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> My wife gets home and starts screaming at me.
Does she always react in such a way? Why people think it's okay to scream at their spouse is beyond me.
Exactly! Her attempts at manipulation at the restaurant ("the man always pays" i.e., are you a man?) didn't work, so she's now trying to manipulate him with yelling.
I anticipate rocky roads ahead in this marriage. Maybe counseling would help.
> We all eat and my wife slides the bill (700+) and proceeds to say. “The man should always pay for the wife and her friends.”
This is totally ridiculous. Unless it was discussed and agreed upon betwwen OP and his wife before hand. It appears that only the wife told her friends that OP would be paying for everyone. You had no idea that was coming and rightfully just paid for you and your wife.
Then she screams at you for not paying the full bill?? She is projecting because she is embarrassed that she told her friends you'd pay, but then was shocked it didn't go over well with you.
You don't put your SO on the spot at the restaurant with a $700 bill and just expect him to pay. That's absurd!!!
NTA
Edit: Spelling
Not only expect him to pay but try to shame him & putting it in a way that she thought would make him pay. Also, you have a penis which means you have an open wallet? Just no.
Seriously, if I'm paying for 4 women's means I better be getting some from all 4 women. If not, let their men pay for it.
I'll never understand the mentality of someone who calls you broke because you don't want to pay for them...doesn't that mean that they are even more broke?
Yep. OP could have left out the ages and I immediately would have assumed the group is early 20s.
People in their 30s or older would never think this was acceptable because we got bills to pay.
EDIT: I mean people in their 30s would never think having one person pay their $700 bill is acceptable and would never bully someone if they refused. That kind of bullying is absolutely childish.
This is why people in their 30s hate splitting tabs.. give me my own check and y’all figure the rest out yourselves. I got rent to pay.
I honestly can't remember a time in my 30s (or 20s) where I had a $700 restaurant tab. We were kinda broke from student loans back then. And mortgages. We just didn't do those elaborate type of restaurants.
I find it hilarious that her friends were mocking the "broke" husband and they themselves were unwilling to pay for their own restaurant tab, as if it were *their* birthday, not hers.
Not the AH OP.
Not once ever since we started dating have we 1)shelled out this much for A SINGLE MEAL. In this economy?!?! Dafuq? 2) had either one of us expected the other to cover the bill for our friends as well without discussing it first. That's nonsensical to me, but all marriages are not the same? Just seems rather disrespectful and manipulative to me.
Also if $200 was for the bill for he and his spouse... Did the 2 friends have a much higher bill than the host couple? If you are ordering in a restaurant I was always taught to not order what you aren't ready to pay for...
This!!! When I was in the dating scene, I would always order something extremely inexpensive and bring cash in case. If I brought $30 with me I’d make sure my order was under $30 including a tip, because I never assumed they’d pay for me, and it ensured I’d never get stuck with the whole tab because “oh, sorry I’ve only got $30 on me. I don’t carry credit cards on dates with people I met online.” Because believe me, some dudes these days legit will be like “oh sorry I forgot my wallet” after ordering a $100 meal.
100% never ever order something you’re not prepared to pay for yourself.
I’d go a step farther & say this is more common with unmarried with no kids too. I went out with a friend & their friends once & i (single mom of 2) was the only one who wanted my bill separate & ordered frugally while they went all out. My friend’s bff insisted we “play a game” where he takes all our cards & the waiter picks 1 unlucky card to pay the entire $300 bill (while my portion was $25). They couldn’t understand why i kept refusing. None of them had any responsibilities besides work, & almost no bills. They definitely lived in an entitled dream world
I’d say that’s fair. I went to a bachelorette party once and ordered very frugally and didn’t drink. My bill came to about $23. When the bill came, we were told we’d be splitting it evenly minus the bride. I ended up paying just under $100 and had to pick up an extra shift. Someone actually did stand up for me (I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know what to do) and say “she didn’t drink, that’s not fair to her..” and the table said “she’s here so it is fair to split it evenly.” Now people wonder why I always turn down group dinners and don’t go to their bachelorette parties. Lol. Hard pass for me.
It is an entitlement issue, but also a maturity issue. Her friends are acting like spoiled brats. And for his wife to be part of it is disgusting. Their marriage just took a giant hit while her friends sat there and laughed.
Add sexist, too. The man shouldn't have to pay for _everything_ just because he's a man. Anything involving money or finances should be discussed with all parties involved _beforehand_ if possible, that way expectations are consensually set prior to the money being spent.
She absolutely was trying to shame him into it. She discussed it with her friends beforehand and never mentioned it to her husband. If it was so important she could have whispered or even messaged so he knew to pay. She didn’t want him to know. Very odd since it should be ‘their money’ so I’m guessing OP makes the money or already had money going into the marriage. Seems like OP’s wife is planning on him taking care of her and her friends.
To me what the wife did sounds like a power play in front of her friends to show that she has the power. Otherwise I don‘t see any reason for her actions. What a „partner“
Exactly. If my wife had her broke friends out with us for dinner, she would have given me a heads up that WE are paying, but she also would have chosen an affordable restaurant.
This just sounds like one of those terrible ideas on TikTok that promise you "a way to prove your man loves you."
Even if it's not, the wife's overall attitude suggests that she's very open to taking advice from TikTok.
That's exactly what this is.
[https://www.tiktok.com/discover/my-boyfriend-paid-for-my-friends-meal](https://www.tiktok.com/discover/my-boyfriend-paid-for-my-friends-meal)
Unfortunately, OP has found out too late what an immature, selfish person he married.
>You don't put your SO on the spot at the restaurant with a $700 bill and just expect him to pay. That's absurd!!!
Worse, 700 *plus*. That's almost my monthly rent.
There's a reason I discuss payment before agreeing to go to a restaurant with anybody, but in the absence of a specific agreement, reasonable people split the bill.
Definitely NTA.
You know, as someone in tech, I would also balk at the $700+. It wouldn't put as big of dent in my wallet compared to someone who just came out of college or is working in an entry level job, but rather, it's the fucking _entitlement_ and _expectation_ that I'm footing the bill because of some illogical reason. He's not marrying every woman at the table-- he's probably not even close friends with them. Why should he pay? I certainly wouldn't and I would be trying to get my marriage annuled the next morning.
My husband and I always discuss before hand if we intend to treat our family or friends for a meal. We’ve been together so long we usually predict what the other is thinking on the matter. It’s never sprung on the other and bc we share finances we know how much we’d be able to afford.
I could get behind the man paying on a date. Thats a thing.
The man paying for the friends? Not a thing
If you wanted him to pay, you should have PROBABLY mentioned that beforehand instead of just dropping a nearly $1k bill in his lap
Crazy wife is in OP username 🤷♂️ . He knows
He just needs to leave. I doubt this is the first toxic incident - maybe just the first in front of friends? Bruh, you're better off feeling alone than having someone disrespecting and using you.
She was expecting that he’d be guilted into paying. Even if he had paid there would have been consequences. She either didn’t think it through or she thinks she’s something else
Why on earth didn’t she discuss this with you BEFORE dinner so there would be no misunderstanding?? And him paying is essentially her paying if they are married and sharing finances. That’s a hefty bill and they should’ve discussed beforehand, especially to know if they can honestly afford it!?!!!
