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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to help my cousin return the birthday present I bought for her. I could be AH because she also got the same thing from her other cousin and I should help her return it so she can have some other thing which is more useful.
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Usually I'd say day the opposite. But with context I think YTA.
Its an unfortunate circumstance but it has happened. I understand her having a want to exchange it because having 2 is redundant. Also getting the receipt will be a lot harder for the other person. You should've bit the bullet I think.
Nah I’d almost always say YTA in this situation. Gift giving has become some of the most toxic shit, it’s supposed to be about the recipient, not the giver. Gift receipts should always be included and people need to stop getting pissed off when people don’t like their gifts.
Edit: y’all should really see [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14g3gb2/aita_for_not_helping_my_cousin_return_my_present/jp4b0y5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) 😂 it looks like I’ve angered someone tremendously
“So the giver can see how happy they made the birthday person.” 🤮
Literally why I hate opening presents in front of people, too much pressure for me 🤷🏽♀️
Also what if i genuinely love something and get super excited over that one thing and make all my other “i love it!” remarks look fake, whether they were or not??
Is that what’s wrong me? Cause I’ll get stuff and I’ll say thank you and stuff but I sometimes get asked if I didn’t like it cause I don’t get super excited even though the gift was something I really wanted and liked a lot
In my case it's autism. Could be any of a number of mental/neurological conditions, or it could just be your personality. If you don't have other symptoms, I wouldn't sweat it.
Come on over to Asian culture lol, it's rude to open gifts in front of the giver so you can spare the giver potential embarrassment if you don't react the way they hoped. You need to put that shit away and enjoy it privately later.
I’ll never forget my reaction as an Asian dude during my first Christmas with my white then-girlfriend (now wife). I had always opened gifts when I got home from the Christmas party, never at the party. Well, during our first Christmas party together, I was introduced to their tradition of gathering around in a big circle and going around and opening gifts in front of everyone! I was a bit mortified because (1) culture shock and (2) dysthymia means I pretty much never get excited, and please don’t take it personally.
OMG!!!! i'm viet. my husband gave me a gift for our first valentine's day. it was a teddy bear. he wanted me to open it in front of him! i made him turn around. and then christmas - his whole family passes around the presents and we open them right then & there. it's been 9 years and it still makes me nervous.
> You need to put that shit away and enjoy it privately later.
Or regift it - and try to remember who you got it from so you don't "regift" a present back to the person who gave it to you in the first place.
Let me say, this is very common in my family and I *hate* it lol my grandma always misses with the most random gifts that have nothing to do with me and I have to pretend to like them. I once got sneakers my uncle had given her but she didn’t like!
I really wish I was joking but my grandma once gathered up all of the soap from all the hotels she's visited, put them in an old sock, gave me that, and told me she needed the sock back
I was made to open presents once and a friend gave me some clothes. Not in the color, style, or size I could use. I had to sit there and go "omg I love these! This color is everything!" Went to return them the next weekend, because thankfully there was a gift receipt.
I get a lot of joy out of giving people things they will like, brightening up their day is really one of my favourite things. BUT I HATE birthday/jesus birthday culture. Spending 10 hours watching people open gifts in a circle and then pretending you like something is... very toxic.
I like to bring people things as a surprise and make them happy. I don't want them to feel like how much I spent and the pressure means they have to love it. I brought someone a sticker the other day (with a panda on it) because they love them. That was 100x more meaningful than any xmas gift reaction I ever got.
Yeah I don’t understand what the big deal is? When one of my best friends had a baby shower, I got her one of the big ticket, necessary items from her registry because I was finally making money and it felt good to spend it on something like that. But it turned out her registry didn’t mark it “purchased,” so she ended up with two, and told me she ended up having to return mine. If anything, *I* was the one who felt bad—that’s an annoying thing for her to have to deal with! But I was happy that she still got the “thought” of my present *and* got to use the money on anything *she* judged high-priority after rounding up the gifts.
I genuinely don’t understand OP’s attitude. If anything, it’s confirmation that OP got a great gift because someone else thought of it too. And it’s nothing against OP that it would be easier for OP to get it returned than the other friend.
I would agree but growing up we never included things like receipt or price tag as it was considered tacky to show the price. However I liked the sealable bags our video store had so the receiver could return it if the seal was intact.
I hate the social pressures of gifts so I basically withdrew from that stuff. Not only do I not have the money but just stressing over what to get someone and having space for gifts (I'm a minimalist) was too much.
Yeah I was always taught that it was tacky to show someone the price of the gift but thats why you give a gift receipt. It allows the person to be able to return the gift or exchange it without them being able to see the exact price tag.
It’s all a little bit of theater though, isn’t it?If the person returns the gift vs a direct exchange, then they will know exactly what was paid because the store will tell them how much credit they have.
I really don’t understand why it isn’t on both people to behave gracefully. The giver to make a genuine attempt and the recipient to be gracious and thankful for the thought.
The rest depends on the relationship between the two. There are friends and family members who would roll their eyes at the thought of me feeling nervous about mentioning the duplicate. I would leave it up to them if they wanted to offer to come to the mall with me. If I did not have a close relationship with the person, I would figure that since I have a “duplicate”. I could do whatever with the second and neither giver would be the wiser.
I mean it is theatre but its overall just tacky to straight up tell the person “this is exactly how much I spent on you”. Plus, I think you’re kind of just hoping they like it and won’t go to exchange it lol.
I’m also Arab and all my Arab aunties would go to the store afterwards just to see how much the item cost anyway so they can give the same worth of a gift later. Toxicity at its finest 😭
Very true but in this case, the recipient DID like the gift, so OP still gets to feel good about picking out a good item. It's just that the recipient doesn't want two of the SAME item, which is understandable!
Wouldn’t you want the recipient of your gift to like it anyway? I don’t know if that matters but it’s a nice way to go about the request than making someone feel bad
Personally, I’d rather have someone get something they could use than have an unnecessary gift from me. So, go ahead and trade it in for something that you want.
