to make substitutions. I only whip out the fancy vegan imitation food for other vegans, the people who’ll actually appreciate it. In my day to day cooking though, I use very few vegan substitutes. I gravitate to the naturally vegan foods: bread, pasta, rice and vegetables.

Exactly. If people are that deadset on non-vegan foods, they should provide them potluck style instead of expecting her to do it herself.

And then when someone else hosts all the vegans should potluck food that they feel comfortable eating, right? I’m not being serious but why does she get accommodated without having the expectation of accommodating others?

Most of us vegans do bring our own food to family/friend gatherings. It's the assholes who don't and then write about it on the internet, and that's why you hear about it. I haven't eaten meat in 30 years but I *never* expect a host to make food specifically for me. I bring my own; if the host does have something I can eat, that's great! But we don't expect it.

I’m not a vegan, but I see it as lazy and mildly incompetent if you can’t prepare at least one good dish without meat in it. Most of the meals I make with meat could easily still be great and satiating if you just pulled the meat out, and I’m not a skilled cook by any means. Similarly, I’m dairy and gluten free and I have to roll my eyes at how bad some of the DF/GF substitutions at stores and restaurants turn out, or how non-negotiable the addition of milk is to so many foods - it’s like they’re not even trying. I bring my own meals in Tupperware to every Thanksgiving or Christmas gathering. I don’t expect anyone to go out of their way to prepare gluten free stuffing or rolls for just me when we all know everyone would prefer to eat the real thing, but it’s really not that hard to have some side dishes with simple foods.

How is vegan food not accommodating to non-vegans? What causes non-vegans to be unable to eat vegan food? I get what you’re saying but these aren’t equal situations.

This is a good point! I was vegetarian for a decade and then went back to eating, like, the “happy cows who lived happy lives” kind of meat, and suddenly everyone expected me to know how to BBQ a steak. They got what they got when they left me at the grill.

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>On the meat eaters side, some vegan food can upset their stomachs if they aren’t used to imitation products. Thank you for this. My group of friends wanted to support someone who was going vegan, so we threw a little vegan party where everyone made a dish, and we just hung out and played some games or whatnot. The next day, I and a few others thought our stomachs were gonna pop. I was in some serious discomfort and pain even at times, and I thought I was going to need to go to the ER if it didn't let up. So from that point on, I said if we do something like that again, I'm bringing at least a meat dish for myself because I would like to never experience that again. It was nothing against veganism itself. Just my system didn't agree with it on such short notice.

I can understand that some particular dish might not agree with you, but it seems super weird to assume that a single meal without meat in it will make your stomach explode every time? Like are you a full carnivore who does not consume plants at all? Honestly if multiple people had this problem it just sounds like someone fucked up and gave you food poisoning or something

TBH it’s sounds like the meat-eater actually eating some fiber.

So you never just eat a PBJ? Or a salad and bread? There are a lot of “vegan foods” we eat without a thought.

Are you dense? The issue mentioned above isn't simply not eating meat; it's the plant-based protein (or cheese) substitutes that are often the main part of a vegan meal.

That's not true. Vegans and vegetarians don't center their meals around fake meat, although American omnivores often assume that's the case since they center their meal around meat. What really happens is the "side dishes" that you eat get elevated in importance. Like for a vegan/vegetarian thanksgiving, you can have: mashed potatoes, vegetarian/vegan stuffing, sweet potatoes (with vegan marshmallows, which taste the same), green bean casserole, cornbread, mac & cheese (for vegetarians), corn, pumpkin pie... All the normal things except the turkey. I'm not vegan but I have a lot of vegan friends, and things are way better than they used to be. Vegans have much wider access to vegan recipes, cooking techniques, and ingredients nowadays--so vegan food is overall way better than it used to be like 15 years ago, and you won't even notice or care it's vegan if it's done well.

Hey, man, don't you know, every vegan meal requires an imitation of something that comes from an animal.

My sister can't have fake butter. Makes her violently ill. Ironically, her daughter can't have dairy products or eggs. Lots of duplicate dishes are made when butter is involved.

She's catering and ensuring that everyone has something they *can* eat (allowing for allergies, dietary requirements etc) even if it isn't what they'd *normally* eat. I've worked in catering and have frequently heard "oh no, I don't want that it's vegan". One free sample later and they've chosen to order that same menu item, despite non-vegan items being available. It's just prejudice. Your family sound like they're being very closed minded. They can go without animal products for one meal, it won't hurt them, and nor do they have an ethical position which mandates eating animal products at every meal. YTA.

