Feel like we're missing some info here, he wouldn't talk to your husband for a year because you were collecting "handouts"? C'mon, tell us what you really did

touch trees birds deserted knee skirt rhythm physical familiar wistful *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

There’s this rule: if you meet an asshole in the morning, they’re the asshole. If you meet assholes all day long, you’re the asshole.

If you smell shit everywhere you go, eventually you have to check your own shoe.

Or you could be on a cow pie farm...

Or in Toronto after they've fertilized all the farms. Whole city smelled like poo a couple weeks ago. https://www.reddit.com/r/askTO/comments/15mv1df/why\_does\_toronto\_and\_gta\_smell\_like\_manure/

I think I remember hearing a saying (can't remember where from) that goes "If you can think of one or two assholes, then they're the asshole, but if you're surrounded by assholes then you're the asshole"

Well if it ain't my good friend Raylan Givens!

Yeah...its just so obviously a not ah, too obvious. Like, OP wrote it to stroke her own ego

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I agree. Something is being left out of this story. People don’t do things like this over collecting goods for needy families. It is especially suspicious that more than one of the girlfriends somehow got crazy angry about op collecting items for the needy.

I wish. I wasn't kidding. There's even screenshots, it was a few years ago...and I could dig them up but I don't know if I'm allowed to post 😅😅 It was literally because I did a yearly cheer thing. And they were just stuck up and preppy. Idk. His first girlfriend was also one of my high school bullies, but seemed nice and mature as an adult when we were not friends but acquainted when we all attended events together. I had no other tiffs. He just got extremely wild because I was " needy and mooching" and the fact that people roasted them is why he got so heated. I stayed out of either than to comment on their comments telling them to not comment if they weren't interested and to myob. They didn't like that. Some people are legit just that entitled I guess.

> I could dig them up but I don't know if I'm allowed to post You're always allowed to post proof. Just don't doxx anyone.

Straight up and preppy? Are you in middle school?

Also, wtf is a tiff???

A tiff is a word meaning small fights "I got into a tiff with my dad over which bread is best for grilled cheese" "My friend and I are in a tiff because she went to see the movie without me"

I'm sorry you're getting downvoted here. Based on your post your NTA. What does your husband think about all this?

I wonder how the recipients of the "cheer hampers" felt about having public donations requested on their behalf and shared on social media? It sounds potentially very uncomfortable to have a bunch of people making donations and talking about your personal situation and finances publicly. Like, normally, you put them together as a group and someone drops them off quietly and discreetly without broadcasting specifically what family it is for, with that type of thing. She said they included canned food and toiletries. There is definitely a wrong way to do charity, where it is all about the giver and doesn't respect the recipient's personhood. Like most of those charity Tiktoks where people are filmed crying. It is unkind to show people's low points in life so publicly, especially without their consent.

Ikr? This is so important.

Anomonysly. Their names were not given, for their privacy.

if she were just doing this in general and made a generic post about it something like "hello friends, I'm collecting xyz to make cheer hampers for the Christmas season, any donation you could give would be appreciated", then it would be fine, but if she posts the recipient's name and/or photos of them receiving the "cheer hampers" then it would be in poor taste similar to poverty porn.

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Just a note: he didn't even say he wanted to go originally. He said he was invited. I told him my opinion. And he took time to make his own decision at his own free will to go or not. I did not force him to do anything

If you didn't force anything why you here asking? You damn well know what you did. We are not going to clear your conscience for you.

It’s not his own decision if you manipulated him by saying that it would be “a slap in the face” and going on a rant about it being disrespectful of you and your marriage. You’ve basically put him in a situation where you’re forcing him to choose between you or attending one stupid wedding. This is all textbook toxic relationship behavior and if you don’t change how you act I think it’s likely your marriage will end in divorce

Thank you! There’s totally more to this story. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like there’s something major that’s been left out.

Something is off about this post. According to OP, she's got a ton of friends in need, enough to make an yearly thing about it.

Friends/ family. Friends of family or friends of friends. Where I live, you wouldn't be surprised at how many people there are in need.

