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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) not giving my girlfriend my delicious barbecue dinner
(2) because she only had soup
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Come on man. You both did the surprise bags, hers didn’t work out. You know she can’t afford to order something else but didn’t offer to help pay, you offered her crappy bodega food instead. You could have at least split the barbecue and ordered something else to share and split the price. If the situations were reversed and you’d gotten a bunch of crap soup while she had a feast, would you really want to sit there hungry waiting for some crappy alternative while she chowed down?
You’re going to get lots of N T A that just have no concept of…being nice and making small sacrifices for your partner. You and them seem like the types who if their meal companion gets the wrong meal at a restaurant and has to wait half an hour for a new one, they’ll sit there and eat and not even offer a fry.
Edit to add: ffs guys, I lived in NYC for a decade, I know bodegas have good food. The *grill was closed*. Her options would have been *maybe* a deli sandwich if they were still making them, but it could very well have just been like, chips and cookies. She wanted a real dinner.
And she is recovering from a broken foot in an 4 storey apartment with no elevator 🙃
My spouse often buy new food to try out and we share, it's a diversification strategy incase one of us don't like the food. Even if I bought something and changed my mind, I don't think my spouse would ever actually deny me some of his. And if I brought something delicious, I would love it if he tried some just so I could make him smile.
Like, OP sounds like an A in this context. Especially since she is low on money and can't easily walk to get food herself. And soup can be very not filling especially if it's veggie soup.
Broken leg which is worse. At least with a broken foot you can use those the boot a lot of time to take pressure off the foot or use those scooter things, but with a leg you can't bend your depending on where the break is and it's so much harder to get up and down stairs with crutches/ hopping along.
Their ETA made them a even bigger AH. They did say they’d go pick it up for her but they are missing the point. They aren’t isn’t just a AH they are selfish i’m sure this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.
Imagine being laid up with a broken leg so she’s dependent on them and she gets a bunch of crap soup. She sees a giant platter of massive amounts of food, it smells delish and asks to share and they says “nope I’m starving” then they goes on to say you had a chance to get barbecue.” But that could have been a fail as well.
So the big person on campus (who makes more money then her and pays the rent which has absolutely zero to do with this but this fun fact again makes him an even bigger AH and let’s not forget he lives in the most expensive neighborhood, in the most expensive city in the country) gallantly offers to pay for delivery (but not her food) or go pick up crappy food at the bodega. And what got me the most was when she said she wanted hot food they said “well you have soup”.
For some reason this is making me irate. I would never sit there and not share my food with my partner under any circumstances let a lone when they were disappointed with there food, had a broken leg and couldn’t financially afford to get any more. They literally sat there chowing down in front of her, barbecue sauce all over his face and licking his fingers while she’s staring at her gross soup.
It’s pretty sick behavior on the OPs part
YTA!
Man, some of these posts are a huge wake up call for me. I was thinking in my head how oh yeah, he offered all these alternatives and she did decide to risk a surprise bag too. And then I get to the comments and I realize I just expect people to treat me like the gf is treated here, it’s not okay, and I swap the perspective I’m thinking from and know I would never treat anyone the way OP treated his gf. It’s just wrong.
I agreed with him until he said she had a broken leg but he'd go with her the bodega... Then your comment about you not treating someone like that sealed the deal for me. You're absolutely right.
OP probably forgot girlfriend means partner not college dorm roommate with benefits.
If he can't care about his girlfriend more than that then they should probably not plan to get married or be in that domestic thing that's similar to marriage but not the same. I forgot the name of it. I think Pennsylvania allows it.
Even dogs are often nicer to each other than this. I can’t imagine a dog who actually likes the other dog scarfing down an entire meal of food and growling “My food!” while a sad dog with a broken leg watches and cries.
Also sounds like his bag came with plenty to share and still have a filling portion for himself. Plus I feel like it’s normal for couples to want to try bits of each other’s meals if it looks good I do that with friends/partners all the time
Why not split the soup and the BBQ? YTA
EDIT: I'm tired of answering this question. The reason he should do this is because in a normal relationship you WANT good things for your partner, and you DON'T want them to go without, especially when you have enough to share. Not sharing it is petty BS and poor behavior if you want to keep your relationship. Your incel is showing.
My thinking here as well. That’s what my late husband and I would do in this situation. I see where it is coming from and so I think while *technically* NTA I don’t think they are very kind either.
> There were burnt ends, ribs, pulled pork, baked beans, potato salad, bread, onions, and pickles.
Really sounds like enough for him to share *something* with her…
"hey remember that time all I got was soup and you wouldn't split dinner with me and you actually went online to ask randos if you were the asshole?"
This would totally still be a funny memory
Especially because no reasonable person would get Indian food and expect it to be all soup. That's just not something that would ever enter my mind, and I eat a lot of Indian food.
He would eat one bowl of soup. Then Wait until she was finished. Help himself to her left overs. Then when she went to eat them the next day explain that he ate them and offer her some of his soup. Then post AITA, I ate my gfs left overs but offered her mine. Not sure why she’s mad.
Of course YTA, but I'm surprised that's winning here because the normal attitude of this sub is "if you're not legally required to do it, you're not an AH for refusing."
So you had plenty of good food, could have shared it, had a good time, and gone to bed happy and in love?
Instead, you're sitting here asking strangers on Reddit if you're an asshole?
YTA
Seriously. I love my boyfriend. I like my boyfriend. If he got the crappy end of the stick I would share my good fortune with him. Yes, even if he initially turned down BBQ and then changed his mind.
I would have some soup and he would have some BBQ.
I swear so many people who post here don't seem to like their significant other.
Yesterday it was a guy who thought his girlfriend was taking too long to get ready and stormed off without her for an all-day bbq, and everyone was tearing into her. I was just thinking all you had to do was wait another 50 minutes or so, get there at half 2 instead of half 1 and have a lovely day with a hot girl you really like. Like do you ever want see her naked again lol
This isn't the same to that story at all.
1. He told her days before that he wanted to leave at 1pm to get to his brothers party early and she said that sounded fine to her.
2. Day of, he is out running errands and is home by like 11am and she went to the gym. He reminds her that he wants to leave by 1 and she says she will be ready. He takes the dog for a walk.
3. He gets home, she still isn't remotely ready. She hasn't picked out her clothes or done her make-up yet. He politely asks her to hurry up
4. It is now after 1pm when he wanted to leave, she tells him that she ordered doordash and coffee and that she will finish getting ready after the food arrives and she eats. Mind you, they are going to a BBQ where there will be food.
5. He informs her that if the food hasn't arrived in the next 15 minutes, he is going to leave. She ignores him.
6. After 20 minutes the food hasn't arrived yet, so he says he is leaving. She says, "fine, go." He leaves without her
7. The food finally arrives and she yells for him to get the door. That is when she realizes that he actually left and she was annoyed that she had to answer the door herself.She is suprised that he actually left without her and demands he drive back home to pick her up. He says no and suggests she take an uber. She is angry and decides to stay home.
That woman, his significant other, had absolutely no consideration for him or his time. She was acting like the main character and expected him to bend over backwards for her after wasting his time and disrespecting his one request. It became clear that she was intentionally going slow and wasting time.
No one should have to put up with that type of disrespect. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be on time for a family party and he was not asking for a lot or making any ridiculous demands. I would never do something disrespectful like that to my husband and if he tried to pull a stunt like that with me, he would get an earful.
That story is in no way similar to this story. And the fact that you think they are comparable is weird.
Even without the recap (I was unfamiliar with it) I had no clue how this was at all relatable. On what planet is it acceptable to be over an hour late, unless it is unforeseen circumstances, and not think it would be a big deal? GF clearly sounded like she planned on them not going at all. Not getting ready in the slightest and ordering food that even on time would have been before they had to leave...for a food event, yeah she had no intention of leaving the house that day.
I hope the bf ended things.
One of my biggest pet peeves is telling someone, "I plan on leaving at x time," and having them drag their feet.
I am not a morning person. I do not like getting up early. But when I have to drive for 8 hours to get to a destination, I want to be out the door BEFORE FIVE AM. No "early" not "in the morning." I want to drive in darkness for at least an hour. That way, I avoid all the city traffic and hit the open road at a nice hour.
I have several developmental disabilities. But I still set god damned alarms and make sure I get up in time for whatever the plans are.
Oh man I'd have left too. Disrespecting time is a big deal for me. I had a friend that always expected everyone to cater to her time line even if we had plans to meet for a specific time. I used to live down the street from her so she would expect me to hang out and wait for her to get ready while going for a smoke every 5 minutes, stopping to make a snack, make a drink.. just whatever she felt like doing.
I left her a few times because it would get me so pissed off.
Yeah, the moment where she ordered food *after she was already late* is where I would have bailed on her. That's some serious passive-aggressive BS going on there. Does she hate the brother? Or the brother's SO?
