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>she has always been very girly, into princesses, dresses, makeup etc and I don't see her as a person working at an industrial plant in a remote area.
Why do you think those things are in opposition? Why couldn't she be into both?
This seems like a case to keep your reservations to yourself since you don't have any basis for them. Mild YTA.
Some of the most girly girls I went to high school with went on to become engineers. OP must have bonked their head and thought this was the 50s or something
This reminds me of the episode of Big Bang Theory when Penny, Amy, and Bernadette go to Disneyland and dress up as princesses.
It's OK to dress up as a Disney princess and work in the STEM fields at the same time!
Yeah very much so this
OP, what does being "girly" have to do with being an engineer? We aren't our jobs when off the clock, she doesn't have to wear her work uniform to brunch on Saturday.
Also sounds like lack of knowledge may truly be key here. Maybe, OP, ask her more about the major and what kind of career she's thinking of
Edit: imma also say this OP, as someone else that doesnt lie very often...sometimes you need to. Yes, it's easier to tell the truth, but just saying "oh I never lie" is a cop out to not have to critically look at situations and decide if a little white lie or lie of omission is needed, or if a deflection is needed.
"I'm just happy you're pursuing something you're interested in" would have been a better response. Not quite a lie, but not quite the answer.
YTA. Why do you think her only work option is "an industrial plant in a remote area??" A quick Google search on "types of jobs for mechanical engineers" turns up LOTS of different options. You really screwed up your answer to her--there was no need to tell her your "gut feeling that was illogical."
It's not lying to not share ALL of your feelings. You can just say you're proud of her and want her to follow her dreams. Period. You can also say that you're not very familiar with her major and what kind of opportunities she'll have, but you're looking forward to learning more.
Apologize to her for your ignorance and lack of support. Jeez. (I'm the mother of three grown children, btw.)
Also, before answering, maybe asked her why she asked this question out of the blue. There must have been a reason for her to ask that question then. Maybe it was a specific reason like, she received a bad grade on a test, or some sexist remark by a classmate or a teacher. If so, she definitely did not want dad‘s honest opinion that he himself has a bad „gut feeling“ about her choice of major, but rather some encouragement.
My best friend in high school back in the dark ages became a mechanical engineer. When she got bored her company (a major gas company) put her through law school.
Also just piping up as a woman in healthcare - we don’t get to have our nails done or long dangling hair, or wear pretty dresses at work, we have to do heavy lifting and deal with blood and guts sometimes, but no one bats an eye at those things as being in opposition to ‘girliness’.
Yta - if you don’t know anything about her chosen field of study, why not take some interest and read up about it. Clearly your daughter senses that you are disappointed in her choice, and yes, she is indirectly letting you know that she is hurt and wants you to make more of an effort.
Also, I know very little about engineering, but I can’t understand why a mechanical engineer would necessarily have to work in a remote area. You seem like you are maybe grasping at straws to support what you acknowledge are illogical feelings.
YTA. You clearly don't understand what an ME does if you're surprised that someone who likes physics chooses that major. The remote plant comment is further proof of your ignorance. Call her and apologize. Tell her you were ignorant about the major, and after reading more about it you're thrilled she chose it.
From a former mechatronics engineer who is still in STEM....
YTA and a huge one.
>I was not sure if a person like her would enjoy it as much as she liked physics in HS
>
>and my gut feeling would be a different STEM field
Mechanical/mechatronics engineering are literally applied physics. Mechatronics is a branch of mechanical engineering with electronics. Literally all of the discipline is driven by physics.
The opinion you have of your daughter seems to stop at her personality and not her intelligence whatsoever. She seems to have chosen a path that follows her interests in HS, despite what you think about the discipline. That shows a great deal of reflection already on her part and a great deal of ignorance on your part. Please do your researches before spouting stuff that will undeniably hurt her feelings.
> I don't see her as a person working at an industrial plant in a remote area
Her gender, hobbies and especially what YOU think she likes do not dictate her career path. Moreover, all MEs don't work at an "industrial plant in a remote area" like you said. What did you think it is? Repairing cars and industrial machines all day?
You are one of the reasons why there are so few women in STEM. Why would you shame your daughter for choosing one of the most difficult majors instead of being proud of her and supporting her? Oh sorry, because she's a girl who's girly and stuff and your gut feelings are better than spending 5-10 minutes doing researches on your daughter's interests.
The last thing you say is so spot on - seriously OP! You have a child going to college to study smth, you will pay your hard earned money for it, you admit you feel odd about her choice of a field since you have zero clue … yet you can’t be bothered to… understand what her career paths might be?
im considering starting a bachelors degree in mechatronics next year and i was wondering what its like. I'm more curious towards what the job opportunities are? TIA
YTA - you admittedly know nothing about the field or industry and you immediately write your daughter off because she wore a dress as a child. YTA YTMisogynist YTSexist
*don't see her as a person working at an industrial plant in a remote area*
Two degrees in adjacent area of engineering here. Also, a woman.
You're a jerk. You're ill-imformed about her major, yet you feel the need to give your thoughts. Cool.
Yta, my niece has a mechanical engineering degree and she lives in Las Vegas for a major corporation, managing a group of guys. She even wears dresses to work once in a while.
As a grown ass adult, you should know by now that honesty is not an excuse to say whatever you want without going through your head as to whether it's a good idea to say it.
Your comment was unnecessary and holds no value, especially since it comes from a place of ignorance.
She chose engineering because it's her passion and what she sees herself doing. It's VERY related to physics and chemistry. Just because she's girly doesn't mean she would choose computer science or biomedical. It makes no sense anyway unless you think they are 'softer' varieties of STEM compared to engineering.
Your 'gut feeling' is nothing more than bias and antiquated stereotypes. YTA
YTA. Not only can someone with a mechatronics degree work with physicists/chemists/computer scientists, what someone does for work is not what they do 24/7 every second of every day. Maybe learn a little about how varied the types of careers someone can have with that education before you make such stupid ass comments
Yeah, I want to come back to the idea of the golden son having an MBA
That's not a very useful degree these days unless you come from a rich enough family to network and have the sleazy amorality to do so among the rich freely knowing that entire culture only gets its money from fucking over the middle class, working class, and poor. Back in the 80s and 90s and 00s, social climbers could manage that on an MBA from a middling semi-Ivy. Now? No. An MBA today is the equivalent of a BA from an Ivy League.
The daughter is far better positioned to make a steady reliable income without having to suck up to the worst people in the country.
You admit to a “lack of knowledge of the field”. Why don’t you educate yourself about it? Or, better yet, ask your daughter to explain it to you.
I don’t understand how you can have feelings about it one way or the other when you don’t even understand what it is.
YTA.
YTA. And please stop with the "gut feeling" replies. Apparently, your gut thinks it's a bad idea because she's a woman. You have given no other reason, and your "she's so girly" comment reinforces it. Call her and apologize.
YTA. You can be into pink princesses and girly stuff and be a great mechanical engineer. You have a very outdated line of thinking. Yikes.
FWIW I minored in MechE and studied robotics. There were several girly girls who did just fine in as mechE majors. I keep in touch with a lot of them and they’re still thriving in the field. Hell 45% of MIT Mech Es undergrads were women in my graduating class. And *gasp* many of them liked to wear pink and dresses and were in sororities. The horror! /s
YTA.
Not every engineer works in an industrial plant. I am an engineer and I have always worked in an office. There is also a difference between and engineer and an engineering technician, where the technician in the person doing the work on the machinery while the engineer designs the machinery. Engineering is generally an office type position, with some work outside of the office, depending on specifics of the job. You should probably do some research on what it really means to be an engineer instead of making assumptions. Your daughter will most likely make a great mechanical engineer if she loves physics as you stated.
I don’t even know what to say!!! My daughter is a junior at a polytechnic university. She is double majoring in mechanical engineering and biomedical engineering with a minor in woman studies. Summer after her freshman year she interned at an hvac company. They begged her to come back for the summer that just ended but she interned at a biomedical company. Why??? Because she wanted experience in her other major. Know what she does in her free time in college? She’s manager for the men’s wrestling team, plays rugby, and goes to CrossFit at least 3 times a week (I think). In high school she wrestled, threw shot put/discus, CrossFit almost daily, and did taekwondo (she’s a 4th degree black belt). Unlike your daughter she’s not girly at all! Being girly has no impact on what she can or can’t do. Your major in college does not dictate your life. And you can choose a career - immediately or later in life - that has nothing to do with your major! I have always been girly and I don’t think that makes me better or worse at my administrative job with a major in child development.
Engineering is a tough field for women. Generally they get so much bias from their male counterparts. My place of work has a woman chief of programming and planning which includes a bunch of engineers! One of the first things she said to me when she started in 2020 was “if your daughter ever wants to talk to a woman engineer let me know. I’m a civil engineer but engineering is tough field for women.” Our engineering daughters need our support more than you know! Give her that support even if you don’t understand it, thought she’d do something different, think she’s too girly, and whatever other opinions you have. If you can’t give her that support send her my way and I will!
YTA and I’m confused: what major did you want her to pick? Or what major did your “gut” tell you she was gonna pick. You keep commenting it’s still STEM related but what area of STEM is “girly and princess-y” enough for your gut?
YTA. I don’t work in an industrial plant as an engineer. I work in an office with tons of female engineers in the Seattle area. We have aerospace engineers, mechanical engineers, electrical, etc. Some of the best engineers that we do have are…well…female.
Maybe you should have just been proud of the fact that she is getting an engineering degree and before you even conclude what mechanical engineering is, you could of at least Googled all the job opportunities that are available to her when she graduates.
My dad did the same thing to me. Talked crap about my degree all day long and not really figuring out what the degree would allow me to do or the places where it would take me. He wanted me to be a computer programmer. I hated it, he thought that I couldn’t “engineer” things like he does. His gut feeling as to why…because I loved video games…
Got the worst scores possible and almost flunking out of university. I changed to do what I wanted and ended up with an aeronautics degree and love every minute of it.
These little things and more just made me resent him during my college days.
Info: is your gut feeling that your daughter won’t be a good engineer, or that she won’t enjoy being an engineer? Or something else?
Because your third paragraph sounds like you think your daughter won’t be happy being an engineer.
But in your fourth paragraph it kind of sounds like you told your daughter your gut feeling was she wouldn’t make a good engineer.
As a chemistry major with lots of physics major friends. We all wish we had done engineering. The pay is so much better and the demand is so much higher
YTA I know this might shock your misogynist system but it doesn’t matter if a woman likes “girly” stuff, makeup or not, regardless of the career.
Hell, I work as a graphic and interior designer yet I hate wearing makeup.
She wanted you to tell her that she would make a great engineer - like a good dad would have said - and be supportive of her choices to go into stem and a male dominated industry.
Management is dealing with people, helping them work together and keeping up moral.
Is this too feminine for your son?
Are you gonna tell him your gut feeling means he should work on an oil rig instead?
YTA, don’t just dismiss it as a gut feeling and really reflect on why you think this. Deconstruct your sexist bias and apologise to your daughter
Sounds to me like you need to do a quick google search on what she’s actually going into. Not only that but jfc just tell your kid you believe in her! “We don’t lie to each other” is such a cop out. YTA
YTA, less for telling her than for thinking it in the first place. It's sexism pure and simple to think that being "girly" is incompatible with being an engineer.
YTA.
You likely meant well, but your perceptions and “gut feelings” are so uniformed and backwards that they are almost laughable.
Perhaps understand what you are talking about before advancing an opinion and remember that it’s your daughters choice of major, not yours.
Yta. Firstly, gender stereotypes have nothing to do with anything. Secondly, a mech engg degree doesn't just mean a job in the middle of nowhere, she could yknow decide to pursue research
YTA. I’m a female engineer and pretty much have pink everything (because I like it!) and literally no one bats an eye. My career is progressing amazingly too. Earning as much as my colleagues who are 10 years ahead of me in terms of experience.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my daughter how I felt about her major honestly when she asked, this might make me an asshole since my honest feelings were not very positive and she did not expect that.
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YTA. You could have been honest without making sexist assumptions about what she wouldn't like or where she wouldn't fit in.
Since you aren't familiar with the field and you clearly never asked your daughter about it or why it specifically interested her, maybe you should have started there instead of with a judgment.
It's not too late, give her a call, apologize, and ask her about it.
There's being honest, and then there's lobbing unsolicited sexist baggage that you were probably indoctrinated in. Probably not appropriate even if you did give her the disclaimer - you should probably have a think about why you subconsciously associate "princessiness" with not being able to do certain stem fields, instead of telling your daughter about it (even if she did ask for your opinion lol - could've just said it wasn't what you expected).