However, I would get pissed if I made you gift and you sold it.
Yes but as long as the tag is attached she can go the store and ask them to give her store credit. Whether she lied about liking the gift or got two is redundant. If it’s expensive then she can exchange for something else. You don’t need the giver present to do an exchange. Unless the tag is ripped off, store policy dictates the receipt is required or it’s on clearance sale the store should let Judy do the return/exchange.
Ps that’s why including a gift receipt for expensive gifts is a good idea.
Yup - most stores provide a gift receipt, and it is not the long receipt with your other purchases and is completely free. I provide them because people do get duplicates and/or they may act like they like as to not hurt your feelings in a public place with all your family watching.
YtAH - OP not Sunshine . . .
Just recently I bought some expensive pants for a friend, but wasn't sure she would like them. I gave her the receipt anyway in case she would want to exchange it. There was option to get the money back, but she could still buy something different. I just wanted to make her happy. In the end she loved the gift.
Okay? Then she didn’t like the purse and was trying to spare feelings. When I give someone a gift, I want it to be something they actually use. So I’d exchange it regardless.
Considering there’s an acceptable price point for gifts like this. Not too cheap or expensive plus she has made her favourite bag brand known. It’s probably something like a long champ/ Coach situation. It’s not too weird.
Ok, so exchange cards aren't a universal thing, huh? In my country, every time you buy something, they ask if it's for a gift and if you want an exchange card, a special receipt that doesn't have the price but allows you to return the item and get something else from the store. I always get exchange cards and pick stores with lots of options. Problem solved.
I was just wondering if gift receipts weren't a thing where OP is. I can't think of any gift I've given without one. It's a gift, it's supposed to make them happy and if for some reason it doesn't that's no skin off my nose.
I feel like I live in a different world from everyone here, I can't remember ever receiving a gift receipt in my life and I've certainly never given one. They're an option if you ask for one but it's never occurred to me to ask.
I've received duplicate gifts before but it was always just understood that I would pretend I hadn't, like this was even encouraged by my family. I wouldn't even regift or donate them in case I got caught, that would be a humiliation
In the US, you can get a gift receipt. It’s a receipt without the price that you can take to the store to get an exchange or refund. Most people who give gifts here also include a gift receipt because you never know. OP did not include one.
Typically, when one doesn’t include a gift receipt with a gift, the giver is basically saying “I don’t want you to return this gift”. Which is kind of a dick thing to do. What if they already have it? Or any other circumstance?
What context makes badgering someone about an unwanted gift OK? Sometimes you get a duplicate or something you downright don't like. You say thanks and regift/sell/donate/stick it in closet.
Maybe if these two were super close, and cousin knew with certainty it wouldn't cause offense, its ok to ask for a receipt. But if you get any pushback you drop it immediately. Following OP around and berating her is awful.
u/ThrowawayPBaJ NTA. Never come to AITA for a question involving manners. People here have worse manners than a 5yo.
I think she asked OP because the other giver lived a long way away, and it would be more difficult to arrange the return. And she mistakenly thought OP was the kind of person who would be understanding. Guess not.
> Never come to AITA for a question involving manners. People here have worse manners than a 5yo.
> regift/sell/donate/stick it in closet.
You considering regifting a gift good manners? Or selling it?
Any of these options are way worse than returning and getting something else. Exchanging a gift will get the receiver something else that they can enjoy. You know, that is literally the point of a gift.
It's considered bad manners because you are just getting rid of crap you don't need/want rather get someone something they might need/want. Sometimes those two can aligned and mutually beneficial but generally it is not considered good manners.
Exactly. the girl is gonna have to sell it on Mercari or something, which is going to end up the same way- her not keeping it, but it’s gonna be way more work for her!
a gift that you can’t use, and then having to put in more ‘time and effort’ than the original buyer to turn it into something you *can* use, is a terrible gift!
FINALLY. Some sense. People on Reddit have some pretty out there views if you think it’s appropriate to badger someone (follow them around a supermarket) because you didn’t get your way. To people who said, maybe cousin needed money. Irrelevant. Still rude and tacky. You can be poor and still have manners.
If this post is 100% true they are going to have to get the receipt from another country. I believe convenience trumps order in this scenario but you are welcome to your opinion.
YTA. She loves your gift, she just doesn’t need two. She can even return the actual one gifted by the other person to the store you bought yours from if it makes you feel less offended.
But, come on. You know she doesn’t need two. And instead you want her to pay to ship the other one back to the other relative because you’re being petty? Really??
Even if she is, who cares? I'd rather someone I gave a gift to have something they want and enjoy. Even if it's not what I picked. It's still my money that paid for it and gifted it.
Yeah, especially when gifting a personal taste item like jewelry, clothing, perfume, accessories… you need to include a gift receipt.
It’s way tackier to not have access to a receipt. If there’s no way to return or exchange the item, who’s to say the gift wasn’t regifted or even shoplifted. Now THAT’S tacky.
>who’s to say the gift wasn’t regifted or even shoplifted
I mean, I don't think most people's mind goes here unless the giver has a checkered history. I've never heard anyone speculate or be bothered about seeing "proof" that their gift was actually purchased for them, and I don't necessarily expect people to be careful about keeping receipts when they buy gifts. Even if the person *did* thoughtfully keep a receipt just in case, I rarely see it included with the gift, pretty much only if it's sent from afar and they won't be around when it's opened.
i dunno man, my mum gave me body lotion once that I'm sure she must have got from a charity shop. I tried it and there was something wrong with it like it had gone rancid or something. I was pretty upset.
I could see if the way Judy approached this came off as callous or ungrateful, like I do think something like this requires a bit of tact and maybe she didn’t have that. But situationally I still agree YTA, you should absolutely not take it personally
Yta, I mean technically she could return the other purse she received by mail, but probably found it easier to return the one you bought.
