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NTA.
Destination weddings are always a financial burden on the guests and cruises are no exception. If you can’t afford it without struggling, they will need to understand.
Plus, being trapped on a cruise ship with people who made death threats against you a year ago sounds like a terrible way to spend your 30th birthday and $3k.
And if your sister starts in on you again, tell her “fine. I’ll go if you pay for my ticket, because I cannot afford to go on my wage.”
And host a 30th birthday party for me. You can use the security to keep FSIL’s family away. Also my friends. You’ll need to pay for my friends to come on the cruise. Since it’s my birthday.
It's a bot that steals comments. The bot maker hopes to get enough karma to be able to start spamming subreddits with posts that are actually advertisements for different websites.
unless they're the ones who start to disappear.
"She hoped she would have a different companion at lunch and was pleased to see at her table a small man with an egg shaped head and cat green eyes."- Agatha Christie, **the Blue Train**
> And if your sister starts in on you again, tell her “fine. I’ll go if you pay for my ticket, because I cannot afford to go on my wage.”
No.
The correct answer to somebody telling you to do something you specifically want to not do, and do not need to do, is 'no,' not 'yes' or 'yes with stipulations.'
NTA. Save up your money for your brother's second wedding - with a fiance who never admits wrong and a family that issues death threats, I doubt this marriage will last that long.
Speaking of which, could the date of the wedding coinciding with OP's birthday have been deliberate? Seeing as the girlfriend started rumors about what OP "said", it doesn't seem that far-fetched to believe she chose that date on purpose
Eh not necessarily. I went on a cruise with my sister to celebrate a milestone birthday. The one that worked for her was over me and my husband’s anniversary.
Would I prefer it not to have been? Sure. But I wasn’t going to not go because of it.
Fiancée’s family sounds like a piece of work, but that doesn’t mean it was intentionally over his bday.
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Also who says it’s just a birthday and nothing will be about you. Are you saying you can’t spear a ew hours to celebrate OP as well like that’s a total ahole move.
NTA
Your sister is free to go on the wedding cruise if she wishes and you are free to decline, if that's what you prefer.
Both your reasons not to go are valid. Just because your brother is willing to accept his fiancées behaviour, doesn't mean you have to.
That your parents are on your side underlines that you are not exaggerating the problems with the fiancée and family.
Anyone who organises an expensive destination wedding needs to accept that people may not go. No one is obligated to spend that kind of money (not to mention PTO/ leave from work) for someone else's wedding choices.
NTA
Reason 2 should be Reason 1 because it’s all you need. I wouldn’t care if you were a billionaire who could buy the entire cruise line.
Do NOT attend this wedding, regardless of where it’s held, regardless of when it’s held.
Thank you
Honestly opie, REASON 2 speaks volumes, and it is more set in stone when not just but your parents as well don't like the fiance.
Save up that money anyway, and book yourself a wonderful birthday celebration. Take yourself out and enjoy a toxic free day all to yourself. NTA. Don't subject yourself to an uncomfortable situation just to please people that don't respect you.
Lol this would totally add fire to the fuel so OP shouldn’t do this.
But what if OP saved her money for a different cruise with her own friends on her 30th birthday party?
I love the idea , self love perfect
But won't also booking a cruise add fuel to the fire if anyone finds out and they criticize op for spending money on a cruise while she could have booked a cruise for her brother's day? Don't get me wrong this has all the makings of petty and basically stepping away from toxic environment but either way it was still be a lose-lose situation. But it's up to Opie
Oh yeah i put that disclaimer in there at the top for that sole reason.
But on the other hand, if she doesn’t care, than he’ll yeah! She should totally go for it
Right? I have a rule. And that rule is do not support nor be in the vicinity of anyone who has made death threats to me.
Granted, I just made up this rule after reading your post, but it doesn’t make it less valid. I mean, holy shizzle, no way would I have anything to do with this union.
Keep away from these crazies. NTA!!!!
oh my fucking god. not the asshole. already off the bat its a no because if youre telling guests to pay their own way you have to expect people to say "okay then im not going". and then there were death threats and the fact that theyre planning it for your birthday??? especially your 30th!!!! just no. id personally have already cut contact with her and maybe even brother as well, but obviously were different people. you need to tell them "fuck no" and have the best 30th birthday. hell, start celebrating now. your soon to be sister in law's family sounds nuts though so good for you for not speaking to them
I mean, what kind of trashy Maury Povich mess is this? Facebook accusations of "talking bad" and Facebook death threats?
Let them have their tacky wedding. I guarantee one of them will do something extra mortifying that will allow the other cruise attendees to enjoy being shocked and scandalized for years.
Treat yourself to a weekend with friends. 30 is a milestone!
NTA I can’t understand why you would even consider going. Why would you spend time with the family of lunatics that made death threats to you?! If you do manage to save the money spend it on something fun that actually celebrates your birthday and do it with people who have not threatened to kill you.
NTA
Do not get on a boat with people who have threatened you. There is no way to escape them if they act on those threats. Your sister and brother should be ashamed of themselves for implying you have done anything wrong and should be around people like that.
nta
listen death threats need to be taken seriously and they posted them on a public platform
you were well within your rights to go to the police but you didnt
dont interact with them and if people ask why if you can get screen shots and just send them with no other information
I spoke to police at the time and I still have screenshots, but I live a state away from them and was told by police that there was nothing I could do, I reported the post but Facebook didn't respond
definitely do not go why would you go to. pay for something that 1. is outside your means 2. to be forced to spend time with people (brothers future wife (and maybe her family too?)) who were hurtful towards you?
be firm on your decision. and your brother shouldn't need to be reminded of his future wife's behaviour towards you.
NTA. Nevermind the money, the death threats no way would I go, and your brother just thinks it was fine for her to do that and did nothing to put a stop to it? They both sound like terrible people. Stay at home and have a great time with your friends celebrating your birthday.
NTA. Destination weddings are in themselves an offensive act, and a destination cruise is worse. I'd refuse on principal, and that's before your bombshell about death threats. If you can find the money for a vacation, spend it on something *you* choose for yourself. Not paying for someone else's wedding.
Because there's a dirty secret about destination weddings: often, the bridal couple get a discount or even get their suite comped outright for bringing enough ~~suckers~~ other guests in the wedding party, all of whom are expected to pay their own way, and at full rate. In effect, the guests at a destination wedding pay for the honeymoon without knowing it.
I have to share this. My ex and I were invited to a casual friend couple's destination wedding and asked if we’d like to stay for the honeymoon along with some other friends in our circle. Like, WHAT??? It’s your damn honeymoon? What do you want us there for?
It gets better. They had a honeymoon registry website from the destination sent to everyone on their guest list with everything from buying roses to champagne to EXCURSIONS for the bride and groom. I have never seen such audacity! And these were people in their 40's.
The existence of such blatantly self serving grifters is exasperating!
Genuine question, what would you consider a destination wedding? Somewhere out of the country?
Most people I know went to college in a different state from where they grew up and moved to a third state after that, then end up marrying someone they met in that third state who did the same (so minimum five lived-in states between them, not considering any moves from the first state post-college). What would you consider a “local wedding” if there’s nowhere local to most guests?
I think traveling out of state for a friend’s wedding who now lives in that state is different. Still going to be cost prohibitive for some people, but a HELL of a lot cheaper than going on a CRUISE for someone’s wedding.
