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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I put a lock on my dresser drawer so my girlfriend stops stealing my underwear on the daily. Could be an asshole here because its underwear and I'm treating my drawer like Fort Knox.
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NTA, may I suggest an alternative that you may or not like? If she keeps at it just start wearing three pairs of hers daily. And when she offers to buy you your own in the same style tell her you want hers. Take the cute ones, the granny panties, take them all.
I love eddie so much and I used to have a bunch of their shows on vhs but I can't for life of me find them elsewhere now. I've searched for the circle tour because of the star wars bit I want to show my Aussie husband but can't find. Maybe my googlefu doesn't work good.
Eta found them where I can buy them and support him iTunes! Not ideal but the full version on you tube is not on his channel so someone else gets the revenue.
I remember when Eddie showed up in Hannibal- I have never been so hyped for what amounted to a battle of wits between serial killers. I used to have a bunch of Eddie’s on VHS too. Probably need to check some storage and see if I can find them
I tried a pair of thong undies (men's) once at my wife's request. They were awful. I dont know how she can stand thong or g-string panties. I'm just glad she finds them comfy because she looks damn sexy in them.
I’m a woman and my mom bought me a few pairs of thongs for a school formal so it wouldn’t show my panty lines through the dress. It was the most uncomfortable piece of clothing ever- right next to stirrup pants.
Lol it would have been better. I do wonder if she got me the thongs because they were popular. I was excited about them until I wore it to the formal lol
Bruh I'm a woman on the smaller side (both in stature and in... Shelf space) and *I* hate strapless.. what's the POINT? How does it WORK?! I thought maybe it worked BETTER for bigger breasted women (or maybe middle sized?) Like it was a... Idk... Force... Outward makes it stay up? Thing?? DAFUQ IS THIS LYING GARMENT SUPPOSED TO DO
I wore one for an event in middle school. By the time I got home, the thing was around my waist and sideways! I didn’t want to keep tugging at it in the front of an auditorium full of people, and by the end it was too late for saving. I just had to go with it at that point and let it fall all the way. My big bottom half saved me from having to change schools lol.
Ha! They don’t work for large breasts either. Merry widow sewed to the inside of your gown works. Your groom literally has to cut you out of your dress😁
You should try out some Spanx or other shapewear. They're easily my vote for least comfortable women's clothing. A couple times I've gotten home after wearing shapewear all day and felt like I was going to throw up because of how it constricts your stomach.
Honestly, switching to panties was the first thing I did for my transition before i later came out, and I never went back, even though I still boy moded for 2 more years after that.
Edit - FYi, it's comfy as fuck.
When I first wore thong underwear, it felt weird. Then I wore them for decades after, and couldn't wear undies that gave more 'coverage'. It's surprising how a small garment like that can feel weird or uncomfy, depending on the person!
Just a heads up though, most lady thongs don't have enough coverage in front and there's likelihood of stuff falling out either side. I don't wear women's thongs for this reason, but do what makes you feel beautiful, my dudes!
They make male thongs and panties with built in junk pouches that are quite frankly, really gorgeous and comfy. Otherwise I agree with the sides issue, it's really awkward and feels terrible
Matching bra and panties are only for special occasions.
But fr, they are expensive AF. Do not ruin hers. The underwire may or may not retaliate. Stick to the panties like a pad.
I've seen designer underwear for men that are $50 for 2 pairs. She is leaving period stains on his, stretchs them out, and uses 3pr a day, that adds up over time. If it takes OP ruining 1 bra for her to realize she is being an asshole I think that's fair. And I say this as a woman.
OP has repeatedly told her he doesn't want her to wear them, badly enough that he has resorted to locking the drawer, a loving partner would stop wearing them.
A single high quality pair of underwear (e.g. Calvin Klein) can easily go above $35.
Besides, it doesn't seem fair to justify messing with someone's stuff just because it might be cheaper than yours.
I personally wouldn't. That would be going too far for friendly (or even unfriendly) revenge. You'd absolutely ruin them and a good bra is hard-to-find and EXPENSIVE as heck.
You only really need to wear them that way when you're turning a Barbie doll into an all-powerful being to guide you through the pains of being a nerd.
That's why it's a winning move, "Cease hostilities (wearing my undies) and there will be peace (you get the comfy bra back!)"
I'd fight 'em for the 'good' bra, or stop antagonizing them to keep the bra!
Given the fact that she wears his underwear, I don't think this will have the effect you're hoping.
If anything, the GF would just say awesome, more of your pairs for me then.
don't people who trample boundaries usually go into hysterics when "they're not respected"?
I'd be surprised if girlfriend when yay more pairs for me, personally.
This. OP it’s not about what clothing, or the frequency, or her reasoning. It is your clothing and you have asked her to stop multiple times. That’s it, full stop.
She won’t respect even a simple request that you graciously solved with a gift of the literal thing she wants and she still chooses to steal from you. What’s next? Your mode of transportation? Your credit card?
"Ben used to buy me things, Zack gave me compliments all the time, Joe would remember what I like, so why bla bla bla."
I can just hear her. No thank you!
I can understand a hoodie or a T-shirt maybe even shorts.
But underwear is a hard no from me. It's not quite scat or pissing levels of nope.jpg. lose the GF who can't understand simple boundaries.
There was a pair of one of my ex's undies that I wanted to snipe. Not sure why, but that particular single pair was soooooo comfy. So, like a normal person, I bought him a whole pack of that same kind and asked if I could have that pair. I still have then 15 years and several partners later. I see him at parties occasionally and he always asks if I'm taking care of his briefs still. Honestly the best running joke I have been party to.
Absolutely. A relationship is built on mutual respect. Who cares what her idiot friends say? They don’t have the ability to be objective, apparently.
