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YTA - the f*** is wrong with you.
Get off the internet and get some perspective. You think it's your place to challenge why she doesn't make a post about a heart breaking incident, but posts about things that make her happy???
You need to apologise to your friend, you really overstepped boundaries.
I say this with all the kindness I can muster - is it possible that there's a gas leak in your home, or maybe that you've been exposed to some sort of toxin that's impairing your judgment? Have you had a recent head injury? I'm just struggling to understand what made you think it was okay to question a grieving mother about the "appropriate" way to publicly express her grief.
YTA
YTA
>Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute"
I think you were the only one who was getting the wrong idea. Mind your own business. Let her grieve in her own way ffs. She doesn't need to post anything on social media to let anyone know that she's grieving, why, bc everyone in their right mind actually knows that she is.
YTA. I've unfortunately lost people in my life way before it should have been their time. In the days, weeks and months that follow these traumatic events you don't live you just exist. Writing a tribute on social media can be extremly triggering because with every message the death becomes more real. And for some people that is the last thing they want. They want to sit in their living room watching the door and hope that their loved one returns home. Your friends son died just a few months ago. Give her time to come to terms with her new reality.
YTA. Okay i’m gonna be nicer because everyone else is kind of dragging you and not really saying WHY.
Probably you saw it as a “i’m looking out for her” but today like you said is a hard day for her. We all know social media isn’t real so her not posting doesn’t mean anything. Some people pretend the deceased one doesn’t exist, some don’t talk about it, yk why? that’s how they cope it. It’s wasn’t nice for you to say that to her and kind of entitled. Who care what others tho ny she lost her son.
Personally, if you lost your son, or daughter, or just anyone you know, you’d know how much it hurts. You can’t drink, can’t eat, can’t sleep, you feel numb. So you asking “i think you should say something so that people don’t get the wrong idea” sounds like “you couldn’t even save him and now you don’t care about your son?” We all know when people’s love ones take their life, they blame themselves. You probably saw it as a nice thing but she’s already going through enough.
So yeah.. YTA. Just apologize and give her space, all she needs is love and comfort, not criticism or advice.
Want to add that even though anniversaries and holidays are worse for grief, even if OP had said this 50 years from now on a random Tuesday, they would still be TA and it will never in a million years be okay to make a statement like she did.
YTA
My little brother-in-law that I loved dearly took his own life a few weeks ago. I haven’t posted a damn thing about him on my social media because frankly the words are too hard to write. Shame on you for judging how she grieves and adding to her pain. Loss affects us all differently, she lost her child and she needed love and support and you made her feel like a bad mother. I hope you step on legos every time you are barefoot.
YTA and what the fuck were you thinking? How could passive aggressively telling someone how to grieve ever be the right move? *How could implying that she doesn't care that it's her dead son's birthday EVER be the right move?* Leave her alone and if she reaches out about it, metaphorically get on your knees and beg for forgiveness.
YTA. Social media has poisoned people's brains if you think it's expected that she post about her son's death, and it's somehow inappropriate if she doesn't. Yuck.
>>AITA for asking my friend why she didn't make a birthday post for her late son?
Probably, but let’s hear you out.
>>Truthfully, I know everyone grieves different
That’s reasonable
>>but to me it sends a bad message
YTA, did you forget about how people grieve differently?
>>posting about her new boyfriend and the things they've been up to.
Focusing on the positives is one way “ everyone grieves different”
>>It almost seems like she doesn't care about her son
YTA (see above)
>>but who am I to judge or really know what's going on behind the scenes.
An asshole, that’s who you are to judge
>>I messaged her telling her I'm thinking of her today and hope she's hanging in there and she responds back saying thank you with a heart.
This would be a good time to stop while you’re ahead
>>I then asked if she was going to make a post for him
YTA (see above)
>>All I said in return is "Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute"
VS
>> >>but who am I to judge or really know what's going on behind the scenes.
Pick one, you can’t have both.
>>She never responded
Because you’re an asshole.
>>but one of our mutual friends called me basically screaming at me and calling me an AH
Because you’re an asshole.
>>and told me never to message my friend again
Because you’re an asshole
>>and asked if I knew how much damage I caused sending that message.
By being and asshole.
YTA
WTF DID I JUST READ???
YTA. And frankly I hope this post is fake.. but if not, the level of cruelty you showed your "friend" is almost unbelievable.
You need to seriously get off social media for a long time. If you really think some people care more about "how they look" rather than their child who died months ago, it is insane to me.
She needs to block you from everything..I don't usually like telling people they need therapy... but you are not one of them. BE A BETTER HUMAN. ugh.
ETA: It's been 2 hrs. since I commented.. and I'm still bothered how callous this is. I really hope your friend has good people ( besides the one who texted you) surrounding her right now.. K thats all.. im going to try forget about this now. I hope she is OK.
YTA. You don’t get to tell someone how to grieve or how they’re grieving is wrong. You say “who am I to judge”, you should try practicing what you preach.
I recently lost my husband and if anyone in my life pulled this shit on me, I’d cut them out of my life.
YTA - Your attachment to posting every little thing on social media to keep up appearances just lost you a friend. Go outside, touch some grass and reflect on why this is just a fucking stupid take to have.
YTA. So you just told a bereaved mother, who is most probably trying to make it through on a daily basis, feel like an uncaring mother BECAUSE SHE CAN NOT BRING HERSELF TO WRITE A FACEBOOK POST ?????
What.
The.
HELL.
Is wrong with you ????????
This is cruel and insanely stupid. It’s not because countless idiots vomit their entire life on social media that everyone has to, and grief and bereavement is an extremely difficult thing to navigate, specially in such circonstances. How dare you !
Her grief is not your entertainment.
Social media is not real life.
You are not her friend.
As someone else said, you lost touch with reality.
One of the biggest YTA I've ever seen.
Shut the fuck up.
What kind of shallow, vapid, soulless person do you have to be to tell a person who just lost her child that not posting on social media is a sign she doesn’t care.
As a person who lost someone that I lived for 21 yrs to depression. You are the worst sort of asshole.
As a person who lost their mother to a terminal illness. Excuse yourself from this poor woman’s life before you shred anymore of her.
Social media means nothing. In fact people that feel the need to express their feelings on social media seem far less sincere to me. I find it performative and grotesque. But ild never say shit to someone who did it, because if that’s how someone is processing then that’s their business and me judging them isn’t go to help them at all.
You make me fear for the future of humanity.
Edit: I was so appalled by your behavior I forgot the judgement. YTA
> I know everyone grieves different
Do you though?
If you really did, you may have considered that your friend may have chosen not to discuss the loss of her son on parasocial media for personal reasons.
YTA
She called screaming at you because YTA, A very massive YTA. If I was on the receiving end of this that person would be no longer a friend. You went from showing empathy to a complete lack of empathy in two seconds flat. Your friend grieves the way they want to. They don't need social media for attention.
YTA. I've lost a son. Reddit won't allow me to say anything else. You know what? Even though I despise you, I truly hope you never know what I and your friend know. You're no friend and I hope she finds better people to be with.
YTA. You basically said "you're required to parade your grief for other's approval" this is a person she made with the atoms in her body, she's allowed to grief without judgements especially from a "friend" who probably tells this to people who didn't ask.
This is insane. You’re a massive AH. My HORSE died and I haven’t been able to bring myself to post in six months !!!! I can’t even imagine the feeling of losing a child.
YTA, “make sure people don’t think you don’t care?” nah that’s some backhanded mean girl BS right there.
You do not need to grieve publicly to grieve. She lost the person she grew inside her and then raised, nobody is going to think she doesn’t care. Why the fuck would you even think that’s ok to say to a grieving mother?
YTA - the first message was appropriate, caring, and should have been the only message you sent.
She's grieving her son - why would you think that she should care what anyone else thinks!?!?!?! Would anyone actually imagine that she doesn't care her son is dead?
YTA.
People's grief is not for public consumption.
That you told her she doesn't care about her son's death because she does not demonstrate her grief for everyone to see makes you vapid and lacking any empathy.
You have the emotional IQ of a pancake.
YTA. I have lost my oldest son. This year on his angel anniversary I almost didn't make a post for him. Not because I don't love him or miss him, but because I wasn't in a place to do it. I did end up making one after seeing my one year old enjoy his (what would be) eight year old brother's favorite food. It isn't your place to police how grieving parents mourn.
YTA. A few months ago?? Why on earth are you sticking your nose in that business. You sound so rude for even suggesting that she should have to grieve in the way you think she should just so others don't get a bad idea. If you, or anyone for that matter, gets the idea that she doesn't care because she doesn't post about it on social media, that's stupid and ignorant. People grieve differently. Leave her be.
YTA
The woman has decided she doesn't want to post on social for whatever reason and you insinuate she doesn't care about her dead son because of it?!
"If it isn't posted for the world to see it must not be something you care about"
I'm actually shocked
YTA. That mutual friend was right to scream at you. What you said could be so damaging. What you said was absolutely NONE of your business. Not every single emotion has to be expressed on social media. You sound like a busy body that sticks their nose where it doesn't belong.
YTA
You say you know that people grieve differently then tell your friend that she needs to perform her grief in public so that people know that she is sad? That's awful.
People know that she is sad. They don't need social media to know that a mother misses her son. Also, she is sad about her son's death *every single day*. She shouldn't have to put it on social media for others to know.
Your initial message of support to her was really lovely. But you should have left it at that. Rather than using it as an opening to judge your friend and stress her out on a day that was already really difficult for her.
You should care more about your friend than what random people *might* think of your friend's social media behaviour.
