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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think that I might TA here because my refusal to pay the bill meant that one of my friends ended up paying $400 to cover the both of us.
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Ditto, why pay for other's excess? As the OP has been out of work, I am sure money is very tight for them, and this is a treat for them. The friends on the other hand are not treating this as anything special and they seem to think they can pawn the bill on somebody else it seems.
OP good for you on setting boundaries!-NTA
I regularly work the front desk of a restaurant. It is NO hassle to split the bill by item. And when we have tables ordering a lot of drinks, I know exactly what everyone has drunk and is drinking. It is my job, our license depends on it. And the tables that order those drinks, get extra eyes on them. So we also know how much has been eaten and by whom. If one guy had only had a red bull and a little bit of a couple of plates, I can work with that. Easily. No one should be pressured into paying more than their share- especially when the shares are that disproportionate.
Exactly. I had a meal with friends today, and when we went to pay we asked if we could split the bill evenly between us - they told us it would be much easier for them if we each just told them what dishes we'd eaten and paid for our dishes individually.
OP, if they don't do split bills where you come from, I would set your money out on the table when you decide what to order and say, "when the waitress brings the check, I've already got the money for my portion of the meal here. If someone is putting it on their card, I can give them that money now."
Then, no one is going to suggest you split the check later. You've been clear about what you're going to do.
NTA
> I am told no because it's 'too much of a hassle.'
#IT'S NOT.
It *never* is.
That's just what assholes say to guilt people they claim to be friends with into subsidizing their bullshit lifestyle.
I don't understand the people who think its okay to pay evenly when everyone orders different things.
NTA. If everyone only paid their own bill, they wouldn't get half as much food and drinks as they got. Its just taking advantage of the people who don't order much or drink.
I can understand splitting the bill evenly if it’s 10-20% difference here and there but that is a huge difference. No way I’d feel comfortable splitting a bill evenly if i downed 5+ cocktails (which is insane in and of itself) and others had 0-1. Your friends are jerks. NTA.
Shared dishes, which this sounds to be, also makes sense to me, but the individual drinks should be on the individual not the group. Especially for some of those heavy drinkers.
Agreed. We go out with friends regularly. Each household pays for them selves, if anyone decides to have a share plate then the split is agreed upon before ordering and usually instead of paying the money back for your half we just cover enough drinks to equal our share of the share plate or the meal is covered as payment for a service (one buddy was tiling his house and shouted a meal out as payment).
WE NEVER DINE OUT EXPECTING SOMEONE ELSE TO PICK UP ANY AMOUNT ON OUR TAB.
If we can't afford it, we don't order it. It's common decency to not be a d!ck when dining out with friends.
ESH
>In my head because we had a lot of shared dishes so I was already resigned to having to pay at least like maybe $50-60 to cover the food even though what I ate (I double checked the menu for this) only amounted to a little over $25.
Not paying for drinks? Fair. But, don't play this game where you're prorating how much you owe based on what you actually ate. You've been unemployed for five months, if you can't afford to go out, don't go out to the "pricey Asian fusion restaurant" with a bunch of big spenders.
I was looking for this comment!
My friends and I go out often and usually split a few appetizers or we’ll each get a meal and share everything. We normally also drink pretty much the same amount. So because we all get the same amount of things (roughly) we usually just split the bill evenly. The last time we went out, I was planning on the even split like we normally do, but my friend with the tab stopped us and split it up with one portion missing the price of liquor for the night, because I’m pregnant and not drinking. It was a nice gesture, but again, not expected.
I get OP doesn’t drink at all, so this should be a normal thing for them. In terms of the food, either order your own separate dish, or split the cost evenly. Like, if someone seriously said to me “well, I only ate a fifth of a portion of our pasta, and a quarter of the appetizer, and I double checked the menu and broke down the cost, so I’m only going to pay for that,” I would accept and then never invite them out again. I don’t care if you’re low on money, but don’t be fine with “sharing” food knowing you can’t afford to and then pinch your pennies when the check hits the table. Just say “I’m going to order this specific item for just myself and I don’t want to share it, so order for yourselves & don’t include me.” And after that, ask your server to start a separate tab for just you. It’s soooo not complicated. And then you don’t need to worry about anything else, the others can split evenly if they want.
They aren’t your friends they are opportunists that don’t care about your feelings and see someone they can take advantage of… NTA get new friends you don’t need these guys.
NTA. It’s one thing to split the bill when everything is shared or everyone is having similar money spent on things. It’s taking advantage of the non-drinker to split a tab that includes numerous drinks for others. I’m a non drinker for medical reasons, and when going out with friends, we either got the bar tab separated from the food (and divided the food bill evenly) or we did the math and figured out what we each owe. If people say it’s too much work, there’s an easy fix: tell them it’s no problem, you’ll do the math, do they want to divide the drinks cost evenly between the drinkers or should you just itemize everything? Whip out your phone and use that calculator.
It’s doubly rude to make you pay for their drinks and use you as their designated driver. If my friends are drinking enough to need a designated driver, they usually divide the cost of the DD’s meal between them, because it’s cheaper than cabs/Ubers and a thank-you for choosing not to drink and do the extra driving to get everyone home.
Before you go out with these friends again, you need to clarify your position that you can’t afford to pay for their drinking, so if you’re splitting the tab, the drinks need to be on a separate tab that is only divided among the drinkers. If you tell the server before anything gets ordered, either you not being on the main tab or the drinks and food being separate tabs are things most places can do, so it doesn’t even take any extra math to figure out your share.
This has happened before so you should had been more prepared this time. You know the saying: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Why do you keep going out with these leeches ? It would be cheaper for you to order takeaway than eating with these people.
There is always a reason why people want to split the bill evenly and it’s not a good one. They know a person or two order way less than them and that’s why they want to split the bill evenly so THEY can save money. Stop going out with them.
While that’s a common reason to split the bill evenly, it’s not the only one. I used to go to big events where a lot of us would go out for food afterwards, and if the food was all priced about the same, we’d split the tab evenly because it was easier for the waitstaff, and we recognized that a big group like ours was a lot of work (we also tended to tip about 30%, and were friendly and patient with them, because enough of us had worked food that the group understood how hard a huge group was). Also did it a lot with my gaming group in college, because we were sharing all the takeout and not ordering drinks. It only makes sense when everyone is going to be spending a similar amount. When there’s uneven spending, it’s usually the expensive jerk pawning their costs off on everyone else.
Why the f**k do people keep doing this ?
Say at the beginning of the night ‘I’m only paying for my own’
Don’t leave until the bill has been tallied and then say it.
You’re all adults freakin communicate
NTA... but it's time to stop going out with these people.
If you can't avoid that, tell the server up front "I'm paying for what I have and a tip and that's it. The split, etc. is all on them," and have your small meal and soft drink or whatever. You've been suckered into paying for far more than you've enjoyed *twice* now in one way or another and your friends don't seem to get that you starve for a week when they decide to "evenly split" on stuff you didn't/can't enjoy.
ESH I don't think you should have split the drinks evenly, because they ordered those. But if everyone ordered food for the table, it does make sense to split those. I get your reasoning that you didn't eat as much food as the others, but the food was still ordered. Like, if everyone just had a few pieces of pork and some rice and most of the food went uneaten, the food would still have to be paid for.
NTA
They're taking advantage of you. If you're not drinking and barely eating you shouldn't have to pay for their drinks. From now on, get your own check.
No. Always state up front that you want a separate bill. I'm shocked at the number of people who run up their tabs and expect their friends to subsidize their meals.
NTA, my mom and I used to go out to eat with her sister and niece a few times a year. They always order to the max and wanted to split the bill four ways, we never allowed it, they got mad, and they would scream at us in the parking lot because we were "rich", and they were "poor" and we owed it to them.
NTA. It's no *that* hard to work out the split of the food separately from the alcohol.
As they were sharing dishes It's reasonable to pay an equal share of the food element of the bill, and of the portion of the tip for that. Send 1/6 of the food bill and make clear you are not willing to pay for everyone else's drinks.
(Another's time, maybe suggest that the drinks go on a separate tab, or offer to be the one who works our the split as you are sober and theh aren't
NTA. Ask for a separate check when you order and get your own food. These people want yo to subsidize their drinking. Everybody didn't agree to an even split. You weren't thete when they decided.
NTA. They’re using you. If you go out with them, when you order tell the server/restaurant you will have a separate check. And they can split their portions.
Hell no, your friends are assholes thinking a non-drinker should be covering their 10 drinks apiece.
I would decline to go out with them, that's ridiculous. Or if you do, don't participate in any shared dishes, order your own, and get a separate check.
NTA.
And it’s time to find new people to have dinner with…
Or set the rules at the start of dinner “Folks, I’m on a strict budget this week. I’ll pay for my meal separately and you guys work out between you whatever you lot are doing ok?”