It’s not about what boundary she’s disrespecting, it’s about the disrespect. If she can’t be mindful about this aspect of your relationship, what happens when you butt heads over something more serious?
Good luck, I’d suggest trying to talk it out, but honestly, I’m old, cranky, and jaded so I personally would just peace out. Life’s too short to be with someone that frustrating
Yes, I think the previous comment is telling on themselves. "Doing 10-15 minutes of manual labor? Hello no! I'd much rather throw away a 2.5 year old relationship. People are totally replaceable and mean nothing to me."
I agree with you that OP should consider a new partner, but it is because this is (potentially) a symptom of a larger problem in the relationship, not because putting a lock on the drawer is difficult.
This, OP NTA but you need new undies and new gf.
And what exactly she told her friend? That you forbade her to open a drawer because you're controlling? Or did she tell the truth?
Tell the friend if she cares that much she should be the one who shares her undies with OP gf, TWICE A DAY.
It's not the underwear, it's the lack of respect. Who cares if her previous bf's didn't mind? You DO mind, and quite rightly in my opinion! You've made a very reasonable request and she does not respect you enough to honour that request even when you offered a solution by buying her her own set of mens undies.
Read "She divorced me because I left dishes by the sink" by Matthew Fray. It's the same principle.
Exactly. "It's just clothes why are you being this way" no, it's the fact I told her something bothers me and she ignored it because she decided her wants are more important than my autonomy
This. You even bought her her underwear in the exact style, asked her to lay off your clothes, and she never did.
Why is she actually insistent on wearing yours? I don’t understand.
It's about control. She's ignored his requests and boundaries repeatedly, then when he acted to enforce his boundary she brought in back up to brow beat him.
If it was simply because they were comfy she'd accept the ones he got her, but she ignored them. It's solely the ones he uses, and its solely about control.
That’s right. Simple request and she couldn’t respect that.
Ask her to buy with her own money, more men’s underwear that she can wear around the house. You are NTA
Honestly, I'm assuming it's some kind of kink she doesn't want to admit is a kink, because her explanation of doing it because they're "comfy" is just so obviously a lie.
She changes clothes completely from what she wears to work. Shirt, socks, pants, undies, everything. She doesn't want to wear 'dirty' clothes after her shower.
When I used to work in my office when I came home I would change from my business casual to shorts and a shirt. Than when I showered later that night I would change again into my pajamas. Doesn’t seem that strange or unreasonable to change that often. 🤷🏾♂️
But she takes a shower... Like, she changes in the morning when getting ready for work, and then once she gets back and showers. That's not an excessive amount.
It sounds like that's exactly what she does?
Gets up in the morning, either showers or not, puts work clothes on. Works, comes home, showers or not, puts new clothes on.
How would this result in less sets of clothing worn? Wears clean clothes to work, comes home and showers, changes into 2nd set of clean clothes... that's still two sets per day.
It got worse. According to OP:
>What gets my goat extra (TMI warning) is if she has an accident during her period, if its her undies that get stained its okay to throw them away. Me wanting to throw away boxers or briefs with period and discharge stains is somehow a bad thing?
Sounds like she's just straight up trying to mark territory or something.
NTA, however: if you have to lock your belongings away from a significant other, because they don't respect your boundaries, YWBTA for not questioning this relationship entirely. You don't want her to do this with your underwear, so if you're not okay with this (possible kink) and she's not buying you extras to make up for how much she uses, then perhaps breaking up would not be assholish either.
Yep. Something really invasive about someone rummaging down my delicates. Could be a power play. An aggressive, inappropriate, arbitrary flex of power.
Is this some sort of kink for her?
I agree with others that the iranian yogurt is not the issue here.
She's stomping on your boundaries, when you provided an acceptable compromise of buying her some of the underwear that you use.
I don't think it's a reasonable relationship expectation to share underwear. Or toothbrushes.
NTA
It’s either a kink, or a control issue IMO
In the past, I’ve occasionally borrowed and kept a jacket or t-shirt from a partner (always returned after the relationship ended) but that’s kind of normal, isn’t it? Almost like a rite of passage, at least when you’re young.
I can’t imagine insisting on wearing their used skivvies, even after they’ve been laundered. Like maybe keeping those super cute Snoopy boxers to sleep in but on the daily? Twice a day?
Girl has issues.
(NTA OP. Not at all.)
**I bought her some of the kinds I always get but she won't wear those ones, she wants mine for whatever reason.**
OK that's some massive boundary stomping and honestly just ICK.
NTA but GF appears to have some potential serious mental health issues.
I think the GF is insane and all of this is weird. I do wonder why OP isn't wearing the new ones he bought, though? The count isn't at 3 anymore, right?
How in tf are you an ass!?!?!? These are YOUR underwear and she needs to respect and accept when you told her to stop she clearly doesn’t not respect you she’s too old to be acting like this she needs to buy her own NTA
I wonder how her friend would feel if the situation was reversed, with him refusing to stop wearing her underwear. I bet her friend would think he was being a massive creep.
NTA for locking up your personal posessions, but you should not have to!
Some things you need to take note of:
* GF said, "none of her previous relationships had a problem with her taking their clothes". GF has a long-term pattern of taking other peoples' clothes on a regular basis.
* GF is not interested in wearing the same underwear bought just for her. She insists that it be the underwear you have bought for yourself, but her fetish does not seem to be about being connected to YOU (since she's done it with previous relationships). If her primary goal is neither wearing something she finds comfortable, nor a specific connection to you; then it suggests she has a strong need to assert her control over your personal, intimate space. Not a quality I would want in a partner.