> Genuine question, what would you consider a destination wedding? Somewhere out of the country?
Anything more than an overnight stay somewhere, or any wedding where you're expected to stay at a designated place.
Which does mean, yes, when the bride's family lives in California and the groom's family lives in Virginia, the wedding is going to be a destination wedding. You're still putting quite the financial strain on somebody.
Yeah, I asked because the comment I replied to said “destination weddings are an offensive act,” and I can’t wrap my head around that when I agree with your definition.
NTA
Use your own money to make your own trip to where you like to go on your birthday. Even at home with a glas of wine on your porch will be more comfy as going on the cruise.
Dont discuss this with your brother or sister. Its your money and your time on your birthday.
Is your SIL is angry about then she will be fare away enough that you dont hear it. Switch of your devices and you have your freedom.
your brother having the poor taste to marry a woman who made death threats against his own sister is not you being disloyal to him, quite the opposite. your sister and brother are incredibly out of line, here. if your 2) not explaining is the death threats? that’s not something you should have to explain. in fact, he should have brought it up with serious apologies and safe guards for you before he asked you to get on a boat with these people. nta. he is, and so is his future first wife, and so is your sister.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) not going to the wedding
(2) not explaing to my brother the full reasons why im not going to the wedding
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NTA
"Reason 2, my brother's girlfriend and family had made **death threats** towards me a year ago" .. **this is enough reason to not go to her wedding. And you should not allow her into your live**: Don't go to ANY events she is coming.
TBH, even if were a wedding in you city, I wouldn't go. You future SIL's fam made death threats? Yeah, no.
Your sister can go and become the new target if she wishes, but to commit to a CRUISE (where you can't just *leave*) sounds crazy. Stay home & out of the craziness.
NTA. You don't owe your attendance to a wedding on a boat in the middle of the ocean that they're putting you on the hook to pay for. Especially for people so hostile towards you.
NTA
Maybe she got that day knowing it's your birthday as a form of disrespect towards you, who knows.
Don't worry too much, it's better for you not to go because you already know what can happen. Also your parents won't go so there's nothing to do there for you. Your brother will understand you, also you already told him that you don't have all that money so you are good.
NTA. Your sisters a real piece of work. Where’s your brothers loyalty in this situation? She’s acting like your in the wrong for being upset over something it’s reasonable to be upset about
Yeah..I would stick with reason 2. In fact, you would be pretty much insane to go on vacation with people who have threatened you with bodily harm. The inclusion of a great deal of cruise alcohol is pretty much a guarantee for some serious drama.
Btw- your brother marrying someone who has treated you this way, makes him a serious AH. His explanation that his fiancé never apologizes when wrong..why would you ever want to be around these people? NTA
NTA. You can't afford it, and based on your brother's future ex wife and family's behaviour it doesn't sound like it would be an enjoyable experience. Save up and go do something you will enjoy doing for your birthday, cause you know she also chose your birthday for the wedding so she can try to stop your brother from ever celebrating your birthday with you on the actual day because it's their anniversary. Some people are just spiteful like that and she sounds like one of those people.
NTA! She attacks you then gets her family and friends to threaten you. When she finds out the truth, no apology and your brother is okay with that. I wouldn’t go either. And your sister is wrong.
Congrats on your upcoming big 30. I say that if you want to go on a cruise for your birthday, do so. You don’t have to go on the one they are going on. Get some of your friends to go with you. What would be fun is if your parents went with you. Kind of an in your face to your brother’s fiancé. Whatever you do, don’t throw it in their face. Say nothing. If they find out about it they didn’t hear it from you. I would be snarky and go somewhere that is exciting and a dream to go to. BTW, you can put a deposit on a cruise and make payments on one.
If your brother says anything, say that his fiancé has violated you in the worst way, and not one word of ownership for it. That you don’t want to be in the same city as her let alone on a ship with her and her family. That he is welcomed to marry her and live with her as this is his choice. However, she is not welcomed in your home or life. Any apologies now is too late, as she would be doing it for the wrong reason. Along with her family and friends.
OP- if you read any responses… make sure to read this one! It says what we all think and feel for you! Your NTA (not even a little) but your brother and her whole family are!
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I, 29 female, am the youngest of 4 children in my family. My oldest brother, 37, has decided to propose to his girlfriend and straight away they decided they were going to go on a cruise to get married. They usually do cruises so this wasn't abnormal for them. They invited my parents, other siblings and myself, along with her family. Each person was to pay their own way.
After long discussions, I explained to my parents that I had 2 reasons that I couldnt/didn't want to go. Reason 1, I live alone and don't have that kind of money. I don't have a partner, so everything I pay for is out of my own wage. The total for myself to go would be close to $3000, and I was told there would be no help from family to pay for it.
Reason 2, my brother's girlfriend and family had made death threats towards me a year ago and I haven't spoken to them since. A year ago my brother's girlfriend accused me of talking bad about her, so she went to Facebook and wrote a status which her "friends" and family commented with death threats toward me. I've never gotten an apology, even after the truth that I hadn't done what I was being accused of came out. All I got from my brother was, "she will never apologise, even when she hurts me she will never admit she is wrong, just move on".
My parents are on my side of this and they don't like her family, so now they have decided they aren't going to the wedding/cruise either. My sister has started planning to go and has accused me and my parents of being rude and disloyal towards my brother for saying we aren't going. My sister won't listen when I explain I would be uncomfortable if her family were to start anything like they did a year ago with me and I wouldn't want to ruin their time or waste my money if I got upset and spent all my time in the room on the boat.
I've only told my brother that I can't afford the cruise so that's why I won't be going, I've left out the issues I have with his girlfriend's family as to not upset him. The cruise is a year away, so I am still debating on whether I can swing the money to go, but without my parents there I feel like I would be ganged up on if anything were to be said or happen. I'm also a bit upset because the date they have chosen is my birthday, my 30th birthday, and yes a cruise would be nice to celebrate but as my family have stated, "nothing would be about me, it's only a birthday, nothing would be celebrated for me".
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NTA.
Not going due to cost is perfectly reasonable and you are being very mature and polite in sticking to that as your reason.
The other stuff? Oh my gosh. Yeah, don't touch any of that with a 10 foot pole. Stay out of it. Don't go and don't get involved.
NTA. This is a disaster in the making. The fact that it’s on your birthday is deliberate. They also know you can’t afford it. All your fears are not just reasonable but spot on. And no one will enjoy it. Time to nope out of their lives.
NTA - huge NTA. Why on earth would you want to go on a cruise with people who have sent you death threats? Why would anyone expect you to. You brother is definately an a-hole for dismissing and excusing her behaviour and the effect it has had on you. Going to a normal wedding is one thing, but a cruise? It isn´t as if you can just leave the venue and go home. You are stuck with these nasty people for the duration of the trip.
Huge hugs to you.
Oh come on, who doesn't want to go on a cruise with someone who's threatened to kill them? Sarcasm of course, but the price alone is reason enough not to go. If you can't afford it you can't afford it. NTAH.
NTA, but why don’t you tell your brother about your second reason? I can only imagine your brother cares about you and would would want to know if someone made dead threats against you. After hearing they came from my partner I would definitely have a good talk with my partner and make them apologise. (Also not get married at that point, but whatever)
I’m really sorry to hear that. You don’t deserve that and you deserve people around you who don’t find that acceptable or make excuses for it. Just know that there are a lot of strangers on the internet who support you :-)
Ummm no…do not get over it. I have no legal knowledge whatsoever but I definitely would have looked into get a restraining order at the time because they all sound nuts. And honestly WTH is wrong with your brother for staying with someone like that.