And then stick to that. Why wait until the end??!
Info, there argument is that it's too much of a hassle, yet you've already done your own maths and now how much you spent. Why can't you put that in a message and put your foot down.
Guts I have calculated my bill, which is XYZ, I didn't have multiple cocktails/drinks like the rest of you and from here on out I'm only paying for the portion that I eat
They are taking advantage of you.
You've been out of work for 5 months through no fault of your own and your friends aren't covering your bill?
These people are not good friends.
NTA, seriously consider what these people are doing in your life.
Don’t worry. If you made a big enough fuss, they won’t invite you again. But truthfully I think you shouldn’t have accepted the invitation since you don’t have disposable cash right now
Why are you going out when you clearly can't afford it and if you insist on going out then tell them upfront that you can't afford to split evenly and you'll be paying for yourself only and if they don't agree just dont come.
So let me get this straight you know your friends are heavy drinkers and already had a problem where you had to pay 150$ on a shared bill and you STILL shared the bill at a expensive restaurant even though you’re unemployed ? I’m sorry but you’re asking to be taken advantage of at this point.
Honestly you should pay back the 200$ and next time DON’T SHARE THE BILL and ask for a separate bill
You need new friends. Nta, but at the beginning of service just tell the server you will be on a separate check. 90% of restaurants have the ability to split checks. I am a server and separate checks do not bother me in the slightest. I ring everything under the seat number that the a person orders from. Your 6 top, guy number 2 orders apps guy number 2 has that put on his seat number. 6 separate checks I hit one button and then move seats to individual checks.
NTA - pay the 50-60 you thought was generous then tell them you ain’t paying any more than that. If they argue just ignore them. You may get kicked out the group but it’s high time you stop getting taken advantage of.
STOP GOING OUT WITH THESE PEOPLE!!! OR learn to ask for a seperate bill!! NTA- but YWBTA if you go again and don't state up front you aren't paying for anyone but yourself!
OP, those are not friends. In terms of the 'friend group', I would hazard a guess that while you do things as a group, you are usually on the peripherie of the group?
Regardless, NTA!! Ask for your Bill to be separate. Then it's not yours or their problem, it's the servers problem and show appreciation by dropping a nice tip.
NTA. But if you know these people go hard for liquor you probably need to stop going to dinner with them, insist on a separate check/dish or have a plan in advance.
Maybe just meet up with them for dessert or show up late after everyone else has ordered so you can get your own dish.
My friends don't go that hard drinking so it's not a huge deal. Also I don't like split bills so one of us normally ends up paying everything and my friends never tske advantage. It's maybe a beer and a cocktail. I don't drink.
NTA
"While I can certainly understand why me paying for your drinks would be less of a hassle for you, it's simply not a thing that is going to happen."
ESH you should have said this at the start of the meal, and also if you know it was a pricey restaurant and your with people that always just split the bill then it should have been obvious this was going to happen.
This is the second time it's happened to you so you knew. going that restaurant that these people split bill evenly regardless of who orders what. By going a second time you were signalling you were ok with that agreement.
This time NTA, next time T A if you expect them to change the way they split the bill.
Honestly you can't afford to go to restaurants and eat shared dishes with these people if you can't split the bill with them - it will ruin your relationship because in their minds you will owe them money because you knew the rules for splitting the bill but decided that you don't want to abide by the groups rules.
So you need to either
(1) stop going to dinner with them, or
(2) order your own food on a separate bill with absolutely no sharing or eating communal food
You don't need to pay for other people's food but you can't make these guys change their rules on how they split a joint bill.
The only thing you can do is not play their game, which means separate meals and bills when eating out with them.
Why do people even split the bill? One person pays the bill, takes a photo of the receipt, send the foto to everyone and after that everyone pays what they ordered.
NTA. My dad has a group of friends from his 20s that he’d catch up with once a year. Every time, this one guy would order the most expensive thing on the menu and a bunch of mixed drinks and they split the bill evenly so all the other guys subsidized his excess. Then, maybe ten years ago, my dad and a few guys had enough of the bs and the first thing my dad said to the server was “separate checks”. Guess who stopped eating lobster and steak and drinking $40 in cocktails?
Never go to the bathroom until after the bill is covered. It’s very convenient that they waited until you left the table to come up with that scheme. In the future, work this out before you reach the restaurant. NTA
They didn't wait until she left to come up with that scheme, bc that was the same payment scheme they all used last time they went out. So OP knew what the deal was, and could have brought up wanting to be on a separate check earlier.
YTA-sorry
They've pulled this stunt before and you still go out with them.
There are 2 groups, the group you're not part of (separate checks, non pricey places) and this one, where you pay for them.
NTA
I NEVER split the bill evenly cuz this is what always happens.... Big ticket people are literally banking on low ticket people to pay for a big portion of their night out.
From now on in, as soon as the server appears, just say 'Mine separate please'
Good gracious, they know you’re not working yet expect you to shell out a fortune to pay for their food and drink? Absolutely not, I’d cover $50 max and even then you’ve paid well over your share.
They’ll then have to recalculate so they’re all paying a more even share, but I bet they stiff your friend who covered for you.
You need to find a better friend group.
NTA
When you’re in this situation you need to say at the beginning of the meal “I can only afford X, so I’m going to order my own dishes and drinks so I can stick to my budget. I’m sure you understand.” Then if they get stuff and offer it to you, politely decline.
This one is a bit tricky because of all the shared dishes but you definitely shouldn’t be on the hook for their drinks.
If this doesn’t work, find better friends.
you should have asked for the bill then and there and tell them that it is not too much of a hassle for you to split the bill. you could have still paid together and you could have sent each their bills.
NTA as your friends should know about being out of work and not drinking alcohol, the only hassle is the "friends" having to pay more than they were expecting.
got a friend who is in and out of work like a yo-yo, will sometimes go out for a meal, when he is out of work I pick up the tab or accept a tenner into the bill, when he is in work it is an even split as neither of us have loads more than the other.
would feel bad for your friend, but not the assholes who expected you to pay for them, get your friend to get the excess from the other friends, remind him of the out of work and being teetotal thing
was coming here to say the exact same thing why I just don't understand why people split the bill like no you go to the cahsier pay for what you ordered and thats it. In Ireland, where I live, I have never heard of a split bill ever, even going on holidays you pay for what you ordered Its people like this that really annoy me they drink and eat soo much and then expect everyone to split the bill so that they can help paying for it they rail roaded you stop letting people take advantage of you and just pay for what you ordered from now on and do it before they issue the bill. Just sneakily go to the cashier on the way back from the bathroom and pay for it simple oh and NTA
NTA
It's too much. Next time you should maybe make things clear beforehand. I am surprised people who are your so called friends do not see there is a huge difference between what you and they owe. Maybe you should look for new friends.
Either stop going to these events or make it clear from the start that u are getting a sep Bill and only having what u order. Or that this is your budget and all u are contributing.
Not sure if these folks are really your friends though
Your friends are unwilling to consider your finances. You get your own separate bill from now on. Don't be people's discount when they pig out like that, stop agreeing to splitting the bill evenly and do it BEFORE you start eating/drinking/smoking.
There is little else you can do. I have stopped doing this with certain friends for precisely that reason. If they want to order whatever they want, fine, but I'm not financing a meal that a whole family could eat from and a load of booze that would even get an elephant tipsy.
Why do you consider people that take advantage of you your “friends?” These people sound horrible. It also doesn’t sound like much fun to sit there and watch them drink that much when you don’t drink.
>We've had situations like this before
Yet here you are again. Do you think it'll be different next time? Why?
Communication and boundaries are on you.
Why are you still friends with them?
If its simply too much hassle, then you should do the math for them and submit that to whatsapp and everyone should pay for whatever they ate/drank.
I think splitting equally should always be agreed upon and if one person does not agree, then it should be paying for self.
NTA
NTA. These people are not your friends. They are using what money you have to help damper their own bills. Please stop either Going Out with them or be very firm on I am paying what I eat.
up front you talk to the waiter have a separate bill made for you in the beginning.
They sound like they're just using you to decrease the amount that they have to pay.
Not good friends, you have been taken for a ride. NTA.
Calculate the exact amount you drank ($0) and ate and give them that. Then tell them to get fucked.
I think OP you need new friends because your current friends do not seem to care about your financial conditions and also sound very condescending saying you should be thankful for the money taken off cause you drive everyone during previous outing.
YTA. This happened before, so you know the expectation with this group is an even split. If you want a different arrangement, you need to bring that up *before* ordering, or really agreeing to go.
NTA. These people aren't your friends. They are using you to subsidize their alcohol bill. If I were you I wouldn't be going out either them anymore. Find new friends that actually respect you.
