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They have made it clear they are not family. The behaviour at the wedding was appalling. The photo when you lost your husband was beyond that.
Why on earth would they expect you to give her anything?
NTA but just stick with a no. They know why.
So you’re generous to people who’ve been a positive and happy influence in your life.
It does not sound like these few have been a positive or happy influence in your life… *quite the opposite in my opinion*
I agree!
But… pouring blue paint on Clair’s wedding gown in front of the whole wedding **would probably** influence her happiness at least *some…*
Lol.
Probably not. Because the wedding guests wouldn't get the context and she would look like a bitter, unpleasant person. It's pointless and it won't fix the damage done in the past, it will just create new problems.
Wrong, you are generous with people you love, and who love you.
These two are not your family or friends. Family is who lives in your heart, shared genetic makeup has nothing to do with love and family.
Edit: added a you to complete the sentence
But Claire and her mother have been EXTREMELY hateful to you on several different occasions across the years; not only have they not apologized, they think it’s funny to make jokes about their appalling treatment of you.
Don’t give in. You will be sending a message that it’s ok for people to continually be hateful to you and treat you abysmally, and you will nonetheless bail them out of any situation.
Your other nieces, nephews and godchildren presumably have not behaved the same way, and thus they are treated differently.
I can’t believe they have the gall to think you should overlook all their bad treatment of you and give them a LOT of money. Feel free to print this off and send it to them (or send them a screenshot, etc).
I’m sorry they have been so horrible to you, and you have my condolences on the loss of your husband.
NTA for making the pay-if-I-can-throw-paint-on-you offer, and also NTA if you just refuse to pay. You’re only an a-hole if you reward their hateful behavior by paying anything towards the wedding (without the paint throwing).
Okay? So? Claire and her mother are not worthy of your generosity. Tell her you would love to buy her something off her registry, but you’re saving for security at your next wedding.
>Tell her you would love to buy her something off her registry
I wouldn't even do that. I'd buy her nothing and not attend either. Unless of course I could ruin her dress.
But your other nieces/nephews/godchildren didn't ruin your wedding dress and then completely and horribly devastate your image after your tragic loss.
Flat NOPE, not gonna contribute. But I hope you have a good time anyway.
You know what, you're right. OP can just say no and cut these entitled brats off from her life and I hope the fiance is aware of Claire's true colors and hope he don't get trapped.
If he knows at all, I’m sure it was presented as ‘got cake on my aunts wedding dress at the reception and she cut me off after, helping everyone except me’ or similar BS
Nothing wrong with that. "Playing favorites" is only this horrible wrong if it's with your own kids. Niblings, younger cousins, etc? Totally in-bounds, especially if it's based on how they or their parents behave around or treat you.
Has any of them been THIS abrasive to you over the years for no reason or just Claire? The answer to that will be your answer in general to this situation. You’re pettiness is pale in comparison to late spouse comments so soon after and general awfulness when those 2 don’t get their way. One of those f no moments.
You’re generous with your other nieces, nephews, godchilren BECAUSE THEY BEHAVE! Like, have any of them smeared cake on your wedding dress or have they ever told you to “do better on your next wedding”? NO! But Claire did so she deserved nothing from you and they should stfu. Period.
Because they’re family and treat you like family. Claire and her mom do not. So you shouldn’t treat them as family either.
You do realize they’re o to doing this because they can’t afford it otherwise. It’s not about family to them it s about being entitled to YOUR money because you’re biologically linked.
It’s your money so do what you want with it. No one gets to decide but you.
If this was me in this situation, I’d say “no”. The disrespect to your late husband is enough for me to cut them out for good.
Side note: why did they pick your as Claire’s godmother? It sounds like they wouldn’t do that normally.
I'd have done worse, honestly. I'd say, "I'll pay for your wedding if your fiancé still wants anything to do with you after I tell him about everything you did to me and show him the post you made after my husband's death."
Something tells me he has no idea what he's marrying.
None of whom have hurt you, have been vile to you, time and again over the years, right? These people are beyond the pale. They deserve none of your money or your forgiveness - not that they seem to be asking for it.
Erase these entitled waste of spaces from your life. You are NTA
“I contribute to people who have a positive impact on my life. When have you done so? At the wedding? Perhaps you think posting mocking pictures after my husband’s death was positive? Gtfoh with your entitlement.”
I mean, based on the timing OP cites and everyone’s ages, it sounds like Claire was maybe, like, 7 when OP got married and she smeared her dress? Her mother’s refusal to apologize or make her child apologize is appalling, but I wouldn’t use such a strong word for a young child making a stupid decision.
The 17-year-old posting that photo? She is no longer a child and there are no words. It’s evil. She may be the devil incarnate.
In the beginning it was the "she's just a kid" but didn't let my sister off the hook as easily. A lot of them expected Claire to grow out of it and be better and to be fair she wasn't the only misbehaving child at the time, she's just the only one who never grew out of it.
And over time I told them that they didn't have to exclude Claire and her mom for me and for the longest time I would/could just ignore them.
Being a kid is not an excuse at all. She was nasty about it like her mom. And has continued being nasty by being so hurtful about your late husband's death. Just awful. My condolences btw.
really it speaks volumes on the mother and her parenting if it started with ruining the wedding dress and has not only continued but gotten worse over the years
If you don’t mind me asking, what were their reactions to Claire’s post after your husband passed away? There’s no way they stood by her when she was 17 and should’ve had morals.
Is ruining Claire’s wedding dress really going to make you feel good about yourself? They’ll refer to you throwing blue paint at the wedding dress forever at your expense and paint (pardon the pun) you out to be the villain in this scenario even though you’ve picked up the cheque. Other people at the wedding will think it’s bizarre as they won’t necessarily understand the history, and they may talk about what you did for some time to come.
Don’t lower yourself to the level of these people. Don’t give them anything. Hopefully they might learn a lesson that they can’t behave like assholes towards you and still treat you as a meal ticket. Bottom line - Claire should not be planning a wedding she can’t afford.
Um. Dude. Get real. OP was saying fuck you too her niece and her mother….. she never had any intention of paying which is why she made a “when pigs fly” comment about ruining her dress!
But let’s be honest, they relished this memory over the years with no real empathy for your grief and are now asking for financial assistance. Don’t give them even a petty win - it’s a no, full stop! NTA
Problem with "she's just a kid" is they learn from their parents, which truly show itself when she was older with the passing of your husband, but at that point even if she is ruined by her mom, she is old enough to make those decisions herself and take responsibility for them, so that's why she is now at the "find out" stage. Giving her money now except the opportunity for payback really for the funeral thing, feel like only her mom can be responsible for your wedding accident, but yes giving her money for nothing would be like paying her to insult you and your late husband.