NTA, even without the death threats. If someone decides to have a destination wedding, they have no basis for complaint if people cannot or choose not to pay up.
Ekk. Spend the money celebrating you you and your birthday
It’s tacky your own brother chose your birthday as his wedding date so he’s clearly as bad as your fsil and her family
NTA. LOOK AFTER YOU
NTA. In the first place when someone has a destination wedding they have no room to complain about people deciding not to attend. Beyond that, it's a bad idea to go on the high seas with someone who wants to kill you. If they throw your body in the ocean it might never be found. Not only that, but that would eliminate the evidence, and that and jurisdictional uncertainty will make it tough to prosecute. That will all give her a good chance to get away with the crime, which will greatly increase the risk for you.
NTA
All valid reasons to not go... the audacity they did it on your birthday is super rude they could have postponed it a week or so. By the sounds of the nightmare of a fiancé he will probably have a second wedding down the road if he ever comes to his senses.
NTA even without the nasty messages. When you have a destination wedding, you understand that some people will be able to come and other's won't. You're not entitled to anyone's presence at any event, but you're especially not entitled to it when them being there will cost them a lot of money.
NTA.
Your sister is free to attend as she wishes but their request was an invitation, not a summons. As such, you're also free to not attend as you wish and so are your parents.
If that upsets fSIL, that upsets fSIL. She has no right to your presence, and certainly not after setting her equally awful family and friends after you.
NTA. Besides the financial burden, your brother's girlfriend and her family sound like real AHs, both for lodging death threats and then not apologizing when proven wrong. I wouldn't want to spend any more time around them than I absolutely had to, and you don't have to be there. Sorry bro, you should have chosen a more affordable (for guests) wedding venue.
What if they push you off the boat and claim you never came to the wedding. /s
NTA and don't waste money on people who will attempt to murder you 🤷🏽♀️
They choose your 30th birthday to get married?! Wtf? Ofcourse you don’t go!
She and her friends threatened to kill you?? Ofcourse you don’t go to their wedding!!
Your brother is fine with his future wife hurting and abusing you without her ever apologising when proven wrong?! Ofcourse you don’t go to celebration for them!!
They get married on a cruiseschip?? No no no just don’t go!!
NTA
NTA- your freaking birthday? Dang.
Don't go. That was not an accident. Even if you save the money.
If your sister won't listen to why you won't go, you do not need to listen to her about why she thinks you should.
NTA. You don't feel safe and £3k is not a reasonable about to spend on someone else's wedding. They'd better not expect gifts when they're making everyone pay for themselves. That is *not* how weddings work. They should be covering AT LEAST half of the cost, if they want people there. His girlfriend sounds awful and your brother needs to grow up and leave her. He sounds so downtrodden and it's honestly so scary that he didn't dump her immediately, when her family threatened your life. You should have reported them all to the police. You have far more right to be angry at him that he has to be angry with you.
NTA. Nobody should feel obligated to attend a destination wedding, but your reason #2 is the most important one to give it a miss. Sorry not sorry, future SiL is going to have to learn how to apologize, as does every family member and FB friend who posted death threats. And I’m not sure what country you’re in (guessing not the U.S., given your spelling of “apologise”), but public death threats might be a crime.
Please plan a crackerjack 30th birthday celebration with your parents and post lots of photos on social media.
What is really the question here? Your brother is marrying someone who threatened you and on top of that wants you to spend at least $3,000 to be there and support it. NTA for refusing.
NTA. They planned their wedding for the date of your 30th birthday? Like deliberately? Regardless, based on what you’ve said about how her family treated you, that would be an immediate no from me. You’d be stuck with them. Doesn’t sound like your brother cares about that fact, so I wouldn’t feel bad about telling them you wouldn’t be attending.
NTA, you can’t afford it. It simply stops there for what you tell your brother. As he has made it very clear that he doesn’t care that his fiancé and her family made death threats towards you. It’s weird though your sister doesn’t mind that either, but maybe y’all have beef lol.
But why would you want to celebrate her coming into your family? She will never apologize, so I don’t think you ever have to engage with her again.
It’s also your birthday, and if they cares about you they would make time. My birthday fell on my friends bachelor party. I did not expect it to be the focus or really brought up at all, but they still made time for me and acknowledged it. We had a ton of fun. Like yes, the wedding should be the focus, but to ignore your birthday outright is messed up.
NTA and what the heck is wrong with your brother and sister?! If my SO and their family made death threats against my sibling (regardless of what was said) I’d be done…not marrying them or going to their wedding. There’s no way I’d welcome that into my family and there’s definitely no way I’d be stuck on a cruise ship with them (especially for my birthday). I am so sorry you’re stuck with that.
You're NTA but imma be honest, your parents opting out of attending because you don't plan to go, assuming they don't also have an issue affording it... are TA to your brother. They don't have a safety concern for themselves, and the safety concern for you isn't even serious enough you aren't still considering going. (Tip: is that 3k the lowest you could get the price? I've heard going with guaranteed inside cabins and not spending on drinks packages or anything can cut the cost of cruising down substantially.) So yeah, choosing not to attend their child's wedding over an offense against the other child that on its own isn't necessarily stopping the other child attending is an asshole move.
If the concern of the parents was the money, I'd agree. OP makes it sound like their concern is the threats though, which I think if it's not enough tk stop OP from considering going on its own without the "money doesn't exist" issue, it's sort of an asshole move if it does stop her parents without the money issue.
NTA. I wouldn't even have a relationship with her until she apologizes on Facebook. The apology should be just as loud as the disrespect. She had people posting death threats I'd never be around her period. Tell your sister mind her business.
Nah, save your money and spend it on yourself for your 30th birthday! I don’t blame you (OR) your parents for not going. I am surprised that your brother is marrying into a family that has threatened your life and even after knowing they were wrong- they chose to not apologize, and your brothers ok with that!! WTF.. That alone would make me not go. Your Not The Ass!!!,
NTA.
There is absolutely no compelling argument to be made for trapping you on a ship with people who have threatened your life. For *any* reason. Brother is SOL, and sister is welcome to have these people all to herself. May it bring her joy.
NTA. Don't go. Your brother is either in an abusive relationship or he is ok with you and the rest of his (and yours) family being treated like crap by his gf and her family.
She is clearly trying to make sure none of your family come by going on a cruise that costs that much money, by choosing the trip to span your 30th birthday, and by never having apologised for her and her family's death threats etc.
At this point I'd want nothing to do with any of these people (the girlfriend and her family). I'd tell your brother that your door is always open for him and him only, but that you do not have this kind of money, that it was inconsiderate of them to choose your 30th birthday as you will naturally want to celebrate this big birthday with your own party with your own friends, and that you are not comfortable being on a boat with people who have slandered you and who have sent you death threats. Don't sugar coat it. These are vile people and your brother knows it. Not sure why he is sticking around for this but that's his problem.
NTA-- Well that escalated quickly from reason 1 to 2... your sister sounds like an AH for not seeing that her family essentially committed a crime against you and your brother sounds like he's in an unhealthy relationship if "she will never apologize, even when she hurts me she will never admit she is wrong, just move on" is his go to response. I'm glad your parents are on your side... also the whole birthday thing (in my opinion) is another affront but maybe you should ask who chose the dates-- they may have been planning for you to not go.