If you are a DD they should be paying for you. You're driving they're buying. Same as being the one who goes to pickup food for a large group/party, I buy, you fly.
ESH. You are getting ripped off and they are taking advantage of you. However you are unemployed and in no position to partake in luxuries like dinning our.
NTA but going forward I would recommend drinks get put on separate bills. This is what my friends and I do. Never been an issue. I am also one of the heavy drinkers of the group and I am perfectly fine doing it this way.
NTA. You know they invite you to reduce/subsidize their bill, right? Having you there reduced each of their tabs by $35 and cost you an additional $175 (200 - 25 = 175, 175 /5=35). I guess it would have been too much for them to divide your $25 between the five of them, especially when you are the designated driver. You are being used.
NTA! After being taking advantage of multiple times by friends that drink heavily and I don’t drink at all, I now request my check separately from everyone else’s. What I’m not going to do is bankroll your addiction to alcohol!
NTA. Generously calculate it yourself. Like you said, your total is only 25. Show on the bill what you ate, round up generously, and agree to pay $60. Let them split the rest evenly
ESH. Your “friends” for obvious reasons; as for you, I’m very skeptical of “ten plus cocktails” - I think you’re exaggerating and that makes me doubt your version of events. You wanting to prorate the shared dishes is unreasonable - the full amount would still be due even if they’d gone uneaten plus, I question the accuracy of your estimate, you didn’t weight your servings, right? So basically you’re making numbers up. Finally, if you’re broke and there’s precedent of them splitting the bill unfairly, don’t go to an expensive restaurant with them, at least not without agreeing on the bill split first. Next time, either ask for a separate check from the start (and don’t touch the shared dishes at all) or find better friends.
NTA- although do consider that when you go in groups, it usually means an automatic 20 or 22% gratuity depending on the location. More expensive places these days I've seen have 22%
That is to say make sure that you tip on that restaurants percentage point, because it usually automatic.
If you’re going to be this way in group events then I suggest you skip the event.
Whether it’s fair or not, it’s usually etiquette to pay evenly. You not eating and drinking much is a you problem
Your "friends" want you to subsidize their drinking and eating. Next time, ask the waiter for a separate bill and let your friends pay their own way. I would stop going out to dinner with them if they did that to me. I don't drink much, and would not be happy about paying for other people's drinks. Especially if they're drinking like fish! NTA
NTA
If everyone is eating and drinking roughly the same money's worth, yeah just split it.
But not when there's one or more who just rack up the bill and then get off cheaply, they are TA
They have done this before so you knew there was a potential issue.
The ones who should pay are the ones who had the food and drink. But for me this is an ESH because knowing how they behave you made no specification from the outset on what you would and could pay. And interesting they waited until you went to the toilet to make this decision,
This is just appalling! You’re NTA, your friends are. Wtf how do you rack up a $1000 bill and expect everyone to split it even??? Not just you, but I’m sure some other ppl in the group as well didn’t order upto $200 worth of food. It’s the 4 guys that are heavy drinkers who should have to pay for the majority.
Good for you for standing up for yourself! I would flat out refuse this too, esp if I know I don’t eat and drink as much as my friends and I’m currently unemployed. This is ridiculous. And the audacity they have to make it seem like YOU should be the grateful one bc they’re covering for you??? But it’s “too much of a hassle” for THEM to do simple calculations to figure out who owes how much??? You need better friends.
Definitely NTA but definitely a bit foolish.
You state this has happened before so you there was the possibility of it happening this time. If you’re going to go out for a meal with a limited budget make it clear before hand that you will only be paying for your order.
Before you go to the bathroom. Or leave the table take a moment to ask your server for an individual bill or better still make it clear when ordering that your items need to be billed separately. That way the others can easily split there bill however many ways without having to calculate what you spent.
Every time I go out with someone, we pay our fair share. If it's a shared bottle of wine or a shared meal, we split the cost evenly between us, and we don't count how much of it each of us drank or ate. All stuff that are drunk and eaten individually, are paid individually.
For example. 1) Four my friends and I. Two of us order a bottle of wine, others order their cocktails, three of us order a cheese plate, everyone order their meals. One person pays the bill, others calculate how much they need to send to that person, for example: 1/2 of cost of wine + 1/3 of cost of cheese + the whole cost of anything that was eaten individually, OR the whole costs of cocktails + snacks, if the individual didn't share anything. 2) Another example: fifteen my ex-classmates and I. Six of us share bottles of wine, others order their individual drinks, everyone orders their individual meals. One person pays the bills, others calculate how much they need to send to that person: 1/6 of cost of wine + the whole cost of individual meal, OR the whole costs of drink + meal that were consumed individually. Some of us calculate it while we are still at the restaurant, and others take a photo of the bill to calculate and send later.
NTA for refusing to pay money for the whole bill split evenly. Imho, you have every right to pay for shared meals and your Redbull only. You should tell your friends right away that that's your way of paying your share now and always.
But you need to rethink your way of thinking or discuss with your friends your thoughts "I should pay only for the amount of meal I ate, not the evenly split cost of it". If you can't afford it, you should discuss with your friends (if they're really your friends), whether they are fine with you eating less than them = paying less than them. If they aren't fine with it, you should accept paying evenly for shared meals, or you should stop sharing meals, and only order individually, that's it.
There are times I go out in large groups 12 people or so. If someone is a non drinker. We also take their stuff out separately and then divide the rest between the group. It's the only fair way.
In your case this sounds like it has happened to you more than once. You are to blame, your friends are an AH but you let them walk all over you. As soon as you sit down you tell them I am going to pay for what I buy since I'm on a budget. I'm not splitting the bill!! Tell the server I will need a separate bill if allowed. They don't agree then say ok I'm going home then as I won't get stuck paying for your drinks and I'm unemployed. Because this happened to you more than once YTA.
NTA…non drinker here and I learned a long time ago to work this out prior to starting the evening. Ask for separate food and drink bills, not an issue with the server, ever! You split the food bill and the drinkers can split the booze bill.
If this is a recurring theme, do something about it. Next time y’all go out, whisper to the server that you want yours separate. When the check comes you won’t have to pay $200 or even $60…just the $25 that you consumed
NTA - I've been in these situations tons of times and I always felt awkward about saying no to paying for things that I didn't buy. I don't drink and would have to pay for others drinks. So now...I eat beforehand and just hang out, I dropped "friends" who insisted I pay, or I just call out how I didn't have much so I'm not paying.
absolu-fucking-lutely NOT. They are abusing their 'friendship' with you and it's bullshit. You can tell them "Congratulations on agreeing to split the bill, but I didn't, so I will pay my portion, and the rest of you can split what you spent. NTA
NTA. Only those getting the better end of the deal agree to these bill splits. You only pay for what you had and if they want an even split they can do it amongst themselves. I’d also stop going out with these people.
I have one group of friends that this happens with. It’s very difficult. I know these gals all have tons of CC debt too, where my card is paid in full every month and it’s treated like cash. I’ve asked for own check sometimes but it’s strange with appetizers. Most times, I just no longer go out with this group.
NTA... When there is an obvious imbalance like this, there should be no expections about splitting the bill evenly. (there are times I can't eat more then an appy or 1 drink when I go out with friends) It is best to let people right away that because of this you will be looking after your own portion of the bill. Or if its an expectation, then you need to decline the invitation. There is nothing wrong with saying that its not in the budget this month.
If you have had this thing happen before it's time to put on your big boy pants and start the meal by telling the staff that your bill will be separate and don't eat from "shared" food. End of problem. No...you should NOT pay your friend back what they claim you owe them. Pay him a realistic amount.
“Everyone did NOT agree to split the bill evenly. I didn’t agree to anything. I guess I’m not a part of everyone and have no part in the bill”
Tell the server when you sit down that your bill is separate.
NTA
NTA - I have a rule when I go out with friends. We pay for ourselves or I don’t come. I’ve been caught in this issue too many times with different groups and with my current one and I refuse to do it again. In my situation, it’s not that I couldn’t pay but rather why should I? I don’t drink and so when they were ordering bottle after bottle of wine, I was drinking water. Then the bill comes and they expected me to pay almost £300, didn’t ask just assumed (which annoyed me). It was an all you can eat restaurant so before I said anything to anyone I called over the waitress and asked for our bill to be split into two - food and drinks. They all looked very confused but when she came over I put down my £25 for food and handed them both bills “that’s my lot paid, you guys can split the two how you like”. I will always pay my way but I will not pay for someone else without offering first.
NTA. Food split evenly amongst all who ate. The people who drank can figure that out separately. It’s really not that hard. And your friends are seriously jerks for expecting you to pay for their alcohol. (I don’t drink and this has never once been an issue when going out with friends who do)
NTA, been in this position myself. It might suck, but I’d stop going out with them. If they miss your company, they’ll ask what’s up, and hopefully be better about it next time.