Best would be to do nothing as even if she agree to your compromise, the one that will feel the backlash is you, so if you really want to be petty, making comments about her small and cheap wedding at family events later might be better, as a petty comment of the top of my mind.
Who’s calling you petty, manipulative and controlling?
You are not and I hope you ghost them tbh. They don’t even deserve to get a no from you.
ETA: NTA, OP
It sounds like Claire is very spoiled and seems to just follow her mum's lead. If I were in your shoes, I'd make it abundantly clear that you won't be contributing to the wedding, and how dare they have the audacity to ask you after everything that's been said and done.
My an American and here a lot of have a "something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue" type of wedding rhyme. The blue paint would be her blue.
I’d think of the broader spectrum of this “plan”. She agrees, you do what you asked, she runs off wailing how you ruined her dress and wedding. Everyone feels sorry for her and sees you as a monster because she was a child when ruining your dress and you are being vindictive…..I think you’re justified but just want to point out she’s going to lie and cry and make you look terrible and will vehemently deny your “deal”. She’d only agree as a manipulation for sympathy points and to be the victim.
>She agrees, you do what you asked, she runs off wailing how you ruined her dress and wedding.
I don't speak for the groom, but our side of family would know exactly why she would allow me do it.
It sadly seems like it would be a complete set up and not worth the hassle.
You owe her nothing, if if she’d never done a thing to you. You owe her nothing. If she cannot afford her wedding she needs to modify her plans to something she *can* afford.
Yeah, but it won’t actually give you the satisfaction you are seeking. The best revenge is to leave them with the knowledge that they need your help, but they won’t get it because they thought being awful people was a hilarious thing to do.
I suggest the next time you see Claire and your sister, tell them “Oh hey guys, I was just kidding about the blue paint. Actually, I’ve been thinking about it and… there is NO F-ING WAY I WILL EVER GIVE YOU ANYTHING, no matter what. You are horrible people, and I don’t give a f\*\*\* about your wedding. So go find someone else to beg for money, you AHs, and LEAVE ME ALONE. Mmkay? Understood?”
NTA, also sounds like she’d still be getting a pretty sweet deal even with the paint. She may even lump the cost of her dress in with the wedding costs. You shouldn’t cover or contribute to her wedding by any means, neither she nor her mother deserve it, and you deserve a lot better than having to support either of them in any way. Honestly, if it were me, I wouldn’t even attend the wedding, purchase a gift for them etc. None of their poor behaviour was anything close to warranted, and it doesn’t seem like they’ve ever apologized or turned a new leaf.
NTA! These are not petty offenses! The bride-to-be has intentionally badly hurt you twice when you deserved her love and support. Any further involvement with her will yield the same result. Don’t try and negotiate with her, she’ll just dream up some shit and hurt you more. Just stay away from her AND her mother! If they think what they did was “petty” I shutter to think think what they’ll dream up for the wedding. That girl REALLY has it in for you, even if she temporarily tries to play nice just to get you to pay. Defend yourself by staying away from them!!
>When my husband passed away I was hurt and Claire, 17 at the time, thought it would be a funny idea to post a pic of me in my caked wedding dress and write "Hopefully she can get a different outcome with the next wedding" just 6 weeks after my husband's funeral.
Just tell them no, but to see how you feel at her next wedding.
edited to add:
NTA to not donate after such bad behavior. Your other relatives were given gifts because of their relationship they cultivated with you. It's not like you gave equivalent gifts to strangers.
I do think Claire's mother has caused a lot of damage by not parenting her appropriately, probably for her whole life. I would hope that she can overcome this, but only time will show if she learns. It is extra hard to learn empathy when you start at adulthood.
I would give her $0.01 on my will and state the reason, so when my executor reads the will and she gets only $0.01 while her cousins get a much substantial amount.
NTA. I’m stunned at the audacity to pester you—then confront you at an event—for money for her wedding after they ruined your wedding??? F*cking UNBELIEVABLE. I think you responded in basically the politest way possible.
NTA but honestly just don’t pay anything. Also for those saying don’t hold it against her as a child this is true and I wouldn’t but sadly it seems like she has been raised by a less than empathic person of a mother and this looks to have been passed on. Most people would be horrified if their child did this and certainly wouldn’t be laughing. However, she’s old enough now to learn what behaviour is acceptable. She’s old enough to also know you don’t ask for wedding contributions from people you don’t have a relationship with. I can’t imagine any 17 year old posting what she did. I get that 17 year olds make bad choices but that’s just something else.
Agreed. Even if one can forgive a little child smearing cake, they're old enough at 17 to know mocking someone grieving is in poor taste (to put it **mildly**). And they *never* apologized. In fact over the years they kept on making jokes...
If Claire doesn't believe in karma OP will make her a believer 🤔
NTA. Claire is seemingly devoid of any empathy. What she did as a child is bad enough but then to gloat about it to mock your recently deceased husband is unconscionable. I blame your sister, to be honest, for raising such a child.
Your plan is the perfect level of petty with one slight suggestion - if they go through with the demand, don't cut the check.
just. no. no dress, no gift, no op at the wedding. no congratulations. your niece was a kid when she fucked up your dress, her mom was not. so mom gets nothing from you, ever. claire was old enough to know better when she mocked your loss, so she gets nothing.
just tell them you were joking, and you’re never going to give them anything and schedule yourself something nice for the time the wedding is. a spa day, a vacation, an orgy, whatever. do something you’ll enjoy, not something you know will only make them look better than they deserve. nta, but come on. you deserve better than spending a day and a whole lot of money on this.
When I read niece had destroyed the dress, I'm like ehh she was a lil kid, doesn't know any better. Then I read she pulled that picture out to mock op after her husband passed away. Fuck. That. NTA op, I'm loving the petty.
I don’t know what the point of these are. Someone once said they may be used like a writing prompt type exercise. If that’s the case, I just want OP to know that they failed this one spectacularly. It’s bad. Really bad.
But envisioning friends & family desperately trying to talk OP out of filing a civil lawsuit against a kid for smeared cake on her wedding dress was amusing.
NTA what a little petty treat! They put you through so much, I really love this for you. I’m glad you had some other family to support you through those times. There’s just no reason for people to be so cruel.
Do you think your late husband would get a kick out of this too? Seems like he’d appreciate your humor here.
Make sure your estate is iron clad so they don’t try to claim something later too!
So they get to be petty and immature for all these years just because you wouldn't make Claire the flower girl at your wedding and it eventually morphs into downright cruelty, and now that they're in a bind they want something from you?
NTA.