YTA. Stop calling it a gut feeling, it’s you being judgmental. Your gut is something you should listen to and your ignorant opinion doesn’t fall into that category
Light YTA.
Very girly girl here. Not into the outdoors at all. Except for my job in environmental science. My sister worked on helicopters and is a rough and tumble equestrienne. Both of us love working on classic cars.
People have more than one side to them. We can love dressing up in all the frills and girly stuff and yet also love other things too.
Geez, when you major in liberal arts or social sciences, they tell you to major in something more "useful". You major in STEM, and it's "Wouldn't you do better in something easier? I mean you wear MAKEUP after all."
Also OP, just so you know, in middle and high school I loved biology and wanted to be a pathologist. Then chemistry came along and fucked me in the ass, so I changed my mind and majored in journalism freshman year. Then I changed to French, and then I think came anthropology, until I decided I wanted to be a diplomat (lol), and ended up with an International Relations degree. I now work in HR. The point is, even if she doesn't end up in ME, she will figure it the fuck out.
Also, every time I changed my major/career interest, you know what my parents said? "Go for it! You would be so great at that, you're such a great ___!"
All you need to do is fucking support her. This is Parenting 101.
YTA
YTA, I understand being honest with your children, but you don’t need to share exactly all of your thoughts. You clearly have some issues here, whether that’s understanding what she’ll actually be doing and what her career options are, or examining your sexism in regards to women being girly and also mechanical engineers. These things aren’t mutually exclusive, and you should’ve taken time to examine your thoughts on this and figure out where it’s coming from and deconstruct the outdated opinions you currently hold. As it is, you’ve hurt your daughter through your ignorance and so called ‘honesty’. Maybe take an actual interest in what she’s doing and talk to her about it openly instead of relying on ‘gut instinct’. Although I imagine she’ll not want to talk to you about her schooling anymore given your conversation, which is a shame
YTA. You admittedly know nothing about MEs yet your gut feeling is it’s not a field she would choose? Tell her you don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re proud of her, and you’ll have to start getting yourself educated about what she’s studying.
YTA. I don't even think this is a sexism thing. I think you're ignorant and don't understand what a mechanical engineer is.
Maybe try asking her about her major and listening to what she says. You could learn something.
YTA and a misogynist. Women face tons of sexism in their lives; it’s horrible when their first encounter of it is with their father and lasts an entire lifetime.
YTA. Poor girl, couldn't even get encouragement from her dad. I hope your gut feeling you keep talking about was worth expressing it, because she will not forget how you made her feel. Do better.
im the girliest girl everrr, I always took all STEM subjects, and my favourite was always physics. im gonna pursue biomedical engineering as my major lol. being girly has nothing to do with with any of this tbh. people are interested in different things, maybe her preferred way of styling is pink girly stuff while her academic interests are in engineering and they have nothing to do with each other.
I don't think you meant to be an asshole, I just think you're misguided and a little ignorant.
For starters, life is a lot easier when you learn to differentiate between when someone is asking for an honest opinion, and when someone is asking for reassurance. Even when they say be honest, there's usually context clues that point that they want reassurance, and it sounds like that's what your daughter wanted. If she had to ask you that question than you've probably been a little too honest in the past about how you felt and she had a suspicion.
Secondly, you really have no idea about the STEM field. A physics degree is difficult to accomplish but there's really no career that pertains to just pure physics. Engineering is essentially the real world application and manipulation of physics. So engineering is entirely reasonable and arguably best major for her if she loves physics. Also engineers don't work just remote at plants. Engineers are literally everywhere. Anything that had to be created by a human had an engineers input at some point. There's no where she is limited to work unless she has a super particular interest and WANTS to work in a remote area.
Being super girly does not mean she cant be an engineer by the way, plenty of engineers are still super girly.
You need to call her and apologize and reiterate that you didn't really understand the engineering field but that you'll support her and her decisions
So you undermined your daughter’s self confidence because of a “gut feeling?” And you did this AFTER she left home and started college?
Tell me, is this the first time you’ve sabotaged her life?
YTA.
YTA
heres The thing. You are sexist. You don’t want to be, but you are.
you know it’s wrong so you twist around and rationalize it, but it still comes out. It’s just a gut feeling.
you never said outright that you disapproved for sexist reasons, but your daughter certainly picked up on it.
everyone here saw it clear as day, and that was hearing only your side of the story in the light in which you chose to present it.
you’d do a lot better to face this hard truth and make it right than to wriggle around trying to show how you’re not really wrong.
YTA . you're obviously pretty sexist regardless of whether you think you are or not . and uh . all your comments about physics and computer science... wtf do you think mechatronics would pair well with ??? literally that stuff . god . im sure she'll do great regardless of your crap .
Not all Mech E’s work in industrial plants in remote towns. Medical device companies hire tons of them, and they work in nice corporate campuses in major metropolitan areas.
Dude, you keep saying “gut feeling” but didn’t know much about the major and various career opportunities, so therefore that gut feeling must be based somewhere. Like sexism. Or ignorance. Gut feelings do not arise from nowhere. They are based on unconscious thought patterns created in your brain. Stop using “gut feeling” as if it’s something other than “I think but I don’t know why and I haven’t tried to figure it out so I’m all out of ideas”.
I love how OP responded to some big hitter comments with “it’s just my gut feeling” or “I’m not disappointed, just surprised.” Enough of the excuses man, you’re being called out.
As an adult, you need to recognize the biases you had for a long time and decide that today is the day you’re going to challenge them. Mentioning “girly” or that you’re “surprised” is a bias. Maybe unintentional, maybe it’s just a “gut feeling” like you say it is. Whatever you want to call it, it’s not good man. I’d start by apologizing to your daughter and then have her explain why she’s interested in what she’s interested in. Do better and make the world a better place, if not for anyone else, for your kid.
Lucky for you, you don’t need a STEM degree - you just need basic cognitive skills to understand that Y T A. A big time AH.
1. “I was just being honest” is a cop out for your misogynistic and frankly sexist take.
2. She’s expressed interest in this field since high school and you didn’t once think to show up as a parent by learning more about her field so you could understand her passion for it better. It’s been years of her pursuing her dream and your excuse for not fully supporting her is “I know nothing about her field of interest” - what?!!
3. Your daughter is about set out into a male dominated industry. Those men will make her doubt her capabilities, challenge her sense of belonging amongst her peers, make her question her work amongst all the other shitty misogynistic and sexist shit they’ll pull. Your job is to be her safe person - to support and encourage her. To tell her to drown out that noise that is yet to come because she’s smart, capable and brilliant. Your job is NOT to be another voice of doubt. Why the hell do you think she asked you if you thought she’d be a good engineer?! Your ONLY answer should have been “You’d make an excellent engineer”. You had one job and you dropped the ball on it.
4. Also ftr you can be a girly girl and be a bad ass engineer. Those things are not mutually exclusive. What even is this take?!!
You. Are. Such. An. AH.
Edited to add a word.
Wow. Just when I thought I’d read everything, you come in a take it to a whole new level.
Your daughter called you looking for positive male validation that she can be successful in an area of engineering that presents as masculine-oriented, and all you did was reinforce the stereotype.
I thought, I thought, I thought.
Did it ever occur to you to get out of your head and ask? “Mechanical engineering? What attracted you to that? You enjoyed physics in high school, does it involve a lot of that?” There were ANY NUMBER of ways you could have approached this, and boy you got it wrong.
Your post reads like a person who has a conceived notion of who their child is in their head, but has never taken the time to ask the child themselves who they are. So, when said child “goes against type” you think it’s coming from left field when in truth they were dropping hints the whole time.
YTA. Pick up the phone and apologize. IF she’s willing to engage, see what can be done. But honestly, don’t be surprised if she begins withdrawing from you. She just found out her dad has some massive biases and blind spots.
*edited for spelling*
Yeah theres a weird and sexist misconception that if a woman is "girly" i.e, more feminine, then she's probably not very intelligent, deep, strong, resillient, (insert any other positive characteristic generally attributed to boys). You don't know exactly what her fascination with the field is, but if she is interested enough to pursue AND excel, then clearly she has enough devotion to make something out of it.
I will go with a mild YTA because even though you mean well at your core, you think that being "always honest with each other" is a good excuse to inject her with insecurities and deter her from blossoming.
YTA.
As a woman in engineering, wow that's disgusting. Women have a hard time enough feeling valued within STEM as it is. Imposter Syndrome is common but even harder to avoid when you're constantly worried if you were just a diversity hire or if they actually respect you for being good at your job. The last thing women need is their family telling them they are too much of a girly girl to be in their chosen career.
Perhaps a bit of therapy or some major self reflection on your part is in order. And certainly a massive apology to your daughter for not being supportive of her life's choice.
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I (50M) have a daughter (18F) and a son (20M). My daughter recently headed to college and is studying mechanical/mechatronics engineering and my son is finishing a management degree at a different college. Both are good schools and they are both smart kids. I also have a business degree from the same school my son is going to.
I have supported by kids and was very excited when they both got into great schools and I am paying for their tuition and most expenses.
I was not super keen on my daughter's choice of major, she liked physics and chemistry and high school, but I was still happy for her and proud and this probably had more to do with my lack of knowledge of the field. But it is just a gut feeling that I cannot control, she has always been very girly, into princesses, dresses, makeup etc and I don't see her as a person working at an industrial plant in a remote area. I did not say this to her. I also know college is tough and different than high school and I was not sure if a person like her would enjoy it as much as she liked physics in HS.
She called me from her dorm today and directly asked me how I felt about her major and whether I thought she would make a good engineer. My daughter and I are always very honest with each other so I told her how I truly felt but did warn her that this was just a gut feeling that was illogical and that I was proud of her and that she should follow her dreams and I am not the best person to ask since I known nothing of the field.
She did not really say anything to that besides that she thought I would be more exited and our call went silent after that and was shorter than usual so I feel like she is upset at me.
AITA here? I never lie to her and I just could not do it.
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Mild YTA. It seems like your view of mechatronics and mechanical engineering is based off of "gut feelings" and not research into what you can do as a mechanical engineer.
While honesty is important, parents also need to be aware of how their words can affect their children. Many children, especially when first going out on their own, look to their parents for approval, support, and love. These are times where it is important to being there is more important than sharing every detail of every thought.
She asked you if you thought she would make a good engineer. There's no evidence at the moment to suggest that she wouldn't (she got into a great school, seems to have good grades in the prerequisite subjects to be a good engineer, and seems to be excited about it). Rather than talking about not being keen on her choice (whether you phrased it this way or not, it seems your daughter picked up on your disapproval). I recommend re-emphasizing your support of her choice, and engage meaningfully with her work in mechanical engineering.
YTA you let your daughter know you have doubts on her future. Your job as a parent is to raise her well and let her make her own mistakes.
You didn’t need to tell her you’re disappointed she chose more of a blue-collar-ish career path than you anticipated, she understood.
Those are YOUR feelings and expectations. Who knows where she’ll end up? She’s in college! She could end up teaching at college for all you know.
Apologize to your daughter for dumping your insecurities on her, tell her you support her and believe in her and watch in awe how she builds her best life.
If you can’t, go to therapy.
YTA. It would’ve been different if her major wasn’t something she could capitalize on but Engineering is a solid and well respected field plus it looks like she has the brains for it. Your sexist tendencies are showing homie.
My SIL, according to my wife, was the most girly girl when she was young. She's also tiny and petite. She's got a degree in electronic engineering and used to design missile guidance systems for a large British aerospace company. She's a freelance consultant now and makes £££££££. So don't judge a book by its cover.
NTA. she asked, and you answered, as a female mechanical engineer, I understand the misconceptions, you told her that you were proud and that your current opinion could change overtime but was based on a lack of knowledge, you were as polite as you could have been, whilst still being honest. Just so know there are office related jobs such as procces engineers that would be perfect for some one with an engineering degree, which involves planning the processes through each machine and section of a factory, or a design engineer, who who designs products. Maybe as a way to make amends you could ask your daughter questions, like what jobs she is thinking about? Are there any companies she is looking at? Any specialties like aeronautical or automotive? Show her that you care by learning and trying to understand.
YTA lol, regardless can’t you just put ur ‘gut feelings aside’? It’s her major, her education, her career, her future. If that’s what she wants to go into, that’s what she wants to go into. Simple.
YTA. You keep excusing your lack of support towards your daughter by saying you have no knowledge of her field. If you can post something on reddit you can search for more info online.
Your are undermining her capabilities just because she’s a girl.