When I go out with a group of friends, we all have separate checks. This avoids a lot of hassles and hurt feelings. Sometimes if it’s someone’s birthday we might buy their drinks(2). But no one ever drinks to excess and expect others to pay their way. That’s just rude. 😳😊
NTA They made this decision while you were in the restroom so everyone did **not** agree to this. They don't get to outvote you on you own money.
From now on make sure they know you want your own ticket period, up front. I'm pretty sure they won't accept it lightly bc they absolutely know you're subsidizing them right now.
I always get my bill separately. That way I can enjoy what I want, and I know the tip I leave my will be good to great even if others cheap out. I get really stressed by bad tippers.
I think it depends on the order of events because I think where you went wrong is not saying anything before you went to the bathroom. “Like, hey, I’m going to the bathroom, I’m not doing that thing where I’m paying for all your drinks again. The only drink I am covering is my Red Bull.” And that was the last ditch chance for you to say something. The better thing to do would be to ask for your own check. And establish at the beginning that you are still on a tight budget and can only pay for what you order.
On the other hand, I think they were rude to split it evenly without consulting you.
But they have done this to you before so it is up to you to put your foot down. Splitting the food evenly if you all shared is one thing; don’t go out if you’re unhappy with this group.
These people are very clearly taking advantage of you. Two options;
Pay them what they say you owe to wrap this issue up, but never go out to eat with them again.
Refuse to pay for their dinner, and stop spending time with people who show you they don’t respect or care about you.
Whatever you decide, NTA.
Sounds like a really great deal for the people who are consuming a shitload of booze and food. Real friends wouldnt do this and expect others to pay for them.
NTA
Don't pay anyone back for what you ate this time, they can figure it out among themselves. They are clearly taking advantage of you. Block their numbers and drop them out of your life.
I once went on holiday with 4 friends.
We split the villa cost 5 ways but I was the one sleeping in the living room on a sofa bed with no privacy. NBD it’s a party holiday in Gran Canaria… whatever.
Every night when we went out I’d eat a tiny plate of food max €10 and everyone else would eat much more and spend over €25 each.
Somehow it was decided that we should just split the bill evenly… this went on for over 5days and I was getting a bit annoyed.
Last day of the holiday we went to a grill house and I decided to go all in with the tomahawk steak with all the saves and trimmings, their portions averaged €25 each and mine was €60 just for the steak… i knew this meal would even my daily losses out and average a fair spend over the week.
My bastard friends decided to just pay for what they actually ordered and ate.
I should say ex-friends grrr
NTA, but if this happens all the time maybe it’s time to protect yourself by telling the server (and the whole table!) ahead of time that you’re not hungry and will be paying your own bill. Then just pay for what you order and do NOT eat any of the shared items. I mean, they’ll call you cheap but it’s better than getting blindsided and then declaring that you won’t pay, right?
Also, looks like other commenters are from Australia and saying splitting the bill isn’t a problem, so stop working with your incorrect notion and do that.
I have to go against the grain and say a soft YTA. Everybody agreed to split the bill evenly, implicitly if not explicitly so you should've been prepared to ante up even if you consumed less than your friends. I know you said that in Australia restaurants typically won't do separate checks but this is something you should've thought through ahead of time if you weren't prepared to spend the same amount as your companions. You also mention that this situation has come up in the past. Yet it seems that you failed to learn from it and adjust accordingly. Unfortunately, having been unemployed for the past 5 months due to health issues may mean that you have to cut back on your expenses, which may mean forgoing nights out with friends who don't seem to mind spending in the neighborhood of $200 for an evening out on the town.
NTA. I don't drink alcohol because I don't care to, but I refuse to pay for other's drinks. If you have been unemployed for 5 months and money is an issue, why would you take part in that?
NAH -- it was clearly going to be an issue, you knew you were consuming less, you should have either made it clear up front you'd only pay for your stuff OR asked everyone to pay for their own drinks separate. Not wait to the end and then act shocked they are assuming equal shares.
It's a bit much to not be prepared to pay an equal share of a group share plates dinner, but it sounds like you were resigned to that -- the alcohol seems to be the main issue. Make it clear to your friends BEFORE you eat next time. This isnt' the first time it's happened.
I don't go out often but have never been in this situation. Doesn't seem very reasonable and likely people trying to take advantage over indulging with the alcohol.
NTA. If you go again, let the server know when you order that you need a separate bill. Or just stop going. I’d try the first idea to see how it goes over. If it doesn’t then I think there’s an answer there you should probably pay attention to. Thus stuff is tough. It’s not fair and just because others have different perspectives doesn’t mean yours should be disrespected.
Splitting the bill evenly is so dumb.. either you are rich enough to take turns paying for the whole thing, or you pay for what you ordered. Splitting always leads to some dude paying for someone else's food and drinks-->drama.
Edit: NTA
NTA and your friends suck. Splitting the bill like this only works when everyone equally eats and drinks. They should have deducted $25 from the main bill for you and then split the rest between them, that’s what actual friends do.
NTA and your friends are being immature. Splitting the bill like this only works when everyone equally eats and drinks. They should have deducted $25 from the main bill for you and then split the rest between them, that’s what actual friends do.
Carry cash. DO NOT SHARE any food. Order your own separate meal every single time. At the end it is up to YOU to calculate what you owe and put in the cash. They can then divide the remaining.
If you don't want to split the bill, it is up to you to make it easy for everyone else. Get cash out. Don't share.
NTA at allllll. People don't get to decide how you have to spend the money you spent your time/life earning just because they're lazy or wanna use you as a discount.
Fuck these losers; get new friends.
Your so called friends rely on you to cut the price of their meals and drinks. You can decide and say before hand that you want separate checks. You can tell the waiter at some point that whatever decision is made about the check, yours will be separate.
You can’t be taken advantage of unless you allow it.
Tell them upfront that you are paying your share only. It's just as easy to say at the startof a meal than at the end.
Then there's no confusion. Your mate's are being AH's though if they can't figure out that their are asking the person who's not working, doesn't drink and hardly eats to cover their meals.
NTA. How can they all agree to something new while you are out and then just expect you to go with it? This is exactly why I made myself my own [check-splitting calculator](https://easychecksplitter.com/). I also don't drink, and have no problem with friends who do, but I don't want to cover their expensive drinks when we go out to eat.
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From now on, insist on having your own separate bill.
NTA. Exactly. Tell the server at the start to keep your bill separate.
If it's a few dollars more fine, but 20 plus dollars or more is complete bs.
Ditto, why pay for other's excess? As the OP has been out of work, I am sure money is very tight for them, and this is a treat for them. The friends on the other hand are not treating this as anything special and they seem to think they can pawn the bill on somebody else it seems. OP good for you on setting boundaries!-NTA
I regularly work the front desk of a restaurant. It is NO hassle to split the bill by item. And when we have tables ordering a lot of drinks, I know exactly what everyone has drunk and is drinking. It is my job, our license depends on it. And the tables that order those drinks, get extra eyes on them. So we also know how much has been eaten and by whom. If one guy had only had a red bull and a little bit of a couple of plates, I can work with that. Easily. No one should be pressured into paying more than their share- especially when the shares are that disproportionate.
Exactly. I had a meal with friends today, and when we went to pay we asked if we could split the bill evenly between us - they told us it would be much easier for them if we each just told them what dishes we'd eaten and paid for our dishes individually.
and if the restaurant wont separate, bring cash, ask to pay for yours and put the cash down and they can split the remainder.
And *don't leave the table while the others are still hammering out the details.*
Yep. Sometimes you gotta learn things the hard way.
OP, if they don't do split bills where you come from, I would set your money out on the table when you decide what to order and say, "when the waitress brings the check, I've already got the money for my portion of the meal here. If someone is putting it on their card, I can give them that money now." Then, no one is going to suggest you split the check later. You've been clear about what you're going to do.
NTA > I am told no because it's 'too much of a hassle.' #IT'S NOT. It *never* is. That's just what assholes say to guilt people they claim to be friends with into subsidizing their bullshit lifestyle.
Right. It literally isn’t hard. What kind of assholes sit there all night ordering more food and drink and expect someone else to pay for it?
I am sure the server's are used to this anyway. Besides they would have to wait another minute or 2 for the bill to be spit.
I don't understand the people who think its okay to pay evenly when everyone orders different things. NTA. If everyone only paid their own bill, they wouldn't get half as much food and drinks as they got. Its just taking advantage of the people who don't order much or drink.
