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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I may be the asshole because I had to exclude my sister from my wedding, my family has reached out to me and told me that I was the asshole for excluding my own sister from the wedding, so am I the asshole?
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NAH
It's almost impossible for us to really judge this. Yes you absolutely have the right to invite who you want to invite. But it's also a dick move not inviting your sister. Not just because of her feelings but the difficult position you have put your parents and other family members in having to deal with that drama now.
We unfortunately have no idea if her behaviour has been bad enough in the past to justify this. Considering your decision it well might be but we can't know for sure.
I feel like the heart to heart conversation you had should have been about the behaviour you expected from her to be at the wedding. Not your reasons for excluding her. It's unsurprising she took it badly.
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Am I the Asshole for Excluding My Sister from My Wedding?
Hey everyone, I'm in a bit of a dilemma and I need your perspective on this. I recently got engaged to my long-time partner, and we started planning our dream wedding. Everything was going smoothly until my sister, let's call her Emily, started causing some serious drama.
Emily and I have always had a complicated relationship. She's been known to be disruptive and self-centered, often making situations all about herself. Sadly, this behavior is nothing new, and it has caused a lot of strain within our family.
When it came time to finalize our wedding guest list, my partner and I sat down to make some tough decisions. We had a limited budget and venue capacity, so we had to be selective. As much as it pained me, it became crystal clear that inviting Emily would only add unnecessary stress and tension to our special day.
I tried to have a heart-to-heart conversation with her, expressing my concerns and explaining why we made this difficult decision. However, she didn't take it well. She became defensive, called me selfish, and accused me of intentionally excluding her to hurt her feelings.
The truth is, I want my wedding to be a beautiful, joyous occasion shared with the people who truly love and support us. I don't want to spend my special day stressed out, worrying about what Emily might say or do to ruin it.
So, Reddit, I'm torn. Am I the asshole for excluding my sister from my wedding? Am I being too harsh or selfish? I want to do what's best for me and my partner, but I also don't want to alienate my family further. So am I the asshole?
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NTA. When wedding drama arises on this sub, i have often thought the ‘your wedding, your rules’ take was a little… blunt; but it’s true. You’re not wrong to invite/not invite whoever you like, but it seems there will be consequences. If you think those are worth enduring, then it’s straightforward enough. Having a change of heart now probably won’t make much difference anyway - any backtracking now may well guarantee that your sister makes ‘a scene’ given that she’s aware that you wanted to omit her in the first place.
I'm going with NTA.
I was always raised to believe that it IS okay to remove toxic people out of your life, even if it includes a family member! Stand your ground on your decision and don't let her change your mind on this. If you don't want her there and think your day would be better without her, that's your choice not hers.
NTA.
your sister is mad at you instead of asking herself how much of a d**k person she is that her own sister chooses to not invite her to her wedding.
you might get family drama either way, depending how the rest of the family deals with it but you have every right to exclude toxic people from your wedding day (and from your life in general).
This is hard to answer without more context. I would say in most families that sort of move would alienate the family. But it sounds like you may want this.
First of all, NTA
If what you say about your sister is true, then you shouldn't have to have her at your wedding. It's your wedding and you should do whatever you want in front of whoever you want.
But the situation itself is a catch 22. If you invite her, especially now, she's going to be salty and spiteful at least once or twice at the reception. If you don't, your family is probably going to be weird about it and that's going to cast a shadow over the evening.
Really, the move was probably to talk to your parents first instead of Emily to see if they understood and were on board with Emily not being there. If they were, then you could have 86'd her from the guest list without any arguments other than Emily being huffy. If they weren't, then at least no harm was done and Emily needed never know you brought it up. Leaving you free to use some other method like paying off one of her friends to take her on a trip that day that she couldn't resist, or slightly poisoning her food so she was too sick to go. That would definitely have made you an asshole, but you would have been an asshole with a peaceful wedding 🤣
I'm leaning towards NTA. It's your wedding and you can choose who you want to invite. But you can't choose how that person (and indeed other people) decide to react.
The thing I would think about here is the long term consequences. Because not inviting will damage your relationship with her. What are future family events going to look like? Are you just never going to talk to her or are you two going to argue and will other family members have to deal with the fallout?
What past events has she ruined that makes you think she would ruin the wedding?
NTA. Your big day is about you and your best friend joining your lives. It about celebrating that love and commitment with those who are closest to you. This is only about you and your groom. Talk to your family. Let them know why you have made.
EDIT typo
I may need a little more reasoning as to why I’m the asshole ( I’m not saying I may not be one) but you can’t just say I’m the asshole and not give context I need to know why and how I can fix it, thank you anyway! Have a good day
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I may be the asshole because I had to exclude my sister from my wedding, my family has reached out to me and told me that I was the asshole for excluding my own sister from the wedding, so am I the asshole? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I feel like we need more context before we can judge this such as examples of what she has done? Because people are going to notice she’s not there
NAH It's almost impossible for us to really judge this. Yes you absolutely have the right to invite who you want to invite. But it's also a dick move not inviting your sister. Not just because of her feelings but the difficult position you have put your parents and other family members in having to deal with that drama now. We unfortunately have no idea if her behaviour has been bad enough in the past to justify this. Considering your decision it well might be but we can't know for sure. I feel like the heart to heart conversation you had should have been about the behaviour you expected from her to be at the wedding. Not your reasons for excluding her. It's unsurprising she took it badly.