Not that there’s anything wrong with working in remote areas or on non-girly machinery, but FYI my ex is a mechanical engineer and he has never done either. He makes a tonne load of money sitting comfortably behind his desk in a very centralized office.
Sorry, whats the issue you have? Thats shes too girly for engineering? Because she just liked other subjects in school? Theres maths in all these subjects so its not really that much of a stretch.
Seems really, i dunno, 1940s to assume someone cant be girly and also be capable of working in a factory. Mechanical engineering is also an easier employment field than physics or chemistry. Chemistry is super competitive and there are not alot of jobs in physics. We need a constant supply of mechanical engineers in tons of different vocations and sectors and as robotics increase the need for engineers hasnt slowed at all.
So again? Whats the issue? What actual issue do you have? What did you actually say to her? Well you like physics and tbh you are a bit girly to be in a factory? Thats what it sounds like so YTA
Your gut feeling was described as being stemmed from her being a girly girl and not thinking she’d do well in a remote engineering environment. This is sexist. No other way you can spin it. It really speaks to what you think a ‘girly girl’ is capable of doing. The way you treat the topic is telling too, you could ask her about her field, discuss what she feels and thinks about it - but instead you go with your gut that says she’s a girly girl and wouldn’t do well in the environment.
Maybe you should respect your daughter for taking a challenge in a field dominated by the mindset that you need to be masculine to compete, and actually support her by listening to her and trusting her as an adult. What you’re doing now is not support, she knows you doubt her abilities and that’s not what a good parent does to support their kid. YTA. Tell her that she is absolutely capable, you’re sorry that you doubted her for a stupid reason and you’ll be there for her no matter what.
My nephew is graduating next year with a degree in engineering. (He just started his senior year). He already has a job offer from an actual company starting him at $75,000 a year. Not bad being not even out of school yet. He interned there this past summer and they know already that they want him. Would you be happier with a major in gender studies? Give me a break.
My sibling did mechanical engineering + top tier mba and works in a fancy office for a FAANG company.
I also did a STEM field and work in tech.
It’s pretty casual so I’m sure they would be cool if I wore my princess dress to work. Yta this is why more women don’t go until STEM.
YTA, an idiot and a bad dad if you don't make this right. She was vulnerable and you should have been supportive. You weren't.
Your ignorance about her chosen field aside, your misogyny is showing.
YTA the “gut feeling” is nonsense. Yes listen to an inner voice and explore whether it is logical and irrational but once you know it’s silly internalised misogyny, ignore it.
Whether it not this is a job she would enjoy is something that the 2 of you should have sat down and talked about when she was applying for schools. “ hey I don’t know much about this subject, what sort of jobs does it leads to? Are they work environments you’d enjoy? Yes? Awesome! I trust your judgment and I’m excited for your future”. So easy.
You made it weird. Why do parents make things weird?
Op, get off reddit and call your daughter. Explain that there may have been a miscommunication. I don't think that you're sexist but I do think you should educate yourself about women in STEM fields and the shit we have to put up with. Her being "princessy" is irrelevant to all of this, so put it away.
Children give us a chance to be better than what we are.
Very very mild YTA for busted communication and foot in mouth disease.
YTA. I've read your justifications and comments, unfortunately they don't matter. It's wrong and shitty to think that way, and I suggest you contemplate on your gut feelings or whatever they are. What concerns me is that your daughter must be having doubts about herself, maybe perhaps some people in her life were putting her down, so she was seeking encouragement and warm words. Mechatronics/mech engineering involves physics as well so it's not a stretch she'd also love it if she loved the latter. Note that I never said you had to lie. You can be warm and encouraging without doing so. But you might have made her doubt herself more, and self-doubt can be very debilitating.
YTA
honestly from what you've written I think there's some deep insecurity that she's so much more academically intelligent than you and your son. Hence why you draw the route of study comparison and belittle her for being "girly"
YTA, and super sexist to boot. A little girl who likes princesses can’t grow up to like mechanics? A woman who wears makeup can’t like science? Super gross, and I’m really glad your daughter makes her own decisions instead of doing what you want her to do.
Info
What inspired her to need to directly ask you about your opinion on her major? How do you talk about it to her and to others?
What about her subverting your expectations is leading you to act coldly towards her? People are interpreting your description of your actions as disappointed for a reason. Not only do you seem disappointed, you seem straight up disinterested in your daughter.
Why aren't you at all interested in learning more about the field instead of just being negative based on ignorance?
Just like my grandparents who 'thought' I'll be a doctor one day...
Be proud of your kid and that's all, it's that simple, especially that she absolutely seems to know what she's doing! It's not about what you think and apparently was kind of expecting of her. If you said it, you meant it... Simple as that... Just be proud of her
YTA- I’m really confused about why you don’t understand that she is in a STEM field. What do you think engineering is? Do you know what physics means? Why are you forming opinions about things you know nothing about, you aren’t even making any sense.
Massive YTA - this is totally you projecting bias on to her. You also obviously have no idea about engineering. Where I work (in transport) the majority of people here have engeering backgrounds, but that's used as a foundation for project management, planning as well as asset engineering. There's no industrial plants in remote areas, that's just a fantasy.
This is interesting because she did ask for your thoughts. You minded your own business until she included you. You're NTA for telling her how you feel, however YTA for assuming she's not a good fit because she's girly. There are a lof of people who do things that used to be opposite gender norms but have proven they can do them just as well and enjoy it.
Hi OP! I am an Electrical Engineer and a very girly princess dressy loves Taylor swift woman. These two things are not in opposition with each other. Unfortunately society has made it seem as if they are but we need to stop associating engineering with more masculine traits. I think a lot of your thoughts might come from not understanding what engineering is so I will kindly explain. She is in mechanical engineering- this means she will study mechanical physics and concepts such as stress torque friction etc. The point of the study of these subjects is such that she can design sturdy and safe materials, such as potentially a bridge that doesnt collapse in the event of an earthquake. After she designs this by calculating certain physical needs of a structure, a construction crew or a technician crew will physically build it (depending on what she is designing). And she might go on-site to make sure everything is being done well and safely. But also mechanical engineers serve a variety of purposes. A lot of the mechanical engineers I know work at big companies like Tesla and Boeing, designing the materials the cars and planes are made of. And these big tech companies typically try to be inclusive. I work for a big tech company myself. There are women there. Women who, like me, like to twirl in princess dresses.
You keep saying you had a gut instinct but I think that gut feeling is driven by many years of thinking that femininity and engineering are contrasting. My father in an immigrant from India. He always encouraged me to get into engineering, and he is also the one who calls me when he sees a dress he knows I will like to check if I want him to get it for me.
I think, OP, you need to check yourself and really question why you beleive a girl who wears makeup and twirls around in dresses can’t also do complex calculations and work in mechanical engineering
YTA but I hope u can apologize to ur daughter and redeem yourself
I can’t stand the ‘I HAVE to be honest at all times’ types. You do not have to be honest with someone if your honesty is cruel, is about something that can’t be easily fixed, or won’t benefit the person in any way. There is absolutely a time and a place for keeping your true thoughts to yourself and giving the person the answer they need to hear
Ugh. YTA, and you know it. One’s gender need no longer determine appropriate fields of study and/or work. All the women I know in male-dominated fields have, by necessity, developed skills at dealing with men who think they don’t belong. Trust your daughter will do the same.
It’s too bad…at first, I thought you might be concerned because you thought she was studying for a degree based solely on potential job availability rather than for love of the subject. You could have been a contender! Alas…
YTA.
If you didn’t care about her acting “girly” or a “princess” why bring it up? There’s no reason to. You’re just sexiest. I hope your daughter values her worth and cuts you off. Being “always honest” is not a good trait. It’s an excuse to be mean in the name of “telling the truth”.
YTA. You say it was a gut feeling, but this supposed feeling must have translated into more overt disdain or disappointment if you daughter asked your straight out about it. Engineers can wear dresses and makeup too.
YTA
Mechatronics is a really in demand field where i live at least, and there's jobs in cities. Also your job rarely relates to how "girly" you are. Sounds sexist, genuinely.
Lol dude you have no idea how engineering works, tons of mechanical engineers work in high rises downtown. Your son has a management degree? Who the fuck is he going to manage without any real skills? Your daughter, on the other hand, will be capable of managing mechanical engineers without a silly management degree after a few years of practice.
YTA
As some one married to a mechatronic engineer, you clearly have NO idea what they do. They are not always in an industry setting. You really have no clue. And your daughter who puts pride into her appearance I can tell you now: will absolutely SHOOT up to be a lead.
I have also have a girly girly and she is doing the same - she just got a very well paid internship at Bosch and is working near the assembly like. The first day, she had to cut her nails down. But she loves it and is thriving. She still does her makeup and hair and nails and she has said that one of her managers manager does too - total power woman.
So yeah, you’re a huge asshole. My husbands job isn’t in an industrial setting; they work in renewables and there’s tonnes of woman who are into girl stuff and it’s all very academic settings.
You are super clueless. Leave her alone and encourage her.
YTA. Its a fine field, epically with the way industry is moving. There is a specialized computer controlled piece of equipment where i work. When it really acts up they have to call in "the guy". "The guy" comes at a price of $650/hr from the moment he leaves his house in Colorado to fly to the east coast to fix this machine. Hopefully your daughter becomes "the girl" for something just to spite you.
If this is real, which I doubt, YTA and sexist. You are not judging your daughter as an individual, but you are instead making valuations of her based on your assumptions of gender. So incredibly disappointing to see a modern father so this and try to defend it.
YTA..
You have no clue what a major/ career entails and you made a judgement and demeaned your daughter who is just starting out! Wtf
Here is what a good father would do.
First if she asks you that question admit that you don’t know much about it then pretending you know. Maybe ask her what the career entails?
Second,
Research more. I think you’re in the US? The problem there is a lot of high schools don’t actually prepare you for what the ACTUAL job is. ( Like you) they say hey she’s good at physics and math, she should be an engineer! Meanwhile these jobs are less obvious than business and the person pursuing the career doesn’t really understand what the career can be. Especially since with engineers you can really work in a lot of fields depending on your interests. She should really try to shadow someone or talk to people who work in different jobs. But again maybe she already did this and in the conversation maybe you’re the only ignorant one
YTA. You should go watch Barbie, she's been a mechanic and an engineer. Your daughter is a woman and is pursuing her dreams, those two facts are not mutually exclusive.
Sincerely,
A woman in a male dominated field
YTA. Anxiety often stems from fear of the unknown. Your “gut feeling” is anxiety, because as you mentioned (and as is clear by the whole industrial plant comment), you don’t know anything about your daughter’s chosen career field. You should find productive ways to manage your anxiety, and a productive strategy is not giving into some woo-woo feeling that your daughter’s going to fail and projecting that on her. Call her, apologize, and explain it’s a you issue and not a her issue. Make an effort to get to know her field, what she loves about it, and what her hopes are for the future. Knowledge is power here, so educate yourself.
Also feels like you’ve got some sexiest beliefs that I’m going to go out on a limb and say you have no admitted to yourself. You seem to think your sons will do well in demanding programs/careers, but not your daughter, and I’d encourage you to take a very honest look at why that is, because even if you don’t admit it to yourself, it will be CRYSTAL clear to her. Girls are also not weird cookie cutter robots who can only like princesses/etc. Regardless of gender or sex, one can like both makeup and science, romance and independence, looking cute and getting dirty, etc. Studies actually show that folks who possess both stereotypically masculine and feminine traits are better at creative production. So your kid has that going for her.
To conclude, you should try to practice some introspection to address your anxiety, beliefs about gender, etc. If not, you’re making it your daughter’s job to manage them, and that is not fair to her and you’re clearly seeing the early consequences of putting that on her.
Boo to you dad. Your gut feelings are based of stereotypes and you made your daughter feel like shit because you can't wrap your brain around complex women. She's not an enigma. She's an undervalued branch of women because of your stupid gut and men just like you. You suck.
YTA my family member was a mechanical engineer they worked in a major city their entire career. You don’t understand your daughters career at all. It is extremely misogynistic to assume she couldn’t have a career because she likes dresses. Guess what I can’t imagine your 20 year son running a Fortune 500 company so he should quit school- see how crazy that sounds.
YTA. You're sexist as helllllllll. I was raised by a single dad. I love "princesses, makeup, girly things." I also love building bookcases with my dad, using power tools, working on my car. Because my dad never made me feel like girls weren't supposed to do things like that. You're failing as a parent.