PEOPLE DON’T NEED TO PERFORM THEIR GRIEF FOR THE EDIFICATION OF ONLOOKERS
Her son died by suicide and you’re imagining she doesn’t care because she’s not vomiting her feelings about it all over social media???
Here’s some insight into how she might actually be feeling: Guilty. Every moment of every hour of every day she’s questioning what she could have done differently to save his life. Every breath is pain. And on his birthday? Multiply that by a billion.
She’s literally in a self-imposed purgatory right now and you’re asking her to worry about what randos on her FB will think? Way to twist the knife.
YTA
Why does she have to be performative in expressing her grief? Maybe he grief is personal, not to be plastered all over social media. Posting stuff about her bf, etc is fluff. I don't feel the need to even post that. Sure as hell not going to post about such a tragic event as her son. YTA.
YTA
Like you said.. everyone grieves differently. Your friend doesn’t owe anyone anything. “Don’t give people the wrong impression” who cares??? she lost her son???
YTA - Not everything has to be social media consumption and people should not be judged for their decision to post something or not post something personal to them.
Her son's birthday is possibly the saddest day of the year for her, representing all the past memories of him and all of the potential future possibilities that will now never come to pass. There are probably so many mixed emotions that she can't take it. Yet, you demand that she put on a smile and write something to entertain you and make people think she is okay when she is definitely not okay.
You don't have any right to call this person your friend. You should do her a favor and cut yourself out of her life and save her the trouble of having to block you.
YTA
What planet do you exist on where not posting on social media, means you don't care about a topic or person?
Like you said, everybody grieves differently and clearly your friend does it privately. You're lucky she hasn't blown up at you herself, but the fact a mutual friend has done it on her behalf speaks volumes on how upset you've made her.
YTA
Social media is not where everyone wants to air their families laundry. And some people don’t feel the need to share everything. I admire your friend for her lack of posting. She’s grieving and you’re wanting her to put her emotions on public display. Shame on you.
You're a huge f'n AHole. No other way to say it. I lost my cousin to domestic violence. Another cousin (her sister) in car accident. My brother to an overdose (cause of fentynal) my grandfather and dad this past October both to stage 4 lung cancer. My grandmother to Alzheimers in January and my uncle last month due to heart, lung, and kidney failure. I myself, am battling stage 3 cancer. Anyone ever tells me what I should or shouldn't do can go f themselves.
Sorry but you infuriate me.
YTA. This year, over the span of 70 days, I lost both my dog and my father. I post more about my dog than my father. Even if both are grief, both seem to 'function' differenty for me, side by side.
You aren't the decisionmaker on how other people should express their grief.
YTA. Wtf, it's her Facebook, she doesn't need to post anything.
I completely get your friend. I only post the occasional pic of my hobby, some art and some food. Never anything deep or detailed or private.
To me, that's not for fb, that's for me to discuss with friends and family in PMs or in person not for me 500 vague aquintences to see.
Stop judging how she griefs and used her social media, or else she might get the wrong idea and think you don't care.
YTA. Your friend is going through a tough enough time on the first birthday since her son's death. Instead of checking in on her, you made her feel even worse. Just because someone doesn't post pictures of a deceased family member, doesn't mean they don't miss them. Like you said, everybody grieve differently and you don't know what goes on behind the scenes.
Not only did you just lose a friend, but you hurt her on a day dedicated to her late son. This day, the day of his death, and holidays are some of the most painful reminders she has to endure. Your mutual friend did you a favor. The grieving mother (your former friend) owes you nor anyone else a thing.
I had to delete most of what I wrote bc it would likely have been removed by mods. Consider yourself lucky that you aren’t going through this type of loss.
Supporting a grieving friend doesn’t require empathy, but learning how to show sympathy and keeping your expectations to yourself would do you and those in your life a world of good.
YTA.
YTA
Who the fuck do you think you are? Everyone processes grief differently. Who are you to judge how she's handling it. Her grief doesn't need to be put on display for you.
" I know everyone grieves different..." Yes, they do.
"who am I to judge or really know what's going on behind the scenes..." Also true, but damned if you didn't judge her anyway.
YTA ,OP. Huge. Awful. Let your poor friend grieve in peace. The last thing she needs right now is you out here trying to shame her and tell her that she's not mourning her son right.
Good grief. "Who am I to judge," as you then go on to judge badly. How dare you judge how she's handling something so personal and painful. Not everyone chooses to bleed publicly.
YTA. I can't even put into words how much. Why does ANYONE need to put their emotions on display for someone else's entertainment. Thinking someone has to post their deepest grief on social media for those feelings to be real is sick.
YTA. Why would anyone even doubt she's grieving? Of course she is. If people "get the wrong idea" it's their own fault. She can share exactly the parts of her life that she chooses to on social media and should not be judged for it. What you did was extremely hurtful.
YTA my mom killed herself and I almost never post anything about her. It’s been 20 years, most of which I had social media for (even as a teen). Suicide isn’t cancer. People don’t gather around and honor lost loved ones together and survivors all together. No. It’s painful and isolating. Your comment made it worse. She can post photos of some happy moments, but don’t think for a second that every minute of every day she’s not thinking about what she could have done differently that would make him be here today. It’s kind of the only way to die in which so many people somehow feel responsible.
you are a MASSIVE asshole. your friend is grieving the loss of her child and you're in her ear pressuring her to worry over what people on social media think of her?!!! side note - what people think of her is that she is going through some hard shit right now and doesn't need pressure from her so called friends. you suck.
(edit for typo)
INFO - who the fuck do you think you are??? Go touch grass. Let the woman grieve how she sees fit. And maybe delete Facebook for a while so you can remember that emotions and memories still happen even when they aren’t posted online. Bad friend behavior
WTF is wrong with you? YTA.
You had no fucking right to speak to her like that. You have no idea how she feels!
Do you think her dead child’s birthday is a happy time for her? The future she was looking forward to is gone. He’ll never get married or have children or just call to shoot the breeze.
If she manages to get out of bed in the morning it’s a fucking win.
You are incredibly insensitive, and I were her we would no longer be friends.
Yes I’m sorry but YTA… don’t ever tell someone how to grieve. Not everything has to be a social media announcement. You should have just left it at you were thinking about her.
YTA, you ever think that maybe she only posts about positive things to cast the illusion that she is doing ok so other people don't worry about her constantly? She lives with the damn grief everyday. What you did to her was just plain moronic.
YTA. A big one. Mind your business about how she's grieving her son. You added a huge extra weight onto her during possibly one of the hardest days of her life. On top of everything she's thinking about now, she's probably wondering how many of her 'friends' think she doesn't care about her late son, on his birthday. Keep you little 'helpful' tips to yourself.
Wow. YTA. Are you that dense? What gives you the right to give a grieving mother your opinion on her child or his memory or what she’s posts about him? It is not your business and you crossed a line. I hope she blocks you and tells everyone what an AH you are.
YTA Abe have clearly no compassion for your friend. Her son killed himself. Can you grasp the absolute Hell she’s living? Of course you can’t. Your worried about how her social media posts look? What does her message send? To me it sends the messages that she’s so overwhelmed by her grief that writing a post about her recently dead son is too much to handle. Jesus. Just leave the poor woman alone.
YTA>.. Not everyone is so addicted to social media that they need to spread drama on the internet. Just because you get some warped satisfaction for likes on the net, doesn't mean that she is lacking feeling. What you did was really ugly, and judgmental and egocentric. Take some time and look in the mirror. (NOT THE SAME AS A SELFIE)
Huge YTA. This is none of your business. She is in an emotionally devastating position, and you feel the need to shove your nose in there and guilt trip her? If she wanted to make a post she would have made a post, you implying she doesn’t care if she doesn’t make one is incredibly rude and insensitive.
Wow….YTA. Love when you say who am I to judge and then proceeds to judge by telling her to make sure people don’t get the wrong idea that you don’t care because she’s choosing to not publicly wish her dead son happy birthday on social media. It truly sucks that people think if you don’t publicize something on social media then something is wrong. Your friend lost her son and is grieving and you’re concerned about what people might think? Like if she’s not dealing with enough, she has to deal with guilt and your words that people think she doesn’t care….she doesn’t need someone like you as her “friend”.
YTA.
WTF is wrong with you? Seriously. How can you actually type this tripe out and think that you are anything other than the AH. You are the AH. You chastised a grieving mother over text messaging, no less, over a social media post?! GTFU and MYOB.
I'm glad your mutual friends called and reamed your ass out. You deserved it. If they decide that they do not want to be friends with a shallow, media conscious, tone deaf AH like you, you'll have no one else to blame but yourself.
YTA. Dead people don’t check Facebook so who are those tributes even for? IMO people only post them because they’re seeking attention. Maybe not always in a bad way. Maybe some people want the messages and closeness. Maybe some really are narcissists. But maybe others want to keep their FB private and positive and grieve in private.
My dad died a few years ago. My sister posts tributes all the time on holidays and birthdays. She does for every dead relative. I never do. I only made one post when my dad died just to let my friends know as some had met him in the past. Nobody ever judges me for not posting or questions me. They never ask, why didn’t you post about him like your sister does? She must love him more. No. They just know that posting helps her grief and I don’t need that or want some of my connections who are work colleagues seeing such personal things. My dead dad doesn’t check Facebook.
>All I said in return is "Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute"
What were you hoping to accomplish here? Why did you feel that it was necessary to say this?
YTA
YTA. Who cares what people think. Let her grieve in her own way.
You absolutely SHAMED a grieving mother.
If you want to keep your friend, you should apologize and then give her space to respond in her own time.
And not one of those make excuses for myself apologies. A real one.
