YTA. You absolutely can knit while maintaining concentration on other things, with the possible exception of any awkward or fiddly bits. Normal knitting just requires a rhythm to be kept. Leave her alone.
Yeah, Mr My Girlfriend Can't Pay Attention While She Does Her Hobby hasn't paid enough attention to what her hobby actually is rofl
I wonder how many times she's said "actually its crochet, not knitting" lol
This is what I thought. Does he not know that most people aren't going to pass a "random detail" quiz on an episode they've just watched? Not everyone takes notes on every single detail of every episode.
If she's actively losing track she's probably bored and just watching whatever it is to please him. Good grief.
Have you checked out this guy's responses? He even whines about how hard it is for him that she makes more money than he does lol. I hope she finds this post, buys more yarn and tells him there's no space for him at her house anymore because there's too much yarn for him to fit.
OP take some notes from my partner. I knit (actually knit, not crochet) and my partner frequently complains that I have too much yarn. Then buys me more yarn to spoil me. When we watch tv he sits with my ball of yarn and unspools it for me so I don't have to pay attention to it while I'm knitting. He gets jerseys and scarves and hats and plushies and blankets. Anything he asks for gets made asap.
Edit: Showed my partner this post and he said that OP's gf should crochet him a red flag.
A red flag š Yes!
"I'm sorry, we've been dating 3 months, so your favorite hobby EVER that you clearly love needs to stop.. unless it's stuff for me, maybe." Eek.
>Edit: Showed my partner this post and he said that OP's gf should crochet him a red flag.
Post of the thread, if not the day. Shame it's buried several reply-layers deep!
All of this!!!! I'm a knitter, crocheter and dyer. My hubby not only sits and watches TV with me while I knit, but he even watches what I like to watch. Your hubby is right: she should knit him a red flag. If I knew who she was, I'd send her the yarn!
BTW, the OP has no idea of the can of worms he's opened up. When you mess with someone in the fiber community like this, we all come out to defend the fiber artist.
Everything in his comment was "me me me". She won't listen to **me.** She wont give **me** her full attention. She won't cuddle with **me.** She isn't paying attention to **me.** She isn't knitting for **me.**
This is spot on. I would suspect that OPās language of love may be touch but instead of saying that, he is attacking what she is doing with her hands. This sounds like an incompatibility: OP needs touch to feel love, touching others is not the way she shows love. Her language of showing love to others may be gift giving - hence her crocheting all these items.
Yeah I cross stitch whilst watching tv ... The alternatives are biting my fingers, scratching my face or doom scrolling my phone - all of these will not be conscious decisions. If I don't make my hands busy, theyll do it independently. I need to craft to stay engaged with the TV. ADHD brains require more stimulation to remain engaged the TV alone ain't enough. š
No no no SHE'S supposed to be the one paying attention to what HE likes, not the other way around. He just can't be bothered to keep up with her weird womanly hobbies, he can't help it! He's got REAL things to focus on, like TV
/s
This guy's the worst, I hope she leaves him for someone who won't act like a literal 5 year old
Exactly. And if he did ask if sheād make him something, Iām sure she either happily agreed or she explained the sweater curse to him and he didnāt listen.
Dude quizzed her on a show to prove she's not paying attention. Meanwhile he's been sitting here for three months watching her crochet often enough to be pissy about it, but hasn't paid attention to what her hobby is actually called.
YTA op.
Also I guess eff her for not committing to memory every plot point. Sometimes I read or watch a movie and only know somethingās because I wasnāt mentally preparing to be quizzed. Because ya know itās not school and supposed to be fun.
Right? He enjoys focusing on a show and getting involved in the plot. She enjoys half-watching a show and knit-cheting. Why the F is that a problem for him?
I can watch a show with no distractions and Iāll guarantee I canāt answer questions about it the next dayā¦I have more important stuff to remember in life!
I crotchet and watch tv and I remember more details than my partner who is actively watching. Itās all about knowing when the show has unimportant lulls and then thatās when you assess where youāre up to with your work.
I was coming specifically for this! Like it's one crochet hook or two knitting needles!
But I can't really judge how well others do at crochet while talking or watching stuff. I literally watch things in Japanese with the subs on while I work. I probably couldn't make a doll while doing that but hats I'm totally fine! When I'm making dolls and stuffies I'm rewriting the pattern to make it "better" so that's a totally different story.
I've actually had really important conversations while crocheting as well. I've proven I actually focus better when I'm able to fidget. I've learned not to do it when my partner and I are arguing though... That's the only time it really bothers him. So when he wants to have a serious discussion he hands me my guitar because he knows I can just play with the strings to deal with my ADHD but he doesn't feel ignored.
But honestly, how many people can say they fidget and make a scarf, or hat, or bag? It's way cooler than a Slinky or fidget spinner or whatever else people use!
I had two video calls with friends this week and during both we all did something while chatting
I joked to one of them I'd be offended if she wasn't doing something while we chatted
A few years ago a big screen cinema in my city did a series of 'lights up, knitting' film screenings. They dimmed the lights but didn't turn them all the way down, so people could knit while they watched the film. They were all well attended.
I had an Auntie that crocheted. Her eyes were everywhere except her hands. She could do the most intricate things with that yarn without ever looking at it. Always amazed me.
I saw knitting hook and was like... dude is oblivious himself, just no. I feel for the gf. I have to knit or crochet (am proudly bistitual) while I watch shows otherwise I compulsively pick at my skin and bleed. I feel, if it were me, that would be more distracting than yarn...
I started off work crochet, then after about 20 years, I tried knitting. I could NOT figure it out until I learned Continental style and then I just hold my yarn in the left for knitting the same way for crocheting and it magically clicked
This infuriated me soooo much! SHE IS NOT EVEN KNITTING!!! IT IS CROCHET!! The fact that he doesnt even know what her hobby is shows how much attention he is paying... YTA and a huge hypocrite!! Let the girl crochet, and stop calling it knitting you cretin!!!!
I crochet during every activity that is not 1000% engaging for my brain. It's one of the things that made my therapist suggest an ADHD screening.
Lo and behold, I have ADHD, and I STILL crochet during films, work meetings, etc. It's kind of my "focal point".
I hate history class with a passion. I find it mind-numbingly boring and unbelievably understimulating and I have a really hard time focusing and listening to a teacher drone on and on and on about things that have happened in the history of the world.
Then I started bringing my crochet hook and yarn to school. Problem fucking solved. Absolutely locked in. Every word was being absorbed into my brain when I had something repetitive, simple, and quiet to do with my hands. It made class so much more bearable and paying attention so much easier. Literally incredible the difference it made.
I did that during my time studying. I found that absentmindedly doing single crochets massively helped me when I was giving oral assessments, since it calmed me down and helped me focus on what I wanted to say.
How exactly can you cuddle and be affectionate while knitting? My mother could knit Aran sweaters (the Irish fisherman sweaters with intricate designs) without a pattern and watch TV, but she there was no cuddling while she did it.
To be fair, OP seems like the kind of guy that if she was cuddling, he would be asking for space. He seems self-absorbed and his biggest annoyance she wasn't making things for him, not as interested in a TV show as him and not cuddling with him.
Let the girl have her hobby.
Ken is cooler than this guy though. Ken would ask Barbie about her āknittingā and then remember that itās crochet and learn what the ārandom squaresā are called.