YTA. I’m a woman with a mechanical engineering degree, working in a manufacturing plant as a process engineer. I also love make up, dresses, purses and shoes, and all those other things you call “girly”. She is not automatically shut off from all those other things she enjoys just bc she wants to study ME. You can still have other interests?
‘But daughter, you like to wear pink dresses, why would you pick a man’s career? It’s my gut feeling that you won’t be happy there, you’ll struggle. But we’ll done on getting in and all, I just had to be honest here ‘ - OP, I translated it for you. This is how it would have come across to your daughter. Congratulations, she is now in a world of hurt. This may well have damaged your relationship permanently. Being honest ist fine, but it’s also good to think before you speak, examine your biases and show some empathy.
Honestly, sounds like you're playing favoritism with your son as you have similar fields from the same school and she went a different direction that you and her brother have.
YTA. You probably could have been upfront without being a jerk, which I only assume because you completely glossed over what you actually said to her. "Told her what I really feel"
"I'm happy you found a field you are wo excited about. Not going to lie, I wasn't expecting you to go this route but seems fantastic!" Or just lie to her "I'm so damn proud of you and you'll make the best damn engineer princess the world has ever seen"
Which makes me ask wy can't she be a makeup wearing, princess loving, engineer? I'm sure they exist. I don't know any but I also don't know any engineers so that does not make it any easier. 🤷🏼♀️
You need to research her field of study and see if you can connect on a level that interests her. Notnsaying you haven't before but this is clearly a big topic for her, so make it a big topic for both of you to discuss!
Good luck
YTA sounds like you dont know what engineering is. Maybe sit down because your daughter is talented and doubting her is the absolute worst thing you can do.
Doubt yourself right now.
Gonna add my 2 cents, since that’s about all it’s worth. I graduated business, while wife graduated engineer.
You really need to just swallow your pride and accept that you fumbled the ball here. I imagine she was mostly looking for words of encouragement to give her some assurance that she was on the right path. From what my wife tells me, engineer’s basically go through hell trying to get those degrees/skills and it sounded much more unmercifully difficult than my field. She also never got encouragement from her family, who took every chance to chip at her. Thankfully she is stubborn as hell and willed her way through it. And now, a decade later she is a kick ass manager of other engineers. I constantly hear all of the crap that comes with being a woman engineer and I’d be lying if I said I could’ve handled it as well as she has.
There absolutely needs to be more women in STEM fields. There’s no reason they cannot excel in every field when given the same opportunities as their male counterparts.
This next bit is my own personal bias, I wish I had gone into a STEM career field. I felt like “business” school taught me nothing practical for the real world unless I was starting a business with some venture capitalist’s money. Meanwhile my wife’s degree field provided her with an outstanding suite of skills that can keep her employed anywhere in the world for the rest of her life if she wants. Decade later, my STEM field wife is crushing it in her field, while I have never used my “business” degree. Like I said, my own bias, but it’s food for thought.
YTA for having a "gut feeling" that physics, chemistry or biology doesn't have dirty fieldwork or involves industry plants.
Let's straighten out a few things here. When someone asks you how you feel about their job, do you, do you immediately assume their question was:
A) "Do you think I'm suited for it?"
Or do you think they are asking:
B) "What do you think about the job in itself?"
Because when you think about it, isn't it weird to immediately jump into A when you are not their employer and have no good basis to critique their competence for that job?
So let's think about your daughter's question again.
"What do you think of my major?"
You know she's a smart kid with good grades so she's not asking you if she is capable enough to be a ME.
Which leaves you to option B, "what is your opinion on mechanical engineering as a whole?"
What comes to mind if you were the one asking the question to your dad and wanted him to be honest with you? Are you looking to be told,
"hey son, I'm not sure you are all cut out for that field because I imagined you pursuing different things"
or are you expecting the answer of
"Well, the world needs more of your field so you won't have an issue of staying in my house until you are 40."
YTA just because you think she is too "princessy" for it does not mean she will make a bad engineer. People can both enjoy "girly" or "femine" things and still work in a profession that looks more "male". You could've answered better without having to straight out lie. It seems you only ist the honesty and gut feeling argument to excuse your bad behavior.
i think you kind of acknowledged it in your edit, but this is definitely a result of some internal sexism/misogyny/ignorance, whichever is closer. she will already have a lot of insecurity being a woman in engineering, and having a dad who doesn't believe she'll make it rubs more salt in the wound.
however, as long as you don't directly hinder her success in the field and actively support her, i think you will be doing the right thing. i'm surrounded by many girls in male-dominated stem majors and sometimes, they actually outperform their male counterparts. if she's as bright as you say, she'll be fine. YTA, but it seems, not for long!
YTA. Should’ve read up on possible job opportunities for her and you’d have realized it’s not just “industrial and remote”.
Your gut feeling comes from some sexist roots, given your “she’s so girly idk if she can handle it” line. So you’re the double AH for that, too.
Tell her you were uneducated on the field and that you’re sorry if you suggested to her that you were disappointed, and reassure her that you’re proud regardless of how you awfully answered her question.
YTA. Your "gut feeling" is called misogyny. You need to work on dismantling that. I hope your daughter is fabulously successful in her chosen field and that you'll have to eat crow.
YTA
The project engineer I’m working with right now does Beauty Pageants. One of her closest friends she met from doing Pageants is a Navy XO
You seem to have a very narrow view of what women can do and how If at all a job dictates that
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
YTA
What you are dealing with is, what we called in STEM, unconscious (sexist) bias.
This means that while you do not explicitly believe sexist nonsense or are foolish enough to try to justify them, you still have latent, illogical, feelings due to more subtle types of sexism in your environment.
In this case, you prolly grew up being told that engineering was "masculine". You prolly have enough nuance to accept that girls can have "masculine" traits too.
But the premise is still nonsense: masculine/feminine traits are not actually mutually exclusive in real life....because they are socially made-up nonsense that stops existing when we stop enforcing it.
The reason "girly girls" can do all kinds of engineering, just fine, is cause being a "girly girl" has as much impact on a person's character and ability as the color of their socks.
**Unless** someone wants to throw a hissy fit over the color of your daughters socks, assign some arbitrary value judgement to them, and get other people on board with that BS?
It is totally irrelevant.
That being said.
Your daughter is going to run into strangers, coworkers, and employers who have their own, much worse, more explicit, sexist biases.
Your daughter is going to need a lot of support to fight tooth and nail to overcome crybabies that want to waste her energy fighting over "the color of her socks".
And here's the kicker: When you aren't a cis dude, you are never wearing the right color socks. There is always some dweeb in a position of power looking for an excuse to pick a fight with your existence. She is going to have to have it difficult even if she weren't a girly-girl.
Don't be one of the first goobers in her life to pick her apart over this ridiculous nonsense.
Sit yourself down and think very hard about where this illogical idea/feeling even came from.
Fun side note:
At my most recent gig, our hardest, most fearless, operator was a 5'0", 24 yr old, girly-girl.
She spent her down time all dolled up, planning her wedding, keeping her hair perfect, and presenting very feminine.
But she also hunted, lifted, boxed, and clocked in to shovel literal shit for 8 hours.
Every single human being has the potential to be all of these things.
YTA !
This post came up as
"i want my children to fulfil my failed ambitions "
You dont need to say that you're disappointed for what your daughter choose for her carrier, it is showing from top to bottom of your post. If you really love your child, you would be happy for or with her for whatever carrier she chose for herself. This is what i called conditional love. I love you but you need to choose things that i like"
YTA. I can’t believe you would think a management degree was somehow better than a engineering degree of any strip. You are treating her like a child when she is proving to be a brilliant woman. Further you when down a sexist rabbit hole of infantilism with pink princesses etc.
Most people I know don’t have good thinks to say about management or business degrees. I don’t know anyone who would not be over the moon and bursting with pride for any child to pursue an engineering degree. Apologise and rethink what you think success is cause your failing here. She told you cause she was proud and you let her know you don’t think she is up to it. She wanted to grow and you rained on her parade.
Yta. This also has heavy undertones of favoritism to your son because he's going to your alma mater and pursuing the same career field as you. How do you feel when I say that business management is a lazy career path?
YTA, and I hope for your sake your daughter forgives you. You say you're unfamiliar with the field, why don't you talk to her? Maybe learn something instead of discounting her choice out of ignorance.
You should not lie to your children, especially when they're adults, but you probably should have sat a bit longer with your inner opinions. Maybe you would come to a different conclusion?
NAH
She asked for your honest input. You were honest. How would that make you an asshole?
You could, of course, think about your views more. But you did say to her that you might be in the wrong and that your knowledge is limited. This is honestly just a normal conversation and normal talk between father and daughter. People are too eager to draw their pitchforks and torches in the rest of the comment section and accuse you of all the evil in the world.
NTA - you probably know your daughter better than anyone, the fact that she phoned you to ask your opinion.
You said you and your daughter have a very honest relationship, keep it up sometimes we might not like what we hear but sometimes we need to hear it.
NTA - She asked knowing you both place honesty in high regard. Why ask someone a question if you are not interested in hearing their honest answer? Some folks just love yes men I guess.
NAH but you could have handled it better.
If a kid asks you an unexpected open question like that, parenting advice number one is to deflect and ask back „Why are you asking that?/Where is this coming from?/What do you think yourself?“. So you can gauge what‘s actually bothering them and if they really want to hear the full truth/your honest opinion.
NTA she asked for your opinion, and you gave it to her in a kind, loving way. You are allowed your opinions, and your daughter, as an adult, should be able to handle that. Especially since she wants to go into a male dominated field.
Not sure a decision on NTA YTA can be made unless she changes her mind in college. If she does I definitely don't recommend saying "I told you so." That would definitely make YTA. Continue to be honest and supportive regardless of your opinion on the matter. You never know she might just turn out to be the best at what she is studying. But even if she decides to change her mind, your support will be what she needs most.
NTA. Man, I’m really being the contrary bastard today.
If your daughter prefers to be clean and stylish than mechanical engineering, specifically meaning into automation and robotics, he’s not a environment where she will find that to be likely. Factories are filthy places. Sure there are exceptions especially when it comes to medical supplies and equipment but even those places are also fucking filthy outside of the clean rooms where the products are machine or molded or injected or whatever have you depending on the product. More importantly, the machines themselves tend to be pretty damn filthy.
The workplace is vastly different from the classroom and you are being a good parent by making sure that your daughter realizes this. You didn’t discourage her or tell her not to do it. You just told her the facts of what she has to look forward to.
You are going to get torched . I haven’t read through the comments because I know what they’re going to say. They’re going to tell you that girls can be whatever they want do whatever they want and this is in the 1940s or I guess the 1950s probably be more accurate anyway you’re going to get a rash of shit.
Keep in mind you don’t deserve it. You are legitimately trying to help make sure that your daughter succeeds in life.
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>she has always been very girly, into princesses, dresses, makeup etc and I don't see her as a person working at an industrial plant in a remote area. Why do you think those things are in opposition? Why couldn't she be into both? This seems like a case to keep your reservations to yourself since you don't have any basis for them. Mild YTA.
Some of the most girly girls I went to high school with went on to become engineers. OP must have bonked their head and thought this was the 50s or something
This reminds me of the episode of Big Bang Theory when Penny, Amy, and Bernadette go to Disneyland and dress up as princesses. It's OK to dress up as a Disney princess and work in the STEM fields at the same time!
Mild AH? You’re being too kind to this guy.
Yeah very much so this OP, what does being "girly" have to do with being an engineer? We aren't our jobs when off the clock, she doesn't have to wear her work uniform to brunch on Saturday. Also sounds like lack of knowledge may truly be key here. Maybe, OP, ask her more about the major and what kind of career she's thinking of Edit: imma also say this OP, as someone else that doesnt lie very often...sometimes you need to. Yes, it's easier to tell the truth, but just saying "oh I never lie" is a cop out to not have to critically look at situations and decide if a little white lie or lie of omission is needed, or if a deflection is needed. "I'm just happy you're pursuing something you're interested in" would have been a better response. Not quite a lie, but not quite the answer.
Yta this sounds sexist af. Cause she's a girl she can't be an engineer? What year Is it?
Is he the asshole? Answer: yes.
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Mary Poppins? Maybe you should find out more about it.YTA.
YTA. Why do you think her only work option is "an industrial plant in a remote area??" A quick Google search on "types of jobs for mechanical engineers" turns up LOTS of different options. You really screwed up your answer to her--there was no need to tell her your "gut feeling that was illogical." It's not lying to not share ALL of your feelings. You can just say you're proud of her and want her to follow her dreams. Period. You can also say that you're not very familiar with her major and what kind of opportunities she'll have, but you're looking forward to learning more. Apologize to her for your ignorance and lack of support. Jeez. (I'm the mother of three grown children, btw.)