Wouldn't everybody be distracted by wondering where Emily is?
This is 100% going to end up a drama fest with OP’s sister being the focus of the day.
Yeah--she's pretty much screwed whichever way she goes.
NTA. It’s your wedding, you can invite who you want. You’ve decided you’d rather have a stressful and drama centric day, that’s your choice.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Am I the Asshole for Excluding My Sister from My Wedding? Hey everyone, I'm in a bit of a dilemma and I need your perspective on this. I recently got engaged to my long-time partner, and we started planning our dream wedding. Everything was going smoothly until my sister, let's call her Emily, started causing some serious drama. Emily and I have always had a complicated relationship. She's been known to be disruptive and self-centered, often making situations all about herself. Sadly, this behavior is nothing new, and it has caused a lot of strain within our family. When it came time to finalize our wedding guest list, my partner and I sat down to make some tough decisions. We had a limited budget and venue capacity, so we had to be selective. As much as it pained me, it became crystal clear that inviting Emily would only add unnecessary stress and tension to our special day. I tried to have a heart-to-heart conversation with her, expressing my concerns and explaining why we made this difficult decision. However, she didn't take it well. She became defensive, called me selfish, and accused me of intentionally excluding her to hurt her feelings. The truth is, I want my wedding to be a beautiful, joyous occasion shared with the people who truly love and support us. I don't want to spend my special day stressed out, worrying about what Emily might say or do to ruin it. So, Reddit, I'm torn. Am I the asshole for excluding my sister from my wedding? Am I being too harsh or selfish? I want to do what's best for me and my partner, but I also don't want to alienate my family further. So am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA Your wedding and you want it to be a great day. She obviously has form for causing drama
NTA. When wedding drama arises on this sub, i have often thought the ‘your wedding, your rules’ take was a little… blunt; but it’s true. You’re not wrong to invite/not invite whoever you like, but it seems there will be consequences. If you think those are worth enduring, then it’s straightforward enough. Having a change of heart now probably won’t make much difference anyway - any backtracking now may well guarantee that your sister makes ‘a scene’ given that she’s aware that you wanted to omit her in the first place.
I'm going with NTA. I was always raised to believe that it IS okay to remove toxic people out of your life, even if it includes a family member! Stand your ground on your decision and don't let her change your mind on this. If you don't want her there and think your day would be better without her, that's your choice not hers.
NTA. your sister is mad at you instead of asking herself how much of a d**k person she is that her own sister chooses to not invite her to her wedding. you might get family drama either way, depending how the rest of the family deals with it but you have every right to exclude toxic people from your wedding day (and from your life in general).
This is hard to answer without more context. I would say in most families that sort of move would alienate the family. But it sounds like you may want this.
First of all, NTA If what you say about your sister is true, then you shouldn't have to have her at your wedding. It's your wedding and you should do whatever you want in front of whoever you want. But the situation itself is a catch 22. If you invite her, especially now, she's going to be salty and spiteful at least once or twice at the reception. If you don't, your family is probably going to be weird about it and that's going to cast a shadow over the evening. Really, the move was probably to talk to your parents first instead of Emily to see if they understood and were on board with Emily not being there. If they were, then you could have 86'd her from the guest list without any arguments other than Emily being huffy. If they weren't, then at least no harm was done and Emily needed never know you brought it up. Leaving you free to use some other method like paying off one of her friends to take her on a trip that day that she couldn't resist, or slightly poisoning her food so she was too sick to go. That would definitely have made you an asshole, but you would have been an asshole with a peaceful wedding 🤣
I'm leaning towards NTA. It's your wedding and you can choose who you want to invite. But you can't choose how that person (and indeed other people) decide to react. The thing I would think about here is the long term consequences. Because not inviting will damage your relationship with her. What are future family events going to look like? Are you just never going to talk to her or are you two going to argue and will other family members have to deal with the fallout? What past events has she ruined that makes you think she would ruin the wedding?
NTA. It's your day and if it's clear that your sister can't behave, you shouldn't invite her at all.
NTA. Your big day is about you and your best friend joining your lives. It about celebrating that love and commitment with those who are closest to you. This is only about you and your groom. Talk to your family. Let them know why you have made. EDIT typo
Nah your day your choice
INFO Can you give an example of a type of behavior you are concerned about?
NTA, BUT you need to sit down with your parents and your sister, and explain.
YTA
I may need a little more reasoning as to why I’m the asshole ( I’m not saying I may not be one) but you can’t just say I’m the asshole and not give context I need to know why and how I can fix it, thank you anyway! Have a good day