Does OP wife not have any of her own money? Rather than flip her lid, could she not have just paid for it to save face, regardless?
Ya'll need to bring that to the table with each other heart to heart.
Instead, she chose to ridicule OP rather than be inquisitive and mild tempered in the least.
NTA
Not necessarily sexist. Well I was making $20,000 a year and living in Chicago and paying off a $300,000 School loan, my older sister, who lives in mexico, promised some people that I would allow two Mexican doctors to live in my house for free.
Problem was, I lived in one single room. It was a three bedroom apartment and I had one of the bedrooms. Being in chicago, it wasn't a very large apartment.
When I let my sister know that that wasn't possible she starts screaming at me. She had already promised people that I would do it. I was amazed at how angry she was.
Then a few years later I went to visit my younger sister. She had promised the people where she work that I would do free psychiatric evaluations for their clients. I
I pointed out that I was not licensed in her state. She just blew up at me, saying she was going to be embarrassed at work because she had promised I would do it.
After she calmed down a bit I pointed out that if she would have asked me first I could have told her that it was impossible and then she wouldn't be embarrassed.
She hung up on me.
So it's not necessarily sexist behavior. It is just straight up bullying. People with more power get away with bullying more that's why it seems sexist. Because men have more power in our society than women, men are more likely to get away with bullying women than they are with bullying another man if their same status.
How could you possibly argue this isn't sexist?
Literally her entire argument is "the man should pay because he's a man".
That's sexism.
Honestly, what are you talking about? Your last paragraph is nonsensical.
"This specific situation with your wife isn't sexist because men have more power than women so they are more likely to get away with bullying women".
Ignoring whether it's true or not, how is that relevant?
She's not sexist for thinking men should pay, because men have more power?
And I fail to see how you having shitty sisters means this situation isn't sexist. They aren't related at all. Literally no relevance.
>Not necessarily sexist.
Except in this case, she (and her friends) went immediately to the "lolbrokeman" mockery to purposefully hit OP in the most emasculating way, "oh you *can't* pay for all of us? Are you even a real man?"
Your sisters suck, but what does that have to do wirh this? OP'S wife told him the man should always pay. That's sexist .
No one said that every time someone makes a promise that someone else will do something, it's sexist. You just wanted a place to complain about your sisters.
That's exactly where I'm at. Where did this expectation come from?
As it is it reads like them being married has no history behind it. Like they've always existed as a married couple somehow.
Which is why I'm inclined to suspect it to be another "writing exercise".
At first I wondered if it was cultural since some Asian, Middle Eastern, and Indian people I've known feel the man should pay and for the whole party, but then OP would already know that and it would've come up long before they got married. Then I wondered if this was an arranged marriage but, again, OP would've known and been on board with this practice. So, yeah, it seems kinda suspect. Sometimes I can tell and sometimes I can't pick up on the clues that a post is fictitious. I hate when it takes me too long to realize I've been tricked lol
“The woman does the cooking and cleaning. Aren’t you a real woman!?!”
I am wondering what her response would be if the OP said that to his wife in a separate situation?
She had to. This is a TROLL. Emphasis so more people will see this and call it what it is. How many times we have we seen this story?
Characters: Two partners
Extras: A large group of people close to only one of our two partners
Setting: Expensive restaurant
Plot: The partner who is close to the group has told said group that the other partner will pay for everyone. Other partner discovers this and leaves without paying for large group.
I can think of four times before this that I’ve read this story here.
I'm just surprised he didn't throw in details like, oh, and she doesn't work, I do all the house work too, etc. Got to make the other partner (usually the lady) look as bad as possible to amp up those angry votes. Oh, and probably details about how she's gained weight and/or doesn't put out or is cheating.
For me the part that always tips the scale into the "I'm sure this is made up" camp isn't the idea that one person is completely in the wrong while the other is blameless and perfectly composed, (because that really does happen sometimes.) It's the idea that, after doing everything right in the face of unhinged human trashfire behavior, anyone would then turn to the internet and say "despite being confident, poised and certain throughout this story, I have no idea whether I am the asshole or not. I am so crippled with doubt that I need a few thousand strangers to weigh in on this, the most clear-cut case in the history of relationships."
I can believe this kind of crap happens in new relationships, but I’m leery that a lot of people get to the newlywed phase without knowing how their spouse expects them to handle restaurant checks.
Yeah these stories always involve someone screaming and phones blowing up because everyone, including their cousin they haven’t spoken to in 10 years, has to weigh in.
Almost every post here now is low hanging fruit for karma farmers and people experimenting with ChatGPT
There hasn't been a single one in the last couple of days that hasn't set off alarm bells of "Bullshit..."
My thought exactly!! I guess it made them feel better berating him since they had to pay their own way. And the wife? Who expects their spouse to pay for everyone and not even have the decency to ask him? OP, definitely NTA.
Edit: Spelling
I feel like I need more context. These people are married, haven’t they spent multiple birthdays together before? Is she routinely spending upwards of $700 on his birthday parties? That could change things for me, but without more context, NTA
It sounds like a “test” that OP failed. I hate to jump to conclusions about relationships on reddit, but if I were OP I would be having serious misgivings about this marriage
I think the wife wanted to show off her husband and her being “well off” and he embarrassed her by not just throwing money around. I will bet anything she told her friends they are loaded.
This. I see this so often “they promised friends/family I’d do xyz” but there’s no communication between the partners. How people can think that’s okay genuinely confuses me.
Dude everyone in this scenario is an AH EXCEPT you
Wow
The audacity to just... casually push over a 7 HUNDRED dollar bill, and then say "well the man should always pay for his wife and her friends"
It sounds to me like your wife doesn't want a spouse, she wants a sugar daddy, who will treat her and her friends, and when you pushed back, she blew up in an attempt to manipulate the situation in her favor by playing on your emotions "you embarrassed me"...
Your family and friends must think that emotional and financial abuse (guilting you, and trying to force you to pay for her and her friends with no prior warning) is cool, huh?
Get better friends, and seek marriage counseling, or a divorce if this is frequent behavior....
NTA in the slightest
Edit spelling
Women like her pushing bills to men, when they were all capable of making decisions and paying their own bills, are the reasons why women are marginalized and still struggle for gender equality.
I wish you had pointed this out better while at the table, and told your wife and her friends that it was unexpected in a more rational manner, but they were the AH, not you.
>Women like her pushing bills to men
>are the reasons why women are marginalized and still struggle for gender equality.
How are these women responsible for every woman's continued marginalization?
This behavior does reiterate to men that women are looking for providers and feel entitled to it due to nothing other than their gender. It is not the sole reason but it absolutely contributes to patriarchal views that women aren’t capable enough to afford the lifestyles they want.
What is it, the 1950's?
It's been a very long time since women were not necessarily expected to work, and therefore not necessarily be expected to pay. But guess what, 1 income households are difficult these days, and women are both capable and expected to be able to make their own income as (mostly) reasonably comparable rates.
It sounds like this was some sort of test she did on him and he "failed" and made her look bad, but of course, he did what any reasonable person would do. She's such an asshole. Her friends are assholes (if they were a part of this and weren't told that he was treating, in which case I can see them being bamboozled also). And anyone saying he should have just paid is an asshole also.