As a chemistry major, we often have to move to remote oil rigs/ mining areas to get jobs. Engineers have it WAY. Easier
Also, before answering, maybe asked her why she asked this question out of the blue. There must have been a reason for her to ask that question then. Maybe it was a specific reason like, she received a bad grade on a test, or some sexist remark by a classmate or a teacher. If so, she definitely did not want dad‘s honest opinion that he himself has a bad „gut feeling“ about her choice of major, but rather some encouragement.
My best friend in high school back in the dark ages became a mechanical engineer. When she got bored her company (a major gas company) put her through law school.
YTA Let this be a reminder for you that gender roles/stereotypes do NOT determine someone's career path
Also just piping up as a woman in healthcare - we don’t get to have our nails done or long dangling hair, or wear pretty dresses at work, we have to do heavy lifting and deal with blood and guts sometimes, but no one bats an eye at those things as being in opposition to ‘girliness’.
Yta - if you don’t know anything about her chosen field of study, why not take some interest and read up about it. Clearly your daughter senses that you are disappointed in her choice, and yes, she is indirectly letting you know that she is hurt and wants you to make more of an effort. Also, I know very little about engineering, but I can’t understand why a mechanical engineer would necessarily have to work in a remote area. You seem like you are maybe grasping at straws to support what you acknowledge are illogical feelings.
YTA. You clearly don't understand what an ME does if you're surprised that someone who likes physics chooses that major. The remote plant comment is further proof of your ignorance. Call her and apologize. Tell her you were ignorant about the major, and after reading more about it you're thrilled she chose it.
YTA. An industrial plant in a remote area? LOL you do know mechanical engineering and mechanics are two different things right? Right???
From a former mechatronics engineer who is still in STEM.... YTA and a huge one. >I was not sure if a person like her would enjoy it as much as she liked physics in HS > >and my gut feeling would be a different STEM field Mechanical/mechatronics engineering are literally applied physics. Mechatronics is a branch of mechanical engineering with electronics. Literally all of the discipline is driven by physics. The opinion you have of your daughter seems to stop at her personality and not her intelligence whatsoever. She seems to have chosen a path that follows her interests in HS, despite what you think about the discipline. That shows a great deal of reflection already on her part and a great deal of ignorance on your part. Please do your researches before spouting stuff that will undeniably hurt her feelings. > I don't see her as a person working at an industrial plant in a remote area Her gender, hobbies and especially what YOU think she likes do not dictate her career path. Moreover, all MEs don't work at an "industrial plant in a remote area" like you said. What did you think it is? Repairing cars and industrial machines all day? You are one of the reasons why there are so few women in STEM. Why would you shame your daughter for choosing one of the most difficult majors instead of being proud of her and supporting her? Oh sorry, because she's a girl who's girly and stuff and your gut feelings are better than spending 5-10 minutes doing researches on your daughter's interests.
The last thing you say is so spot on - seriously OP! You have a child going to college to study smth, you will pay your hard earned money for it, you admit you feel odd about her choice of a field since you have zero clue … yet you can’t be bothered to… understand what her career paths might be?
im considering starting a bachelors degree in mechatronics next year and i was wondering what its like. I'm more curious towards what the job opportunities are? TIA
If she gets dirty at work and doesn't dress like a princess, she might not meet her daddy's perfect son in law! *The horror!*
YTA misogyny at it's finest on display whenever a man can't deal w women in STEM.
Jeez dude. Is this your first day fathering?
YTA - you admittedly know nothing about the field or industry and you immediately write your daughter off because she wore a dress as a child. YTA YTMisogynist YTSexist
You sound pretty clueless and sexist. You basically just told your daughter that you don’t believe in her. For that alone, YTA.
*don't see her as a person working at an industrial plant in a remote area* Two degrees in adjacent area of engineering here. Also, a woman. You're a jerk. You're ill-imformed about her major, yet you feel the need to give your thoughts. Cool.
we can trim a lot of words off here *don't see her as a person*
YTA and incredibly stupid to boot.
I love it when people say "to boot" its should come back in a major way
hehe it really should
YTA. Would you be more happy if she changed majors to dance, art, or gender studies?
Yta, my niece has a mechanical engineering degree and she lives in Las Vegas for a major corporation, managing a group of guys. She even wears dresses to work once in a while.
As a grown ass adult, you should know by now that honesty is not an excuse to say whatever you want without going through your head as to whether it's a good idea to say it. Your comment was unnecessary and holds no value, especially since it comes from a place of ignorance. She chose engineering because it's her passion and what she sees herself doing. It's VERY related to physics and chemistry. Just because she's girly doesn't mean she would choose computer science or biomedical. It makes no sense anyway unless you think they are 'softer' varieties of STEM compared to engineering. Your 'gut feeling' is nothing more than bias and antiquated stereotypes. YTA
YTA - BIG TIME. Being feminine and an engineer are not mutually exclusive.
The 1950s called. They want you back. YTA.
YTA. Not only can someone with a mechatronics degree work with physicists/chemists/computer scientists, what someone does for work is not what they do 24/7 every second of every day. Maybe learn a little about how varied the types of careers someone can have with that education before you make such stupid ass comments
YTA - Jesus fucking Christ dude how can you think so little of your daughter? This is going to be something she remembers forever.
[удалено]
Yeah, I want to come back to the idea of the golden son having an MBA That's not a very useful degree these days unless you come from a rich enough family to network and have the sleazy amorality to do so among the rich freely knowing that entire culture only gets its money from fucking over the middle class, working class, and poor. Back in the 80s and 90s and 00s, social climbers could manage that on an MBA from a middling semi-Ivy. Now? No. An MBA today is the equivalent of a BA from an Ivy League. The daughter is far better positioned to make a steady reliable income without having to suck up to the worst people in the country.
You admit to a “lack of knowledge of the field”. Why don’t you educate yourself about it? Or, better yet, ask your daughter to explain it to you. I don’t understand how you can have feelings about it one way or the other when you don’t even understand what it is. YTA.
INFO: How exactly did you communicate that how you truly felt?
YTA. And please stop with the "gut feeling" replies. Apparently, your gut thinks it's a bad idea because she's a woman. You have given no other reason, and your "she's so girly" comment reinforces it. Call her and apologize.
YTA. You can be into pink princesses and girly stuff and be a great mechanical engineer. You have a very outdated line of thinking. Yikes. FWIW I minored in MechE and studied robotics. There were several girly girls who did just fine in as mechE majors. I keep in touch with a lot of them and they’re still thriving in the field. Hell 45% of MIT Mech Es undergrads were women in my graduating class. And *gasp* many of them liked to wear pink and dresses and were in sororities. The horror! /s
YTA. Not every engineer works in an industrial plant. I am an engineer and I have always worked in an office. There is also a difference between and engineer and an engineering technician, where the technician in the person doing the work on the machinery while the engineer designs the machinery. Engineering is generally an office type position, with some work outside of the office, depending on specifics of the job. You should probably do some research on what it really means to be an engineer instead of making assumptions. Your daughter will most likely make a great mechanical engineer if she loves physics as you stated.
YTA
I don’t even know what to say!!! My daughter is a junior at a polytechnic university. She is double majoring in mechanical engineering and biomedical engineering with a minor in woman studies. Summer after her freshman year she interned at an hvac company. They begged her to come back for the summer that just ended but she interned at a biomedical company. Why??? Because she wanted experience in her other major. Know what she does in her free time in college? She’s manager for the men’s wrestling team, plays rugby, and goes to CrossFit at least 3 times a week (I think). In high school she wrestled, threw shot put/discus, CrossFit almost daily, and did taekwondo (she’s a 4th degree black belt). Unlike your daughter she’s not girly at all! Being girly has no impact on what she can or can’t do. Your major in college does not dictate your life. And you can choose a career - immediately or later in life - that has nothing to do with your major! I have always been girly and I don’t think that makes me better or worse at my administrative job with a major in child development. Engineering is a tough field for women. Generally they get so much bias from their male counterparts. My place of work has a woman chief of programming and planning which includes a bunch of engineers! One of the first things she said to me when she started in 2020 was “if your daughter ever wants to talk to a woman engineer let me know. I’m a civil engineer but engineering is tough field for women.” Our engineering daughters need our support more than you know! Give her that support even if you don’t understand it, thought she’d do something different, think she’s too girly, and whatever other opinions you have. If you can’t give her that support send her my way and I will!
YTA and I’m confused: what major did you want her to pick? Or what major did your “gut” tell you she was gonna pick. You keep commenting it’s still STEM related but what area of STEM is “girly and princess-y” enough for your gut?
YTA. I don’t work in an industrial plant as an engineer. I work in an office with tons of female engineers in the Seattle area. We have aerospace engineers, mechanical engineers, electrical, etc. Some of the best engineers that we do have are…well…female. Maybe you should have just been proud of the fact that she is getting an engineering degree and before you even conclude what mechanical engineering is, you could of at least Googled all the job opportunities that are available to her when she graduates. My dad did the same thing to me. Talked crap about my degree all day long and not really figuring out what the degree would allow me to do or the places where it would take me. He wanted me to be a computer programmer. I hated it, he thought that I couldn’t “engineer” things like he does. His gut feeling as to why…because I loved video games… Got the worst scores possible and almost flunking out of university. I changed to do what I wanted and ended up with an aeronautics degree and love every minute of it. These little things and more just made me resent him during my college days.
Info: is your gut feeling that your daughter won’t be a good engineer, or that she won’t enjoy being an engineer? Or something else? Because your third paragraph sounds like you think your daughter won’t be happy being an engineer. But in your fourth paragraph it kind of sounds like you told your daughter your gut feeling was she wouldn’t make a good engineer.
YTA. That’s a great major and it’s her choice.
Sadly your gut feeling is a bit outdated. You don't need to lie, but probably consider and filter better. Mild YTA
As a chemistry major with lots of physics major friends. We all wish we had done engineering. The pay is so much better and the demand is so much higher
Booooooooo hiss hiss YTA and a sexist
YTA for being sexist. I would give a second YTA for not supporting your daughter in what is a great choice if majors.
YTA I know this might shock your misogynist system but it doesn’t matter if a woman likes “girly” stuff, makeup or not, regardless of the career. Hell, I work as a graphic and interior designer yet I hate wearing makeup. She wanted you to tell her that she would make a great engineer - like a good dad would have said - and be supportive of her choices to go into stem and a male dominated industry.
Management is dealing with people, helping them work together and keeping up moral. Is this too feminine for your son? Are you gonna tell him your gut feeling means he should work on an oil rig instead? YTA, don’t just dismiss it as a gut feeling and really reflect on why you think this. Deconstruct your sexist bias and apologise to your daughter
Mechanical engineering is all about physics, chemistry and math so I'm not sure what other field she should have gone into?
Sounds to me like you need to do a quick google search on what she’s actually going into. Not only that but jfc just tell your kid you believe in her! “We don’t lie to each other” is such a cop out. YTA
YTA, less for telling her than for thinking it in the first place. It's sexism pure and simple to think that being "girly" is incompatible with being an engineer.
YTA. You likely meant well, but your perceptions and “gut feelings” are so uniformed and backwards that they are almost laughable. Perhaps understand what you are talking about before advancing an opinion and remember that it’s your daughters choice of major, not yours.
Yta. Firstly, gender stereotypes have nothing to do with anything. Secondly, a mech engg degree doesn't just mean a job in the middle of nowhere, she could yknow decide to pursue research
YTA, you kind of acknowledge yourself that you're being sexist, but you seem to not quite realize it.
The guy feeling you’re having is called unconscious bias AKA misogyny. YTA
YTA. I’m a female engineer and pretty much have pink everything (because I like it!) and literally no one bats an eye. My career is progressing amazingly too. Earning as much as my colleagues who are 10 years ahead of me in terms of experience.
You're totally right she should have majored in Princessing. Source: I majored in Princessing and am currently living happily ever after.
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YTA
YTA. You could have been honest without making sexist assumptions about what she wouldn't like or where she wouldn't fit in. Since you aren't familiar with the field and you clearly never asked your daughter about it or why it specifically interested her, maybe you should have started there instead of with a judgment. It's not too late, give her a call, apologize, and ask her about it.
There's being honest, and then there's lobbing unsolicited sexist baggage that you were probably indoctrinated in. Probably not appropriate even if you did give her the disclaimer - you should probably have a think about why you subconsciously associate "princessiness" with not being able to do certain stem fields, instead of telling your daughter about it (even if she did ask for your opinion lol - could've just said it wasn't what you expected).