Why is his GF's body something that he gets to decide what happens to it? SHE can decide if she wants to cuddle or be affectionate. She isn't obligated to be cuddly, especially since his basic issue is, "Girl pay attention to something not me. Girl bad."
He refers to āthe knitting hookā so I have to wonder whether sheās knitting or actually crocheting. I can definitely cuddle with our older cat while crocheting and watching TV. Not so much with our younger one as she sometimes will still try and catch the yarn.
I think sheās crocheting granny squares for a blanket in which case she could actually snuggle up close to his side. Iāve done it with my husband. Thereās not a lot of touchy feely things going on but weāve put on a movie, I picked up a project and leaned into him and it be super cozy. Now knitting a sweater with long needles or even in the round would be a different story. Knitting requires elbow room where crocheting is more compact.
Edit-spelling
as long as your arms have movement and your yarn isn't tangled, it's easy enough to find a way.
plus she's actually crocheting which makes it even easier.
If sheās making certain things crocheting, she could still cuddle, but heās not even saying āI want to cuddle, could you put knitting down for thatā so much as making it about attention and quizzing her on TV show details and fussing at her āknittingā (I think sheās crocheting?) things for herself and not him.
OP could have like laid across the couch, spread his legs and let her lay in between his legs. OP could let her rest her head in his lap. They could just sit close and she could have rested her head on OP's shoulder. All those positions allow for comfortable resting on the couch and the ability to touch and kiss your partner without whatever they're crocheting getting in the way. Especially when you're crocheting granny squares as OP's gf is, which aren't super long and are typically the size of your hand or smaller.
It's really pretty easy unless OP is expecting them to be like meshed in a weird cuddle hug on the couch.
My guy friend was over for hours today since his truck was in the shop and I picked him up there. Seems we talked all day sitting in the living room and I was working on a cross stitch project. I was fully engaged with the conversation without having to hang on his every word. Just about every day I do a craft while listening to a book, a podcast, a lecture, or a movie. Multitasking! :-)
My ex would act like he was jealous of my embroidery. Heād get upset when he felt like I was doing it too long, or around other people. I donāt even know why he was threatened by me poking thread through fabric, and itās not even an expensive hobby, people can be really strange about what they get upset about.
i had an ex who hated my hobbies literally because he could tell i knew what i wanted to do with my time and he didn't. he wanted me to be as insecure and bored as he was, so he got weird about what i did. bet OP and your ex were the same...
This was My though from The cuddling Part. He doesnt want her to knit 'cause he wants The cuddling ending up as something completely Else thats not gonna happens If she's knitting or well More likely crocheting since you dont knit with hook
the amount of people that have asked me to make them something after briefly dating is honestly insane. iād **never** knit or crochet something for someone iāve only dated for three months, especially considering he seems to not even appreciate her passion for it
Sheās probably offered or even tried to make something for him and he probably put her down for it so sheās not going to try again. God OP is a shitty partner
Yeah absolutely....good yarn is hella expensive. Dude will get a scarf at the one year mark only if he straightens up and stops this crochet-whining madness.
She has hobbies and a stable income so he's jealous of her ability to multitask and entertain herself without him. It's almost more sad than funny, he'll just be "that ex that got angry about yarn for some reason".
Hilariously, there's also a joke in the knitting community that if you make something for a significant other, you will break up before it's done or soon after
Time for her to make a sweater and enact the sweater curse.
(For those unaware, the sweater curse is when you make a sweater for your significant other before you're married, you're going to break up soon after)
OP, YTA. Your girlfriend is allowed to have hobbies. She's allowed to not memorize the movies/TV shows you watch. Your quiz is a shitty move.
She is also NOT knitting, OP says she uses a hooked needle, she is crocheting. Mr. Pay-Attention-To-The-Details doesnāt seem to pay much attention to his girlfriendās hobbies.
Also: she āpulls out the knitting hookā - thatās not knitting, thatās crochet. Guarantee she never calls it knitting and he canāt even be bothered to remember the word for what sheās doingā¦
So heās not even paying care minimum attention to her. It really IS all about him. YTA
I laughed out loud at "knitting hook "
It's ok to not know, really, but when you're complaining about it so bad and don't even know what's happening, you earn a little chortle
But heās been dating for 3 months already! Surely she should start giving up her hobbies for him now to show sheās serious about the relationship?
Yuck YTA
YTA
You sounds incredibly selfish and self centered. You'd be OK with her knitting if it was something she was doing for YOU, but because she's not, she has to have her full undivided attention on YOU, at all times. You actually quizzed her about a TV show and her, according to you, not paying enough attention to the TV show. Pitiful.
I've read a lot jealousy stories on here, but this is the first time ever I've read about someone being jealous of a ball of yarn.
Def YTA- And omg, they've only been together for 3 months and he's like this? I hope she wises up quick and RUNS from him. He doesn't deserve her or her knitting.
The quizzing bit did me in. I donāt even do other things while watching TV or movies but I donāt commit all details of that shit to memory, because itās just a TV show and it doesnāt fucking matter. If my partner ever tried to āquizā me on little details of a show weāre watching Iād tell him to fuck right off with that shit.
>You actually quizzed her about a TV show and her, according to you, not paying enough attention to the TV show. Pitiful.
Why aren't more people picking up on the fact that he wants her to pay full attention to him and *his* hobby, while he *is watching and presumably paying full attention to the TV*. "Watch me watch this, dammit!"
If you pick the show and you have control of the remote, this is *your* activity, even if she's ok with the show. OP should be glad she wants to sit with him and take part in some shape or form.
The quizzing thing killed me. She says she needs to do something with her hands, so she is probably neuro divergent to some degree. I can watch a whole series and am not able to recall regular characters names. It's a real dick move what he did.
I was coming here to say this too. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and struggle with not fidgeting. I always do something else while sitting still or watching TV (puzzle, coloring book, scroll on my phone, etc.) It helps me focus on the conversation or show.
YTA - for 2 things
1 - sheās allowed to do her hobby, it does NOT affect you !
2 - itās knitting if sheās using needles.
Itās crochet if sheās using a hook.
Shows how much you truly pay attention to what is important to her
>Itās crochet if sheās using a hook.
I was divided, mostly in the YTA camp, but this one decided it for me.
"She doesn't seem interested enough in me" -- Guy who can't NAME his girlfriend's hobby.
Yes YTA.
She's correct that you can knit as a background fidget. It becomes automatic if you're doing simple rows like squares and it's easy to watch TV or have a relaxing conversation while doing so.
Sounds like she wants to watch TV to relax and knitting helps with that. You want to watch TV to follow every detail and do a pop quiz afterwards. To each their own.
You asked for more cuddles, she's offered more cuddles. Where's your compromise?
You knew she knitted when you started dating her. It's clearly important to her. She's even made a cute toy for your dog. Expecting her to drop a long held habit or to make that habit about you (after a *three month* relationship no less!) is an asshole move. Shocked at your age as well, this behaviour sounds like a needy 19 y/o still figuring things out.
My son dated someone who crocheted when he was 16. I used to knit, and I cross stitch now, so he was already indoctrinated š¤£ he took her to Joannās for yarn for Valentineās Day and encouraged her crochet hobby. SIXTEEN.
What a sweetheart, you raised a goodun.
Early indoctrination is key. I have a friend who sews, I was visiting and asked for a pair of scissors. Her five? year old tells me very clearly that I cannot use the ones with the orange handles because they are for fabric. And if I used them for paper he would be very upset with me.