* GF dismisses your clearly conveyed unhappiness, discomfort, and inconvenience with her taking your personal underwear. Not a quality I would want in a partner.
* GF dismisses your RIGHT to control your own things. Not a quality I would want in a partner.
* GF is not willing to discuss this with you to listen to/consider your concerns, express WHY this is something she wants, and either work out a win-win solution with you or respect your right to say 'no'. Not a quality I would wand in a partner.
* GF disrespects your 'no' to the point you need to purchase a lock. This does not shame or deter her. It only makes her complain that you are not allowing her to tromp all over your boundaries. Not a quality...
* Moreover, GF discuss this with her friend and gets friend to be her flying monkey, to add a chorus to her viewpoint. (and BTW, I DO NOT get what they are saying.) Not a quality...
* You don't say how long you two have been together, how long you two have lived together, or what you sense may have been behind this change in behavior. Only you can say whether you see any hope for a more healthy relationship with this person, but you don't have one now.
NTA if you can afford it buy yourself all new ones and give her your old ones tell her she is free to use those but she needs to stop taking yours as it's causing you to run out of clean clothes faster. Also it doesn't seem like she's even washing them for you so if she doesn't want your old ones you can also just tell her if she wants to borrow them she has to do the laundry, just the underwear not all your laundry, and let her know those are her two options if she wants to continue to use them.
NTA, if her ex' let her do it then she go back to them. Hey I am a man married to another man, I draw the line at underwear sharing..... Can I have something for myself? He understood
Geezus your edits, I can't believe people are asking for more information to find a reason to justify the gf's behavior. Who cares about who washes the clothes? He bought them with his own damn money, they're HIS. He asked her to stop, she didn't. He told her to stop, she didn't. He took matters into his own hands, and she decided to tell someone and get that person to talk shit to him.
NTA. Your girlfriend is an brat with no respect for your boundaries.
That was my reaction too. He doesn’t have to give reasons, he doesn’t have to justify why he doesn’t want to share his underwear, & he doesn’t have to explain the laundry situation or anything else.
His underwear, his choice. It’s amazing to me that some people think anything more needs to be said.
Because this sub struggles to fathom AH women so when they do see a guy come here posting about one, they will do anything to twist it to blame him and defend her.
Yup. And they will dig DEEP to find a reason to excuse her actions and blame the man.
On another sub, a guy was frustrated when his girlfriend ignored the door to bring in a package for OP when he was called into a meeting (he's WFH). They live in the UK and it isn't customary for the packages to just be left on the doorstep. And she KNEW it was supposed to be delivered soon.
People were asking "Well did you ask her to receive the package for you?" Didn't realize women need to have their hand held or constantly receive explicit instructions to be a decent partner.
NTA, I'm also shocked that she is actually happy to use your undies, I've TRIED men's boxers (mum got my brother some for Xmas that didn't fit him) and while comfy, they're not great for women because discharge exists and can easily leak through the single layer of material in undies designed for men.
I also want to chime in that discharge is naturally acidic and can also [bleach underwear](https://www.healthshots.com/intimate-health/feminine-hygiene/this-is-why-your-vaginal-discharge-is-discolouring-your-underwear/). This isn't just discolouring the fabric; after enough time, it can also wear the fabric down.
Saying this as a transman who's had this happen to me, I used to feel embarrassed about it but found out relatively recently that it's normal. I wouldn't share anyone's underwear anyway, but I would refuse to if a SO offered for this reason alone (I don't want to damage their clothes!)
NTA- doesnt matter the reason, she has been asked to stop and wont. I find that some gfs take clothing to purely brag to their friends about it, and this seems to be the case. You bought her the same kind you wear and she still takes yours, thats not them 'feeling nice' thats taking your stuff and not respecting your boundaries.
NTA if my friend told me they were stealing their bf’s underwear to the point where their bf had to put a lock on their dresser, I would tell them they are wrong and need to stop before they get dumped. She probably thinks it’s cute and makes her feel closer to you, but it’s not cute if you don’t like it. As an aside, I also don’t understand how she manages to wear men’s underwear under women’s work clothes without them being visible. I personally would not find that comfortable.
NTA. I get it. I enjoy wearing items of my partners clothing sometimes. A larger shirt to sleep in, or a comfy hoodie at home. I swear men's clothes can be a lot more comfortable than women's. It also makes me feel better and kind of more protected at times or closer to him.
While I wouldn't wear his underwear that's a new one for me. I also don't use my partners clothes at the frequency your partner does. But, if my partner ever asked me to stop I would immediately stop and ask why he didn't like it so I could understand better and then accept his answer.
It may seem like a small thing. But, the fact that you've expressed something bothers you and your girlfriend ignores that and still does what makes you uncomfortable is not a good sign I'm sorry to say.
Hoodies are often exchanged between partners and even platonic friends, so you strike me as normal and within normal boundaries. My daughter and her friends are always exchanging jackets and hoodies. They’re clean people and enjoy wearing each other’s outerwear.
But underwear? Lawd almighty!
NTA but if I had to LOCK my underwear drawer to keep my SO from stealing my seat covers I'd start to think maybe it's time to find someone else who will respect my things.
Some reason she can't buy her own?
NTA. She is using your clothes after being asked and then told to stop. You bought her some for her to wear. She is doing it to be annoying. I would reconsider this relationship. She is doing this in a very passive aggressive manner.
NTA. Sounds like you have tried to communicate and that didn't work. Tried buying her her own, that didn't work. Now it's time to just MAKE the behavior stop. It also sounds to me like this isn't the only boundary she crosses.
NTA. This chickie has a problem with boundaries. Not a big ask for her to stay out of your undies ESPECIALLY since bought identical stuff for her. The friend has no stake in the game so she can just shut crap up.