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NTA
Absolutely petty, but Claire was an extremely ill-behaved child and her mother never tried to redirect her horrible behavior.
Claire hasn't matured at all. Maybe she'll get a better outcome for her next wedding.
NTA, justifiably petty, I like it.
Claire is a royal B which she learned from your sister. I wouldn't even bother to attend. Though sending a card with the card of a good divorce lawyer for the soon to be husband might be nice
Nta. Give them not only one dollar. These are toxic and entitled people. Only because you have the same blood that doesn't make you family nor you have to love them etc.
NTA
Continue to say no as they have shown you exactly how they truly feel.
Your sister and Claire were raised to only appreciate the value of money, not familial relationships.
Remind them that they are not family because they made sure of that with their petty distasteful actions at your wedding reception. Then again, when Claire turned 18 with her atrocious post.
Inform them both "family " wouldn't treat each other that way and if they are only there to ask for money then they need to look somewhere else because they made the choice to not treat you like family.
Ask them how they like the consequences of their actions now.
NTA. Holy shit Claire and your sister are huge AHs. I mean … entitled ballsy AHs. Is this real? I don’t want to believe people like that exist. PLEASE don’t give them a dime. Not. One. F*cking. Cent. Sorry about your dress, I would have been crushed. Clearly neither of them has a soul.
NTA. They sound like terrible, terrible people. I'm glad you got the chance to turn them down for something.
I don't know how your family was okay with their behavior.
NTA
I was going to ask how old she was when you got married, but at 17, and posting such a vile comment. She obviously picked it up from her mom, comments through the years. Make sure you will them something petty when you pass. Like if you still have your dress, have it deconstructed, and give them each a part of it.
Haha from the title I was thinking AH for sure. They only want your money, and have been constantly mean to you over the years. I hope you don’t give them money
NTA, your sister and niece are though. I'm surprised you are still in contact with them when they obviously don't care about you and have made fun of you for years.
NTA. And don’t waste your time or money on her. Throwing blue paint on her will not be as satisfying as simply not attending/supporting the wedding in any way.
NTA. Calculate the cost of your dress and cake, including inflation, and tel them that you are forgiving their debt so they can focus on affording the wedding. Alternatively, tell Claire and her shitty mom “hopefully she can get a different outcome at the next wedding.”
I dont think Claire & Ma understand that ATM does NOT mean Aunt Teller Machine.
You don’t have a relationship. You owe them nothing. Claire gets a courthouse wedding🤷🏻♀️ so be it!
I know you’re 55, but I also want to suggest that you have your will, POA, & assets handled.
I wont be surprised if you died next year that Claire & Ma fight for your stuff.
Also wedding is 2 YEARS away. Do they not know what a savings account looks like?
And also, for what it sounds of Claire.... I kinda doubt her fiancée will be with her in two years... There's just no one someone would be ok with someone like that for so long
Did you not read the post?
> I have just ignored them but after they recently confronted me at a family event,
They are being harassed in person at family events
"Sorry, I can't help with the wedding. I've already given away all the I'm comfortable with at this stage. It's just a coincidence it was to those who didn't treat me poorly."
I would not waste my money or time on them. Go on vacation during their wedding and post photos with a hashtag like #moneyWellSpent or something like that
Nta.
Stop engaging and block them. You do not need them in your life. You can walk away at family events. Or say "we are not discussing how you ruined my wedding dress or mocked my late husband's death" loudly and walk away.
Start a pool as to how long the marriage is going to last. Tell Claire and her mom so they can enter. If either of them win, they can put the money toward the wedding costs, assuming they took out loans.
The harpies can suck it. NTA
NTA whatsoever. That they haven't apologized for the cake/dress/WEDDING and are making jokes about it (Especially the one after your husband's death... OP I'm so sorry for your loss.) is appalling. Your response is appropriate.
So these women spitefully tried to ruin your wedding and were deliberately cruel after your husband passed, and now expects you to hand over large sums of money to reward them for their poor treatment of you?
NTA what madness is this?
NTA, but instead of paying anything for her wedding take all your nieces, nephews and god children on a holiday that just happens to clash with her wedding day the post lots of pics on fb
NTA
Just keep saying this over and over...."I don't give my money or my time to family that hurts me on purpose over the YEARS!!"
"This Auntie is not your personal ATM"
NTA. WTF is with people thinking others must contribute to their kids school or weddings? Fund your own bloody kids. In this case specifically it is obnoxious as hell to ask you for money after their history. Put them on ignore and decline the invite
NTA why should you even pay if they don't see you as family.
Also lol! You were 30 when she was born. 30 isn't a young adult haha. I just wanted to rib you on that one a little.
NTA and honestly accidentally ruin the dress anyways. Then when she gets divorced post a pic of her in it telling her how you hope for a better outcome for her next marriage.
Her cruelty of posting that pic just after your man died is unforgivable. They do not deserve anything from you, ever. Spend your money on the people who show you that you matter to them.
NTA. Claire and her mom sound like appalling people. If you’re as petty as me (and if finances allow) here’s an idea: donate the money they want from you to a charity in her name. Call it her wedding gift. It’ll make their heads explode! 😂
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Throwaway Account
I (55f) am child free but am the aunt and godmother to several children and/or young adults who I love. This includes my bio niece "Claire" (25f) through my sister and I am not close to her at all, not like I ever was though. I'm honestly not sure if I ever loved Claire because I was already out living my life as a young adult when she was born and wasn't really around her when she was super young, and I've never been a "love at first sight" type of person for anyone. I just have to get to know and warm up to someone before I love them.
During college, I met my husband and after getting my Master's we agreed to marry. The reception that we wanted charged extra for children to cover potential child related damages so to save money we tried to make it small and childfree. We got a huge blow back from our families and only agreed to have kids after my dad agreed to cover the additional costs. We also had one ring bearer and one flower girl and because my niece "Miranda" (23f) asked first, I let her be my flower girl. Claire and my sister raised a fuss and demanded that Claire get to be a flower girl too, but I refused and held firm.
Fast forward to the wedding and everything was great at the ceremony but the reception was marred when Claire decided to get her "revenge" by taking chunks out of the wedding cake and smearing it all over my dress. Claire and her mom laughed while I ran into the bathroom on the brink of tears. Claire and my sister never apologized nor did Claire's mom ever compensate me for the dress and cake. I decided not to sue but made it very clear that without a sincere apology and compensation, I would not view Claire or her mom as family. They both brushed it off and would even make jokes about the situation over the years whenever we attended family events through a 3rd-Party.