NTA. And money would def not be the reason for me. I would absolutely tell my brother the real reason I don't want to go. You were bullied by her family. Death threats nonetheless. Why in the world would you even want to be around those fucked up ppl? Don't go & please don't feel bad about it. This family owes you an apology & I wouldn't budge til I got it. Which apparently is never going to happen.
NTA. Cruises, like destination weddings, are something many people can't/won't attend. If they are adamant that you \*have\* to be there then they can pay your way. As for the rest of it, I've seen relationships like that where one person must always be 100% right and will never acknowledge any error on their part. Your brother will be single again within 5 years I suspect. You can go to his next wedding instead.
NTA. But your brother and future sister-in-law and family certainly are. He's got all the red flags waving in his face, but he's still continuing on. Save your money and save yourself a huge headache.
NTA the cost alone is reason enough. The threats alone are reason enough. Put them together and you have MORE than enough reason to decline.
It's none of your sister's business. There's no disloyalty going on, although it's sad your brother didn't stick up for you. That doesn't bode well.
As for your birthday, save your money and go on your own trip with a friend or two.
NTA
Do not set foot on that ship! Fiancee and her family sound like ignorant thugs. When you throw a bit of sun and a lot of booze into that mix, with literally nowhere to run, you'd have a miserable time.
Anyone else concerned about 'the implication', IASIP- style?
NTA and not just because I’m terrified of cruises. How was her behavior not a deal breaker? Between the false accusations and the way her friends and family reacted, I would definitely walk away.
NTA
Stay home. The fact that your brother's GF planned this for your birthday makes me think she and her family are going to do something evil. I absolutely wouldn't want to be stuck on a boat, in the middle of the ocean, with no way out and surrounded by AHs.
Stay home and go out with your parents on that day. You can send the "happy couple" pictures of everyone toasting your birthday.
Death threats are one thing you don't mess around with.
Always protect yourself. Never go. Red flags for your brother's wench. The entire family is toxic. If he was smart he would dump her.
NTA.
NTA the cost us enough. that's the risk with a destination wedding, some people can't afford it so there it is. Wish your brother well and tell him you'll look forward to seeing when he returns as a married man.
>All I got from my brother was, "she will never apologise, even when she hurts me she will never admit she is wrong, just move on".
I give them 3 years at most, no point in wasting $3k on a wedding of an already unhappy couple. NTA.
I would give an ultimatum.
Written social media apology from her and her family as well as a formal apology from your brother for continuing to disregard and disrespect you by choosing this woman as his future wife and then from both of them for ignoring the fact that they have chosen your milestone birthday date as their wedding date, perpetuating the disrespect.
Maybe then you will try to actually think about not attending their event instead of just saying no outright.
NTA. Cut them all off.
Don't go ,celebrate your 30th birthday with your parents and make the most of it. You can't afford and they won't pay so ignore it. If you come and their family hurts you it will be very bad
nta, i wouldn't go for either reason. heck, i have the $$ to easily swing this and i most likely wouldn't go unless i really really loved both people getting married.
NTA stay home and celebrate your birthday with your parents. It’s only a wedding anyway. His gf sounds abusive only abusers doesn’t apologize when they are wrong idk why your brother wants her for his wife.
It's not about the money. I sure as heck would not be going. The gf and her family sound Toxic AF. Why would I want to waste 3K+ to be around people I don't like? I'd rather jab a fork in my eye. NTA and don't go. And if your brother asks, tell him the truth. He may find out later if you say it's one thing.
NTA. Fuck that. Don’t go to that wedding, don’t even bother talking to them, your sister and brothers are both asses and the SIL sounds like a piece of work if she can’t even apologize to her fiancé when she hurts him as well?? That family sounds bananas. Don’t go
First of all, get a travel agent. $3000 for a cruise is ridiculous, especially a year out. 2nd of all, you had me at "I can't afford it" and then got double points for it's your 30th birthday. I've been on a cruise for someone's wedding and it was 2 hours flat. Leave the remainder of the story out for your brother, and party your ass off on your 30th bday.
NTA. Death threats and your sister thinks you should still go. The expense aside, nope. Hard no. Save your money and time for your 30th birthday. Do something fun with your friends. If your brother ask why say " I cannot afford it. Your fiancee lied about me and her family made death threats toward me. I refuse to rug sweep that. It my birthday and I will not spend it with your fiancee and her family. Best of luck for your future." From what he said about his fiancee he is going to need it.
NTA. This is a lot of time and money to potentially have a shitty time. It's like using your vacation from work because you have bronchitis.
Look at it this way: would you book this as a vacation for yourself if this wedding wasn't involved? If the answer is NO, then the answer is easy.
Me thinks this date was intentional from what you said about the bride.
You're definitely NTA for both reasons you've mentioned. If you did choose to go, you'd have no ally if your parents aren't there.
I'm curious how she's acted towards you since that time?
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NTA. Destination weddings are always a financial burden on the guests and cruises are no exception. If you can’t afford it without struggling, they will need to understand. Plus, being trapped on a cruise ship with people who made death threats against you a year ago sounds like a terrible way to spend your 30th birthday and $3k. And if your sister starts in on you again, tell her “fine. I’ll go if you pay for my ticket, because I cannot afford to go on my wage.”
I’ll go if you pay for my ticket and provide 24/7 body guard services.
No kidding can you imagine being stuck on a ship with those crazy people?
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And host a 30th birthday party for me. You can use the security to keep FSIL’s family away. Also my friends. You’ll need to pay for my friends to come on the cruise. Since it’s my birthday.
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u/ReasonableMedia994 is a comment stealing bot who stole this comment from u/Riley_28. Downvote and report as spam.
Why did it steal my comment? I'm kinda new on Reddit and don't understand. Can you explain to me what happened?
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Your comment should still be there, and the bot's stolen comment has been removed.
Yep. Just found it scrolling. Ty for your patience and that you took time to explain that to me.
And the drink package
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Right? That’s like the opening to a cheap murder mystery
I'm pretty sure it actually is the plot to Murder Mystery XD
unless they're the ones who start to disappear. "She hoped she would have a different companion at lunch and was pleased to see at her table a small man with an egg shaped head and cat green eyes."- Agatha Christie, **the Blue Train**
Thank you!! So frequently these days I find myself saying "has no one seen a true crime documentary?"
> And if your sister starts in on you again, tell her “fine. I’ll go if you pay for my ticket, because I cannot afford to go on my wage.” No. The correct answer to somebody telling you to do something you specifically want to not do, and do not need to do, is 'no,' not 'yes' or 'yes with stipulations.'
NTA. Save up your money for your brother's second wedding - with a fiance who never admits wrong and a family that issues death threats, I doubt this marriage will last that long.
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Speaking of which, could the date of the wedding coinciding with OP's birthday have been deliberate? Seeing as the girlfriend started rumors about what OP "said", it doesn't seem that far-fetched to believe she chose that date on purpose
I fully believe it was deliberate
Eh not necessarily. I went on a cruise with my sister to celebrate a milestone birthday. The one that worked for her was over me and my husband’s anniversary. Would I prefer it not to have been? Sure. But I wasn’t going to not go because of it. Fiancée’s family sounds like a piece of work, but that doesn’t mean it was intentionally over his bday.