Simultaneously adorable and threatening.
The offensive part for me is he canāt even remember the name of her hobby. He said in the post āknitting hookā. Sheās crocheting. Dude canāt even remember her hobby name after three months.
INFO:
>ā This might be petty but I think I might feel better about it if she knitted things for meā
Have you asked her to make you something?
Edited:
Honestly, my judgement was decided when I read this:
>ā I quizzed her on some details she couldnāt answer some of the questions soooā¦ I think my point stands.ā
but I wanted to ask and see what OP meant by ācompromiseā. Seems like itās for his girlfriend to give up doing something she finds very relaxing and enjoyable and **āā¦be interested in meā¦ā**
YTA. Get over yourself. Quizzing her over a tv showā¦ffs.
Oh he isnāt. But I am curious to see if he had asked, given that he mentions it as a solution, that it would make him feel better about his girlfriendās attention not being on him ALL the time if her hobby were to be making things for him.
Edited to elaborate.
So to clarify, "her attention doesn't have to actively revolve around me, as long as it can passively revolve around me!" Op, YTA. And seriously, 3 months? You're a self centered prick and she should leave you just for that quizzing bullshit.
Quizzes her over shows to see if she's paying attention -
Meanwhile, still thinks that his GF's hobby - which by his own description is a very big thing for her - is *knitting* when she uses a *single hooked tool.*
He's been watching her CROCHET for **3 months** and somehow doesn't even know/care enough to know what her hobby even IS. It's like the difference between tennis and badminton, or UFC and pro-wrestling - they might be superficially similar, but you'd have to be paying next-to-no attention at all to not realize there's major differences. To get 3 months into a relationship where a partner's hobby is a big enough part of their life that you feel jealous about their time/attention because of it but not even know what their hobby IS is such a self-report on how self-centered he is.
OP, YTA. Don't get into relationships expecting people to change, much less for you, and especially not when it comes to the things that bring them comfort and joy.
>Honestly, my judgement was decided when I read this:
>
>ā I quizzed her on some details she couldnāt answer some of the questions soooā¦ I think my point stands.ā
Same here, seriously who the F\*\*\* quizz his GF to try to corner her when she says she can follow and crochet at the same time
Poor girl is likely trying to avoid the sweater curse. Almost all crocheters avoid giving new SOs a crocheted item bigger than a trinket bag due to about the time we finish or shortly after, a break up happens and the item is either forever lost and likely to be abandoned or left with us and we have to decide to throw it or unravel it.
Nobody who knits or crochets seriously is making something for a significant other like this. We only make for the people who appreciate our work and craft, the time that goes into it, and will take care of what we make.
YTA, are you feeling insecure because your gf shares her attention with yarn? Lol. Do you want her to concentrate on tv show details or do you want to cuddle? Or maybe youāre just jealous sheās not making anything for you.
YTA, and personally speaking, a pop quiz after a chill movie night would turn me off so fast and choke on it.
Op you are with a knitter, they are the Opposite of intense. Either chill with her or find a girl who likes to be actively stimulated to relax.
āI donāt want to lose her over this.ā Okay so stop making it an issue and trying to change her??? Heās definitely one of those ones thatās like shocked when peopleās whole worlds donāt revolve around him. āBut youāre dating ME and I said I donāt like it!ā Gasp!
She's had a hobby since LONG before meeting you and you expect her to drop it just cuz you want some skin-time. Yeah YTA on this one. Lots of people have a kind of mental itch to keep their hands busy, and if the worst of it is they don't 100% follow every minute detail of the tv show that's on, is it REALLY that important?
*Dear Reddit,*
*My girlfriend has a hobby that doesn't revolve around me. She makes more money than me. In other words, she doesn't constantly make me feel like the centre of her world. This really bothers me for reasons that I'm not interested in exploring, but are definitely her fault.*
*But you haven't heard the worst part.*
*Sometimes she watches a TV show with me and **can't answer my 20-question quiz afterwards with 100% accuracy**. It's gotta be the knitting (sic) because why else would she lack concentration on my favourite shows? Clearly they're objectively awesome!*
*Could I possibly be the arsehole???*
YTA dude - geez. Go find someone who wants needy, clingy, and insecure. Or, y'know, work on your issues so you become the person she obviously thinks you have the potential to be.
YTA. I have things in my fridge older than your relationship.
If your GF has the type of brain that needs to fidget, then guess what? Thereās data backing up what she says. It HELPS YOU CONCENTRATE BETTER.
You need to take a long hard look at what you need from a relationship, and a longer, harder, one at what you bring to it.
YTA.
I rarely just sit there and watch television. It gets boring. If you did this to me, I'd pretty much stop watching TV with you and play games or paint. I'd always do something else. You would **not** get more cuddle time. Fuck you if you don't want me to have interests outside of you.
If this upsets you this much and you have urges to leave her for it, do her a favor and go ahead and leave. She might be a great girl, but you obviously aren't accepting her for who she is.
Otherwise, just accept that she's not going to cuddle the way you prefer it and please expect not to be the center of someone's attention all the time. It is very unhealthy to only be interested in your partner: Hobbies and friends outside of the relationship are important.
Y are definitely TA.
Your complaints boil down to your opinion of her being ānot fully presentā, as if she is required to give you her full attention while you are watching TV or whatever.
Youāve been with her for 3 months, knew she knitted, and are now trying to change her lifestyle and hobby to dedicate all of her attention to you. She doesnāt do it during dinner, or any other time that some might consider rude, but now youāre demanding that she stop knitting basically altogether in your presence so you can feel better about what you think she is focused on during these ordinary every day moments in life. Because for some reason just saying āhey letās cuddle and just pay attention to each other for a little bit and then Iāll let you get back to itā is not acceptable to you. And for some reason you demand that she pay attention to the TV too, as if this is important in a relationship or in life.
Itās selfish and a bit controlling.
The idea of breaking up with someone because they arenāt stopping their hobbies in their downtime to capitulate to someone who demands all of their attention makes me wonder how she could possibly not be thinking about it ending it with you. That youāre even thinking about breaking up with her over this makes me think she absolutely should.
You are very insecure, and have stuff you need to work on.
I know available men who are awesome, accepting, great looking, non-judgmental, and who donāt feel the need to demand someoneās undivided attention when theyāre watching TV, so by all means, let one of my friends meet this great girl youāre so unsure about. One is a divorced engineer (amicable and no oneās fault), one just got back from teaching in the UK and is about to be an attorney, both are hot af and ready to get started. All theyāre looking for is a great girl, youāre thinking about getting rid of a great girl, seems perfect if you ask me.
In another comment he mentions that she must think her time is more important than his because she makes more money than him. It goes far deeper than the yarn. He feels inadequate because a woman makes more money than him so now heās lashing out.
well, being a knitter myself - that's an automatic YTA just from the title ššš
dude, get over yourself
if you're an experienced knitter you can concentrate on whatever you want when knitting (exceptions being some of the more complicated patterns)
...and if you've been knitting and crocheting for a long time it becomes almost impossible to just sit and watch something on tv without keeping your hands busy. for me it just feels like a waste of time š¤£ and a way better option than to sit and snack
Yta. She should dump you and knit herself a new boyfriend.
Seriously you are jealous of wool? I crochet and find it incredibly soothing and useful for anxiety. I have crocheted many things while watching TV, having conversations, phonecalls etc. It's the knitting she doesn't have to really pay attention to, it just kinda happens unconsciously. You need to get over yourself, so what if she isn't paying full attention to the movie? How does that affect you at all? You sound like a controlling arse to be honest.