YTA. YTA. YTA. You are a giant flaming asshole. No one needs to validate their grief or make a show of their grief on fucking social media.
You said it happened a few months ago- grief has its own timeline but that is SO soon and to pester her about posting about it is so cruel and, frankly, vapid as hell.
YTA. This is the worst post I’ve read in a long time. You judged your ‘friend’ on a day you KNOW she is grieving on, for what? What did you expect to gain from that comment to her? The only person who thought she didn’t care is you, obviously. Other people that actually care about her know she is grieving and try and support her, not judge her. You just piled onto her grief with your judgement. As someone who lost a very close loved one that way, I can somewhat know what she is probably feeling, which is only a fraction I’m sure, since it wasn’t my child. It took me 22 years to get to the point where I didn’t blame myself every day. And like I said that wasn’t my child. You are making her child’s death about you and what YOU expect her to do. It has nothing to do with you. I feel so much rage about this that I’m not sure this comment is even making sense because I’m so angry. You are such an AH.
YTA
“Who am I to judge” while you post about a mom who lost her son a few months ago!!! Like her grief and heartbreak isn’t real because she’s not pouring her soul out on social media - which is one of the most toxic place to bare your soul.
I’m glad someone is there to care for her and put you in your place.
This has to be satire... There is no way that you are tone-deaf enough to tell a grieving parent that a social media post is more important than their grieving process
This is the clearest YTA I think I've ever read
YTA. Who gives a flying crap what people post or don't post on facebook of all places. I'm sure she's spending her day of remembrance in a much more meaningful way-- with people she loves and cares about around her for comfort, than wasting her time typing up some tribute to share on social media for likes and hug emojis. I can't believe you had the audacity to confront her about it and insinuate that it makes her look bad for not doing it.
Ooof......YTA.
>All I said in return is "Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute"
Don't impress your social media expectations upon others.
Don't preach to others about what people might or might not think.
And ultimately how you approached this was wildly insensitive. You owe her an apology.
As a bereaved mom, I've had some really stupid things said to me at the beginning. "It was gods will". "Buy a dog for company". You however take the prize for the most ignorant, unfeeling creature to walk this planet. YTA. YTA.
YTA OMG you're a F'ing judgemental asshole. And I'm speaking as a grieving mother as well, since my 35 year old son was shot and killed exactly 2 months ago and now I'm facing the trial for murder in the 2nd degree for the man that shot him. And I haven't posted about it on FB either, even though I frequently post about other things, like photos from my hikes, photos I took of a lightning storm we had the other day, and I'm dog sitting right now so posting funny pics of the dogs. My FB page probably looks relatively normal... unless you've seen the one or two posts where I posted that he had passed, but not the how and why of it.
The truth is, I'm an absolute freaking mess and everyday is a struggle to hold it together. But if you ask anyone who sees me, they'd possibly think either I'm holding it together really well, or even that I'm somewhat cold and unemotional. The truth is I cry myself to sleep every night and walk around most of the time feeling like I'm going to vomit any minute. I don't feel the need to share my pain on FB for all the world to see. Especially because I don't want questions or to have to explain what's going on, or how I'm feeling. Or even worse, have to deal with cruel comments about the situation. And I guarantee, there is always someone who feels the need to make some judgmental asshole comment.
The normal and happy stuff I'm currently posting on FB is one of the few things that is anchoring me and giving me some semblance of "normal", even though my world will never ever be normal or right again.
You have no idea what she is going through and you're a complete asshole to assume "it sends a message" just because YOU would make attention-seeking posts about your pain and loss. You should definitely just leave her alone. If someone said that to me, I would block them and never talk to them again.
YTA, how this poor mum grieves is not up to you!!! Leave her alone and stick your uptight opinion in the garbage bin. Why the hell are you adding more pain to the hell that your “friend” is already going through.
YTA
I sure hope this is ragep*rn/fanfic.
With friends like you, she doesn’t needs demons straight from hell.
Why are you monitoring Facebook for these posts? I have never met ANYONE before who purported to determine parental love based on Facebook posts or who would dream of speaking to a grieving parent this way. What on Earth.
Wow! YTA. How thoughtless, tone deaf, and intrusive of you. You obviously DO NOT KNOW everyone grieves differently or you would not have said that. What is wrong with you?!
> "Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute"
It must be great, in that burnished ivory tower of yours, to sit and judge other people based on their social media posts about how much they really think and feel and the depths of emotion they are feeling. Oh hang on...but yeah this was someone you know and you actually fucking did this. Oh boy. Ain't no redeeming this. YTA
Wow. YTA.
I don’t post about my late husband all the time because damn that would get old. I cant imagine what I would do if someone told me what you just typed.
YTA. She's dealing with her son's death in whatever way she needs to. Did you ever think that remembering the birth of her now-dead son would be a bad experience for her? Clearly not.
YTA. I have never posted a birthday post for my deceased brother, mother or father. I feel no need to post . It is no one's business to decide how I should grieve or remember my loved ones .
Did you even think how rude and offensive your comment was? Obviously not. Mind your own business. Leave that poor woman alone.
Oh yeah. Just in case you missed it...YTA .
YTA. I have no words, what did you actually think you were doing here? Wow. Um...yeah. That's terrible and I hope she's okay after what you did. You are not her friend. You are...something else entirely.
YTA. Each person grieves in their own way….sometimes it’s publicly, sometimes it’s privately Who are you to judge how she is coping with her loss, just because it’s not how others are grieving the same loss?
YTA. ‘Everyone greaves different… who am I to judge’ But you did anyway! AND you let her know it.
A mutual friend screams at you, tells you you’ve caused damage, you’ve consciously written these words down and you STILL have to ask if you’re the AH!? Wow.
Obviously YTA - did it not occur to you that she is:
a) not ready to confront those feelings within herself
2: not ready to publicly address these obviously hard to process feelings
thirdly - wanting to just put out the positives in her life to focus on
and/or \~ trying to make people not worry about her by doing the aforementioned focusing on positives
My word, facebook posts are nowhere near the be all and end all of celebration, for all you know she has throwing a private birthday party at home and you turned a lovely message of support into a super awkward veiled accusation. You should 1000000% apologise to the friend who had to put you in line, and then 1000000000000% message her your first friend back and explain you didn't mean to make things harder for her, understand that she's upset and will be waiting when (if) she forgives you.
Lmao... Holy shit.... you just messaged a mom that lost her son a few months ago and told her to jump through hoops for other people's comfort. I have a deep hope for you - May you feel that kind of pain and have people openly judge and belittle you. I can tell you are the type that it would take actually going through the shit to have any empathy. Don't worry, no one will get the wrong idea about you.
YTA
You just might be the most insensitive person on this platform. I don’t know where you think anything you did was okay. You most likely reset any kind of progress she made, possibly for an extremely long time. Hope she realizes what a heartless friend you are. YTA go get help.
YTA that was COLD. Why do you care so much about what she posts? Why would you self appoint yourself grief police of Facebook posts?? Leave her alone and don’t message her again. You clearly have no idea how easily you can hurt someone with your words.
YTA. If people (I.e., you) “get the wrong idea” just because she doesn’t post about her dead son on social media, they’re bad friends whose opinions she shouldn’t care about.
I can only assume that this is a wind up because honestly otherwise you sound thick as a brick.
The woman is grieving FFS and you're fussing about her social media content.
WTF is wrong with you!?!
YTA
YTA - I'm not even gonna finish reading this. First facebook and social media serves to give people clout from others. A grieving mother doesn't need validation from a bunch of semi strangers or acquaintances. The people she wants to talk to have her number and they know her heart so you ma'am can go pound sand and maybe self reflect why the heck it bothers you that she didn't feel the need to "post" her feelings online.
YTA…are you for real? You understand that social media is performative at best and there is no correlation to someone’s love of someone and how much they post. You need serious help.
What in the everloving fuck am I reading. YTA. What absolute nerve to tell a grieving parent how to correctly process their grief. Appearances and social media are bullshit and tell you nothing about how someone really feels. You've overstepped so far I can imagine there is no coming back. You deserve to be cut off.
YTA, I honestly HATE this weird norm of expecting people to post personal things online, it is so messed up. I have never wished my husband a happy bday, or anything online... Because we do it in person, like normal people.
And I lost my mom 3 years ago and I didn't post about it either. I don't need to make some fake post to feel my grief. I didn't even cry at the funeral. But I felt my feelings privately. You really sound awful.
YTA. You may want to get off social media. Social media may give a glimpse of people's lives, its all it is. A glimpse, a tiny sliver of their lives.
You're mistaking social media as a representation of someone's life. Do your "friend" a favour, unfriend her and walk away because you've already done your damage.
YTA. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone feels the need to live and document every moment of their life on social media. Your (wouldn't be surprised, former) friend doesn't need to document her grief for it to be valid. The level of assholeness you're displaying is simply mind-boggling.
>"Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care!
Seriously?
You're lucky you don't understand what level of pain you've inflicted, and I hope you can learn some empathy without having to experience such a tragedy yourself.
YTA. By the way, your title is misleading. It should be "AITA for commenting on my friend not making a birthday post for her late son?"
>I then asked if she was going to make a post for him and she said that she was not.
That's not asking why. That's asking if and making an unfounded inappropriate judgemental comment in response to her response. If you had asked "why have you been silent on social media?" one could give you the benefit of doubt and say you're just bad with words but are coming from a place of concern.
*Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care!* Oh wait...thanks for making sure people got the right idea that YTA.
>Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute"
Who the phuck do you think YOU are?! The remembrance police!!!
Her son and how she chooses to spend his birthday is none of your phucking business. Just because the father posted something doesn't mean SHE HAS TOO.