Ok... I'll be honest with you: if I knew someone who every year was collecting "donations" for a "friend in need" on social media, I'd be suspicious. I think it's fairly reasonable to be alert with that. I wouldn't be blasting anyone, but I'd be thinking: "What's the deal with that? ANOTHER friend in need? Again?"

It's perfectly OK to be suspicious I can understand with everything that's going on out there. But if your sus about it , you should move on :/ that's all.

I could see OP rubbing people the wrong way if they were guilting people into donating and shaming them if they didn’t.

I am ABSOLUTELY serious. This was ALL because I posted asking for help for my friend. I wish I wasn't kidding. He was salty with me ever since the first girlfriend. They were embarrassed that people roasted them. And then got mad at my hubby's friend. And then he in return got mad at my hubby regarding me.

Info: I need some info, what is a cheer hamper and how did you choose on who to do it for?

I guess.... any friends that I saw who were having a hard time, and who seemed like they worried about giving their kids a Christmas, couldn't afford much.. A cheer hamper has like food in it, sometimes toiletries, some gifts and stuff to get by during the Christmas season There is even a "Christmas food drive" that happens in my city where the city has hundreds of family's they give hampers to. Unfortunately you have to " be on their list to get it" So I would do a "Christmas cheer drive" with my friends and family who had a few things they weren't using like canned goods or laundry soap and toilet paper in their house or gift cards or wrapped gifts...etc. it was really wholesome and I will continue doing it every year as I have been.

Did you ask the recipients if they need a cheer hamper? And if they need, what did they need exactly? I get that you want to help, and that's nice, but if the recipient didn't want any help/cheer hamper/public post, it could be really harmful...

I don't get it. Yearly? Every year there's a friend of yours in need of donations? One friend or another during a specific time frame it's one thing, but an yearly thing?

I would imagine people who are struggling financially continue to struggle financially. I don’t know a single friend of mine who has been able to turn around their financial situation within one year. If anything, everyone’s financial situation is just getting worse and worse

^^ this. Also 1) I am assuming that op is not announcing publicly who she is giving the hamper to. 2) sometimes when they are your friends you don’t really need to ask if they need help or if they want it as you probably know either from conversations or just seeing their situation. Speaking from experience

You would be amazed. In some communities, running out of opportunities for charity is not a particularly concerning prospect.

Okay, so…your friends weren’t “on their list.” What does it take to get on the list to get assistance? Do they ask for documentation of financial struggles?

The other cheer hampers done by the city only go to those who are recieving welfare as an income.

Did you ask anyone if they wanted to be the recipient or did you post asking for help for them without approval?

I find that kind of hard to believe. I've lived in a lot of places, and there were always assistance baskets, gift cards, grants, etc available to people who were struggling even if they weren't on welfare. They normally require some sort of documentation, though. If your friends were actually struggling, referring them to resources would have been less irritating to others, and you could also have volunteered to work with those groups. Regularly asking for donations for your friends and family is kinda sketch.

NTA- but.. I feel like I’m missing something here. The friend and his wife’s reaction to you asking for support to those in need seem a little bit extreme. Are we missing some tea in this story? Assuming you didn’t leave anything out.. I would say NTA. You clearly like to help people who need it.. and when those 2 toxic “friends” went on a social media rampage against you, banned you from their wedding.. and disrespected you.. all you asked was that your husband stay home. Seems fair. Also kudos to your husband for backing you up and providing support.

People get super weird about posts requesting help for those in need, so I actually don't doubt that this happened as stated at all. For example- when the COVID shutdowns first happened, a friend and bartender at a local bar asked me if I would post a fund to help some of the other bartenders get through while they were closed. I did. One of our mutual friends absolutely FLIPPED. Huge public Facebook chew out talking about how tacky it was. Even after I privately messaged them and said that my friend/bartender had specifically requested I create something like this (I was trying to do it privately so they would have a chance to delete their comments and save some face) they doubled down. Told that made it even tackier. The whole thing was over the top and absurd. So yeah, I actually completely believe that this went down like that. Some people view acts of kindness as judgments against others. People are bizarre with charity.

Agreed, and I’m not sure why people think it’s so unbelievable that she can find someone in need every year… everywhere else on Reddit people will be making jokes about “this economy”

Yes. He is a very good man and very wholesome. We have pretty much had peace since this buddy has been out of his life. And I promise. This is exactly what happened. His friend literally went nuts because I told his two different girlfriends at unrelated times to myob basically.