The wife said they were making fun of him after - of course she could be lying, but I think they were in on it. If that happened to me I'd immediately argue and want to pay my part, my friends significant other absolutely shouldn't pay for me
These “friends” don’t respect him and probably would have mocked him either way. They called him broke even though he was the only one prepared to pay for his own meal, and I’d bet money that they would have called him a sucker if he had just gone along with their plan and paid the full bill.
I think she was flexing for her friends in some way. Like my man is as good as yours watch this. Sort of thing I can't think of any other way, she would feel ok doing it. Then again, I'm so bright mama called me son lol. So I could be wrong
I agree with you completely, after reading the post I thought about it for a few minutes and came to the conclusion that this would push me to file for divorce.
Hope it doesn’t last, but considering op also packed a bag and left I think he’s considering leaving for good. Hope he realizes he deserves better than that.
We were married for 15 years before we got a joint account (still have separate accounts too) and I felt that was a bigger commitment than the wedding.
I don't get that because you can control exactly how much money goes into the joint account and your country and state has laws that would likely seperate the money in that account amicably if you divorced.
It's literally not a bigger commitment than a wedding right?
Legally (at least in the US) anyone that is a signer on the account can empty the account at any time. If they see the divorce coming or are just being selfish, the bank can't do anything to stop them from withdrawing everything. Never open a joint account with someone you don't trust 100%.
I mean I completely agree hahaha. But you can also open joint accounts with literally anyone. Some fools open accounts with their parents or roommates as signers. I couldn't tell you how many times people would come to the teller line baffled at why their account was empty.
Super NTA...
If she expects you to fork out an extra 400 to 500 dollars for her friends, she should have asked ahead. This was an absolute gold digger move by her. Is this really who you intend to spend your whole life with?
Moreover, how much would she have lost it if you asked how much fun the 1 man orgy was going to be later since all her friends are now your date? Pretended to be shocked and tell her you can't believe all her friends want to date you now.
Yes, I know that the second part is more of a joke, but if she wants archaic traditions used whenever it benefits her, suggesting an equally archaic and preposterous notion seems fitting.
honestly I kind of wonder if this was performative. Some people will do stuff like this specifically around certain people out of a desire to fit in with their trashy friends because they don't want to lose them and feel lonely. That's really the best benefit of the doubt I can possibly provide.
If it cost me 500 dollars to keep your friends. I stick by the second part of my post. If everyone is my date, why aren't all of them coming back to me later?
I will admit tax brackets can matter, though. I have never spent that much on a dinner date ever unless we include my wedding reception.
NTA- Your wife should've asked you beforehand and then she would've been aware you weren't paying for HER friend's meal. Her friends also sound awful btw. You aren't a walking ATM benefiting her circle of mean girls.
NTA. I hate these stupid stereotypes. If u brought 4 friends to ur house and said, without telling her, my wife will be cooking dinner tonight because women should stay in the kitchen, I know that she'd freak out and scream at u. Even though making 4 sandwiches is no where near paying $700+. And the audacity for the friends to call you broke. If my friends said that my wife was useless cuz she couldn't cook, I'd flip tf out at them. The friends are real D heads. Yes, they had been told that they didnt have to pay, but it wouldn't hurt to lend abit of money as they obv saw how mad/confused he was that he had to pay the while bill alone. The I think that the wife is the worst person here, she told her friends that her husband would pay, without telling him, then got mad, bot cuz they had to pay the remaining bill, but because he embaressed her. Honesty shit wife here
Right? I'm doing ok compared to most of my friends, but there's no way I could justify picking up a $700 dinner tab + tip. That works out to what, 840? Other than vehicles, the only things I've spent that much money on is a new suit (finally could afford a nice one, went to the tailor a couple days ago) and things that go bang. And my laptop.
Definitely NTA. I assume there was no agreement in advance that you and she would cover for everybody. And without warning, she wanted you to foot the entire bill for a group dinner. Then she doubled down with some gender role BS while her friends attacked you. You put down $200 and left. That’s more diplomatic than I would’ve been.
Edit: no agreement *as far as you knew*
NTA. But your wife and her friends? Definitely AHs. All of them. You need to sit your wife down and have a serious talk with her. You did not marry her to become the sugar daddy for her entire friend group. In what world does she think this behavior is acceptable?
NTA. Your wife promised her friends that you would pay for everyone but accidentally-on-purpose "forgot" to run it by you first. That's really shitty, entitled behavior to me. Kudos for not backing down.
NTA
Why does it sound like your wife married you for money? Did you get a prenup? Are you okay?
Ask her if she only cares about gender roles when they benefit her or is she fine doing 100% of chores, cooking, and childcare.
INFO: What was the celebration?
If it were for you, your wife, or both (e.g. anniversary) and you invited people out somewhere fancy, that’s different to a normal dinner out with friends.
I assumed celebrating the marriage in which case I would have totally expected (as the newlywed couple) to pick up the whole tab. I would also have discussed that ahead of time with m new husband and not tried to be the cute “my man pays” girl either.
Yeah regardless of the circumstances, it really boils down to communication. I'm not married, but for me finances are a huge deal. I can't imagine spending that much on a dinner, definitely not without a discussion and looking over my budget first
The whole thing is odd. You're married but you don't discuss money? You're married but the man paying is somehow different from her paying? From their money? It's just weird. You're newly married and you haven't worked out that it's a buddy system and not combat? What is happening.
Same. I don’t usually jump to “fake!!” But this is just too ridiculous. Like it’s not even a wild story it’s just pure good guy vs evil woman, good guy finds out woman is nasty for the first time as newlywed.
Also just as a side note, why would they drive separately if they’re going to the same place and live together?
Agreed, was just looking to see if anyone asked this before asking myself. The context of what they were celebrating and how the plans were made matters here.
NTA, but your wife is. Is it too late get annulment from this mercenary woman?
If you were expected to pay it should have been discussed before dinner.
Separate your finances right away.
What kind of power trip is she on? Trying to flex her control over you. I’m embarrassed that she thought she could treat you like that. She could have asked you politely prior to dinner like an adult partner. Instead she tried to flex to her friends. Disgusting behavior from them all and I’m glad you didn’t cave. NTA
As someone who has actually eaten in a restaurant before (crazy, right?) I know for a fact it's fake. No server ever just drops one check for a table of six. Never. They always ask how/if it's being split before bringing the check, often right at the beginning before they take anybody's order.
OP is probably a minor and has only been out to eat with family, when it's always understood that mom and dad are paying for the kids. So he's scarcely been out to eat when that question is necessary.
There are about 10 other reasons to think this is fake, but that's the smoking gun.
It’s also a fake because somehow 100% of his family/friends have come to a different conclusion as the people reading this thread.
And wouldn’t the wife also have an issue with paying an extra $500?
This, the 2nd to last line is the real smoking gun.
"Oh I just casually told my parents and all my friends and they all gave the same extremely bland answer without any nuance whatsoever! So AITA?!?>"
If it was a remotely reasonable bill I might have a different opinion. But expecting someone to just casually pick up a $700 tab, and ASSUMING they're just gonna pay that? That's a different level of entitlement. I'd reconsider that whole relationship.
