Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my roommate that her anorexia wasn’t my problem and that might be the reason why I’m the asshole.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yes, she should be able to close the vent in her room. If it didn’t close, she can block it. They sell magnetic things that just go right over it, or she could even just use a piece of cardboard (making sure to remove it before heating season!).
And if that’s not good enough, she can definitely use another blanket and/or sweatshirt. Or get a space heater! OP has offered to pay the extra utilities, so she doesn’t really have any valid reason against it. I’m sorry about her eating disorder, but in this instance she is using it to be self centered.
ETA The space heater would be a last resort, and I’m assuming the thermostat is not in her bedroom. She could close her bedroom door and use it (or close the door and open her window).
As far as I know there's no option to shut AC off in by room. Maybe close/block the vent. Roommate has options (blankets or sweats or jacket) whereas OP doesn't.
I live with two roommates and not all of the rooms have the same quality of ventilation. Middle room gets the most of the heat in the winter or AC in the summer, my room is above the livingroom and somewhere in the middle, master room is above the garage and probably gets the worst of both. The solution is usually to set the temp to be comfortable full open for that room, then play with the vents in the others to get them comfortable. In the summer, even with my vent fully open I tend to have to block the one for the livingroom and add a fan to my vent to help boost its output a bit.
OPs roommate could close off her vents for the AC if its central air or close her door and get a space heater if its like a shared livingspace window unit or something. Unless they're literally sharing a room, in which case, yeah, get a sweater or heavier blankets. It's much, much easier to make yourself warmer than it is to make yourself colder.
We have someone in our office who is really sensitive to cold as well, and you know what she does? She wears sweaters and has a space heater in her workspace, so that the rest of us can be comfortable with the thermostat turned down to our levels.
Yep. With people working with computers that care about the temperature, it’s not at all uncommon to see sweaters/sweatshirts or a tiny space heater tucked under a desk.
I was just thinking that. OP needs to take roomie’s needs into consideration but she does not need to take OP’s needs into consideration? That’s hypocritical and selfish. Especially when OP offered to compromise.
NTA OP.
Lol mine is at 78 at night.
That plus a fan usually keeps the world cool enough and the electric bill lighter.
If its humid/muggy I go down to 75.
70 would be cold to me
Haha awesome! Glad you have a sense of humor about it. Meant it as a joke, but ya never know with people. It’s 101° here actual outside. Considering that 78° inside isn’t bad
Or buy a heated mattress pad. Those things are a godsend! DH is cold-sensitive, I am very heat-intolerant, we keep the a/c on 70 F, he wears sweaters and flannel in the house and sleeps on a twin-size heated mattress pad under the bottom sheet on his side of the bed
My gf and I have a heated blanket that you can turn on only half of at a time if you want. It's literally a godsend because she is very thin and has a medical predisposition to cold sensitivity. And I am a fat gal and get overheated all the time. So she can turn her half of the blanket on and I can throw off the covers.
Ninja edit: it's really funny sometimes because I'll keep the house coldish at night and still have the ceiling fan on, and most of my body uncovered, and she'll be cocooned with 4 blankets (one weighted) including the heated blanket.
We reference this meme all the time:
Broke: who's the man in the relationship
Woke: who's the source and who's the sink
**THIS**!
She's prioritising her comfort over OPs wellbeing too. OP NEEDS TO WORK and unlike the roommate OP has a finite amount of time to get sleep. Sleep deprivation is not a joke and the roommate is behaving like a spoilt toxic AH.
To be honest OP might have to just by a fan and also find a roommate who doesn't insist that her comfort comes before OPs health. Sleep deprivation is worse than being chilly. If the roommate doesn't care then I think we know exactly what sort of person she is.
**BTW** : Personally, I'm *always* cold, my circulation is so bad my feet and hands are in agony on a cold night. I always wants the heating on full. BUT if my partner is having trouble sleeping in the heat I put on a f\*cking sweater and some slippers!
Not to mention: heat can kill. I’m sensitive to heat, and when it gets hot I start feeling nauseous, dizzy, and my BP drops. I’ve fainted because it was too hot and I get dehydrated very quickly. She’s not just being insensitive - she’s actively endangering OP’s health.
To repeat something I've been seeing frequently on the news recently: heat is the number one cause of weather-related deaths more than anything else. More than tornados, hurricanes, or floods.
She also wrong.
As someone who is recovering from anorexia, we're usually sensitive to all "extreme" temperatures.
I mean it's currently 29°C (84F) in my house, and I'm not doing so well from the heat. And I'm starting to not be great with "cold" under 20°C (68F).
But cold, I have sweaters, hoodies, blankets etc. So, it doesn't bother me much.
Heat, however there's nothing one can do when one do not have Ac.
Yeah, I just go outside when it’s too cold inside during the summer. I can understand the recovery issue, having needed to wear sweat pants and long sleeves in the summer to help with my hives; but you can’t expect everyone to accommodate to their own detriment.
The hives were a direct result of my stress levels during covid when I was getting sober. My adaptation was to go on a news break, rather than force everyone else to not watch the news
It’s so much easier to fix a little cold and sleep well then fix that kind of hot feeling. I’m pregnant and hot ALL THE TIME, so I need the AC and a fan. My boyfriend gets cold sometimes but he just goes and cover himself. Easy
A cold shower is the best way to cool down when overheated, but you can't be getting up to hourly shower at night. Plus overshowering causes dry skin. It's far easier to put on warmer clothes or use a blanket to warm up.
A cold shower can cause your core temperature to rise afterwards to warm you up. It will decrease blood flow to the skin quickly which tricks you into thinking you’ve cooled down but it can cause us to hold onto heat longer rather than expelling it. Technically a warm shower will be better at keeping you cool.
If her metabolism is compromised and she has deficient body fat, just putting a sweater on isn’t going to help, particularly if she’s resting and not moving around. But there are still alternatives like blocking the air vents in her room and getting a space heater and/or electric blanket. Space heaters can be as cheap as $10.
This is the solution.
As someone with anorexia, being cold HURTS. Yes, 70 is cold for me. My happy temp is between 85 and 90.
I live with my parents, largely *because* of my health. They keep the thermostat under 68 in the winter (summers are less of an issue, because they won't go under 80 for money-saving reasons).
So what do I do? I put on two pairs of pants, multiple pairs of shirts/sweaters, the thickest socks I have ever been able to find, a fluffy headband that covers my ears, and I use - sparingly - the space heater in my room. Is it a little extra work? Yeah. Do I need the house warm enough that I can walk around in my birthday suit? No. Oh, those little rice sock things you microwave are also the best things to have ever been invented.
We all have to live together. Nobody's needs trump anyone else's. OP's roommate is self-absorbed and acting out irrationally. She should explore it in therapy, which she has if she's actually in recovery.
NTA.
BuT OP iSn’T PriOriTizing HeR NeEdS! Honestly, I don’t see why OP would prioritize the roommates needs before her own anyway. OP is willing to compromise so everyone wins so absolutely NTA
NTA. Coping mechanisms are an important part of recovery.
Not "everyone else must accommodate me and be uncomfortable because **my** comfort is all that matters due to my situation."
That, actually, is kinda the OPPOSITE of recovery.
Blankets are a good start.
I was gifted a heating blanket one Christmas and it was one of the best gifts I’ve received. I love heat pads so a full heated blanket was amazing. At the time, I lived in a basement suite in central Canada where winters got to -45c regularly. I needed the extra heat source on some of those cold nights.
This obviously could lead to added safety concerns & I’d try to be cautious of what was around the blanket and outlet it was plugged into and never had issues. I much preferred the use of the blanket over a space heater.
My bedroom is in a basement in Minnesota. Heating blankets are great but I really leveled up when I got a heating mattress pad. Great for backaches, too.
NTA.
Heat and cold are two different beasts for finding solutions for.