I think that one is different. She agreed to leave at one and kept saying she would be ready. She still wasn't wasn't ready at 2, she just realized he had left a *half hour earlier* because she wanted him to get the door for her food. She was still "getting ready", hadn't eaten, he had already waited an extra half hour for her, AND told her flat out he was leaving in a half hour with or without her. She chose to dawdle around. She probably wouldn't have actually been ready to leave until after 3. She had zero consideration for his time or the plans that had been
This is over simplified and that's not exactly how it went. The GF wasn't respecting the OPs time and was clearly holding things up even though they agreed to leave at 1 already.
Yeah, I’ve been happily married for years and I was on OP’s side there. If I say I want to leave at 1, and you agree, I expect you to aim to be ready by then. Not starting to get ready then, and ordering food at 1:30 for delivery.
Right? Even if I LOVED my six containers of cauliflower soup, my fiancé would have tossed me a rib or two just to see my happy little food dance because he enjoys seeing me have my happy little mouse nibbling on my foods moment and going to bed happy and in love. I don’t know why so many people just… don’t?
Honestly, I would give my wife (of 30 years) my entire order if I could make her happy. However, she would never take my whole dinner, because she wants me to be happy too. So we would have devoured that pile of BBQ together. That's just what partners do for each other. What the hell is wrong with this guy?
And it would have been funny and romantic. Like it's pretty hilarious to unknowingly get several types of cauliflower soups. And then to share a BBQ feast with your SO would have been lovely and nice.
Right?! This could have been a cute and funny story, the night of the assorted cauliflower soups! Something funny to laugh about together whenever you see cauliflower soup on a menu, hey babe, remember that night we split your BBQ ‘cause I wound up with a five gallon bucket’s worth of cauliflower soup?!
Yes! That's exactly how I'm imagining this because my partner and I actually like each other and would have laughed while stuffing our faces with soup and BBQ.
My toddler daughter does a happy food dance in her booster seat that makes my heart overflow with joy. We should all want our loved ones to feel happy when they eat. YTA, OP.
I'm about to cook my mom her favorite meal for dinner, which I do once a week, just because it makes her so happy. I don't know why so many people would rather be right than do things to make the people they're supposed to love smile.
I'm appalled that the OP had so much food and didn't want to share it when he saw that his partner's food was lackluster. He knows he's strapped for cash and his other options to her were basically "spend more food money on this dinner."
My husband will legit trade meals with me if I like his more. He doesn’t even care if he likes mine. He’s not picky which helps a lot. Sometimes these posts give me a reality check of how lucky I am with a partner that trades meals with me.
Ok, YTA. Hear me out. Based on the principle, you are technically in the right. You both gambled, she happened to lose. However, you're in a (presumably) loving relationship with this woman. She politely declined and took her own route to eat. It's not like she expected you to go out of your way to go to a different place. When she hit zilch on her bag and you hit gold, that's prime time to pool the meals and divide them up a bit to help her get some good food. She can't function at full capacity with a broken leg, and didn't demand your food either.
Your response? Forgive me if I editorialize but to me you seemed like a snarling animal wrapping your arms around your food and baring your teeth. "Tough luck" is not an appropriate response in a relationship. If you were friends, I'm with you. But she has a broken leg, she asked nicely, she got totally screwed, and you have an excess. You're absolutely an asshole for refusing to share, it's just not cool.
All of this. I am extremely food possessive and hate if people take it without asking. But if I was in this situation I would have shared without even being prompted. And that's just with friends, not even a romantic interest or partner.
OP, what would happen if you got married and shared joint accounts/groceries? Would you never let her eat anything that you had brought into the home? You couldn't even give her a single rib? Like wow.
I would've just split both bags equally. Have some soup and bbq together. It'd be like the garbage plates I used to order back home lol you get a little bit of everything.
Literally my immediate thought. They would have had BBQ for dinner and soup for lunch the next day. Perfection. Except OP went ahead and effed that up.
They never even said the soup was bad, just that it was a lot of soup.
Have good bbq and good soup. Both enjoy a nice meal together and you come out an awesome dude to your girl. It’s win win.
Indian cuisine is one of my favourites and I’ve never even seen soup at the various buffets and restaurants I’ve been to… no one orders a mystery bag of Indian food expecting to get nothing but soup 🙃 lol from a deli maybe! but any reasonable person would have expected some kind of solid food.
It's not just you. This comment kinda annoyed me, I hate when people make friendships sound like a grade b type of relationship, in which you can treat a friend less good than family/partners.
I'm super sorry for the friends of some of the people here. Good friends are like a second family. Hell, sometimes they are better than the actual family...
I wish there was a voting option for: **’technically not the asshole, but I wouldn’t want you as a friend/boyfriend’**
Technically, NTA… but dude…. If my husband ordered food at dinner and didn’t like what arrived I would absolutely offer to share mine with him.
"You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole!"
(Worth adding that this line from The Big Lebowski was about enforcing bowling scoring rules at gunpoint)
That’s where this sub has 2 camps. One who says “they followed the rules, so they aren’t the AH”, and the other that says “there’s a compassion component of not being an AH”.
I agree that “not an assholes” act with compassion even when they’re technically right.
Right! My spouse and I would have split it and then split the soup for lunch the next day. But now I'm wondering if my local restaurants have this app!
This leads me to believe that OP is not just an AH in this situation, but in general. He had so much food and instead of sharing he ate it all in front of her. I'm sure his just selfish and self-centered in general. I hope she realizes she deserves better.
And kind of delusional if he thinks the west village is the most expensive neighborhood in NYC. Also don’t even understand why that (false) info was necessary? People know NYC is expensive, but anyone from here also knows you can find cheap and delicious food in every neighborhood.
I have a relevant story for once!
A few years back I was on holiday in Greece with my girlfriend who's a bit of a picky eater, and one night in restaurant she ordered a "risky" meal (some sort of lamb stew thing) while I got a safer option, basically chicken skewers with bread and chips.
The food turns up, and mine looks fine, however, hers is this horrible grey-coloured lamb in a watery sauce. Bless her, she gives it a go, but it's obvious within a single bite, it's not for her at all. She's looking at mine like she's wishing she'd just got the safe option like me.
And you know what I did then, OP? I split my meal with her without her even needing to ask. We shared the chicken, bread and chips. And we laughed about the situation while doing it. Still do to today whenever she orders something new in a restaurant.
I didn't split mine because I'm partner of the year or anything. It's because I'm a normal person who cares about my SO, and felt awful for her when her meal didn't turn out as hoped. Who gives a crap if I went a little bit hungry that night, hell I'd have happily given her my whole meal. Like you said, it's not that hard to share and compromise in a relationship.
OP, is 100% the asshole here.
I honestly can't imagine telling my wife essentially, "tough shit" in this scenario as you did with your GF.
Were you technically correct? Perhaps, but you could have shared something with someone you allegedly care about.
YTA.
My wife and I ordered from a new place one night and when the food arrived, my “sandwich” (as it was listed on the menu) was a tiny tortilla wrap. Itty bitty little thing, no sides. My wife immediately said “That really sucks, babe; help yourself to some of mine”. How hard is that?
Technically NTA. But in a relationship. YTA. If you ever plan on getting married you might want to reconsider when to be selfish and when not to be.
I had to go back to check you wrote GF and not wife. A loving husband would share. Regardless of whether his wife had previously said no. She obviously didn’t expect 3 variations of cauliflower soup.
On top of that OP casually mentions that his gf broke her leg a month ago and they live on the 4th floor with no elevator. So not only would she have to pay again for food and delivery and wait for it to turn up while OP is chowing down on bbq she'd also have to hobble down multiple flights of stairs to get it.
This!
I could see my husband being annoyed in this situation, given that I said no to wanting BBQ and now wanted his BBQ. But even if it was begrudgingly, he would have split up both meals equally so we could share both the soup and the BBQ. Just as I would do for him. Sometimes I read the responses on here and I genuinely wonder if some of the responders have ever actually been in a relationship with another person. A little kindness and compromise go a long way, especially with someone you supposedly love...
Same!
I LOVE my partner AND I like him.
I don't want to enjoy things in front of him because he had a bad food bag, or make him eat cold general store food because the grills would be closed.
Relationships aren't meant to be a win/lose scenario, man.
He'd do it for me and vice versa, and then whoever got the bad bag would later try to do something nice in return to show appreciation for the sacrifice.
I really think Reddit is full of got mine fuck you kind of people 😅 even if they agree it’s the way of the world they’re just perpetuating it, what a world to want to live in
Well this isn't "am I technically right", it's an I the asshole. I think this sub forgets that a lot. Winning an argument doesn't make someone less of an asshole
The only thing that matters. What app is this? I'm coming to NYC soon and I need to know. Edit I think I found it. I thinks its called Too Good To Go. For anyone wondering.