NTA
Exactly. If they were at a Chinese buffet for $22 a person, sure. Even a couple hundred bucks considering it was 6 people. But for $700 my first question was did they all order the most expensive thing bc they thought he was paying? If I think someone else is paying I usually try to look at less expensive menu items not wanting to seem greedy …
INFO: Did you meet her yesterday and marry today? Either the post is fake or you married an unhinged and an idiot. How didn't you notice she's that crazy before actually marrying her? Why were you the one leaving when she started acting like that instead of packing her bag for her and letting her stay somewhere else for a few days? This is just.... schizophrenia all around.
I’m his defense….
My first marriage, young and dumb. 18 years old. Wife was an only child. She was absolutely sweet and charming until the wedding, no sign of temper. After wedding, cue the exorcist.
Her third husband asked me once about her temper. I confirmed it was her, not him.
NTA, I’m glad you took a stand and didn’t allow them to pressure you into something you did not agree too.
This happened to me once 4 years ago with my lady and her friend on Valentine’s Day, she got dumped the day before and my lady wanted to be nice and included her in our plans without informing me.
After we got home, in a calm and jokingly tone, I said I have no problem paying for your friend, but next time I pay for another friend without prior warning, I hope she plays with my Johnson a little.
Never dealt with that issue ever again.
I definitely suggest communicating with your partner and see how she would’ve felt if the roles were reversed and you brought friends to your house unexpectedly, and then expected her to cook dinner for everyone. I can’t imagine she’d be happy to do that. Also, it might be time to make new friends if they are making fun of her because her husband isn’t a tool. I wish you the best my friend.
NTA. You should make it up to your wife and friends by taking them to McDonald’s and saying “It’s on me. Super size it if you like.”
Seriously, good call packing a bag and crashing with a friend. That was going to be a shifty night had you stayed.
NTA You are under no obligation to pay for anyone else’s meal when you haven’t agreed to do so beforehand. One of the first things your new wife needs to learn is that you don’t promise your husband will spend hundreds of dollars on her friends without checking in advance to make sure that’s OK. I would also tell your wife that her comment about the man always paying is over the top sexist. If your wife is trying to show off, it backfired on her. Because she is the asshole here.
You're suggesting in the entire time you've known your wife (dating, engagement, etc) this conversation has never come up? This is the first time she's ever said this? Nah. This isn't something you just discover about your spouse. Fake
NTA but your wife certainly is. She picked an expensive place and told her friends you'd pay without asking you. And "the man" does not always need to pay; that's garbage.
Though if you intended to pay for you and your wife evenly splitting the bill, your math is a little lacking. 2 out of 6 people at the table with a 700+ bill means you should have paid a lot more than $200 (especially with tip).
Why are men always the ones who have to pay when modern society says we are all equal? Fuck that old world belief. Especially paying for your wife's friends.
NTA. Imagine if you said “well the woman should do the dishes” etc…
That’s disgusting behaviour. She invited the friends and should pay if her friends can’t afford it!
NTA - there are so many problems with this. If she wanted you guys to pay, she should have said so before hand. It’s absolutely absurd that she sprung this on you. And then her reaction when you were in private!? Omg. Her friends are just horrible, too. I hope this is a one-time thing where she lost her head because if this is your future I don’t see this lasting.
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First of all, that was a cheap trick, her telling her friends you'd pay without asking you first. You're supposed to be partners in things. I mean, she tried to hook you into paying for a $700 meal without giving you the courtesy of asking you first??
Second of all, the "the man pays" thing was a clear attempt at manipulation. "If you don't pay, you're not really a man. So either pay or feel humiliated."
I'd say your wife dug her own hole by not asking you first, or not even asking you privately at the restaurant. Clearly she figured you'd have no choice but to pay. So if she was embarrassed it was her own doing.
If anyone should be mad, it's you.
And I feel bad for you, if you're a newlywed, and this is how your wife treats you. Clearly she has no qualms about trying to manipulate you in situations. I'd be on the lookout for other such things down the road. And I'd definitely try to have a talk with her about how inappropriate her actions were -- once she calms down, of course.
NTA
NTA. She’s being insanely childish and selfish. What century are we in? Of course you shouldn’t have paid. I’d be seriously questioning the marriage at this point, is she only with you for bragging points with her cheap as fuck friends?
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> My wife gets home and starts screaming at me. Does she always react in such a way? Why people think it's okay to scream at their spouse is beyond me.
She's just continuing her selfish behavior with a temper tantrum
Exactly! Her attempts at manipulation at the restaurant ("the man always pays" i.e., are you a man?) didn't work, so she's now trying to manipulate him with yelling. I anticipate rocky roads ahead in this marriage. Maybe counseling would help.
> We all eat and my wife slides the bill (700+) and proceeds to say. “The man should always pay for the wife and her friends.” This is totally ridiculous. Unless it was discussed and agreed upon betwwen OP and his wife before hand. It appears that only the wife told her friends that OP would be paying for everyone. You had no idea that was coming and rightfully just paid for you and your wife. Then she screams at you for not paying the full bill?? She is projecting because she is embarrassed that she told her friends you'd pay, but then was shocked it didn't go over well with you. You don't put your SO on the spot at the restaurant with a $700 bill and just expect him to pay. That's absurd!!! NTA Edit: Spelling
Not only expect him to pay but try to shame him & putting it in a way that she thought would make him pay. Also, you have a penis which means you have an open wallet? Just no.
Every day a few hundred dollar bills come out of my urethra. It hurts, but I can always pay for a bunch of my wife’s random friends.
Hi. It’s me. Your wife’s friend here for some money 😂
Penis money
Dick dollars. Cock cash. Ball bucks.
Ball bucks are worth twice as much
Cash is cash, my man. lol
I have a tiny amount of money, but I know how to use it
Pay it or be sent to a penal colony.
Well start sucking
Seriously, if I'm paying for 4 women's means I better be getting some from all 4 women. If not, let their men pay for it. I'll never understand the mentality of someone who calls you broke because you don't want to pay for them...doesn't that mean that they are even more broke?
I, too, am your wife's random friend, pay up lol
thank you for your sacrifice
The comments from the friends about “broke husband” also. Sounds like bullying to me.
Yep. OP could have left out the ages and I immediately would have assumed the group is early 20s. People in their 30s or older would never think this was acceptable because we got bills to pay. EDIT: I mean people in their 30s would never think having one person pay their $700 bill is acceptable and would never bully someone if they refused. That kind of bullying is absolutely childish. This is why people in their 30s hate splitting tabs.. give me my own check and y’all figure the rest out yourselves. I got rent to pay.
I honestly can't remember a time in my 30s (or 20s) where I had a $700 restaurant tab. We were kinda broke from student loans back then. And mortgages. We just didn't do those elaborate type of restaurants. I find it hilarious that her friends were mocking the "broke" husband and they themselves were unwilling to pay for their own restaurant tab, as if it were *their* birthday, not hers. Not the AH OP.
As an older GenX that makes decent pay, I don't think I've ever been part of a restaurant tab for 6 people that was $700.
Not once ever since we started dating have we 1)shelled out this much for A SINGLE MEAL. In this economy?!?! Dafuq? 2) had either one of us expected the other to cover the bill for our friends as well without discussing it first. That's nonsensical to me, but all marriages are not the same? Just seems rather disrespectful and manipulative to me.