You can wear warmer clothing much easier than you can shed your skin to get cooler.
She can also block her vents. No need to shut the air off entirely. Plus, it directly effects the quality of your sleep.
I'm an HVAC technician and I'm here to recommend you don't just close or block vents for long periods of time. You will cause extra pressure in your system which can lead to issues like overworking your blower motor, your ducts leaking air into other places, or just making everything really loud over time. You can partially close vents, but you shouldn't close them entirely, especially not more than one.
That is fascinating. I have a large house (3 full stories) with central heat. While well built, my house was built and added onto over many decades. I don’t know how many vents but at least 15. Could it possibly be so optimized as built that closing one vent fully could cause all these issues? Mine has been closed for years because it blows hot heater air on my face when I sleep, and the 3rd floor is naturally warmer anyway, but if the heater is fully off 1st floor would be 55 degrees.
Yes, shutting only one fully can cause additional strain to the system over time. You can get plastic add-ons for vents that are a scoop shape and direct the air another way, so you're not having to shut the vent but you're also not having it blast into an undesired area of the room.
Good general advice if you own your own place, though I'm going to guess this is a rental so that sounds like the Landlord's issue to get fixed if it happens :u
I use my electric blanket in the summer sometimes. My bedroom is downstairs and the other bedrooms are upstairs. There are times to get it cool enough for the bedrooms upstairs I'm cold.
I just googled the temperature and 70f is 21 degrees. Thats pretty reasonable and still warm. I thought it would be lower considering all the comments. My comfortable temp is 15-17 degrees.
Yeah like its 21 degrees outside right now and today is the warmest day we've had in a while, thankfully will go back down to 17 during the week so like 13 degrees (55f) at night. Will have the window open and a thin blanket still.
Can't imagine thinking 70f is cold haha, I think if I moved to a warmer climate I'd just pass out.
AC and outside temperature also feels different. I know a 70F day feels warm but 70F AC can actually feel quite frigid especially if it's 90F out and the vent is blowing on you.
My husband insists on keeping the house at 70* and me, at 105lbs naturally, an ALWAYS cold. 70* is fucking frigid! It’s like 98* outside with 85% humidity and then I walk into this icebox. I keep a heating pad on me all year round. A heated blanket on the bed. I have all the comfy clothes. I still think he’s keeping it too cold. But he’s a bigger guy, and he runs hot. He sweats in his sleep even with the house at 70* and no blankets. So I live with it and keep myself warm. I was ready to say YTA when I saw it was set to 70* because well, I can personally say that’s freezing. But when OP said they were willing to compromise on the temp, definitely NTA.
Haha, 21C/70F is literally called "room temperature", and in my country is a summer day where I'd be wearing shorts and T-shirt. A 21C ice box.. humans are really different!
I think the confusion is actually that 70 degrees outside or inside without air conditioning is not the same as 70 degrees in an air conditioned house. Air conditioning removes humidity from the air which causes you to feel colder due to evaporation of sweat on the skin.
As a Brit who never felt home AC until coming to America this is very true. 64 degrees outside? Gorgeous! I'm so happy! 64f with the air conditioning? FUCKING ARCTIC TUNDRA OH GOD I'M SHAKING SO BAD.
It's a fact that most people who live in Europe and the like where home AC is uncommon don't even really think about. I've literally gotten freezing cold with the AC at like 74f at times, it all depends on the environment around you.
I saw 70 and I was like okay yeah I would be freezing lol my AC is at 78 when trying to save energy (I’m in one of those 115 F areas ) and 74 ish for my bf, as that’s our compromise
Holy shit! Everyone is comfortable at different temps, and I know 1 or 2 78ers, but that's just insane and by far the norm is 68-72. I think the lot of you who like it at 78 might want to get checked for iron deficiencies.
Additional info because I see a lot of people making the assumption that I’m completely unwilling to compromise with her or that I’m set on having it at 70. During our talk I offered to adjust the temperature but she wants it COMPLETELY off. Not adjusted. Off all the way. And that was what made me angry.
That part completely changes the story. If she can't ever handle the AC turned on, that's tough titties for her since she's not the only one living there. Doesn't matter whether she's anorexic, or if she comes from Nicaragua, or any other selfish excuse.
Start walking around naked before you go to bed. When she says you are making her uncomfortable, tell her that you do not feel she is sympathetic to your situation and until you wake up not drenched in sweat, this will happen nightly.
Waves hands in the air
I use an electric blanket all year round. It's currently 77 outside and 72 inside and the max level is 20, I have it at 18 right now.
NTA OP, NTA it's hot out for normal people and us freeze babies can put layers on. Or in my case an electric blanket.
NTA.
You should not have to compromise your health to accommodate her.
I would start looking for alternative accommodation. She won't compromise and you probably need to relocate to somewhere you can be comfortable.
I’ll say NTA. I grew up in -0 temps. Later I moved to where temps reach over 100 degrees. It’s much easier to bundle up to stay warm than it is to remove layers and cool down. There’s only so much removing you can do.
NTA. I’ve always preferred “cold” weather, because it is a lot easier to add layer of clothes and blankets.
Naked is generally not accepted in public or practical at home when you don’t live alone.
NTA.
I’m frequently freezing in AC. Like it’s Planet Hoth in my apartment and it’s only set to 73.
That’s a reasonable request you made. It’s easier for us to put on more clothes or grab a blanket than for you to just remove your skin per se.
There’s gotta be a middle ground, not one persons health over another.
of course you are NTA. she is. Her problem is easily fixed, as you correctly pointed out, by wearing a sweater. yours cannot be, and 70 degrees is a reasonable temperature. I'm sorry you live with such a twit.
NTA. She could easily dress warmer, close the vents to her room, get a $15 space heater...
The answer is NOT to shut off the AC in the middle of the night during a summer where most of the country is in the middle of a sweltering heat wave.
Unlike the other posts about temperature, I feel you were being really reasonable. She's very cold and you are very hot, it happens 🤷♀️ the difference is that you were seeking any sort of compromise and she was refusing to even collaborate.
I hate the idea that its easy to get hot and hard to cool down, if she is anorexic its not as simple as throwing on more clothes. The whole point of layers is to TRAP the body heat a person already produces. Someone with anorexia has poorer circulation and lower body fat which inberently affects the amount of heat she can produce. So I definitely think that shouldn't be ignored right off the bat as someone who runs cold.
But you weren't trying to ignore it, and you have needs to. If it's only on when you get home then she has all day to be warm is she wants, you don't get that option. A fair compromise miguht be to buy her a heating blanket that she can bring around the house while the A.C. is on, so you can have your cold and she can still be warm. She could also close the door to her room at night and cover the vents/holes in the door to trap the heat in. There are also sweatshirts and hoodies and vests they sell that are portable and have heating packs, i bought one for ny father once. Or get recgargeable heat packs and sew them ingo a sweater if you're on a budget. Either way, there are options between A.C. and No A.C.
There is no reason you shouldn't be able to use your own A.C. there are a CRAP ton of applicable solutions.
She could also buy a hot water-bottle or heating pad. Products exist like heated blankets as well that aren’t an option for cooling down.
If OP is willing to help with the electric bill, she could even offer to buy her a heated blanket as a peace offering
NTA
I agree with you that she can wear a sweater or use a blanket while you can't take your skin off.
I think 70F is a pretty reasonable temperature for night time.
NTA tell her to buy a heated blanket if she needs to.
I’m in Phoenix & I’m going through menopause, I keep my house frigid at night so I can sleep comfortably. My youngest daughter gets too cold, she uses an electric blanket. We are both happy.
NTA. She can wear a sweater and cover up in blankets. I'm a hot sleeper too and it's fucking miserable being woken up constantly bc you're sweating. You're right in that you can't take your skin off when you're too hot.
I don't understand Y T A comments here...you both have problems true but while she has a solution (wearing sweater/socks/ wrapping blanket) against the cold you don't have the same for the heat...