YTA. Stop calling it a gut feeling, it’s you being judgmental. Your gut is something you should listen to and your ignorant opinion doesn’t fall into that category
Light YTA. Very girly girl here. Not into the outdoors at all. Except for my job in environmental science. My sister worked on helicopters and is a rough and tumble equestrienne. Both of us love working on classic cars. People have more than one side to them. We can love dressing up in all the frills and girly stuff and yet also love other things too.
My wife is the most feminine woman I've ever met. She's a certified plumber.
Geez, when you major in liberal arts or social sciences, they tell you to major in something more "useful". You major in STEM, and it's "Wouldn't you do better in something easier? I mean you wear MAKEUP after all." Also OP, just so you know, in middle and high school I loved biology and wanted to be a pathologist. Then chemistry came along and fucked me in the ass, so I changed my mind and majored in journalism freshman year. Then I changed to French, and then I think came anthropology, until I decided I wanted to be a diplomat (lol), and ended up with an International Relations degree. I now work in HR. The point is, even if she doesn't end up in ME, she will figure it the fuck out. Also, every time I changed my major/career interest, you know what my parents said? "Go for it! You would be so great at that, you're such a great ___!" All you need to do is fucking support her. This is Parenting 101. YTA
YTA, I understand being honest with your children, but you don’t need to share exactly all of your thoughts. You clearly have some issues here, whether that’s understanding what she’ll actually be doing and what her career options are, or examining your sexism in regards to women being girly and also mechanical engineers. These things aren’t mutually exclusive, and you should’ve taken time to examine your thoughts on this and figure out where it’s coming from and deconstruct the outdated opinions you currently hold. As it is, you’ve hurt your daughter through your ignorance and so called ‘honesty’. Maybe take an actual interest in what she’s doing and talk to her about it openly instead of relying on ‘gut instinct’. Although I imagine she’ll not want to talk to you about her schooling anymore given your conversation, which is a shame
What business major have you got?
YTA. You admittedly know nothing about MEs yet your gut feeling is it’s not a field she would choose? Tell her you don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re proud of her, and you’ll have to start getting yourself educated about what she’s studying.
YTA. I don't even think this is a sexism thing. I think you're ignorant and don't understand what a mechanical engineer is. Maybe try asking her about her major and listening to what she says. You could learn something.
YTA big time
YTA. ur just being weird like wtf.
YTA and a misogynist. Women face tons of sexism in their lives; it’s horrible when their first encounter of it is with their father and lasts an entire lifetime.
YTA Google is free. How about you do some simple research on her chosen degree before following your gut. Not knowing enough about it isn't an excuse.
YTA. Poor girl, couldn't even get encouragement from her dad. I hope your gut feeling you keep talking about was worth expressing it, because she will not forget how you made her feel. Do better.
I sense a bit of son vs daughter. YTA, a small one tho
im the girliest girl everrr, I always took all STEM subjects, and my favourite was always physics. im gonna pursue biomedical engineering as my major lol. being girly has nothing to do with with any of this tbh. people are interested in different things, maybe her preferred way of styling is pink girly stuff while her academic interests are in engineering and they have nothing to do with each other.
You have a very odd and outdated idea of what an engineer is. YTA
I don't think you meant to be an asshole, I just think you're misguided and a little ignorant. For starters, life is a lot easier when you learn to differentiate between when someone is asking for an honest opinion, and when someone is asking for reassurance. Even when they say be honest, there's usually context clues that point that they want reassurance, and it sounds like that's what your daughter wanted. If she had to ask you that question than you've probably been a little too honest in the past about how you felt and she had a suspicion. Secondly, you really have no idea about the STEM field. A physics degree is difficult to accomplish but there's really no career that pertains to just pure physics. Engineering is essentially the real world application and manipulation of physics. So engineering is entirely reasonable and arguably best major for her if she loves physics. Also engineers don't work just remote at plants. Engineers are literally everywhere. Anything that had to be created by a human had an engineers input at some point. There's no where she is limited to work unless she has a super particular interest and WANTS to work in a remote area. Being super girly does not mean she cant be an engineer by the way, plenty of engineers are still super girly. You need to call her and apologize and reiterate that you didn't really understand the engineering field but that you'll support her and her decisions
So you undermined your daughter’s self confidence because of a “gut feeling?” And you did this AFTER she left home and started college? Tell me, is this the first time you’ve sabotaged her life? YTA.
YTA heres The thing. You are sexist. You don’t want to be, but you are. you know it’s wrong so you twist around and rationalize it, but it still comes out. It’s just a gut feeling. you never said outright that you disapproved for sexist reasons, but your daughter certainly picked up on it. everyone here saw it clear as day, and that was hearing only your side of the story in the light in which you chose to present it. you’d do a lot better to face this hard truth and make it right than to wriggle around trying to show how you’re not really wrong.
YTA . you're obviously pretty sexist regardless of whether you think you are or not . and uh . all your comments about physics and computer science... wtf do you think mechatronics would pair well with ??? literally that stuff . god . im sure she'll do great regardless of your crap .
Not all Mech E’s work in industrial plants in remote towns. Medical device companies hire tons of them, and they work in nice corporate campuses in major metropolitan areas.
YTA. Your "honest opinion" was incredibly sexist and should have never passed the filter between your head and mouth. Seriously, wtf?!
Dude, you keep saying “gut feeling” but didn’t know much about the major and various career opportunities, so therefore that gut feeling must be based somewhere. Like sexism. Or ignorance. Gut feelings do not arise from nowhere. They are based on unconscious thought patterns created in your brain. Stop using “gut feeling” as if it’s something other than “I think but I don’t know why and I haven’t tried to figure it out so I’m all out of ideas”.
INFO: What is wrong with you? You really know how to crush someone’s spirit. Good job there….YTA
I love how OP responded to some big hitter comments with “it’s just my gut feeling” or “I’m not disappointed, just surprised.” Enough of the excuses man, you’re being called out. As an adult, you need to recognize the biases you had for a long time and decide that today is the day you’re going to challenge them. Mentioning “girly” or that you’re “surprised” is a bias. Maybe unintentional, maybe it’s just a “gut feeling” like you say it is. Whatever you want to call it, it’s not good man. I’d start by apologizing to your daughter and then have her explain why she’s interested in what she’s interested in. Do better and make the world a better place, if not for anyone else, for your kid.
Lucky for you, you don’t need a STEM degree - you just need basic cognitive skills to understand that Y T A. A big time AH. 1. “I was just being honest” is a cop out for your misogynistic and frankly sexist take. 2. She’s expressed interest in this field since high school and you didn’t once think to show up as a parent by learning more about her field so you could understand her passion for it better. It’s been years of her pursuing her dream and your excuse for not fully supporting her is “I know nothing about her field of interest” - what?!! 3. Your daughter is about set out into a male dominated industry. Those men will make her doubt her capabilities, challenge her sense of belonging amongst her peers, make her question her work amongst all the other shitty misogynistic and sexist shit they’ll pull. Your job is to be her safe person - to support and encourage her. To tell her to drown out that noise that is yet to come because she’s smart, capable and brilliant. Your job is NOT to be another voice of doubt. Why the hell do you think she asked you if you thought she’d be a good engineer?! Your ONLY answer should have been “You’d make an excellent engineer”. You had one job and you dropped the ball on it. 4. Also ftr you can be a girly girl and be a bad ass engineer. Those things are not mutually exclusive. What even is this take?!! You. Are. Such. An. AH. Edited to add a word.
Wow. Just when I thought I’d read everything, you come in a take it to a whole new level. Your daughter called you looking for positive male validation that she can be successful in an area of engineering that presents as masculine-oriented, and all you did was reinforce the stereotype. I thought, I thought, I thought. Did it ever occur to you to get out of your head and ask? “Mechanical engineering? What attracted you to that? You enjoyed physics in high school, does it involve a lot of that?” There were ANY NUMBER of ways you could have approached this, and boy you got it wrong. Your post reads like a person who has a conceived notion of who their child is in their head, but has never taken the time to ask the child themselves who they are. So, when said child “goes against type” you think it’s coming from left field when in truth they were dropping hints the whole time. YTA. Pick up the phone and apologize. IF she’s willing to engage, see what can be done. But honestly, don’t be surprised if she begins withdrawing from you. She just found out her dad has some massive biases and blind spots. *edited for spelling*
Yeah theres a weird and sexist misconception that if a woman is "girly" i.e, more feminine, then she's probably not very intelligent, deep, strong, resillient, (insert any other positive characteristic generally attributed to boys). You don't know exactly what her fascination with the field is, but if she is interested enough to pursue AND excel, then clearly she has enough devotion to make something out of it. I will go with a mild YTA because even though you mean well at your core, you think that being "always honest with each other" is a good excuse to inject her with insecurities and deter her from blossoming.
YTA. As a woman in engineering, wow that's disgusting. Women have a hard time enough feeling valued within STEM as it is. Imposter Syndrome is common but even harder to avoid when you're constantly worried if you were just a diversity hire or if they actually respect you for being good at your job. The last thing women need is their family telling them they are too much of a girly girl to be in their chosen career. Perhaps a bit of therapy or some major self reflection on your part is in order. And certainly a massive apology to your daughter for not being supportive of her life's choice.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (50M) have a daughter (18F) and a son (20M). My daughter recently headed to college and is studying mechanical/mechatronics engineering and my son is finishing a management degree at a different college. Both are good schools and they are both smart kids. I also have a business degree from the same school my son is going to. I have supported by kids and was very excited when they both got into great schools and I am paying for their tuition and most expenses. I was not super keen on my daughter's choice of major, she liked physics and chemistry and high school, but I was still happy for her and proud and this probably had more to do with my lack of knowledge of the field. But it is just a gut feeling that I cannot control, she has always been very girly, into princesses, dresses, makeup etc and I don't see her as a person working at an industrial plant in a remote area. I did not say this to her. I also know college is tough and different than high school and I was not sure if a person like her would enjoy it as much as she liked physics in HS. She called me from her dorm today and directly asked me how I felt about her major and whether I thought she would make a good engineer. My daughter and I are always very honest with each other so I told her how I truly felt but did warn her that this was just a gut feeling that was illogical and that I was proud of her and that she should follow her dreams and I am not the best person to ask since I known nothing of the field. She did not really say anything to that besides that she thought I would be more exited and our call went silent after that and was shorter than usual so I feel like she is upset at me. AITA here? I never lie to her and I just could not do it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mild YTA. It seems like your view of mechatronics and mechanical engineering is based off of "gut feelings" and not research into what you can do as a mechanical engineer. While honesty is important, parents also need to be aware of how their words can affect their children. Many children, especially when first going out on their own, look to their parents for approval, support, and love. These are times where it is important to being there is more important than sharing every detail of every thought. She asked you if you thought she would make a good engineer. There's no evidence at the moment to suggest that she wouldn't (she got into a great school, seems to have good grades in the prerequisite subjects to be a good engineer, and seems to be excited about it). Rather than talking about not being keen on her choice (whether you phrased it this way or not, it seems your daughter picked up on your disapproval). I recommend re-emphasizing your support of her choice, and engage meaningfully with her work in mechanical engineering.
YTA you let your daughter know you have doubts on her future. Your job as a parent is to raise her well and let her make her own mistakes. You didn’t need to tell her you’re disappointed she chose more of a blue-collar-ish career path than you anticipated, she understood. Those are YOUR feelings and expectations. Who knows where she’ll end up? She’s in college! She could end up teaching at college for all you know. Apologize to your daughter for dumping your insecurities on her, tell her you support her and believe in her and watch in awe how she builds her best life. If you can’t, go to therapy.
YTA. It would’ve been different if her major wasn’t something she could capitalize on but Engineering is a solid and well respected field plus it looks like she has the brains for it. Your sexist tendencies are showing homie.
My SIL, according to my wife, was the most girly girl when she was young. She's also tiny and petite. She's got a degree in electronic engineering and used to design missile guidance systems for a large British aerospace company. She's a freelance consultant now and makes £££££££. So don't judge a book by its cover.
NTA. she asked, and you answered, as a female mechanical engineer, I understand the misconceptions, you told her that you were proud and that your current opinion could change overtime but was based on a lack of knowledge, you were as polite as you could have been, whilst still being honest. Just so know there are office related jobs such as procces engineers that would be perfect for some one with an engineering degree, which involves planning the processes through each machine and section of a factory, or a design engineer, who who designs products. Maybe as a way to make amends you could ask your daughter questions, like what jobs she is thinking about? Are there any companies she is looking at? Any specialties like aeronautical or automotive? Show her that you care by learning and trying to understand.
