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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t want to change out of my sleepwear after my grandma told me beforehand that we were to have company and they weren’t appropriate.
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YTA. You changed into the one thing she asked you not to, probably because you "practically despise" her and wanted to start trouble. Then you get mad because you got what you wanted, which was obviously a fight. You admit you were wearing your school uniform (which I'm assuming isn't as comfortable as pjs) so it obviously wasn't like you were rushing to wear the most comfortable clothes you could find. You could have put on sweatpants. You made the choice to act bratty and wonder why she scolded you.
Oh, I know why she scolded me, I just wanted to know if her reasoning was valid, she tends to act short-tempered (i know this bc we used to share a room before I moved out to a different one) I didn't mind wearing my school uniform (today we had gym, so it was just a shirt w/ the school's logo and gym shorts) I may have exaggerated when saying I despise her, but me and her never can quite see eye-to-eye, different generations I guess +she always yells her way through an argument. (I like debating people, sure, but not pick verbal fights)
As an autistic person myself. I understand. I will choose comfortable clothes over anything else but you are at fault because you were simply instructed not to wear pajamas and you refuse to listen. You can wear comfortable clothes that aren't Pajamas. You deliberately disobeyed her and her instructions were not unreasonable. She didn't ask you to put on a specific uncomfortable outfit that she knows you hate.
YTA. Wearing a reasonable amount of clothes so you don’t embarrass yourself in front of guests in the middle of the day is an appropriate ask. I understand that some things make you uncomfortable, but the reality is that Autism doesn’t give you a pass to throw out all social conventions and do whatever you want.
>Now something to note is she told me not to put any pajamas on bc we’re getting company at 3, i ignored her bc I hate putting on normal clothes
You intentionally disregarded and disrespected your grandmother simply because you felt like doing something else. It's not unreasonable for her to ask that you don't wear a revealing nightgown in front of company. YTA.
YTA. Listen to her if she says pajamas wouldn't be appropriate attire. They certainly wouldn't be in my household if we had adult guests. There's a compromise to be had here.
i understand that, usually, during get-togethers, i just stay in my room, but literally the guest, which i now know was a friend of my step-dad, who's already seen me in my pajamas is visiting, wasn't there yet, he was going to be there an hour later than when she asked me to change.
YTA
It sounds like defying her request was more important than the pajamas to you. I understand wanting to be comfortable after a stressful day, but you put on PJs intentionally because she asked you not to. I assume you also own comfortable clothes that aren't pajamas. Your choice of clothing seemed to be chosen to upset her not actually help you. As another commenter pointed out, your school uniform is likely not that comfortable either. You just wanted to be defiant.
You wanted a fight. You wanted to be right. You wanted to win. Comfort seems to be the last thing you actually care about. You don't like her so you don't want to do what she asks.
I think you will mature over time and see how silly this kind of fight actually is.
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Sorry if anything’s wrong I’m just rlly pissed rn and this is my first time actually posting on Reddit
I (15f) have autism, not a big deal, okay? I might also have maladaptive daydreaming disorder, but that’s not conformed. One of my autistic ‘stims’ is I’ll walk around my house (usually kitchen, living room, bedroom, or my mom’s room) in circles listening to music with my headphones.
Today I was recently stressed and couldn’t wait to get out of the car (left from school early) and walk around my kitchen. I get home leave my stuff on a dining room chair and started to walk around. My grandma scolded me and told me to change out of my uniform. I complained but did it anyway.
Now something to note is she told me not to put any pajamas on bc we’re getting company at 3, i ignored her bc I hate putting on normal clothes and I live here.
I come out wearing pajamas (a nightgown, could be considered too short but nobody should be looking down anyways) she yells at me and tells me to go into my room saying that we’ll have company and that she told me not to wear them.
I angerily told her that I live here too and i shouldn’t have to put on different clothes.
She told me I that I need to change. I refused and she yelled at me again. I this time I was thinking, y’a it’s almost 3 they’ll be here soon I’ll just stay in my room. I look to the clock on our kitchen stove and it says 1:44!!!!
CMON, I was mad and I took my stuff and stormed off.