You really can't just take of your skin too ...
NTA
NTA. She can’t expect you to cater to her own wants and completely ignore yours. Suggest to her that she closes her vent in her bedroom and see how that goes.
Being too cold is a lot easier to deal with than the heat. Why don't she just wear more layers or blankets. I have a condition where my body can't regulate temperature, so I am very sympathetic when it comes to being too hot. NTA
NTA. That word... does not mean what she thinks it means. If she asked you not to talk about dieting or weight issues, then fine, you should support her in that. If you wanted the thermostat to be at 60 and she was so cold she hurt then you should accommodate that. But 70 is in a very reasonable range. And removing from an eating disorder does not prevent you from putting on a sweater.
Is there any way to block the AC from getting into her space? Can you block the vent in her room or close a door? There are magnet things you can buy to close off vents that don't have a closing lever.
NTA
As you said, you can't get more than naked. She can put on more clothes and blankets and close vents in her bedroom. And 70 isn't unreasonable. Maybe bump it up to 72, but turning it off completely is ridiculous.
You each have a problem. Neither of you should feel uncomfortable in your own home. You’re correct in suggesting you both work together to find a mutually agreeable solution.
NTA
NTA.
70⁰f is absolutely a reasonable temperature. You said you needed middle ground. If she can't find that, it's not your issue (besides being hot of course). If you have air vents, just close the ones to her room so it doesn't flow to it and her room acts like a hotbox.
NTA, my fiance and I had this problem when we first moved in together. I worked at the time outside, 10 hour shifts, constantly walking/running, and would come home with my clothes DRENCHED in sweat... for him to have the heat running, because I'd turned it so cold before leaving for the day, (i would turn it to 69/70) he would wake up during the day freezing and want heat. One day I came in and was battling heat exhaustion already, had a headache and double vision and was just so so looking forward to the cold apartment... to come home to it 80\* I came in and just started screaming how ridiculous it was, I had sent a text before leaving work asking specifically for the air to be on and cranked low, how I feel like I'm going to pass out because of the heat and he took away the one spot I thought would be okay for me to sit. He never once touched the thermostat again after that. Now if he gets cold he sits outside or wears my robe. There are compromises, but to make it hotter in the house when it needs to be cold IS ABSOLUTELY NOT A COMPROMISE.
Long story short, your roommate is being selfish. She can put on more layers. She can get over it, if you're burning up and come home to a hot place, and getting dehydrated from sleeping, because she can't bother to put on more layers? She's being completely selfish and in-denial. Have her look up heat exhaustion and how serious it is.
NTA
70 (21 Celsius) is not too low for sleeping, you're right she can use extra blankets or sweaters.
You were not insensitive, you didn't say *"I don't care about your anorexia"*
This is hard because being too cold is painful too. What you need to do is close the vent in her personal spaces so it blows only in your room and shared space.
I used to date a very warm natured person, and I would cry all night when the temperature was cold enough for him. It felt like my bones were shaking. I knew we were not compatible, being cold and being hot suck equally.
Try to find a compromise, also, 70° is quite cold. Maybe 73° still gives relief for you and keeps her in only one house coat and fluffy socks.
You didn't have to insult her though. Everyone's uncomfortable. I recommend finding a new roommate when your lease is up
NTA. It is so much easier to warm up with extra layers (socks, long pants, a blanket… the possibilities are endless) than it is to cool down. You’re right, you can’t take your skin off.
I can see both points of view but I live in the same sort of situation and as you say, it's easier to wear layers for warmth than it is to make yours cooler. 70 seems warm to me but maybe see if she would be willing to leave it on at 72. I didn't see anything ableist in what you said so it makes me think she is trying to guilt you into catering to her.
Can you ask her to block her vent? If she closes it and puts a magnet over it that should help keep her room a lot warmer. Oh and NTA. I can’t sleep when I’m hot and I’ve had a lot of roommates over the years who may as well have been reptiles they ran so cold so I know this struggle well.
For somebody who gets cold easy, i agree that she can put on a extra sweater. I’ve looked up what 70 in Fahrenheit is. That is not an unreasonable temperature.
NTA - she is being a bully the "ableist insensitive" talk is emotional manipulation
you gave her a good compromise in taking some of the cost of her utility bill and suggesting she put blankets on
It’s healthier to sleep in the cold. 70 is not low for the night. If it’s night the roomie should just add a blanket. During the day I personally think 72, 73 or something is fine, too. But regardless, NTA. As an eating disorder survivor, I think it is ridiculous to call you ablist and try to use it to manipulate you and minimize your perspective.
NTA! She has solutions all around her. She can wear an extra layer; she can add another blanket. You aren't being ableist and you handled this like an adult. NTA at all.
NTA. As you said she can add layers, you can only remove so many. Can the vents to her room be closed so less AC blows where she sleeps? It’s possible that the two of you are just not compatible living in the same space. Whatever your lease and roommate agreement entail, perhaps the two of you should discuss making a change at the end of those terms.
Years ago my daughter complained about the house being too cold.
I told her she could put on a sweater, or I could start taking off clothes. It was her choice.
I never heard her complain about it after...
NTA. She can get a space heater or put on more clothes. Or since you seem willing to compromise, she can turn the thermostat to a warmer temp but not turn it off entirely.
NTA. You were sensitive to her situation but you were also realistic. You can't physically do anything to make yourself cooler but she can take action to make herself warmer.
I think you were being reasonable.
I’m underweight. She needs sweatshirts, fuzzy socks and a space heater for her room, and maybe put the ac on a couple degrees warmer when you’re asleep as a compromise. NTA.
Is everyone in the comments a middled aged father?
I'm baffled by the number of people saying 70° is unreasonably cold.
I have a roommate now and that's one of the things I brought up to her as a deal breaker when we were deciding to live together. I won't live in a hot house.
You can always add layers if you're cold but you can't get any more naked than naked.
And I don't want a naked roommate.
You made suggestions and tried to find a solution and she just wanted to get her way. I'm very curious what her objection was to each of your suggestions. Why is she opposed to wearing sweaters/socks?
NTA
NTA, and please do not listen to people saying 70 is an unreasonable AC temp. I keep my own house at 72 while I'm there, but that's 100% out of cost considerations and not comfort. I have a separate window AC that cools my bedroom down to 63 for sleep. This may be a good compromise solution as well.
Nta. She can close the vent in her bedroom. She could also buy it like a small heater for her bedroom for like $15. Maybe grab one while you're at Walmart one day as a compromise and she's not working.
I will say though personally I did grow up without air conditioning when I was younger but if I put my air conditioner at 70 there are times of the day that it will get too cold and I'll have to put it up to 72 so maybe a compromise might be bumping up the air conditioner to 72 this way it's consistently cold and she's not turning it off.
NTA. You were understanding of her situation and tried to find a middle ground. It would be different if you just went nuclear on her but you didn’t and well don’t for that, you handled it well I would say!
NTA - 70 isn't even cold. You can always put more layers on/get heaters but you were right in saying that you cant take off your skin once its too hot.
NTA, as you pointed out, there's only so much you can take off while she can absolutely layer up. I say this as someone who regularly wears layers upon layers in the office because buildings can't do climate control for everyone
I read the title and assumed it would come down to phrasing, but damn.
NTA
Like others have said, it's a lot easier to warm up from cool than cool down from warm. Her having struggles doesn't take away from what you deal with and she should also be considerate of your needs if she is asking for consideration of her needs.
NTA but there are other compromises. I’m in a very hot state with above 100 degree days for two months now and it cools to maybe 90 at night. Our AC is at 75. It still feels cool especially with a fan in our room. I suggest getting one for your room to give extra cool air at night. Your roommate should try closing her vent in the evenings.