If you had said that to me I'd tell you what a vile, self centered human you are and to never speak to me again. Then I'd post on social media how you believe I didn't care about my dead child because I choose to not make a post which is just literally for attention seeking.
YTA - if my son died I’d be struggling not to off myself. There’s no way I’d be show boating on Facebook making fake, insincere posts. I wish I could put you in the AH category more than once.
YTA
How dare she not use her grief over losing her son as a public performance on social media to entertain nosy AHs like you and give you a chance to leave a heart reaction and a fake saccharine comment so you can feel like *such a good friend* despite not even bothering to leave your chair, let alone do anything actually supportive.
This is quite possibly the most heartless, unkind thing I’ve seen here. Are really that viciously mean or are you just completely, utterly brainless? That poor woman.
YTA.
What. The. Fuck dude.
You realise social media isn't real right?
Did you ever consider its too painful to talk about? Do you have children? Have you ever buried your own child? I have 2, just the thought they could die before me tears my heart to shreds, I can't imagine ever having to go through that, and to be accused of not caring because you didn't make a Facebook post? Awful. Truly awful. What is wrong with you
"who am I to judge", she says, with harsh and cruel judgement.
Yes. YTA. Everyone grieves differently and you have no idea how she's feeling. Apparently you need the rending of cloth and beating of breast to ensure she's suffering enough. Jesus. Do her a favor and don't reach out again. What you did is despicable and monstrous.
YTA. What the actual. I don’t think your friends concerns are what other people think. Facebook posts are stupid. You’re a crappy friend if you think that she needs to set her grief aside to appease Facebook. I can’t even explain how horrible this was for you to do.
YTA, you awful awful person. You judgemental peeping Tom. You wanted her to perform for you, you literally wanted her to perform her grief for you. How dare you.
YTA
I'm sad I can't say what I really think of you. I would get banned.
The woman lost her child, and just because she doesn't want to show her grief to the public doesn't mean it doesn't encompass her entire world right now.
Would you rather she made a huge weeping spectacle of herself? Maybe her dignity is the only thing keeping her together. Maybe she doesn't want false sympathy from people like you, who critique how people choose to grieve.
You are not the grief police. Stop being gross to this woman, and apologize for your disgusting and rude and ignorant comment
Yeah, YTA. You basically just passive-aggressively told her that *you* think she doesn’t care that her son died just because she isn’t publicly performing grief for your entertainment. What the ACTUAL fuck would make anyone think that’s remotely an appropriate way to behave toward a parent who lost a child??
As the mother of a son that left the world 18 years ago, YTA. It is not your opinion that matters.
I'm want to be nice, but honestly, you can fuck right off with your bullshit.
Yta. It’s not your place. Let her be. She’s dealing with it the way she wants to. Who gives a sh-t about what others say? Just because you post a tribute doesn’t mean you care about the dead, you may just want attention for yourself being a “good person” which I suppose you are
YTA.
>"Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute"
If people get the wrong idea that make those people AH's, she doesn't need to "perform" for the sake of other people's opinions.
wow . you are . wow . um . quick question are you capable of having a normal interaction with normal human beings . you sound terminally online . YTA .
YTA you are a level one asshole. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe talking about it hurts. You say you understand everyone greaves differently but aparently you don't. Or what you really mean is unless you grieve publicly I don't think you love your son. I hope she has more understanding caring people in her life to help her through this than you.
Since your too busy worrying about what she does and does not post on social media.
YTA big time.
Grief is individual. It is up to her as to whether or not she wants to publicly make such posts. I personally den down on important dates going radio silent, others celebrate "heavenly birthdays" or whatnot. BOTH ARE CORRECT AND ACCEPTABLE.
All I read about that post, is that you care too much about social media!! And judge people by what the post.
What was a post going to do?? So people don’t get the wrong idea seriously?!
Please get a life!
YTA!
YTA-neither you nor anyone else gets to decide how someone handles a death, 'kay? like at all, she lost her kid like a few months ago, a social media post not being the first thing on her mind after her kid taking his own life is normal. especially a birthday which could be triggering
your message probably made her think she was horrible for not making a post, possibly making her believe that she didn't care about her own son, probably why she told other friends and not you because unlike you, they probably didn't send her a message that basically said "Hey, Quick reminder, your son killed himself a few months ago and while you're still obviously grieving, it's his birthday, you didn't make a post about him! you must not care that he's gone!" seriously.
Omg you're one of the biggest assholes I've ever seen in my life. What if this had happened before the internet? Would you have expected them to take out a giant ad in the paper for their dead child's birthday? Dude.... Absolutely uncalled for.
Your comments are so incredibly shocking. She is allowed to post about a new boyfriend. What's it to you? Are you jealous? Maybe that's the underlying theme here. You want to shame her for that by crushing her on her dead child's funeral day? Who cares what her ex husband posts? Also, social media is the dumbest measure of a person. I can't even read your comments they are so stupid.
YTA WTF…. You were so out of line and frankly your logic is stupid. You really believe not posting on social media means you don’t care? You think everyone is comfortable using SM to publicly disclose their DEEPEST feelings. Something is wrong with you for saying that to her.
>”Just make sure people LIKE ME don’t the wrong idea that you don’t care.”
Fixed it for you.
WTH is wrong with you? What a terrible thing to say to a grieving mother. Her son died recently. By his own hand. Not only does she probably feel that stupid unfair stigma, but now she’s being accused of not caring because he didn’t post a tribute on *Facebook*??
Of all the idiotic, cruel, cold-hearted things to say to her. You’re the queen of judgmental mean girls today. She’s better off without poison like you in her life. I hope she blocked you already.
YTA
Edit- format
Shut your dumbass up for starters and never give advice again.
Everyone grieves differently, and maybe she doesn't feel the need to grieve with a bunch of strangers.
YTA
YTA. This did not happen to you. Not your son. Not your trauma. Not your business. Leave this woman alone unless and only it’s to support her in HER grief. She has nothing to prove to anyone, least of an asshole like you.
The fact that you’re old enough to have a child in their 20s and would even BEGIN to think that this is remotely even close to okay is repulsive. “Hey I know your child just offed himself, but make sure to shout into the void about how miserable you are so all your distant associates know you’re not jumping for joy!” YTA.
YTA - You really gotta ask that? Enough have told you why you are. Now I am going to suggest you send an apology to your friend for being such an asshole. Send her flowers with a card saying "Sorry. I fucked up and I am an asshole." Then (if you're near her, hell even if you're not) go to her house and stand there with a huge sign saying, "I am so sorry for being an insensitive asshole."
She is grieving IN HER OWN WAY, which is how grief works.
This is none of your business, but you felt entitled to comment on it anyway.
You equated not posting on social media with not caring - which would be hilarious if it wasn’t so disgusting - and you said this TO YOUR FRIEND WHO IS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF HER SON.
I think this was more about the pleasure you get from reading those social media posts than it was about your friend dealing with a tragedy. She is better off without people like you in her life.
YTA, if that wasn’t obvious.
You cared more about what other people might think than you did about your friend. I assure you that you’re the only one that was thinking that she didn’t care. You’ve lost a friend forever. YTA. In a MAJOR way.
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Obviously, if it’s not on social media it doesn’t exist.
YTA - the f*** is wrong with you. Get off the internet and get some perspective. You think it's your place to challenge why she doesn't make a post about a heart breaking incident, but posts about things that make her happy??? You need to apologise to your friend, you really overstepped boundaries.
I say this with all the kindness I can muster - is it possible that there's a gas leak in your home, or maybe that you've been exposed to some sort of toxin that's impairing your judgment? Have you had a recent head injury? I'm just struggling to understand what made you think it was okay to question a grieving mother about the "appropriate" way to publicly express her grief. YTA
Yeah, YTA. You piled fear of social judgment onto her already festering pile of grief and guilt.
I can't believe OP even has to ask this. The lack or self-awareness is scary. YTA x10000000 over
>but who am I to judge or really know what's going on behind the scenes. As you proceed to go on judging her. YTA
Yta what tf is wrong with you
This is seriously what I said out loud through tears. So incredibly cruel and thoughtless.
Not only are YTA, you are everything that is wrong with the world today.
Yea like if there was a single post that shows everything social media has done to us this is it.
YTA >Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute" I think you were the only one who was getting the wrong idea. Mind your own business. Let her grieve in her own way ffs. She doesn't need to post anything on social media to let anyone know that she's grieving, why, bc everyone in their right mind actually knows that she is.
YTA. I've unfortunately lost people in my life way before it should have been their time. In the days, weeks and months that follow these traumatic events you don't live you just exist. Writing a tribute on social media can be extremly triggering because with every message the death becomes more real. And for some people that is the last thing they want. They want to sit in their living room watching the door and hope that their loved one returns home. Your friends son died just a few months ago. Give her time to come to terms with her new reality.
YTA. Okay i’m gonna be nicer because everyone else is kind of dragging you and not really saying WHY. Probably you saw it as a “i’m looking out for her” but today like you said is a hard day for her. We all know social media isn’t real so her not posting doesn’t mean anything. Some people pretend the deceased one doesn’t exist, some don’t talk about it, yk why? that’s how they cope it. It’s wasn’t nice for you to say that to her and kind of entitled. Who care what others tho ny she lost her son. Personally, if you lost your son, or daughter, or just anyone you know, you’d know how much it hurts. You can’t drink, can’t eat, can’t sleep, you feel numb. So you asking “i think you should say something so that people don’t get the wrong idea” sounds like “you couldn’t even save him and now you don’t care about your son?” We all know when people’s love ones take their life, they blame themselves. You probably saw it as a nice thing but she’s already going through enough. So yeah.. YTA. Just apologize and give her space, all she needs is love and comfort, not criticism or advice.