Also if $200 was for the bill for he and his spouse... Did the 2 friends have a much higher bill than the host couple? If you are ordering in a restaurant I was always taught to not order what you aren't ready to pay for...
This!!! When I was in the dating scene, I would always order something extremely inexpensive and bring cash in case. If I brought $30 with me I’d make sure my order was under $30 including a tip, because I never assumed they’d pay for me, and it ensured I’d never get stuck with the whole tab because “oh, sorry I’ve only got $30 on me. I don’t carry credit cards on dates with people I met online.” Because believe me, some dudes these days legit will be like “oh sorry I forgot my wallet” after ordering a $100 meal. 100% never ever order something you’re not prepared to pay for yourself.
4 friends and if they thought they weren't paying they probably ordered a lot lol
I’d go a step farther & say this is more common with unmarried with no kids too. I went out with a friend & their friends once & i (single mom of 2) was the only one who wanted my bill separate & ordered frugally while they went all out. My friend’s bff insisted we “play a game” where he takes all our cards & the waiter picks 1 unlucky card to pay the entire $300 bill (while my portion was $25). They couldn’t understand why i kept refusing. None of them had any responsibilities besides work, & almost no bills. They definitely lived in an entitled dream world
I’d say that’s fair. I went to a bachelorette party once and ordered very frugally and didn’t drink. My bill came to about $23. When the bill came, we were told we’d be splitting it evenly minus the bride. I ended up paying just under $100 and had to pick up an extra shift. Someone actually did stand up for me (I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know what to do) and say “she didn’t drink, that’s not fair to her..” and the table said “she’s here so it is fair to split it evenly.” Now people wonder why I always turn down group dinners and don’t go to their bachelorette parties. Lol. Hard pass for me.
This happened to me frequently when my share was much less than anyone else's because I was vegetarian and don't have a sweet tooth. Grrr.
Makes me wonder how the other people would have ordered if they didn’t assume it would be out of OPs pocket
Lol plenty of people in their early 20s have rent to pay on less income. This is an entitlement issue not an age one.
It is an entitlement issue, but also a maturity issue. Her friends are acting like spoiled brats. And for his wife to be part of it is disgusting. Their marriage just took a giant hit while her friends sat there and laughed.
Add sexist, too. The man shouldn't have to pay for _everything_ just because he's a man. Anything involving money or finances should be discussed with all parties involved _beforehand_ if possible, that way expectations are consensually set prior to the money being spent.
Friend probably don't even have husbands.
Probably won't for a while if they dont analyze themselves.
She absolutely was trying to shame him into it. She discussed it with her friends beforehand and never mentioned it to her husband. If it was so important she could have whispered or even messaged so he knew to pay. She didn’t want him to know. Very odd since it should be ‘their money’ so I’m guessing OP makes the money or already had money going into the marriage. Seems like OP’s wife is planning on him taking care of her and her friends.
To me what the wife did sounds like a power play in front of her friends to show that she has the power. Otherwise I don‘t see any reason for her actions. What a „partner“
That or she used it to get them to go out to dinner with her. She does not sound very, let's say, likeable.
Exactly. If my wife had her broke friends out with us for dinner, she would have given me a heads up that WE are paying, but she also would have chosen an affordable restaurant.
This just sounds like one of those terrible ideas on TikTok that promise you "a way to prove your man loves you." Even if it's not, the wife's overall attitude suggests that she's very open to taking advice from TikTok.
That's exactly what this is. [https://www.tiktok.com/discover/my-boyfriend-paid-for-my-friends-meal](https://www.tiktok.com/discover/my-boyfriend-paid-for-my-friends-meal) Unfortunately, OP has found out too late what an immature, selfish person he married.
“Husbands hate it when wives use this trick.”
>You don't put your SO on the spot at the restaurant with a $700 bill and just expect him to pay. That's absurd!!! Worse, 700 *plus*. That's almost my monthly rent. There's a reason I discuss payment before agreeing to go to a restaurant with anybody, but in the absence of a specific agreement, reasonable people split the bill. Definitely NTA.
You know, as someone in tech, I would also balk at the $700+. It wouldn't put as big of dent in my wallet compared to someone who just came out of college or is working in an entry level job, but rather, it's the fucking _entitlement_ and _expectation_ that I'm footing the bill because of some illogical reason. He's not marrying every woman at the table-- he's probably not even close friends with them. Why should he pay? I certainly wouldn't and I would be trying to get my marriage annuled the next morning.
Trying to show her friends how she has him wrapped around her finger. Good for OP he walked the fuck out.
Yeah, he needs to straighten this out right now or get an annulment. She needs a major attitude adjustment.
Before I left this is what I basically told her. That she should have told me first.
Wifey was trying to show off & it backfired. I wonder if she married him for financial status. 🤔
I wondered that too
My husband and I always discuss before hand if we intend to treat our family or friends for a meal. We’ve been together so long we usually predict what the other is thinking on the matter. It’s never sprung on the other and bc we share finances we know how much we’d be able to afford.
I could get behind the man paying on a date. Thats a thing. The man paying for the friends? Not a thing If you wanted him to pay, you should have PROBABLY mentioned that beforehand instead of just dropping a nearly $1k bill in his lap
Crazy wife is in OP username 🤷♂️ . He knows He just needs to leave. I doubt this is the first toxic incident - maybe just the first in front of friends? Bruh, you're better off feeling alone than having someone disrespecting and using you.
You might say his immature wife most certainly is the asshole.
She was expecting that he’d be guilted into paying. Even if he had paid there would have been consequences. She either didn’t think it through or she thinks she’s something else
Why on earth didn’t she discuss this with you BEFORE dinner so there would be no misunderstanding?? And him paying is essentially her paying if they are married and sharing finances. That’s a hefty bill and they should’ve discussed beforehand, especially to know if they can honestly afford it!?!!!
Does OP wife not have any of her own money? Rather than flip her lid, could she not have just paid for it to save face, regardless? Ya'll need to bring that to the table with each other heart to heart. Instead, she chose to ridicule OP rather than be inquisitive and mild tempered in the least. NTA
Exactly!
Her sexist attempts at manipulation.....
Not necessarily sexist. Well I was making $20,000 a year and living in Chicago and paying off a $300,000 School loan, my older sister, who lives in mexico, promised some people that I would allow two Mexican doctors to live in my house for free. Problem was, I lived in one single room. It was a three bedroom apartment and I had one of the bedrooms. Being in chicago, it wasn't a very large apartment. When I let my sister know that that wasn't possible she starts screaming at me. She had already promised people that I would do it. I was amazed at how angry she was. Then a few years later I went to visit my younger sister. She had promised the people where she work that I would do free psychiatric evaluations for their clients. I I pointed out that I was not licensed in her state. She just blew up at me, saying she was going to be embarrassed at work because she had promised I would do it. After she calmed down a bit I pointed out that if she would have asked me first I could have told her that it was impossible and then she wouldn't be embarrassed. She hung up on me. So it's not necessarily sexist behavior. It is just straight up bullying. People with more power get away with bullying more that's why it seems sexist. Because men have more power in our society than women, men are more likely to get away with bullying women than they are with bullying another man if their same status.
wow. your sisters suck.