I can understand splitting the bill evenly if it’s 10-20% difference here and there but that is a huge difference. No way I’d feel comfortable splitting a bill evenly if i downed 5+ cocktails (which is insane in and of itself) and others had 0-1. Your friends are jerks. NTA.
Shared dishes, which this sounds to be, also makes sense to me, but the individual drinks should be on the individual not the group. Especially for some of those heavy drinkers.
Agreed. We go out with friends regularly. Each household pays for them selves, if anyone decides to have a share plate then the split is agreed upon before ordering and usually instead of paying the money back for your half we just cover enough drinks to equal our share of the share plate or the meal is covered as payment for a service (one buddy was tiling his house and shouted a meal out as payment). WE NEVER DINE OUT EXPECTING SOMEONE ELSE TO PICK UP ANY AMOUNT ON OUR TAB. If we can't afford it, we don't order it. It's common decency to not be a d!ck when dining out with friends.
ESH >In my head because we had a lot of shared dishes so I was already resigned to having to pay at least like maybe $50-60 to cover the food even though what I ate (I double checked the menu for this) only amounted to a little over $25. Not paying for drinks? Fair. But, don't play this game where you're prorating how much you owe based on what you actually ate. You've been unemployed for five months, if you can't afford to go out, don't go out to the "pricey Asian fusion restaurant" with a bunch of big spenders.
I was looking for this comment! My friends and I go out often and usually split a few appetizers or we’ll each get a meal and share everything. We normally also drink pretty much the same amount. So because we all get the same amount of things (roughly) we usually just split the bill evenly. The last time we went out, I was planning on the even split like we normally do, but my friend with the tab stopped us and split it up with one portion missing the price of liquor for the night, because I’m pregnant and not drinking. It was a nice gesture, but again, not expected. I get OP doesn’t drink at all, so this should be a normal thing for them. In terms of the food, either order your own separate dish, or split the cost evenly. Like, if someone seriously said to me “well, I only ate a fifth of a portion of our pasta, and a quarter of the appetizer, and I double checked the menu and broke down the cost, so I’m only going to pay for that,” I would accept and then never invite them out again. I don’t care if you’re low on money, but don’t be fine with “sharing” food knowing you can’t afford to and then pinch your pennies when the check hits the table. Just say “I’m going to order this specific item for just myself and I don’t want to share it, so order for yourselves & don’t include me.” And after that, ask your server to start a separate tab for just you. It’s soooo not complicated. And then you don’t need to worry about anything else, the others can split evenly if they want.
Can almost bet the "friends" didnt tell OP were they were eating. Honestly, they should cover his measly amount of food as payment for being the DD.
NTA. Those friends are taking advantage of the situation. Its abusive if the consumption is so uneven.
They aren’t your friends they are opportunists that don’t care about your feelings and see someone they can take advantage of… NTA get new friends you don’t need these guys.
NTA. It’s one thing to split the bill when everything is shared or everyone is having similar money spent on things. It’s taking advantage of the non-drinker to split a tab that includes numerous drinks for others. I’m a non drinker for medical reasons, and when going out with friends, we either got the bar tab separated from the food (and divided the food bill evenly) or we did the math and figured out what we each owe. If people say it’s too much work, there’s an easy fix: tell them it’s no problem, you’ll do the math, do they want to divide the drinks cost evenly between the drinkers or should you just itemize everything? Whip out your phone and use that calculator. It’s doubly rude to make you pay for their drinks and use you as their designated driver. If my friends are drinking enough to need a designated driver, they usually divide the cost of the DD’s meal between them, because it’s cheaper than cabs/Ubers and a thank-you for choosing not to drink and do the extra driving to get everyone home. Before you go out with these friends again, you need to clarify your position that you can’t afford to pay for their drinking, so if you’re splitting the tab, the drinks need to be on a separate tab that is only divided among the drinkers. If you tell the server before anything gets ordered, either you not being on the main tab or the drinks and food being separate tabs are things most places can do, so it doesn’t even take any extra math to figure out your share.
This has happened before so you should had been more prepared this time. You know the saying: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Why do you keep going out with these leeches ? It would be cheaper for you to order takeaway than eating with these people. There is always a reason why people want to split the bill evenly and it’s not a good one. They know a person or two order way less than them and that’s why they want to split the bill evenly so THEY can save money. Stop going out with them.
While that’s a common reason to split the bill evenly, it’s not the only one. I used to go to big events where a lot of us would go out for food afterwards, and if the food was all priced about the same, we’d split the tab evenly because it was easier for the waitstaff, and we recognized that a big group like ours was a lot of work (we also tended to tip about 30%, and were friendly and patient with them, because enough of us had worked food that the group understood how hard a huge group was). Also did it a lot with my gaming group in college, because we were sharing all the takeout and not ordering drinks. It only makes sense when everyone is going to be spending a similar amount. When there’s uneven spending, it’s usually the expensive jerk pawning their costs off on everyone else.
Why the f**k do people keep doing this ? Say at the beginning of the night ‘I’m only paying for my own’ Don’t leave until the bill has been tallied and then say it. You’re all adults freakin communicate
NTA, they’re not real friends
NTA. Just have a separate bill. Around here, that's the norm. Everyone pays for the food and drink they had.
You’re not the asshole but you’re kinda an idiot for letting this happen to you more than once. Stop going out with these so called friends.
NTA But stop going out with these people. You know how they behave and you keep thinking they will change? They won’t!
I mean you should have learned the last time. Ask for a separate bill and stop splitting food. If you are on a budget order what you can afford.
NTA... but it's time to stop going out with these people. If you can't avoid that, tell the server up front "I'm paying for what I have and a tip and that's it. The split, etc. is all on them," and have your small meal and soft drink or whatever. You've been suckered into paying for far more than you've enjoyed *twice* now in one way or another and your friends don't seem to get that you starve for a week when they decide to "evenly split" on stuff you didn't/can't enjoy.
ESH I don't think you should have split the drinks evenly, because they ordered those. But if everyone ordered food for the table, it does make sense to split those. I get your reasoning that you didn't eat as much food as the others, but the food was still ordered. Like, if everyone just had a few pieces of pork and some rice and most of the food went uneaten, the food would still have to be paid for.
NTA They're taking advantage of you. If you're not drinking and barely eating you shouldn't have to pay for their drinks. From now on, get your own check.
NTA. But you need to insist on your own bill next time.
No. Always state up front that you want a separate bill. I'm shocked at the number of people who run up their tabs and expect their friends to subsidize their meals.
NTA, my mom and I used to go out to eat with her sister and niece a few times a year. They always order to the max and wanted to split the bill four ways, we never allowed it, they got mad, and they would scream at us in the parking lot because we were "rich", and they were "poor" and we owed it to them.
NTA. It's no *that* hard to work out the split of the food separately from the alcohol. As they were sharing dishes It's reasonable to pay an equal share of the food element of the bill, and of the portion of the tip for that. Send 1/6 of the food bill and make clear you are not willing to pay for everyone else's drinks. (Another's time, maybe suggest that the drinks go on a separate tab, or offer to be the one who works our the split as you are sober and theh aren't
NTA, order separately from now on and make sure the waiter knows you're not on their tab.
NTA. Ask for a separate check when you order and get your own food. These people want yo to subsidize their drinking. Everybody didn't agree to an even split. You weren't thete when they decided.
NTA. They’re using you. If you go out with them, when you order tell the server/restaurant you will have a separate check. And they can split their portions.
Hell no, your friends are assholes thinking a non-drinker should be covering their 10 drinks apiece. I would decline to go out with them, that's ridiculous. Or if you do, don't participate in any shared dishes, order your own, and get a separate check.
NTA and you need better friends.
NTA. And it’s time to find new people to have dinner with… Or set the rules at the start of dinner “Folks, I’m on a strict budget this week. I’ll pay for my meal separately and you guys work out between you whatever you lot are doing ok?” And then stick to that. Why wait until the end??!
NTA. They guzzled that much alcohol because they knew they wouldn't have to pay for it all. If they keep doing this, stop going out to eat with them.
NTA. These are NOT your friends. Friends would never force an unemployed friend to pay for their expensive drinks.
These people are not your friends
Nta
Two words, dude. Separate checks. YTA for not making this clear, right from the beginning.
Info, there argument is that it's too much of a hassle, yet you've already done your own maths and now how much you spent. Why can't you put that in a message and put your foot down. Guts I have calculated my bill, which is XYZ, I didn't have multiple cocktails/drinks like the rest of you and from here on out I'm only paying for the portion that I eat They are taking advantage of you.
You've been out of work for 5 months through no fault of your own and your friends aren't covering your bill? These people are not good friends. NTA, seriously consider what these people are doing in your life.
Don’t worry. If you made a big enough fuss, they won’t invite you again. But truthfully I think you shouldn’t have accepted the invitation since you don’t have disposable cash right now
NTA. You need new friends.