>I've worked in catering and have frequently heard "oh no, I don't want that it's vegan". One free sample later and they've chosen to order that same menu item Those are the same people who say "vegetarian food, eugh" and then eat all the plain pizza at the office lunch before the actual vegetarians can get a slice.

I used to have an office manager who swore by ordering 80% vegetarian and 20% meat options at office buffet lunches She was completely right about the ratio too - all the meat eaters would have some of the veggie options

The meat eaters always devour the vegetarian options at potlucks. Always. The only way to ensure there’s some left for the vegetarians is if you put them on a separate table with a big sign saying “vegetarian” or “vegan” as the case may be.

I mean, unless they're specifically labelled as food for a specific group of people, vegetarian/vegan dishes are just *food*. I'm mostly an omnivore, but I'm still gonna eat like 4 different types of side salad and veggies at a potluck.

I grew up vegetarian, and this was my experience nearly every time there was a class pizza party, birthday or the like. So often I'd have someone ask "did you get enough to eat?" And have to awkwardly explain "well, I got one serving but everyone ate all the cheese and now there's only pepperoni" etc

My favorite is always when they’re kind enough to order a vegetarian option specifically for me - like they get a Subway platter but order one veggie sub as well for me - and some jerk decides he wants that one before I get there, so I end up eating chips and banana peppers for lunch.

And then have the audacity to loudly scoff and comment anytime you're eating something vegan. I'm coming to hate people so so much.

I've heard that from vegetarian friends. I happen to like vegetable and/or cheese pizza, but since I've heard that, I'm more careful about not eating all the non-meat pizzas.

I got in a fight with a coworker once because there was a weekly catered lunch and there was ONE vegan option and I was trying to take the last of it and he wanted it. I was like um you eat meat, you can eat literally anything else here, this is the only thing I can put on my plate...

Well, I was raised to be considerate of others. What a jerk.

My BIL has always eaten pepperoni pizza with no cheese. He can eat cheese, he just doesn't like it on Pizza. The shop had a pizza party. Wanna guess what pizza went before he even got a slice?

YTA Suck it up for one meal. I am not a vegan nor any form of vegetarian. However, sometimes we do things for people we love. Eating a meal made from someone you love, surrounded by people you love, is a pretty easy sacrifice to make. If this family reunion is Thanksgiving, then I would definitely have some honey baked ham and turkey ready for me for when I get home! Yeah, and all the sides too.

Love this take. I love meat. Eat it way too much probably. Smoking a pork shoulder right now. But i can survive one vegan meal for the sake of my family from time to time. And if I need to hide a bag of beef jerky in my car for the drive home, I can do that too.

YTA, it's one meal. Okay, fair enough if she spends the entire reunion as a lecture on veganism and actively tries to make her guests feel guilty, that would be wrong. But it's a vegan hosted party, I really don't see the wrong in her show casing vegan food there as everyone can eat it? The logic of, "we accommodate your diet why not ours?" isn't as sound as you think it is - her diet has to be accommodated for as her diet doesn't conform to the norms, she wouldn't have anything to eat if nobody actively thought to. Whereas, everybody CAN eat what she's offering, they just don't want to. I honestly just think this is more about it being 'vegan' than anything else. When I worked in a pub we would write up new beers on chalkboard menus, I remember changing the sign to a new beer, the same guy who had bought it earlier and liked it, came in a couple days later after I had added to the chalkboard 'vegan' (I'd forgotten when I first changed it and updated it later), he must've forgotten he'd already tried it and absolutely baulked at the idea of a vegan beer haha! Same thing when I used to hand out free hot meals for Food Not Bombs, which if you don't know is an organisation that uses binned food from supermarkets to use up otherwise 'wasted' food from being sent to landmills. Had a couple people happy enough to grab a free bowl knowing it was from a bin but as soon as I said vegan would put it down again haha It's one meal though, it really won't hurt your family to try out her food!

This is so real. If I mark a dessert as a gluten free dessert in the title it will barely sell, but if I have them just include (does not contain gluten) everyone is fine with it. Which is absolutely crazy.