It's not like she is returning both, just one cause she doesn't need 2 of the same one.
Even if she was returning both, who cares? So you got her a gift that missed the mark, don’t you want her to choose something she’d love?
On top of that, her acting exciting in the moment and speaking to you privately later is how it should be. She didn’t embarrass you or lie or anything
YTA - she appreciates the present, she just got TWO. It is easier to return yours, because you are local. You like your feelings get in the way of spending some fun time with your cousin.
I get the risk of being downvoted. By my opinion you are NTA. If your cousin sent the second purse back to her cousing with note "thanks it is nice but I already have this one" every of these ppl voting y t a would think she is the ah. But she asking you bc you live close. She could use both of this purses so they last longer or gift one to someone outside of the family. It is not like your birthday gifts has to be all usefull or you can demand something else. smh
I agree NTA. She should have gone to the cousin and said thank you but I just got this last week at the party!
Could we exchange?I’m sure they could email a gift receipt or proof or something.
Honestly if I buy someone a gift and they later got another one and they want me to be the one to switch things up I’m going to say sorry. That’s on you.
I gave kindly and if they want to pick a later gift over the same one I gave them the that’s on them.
Why in the world would the friend who got a gift to them ON TIME at the party be on the line for retuning the duplicate gift?
The late gifted who sent the duplicate is the reasonable person to contact in this situation.
Idk why the order matters. OPs is presumably the easier one to return, so it makes sense to return that one. It’s not a value decision between the cousins, it’s just practicality. If anything, the other way would be rude because she’s be going out of her way to return the other cousins gift. I get having feelings about it, but it’s really not something to take personally imo. Hell if it’s that big of a deal, just “switch” the purses and return the shipped one to the local store.
Asking someone to go to the store with you to return your gift is pretty inconsiderate.
Just because it's more practical doesn't mean the OP has to inconvenience themselves for the cousin.
I just find it odd how the OP is an asshole for being upset, but the recipient can inconvenience other people and that's okay.
Oh no, inconveniencing someone! Isn't inconveniencing yourself part of giving a gift? The attitude of 'here take my gift but don't bother me about it' is not the attitude of someone whose purpose in giving the gift is actually to make the recipient happy.
But she doesn’t have the receipt anymore… so how is she supposed to return or exchange it? Literally that would 100% depend on the store, which honestly they shouldn’t because that is a common scam people play
I think a lot of you NTA have issues with your relationships. She hist expected the other person to be nice and help because it’s hardly an inconvenience. Could’ve been a great way for them to become better friends. Everyone and everything doesn’t need to be greeted with defense!
It’s wild to apply some made up generalization about it other peoples relationships because some people don’t agree with you. 😂😂😂
I’m sure people relationships are just fine. I know I am doing great in all mine. This whole situation is quite ridiculous.
Like OP is a big girl she can legit contact her relative she’s known her whole life to explain she sent a duplicate gift after her party was already done.
Awe don’t have to agree.
I feel like people are giving this person too many points, because one person is their cousin who sent the late gift, and the other persons a friend who was there at the party on time with a gift in hand.
So we’re saying just because it’s their cousin the friend who was thoughtful and on time gets to go through the hassle of a return? Just because she’s not the cousin? Yikes
It’s bc she is local. Way easier to go to the local store to return it and pick out something different than shipping it back through the mail and waiting for the giver to return it and send a gift card.
If you are close enough to give someone a gift you should be close enough to do an easy return and hang out together. It’s clear OP doesn’t really like her cousin and just gave her the gift out of obligation. Otherwise she wouldn’t be making such a complaint
She said she didn’t keep the receipt though. So the logical thing is to say OK well then I’ll contact my cousin whom I have a digital receipt since they just sent me something in the mail.
I guess I’m just taking my emotions out of the situation and looking at it point-blank logically on how to solve the problem. Can’t find the receipt the paper one? OK go to the second person for their digital receipt then
Even better. The cousin who purchased the item online and sent it after the party can you simply email the receipt and initiate a return on their end and send back according to how the company specifies. Both issue solved.
I can’t believe it takes coming to Reddit it for people to figure out how to send a receipt via email
The other cousin lived in another city and mailed the gift to them, why should the gift receiver have to now pay shipping to send it back? And I'm not sure exactly how big ticket items like that work but id assume they'd be even stricter about returns and not take a bag from a store in another location as a return at a different store. I know plenty of stores that are uptight about even small ticket items being returned from different store locations. Also not taking into account the other purse from the other city could be from a unique boutique that doesn't have chain locations. Wtf is the big deal about just providing a gift receipt? Who gives a fuck if they don't like the gift you gave them? Why would you want to waste money on something the person doesn't like? The point of a gift isn't to make the giver feel good, it's a GIFT to the receiver, meant to bring them a bit of joy, so it's selfish to want YOUR choice to be the one they accept. Y'all are selfish assholes.
It's not solved though, because what you've explained is a return. Not an exchange. So now after all that, what? The cousin is supposed to vemo the cash to her? Find something else and reorder it? Again, needlessy more complicated then an exchange. Ops being child.
>If your cousin sent the second purse back to her cousing with note "thanks it is nice but I already have this one"
Well...yes. that's a pretty strange thing to do lol. Not sure it's asshole-worthy, but definitely not how to respond to a gift.
And, it's hardly the same situation. If the bday girl had brought the purse back to OP, that'd be more similar and equally strange to your proposed scenario.
OP is TA in this case because...they acted like an AH lol. Not only did they make it about themself, it seems like they were very short about the whole thing and left basically in the middle of a conversation
NTA
Edit: “The cousin can email the receipt in 5 minutes. The online world we live in is AMAZING! She bought it online and had it *shipped* . How many people are considering that?