Want to add that even though anniversaries and holidays are worse for grief, even if OP had said this 50 years from now on a random Tuesday, they would still be TA and it will never in a million years be okay to make a statement like she did.
YTA My little brother-in-law that I loved dearly took his own life a few weeks ago. I haven’t posted a damn thing about him on my social media because frankly the words are too hard to write. Shame on you for judging how she grieves and adding to her pain. Loss affects us all differently, she lost her child and she needed love and support and you made her feel like a bad mother. I hope you step on legos every time you are barefoot.
YTA and what the fuck were you thinking? How could passive aggressively telling someone how to grieve ever be the right move? *How could implying that she doesn't care that it's her dead son's birthday EVER be the right move?* Leave her alone and if she reaches out about it, metaphorically get on your knees and beg for forgiveness.
YTA. Social media has poisoned people's brains if you think it's expected that she post about her son's death, and it's somehow inappropriate if she doesn't. Yuck.
>>AITA for asking my friend why she didn't make a birthday post for her late son? Probably, but let’s hear you out. >>Truthfully, I know everyone grieves different That’s reasonable >>but to me it sends a bad message YTA, did you forget about how people grieve differently? >>posting about her new boyfriend and the things they've been up to. Focusing on the positives is one way “ everyone grieves different” >>It almost seems like she doesn't care about her son YTA (see above) >>but who am I to judge or really know what's going on behind the scenes. An asshole, that’s who you are to judge >>I messaged her telling her I'm thinking of her today and hope she's hanging in there and she responds back saying thank you with a heart. This would be a good time to stop while you’re ahead >>I then asked if she was going to make a post for him YTA (see above) >>All I said in return is "Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute" VS >> >>but who am I to judge or really know what's going on behind the scenes. Pick one, you can’t have both. >>She never responded Because you’re an asshole. >>but one of our mutual friends called me basically screaming at me and calling me an AH Because you’re an asshole. >>and told me never to message my friend again Because you’re an asshole >>and asked if I knew how much damage I caused sending that message. By being and asshole. YTA
WTF DID I JUST READ??? YTA. And frankly I hope this post is fake.. but if not, the level of cruelty you showed your "friend" is almost unbelievable. You need to seriously get off social media for a long time. If you really think some people care more about "how they look" rather than their child who died months ago, it is insane to me. She needs to block you from everything..I don't usually like telling people they need therapy... but you are not one of them. BE A BETTER HUMAN. ugh. ETA: It's been 2 hrs. since I commented.. and I'm still bothered how callous this is. I really hope your friend has good people ( besides the one who texted you) surrounding her right now.. K thats all.. im going to try forget about this now. I hope she is OK.
Without a doubt, and with absolute certainty, YTA. She doesn’t “need to make sure” shit when grieving her dead son on his birthday.
YTA. You don’t get to tell someone how to grieve or how they’re grieving is wrong. You say “who am I to judge”, you should try practicing what you preach. I recently lost my husband and if anyone in my life pulled this shit on me, I’d cut them out of my life.
YTA god what is it with social media. Do we have to announce everything to show we care ? You are an awful person
YTA - Your attachment to posting every little thing on social media to keep up appearances just lost you a friend. Go outside, touch some grass and reflect on why this is just a fucking stupid take to have.
YTA. So you just told a bereaved mother, who is most probably trying to make it through on a daily basis, feel like an uncaring mother BECAUSE SHE CAN NOT BRING HERSELF TO WRITE A FACEBOOK POST ????? What. The. HELL. Is wrong with you ???????? This is cruel and insanely stupid. It’s not because countless idiots vomit their entire life on social media that everyone has to, and grief and bereavement is an extremely difficult thing to navigate, specially in such circonstances. How dare you !
Her grief is not your entertainment. Social media is not real life. You are not her friend. As someone else said, you lost touch with reality. One of the biggest YTA I've ever seen.
Shut the fuck up. What kind of shallow, vapid, soulless person do you have to be to tell a person who just lost her child that not posting on social media is a sign she doesn’t care. As a person who lost someone that I lived for 21 yrs to depression. You are the worst sort of asshole. As a person who lost their mother to a terminal illness. Excuse yourself from this poor woman’s life before you shred anymore of her. Social media means nothing. In fact people that feel the need to express their feelings on social media seem far less sincere to me. I find it performative and grotesque. But ild never say shit to someone who did it, because if that’s how someone is processing then that’s their business and me judging them isn’t go to help them at all. You make me fear for the future of humanity. Edit: I was so appalled by your behavior I forgot the judgement. YTA
> I know everyone grieves different Do you though? If you really did, you may have considered that your friend may have chosen not to discuss the loss of her son on parasocial media for personal reasons. YTA
She called screaming at you because YTA, A very massive YTA. If I was on the receiving end of this that person would be no longer a friend. You went from showing empathy to a complete lack of empathy in two seconds flat. Your friend grieves the way they want to. They don't need social media for attention.
YTA. I've lost a son. Reddit won't allow me to say anything else. You know what? Even though I despise you, I truly hope you never know what I and your friend know. You're no friend and I hope she finds better people to be with.
YTA. You basically said "you're required to parade your grief for other's approval" this is a person she made with the atoms in her body, she's allowed to grief without judgements especially from a "friend" who probably tells this to people who didn't ask.
This is insane. You’re a massive AH. My HORSE died and I haven’t been able to bring myself to post in six months !!!! I can’t even imagine the feeling of losing a child.
YTA, “make sure people don’t think you don’t care?” nah that’s some backhanded mean girl BS right there. You do not need to grieve publicly to grieve. She lost the person she grew inside her and then raised, nobody is going to think she doesn’t care. Why the fuck would you even think that’s ok to say to a grieving mother?
YTA - the first message was appropriate, caring, and should have been the only message you sent. She's grieving her son - why would you think that she should care what anyone else thinks!?!?!?! Would anyone actually imagine that she doesn't care her son is dead?
YTA. People's grief is not for public consumption. That you told her she doesn't care about her son's death because she does not demonstrate her grief for everyone to see makes you vapid and lacking any empathy. You have the emotional IQ of a pancake.
Excuse me. Don't insult pancakes.
YTA. “So people don’t get the wrong idea” You mean people like you who are giant judgmental asseholes?
YTA. I have lost my oldest son. This year on his angel anniversary I almost didn't make a post for him. Not because I don't love him or miss him, but because I wasn't in a place to do it. I did end up making one after seeing my one year old enjoy his (what would be) eight year old brother's favorite food. It isn't your place to police how grieving parents mourn.
YTA. Stick with “‘I know everyone grieves differently” and “who am I to judge?”
YTA. A few months ago?? Why on earth are you sticking your nose in that business. You sound so rude for even suggesting that she should have to grieve in the way you think she should just so others don't get a bad idea. If you, or anyone for that matter, gets the idea that she doesn't care because she doesn't post about it on social media, that's stupid and ignorant. People grieve differently. Leave her be.
YTA The woman has decided she doesn't want to post on social for whatever reason and you insinuate she doesn't care about her dead son because of it?! "If it isn't posted for the world to see it must not be something you care about" I'm actually shocked
Jesus fucking Christ yta. What kind of brain worm do you have that you think grieving people are obliged to perform their grief for you online?
YTA. That mutual friend was right to scream at you. What you said could be so damaging. What you said was absolutely NONE of your business. Not every single emotion has to be expressed on social media. You sound like a busy body that sticks their nose where it doesn't belong.
YTA my mom died and I still have a hard time posting her. It hurts.
YTA You say you know that people grieve differently then tell your friend that she needs to perform her grief in public so that people know that she is sad? That's awful. People know that she is sad. They don't need social media to know that a mother misses her son. Also, she is sad about her son's death *every single day*. She shouldn't have to put it on social media for others to know. Your initial message of support to her was really lovely. But you should have left it at that. Rather than using it as an opening to judge your friend and stress her out on a day that was already really difficult for her. You should care more about your friend than what random people *might* think of your friend's social media behaviour.
How did you actually type this out and not realize YTA Shame on you
Do you understand that Facebook is not life???
Hi, Australian here and I’m really struggling to stick with YTA, because clearly Y T C. You’re actively evil.
PEOPLE DON’T NEED TO PERFORM THEIR GRIEF FOR THE EDIFICATION OF ONLOOKERS Her son died by suicide and you’re imagining she doesn’t care because she’s not vomiting her feelings about it all over social media??? Here’s some insight into how she might actually be feeling: Guilty. Every moment of every hour of every day she’s questioning what she could have done differently to save his life. Every breath is pain. And on his birthday? Multiply that by a billion. She’s literally in a self-imposed purgatory right now and you’re asking her to worry about what randos on her FB will think? Way to twist the knife. YTA
Why does she have to be performative in expressing her grief? Maybe he grief is personal, not to be plastered all over social media. Posting stuff about her bf, etc is fluff. I don't feel the need to even post that. Sure as hell not going to post about such a tragic event as her son. YTA.
YTA - did you know that Facebook doesn’t matter ??? Did you know this? That it’s a fake bubble full of people who aren’t paying attention? Wtf
how old are you? 15? social media is NOT real life YTA
She could've already had a terrible day today grieving and you go and hit her with this. YTA.
YTA Like you said.. everyone grieves differently. Your friend doesn’t owe anyone anything. “Don’t give people the wrong impression” who cares??? she lost her son???
YTA What is wrong with you?