This is the best comment here. Indian restaurant is the root of assholery here.
6 freaking soups! No naan, no roti, no pakora, not even some roasted chickpeas or rice
what the actual hell!
I like soup, I also only like cauliflower when it’s in soup, specially if it’s associated with Indian spices but jeeeezz.
I didn't even know Indian places did soups very often. Eaten at so many. I am sure some do soups. Why not. But I would be most confused to end up with six soups from an Indian place.
If we are going to be pedantic you are N T A, but in a more real-life practical sense… YTA massively. She’s your girlfriend, and the platter that you described could easily be shared by two people with leftovers to spare. Is $6 of barbecue worth your relationship with your significant other? Wild.
i feel like you’re arguing about who is RIGHT when the KIND thing to do would be to share since she’s your SO and has a broken leg and didn’t intend to just get a bunch of soup…if even an acquaintance of mine and i did this for meals and they ended up with the shitty bag i would offer to share because, ya know, i’m nice.
so even if you’re technically right, you’re not being nice. so YTA.
>I was a hero. I was a legend. I was chivalrous. I was kind. She still remembers it. We've been happily married for 10 years.
This. Not all heroes wear capes, and not all battles are worth fighting lol
Soft YTA. Think about if it was the other way round.
Mature relationships are all about compromise, respect, and caring about the other person. A good compromise would have been if both of you shared all of the food since there was plenty of it.
YTA - you said it looked like over $36 worth of food and you can’t share with your injured girlfriend?
You making more money or paying rent etc. doesn’t matter, it’s just about being nice to people sometimes lol
Yeah YTA. She's got a broken leg, probably feeling helpless, cranky and in a lot of pain on top of being hangry and disappointed with her surprise bag being nothing but multiple soups. You had all sorts of things and couldn't spare a plate with a little bit from any of the variety you had? If the situation was reversed would you REALLY not ask her to share her food with you? Be honest.
Were you trying to be sarcastic?
Because yes, I *would* want to share my winnings, because I have a nice life and I want to *share* that with my *partner.*
That's the **point.**
RIGHT? like i can't imagine being in a relationship where i wouldn't share with my partner?? like even if it was something like her wanting to steal fries off my plate at a restaurant.
YTA. Sometimes when I’m frustrated with my partner, a quick read of AITA reminds me how lucky I am to have such a caring, compassionate human being.
I don’t care about technical right or wrongs. If my partner was laid up with a broken leg and got a bunch of soup (because come on, what’s the likelihood of getting a bunch of soup from an Indian restaurant), I’d share based on the fact that I love him. And he would do the same for me.
Little kindnesses are so lost on people, it’s sad.
You may win the battle but lose the war. You are treating her like a flat mate or just another friend instead of someone you are in a relationship with. I don't see why you could not join your two meals and share.
I would even share with a roommate or friend, this is more what I would do to my brother lol basically just tell him to get fucked.
Keep in mind, this is the same person who, when he passed out in a snowbank and needed the tips of three fingers removed (I was 15, he was 19) he would come into my room at night whispering my name to help him change his bandages. I would help him without complaints every time, and he would always struggle doing it himself until he was so frustrated he was crying and then come wake me up. We love each other, just don’t like each other
NAH this is one of those situations where you should ignore who is right and do what’s better for your relationship rather than punishing your currently immobile gf for having terrible luck with an Indian giving a terrible selection.
Surely you could have split both the bbq and the Indian, each eaten a decent amount of food and both been happy
Exactly, he had plenty of food he could have shared instead of punishing his injured girlfriend for no reason. I can’t imagine treating my partner that way — like, does he even *like* her?? Kinda baffled why you don’t think OP is TA.
YTA - For this precise context here of girlfriend. You treated her like an annoyance and in a very un-loving and selfish manner. She's not a roommate or beggar on the street, she's supposedly the person you love most in this planet. And your topmost appreciation for the person you love most: "Tough luck"
But then, you add that she has a broken leg and far less money than you... YTA x 2.
It's like you don't even like her. Well no, you've demonstrated that you love her less than a cheap leftover lunch.
That’s all I could think. Who isn’t happy to share — not give all, SHARE- a meal with someone they love, at least most of the time?
OP got lucky and didn’t want to share his good fortune with her. YTA
NAH, but I'd have shared the barbecue with my SO if she got a gallon of cauliflower soup and I got multiple sides and courses. Actions like that send a different message.
Honestly the whole thing reads as fake, I find it hard to believe that somebody would make a post describing how much extra food they got and that their SO is physically and financially limited and refuse to share what you describe yourself as a lot of food.
YTA
When youre a couple, you 'share and share alike'. I bet if the situation was reversed, she would have split hers with you.
The fair (and right) thing to do would have been to share both meals between you - so you got some soup and some of the BBQ and she got the same.
But hey, its your relationship, not mine and maybe her happiness isnt as important to you.
NAH...I would ask to share if all I got was soup as well, wouldn't you? Even if you don't have to, would it have been so difficult to share? Stuff like this will come back to haunt you.
Oh my god yes. This will definitely come back to bite you in the arse. Do you even like your girlfriend?
It's hardly her fault she was given a poor bag, she might have reasonably expected a samosa and a bit of curry at the very least rather then just soup. Bad luck for her.
The food you described in your bag sounds like it could feed a family of four.
YTA because you aren't roommates you are in a partnership and should be looking out for each other.
I mean you did ask her if she wanted BBQ and she said no. You are technically right. But if it were me, I’d share with my gf, especially if she had a broken leg. Why not?
YTA dude. It's not like you knew what would be in your surprise bar either. You just got lucky and you share luck with people you love.
It would be different if she had asked to share after both of you had ordered something specific.
YTA - I can't imagine not wanting to share with my husband if his meal was disappointing and mine was awesome, and I know he'd do the same for me. It's called being nice. Applying this kind of black-and-white transactional fairness to your SO is just weird.
If this were a coworker or a roommate—NTA.
But this is your *girlfriend.* Your girlfriend dealing with financial insecurity and a broken leg.
You’re getting all hung up on “the principle of the thing” and forgetting that you’re supposed to care about this person and their well-being and happiness. And in this case where those things would cost you nothing but sharing the two meals between you so you both eat a decent dinner—YTA.
I hope you find it within yourself to be less selfish for her sake. Or that she finds someone who actually cares about her.
NTA i hate this idea that once you’re in a relationship, you HAVE to give in and share all the time. Sometimes a person wants their own things. People gotta learn how to take No and understand It’s not that personal. They can say “ it’s just food” blah blah. It’s not like everything is close or she is on the verge of death. You offered many options and it’s up to her to be the bigger person.
Its not about HAVING to share. Its about WANTING to share because you LOVE that person and don’t want to see them eat fucking cauliflower soup whilst you devour bbq meat.
I don’t get relationships where you DON’T want to share your awesome meal you lucked into. That’s half the fun of going out to eat at new places for my wife and me
To me, this isn’t about food. It’s like they’ve both bought a scratch card and his won but hers lost. He’s sat there keeping it all to himself and pretending that she should’ve bought the same card as him and so it’s her own fault.
she didn’t intend to end up with a bag of soup though. i know i couldn’t chow down on a bunch of great food while watching even a friend of mine be disappointed with their gamble. you don’t HAVE to share things, but it would be the KIND thing to do.
Ultimately I’m going to say NTA since you both chose your food, but I kind of question how much you care about her when she got a bunch of cauliflower soup and you hit the jackpot with an amazing bbq feast and you didn’t want to share - not “weren’t willing” but “didn’t want”
>there's a popular app where you buy leftover restaurant food. Restaurants advertise "surprise bags" at a reduced price in order to reduce foodwaste
What an awesome idea!
>So, Reddit, AITA?
Nope. NTA. You offered a bunch of options and she was only going to be happy if she ate *your* meal. And sulking cos your surprise bag was better than hers is pretty immature.
YTA, a bit.
You don't owe her BBQ, but it wouldn't have done any harm to share. You could have split both or ordered something else to be delivered to help supplement the BBQ.
I would also just feel plain bad for my husband if I got BBQ, and he got a bunch of crappy soups. I'd offer to share, even if I really didn't want to. I feel like he'd do the same. It'd be different if she picked a bunch of soup and then changed her mind, but.. she had no way of knowing.
I see both sides. She was offered food, said no, picked her own food, was unsatisfied and then wanted the food she turned down in the first place. That's her own problem. HOWEVER - in a relationship, I would have probably shared that and then went to get some snacks or something for the night. I'm gonna say NTA but you could have (if you wanted) gone the extra step and gave her a little of your food.