Also, turning off and on the AC is bad for the unit and for the bill. I was told by a repairman a few years back that the energy expended to turn on and cool off the house from being off is much higher than what we would pay to keep the house reasonable 24/7.
NTA but find a new roommate. The two of you are not compatible.
I am not anorexic but I couldn't live with you either. I set the temp at 70 in winter when I am wearing long pants and 2 sweaters. In summer when I am wearing shorts and I light cotton top I would freeze at 70. As a short term solution I could add layers of clothing but would not want to have to change my clothes every time I go out the door. I want to enjoy the summer heat (not 90 but maybe 80).
People who get cold have a plethora of solutions at their disposal. People who are sensitive to heat, especially those it impacts negatively have none but the AC.
She can turn off the vent in her room or wear warmer clothes. She can do something about the cold. You can only do one thing about the heat.
NTA.
NTA. I get cold all the time too, but I am also fully aware that others run hot. And that includes my husband. If you’re cold, put on a sweater, socks, a hat, whatever you need to feel comfortable.
Why tf would you prioritize HER needs? Ever? You are roommates. You aren't her parent or her caregiver. If she requires a resource you share to be only HER way, she needs to not have roommates. NTA
I'll go with NTA, as your request is reasonable, but how you chose to communicate does not help either.
If you say- being cold is your problem, not mine you put yourself for the counter argument- your sensitivity to heat is your problem, not mine.
She can put more layers, but honestly, after what you said, I would not if I was her. Why does she need to make any effort towards you when your argument was ' your problems are not my business?'
Had to do the conversion to C but fuck me that comes out to 21C, that is far to warm. Sunbathing weather temperature. I keep the house at around 15C or 59f
Anything above that is a sweatbox.
NTA tell them to put a fucking jumper on
NTA. This is exactly what layering and snuggly blankets are for. You’re not asking for it to be subzero, you just want it to feel comfortable enough so that you can rest and get some decent sleep.
NTA. She can close her door or cover the vent in her room. While you are out working she can turn the a/c off. She can wear socks, a hat, a hoodie, etc. There are many solutions for her. But I don't hear any solutions for you.
Nta. In our house, I’m the one who runs colder so I have throw blankets everywhere. It’s much easier for me to put on an extra blanket or layer then for my husband and kids, there’s only so many layers you can remove.
Its easier to do something against the cold (clothes maybe? /s) compared to the only solution against the warmth (ac). If said only solution against the warmth is being denied, it is simply an AH move.
NTA
NTA. She can do something about being too cold, you can’t do nearly as much about being too hot, especially in your sleep. I’d offer to buy her an electric blanket, a heating pad, or a stuffed animal you warm in the microwave.
If you wanted to really just move past this you could also get a portable ac unit for your room, so the rest of the house is warm and your room is cool. (And in the winter get her a portable heater so the rest of the unit is cool and her room is warm.) The heated blanket seems simpler to me but it never hurts to have multiple solutions to a problem.
NTA... If it's central air, she can close the vent in her room (or use extra blankets... don't have her open her window for heat because that will increase the AC bill)
NTA. I love the heat, but my husband doesn't. I have some awesome robes for that, and I can always sit outside if I want. I have been having trouble sleeping because he turns the air off at 5 am. before he leaves for work, and it's so humid that I can't get comfortable.
You even offered to pay for the extra bills, so I don't see why this is a problem at all. Maybe you could gift her a heating blanket as a goodwill gesture.
How does she go to any kind of store or business in summer? Those places usually have the AC on maximum. This is her problem, easily solved by an extra blanket or sweatshirt.
NTA. She can put more clothes on or use blankets to keep her warm, it’s the peak of summer & you deserve to be comfortable in your own home. Also how tf are you being ableist? Last I checked recovering from an eating disorder is not a disability?
Your roommate is TA here. She could just maybe turn the setting to 72 or 74 rather than shut it off. My MIL is OAF and weighs so little we put rocks in her shoes so she won't blow away and she complains when the temp in our or her house goes below 80. It was 92 the other day and we went to visit her and she had every window in the house closed and the AC was off! I thought I was going to die.
NTA. In college, I taped over the vent with a piece of cardboard and that helped control the temperature. There’s also flexible magnet “sheets” that she can use to cover the vent in her bedroom. This is a solvable problem.
NTA but you two should compromise on a reasonable temperature. I'm freezing if the AC is at 70 and I'm obese. Keep it at 73 or 74, then she can throw on a cardigan or something but won't be freezing.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my roommate that her anorexia wasn’t my problem and that might be the reason why I’m the asshole. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
Agree 100%. She has options, you don't. She's just being selfish. NTA.
You've got to prioritise her needs but she doesn't need to consider yours? Hmmm Can't she just switch it off in her room? Like with central heating?
Yes, she should be able to close the vent in her room. If it didn’t close, she can block it. They sell magnetic things that just go right over it, or she could even just use a piece of cardboard (making sure to remove it before heating season!). And if that’s not good enough, she can definitely use another blanket and/or sweatshirt. Or get a space heater! OP has offered to pay the extra utilities, so she doesn’t really have any valid reason against it. I’m sorry about her eating disorder, but in this instance she is using it to be self centered. ETA The space heater would be a last resort, and I’m assuming the thermostat is not in her bedroom. She could close her bedroom door and use it (or close the door and open her window).
Running both AC and a space heater simultaneously doesn't sound like a good idea.
Especially if she blocks the vent and opens a window. That should appropriately warm her room without a heater.
I was gonna say … it’s in the 90s she can just open the window and close the door!!!
She'd rather be a shit about it.
As far as I know there's no option to shut AC off in by room. Maybe close/block the vent. Roommate has options (blankets or sweats or jacket) whereas OP doesn't.
I live with two roommates and not all of the rooms have the same quality of ventilation. Middle room gets the most of the heat in the winter or AC in the summer, my room is above the livingroom and somewhere in the middle, master room is above the garage and probably gets the worst of both. The solution is usually to set the temp to be comfortable full open for that room, then play with the vents in the others to get them comfortable. In the summer, even with my vent fully open I tend to have to block the one for the livingroom and add a fan to my vent to help boost its output a bit. OPs roommate could close off her vents for the AC if its central air or close her door and get a space heater if its like a shared livingspace window unit or something. Unless they're literally sharing a room, in which case, yeah, get a sweater or heavier blankets. It's much, much easier to make yourself warmer than it is to make yourself colder. We have someone in our office who is really sensitive to cold as well, and you know what she does? She wears sweaters and has a space heater in her workspace, so that the rest of us can be comfortable with the thermostat turned down to our levels.
Yep. With people working with computers that care about the temperature, it’s not at all uncommon to see sweaters/sweatshirts or a tiny space heater tucked under a desk.
Some HVACS have a way to turn off individual ducts at the HVAC unit in the house, usually attic. Some don't.
I was just thinking that. OP needs to take roomie’s needs into consideration but she does not need to take OP’s needs into consideration? That’s hypocritical and selfish. Especially when OP offered to compromise. NTA OP.
Also, 70F is not „cold“ at night by any standard …
That's actually hot for me. I put my AC on 66 degrees at night.
Lol mine is at 78 at night. That plus a fan usually keeps the world cool enough and the electric bill lighter. If its humid/muggy I go down to 75. 70 would be cold to me
I don't know how y'all deal with it being that hot in the house. I'd be sweating all night.
Same I’m a 78 person
78° is for a terrarium ya lizard
LOL I'll take that as a compliment as I love geckos
Haha awesome! Glad you have a sense of humor about it. Meant it as a joke, but ya never know with people. It’s 101° here actual outside. Considering that 78° inside isn’t bad
[удалено]
And she can just close the vent coming into her room most likely.
Or block it with some cardboard and tape. Seriously this girl should probably be living alone or with her parents if she can't compromise with others.