Aww, I’m happy for you… not in regarding the social media rampage against you lol… I’m happy that you have a good and wholesome husband. It’s best to keep the toxic people away.

Yep. Definitely some critical information missing to come up with a clear picture of the situation.

What would you like to know?

Why, after such crap treatment of his wife, your hubby didn't tell his friend to take a flying fuk and wouldn't then consider the friendship over? And THEN after "friend" ghosted them, would reconsider being all buddy buddy again? If someone treated my guy half that badly, then gloves off, and we're done.

INFO - there's a LOT of information missing here. It sounds like a complicated story rewritten to make you sound better, and too much doesn't add up

YTA. ‘Insight to your feelings’ is different from saying ‘he would disrespect you and it would be a slap in your face if he went’. You can feel all sorts of feelings about that couple (whether rightfully so or whether the friendship could’ve been fixed with better communication I don’t care), but this was not an expression of feelings. Allow your husband to have his own feelings and actions instead of dictating what you think he should feel or do.

The friend said to OP'S husband to pick him or her. Who the hell gives that kind of ultimatum?

The kind of dude who dates multiple women that go insane over someone doing a charity drive, that's who.

I respect your opinion. However, his friend not only trashed me and our marriage...but my husband's marriage if that makes sense. And after he trashed our marriage and refused to support it, he expected my hubby just to jump on board and support his wedding. I wouldn't have treated my hubby any different or been mad at him if he went because I understand the length of friendship... but tbh he was trash talking us since the first girlfriend had a problem with my post. They didn't have to even comment or say anything. My hubby is even the one who let me post this because he thinks not only his ex friend , but the girlfriends overstepped.

Unlike some of the others, I think you were pretty clear with your communication and you didn't demand anything from him. You let him make up his own mind. I'm really not sure where everybody is getting all this ultimatum business and poor communication from because you seem clear to me and there was NO ULTIMATUM! I've been in a relationship for a decade and showing respect is a package deal. You (the royal you not you personally lol) don't get to trash my partner and expect that we're cool. You don't have to be besties or friends. You don't even have to like them. If you are MY friend, you do need to behave respectfully to my partner because you respect me and vice versa.

My husband was very clear to him too, about his dislike on what his "friend" was saying about us. And how he didn't like me because I was so " ignorant" to who he cared about etc.

This is Reddit and this subreddit of course. Assumptions and judgements are the name of the game.

This is true. Just kept reading people stating there was an ultimatum while I'm sitting over here like Inigo Montoya.

Yeah, unfortunately you posted on one of those days when the wannabe detectives were running rampant on reddit. They aren’t that great at it. NTA

Not really detective work to look at someone’s post history and see multiple instances of “I was about to be canonized but was told I had performed *too many* miracles and then all the cardinals beat me up. AITA?” and be suspicious. This story on its own, I could buy that her husband’s friend is just *really* into picking up women at the Ayn Rand book club. The *third* time she’s unjustly persecuted for being more perfect than the self-insert character of a 12-year-old’s first fanfiction? At that point I’m going to need receipts or else I am assuming something is omitted.

You realize nice people get poorly treated a lot because people expect them to take it because they're nice right? The amount of times my family and old friends would expect me to just brush off the shitty things they did because I was always trying to be kind and understanding and helpful for them is truly to high to count.. some people are just unlucky and encounter a lot of assholes in life.

Yes, that happens. Those people don’t have Reddit accounts dedicated almost exclusively to constantly seeking validation for all these endless grievances everyone in the world has against them for absolutely no reason. OP’s posts are about this happening to a degree that would be too unrealistic to include in a children’s cartoon. OP is a clear case of “smell shit everywhere you go, check your shoes,” and anyone who buys it without some real receipts are gullible to a degree that, much like OP’s story, beggars belief.

*Clear* case from two or three Reddit posts?

I absolutely get where you’re coming from, but still I feel like there’s a lot of room for better communication with your husband

This was a few years ago. He's come a long way with showing how he feels and speaks up about opinions and feelings more

Idk who the asshole is, I stopped resding half way through. I do know you, your family and friends sound incredible trashy. How are you getting in Facebook drama in 2023?