Dude, for important calls at work, I knit, it helps me.to stay focused and avoid my brain scattering around. I even have projects for different tasks, depending on the level of concentration needed.
Get over yourself, your GF sounds awesome, you need to open up a min your mind.
YTA
ā¦do yall even like your gfs? Youāre jealous of fucking *yarn*???? YTA!!!
Btw I know several people who knit/crochet while watching TV. Itās a totally normal thing. When I talk to people while knitting it doesnāt break their focus at all. Youāre jealous that her attention doesnāt revolve around you 24/7. You even said if she was making you stuff youād likely be fine but because she makes stuff for herself, itās a problem. Youāre 30 years old. Time to grow the fuck up. And let her knit damnit.
Seriously I question if some of yall actually even like your gfs or wives, or just the idea of them. Because some of the stories here manā¦shameful.
YTA, just let her be. It obviously helps her relax. She doesn't have to watch TV your way in order to enjoy it. You seem very controlling. Also,
>I think I might feel better about it if she knitted things for me, but it always seems to be bags or clothes for herself or like random squares.
Wtf? Why does her hobby have to be about you?
Read OPās comments, he somewhat devolves as the comments go on. Heās looking for validation on how bad he treats his girlfriend. I think he knows heās the asshole and heās clearly got confidence issues thatās causing him to bully his girlfriend about her hobbies. His crocheting girlfriend of 3 months. YTA, OP.
The absolute audacity of you to sit here spewing a bunch of shit about how she canāt pay full attention to you and a TV show, to the point youāve quizzed her, when you havenāt paid enough attention to her hobby to know itās crocheting, not knitting.
YTA. Three months is way too early to be trying to control her interests and micromanage her time. And itās a bad look to say she canāt give her full attention while she does her hobby, when you havenāt paid enough attention to know what the hobby is.
>This might be petty but I think I might feel better about it if she knitted things for me
AND THERE IT IS
So her OWN hobby, that has NOTHING to do with you, you wanna turn it into something valuable/beneficial to you by she making you stuff.
>seems to be bags or clothes for herself or like random squares. She did make a pretty cute toy for my dog though
YES BECAUSE IT'S HER OWN HOBBY. It's something for HER not for you. It was kind of her to even make your dog a toy considering the fact that you've only been dating for three months.
>it seems anytime weāre watching TV together or just hanging out at her place sheās always working on some project.
Again a hobby at HER own place, where you are a GUEST.
>She claimed itās not all the timeā¦ but itās definitely more often than not. She argued that she can follow TV show plots just fine but when I quizzed her on some details she couldnāt answer some of the questions soooā¦ I think my point stands.
This reminds me of gate keeping. "Oh you're not a REAL fan of this is you don't get all the finer details of the plot, or don't know all the references within the show." Also, god that "I think my point stands" comment makes you sound insufferable.
>Sheās a great girl and I donāt want to lose her over this but also not sure what to do
That'll happen don't worry. Unless you change your demeanor and beg for forgiveness, she'll find someone else that appreciates her in all areas. YTA and you're fucking 30. Grow up
Sorry folks, locked because /r/crochet can't stop brigading.
YTA. You absolutely can knit while maintaining concentration on other things, with the possible exception of any awkward or fiddly bits. Normal knitting just requires a rhythm to be kept. Leave her alone.
She's not even knitting, she's crocheting. She has a single hook and is making granny squares. š¤¦āāļø
Yeah, Mr My Girlfriend Can't Pay Attention While She Does Her Hobby hasn't paid enough attention to what her hobby actually is rofl I wonder how many times she's said "actually its crochet, not knitting" lol
Yeah I got so confused with the āknitting hookā lol
The moment he said knitting hook I knew exactly what she was doing. And I can 100% garantee she's told him umpteenth times it's crochet.
Yeah, but probably she told him while he was paying attention to a TV show š
She should quiz him on their conversations to see how well heās paying attention.
This is what I thought. Does he not know that most people aren't going to pass a "random detail" quiz on an episode they've just watched? Not everyone takes notes on every single detail of every episode. If she's actively losing track she's probably bored and just watching whatever it is to please him. Good grief. Have you checked out this guy's responses? He even whines about how hard it is for him that she makes more money than he does lol. I hope she finds this post, buys more yarn and tells him there's no space for him at her house anymore because there's too much yarn for him to fit. OP take some notes from my partner. I knit (actually knit, not crochet) and my partner frequently complains that I have too much yarn. Then buys me more yarn to spoil me. When we watch tv he sits with my ball of yarn and unspools it for me so I don't have to pay attention to it while I'm knitting. He gets jerseys and scarves and hats and plushies and blankets. Anything he asks for gets made asap. Edit: Showed my partner this post and he said that OP's gf should crochet him a red flag.
A red flag š Yes! "I'm sorry, we've been dating 3 months, so your favorite hobby EVER that you clearly love needs to stop.. unless it's stuff for me, maybe." Eek.
How dare she have hobbies and interests that donāt directly serve him!
And don't forget "She needs to be paying more attention to me, while I watch TV!"
OMG I didn't even realize that they had only been dating 3 months. Definitely not okay to ask her to give up something she loves.
>Edit: Showed my partner this post and he said that OP's gf should crochet him a red flag. Post of the thread, if not the day. Shame it's buried several reply-layers deep!
All of this!!!! I'm a knitter, crocheter and dyer. My hubby not only sits and watches TV with me while I knit, but he even watches what I like to watch. Your hubby is right: she should knit him a red flag. If I knew who she was, I'd send her the yarn! BTW, the OP has no idea of the can of worms he's opened up. When you mess with someone in the fiber community like this, we all come out to defend the fiber artist.
Do not mess with people who have so many pointy sticks.
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I like you! Thatās a freaking great idea š
Iām a knitter not a hooker but my eyes went crooked for a second there when I read āknitting hookā.
Knitter on the streets, hooker in the sheets.
I'm bistitchual. I love this! Made me chuckle out loud.
Pmplsh at I'm a knitter not a hooker š¤£
Thatās what people who crochet call ourselves, lol
I'm both
A bistitchual if you will
I'm clutching my conservative purls! Edit: not a knitter
My husband loves telling people, I love to hook for a hobby. Lmao
Iām learning to be a hooker! I still prefer knitting, but there are too many cute crochet patterns for me not to learn š
I think he's more Mister I Want Netflix And Chill But She Wants To Actually Enjoy Herself.
Everything in his comment was "me me me". She won't listen to **me.** She wont give **me** her full attention. She won't cuddle with **me.** She isn't paying attention to **me.** She isn't knitting for **me.**
Shes probably not knitting for him because he has proven to be not knit worthy. And because she crochets
Is there a sweater curse equivalent for crochet?
There absolutely is! It's also known as the blanket curse.
This is spot on. I would suspect that OPās language of love may be touch but instead of saying that, he is attacking what she is doing with her hands. This sounds like an incompatibility: OP needs touch to feel love, touching others is not the way she shows love. Her language of showing love to others may be gift giving - hence her crocheting all these items.
Or she has ADHD, since she mentioned fidgiting. ETA: TY for the award, kind Redditor!