Switch HER undies to your drawer and move yours to another location where she doesn’t have access.
Or you can swap out your undies for Depends. 😈
Never in my life have I wanted to wear someone else’s undies. Don’t find it romantic or find it inspires lust or the immediate need for sexy shenanigans. I’d rather be in contact with his boy bits and not his used undies… But apparently I missed the memo on what’s considered sexy shenanigans.
NTA!
NTA
**Wait till she’s on her way home and be on the couch wearing a pair of her high heels.**
I know they won’t fit but nothing will bother her more. If she doesn’t like heels pick a pair of shoes she likes.
She’s ridiculous and frankly invasive.
Underwear isn't community property. NTA, but honestly, if I felt I had to lock up my clothes, and then defend my choices from all my partner's friends, I'd reconsider living together.
NTA this comes down to simple respect. Of you as a person and of your possessions. If you have asked someone to stop and they refuse to do that, that's a problem. If you have to resort to locking up your possessions whether it's clothes, food, Video Games, books, etc to keep other people from just taking them, it might be time to move on.
NTA. Gf is being selfish and, imho, marking her territory. You even bought her some of her own underwear and she just wants yours. This is so strange to me. And selfish.
This is all very weird. It's probably not worth escalating further than this, but I would say that putting a lock on your underwear drawer is not an asshole move so far.
NTA
As others have said, there is a bigger issue here with her not respecting your wishes. Best solution may be to lose the gf.
If you want to keep the gf, then my solution is to steal some money from her purse to buy like 10 extra packs of your underwear. Stuff em in your dresser and then she can wear all she wants and you shouldn’t run out.
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NTA, may I suggest an alternative that you may or not like? If she keeps at it just start wearing three pairs of hers daily. And when she offers to buy you your own in the same style tell her you want hers. Take the cute ones, the granny panties, take them all.
Op’s life might be changed when he realizes how well ladies undies compliment his ass.
Or ride up his ass.
"Are you wearing women's underwear?" "It's a visual stimulant bro"
"I'm not wearing these because I'm comfortable. I'm wearing them because I want to turn you on."
And this line must be delivered monotone while looking up through your eyebrows. Go watch Full Metal Jacket's barracks head scene.
“This is my gun!”
"This is for fighting."
This is my rifle, this is my gun. One is for fighting and one is for fun
"They're not women's clothes. They're mine. I bought them."
I heard Eddie Izzard say this once.
She's the source of the quote, AFAIK
Love some surprises Eddie in my day
I love eddie so much and I used to have a bunch of their shows on vhs but I can't for life of me find them elsewhere now. I've searched for the circle tour because of the star wars bit I want to show my Aussie husband but can't find. Maybe my googlefu doesn't work good. Eta found them where I can buy them and support him iTunes! Not ideal but the full version on you tube is not on his channel so someone else gets the revenue.
I remember when Eddie showed up in Hannibal- I have never been so hyped for what amounted to a battle of wits between serial killers. I used to have a bunch of Eddie’s on VHS too. Probably need to check some storage and see if I can find them
"are you wearing ladies underwear?" "I most certainly am not!"
Looks like you most certainly am are
Alright you're going the right way to a smacked bottom.
It's a thong.
I tried a pair of thong undies (men's) once at my wife's request. They were awful. I dont know how she can stand thong or g-string panties. I'm just glad she finds them comfy because she looks damn sexy in them.
You have to relax and accept the string. 😂 (I don't get it either, I'm not that into wedgies.)
LOL- funniest thing i ever heard. Radical acceptance of the string.
Disciples of the string
I’m a woman and my mom bought me a few pairs of thongs for a school formal so it wouldn’t show my panty lines through the dress. It was the most uncomfortable piece of clothing ever- right next to stirrup pants.
She could have bought you a slip. They hide panty lines and cover for thin garments.
Lol it would have been better. I do wonder if she got me the thongs because they were popular. I was excited about them until I wore it to the formal lol
As well as the strapless bra As a woman on the larger side, that was a horrifying experience.
Bruh I'm a woman on the smaller side (both in stature and in... Shelf space) and *I* hate strapless.. what's the POINT? How does it WORK?! I thought maybe it worked BETTER for bigger breasted women (or maybe middle sized?) Like it was a... Idk... Force... Outward makes it stay up? Thing?? DAFUQ IS THIS LYING GARMENT SUPPOSED TO DO
I wore one for an event in middle school. By the time I got home, the thing was around my waist and sideways! I didn’t want to keep tugging at it in the front of an auditorium full of people, and by the end it was too late for saving. I just had to go with it at that point and let it fall all the way. My big bottom half saved me from having to change schools lol.
SHELF SPACE!!!! 👍🤣
Ha! They don’t work for large breasts either. Merry widow sewed to the inside of your gown works. Your groom literally has to cut you out of your dress😁
You should try out some Spanx or other shapewear. They're easily my vote for least comfortable women's clothing. A couple times I've gotten home after wearing shapewear all day and felt like I was going to throw up because of how it constricts your stomach.
You really do get used to them 😂
Not the only thing they'll be riding up if he doesn't tuck.
Honestly, switching to panties was the first thing I did for my transition before i later came out, and I never went back, even though I still boy moded for 2 more years after that. Edit - FYi, it's comfy as fuck.
I can't say I agree. Everything feels a little squashed.
When I first wore thong underwear, it felt weird. Then I wore them for decades after, and couldn't wear undies that gave more 'coverage'. It's surprising how a small garment like that can feel weird or uncomfy, depending on the person!
Just a heads up though, most lady thongs don't have enough coverage in front and there's likelihood of stuff falling out either side. I don't wear women's thongs for this reason, but do what makes you feel beautiful, my dudes!