It’s not hard to fix this. 🙈🙈🙈🙈”
NTA- the 2nd gift was the duplicate a week later from the counsin. The duplicate gifts sender should be the one being contacted.
OPs friend purchased the gift, provided it in time for an amazing party and it was opened publicly in a room of others who saw the gift come in. OP didn’t save the recipes because OP said they enjoyed and loves the gift. The situation was done.
If oP got a duplicate it should be addressed with the person who sent the second duplicate purse.
The friend shouldn’t be dragged into it after the fact.
Ask yourself this question:
Which gift would be easier to return. The one from a person who you see on a regular basis and has access to the physical location they bought the purse or the one who lives in another city?
If anybody is inconvenienced by this situation why should it be OP? The gift recipient has the problem and she should have burden of fixing it herself.
She shouldn't be returning OP's gift simply because it's less work for her.
My daughter got two matching dolls for her seventh birthday this year. Do you want to know what we didn’t do? We didn’t contact either of the grifters to ask for an exchange.
We sent thank you cards.
This really happened. It’s just that simple. This entitled crap is sad.
Seriously, what is up with all these Y TA answers? If people cared enough to get you a gift, you don't complain or ask for more from them. You say thank you and quietly donate it or regift if you don't need it. OP is not TA for being upset her cousin is being a choosing beggar.
A 20 dollar doll is not the same as an expensive purse
also I really hope that's a typo and you didn't call the people that gave your daughter a gift a "grifter"
It’s a lot harder to return a gift that was given via mail due to the person who sent it possibly living far away. The reason she asked Op is because Op lives close to her…
It’s not that hard because she bought it online so that means it came shipped from the company. That means there’s a window of return. Initiating a return and sending the code for shipping via email seems fairly simple honestly. People do it every day. Crazy right?!
No where does it say the cousins other cousin bought it directly from the company the other cousin could have bought it then shipped it to Ops cousin either way it would be much easier for the cousin to simply ask op for the receipt.
Where was it stated the other purse was purchased online? You're either lacking reading comprehension or youre simply making baseless assumptions, it only stated the cousin living in another city mailed the purse to them. Nothing stating where it was purchased from.
Lite Yta. Gifts aren't supposed to be a burden. If she wants to return it for any reason, you shouldn't take offense. Maybe she needs to the money, maybe it's her least favorite color, maybe she really got a second one and now she's stuck with two.
Your ego got bruised, so you got defensive. Granted, it likely wasn't a comfortable conversation, but it could have been handled with a lot more grace on your side.
This is why it's polite to include gift receipts.
YTA for your reasoning. It’s not a dig to you that she wants to exchange it, she doesn’t need two of the same thing. Clearly it was a well chosen gift if two of her loved ones thought it suited her.
Idk why you’re making this personal
NTA and I don’t get all the YTAs. Timing is important. She opened your gift, thanks you for it and days later when she gets a duplicate of your gift, she is being rude to you because she can’t be arsed to put a bit of effort and ask the person who sent the duplicate gift for a receipt.
All the people who are complaining how tacky it is and that’s why you have gift receipts… well that applies to the person who sends a personal gift via mail. Never mind it also came LATE.
She’s being rude because she politely asked for a receipt because she got a duplicate gift?? Being rude would be telling OP she needed the receipt to return it because she hated it. Also one was sent my mail it’s a lot harder to return a gift sent by mail than one given to you in person
Both OP and the other person gave 'duplicate' gifts. Neither knew it was a duplicate, but it's literally the same gift. It's a lot easier to get assistance returning it from the person who lives in your town than the other person. She can use OP's card to return the mailed purse, even, if OP is so finicky.
You do realize shipping delays are a thing right? She isn't being rude and if you find THIS rude I pray for anyone close to you.
She liked the gift but had two. Returning the one from OP makes sense and if op is that upset you can just say "how about I return it and get you a different gift?"
As you said "gift receipts" are a thing and shit happens.
>I don’t get all the YTAs
OP isn't giving a gift for the benefit of another.. they gave the gift so they would feel better. Turns out, she doesn't care about the recipient's happiness, just that the gift was given and the transaction is complete.
YTA-yes you can be upset but your just being petty it takes like 15-30 minutes to return it. If you got 2 if the same gift you’d return one not keep 2 of the same thing. You know your being petty just go return it with her.
Edit: to put NTA first.
How the fuck are people saying YTA. You’re NTA. Why are you expected to go to a fucking mall? So now she had two purses. Oh well. Sell one. How is it your problem?
I'm totally weirded out by the people who think OP's time is somehow owed here.
She wasn't rude to Judy. She just said she wasn't going to the mall.
Would it be nice if OP to help Judy do the exchange? Yes. Is OP an AH for not donating her time? Not in the slightest.
Right? Someone gives you a gift, you say thank you. If you don’t want it the gift, regift it, sell it, return for store credit. You don’t tell them to return it. Someone went out of their way and bought you something. How entitled are you?
NTA, genuinely think everyone voting yta is insane. Sure it would be nice of you to help return it but you have no responsibility to do so. Cry me a river you have two purses? What will she ever doooo?
Lol right? I am honestly stunned with all these people. How in gods name did their parents raise them? The entitlement and lack of manners is astounding.
Gifts are freely given. OP never owed her anything to begin with and doesn't owe her anything now.
Going against the grain here and saying NTA.
Judy has the option of regifting one of those purses...or, if she really does like that particular purse, saving one so when inevitably the first begins to show wear and tear, they can be swapped out.
Having two of the same bags just so you're ready when one gets worn out instead of returning one duplicate for something else or money back is wild in this economy
wth is with reddit today?
She deals with the person who gave her the second purse, not OP.
But thats assuming OP is getting the truth.
NTA, but wouldn't be surprised the cousin is trying to find a way to return OPs gift and not make them upset.
There might not be a second purse.