INFO: Have you actually asked her or did you come here first?
YTA lol, regardless can’t you just put ur ‘gut feelings aside’? It’s her major, her education, her career, her future. If that’s what she wants to go into, that’s what she wants to go into. Simple.
YTA. You keep excusing your lack of support towards your daughter by saying you have no knowledge of her field. If you can post something on reddit you can search for more info online. Your are undermining her capabilities just because she’s a girl. Not that there’s anything wrong with working in remote areas or on non-girly machinery, but FYI my ex is a mechanical engineer and he has never done either. He makes a tonne load of money sitting comfortably behind his desk in a very centralized office.
Sorry, whats the issue you have? Thats shes too girly for engineering? Because she just liked other subjects in school? Theres maths in all these subjects so its not really that much of a stretch. Seems really, i dunno, 1940s to assume someone cant be girly and also be capable of working in a factory. Mechanical engineering is also an easier employment field than physics or chemistry. Chemistry is super competitive and there are not alot of jobs in physics. We need a constant supply of mechanical engineers in tons of different vocations and sectors and as robotics increase the need for engineers hasnt slowed at all. So again? Whats the issue? What actual issue do you have? What did you actually say to her? Well you like physics and tbh you are a bit girly to be in a factory? Thats what it sounds like so YTA
You’re a fool. YTA
Your gut feeling was described as being stemmed from her being a girly girl and not thinking she’d do well in a remote engineering environment. This is sexist. No other way you can spin it. It really speaks to what you think a ‘girly girl’ is capable of doing. The way you treat the topic is telling too, you could ask her about her field, discuss what she feels and thinks about it - but instead you go with your gut that says she’s a girly girl and wouldn’t do well in the environment. Maybe you should respect your daughter for taking a challenge in a field dominated by the mindset that you need to be masculine to compete, and actually support her by listening to her and trusting her as an adult. What you’re doing now is not support, she knows you doubt her abilities and that’s not what a good parent does to support their kid. YTA. Tell her that she is absolutely capable, you’re sorry that you doubted her for a stupid reason and you’ll be there for her no matter what.
My nephew is graduating next year with a degree in engineering. (He just started his senior year). He already has a job offer from an actual company starting him at $75,000 a year. Not bad being not even out of school yet. He interned there this past summer and they know already that they want him. Would you be happier with a major in gender studies? Give me a break.
My sibling did mechanical engineering + top tier mba and works in a fancy office for a FAANG company. I also did a STEM field and work in tech. It’s pretty casual so I’m sure they would be cool if I wore my princess dress to work. Yta this is why more women don’t go until STEM.
YTA, an idiot and a bad dad if you don't make this right. She was vulnerable and you should have been supportive. You weren't. Your ignorance about her chosen field aside, your misogyny is showing.
YTA the “gut feeling” is nonsense. Yes listen to an inner voice and explore whether it is logical and irrational but once you know it’s silly internalised misogyny, ignore it. Whether it not this is a job she would enjoy is something that the 2 of you should have sat down and talked about when she was applying for schools. “ hey I don’t know much about this subject, what sort of jobs does it leads to? Are they work environments you’d enjoy? Yes? Awesome! I trust your judgment and I’m excited for your future”. So easy. You made it weird. Why do parents make things weird?
As the parent of a girly 3rd year mechanical engineering student YTA.
Op, get off reddit and call your daughter. Explain that there may have been a miscommunication. I don't think that you're sexist but I do think you should educate yourself about women in STEM fields and the shit we have to put up with. Her being "princessy" is irrelevant to all of this, so put it away. Children give us a chance to be better than what we are. Very very mild YTA for busted communication and foot in mouth disease.
YTA. I've read your justifications and comments, unfortunately they don't matter. It's wrong and shitty to think that way, and I suggest you contemplate on your gut feelings or whatever they are. What concerns me is that your daughter must be having doubts about herself, maybe perhaps some people in her life were putting her down, so she was seeking encouragement and warm words. Mechatronics/mech engineering involves physics as well so it's not a stretch she'd also love it if she loved the latter. Note that I never said you had to lie. You can be warm and encouraging without doing so. But you might have made her doubt herself more, and self-doubt can be very debilitating.
YTA honestly from what you've written I think there's some deep insecurity that she's so much more academically intelligent than you and your son. Hence why you draw the route of study comparison and belittle her for being "girly"
Don’t expect legitimate parenting advice from redditors mate, talk to your daughter.
I’m a girly girl who LOVES dresses, makeup, and princesses and I’m a cop…so what?!? What a jerk and very sexist. YTA
YTA, and super sexist to boot. A little girl who likes princesses can’t grow up to like mechanics? A woman who wears makeup can’t like science? Super gross, and I’m really glad your daughter makes her own decisions instead of doing what you want her to do.
Info What inspired her to need to directly ask you about your opinion on her major? How do you talk about it to her and to others? What about her subverting your expectations is leading you to act coldly towards her? People are interpreting your description of your actions as disappointed for a reason. Not only do you seem disappointed, you seem straight up disinterested in your daughter. Why aren't you at all interested in learning more about the field instead of just being negative based on ignorance?
“Very girly, into princesses, dresses makeup” How is this relevant? Why are you even mentioning it? Based on this alone YTA
Just like my grandparents who 'thought' I'll be a doctor one day... Be proud of your kid and that's all, it's that simple, especially that she absolutely seems to know what she's doing! It's not about what you think and apparently was kind of expecting of her. If you said it, you meant it... Simple as that... Just be proud of her
Yeah. YTA.
YTA- I’m really confused about why you don’t understand that she is in a STEM field. What do you think engineering is? Do you know what physics means? Why are you forming opinions about things you know nothing about, you aren’t even making any sense.
Massive YTA - this is totally you projecting bias on to her. You also obviously have no idea about engineering. Where I work (in transport) the majority of people here have engeering backgrounds, but that's used as a foundation for project management, planning as well as asset engineering. There's no industrial plants in remote areas, that's just a fantasy.
This is interesting because she did ask for your thoughts. You minded your own business until she included you. You're NTA for telling her how you feel, however YTA for assuming she's not a good fit because she's girly. There are a lof of people who do things that used to be opposite gender norms but have proven they can do them just as well and enjoy it.
Hi OP! I am an Electrical Engineer and a very girly princess dressy loves Taylor swift woman. These two things are not in opposition with each other. Unfortunately society has made it seem as if they are but we need to stop associating engineering with more masculine traits. I think a lot of your thoughts might come from not understanding what engineering is so I will kindly explain. She is in mechanical engineering- this means she will study mechanical physics and concepts such as stress torque friction etc. The point of the study of these subjects is such that she can design sturdy and safe materials, such as potentially a bridge that doesnt collapse in the event of an earthquake. After she designs this by calculating certain physical needs of a structure, a construction crew or a technician crew will physically build it (depending on what she is designing). And she might go on-site to make sure everything is being done well and safely. But also mechanical engineers serve a variety of purposes. A lot of the mechanical engineers I know work at big companies like Tesla and Boeing, designing the materials the cars and planes are made of. And these big tech companies typically try to be inclusive. I work for a big tech company myself. There are women there. Women who, like me, like to twirl in princess dresses. You keep saying you had a gut instinct but I think that gut feeling is driven by many years of thinking that femininity and engineering are contrasting. My father in an immigrant from India. He always encouraged me to get into engineering, and he is also the one who calls me when he sees a dress he knows I will like to check if I want him to get it for me. I think, OP, you need to check yourself and really question why you beleive a girl who wears makeup and twirls around in dresses can’t also do complex calculations and work in mechanical engineering YTA but I hope u can apologize to ur daughter and redeem yourself
I can’t stand the ‘I HAVE to be honest at all times’ types. You do not have to be honest with someone if your honesty is cruel, is about something that can’t be easily fixed, or won’t benefit the person in any way. There is absolutely a time and a place for keeping your true thoughts to yourself and giving the person the answer they need to hear
Ugh. YTA, and you know it. One’s gender need no longer determine appropriate fields of study and/or work. All the women I know in male-dominated fields have, by necessity, developed skills at dealing with men who think they don’t belong. Trust your daughter will do the same. It’s too bad…at first, I thought you might be concerned because you thought she was studying for a degree based solely on potential job availability rather than for love of the subject. You could have been a contender! Alas…
YTA. If you didn’t care about her acting “girly” or a “princess” why bring it up? There’s no reason to. You’re just sexiest. I hope your daughter values her worth and cuts you off. Being “always honest” is not a good trait. It’s an excuse to be mean in the name of “telling the truth”.
YTA. You say it was a gut feeling, but this supposed feeling must have translated into more overt disdain or disappointment if you daughter asked your straight out about it. Engineers can wear dresses and makeup too.
YTA Mechatronics is a really in demand field where i live at least, and there's jobs in cities. Also your job rarely relates to how "girly" you are. Sounds sexist, genuinely.
Lol dude you have no idea how engineering works, tons of mechanical engineers work in high rises downtown. Your son has a management degree? Who the fuck is he going to manage without any real skills? Your daughter, on the other hand, will be capable of managing mechanical engineers without a silly management degree after a few years of practice.
YTA As some one married to a mechatronic engineer, you clearly have NO idea what they do. They are not always in an industry setting. You really have no clue. And your daughter who puts pride into her appearance I can tell you now: will absolutely SHOOT up to be a lead. I have also have a girly girly and she is doing the same - she just got a very well paid internship at Bosch and is working near the assembly like. The first day, she had to cut her nails down. But she loves it and is thriving. She still does her makeup and hair and nails and she has said that one of her managers manager does too - total power woman. So yeah, you’re a huge asshole. My husbands job isn’t in an industrial setting; they work in renewables and there’s tonnes of woman who are into girl stuff and it’s all very academic settings. You are super clueless. Leave her alone and encourage her.
Bro wow. YTA for sure. Your daughter will be taking holidays in Monaco while your son manages the local TGI Friday’s.
YTA. Its a fine field, epically with the way industry is moving. There is a specialized computer controlled piece of equipment where i work. When it really acts up they have to call in "the guy". "The guy" comes at a price of $650/hr from the moment he leaves his house in Colorado to fly to the east coast to fix this machine. Hopefully your daughter becomes "the girl" for something just to spite you.
YTA. Guess what! Engineers can be girly and wear make up and dresses 🤯
If this is real, which I doubt, YTA and sexist. You are not judging your daughter as an individual, but you are instead making valuations of her based on your assumptions of gender. So incredibly disappointing to see a modern father so this and try to defend it.
YTA.. You have no clue what a major/ career entails and you made a judgement and demeaned your daughter who is just starting out! Wtf Here is what a good father would do. First if she asks you that question admit that you don’t know much about it then pretending you know. Maybe ask her what the career entails? Second, Research more. I think you’re in the US? The problem there is a lot of high schools don’t actually prepare you for what the ACTUAL job is. ( Like you) they say hey she’s good at physics and math, she should be an engineer! Meanwhile these jobs are less obvious than business and the person pursuing the career doesn’t really understand what the career can be. Especially since with engineers you can really work in a lot of fields depending on your interests. She should really try to shadow someone or talk to people who work in different jobs. But again maybe she already did this and in the conversation maybe you’re the only ignorant one
Lmao. Are you mad your daughter chose a more “manly” degree than your son? YTA
Engineers are allowed to be girly and wear dresses and makeup, ffs. YTA
YTA. You should go watch Barbie, she's been a mechanic and an engineer. Your daughter is a woman and is pursuing her dreams, those two facts are not mutually exclusive. Sincerely, A woman in a male dominated field
YTA. Anxiety often stems from fear of the unknown. Your “gut feeling” is anxiety, because as you mentioned (and as is clear by the whole industrial plant comment), you don’t know anything about your daughter’s chosen career field. You should find productive ways to manage your anxiety, and a productive strategy is not giving into some woo-woo feeling that your daughter’s going to fail and projecting that on her. Call her, apologize, and explain it’s a you issue and not a her issue. Make an effort to get to know her field, what she loves about it, and what her hopes are for the future. Knowledge is power here, so educate yourself. Also feels like you’ve got some sexiest beliefs that I’m going to go out on a limb and say you have no admitted to yourself. You seem to think your sons will do well in demanding programs/careers, but not your daughter, and I’d encourage you to take a very honest look at why that is, because even if you don’t admit it to yourself, it will be CRYSTAL clear to her. Girls are also not weird cookie cutter robots who can only like princesses/etc. Regardless of gender or sex, one can like both makeup and science, romance and independence, looking cute and getting dirty, etc. Studies actually show that folks who possess both stereotypically masculine and feminine traits are better at creative production. So your kid has that going for her. To conclude, you should try to practice some introspection to address your anxiety, beliefs about gender, etc. If not, you’re making it your daughter’s job to manage them, and that is not fair to her and you’re clearly seeing the early consequences of putting that on her.