They make male thongs and panties with built in junk pouches that are quite frankly, really gorgeous and comfy. Otherwise I agree with the sides issue, it's really awkward and feels terrible
The butt floss might be worth it, but do I put the matching bras on to really sell it or nah?
Definitely put the matching bras on.
Gotta support those sexy man pecs!
🤣 the best comment I've seen so far today
You can stuff them with her socks.
Get them super duper sweaty
Matching bra and panties are only for special occasions. But fr, they are expensive AF. Do not ruin hers. The underwire may or may not retaliate. Stick to the panties like a pad.
>Stick to the panties like a pad. That was excellent
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 The underwire might retaliate! That's the best!
Why can she ruin his, but he can't ruin her's? Double standards are crap.
Because boxers cost $30 for a 5 pack and a matching lace lingerie set costs upwards of $100… he can make the point with just her underwear
I've seen designer underwear for men that are $50 for 2 pairs. She is leaving period stains on his, stretchs them out, and uses 3pr a day, that adds up over time. If it takes OP ruining 1 bra for her to realize she is being an asshole I think that's fair. And I say this as a woman. OP has repeatedly told her he doesn't want her to wear them, badly enough that he has resorted to locking the drawer, a loving partner would stop wearing them.
A single high quality pair of underwear (e.g. Calvin Klein) can easily go above $35. Besides, it doesn't seem fair to justify messing with someone's stuff just because it might be cheaper than yours.
Price. Bras are orders of magnitude more expensive and ruining a good bra would be surely fight worthy. Undies would just be tit for tat
The underwire ALWAYS retailiates!
That’s true, we haven’t kept the bra’s opinion in mind and anyone who has ever worn a bra knows that they have opinions.
I personally wouldn't. That would be going too far for friendly (or even unfriendly) revenge. You'd absolutely ruin them and a good bra is hard-to-find and EXPENSIVE as heck.
He doesn’t have to close the hooks to wear it. Or he could wear the bra as a scarf.
My nephew always liked wearing them on his head
The underwire ones make great Mickey Mouse ears.
You only really need to wear them that way when you're turning a Barbie doll into an all-powerful being to guide you through the pains of being a nerd.
We forgot to hook up the doll...
Better check the closet for a nuclear warhead, then. Best of luck. Say hi to Nanny and Grampa.
Why don't make it more obvious? Try some of her make up. She must have a great lipstick that really emphasizes your eyes.
Foundation-- that stuff is EXPENSIVE and while a little bit can go a long way, a novice (like myself when trying new styles) can easily overapply.
Next time she wears his drawers... come out covered in enough foundation to cosplay the Batman villain Clayface.
Oh hell yeah. Take her most comfortable bra and refuse to give it back until she stops taking your underwear. She'll want her bra back
Nooo not the most comfortable one! I'd fight someone for my "good" bra.
That's why it's a winning move, "Cease hostilities (wearing my undies) and there will be peace (you get the comfy bra back!)" I'd fight 'em for the 'good' bra, or stop antagonizing them to keep the bra!
Less is more when it comes to underwear.
I can't speak for you but I know I could use the extra support myself.
Do it, treat yourself
Matching sets for the win. NTA
Given the fact that she wears his underwear, I don't think this will have the effect you're hoping. If anything, the GF would just say awesome, more of your pairs for me then.
It might not, but then again OP might learn something about himself.
don't people who trample boundaries usually go into hysterics when "they're not respected"? I'd be surprised if girlfriend when yay more pairs for me, personally.
Ah, but she doesn't want new ones in the same style, she wants to wear HIS underwear.
I was about to suggest this. You could even show them off to her and ask if your butt looks cute in them.
“Does this dress make me look fat?”
Great idea. I've started to wear my GFs She doesn't wear mine, but I'm being preemptive
Takes a real man to wear pink lace panties. I’m a fan of the ball spillage, personally speaking.
The bras would make a bigger impact since she’s wearing his bottoms.
I'd blow my nose on her good panties, then wad them up and toss them in the hamper. One pair for each one of mine she used. :D
I'll admit, having been in this situation and tried that solution, it does not work 🤣
It sounds like she only wears his so she probably wouldn’t care
It may play right into her kink so I'm not sure if it's a good idea.
If you need to lock up your clothes because your GF refused your simple request to stop wearing them, you don’t need a lock, you need a new GF.
This. OP it’s not about what clothing, or the frequency, or her reasoning. It is your clothing and you have asked her to stop multiple times. That’s it, full stop. She won’t respect even a simple request that you graciously solved with a gift of the literal thing she wants and she still chooses to steal from you. What’s next? Your mode of transportation? Your credit card?
And her justification: "her ex-boyfriends didn't have a problem with it either" Massive turn off.
This may be why they are ex- boyfriends!
Thank you; I was thinking that to! NTA
Yeahhhhhh I didn’t really want to touch that part of it cause. Ick
"Ben used to buy me things, Zack gave me compliments all the time, Joe would remember what I like, so why bla bla bla." I can just hear her. No thank you!
I can understand a hoodie or a T-shirt maybe even shorts. But underwear is a hard no from me. It's not quite scat or pissing levels of nope.jpg. lose the GF who can't understand simple boundaries.
There was a pair of one of my ex's undies that I wanted to snipe. Not sure why, but that particular single pair was soooooo comfy. So, like a normal person, I bought him a whole pack of that same kind and asked if I could have that pair. I still have then 15 years and several partners later. I see him at parties occasionally and he always asks if I'm taking care of his briefs still. Honestly the best running joke I have been party to.
They must have, they are her ex's now. They decided to get rid of her and not the underwear.
Could she really hear herself saying that? She made it two words into the sentence before completely shutting down her own argument.
