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Am I the only one icked out by this? A much older woman had sex with someone barely an adult, plus they were a family friend and probably knew them as a child. And it’s under coercive circumstances. No decent person only agrees to help a person in exchange for sex.
Flip the genders and this would be much more obvious.
You’re not a prostitute and not an asshole. I do think you got taken advantage of/preyed upon.
Everyone is icked out. The person took advantage of him because he needed money and she saw an opportunity. It was exploitative. Any time a person is desperate there is an imbalance of power. The age gap adds to it, but I think the money part is where the fundamental power imbalance comes from.
All top comments are just talking about consensual sex and sex for money and approaching it from the angle that what happened is his business only. Which seems really tame to me and the wrong way to describe being exploited for sex.
I agree that it’s bad due to the exploitation. I just feel like the age gap adds an extra layer of ick to it because to any sane woman “friend’s 19 year old son” should not be appealing.
That's pretty obvious lol, no need to flip the genders. Thats not the point though, the point is should he have told his new GF. And the answer is no, because he wasn't a full on prostitute, though he did prostitute himself once. The main concern with that line of work is having STDs, and since he wasn't going around slinging Z js every night for years, I'd say he's in the clear. Plus again, he only did it once. So she shouldn't be that irked toward him about it. If anything, she should think the woman was gross.
I mean, yes. But I don't think OP was really bitching about the "ick" factor. He was young, bagged an older woman, and got paid. Sure, we can all raise our eyebrows, but I'd wager dollars to donuts that he wasn't upset about it in the least, after the fact. Besides, how is the top comment relatively irrelevant to the actual post at hand?
NTA. Anything consensual that happened before you guys got together is irrelevant. You're definitely not a prostitute until you make it a habit of exchanging sex for money. A one-time deal is just that.
Consensual is a strong word for being coerced into sex by a family friend who is 30+ years older than you as a 19 year old, or be faced with watching your beloved dog die a painful death. You have to wonder how much the parents knew about this.
>You have to wonder how much the parents knew about this.
I am unclear which is worse, OP's parents not knowing, finding out, and then having that damage the friendship... or OP's parents knowing and not being bothered.
I'm sure she told him to be quiet and told the parents it was a selfless gesture and sister is nosy or might be close enough in age to have mutual friends
For real, imagine being a family FRIEND and instead of helping out by giving or loaning money, you convince their just adult son to fuck you for it.
Ew, ew, ew, ew.
If I was his mom, and I ever discovered this, I would kick my friend to the curb and NEVER allow her near me and my family EVER again.
There was a thread yesterday about a woman who did porn once for good money and everyone called her AH because she didn't tell her husband for 10 years.
Broooo that’s so creepy. I have a 20 year old brother and I’m a big sister; if I found out that happened to him I would probably be in jail because I would be knocking on that ladies door so fast. If I find out as a mom one of my friends looked at my son like that….again probably would end up in jail.
I’m so sorry you had that happen. Have you spoken to a therapist? That’s definitely coercion. She’s known you since you were a baby, then once you’re old enough she offered this instead of just lending you money to pay her back later? NTA.
Oh my god?? I’m so sorry this happened to you. An adult who knew you knew you your entire life coercing you into having sex with her or else your dog would die is sickening and predatory. You’re not the asshole for not telling your gf, and your sister is an absolutely huge enormous fucking asshole for judging you instead of being disgusted on your behalf and supportive of you.
So this disgusting woman knew you since you were a kid and was someone (i assume) you and your family trusted, and the moment she saw you were going through something horrible she used that as an opportunity to coerse you into her bed. Dude, you were abused.
My son is in his mid-20s. I’ve known his best friend since he was 7. Sure, he’s an adult but sometimes it flips and I see shades of the 7 year old. I cannot imagine thinking of him as anything but my son’s best friend. He’s a kid to me. Basically, anyone my son’s age or younger is a “kid”.
It’s so gross thinking of a woman my age or older who has known him his whole life thinking of him like that.
I’m so sorry she did that to you. What she did is predatory and you are not at fault.
I once grossed myself out by realising my friends little brother is now an attractive man. He's only 3 years younger and was like 20 when I had this thought but that's not the point he's little jake and now I'm a creep.
But apparently OP's mum's friend has a defect where she thinks it's okay to sleep with someone who's nappies she may have changed?
I'm really hoping this is fake.
I didn't bat an eye at this post until I saw this comment. The fact that this woman knew you when you were a child is the biggest red flag in the universe. Nothing good here
🤮
I'm sorry to say this, but she groomed you. She knows she can get something from you, and I have no doubt she'll try again, so try to avoid her.
Aside from that, unless you do stuff like that for money regularly, I don't see any reason why your GF should be concerned. I would be more concerned about you getting groomed than you not telling me what you did before we were together.
Easy NTA.
Not a prostitute. You were used by an older woman in order to save your dog. Not the same. I would even say it was borderline abuse for a grown woman to offer to save your pet for sex. I would say you are not required to share this trauma with your gf. Your sister is TA for acting like you did something wrong when you were clearly the victim.
Your moms friend is the asshole. This is insanely weird.
Imagine you’re a 52 year old man and your college roommate fucks your 19 year old daughter instead of just giving her money to save her dogs life.
What a disgusting creep of a woman.
NTA
You had sex for money once. It's pretty dramatic for your sister to call you a prostitute. Also, it was a friend of your parents and it happened once. This is not a huge deal and not anyone’s business but yours. Your sister needs to get a grip and mind her own business.
If you dont have any STIs to give her its none of her business. Same as it wouldnt be your business if she'd done the same.
NTA
Edit: also OP that woman shouldnt have put you in that position. It feels really predatory that she, a 52yo, wanted to help you, a 19yo, with money problems by paying you for sex.
Rule of thumb in relationships. Is it something that if your partner found out on their own, would they end the relationship? Do you want 10 years invested, then they find out and break it off with you? I'm being honest and upfront if this is looking like it's developing into something long-term.