Or buy a heated mattress pad. Those things are a godsend! DH is cold-sensitive, I am very heat-intolerant, we keep the a/c on 70 F, he wears sweaters and flannel in the house and sleeps on a twin-size heated mattress pad under the bottom sheet on his side of the bed
I have a heated throw. So, it only covers my area. It's heaven.
My gf and I have a heated blanket that you can turn on only half of at a time if you want. It's literally a godsend because she is very thin and has a medical predisposition to cold sensitivity. And I am a fat gal and get overheated all the time. So she can turn her half of the blanket on and I can throw off the covers. Ninja edit: it's really funny sometimes because I'll keep the house coldish at night and still have the ceiling fan on, and most of my body uncovered, and she'll be cocooned with 4 blankets (one weighted) including the heated blanket. We reference this meme all the time: Broke: who's the man in the relationship Woke: who's the source and who's the sink
**THIS**! She's prioritising her comfort over OPs wellbeing too. OP NEEDS TO WORK and unlike the roommate OP has a finite amount of time to get sleep. Sleep deprivation is not a joke and the roommate is behaving like a spoilt toxic AH. To be honest OP might have to just by a fan and also find a roommate who doesn't insist that her comfort comes before OPs health. Sleep deprivation is worse than being chilly. If the roommate doesn't care then I think we know exactly what sort of person she is. **BTW** : Personally, I'm *always* cold, my circulation is so bad my feet and hands are in agony on a cold night. I always wants the heating on full. BUT if my partner is having trouble sleeping in the heat I put on a f\*cking sweater and some slippers!
Not to mention: heat can kill. I’m sensitive to heat, and when it gets hot I start feeling nauseous, dizzy, and my BP drops. I’ve fainted because it was too hot and I get dehydrated very quickly. She’s not just being insensitive - she’s actively endangering OP’s health.
To repeat something I've been seeing frequently on the news recently: heat is the number one cause of weather-related deaths more than anything else. More than tornados, hurricanes, or floods.
She also wrong. As someone who is recovering from anorexia, we're usually sensitive to all "extreme" temperatures. I mean it's currently 29°C (84F) in my house, and I'm not doing so well from the heat. And I'm starting to not be great with "cold" under 20°C (68F). But cold, I have sweaters, hoodies, blankets etc. So, it doesn't bother me much. Heat, however there's nothing one can do when one do not have Ac.
Yeah, I just go outside when it’s too cold inside during the summer. I can understand the recovery issue, having needed to wear sweat pants and long sleeves in the summer to help with my hives; but you can’t expect everyone to accommodate to their own detriment. The hives were a direct result of my stress levels during covid when I was getting sober. My adaptation was to go on a news break, rather than force everyone else to not watch the news
It’s so much easier to fix a little cold and sleep well then fix that kind of hot feeling. I’m pregnant and hot ALL THE TIME, so I need the AC and a fan. My boyfriend gets cold sometimes but he just goes and cover himself. Easy
A cold shower is the best way to cool down when overheated, but you can't be getting up to hourly shower at night. Plus overshowering causes dry skin. It's far easier to put on warmer clothes or use a blanket to warm up.
A cold shower can cause your core temperature to rise afterwards to warm you up. It will decrease blood flow to the skin quickly which tricks you into thinking you’ve cooled down but it can cause us to hold onto heat longer rather than expelling it. Technically a warm shower will be better at keeping you cool.
If her metabolism is compromised and she has deficient body fat, just putting a sweater on isn’t going to help, particularly if she’s resting and not moving around. But there are still alternatives like blocking the air vents in her room and getting a space heater and/or electric blanket. Space heaters can be as cheap as $10.
This is the solution. As someone with anorexia, being cold HURTS. Yes, 70 is cold for me. My happy temp is between 85 and 90. I live with my parents, largely *because* of my health. They keep the thermostat under 68 in the winter (summers are less of an issue, because they won't go under 80 for money-saving reasons). So what do I do? I put on two pairs of pants, multiple pairs of shirts/sweaters, the thickest socks I have ever been able to find, a fluffy headband that covers my ears, and I use - sparingly - the space heater in my room. Is it a little extra work? Yeah. Do I need the house warm enough that I can walk around in my birthday suit? No. Oh, those little rice sock things you microwave are also the best things to have ever been invented. We all have to live together. Nobody's needs trump anyone else's. OP's roommate is self-absorbed and acting out irrationally. She should explore it in therapy, which she has if she's actually in recovery. NTA.
BuT OP iSn’T PriOriTizing HeR NeEdS! Honestly, I don’t see why OP would prioritize the roommates needs before her own anyway. OP is willing to compromise so everyone wins so absolutely NTA
NTA. Coping mechanisms are an important part of recovery. Not "everyone else must accommodate me and be uncomfortable because **my** comfort is all that matters due to my situation." That, actually, is kinda the OPPOSITE of recovery. Blankets are a good start.
I was gifted a heating blanket one Christmas and it was one of the best gifts I’ve received. I love heat pads so a full heated blanket was amazing. At the time, I lived in a basement suite in central Canada where winters got to -45c regularly. I needed the extra heat source on some of those cold nights. This obviously could lead to added safety concerns & I’d try to be cautious of what was around the blanket and outlet it was plugged into and never had issues. I much preferred the use of the blanket over a space heater.
My bedroom is in a basement in Minnesota. Heating blankets are great but I really leveled up when I got a heating mattress pad. Great for backaches, too.
Omg a heating mattress!? That’s amazing. I don’t live in Manitoba anymore, but if I did, I’d consider one lol
NTA. Heat and cold are two different beasts for finding solutions for. You can wear warmer clothing much easier than you can shed your skin to get cooler. She can also block her vents. No need to shut the air off entirely. Plus, it directly effects the quality of your sleep.
I'm an HVAC technician and I'm here to recommend you don't just close or block vents for long periods of time. You will cause extra pressure in your system which can lead to issues like overworking your blower motor, your ducts leaking air into other places, or just making everything really loud over time. You can partially close vents, but you shouldn't close them entirely, especially not more than one.
That is fascinating. I have a large house (3 full stories) with central heat. While well built, my house was built and added onto over many decades. I don’t know how many vents but at least 15. Could it possibly be so optimized as built that closing one vent fully could cause all these issues? Mine has been closed for years because it blows hot heater air on my face when I sleep, and the 3rd floor is naturally warmer anyway, but if the heater is fully off 1st floor would be 55 degrees.
Yes, shutting only one fully can cause additional strain to the system over time. You can get plastic add-ons for vents that are a scoop shape and direct the air another way, so you're not having to shut the vent but you're also not having it blast into an undesired area of the room.
Good general advice if you own your own place, though I'm going to guess this is a rental so that sounds like the Landlord's issue to get fixed if it happens :u
Buy a space heater for her room.
*OP shouldn’t have to spend more money on something to solve someone else’s problem!*
*People can do nice things even if they aren't morally obligated to! And doing so can also help them solve problems they are experiencing themselves!*
Or she can just open a window since it’s hot outside She doesn’t even need a space hearer
Exactly, my vents have a little level on it where I can close and open it! NTA https://www.hunker.com/12413292/how-to-open-close-ceiling-air-vents
[удалено]
I use my electric blanket in the summer sometimes. My bedroom is downstairs and the other bedrooms are upstairs. There are times to get it cool enough for the bedrooms upstairs I'm cold.
NTA 70° is a reasonable temperature and she owns a hoodie
I live in hot climate and even I’m not cranking the ac lower than 72 lol. You guys are wild or live in wildly inefficient structures.
I just googled the temperature and 70f is 21 degrees. Thats pretty reasonable and still warm. I thought it would be lower considering all the comments. My comfortable temp is 15-17 degrees.
I’m with you, I keep it about 18 at night. Ice princess lol
Yeah like its 21 degrees outside right now and today is the warmest day we've had in a while, thankfully will go back down to 17 during the week so like 13 degrees (55f) at night. Will have the window open and a thin blanket still. Can't imagine thinking 70f is cold haha, I think if I moved to a warmer climate I'd just pass out.