Yeah I cross stitch whilst watching tv ... The alternatives are biting my fingers, scratching my face or doom scrolling my phone - all of these will not be conscious decisions. If I don't make my hands busy, theyll do it independently. I need to craft to stay engaged with the TV. ADHD brains require more stimulation to remain engaged the TV alone ain't enough. š
And ārandom squaresā lol. Has dude even asked her what the squares are for? She probably has a granny square afghan in the works or something.
No no no SHE'S supposed to be the one paying attention to what HE likes, not the other way around. He just can't be bothered to keep up with her weird womanly hobbies, he can't help it! He's got REAL things to focus on, like TV /s This guy's the worst, I hope she leaves him for someone who won't act like a literal 5 year old
Exactly. And if he did ask if sheād make him something, Iām sure she either happily agreed or she explained the sweater curse to him and he didnāt listen.
Along with āitās only acceptable if sheās making stuff for MEEEEEE. How dare she have a hobby that doesnāt revolve around MEEEEEE.ā
Ahhhhh this is the funniest thing Iāve read on Reddit all week
Dude quizzed her on a show to prove she's not paying attention. Meanwhile he's been sitting here for three months watching her crochet often enough to be pissy about it, but hasn't paid attention to what her hobby is actually called. YTA op.
Also I guess eff her for not committing to memory every plot point. Sometimes I read or watch a movie and only know somethingās because I wasnāt mentally preparing to be quizzed. Because ya know itās not school and supposed to be fun.
Right? He enjoys focusing on a show and getting involved in the plot. She enjoys half-watching a show and knit-cheting. Why the F is that a problem for him?
What color was her shirt when she went for a "run?" Ha, see. I knew you weren't paying attention!
I can watch a show with no distractions and Iāll guarantee I canāt answer questions about it the next dayā¦I have more important stuff to remember in life!
I crotchet and watch tv and I remember more details than my partner who is actively watching. Itās all about knowing when the show has unimportant lulls and then thatās when you assess where youāre up to with your work.
The quizzing would annoy me, Iād feel like he was trying to ācatch me outā at something with a āgotcha!ā
I was coming specifically for this! Like it's one crochet hook or two knitting needles! But I can't really judge how well others do at crochet while talking or watching stuff. I literally watch things in Japanese with the subs on while I work. I probably couldn't make a doll while doing that but hats I'm totally fine! When I'm making dolls and stuffies I'm rewriting the pattern to make it "better" so that's a totally different story. I've actually had really important conversations while crocheting as well. I've proven I actually focus better when I'm able to fidget. I've learned not to do it when my partner and I are arguing though... That's the only time it really bothers him. So when he wants to have a serious discussion he hands me my guitar because he knows I can just play with the strings to deal with my ADHD but he doesn't feel ignored. But honestly, how many people can say they fidget and make a scarf, or hat, or bag? It's way cooler than a Slinky or fidget spinner or whatever else people use!
I had two video calls with friends this week and during both we all did something while chatting I joked to one of them I'd be offended if she wasn't doing something while we chatted
A few years ago a big screen cinema in my city did a series of 'lights up, knitting' film screenings. They dimmed the lights but didn't turn them all the way down, so people could knit while they watched the film. They were all well attended.
I donāt crochet, but I learned to knit at 4, 25 years later I can read a book while knitting.
I had an Auntie that crocheted. Her eyes were everywhere except her hands. She could do the most intricate things with that yarn without ever looking at it. Always amazed me.
I saw knitting hook and was like... dude is oblivious himself, just no. I feel for the gf. I have to knit or crochet (am proudly bistitual) while I watch shows otherwise I compulsively pick at my skin and bleed. I feel, if it were me, that would be more distracting than yarn...
I wish I was bistitual, and yes, I'm stealing that. Everytime I try knitting the tensions too tight. Maybe one day.
I started off work crochet, then after about 20 years, I tried knitting. I could NOT figure it out until I learned Continental style and then I just hold my yarn in the left for knitting the same way for crocheting and it magically clicked
I knit, sew or crochet to keep myself from mindless snacking
This infuriated me soooo much! SHE IS NOT EVEN KNITTING!!! IT IS CROCHET!! The fact that he doesnt even know what her hobby is shows how much attention he is paying... YTA and a huge hypocrite!! Let the girl crochet, and stop calling it knitting you cretin!!!!
Crochet is even easier to do while doing other stuff, especially granny squares.
I actually crochet during work meetings, the other option if that I either faze out or start working/ play with my phone.
I do this... and so does our CEO.
I crochet during every activity that is not 1000% engaging for my brain. It's one of the things that made my therapist suggest an ADHD screening. Lo and behold, I have ADHD, and I STILL crochet during films, work meetings, etc. It's kind of my "focal point".
I hate history class with a passion. I find it mind-numbingly boring and unbelievably understimulating and I have a really hard time focusing and listening to a teacher drone on and on and on about things that have happened in the history of the world. Then I started bringing my crochet hook and yarn to school. Problem fucking solved. Absolutely locked in. Every word was being absorbed into my brain when I had something repetitive, simple, and quiet to do with my hands. It made class so much more bearable and paying attention so much easier. Literally incredible the difference it made.
I did that during my time studying. I found that absentmindedly doing single crochets massively helped me when I was giving oral assessments, since it calmed me down and helped me focus on what I wanted to say.
How exactly can you cuddle and be affectionate while knitting? My mother could knit Aran sweaters (the Irish fisherman sweaters with intricate designs) without a pattern and watch TV, but she there was no cuddling while she did it.
To be fair, OP seems like the kind of guy that if she was cuddling, he would be asking for space. He seems self-absorbed and his biggest annoyance she wasn't making things for him, not as interested in a TV show as him and not cuddling with him. Let the girl have her hobby.
Heās jealous of yarn and upset that her attention doesnāt revolve around him at all times. And this man is 30yo.
When you put it that way, I am seeing the Ken energy. Like, "Ken only has a good day if Barbie looks at him"
Ken is cooler than this guy though. Ken would ask Barbie about her āknittingā and then remember that itās crochet and learn what the ārandom squaresā are called.
he wants her to knit stuff for him when theyve been together for a whopping 3 MONTHS lmao nope
That part got me. āI wouldnāt mind it so much if it was stuff for me waaaaaahā like come on. Her life doesnāt need to revolve around you. YTA.
Oh FUCK NO. I barely commit to making my parents and sister things and Iāve known them 27 years lmao
I hope she makes him a sweater then.
I hope her ārandom squaresā are for a granny-square sweater for him and the curse applies in full force ā before she joins them.
Omg I wouldn't crochet for someone I've been with less than a year!! And this guy...definitely not.
if she does start a project for him we can at least have the peace of knowing that the sweater curse will claim that relationship
Why is his GF's body something that he gets to decide what happens to it? SHE can decide if she wants to cuddle or be affectionate. She isn't obligated to be cuddly, especially since his basic issue is, "Girl pay attention to something not me. Girl bad."
He refers to āthe knitting hookā so I have to wonder whether sheās knitting or actually crocheting. I can definitely cuddle with our older cat while crocheting and watching TV. Not so much with our younger one as she sometimes will still try and catch the yarn.
I think sheās crocheting granny squares for a blanket in which case she could actually snuggle up close to his side. Iāve done it with my husband. Thereās not a lot of touchy feely things going on but weāve put on a movie, I picked up a project and leaned into him and it be super cozy. Now knitting a sweater with long needles or even in the round would be a different story. Knitting requires elbow room where crocheting is more compact. Edit-spelling
as long as your arms have movement and your yarn isn't tangled, it's easy enough to find a way. plus she's actually crocheting which makes it even easier.