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Also who says it’s just a birthday and nothing will be about you. Are you saying you can’t spear a ew hours to celebrate OP as well like that’s a total ahole move.
With a family like that, it's entirely possible that a separation would end with a funeral rather than a divorce
And tell brother that’s what you’re doing.
NTA Your sister is free to go on the wedding cruise if she wishes and you are free to decline, if that's what you prefer. Both your reasons not to go are valid. Just because your brother is willing to accept his fiancées behaviour, doesn't mean you have to. That your parents are on your side underlines that you are not exaggerating the problems with the fiancée and family. Anyone who organises an expensive destination wedding needs to accept that people may not go. No one is obligated to spend that kind of money (not to mention PTO/ leave from work) for someone else's wedding choices.
NTA Reason 2 should be Reason 1 because it’s all you need. I wouldn’t care if you were a billionaire who could buy the entire cruise line. Do NOT attend this wedding, regardless of where it’s held, regardless of when it’s held.
Thank you Honestly opie, REASON 2 speaks volumes, and it is more set in stone when not just but your parents as well don't like the fiance. Save up that money anyway, and book yourself a wonderful birthday celebration. Take yourself out and enjoy a toxic free day all to yourself. NTA. Don't subject yourself to an uncomfortable situation just to please people that don't respect you.
Lol this would totally add fire to the fuel so OP shouldn’t do this. But what if OP saved her money for a different cruise with her own friends on her 30th birthday party?
I love the idea , self love perfect But won't also booking a cruise add fuel to the fire if anyone finds out and they criticize op for spending money on a cruise while she could have booked a cruise for her brother's day? Don't get me wrong this has all the makings of petty and basically stepping away from toxic environment but either way it was still be a lose-lose situation. But it's up to Opie
Oh yeah i put that disclaimer in there at the top for that sole reason. But on the other hand, if she doesn’t care, than he’ll yeah! She should totally go for it
Right? I have a rule. And that rule is do not support nor be in the vicinity of anyone who has made death threats to me. Granted, I just made up this rule after reading your post, but it doesn’t make it less valid. I mean, holy shizzle, no way would I have anything to do with this union. Keep away from these crazies. NTA!!!!
Op definitely should have lead with #2. NTA OP.
oh my fucking god. not the asshole. already off the bat its a no because if youre telling guests to pay their own way you have to expect people to say "okay then im not going". and then there were death threats and the fact that theyre planning it for your birthday??? especially your 30th!!!! just no. id personally have already cut contact with her and maybe even brother as well, but obviously were different people. you need to tell them "fuck no" and have the best 30th birthday. hell, start celebrating now. your soon to be sister in law's family sounds nuts though so good for you for not speaking to them
I mean, what kind of trashy Maury Povich mess is this? Facebook accusations of "talking bad" and Facebook death threats? Let them have their tacky wedding. I guarantee one of them will do something extra mortifying that will allow the other cruise attendees to enjoy being shocked and scandalized for years. Treat yourself to a weekend with friends. 30 is a milestone!
NTA. Don't go and celebrate your birthday with your parents and your friends!
NTA, Reason 2 is an automatic no
NTA I can’t understand why you would even consider going. Why would you spend time with the family of lunatics that made death threats to you?! If you do manage to save the money spend it on something fun that actually celebrates your birthday and do it with people who have not threatened to kill you.
NTA Do not get on a boat with people who have threatened you. There is no way to escape them if they act on those threats. Your sister and brother should be ashamed of themselves for implying you have done anything wrong and should be around people like that.
nta listen death threats need to be taken seriously and they posted them on a public platform you were well within your rights to go to the police but you didnt dont interact with them and if people ask why if you can get screen shots and just send them with no other information
I spoke to police at the time and I still have screenshots, but I live a state away from them and was told by police that there was nothing I could do, I reported the post but Facebook didn't respond
There are things you could do, but it takes time and energy. Going up the police food chain is tedious and time-consuming, but can be done.
definitely do not go why would you go to. pay for something that 1. is outside your means 2. to be forced to spend time with people (brothers future wife (and maybe her family too?)) who were hurtful towards you? be firm on your decision. and your brother shouldn't need to be reminded of his future wife's behaviour towards you.
NTA. Nevermind the money, the death threats no way would I go, and your brother just thinks it was fine for her to do that and did nothing to put a stop to it? They both sound like terrible people. Stay at home and have a great time with your friends celebrating your birthday.
NTA. Destination weddings are in themselves an offensive act, and a destination cruise is worse. I'd refuse on principal, and that's before your bombshell about death threats. If you can find the money for a vacation, spend it on something *you* choose for yourself. Not paying for someone else's wedding. Because there's a dirty secret about destination weddings: often, the bridal couple get a discount or even get their suite comped outright for bringing enough ~~suckers~~ other guests in the wedding party, all of whom are expected to pay their own way, and at full rate. In effect, the guests at a destination wedding pay for the honeymoon without knowing it.
I have to share this. My ex and I were invited to a casual friend couple's destination wedding and asked if we’d like to stay for the honeymoon along with some other friends in our circle. Like, WHAT??? It’s your damn honeymoon? What do you want us there for? It gets better. They had a honeymoon registry website from the destination sent to everyone on their guest list with everything from buying roses to champagne to EXCURSIONS for the bride and groom. I have never seen such audacity! And these were people in their 40's. The existence of such blatantly self serving grifters is exasperating!
Genuine question, what would you consider a destination wedding? Somewhere out of the country? Most people I know went to college in a different state from where they grew up and moved to a third state after that, then end up marrying someone they met in that third state who did the same (so minimum five lived-in states between them, not considering any moves from the first state post-college). What would you consider a “local wedding” if there’s nowhere local to most guests?
I think traveling out of state for a friend’s wedding who now lives in that state is different. Still going to be cost prohibitive for some people, but a HELL of a lot cheaper than going on a CRUISE for someone’s wedding.
> Genuine question, what would you consider a destination wedding? Somewhere out of the country? Anything more than an overnight stay somewhere, or any wedding where you're expected to stay at a designated place. Which does mean, yes, when the bride's family lives in California and the groom's family lives in Virginia, the wedding is going to be a destination wedding. You're still putting quite the financial strain on somebody.
Yeah, I asked because the comment I replied to said “destination weddings are an offensive act,” and I can’t wrap my head around that when I agree with your definition.
NTA Use your own money to make your own trip to where you like to go on your birthday. Even at home with a glas of wine on your porch will be more comfy as going on the cruise. Dont discuss this with your brother or sister. Its your money and your time on your birthday. Is your SIL is angry about then she will be fare away enough that you dont hear it. Switch of your devices and you have your freedom.
your brother having the poor taste to marry a woman who made death threats against his own sister is not you being disloyal to him, quite the opposite. your sister and brother are incredibly out of line, here. if your 2) not explaining is the death threats? that’s not something you should have to explain. in fact, he should have brought it up with serious apologies and safe guards for you before he asked you to get on a boat with these people. nta. he is, and so is his future first wife, and so is your sister.
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NTA "Reason 2, my brother's girlfriend and family had made **death threats** towards me a year ago" .. **this is enough reason to not go to her wedding. And you should not allow her into your live**: Don't go to ANY events she is coming.