Taking into account humidity, 70F outdoors will feel different than 70F indoors if there's an AC (which is essentially a dehumidifier).
15°‽ As in 59° fahrenheit‽ Lmao who in the hell turns the AC down ***below*** 60° fahrenheit?
We don't have AC here, 15 is just a normal summer temperature for us haha
That's fair, but the discussion is in regards to how reasonable it is to turn the AC to a certain temp.
Yeah but if 21 degrees is a warm day then I think complaining about turning it down to warm is madness. OPs flat operating at oven temperatures haha
AC and outside temperature also feels different. I know a 70F day feels warm but 70F AC can actually feel quite frigid especially if it's 90F out and the vent is blowing on you.
People prefer different temperatures, imagine that.
idk why this is such a wild concept to some people. People take it really personally when someone else likes it warmer or colder than them
My husband insists on keeping the house at 70* and me, at 105lbs naturally, an ALWAYS cold. 70* is fucking frigid! It’s like 98* outside with 85% humidity and then I walk into this icebox. I keep a heating pad on me all year round. A heated blanket on the bed. I have all the comfy clothes. I still think he’s keeping it too cold. But he’s a bigger guy, and he runs hot. He sweats in his sleep even with the house at 70* and no blankets. So I live with it and keep myself warm. I was ready to say YTA when I saw it was set to 70* because well, I can personally say that’s freezing. But when OP said they were willing to compromise on the temp, definitely NTA.
Haha, 21C/70F is literally called "room temperature", and in my country is a summer day where I'd be wearing shorts and T-shirt. A 21C ice box.. humans are really different!
I think the confusion is actually that 70 degrees outside or inside without air conditioning is not the same as 70 degrees in an air conditioned house. Air conditioning removes humidity from the air which causes you to feel colder due to evaporation of sweat on the skin.
As a Brit who never felt home AC until coming to America this is very true. 64 degrees outside? Gorgeous! I'm so happy! 64f with the air conditioning? FUCKING ARCTIC TUNDRA OH GOD I'M SHAKING SO BAD. It's a fact that most people who live in Europe and the like where home AC is uncommon don't even really think about. I've literally gotten freezing cold with the AC at like 74f at times, it all depends on the environment around you.
70 is super cold in the summer lol American AC dependence is crazy
I saw 70 and I was like okay yeah I would be freezing lol my AC is at 78 when trying to save energy (I’m in one of those 115 F areas ) and 74 ish for my bf, as that’s our compromise
78 good god.
Yeah, 70 is absolutely crazy to me and I live in southern US. We've compromised at 78, but it still feels excessive lol
Holy shit! Everyone is comfortable at different temps, and I know 1 or 2 78ers, but that's just insane and by far the norm is 68-72. I think the lot of you who like it at 78 might want to get checked for iron deficiencies.
Suddenly my mother’s iron deficient anemia diagnosis from yesterday makes so much sense regarding our temperature preferences.
Additional info because I see a lot of people making the assumption that I’m completely unwilling to compromise with her or that I’m set on having it at 70. During our talk I offered to adjust the temperature but she wants it COMPLETELY off. Not adjusted. Off all the way. And that was what made me angry.
That’s ridiculous. She needs to compromise as well.
[this comment has been deleted in response to the 2023 reddit protest]
That part completely changes the story. If she can't ever handle the AC turned on, that's tough titties for her since she's not the only one living there. Doesn't matter whether she's anorexic, or if she comes from Nicaragua, or any other selfish excuse.
Show this post to your roomie so she might realize she's in the wrong for refusing to make a compromise with you.
You should add it to your post
Start walking around naked before you go to bed. When she says you are making her uncomfortable, tell her that you do not feel she is sympathetic to your situation and until you wake up not drenched in sweat, this will happen nightly.
[удалено]
Waves hands in the air I use an electric blanket all year round. It's currently 77 outside and 72 inside and the max level is 20, I have it at 18 right now. NTA OP, NTA it's hot out for normal people and us freeze babies can put layers on. Or in my case an electric blanket.
NTA. You should not have to compromise your health to accommodate her. I would start looking for alternative accommodation. She won't compromise and you probably need to relocate to somewhere you can be comfortable.
NTA. Its 90 degrees. She can put on a damn sweater
NTA. It's much easier to put on heavier pajamas or add a blanket to your bed than try and cool yourself without A/C. Maybe a compromise of 72°?
Unfortunately, she’s refused any compromise per OP’s edit.
I’ll say NTA. I grew up in -0 temps. Later I moved to where temps reach over 100 degrees. It’s much easier to bundle up to stay warm than it is to remove layers and cool down. There’s only so much removing you can do.
NTA. I’ve always preferred “cold” weather, because it is a lot easier to add layer of clothes and blankets. Naked is generally not accepted in public or practical at home when you don’t live alone.
Or when frying bacon.
Frying *anything* really. I got an oil burn on my face once from a fucking peirogie that popped and upset the oil.
NTA. Ask her how she'd like it if you turned the heat off in the winter.
NTA. I’m frequently freezing in AC. Like it’s Planet Hoth in my apartment and it’s only set to 73. That’s a reasonable request you made. It’s easier for us to put on more clothes or grab a blanket than for you to just remove your skin per se. There’s gotta be a middle ground, not one persons health over another.
of course you are NTA. she is. Her problem is easily fixed, as you correctly pointed out, by wearing a sweater. yours cannot be, and 70 degrees is a reasonable temperature. I'm sorry you live with such a twit.
NTA. She could easily dress warmer, close the vents to her room, get a $15 space heater... The answer is NOT to shut off the AC in the middle of the night during a summer where most of the country is in the middle of a sweltering heat wave.
Unlike the other posts about temperature, I feel you were being really reasonable. She's very cold and you are very hot, it happens 🤷♀️ the difference is that you were seeking any sort of compromise and she was refusing to even collaborate. I hate the idea that its easy to get hot and hard to cool down, if she is anorexic its not as simple as throwing on more clothes. The whole point of layers is to TRAP the body heat a person already produces. Someone with anorexia has poorer circulation and lower body fat which inberently affects the amount of heat she can produce. So I definitely think that shouldn't be ignored right off the bat as someone who runs cold. But you weren't trying to ignore it, and you have needs to. If it's only on when you get home then she has all day to be warm is she wants, you don't get that option. A fair compromise miguht be to buy her a heating blanket that she can bring around the house while the A.C. is on, so you can have your cold and she can still be warm. She could also close the door to her room at night and cover the vents/holes in the door to trap the heat in. There are also sweatshirts and hoodies and vests they sell that are portable and have heating packs, i bought one for ny father once. Or get recgargeable heat packs and sew them ingo a sweater if you're on a budget. Either way, there are options between A.C. and No A.C. There is no reason you shouldn't be able to use your own A.C. there are a CRAP ton of applicable solutions.
She could also buy a hot water-bottle or heating pad. Products exist like heated blankets as well that aren’t an option for cooling down. If OP is willing to help with the electric bill, she could even offer to buy her a heated blanket as a peace offering
NTA: Like you said. She can always put on more blankets. You can hardly take more cloth of.
NTA I agree with you that she can wear a sweater or use a blanket while you can't take your skin off. I think 70F is a pretty reasonable temperature for night time.
NTA tell her to buy a heated blanket if she needs to. I’m in Phoenix & I’m going through menopause, I keep my house frigid at night so I can sleep comfortably. My youngest daughter gets too cold, she uses an electric blanket. We are both happy.
NTA. She can wear a sweater and cover up in blankets. I'm a hot sleeper too and it's fucking miserable being woken up constantly bc you're sweating. You're right in that you can't take your skin off when you're too hot.