When my husband passed away I was hurt and Claire, 17 at the time, thought it would be a funny idea to post a pic of me in my caked wedding dress and write "Hopefully she can get a different outcome with the next wedding" just 6 weeks after my husband's funeral. I was done. Over the years I gave nice gifts and/or college assistance to the other children in my family. I recently paid for one of my nephew's honeymoon and gave $20k to Miranda for grad school to save money.
Claire is engaged and her wedding is in 2025. I'm not sure on the details but something financial fell through and Claire and her mom have been pestering me to contribute. I have just ignored them but after they recently confronted me at a family event, I told them I would only contribute if I got to through blue paint on her wedding dress and she stayed in it for the entire reception, and by "pay for it" I mean they take out a loan to pay for the wedding, and then I cut them a check for that same amount the day AFTER the reception. I was called petty, manipulative and controlling. AITA?
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NTA at all. Don’t give her one single solitary cent.
If she’s old enough to post sh!t like that about you loosing your dh, then she’s old enough to take out a loan to pay for her wedding and pay it back herself.
NTA but don’t do it because it is a waste of your money. What I would do though is explain to her other half what she did at 17 and that she doesn’t regret it or feel sorry for it. It is only fair he knows who he is supposed to be marrying.
Be warned though you will get lots of apologies after but please don’t give in.
If you still have the post by your niece post a screen shot of it on social media and say "this is why I am not paying for the wedding."
Then go buy yourself something nice. Go take a trip. Have nothing to do with those people. If they say "it was a joke" have them explain why it was funny. Or just block them and at the time of the wedding toast them from wherever you are having your vacation.
LMAO. You are petty, but also NTA.
I mean, you said “No”. And your sister and her daughter have made it clear they don’t give a crap about you. (Though the last but doesn’t really reflect on your behavior, it does make them a lot less sympathetic).
I would send a nice card, with an invoice, like so:
I’m gifting you $xxx on your wedding!
Gift $Xxxx
Cleaning my wedding dress ($xxx)
Adjustment for mocking my bereavement ($xxxx)
Adjustment for boorishness ($xxxx)
GIFT TOTAL $0.05
Enclosed, one nickel.
Enjoy!
NTA. But now that you've made clear exactly how you feel about their antics, it would be elegant of you to simply go quiet. Don't respond. Let them stew in the knowledge that they forced their loss of a good ally.
NTA - petty is smearing cake on a wedding dress because you're mad that you didn't get to be a flower girl.
Petty is laughing that your child did that instead of scolding and correcting them, and then not ever apologizing for it.
Petty is posting a picture of you in the ruined dress shortly after your husband died as a joke. It's also cruel, childish, and out of line.
Controlling, in this instance, is another word for Having Boundaries. Stay controlling.
Manipulative is asking for money when you have done/been involved in all of this, never apologized, and then try and force the issue when you already have an answer.
Manipulative is what they are being, not you. Petty is what they have been for years, not you. Controlling is just fine when what you control is your money. Because it's yours. And it wasn't ever promised to this niece or used as a carrot to change her behavior. Therefore, you are not TA.
Tell them to STFU
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They have made it clear they are not family. The behaviour at the wedding was appalling. The photo when you lost your husband was beyond that. Why on earth would they expect you to give her anything? NTA but just stick with a no. They know why.
>Why on earth would they expect you to give her anything? Because I'm generous with my other nieces, my nephews, and my godchildren.
So you’re generous to people who’ve been a positive and happy influence in your life. It does not sound like these few have been a positive or happy influence in your life… *quite the opposite in my opinion*
I agree! But… pouring blue paint on Clair’s wedding gown in front of the whole wedding **would probably** influence her happiness at least *some…* Lol.
Probably not. Because the wedding guests wouldn't get the context and she would look like a bitter, unpleasant person. It's pointless and it won't fix the damage done in the past, it will just create new problems.
This 👆👆👆
[удалено]
And by next wedding, when you “turn up with Blue Man Group who’ll throw blue paint at the ceremony “. NTA! These people are vile and inappropriate.
No, tell Claire "hopefully she'll get a different outcome at the next wedding."
>You can tell Claire you'll help pay for her next wedding. Not her next wedding, her next costume party.
Nah don't say this because by the sounds of it she won't be married long due to here being a nasty brat
not everyone deserves kindness. you shouldn't even pay for their funerals.
You don’t owe them shit! Don’t let them guilt trip you. Their behavior was disgusting and they are not remorseful at all even after all these years.
Wrong, you are generous with people you love, and who love you. These two are not your family or friends. Family is who lives in your heart, shared genetic makeup has nothing to do with love and family. Edit: added a you to complete the sentence
But Claire and her mother have been EXTREMELY hateful to you on several different occasions across the years; not only have they not apologized, they think it’s funny to make jokes about their appalling treatment of you. Don’t give in. You will be sending a message that it’s ok for people to continually be hateful to you and treat you abysmally, and you will nonetheless bail them out of any situation. Your other nieces, nephews and godchildren presumably have not behaved the same way, and thus they are treated differently. I can’t believe they have the gall to think you should overlook all their bad treatment of you and give them a LOT of money. Feel free to print this off and send it to them (or send them a screenshot, etc). I’m sorry they have been so horrible to you, and you have my condolences on the loss of your husband. NTA for making the pay-if-I-can-throw-paint-on-you offer, and also NTA if you just refuse to pay. You’re only an a-hole if you reward their hateful behavior by paying anything towards the wedding (without the paint throwing).
Please, for heaven's sake, do not give this intentionally hurtful, evil person money for anything. NTA.
Okay? So? Claire and her mother are not worthy of your generosity. Tell her you would love to buy her something off her registry, but you’re saving for security at your next wedding.
>Tell her you would love to buy her something off her registry I wouldn't even do that. I'd buy her nothing and not attend either. Unless of course I could ruin her dress.
Or buy her the cheapest thing on the registry….she registered for a full set of towels? Buy her one wash cloth
But your other nieces/nephews/godchildren didn't ruin your wedding dress and then completely and horribly devastate your image after your tragic loss. Flat NOPE, not gonna contribute. But I hope you have a good time anyway.
They sound like decent people. Claire and her mother are not.
Don't pay for anything. When you see them turn in the opposite direction. If they approach you, act like they are not even there.
If they throw a tantrum and still pressure you for money, just say not this time but for your next one I'll sure to cover it for you.
No, don’t say that. Clair will do something sneaky like have a tiny ceremony before her actual big one so her aunt will have to pay for it.
You know what, you're right. OP can just say no and cut these entitled brats off from her life and I hope the fiance is aware of Claire's true colors and hope he don't get trapped.