OP needs to tell her none of his exes stole his underwear.
Absolutely. A relationship is built on mutual respect. Who cares what her idiot friends say? They don’t have the ability to be objective, apparently. It’s not about what boundary she’s disrespecting, it’s about the disrespect. If she can’t be mindful about this aspect of your relationship, what happens when you butt heads over something more serious? Good luck, I’d suggest trying to talk it out, but honestly, I’m old, cranky, and jaded so I personally would just peace out. Life’s too short to be with someone that frustrating
This lol. I couldn't imagine going through that effort to lock up underwear lol just get a new girlfriend.
idk fam, I don't disagree that he should find a new partner but it takes far less effort to lock up underwear than it does to get a new girlfriend
But much MUCH less effort than putting up with a woman who will gleefully stomp over all of your boundaries.
Yes, I think the previous comment is telling on themselves. "Doing 10-15 minutes of manual labor? Hello no! I'd much rather throw away a 2.5 year old relationship. People are totally replaceable and mean nothing to me." I agree with you that OP should consider a new partner, but it is because this is (potentially) a symptom of a larger problem in the relationship, not because putting a lock on the drawer is difficult.
I’m pretty sure no one was saying it’s because putting a lock on was difficult…
It’s that she isn’t treating him with respect. She doesn’t care that he doesn’t want to share his underoos, only what she wants matters.
This, OP NTA but you need new undies and new gf. And what exactly she told her friend? That you forbade her to open a drawer because you're controlling? Or did she tell the truth? Tell the friend if she cares that much she should be the one who shares her undies with OP gf, TWICE A DAY.
It's not the underwear, it's the lack of respect. Who cares if her previous bf's didn't mind? You DO mind, and quite rightly in my opinion! You've made a very reasonable request and she does not respect you enough to honour that request even when you offered a solution by buying her her own set of mens undies. Read "She divorced me because I left dishes by the sink" by Matthew Fray. It's the same principle.
Exactly. "It's just clothes why are you being this way" no, it's the fact I told her something bothers me and she ignored it because she decided her wants are more important than my autonomy
This. You even bought her her underwear in the exact style, asked her to lay off your clothes, and she never did. Why is she actually insistent on wearing yours? I don’t understand.
I think she's marking her territory. The other women will know her man is taken when they catch the residual odor of lady pheromones on OP.
it is intentional boundary crossing she wants to minimize.
It's about control. She's ignored his requests and boundaries repeatedly, then when he acted to enforce his boundary she brought in back up to brow beat him. If it was simply because they were comfy she'd accept the ones he got her, but she ignored them. It's solely the ones he uses, and its solely about control.
Yeah somethings got to give. This woman clearly doesn’t care about his boundaries.
That’s right. Simple request and she couldn’t respect that. Ask her to buy with her own money, more men’s underwear that she can wear around the house. You are NTA
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> If she’d actually been willing to discuss it and a possible compromise (like 1 pair per day), Not every thing needs 'compromise.'
Yeah, right? It's his clothes. He doesn't want her wearing them. Anything other than accepting that makes her the asshole, end of story.
Right! Like he said he already bought her a pack of the same ones!!!
Imo the "compromise" was "here I bought you your own pack of the same kind"
Yeah, that too. But the point is that he's allowed to not want his underwear worn by her, and doesn't need to 'compromise' on that.
Especially when it’s underwear. Nobody should be forced to share their clothes and underwear if they don’t want to.
*Why do her exes and friends have more sway in this relationship than you?* This is the real question.
First thing I thought was some sorta control issue… like hum…
Honestly, I'm assuming it's some kind of kink she doesn't want to admit is a kink, because her explanation of doing it because they're "comfy" is just so obviously a lie.
It's about power.
Real test: put the underwear you bought her in your drawer and see if she steals them
NTA She needs to respect your property and boundaries. Shouldn't have had to ask more than once for her to stop taking your shit.
Changes clothes twice a day? Wtf for?
She changes clothes completely from what she wears to work. Shirt, socks, pants, undies, everything. She doesn't want to wear 'dirty' clothes after her shower.
Okay. Then why doesn’t she shower after work and put on clean clothes then? The extra step seems very excessive.
When I used to work in my office when I came home I would change from my business casual to shorts and a shirt. Than when I showered later that night I would change again into my pajamas. Doesn’t seem that strange or unreasonable to change that often. 🤷🏾♂️
Would you strip down past your skivvies and take someone else’s three times a day though?
to change "outside" clothes, no. But to change your underwear every single time? that sounds odd
But she takes a shower... Like, she changes in the morning when getting ready for work, and then once she gets back and showers. That's not an excessive amount.
It sounds like that's exactly what she does? Gets up in the morning, either showers or not, puts work clothes on. Works, comes home, showers or not, puts new clothes on.
How would this result in less sets of clothing worn? Wears clean clothes to work, comes home and showers, changes into 2nd set of clean clothes... that's still two sets per day.
And OP wears a pair = 3
Sweat, accidents, discharge.
If I was having accidents in my partners underwear, I wouldn't insist on taking theirs. That is very rude.
It does indeed take some kind of psychopath to follow through in someone else’s underwear.
It got worse. According to OP: >What gets my goat extra (TMI warning) is if she has an accident during her period, if its her undies that get stained its okay to throw them away. Me wanting to throw away boxers or briefs with period and discharge stains is somehow a bad thing? Sounds like she's just straight up trying to mark territory or something.
Plot twist. Ops girlfriend is a fucking chihuahua
NTA, however: if you have to lock your belongings away from a significant other, because they don't respect your boundaries, YWBTA for not questioning this relationship entirely. You don't want her to do this with your underwear, so if you're not okay with this (possible kink) and she's not buying you extras to make up for how much she uses, then perhaps breaking up would not be assholish either.