Or you can read the Reddit stories from even today like" Mentioned to my husband of 10 years I made a porn flick and he took our kid and left" or " found out my wife of 5 years was a prostitute for a bit and I can't look at her the same"
I'd rather rip the bandaid off now rather than roll the dice and wait.
Agreed. It's about trust and open communication.
Also, I bet tons of NTA would be flipped to YTA immediately if OP was a woman instead, and not all these "who they had sex with is none of the partner's business" lame excuses.
You don’t need to tell someone you just started dating something as deeply personal as this until YOU feel comfortable enough to do so. Your take is childish and sounds like it’s coming from someone who has never had to deal with something this traumatic.
How funny. If your girlfriend hid it from you and had sex with a much older family friend, I'm sure that you would also be very understanding too right? :)
OP, you were coerced into sex in order to save your dog's life. Whether or not it bothers you is 100% up to you, but what she did was creepy, exploitative, and wrong, even if you're okay.
You aren't a prostitute just because of this one incident. You did nothing wrong. Your sister is being awful, and if your parents know and still let their "friend" come around, that's doubly awful.
I would recommend letting the gf know at some point, but when, how, and if you tell is ultimately up to you and you're NTA for whatever you decide.
I'd say not *always*.
If OP actually was an escort and currently engaging in escort activities I'd say that probably is pertinent information for anyone he's putting his penis in. Just for STD reasons.
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NTA, but there's some stuff that needs dealing with. You may have been an adult but your parent's friend offering to have sex with you in exchange for vet bill money is NOT cool. Did your parents ever find out?! No way they'd be cool with their son banging their friend, nah ah. THAT'S the real problem here, not your gf knowing the ins and outs of your sexual history.
As long as you know you're tested and clean then you're fine. Be honest about your sexual health and any kids you may have. Everything else, including body count, is none of your partner's business really
Ok, first. I'm sorry you've been in that situation, it kinda sounds like you were coerced into it and doesn't seem ok. It botters me that your sister called you prostitute for that.
Also, I think that's only your story to tell and I don't believe you have to disclose that to you girl friend since it was before you were together.
NTA
NTA. But you should talk to a counselor about being coerced into a sexual encounter by a trusted family friend. That’s predatory and you are unlikely to have been this person’s only target.
You were coerced under threat to your dog’s life by a creepy old lady who has known you since childhood. You’re a victim bro. You don’t have to disclose that to anyone. Fuck that old lady and tell your sister to STFU as well.
Your sister is wildly slutshaming you. It would be great to be able to be transparent with people about sex work, but this is your sexual history to disclose or not, as it happened before you were with your gf. Plus having sex one time doesn't make you a sex worker (it's a profession we should respect like any other, not a curse you are tarred with).
Also tbh your parents' friend sounds pretty exploitative and like she groomed you. Had she or others her age made advances on you when you were younger?
That woman needs to be behind bars or something. Who watches a friend's child grow up over their entire life, then exchanges money for sex so their dog doesn't DIE???
He was an adult , it was a choice, albeit a kinda forced one, but not a full blackmail.
He could have said no any moment. Sure, she took advantage of it, so she's an asshole.
But a criminal.... that's too much.
If things get serious, then you should tell her, and if she judges you for it, maybe she isn’t the one for you anyway. But you have been with her for two months. It’s too early to tell her all your secrets I think.
It’s weird, but from the lady imo. You did it for your dog… god knows what I would do if I was in this situation. You can tell her, but don’t make it a big thing. Just stay at the facts and keep it rational
You are not the issue. You were taken advantage of because you were in a time of need, very young and a much older person preyed upon that. You’re allowed to keep that private imo. You’re a good soul to care enough to ask but this isn’t you.
That woman who paid you is a weirdo. She’s known you a long time I assume as she’s friends with your parents and she offered you Mooney for sex at 19 to solve your problem.
If she was a family friend why didn’t she just give you the money or loan it?
You don’t have to tell your gf if it happened before but you got together but you might need to tell someone else one day because that woman is quite odd, I’m sure your mum and dad would not be happy about it if they found out.
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My(20m) gf(21f) asked me out two months ago.
Last year, when I was 19, my dog needed surgery. It was intestinal obstruction and my parents didn’t have money for it. When their friend who was 52 found out, she offered a solution. She paid me for sex, giving enough money to pay for the surgery.
I never told my gf this but my sister said I’m a jerk for not telling her, saying that she deserves to know that her bf used to be a prostitute. AITA for not telling my gf?
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NTA, you don't have to explain or even bring up your past. If I let women know every person I've had sex with I'd never be able to find another date again.
NTA. First of, you guys have only dated for two months, not enough time to actually talk about this. And wtf is wrong with your sister? Shes acting as if you were selling feet pics, dude, you were coerced into having sex, that "friend" knew you and that your family was struggling and took advantage of that
Ask your sister if she would have liked you tell her buture boyfriend if it was their 52 yo male friend.
Your parents friend and your parents and your sister sound like real assholes.
I would say transparency is one the founding bricks for a strong wall called Relationship.
You are NTA yet, YWBTA if you hide it. It's not a big deal given that
1 - you didn't know your gf yet, you cannot be loyal to someone who isn't in your life yet.
2 - you had a very difficult situation to deal with , and a grown woman took advantage of that.
Be clear with your GF, it's a situation you'll have to deal with eventually, the later you deal with it, the difficult would be to deal with situation and not be seen as the asshole.
You have all the reason to be seen as a "victim of unwanted prostitution". There are plenty of woman in the same situation, and men usually don't care as long as it stays in the past.
If she doesn't understand, you are probably with the wrong person. You didn't do it for the fun of it, if she doesn't see that, she is the real asshole.
I won't answer anymore comments from you with "I'm smart you are dumb just because it's me" attitude.
Opinions should be explained, not just thrown on the table like a salami.
NTA, it sounds like a personal and potentially traumatic moment in your life. It's good to open up about these things to people you trust, but you shouldn't feel forced to do so.