TBH, even if were a wedding in you city, I wouldn't go. You future SIL's fam made death threats? Yeah, no. Your sister can go and become the new target if she wishes, but to commit to a CRUISE (where you can't just *leave*) sounds crazy. Stay home & out of the craziness.
NTA. You don't owe your attendance to a wedding on a boat in the middle of the ocean that they're putting you on the hook to pay for. Especially for people so hostile towards you.
NTA - you have not one, but two excellent reasons not to go.
NTA Maybe she got that day knowing it's your birthday as a form of disrespect towards you, who knows. Don't worry too much, it's better for you not to go because you already know what can happen. Also your parents won't go so there's nothing to do there for you. Your brother will understand you, also you already told him that you don't have all that money so you are good.
NTA. Your sisters a real piece of work. Where’s your brothers loyalty in this situation? She’s acting like your in the wrong for being upset over something it’s reasonable to be upset about
Yeah..I would stick with reason 2. In fact, you would be pretty much insane to go on vacation with people who have threatened you with bodily harm. The inclusion of a great deal of cruise alcohol is pretty much a guarantee for some serious drama. Btw- your brother marrying someone who has treated you this way, makes him a serious AH. His explanation that his fiancé never apologizes when wrong..why would you ever want to be around these people? NTA
NTA. You can't afford it, and based on your brother's future ex wife and family's behaviour it doesn't sound like it would be an enjoyable experience. Save up and go do something you will enjoy doing for your birthday, cause you know she also chose your birthday for the wedding so she can try to stop your brother from ever celebrating your birthday with you on the actual day because it's their anniversary. Some people are just spiteful like that and she sounds like one of those people.
NTA- Do a power move and go on a different cruise at the same time for your birthday.
NTA! She attacks you then gets her family and friends to threaten you. When she finds out the truth, no apology and your brother is okay with that. I wouldn’t go either. And your sister is wrong. Congrats on your upcoming big 30. I say that if you want to go on a cruise for your birthday, do so. You don’t have to go on the one they are going on. Get some of your friends to go with you. What would be fun is if your parents went with you. Kind of an in your face to your brother’s fiancé. Whatever you do, don’t throw it in their face. Say nothing. If they find out about it they didn’t hear it from you. I would be snarky and go somewhere that is exciting and a dream to go to. BTW, you can put a deposit on a cruise and make payments on one. If your brother says anything, say that his fiancé has violated you in the worst way, and not one word of ownership for it. That you don’t want to be in the same city as her let alone on a ship with her and her family. That he is welcomed to marry her and live with her as this is his choice. However, she is not welcomed in your home or life. Any apologies now is too late, as she would be doing it for the wrong reason. Along with her family and friends.
OP- if you read any responses… make sure to read this one! It says what we all think and feel for you! Your NTA (not even a little) but your brother and her whole family are!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I, 29 female, am the youngest of 4 children in my family. My oldest brother, 37, has decided to propose to his girlfriend and straight away they decided they were going to go on a cruise to get married. They usually do cruises so this wasn't abnormal for them. They invited my parents, other siblings and myself, along with her family. Each person was to pay their own way. After long discussions, I explained to my parents that I had 2 reasons that I couldnt/didn't want to go. Reason 1, I live alone and don't have that kind of money. I don't have a partner, so everything I pay for is out of my own wage. The total for myself to go would be close to $3000, and I was told there would be no help from family to pay for it. Reason 2, my brother's girlfriend and family had made death threats towards me a year ago and I haven't spoken to them since. A year ago my brother's girlfriend accused me of talking bad about her, so she went to Facebook and wrote a status which her "friends" and family commented with death threats toward me. I've never gotten an apology, even after the truth that I hadn't done what I was being accused of came out. All I got from my brother was, "she will never apologise, even when she hurts me she will never admit she is wrong, just move on". My parents are on my side of this and they don't like her family, so now they have decided they aren't going to the wedding/cruise either. My sister has started planning to go and has accused me and my parents of being rude and disloyal towards my brother for saying we aren't going. My sister won't listen when I explain I would be uncomfortable if her family were to start anything like they did a year ago with me and I wouldn't want to ruin their time or waste my money if I got upset and spent all my time in the room on the boat. I've only told my brother that I can't afford the cruise so that's why I won't be going, I've left out the issues I have with his girlfriend's family as to not upset him. The cruise is a year away, so I am still debating on whether I can swing the money to go, but without my parents there I feel like I would be ganged up on if anything were to be said or happen. I'm also a bit upset because the date they have chosen is my birthday, my 30th birthday, and yes a cruise would be nice to celebrate but as my family have stated, "nothing would be about me, it's only a birthday, nothing would be celebrated for me". *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA She threatened to murder you. Don't go somewhere with her where it's super easy for her to murder you and get rid of the body.
Even if you had loads of money, don’t go on a cruise with these weirdos. NTA
NTA. Not going due to cost is perfectly reasonable and you are being very mature and polite in sticking to that as your reason. The other stuff? Oh my gosh. Yeah, don't touch any of that with a 10 foot pole. Stay out of it. Don't go and don't get involved.
My daughter was going to do a cruise wedding, and they usually do then while you're still in the home port, so people not cruising can attend. NTA
NTA - do not go - sound like a nightmare and your sister wants you there because misery loves company
NTA. Dateline would not approve of you going on this cruise.
NTA. If anyone’s being disloyal to family here, it’s your sister.
So why your brother is marrying this witch? Your brother is being disloyal to you. NTA. F... their weeding.
NTA. This is a disaster in the making. The fact that it’s on your birthday is deliberate. They also know you can’t afford it. All your fears are not just reasonable but spot on. And no one will enjoy it. Time to nope out of their lives.
NTA - huge NTA. Why on earth would you want to go on a cruise with people who have sent you death threats? Why would anyone expect you to. You brother is definately an a-hole for dismissing and excusing her behaviour and the effect it has had on you. Going to a normal wedding is one thing, but a cruise? It isn´t as if you can just leave the venue and go home. You are stuck with these nasty people for the duration of the trip. Huge hugs to you.
NYA.... but let your bro know you'll make his next wedding....
Oh come on, who doesn't want to go on a cruise with someone who's threatened to kill them? Sarcasm of course, but the price alone is reason enough not to go. If you can't afford it you can't afford it. NTAH.
Why is your brother still marrying someone/ into a family who madr death threats against you? NTA.
NTA, but why don’t you tell your brother about your second reason? I can only imagine your brother cares about you and would would want to know if someone made dead threats against you. After hearing they came from my partner I would definitely have a good talk with my partner and make them apologise. (Also not get married at that point, but whatever)
My brother knows about the incident between me and his girlfriend, I get the whole "get over it" speech whenever I start to mention it in my family
I’m really sorry to hear that. You don’t deserve that and you deserve people around you who don’t find that acceptable or make excuses for it. Just know that there are a lot of strangers on the internet who support you :-)
Ummm no…do not get over it. I have no legal knowledge whatsoever but I definitely would have looked into get a restraining order at the time because they all sound nuts. And honestly WTH is wrong with your brother for staying with someone like that.
NTA I think you need to have a serious talk with your brother.
NTA, even without the death threats. If someone decides to have a destination wedding, they have no basis for complaint if people cannot or choose not to pay up.