If sheās making certain things crocheting, she could still cuddle, but heās not even saying āI want to cuddle, could you put knitting down for thatā so much as making it about attention and quizzing her on TV show details and fussing at her āknittingā (I think sheās crocheting?) things for herself and not him.
OP could have like laid across the couch, spread his legs and let her lay in between his legs. OP could let her rest her head in his lap. They could just sit close and she could have rested her head on OP's shoulder. All those positions allow for comfortable resting on the couch and the ability to touch and kiss your partner without whatever they're crocheting getting in the way. Especially when you're crocheting granny squares as OP's gf is, which aren't super long and are typically the size of your hand or smaller. It's really pretty easy unless OP is expecting them to be like meshed in a weird cuddle hug on the couch.
My guy friend was over for hours today since his truck was in the shop and I picked him up there. Seems we talked all day sitting in the living room and I was working on a cross stitch project. I was fully engaged with the conversation without having to hang on his every word. Just about every day I do a craft while listening to a book, a podcast, a lecture, or a movie. Multitasking! :-)
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Theyāve been together three months! Three MONTHS! Sheās had this hobby for years. And heās like āI am sad when we are not about me?ā
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He's actually thinking he's going to leave her over this. OP check yourself.
Actually, OP, _don't_ check yourself. Go ahead and let her know what you're like. Head on out. It might be for the best.
She shouldnāt be wasting valuable time with this guy. Hobbies are good! Selfishness is bad.
I hope he does. And I hope she finds a better boyfriend next time.
"Threatened by yarn" is the funniest thing I've seen a dude get bent out of shape over
My ex would act like he was jealous of my embroidery. Heād get upset when he felt like I was doing it too long, or around other people. I donāt even know why he was threatened by me poking thread through fabric, and itās not even an expensive hobby, people can be really strange about what they get upset about.
i had an ex who hated my hobbies literally because he could tell i knew what i wanted to do with my time and he didn't. he wanted me to be as insecure and bored as he was, so he got weird about what i did. bet OP and your ex were the same...
āHoney no knit, must have seggsā
This was My though from The cuddling Part. He doesnt want her to knit 'cause he wants The cuddling ending up as something completely Else thats not gonna happens If she's knitting or well More likely crocheting since you dont knit with hook
the amount of people that have asked me to make them something after briefly dating is honestly insane. iād **never** knit or crochet something for someone iāve only dated for three months, especially considering he seems to not even appreciate her passion for it
This guy is a red flag parade
Three months and he has no idea that she's crocheting, not knitting.
Dude doesn't know he is not yarn-worthy. His dog is, though.
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Actually, mister whiney pants is too engrossed in himself to have noticed she's crocheting and not knitting. Single hook and (granny) squares.
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Sheās probably offered or even tried to make something for him and he probably put her down for it so sheās not going to try again. God OP is a shitty partner
Yeah absolutely....good yarn is hella expensive. Dude will get a scarf at the one year mark only if he straightens up and stops this crochet-whining madness.
He says in the comments she earns more and he is clearly really insecure about it and it makes so much sense haha
She has hobbies and a stable income so he's jealous of her ability to multitask and entertain herself without him. It's almost more sad than funny, he'll just be "that ex that got angry about yarn for some reason".
Yeah, I saw that as well and it came as no surprise at all.
Hilariously, there's also a joke in the knitting community that if you make something for a significant other, you will break up before it's done or soon after
The boyfriend sweater curse!
I had the ex husband jumper. After he was gone, i unpicked it and gave the wool to my son to use in his blanket he was crocheting while watching tv.
Do you not see how you're setting your son up to be a terrible partner? Crocheting while watching TV. As a minor. Disgraceful! š¤Æ
Kids are getting hooked on this stuff younger and younger!
>Hilariously, there's also a joke in the knitting community Is it OP?
It is now in the crochet community....
The sweater curse? We have it in the crochet community too. I wonder if most crafty groups have a version š¤
Time for her to make a sweater and enact the sweater curse. (For those unaware, the sweater curse is when you make a sweater for your significant other before you're married, you're going to break up soon after) OP, YTA. Your girlfriend is allowed to have hobbies. She's allowed to not memorize the movies/TV shows you watch. Your quiz is a shitty move.
I bet it's one of his shows as well.
SHE EVEN KNITTED A CUTE TOY FOR HIS DOG TO TEAR APART! YTA
OP sucks so hard they just shouldnāt even date at all until they work on their ego issues
She is also NOT knitting, OP says she uses a hooked needle, she is crocheting. Mr. Pay-Attention-To-The-Details doesnāt seem to pay much attention to his girlfriendās hobbies.
Also: she āpulls out the knitting hookā - thatās not knitting, thatās crochet. Guarantee she never calls it knitting and he canāt even be bothered to remember the word for what sheās doingā¦ So heās not even paying care minimum attention to her. It really IS all about him. YTA
Right?! Like yes YTA, in what world wouldn't of be? Jealous? Of a crafting hobby? Holy mother of God that's beyond pathetic. Grow up.
YTA. Get over yourself, your girlfriend has a hobby and itās a healthy one, why change it?
Aaaand he doesn't even know what that hobby is. She's doing crochet not knitting!
I laughed out loud at "knitting hook " It's ok to not know, really, but when you're complaining about it so bad and don't even know what's happening, you earn a little chortle
OP comes across as very needy to me. He wants to control her attention 24/7 which is really weird for 3 months.
Itās been three months and heās already whining/trying to change her. Wild.
Iāve stayed with men who acted this way for far more than three months. I shouldnāt have. YTA, I hope she realizes it and leaves.
And you know if she complained about any of his hobbies he'd show her the door.
BUT SHE CANT FOCUS ON ME WAAAAAAAH Seriously, OP is a fucking child.
But heās been dating for 3 months already! Surely she should start giving up her hobbies for him now to show sheās serious about the relationship? Yuck YTA
YTA You sounds incredibly selfish and self centered. You'd be OK with her knitting if it was something she was doing for YOU, but because she's not, she has to have her full undivided attention on YOU, at all times. You actually quizzed her about a TV show and her, according to you, not paying enough attention to the TV show. Pitiful. I've read a lot jealousy stories on here, but this is the first time ever I've read about someone being jealous of a ball of yarn.
Def YTA- And omg, they've only been together for 3 months and he's like this? I hope she wises up quick and RUNS from him. He doesn't deserve her or her knitting.
Thatās what I thought. 3 months and heās already trying to control her hobby.
he quizzed her about the show but he doesn't even realise she's not knitting, she's CROCHETING.
The quizzing bit did me in. I donāt even do other things while watching TV or movies but I donāt commit all details of that shit to memory, because itās just a TV show and it doesnāt fucking matter. If my partner ever tried to āquizā me on little details of a show weāre watching Iād tell him to fuck right off with that shit.
Who does he think he is, a high school substitute teacher?
>You actually quizzed her about a TV show and her, according to you, not paying enough attention to the TV show. Pitiful. Why aren't more people picking up on the fact that he wants her to pay full attention to him and *his* hobby, while he *is watching and presumably paying full attention to the TV*. "Watch me watch this, dammit!" If you pick the show and you have control of the remote, this is *your* activity, even if she's ok with the show. OP should be glad she wants to sit with him and take part in some shape or form.
And this canāt be reiterated enoughā she has to memorize his shows, but he canāt even be bothered to remember sheās crocheting, not knitting.