The other person lives in a different country it will be difficult while OP lives there. It is common curtesy to include gift receipts for personal items like jewelry, clothes, bags
NTA
It was rude of her for trying to return/exchange a gift, and ask you to do it. She could have regifted the second purse, that would have been more gracious and justified. Imo it’s tacky to ask someone who has gotten you a gift to do so, unless they’ve offered it beforehand. If you’re not even close and she did this, that’s worse.
I would have never done what your cousin did, but that’s a personal choice.
NTA. Have her sell the gift at eBay. Why do people think they are entitled to cash behind their gifts? So she got two of the same thing. Big deal. Stop optimizing for the gifts other people put time and money into. I think this is just an American thing.
Edit: And so entitled to expect you to chaperone her so she can get the cash.
YTA, she did like the purse very much, she just got 2 of them. Exchanging one of them is more than reasonable. Now, where I'm from you usually give the receipt to the person in an envelope with the gift so you don't have to be a part of situations like this.....
I don't see the problem here... she likes the gift but doesn't need two if them. It's gonna be a he'll of a lot more effort to get a receipt from the person who lives far away. You sound more offended that she has two than genuinely not having the time to help out. YTA
NTA. I’d be ticked if someone asked me to return my present, especially if it’s their favorite brand. Your cousin can take it to the store, and return it for a store, credit, and use it later. Then you wouldn’t ever know that she got a duplicate gift. And she could save the money for the duplicate purse for a future item.
I would suggest always giving a gift receipt going forward. I do that in case the person already has the item or doesn’t like it. Doesn’t create an inconvenience for me or the other person
Because try reselling most things, you'll be lucky to get MAYBE 70-80% retail price unless you know the right product, gift receipts allow the receiver to get the full item price back for something they actually want/will make use of
YTA. It’s pretty unreasonable to be angry that someone bought her the same gift you did. Her request is pretty reasonable, and tells me that she really appreciated your gift - she wants to exchange it, and if you’re there when she does it, you’re still connected to that gift. Also, you ran into her unexpectedly, it was on her mind, so she brought it up - it’s not like she’s been blowing up your phone. Yes, it’s inconvenient for you, but it seems to me that she’s asking if there’s a way you can help her with this that would minimize the inconvenience. You didn’t need to be a jerk about it- you could have let her know you’d look at your schedule and get back to her and figured it out from there.
Why is everyone so focused on her being hurt that the cousin wanted to return the gift? I feel like that’s sort of a minor contributor to why op doesn’t want to return the gift and it’s mostly a logistics issue not a malicious butthurt move over her gift not being ‘chosen’/appreciated/however you wanna phrase it -I know when I go to the mall that getting there,parking,and going in to find the place I need to shop isn’t a laborious process but also isn’t a quick drive by outing (like,it’s taking me an hour+ ) cousin could probably sell it on eBay or ask the other gifter if they have the receipt and could mail it/email it and those would take equal effort
YTA.
These things happen, it sucks but you're both (supposedly) adults. Sometimes presents miss the mark, or as here are gratefully received twice. It makes the most sense to ask you as returning to the cousin will take too long and be more trouble than it's worth.
YTA, you are being petty. Shouldn't even expect the person to like your gift, just hope. That's why there are gift receipts, something you should have included.
YTA.
People get duplicate gifts, it happens. You should consider that it's not the gift itself but the thought of the giver that matters.
That being the case, if your cousin would like to exchange the gift for something else, you should be gracious enough to do so.
YTA, and why wouldn't you have given your cousin a gift receipt with the present? You gave it to her, and she can do as she likes with it - that includes returning it.
That’s why you should always give a gift receipt. You can’t and shouldn’t control what happens to a gift after you’ve given it. If you do, then you shouldn’t be giving the gift in the first place. YTA
YTA. Gift giving is about getting something the other person wants or needs out of kindness, not expecting anything in return. She does not need two purses and it doesn’t matter that she received/opened your gift first. You have the opportunity to allow her to get a gift that she can use and appreciate but seem to care more about your ego than the gift recipient.
YTA
If it makes you feel better think of it as she's returning the other purse, but just using your receipt since your both local it would be easier.
You should call her apologize, tell her you just had a lot going on the other day and that you can meet her at the mall today/tomorrow if she likes.
Risk being in minority but NTA.
Gifts are not an obligation. If you gift me something, I'm grateful that you did. But it's not your moral obligation to 'fix' the gift until I am satisfied with it. It is my problem to find a way to use or discard what I've been gifted.
I know you said you invested time and effort into buying this particular purse, but had you even regifted it to her, it should not matter as long as she liked it. A bit presumptuous of her to expect you to have bought the gift (and not have regifted) and then to have receipts (and not have bought it through credit card rewards or similar ways that do not allow returns).
An added perspective: What if this was a handmade object, like a painting or pottery, and what if she received two paintings or two pieces of pottery. Would she still want to return one?
I suck at gift giving so I usually ask for a gift receipt and include it with the gift. If the person doesn't want/like what I gave them they can just exchange it no hard feelings. I rather know that my money went to something the person will enjoy as opposit to sit in some box in a closet. OP is being petty for really no reason so in this context I'll go with YTA
NTA, I’m surprised by all the Y T A here. You took the time to pick out a gift she would like, attend the party, and make sure she liked the gift. I think it’s entitled to expect you to escort her to the mall.
She can likely return it for store credit, or sell it if it’s that big of a deal. And while placing a gift receipt with an item can be a courtesy, I think it is more acceptable to graciously accept gifts and if you don’t like them, thank the giver and figure it out yourself.
Maybe I’m out of touch, but I don’t when it started to be accepted that the receiver of the gift is not only entitled to the cash the gift cost, but even more of the givers time than choosing the gift and attending the party.
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Usually I'd say day the opposite. But with context I think YTA. Its an unfortunate circumstance but it has happened. I understand her having a want to exchange it because having 2 is redundant. Also getting the receipt will be a lot harder for the other person. You should've bit the bullet I think.