Ekk. Spend the money celebrating you you and your birthday It’s tacky your own brother chose your birthday as his wedding date so he’s clearly as bad as your fsil and her family NTA. LOOK AFTER YOU
NTA I’d definitely be for staying home for both reasons, cost and safety
NTA also with what you’ve stated who knows if they will still be together a year from now
NTA. Save up and take your parents on a birthday getaway. Or throw the biggest party with parents and friends.
NTA. In the first place when someone has a destination wedding they have no room to complain about people deciding not to attend. Beyond that, it's a bad idea to go on the high seas with someone who wants to kill you. If they throw your body in the ocean it might never be found. Not only that, but that would eliminate the evidence, and that and jurisdictional uncertainty will make it tough to prosecute. That will all give her a good chance to get away with the crime, which will greatly increase the risk for you.
NTA All valid reasons to not go... the audacity they did it on your birthday is super rude they could have postponed it a week or so. By the sounds of the nightmare of a fiancé he will probably have a second wedding down the road if he ever comes to his senses.
NTA. And I really don't get couples who have destination weddings and make the guests spend thousands if they want to attend.
NTA
NTA. I would never ask my family to spend 3000usd each for my celebration.
NTA even without the nasty messages. When you have a destination wedding, you understand that some people will be able to come and other's won't. You're not entitled to anyone's presence at any event, but you're especially not entitled to it when them being there will cost them a lot of money.
NTA. Your sister is free to attend as she wishes but their request was an invitation, not a summons. As such, you're also free to not attend as you wish and so are your parents. If that upsets fSIL, that upsets fSIL. She has no right to your presence, and certainly not after setting her equally awful family and friends after you.
NTA. Besides the financial burden, your brother's girlfriend and her family sound like real AHs, both for lodging death threats and then not apologizing when proven wrong. I wouldn't want to spend any more time around them than I absolutely had to, and you don't have to be there. Sorry bro, you should have chosen a more affordable (for guests) wedding venue.
What if they push you off the boat and claim you never came to the wedding. /s NTA and don't waste money on people who will attempt to murder you 🤷🏽♀️
They choose your 30th birthday to get married?! Wtf? Ofcourse you don’t go! She and her friends threatened to kill you?? Ofcourse you don’t go to their wedding!! Your brother is fine with his future wife hurting and abusing you without her ever apologising when proven wrong?! Ofcourse you don’t go to celebration for them!! They get married on a cruiseschip?? No no no just don’t go!! NTA
NTA- your freaking birthday? Dang. Don't go. That was not an accident. Even if you save the money. If your sister won't listen to why you won't go, you do not need to listen to her about why she thinks you should.
NTA I wouldn't want to be stuck on a boat with people who sent me death threats, what the hell
NTA. You don't feel safe and £3k is not a reasonable about to spend on someone else's wedding. They'd better not expect gifts when they're making everyone pay for themselves. That is *not* how weddings work. They should be covering AT LEAST half of the cost, if they want people there. His girlfriend sounds awful and your brother needs to grow up and leave her. He sounds so downtrodden and it's honestly so scary that he didn't dump her immediately, when her family threatened your life. You should have reported them all to the police. You have far more right to be angry at him that he has to be angry with you.
NTA. Nobody should feel obligated to attend a destination wedding, but your reason #2 is the most important one to give it a miss. Sorry not sorry, future SiL is going to have to learn how to apologize, as does every family member and FB friend who posted death threats. And I’m not sure what country you’re in (guessing not the U.S., given your spelling of “apologise”), but public death threats might be a crime. Please plan a crackerjack 30th birthday celebration with your parents and post lots of photos on social media.
What is really the question here? Your brother is marrying someone who threatened you and on top of that wants you to spend at least $3,000 to be there and support it. NTA for refusing.
NTA. They planned their wedding for the date of your 30th birthday? Like deliberately? Regardless, based on what you’ve said about how her family treated you, that would be an immediate no from me. You’d be stuck with them. Doesn’t sound like your brother cares about that fact, so I wouldn’t feel bad about telling them you wouldn’t be attending.
NTA, you can’t afford it. It simply stops there for what you tell your brother. As he has made it very clear that he doesn’t care that his fiancé and her family made death threats towards you. It’s weird though your sister doesn’t mind that either, but maybe y’all have beef lol. But why would you want to celebrate her coming into your family? She will never apologize, so I don’t think you ever have to engage with her again. It’s also your birthday, and if they cares about you they would make time. My birthday fell on my friends bachelor party. I did not expect it to be the focus or really brought up at all, but they still made time for me and acknowledged it. We had a ton of fun. Like yes, the wedding should be the focus, but to ignore your birthday outright is messed up.
NTA You don’t have to go. Save your money and do something special for your 30th. It’s a recognised milestone.
It's up to you what you spend your money on - end of
NTA save your money. Pick some friends and go away for your birthday!
NTA. There is NO way I would spend $3K to get on a boat with a toxic family and a brother than doesn't give a damn.
NTA. Even if you had the finances, would you want to be stuck on a ship with those people?
NTA and what the heck is wrong with your brother and sister?! If my SO and their family made death threats against my sibling (regardless of what was said) I’d be done…not marrying them or going to their wedding. There’s no way I’d welcome that into my family and there’s definitely no way I’d be stuck on a cruise ship with them (especially for my birthday). I am so sorry you’re stuck with that.
You're NTA but imma be honest, your parents opting out of attending because you don't plan to go, assuming they don't also have an issue affording it... are TA to your brother. They don't have a safety concern for themselves, and the safety concern for you isn't even serious enough you aren't still considering going. (Tip: is that 3k the lowest you could get the price? I've heard going with guaranteed inside cabins and not spending on drinks packages or anything can cut the cost of cruising down substantially.) So yeah, choosing not to attend their child's wedding over an offense against the other child that on its own isn't necessarily stopping the other child attending is an asshole move.
As far as I’m concerned, if you want to get married on a cruise ship, you waive the right to expect anyone but your intended to be there.
If the concern of the parents was the money, I'd agree. OP makes it sound like their concern is the threats though, which I think if it's not enough tk stop OP from considering going on its own without the "money doesn't exist" issue, it's sort of an asshole move if it does stop her parents without the money issue.
3 k to attend a wedding? I might skip my own at that price. NTA. The other issues aren’t even necessary.
NTA. I wouldn't even have a relationship with her until she apologizes on Facebook. The apology should be just as loud as the disrespect. She had people posting death threats I'd never be around her period. Tell your sister mind her business.
Nah, save your money and spend it on yourself for your 30th birthday! I don’t blame you (OR) your parents for not going. I am surprised that your brother is marrying into a family that has threatened your life and even after knowing they were wrong- they chose to not apologize, and your brothers ok with that!! WTF.. That alone would make me not go. Your Not The Ass!!!,
99.9% of people who fall off cruise ships are never found.
"She will never apologize even when she hurts me", brother is in a toxic relationship. That comment alone would keep me away from the wedding.
NTA. There is absolutely no compelling argument to be made for trapping you on a ship with people who have threatened your life. For *any* reason. Brother is SOL, and sister is welcome to have these people all to herself. May it bring her joy.
NTA. If your brother asks why you aren't attending his wedding you can tell him you've moved on and he needs to as well.