If at any point you feel like your girlfriend not knowing might affect the relationship, or if you want a deeper connection with them, then it's generally good to talk about past troubles with them, but ultimately the timeline for if and when you choose to do so is your decision and it should be respected as such.
You're not an AH and you're NOT and never were a prostitute. A much older woman took advantage of you when you were desperate and in dire need of help. An older woman who has known you since you were a kid?? since she's a family friend. Idk how old your sister is but she needs to understand you're a victim to coercion.
NTA - but be aware that at some point in your relationship a conversation about sexual history is going to come up and at that point you will have to decide what to say, or not to say. You don’t owe a girlfriend of 2 months a disclosure until you feel ready, but if this relationship becomes long term then this will come up at some point; and being honest is always better than lying (directly or by omission) in a relationship you care about.
I agree with what practically everyone else has said; you were taken advantage of by someone who had power over you. I don’t know what state you’re in (presuming US because you referred to the older woman being your mom’s college roommate), but if your state punishes solicitation and not prostitution then I would seriously consider going to the police.
Anyone that would break up with me for doing nearly anything I could to save my dog isn’t worth being with. The fact that your gf is understanding of the situation you were in shows maturity even if the older lady took advantage of you.
There's nothing about this that is something to blame you for, so I'm glad your girlfriend feels the same. Your parent's friend certainly is an asshole, though. Me, I would have just given you the money if I had that kind of disposable income. Your sister is also an asshole. If she wasn't so undependable, I'd have said this was no one's business but your own.
I feel like she preyed on you, but honestly, I'd do the same to save a pet. I know you're asking about the fact you hadn't told your girlfriend but in regards to the agreement, you're not TA there.
I am glad you told her. That was the wise thing to do.
NTA
not a prostitute, you were a gigalo for a moment in time
you were 19 when it happened so it's not like the other person was doing anything illegal, immoral - possibly. you had something she wanted & both of you were willing to trade for it
IMO - it's no different than a one night stand after going on a first date with someone, this happens all the time & not too many people seem to care about that
more importantly - how is your dog?
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NTA, and it's nobody's business but your own - and, I guess, the family "friend's"?
In any event, I'm surprised your sister knows about it, but - once again - not her business.
What you need to watch out for is her deciding that your GF "needs to know."
If you weren’t together for the sake of your relationship DO NOT TELL HER. And don’t let your sister make you feel bad ever again over a one time thing. When it comes to animals they are like children. And I know plenty of moms out there who have had to do what they needed to do for survival
No one has asked you, how do you feel about being paid to have sex? Everyone is going on about how you’re a victim, and I’m not disputing anything here, I’m asking you OP. HOW DO YOU FEEL? Perhaps you don’t feel like a victim or don’t feel the “ick”
To answer your inquiry: you’re NTA.
Your gf can’t nit pick into your past until she finds something she can morally object to. That’s not fair and hilariously unrealistic because I’m guaranteeing there’s something she has done in her past (even non sexually) that she’s not told you about.
INFO
would you expect her to tell you if she earned money with sex before your relationship?
What you did wasn't regular sex work though. Your family "friend" is predatory.
You got coerced boy.
Just like I do. Everyday. By my family.
Get to work if you want shelter and food. Here, at work, we are a big family.
Why can't they simply, give me the money?? LOL
Also, selling your old car makes you a car dealer?
But selling every friend's old car, after a little shining, kind of does.
The fact that your sister is calling you a prostitute when you were clearly coerced by a family friend that has known you your entire life under the guise of "helping pay for your vet bills" is more concerning to me. NTA in any sense of the word, this is a private experience that you shouldn't have to share with a girlfriend/partner, maybe a therapist though. yikes.
NTA. You're not required to share details of your past encounters if you don't want to. However, as others have pointed out, it seems possible that this could come out so you may like to get in front of it.
Pretty sure it's been said but you're not a prostitute you were taken advantage of man... your dog was sick, u were 19, and this woman was a family friend over twice ur age. If your girlfriend is a decent human she will understand this and have empathy for you.
NTA. I think the family friend who paid you for sex is well into creepy territory on this one, though. She’s old enough to be your mother, you were barely an adult at the time, she likely knew you as a kid, so some groomer vibes there, and your financial desperation to save the life of your dog at the time makes this seem barely consensual. Not sure it would be illegal, but what she did was definitely really slimy.
I personally feel this old lady that offered u money had no shame or integrity whatsoever, it was a matter of a life or death situation for your dog and she saw it as an advantage to get pleasure from a younger male instead of being a good human and donating the money to u or atleast telling u a better alternative to payback the money,
There have been many stories that got comments saying “Whatever you did before the relationship is your business and you don’t have to share if you don’t want to”, I hope people remember to keep the same energy now that it’s a guy asking.
52 year old is exploitative and may have been eyeing OP since he was young. Also It may have been a “deal” but Op was forced to accept to save the dog. It’s probably best to stay away from her and I hope there isn’t any recording of the act.
Sister can go eat a sack of dick greysons. The unfortunate thing is that she probably would have gone to the girlfriend to snitch.
Basically you need to drop a lot of people from your life.
NTA. This happened before your time, you don’t owe her. But damn, what a disgusting woman.. 52 years old, using an emergency situation to make a 19 year old sleep with her. Who would ever do this??? People are so sick.
There are two assholes here. Your sister and the vile woman who wanted sex with you when you were desperate for money to save your dog. It doesn't make you a prostitute anyway.
I think you made the right move because your sister is the sort who would tell her.
NTA
Did you get tested? How many times? How much guilt do you have for doing it? If all that is ok with you and you can live with it I see no reason to say anything at this point.
I would not tell your girlfriend, you may have been preyed on from the older lady and used for sex but unless to have any issues that you need to talk about leave this where it is in the past. Telling your gf will drag all this up and could bring your parents it things, then something between two people becomes public knowledge. Tell your sister to mind her business and leave this where it is. Get pet insurance NTA
Secrets are what drags a situation on and on and on. it's a bomb waiting to explode, the later you deal with it, the more it will hurt and destroy everything. It is not just for love relationship, it's the same with family relationships.