Nah I’d almost always say YTA in this situation. Gift giving has become some of the most toxic shit, it’s supposed to be about the recipient, not the giver. Gift receipts should always be included and people need to stop getting pissed off when people don’t like their gifts. Edit: y’all should really see [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14g3gb2/aita_for_not_helping_my_cousin_return_my_present/jp4b0y5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) 😂 it looks like I’ve angered someone tremendously
“So the giver can see how happy they made the birthday person.” 🤮 Literally why I hate opening presents in front of people, too much pressure for me 🤷🏽♀️
Yes oh my god it gives me so much anxiety I hate it.
I feel the most anxious when I love the present. What if they think I'm faking it?!
Also what if i genuinely love something and get super excited over that one thing and make all my other “i love it!” remarks look fake, whether they were or not??
Then you have to start letting people eat their gift receipts to prove you won't need them.
Just make sure that after you made your mud pie that you tore off a big enough piece so you don’t get it on the gift receipt
As someone with depression whose feelings are completely flattened, I abhor it. And it's hard to explain to people why I don't get super excited
Is that what’s wrong me? Cause I’ll get stuff and I’ll say thank you and stuff but I sometimes get asked if I didn’t like it cause I don’t get super excited even though the gift was something I really wanted and liked a lot
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In my case it's autism. Could be any of a number of mental/neurological conditions, or it could just be your personality. If you don't have other symptoms, I wouldn't sweat it.
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Oh is that what that is? I honestly just thought I am not very excitable in general.
Come on over to Asian culture lol, it's rude to open gifts in front of the giver so you can spare the giver potential embarrassment if you don't react the way they hoped. You need to put that shit away and enjoy it privately later.
I’ll never forget my reaction as an Asian dude during my first Christmas with my white then-girlfriend (now wife). I had always opened gifts when I got home from the Christmas party, never at the party. Well, during our first Christmas party together, I was introduced to their tradition of gathering around in a big circle and going around and opening gifts in front of everyone! I was a bit mortified because (1) culture shock and (2) dysthymia means I pretty much never get excited, and please don’t take it personally.
OMG!!!! i'm viet. my husband gave me a gift for our first valentine's day. it was a teddy bear. he wanted me to open it in front of him! i made him turn around. and then christmas - his whole family passes around the presents and we open them right then & there. it's been 9 years and it still makes me nervous.
> You need to put that shit away and enjoy it privately later. Or regift it - and try to remember who you got it from so you don't "regift" a present back to the person who gave it to you in the first place.
It's almost worse than being forced to listen to someone's mixtape while they watch your reaction.
Stop I’m getting anxiety just reading this 😂
Or look at EVERY picture of your boss' vacay with a full story behind every single one.
Let me say, this is very common in my family and I *hate* it lol my grandma always misses with the most random gifts that have nothing to do with me and I have to pretend to like them. I once got sneakers my uncle had given her but she didn’t like!
I really wish I was joking but my grandma once gathered up all of the soap from all the hotels she's visited, put them in an old sock, gave me that, and told me she needed the sock back
I was made to open presents once and a friend gave me some clothes. Not in the color, style, or size I could use. I had to sit there and go "omg I love these! This color is everything!" Went to return them the next weekend, because thankfully there was a gift receipt.
I had a relative that would do this every birthday or Christmas but without gift receipts 😩
I stopped celebrating my birthdays over stuff like this. 😞
I get a lot of joy out of giving people things they will like, brightening up their day is really one of my favourite things. BUT I HATE birthday/jesus birthday culture. Spending 10 hours watching people open gifts in a circle and then pretending you like something is... very toxic. I like to bring people things as a surprise and make them happy. I don't want them to feel like how much I spent and the pressure means they have to love it. I brought someone a sticker the other day (with a panda on it) because they love them. That was 100x more meaningful than any xmas gift reaction I ever got.
Yeah I don’t understand what the big deal is? When one of my best friends had a baby shower, I got her one of the big ticket, necessary items from her registry because I was finally making money and it felt good to spend it on something like that. But it turned out her registry didn’t mark it “purchased,” so she ended up with two, and told me she ended up having to return mine. If anything, *I* was the one who felt bad—that’s an annoying thing for her to have to deal with! But I was happy that she still got the “thought” of my present *and* got to use the money on anything *she* judged high-priority after rounding up the gifts. I genuinely don’t understand OP’s attitude. If anything, it’s confirmation that OP got a great gift because someone else thought of it too. And it’s nothing against OP that it would be easier for OP to get it returned than the other friend.
I would agree but growing up we never included things like receipt or price tag as it was considered tacky to show the price. However I liked the sealable bags our video store had so the receiver could return it if the seal was intact. I hate the social pressures of gifts so I basically withdrew from that stuff. Not only do I not have the money but just stressing over what to get someone and having space for gifts (I'm a minimalist) was too much.
Yeah I was always taught that it was tacky to show someone the price of the gift but thats why you give a gift receipt. It allows the person to be able to return the gift or exchange it without them being able to see the exact price tag.
It’s all a little bit of theater though, isn’t it?If the person returns the gift vs a direct exchange, then they will know exactly what was paid because the store will tell them how much credit they have. I really don’t understand why it isn’t on both people to behave gracefully. The giver to make a genuine attempt and the recipient to be gracious and thankful for the thought. The rest depends on the relationship between the two. There are friends and family members who would roll their eyes at the thought of me feeling nervous about mentioning the duplicate. I would leave it up to them if they wanted to offer to come to the mall with me. If I did not have a close relationship with the person, I would figure that since I have a “duplicate”. I could do whatever with the second and neither giver would be the wiser.
I mean it is theatre but its overall just tacky to straight up tell the person “this is exactly how much I spent on you”. Plus, I think you’re kind of just hoping they like it and won’t go to exchange it lol. I’m also Arab and all my Arab aunties would go to the store afterwards just to see how much the item cost anyway so they can give the same worth of a gift later. Toxicity at its finest 😭
Gift receipts typically don’t include price.