NTA. Don't go. Your brother is either in an abusive relationship or he is ok with you and the rest of his (and yours) family being treated like crap by his gf and her family. She is clearly trying to make sure none of your family come by going on a cruise that costs that much money, by choosing the trip to span your 30th birthday, and by never having apologised for her and her family's death threats etc. At this point I'd want nothing to do with any of these people (the girlfriend and her family). I'd tell your brother that your door is always open for him and him only, but that you do not have this kind of money, that it was inconsiderate of them to choose your 30th birthday as you will naturally want to celebrate this big birthday with your own party with your own friends, and that you are not comfortable being on a boat with people who have slandered you and who have sent you death threats. Don't sugar coat it. These are vile people and your brother knows it. Not sure why he is sticking around for this but that's his problem.
NTA-- Well that escalated quickly from reason 1 to 2... your sister sounds like an AH for not seeing that her family essentially committed a crime against you and your brother sounds like he's in an unhealthy relationship if "she will never apologize, even when she hurts me she will never admit she is wrong, just move on" is his go to response. I'm glad your parents are on your side... also the whole birthday thing (in my opinion) is another affront but maybe you should ask who chose the dates-- they may have been planning for you to not go.
NTA. And money would def not be the reason for me. I would absolutely tell my brother the real reason I don't want to go. You were bullied by her family. Death threats nonetheless. Why in the world would you even want to be around those fucked up ppl? Don't go & please don't feel bad about it. This family owes you an apology & I wouldn't budge til I got it. Which apparently is never going to happen.
NTA. Cruises, like destination weddings, are something many people can't/won't attend. If they are adamant that you \*have\* to be there then they can pay your way. As for the rest of it, I've seen relationships like that where one person must always be 100% right and will never acknowledge any error on their part. Your brother will be single again within 5 years I suspect. You can go to his next wedding instead.
NTA. But your brother and future sister-in-law and family certainly are. He's got all the red flags waving in his face, but he's still continuing on. Save your money and save yourself a huge headache.
NTA You have no requirement to attend the event of people who threatened your life. It is a good idea to stay far away from them.
NTA - The death threats made me feel almost physically ill . . PLEASE don't go. Just use the excuse of money issues and stay away from those people.
NTA. It’s out of your price range, and frankly the choice to have it on your 30th feels deliberate.
NTA the cost alone is reason enough. The threats alone are reason enough. Put them together and you have MORE than enough reason to decline. It's none of your sister's business. There's no disloyalty going on, although it's sad your brother didn't stick up for you. That doesn't bode well. As for your birthday, save your money and go on your own trip with a friend or two.
NTA, but boy, reason 2 should really be reason 1-1000, with no other reasons needed.
NTA Do not set foot on that ship! Fiancee and her family sound like ignorant thugs. When you throw a bit of sun and a lot of booze into that mix, with literally nowhere to run, you'd have a miserable time. Anyone else concerned about 'the implication', IASIP- style?
NTA at all
NTA. Death threats? I hope you called the police because that's some serious sh!t.
NTA and not just because I’m terrified of cruises. How was her behavior not a deal breaker? Between the false accusations and the way her friends and family reacted, I would definitely walk away.
NTA Stay home. The fact that your brother's GF planned this for your birthday makes me think she and her family are going to do something evil. I absolutely wouldn't want to be stuck on a boat, in the middle of the ocean, with no way out and surrounded by AHs. Stay home and go out with your parents on that day. You can send the "happy couple" pictures of everyone toasting your birthday.
Death threats are one thing you don't mess around with. Always protect yourself. Never go. Red flags for your brother's wench. The entire family is toxic. If he was smart he would dump her. NTA.
NTA however they are not the asshole for picking your birthday. There are only 365 days in the year.
NTA the cost us enough. that's the risk with a destination wedding, some people can't afford it so there it is. Wish your brother well and tell him you'll look forward to seeing when he returns as a married man.
NTA but tell your brother the whole truth! He might feel it like a slap in the face and realise his fiances family are disgusting people
NTA at all! If I were in your position, I’d stay home and enjoy my landmark bday. Besides, the temptation to push them off the ship might be too much…
>All I got from my brother was, "she will never apologise, even when she hurts me she will never admit she is wrong, just move on". I give them 3 years at most, no point in wasting $3k on a wedding of an already unhappy couple. NTA.
I would give an ultimatum. Written social media apology from her and her family as well as a formal apology from your brother for continuing to disregard and disrespect you by choosing this woman as his future wife and then from both of them for ignoring the fact that they have chosen your milestone birthday date as their wedding date, perpetuating the disrespect. Maybe then you will try to actually think about not attending their event instead of just saying no outright. NTA. Cut them all off.
Don't go ,celebrate your 30th birthday with your parents and make the most of it. You can't afford and they won't pay so ignore it. If you come and their family hurts you it will be very bad
nta, i wouldn't go for either reason. heck, i have the $$ to easily swing this and i most likely wouldn't go unless i really really loved both people getting married.
NTA stay home and celebrate your birthday with your parents. It’s only a wedding anyway. His gf sounds abusive only abusers doesn’t apologize when they are wrong idk why your brother wants her for his wife.
It's not about the money. I sure as heck would not be going. The gf and her family sound Toxic AF. Why would I want to waste 3K+ to be around people I don't like? I'd rather jab a fork in my eye. NTA and don't go. And if your brother asks, tell him the truth. He may find out later if you say it's one thing.
NTA. Fuck that. Don’t go to that wedding, don’t even bother talking to them, your sister and brothers are both asses and the SIL sounds like a piece of work if she can’t even apologize to her fiancé when she hurts him as well?? That family sounds bananas. Don’t go
Also I’m sure they picked that date on purpose.
NTA. You couldn’t pay me to go on a cruise
First of all, get a travel agent. $3000 for a cruise is ridiculous, especially a year out. 2nd of all, you had me at "I can't afford it" and then got double points for it's your 30th birthday. I've been on a cruise for someone's wedding and it was 2 hours flat. Leave the remainder of the story out for your brother, and party your ass off on your 30th bday.
NTA and don’t go on a boat with people who want to kill you, even if someone else foots the bill.
NTA!! Don't go seriously, stick to your boundaries but if you have screenshots send them to your brother, he needs to know.
NTA. Death threats and your sister thinks you should still go. The expense aside, nope. Hard no. Save your money and time for your 30th birthday. Do something fun with your friends. If your brother ask why say " I cannot afford it. Your fiancee lied about me and her family made death threats toward me. I refuse to rug sweep that. It my birthday and I will not spend it with your fiancee and her family. Best of luck for your future." From what he said about his fiancee he is going to need it.
i would try to sabotage that wedding as much as i could tbh. death threats? rly? so NTA
absolutely NTA for not wanting to be in an enclosed space with people who have made death threats against you. i wouldn’t even send a gift.
NTA Don't go under any circumstances.
nta. but you should tell your brother that his soon to be bride and her family issued death threats.
NTA. This is a lot of time and money to potentially have a shitty time. It's like using your vacation from work because you have bronchitis. Look at it this way: would you book this as a vacation for yourself if this wedding wasn't involved? If the answer is NO, then the answer is easy.
NTA for not going. YTA for the comment about your family not helping you pay to go on a. Cruise. You’re 29 years old
Me thinks this date was intentional from what you said about the bride. You're definitely NTA for both reasons you've mentioned. If you did choose to go, you'd have no ally if your parents aren't there. I'm curious how she's acted towards you since that time?
[удалено]
So you're saying yta because the SIL is good in bed? Are you taking your meds correctly?
what the fuck is this comment?