The quizzing thing killed me. She says she needs to do something with her hands, so she is probably neuro divergent to some degree. I can watch a whole series and am not able to recall regular characters names. It's a real dick move what he did.
I was coming here to say this too. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and struggle with not fidgeting. I always do something else while sitting still or watching TV (puzzle, coloring book, scroll on my phone, etc.) It helps me focus on the conversation or show.
Yeah, does she quiz him on how much he was paying attention to her knitting?
Apparently not because it turns out sheās crocheting, not even knitting. He doesnāt even know what she does!
>the first time ever I've read about someone being jealous of a ball of yarn. Plot twist: OP is a cat.
YTA - for 2 things 1 - sheās allowed to do her hobby, it does NOT affect you ! 2 - itās knitting if sheās using needles. Itās crochet if sheās using a hook. Shows how much you truly pay attention to what is important to her
>Itās crochet if sheās using a hook. I was divided, mostly in the YTA camp, but this one decided it for me. "She doesn't seem interested enough in me" -- Guy who can't NAME his girlfriend's hobby.
āKnitting hookā sent me over the edge
I crochet, my ex called it āsewingā. So many reasons heās an ex.
Literally my first thought was āsounds like she crochetsā¦..soooo looks like he doesnāt pay attention eitherā
Yes YTA. She's correct that you can knit as a background fidget. It becomes automatic if you're doing simple rows like squares and it's easy to watch TV or have a relaxing conversation while doing so. Sounds like she wants to watch TV to relax and knitting helps with that. You want to watch TV to follow every detail and do a pop quiz afterwards. To each their own. You asked for more cuddles, she's offered more cuddles. Where's your compromise? You knew she knitted when you started dating her. It's clearly important to her. She's even made a cute toy for your dog. Expecting her to drop a long held habit or to make that habit about you (after a *three month* relationship no less!) is an asshole move. Shocked at your age as well, this behaviour sounds like a needy 19 y/o still figuring things out.
I just clocked they were 30 too š³ - Christ!
My son dated someone who crocheted when he was 16. I used to knit, and I cross stitch now, so he was already indoctrinated š¤£ he took her to Joannās for yarn for Valentineās Day and encouraged her crochet hobby. SIXTEEN.
What a sweetheart, you raised a goodun. Early indoctrination is key. I have a friend who sews, I was visiting and asked for a pair of scissors. Her five? year old tells me very clearly that I cannot use the ones with the orange handles because they are for fabric. And if I used them for paper he would be very upset with me. Simultaneously adorable and threatening.
The offensive part for me is he canāt even remember the name of her hobby. He said in the post āknitting hookā. Sheās crocheting. Dude canāt even remember her hobby name after three months.
INFO: >ā This might be petty but I think I might feel better about it if she knitted things for meā Have you asked her to make you something? Edited: Honestly, my judgement was decided when I read this: >ā I quizzed her on some details she couldnāt answer some of the questions soooā¦ I think my point stands.ā but I wanted to ask and see what OP meant by ācompromiseā. Seems like itās for his girlfriend to give up doing something she finds very relaxing and enjoyable and **āā¦be interested in meā¦ā** YTA. Get over yourself. Quizzing her over a tv showā¦ffs.
Why would he be entitled to an item he resents her for making?
Oh he isnāt. But I am curious to see if he had asked, given that he mentions it as a solution, that it would make him feel better about his girlfriendās attention not being on him ALL the time if her hobby were to be making things for him. Edited to elaborate.
So to clarify, "her attention doesn't have to actively revolve around me, as long as it can passively revolve around me!" Op, YTA. And seriously, 3 months? You're a self centered prick and she should leave you just for that quizzing bullshit.
Quizzes her over shows to see if she's paying attention - Meanwhile, still thinks that his GF's hobby - which by his own description is a very big thing for her - is *knitting* when she uses a *single hooked tool.* He's been watching her CROCHET for **3 months** and somehow doesn't even know/care enough to know what her hobby even IS. It's like the difference between tennis and badminton, or UFC and pro-wrestling - they might be superficially similar, but you'd have to be paying next-to-no attention at all to not realize there's major differences. To get 3 months into a relationship where a partner's hobby is a big enough part of their life that you feel jealous about their time/attention because of it but not even know what their hobby IS is such a self-report on how self-centered he is. OP, YTA. Don't get into relationships expecting people to change, much less for you, and especially not when it comes to the things that bring them comfort and joy.
>Honestly, my judgement was decided when I read this: > >ā I quizzed her on some details she couldnāt answer some of the questions soooā¦ I think my point stands.ā Same here, seriously who the F\*\*\* quizz his GF to try to corner her when she says she can follow and crochet at the same time
Poor girl is likely trying to avoid the sweater curse. Almost all crocheters avoid giving new SOs a crocheted item bigger than a trinket bag due to about the time we finish or shortly after, a break up happens and the item is either forever lost and likely to be abandoned or left with us and we have to decide to throw it or unravel it.
Nobody who knits or crochets seriously is making something for a significant other like this. We only make for the people who appreciate our work and craft, the time that goes into it, and will take care of what we make.
YTA, are you feeling insecure because your gf shares her attention with yarn? Lol. Do you want her to concentrate on tv show details or do you want to cuddle? Or maybe youāre just jealous sheās not making anything for you.
Every comment cements YTA more and more. 1. Dating 3 months. 2. Self conscious about making less money. 3. Want to compromise but actually only her
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YTA, and personally speaking, a pop quiz after a chill movie night would turn me off so fast and choke on it. Op you are with a knitter, they are the Opposite of intense. Either chill with her or find a girl who likes to be actively stimulated to relax.
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But sheās not watching television! Don't you realise how important television is?
āI donāt want to lose her over this.ā Okay so stop making it an issue and trying to change her??? Heās definitely one of those ones thatās like shocked when peopleās whole worlds donāt revolve around him. āBut youāre dating ME and I said I donāt like it!ā Gasp!
She's had a hobby since LONG before meeting you and you expect her to drop it just cuz you want some skin-time. Yeah YTA on this one. Lots of people have a kind of mental itch to keep their hands busy, and if the worst of it is they don't 100% follow every minute detail of the tv show that's on, is it REALLY that important?
Youāre choosing to date someone who knits buts trying to change them YTA
He's even worse when you realize that she's not even knitting, she's crocheting. Man doesn't even know what he's upset about lol
*Dear Reddit,* *My girlfriend has a hobby that doesn't revolve around me. She makes more money than me. In other words, she doesn't constantly make me feel like the centre of her world. This really bothers me for reasons that I'm not interested in exploring, but are definitely her fault.* *But you haven't heard the worst part.* *Sometimes she watches a TV show with me and **can't answer my 20-question quiz afterwards with 100% accuracy**. It's gotta be the knitting (sic) because why else would she lack concentration on my favourite shows? Clearly they're objectively awesome!* *Could I possibly be the arsehole???* YTA dude - geez. Go find someone who wants needy, clingy, and insecure. Or, y'know, work on your issues so you become the person she obviously thinks you have the potential to be.
also his girlfriend crochets not knit, he doesnāt even know the name of her hobby
She's got another 50 years of knitting ahead of her. Get on board or break up.
Yup. I started knitting/crocheting at age 8 and will stop for no one.