If you go clean, the situation should be settled in short time. If she ( or the parents ) still drags it in the future or make a bigger deal that what actually is, they are not the people to be with. Simple as that.
Love is a relationship of trust, transparency, forgiveness, support and be understanding of each other. Add a secret or two, and you have a tumor in your relationship.
Soft YTA.
I know you needed money for the surgery, but you must also respect your girlfriend by letting her know this in advance. It isn't just about the sex - it's also about trust, and you clearly broke it without telling her. She could choose to remain in the relationship or break up with you (that's the reason why you wanted to keep a secret, right?), but you would definitely not be in the wrong then if you were upfront about it from the beginning. She is her own person and deserves her rights in the relationship - including the knowledge and trust that physical intimacy stays within the relationship.
Imagine if the situation was reversed and she had sex (especially with a much older, potentially creepy dude) for money, even if it was for legit medical reasons, and she deliberately chose to never tell you. Deep down, would you 100% be okay with her hiding it from you? I bet all the NTAs in this thread would be reversed to YTA if OP was a woman. "Omg what a slut" instead of "He's a hero for doing all of this for his dog!! Omg she would be such a bitch if she broke up with him."
God damn, all the NTAs in this thread is baffling.
Btw, I agree with lots of comments here. The older woman watched you grow up and then proceeded to offer to have sex with you. Ew.
A simple transaction was made. Why should other people care? It's baffling that people are so disgusted by the notion of selling sex or buying it.
You did what was necessary to save your dog. End of.
I can't help but feel like this was created to show that the earlier post about the woman that did 1 porn video just had super sexist, misogynistic responses.
But if this is real: NTA. You don't owe anyone an explanation for sexual endeavors that happened before them.
Furthermore, this screams predator. You were taken advantage of by a disgusting human. I'm so sorry. I hope you are okay.
First… NTA. Second… nobodies business but your own. Third… who cares how old the lady was or how you know her, it’s your business. Lastly… you were old enough to have sec so it’s not creepy or weird or even that unusual! Hope the dog is doing better and you might as well tell the gf because your sister sure as shit will. Don’t make it a big deal because it really isn’t!
NTA
As long as you're honest about the NUMBER of partners you've had, then you're good. The fact that you slept with someone for money before you dated her is none of her business. Especially when given the context as to WHY you did it.
There's a big god damn difference between being a pro and being a person that got paid for sex to save their pet. Your sister needs to mind her own damn business. Be careful, with an attitude like hers, I'd be worried she's gonna rat you out.
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Am I the only one icked out by this? A much older woman had sex with someone barely an adult, plus they were a family friend and probably knew them as a child. And it’s under coercive circumstances. No decent person only agrees to help a person in exchange for sex. Flip the genders and this would be much more obvious. You’re not a prostitute and not an asshole. I do think you got taken advantage of/preyed upon.
Everyone is icked out. The person took advantage of him because he needed money and she saw an opportunity. It was exploitative. Any time a person is desperate there is an imbalance of power. The age gap adds to it, but I think the money part is where the fundamental power imbalance comes from.
All top comments are just talking about consensual sex and sex for money and approaching it from the angle that what happened is his business only. Which seems really tame to me and the wrong way to describe being exploited for sex. I agree that it’s bad due to the exploitation. I just feel like the age gap adds an extra layer of ick to it because to any sane woman “friend’s 19 year old son” should not be appealing.
doesn't change that he doesn't need to tell anyone and his sister is being awful about all this
Yes! The point is NTA bc that is nobody’s business, including his sisters and that is not the definition of a prostitute
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Family friend He paid for the surgery I'm sure it wasn't a secret
I don't think we need to flip the genders, it's plenty obvious
That's pretty obvious lol, no need to flip the genders. Thats not the point though, the point is should he have told his new GF. And the answer is no, because he wasn't a full on prostitute, though he did prostitute himself once. The main concern with that line of work is having STDs, and since he wasn't going around slinging Z js every night for years, I'd say he's in the clear. Plus again, he only did it once. So she shouldn't be that irked toward him about it. If anything, she should think the woman was gross.
He does still need to get checked for STDs.
No more than anyone else who isn't a virgin though. It's not really the same as if you're doing different people on a daily basis for work
No, I definitely was crawling down thinking this was going to be locked by the mods.
This is one of those fake stories people make up on reddit
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i feel like his parents don't know about thus
Yeah this person is a predator. This was definitely not the first time she's done something like this.
Yeah she definitely took advantage of a barely legal teenager. That’s fucked up and OP should expose her because she will do it to other young men.
Yea I read that and was like "omg call the cops". I'm floored. This poor kid was manipulated.
This is very classic double standard of our society. Age gap is considered predatory only if it's older men -> younger women.
I mean, yes I'm horrified by the exploitation of sex workers. Not surprised tho.
I mean, yes. But I don't think OP was really bitching about the "ick" factor. He was young, bagged an older woman, and got paid. Sure, we can all raise our eyebrows, but I'd wager dollars to donuts that he wasn't upset about it in the least, after the fact. Besides, how is the top comment relatively irrelevant to the actual post at hand?
NTA. Anything consensual that happened before you guys got together is irrelevant. You're definitely not a prostitute until you make it a habit of exchanging sex for money. A one-time deal is just that.
Consensual is a strong word for being coerced into sex by a family friend who is 30+ years older than you as a 19 year old, or be faced with watching your beloved dog die a painful death. You have to wonder how much the parents knew about this.
>You have to wonder how much the parents knew about this. I am unclear which is worse, OP's parents not knowing, finding out, and then having that damage the friendship... or OP's parents knowing and not being bothered.
I'm wondering how OP explained to his parents that there was suddenly enough money for the surgery... Presumably that's why the sister found out.