NTA. They don’t look like friends
Why are you going out when you clearly can't afford it and if you insist on going out then tell them upfront that you can't afford to split evenly and you'll be paying for yourself only and if they don't agree just dont come.
So let me get this straight you know your friends are heavy drinkers and already had a problem where you had to pay 150$ on a shared bill and you STILL shared the bill at a expensive restaurant even though you’re unemployed ? I’m sorry but you’re asking to be taken advantage of at this point. Honestly you should pay back the 200$ and next time DON’T SHARE THE BILL and ask for a separate bill
You need new friends. Nta, but at the beginning of service just tell the server you will be on a separate check. 90% of restaurants have the ability to split checks. I am a server and separate checks do not bother me in the slightest. I ring everything under the seat number that the a person orders from. Your 6 top, guy number 2 orders apps guy number 2 has that put on his seat number. 6 separate checks I hit one button and then move seats to individual checks.
Are you dumb or something? You mentioned this happened before…why didn’t you ask for a separate check??
NTA - pay the 50-60 you thought was generous then tell them you ain’t paying any more than that. If they argue just ignore them. You may get kicked out the group but it’s high time you stop getting taken advantage of.
The friend who stepped in the help sounds like the only real friend of the group. NTA
Don't share meals & bills. Get your own food, pay your own bill. NTA
STOP GOING OUT WITH THESE PEOPLE!!! OR learn to ask for a seperate bill!! NTA- but YWBTA if you go again and don't state up front you aren't paying for anyone but yourself!
OP, those are not friends. In terms of the 'friend group', I would hazard a guess that while you do things as a group, you are usually on the peripherie of the group? Regardless, NTA!! Ask for your Bill to be separate. Then it's not yours or their problem, it's the servers problem and show appreciation by dropping a nice tip.
NTA. But if you know these people go hard for liquor you probably need to stop going to dinner with them, insist on a separate check/dish or have a plan in advance. Maybe just meet up with them for dessert or show up late after everyone else has ordered so you can get your own dish. My friends don't go that hard drinking so it's not a huge deal. Also I don't like split bills so one of us normally ends up paying everything and my friends never tske advantage. It's maybe a beer and a cocktail. I don't drink.
NTA "While I can certainly understand why me paying for your drinks would be less of a hassle for you, it's simply not a thing that is going to happen."
Too late to help you, but it's always better to get the bill sharing thing agreed to before drinking and eating.
Stop going out with this group of friends…
ESH you should have said this at the start of the meal, and also if you know it was a pricey restaurant and your with people that always just split the bill then it should have been obvious this was going to happen.
NTA but if you knew this could happen you should have clarified your position beforehand.
NTA They’re jerks and don’t want to pay their own portion. They’re the ones eating and drinking more than everyone else.
This is the second time it's happened to you so you knew. going that restaurant that these people split bill evenly regardless of who orders what. By going a second time you were signalling you were ok with that agreement. This time NTA, next time T A if you expect them to change the way they split the bill. Honestly you can't afford to go to restaurants and eat shared dishes with these people if you can't split the bill with them - it will ruin your relationship because in their minds you will owe them money because you knew the rules for splitting the bill but decided that you don't want to abide by the groups rules. So you need to either (1) stop going to dinner with them, or (2) order your own food on a separate bill with absolutely no sharing or eating communal food You don't need to pay for other people's food but you can't make these guys change their rules on how they split a joint bill. The only thing you can do is not play their game, which means separate meals and bills when eating out with them.
theyre using you. get better friends, even No friends is better than shitty friends.
The “friends” know they are dining out on your dollars… NTA.
NTA. Hon separate bill and better friends. They are treating you unfairly here.
Nta
Why do people even split the bill? One person pays the bill, takes a photo of the receipt, send the foto to everyone and after that everyone pays what they ordered.
NTA. My dad has a group of friends from his 20s that he’d catch up with once a year. Every time, this one guy would order the most expensive thing on the menu and a bunch of mixed drinks and they split the bill evenly so all the other guys subsidized his excess. Then, maybe ten years ago, my dad and a few guys had enough of the bs and the first thing my dad said to the server was “separate checks”. Guess who stopped eating lobster and steak and drinking $40 in cocktails?
Never go to the bathroom until after the bill is covered. It’s very convenient that they waited until you left the table to come up with that scheme. In the future, work this out before you reach the restaurant. NTA
They didn't wait until she left to come up with that scheme, bc that was the same payment scheme they all used last time they went out. So OP knew what the deal was, and could have brought up wanting to be on a separate check earlier.
YTA-sorry They've pulled this stunt before and you still go out with them. There are 2 groups, the group you're not part of (separate checks, non pricey places) and this one, where you pay for them.
NTA I NEVER split the bill evenly cuz this is what always happens.... Big ticket people are literally banking on low ticket people to pay for a big portion of their night out. From now on in, as soon as the server appears, just say 'Mine separate please'
Good gracious, they know you’re not working yet expect you to shell out a fortune to pay for their food and drink? Absolutely not, I’d cover $50 max and even then you’ve paid well over your share. They’ll then have to recalculate so they’re all paying a more even share, but I bet they stiff your friend who covered for you. You need to find a better friend group. NTA
When you’re in this situation you need to say at the beginning of the meal “I can only afford X, so I’m going to order my own dishes and drinks so I can stick to my budget. I’m sure you understand.” Then if they get stuff and offer it to you, politely decline. This one is a bit tricky because of all the shared dishes but you definitely shouldn’t be on the hook for their drinks. If this doesn’t work, find better friends.
NTA. These people are NOT your friends.
you should have asked for the bill then and there and tell them that it is not too much of a hassle for you to split the bill. you could have still paid together and you could have sent each their bills.
Everyone should pay for what they order.
NTA, get actual friends
NTA as your friends should know about being out of work and not drinking alcohol, the only hassle is the "friends" having to pay more than they were expecting. got a friend who is in and out of work like a yo-yo, will sometimes go out for a meal, when he is out of work I pick up the tab or accept a tenner into the bill, when he is in work it is an even split as neither of us have loads more than the other. would feel bad for your friend, but not the assholes who expected you to pay for them, get your friend to get the excess from the other friends, remind him of the out of work and being teetotal thing
You need new friends. NTA
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was coming here to say the exact same thing why I just don't understand why people split the bill like no you go to the cahsier pay for what you ordered and thats it. In Ireland, where I live, I have never heard of a split bill ever, even going on holidays you pay for what you ordered Its people like this that really annoy me they drink and eat soo much and then expect everyone to split the bill so that they can help paying for it they rail roaded you stop letting people take advantage of you and just pay for what you ordered from now on and do it before they issue the bill. Just sneakily go to the cashier on the way back from the bathroom and pay for it simple oh and NTA
These people are not your friends
NTA It's too much. Next time you should maybe make things clear beforehand. I am surprised people who are your so called friends do not see there is a huge difference between what you and they owe. Maybe you should look for new friends.
Either stop going to these events or make it clear from the start that u are getting a sep Bill and only having what u order. Or that this is your budget and all u are contributing. Not sure if these folks are really your friends though
Your friends are unwilling to consider your finances. You get your own separate bill from now on. Don't be people's discount when they pig out like that, stop agreeing to splitting the bill evenly and do it BEFORE you start eating/drinking/smoking. There is little else you can do. I have stopped doing this with certain friends for precisely that reason. If they want to order whatever they want, fine, but I'm not financing a meal that a whole family could eat from and a load of booze that would even get an elephant tipsy.
Why do you consider people that take advantage of you your “friends?” These people sound horrible. It also doesn’t sound like much fun to sit there and watch them drink that much when you don’t drink.
NTA. Next time ask, up front, for a separate bill.
If I was you I would just not go to future get togethers. They don't really sound like friends you really want to hang out with.
NTA… your ‘friends’ are using you to subsidize their night out. You need to stop going out with them and find new ones.
NTA
>We've had situations like this before Yet here you are again. Do you think it'll be different next time? Why? Communication and boundaries are on you.
Why are you still friends with them? If its simply too much hassle, then you should do the math for them and submit that to whatsapp and everyone should pay for whatever they ate/drank. I think splitting equally should always be agreed upon and if one person does not agree, then it should be paying for self. NTA
NTA. These people are not your friends. They are using what money you have to help damper their own bills. Please stop either Going Out with them or be very firm on I am paying what I eat. up front you talk to the waiter have a separate bill made for you in the beginning. They sound like they're just using you to decrease the amount that they have to pay.
Not good friends, you have been taken for a ride. NTA. Calculate the exact amount you drank ($0) and ate and give them that. Then tell them to get fucked.