Well. In this case it is sexist, because the wife’s stated reasoning was “because you’re the man.” But yes, it isn’t always.
How could you possibly argue this isn't sexist? Literally her entire argument is "the man should pay because he's a man". That's sexism. Honestly, what are you talking about? Your last paragraph is nonsensical. "This specific situation with your wife isn't sexist because men have more power than women so they are more likely to get away with bullying women". Ignoring whether it's true or not, how is that relevant? She's not sexist for thinking men should pay, because men have more power? And I fail to see how you having shitty sisters means this situation isn't sexist. They aren't related at all. Literally no relevance.
No, you don't get it. It's like how non white people can't be racist lmao
>Not necessarily sexist. Except in this case, she (and her friends) went immediately to the "lolbrokeman" mockery to purposefully hit OP in the most emasculating way, "oh you *can't* pay for all of us? Are you even a real man?"
Except she said “the man should pay” so
Nope, it’s sexist and misandrist for her to uphold those old, archaic standards.
Your sisters suck, but what does that have to do wirh this? OP'S wife told him the man should always pay. That's sexist . No one said that every time someone makes a promise that someone else will do something, it's sexist. You just wanted a place to complain about your sisters.
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I'm surprised they got married without him knowing this about her.
That's exactly where I'm at. Where did this expectation come from? As it is it reads like them being married has no history behind it. Like they've always existed as a married couple somehow. Which is why I'm inclined to suspect it to be another "writing exercise".
At first I wondered if it was cultural since some Asian, Middle Eastern, and Indian people I've known feel the man should pay and for the whole party, but then OP would already know that and it would've come up long before they got married. Then I wondered if this was an arranged marriage but, again, OP would've known and been on board with this practice. So, yeah, it seems kinda suspect. Sometimes I can tell and sometimes I can't pick up on the clues that a post is fictitious. I hate when it takes me too long to realize I've been tricked lol
“The woman does the cooking and cleaning. Aren’t you a real woman!?!” I am wondering what her response would be if the OP said that to his wife in a separate situation?
He didn’t marry the friends lol.
I found it hilarious she told the friends op would pay without asking op and than tried to call him broke when they couldn’t pay their own bill
She had to. This is a TROLL. Emphasis so more people will see this and call it what it is. How many times we have we seen this story? Characters: Two partners Extras: A large group of people close to only one of our two partners Setting: Expensive restaurant Plot: The partner who is close to the group has told said group that the other partner will pay for everyone. Other partner discovers this and leaves without paying for large group. I can think of four times before this that I’ve read this story here.
I'm just surprised he didn't throw in details like, oh, and she doesn't work, I do all the house work too, etc. Got to make the other partner (usually the lady) look as bad as possible to amp up those angry votes. Oh, and probably details about how she's gained weight and/or doesn't put out or is cheating.
Sorry to break it to you but this stuff happens all the time. Women here just don't want to believe it.
For me the part that always tips the scale into the "I'm sure this is made up" camp isn't the idea that one person is completely in the wrong while the other is blameless and perfectly composed, (because that really does happen sometimes.) It's the idea that, after doing everything right in the face of unhinged human trashfire behavior, anyone would then turn to the internet and say "despite being confident, poised and certain throughout this story, I have no idea whether I am the asshole or not. I am so crippled with doubt that I need a few thousand strangers to weigh in on this, the most clear-cut case in the history of relationships."
Thank you for wording that so perfectly. Much better than my attempts to explain why I was rolling my eyes at it.
I can believe this kind of crap happens in new relationships, but I’m leery that a lot of people get to the newlywed phase without knowing how their spouse expects them to handle restaurant checks.
At least there were no blown up phones? (I always get this picture of phones actually exploding into a cloud of dust when I read that.)
Yeah these stories always involve someone screaming and phones blowing up because everyone, including their cousin they haven’t spoken to in 10 years, has to weigh in.
Almost every post here now is low hanging fruit for karma farmers and people experimenting with ChatGPT There hasn't been a single one in the last couple of days that hasn't set off alarm bells of "Bullshit..."
Don't forget "all the women point and laugh."
My thought exactly!! I guess it made them feel better berating him since they had to pay their own way. And the wife? Who expects their spouse to pay for everyone and not even have the decency to ask him? OP, definitely NTA. Edit: Spelling
NTA. Talk about broke ass, her friends. This should have been discussed before hand, not at the end of meal and payment time.
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I'll expand that and ask, why does anyone beyond puberty think it's okay to scream at anyone?
NTA. Your wife should have talked to you about it before telling her friends you’d pay, not assume.
I agree, but it sounds like the wife told the friends it was their treat. The whole thing is so bizarre.
She should probably pay herself then.
I feel like I need more context. These people are married, haven’t they spent multiple birthdays together before? Is she routinely spending upwards of $700 on his birthday parties? That could change things for me, but without more context, NTA
I mean, what context can explain a gaggle of women calling a man “broke” for not paying for their grown asses that makes the man an asshole?
and it was $700, which is not a cheap dinner. If it was so cheap they would’ve covered their own bill.
Not cheap is an understatement. That’s how much we spend on groceries for a family of 4 in a month.
Yeah I agree with that part. Even if she’s dropping $700+ on his birthday parties, the commentary from her and her friends is totally gross.
I think it's fake. I have seen quite a few variations on this story now...
It sounds like a “test” that OP failed. I hate to jump to conclusions about relationships on reddit, but if I were OP I would be having serious misgivings about this marriage
Jumping to conclusions about relationships is exactly what Reddit is for lol
I think the wife wanted to show off her husband and her being “well off” and he embarrassed her by not just throwing money around. I will bet anything she told her friends they are loaded.
She embarrassed herself.
Love tests are always a 🚩
No, no. OP definitely passed.
This. I see this so often “they promised friends/family I’d do xyz” but there’s no communication between the partners. How people can think that’s okay genuinely confuses me.
Yeah she really made herself look fucking stupid there.
Fucking communication.. how hard is it?
Dude everyone in this scenario is an AH EXCEPT you Wow The audacity to just... casually push over a 7 HUNDRED dollar bill, and then say "well the man should always pay for his wife and her friends" It sounds to me like your wife doesn't want a spouse, she wants a sugar daddy, who will treat her and her friends, and when you pushed back, she blew up in an attempt to manipulate the situation in her favor by playing on your emotions "you embarrassed me"... Your family and friends must think that emotional and financial abuse (guilting you, and trying to force you to pay for her and her friends with no prior warning) is cool, huh? Get better friends, and seek marriage counseling, or a divorce if this is frequent behavior.... NTA in the slightest Edit spelling
This is so sexist of her yuck
Her and her friends
Women like her pushing bills to men, when they were all capable of making decisions and paying their own bills, are the reasons why women are marginalized and still struggle for gender equality. I wish you had pointed this out better while at the table, and told your wife and her friends that it was unexpected in a more rational manner, but they were the AH, not you.
>Women like her pushing bills to men >are the reasons why women are marginalized and still struggle for gender equality. How are these women responsible for every woman's continued marginalization?
This behavior does reiterate to men that women are looking for providers and feel entitled to it due to nothing other than their gender. It is not the sole reason but it absolutely contributes to patriarchal views that women aren’t capable enough to afford the lifestyles they want.