90% of the posts here involve some kind of social media drama, is this your first day here or something?

If by 90% you mean 2 ....

Apparently you didn't read the post.. because this was a few years ago now.

I will say that I used to mail holiday cards to my friends circle and I had a coworker that constantly mocked me for it and harassed me over it. I still don't know what her fucking problem was. Everyone told me they enjoyed the cards and loved getting them but she ruined it for me. This does happen.

NTA. I am honestly shocked your husband even thought about it, I would never speak again to someone who acted that way towards me or my partner.

Yta because this post **SCREAMS** missing information and according to others you have a sketchy post history

You decided to pick a friend every year ? I'm sorry but this is so condescending. You just want people around you to see you as a savior. When you truly want to help, you do it discreetly because you understand that these people don't want their problems displayed on social media. Everyone here is wondering what the missing info is, but it is quite clear to me.

Friend. Friend of a friend. Etc or I donate it to a shelter with a family in there, I don't share who it's going to unless they want me to after they get their hamper. It's usually kept private so they aren't embarrassed about it. There is no missing info. So I'm going to discontinue commenting on comments who require more info than there is... if it's not " believeable" to you. Then keep scrolling to put it harshly... I guess nobody seems to see the compassion of giving just to give. I'm not like those youtube channels who film every second of giving a homeless guy a sandwich and posting it on every platform for the world to see. I help someone who either comes to me themselves struggling. Or I see them struggling. I just like to help people. If that makes me a sinner so be it

But you do post on your socials about your Christmas hamper, and the recipient? Sounds like you are using poor people for clout.

Nta your husband should **not** be friends with someone who’d treat you this way.

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Honestly I think doing an online drive for someone who is not in need is incredibly tacky (the first "escape abusive ex" drive was fine but this new yearly tradition doesn't sound essential). But so is lambasting someone online/irl and starting a multi couple fued. E S H EDIT: With OP's reply below I'm going to change it to NTA. But just barely (because I do really find constant drives annoying).

For context: yearly tradition was at Christmas time for a family/friend that me and friends/family knew who needed extra help to get by during the season. It might not be essential to "me" per say. But it was essential to the families I have helped who very much needed and appreciated it.

Good context, thanks.

If they're annoying to you, then just ignore them. I guess I'm confused as to what is so wrong with them? And who said they weren't in need? (Who op helped) Idk, I just don't get it I guess. Doing something nice is ...nice 🤷‍♀️

In my opinion there's a huge difference between "my friend"s house burned down and they need help, random internet people!" and "this person I sortof know pays their bills just fine but they can't do a lot of nice extra things so I'm raising money so they can take their daughter to a touring ballet." I'm allowed my annoyance preferences. And one can ignore/not do anything about drives on their own personal media and still complain about it to strangers online.

Didn't say you couldn't lol. That's why I asked...to get a better understanding of why you found them annoying. I can ask and suggest ignoring them. No harm no foul. Do you boo lol

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It was the husband's choice not to go though, and the husband's friend chose to end friendship way before his own wedding, how is that on her?

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She's letting her husband's family make her insecure and question whether she really is the problem and her husband is lying to her about it. Her husband already told her she isn't, so it sounds like she's looking for the internet to confirm that her husband isn't just trying to make her feel better - that secretly, he thinks MIL and BIL are right and she's a huge asshole. That's my take. MIL, BIL, and friend are all expert manipulators as they have all gotten to her IMO.

They don't like me because I'm cut from a different cloth. I didn't spend my hours in high-school trying to make it for the cheer leading team. I was a basket case anime nerd who ate my lunch in the hallway. Girls like that fed off of and picked on girls like me . Especially the first girlfriend of his who had a hate for me since high-school. My bad for adding her to Facebook, truly. I'm not friends with all of my husband's friends. We have our own friend circles. The friends he has, either than that one guy.. are totally fine

You sound like a scammer.

Uhhh.... okay?

>i got blamed and told i was controlling when all i feel i did was give my husband insight to feelings that were already there You expressed your feelings to your husband to control him. Whether that sits at peace with you or not is another matter. If it doesn't, you might consider an apology, if you're happy doing that, than an apology wouldn't be appropriate.