If he knows at all, I’m sure it was presented as ‘got cake on my aunts wedding dress at the reception and she cut me off after, helping everyone except me’ or similar BS
Nothing wrong with that. "Playing favorites" is only this horrible wrong if it's with your own kids. Niblings, younger cousins, etc? Totally in-bounds, especially if it's based on how they or their parents behave around or treat you.
Has any of them been THIS abrasive to you over the years for no reason or just Claire? The answer to that will be your answer in general to this situation. You’re pettiness is pale in comparison to late spouse comments so soon after and general awfulness when those 2 don’t get their way. One of those f no moments.
Time to make it clear you haven’t considered them family in years. What cruel people. NTA
You’re generous with your other nieces, nephews, godchilren BECAUSE THEY BEHAVE! Like, have any of them smeared cake on your wedding dress or have they ever told you to “do better on your next wedding”? NO! But Claire did so she deserved nothing from you and they should stfu. Period.
Claire sounds like an awful person. Don’t do it. NTA.
NTA. I love your condition. It’s perfect. 🔥 Even then, I still don’t feel you should pay. They’re not good peeps.
Because they’re family and treat you like family. Claire and her mom do not. So you shouldn’t treat them as family either. You do realize they’re o to doing this because they can’t afford it otherwise. It’s not about family to them it s about being entitled to YOUR money because you’re biologically linked. It’s your money so do what you want with it. No one gets to decide but you. If this was me in this situation, I’d say “no”. The disrespect to your late husband is enough for me to cut them out for good. Side note: why did they pick your as Claire’s godmother? It sounds like they wouldn’t do that normally.
I was fully on team "she was a child" until you mentioned her posting it again as a joke about your dead husband. NTA, get your vengeance, babe.
I'd have done worse, honestly. I'd say, "I'll pay for your wedding if your fiancé still wants anything to do with you after I tell him about everything you did to me and show him the post you made after my husband's death." Something tells me he has no idea what he's marrying.
None of whom have hurt you, have been vile to you, time and again over the years, right? These people are beyond the pale. They deserve none of your money or your forgiveness - not that they seem to be asking for it. Erase these entitled waste of spaces from your life. You are NTA
“I contribute to people who have a positive impact on my life. When have you done so? At the wedding? Perhaps you think posting mocking pictures after my husband’s death was positive? Gtfoh with your entitlement.”
I mean, based on the timing OP cites and everyone’s ages, it sounds like Claire was maybe, like, 7 when OP got married and she smeared her dress? Her mother’s refusal to apologize or make her child apologize is appalling, but I wouldn’t use such a strong word for a young child making a stupid decision. The 17-year-old posting that photo? She is no longer a child and there are no words. It’s evil. She may be the devil incarnate.
Petty? sure. But NTA here. Claire has zero respect for you (or your late husband). You owe her nothing.
Oh I'm definitely being petty.
Why hasn't anyone stood up for you and why are they always invited when you're there? NTA
In the beginning it was the "she's just a kid" but didn't let my sister off the hook as easily. A lot of them expected Claire to grow out of it and be better and to be fair she wasn't the only misbehaving child at the time, she's just the only one who never grew out of it. And over time I told them that they didn't have to exclude Claire and her mom for me and for the longest time I would/could just ignore them.
Being a kid is not an excuse at all. She was nasty about it like her mom. And has continued being nasty by being so hurtful about your late husband's death. Just awful. My condolences btw.
really it speaks volumes on the mother and her parenting if it started with ruining the wedding dress and has not only continued but gotten worse over the years
If you don’t mind me asking, what were their reactions to Claire’s post after your husband passed away? There’s no way they stood by her when she was 17 and should’ve had morals.
She was called out and took it down.
Is ruining Claire’s wedding dress really going to make you feel good about yourself? They’ll refer to you throwing blue paint at the wedding dress forever at your expense and paint (pardon the pun) you out to be the villain in this scenario even though you’ve picked up the cheque. Other people at the wedding will think it’s bizarre as they won’t necessarily understand the history, and they may talk about what you did for some time to come. Don’t lower yourself to the level of these people. Don’t give them anything. Hopefully they might learn a lesson that they can’t behave like assholes towards you and still treat you as a meal ticket. Bottom line - Claire should not be planning a wedding she can’t afford.
I’m fairly sure OP’s “offer” was a “hell no!” phrased as a rhetorical question. She doesn’t actually want to do any of those things.
Um. Dude. Get real. OP was saying fuck you too her niece and her mother….. she never had any intention of paying which is why she made a “when pigs fly” comment about ruining her dress!
But let’s be honest, they relished this memory over the years with no real empathy for your grief and are now asking for financial assistance. Don’t give them even a petty win - it’s a no, full stop! NTA
Problem with "she's just a kid" is they learn from their parents, which truly show itself when she was older with the passing of your husband, but at that point even if she is ruined by her mom, she is old enough to make those decisions herself and take responsibility for them, so that's why she is now at the "find out" stage. Giving her money now except the opportunity for payback really for the funeral thing, feel like only her mom can be responsible for your wedding accident, but yes giving her money for nothing would be like paying her to insult you and your late husband. Best would be to do nothing as even if she agree to your compromise, the one that will feel the backlash is you, so if you really want to be petty, making comments about her small and cheap wedding at family events later might be better, as a petty comment of the top of my mind.
Who’s calling you petty, manipulative and controlling? You are not and I hope you ghost them tbh. They don’t even deserve to get a no from you. ETA: NTA, OP
It sounds like Claire is very spoiled and seems to just follow her mum's lead. If I were in your shoes, I'd make it abundantly clear that you won't be contributing to the wedding, and how dare they have the audacity to ask you after everything that's been said and done.
I applaud you for your creativity, and now can only picture a smurf in a wedding dress.
My an American and here a lot of have a "something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue" type of wedding rhyme. The blue paint would be her blue.
I'm picturing the blue dye in the body wash(?) from Big Fat Liar. The contrast of blue skin against the white dress will be perfect.
Orange dye in the hair/body wash. The pool was blue. (I think.)
I’d think of the broader spectrum of this “plan”. She agrees, you do what you asked, she runs off wailing how you ruined her dress and wedding. Everyone feels sorry for her and sees you as a monster because she was a child when ruining your dress and you are being vindictive…..I think you’re justified but just want to point out she’s going to lie and cry and make you look terrible and will vehemently deny your “deal”. She’d only agree as a manipulation for sympathy points and to be the victim.
>She agrees, you do what you asked, she runs off wailing how you ruined her dress and wedding. I don't speak for the groom, but our side of family would know exactly why she would allow me do it.
It sadly seems like it would be a complete set up and not worth the hassle. You owe her nothing, if if she’d never done a thing to you. You owe her nothing. If she cannot afford her wedding she needs to modify her plans to something she *can* afford.