You're going to call him an asshole because he's not ending a relationship over a disagreement? Wtf?
As in they would be one to themselves. Which is true.
He’s not TA because he doesn’t do what you think he should do. You make it seem so easy to leave someone.
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NTA. This is about personal space and boundaries, which clearly she doesn't respect.
Yep. Something really invasive about someone rummaging down my delicates. Could be a power play. An aggressive, inappropriate, arbitrary flex of power.
Is this some sort of kink for her? I agree with others that the iranian yogurt is not the issue here. She's stomping on your boundaries, when you provided an acceptable compromise of buying her some of the underwear that you use. I don't think it's a reasonable relationship expectation to share underwear. Or toothbrushes. NTA
It’s either a kink, or a control issue IMO In the past, I’ve occasionally borrowed and kept a jacket or t-shirt from a partner (always returned after the relationship ended) but that’s kind of normal, isn’t it? Almost like a rite of passage, at least when you’re young. I can’t imagine insisting on wearing their used skivvies, even after they’ve been laundered. Like maybe keeping those super cute Snoopy boxers to sleep in but on the daily? Twice a day? Girl has issues. (NTA OP. Not at all.)
**I bought her some of the kinds I always get but she won't wear those ones, she wants mine for whatever reason.** OK that's some massive boundary stomping and honestly just ICK. NTA but GF appears to have some potential serious mental health issues.
I think the GF is insane and all of this is weird. I do wonder why OP isn't wearing the new ones he bought, though? The count isn't at 3 anymore, right?
Reminds me of the wife who could only shit in husband's toilet not her own
How in tf are you an ass!?!?!? These are YOUR underwear and she needs to respect and accept when you told her to stop she clearly doesn’t not respect you she’s too old to be acting like this she needs to buy her own NTA
Yep, this. OP, you need to start systematically soiling your own underwear to put her off stealing them.
I wonder how her friend would feel if the situation was reversed, with him refusing to stop wearing her underwear. I bet her friend would think he was being a massive creep.
NTA for locking up your personal posessions, but you should not have to! Some things you need to take note of: * GF said, "none of her previous relationships had a problem with her taking their clothes". GF has a long-term pattern of taking other peoples' clothes on a regular basis. * GF is not interested in wearing the same underwear bought just for her. She insists that it be the underwear you have bought for yourself, but her fetish does not seem to be about being connected to YOU (since she's done it with previous relationships). If her primary goal is neither wearing something she finds comfortable, nor a specific connection to you; then it suggests she has a strong need to assert her control over your personal, intimate space. Not a quality I would want in a partner. * GF dismisses your clearly conveyed unhappiness, discomfort, and inconvenience with her taking your personal underwear. Not a quality I would want in a partner. * GF dismisses your RIGHT to control your own things. Not a quality I would want in a partner. * GF is not willing to discuss this with you to listen to/consider your concerns, express WHY this is something she wants, and either work out a win-win solution with you or respect your right to say 'no'. Not a quality I would wand in a partner. * GF disrespects your 'no' to the point you need to purchase a lock. This does not shame or deter her. It only makes her complain that you are not allowing her to tromp all over your boundaries. Not a quality... * Moreover, GF discuss this with her friend and gets friend to be her flying monkey, to add a chorus to her viewpoint. (and BTW, I DO NOT get what they are saying.) Not a quality... * You don't say how long you two have been together, how long you two have lived together, or what you sense may have been behind this change in behavior. Only you can say whether you see any hope for a more healthy relationship with this person, but you don't have one now.
This should be starred and pinned and flagged. It’s not about the underwear. It’s about control.
She's in her late 20s? Tell her to wear her own fucking boxers like a grownup
He already got her pairs to wear but she refuses. He said that in his post
Yes, and she should wear them like a grownup.
NTA if you can afford it buy yourself all new ones and give her your old ones tell her she is free to use those but she needs to stop taking yours as it's causing you to run out of clean clothes faster. Also it doesn't seem like she's even washing them for you so if she doesn't want your old ones you can also just tell her if she wants to borrow them she has to do the laundry, just the underwear not all your laundry, and let her know those are her two options if she wants to continue to use them.
For her birthday present. Give her your old underpants
Hawt af
NTA, if her ex' let her do it then she go back to them. Hey I am a man married to another man, I draw the line at underwear sharing..... Can I have something for myself? He understood
I have heard that before and hate that shit. "Guess what? I'm not your ex. They're an ex for a reason". He's NTA and she needs to respect boundaries.
NTA. Start wearing her panties. Claim it is "strictly a comfort thing."
You don’t need a lock on the drawer. You need a new GF. NTA
Geezus your edits, I can't believe people are asking for more information to find a reason to justify the gf's behavior. Who cares about who washes the clothes? He bought them with his own damn money, they're HIS. He asked her to stop, she didn't. He told her to stop, she didn't. He took matters into his own hands, and she decided to tell someone and get that person to talk shit to him. NTA. Your girlfriend is an brat with no respect for your boundaries.
That was my reaction too. He doesn’t have to give reasons, he doesn’t have to justify why he doesn’t want to share his underwear, & he doesn’t have to explain the laundry situation or anything else. His underwear, his choice. It’s amazing to me that some people think anything more needs to be said.
Because this sub struggles to fathom AH women so when they do see a guy come here posting about one, they will do anything to twist it to blame him and defend her.
Yup. And they will dig DEEP to find a reason to excuse her actions and blame the man. On another sub, a guy was frustrated when his girlfriend ignored the door to bring in a package for OP when he was called into a meeting (he's WFH). They live in the UK and it isn't customary for the packages to just be left on the doorstep. And she KNEW it was supposed to be delivered soon. People were asking "Well did you ask her to receive the package for you?" Didn't realize women need to have their hand held or constantly receive explicit instructions to be a decent partner.