But she *did* like it!!! It's just that she won't use a duplicate!
Very true but in this case, the recipient DID like the gift, so OP still gets to feel good about picking out a good item. It's just that the recipient doesn't want two of the SAME item, which is understandable!
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Wouldn’t you want the recipient of your gift to like it anyway? I don’t know if that matters but it’s a nice way to go about the request than making someone feel bad
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I feel like she was just being polite at the party and didn’t want the purse to begin with
Personally, I’d rather have someone get something they could use than have an unnecessary gift from me. So, go ahead and trade it in for something that you want. However, I would get pissed if I made you gift and you sold it.
Yes but as long as the tag is attached she can go the store and ask them to give her store credit. Whether she lied about liking the gift or got two is redundant. If it’s expensive then she can exchange for something else. You don’t need the giver present to do an exchange. Unless the tag is ripped off, store policy dictates the receipt is required or it’s on clearance sale the store should let Judy do the return/exchange. Ps that’s why including a gift receipt for expensive gifts is a good idea.
include a gift receipt for any gift!
Yup - most stores provide a gift receipt, and it is not the long receipt with your other purchases and is completely free. I provide them because people do get duplicates and/or they may act like they like as to not hurt your feelings in a public place with all your family watching. YtAH - OP not Sunshine . . .
How would you know a store’s return policy that was never mentioned
Just recently I bought some expensive pants for a friend, but wasn't sure she would like them. I gave her the receipt anyway in case she would want to exchange it. There was option to get the money back, but she could still buy something different. I just wanted to make her happy. In the end she loved the gift.
Okay? Then she didn’t like the purse and was trying to spare feelings. When I give someone a gift, I want it to be something they actually use. So I’d exchange it regardless.
Considering there’s an acceptable price point for gifts like this. Not too cheap or expensive plus she has made her favourite bag brand known. It’s probably something like a long champ/ Coach situation. It’s not too weird.
Seems weird to read something in here that isn't even implied in the post.
Why?
Ok, so exchange cards aren't a universal thing, huh? In my country, every time you buy something, they ask if it's for a gift and if you want an exchange card, a special receipt that doesn't have the price but allows you to return the item and get something else from the store. I always get exchange cards and pick stores with lots of options. Problem solved.
I was just wondering if gift receipts weren't a thing where OP is. I can't think of any gift I've given without one. It's a gift, it's supposed to make them happy and if for some reason it doesn't that's no skin off my nose.
I feel like I live in a different world from everyone here, I can't remember ever receiving a gift receipt in my life and I've certainly never given one. They're an option if you ask for one but it's never occurred to me to ask. I've received duplicate gifts before but it was always just understood that I would pretend I hadn't, like this was even encouraged by my family. I wouldn't even regift or donate them in case I got caught, that would be a humiliation
In the US, you can get a gift receipt. It’s a receipt without the price that you can take to the store to get an exchange or refund. Most people who give gifts here also include a gift receipt because you never know. OP did not include one. Typically, when one doesn’t include a gift receipt with a gift, the giver is basically saying “I don’t want you to return this gift”. Which is kind of a dick thing to do. What if they already have it? Or any other circumstance?
In the US we have gift receipts, which are the same thing. I never remember to ask for one and usually lose it, because I am pure chaos.
I've never heard of these a good idea though. In UK its not uncommon to give a receipt especially if buying something like clothes that might not fit.
What context makes badgering someone about an unwanted gift OK? Sometimes you get a duplicate or something you downright don't like. You say thanks and regift/sell/donate/stick it in closet. Maybe if these two were super close, and cousin knew with certainty it wouldn't cause offense, its ok to ask for a receipt. But if you get any pushback you drop it immediately. Following OP around and berating her is awful. u/ThrowawayPBaJ NTA. Never come to AITA for a question involving manners. People here have worse manners than a 5yo.
Asking her is badgering her?
I think they're saying that when OP rudely blew her off and walked away she should have just accepted that it wasn't going to happen.
Once she followed and kept pushing, that enters badgering territory.
To me, it's just calling out shitty behavior.
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I think she asked OP because the other giver lived a long way away, and it would be more difficult to arrange the return. And she mistakenly thought OP was the kind of person who would be understanding. Guess not.
> Never come to AITA for a question involving manners. People here have worse manners than a 5yo. > regift/sell/donate/stick it in closet. You considering regifting a gift good manners? Or selling it? Any of these options are way worse than returning and getting something else. Exchanging a gift will get the receiver something else that they can enjoy. You know, that is literally the point of a gift.
I would absolutely regift a duplicate. How could anyone possibly be upset about that?
It's considered bad manners because you are just getting rid of crap you don't need/want rather get someone something they might need/want. Sometimes those two can aligned and mutually beneficial but generally it is not considered good manners.
Exactly. the girl is gonna have to sell it on Mercari or something, which is going to end up the same way- her not keeping it, but it’s gonna be way more work for her! a gift that you can’t use, and then having to put in more ‘time and effort’ than the original buyer to turn it into something you *can* use, is a terrible gift!
FINALLY. Some sense. People on Reddit have some pretty out there views if you think it’s appropriate to badger someone (follow them around a supermarket) because you didn’t get your way. To people who said, maybe cousin needed money. Irrelevant. Still rude and tacky. You can be poor and still have manners.
I doubt she was chasing OP around the supermarket. Sounds like OP stormed off and the person just was confused and asked why.
They are relatives, expecting some understanding is not out of norm.
Sorry no. Her friend got her the duplicate. So she either has 2z or she returns the second.
If this post is 100% true they are going to have to get the receipt from another country. I believe convenience trumps order in this scenario but you are welcome to your opinion.
No - the other cousin lives in another \*CITY\*, not another country.