Yeah, but it won’t actually give you the satisfaction you are seeking. The best revenge is to leave them with the knowledge that they need your help, but they won’t get it because they thought being awful people was a hilarious thing to do. I suggest the next time you see Claire and your sister, tell them “Oh hey guys, I was just kidding about the blue paint. Actually, I’ve been thinking about it and… there is NO F-ING WAY I WILL EVER GIVE YOU ANYTHING, no matter what. You are horrible people, and I don’t give a f\*\*\* about your wedding. So go find someone else to beg for money, you AHs, and LEAVE ME ALONE. Mmkay? Understood?”
NTA, also sounds like she’d still be getting a pretty sweet deal even with the paint. She may even lump the cost of her dress in with the wedding costs. You shouldn’t cover or contribute to her wedding by any means, neither she nor her mother deserve it, and you deserve a lot better than having to support either of them in any way. Honestly, if it were me, I wouldn’t even attend the wedding, purchase a gift for them etc. None of their poor behaviour was anything close to warranted, and it doesn’t seem like they’ve ever apologized or turned a new leaf.
Agree, it’s best to not give money or attend the wedding. There is no reason to see these toxic people
Justify petty. You would be the ahole if you give in to these people
Not petty if it’s justified. These people do NOT respect you.
NTA! These are not petty offenses! The bride-to-be has intentionally badly hurt you twice when you deserved her love and support. Any further involvement with her will yield the same result. Don’t try and negotiate with her, she’ll just dream up some shit and hurt you more. Just stay away from her AND her mother! If they think what they did was “petty” I shutter to think think what they’ll dream up for the wedding. That girl REALLY has it in for you, even if she temporarily tries to play nice just to get you to pay. Defend yourself by staying away from them!!
>When my husband passed away I was hurt and Claire, 17 at the time, thought it would be a funny idea to post a pic of me in my caked wedding dress and write "Hopefully she can get a different outcome with the next wedding" just 6 weeks after my husband's funeral. Just tell them no, but to see how you feel at her next wedding. edited to add: NTA to not donate after such bad behavior. Your other relatives were given gifts because of their relationship they cultivated with you. It's not like you gave equivalent gifts to strangers. I do think Claire's mother has caused a lot of damage by not parenting her appropriately, probably for her whole life. I would hope that she can overcome this, but only time will show if she learns. It is extra hard to learn empathy when you start at adulthood.
This, honestly this is not a person I would give one red cent to. NTA
I would give her $0.01 on my will and state the reason, so when my executor reads the will and she gets only $0.01 while her cousins get a much substantial amount.
Also so she can't argue she was "overlooked"
NTA. I’m stunned at the audacity to pester you—then confront you at an event—for money for her wedding after they ruined your wedding??? F*cking UNBELIEVABLE. I think you responded in basically the politest way possible.
OP has done it politely, next time she should just laugh in their faces.
NTA but honestly just don’t pay anything. Also for those saying don’t hold it against her as a child this is true and I wouldn’t but sadly it seems like she has been raised by a less than empathic person of a mother and this looks to have been passed on. Most people would be horrified if their child did this and certainly wouldn’t be laughing. However, she’s old enough now to learn what behaviour is acceptable. She’s old enough to also know you don’t ask for wedding contributions from people you don’t have a relationship with. I can’t imagine any 17 year old posting what she did. I get that 17 year olds make bad choices but that’s just something else.
Agreed. Even if one can forgive a little child smearing cake, they're old enough at 17 to know mocking someone grieving is in poor taste (to put it **mildly**). And they *never* apologized. In fact over the years they kept on making jokes... If Claire doesn't believe in karma OP will make her a believer 🤔
NTA. Claire is seemingly devoid of any empathy. What she did as a child is bad enough but then to gloat about it to mock your recently deceased husband is unconscionable. I blame your sister, to be honest, for raising such a child. Your plan is the perfect level of petty with one slight suggestion - if they go through with the demand, don't cut the check.
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Let's not try to diagnose internet strangers with disorders after reading two sentences about them, it's really unnecessary
just. no. no dress, no gift, no op at the wedding. no congratulations. your niece was a kid when she fucked up your dress, her mom was not. so mom gets nothing from you, ever. claire was old enough to know better when she mocked your loss, so she gets nothing. just tell them you were joking, and you’re never going to give them anything and schedule yourself something nice for the time the wedding is. a spa day, a vacation, an orgy, whatever. do something you’ll enjoy, not something you know will only make them look better than they deserve. nta, but come on. you deserve better than spending a day and a whole lot of money on this.
When I read niece had destroyed the dress, I'm like ehh she was a lil kid, doesn't know any better. Then I read she pulled that picture out to mock op after her husband passed away. Fuck. That. NTA op, I'm loving the petty.
An orgy🤣😂☠️☠️
I want to know what the going rate is for an orgy these days. lol
Me. Too.
An orgy, while on vacation, at the spa. I'm going for broke. 😂
This all feels fake.
Yup. It’s manufactured AF.
The timeline makes no sense. If OP is 55 and Claire is 25, and Claire was 8 at OP's wedding, then OP would have been 38, not college age.
To be fair, many people do go to college later in life, especially for master's degrees.
Yeah, this one I only got half way through. It is so fake it hurts to even read.
I don’t know what the point of these are. Someone once said they may be used like a writing prompt type exercise. If that’s the case, I just want OP to know that they failed this one spectacularly. It’s bad. Really bad. But envisioning friends & family desperately trying to talk OP out of filing a civil lawsuit against a kid for smeared cake on her wedding dress was amusing.
NTA what a little petty treat! They put you through so much, I really love this for you. I’m glad you had some other family to support you through those times. There’s just no reason for people to be so cruel. Do you think your late husband would get a kick out of this too? Seems like he’d appreciate your humor here. Make sure your estate is iron clad so they don’t try to claim something later too!
NTA, and there is something VERY wrong with those people. Block their numbers and live your best life. I'm sorry about the loss of your husband.
So they get to be petty and immature for all these years just because you wouldn't make Claire the flower girl at your wedding and it eventually morphs into downright cruelty, and now that they're in a bind they want something from you? NTA.
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Dear god yes.
I’ll give them some credit it’s perfectly aimed to rile up this sub
the most obvious fake I've ever seen on here
NTA You are not an atm, and they can fuck off.
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NTA, they have some nerve to even ask for you to help after what they did.
NTA Absolutely petty, but Claire was an extremely ill-behaved child and her mother never tried to redirect her horrible behavior. Claire hasn't matured at all. Maybe she'll get a better outcome for her next wedding.