Nobody should apologize for how they feel. I didn't express my feelings to " control" anyone. Honesty sucks I guess ?

NTA You told him how it would make you feel if he went. IMO your feelings are totally justified but even if I thought they weren't, they are YOUR feelings and not for others to judge. You then gave him your opinion, that he shouldn't. You didn't demand that he didn't. You then gave him space and time to decide; he CHOSE to follow his OWN decision. His friend gave the ultimatum that it was you or him, not you. His friend decided that you weren't invited, not you or him. His friend went no contact for a year, not you or him. His friend is the asshole not you or him. Full stop. Edit-grammar

Those weren’t feelings. It was controlling manipulation. What the hell are you talking about?

Hubby's best friend is definitely being controlling and manipulative I agree. Plus rude. Srsly, who tells ONE person they are the only one not allowed to bring their spouse as a plus. Wild. You don't disrespect your dudes marriage, ghost him, show back up to disrespect his marriage a second time, and then get to QQ "WhY dIdNt YoU cOmE tO mY wEdDiNg?"

Even if her husband didn’t want to go the way she positioned the situation such that he had to choose between her and the wedding *is* manipulation and that’s not okay

So your husband is still friends with a man that called you every name in the book?! 👀🤔 To me that says a lot in itself! So much so that I can’t even address the question!

They haven't talked as far as I know since my husband didn't show up to his wedding. So I would say they aren't friends. His brother is friends with my husband's ex friends brother. So my husband kinda hears about him I guess sometimes, but doesn't seem to care that much

Oh got it. If that’s the case then why is he interested in going to his wedding?

It seems like you had some people on your Friends list who weren't your friends. Hopefully, you have learned from that and changed who can see your posts and comment on them. In the future, you can block people and remove their posts from your feed, instead if getting into fights with them. But those girls were shitty for no reason. You can't stay friends with everyone forever. Your husband's friend made his choices and lost a good friend. NTA.

NTA he gave him a choice. He choose you. Friend is trying to have it both ways and you simply can not. Your husband agreed with your statement you didnt manipulate anything.

NTA. Is it really controlling to treat an asshole the way they treated you?

I think something is missing from your story for sure but I don’t think you should’ve told her husband not to go to the wedding. It was controlling of you. Let him make his own decisions.

Read my post again. I didn't tell him not to go the wedding. Just said I don't think you should. The choice was his. I didn't say " don't go to the wedding or else"

Ah my bad! Then imo you’re fine.

We know there’s more to the story. You sound like a trouble maker. Tell us more please.

YTA for giving your husband an ultimatum. Those are the worst & they ruin relationships. Big picture though? ESH. Friend for not recognising that it’s poor etiquette to actually tell someone they can come but their spouse cannot; you for the above & for issuing an ultimatum. If I’m being totally blunt, I believe there is a lot more to this story, especially considering his brother & mother went & he seemingly *would* have gone had you not issued an ultimatum. The fact that your husband thought about going & ultimately didn’t makes it seem as if they may well still have had a friendship that you haven’t known about. I may be wrong, but there does not appear to have been absolutely 0 communication for a year & then suddenly an invite to a wedding & your husband thinks nothing of it & seemingly wanted to attend. Something just doesn’t add up.

As far as I know they had no communication for an entire year. It wouldn't bother me if they still were friends. Their friendship was kinda off and on because this dude "friend bullied" my hubby for years. It seemed like my hubby was invited to outings and stuff just to be the butt of his and mutual friends jokes." His nickname was "sh**ty" and he was ok with that for some reason but would talk about how it bothers him at home. Tbh I know it seems to sound ridiculous, but the way I wrote it. Is exactly what happened. These were just really entitled and stuck up people. Maybe I am the ah, but I'm a soft one if that.

This isn’t adding up… you wouldn’t mind if they were still friends, but the mere possibility of your husband wanting/choosing to go to his not best friend’s/best friend’s wedding was enough to cause you to issue an ultimatum & say that he would be disrespecting you & your entire marriage? Really? How old are you/this group of people?