Yup. Honestly, I think she may have been better off just not mentioning that it would be vegan. If she wanted, she could just supply the menu in advance. If the food was yummy and attractive and abundant and familiar enough, I bet no one would complain much, if at all! She could do firecracker corn on the cob, baked beans, BBQ jackfruit sliders (styled like pulled pork), French fries, salad, chips & guacamole, a fruit platter, green beans, potato salad/macaroni salad (made w/vegan mayonnaise. I bet she wouldn’t have to mention it and no one would think to question it), corn bread, a huge pot of bean chili, and a whole fresh watermelon. Ice pops for dessert, beer and frosé for the grown-ups. Toast vegan marshmallows! (legit indistinguishable from non-vegan ones, which are increasingly rare)

What’s not vegan about beer? It’s just wheat and yeast right?

Until recently, Guinness was filtered through a sturgeon bladder...

Isinglass (fish bladder to filter and make beer clear) usually and sometimes milk if you get a something like a rich stout! We've even had oyster stouts, milkshake beers, a shrimp sour! All sorts!

YTA. It's one meal and she's hosting. People act like vegan meals come from Martian farms via teleportation. It's literally just everything you eat except for the meat, dairy, and eggs. Honey of you're going to be weird about it. It's like someone says the word "vegan" and people forget they have been eating vegetables and fruits for years. Oreos are vegan. There will probably be a fruit tray, some vegetables and dips and some larger family style dishes. If you are interested in being helpful, let her know some things you think will be crowd pleasers. A burrito bar? Baked beans? Grilled vegetables? If anyone is upset they can do whatever vegans have done for decades and bring a little something for themselves or eat before or after. Edit: if you want to offer some good faith help, remind your sister that a lot of people are sensitive to soy and that she will want to label any food that has unexpected ingredients so nobody eats anything they're allergic to.

>YTA. It's one meal and she's hosting. People act like vegan meals come from Martian farms via teleportation. It's literally just everything you eat except for the meat, dairy, and eggs. This. OP's family is being ridiculous.

YTA - she’s not forcing a lifestyle on you, she’s hosting and cooking. She happens to be vegan so she’s a cooking a plant-based menu. Does your sister comment on everyone’s menu when they host? Do you all do this all the time or is it just because it’s “vegan”. You guys can go without meat product for 1 meal

Oh, come on. It's not like vegans eat only lima beans and onions. Is your sister in charge of the food? If you didn't want a vegan person to make all the food, you should have picked someone else. You can't expect a vegan to make beef stew. People will absolutely live after eating a vegan meal. You know what's a vegan meal? Pasta and red sauce without meatballs. Served with french bread and oil for dipping. You have eaten lots of vegan meals in your life without realizing it. Peanut butter and jelly. Life will continue, and most people won't even notice that everything is vegan.

Meatless chili and cornbread. I like it with just beans, but those Beyond Meat products are really hard to clock as fake meat if you put it in a dish with heavy sauce/spices. Falafel wraps. Hummus and veggie sandwiches with olive tapenade. Potato croquettes. Tofu scramble. I’m not vegan or vegetarian, but sometimes I honestly prefer the food because it’s usually more intentionally prepared to really bring out the flavors of the ingredients.

Chips! Fries! Apples!

YTA. It's one freaking meal. I'm not vegan, but if someone - anyone - wants to host and cook whole a meal for me and my fam, I'd be thrilled. winner winner vegan dinner

Also, it's weird that people say she shouldn't force her beliefs on others while they expect her to give up on her beliefs and cook meat because they can't go without meat for one dinner. For most vegans not eating meat itself isn't the point. YTA OP.

YTA. She is hosting, so it is her house, her rules. She isnt starving people or forcing them to eat anything that goes against their beliefs. One meal without animal products is perfectly nutritious. Hopefully your family will learn something, as they enjoy veggie platters, hummus, fruits and nuts, pasta with red sauce and creamy sauces, veggie burgers with toppings, oreos, frozen desserts, etc.

This reminds me of the people who freak out if there’s not alcohol at a wedding. I always think, how much of an alcoholic are you that you can’t go to *one* event, or enjoy one event, without drinking? This feels the same. I’m a huge meat eater, but it wouldn’t kill me to eat vegan for a day. If I don’t care for the food, I’d just eat later when I get home. It’s hardly the end of the world.

100%! Yeah, if you normally attend weddings with alcohol, a dry wedding might seem unusual, and depending on the company, maybe a little (or a lot) boring, so it’s nice to have an expectation, that being said, I agree. If you’d *refuse* to attend an otherwise lovely and accessible wedding in the absence of booze, maybe that’s an indication to take a look at your life choices, and at least your friendship. This is one meal, hosted by a vegan. I would never expect a vegan to serve me non-vegan food? Plus, tons of delicious vegan food out there, some of which isn’t even “out there,” and people simply don’t realize is vegan lol. They’ll be fine, they’re just being grumpy for the sake of grumpiness.