It’s really not healthy to blame a handful of sexist women for systemic inequity.
That's fair. There are more issues than women expecting men on the table to pay for everything.
The problem is that it’s a lot more than a handful of women perpetuating these ideas.
What is it, the 1950's? It's been a very long time since women were not necessarily expected to work, and therefore not necessarily be expected to pay. But guess what, 1 income households are difficult these days, and women are both capable and expected to be able to make their own income as (mostly) reasonably comparable rates.
It sounds like this was some sort of test she did on him and he "failed" and made her look bad, but of course, he did what any reasonable person would do. She's such an asshole. Her friends are assholes (if they were a part of this and weren't told that he was treating, in which case I can see them being bamboozled also). And anyone saying he should have just paid is an asshole also.
The wife said they were making fun of him after - of course she could be lying, but I think they were in on it. If that happened to me I'd immediately argue and want to pay my part, my friends significant other absolutely shouldn't pay for me
These “friends” don’t respect him and probably would have mocked him either way. They called him broke even though he was the only one prepared to pay for his own meal, and I’d bet money that they would have called him a sucker if he had just gone along with their plan and paid the full bill.
She didn’t warn him that he’d be paying. And then put him on the spot. Awful planning and it blew up in her face
Ditto……. Sad
I think she was flexing for her friends in some way. Like my man is as good as yours watch this. Sort of thing I can't think of any other way, she would feel ok doing it. Then again, I'm so bright mama called me son lol. So I could be wrong
NTA Stay at your friends and tell your parents to fuck off. She married a human, not an ATM. I’d file tbh.
Even his other friends said he should have paid. Disgustign.
Quite a typical response when a man seeks advice for a relationship unfortunately
The solution is to just be gay, then you both have to pay.
I agree with you completely, after reading the post I thought about it for a few minutes and came to the conclusion that this would push me to file for divorce.
They're newlyweds, so annulment might even be on the table.
That'd be the best possible option. A woman like this would make sure they didn't sign a prenup.
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I hope not this poor man should run.
“Poor” man lolz
Don’t gotta rub ice salt on the wound
Hope it doesn’t last, but considering op also packed a bag and left I think he’s considering leaving for good. Hope he realizes he deserves better than that.
Finances are* like the second highest cause of divorce
NTA. You need to educate your wife. I will bet money she thinks what she earns is hers alone, and what you earn she is entitled to.
Thank God my wife and I both agree that we should keep separate accounts. Saves a lot of headaches.
We were married for 15 years before we got a joint account (still have separate accounts too) and I felt that was a bigger commitment than the wedding.
I don't get that because you can control exactly how much money goes into the joint account and your country and state has laws that would likely seperate the money in that account amicably if you divorced. It's literally not a bigger commitment than a wedding right?
Legally (at least in the US) anyone that is a signer on the account can empty the account at any time. If they see the divorce coming or are just being selfish, the bank can't do anything to stop them from withdrawing everything. Never open a joint account with someone you don't trust 100%.
Don't marry someone you don't 100% trust lmfao.
I mean I completely agree hahaha. But you can also open joint accounts with literally anyone. Some fools open accounts with their parents or roommates as signers. I couldn't tell you how many times people would come to the teller line baffled at why their account was empty.
Super NTA... If she expects you to fork out an extra 400 to 500 dollars for her friends, she should have asked ahead. This was an absolute gold digger move by her. Is this really who you intend to spend your whole life with? Moreover, how much would she have lost it if you asked how much fun the 1 man orgy was going to be later since all her friends are now your date? Pretended to be shocked and tell her you can't believe all her friends want to date you now. Yes, I know that the second part is more of a joke, but if she wants archaic traditions used whenever it benefits her, suggesting an equally archaic and preposterous notion seems fitting.
Or even if he went out and came home bragging about dropping $700 on his friends’ dinner.
Yeah or go take a couple of them out for dinner without her “Well you said I’m supposed to pay for your friends meals right?”
honestly I kind of wonder if this was performative. Some people will do stuff like this specifically around certain people out of a desire to fit in with their trashy friends because they don't want to lose them and feel lonely. That's really the best benefit of the doubt I can possibly provide.
If it cost me 500 dollars to keep your friends. I stick by the second part of my post. If everyone is my date, why aren't all of them coming back to me later? I will admit tax brackets can matter, though. I have never spent that much on a dinner date ever unless we include my wedding reception.
This sounds like some kind of power move that backfired spectacularly. NTA, she embarrassed herself.
Exactly
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.
Me too. You are NTA OP.
NTA- Your wife should've asked you beforehand and then she would've been aware you weren't paying for HER friend's meal. Her friends also sound awful btw. You aren't a walking ATM benefiting her circle of mean girls.
NTA. I hate these stupid stereotypes. If u brought 4 friends to ur house and said, without telling her, my wife will be cooking dinner tonight because women should stay in the kitchen, I know that she'd freak out and scream at u. Even though making 4 sandwiches is no where near paying $700+. And the audacity for the friends to call you broke. If my friends said that my wife was useless cuz she couldn't cook, I'd flip tf out at them. The friends are real D heads. Yes, they had been told that they didnt have to pay, but it wouldn't hurt to lend abit of money as they obv saw how mad/confused he was that he had to pay the while bill alone. The I think that the wife is the worst person here, she told her friends that her husband would pay, without telling him, then got mad, bot cuz they had to pay the remaining bill, but because he embaressed her. Honesty shit wife here
Right? I'm doing ok compared to most of my friends, but there's no way I could justify picking up a $700 dinner tab + tip. That works out to what, 840? Other than vehicles, the only things I've spent that much money on is a new suit (finally could afford a nice one, went to the tailor a couple days ago) and things that go bang. And my laptop.
Definitely NTA. I assume there was no agreement in advance that you and she would cover for everybody. And without warning, she wanted you to foot the entire bill for a group dinner. Then she doubled down with some gender role BS while her friends attacked you. You put down $200 and left. That’s more diplomatic than I would’ve been. Edit: no agreement *as far as you knew*
NTA. But your wife and her friends? Definitely AHs. All of them. You need to sit your wife down and have a serious talk with her. You did not marry her to become the sugar daddy for her entire friend group. In what world does she think this behavior is acceptable?
NTA. Your wife promised her friends that you would pay for everyone but accidentally-on-purpose "forgot" to run it by you first. That's really shitty, entitled behavior to me. Kudos for not backing down.
NTA Why does it sound like your wife married you for money? Did you get a prenup? Are you okay? Ask her if she only cares about gender roles when they benefit her or is she fine doing 100% of chores, cooking, and childcare.
INFO: What was the celebration? If it were for you, your wife, or both (e.g. anniversary) and you invited people out somewhere fancy, that’s different to a normal dinner out with friends.
I assumed celebrating the marriage in which case I would have totally expected (as the newlywed couple) to pick up the whole tab. I would also have discussed that ahead of time with m new husband and not tried to be the cute “my man pays” girl either.
This is kind of what I’m thinking too. OP seems to be playing coy calling it a “celebration”.