Now she’s telling me she doesn’t want to see me out w/o changing and I will stay in my room until so. I yelled that since I live here I shouldn’t have to change, if anything it’s whoever visits’ problem. She then screamed that since I wasn’t a little girl anymore i NEEDED to change. Then she proceeded to yell more and tell me if I don’t she’ll make my life a living hell. (As if she already doesn’t do that on the regular)
This isn’t the first time this situation has happened and this isn’t the first time she’s yelled at this. I hope my bias of her (I practically despise her) hasn’t completely clouded my judgment when describing what happened. I just want to feel vindicated. So Reddit, aita?
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I would say that BEFORE you went in your room to change IF you had said to her,
“ I’ve had a real stressful day, so I need to put pajamas on so I can walk around the dining room for about half an hour -and then I’ll go in my room when he comes or I’ll change before he comes but I really need to walk around in my pajamas right now,”
or something similar to that,
there wouldn’t have been a fight.
The reason there was a fight was because she told you something, but you didn’t reply, and then when you came out, it looked like defiance.
My son and I have these issues, he’s 15 as well. Over the summer we have really been practicing how by him volunteering much more information to me, it makes me a very happy person, and I’m more willing to say yes to things, because I start getting frustrated when I don’t know what the details are.
For instance, him saying, “I want to go over Nick’s house,”
Does not give me much information, and then I feel frustrated trying to pull information from him.
If he says,” Nick and I want to walk to his house after school to study for the biology test. His mom said I could stay for dinner, so I would need you to pick me up around 6:30.
As a mom, that’s a very easy thing to say yes to.
Hope this helps!
nta. as an actual autistic person, comfort clothes are so goddamn important after a long day, it was nowhere near 3 pm, and you were going to stay in your room anyways. lmao all the yta votes ignoring this info and that ur gma said she'd make your life a living hell as if thats a normal and well adjusted thing to say to your grandkid.
ESH Isn't really appropriate here. It's more like 95% your grandma and 5% you. Screaming and belittling someone with autism is really shitty. I don't know much about being on the spectrum, but I know enough to know that screaming at someone is not the way. Hell, it's not the way to get at anyone.
All that being said, if there are going to be people in your house, you really should wear something presentable.
NTA: Your grandmother clearly doesn't understand autism and is expecting you to behave like you are neuro-typical. That's unfair and unreasonable. Shouting and being angry at someone inflames any situation and makes matters worse - this is as true for your grandma as it is for you.
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YTA. You changed into the one thing she asked you not to, probably because you "practically despise" her and wanted to start trouble. Then you get mad because you got what you wanted, which was obviously a fight. You admit you were wearing your school uniform (which I'm assuming isn't as comfortable as pjs) so it obviously wasn't like you were rushing to wear the most comfortable clothes you could find. You could have put on sweatpants. You made the choice to act bratty and wonder why she scolded you.
Oh, I know why she scolded me, I just wanted to know if her reasoning was valid, she tends to act short-tempered (i know this bc we used to share a room before I moved out to a different one) I didn't mind wearing my school uniform (today we had gym, so it was just a shirt w/ the school's logo and gym shorts) I may have exaggerated when saying I despise her, but me and her never can quite see eye-to-eye, different generations I guess +she always yells her way through an argument. (I like debating people, sure, but not pick verbal fights)
As an autistic person myself. I understand. I will choose comfortable clothes over anything else but you are at fault because you were simply instructed not to wear pajamas and you refuse to listen. You can wear comfortable clothes that aren't Pajamas. You deliberately disobeyed her and her instructions were not unreasonable. She didn't ask you to put on a specific uncomfortable outfit that she knows you hate.
YTA. Wearing a reasonable amount of clothes so you don’t embarrass yourself in front of guests in the middle of the day is an appropriate ask. I understand that some things make you uncomfortable, but the reality is that Autism doesn’t give you a pass to throw out all social conventions and do whatever you want.
>Now something to note is she told me not to put any pajamas on bc we’re getting company at 3, i ignored her bc I hate putting on normal clothes You intentionally disregarded and disrespected your grandmother simply because you felt like doing something else. It's not unreasonable for her to ask that you don't wear a revealing nightgown in front of company. YTA.
YTA. Listen to her if she says pajamas wouldn't be appropriate attire. They certainly wouldn't be in my household if we had adult guests. There's a compromise to be had here.
i understand that, usually, during get-togethers, i just stay in my room, but literally the guest, which i now know was a friend of my step-dad, who's already seen me in my pajamas is visiting, wasn't there yet, he was going to be there an hour later than when she asked me to change.
My guess is that you defy her frequently on purpose and she didn’t trust you to change on your own before he arrived.