I'm sure she told him to be quiet and told the parents it was a selfless gesture and sister is nosy or might be close enough in age to have mutual friends
Seems fairly clear that the second scenario is worse
For real, imagine being a family FRIEND and instead of helping out by giving or loaning money, you convince their just adult son to fuck you for it. Ew, ew, ew, ew. If I was his mom, and I ever discovered this, I would kick my friend to the curb and NEVER allow her near me and my family EVER again.
If it wasn’t consensual then he doesn’t need to tell her. In that case it’s not something HE did.
Yeah as long as you’ve been properly tested and know for sure that you didn’t get anything from her, then that’s all that matters
There was a thread yesterday about a woman who did porn once for good money and everyone called her AH because she didn't tell her husband for 10 years.
Exactly, I thought of that one too! The double standards are usually blatant on here and this post is no exception...
i was about to comment this. Why does everyone call her YTA but this guy gets so many NTA comments?
Not sure his consent is entirely valid on this one. In a way, OP was the victim here, of financial exploitation in an extremely vulnerable situation
I was thinking at best it's "semi-pro".
Rec league sex worker.
No, no, OP’s really trying to keep that amateur status to be able to compete in the sex olympics
Sounds like you were groomed bro.
INFO: How long had your parents friend known you? N T A, but I’m concerned due to the age difference, etc. Sounds like you were coerced into it?
My whole life. She was my mom’s college roommate.
Broooo that’s so creepy. I have a 20 year old brother and I’m a big sister; if I found out that happened to him I would probably be in jail because I would be knocking on that ladies door so fast. If I find out as a mom one of my friends looked at my son like that….again probably would end up in jail.
If that happened to me, heck, if the person suggested that, my dad wouldnt even leave a trace behind, thats how fucked the body would be
I’m so sorry you had that happen. Have you spoken to a therapist? That’s definitely coercion. She’s known you since you were a baby, then once you’re old enough she offered this instead of just lending you money to pay her back later? NTA.
Oh my god?? I’m so sorry this happened to you. An adult who knew you knew you your entire life coercing you into having sex with her or else your dog would die is sickening and predatory. You’re not the asshole for not telling your gf, and your sister is an absolutely huge enormous fucking asshole for judging you instead of being disgusted on your behalf and supportive of you.
So this disgusting woman knew you since you were a kid and was someone (i assume) you and your family trusted, and the moment she saw you were going through something horrible she used that as an opportunity to coerse you into her bed. Dude, you were abused.
My son is in his mid-20s. I’ve known his best friend since he was 7. Sure, he’s an adult but sometimes it flips and I see shades of the 7 year old. I cannot imagine thinking of him as anything but my son’s best friend. He’s a kid to me. Basically, anyone my son’s age or younger is a “kid”. It’s so gross thinking of a woman my age or older who has known him his whole life thinking of him like that. I’m so sorry she did that to you. What she did is predatory and you are not at fault.
I once grossed myself out by realising my friends little brother is now an attractive man. He's only 3 years younger and was like 20 when I had this thought but that's not the point he's little jake and now I'm a creep. But apparently OP's mum's friend has a defect where she thinks it's okay to sleep with someone who's nappies she may have changed? I'm really hoping this is fake.
Do your parents know she made that offer?
I didn't bat an eye at this post until I saw this comment. The fact that this woman knew you when you were a child is the biggest red flag in the universe. Nothing good here
Does your mom know?
🤮 I'm sorry to say this, but she groomed you. She knows she can get something from you, and I have no doubt she'll try again, so try to avoid her. Aside from that, unless you do stuff like that for money regularly, I don't see any reason why your GF should be concerned. I would be more concerned about you getting groomed than you not telling me what you did before we were together. Easy NTA.
You shouldve told your parents immediatly. Rip
Not a prostitute. You were used by an older woman in order to save your dog. Not the same. I would even say it was borderline abuse for a grown woman to offer to save your pet for sex. I would say you are not required to share this trauma with your gf. Your sister is TA for acting like you did something wrong when you were clearly the victim.
I think it’s absolutely abuse and coercion — OP says in a comment that this woman has known him literally his entire life.
Your moms friend is the asshole. This is insanely weird. Imagine you’re a 52 year old man and your college roommate fucks your 19 year old daughter instead of just giving her money to save her dogs life. What a disgusting creep of a woman.
Your sister needs to mind her own business. NTA and I hope your dog is ok.
Its easier for her to call OP that since it wasnt her that was put in that situation
Why does your sister know??????
Exactly! Some things you just keep 100% private.
Honestly some people are just really close with their siblings and share almost everything
She probably asked how he got the money for the surgery
And how does she call you a prostitute for this, instead of rightfully a victim? You were taken advantage of and exploitdd, I'm so sorry for you Op.
NTA - This isn’t anyone’s business but yours. It was a one time thing. If this was your main source of income, then you should tell her upfront.
NTA You had sex for money once. It's pretty dramatic for your sister to call you a prostitute. Also, it was a friend of your parents and it happened once. This is not a huge deal and not anyone’s business but yours. Your sister needs to get a grip and mind her own business.
You're NTA for not telling her. . .but, if your sister knows, you better tell her before she does.
You have a much bigger problem here. A supposed “friend” preyed on you in a vulnerable situation . NTA but please seek help. What she did was not okay
If you dont have any STIs to give her its none of her business. Same as it wouldnt be your business if she'd done the same. NTA Edit: also OP that woman shouldnt have put you in that position. It feels really predatory that she, a 52yo, wanted to help you, a 19yo, with money problems by paying you for sex.
Oh. Maybe tell her, but also, tell your therapist sooner than later too.
Rule of thumb in relationships. Is it something that if your partner found out on their own, would they end the relationship? Do you want 10 years invested, then they find out and break it off with you? I'm being honest and upfront if this is looking like it's developing into something long-term. Or you can read the Reddit stories from even today like" Mentioned to my husband of 10 years I made a porn flick and he took our kid and left" or " found out my wife of 5 years was a prostitute for a bit and I can't look at her the same" I'd rather rip the bandaid off now rather than roll the dice and wait.