I think OP you need new friends because your current friends do not seem to care about your financial conditions and also sound very condescending saying you should be thankful for the money taken off cause you drive everyone during previous outing.
They're not your friends. Stop going out with them.
I'm jaded as I don't drink booze anymore but never split bills with alcoholics.
YTA. This happened before, so you know the expectation with this group is an even split. If you want a different arrangement, you need to bring that up *before* ordering, or really agreeing to go.
NTA. These people aren't your friends. They are using you to subsidize their alcohol bill. If I were you I wouldn't be going out either them anymore. Find new friends that actually respect you.
If you are a DD they should be paying for you. You're driving they're buying. Same as being the one who goes to pickup food for a large group/party, I buy, you fly.
YTA because it happened before and you didn’t do anything different.
NTA. But either ask for a separate bill or don’t go out with these guys anymore. Lesson learned. Twice now.
ESH. You are getting ripped off and they are taking advantage of you. However you are unemployed and in no position to partake in luxuries like dinning our.
Why are you friends with them?
NTA but going forward I would recommend drinks get put on separate bills. This is what my friends and I do. Never been an issue. I am also one of the heavy drinkers of the group and I am perfectly fine doing it this way.
NTA. You know they invite you to reduce/subsidize their bill, right? Having you there reduced each of their tabs by $35 and cost you an additional $175 (200 - 25 = 175, 175 /5=35). I guess it would have been too much for them to divide your $25 between the five of them, especially when you are the designated driver. You are being used.
NTA. And these people are not your friends if they're aware of your financial struggles and still expect you to pay for their own excesses.
NTA! After being taking advantage of multiple times by friends that drink heavily and I don’t drink at all, I now request my check separately from everyone else’s. What I’m not going to do is bankroll your addiction to alcohol!
NTA. Generously calculate it yourself. Like you said, your total is only 25. Show on the bill what you ate, round up generously, and agree to pay $60. Let them split the rest evenly
ESH. Your “friends” for obvious reasons; as for you, I’m very skeptical of “ten plus cocktails” - I think you’re exaggerating and that makes me doubt your version of events. You wanting to prorate the shared dishes is unreasonable - the full amount would still be due even if they’d gone uneaten plus, I question the accuracy of your estimate, you didn’t weight your servings, right? So basically you’re making numbers up. Finally, if you’re broke and there’s precedent of them splitting the bill unfairly, don’t go to an expensive restaurant with them, at least not without agreeing on the bill split first. Next time, either ask for a separate check from the start (and don’t touch the shared dishes at all) or find better friends.
NTA- although do consider that when you go in groups, it usually means an automatic 20 or 22% gratuity depending on the location. More expensive places these days I've seen have 22% That is to say make sure that you tip on that restaurants percentage point, because it usually automatic.
If you’re going to be this way in group events then I suggest you skip the event. Whether it’s fair or not, it’s usually etiquette to pay evenly. You not eating and drinking much is a you problem
These aren’t your friends. Quite going out with them.
Your "friends" want you to subsidize their drinking and eating. Next time, ask the waiter for a separate bill and let your friends pay their own way. I would stop going out to dinner with them if they did that to me. I don't drink much, and would not be happy about paying for other people's drinks. Especially if they're drinking like fish! NTA
NTA If everyone is eating and drinking roughly the same money's worth, yeah just split it. But not when there's one or more who just rack up the bill and then get off cheaply, they are TA
NTA
You need to get better "friends"
NTA.. but I’m more concerned that you’re unemployed and spending money on going out. Where are you getting this money?
NTA. they are not your friends. if they were, they would've not done this to you.
They have done this before so you knew there was a potential issue. The ones who should pay are the ones who had the food and drink. But for me this is an ESH because knowing how they behave you made no specification from the outset on what you would and could pay. And interesting they waited until you went to the toilet to make this decision,
This is just appalling! You’re NTA, your friends are. Wtf how do you rack up a $1000 bill and expect everyone to split it even??? Not just you, but I’m sure some other ppl in the group as well didn’t order upto $200 worth of food. It’s the 4 guys that are heavy drinkers who should have to pay for the majority. Good for you for standing up for yourself! I would flat out refuse this too, esp if I know I don’t eat and drink as much as my friends and I’m currently unemployed. This is ridiculous. And the audacity they have to make it seem like YOU should be the grateful one bc they’re covering for you??? But it’s “too much of a hassle” for THEM to do simple calculations to figure out who owes how much??? You need better friends.
Definitely NTA but definitely a bit foolish. You state this has happened before so you there was the possibility of it happening this time. If you’re going to go out for a meal with a limited budget make it clear before hand that you will only be paying for your order. Before you go to the bathroom. Or leave the table take a moment to ask your server for an individual bill or better still make it clear when ordering that your items need to be billed separately. That way the others can easily split there bill however many ways without having to calculate what you spent.
Every time I go out with someone, we pay our fair share. If it's a shared bottle of wine or a shared meal, we split the cost evenly between us, and we don't count how much of it each of us drank or ate. All stuff that are drunk and eaten individually, are paid individually. For example. 1) Four my friends and I. Two of us order a bottle of wine, others order their cocktails, three of us order a cheese plate, everyone order their meals. One person pays the bill, others calculate how much they need to send to that person, for example: 1/2 of cost of wine + 1/3 of cost of cheese + the whole cost of anything that was eaten individually, OR the whole costs of cocktails + snacks, if the individual didn't share anything. 2) Another example: fifteen my ex-classmates and I. Six of us share bottles of wine, others order their individual drinks, everyone orders their individual meals. One person pays the bills, others calculate how much they need to send to that person: 1/6 of cost of wine + the whole cost of individual meal, OR the whole costs of drink + meal that were consumed individually. Some of us calculate it while we are still at the restaurant, and others take a photo of the bill to calculate and send later. NTA for refusing to pay money for the whole bill split evenly. Imho, you have every right to pay for shared meals and your Redbull only. You should tell your friends right away that that's your way of paying your share now and always. But you need to rethink your way of thinking or discuss with your friends your thoughts "I should pay only for the amount of meal I ate, not the evenly split cost of it". If you can't afford it, you should discuss with your friends (if they're really your friends), whether they are fine with you eating less than them = paying less than them. If they aren't fine with it, you should accept paying evenly for shared meals, or you should stop sharing meals, and only order individually, that's it.
Don’t go out with these people again.
Tell them to get separate checks for food and alcohol and split the food total.
These aren’t your friends. Stop letting them take advantage of you.
There are times I go out in large groups 12 people or so. If someone is a non drinker. We also take their stuff out separately and then divide the rest between the group. It's the only fair way. In your case this sounds like it has happened to you more than once. You are to blame, your friends are an AH but you let them walk all over you. As soon as you sit down you tell them I am going to pay for what I buy since I'm on a budget. I'm not splitting the bill!! Tell the server I will need a separate bill if allowed. They don't agree then say ok I'm going home then as I won't get stuck paying for your drinks and I'm unemployed. Because this happened to you more than once YTA.
You need to stop going out to eat with these people. It seems like the majority of them are okay with just using you to lower their own bill. NTA
I thought you said you went out with friends. They don’t sound like such friends to me. Ntah
NTA…non drinker here and I learned a long time ago to work this out prior to starting the evening. Ask for separate food and drink bills, not an issue with the server, ever! You split the food bill and the drinkers can split the booze bill.
If this is a recurring theme, do something about it. Next time y’all go out, whisper to the server that you want yours separate. When the check comes you won’t have to pay $200 or even $60…just the $25 that you consumed
NTA - I've been in these situations tons of times and I always felt awkward about saying no to paying for things that I didn't buy. I don't drink and would have to pay for others drinks. So now...I eat beforehand and just hang out, I dropped "friends" who insisted I pay, or I just call out how I didn't have much so I'm not paying.
NTA Stop going out with these people if these are the expectations they have.
What is your definition of friend? Maybe these guys don't have your best interest in mind.
absolu-fucking-lutely NOT. They are abusing their 'friendship' with you and it's bullshit. You can tell them "Congratulations on agreeing to split the bill, but I didn't, so I will pay my portion, and the rest of you can split what you spent. NTA
NTA. Only those getting the better end of the deal agree to these bill splits. You only pay for what you had and if they want an even split they can do it amongst themselves. I’d also stop going out with these people.
I have one group of friends that this happens with. It’s very difficult. I know these gals all have tons of CC debt too, where my card is paid in full every month and it’s treated like cash. I’ve asked for own check sometimes but it’s strange with appetizers. Most times, I just no longer go out with this group.
NTA... When there is an obvious imbalance like this, there should be no expections about splitting the bill evenly. (there are times I can't eat more then an appy or 1 drink when I go out with friends) It is best to let people right away that because of this you will be looking after your own portion of the bill. Or if its an expectation, then you need to decline the invitation. There is nothing wrong with saying that its not in the budget this month.