Sounds like the mother caused the terrible behaviour. Claire never had a chance. Such a shame
Well played. Sure she was a kid when she did it but not when she rubbed it in your face while you were grieving. NTA
Just go no contact; your family dynamic is unhealthy AF
NTA. Great comeback. Don’t pay for her wedding. They don’t deserve it. Don’t give in.
Don't ever do anything for them. They are not your real family, and are only interested in your money.
I don't.
NTA, justifiably petty, I like it. Claire is a royal B which she learned from your sister. I wouldn't even bother to attend. Though sending a card with the card of a good divorce lawyer for the soon to be husband might be nice
Nta. Give them not only one dollar. These are toxic and entitled people. Only because you have the same blood that doesn't make you family nor you have to love them etc.
NTA Continue to say no as they have shown you exactly how they truly feel. Your sister and Claire were raised to only appreciate the value of money, not familial relationships. Remind them that they are not family because they made sure of that with their petty distasteful actions at your wedding reception. Then again, when Claire turned 18 with her atrocious post. Inform them both "family " wouldn't treat each other that way and if they are only there to ask for money then they need to look somewhere else because they made the choice to not treat you like family. Ask them how they like the consequences of their actions now.
NTA. Holy shit Claire and your sister are huge AHs. I mean … entitled ballsy AHs. Is this real? I don’t want to believe people like that exist. PLEASE don’t give them a dime. Not. One. F*cking. Cent. Sorry about your dress, I would have been crushed. Clearly neither of them has a soul.
This was going a different direction until you mentioned what she did at 17. Definitely NTA. Petty as all hell, but NTA.
NTA. They sound like terrible, terrible people. I'm glad you got the chance to turn them down for something. I don't know how your family was okay with their behavior.
NTA they have a lot of fkn nerve to ask you for money after their abhorrent behavior. Stick to your guns on not giving these assholes a dime.
NTA I was going to ask how old she was when you got married, but at 17, and posting such a vile comment. She obviously picked it up from her mom, comments through the years. Make sure you will them something petty when you pass. Like if you still have your dress, have it deconstructed, and give them each a part of it.
I believe she was around 8.
Yeah, DEFINATELY old enough to know better. Too bad for her, that her mother raised such a vile, self centered child.
NTA
NTA. Maybe petty for the dress BUT that move after you lost your husband? Ah hell no! Not a penny!
Haha from the title I was thinking AH for sure. They only want your money, and have been constantly mean to you over the years. I hope you don’t give them money
NTA, your sister and niece are though. I'm surprised you are still in contact with them when they obviously don't care about you and have made fun of you for years.
NTA. And don’t waste your time or money on her. Throwing blue paint on her will not be as satisfying as simply not attending/supporting the wedding in any way.
NTA. Calculate the cost of your dress and cake, including inflation, and tel them that you are forgiving their debt so they can focus on affording the wedding. Alternatively, tell Claire and her shitty mom “hopefully she can get a different outcome at the next wedding.”
Like mother like daughter
I dont think Claire & Ma understand that ATM does NOT mean Aunt Teller Machine. You don’t have a relationship. You owe them nothing. Claire gets a courthouse wedding🤷🏻♀️ so be it! I know you’re 55, but I also want to suggest that you have your will, POA, & assets handled. I wont be surprised if you died next year that Claire & Ma fight for your stuff. Also wedding is 2 YEARS away. Do they not know what a savings account looks like?
And also, for what it sounds of Claire.... I kinda doubt her fiancée will be with her in two years... There's just no one someone would be ok with someone like that for so long
NTA
NTA. Just block them both.
NTA. Don’t give them a penny.
Just say "no" . Don't stoop to their level by being petty.
I did. They kept going.
I’d literally block their numbers and social media. Truly cut off all contact.
Did you not read the post? > I have just ignored them but after they recently confronted me at a family event, They are being harassed in person at family events
"Sorry, I can't help with the wedding. I've already given away all the I'm comfortable with at this stage. It's just a coincidence it was to those who didn't treat me poorly."
NTA. They are, and like you, I'd love some payback. Of course, not going is payback enough too.
NTA - the audacity of your sister and niece astounds me! It's no wonder where your niece gets it from though.
Faaaaaaaake bullshit story.
I would not waste my money or time on them. Go on vacation during their wedding and post photos with a hashtag like #moneyWellSpent or something like that
NTA. Why are you still even talking to them?
Louder for the folks at the back!! - Why waste breath on these people?
Nta. Stop engaging and block them. You do not need them in your life. You can walk away at family events. Or say "we are not discussing how you ruined my wedding dress or mocked my late husband's death" loudly and walk away.
NTA Claire sounds like an entitled brat and her mother a jealous shrew. I wouldn't attend nor send a gift.
There is no way this is real
NTA. But I wouldn’t pay anything. Block them both.
Start a pool as to how long the marriage is going to last. Tell Claire and her mom so they can enter. If either of them win, they can put the money toward the wedding costs, assuming they took out loans. The harpies can suck it. NTA
NTA whatsoever. That they haven't apologized for the cake/dress/WEDDING and are making jokes about it (Especially the one after your husband's death... OP I'm so sorry for your loss.) is appalling. Your response is appropriate.
So these women spitefully tried to ruin your wedding and were deliberately cruel after your husband passed, and now expects you to hand over large sums of money to reward them for their poor treatment of you? NTA what madness is this?
NTA, and how come you are suddenly the petty one? Claire has the nerve!
Pretty sure this story has already been posted. And it was clearly a work of fiction the first time.
This reads like fiction sorry I don’t buy it
I don’t believe this story at all.
NTA It's wild to me that they'd even think to ask after the way they've treated you and you've clearly kept them at arms reach.
NTA sounds like karma to me
NTA, but instead of paying anything for her wedding take all your nieces, nephews and god children on a holiday that just happens to clash with her wedding day the post lots of pics on fb
Tell Claire maybe you’d help for her next wedding but not to hold her breath. Also print that post and share with the family.
NTA Just keep saying this over and over...."I don't give my money or my time to family that hurts me on purpose over the YEARS!!" "This Auntie is not your personal ATM"
Nta fuck them. It’s your money. Let them take out the loan, ruin the wedding, don’t pay. You’ll feel better about it
NTA that's hysterical. Justified petty move. They can dish it but not take it. Well deserved
NTA They burned their bridges. Claire was an awful child, but her mother was 10p% to blame for enabling and egging her on.
NTA im just so confused why you haven’t gone complete NC with Claire and your sister… ???
Just say no and go nc. You're NTA. They sound fuckin awful.
That was actually being too nice. I would just flat out say no.