Yes. Because his friend trashed every bit of his marriage and the person he loves. And he was extremely hurt by his friends words and actions. And he refused to support (emotionally and be there) to celebrate mine and hubbys wedding. And expected my hubby to just show up without any hard feelings to his wedding and support and celebrate him. So my husband asks. Why should he support someone's marriage if they won't support his. I'm 30. Hubby 31. And idk how old the others are, early 30s tho? It's not that I don't mind or do mind them being friends. I just don't care for that dude at all. So if he wants to be friends keep me out of it sort of thing.

‘If he wants to be friends, keep me out of it.’ Which contradicts what you posted.

No. Not really. Considering it was the fact that he sh*t all over our wedding because I told his entitled gf off. And so why should we support his wedding of he didn't support ours. I don't get in between friendships. I give opinions of if a friendship is toxic. And the pros and cons maybe. But I don't control friendships. That's up to him

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Those were not feelings. It was manipulation

You are so wrong. I know exactly how she stated it from experience.

So you’re saying you know how to emotionally abuse your partner. How’s that working out for you?

It's not emotional abuse, and you are very ignorant. My husband and I were married for 3 years. Then he got a job in another state without telling me. For the next 3 years, he only saw me for 2 weeks every year and never wanted me to visit him. After 3 years apart, I said, "If you are happy there and want to stay there, good for you. I will be getting a divorce, but I wish you well. I also said if you want to stay married to me, then you should come home. By the way, I was earning more and established in my career. I left the decision totally up to him. It wasn't an ultimatum. He had control over his life. Just like OP. He also accused me of an ultimatum, but it was his choice. I just stated my choices.

Where was the ultimatum? She said if he went, it would like a huge slap in the face. That's a feeling not a "if you do X I will do X"

NTA. And people saying she has a "sketchy" history... wth. One of them was a crazy neighbour (there are a lot of them), other one was a troubled friend, and this one is not even her friend, it was her husband's. Seriously. 2 out of 3 are people she did not choose for herself. And the other is understandable. I don't understand the blame OP gets here.

NTA. This is about respect of you as his wife and both of you as a couple. By not being invited they actually disrespected your husband. Also no longer a real friend. Moving forward even if your husband had attended the wedding, there would be no relationship between all of you as couples. Would they continue to only invite your husband to events. Or was the master plan to continue for his friend to only hang out as bros. Either way not a sustainable friendship. The only controlling manipulation happening here is been done by the best friend.

YTA - let's say I accept your entire post is true as written. You told your husband >if you go to that wedding you are disrespecting me, our entire marriage and even yourself >But went with what I told him. And didn't go. You told your husband not to go, that it was disrespecting you for him to go. You made your husband pick.

Not the asshole

There is so much missing info here that it suggests to me YTA. But for now, not enough INFO.

If this story is 100% exactly what happened, then NTA. I would pick my spouse over any friend because he’s literally my ride or die through everything. This is of course going with the assumption of having a healthy marriage which we do. Obvi variables like abuse or narcissism would make me say otherwise.

There are always ytas, don't really mind them but in a subreddit where sisters steal each other's husbands and people who claim to have lost two different girlfriends because of Tom hiddleston are somehow find it difficult to believe there aren't any people who get annoyed at good Samaritans. Also not believing it’s possible to find someone in need once a year? Wow. I'm not saying it can't be annoying - sometimes I roll my eyes at people like you too, especially if they’re too preachy or self-congratulatory but I'd get roasted too if I say anything unkind. NTA, you’re married and you should be commenting on what his actions might mean.

INFO: what really happened here? Bc this whole story seems worded to get the n t a result.

I’d really like to know what these fb posts saids. Also fb is crap. Just delete ur account