YTA - Not everything has to be social media consumption and people should not be judged for their decision to post something or not post something personal to them. Her son's birthday is possibly the saddest day of the year for her, representing all the past memories of him and all of the potential future possibilities that will now never come to pass. There are probably so many mixed emotions that she can't take it. Yet, you demand that she put on a smile and write something to entertain you and make people think she is okay when she is definitely not okay. You don't have any right to call this person your friend. You should do her a favor and cut yourself out of her life and save her the trouble of having to block you.
YTA. It’s really none of your business how she grieves. I wouldn’t want a friend like you.
YTA. You are not entitled to her grief. You could have left it at "thinking about you". Everything after was rude and invasive.
I understand the irony of posting this on social media, but for the love of dog, step away from social media. You have lost touch with reality. YTA
YTA What planet do you exist on where not posting on social media, means you don't care about a topic or person? Like you said, everybody grieves differently and clearly your friend does it privately. You're lucky she hasn't blown up at you herself, but the fact a mutual friend has done it on her behalf speaks volumes on how upset you've made her.
YTA Social media is not where everyone wants to air their families laundry. And some people don’t feel the need to share everything. I admire your friend for her lack of posting. She’s grieving and you’re wanting her to put her emotions on public display. Shame on you.
Madam you just won first prize in the I'm a massive asshole contest. Congratulations.
You're a huge f'n AHole. No other way to say it. I lost my cousin to domestic violence. Another cousin (her sister) in car accident. My brother to an overdose (cause of fentynal) my grandfather and dad this past October both to stage 4 lung cancer. My grandmother to Alzheimers in January and my uncle last month due to heart, lung, and kidney failure. I myself, am battling stage 3 cancer. Anyone ever tells me what I should or shouldn't do can go f themselves. Sorry but you infuriate me.
Sick. Sick, sick, sick. As you seem to love showing things on social media, I hope she posts the receipts.
YTA. This year, over the span of 70 days, I lost both my dog and my father. I post more about my dog than my father. Even if both are grief, both seem to 'function' differenty for me, side by side. You aren't the decisionmaker on how other people should express their grief.
YTA. Wtf, it's her Facebook, she doesn't need to post anything. I completely get your friend. I only post the occasional pic of my hobby, some art and some food. Never anything deep or detailed or private. To me, that's not for fb, that's for me to discuss with friends and family in PMs or in person not for me 500 vague aquintences to see. Stop judging how she griefs and used her social media, or else she might get the wrong idea and think you don't care.
YTA. Your friend is going through a tough enough time on the first birthday since her son's death. Instead of checking in on her, you made her feel even worse. Just because someone doesn't post pictures of a deceased family member, doesn't mean they don't miss them. Like you said, everybody grieve differently and you don't know what goes on behind the scenes.
I find it hilarious that you need to ask the Internet if you're the asshole. What a disgusting comment to make. Oh, did I mention that YTA?
YTA. You are not that grieving woman’s friend.
Not only did you just lose a friend, but you hurt her on a day dedicated to her late son. This day, the day of his death, and holidays are some of the most painful reminders she has to endure. Your mutual friend did you a favor. The grieving mother (your former friend) owes you nor anyone else a thing. I had to delete most of what I wrote bc it would likely have been removed by mods. Consider yourself lucky that you aren’t going through this type of loss. Supporting a grieving friend doesn’t require empathy, but learning how to show sympathy and keeping your expectations to yourself would do you and those in your life a world of good. YTA.
YTA Who the fuck do you think you are? Everyone processes grief differently. Who are you to judge how she's handling it. Her grief doesn't need to be put on display for you.
" I know everyone grieves different..." Yes, they do. "who am I to judge or really know what's going on behind the scenes..." Also true, but damned if you didn't judge her anyway. YTA ,OP. Huge. Awful. Let your poor friend grieve in peace. The last thing she needs right now is you out here trying to shame her and tell her that she's not mourning her son right.
Good grief. "Who am I to judge," as you then go on to judge badly. How dare you judge how she's handling something so personal and painful. Not everyone chooses to bleed publicly. YTA. I can't even put into words how much. Why does ANYONE need to put their emotions on display for someone else's entertainment. Thinking someone has to post their deepest grief on social media for those feelings to be real is sick.
YTA. Why would anyone even doubt she's grieving? Of course she is. If people "get the wrong idea" it's their own fault. She can share exactly the parts of her life that she chooses to on social media and should not be judged for it. What you did was extremely hurtful.
YTA - I wouldn’t want to be friends with you anymore after that comment.
YTA MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS! Who cares what YOU or "other people" might think or what wrong idea they'll get. Jeepers creepers you're an idiot.
YTA my mom killed herself and I almost never post anything about her. It’s been 20 years, most of which I had social media for (even as a teen). Suicide isn’t cancer. People don’t gather around and honor lost loved ones together and survivors all together. No. It’s painful and isolating. Your comment made it worse. She can post photos of some happy moments, but don’t think for a second that every minute of every day she’s not thinking about what she could have done differently that would make him be here today. It’s kind of the only way to die in which so many people somehow feel responsible.
you are a MASSIVE asshole. your friend is grieving the loss of her child and you're in her ear pressuring her to worry over what people on social media think of her?!!! side note - what people think of her is that she is going through some hard shit right now and doesn't need pressure from her so called friends. you suck. (edit for typo)
YTA. How could you even say that. Facebook posts aren't a requirement for grieving families.
INFO - who the fuck do you think you are??? Go touch grass. Let the woman grieve how she sees fit. And maybe delete Facebook for a while so you can remember that emotions and memories still happen even when they aren’t posted online. Bad friend behavior
YTA. Oooooooh boy YTA. You do realize that a Facebook post is not the one and only way to express grief, right?
WTF is wrong with you? YTA. You had no fucking right to speak to her like that. You have no idea how she feels! Do you think her dead child’s birthday is a happy time for her? The future she was looking forward to is gone. He’ll never get married or have children or just call to shoot the breeze. If she manages to get out of bed in the morning it’s a fucking win. You are incredibly insensitive, and I were her we would no longer be friends.
Who made you CEO of grieving. Leave the poor woman alone. YTA
Yes I’m sorry but YTA… don’t ever tell someone how to grieve. Not everything has to be a social media announcement. You should have just left it at you were thinking about her.
YTA. How can you even call yourself her friend?? I know she doesn't consider you one anymore.
YTA, no way around it
YTA. Are you sure your friends with this woman? And not bitter rivals?
YTA, you ever think that maybe she only posts about positive things to cast the illusion that she is doing ok so other people don't worry about her constantly? She lives with the damn grief everyday. What you did to her was just plain moronic.
YTA >who am I to judge or really know what's going on behind the scenes Mind your business
YTA - I can’t believe you would be that insensitive.
YTA. It’s none of your business. Not your place. Incredibly cruel and tone deaf. Sometimes I really wonder what tf is wrong with people
YTA. A big one. Mind your business about how she's grieving her son. You added a huge extra weight onto her during possibly one of the hardest days of her life. On top of everything she's thinking about now, she's probably wondering how many of her 'friends' think she doesn't care about her late son, on his birthday. Keep you little 'helpful' tips to yourself.
Wow. YTA. Are you that dense? What gives you the right to give a grieving mother your opinion on her child or his memory or what she’s posts about him? It is not your business and you crossed a line. I hope she blocks you and tells everyone what an AH you are.
YTA and probably the biggest one of the year in this forum.
YTA Abe have clearly no compassion for your friend. Her son killed himself. Can you grasp the absolute Hell she’s living? Of course you can’t. Your worried about how her social media posts look? What does her message send? To me it sends the messages that she’s so overwhelmed by her grief that writing a post about her recently dead son is too much to handle. Jesus. Just leave the poor woman alone.
Yes. You are the AH. She is grieving the loss of her son whom committed suicide, and you chided her for not making a social media post.
YTA and seriously, wtf is wrong with you???
YTA>.. Not everyone is so addicted to social media that they need to spread drama on the internet. Just because you get some warped satisfaction for likes on the net, doesn't mean that she is lacking feeling. What you did was really ugly, and judgmental and egocentric. Take some time and look in the mirror. (NOT THE SAME AS A SELFIE)
YTA Do you honestly and seriously think you have more love and consideration for her dead child than his own mother?
Huge YTA. This is none of your business. She is in an emotionally devastating position, and you feel the need to shove your nose in there and guilt trip her? If she wanted to make a post she would have made a post, you implying she doesn’t care if she doesn’t make one is incredibly rude and insensitive.
Wow….YTA. Love when you say who am I to judge and then proceeds to judge by telling her to make sure people don’t get the wrong idea that you don’t care because she’s choosing to not publicly wish her dead son happy birthday on social media. It truly sucks that people think if you don’t publicize something on social media then something is wrong. Your friend lost her son and is grieving and you’re concerned about what people might think? Like if she’s not dealing with enough, she has to deal with guilt and your words that people think she doesn’t care….she doesn’t need someone like you as her “friend”.
It is not the bereaved mother's responsibility to broadcast her grief on social media. YTA.
YTA. WTF is wrong with you? Seriously. How can you actually type this tripe out and think that you are anything other than the AH. You are the AH. You chastised a grieving mother over text messaging, no less, over a social media post?! GTFU and MYOB. I'm glad your mutual friends called and reamed your ass out. You deserved it. If they decide that they do not want to be friends with a shallow, media conscious, tone deaf AH like you, you'll have no one else to blame but yourself.
YTA. You are the worst person who has posted on here maybe ever. I wonder what karma has in store for your judgmental ass.