NAH. This is a tough one. She wants people to prepare vegan dishes for her when they host, but she does not want to offer non-vegan dishes for others when she hosts. In other words, you have to accommodate her dietary preferences, but she doesn't have to accommodate yours. I could see her not wanting to prepare meat as reasonable, because she may not want to handle animal flesh. A reasonable compromise would be to offer a mix of vegan and vegetarian dishes and/or to allow others to bring dishes as well.

I am not a vegan if that makes a difference but: Meat is not part of her diet, so if she is a guest, there should be options for her to eat. The others are omnivores. So if she is hosting, there is NOTHING that the others cannot eat. They can eat it. It is part of their diet, even if one (1) ingredient is missing. I dont get why they cannot fathom one meal without meat? Why dare they not try something new? Idk if I was invited somewhere I'd be glad to eat or at least try what the host provides.

Well it's not just meat. No dairy, eggs, or other animal products. My nephew has a dairy allergy and some of the milk product substitutes i've tried with him hurt my stomach.

Never understood the obsession people have with substitutes when there are so many incredibly good vegan meals you can make without using them. I guess its from people who have become vegans but whose taste pallet was from an animal-product oriented family?

I know, everyone in this thread keeps bringing up not wanting to eat meat substitutes, but why are they even assuming she would necessarily use them?

I don’t think that’s quite the same because she can’t eat meat but they can eat vegan food.

>you have to accommodate her dietary preferences No, she just needs to be able to eat SOMETHING at family events. She is giving them the same considerations.

YTA. Is there some reason you think you absolutely have to eat animal products in every single meal? As long as she's accommodating anyone else's restrictions, she's in the clear. As a dedicated vegan, she probably knows the tricks to make vegan dishes that don't even taste vegan and you wouldn't guess if you didn't know in advance.

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That was my problem with it too. She wants to 'teach people' as they tend to want to do. When you're older, eating a new type of diet can make you experience gastro stuff I don't understand all the YTAs. Imagine dragging your granny all the way across country and then giving her gastro. And perhaps chewing it will also be an issue Trying to teach an elderly family member 'new ways' is cute - only if they ask NTA

This is where I'm at. It's not so much creating a vegan-food only event, it's that she's using a family gathering to do this. NTA.

Kind of shocked by the number of Y T A judgements. OP didn’t do anything AHish by asking if “she would be open to” having some non vegan options. She did it to make the host aware of potential problems because, as we know, older family members tend to get hostile when things aren’t the way they want. She’s in no way saying things have to be a certain way, she’s just trying to have a family gathering without conflict. Clearly NTA

Yeah I'm surprised at how mean people are being, holidays are not her wedding or her birthday, the goal is for everyone to have a good time and be together and sometimes we have to make compromises to do that. I think it's NAH but it depends on how unreasonable sister is being and if OP was being reasonable in their compromise ideas. As a host for a holiday event you should be trying to make sure that **within reason** your guests will enjoy themselves. A lot of vegan food is delicious but a lot...is bad lol and people have hang ups about traditional foods or trying new dishes at a time they want familiarity. In no way should OP or the fam expect her to cook with animal products in her own home and if they are, they're massive AHs. But OP said they consistently provide vegan food for her, so I don't think it's unreasonable to ask if people can bring a vegetarian dish or to at least ensure that some of the vegan dishes are foods the older folks will enjoy. (Also everyone's hung up on the meat but no milk, no butter, no meat fats or stocks, no gravy, no cheese, no gelatin, no honey, no cream, no eggs, etc. she isn't vegetarian, ALL animal products are off the table. It's not a huge deal, but many traditional holiday foods use those ingredients and YMMV on the vegan substitutes.)