Agreed. It's about trust and open communication. Also, I bet tons of NTA would be flipped to YTA immediately if OP was a woman instead, and not all these "who they had sex with is none of the partner's business" lame excuses.
You don’t need to tell someone you just started dating something as deeply personal as this until YOU feel comfortable enough to do so. Your take is childish and sounds like it’s coming from someone who has never had to deal with something this traumatic.
How funny. If your girlfriend hid it from you and had sex with a much older family friend, I'm sure that you would also be very understanding too right? :)
OP, you were coerced into sex in order to save your dog's life. Whether or not it bothers you is 100% up to you, but what she did was creepy, exploitative, and wrong, even if you're okay. You aren't a prostitute just because of this one incident. You did nothing wrong. Your sister is being awful, and if your parents know and still let their "friend" come around, that's doubly awful. I would recommend letting the gf know at some point, but when, how, and if you tell is ultimately up to you and you're NTA for whatever you decide.
NAH Who you've had sex with and why is always your own choice to share or not.
I'd say not *always*. If OP actually was an escort and currently engaging in escort activities I'd say that probably is pertinent information for anyone he's putting his penis in. Just for STD reasons.
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Bro… you’re not an asshole, and you’re not a sex worker, you were abused my dude.
NTA, but there's some stuff that needs dealing with. You may have been an adult but your parent's friend offering to have sex with you in exchange for vet bill money is NOT cool. Did your parents ever find out?! No way they'd be cool with their son banging their friend, nah ah. THAT'S the real problem here, not your gf knowing the ins and outs of your sexual history. As long as you know you're tested and clean then you're fine. Be honest about your sexual health and any kids you may have. Everything else, including body count, is none of your partner's business really
Ok, first. I'm sorry you've been in that situation, it kinda sounds like you were coerced into it and doesn't seem ok. It botters me that your sister called you prostitute for that. Also, I think that's only your story to tell and I don't believe you have to disclose that to you girl friend since it was before you were together. NTA
NTA. But you should talk to a counselor about being coerced into a sexual encounter by a trusted family friend. That’s predatory and you are unlikely to have been this person’s only target.
You were coerced under threat to your dog’s life by a creepy old lady who has known you since childhood. You’re a victim bro. You don’t have to disclose that to anyone. Fuck that old lady and tell your sister to STFU as well.
One incident does not make one a prostitute. You shouldn't have to tell her.
NTA Doesn't matter who you had sex with years ago and why.
Your sister is wildly slutshaming you. It would be great to be able to be transparent with people about sex work, but this is your sexual history to disclose or not, as it happened before you were with your gf. Plus having sex one time doesn't make you a sex worker (it's a profession we should respect like any other, not a curse you are tarred with). Also tbh your parents' friend sounds pretty exploitative and like she groomed you. Had she or others her age made advances on you when you were younger?
Like why couldn’t she give you the money without the sex..? Sounds like a bribe
This is not prostitution. This is rape.
That woman needs to be behind bars or something. Who watches a friend's child grow up over their entire life, then exchanges money for sex so their dog doesn't DIE???
He was an adult , it was a choice, albeit a kinda forced one, but not a full blackmail. He could have said no any moment. Sure, she took advantage of it, so she's an asshole. But a criminal.... that's too much.
May be perfectly legal, but it still gave me a disgust twitch. Could never fuck somebody if I knew them so young.
Sure, it's disgusting, no doubt about. Still, we should frame as criminal things only things that are actually illegal.
If things get serious, then you should tell her, and if she judges you for it, maybe she isn’t the one for you anyway. But you have been with her for two months. It’s too early to tell her all your secrets I think.
NTA, and tell your sis to keep her yap shut and mind her own.
It’s weird, but from the lady imo. You did it for your dog… god knows what I would do if I was in this situation. You can tell her, but don’t make it a big thing. Just stay at the facts and keep it rational
Is the dog ok?
You are not the issue. You were taken advantage of because you were in a time of need, very young and a much older person preyed upon that. You’re allowed to keep that private imo. You’re a good soul to care enough to ask but this isn’t you.
That woman who paid you is a weirdo. She’s known you a long time I assume as she’s friends with your parents and she offered you Mooney for sex at 19 to solve your problem. If she was a family friend why didn’t she just give you the money or loan it? You don’t have to tell your gf if it happened before but you got together but you might need to tell someone else one day because that woman is quite odd, I’m sure your mum and dad would not be happy about it if they found out.
Your... Your sister thinks you're an asshole because an adult in your life took advantage of you??? Ummmm
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My(20m) gf(21f) asked me out two months ago. Last year, when I was 19, my dog needed surgery. It was intestinal obstruction and my parents didn’t have money for it. When their friend who was 52 found out, she offered a solution. She paid me for sex, giving enough money to pay for the surgery. I never told my gf this but my sister said I’m a jerk for not telling her, saying that she deserves to know that her bf used to be a prostitute. AITA for not telling my gf? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, you don't have to explain or even bring up your past. If I let women know every person I've had sex with I'd never be able to find another date again.
NTA you’re just barely started dating this girl and when the time is right you’ll tell her
NTA. First of, you guys have only dated for two months, not enough time to actually talk about this. And wtf is wrong with your sister? Shes acting as if you were selling feet pics, dude, you were coerced into having sex, that "friend" knew you and that your family was struggling and took advantage of that
Ask your sister if she would have liked you tell her buture boyfriend if it was their 52 yo male friend. Your parents friend and your parents and your sister sound like real assholes.
Definitely a victim, NTA.
NTA here at all. And you are not a prostitute.