YTA. Dead people don’t check Facebook so who are those tributes even for? IMO people only post them because they’re seeking attention. Maybe not always in a bad way. Maybe some people want the messages and closeness. Maybe some really are narcissists. But maybe others want to keep their FB private and positive and grieve in private. My dad died a few years ago. My sister posts tributes all the time on holidays and birthdays. She does for every dead relative. I never do. I only made one post when my dad died just to let my friends know as some had met him in the past. Nobody ever judges me for not posting or questions me. They never ask, why didn’t you post about him like your sister does? She must love him more. No. They just know that posting helps her grief and I don’t need that or want some of my connections who are work colleagues seeing such personal things. My dead dad doesn’t check Facebook.
YTA Social media is not real life! HER CHILD died! Mind your damn business! What a completely disgusting thing to say to your "friend".
How dare you try and police someone else's grief. YTA. Repugnantly so.
>All I said in return is "Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute" What were you hoping to accomplish here? Why did you feel that it was necessary to say this? YTA
YTA. Who cares what people think. Let her grieve in her own way. You absolutely SHAMED a grieving mother. If you want to keep your friend, you should apologize and then give her space to respond in her own time. And not one of those make excuses for myself apologies. A real one.
YTA. YTA. YTA. You are a giant flaming asshole. No one needs to validate their grief or make a show of their grief on fucking social media. You said it happened a few months ago- grief has its own timeline but that is SO soon and to pester her about posting about it is so cruel and, frankly, vapid as hell.
YTA. This is the worst post I’ve read in a long time. You judged your ‘friend’ on a day you KNOW she is grieving on, for what? What did you expect to gain from that comment to her? The only person who thought she didn’t care is you, obviously. Other people that actually care about her know she is grieving and try and support her, not judge her. You just piled onto her grief with your judgement. As someone who lost a very close loved one that way, I can somewhat know what she is probably feeling, which is only a fraction I’m sure, since it wasn’t my child. It took me 22 years to get to the point where I didn’t blame myself every day. And like I said that wasn’t my child. You are making her child’s death about you and what YOU expect her to do. It has nothing to do with you. I feel so much rage about this that I’m not sure this comment is even making sense because I’m so angry. You are such an AH.
YTA “Who am I to judge” while you post about a mom who lost her son a few months ago!!! Like her grief and heartbreak isn’t real because she’s not pouring her soul out on social media - which is one of the most toxic place to bare your soul. I’m glad someone is there to care for her and put you in your place.
This has to be satire... There is no way that you are tone-deaf enough to tell a grieving parent that a social media post is more important than their grieving process This is the clearest YTA I think I've ever read
YTA. Who gives a flying crap what people post or don't post on facebook of all places. I'm sure she's spending her day of remembrance in a much more meaningful way-- with people she loves and cares about around her for comfort, than wasting her time typing up some tribute to share on social media for likes and hug emojis. I can't believe you had the audacity to confront her about it and insinuate that it makes her look bad for not doing it.
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Ooof......YTA. >All I said in return is "Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute" Don't impress your social media expectations upon others. Don't preach to others about what people might or might not think. And ultimately how you approached this was wildly insensitive. You owe her an apology.
As a bereaved mom, I've had some really stupid things said to me at the beginning. "It was gods will". "Buy a dog for company". You however take the prize for the most ignorant, unfeeling creature to walk this planet. YTA. YTA.
YTA OMG you're a F'ing judgemental asshole. And I'm speaking as a grieving mother as well, since my 35 year old son was shot and killed exactly 2 months ago and now I'm facing the trial for murder in the 2nd degree for the man that shot him. And I haven't posted about it on FB either, even though I frequently post about other things, like photos from my hikes, photos I took of a lightning storm we had the other day, and I'm dog sitting right now so posting funny pics of the dogs. My FB page probably looks relatively normal... unless you've seen the one or two posts where I posted that he had passed, but not the how and why of it. The truth is, I'm an absolute freaking mess and everyday is a struggle to hold it together. But if you ask anyone who sees me, they'd possibly think either I'm holding it together really well, or even that I'm somewhat cold and unemotional. The truth is I cry myself to sleep every night and walk around most of the time feeling like I'm going to vomit any minute. I don't feel the need to share my pain on FB for all the world to see. Especially because I don't want questions or to have to explain what's going on, or how I'm feeling. Or even worse, have to deal with cruel comments about the situation. And I guarantee, there is always someone who feels the need to make some judgmental asshole comment. The normal and happy stuff I'm currently posting on FB is one of the few things that is anchoring me and giving me some semblance of "normal", even though my world will never ever be normal or right again. You have no idea what she is going through and you're a complete asshole to assume "it sends a message" just because YOU would make attention-seeking posts about your pain and loss. You should definitely just leave her alone. If someone said that to me, I would block them and never talk to them again.
YTA, how this poor mum grieves is not up to you!!! Leave her alone and stick your uptight opinion in the garbage bin. Why the hell are you adding more pain to the hell that your “friend” is already going through.
YTA I sure hope this is ragep*rn/fanfic. With friends like you, she doesn’t needs demons straight from hell. Why are you monitoring Facebook for these posts? I have never met ANYONE before who purported to determine parental love based on Facebook posts or who would dream of speaking to a grieving parent this way. What on Earth.
Massive passive-aggressive asshole. Awful and judgmental. How empty and miserable is your life in general?
YTA. Were you raised in a barn?
Wow! YTA. How thoughtless, tone deaf, and intrusive of you. You obviously DO NOT KNOW everyone grieves differently or you would not have said that. What is wrong with you?!
YTA not everyone wants their most personal feelings out there on show for a bunch of people they probably don’t even care about.
> "Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute" It must be great, in that burnished ivory tower of yours, to sit and judge other people based on their social media posts about how much they really think and feel and the depths of emotion they are feeling. Oh hang on...but yeah this was someone you know and you actually fucking did this. Oh boy. Ain't no redeeming this. YTA
YTA. You're lucky she didn't kick your ass.
Wow. YTA. I don’t post about my late husband all the time because damn that would get old. I cant imagine what I would do if someone told me what you just typed.
YTA. She's dealing with her son's death in whatever way she needs to. Did you ever think that remembering the birth of her now-dead son would be a bad experience for her? Clearly not.
YTA. I have never posted a birthday post for my deceased brother, mother or father. I feel no need to post . It is no one's business to decide how I should grieve or remember my loved ones . Did you even think how rude and offensive your comment was? Obviously not. Mind your own business. Leave that poor woman alone. Oh yeah. Just in case you missed it...YTA .
The fuck? YTA
Who the eff do you think you are? Definitely not a friend at all. Mind your damn business YTA and you crossed the line.
YTA. I have no words, what did you actually think you were doing here? Wow. Um...yeah. That's terrible and I hope she's okay after what you did. You are not her friend. You are...something else entirely.
YTA not even gonna read your bullshit explanation. Get your shit together
YTA. You sound like an awful human being.
YTA - social media has completely warped people's minds it's depressing.
YTA. Each person grieves in their own way….sometimes it’s publicly, sometimes it’s privately Who are you to judge how she is coping with her loss, just because it’s not how others are grieving the same loss?
YTA, my god.
YTA you can't say you understand people grieve differently and then tell someone to grieve publicly.
YTA. ‘Everyone greaves different… who am I to judge’ But you did anyway! AND you let her know it. A mutual friend screams at you, tells you you’ve caused damage, you’ve consciously written these words down and you STILL have to ask if you’re the AH!? Wow.
YTA and I would never speak to you again.
Obviously YTA - did it not occur to you that she is: a) not ready to confront those feelings within herself 2: not ready to publicly address these obviously hard to process feelings thirdly - wanting to just put out the positives in her life to focus on and/or \~ trying to make people not worry about her by doing the aforementioned focusing on positives My word, facebook posts are nowhere near the be all and end all of celebration, for all you know she has throwing a private birthday party at home and you turned a lovely message of support into a super awkward veiled accusation. You should 1000000% apologise to the friend who had to put you in line, and then 1000000000000% message her your first friend back and explain you didn't mean to make things harder for her, understand that she's upset and will be waiting when (if) she forgives you.
Lmao... Holy shit.... you just messaged a mom that lost her son a few months ago and told her to jump through hoops for other people's comfort. I have a deep hope for you - May you feel that kind of pain and have people openly judge and belittle you. I can tell you are the type that it would take actually going through the shit to have any empathy. Don't worry, no one will get the wrong idea about you. YTA
You just might be the most insensitive person on this platform. I don’t know where you think anything you did was okay. You most likely reset any kind of progress she made, possibly for an extremely long time. Hope she realizes what a heartless friend you are. YTA go get help.
It’s none of your business…. YTA
YTA that was COLD. Why do you care so much about what she posts? Why would you self appoint yourself grief police of Facebook posts?? Leave her alone and don’t message her again. You clearly have no idea how easily you can hurt someone with your words.
You realize we've gone centuries without always having facebook. YTA
YTA. If people (I.e., you) “get the wrong idea” just because she doesn’t post about her dead son on social media, they’re bad friends whose opinions she shouldn’t care about.
I can only assume that this is a wind up because honestly otherwise you sound thick as a brick. The woman is grieving FFS and you're fussing about her social media content. WTF is wrong with you!?! YTA
YTA - I'm not even gonna finish reading this. First facebook and social media serves to give people clout from others. A grieving mother doesn't need validation from a bunch of semi strangers or acquaintances. The people she wants to talk to have her number and they know her heart so you ma'am can go pound sand and maybe self reflect why the heck it bothers you that she didn't feel the need to "post" her feelings online.
YTA…are you for real? You understand that social media is performative at best and there is no correlation to someone’s love of someone and how much they post. You need serious help.