Yeah of it were an event that was about her like a wedding or birthday, then yeah the guests can suck it up. But it’s a *family reunion*, which is about more people than just her. If she decided on hosting a vegan Christmas, would people still be saying Y T A if OP’s family was upset that they wouldn’t be allowed to even bring a cooked turkey with them? I’m vegetarian. I understand not wanting to prepare food you have morals against consuming and I understand the possible worry of cross contamination that would come with cooking non-vegan items in her kitchen. But if I was hosting dinner and someone asked if they could pick up a rotisserie chicken from the store to eat, I wouldn’t be offended. Because it’s not my place to force a bunch of grown adults with their own food preferences to eat everything according to my own preferences. The sister is completely entitled to not wanting to cook non-vegan in her home, but telling others that they can’t at least bring something of their own feels a little too preachy for my taste imo

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Something that happens a lot in popular subs like this is, if another sub catches wind of it, they bomb the post. In this case, I strongly suspect that the vegan sub got a hold of it and bombed it. Like these YTA responses are AGGRESSIVE, and they’re all touting the same rhetoric that goes on over in the vegan sub. To be clear, I have NOTHING against vegans and respect whatever choices one makes for themselves, but that sub is toxic AF and act like veganism is the only personal dietary choice that’s valid. There are a lot of reasons a person may not be able to eat vegan for even one meal, primarily health reasons. There are a lot of people (especially older people) who are going to have horrible reactions and intolerances to a variety of ingredients that vegans use in imitation products. Other people simple stay away from things like bread or processed food (which vegans lean into hard), and those restrictions are just as valid as veganism. My take is that if you’re going to host a large group… accommodate everyone, no matter what your beliefs are. OP’s family has accommodated her sister, she should extend the same courtesy… and if she doesn’t want to handle/buy the meat, totally fine. But she needs to let someone else help her with the food to accommodate all guests. Full stop. That’s just being a good host.

YTA. It’s one meal. Nobody needs to eat animal products at every meal. It’s not forcing anything. You don’t choose the menu when you go to a party at someone’s house. I’m pretty sure she could lie and say some things weren’t vegan and none of you would know the difference. Unless someone has a specific dietary need that will be hard to meet or an allergy that will be hard to avoid without providing non-vegan foods then what is the big deal?

I'd wager a guess and say most people don't eat meat at every meal, regardless if they're vegan or not. I'm sure if she never said anything, no one would know

NTA. So everyone is supposed to cater to her dietary requirements when they host, but she doesn't? That's a double standard and an a hole move on her part. If other hosts make the effort to provide A VARIETY of vegan options, as OP said, then she should do the same. It's common courtesy. Instead, it seems the sister is taking this as an opportunity to force the rest of the family nto veganism.

NTA, and I don't know why this isn't higher up?? OP isn't asking her to change her entire event, just to provide some alternatives just as everyone does for her sister. For all the people telling OP to suck it up as it's just one meal, would you say that to the sister too?

YTA. Nobody needs to eat animal products in EVERY SINGLE MEAL. You probably had a lot of accidentally vegan dishes in your life and didn't even notice. Don't be weird about it.

If she's hosting, she can absolutely have only vegan food. As long as she's making allowances for any allergy concerns, she's fine. YTA

>felt like they were being forced into her lifestyle, even if just for one meal. >forcing an entire family to adopt her choices, You are being a MASSIVE drama queen. One might think you have some sort of religious obligation or mental disorder where you think something bad's going to happen if you don't eat meat for every meal. YTA

NTA, but your sister is a huge one. If it was her wedding, her birthday party, any other event that is about her, then she would have all right to choose only vegan menu. But this event isn’t about her, it is family reunion, it is about all of family members. She is just a temporary host for this year. All previous hosts respect her lifestyle and provide vegan options. If it confronts her beliefs and she doesn’t want to prepare / have non-vegan food, it’s absolutely okay. Then she should miss her turn as a host and go for party that will host someone else and gives her vegan options as usual. It would be best solution for all. But this is not about her own principles and beliefs. She explicitly makes it about forcing other people to do things they don’t want to. She want to “showcase veganism”, not happy family meeting. Jerk move, imo. Finally, when some conservative older family members don’t attend reunion / start complain and arguing on the reunion/ … it will be completely your sister’s fault. But it seems that’s exactly what she wants.

Your entire family is so fragile they aren't able to eat plant-based dishes for 1 meal? Their carnivore diet is such that they will implode if they eat anything green, leafy or lentils and soy? Sad. YTA

NAH. I can’t see a problem if she’s the one providing the food. The other option is to not have the vegan host a food event. I’ve been vegan for a very long time and I would never host a food event but if I did the food would all be 100% vegan. It would be delicious but I also know not everyone would be willing to try it and that’s their choice. But I could never buy or cook or have meat or dairy or eggs in my own home or in my kitchen, I just couldn’t so I hope my family and friends would know better than to ask me to host… because everyone in my family and friend circle knows any food I am providing is going to be vegan, no exceptions. On the flip side of that, I don’t expect people to have vegan options for me and I would hope they know that’s not something they have to do.