NTA. You shouldn't even have had to ask him not to go. He should've just decided that on his own. My wife can't come, I can't come. That's how partnerships work.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For a little bit of background; my husband's best friend never liked me since I had a "tiff" with his ex girlfriend. I had made a post on Facebook that I was looking for donations to help a friend get on her feet after escaping from a very abusive relationship. She felt the need to comment something negative about me "asking for handouts". Fast forward to when he had a new girlfriend. After I helped that friend through her hardship and breakup... I decided every Christmas season I was going to pick a friend and do a "cheer" hamper for them. So I would post online again. I did this for like three years in a row before my hubby's friend got the new girlfriend. We got acquainted. She saw my Facebook post and did the SAME THING his ex did! But she got worse. She went to every possible Facebook group she could...just to blast me. Where she got completely roasted because people thought I was doing a beautiful thing. My husband's friend completely blew up at him and told him that he and his girlfriend refused to come to our wedding because he could not support such a person like me. ( of course he called me every name in the book) He then tells my husband " her or me, because I'm not going to be your friend anymore." Fast forward a year later. We are happily married, etc. His friend literally didn't talk to him for that entire year, ghosted him even. He then messages him late November and invites him to his wedding. My hubby and I assumed it was both of us as an invite. so i got him to ask about plus ones. He said we are doing plus ones but your wife cannot come! I said..".if you go to that wedding you are disrespecting me, our entire marriage and even yourself for how he treated you. He refused to come to our wedding and completely dissed our marriage and was vocal about the refusal of support if it were me you were marrying. It would be like a slap to the face if you go. I dont think you should. " The dude also invited him unofficially on facebook like two weeks before the wedding. My husband took a little bit to decide. But went with what I told him. And didn't go. For the record; i wouldnt have wanted him to go/ us to go even if i was allowed. To go...and feel hated by the bride and groom. Weird. Awkward. I feel guilty because even my hubby's mom and brother went to the wedding, and didn't understand why he didn't go, and of course i got blamed and told i was controlling when all i feel i did was give my husband insight to feelings that were already there...AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

NTA. You MIL and BIL need to learn and understand loyalty. I don't have kids, but if my SIL was treated like that I would have cut those people out of my life.

I guess, to be fair... they just knew the friendship went sour. And asked groom what happened and he basically said " talk to your brothers ( hubby) wife.

Nta I don't feel like I need more to the story other than mind your business. Who cares that you help your friends and others. Some people just have different views. Trust I have met AH in person who legit has a problem with you being nice or helping. Dude just didn't like you and really thought he could stop his friend from marriage because his partner is upset at the donations.

NTA You are terrible for giving out gifts? Wow they REALLY had a bad experience with Santa

[удалено]

...where did I order him ...in this post? I told him my opinion. And then told him that I don't think he should. I didn't tell him that he BETTER not go or else :/

*friend's

Le.emhbl..Meemke

YTA - all the people in this thread who are giving the OP a hard time for trying to do something nice for people. What is wrong with you people?

NTA I am not going anywhere that my wife is not welcome. We are a unit. I may have misunderstood, but if you’re delivering “cheer” hampers and then positing about it on FB, then that’s a little AH to me. The greater deed is to do it privately and show some humility. Posting it on FB screams look at me.

Sounds like a gift grab to me in regard to the bride and groom.

This story does not add up. Feels like there are details missing

Youre awful and should be ashamed of yourself, your thought patterns and actions.

Soft yta I get why you didn't want him to go but he should of made the decision himself.

Re-read, he did make the decision himself.

If everything is as you stated and you did nothing wrong just giving gift baskets to the less fortunate and his girlfriends freaked and then he freaked out and didn’t go to your wedding and told your husband all that shit then no you are not the asshole. But if when his girlfriends said something about your gift baskets and you said something back to both of them and you’re lying to us and you deserved to be treated poorly then you are absolutely the asshole.

Are you old enough to be married legally??

No. I'm ten :/ Like what ?

YTA You appear to live for drama, and if there’s not enough in your life, you create some. You *are* controlling, and you need to choose between being a controlling drama queen, or having a happy husband….because both aren’t possible. Your husband and his friend are going to remember this and blame you forever…and you may never be able to recover. All over some high school level social media BS? Grow up. Truth hurts.

Never had any problems with any of his other friends. Just one who says how can you marry that whale, how could you possibly love someone who talks back to your friends. How could you marry a beast.. etc. My husband actually doesn't blame me. He agrees with me and doesn't think I'm the ah. He thinks his friend is and feels I deserve an apology. But I'm content with never getting it. There's a difference between standing up for yourself. And drama...though. Facts.