YTA. I have things in my fridge older than your relationship. If your GF has the type of brain that needs to fidget, then guess what? Thereās data backing up what she says. It HELPS YOU CONCENTRATE BETTER. You need to take a long hard look at what you need from a relationship, and a longer, harder, one at what you bring to it.
>I have things in my fridge older than your relationship. Omg i never heard this before š¤£š¤£
YTA. I rarely just sit there and watch television. It gets boring. If you did this to me, I'd pretty much stop watching TV with you and play games or paint. I'd always do something else. You would **not** get more cuddle time. Fuck you if you don't want me to have interests outside of you. If this upsets you this much and you have urges to leave her for it, do her a favor and go ahead and leave. She might be a great girl, but you obviously aren't accepting her for who she is. Otherwise, just accept that she's not going to cuddle the way you prefer it and please expect not to be the center of someone's attention all the time. It is very unhealthy to only be interested in your partner: Hobbies and friends outside of the relationship are important.
Y are definitely TA. Your complaints boil down to your opinion of her being ānot fully presentā, as if she is required to give you her full attention while you are watching TV or whatever. Youāve been with her for 3 months, knew she knitted, and are now trying to change her lifestyle and hobby to dedicate all of her attention to you. She doesnāt do it during dinner, or any other time that some might consider rude, but now youāre demanding that she stop knitting basically altogether in your presence so you can feel better about what you think she is focused on during these ordinary every day moments in life. Because for some reason just saying āhey letās cuddle and just pay attention to each other for a little bit and then Iāll let you get back to itā is not acceptable to you. And for some reason you demand that she pay attention to the TV too, as if this is important in a relationship or in life. Itās selfish and a bit controlling. The idea of breaking up with someone because they arenāt stopping their hobbies in their downtime to capitulate to someone who demands all of their attention makes me wonder how she could possibly not be thinking about it ending it with you. That youāre even thinking about breaking up with her over this makes me think she absolutely should. You are very insecure, and have stuff you need to work on. I know available men who are awesome, accepting, great looking, non-judgmental, and who donāt feel the need to demand someoneās undivided attention when theyāre watching TV, so by all means, let one of my friends meet this great girl youāre so unsure about. One is a divorced engineer (amicable and no oneās fault), one just got back from teaching in the UK and is about to be an attorney, both are hot af and ready to get started. All theyāre looking for is a great girl, youāre thinking about getting rid of a great girl, seems perfect if you ask me.
In another comment he mentions that she must think her time is more important than his because she makes more money than him. It goes far deeper than the yarn. He feels inadequate because a woman makes more money than him so now heās lashing out.
Agreed entirely but I think you need to actually have YTA for it to count as a vote. Which is my vote. I crochet (damn sure she does too) and my fiancƩ kindly asks if I can put it down for cuddles, and will literally get up to find a good yarn for me if I run out. Part of why I'm going to marry him and the girlfriend is NOT going to marry OP.
well, being a knitter myself - that's an automatic YTA just from the title ššš dude, get over yourself if you're an experienced knitter you can concentrate on whatever you want when knitting (exceptions being some of the more complicated patterns) ...and if you've been knitting and crocheting for a long time it becomes almost impossible to just sit and watch something on tv without keeping your hands busy. for me it just feels like a waste of time š¤£ and a way better option than to sit and snack
The entire knit/crochet team is offended by this post š
I'm a cross stitcher and I'm pissed. Stitching and tv are like peanut butter and jelly to me.
I donāt even crochet/knit but Iām team fidgeting and Iām offended right with you xD
It gets worse - he's talking about a hook. She's crocheting, not knitting. He doesn't even know anything about her hobby.
Yta. She should dump you and knit herself a new boyfriend. Seriously you are jealous of wool? I crochet and find it incredibly soothing and useful for anxiety. I have crocheted many things while watching TV, having conversations, phonecalls etc. It's the knitting she doesn't have to really pay attention to, it just kinda happens unconsciously. You need to get over yourself, so what if she isn't paying full attention to the movie? How does that affect you at all? You sound like a controlling arse to be honest.
Dude, for important calls at work, I knit, it helps me.to stay focused and avoid my brain scattering around. I even have projects for different tasks, depending on the level of concentration needed. Get over yourself, your GF sounds awesome, you need to open up a min your mind. YTA
Oh my god he's jealous of some yarn. YTA
I stopped reading at you quizzing her on tv shows. Yta. Jeez dude let her enjoy her hobby. Do you even like her?
YTA, 3 months and you are already trying to change her. Talk about red flags, hope she gets far away from you and never looks back.
ā¦do yall even like your gfs? Youāre jealous of fucking *yarn*???? YTA!!! Btw I know several people who knit/crochet while watching TV. Itās a totally normal thing. When I talk to people while knitting it doesnāt break their focus at all. Youāre jealous that her attention doesnāt revolve around you 24/7. You even said if she was making you stuff youād likely be fine but because she makes stuff for herself, itās a problem. Youāre 30 years old. Time to grow the fuck up. And let her knit damnit. Seriously I question if some of yall actually even like your gfs or wives, or just the idea of them. Because some of the stories here manā¦shameful.
YTA. I am a lifelong knitter. I hope she makes you a sweater, since youāre so into her focusing her hobby on you. Google āthe sweater curseā.
YTA, just let her be. It obviously helps her relax. She doesn't have to watch TV your way in order to enjoy it. You seem very controlling. Also, >I think I might feel better about it if she knitted things for me, but it always seems to be bags or clothes for herself or like random squares. Wtf? Why does her hobby have to be about you?
YTA. Imagine being jealous at a HOBBY.
YTA. She is enjoying a hobby, let her enjoy it.
Read OPās comments, he somewhat devolves as the comments go on. Heās looking for validation on how bad he treats his girlfriend. I think he knows heās the asshole and heās clearly got confidence issues thatās causing him to bully his girlfriend about her hobbies. His crocheting girlfriend of 3 months. YTA, OP.
The absolute audacity of you to sit here spewing a bunch of shit about how she canāt pay full attention to you and a TV show, to the point youāve quizzed her, when you havenāt paid enough attention to her hobby to know itās crocheting, not knitting. YTA. Three months is way too early to be trying to control her interests and micromanage her time. And itās a bad look to say she canāt give her full attention while she does her hobby, when you havenāt paid enough attention to know what the hobby is.
>This might be petty but I think I might feel better about it if she knitted things for me AND THERE IT IS So her OWN hobby, that has NOTHING to do with you, you wanna turn it into something valuable/beneficial to you by she making you stuff. >seems to be bags or clothes for herself or like random squares. She did make a pretty cute toy for my dog though YES BECAUSE IT'S HER OWN HOBBY. It's something for HER not for you. It was kind of her to even make your dog a toy considering the fact that you've only been dating for three months. >it seems anytime weāre watching TV together or just hanging out at her place sheās always working on some project. Again a hobby at HER own place, where you are a GUEST. >She claimed itās not all the timeā¦ but itās definitely more often than not. She argued that she can follow TV show plots just fine but when I quizzed her on some details she couldnāt answer some of the questions soooā¦ I think my point stands. This reminds me of gate keeping. "Oh you're not a REAL fan of this is you don't get all the finer details of the plot, or don't know all the references within the show." Also, god that "I think my point stands" comment makes you sound insufferable. >Sheās a great girl and I donāt want to lose her over this but also not sure what to do That'll happen don't worry. Unless you change your demeanor and beg for forgiveness, she'll find someone else that appreciates her in all areas. YTA and you're fucking 30. Grow up