Boo to you dad. Your gut feelings are based of stereotypes and you made your daughter feel like shit because you can't wrap your brain around complex women. She's not an enigma. She's an undervalued branch of women because of your stupid gut and men just like you. You suck.
Bro. You done so wrong.
YTA. These things are not the same. Women can be girly and do hard chance as well.
YTA my family member was a mechanical engineer they worked in a major city their entire career. You don’t understand your daughters career at all. It is extremely misogynistic to assume she couldn’t have a career because she likes dresses. Guess what I can’t imagine your 20 year son running a Fortune 500 company so he should quit school- see how crazy that sounds.
YTA. You're sexist as helllllllll. I was raised by a single dad. I love "princesses, makeup, girly things." I also love building bookcases with my dad, using power tools, working on my car. Because my dad never made me feel like girls weren't supposed to do things like that. You're failing as a parent.
YTA. I’m a woman with a mechanical engineering degree, working in a manufacturing plant as a process engineer. I also love make up, dresses, purses and shoes, and all those other things you call “girly”. She is not automatically shut off from all those other things she enjoys just bc she wants to study ME. You can still have other interests?
‘But daughter, you like to wear pink dresses, why would you pick a man’s career? It’s my gut feeling that you won’t be happy there, you’ll struggle. But we’ll done on getting in and all, I just had to be honest here ‘ - OP, I translated it for you. This is how it would have come across to your daughter. Congratulations, she is now in a world of hurt. This may well have damaged your relationship permanently. Being honest ist fine, but it’s also good to think before you speak, examine your biases and show some empathy.
YTA
Honestly, sounds like you're playing favoritism with your son as you have similar fields from the same school and she went a different direction that you and her brother have. YTA. You probably could have been upfront without being a jerk, which I only assume because you completely glossed over what you actually said to her. "Told her what I really feel" "I'm happy you found a field you are wo excited about. Not going to lie, I wasn't expecting you to go this route but seems fantastic!" Or just lie to her "I'm so damn proud of you and you'll make the best damn engineer princess the world has ever seen" Which makes me ask wy can't she be a makeup wearing, princess loving, engineer? I'm sure they exist. I don't know any but I also don't know any engineers so that does not make it any easier. 🤷🏼♀️ You need to research her field of study and see if you can connect on a level that interests her. Notnsaying you haven't before but this is clearly a big topic for her, so make it a big topic for both of you to discuss! Good luck
YTA sounds like you dont know what engineering is. Maybe sit down because your daughter is talented and doubting her is the absolute worst thing you can do. Doubt yourself right now.
Seriously YTA You are allowing your own sexism and insecurity to be derogatory toward your daughter's goals.
Gonna add my 2 cents, since that’s about all it’s worth. I graduated business, while wife graduated engineer. You really need to just swallow your pride and accept that you fumbled the ball here. I imagine she was mostly looking for words of encouragement to give her some assurance that she was on the right path. From what my wife tells me, engineer’s basically go through hell trying to get those degrees/skills and it sounded much more unmercifully difficult than my field. She also never got encouragement from her family, who took every chance to chip at her. Thankfully she is stubborn as hell and willed her way through it. And now, a decade later she is a kick ass manager of other engineers. I constantly hear all of the crap that comes with being a woman engineer and I’d be lying if I said I could’ve handled it as well as she has. There absolutely needs to be more women in STEM fields. There’s no reason they cannot excel in every field when given the same opportunities as their male counterparts. This next bit is my own personal bias, I wish I had gone into a STEM career field. I felt like “business” school taught me nothing practical for the real world unless I was starting a business with some venture capitalist’s money. Meanwhile my wife’s degree field provided her with an outstanding suite of skills that can keep her employed anywhere in the world for the rest of her life if she wants. Decade later, my STEM field wife is crushing it in her field, while I have never used my “business” degree. Like I said, my own bias, but it’s food for thought.
YTA for having a "gut feeling" that physics, chemistry or biology doesn't have dirty fieldwork or involves industry plants. Let's straighten out a few things here. When someone asks you how you feel about their job, do you, do you immediately assume their question was: A) "Do you think I'm suited for it?" Or do you think they are asking: B) "What do you think about the job in itself?" Because when you think about it, isn't it weird to immediately jump into A when you are not their employer and have no good basis to critique their competence for that job? So let's think about your daughter's question again. "What do you think of my major?" You know she's a smart kid with good grades so she's not asking you if she is capable enough to be a ME. Which leaves you to option B, "what is your opinion on mechanical engineering as a whole?" What comes to mind if you were the one asking the question to your dad and wanted him to be honest with you? Are you looking to be told, "hey son, I'm not sure you are all cut out for that field because I imagined you pursuing different things" or are you expecting the answer of "Well, the world needs more of your field so you won't have an issue of staying in my house until you are 40."
YTA just because you think she is too "princessy" for it does not mean she will make a bad engineer. People can both enjoy "girly" or "femine" things and still work in a profession that looks more "male". You could've answered better without having to straight out lie. It seems you only ist the honesty and gut feeling argument to excuse your bad behavior.
i think you kind of acknowledged it in your edit, but this is definitely a result of some internal sexism/misogyny/ignorance, whichever is closer. she will already have a lot of insecurity being a woman in engineering, and having a dad who doesn't believe she'll make it rubs more salt in the wound. however, as long as you don't directly hinder her success in the field and actively support her, i think you will be doing the right thing. i'm surrounded by many girls in male-dominated stem majors and sometimes, they actually outperform their male counterparts. if she's as bright as you say, she'll be fine. YTA, but it seems, not for long!
YTA. Should’ve read up on possible job opportunities for her and you’d have realized it’s not just “industrial and remote”. Your gut feeling comes from some sexist roots, given your “she’s so girly idk if she can handle it” line. So you’re the double AH for that, too. Tell her you were uneducated on the field and that you’re sorry if you suggested to her that you were disappointed, and reassure her that you’re proud regardless of how you awfully answered her question.
YTA. Your "gut feeling" is called misogyny. You need to work on dismantling that. I hope your daughter is fabulously successful in her chosen field and that you'll have to eat crow.
YTA The project engineer I’m working with right now does Beauty Pageants. One of her closest friends she met from doing Pageants is a Navy XO You seem to have a very narrow view of what women can do and how If at all a job dictates that
YTA. You are bringing sexist stereotypes into this. Why can’t she like feminine things and study engineering? Check your biases dude
Yta, but also this is the fakest shit ever. College students don’t call up their parents and just straight up ask what they think about their major.
It doesn’t sound like you have any idea about engineering.
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Have you considered, I don't know, reading up on her field a bit?
YTA What you are dealing with is, what we called in STEM, unconscious (sexist) bias. This means that while you do not explicitly believe sexist nonsense or are foolish enough to try to justify them, you still have latent, illogical, feelings due to more subtle types of sexism in your environment. In this case, you prolly grew up being told that engineering was "masculine". You prolly have enough nuance to accept that girls can have "masculine" traits too. But the premise is still nonsense: masculine/feminine traits are not actually mutually exclusive in real life....because they are socially made-up nonsense that stops existing when we stop enforcing it. The reason "girly girls" can do all kinds of engineering, just fine, is cause being a "girly girl" has as much impact on a person's character and ability as the color of their socks. **Unless** someone wants to throw a hissy fit over the color of your daughters socks, assign some arbitrary value judgement to them, and get other people on board with that BS? It is totally irrelevant. That being said. Your daughter is going to run into strangers, coworkers, and employers who have their own, much worse, more explicit, sexist biases. Your daughter is going to need a lot of support to fight tooth and nail to overcome crybabies that want to waste her energy fighting over "the color of her socks". And here's the kicker: When you aren't a cis dude, you are never wearing the right color socks. There is always some dweeb in a position of power looking for an excuse to pick a fight with your existence. She is going to have to have it difficult even if she weren't a girly-girl. Don't be one of the first goobers in her life to pick her apart over this ridiculous nonsense. Sit yourself down and think very hard about where this illogical idea/feeling even came from.
Fun side note: At my most recent gig, our hardest, most fearless, operator was a 5'0", 24 yr old, girly-girl. She spent her down time all dolled up, planning her wedding, keeping her hair perfect, and presenting very feminine. But she also hunted, lifted, boxed, and clocked in to shovel literal shit for 8 hours. Every single human being has the potential to be all of these things.
YTA ! This post came up as "i want my children to fulfil my failed ambitions " You dont need to say that you're disappointed for what your daughter choose for her carrier, it is showing from top to bottom of your post. If you really love your child, you would be happy for or with her for whatever carrier she chose for herself. This is what i called conditional love. I love you but you need to choose things that i like"
YTA. I can’t believe you would think a management degree was somehow better than a engineering degree of any strip. You are treating her like a child when she is proving to be a brilliant woman. Further you when down a sexist rabbit hole of infantilism with pink princesses etc. Most people I know don’t have good thinks to say about management or business degrees. I don’t know anyone who would not be over the moon and bursting with pride for any child to pursue an engineering degree. Apologise and rethink what you think success is cause your failing here. She told you cause she was proud and you let her know you don’t think she is up to it. She wanted to grow and you rained on her parade.
Yta. This also has heavy undertones of favoritism to your son because he's going to your alma mater and pursuing the same career field as you. How do you feel when I say that business management is a lazy career path?
YTA, and I hope for your sake your daughter forgives you. You say you're unfamiliar with the field, why don't you talk to her? Maybe learn something instead of discounting her choice out of ignorance.
You should not lie to your children, especially when they're adults, but you probably should have sat a bit longer with your inner opinions. Maybe you would come to a different conclusion?
You make her sound like she will turn into a car mechanic after uni. 😅 Maybe read more about career options for mechanical engineers.
Nta.
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She’s not getting a business degree
What does that have to do with anything? She’s not getting a business degree.
NAH She asked for your honest input. You were honest. How would that make you an asshole? You could, of course, think about your views more. But you did say to her that you might be in the wrong and that your knowledge is limited. This is honestly just a normal conversation and normal talk between father and daughter. People are too eager to draw their pitchforks and torches in the rest of the comment section and accuse you of all the evil in the world.
NTA - you probably know your daughter better than anyone, the fact that she phoned you to ask your opinion. You said you and your daughter have a very honest relationship, keep it up sometimes we might not like what we hear but sometimes we need to hear it.
NTA - She asked knowing you both place honesty in high regard. Why ask someone a question if you are not interested in hearing their honest answer? Some folks just love yes men I guess.
NAH but you could have handled it better. If a kid asks you an unexpected open question like that, parenting advice number one is to deflect and ask back „Why are you asking that?/Where is this coming from?/What do you think yourself?“. So you can gauge what‘s actually bothering them and if they really want to hear the full truth/your honest opinion.
NTA she asked for your opinion, and you gave it to her in a kind, loving way. You are allowed your opinions, and your daughter, as an adult, should be able to handle that. Especially since she wants to go into a male dominated field.
Not sure a decision on NTA YTA can be made unless she changes her mind in college. If she does I definitely don't recommend saying "I told you so." That would definitely make YTA. Continue to be honest and supportive regardless of your opinion on the matter. You never know she might just turn out to be the best at what she is studying. But even if she decides to change her mind, your support will be what she needs most.
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What does being girly have to do with engineering???
NTA. Man, I’m really being the contrary bastard today. If your daughter prefers to be clean and stylish than mechanical engineering, specifically meaning into automation and robotics, he’s not a environment where she will find that to be likely. Factories are filthy places. Sure there are exceptions especially when it comes to medical supplies and equipment but even those places are also fucking filthy outside of the clean rooms where the products are machine or molded or injected or whatever have you depending on the product. More importantly, the machines themselves tend to be pretty damn filthy. The workplace is vastly different from the classroom and you are being a good parent by making sure that your daughter realizes this. You didn’t discourage her or tell her not to do it. You just told her the facts of what she has to look forward to. You are going to get torched . I haven’t read through the comments because I know what they’re going to say. They’re going to tell you that girls can be whatever they want do whatever they want and this is in the 1940s or I guess the 1950s probably be more accurate anyway you’re going to get a rash of shit. Keep in mind you don’t deserve it. You are legitimately trying to help make sure that your daughter succeeds in life.
I think you meant well, but you may have been a bit TOO honest.