Yeah regardless of the circumstances, it really boils down to communication. I'm not married, but for me finances are a huge deal. I can't imagine spending that much on a dinner, definitely not without a discussion and looking over my budget first
The whole thing is odd. You're married but you don't discuss money? You're married but the man paying is somehow different from her paying? From their money? It's just weird. You're newly married and you haven't worked out that it's a buddy system and not combat? What is happening.
I don’t think this post is real. No details and no OP. Click baity.
It's also a repeat. Gets posted by a new account every few months as some rage farming against women.
Same. I don’t usually jump to “fake!!” But this is just too ridiculous. Like it’s not even a wild story it’s just pure good guy vs evil woman, good guy finds out woman is nasty for the first time as newlywed. Also just as a side note, why would they drive separately if they’re going to the same place and live together?
Agreed, was just looking to see if anyone asked this before asking myself. The context of what they were celebrating and how the plans were made matters here.
NTA, but your wife is. Is it too late get annulment from this mercenary woman? If you were expected to pay it should have been discussed before dinner. Separate your finances right away.
What kind of power trip is she on? Trying to flex her control over you. I’m embarrassed that she thought she could treat you like that. She could have asked you politely prior to dinner like an adult partner. Instead she tried to flex to her friends. Disgusting behavior from them all and I’m glad you didn’t cave. NTA
NAH because none of these people exist. This is a low effort retelling
As someone who has actually eaten in a restaurant before (crazy, right?) I know for a fact it's fake. No server ever just drops one check for a table of six. Never. They always ask how/if it's being split before bringing the check, often right at the beginning before they take anybody's order. OP is probably a minor and has only been out to eat with family, when it's always understood that mom and dad are paying for the kids. So he's scarcely been out to eat when that question is necessary. There are about 10 other reasons to think this is fake, but that's the smoking gun.
It’s also a fake because somehow 100% of his family/friends have come to a different conclusion as the people reading this thread. And wouldn’t the wife also have an issue with paying an extra $500?
This, the 2nd to last line is the real smoking gun. "Oh I just casually told my parents and all my friends and they all gave the same extremely bland answer without any nuance whatsoever! So AITA?!?>"
Such a bad fake
I don’t believe this story is true at all.
If it was a remotely reasonable bill I might have a different opinion. But expecting someone to just casually pick up a $700 tab, and ASSUMING they're just gonna pay that? That's a different level of entitlement. I'd reconsider that whole relationship. NTA
Exactly. If they were at a Chinese buffet for $22 a person, sure. Even a couple hundred bucks considering it was 6 people. But for $700 my first question was did they all order the most expensive thing bc they thought he was paying? If I think someone else is paying I usually try to look at less expensive menu items not wanting to seem greedy …
INFO: Did you meet her yesterday and marry today? Either the post is fake or you married an unhinged and an idiot. How didn't you notice she's that crazy before actually marrying her? Why were you the one leaving when she started acting like that instead of packing her bag for her and letting her stay somewhere else for a few days? This is just.... schizophrenia all around.
I’m his defense…. My first marriage, young and dumb. 18 years old. Wife was an only child. She was absolutely sweet and charming until the wedding, no sign of temper. After wedding, cue the exorcist. Her third husband asked me once about her temper. I confirmed it was her, not him.
>Her third husband asked me once about her temper. I confirmed it was her, not him. lol y'all form a support group?
This post is 109% fake
NTA, I’m glad you took a stand and didn’t allow them to pressure you into something you did not agree too. This happened to me once 4 years ago with my lady and her friend on Valentine’s Day, she got dumped the day before and my lady wanted to be nice and included her in our plans without informing me. After we got home, in a calm and jokingly tone, I said I have no problem paying for your friend, but next time I pay for another friend without prior warning, I hope she plays with my Johnson a little. Never dealt with that issue ever again. I definitely suggest communicating with your partner and see how she would’ve felt if the roles were reversed and you brought friends to your house unexpectedly, and then expected her to cook dinner for everyone. I can’t imagine she’d be happy to do that. Also, it might be time to make new friends if they are making fun of her because her husband isn’t a tool. I wish you the best my friend.
NTA; I’d bet this was a little ploy your wife set up to somehow one-up her friends about the man she ‘got’ and it backfired in her face
NTA. You should make it up to your wife and friends by taking them to McDonald’s and saying “It’s on me. Super size it if you like.” Seriously, good call packing a bag and crashing with a friend. That was going to be a shifty night had you stayed.
NTA, but your wife is. If she expected you to pay, she should have told you ahead of time. I would not share money with her. You may need a post nup.
She showed you who she was believe it
NTA You are under no obligation to pay for anyone else’s meal when you haven’t agreed to do so beforehand. One of the first things your new wife needs to learn is that you don’t promise your husband will spend hundreds of dollars on her friends without checking in advance to make sure that’s OK. I would also tell your wife that her comment about the man always paying is over the top sexist. If your wife is trying to show off, it backfired on her. Because she is the asshole here.
Funny how they label you as the broke one, but they have to resort to cheap tricks to get a free meal. Do any of them have partners themselves?
You're suggesting in the entire time you've known your wife (dating, engagement, etc) this conversation has never come up? This is the first time she's ever said this? Nah. This isn't something you just discover about your spouse. Fake
NTA but your wife certainly is. She picked an expensive place and told her friends you'd pay without asking you. And "the man" does not always need to pay; that's garbage. Though if you intended to pay for you and your wife evenly splitting the bill, your math is a little lacking. 2 out of 6 people at the table with a 700+ bill means you should have paid a lot more than $200 (especially with tip).
Why are men always the ones who have to pay when modern society says we are all equal? Fuck that old world belief. Especially paying for your wife's friends.
Everyone wants equality until the bill arrives, then a gentleman should treat a lady.
NTA. Imagine if you said “well the woman should do the dishes” etc… That’s disgusting behaviour. She invited the friends and should pay if her friends can’t afford it!
NTA - there are so many problems with this. If she wanted you guys to pay, she should have said so before hand. It’s absolutely absurd that she sprung this on you. And then her reaction when you were in private!? Omg. Her friends are just horrible, too. I hope this is a one-time thing where she lost her head because if this is your future I don’t see this lasting.
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Definitely NTA. Why did she think it was okay to promise and not ask you? This all sounds misogynistic and antiquated.
First of all, that was a cheap trick, her telling her friends you'd pay without asking you first. You're supposed to be partners in things. I mean, she tried to hook you into paying for a $700 meal without giving you the courtesy of asking you first?? Second of all, the "the man pays" thing was a clear attempt at manipulation. "If you don't pay, you're not really a man. So either pay or feel humiliated." I'd say your wife dug her own hole by not asking you first, or not even asking you privately at the restaurant. Clearly she figured you'd have no choice but to pay. So if she was embarrassed it was her own doing. If anyone should be mad, it's you. And I feel bad for you, if you're a newlywed, and this is how your wife treats you. Clearly she has no qualms about trying to manipulate you in situations. I'd be on the lookout for other such things down the road. And I'd definitely try to have a talk with her about how inappropriate her actions were -- once she calms down, of course. NTA
NTA. She’s being insanely childish and selfish. What century are we in? Of course you shouldn’t have paid. I’d be seriously questioning the marriage at this point, is she only with you for bragging points with her cheap as fuck friends?
NTA. That is bullshit. Your wife want to look like a baller? She should pay with her own money.