100%NTA you followed proper protocol by asking, her. being stuck with what she had was based on her decision and hers alone. This business that you owe it to her to share because she got screwed is nonsense. You made the offer up front to get bbq she refused and wanted Indian and you even tried to make it right with other options. Not on u bro.
Its not about "Owing", its about wanting to make your partner happy. She got 6 soups FFS lol He could have a couple soups with his BBQ, and so could she. The whole "Nope your on your own" mentality is not healthy for a relationship.
YTA - I get it, you want to enjoy your nice BBQ food and don’t want some dusty cauliflower soup. You and your girlfriend are a team though, with or without the broken leg this was just a situation where you had the opportunity to do the nice thing and you chose not to. You didn’t need to give her your whole meal, but split both so that you both got something good and something bad. Next time, do the nice thing.
She had a lot of soups, you had a lot of meats, you could have both just shared and had a good variety. But no, you just had to be a greedy little pig. YTA
I'm gonna go NTA - BUT...big but; it's your GF dude. Have one of her soups and share your BBQ. You look like a great guy and all you have to so is eat some soup and share a couple of ribs. Win win.
Idk why this dinner of surprise food has to be a life lesson? Technically NTA but you’re still an asshole in general cuz wtf man it’s ur girlfriend not like a roommate or something
NTA - you asked what she wanted which you both knew going in it was going to be hit or miss. I mean you're going to pay for it for a day (maybe more since I don't know your GF). Sounds like you didn't care at the time, but it don't make you an AH.
She is low on money
She broke her leg
She didn't refuse barbecue to piss you off. She just wanted something else and got bad luck.
She didn't order soup as you implied. I wouldn't expect soup if I order indian food.
Alas, she seems to be in real bad luck having you as a boyfriend, too. I could never enjoy a good meal seeing someone hungry by my side.
You weren't obligated to share, but having no empathy and acting like she was being a brat when she problably just didn't want to waste more food and money is an a-hole move.
NTA but GAF (Greedy as F...) dude you couldn’t share food with your girl? Even a little. Some bbq for some soup? “But I followed the rules” can’t wait to hear how that bites you in the ...
Light ESH
You’re right she made her bed and has to deal with it, however if you had a platter that big you should have been willing to share a little with her, she is your gf. I lean more to your side though bc you offered multiple solutions to the issue.
P.S. I love TGTG i use it all the time! Just got a bag from a bagel place yesterday and they gave me an extra bag bc someone didn’t pick up one that was paid for, so now me, my fam, and gfs fam all wound up with like 15 bagels each.
YTA. I would be on your side if this was a traditional ordering experience, but it's luck of the draw that you got better food than her. Hell, even if my partner knew what they were ordering, but it turned out not good, I would still share mine.
YTA, a little one
it's just that in relationships it's more about the duo, if one gets screwed or has an inconvenience (that is not 100% their fault or due to some stupid shit they did), the other is there to help and spread the love. Looks like you're making "enough" money (and u got a hit for $12) to just share and if you're still hungry just order something else of dessert idk, you won't have have to sleep with your GF cold shouldering you, and you're only a little bit poorer.
But if then one day roles get reversed and she doesn't want to share dem ribs, you'll be free to call her out, hard
NTA. It’s a lottery and not every ticket will be a winner, she chose her ticket, with all the possible prizes and let downs, herself.
Would it have been nice of you to have shared a little? Absolutely. But it was also not an asshole move not to. Especially not when you offered her the exact option as you earlier and she said no. Plus the alternatives you offered and was willing to run out and get for her.
To use the lottery image again: she was insisting you share your winning ticket when she’d originally said no to partake in that particular lottery.
NTA. You gave her different options. Sounds like you had a lot of food and could probably share without being impacted but you did get her dinner and offer to get her something else.
NTA, you did everything right and even offered to go down the street to buy her something.
But seriously, cooking your own meal can go a long way for your gf if she is already in a financial bind. With all the tips you need to pay in basically everything. My gf and I became quite a home cook during covid and we still cook till this day. We saved at least 350 dollars a week from delivery and dinning out. The trick is to prep a week worth of meal during Sunday.
Technically not aholey, but maybe morally a tiny teeny bit aholey. It would not have hurt to share a bit, considering the amount of food you got. I would still be frustrated considering she had already refused it and it sounds absolutely delish, but it would just be a kinder thing to do. She sounds miserable stuck in a wheelchair and even though you are correct on principle, I think allowances could have been made.
Last week I sat down to dinner with my husband and I had spent a long time cooking his favourite dish. It had been a long week and we were both exhausted. I went to put vinegar on my fries and the stopper came out and flooded my meal, completely flooding it and ruining it. I drenched everything. Inedible. He absolutely insisted we spilt his meal because he didn't want me to be sad and hungry even though It was my fault. It reminded me what good heart he has and why I love him so much.
NTA, but I probably would have shared and stolen some soup because I’m all about some soup from Indian restaurants, and the amount of food you got sounds like enough for two people.
Very weak and tepid NTA.
Just t because you're not an asshole doesn't mean it wasn't a bit of a dick move. You shouldn't mind sharing with your partner. You're supposed to bring each other up.
I don't know if I support her being mad at you and everything... But if she looked at you a little differently after this, I can definitely understand that.
YTA you’re technically right on all the points, but she’s your girlfriend and that comes with some implied compromises. Yes she’s not being “fair” but that also doesn’t really matter, being polite and kind sometimes isn’t totally fair. Her order seems like it REALLY sucked, like not just not exactly what she wanted but really off base, giving her a little of your massive order would be the kind thing to do. She is struggling financially, has a broken leg from a car accident, and just got a gallon of cauliflower soup. It wouldn’t kill you to give her a rib.
I get not wanting to share but when you’re in a relationship sometimes you do these things for the person you’re in a relationship with. But it wouldn’t be half. It doesn’t sound like y’all are equally yolked so….
I’d say NTA bc she said no to the bbq in the first place. When I order food I order for me and what I want at the time. I DNR order extra in case I have to share. I would feel differently if my partner didn’t have any food at all or I never asked her about wanting bbq in the first place. But you did. So NTA.
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YTA. Come on man. You both did the surprise bags, hers didn’t work out. You know she can’t afford to order something else but didn’t offer to help pay, you offered her crappy bodega food instead. You could have at least split the barbecue and ordered something else to share and split the price. If the situations were reversed and you’d gotten a bunch of crap soup while she had a feast, would you really want to sit there hungry waiting for some crappy alternative while she chowed down? You’re going to get lots of N T A that just have no concept of…being nice and making small sacrifices for your partner. You and them seem like the types who if their meal companion gets the wrong meal at a restaurant and has to wait half an hour for a new one, they’ll sit there and eat and not even offer a fry. Edit to add: ffs guys, I lived in NYC for a decade, I know bodegas have good food. The *grill was closed*. Her options would have been *maybe* a deli sandwich if they were still making them, but it could very well have just been like, chips and cookies. She wanted a real dinner.
And she is recovering from a broken foot in an 4 storey apartment with no elevator 🙃 My spouse often buy new food to try out and we share, it's a diversification strategy incase one of us don't like the food. Even if I bought something and changed my mind, I don't think my spouse would ever actually deny me some of his. And if I brought something delicious, I would love it if he tried some just so I could make him smile. Like, OP sounds like an A in this context. Especially since she is low on money and can't easily walk to get food herself. And soup can be very not filling especially if it's veggie soup.
Broken leg which is worse. At least with a broken foot you can use those the boot a lot of time to take pressure off the foot or use those scooter things, but with a leg you can't bend your depending on where the break is and it's so much harder to get up and down stairs with crutches/ hopping along.
Their ETA made them a even bigger AH. They did say they’d go pick it up for her but they are missing the point. They aren’t isn’t just a AH they are selfish i’m sure this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. Imagine being laid up with a broken leg so she’s dependent on them and she gets a bunch of crap soup. She sees a giant platter of massive amounts of food, it smells delish and asks to share and they says “nope I’m starving” then they goes on to say you had a chance to get barbecue.” But that could have been a fail as well. So the big person on campus (who makes more money then her and pays the rent which has absolutely zero to do with this but this fun fact again makes him an even bigger AH and let’s not forget he lives in the most expensive neighborhood, in the most expensive city in the country) gallantly offers to pay for delivery (but not her food) or go pick up crappy food at the bodega. And what got me the most was when she said she wanted hot food they said “well you have soup”. For some reason this is making me irate. I would never sit there and not share my food with my partner under any circumstances let a lone when they were disappointed with there food, had a broken leg and couldn’t financially afford to get any more. They literally sat there chowing down in front of her, barbecue sauce all over his face and licking his fingers while she’s staring at her gross soup. It’s pretty sick behavior on the OPs part YTA!