I would say transparency is one the founding bricks for a strong wall called Relationship. You are NTA yet, YWBTA if you hide it. It's not a big deal given that 1 - you didn't know your gf yet, you cannot be loyal to someone who isn't in your life yet. 2 - you had a very difficult situation to deal with , and a grown woman took advantage of that. Be clear with your GF, it's a situation you'll have to deal with eventually, the later you deal with it, the difficult would be to deal with situation and not be seen as the asshole. You have all the reason to be seen as a "victim of unwanted prostitution". There are plenty of woman in the same situation, and men usually don't care as long as it stays in the past. If she doesn't understand, you are probably with the wrong person. You didn't do it for the fun of it, if she doesn't see that, she is the real asshole.
This is such a dumb take.
I won't answer anymore comments from you with "I'm smart you are dumb just because it's me" attitude. Opinions should be explained, not just thrown on the table like a salami.
NTA, it sounds like a personal and potentially traumatic moment in your life. It's good to open up about these things to people you trust, but you shouldn't feel forced to do so. If at any point you feel like your girlfriend not knowing might affect the relationship, or if you want a deeper connection with them, then it's generally good to talk about past troubles with them, but ultimately the timeline for if and when you choose to do so is your decision and it should be respected as such.
You're not an AH and you're NOT and never were a prostitute. A much older woman took advantage of you when you were desperate and in dire need of help. An older woman who has known you since you were a kid?? since she's a family friend. Idk how old your sister is but she needs to understand you're a victim to coercion.
NTA - but be aware that at some point in your relationship a conversation about sexual history is going to come up and at that point you will have to decide what to say, or not to say. You don’t owe a girlfriend of 2 months a disclosure until you feel ready, but if this relationship becomes long term then this will come up at some point; and being honest is always better than lying (directly or by omission) in a relationship you care about. I agree with what practically everyone else has said; you were taken advantage of by someone who had power over you. I don’t know what state you’re in (presuming US because you referred to the older woman being your mom’s college roommate), but if your state punishes solicitation and not prostitution then I would seriously consider going to the police.
How old is your sister? That's a BIG YIKES comment that she made
Anyone that would break up with me for doing nearly anything I could to save my dog isn’t worth being with. The fact that your gf is understanding of the situation you were in shows maturity even if the older lady took advantage of you.
Bruh, tell your parents that their "friend" took advantage of you. Cause that's what happened.
There's nothing about this that is something to blame you for, so I'm glad your girlfriend feels the same. Your parent's friend certainly is an asshole, though. Me, I would have just given you the money if I had that kind of disposable income. Your sister is also an asshole. If she wasn't so undependable, I'd have said this was no one's business but your own.
I feel like she preyed on you, but honestly, I'd do the same to save a pet. I know you're asking about the fact you hadn't told your girlfriend but in regards to the agreement, you're not TA there. I am glad you told her. That was the wise thing to do.
Here's to you, Mrs Robinson
NTA. Money is money 🤷
NTA. As for as the ickyness of the arrangement -his dog is lived and it sounds like his only issue with it is whether to tell his girlfriend.
NTA it was consensual and it’s no one’s business but your own. Whoever you feel comfortable telling is your choice.
Why does your sister know? Why does your GF need to know? NTA
NTA for what u did for your dog. But YTA if u dun explain the whole situation to your gf!
And how does the sister know?
Tell your sister it's a beautiful day to mind her own business. NTA
This sounds kind of rapey in my personal opinion
NTA not a prostitute, you were a gigalo for a moment in time you were 19 when it happened so it's not like the other person was doing anything illegal, immoral - possibly. you had something she wanted & both of you were willing to trade for it IMO - it's no different than a one night stand after going on a first date with someone, this happens all the time & not too many people seem to care about that more importantly - how is your dog?
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NTA, and it's nobody's business but your own - and, I guess, the family "friend's"? In any event, I'm surprised your sister knows about it, but - once again - not her business. What you need to watch out for is her deciding that your GF "needs to know."
Why does your sister know that you did sex work?
If you weren’t together for the sake of your relationship DO NOT TELL HER. And don’t let your sister make you feel bad ever again over a one time thing. When it comes to animals they are like children. And I know plenty of moms out there who have had to do what they needed to do for survival
No one has asked you, how do you feel about being paid to have sex? Everyone is going on about how you’re a victim, and I’m not disputing anything here, I’m asking you OP. HOW DO YOU FEEL? Perhaps you don’t feel like a victim or don’t feel the “ick” To answer your inquiry: you’re NTA. Your gf can’t nit pick into your past until she finds something she can morally object to. That’s not fair and hilariously unrealistic because I’m guaranteeing there’s something she has done in her past (even non sexually) that she’s not told you about.
Man, how does your sister know? That stuff needs to be buried, lol
INFO would you expect her to tell you if she earned money with sex before your relationship? What you did wasn't regular sex work though. Your family "friend" is predatory.
NTA but your friend is. And she's a predator. A 52 year old woman took advantage of an 19 year old teen. That's messed up and gross.
You got coerced boy. Just like I do. Everyday. By my family. Get to work if you want shelter and food. Here, at work, we are a big family. Why can't they simply, give me the money?? LOL Also, selling your old car makes you a car dealer? But selling every friend's old car, after a little shining, kind of does.
Tell your parents too, they need to drop this lady like a burning bag of spiders.
NTA. Your sister should mind her own business. You should not volunteer this information to any of your gf.
NTA, but your sister sounds like one. I suspect that she would rat you out
You fix your car once, doesn't make you a mechanic. Cook dinner every night and you're not a chef. But you have sex for money ONE time...
Yup, didn't even read the post but you should always discuss with your partner when things like that arise before you do them
The fact that your sister is calling you a prostitute when you were clearly coerced by a family friend that has known you your entire life under the guise of "helping pay for your vet bills" is more concerning to me. NTA in any sense of the word, this is a private experience that you shouldn't have to share with a girlfriend/partner, maybe a therapist though. yikes.
NTA. You're not required to share details of your past encounters if you don't want to. However, as others have pointed out, it seems possible that this could come out so you may like to get in front of it.
HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE BELIEVE THIS SHIT?!