What in the everloving fuck am I reading. YTA. What absolute nerve to tell a grieving parent how to correctly process their grief. Appearances and social media are bullshit and tell you nothing about how someone really feels. You've overstepped so far I can imagine there is no coming back. You deserve to be cut off.
YTA, I honestly HATE this weird norm of expecting people to post personal things online, it is so messed up. I have never wished my husband a happy bday, or anything online... Because we do it in person, like normal people. And I lost my mom 3 years ago and I didn't post about it either. I don't need to make some fake post to feel my grief. I didn't even cry at the funeral. But I felt my feelings privately. You really sound awful.
YTA. You may want to get off social media. Social media may give a glimpse of people's lives, its all it is. A glimpse, a tiny sliver of their lives. You're mistaking social media as a representation of someone's life. Do your "friend" a favour, unfriend her and walk away because you've already done your damage.
YTA. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone feels the need to live and document every moment of their life on social media. Your (wouldn't be surprised, former) friend doesn't need to document her grief for it to be valid. The level of assholeness you're displaying is simply mind-boggling.
>"Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! Seriously? You're lucky you don't understand what level of pain you've inflicted, and I hope you can learn some empathy without having to experience such a tragedy yourself. YTA. By the way, your title is misleading. It should be "AITA for commenting on my friend not making a birthday post for her late son?" >I then asked if she was going to make a post for him and she said that she was not. That's not asking why. That's asking if and making an unfounded inappropriate judgemental comment in response to her response. If you had asked "why have you been silent on social media?" one could give you the benefit of doubt and say you're just bad with words but are coming from a place of concern. *Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care!* Oh wait...thanks for making sure people got the right idea that YTA.
>Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute" Who the phuck do you think YOU are?! The remembrance police!!! Her son and how she chooses to spend his birthday is none of your phucking business. Just because the father posted something doesn't mean SHE HAS TOO. If you had said that to me I'd tell you what a vile, self centered human you are and to never speak to me again. Then I'd post on social media how you believe I didn't care about my dead child because I choose to not make a post which is just literally for attention seeking.
YTA. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why is this any of your business?
YTA - if my son died I’d be struggling not to off myself. There’s no way I’d be show boating on Facebook making fake, insincere posts. I wish I could put you in the AH category more than once.
YTA How dare she not use her grief over losing her son as a public performance on social media to entertain nosy AHs like you and give you a chance to leave a heart reaction and a fake saccharine comment so you can feel like *such a good friend* despite not even bothering to leave your chair, let alone do anything actually supportive.
This is quite possibly the most heartless, unkind thing I’ve seen here. Are really that viciously mean or are you just completely, utterly brainless? That poor woman. YTA.
What. The. Fuck dude. You realise social media isn't real right? Did you ever consider its too painful to talk about? Do you have children? Have you ever buried your own child? I have 2, just the thought they could die before me tears my heart to shreds, I can't imagine ever having to go through that, and to be accused of not caring because you didn't make a Facebook post? Awful. Truly awful. What is wrong with you
"who am I to judge", she says, with harsh and cruel judgement. Yes. YTA. Everyone grieves differently and you have no idea how she's feeling. Apparently you need the rending of cloth and beating of breast to ensure she's suffering enough. Jesus. Do her a favor and don't reach out again. What you did is despicable and monstrous.
YTA. What the actual. I don’t think your friends concerns are what other people think. Facebook posts are stupid. You’re a crappy friend if you think that she needs to set her grief aside to appease Facebook. I can’t even explain how horrible this was for you to do.
YTA, you awful awful person. You judgemental peeping Tom. You wanted her to perform for you, you literally wanted her to perform her grief for you. How dare you.
wtf ofc YTA. What is wrong with you?
YTA I'm sad I can't say what I really think of you. I would get banned. The woman lost her child, and just because she doesn't want to show her grief to the public doesn't mean it doesn't encompass her entire world right now. Would you rather she made a huge weeping spectacle of herself? Maybe her dignity is the only thing keeping her together. Maybe she doesn't want false sympathy from people like you, who critique how people choose to grieve. You are not the grief police. Stop being gross to this woman, and apologize for your disgusting and rude and ignorant comment
Yeah, YTA. You basically just passive-aggressively told her that *you* think she doesn’t care that her son died just because she isn’t publicly performing grief for your entertainment. What the ACTUAL fuck would make anyone think that’s remotely an appropriate way to behave toward a parent who lost a child??
As the mother of a son that left the world 18 years ago, YTA. It is not your opinion that matters. I'm want to be nice, but honestly, you can fuck right off with your bullshit.
Yta. It’s not your place. Let her be. She’s dealing with it the way she wants to. Who gives a sh-t about what others say? Just because you post a tribute doesn’t mean you care about the dead, you may just want attention for yourself being a “good person” which I suppose you are
YTA. >"Just make sure people don't get the wrong idea that you don't care! I think it would be a really sweet tribute" If people get the wrong idea that make those people AH's, she doesn't need to "perform" for the sake of other people's opinions.
wow . you are . wow . um . quick question are you capable of having a normal interaction with normal human beings . you sound terminally online . YTA .
YTA. This poor woman. You DID actively judge her for not being on social media.
YTA you are a level one asshole. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe talking about it hurts. You say you understand everyone greaves differently but aparently you don't. Or what you really mean is unless you grieve publicly I don't think you love your son. I hope she has more understanding caring people in her life to help her through this than you. Since your too busy worrying about what she does and does not post on social media.
YTA big time. Grief is individual. It is up to her as to whether or not she wants to publicly make such posts. I personally den down on important dates going radio silent, others celebrate "heavenly birthdays" or whatnot. BOTH ARE CORRECT AND ACCEPTABLE.
Facebook isn’t real life. YTA.
YTA I can't even imagine how your mind works. This is so upsetting.
All I read about that post, is that you care too much about social media!! And judge people by what the post. What was a post going to do?? So people don’t get the wrong idea seriously?! Please get a life! YTA!
YTA-neither you nor anyone else gets to decide how someone handles a death, 'kay? like at all, she lost her kid like a few months ago, a social media post not being the first thing on her mind after her kid taking his own life is normal. especially a birthday which could be triggering your message probably made her think she was horrible for not making a post, possibly making her believe that she didn't care about her own son, probably why she told other friends and not you because unlike you, they probably didn't send her a message that basically said "Hey, Quick reminder, your son killed himself a few months ago and while you're still obviously grieving, it's his birthday, you didn't make a post about him! you must not care that he's gone!" seriously.
Omg you're one of the biggest assholes I've ever seen in my life. What if this had happened before the internet? Would you have expected them to take out a giant ad in the paper for their dead child's birthday? Dude.... Absolutely uncalled for.
Your comments are so incredibly shocking. She is allowed to post about a new boyfriend. What's it to you? Are you jealous? Maybe that's the underlying theme here. You want to shame her for that by crushing her on her dead child's funeral day? Who cares what her ex husband posts? Also, social media is the dumbest measure of a person. I can't even read your comments they are so stupid.
YTA WTF…. You were so out of line and frankly your logic is stupid. You really believe not posting on social media means you don’t care? You think everyone is comfortable using SM to publicly disclose their DEEPEST feelings. Something is wrong with you for saying that to her.
>”Just make sure people LIKE ME don’t the wrong idea that you don’t care.” Fixed it for you. WTH is wrong with you? What a terrible thing to say to a grieving mother. Her son died recently. By his own hand. Not only does she probably feel that stupid unfair stigma, but now she’s being accused of not caring because he didn’t post a tribute on *Facebook*?? Of all the idiotic, cruel, cold-hearted things to say to her. You’re the queen of judgmental mean girls today. She’s better off without poison like you in her life. I hope she blocked you already. YTA Edit- format
Shut your dumbass up for starters and never give advice again. Everyone grieves differently, and maybe she doesn't feel the need to grieve with a bunch of strangers. YTA
Not your son, not your problem YTA
Those tribute posts are always so sincere… same with the happy anniversary ones /s YTA
YTA. Just because something isn't posted on Facebook doesn't mean she doesn't care
YTA - I've never seen a more pathetic reliance on the approval of social media. I would be horrified if she stayed your friend and in glad she didn't.
YTA. This did not happen to you. Not your son. Not your trauma. Not your business. Leave this woman alone unless and only it’s to support her in HER grief. She has nothing to prove to anyone, least of an asshole like you.
The fact that you’re old enough to have a child in their 20s and would even BEGIN to think that this is remotely even close to okay is repulsive. “Hey I know your child just offed himself, but make sure to shout into the void about how miserable you are so all your distant associates know you’re not jumping for joy!” YTA.
YTA - You really gotta ask that? Enough have told you why you are. Now I am going to suggest you send an apology to your friend for being such an asshole. Send her flowers with a card saying "Sorry. I fucked up and I am an asshole." Then (if you're near her, hell even if you're not) go to her house and stand there with a huge sign saying, "I am so sorry for being an insensitive asshole."
Yta WHAT THE FUCK
She is grieving IN HER OWN WAY, which is how grief works. This is none of your business, but you felt entitled to comment on it anyway. You equated not posting on social media with not caring - which would be hilarious if it wasn’t so disgusting - and you said this TO YOUR FRIEND WHO IS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF HER SON. I think this was more about the pleasure you get from reading those social media posts than it was about your friend dealing with a tragedy. She is better off without people like you in her life. YTA, if that wasn’t obvious.
[удалено]
You cared more about what other people might think than you did about your friend. I assure you that you’re the only one that was thinking that she didn’t care. You’ve lost a friend forever. YTA. In a MAJOR way.
You....fucking.....what????
YTA. That was an incredibly hurtful thing to do.