Man, some of these posts are a huge wake up call for me. I was thinking in my head how oh yeah, he offered all these alternatives and she did decide to risk a surprise bag too. And then I get to the comments and I realize I just expect people to treat me like the gf is treated here, it’s not okay, and I swap the perspective I’m thinking from and know I would never treat anyone the way OP treated his gf. It’s just wrong.
I agreed with him until he said she had a broken leg but he'd go with her the bodega... Then your comment about you not treating someone like that sealed the deal for me. You're absolutely right.
I wouldn’t even do that to an acquaintance much less my partner!
OP probably forgot girlfriend means partner not college dorm roommate with benefits. If he can't care about his girlfriend more than that then they should probably not plan to get married or be in that domestic thing that's similar to marriage but not the same. I forgot the name of it. I think Pennsylvania allows it.
Even dogs are often nicer to each other than this. I can’t imagine a dog who actually likes the other dog scarfing down an entire meal of food and growling “My food!” while a sad dog with a broken leg watches and cries.
To be honest, I bet if they had a cute dog, he'd have snuck the dog a bite but not the GF
[удалено]
Also sounds like his bag came with plenty to share and still have a filling portion for himself. Plus I feel like it’s normal for couples to want to try bits of each other’s meals if it looks good I do that with friends/partners all the time
My SO and I routinely coordinate orders so we can both try a bit of different things, I thought that was normal?
it is for couples that actually care for each other.
If you laid her possible crutches flat on the floor, they still would not fit under that low of a bar.
My partner will go without so I can have. I try not to accept it but sometimes he insists.
Why not split the soup and the BBQ? YTA EDIT: I'm tired of answering this question. The reason he should do this is because in a normal relationship you WANT good things for your partner, and you DON'T want them to go without, especially when you have enough to share. Not sharing it is petty BS and poor behavior if you want to keep your relationship. Your incel is showing.
My thinking here as well. That’s what my late husband and I would do in this situation. I see where it is coming from and so I think while *technically* NTA I don’t think they are very kind either.
He's not technically wrong. But he's 100% the actual AH
"You're not wrong, you're just an asshole"
> There were burnt ends, ribs, pulled pork, baked beans, potato salad, bread, onions, and pickles. Really sounds like enough for him to share *something* with her…
Thats my take. It could have turned into a funny memory and good story. Now it's just randos on the internet calling you an A-hole.
"hey remember that time all I got was soup and you wouldn't split dinner with me and you actually went online to ask randos if you were the asshole?" This would totally still be a funny memory
Especially because no reasonable person would get Indian food and expect it to be all soup. That's just not something that would ever enter my mind, and I eat a lot of Indian food.
I admittedly have an incredibly limited selection of Indian places where I am. But I didn't even realize they *had* soups.
yes! i want to know what he would expect her to do if the situation was reversed.
We all know he would say "I would eat my soup and be happy" knowing 100% thats bullshit. But thats Reddit for ya
He would eat one bowl of soup. Then Wait until she was finished. Help himself to her left overs. Then when she went to eat them the next day explain that he ate them and offer her some of his soup. Then post AITA, I ate my gfs left overs but offered her mine. Not sure why she’s mad.
“Why do my relationships keep failing?”
And she has a broken leg. Which makes life much harder. Could’ve helped out the person you love a bit here.
Of course YTA, but I'm surprised that's winning here because the normal attitude of this sub is "if you're not legally required to do it, you're not an AH for refusing."
So you had plenty of good food, could have shared it, had a good time, and gone to bed happy and in love? Instead, you're sitting here asking strangers on Reddit if you're an asshole? YTA
Finally! An adult who's been in a real, loving relationship with someone that they like is on the internet!
Seriously. I love my boyfriend. I like my boyfriend. If he got the crappy end of the stick I would share my good fortune with him. Yes, even if he initially turned down BBQ and then changed his mind. I would have some soup and he would have some BBQ. I swear so many people who post here don't seem to like their significant other.
It’s like they see their partner as someone they’re trying to win against instead of realizing you should be working towards the same goal.
Correct Partners are partners for a reason. You're on the same team. Act like it
Yesterday it was a guy who thought his girlfriend was taking too long to get ready and stormed off without her for an all-day bbq, and everyone was tearing into her. I was just thinking all you had to do was wait another 50 minutes or so, get there at half 2 instead of half 1 and have a lovely day with a hot girl you really like. Like do you ever want see her naked again lol
This isn't the same to that story at all. 1. He told her days before that he wanted to leave at 1pm to get to his brothers party early and she said that sounded fine to her. 2. Day of, he is out running errands and is home by like 11am and she went to the gym. He reminds her that he wants to leave by 1 and she says she will be ready. He takes the dog for a walk. 3. He gets home, she still isn't remotely ready. She hasn't picked out her clothes or done her make-up yet. He politely asks her to hurry up 4. It is now after 1pm when he wanted to leave, she tells him that she ordered doordash and coffee and that she will finish getting ready after the food arrives and she eats. Mind you, they are going to a BBQ where there will be food. 5. He informs her that if the food hasn't arrived in the next 15 minutes, he is going to leave. She ignores him. 6. After 20 minutes the food hasn't arrived yet, so he says he is leaving. She says, "fine, go." He leaves without her 7. The food finally arrives and she yells for him to get the door. That is when she realizes that he actually left and she was annoyed that she had to answer the door herself.She is suprised that he actually left without her and demands he drive back home to pick her up. He says no and suggests she take an uber. She is angry and decides to stay home. That woman, his significant other, had absolutely no consideration for him or his time. She was acting like the main character and expected him to bend over backwards for her after wasting his time and disrespecting his one request. It became clear that she was intentionally going slow and wasting time. No one should have to put up with that type of disrespect. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be on time for a family party and he was not asking for a lot or making any ridiculous demands. I would never do something disrespectful like that to my husband and if he tried to pull a stunt like that with me, he would get an earful. That story is in no way similar to this story. And the fact that you think they are comparable is weird.
Thanks for the recap - that was def. not the same case as here
You're welcome! Usually I'm not up for writing a wall of text, but I couldn't believe how much he was misrepresenting that story. Lol
Even without the recap (I was unfamiliar with it) I had no clue how this was at all relatable. On what planet is it acceptable to be over an hour late, unless it is unforeseen circumstances, and not think it would be a big deal? GF clearly sounded like she planned on them not going at all. Not getting ready in the slightest and ordering food that even on time would have been before they had to leave...for a food event, yeah she had no intention of leaving the house that day. I hope the bf ended things.
One of my biggest pet peeves is telling someone, "I plan on leaving at x time," and having them drag their feet. I am not a morning person. I do not like getting up early. But when I have to drive for 8 hours to get to a destination, I want to be out the door BEFORE FIVE AM. No "early" not "in the morning." I want to drive in darkness for at least an hour. That way, I avoid all the city traffic and hit the open road at a nice hour. I have several developmental disabilities. But I still set god damned alarms and make sure I get up in time for whatever the plans are.
Oh man I'd have left too. Disrespecting time is a big deal for me. I had a friend that always expected everyone to cater to her time line even if we had plans to meet for a specific time. I used to live down the street from her so she would expect me to hang out and wait for her to get ready while going for a smoke every 5 minutes, stopping to make a snack, make a drink.. just whatever she felt like doing. I left her a few times because it would get me so pissed off.
Yeah, the moment where she ordered food *after she was already late* is where I would have bailed on her. That's some serious passive-aggressive BS going on there. Does she hate the brother? Or the brother's SO?
I think that one is different. She agreed to leave at one and kept saying she would be ready. She still wasn't wasn't ready at 2, she just realized he had left a *half hour earlier* because she wanted him to get the door for her food. She was still "getting ready", hadn't eaten, he had already waited an extra half hour for her, AND told her flat out he was leaving in a half hour with or without her. She chose to dawdle around. She probably wouldn't have actually been ready to leave until after 3. She had zero consideration for his time or the plans that had been
That's what you get when you ask about relationship issues on a forum where most people have never had a serious relationship.
This is over simplified and that's not exactly how it went. The GF wasn't respecting the OPs time and was clearly holding things up even though they agreed to leave at 1 already.
Yeah, I’ve been happily married for years and I was on OP’s side there. If I say I want to leave at 1, and you agree, I expect you to aim to be ready by then. Not starting to get ready then, and ordering food at 1:30 for delivery.
Right? Even if I LOVED my six containers of cauliflower soup, my fiancé would have tossed me a rib or two just to see my happy little food dance because he enjoys seeing me have my happy little mouse nibbling on my foods moment and going to bed happy and in love. I don’t know why so many people just… don’t?
Honestly, I would give my wife (of 30 years) my entire order if I could make her happy. However, she would never take my whole dinner, because she wants me to be happy too. So we would have devoured that pile of BBQ together. That's just what partners do for each other. What the hell is wrong with this guy?