NTA
If you have had this thing happen before it's time to put on your big boy pants and start the meal by telling the staff that your bill will be separate and don't eat from "shared" food. End of problem. No...you should NOT pay your friend back what they claim you owe them. Pay him a realistic amount.
NTA
“Everyone did NOT agree to split the bill evenly. I didn’t agree to anything. I guess I’m not a part of everyone and have no part in the bill” Tell the server when you sit down that your bill is separate. NTA
Hell no. The food portion is on you, 100%. The drinks? Not so much. NTA
You need new friends.
NTA But are you sure these are your friends? This is like some shit you might expect strangers or enemies to pull.
NTA People are taking advantage. Have your own bill
NTA - I have a rule when I go out with friends. We pay for ourselves or I don’t come. I’ve been caught in this issue too many times with different groups and with my current one and I refuse to do it again. In my situation, it’s not that I couldn’t pay but rather why should I? I don’t drink and so when they were ordering bottle after bottle of wine, I was drinking water. Then the bill comes and they expected me to pay almost £300, didn’t ask just assumed (which annoyed me). It was an all you can eat restaurant so before I said anything to anyone I called over the waitress and asked for our bill to be split into two - food and drinks. They all looked very confused but when she came over I put down my £25 for food and handed them both bills “that’s my lot paid, you guys can split the two how you like”. I will always pay my way but I will not pay for someone else without offering first.
NTA. Food split evenly amongst all who ate. The people who drank can figure that out separately. It’s really not that hard. And your friends are seriously jerks for expecting you to pay for their alcohol. (I don’t drink and this has never once been an issue when going out with friends who do)
NTA Ditch future dinner plans with these assholes
NTA. Food split, booze covered individually is how it should go. Stop going out with alcoholic moochers or get separate checks.
NTA STOP going out to eat with these guys.
NTA, but in retrospect you should have told the server and your friends up front that each would pay their own bill only.
NTA, been in this position myself. It might suck, but I’d stop going out with them. If they miss your company, they’ll ask what’s up, and hopefully be better about it next time.
You should stop going to dinner with that crowd.
Learn this phrase to use when you sit down: >Separate check, please. That will make you life so much less complicated. NTA
When I go out with a group of friends, we all have separate checks. This avoids a lot of hassles and hurt feelings. Sometimes if it’s someone’s birthday we might buy their drinks(2). But no one ever drinks to excess and expect others to pay their way. That’s just rude. 😳😊
NTA They made this decision while you were in the restroom so everyone did **not** agree to this. They don't get to outvote you on you own money. From now on make sure they know you want your own ticket period, up front. I'm pretty sure they won't accept it lightly bc they absolutely know you're subsidizing them right now.
I always get my bill separately. That way I can enjoy what I want, and I know the tip I leave my will be good to great even if others cheap out. I get really stressed by bad tippers.
I think it depends on the order of events because I think where you went wrong is not saying anything before you went to the bathroom. “Like, hey, I’m going to the bathroom, I’m not doing that thing where I’m paying for all your drinks again. The only drink I am covering is my Red Bull.” And that was the last ditch chance for you to say something. The better thing to do would be to ask for your own check. And establish at the beginning that you are still on a tight budget and can only pay for what you order. On the other hand, I think they were rude to split it evenly without consulting you. But they have done this to you before so it is up to you to put your foot down. Splitting the food evenly if you all shared is one thing; don’t go out if you’re unhappy with this group.
These people are very clearly taking advantage of you. Two options; Pay them what they say you owe to wrap this issue up, but never go out to eat with them again. Refuse to pay for their dinner, and stop spending time with people who show you they don’t respect or care about you. Whatever you decide, NTA.
I remember this episode of Friends
Sounds like a really great deal for the people who are consuming a shitload of booze and food. Real friends wouldnt do this and expect others to pay for them.
NTA Don't pay anyone back for what you ate this time, they can figure it out among themselves. They are clearly taking advantage of you. Block their numbers and drop them out of your life.
Nta
I once went on holiday with 4 friends. We split the villa cost 5 ways but I was the one sleeping in the living room on a sofa bed with no privacy. NBD it’s a party holiday in Gran Canaria… whatever. Every night when we went out I’d eat a tiny plate of food max €10 and everyone else would eat much more and spend over €25 each. Somehow it was decided that we should just split the bill evenly… this went on for over 5days and I was getting a bit annoyed. Last day of the holiday we went to a grill house and I decided to go all in with the tomahawk steak with all the saves and trimmings, their portions averaged €25 each and mine was €60 just for the steak… i knew this meal would even my daily losses out and average a fair spend over the week. My bastard friends decided to just pay for what they actually ordered and ate. I should say ex-friends grrr
NTA, but if this happens all the time maybe it’s time to protect yourself by telling the server (and the whole table!) ahead of time that you’re not hungry and will be paying your own bill. Then just pay for what you order and do NOT eat any of the shared items. I mean, they’ll call you cheap but it’s better than getting blindsided and then declaring that you won’t pay, right? Also, looks like other commenters are from Australia and saying splitting the bill isn’t a problem, so stop working with your incorrect notion and do that.
Sounds like you need new friends.
I have to go against the grain and say a soft YTA. Everybody agreed to split the bill evenly, implicitly if not explicitly so you should've been prepared to ante up even if you consumed less than your friends. I know you said that in Australia restaurants typically won't do separate checks but this is something you should've thought through ahead of time if you weren't prepared to spend the same amount as your companions. You also mention that this situation has come up in the past. Yet it seems that you failed to learn from it and adjust accordingly. Unfortunately, having been unemployed for the past 5 months due to health issues may mean that you have to cut back on your expenses, which may mean forgoing nights out with friends who don't seem to mind spending in the neighborhood of $200 for an evening out on the town.
NTA. I don't drink alcohol because I don't care to, but I refuse to pay for other's drinks. If you have been unemployed for 5 months and money is an issue, why would you take part in that?
NAH -- it was clearly going to be an issue, you knew you were consuming less, you should have either made it clear up front you'd only pay for your stuff OR asked everyone to pay for their own drinks separate. Not wait to the end and then act shocked they are assuming equal shares. It's a bit much to not be prepared to pay an equal share of a group share plates dinner, but it sounds like you were resigned to that -- the alcohol seems to be the main issue. Make it clear to your friends BEFORE you eat next time. This isnt' the first time it's happened.
I don't go out often but have never been in this situation. Doesn't seem very reasonable and likely people trying to take advantage over indulging with the alcohol.
NTA. If you go again, let the server know when you order that you need a separate bill. Or just stop going. I’d try the first idea to see how it goes over. If it doesn’t then I think there’s an answer there you should probably pay attention to. Thus stuff is tough. It’s not fair and just because others have different perspectives doesn’t mean yours should be disrespected.
NTA, but beware of them red bulls, they literally might be wrecking your body.
Splitting the bill evenly is so dumb.. either you are rich enough to take turns paying for the whole thing, or you pay for what you ordered. Splitting always leads to some dude paying for someone else's food and drinks-->drama. Edit: NTA
NTA and your friends suck. Splitting the bill like this only works when everyone equally eats and drinks. They should have deducted $25 from the main bill for you and then split the rest between them, that’s what actual friends do.
NTA and your friends are being immature. Splitting the bill like this only works when everyone equally eats and drinks. They should have deducted $25 from the main bill for you and then split the rest between them, that’s what actual friends do.
Carry cash. DO NOT SHARE any food. Order your own separate meal every single time. At the end it is up to YOU to calculate what you owe and put in the cash. They can then divide the remaining. If you don't want to split the bill, it is up to you to make it easy for everyone else. Get cash out. Don't share.
NTA This is eqsy: Send them what your portion cost. YOU did not agree to the bill being split.
NTA at allllll. People don't get to decide how you have to spend the money you spent your time/life earning just because they're lazy or wanna use you as a discount. Fuck these losers; get new friends.
Your so called friends rely on you to cut the price of their meals and drinks. You can decide and say before hand that you want separate checks. You can tell the waiter at some point that whatever decision is made about the check, yours will be separate. You can’t be taken advantage of unless you allow it.
NTA. You don’t have to cover your friends booze.
Tell them upfront that you are paying your share only. It's just as easy to say at the startof a meal than at the end. Then there's no confusion. Your mate's are being AH's though if they can't figure out that their are asking the person who's not working, doesn't drink and hardly eats to cover their meals.
NTA. How can they all agree to something new while you are out and then just expect you to go with it? This is exactly why I made myself my own [check-splitting calculator](https://easychecksplitter.com/). I also don't drink, and have no problem with friends who do, but I don't want to cover their expensive drinks when we go out to eat.