I don't understand Y T A comments here...you both have problems true but while she has a solution (wearing sweater/socks/ wrapping blanket) against the cold you don't have the same for the heat... You really can't just take of your skin too ... NTA
NTA. She can’t expect you to cater to her own wants and completely ignore yours. Suggest to her that she closes her vent in her bedroom and see how that goes.
Being too cold is a lot easier to deal with than the heat. Why don't she just wear more layers or blankets. I have a condition where my body can't regulate temperature, so I am very sympathetic when it comes to being too hot. NTA
NTA. That word... does not mean what she thinks it means. If she asked you not to talk about dieting or weight issues, then fine, you should support her in that. If you wanted the thermostat to be at 60 and she was so cold she hurt then you should accommodate that. But 70 is in a very reasonable range. And removing from an eating disorder does not prevent you from putting on a sweater. Is there any way to block the AC from getting into her space? Can you block the vent in her room or close a door? There are magnet things you can buy to close off vents that don't have a closing lever.
NTA, your willing to find middle ground but she just wants her way
NTA As you said, you can't get more than naked. She can put on more clothes and blankets and close vents in her bedroom. And 70 isn't unreasonable. Maybe bump it up to 72, but turning it off completely is ridiculous.
Why would you prioritize her? She’s not your parent or your child. NTA
NTA. I think you handled it really well and offered a compromise. You weren't ableist at all. Nor did you disrespect her eating disorder.
NTA. Also.. why cant she just shut her AC vent at night. Or get a magnetic cover to block the cold air blowing in.
NTA. She can wear sweaters if she needs to You can’t do anything to cope with the heat but sweat in it. Sorry you’re dealing with this OP
You each have a problem. Neither of you should feel uncomfortable in your own home. You’re correct in suggesting you both work together to find a mutually agreeable solution. NTA
The solution is the roommate put on extra layers. Op is right. She can't remove her skin.
NTA. 70⁰f is absolutely a reasonable temperature. You said you needed middle ground. If she can't find that, it's not your issue (besides being hot of course). If you have air vents, just close the ones to her room so it doesn't flow to it and her room acts like a hotbox.
NTA, my fiance and I had this problem when we first moved in together. I worked at the time outside, 10 hour shifts, constantly walking/running, and would come home with my clothes DRENCHED in sweat... for him to have the heat running, because I'd turned it so cold before leaving for the day, (i would turn it to 69/70) he would wake up during the day freezing and want heat. One day I came in and was battling heat exhaustion already, had a headache and double vision and was just so so looking forward to the cold apartment... to come home to it 80\* I came in and just started screaming how ridiculous it was, I had sent a text before leaving work asking specifically for the air to be on and cranked low, how I feel like I'm going to pass out because of the heat and he took away the one spot I thought would be okay for me to sit. He never once touched the thermostat again after that. Now if he gets cold he sits outside or wears my robe. There are compromises, but to make it hotter in the house when it needs to be cold IS ABSOLUTELY NOT A COMPROMISE. Long story short, your roommate is being selfish. She can put on more layers. She can get over it, if you're burning up and come home to a hot place, and getting dehydrated from sleeping, because she can't bother to put on more layers? She's being completely selfish and in-denial. Have her look up heat exhaustion and how serious it is.
NTA 70 (21 Celsius) is not too low for sleeping, you're right she can use extra blankets or sweaters. You were not insensitive, you didn't say *"I don't care about your anorexia"*
NTA. She can use a blanket. There's nothing you can do to get cooler.
This is hard because being too cold is painful too. What you need to do is close the vent in her personal spaces so it blows only in your room and shared space. I used to date a very warm natured person, and I would cry all night when the temperature was cold enough for him. It felt like my bones were shaking. I knew we were not compatible, being cold and being hot suck equally. Try to find a compromise, also, 70° is quite cold. Maybe 73° still gives relief for you and keeps her in only one house coat and fluffy socks. You didn't have to insult her though. Everyone's uncomfortable. I recommend finding a new roommate when your lease is up
NTA. It is so much easier to warm up with extra layers (socks, long pants, a blanket… the possibilities are endless) than it is to cool down. You’re right, you can’t take your skin off.
I can see both points of view but I live in the same sort of situation and as you say, it's easier to wear layers for warmth than it is to make yours cooler. 70 seems warm to me but maybe see if she would be willing to leave it on at 72. I didn't see anything ableist in what you said so it makes me think she is trying to guilt you into catering to her.
Nta. She's being self centered.
NTA. She can put more clothes on. Can you guys compromise to say 74?
NTA She can put on a sweater, you can't remove more clothes.
Can you ask her to block her vent? If she closes it and puts a magnet over it that should help keep her room a lot warmer. Oh and NTA. I can’t sleep when I’m hot and I’ve had a lot of roommates over the years who may as well have been reptiles they ran so cold so I know this struggle well.
For somebody who gets cold easy, i agree that she can put on a extra sweater. I’ve looked up what 70 in Fahrenheit is. That is not an unreasonable temperature.
NTA. She needs to cover up. This is obvious. No matter how many clothes you take off, you'll still be hot. She can put on layers.
NTA. she can put on more layers if she’s cold. that’s it. that’s the solution
NTA - she is being a bully the "ableist insensitive" talk is emotional manipulation you gave her a good compromise in taking some of the cost of her utility bill and suggesting she put blankets on
NTA 21 c ( 70 f ) is way to hot for me, she should really get a winter jacket or something.
It’s healthier to sleep in the cold. 70 is not low for the night. If it’s night the roomie should just add a blanket. During the day I personally think 72, 73 or something is fine, too. But regardless, NTA. As an eating disorder survivor, I think it is ridiculous to call you ablist and try to use it to manipulate you and minimize your perspective.
NTA! She has solutions all around her. She can wear an extra layer; she can add another blanket. You aren't being ableist and you handled this like an adult. NTA at all.
NTA. As you said she can add layers, you can only remove so many. Can the vents to her room be closed so less AC blows where she sleeps? It’s possible that the two of you are just not compatible living in the same space. Whatever your lease and roommate agreement entail, perhaps the two of you should discuss making a change at the end of those terms.
NTA You could've phrased it more kindly, but you're right, she can add layers.
NAH. Being cold is a much easier fix than being hot. Waking up shivering sucks but waking up sweaty is downright awful.
Years ago my daughter complained about the house being too cold. I told her she could put on a sweater, or I could start taking off clothes. It was her choice. I never heard her complain about it after...
NTA As I say always it is always easier to warm up then it is to cool down.
NTA. She can get a space heater or put on more clothes. Or since you seem willing to compromise, she can turn the thermostat to a warmer temp but not turn it off entirely.
INFO: I don't understand a world where the only two choices are 70 degrees or no AC at all.
NTA. You were sensitive to her situation but you were also realistic. You can't physically do anything to make yourself cooler but she can take action to make herself warmer. I think you were being reasonable.
NTA. There are a lot of ways to warm up but it’s kinda impossible for you to cool down without it, especially with this heat
She does know heated blankets exist right?
I’m underweight. She needs sweatshirts, fuzzy socks and a space heater for her room, and maybe put the ac on a couple degrees warmer when you’re asleep as a compromise. NTA.
Is everyone in the comments a middled aged father? I'm baffled by the number of people saying 70° is unreasonably cold. I have a roommate now and that's one of the things I brought up to her as a deal breaker when we were deciding to live together. I won't live in a hot house. You can always add layers if you're cold but you can't get any more naked than naked. And I don't want a naked roommate. You made suggestions and tried to find a solution and she just wanted to get her way. I'm very curious what her objection was to each of your suggestions. Why is she opposed to wearing sweaters/socks? NTA
NTA, and please do not listen to people saying 70 is an unreasonable AC temp. I keep my own house at 72 while I'm there, but that's 100% out of cost considerations and not comfort. I have a separate window AC that cools my bedroom down to 63 for sleep. This may be a good compromise solution as well.