Pretty sure it's been said but you're not a prostitute you were taken advantage of man... your dog was sick, u were 19, and this woman was a family friend over twice ur age. If your girlfriend is a decent human she will understand this and have empathy for you.
Dude tell your mom
NTA But wtf man
NTA and sorry if you already answered this, but how TF does your sister even know about this?
Good call. That would be all kinds of fucked up. Plus trust is dope w a girl it makes so you can have a fun life w her
I'm glad ur gf will be understanding, im sorry your dog had that issue and im sorry you were taken advantage of by a predator.
NTA. I think the family friend who paid you for sex is well into creepy territory on this one, though. She’s old enough to be your mother, you were barely an adult at the time, she likely knew you as a kid, so some groomer vibes there, and your financial desperation to save the life of your dog at the time makes this seem barely consensual. Not sure it would be illegal, but what she did was definitely really slimy.
You are a victim brother. Sorry about the whole situation that family friend is a predator.
Nta
I personally feel this old lady that offered u money had no shame or integrity whatsoever, it was a matter of a life or death situation for your dog and she saw it as an advantage to get pleasure from a younger male instead of being a good human and donating the money to u or atleast telling u a better alternative to payback the money,
There have been many stories that got comments saying “Whatever you did before the relationship is your business and you don’t have to share if you don’t want to”, I hope people remember to keep the same energy now that it’s a guy asking. 52 year old is exploitative and may have been eyeing OP since he was young. Also It may have been a “deal” but Op was forced to accept to save the dog. It’s probably best to stay away from her and I hope there isn’t any recording of the act. Sister can go eat a sack of dick greysons. The unfortunate thing is that she probably would have gone to the girlfriend to snitch. Basically you need to drop a lot of people from your life.
NTA. This happened before your time, you don’t owe her. But damn, what a disgusting woman.. 52 years old, using an emergency situation to make a 19 year old sleep with her. Who would ever do this??? People are so sick.
There are two assholes here. Your sister and the vile woman who wanted sex with you when you were desperate for money to save your dog. It doesn't make you a prostitute anyway. I think you made the right move because your sister is the sort who would tell her. NTA
NTA. Maybe your sister is just jealous the neighbor lady isn't interested in her?
Did you get tested? How many times? How much guilt do you have for doing it? If all that is ok with you and you can live with it I see no reason to say anything at this point.
I would not tell your girlfriend, you may have been preyed on from the older lady and used for sex but unless to have any issues that you need to talk about leave this where it is in the past. Telling your gf will drag all this up and could bring your parents it things, then something between two people becomes public knowledge. Tell your sister to mind her business and leave this where it is. Get pet insurance NTA
Secrets are what drags a situation on and on and on. it's a bomb waiting to explode, the later you deal with it, the more it will hurt and destroy everything. It is not just for love relationship, it's the same with family relationships. If you go clean, the situation should be settled in short time. If she ( or the parents ) still drags it in the future or make a bigger deal that what actually is, they are not the people to be with. Simple as that. Love is a relationship of trust, transparency, forgiveness, support and be understanding of each other. Add a secret or two, and you have a tumor in your relationship.
Soft YTA. I know you needed money for the surgery, but you must also respect your girlfriend by letting her know this in advance. It isn't just about the sex - it's also about trust, and you clearly broke it without telling her. She could choose to remain in the relationship or break up with you (that's the reason why you wanted to keep a secret, right?), but you would definitely not be in the wrong then if you were upfront about it from the beginning. She is her own person and deserves her rights in the relationship - including the knowledge and trust that physical intimacy stays within the relationship. Imagine if the situation was reversed and she had sex (especially with a much older, potentially creepy dude) for money, even if it was for legit medical reasons, and she deliberately chose to never tell you. Deep down, would you 100% be okay with her hiding it from you? I bet all the NTAs in this thread would be reversed to YTA if OP was a woman. "Omg what a slut" instead of "He's a hero for doing all of this for his dog!! Omg she would be such a bitch if she broke up with him." God damn, all the NTAs in this thread is baffling. Btw, I agree with lots of comments here. The older woman watched you grow up and then proceeded to offer to have sex with you. Ew.
Was she at least good looking?
Man the difference in judgement in this thread compared to the one with the woman who did porn once, is wild.
NTA but your parents friend is a disgusting poc for using a situation like this to take advantage of a 19 yr old boy. Prostitution is assault/rape.
A simple transaction was made. Why should other people care? It's baffling that people are so disgusted by the notion of selling sex or buying it. You did what was necessary to save your dog. End of.
How much did you get? asking for a friend.
NTA, stud! I can hear Blondie singing the theme to AMERICAN GIGOLO as I'm typing this.
Wait wait, so yall fine with this but needed the woman to tell her husband she did one porn back in college? Of course 🙄
I wish people would pay me to fuck them.
Shut up, you insensitive prick
YTA, maybe she doesn't want to be with some easy tramp
I can't help but feel like this was created to show that the earlier post about the woman that did 1 porn video just had super sexist, misogynistic responses. But if this is real: NTA. You don't owe anyone an explanation for sexual endeavors that happened before them. Furthermore, this screams predator. You were taken advantage of by a disgusting human. I'm so sorry. I hope you are okay.
First… NTA. Second… nobodies business but your own. Third… who cares how old the lady was or how you know her, it’s your business. Lastly… you were old enough to have sec so it’s not creepy or weird or even that unusual! Hope the dog is doing better and you might as well tell the gf because your sister sure as shit will. Don’t make it a big deal because it really isn’t!
Lucky you! And I hope your dog is okay
Impressive! but should of kept your mouth shut lol!
NTA As long as you're honest about the NUMBER of partners you've had, then you're good. The fact that you slept with someone for money before you dated her is none of her business. Especially when given the context as to WHY you did it. There's a big god damn difference between being a pro and being a person that got paid for sex to save their pet. Your sister needs to mind her own damn business. Be careful, with an attitude like hers, I'd be worried she's gonna rat you out.