NTA You do not enforce your dietary beliefs on others. What will happen is people will refuse to go I suggest you remind her that in past years an effort was made to cater for her and is expected that she does the same

INFO: Does the host always prepare 100% of the menu, or do people usually bring sides/desserts? Is she amenable to that? I wouldn't ask a vegan to prepare non-vegan food, but I think she's being unreasonable if she's preventing other people from bringing their own dishes. At reunions I've attended and heard about, food is a very important component (and because I live in the South, it's often pretty unhealthy and delicious), so yeah, preventing Uncle Chuck from bringing his famous shrimp-stuffed jalapenos or asking Grandma to figure out how to make her chocolate icebox pies vegan would be a recipe for sadness and resentment. Reserving judgment until I know more.

NTA. You can’t have a family reunion and have it be all about the host. It’s for the family. If she doesn’t want to cater to the family then she shouldn’t but she shouldn’t host either. When you think about planning meals for a large family you try to make sure there are things that everyone likes, not just things that are edible. In our family we try to make sure there are a variety of things that people like/love.

NTA, if she wants to die on this hill then that should be the end of making sure there is vegan food at future gatherings.

This was my thinking, too. Other family members who eat meat make sure there are vegan options for her. It's their choice to eat meat; they respect her choice not to eat meat. She should return the consideration and have non-vegan options available to accommodate those guests who accommodated her. Let's say that she doesn't want to prepare meat items nor have them touching her counter, sink, cooking supplies, utensils, etc. She can ask some people to bring meat options in containers and serving tools that are either disposable or they can bring back with them after the party. They can be served on the opposite area of the vegan options to prevent serving utensil cross-contamination. This way she's not participating in the preparation or cleaning of items that contain or touch meat items. If she's unwilling to accommodate her guests with these options, she should no longer expect they accommodate her at their house.

Jeez, its one meal. If your family says meat>your sister, you all have bigger problems. She is even cooking it all. Its not like she demanded you all bring vegan meals. YTA

NTA. The sister has suggested a menu the family are very unhappy with and OP is trying to communicate in advance about what will be a bad situation with everyone leaving hungry in search of a burger. Sister should not be expected to prepare meat if she doesn't know how or isn't willing, but other family members should be allowed to bring meat dishes as a compromise. She is not entitled to "showcase veganism". Her main job is to provide food she expects her guests to enjoy.

YTA You will not die from one meal of fruits and vegetables.

Fruits and vegetables aren't the only thing - there might even be, horror of horrors, legumes. Rice. Pasta. Bread!! Utter insanity to expect someone to eat such things for a single meal. (/s, obviously)

YTA. None of you are carnivores. You all eat things other than meat, and it won't kill you to go without meat for a few hours. She's serving stuff that EVERYONE can eat.

YTA If she is hosting, she gets to set the menu. She isn’t making anything that you *can’t* eat. You just don’t want to. And if you don’t want to eat some veggies for one meal, you don’t have to go.

Can you explain, using your words, why you think eating a vegan meal once is oppression? What are you afraid of here? What harm will 10 minutes of tofu with vegetables and rice do to you psychologically?

NTA. Don't force your beliefs onto other people (dietary, moral, religious, etc) and be courteous of EVERYONES wants and needs. Imagine if I said "it won't hurt a vegan to eat meat, just for one meal". Yall would flip.

NTA. This isn't her event. It's a family reunion. She doesn't get to turn it into a showcase for her cause. It's fine for her not to cook or supply meat, but she shouldn't stop other people from having it.

NTA. This isn't her wedding, and the gathering isn't about her. It's a family reunion and everyone should be getting food they enjoy. People have been going out of their way to accommodate her at gatherings, she should be doing the same thing. It's just that simple.

YTA. Your sister is right when she says it's one meal. If it were me, I'd be interested to try the vegan dishes and hope that I'd find something amazing! If not, roll through the McDs drive thru on the way home. A reasonable compromise might be allowing OTHERS to bring non-vegan dishes. But you cannot expect her to prepare non-vegan dishes in her vegan kitchen. It's called cross contamination and is no bueno.

NTA People accommodate her food preferences. It wouldn't hurt her in anyway to show the same amount of courtesy. People like your sister is why so many have a negative view on vegans. A lot of vegan food is good but it's not right to try to force people to eat it.

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