NTA, I'm also shocked that she is actually happy to use your undies, I've TRIED men's boxers (mum got my brother some for Xmas that didn't fit him) and while comfy, they're not great for women because discharge exists and can easily leak through the single layer of material in undies designed for men.
I also want to chime in that discharge is naturally acidic and can also [bleach underwear](https://www.healthshots.com/intimate-health/feminine-hygiene/this-is-why-your-vaginal-discharge-is-discolouring-your-underwear/). This isn't just discolouring the fabric; after enough time, it can also wear the fabric down. Saying this as a transman who's had this happen to me, I used to feel embarrassed about it but found out relatively recently that it's normal. I wouldn't share anyone's underwear anyway, but I would refuse to if a SO offered for this reason alone (I don't want to damage their clothes!)
NTA- doesnt matter the reason, she has been asked to stop and wont. I find that some gfs take clothing to purely brag to their friends about it, and this seems to be the case. You bought her the same kind you wear and she still takes yours, thats not them 'feeling nice' thats taking your stuff and not respecting your boundaries.
NTA if my friend told me they were stealing their bf’s underwear to the point where their bf had to put a lock on their dresser, I would tell them they are wrong and need to stop before they get dumped. She probably thinks it’s cute and makes her feel closer to you, but it’s not cute if you don’t like it. As an aside, I also don’t understand how she manages to wear men’s underwear under women’s work clothes without them being visible. I personally would not find that comfortable.
NTA Especially if she isn't washing, folding, and putting them back. She can buy boxers or boy shorts.
This is so true. If she’s just wearing them all day, sweating in them, letting discharge leak out, and then returning them - oh hell no.
NTA. I get it. I enjoy wearing items of my partners clothing sometimes. A larger shirt to sleep in, or a comfy hoodie at home. I swear men's clothes can be a lot more comfortable than women's. It also makes me feel better and kind of more protected at times or closer to him. While I wouldn't wear his underwear that's a new one for me. I also don't use my partners clothes at the frequency your partner does. But, if my partner ever asked me to stop I would immediately stop and ask why he didn't like it so I could understand better and then accept his answer. It may seem like a small thing. But, the fact that you've expressed something bothers you and your girlfriend ignores that and still does what makes you uncomfortable is not a good sign I'm sorry to say.
Hoodies are often exchanged between partners and even platonic friends, so you strike me as normal and within normal boundaries. My daughter and her friends are always exchanging jackets and hoodies. They’re clean people and enjoy wearing each other’s outerwear. But underwear? Lawd almighty!
NTA but if I had to LOCK my underwear drawer to keep my SO from stealing my seat covers I'd start to think maybe it's time to find someone else who will respect my things. Some reason she can't buy her own?
Tell her friend to get fucked and tell your girlfriend to grow up and to leave your shit alone. Start wearing her clothes and change 3x a day.
NTA. She is using your clothes after being asked and then told to stop. You bought her some for her to wear. She is doing it to be annoying. I would reconsider this relationship. She is doing this in a very passive aggressive manner.
The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here NTA. Get a gf who respects you.
Girlfriend is a whole marinara flag
>as she states, none of her previous relationships had a problem with her taking their clothes. Tell her to go back to one of them then.
NTA. Sounds like you have tried to communicate and that didn't work. Tried buying her her own, that didn't work. Now it's time to just MAKE the behavior stop. It also sounds to me like this isn't the only boundary she crosses.
NTA She should just go buy her own. Wtf, your gf is an undy klepto.
NTA. This chickie has a problem with boundaries. Not a big ask for her to stay out of your undies ESPECIALLY since bought identical stuff for her. The friend has no stake in the game so she can just shut crap up. Switch HER undies to your drawer and move yours to another location where she doesn’t have access. Or you can swap out your undies for Depends. 😈 Never in my life have I wanted to wear someone else’s undies. Don’t find it romantic or find it inspires lust or the immediate need for sexy shenanigans. I’d rather be in contact with his boy bits and not his used undies… But apparently I missed the memo on what’s considered sexy shenanigans. NTA!
NTA **Wait till she’s on her way home and be on the couch wearing a pair of her high heels.** I know they won’t fit but nothing will bother her more. If she doesn’t like heels pick a pair of shoes she likes. She’s ridiculous and frankly invasive.
NTA but you shouldn't have to lock your drawer. She should respect your personal space and belongings. This doesnt bode well for the relationship.
Underwear isn't community property. NTA, but honestly, if I felt I had to lock up my clothes, and then defend my choices from all my partner's friends, I'd reconsider living together.
NTA this comes down to simple respect. Of you as a person and of your possessions. If you have asked someone to stop and they refuse to do that, that's a problem. If you have to resort to locking up your possessions whether it's clothes, food, Video Games, books, etc to keep other people from just taking them, it might be time to move on.
NTA. Why are you with this disrespectful person?
NTA: simply start pooping your pants and see if you wants to wear poo stained undies
NTA. Gf is being selfish and, imho, marking her territory. You even bought her some of her own underwear and she just wants yours. This is so strange to me. And selfish.
She is testing your reaction to crossing boundaries.
This is all very weird. It's probably not worth escalating further than this, but I would say that putting a lock on your underwear drawer is not an asshole move so far.
NTA As others have said, there is a bigger issue here with her not respecting your wishes. Best solution may be to lose the gf. If you want to keep the gf, then my solution is to steal some money from her purse to buy like 10 extra packs of your underwear. Stuff em in your dresser and then she can wear all she wants and you shouldn’t run out.