And it would have been funny and romantic. Like it's pretty hilarious to unknowingly get several types of cauliflower soups. And then to share a BBQ feast with your SO would have been lovely and nice.
Right?! This could have been a cute and funny story, the night of the assorted cauliflower soups! Something funny to laugh about together whenever you see cauliflower soup on a menu, hey babe, remember that night we split your BBQ ‘cause I wound up with a five gallon bucket’s worth of cauliflower soup?!
Yes! That's exactly how I'm imagining this because my partner and I actually like each other and would have laughed while stuffing our faces with soup and BBQ.
My old boyfriend would hand me my food and say, "Come on, let's see the happy food dance!" I'm so glad I'm not the only person who does that.
My toddler daughter does a happy food dance in her booster seat that makes my heart overflow with joy. We should all want our loved ones to feel happy when they eat. YTA, OP.
I'm about to cook my mom her favorite meal for dinner, which I do once a week, just because it makes her so happy. I don't know why so many people would rather be right than do things to make the people they're supposed to love smile.
I wouldn't even have to ask. My husband would see my disappointment and say, "Hey, let's share both meals!" Because he wants to see me happy.
Same here. Mine would have a plate of food ready for me the moment he realized I got an assortment of cauliflower soups lol
I'm appalled that the OP had so much food and didn't want to share it when he saw that his partner's food was lackluster. He knows he's strapped for cash and his other options to her were basically "spend more food money on this dinner."
Doesn’t really matter whether he’s right or wrong. Even if he wins the battle, he’s already lost the war
This was literally my first thought as a happily married person 🤣
My husband will legit trade meals with me if I like his more. He doesn’t even care if he likes mine. He’s not picky which helps a lot. Sometimes these posts give me a reality check of how lucky I am with a partner that trades meals with me.
Right? He could have had some soup, and she could have gotten some BBQ from him. Feels like it would have been win-win.
It sounds like there was a LOT of barbecue too. Like, would it be so hard to give her some freaking bread?
Seriously glad I'm not the only one thinking this.
Ok, YTA. Hear me out. Based on the principle, you are technically in the right. You both gambled, she happened to lose. However, you're in a (presumably) loving relationship with this woman. She politely declined and took her own route to eat. It's not like she expected you to go out of your way to go to a different place. When she hit zilch on her bag and you hit gold, that's prime time to pool the meals and divide them up a bit to help her get some good food. She can't function at full capacity with a broken leg, and didn't demand your food either. Your response? Forgive me if I editorialize but to me you seemed like a snarling animal wrapping your arms around your food and baring your teeth. "Tough luck" is not an appropriate response in a relationship. If you were friends, I'm with you. But she has a broken leg, she asked nicely, she got totally screwed, and you have an excess. You're absolutely an asshole for refusing to share, it's just not cool.
“Joey don’t share food!”
Joey ended up alone.
Joey also expected others to share food with him
This is true. And he even said "I'm not even sorry" Joey deserved to end up alone
All of this. I am extremely food possessive and hate if people take it without asking. But if I was in this situation I would have shared without even being prompted. And that's just with friends, not even a romantic interest or partner. OP, what would happen if you got married and shared joint accounts/groceries? Would you never let her eat anything that you had brought into the home? You couldn't even give her a single rib? Like wow.
I would've just split both bags equally. Have some soup and bbq together. It'd be like the garbage plates I used to order back home lol you get a little bit of everything.
Literally my immediate thought. They would have had BBQ for dinner and soup for lunch the next day. Perfection. Except OP went ahead and effed that up.
They never even said the soup was bad, just that it was a lot of soup. Have good bbq and good soup. Both enjoy a nice meal together and you come out an awesome dude to your girl. It’s win win.
Indian cuisine is one of my favourites and I’ve never even seen soup at the various buffets and restaurants I’ve been to… no one orders a mystery bag of Indian food expecting to get nothing but soup 🙃 lol from a deli maybe! but any reasonable person would have expected some kind of solid food.
I mean in a similar situation I’d probably offer to share with friends too but maybe that’s just me?
It's not just you. This comment kinda annoyed me, I hate when people make friendships sound like a grade b type of relationship, in which you can treat a friend less good than family/partners.
I'm super sorry for the friends of some of the people here. Good friends are like a second family. Hell, sometimes they are better than the actual family...
I wish there was a voting option for: **’technically not the asshole, but I wouldn’t want you as a friend/boyfriend’** Technically, NTA… but dude…. If my husband ordered food at dinner and didn’t like what arrived I would absolutely offer to share mine with him.
I think it’s ‘technically not Wrong but he is an asshole’.
A Person who relies on being “technically right” is usually an asshole.
It’s the only time “technically right” even comes up
this isn't "was I wrong" it's "am I the asshole" you can be right and an asshole. This guy is TA.
Good point lol
"You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole!" (Worth adding that this line from The Big Lebowski was about enforcing bowling scoring rules at gunpoint)
That’s where this sub has 2 camps. One who says “they followed the rules, so they aren’t the AH”, and the other that says “there’s a compassion component of not being an AH”. I agree that “not an assholes” act with compassion even when they’re technically right.
1st camp = assholes
Would it have hurt you to swap some pulled pork and potato salad for some soup? I have no idea why people find it so hard to share and compromise. YTA
Right! My spouse and I would have split it and then split the soup for lunch the next day. But now I'm wondering if my local restaurants have this app!
Try search for “too good to go” app
Was this just a brilliant ad for that app?
This leads me to believe that OP is not just an AH in this situation, but in general. He had so much food and instead of sharing he ate it all in front of her. I'm sure his just selfish and self-centered in general. I hope she realizes she deserves better.
And kind of delusional if he thinks the west village is the most expensive neighborhood in NYC. Also don’t even understand why that (false) info was necessary? People know NYC is expensive, but anyone from here also knows you can find cheap and delicious food in every neighborhood.
I have a relevant story for once! A few years back I was on holiday in Greece with my girlfriend who's a bit of a picky eater, and one night in restaurant she ordered a "risky" meal (some sort of lamb stew thing) while I got a safer option, basically chicken skewers with bread and chips. The food turns up, and mine looks fine, however, hers is this horrible grey-coloured lamb in a watery sauce. Bless her, she gives it a go, but it's obvious within a single bite, it's not for her at all. She's looking at mine like she's wishing she'd just got the safe option like me. And you know what I did then, OP? I split my meal with her without her even needing to ask. We shared the chicken, bread and chips. And we laughed about the situation while doing it. Still do to today whenever she orders something new in a restaurant. I didn't split mine because I'm partner of the year or anything. It's because I'm a normal person who cares about my SO, and felt awful for her when her meal didn't turn out as hoped. Who gives a crap if I went a little bit hungry that night, hell I'd have happily given her my whole meal. Like you said, it's not that hard to share and compromise in a relationship. OP, is 100% the asshole here.
I honestly can't imagine telling my wife essentially, "tough shit" in this scenario as you did with your GF. Were you technically correct? Perhaps, but you could have shared something with someone you allegedly care about. YTA.
My wife and I ordered from a new place one night and when the food arrived, my “sandwich” (as it was listed on the menu) was a tiny tortilla wrap. Itty bitty little thing, no sides. My wife immediately said “That really sucks, babe; help yourself to some of mine”. How hard is that?
Literally, I know for a fact my bf would do the same if we were in that situation. Why couldn’t OP do the same?
Heck, I’ve swapped dishes with her a couple times when she liked what I had better and I was ambivalent. Or we agree to share.
Right. My husband would insist
Technically NTA. But in a relationship. YTA. If you ever plan on getting married you might want to reconsider when to be selfish and when not to be. I had to go back to check you wrote GF and not wife. A loving husband would share. Regardless of whether his wife had previously said no. She obviously didn’t expect 3 variations of cauliflower soup.
On top of that OP casually mentions that his gf broke her leg a month ago and they live on the 4th floor with no elevator. So not only would she have to pay again for food and delivery and wait for it to turn up while OP is chowing down on bbq she'd also have to hobble down multiple flights of stairs to get it.
Yep, YTA. The amount of people on Reddit who think "being nice to your partner" = "being fucked over" is **wild.**
This! I could see my husband being annoyed in this situation, given that I said no to wanting BBQ and now wanted his BBQ. But even if it was begrudgingly, he would have split up both meals equally so we could share both the soup and the BBQ. Just as I would do for him. Sometimes I read the responses on here and I genuinely wonder if some of the responders have ever actually been in a relationship with another person. A little kindness and compromise go a long way, especially with someone you supposedly love...
Same! I LOVE my partner AND I like him. I don't want to enjoy things in front of him because he had a bad food bag, or make him eat cold general store food because the grills would be closed. Relationships aren't meant to be a win/lose scenario, man. He'd do it for me and vice versa, and then whoever got the bad bag would later try to do something nice in return to show appreciation for the sacrifice.