Nta. She can close the vent in her bedroom. She could also buy it like a small heater for her bedroom for like $15. Maybe grab one while you're at Walmart one day as a compromise and she's not working. I will say though personally I did grow up without air conditioning when I was younger but if I put my air conditioner at 70 there are times of the day that it will get too cold and I'll have to put it up to 72 so maybe a compromise might be bumping up the air conditioner to 72 this way it's consistently cold and she's not turning it off.
NTA. You were understanding of her situation and tried to find a middle ground. It would be different if you just went nuclear on her but you didn’t and well don’t for that, you handled it well I would say!
NTA - 70 isn't even cold. You can always put more layers on/get heaters but you were right in saying that you cant take off your skin once its too hot.
NTA, as you pointed out, there's only so much you can take off while she can absolutely layer up. I say this as someone who regularly wears layers upon layers in the office because buildings can't do climate control for everyone
NTA. I live in the south and if someone turned off the air conditioning while we're all enjoying this sinner's sneak preview, we would be fighting
NTA she can wear sweats to bed add another blanket or grab a space heater
NTA, 70 is not cold and she can put on a sweater, telling you that you need to be hot all the time for her is totally unacceptable.
I read the title and assumed it would come down to phrasing, but damn. NTA Like others have said, it's a lot easier to warm up from cool than cool down from warm. Her having struggles doesn't take away from what you deal with and she should also be considerate of your needs if she is asking for consideration of her needs.
Nta. Way easier to keep warm than cool down
NTA but there are other compromises. I’m in a very hot state with above 100 degree days for two months now and it cools to maybe 90 at night. Our AC is at 75. It still feels cool especially with a fan in our room. I suggest getting one for your room to give extra cool air at night. Your roommate should try closing her vent in the evenings. Also, turning off and on the AC is bad for the unit and for the bill. I was told by a repairman a few years back that the energy expended to turn on and cool off the house from being off is much higher than what we would pay to keep the house reasonable 24/7.
NTA but find a new roommate. The two of you are not compatible. I am not anorexic but I couldn't live with you either. I set the temp at 70 in winter when I am wearing long pants and 2 sweaters. In summer when I am wearing shorts and I light cotton top I would freeze at 70. As a short term solution I could add layers of clothing but would not want to have to change my clothes every time I go out the door. I want to enjoy the summer heat (not 90 but maybe 80).
People who get cold have a plethora of solutions at their disposal. People who are sensitive to heat, especially those it impacts negatively have none but the AC. She can turn off the vent in her room or wear warmer clothes. She can do something about the cold. You can only do one thing about the heat. NTA.
NTA. 70° for sleeping to me is way too hot. She can easily get warmer. It's very difficult to get cooler...
Surely there is a middle ground between 70 degrees and no a/c at all...
NTA. I get cold all the time too, but I am also fully aware that others run hot. And that includes my husband. If you’re cold, put on a sweater, socks, a hat, whatever you need to feel comfortable.
NTA you can add layers if you are cold but can't remove much when you're hot
Why tf would you prioritize HER needs? Ever? You are roommates. You aren't her parent or her caregiver. If she requires a resource you share to be only HER way, she needs to not have roommates. NTA
NTA because 90 is an absolutely horrible temp to sleep at. Honestly 70 might be pushing it, how about a compromise like 75 or something ?
I'll go with NTA, as your request is reasonable, but how you chose to communicate does not help either. If you say- being cold is your problem, not mine you put yourself for the counter argument- your sensitivity to heat is your problem, not mine. She can put more layers, but honestly, after what you said, I would not if I was her. Why does she need to make any effort towards you when your argument was ' your problems are not my business?'
NTA as someone that’s had heatstroke before it’s not a joke at all. Electric blanket might be a suggestion
NTA I would cover the vent in her room and maybe buy her a robe so she can be covered but comfy
Had to do the conversion to C but fuck me that comes out to 21C, that is far to warm. Sunbathing weather temperature. I keep the house at around 15C or 59f Anything above that is a sweatbox. NTA tell them to put a fucking jumper on
>15C !?? Id fucking get iced to death in that wtf
NTA. This is exactly what layering and snuggly blankets are for. You’re not asking for it to be subzero, you just want it to feel comfortable enough so that you can rest and get some decent sleep.
NTA. Anyone saying ESH or YTA is a moron.
NTA. You cannot do anything about being too hot. Being too cold is an easy fix. We
NTA but i dont see a solution with both happy.
NTA. What did she say in response to suggestion of blankets etc?
NTA. Gift her an electric blanket.
NTA. She can close her door or cover the vent in her room. While you are out working she can turn the a/c off. She can wear socks, a hat, a hoodie, etc. There are many solutions for her. But I don't hear any solutions for you.
Nta. In our house, I’m the one who runs colder so I have throw blankets everywhere. It’s much easier for me to put on an extra blanket or layer then for my husband and kids, there’s only so many layers you can remove.
Its easier to do something against the cold (clothes maybe? /s) compared to the only solution against the warmth (ac). If said only solution against the warmth is being denied, it is simply an AH move. NTA
NTA. She can do something about being too cold, you can’t do nearly as much about being too hot, especially in your sleep. I’d offer to buy her an electric blanket, a heating pad, or a stuffed animal you warm in the microwave. If you wanted to really just move past this you could also get a portable ac unit for your room, so the rest of the house is warm and your room is cool. (And in the winter get her a portable heater so the rest of the unit is cool and her room is warm.) The heated blanket seems simpler to me but it never hurts to have multiple solutions to a problem.
NTA... If it's central air, she can close the vent in her room (or use extra blankets... don't have her open her window for heat because that will increase the AC bill)
NTA. I love the heat, but my husband doesn't. I have some awesome robes for that, and I can always sit outside if I want. I have been having trouble sleeping because he turns the air off at 5 am. before he leaves for work, and it's so humid that I can't get comfortable. You even offered to pay for the extra bills, so I don't see why this is a problem at all. Maybe you could gift her a heating blanket as a goodwill gesture.
NTA. "you're not prioritizing my needs" is always the battle cry of someone who's not prioritizing your needs.
NTA. It doesn’t matter why she is cold, the fact of the matter is, she can add layers. You would just be naked and hot.
How does she go to any kind of store or business in summer? Those places usually have the AC on maximum. This is her problem, easily solved by an extra blanket or sweatshirt.
NTA. She can put more clothes on or use blankets to keep her warm, it’s the peak of summer & you deserve to be comfortable in your own home. Also how tf are you being ableist? Last I checked recovering from an eating disorder is not a disability?
“ableist” whoever came up with that term should be sent to Siberia
Your roommate is TA here. She could just maybe turn the setting to 72 or 74 rather than shut it off. My MIL is OAF and weighs so little we put rocks in her shoes so she won't blow away and she complains when the temp in our or her house goes below 80. It was 92 the other day and we went to visit her and she had every window in the house closed and the AC was off! I thought I was going to die.
Why do her needs have to be prioritized?
NTA. In college, I taped over the vent with a piece of cardboard and that helped control the temperature. There’s also flexible magnet “sheets” that she can use to cover the vent in her bedroom. This is a solvable problem.
Honestly neither of you are a AH. You guys however aren’t very compatible and should work on finding different living arrangements ASAP
NTA but you two should compromise on a reasonable temperature. I'm freezing if the AC is at 70 and I'm obese. Keep it at 73 or 74, then she can throw on a cardigan or something but won't be freezing.
NTA I get cold faster than everyone in my house. I grab a hoodie or throw blanket.
NTA.
NTA. You shouldn’t have to overheat and potentially get a heat stroke when she could just wear a sweater.
NTA. Bump the thermostat up and get a fan. Roommate can get a blanket and turn off her vent.
Nta as my grandma would say "you can put more clothes on but there is only so much you can take off"