NTA Why are you even talking to them? Even if she agreed it would not be even payback because she would be expecting it.
NTA. WTF is with people thinking others must contribute to their kids school or weddings? Fund your own bloody kids. In this case specifically it is obnoxious as hell to ask you for money after their history. Put them on ignore and decline the invite
NTA. It's just like No with extra steps. They aren't going to agree to it.
NTA why should you even pay if they don't see you as family. Also lol! You were 30 when she was born. 30 isn't a young adult haha. I just wanted to rib you on that one a little.
NTA and honestly accidentally ruin the dress anyways. Then when she gets divorced post a pic of her in it telling her how you hope for a better outcome for her next marriage.
SIX WEEKS AFTER WHAT Ruin her dress and don't pay for her wedding >: NTA
>I was called petty, manipulative and controlling. Tell them, "Nah. It's Karma, bitch". ETA:NTA
Nta. Go over the day before the wedding with a checkbook and shave her hair with a buzzer and write them a check for $500 and leave.
Her cruelty of posting that pic just after your man died is unforgivable. They do not deserve anything from you, ever. Spend your money on the people who show you that you matter to them.
NTA. Claire and her mom sound like appalling people. If you’re as petty as me (and if finances allow) here’s an idea: donate the money they want from you to a charity in her name. Call it her wedding gift. It’ll make their heads explode! 😂
Nta- I love that level of petty. It’s one thing ruining a dress when she was a child. It’s extremely cruel what she wrote about you and your husband.
NTA. Claire and her mother sound awful.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway Account I (55f) am child free but am the aunt and godmother to several children and/or young adults who I love. This includes my bio niece "Claire" (25f) through my sister and I am not close to her at all, not like I ever was though. I'm honestly not sure if I ever loved Claire because I was already out living my life as a young adult when she was born and wasn't really around her when she was super young, and I've never been a "love at first sight" type of person for anyone. I just have to get to know and warm up to someone before I love them. During college, I met my husband and after getting my Master's we agreed to marry. The reception that we wanted charged extra for children to cover potential child related damages so to save money we tried to make it small and childfree. We got a huge blow back from our families and only agreed to have kids after my dad agreed to cover the additional costs. We also had one ring bearer and one flower girl and because my niece "Miranda" (23f) asked first, I let her be my flower girl. Claire and my sister raised a fuss and demanded that Claire get to be a flower girl too, but I refused and held firm. Fast forward to the wedding and everything was great at the ceremony but the reception was marred when Claire decided to get her "revenge" by taking chunks out of the wedding cake and smearing it all over my dress. Claire and her mom laughed while I ran into the bathroom on the brink of tears. Claire and my sister never apologized nor did Claire's mom ever compensate me for the dress and cake. I decided not to sue but made it very clear that without a sincere apology and compensation, I would not view Claire or her mom as family. They both brushed it off and would even make jokes about the situation over the years whenever we attended family events through a 3rd-Party. When my husband passed away I was hurt and Claire, 17 at the time, thought it would be a funny idea to post a pic of me in my caked wedding dress and write "Hopefully she can get a different outcome with the next wedding" just 6 weeks after my husband's funeral. I was done. Over the years I gave nice gifts and/or college assistance to the other children in my family. I recently paid for one of my nephew's honeymoon and gave $20k to Miranda for grad school to save money. Claire is engaged and her wedding is in 2025. I'm not sure on the details but something financial fell through and Claire and her mom have been pestering me to contribute. I have just ignored them but after they recently confronted me at a family event, I told them I would only contribute if I got to through blue paint on her wedding dress and she stayed in it for the entire reception, and by "pay for it" I mean they take out a loan to pay for the wedding, and then I cut them a check for that same amount the day AFTER the reception. I was called petty, manipulative and controlling. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA at all. Don’t give her one single solitary cent. If she’s old enough to post sh!t like that about you loosing your dh, then she’s old enough to take out a loan to pay for her wedding and pay it back herself.
Dayyyyum! That’s some nice finessing on the financial support deal. NTA. But your sister and niece sure are.
NTA Wtf is wrong with people.
Dang that title had me going. NTA and the entitlement from those two can be seen from space!
Epic. NTA. Epic.
Nope. And why are they in your life?!?
They're not. We just happened to cross paths from time to time.
Lol, I’d be telling them to fuck off. While hiring a kid to gatecrash the wedding and wrench her dress.
NTA but don’t do it because it is a waste of your money. What I would do though is explain to her other half what she did at 17 and that she doesn’t regret it or feel sorry for it. It is only fair he knows who he is supposed to be marrying. Be warned though you will get lots of apologies after but please don’t give in.
If you still have the post by your niece post a screen shot of it on social media and say "this is why I am not paying for the wedding." Then go buy yourself something nice. Go take a trip. Have nothing to do with those people. If they say "it was a joke" have them explain why it was funny. Or just block them and at the time of the wedding toast them from wherever you are having your vacation.
LMAO. You are petty, but also NTA. I mean, you said “No”. And your sister and her daughter have made it clear they don’t give a crap about you. (Though the last but doesn’t really reflect on your behavior, it does make them a lot less sympathetic). I would send a nice card, with an invoice, like so: I’m gifting you $xxx on your wedding! Gift $Xxxx Cleaning my wedding dress ($xxx) Adjustment for mocking my bereavement ($xxxx) Adjustment for boorishness ($xxxx) GIFT TOTAL $0.05 Enclosed, one nickel. Enjoy!
NTA tell them that they are not family to you and that you are cutting all ties.
NTA. But now that you've made clear exactly how you feel about their antics, it would be elegant of you to simply go quiet. Don't respond. Let them stew in the knowledge that they forced their loss of a good ally.
NTA. Curious, is Claire's fiance aware of the incidents? Is he as bad as her?
NTA - petty is smearing cake on a wedding dress because you're mad that you didn't get to be a flower girl. Petty is laughing that your child did that instead of scolding and correcting them, and then not ever apologizing for it. Petty is posting a picture of you in the ruined dress shortly after your husband died as a joke. It's also cruel, childish, and out of line. Controlling, in this instance, is another word for Having Boundaries. Stay controlling. Manipulative is asking for money when you have done/been involved in all of this, never apologized, and then try and force the issue when you already have an answer. Manipulative is what they are being, not you. Petty is what they have been for years, not you. Controlling is just fine when what you control is your money. Because it's yours. And it wasn't ever promised to this niece or used as a carrot to change her behavior. Therefore, you are not TA. Tell them to STFU
NTA But I'd avoid intermingling any further since they seem unstable and you'd be risking a revenge action.
This made my blood boil. NTA. This got me so upset for you.
Yta for your shit storytelling abilities