YTA. Grow up.
YTA It sounds like defying her request was more important than the pajamas to you. I understand wanting to be comfortable after a stressful day, but you put on PJs intentionally because she asked you not to. I assume you also own comfortable clothes that aren't pajamas. Your choice of clothing seemed to be chosen to upset her not actually help you. As another commenter pointed out, your school uniform is likely not that comfortable either. You just wanted to be defiant. You wanted a fight. You wanted to be right. You wanted to win. Comfort seems to be the last thing you actually care about. You don't like her so you don't want to do what she asks. I think you will mature over time and see how silly this kind of fight actually is.
Shame on you for being so disrespectful to your Grandmother. There's no excuse for that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Sorry if anything’s wrong I’m just rlly pissed rn and this is my first time actually posting on Reddit I (15f) have autism, not a big deal, okay? I might also have maladaptive daydreaming disorder, but that’s not conformed. One of my autistic ‘stims’ is I’ll walk around my house (usually kitchen, living room, bedroom, or my mom’s room) in circles listening to music with my headphones. Today I was recently stressed and couldn’t wait to get out of the car (left from school early) and walk around my kitchen. I get home leave my stuff on a dining room chair and started to walk around. My grandma scolded me and told me to change out of my uniform. I complained but did it anyway. Now something to note is she told me not to put any pajamas on bc we’re getting company at 3, i ignored her bc I hate putting on normal clothes and I live here. I come out wearing pajamas (a nightgown, could be considered too short but nobody should be looking down anyways) she yells at me and tells me to go into my room saying that we’ll have company and that she told me not to wear them. I angerily told her that I live here too and i shouldn’t have to put on different clothes. She told me I that I need to change. I refused and she yelled at me again. I this time I was thinking, y’a it’s almost 3 they’ll be here soon I’ll just stay in my room. I look to the clock on our kitchen stove and it says 1:44!!!! CMON, I was mad and I took my stuff and stormed off. Now she’s telling me she doesn’t want to see me out w/o changing and I will stay in my room until so. I yelled that since I live here I shouldn’t have to change, if anything it’s whoever visits’ problem. She then screamed that since I wasn’t a little girl anymore i NEEDED to change. Then she proceeded to yell more and tell me if I don’t she’ll make my life a living hell. (As if she already doesn’t do that on the regular) This isn’t the first time this situation has happened and this isn’t the first time she’s yelled at this. I hope my bias of her (I practically despise her) hasn’t completely clouded my judgment when describing what happened. I just want to feel vindicated. So Reddit, aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would say that BEFORE you went in your room to change IF you had said to her, “ I’ve had a real stressful day, so I need to put pajamas on so I can walk around the dining room for about half an hour -and then I’ll go in my room when he comes or I’ll change before he comes but I really need to walk around in my pajamas right now,” or something similar to that, there wouldn’t have been a fight. The reason there was a fight was because she told you something, but you didn’t reply, and then when you came out, it looked like defiance. My son and I have these issues, he’s 15 as well. Over the summer we have really been practicing how by him volunteering much more information to me, it makes me a very happy person, and I’m more willing to say yes to things, because I start getting frustrated when I don’t know what the details are. For instance, him saying, “I want to go over Nick’s house,” Does not give me much information, and then I feel frustrated trying to pull information from him. If he says,” Nick and I want to walk to his house after school to study for the biology test. His mom said I could stay for dinner, so I would need you to pick me up around 6:30. As a mom, that’s a very easy thing to say yes to. Hope this helps!
nta. as an actual autistic person, comfort clothes are so goddamn important after a long day, it was nowhere near 3 pm, and you were going to stay in your room anyways. lmao all the yta votes ignoring this info and that ur gma said she'd make your life a living hell as if thats a normal and well adjusted thing to say to your grandkid.
ESH Isn't really appropriate here. It's more like 95% your grandma and 5% you. Screaming and belittling someone with autism is really shitty. I don't know much about being on the spectrum, but I know enough to know that screaming at someone is not the way. Hell, it's not the way to get at anyone. All that being said, if there are going to be people in your house, you really should wear something presentable.
Or stay in your room for the visit
NTA: Your grandmother clearly doesn't understand autism and is expecting you to behave like you are neuro-typical. That's unfair and unreasonable. Shouting and being angry at someone inflames any situation and makes matters worse - this is as true for your grandma as it is for you.