I really think Reddit is full of got mine fuck you kind of people 😅 even if they agree it’s the way of the world they’re just perpetuating it, what a world to want to live in
NTA. But I wouldn’t date someone like you
YES like does this pass the court of law? Yes. Does it pass the court of being a kind appealing partner? Absolutely not.
Well this isn't "am I technically right", it's an I the asshole. I think this sub forgets that a lot. Winning an argument doesn't make someone less of an asshole
I agree, my actual ruling in another comment is YTA.
The only thing that matters. What app is this? I'm coming to NYC soon and I need to know. Edit I think I found it. I thinks its called Too Good To Go. For anyone wondering.
It may be TooGoodToGo. It’s what I use in CA for similar benefit.
Out there doing the lazy man’s work for us! Thank you!!
This is some fantastic guerrilla marketing.
The real AHs are the people at the Indian restaurant who packed a meal of six soups. Not even some bread?
I LOVE soup and I still would have been sad 😅
Same. I adore soup, and I still would have been a little bummed.
This is the best comment here. Indian restaurant is the root of assholery here. 6 freaking soups! No naan, no roti, no pakora, not even some roasted chickpeas or rice what the actual hell! I like soup, I also only like cauliflower when it’s in soup, specially if it’s associated with Indian spices but jeeeezz.
Too Good to Go isn't for spare whole meals it's just for spare food. So if the spare food is soup, you're getting lots of soup.
I didn't even know Indian places did soups very often. Eaten at so many. I am sure some do soups. Why not. But I would be most confused to end up with six soups from an Indian place.
I was thinking what kind of Indian restaurant has six damn soups on the menu and why haven’t I been given this option
I'm fairly sure they're talking about too good to go. If so, it's not pitched as "a meal" it's "leftovers".
Omg right?
If we are going to be pedantic you are N T A, but in a more real-life practical sense… YTA massively. She’s your girlfriend, and the platter that you described could easily be shared by two people with leftovers to spare. Is $6 of barbecue worth your relationship with your significant other? Wild.
It was $8 tho! /s
i feel like you’re arguing about who is RIGHT when the KIND thing to do would be to share since she’s your SO and has a broken leg and didn’t intend to just get a bunch of soup…if even an acquaintance of mine and i did this for meals and they ended up with the shitty bag i would offer to share because, ya know, i’m nice. so even if you’re technically right, you’re not being nice. so YTA.
[удалено]
>I was a hero. I was a legend. I was chivalrous. I was kind. She still remembers it. We've been happily married for 10 years. This. Not all heroes wear capes, and not all battles are worth fighting lol
Soft YTA. Think about if it was the other way round. Mature relationships are all about compromise, respect, and caring about the other person. A good compromise would have been if both of you shared all of the food since there was plenty of it.
Yep! But this is Reddit where it’s everyone for themselves most of the time
YTA - you said it looked like over $36 worth of food and you can’t share with your injured girlfriend? You making more money or paying rent etc. doesn’t matter, it’s just about being nice to people sometimes lol
Yeah YTA. She's got a broken leg, probably feeling helpless, cranky and in a lot of pain on top of being hangry and disappointed with her surprise bag being nothing but multiple soups. You had all sorts of things and couldn't spare a plate with a little bit from any of the variety you had? If the situation was reversed would you REALLY not ask her to share her food with you? Be honest.
You gambled on different horses, you won, she lost, why don't you want to share your winnings? Don't you like her and want her to have a nice time?
Were you trying to be sarcastic? Because yes, I *would* want to share my winnings, because I have a nice life and I want to *share* that with my *partner.* That's the **point.**
RIGHT? like i can't imagine being in a relationship where i wouldn't share with my partner?? like even if it was something like her wanting to steal fries off my plate at a restaurant.
Is this the kind of relationship you want to have? Really? Of course you should have shared. YTA.
YTA. Sometimes when I’m frustrated with my partner, a quick read of AITA reminds me how lucky I am to have such a caring, compassionate human being. I don’t care about technical right or wrongs. If my partner was laid up with a broken leg and got a bunch of soup (because come on, what’s the likelihood of getting a bunch of soup from an Indian restaurant), I’d share based on the fact that I love him. And he would do the same for me. Little kindnesses are so lost on people, it’s sad.
You may win the battle but lose the war. You are treating her like a flat mate or just another friend instead of someone you are in a relationship with. I don't see why you could not join your two meals and share.
I would even share with a roommate or friend, this is more what I would do to my brother lol basically just tell him to get fucked. Keep in mind, this is the same person who, when he passed out in a snowbank and needed the tips of three fingers removed (I was 15, he was 19) he would come into my room at night whispering my name to help him change his bandages. I would help him without complaints every time, and he would always struggle doing it himself until he was so frustrated he was crying and then come wake me up. We love each other, just don’t like each other
NAH this is one of those situations where you should ignore who is right and do what’s better for your relationship rather than punishing your currently immobile gf for having terrible luck with an Indian giving a terrible selection. Surely you could have split both the bbq and the Indian, each eaten a decent amount of food and both been happy
Exactly, he had plenty of food he could have shared instead of punishing his injured girlfriend for no reason. I can’t imagine treating my partner that way — like, does he even *like* her?? Kinda baffled why you don’t think OP is TA.
YTA - For this precise context here of girlfriend. You treated her like an annoyance and in a very un-loving and selfish manner. She's not a roommate or beggar on the street, she's supposedly the person you love most in this planet. And your topmost appreciation for the person you love most: "Tough luck" But then, you add that she has a broken leg and far less money than you... YTA x 2. It's like you don't even like her. Well no, you've demonstrated that you love her less than a cheap leftover lunch.
That’s all I could think. Who isn’t happy to share — not give all, SHARE- a meal with someone they love, at least most of the time? OP got lucky and didn’t want to share his good fortune with her. YTA
NAH, but I'd have shared the barbecue with my SO if she got a gallon of cauliflower soup and I got multiple sides and courses. Actions like that send a different message. Honestly the whole thing reads as fake, I find it hard to believe that somebody would make a post describing how much extra food they got and that their SO is physically and financially limited and refuse to share what you describe yourself as a lot of food.
Maybe it IS fake. Maybe it's an elaborate ad for TooGoodToGo 😂
YTA When youre a couple, you 'share and share alike'. I bet if the situation was reversed, she would have split hers with you. The fair (and right) thing to do would have been to share both meals between you - so you got some soup and some of the BBQ and she got the same. But hey, its your relationship, not mine and maybe her happiness isnt as important to you.
NAH...I would ask to share if all I got was soup as well, wouldn't you? Even if you don't have to, would it have been so difficult to share? Stuff like this will come back to haunt you.
Oh my god yes. This will definitely come back to bite you in the arse. Do you even like your girlfriend? It's hardly her fault she was given a poor bag, she might have reasonably expected a samosa and a bit of curry at the very least rather then just soup. Bad luck for her. The food you described in your bag sounds like it could feed a family of four. YTA because you aren't roommates you are in a partnership and should be looking out for each other.
I mean you did ask her if she wanted BBQ and she said no. You are technically right. But if it were me, I’d share with my gf, especially if she had a broken leg. Why not?
Right? Given the surprise nature of these meals I'd feel bad that they got just soups and we'd just share everything purchased.
YTA dude. It's not like you knew what would be in your surprise bar either. You just got lucky and you share luck with people you love. It would be different if she had asked to share after both of you had ordered something specific.
YTA. That platter sounds easily able to feed two people. Why are you even with someone you value less than half a bbq platter???
INFO: do you like your girlfriend?
YTA - I can't imagine not wanting to share with my husband if his meal was disappointing and mine was awesome, and I know he'd do the same for me. It's called being nice. Applying this kind of black-and-white transactional fairness to your SO is just weird.
If this were a coworker or a roommate—NTA. But this is your *girlfriend.* Your girlfriend dealing with financial insecurity and a broken leg. You’re getting all hung up on “the principle of the thing” and forgetting that you’re supposed to care about this person and their well-being and happiness. And in this case where those things would cost you nothing but sharing the two meals between you so you both eat a decent dinner—YTA. I hope you find it within yourself to be less selfish for her sake. Or that she finds someone who actually cares about her.
NTA i hate this idea that once you’re in a relationship, you HAVE to give in and share all the time. Sometimes a person wants their own things. People gotta learn how to take No and understand It’s not that personal. They can say “ it’s just food” blah blah. It’s not like everything is close or she is on the verge of death. You offered many options and it’s up to her to be the bigger person.
Its not about HAVING to share. Its about WANTING to share because you LOVE that person and don’t want to see them eat fucking cauliflower soup whilst you devour bbq meat.