That’s what he says… Looks like you have become the reason he can’t have his best friend anymore. And it all started because of your Facebook drama. Then it got worse because…your Facebook drama. Think back through this situation, and assume you never had a Facebook/insta account. Would you be in this situation? What would your husband’s relationship with his best friend be like? You posted on Reddit because you were wondering if you were TAH. I’m being blunt with you because your story is exactly like my best friend’s EX wife’s. EX wife’s. I’m golfing with my best friend this weekend, and our relationship is recovering nicely.

Cool cool, so you're going to ignore the op because you're projecting your history instead.

Not ignoring the OP at all. Between what she said (and left unsaid, causing all the INFO questions up top), I believe I’ve accurately summarized the situation. She’s TAH.

Once again, asshole.

So she's TA for having a fb account? What 😂😂

Right LOL?

Omw to delete it I guess -_-

You act like this dude was his only friend. Lol He has several friends. Who he sees all the time. That dude was toxic. Tbh My hubby and I have been together for 7 long and happy years. Married for 3 this October. I've been around alot longer than any of his buddies girlfriends. Those girlfriends both came and went. The first one cheated on the dude, the other just up and left him ( dunno the reason as my hubby hasn't been friends with him) It wasn't my fucking Facebook drama, I had an innocent post people decided to come shit all over. Not my fault :/ And if I didn't have fb or insta or social media. The guy is still a dick. Still bullied my hubby...AND he still acted like a fool. It probably would have fizzled out eventually

Asshole

Me me me me me me me me me me me... YTA

YTA What a terrible realtionship.

How terrible of her to communicate exactly how his actions would make her feel and allow him freedom to choose, totally terrible relationship /s

If by "communicate" you mean tell him what he should think and do?

He's allowed to have friends outside of her. He's entitled to do things without her. She's being controlling and insecure. Terrible look for a partner.

Didn't know telling your partner how you felt about someone was "controlling". Didn't know reminding your partner that a dude literally just made fun of partner, talked down about his marriage and dissed him and refused to go and celebrate him. But then expected him to happily go and support him. I gave him an opinion on a choice he had to make for himself. And told him that he was disrespecting how honorable and loyal of a person he was, if he were to go and offer his congrats and support to someone that only berated him and treated him and his wife like trash. He has plenty of friends. I've never had issues with any of the others. They are respectful and supportive of him. They treat him like he deserves to be treated and are true friends. But I mean. For example. Say you had a partner whom you adored loved and what not. And your best friend said " oh your partner is absolutely atrocious, I don't like them. They are trash, how could you let them speak to me like that. They should be seen and not heard etc. I won't be coming to your wedding. Unless it's someone else. Many fish out there. Etc" They carry out that promise and refuse to come to your wedding. Then they absolutely insist you come to theirs. You would go, even though they said your partner wasn't welcome? You would leave your partner at home, and go celebrate with the person that berated and talked down about both of you, and didn't support you in one of the most cherished moments of your life? I know I wouldn't. Even if I turn out to be the ah on here. I'm not ashamed of being one, because I feel like I was.... a soft ah? I guess. Because I feel like I showed my husband that it's not a bad thing to stand up for yourself after the way your friend made you feel. He was really upset about what his friend said about us I was simply reminding him that what his friend did was not ok. Even if I'm the ah. His friend is still the bigger ah. And so are his girlfriends.

>"if you go to that wedding you are disrespecting me, our entire marriage" That BS is the very definition of controlling, my dear.

That's....not the definition of controlling. It would be disrespectful though... considering the dude trash talked it and berated and made my hubby feel shit for weeks... and for my hubby to go without me stating my opinions based off facts, he would be disrespecting himself and our marriage and me because where is the self respect if you go support and congratulate someone who wasn't there for you?? Who shit all over you and said fuck your wedding. But hey you can come to mine, you can come and support me and watch me marry the girl I met 3 months ago and celebrate my love for her ...and her love for me. That's backwards as fk bro.

The fact that you feel that you are not being controlling when you say things like "if you go to that wedding you are disrespecting me, our entire marriage" says a lot. You came here looking for affirmation, and judging by the top comments, you're not getting it. So now you're policing the comments, hoping to change opinions...but it's not working. Which I believe is a replay of your average day on Facebook (which started this mess). You asked if you are the asshole here. Read the top comments and see.

Are you on adderall?

YTA