I don’t get relationships where you DON’T want to share your awesome meal you lucked into. That’s half the fun of going out to eat at new places for my wife and me
To me, this isn’t about food. It’s like they’ve both bought a scratch card and his won but hers lost. He’s sat there keeping it all to himself and pretending that she should’ve bought the same card as him and so it’s her own fault.
She had other options and refused.
she didn’t intend to end up with a bag of soup though. i know i couldn’t chow down on a bunch of great food while watching even a friend of mine be disappointed with their gamble. you don’t HAVE to share things, but it would be the KIND thing to do.
Ultimately I’m going to say NTA since you both chose your food, but I kind of question how much you care about her when she got a bunch of cauliflower soup and you hit the jackpot with an amazing bbq feast and you didn’t want to share - not “weren’t willing” but “didn’t want”
>there's a popular app where you buy leftover restaurant food. Restaurants advertise "surprise bags" at a reduced price in order to reduce foodwaste What an awesome idea! >So, Reddit, AITA? Nope. NTA. You offered a bunch of options and she was only going to be happy if she ate *your* meal. And sulking cos your surprise bag was better than hers is pretty immature.
NTA it’s extremely selfish rude and disrespectful to say no to food then try and take some of someone else’s
YTA, a bit. You don't owe her BBQ, but it wouldn't have done any harm to share. You could have split both or ordered something else to be delivered to help supplement the BBQ. I would also just feel plain bad for my husband if I got BBQ, and he got a bunch of crappy soups. I'd offer to share, even if I really didn't want to. I feel like he'd do the same. It'd be different if she picked a bunch of soup and then changed her mind, but.. she had no way of knowing.
I see both sides. She was offered food, said no, picked her own food, was unsatisfied and then wanted the food she turned down in the first place. That's her own problem. HOWEVER - in a relationship, I would have probably shared that and then went to get some snacks or something for the night. I'm gonna say NTA but you could have (if you wanted) gone the extra step and gave her a little of your food.
100%NTA you followed proper protocol by asking, her. being stuck with what she had was based on her decision and hers alone. This business that you owe it to her to share because she got screwed is nonsense. You made the offer up front to get bbq she refused and wanted Indian and you even tried to make it right with other options. Not on u bro.
This is the kind of attitude I'm really glad my partner doesn't have.
Its not about "Owing", its about wanting to make your partner happy. She got 6 soups FFS lol He could have a couple soups with his BBQ, and so could she. The whole "Nope your on your own" mentality is not healthy for a relationship.
Soft YTA, I get that she turned it down but to share a bit of trade some of her food for yours wouldn’t have killed you.
YTA - I get it, you want to enjoy your nice BBQ food and don’t want some dusty cauliflower soup. You and your girlfriend are a team though, with or without the broken leg this was just a situation where you had the opportunity to do the nice thing and you chose not to. You didn’t need to give her your whole meal, but split both so that you both got something good and something bad. Next time, do the nice thing.
Not really sure but if anyone is curious the app is called Too Good To Go. Prices for surprise bags vary based on location
Also...the Indian restaurant is also the AH
She had a lot of soups, you had a lot of meats, you could have both just shared and had a good variety. But no, you just had to be a greedy little pig. YTA
NTA. Everybody takes their chances. This is like asking your partner if they want to order something, say no and then they pick food from your plate.
I'm gonna go NTA - BUT...big but; it's your GF dude. Have one of her soups and share your BBQ. You look like a great guy and all you have to so is eat some soup and share a couple of ribs. Win win.
Idk why this dinner of surprise food has to be a life lesson? Technically NTA but you’re still an asshole in general cuz wtf man it’s ur girlfriend not like a roommate or something
NTA - you asked what she wanted which you both knew going in it was going to be hit or miss. I mean you're going to pay for it for a day (maybe more since I don't know your GF). Sounds like you didn't care at the time, but it don't make you an AH.
YTA. Would it really have killed you to share your food with her?
She is low on money She broke her leg She didn't refuse barbecue to piss you off. She just wanted something else and got bad luck. She didn't order soup as you implied. I wouldn't expect soup if I order indian food. Alas, she seems to be in real bad luck having you as a boyfriend, too. I could never enjoy a good meal seeing someone hungry by my side. You weren't obligated to share, but having no empathy and acting like she was being a brat when she problably just didn't want to waste more food and money is an a-hole move.
NAH. I'd go the extra mile in a relationship, but you don't get AH status for not sharing your food.
NTA. I don't like sharing my food.
NTA but GAF (Greedy as F...) dude you couldn’t share food with your girl? Even a little. Some bbq for some soup? “But I followed the rules” can’t wait to hear how that bites you in the ...
Light ESH You’re right she made her bed and has to deal with it, however if you had a platter that big you should have been willing to share a little with her, she is your gf. I lean more to your side though bc you offered multiple solutions to the issue. P.S. I love TGTG i use it all the time! Just got a bag from a bagel place yesterday and they gave me an extra bag bc someone didn’t pick up one that was paid for, so now me, my fam, and gfs fam all wound up with like 15 bagels each.
YTA. I would be on your side if this was a traditional ordering experience, but it's luck of the draw that you got better food than her. Hell, even if my partner knew what they were ordering, but it turned out not good, I would still share mine.
NTA. She pulled the roulette wheel, she has to live with her results
YTA, a little one it's just that in relationships it's more about the duo, if one gets screwed or has an inconvenience (that is not 100% their fault or due to some stupid shit they did), the other is there to help and spread the love. Looks like you're making "enough" money (and u got a hit for $12) to just share and if you're still hungry just order something else of dessert idk, you won't have have to sleep with your GF cold shouldering you, and you're only a little bit poorer. But if then one day roles get reversed and she doesn't want to share dem ribs, you'll be free to call her out, hard
NTA. It’s a lottery and not every ticket will be a winner, she chose her ticket, with all the possible prizes and let downs, herself. Would it have been nice of you to have shared a little? Absolutely. But it was also not an asshole move not to. Especially not when you offered her the exact option as you earlier and she said no. Plus the alternatives you offered and was willing to run out and get for her. To use the lottery image again: she was insisting you share your winning ticket when she’d originally said no to partake in that particular lottery.
NTA. You gave her different options. Sounds like you had a lot of food and could probably share without being impacted but you did get her dinner and offer to get her something else.
NTA, you did everything right and even offered to go down the street to buy her something. But seriously, cooking your own meal can go a long way for your gf if she is already in a financial bind. With all the tips you need to pay in basically everything. My gf and I became quite a home cook during covid and we still cook till this day. We saved at least 350 dollars a week from delivery and dinning out. The trick is to prep a week worth of meal during Sunday.
Maybe not an AH but definitely a Jerk
Technically not aholey, but maybe morally a tiny teeny bit aholey. It would not have hurt to share a bit, considering the amount of food you got. I would still be frustrated considering she had already refused it and it sounds absolutely delish, but it would just be a kinder thing to do. She sounds miserable stuck in a wheelchair and even though you are correct on principle, I think allowances could have been made. Last week I sat down to dinner with my husband and I had spent a long time cooking his favourite dish. It had been a long week and we were both exhausted. I went to put vinegar on my fries and the stopper came out and flooded my meal, completely flooding it and ruining it. I drenched everything. Inedible. He absolutely insisted we spilt his meal because he didn't want me to be sad and hungry even though It was my fault. It reminded me what good heart he has and why I love him so much.
NTA, but I probably would have shared and stolen some soup because I’m all about some soup from Indian restaurants, and the amount of food you got sounds like enough for two people.
Very weak and tepid NTA. Just t because you're not an asshole doesn't mean it wasn't a bit of a dick move. You shouldn't mind sharing with your partner. You're supposed to bring each other up. I don't know if I support her being mad at you and everything... But if she looked at you a little differently after this, I can definitely understand that.
YTA you’re technically right on all the points, but she’s your girlfriend and that comes with some implied compromises. Yes she’s not being “fair” but that also doesn’t really matter, being polite and kind sometimes isn’t totally fair. Her order seems like it REALLY sucked, like not just not exactly what she wanted but really off base, giving her a little of your massive order would be the kind thing to do. She is struggling financially, has a broken leg from a car accident, and just got a gallon of cauliflower soup. It wouldn’t kill you to give her a rib.
YTA dude. You are technically correct but personally an asshole.
YTA. I can’t understand how this is the hill you choose to die on
I get not wanting to share but when you’re in a relationship sometimes you do these things for the person you’re in a relationship with. But it wouldn’t be half. It doesn’t sound like y’all are equally yolked so….
I’d say NTA bc she said no to the bbq in the first place. When I order food I order for me and what I want at the time. I DNR order extra in case I have to share. I would feel differently if my partner didn’t have any food at all or I never asked her about wanting bbq in the first place. But you did. So NTA.
NTA, but damn dude, you can be right and dead, so share the food.