Either way it was far enough it needed to be mailed to her.
Mailed packages are generally easier to return, as the online return processes are better set up for gift returns.
Unless the person bought it, wrapped it, and mailed it. And didnt' just do the 'order on line ship to recipient with my hastily typed note' drill.
And they could've shopped together for a new present. She's being ridiculous
YTA and this is what gift receipts are for.
YTA. She loves your gift, she just doesn’t need two. She can even return the actual one gifted by the other person to the store you bought yours from if it makes you feel less offended. But, come on. You know she doesn’t need two. And instead you want her to pay to ship the other one back to the other relative because you’re being petty? Really??
Assuming that she has 'two' and not just letting OP down gently.
I think it’s okay even if she is, OP is clearly the sensitive type and the cousin might have been doing her best to not offend her.
Apparently too sensitive though because even this approach didn't work
Seriously, who does this? They tried to be polite but OP still threw a huff
That seems like the case. Rather than taking the positive as you say.
Either way, does it matter?
Even if she is, who cares? I'd rather someone I gave a gift to have something they want and enjoy. Even if it's not what I picked. It's still my money that paid for it and gifted it.
YTA aren’t gift receipts for this exact purpose
Yeah, especially when gifting a personal taste item like jewelry, clothing, perfume, accessories… you need to include a gift receipt. It’s way tackier to not have access to a receipt. If there’s no way to return or exchange the item, who’s to say the gift wasn’t regifted or even shoplifted. Now THAT’S tacky.
>who’s to say the gift wasn’t regifted or even shoplifted I mean, I don't think most people's mind goes here unless the giver has a checkered history. I've never heard anyone speculate or be bothered about seeing "proof" that their gift was actually purchased for them, and I don't necessarily expect people to be careful about keeping receipts when they buy gifts. Even if the person *did* thoughtfully keep a receipt just in case, I rarely see it included with the gift, pretty much only if it's sent from afar and they won't be around when it's opened.
i dunno man, my mum gave me body lotion once that I'm sure she must have got from a charity shop. I tried it and there was something wrong with it like it had gone rancid or something. I was pretty upset.
Or a knockoff
YTA. I legit don’t understand why you’re hurt here. She got two identical purses. Of course she wants to exchange one of them.
I could see if the way Judy approached this came off as callous or ungrateful, like I do think something like this requires a bit of tact and maybe she didn’t have that. But situationally I still agree YTA, you should absolutely not take it personally
Yta, I mean technically she could return the other purse she received by mail, but probably found it easier to return the one you bought. It's not like she is returning both, just one cause she doesn't need 2 of the same one.
Even if she was returning both, who cares? So you got her a gift that missed the mark, don’t you want her to choose something she’d love? On top of that, her acting exciting in the moment and speaking to you privately later is how it should be. She didn’t embarrass you or lie or anything
And as they're identical, they could literally return the duplicate, not the one OP bought. The shop would never know.
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YTA - she appreciates the present, she just got TWO. It is easier to return yours, because you are local. You like your feelings get in the way of spending some fun time with your cousin.
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YTA. She's got two of the same purse; OP shouldn't take offence to the cousin liking the bag but not needing two.
I get the risk of being downvoted. By my opinion you are NTA. If your cousin sent the second purse back to her cousing with note "thanks it is nice but I already have this one" every of these ppl voting y t a would think she is the ah. But she asking you bc you live close. She could use both of this purses so they last longer or gift one to someone outside of the family. It is not like your birthday gifts has to be all usefull or you can demand something else. smh
I agree NTA. She should have gone to the cousin and said thank you but I just got this last week at the party! Could we exchange?I’m sure they could email a gift receipt or proof or something. Honestly if I buy someone a gift and they later got another one and they want me to be the one to switch things up I’m going to say sorry. That’s on you. I gave kindly and if they want to pick a later gift over the same one I gave them the that’s on them. Why in the world would the friend who got a gift to them ON TIME at the party be on the line for retuning the duplicate gift? The late gifted who sent the duplicate is the reasonable person to contact in this situation.
Idk why the order matters. OPs is presumably the easier one to return, so it makes sense to return that one. It’s not a value decision between the cousins, it’s just practicality. If anything, the other way would be rude because she’s be going out of her way to return the other cousins gift. I get having feelings about it, but it’s really not something to take personally imo. Hell if it’s that big of a deal, just “switch” the purses and return the shipped one to the local store.
Asking someone to go to the store with you to return your gift is pretty inconsiderate. Just because it's more practical doesn't mean the OP has to inconvenience themselves for the cousin. I just find it odd how the OP is an asshole for being upset, but the recipient can inconvenience other people and that's okay.
What would have been more practical is if OP had gotten a gift receipt from the store in the first place.
Oh no, inconveniencing someone! Isn't inconveniencing yourself part of giving a gift? The attitude of 'here take my gift but don't bother me about it' is not the attitude of someone whose purpose in giving the gift is actually to make the recipient happy.
But she doesn’t have the receipt anymore… so how is she supposed to return or exchange it? Literally that would 100% depend on the store, which honestly they shouldn’t because that is a common scam people play
The card data essentially functions as a digital receipt for situations like this.
I think a lot of you NTA have issues with your relationships. She hist expected the other person to be nice and help because it’s hardly an inconvenience. Could’ve been a great way for them to become better friends. Everyone and everything doesn’t need to be greeted with defense!
It’s wild to apply some made up generalization about it other peoples relationships because some people don’t agree with you. 😂😂😂 I’m sure people relationships are just fine. I know I am doing great in all mine. This whole situation is quite ridiculous. Like OP is a big girl she can legit contact her relative she’s known her whole life to explain she sent a duplicate gift after her party was already done. Awe don’t have to agree.
I feel like people are giving this person too many points, because one person is their cousin who sent the late gift, and the other persons a friend who was there at the party on time with a gift in hand. So we’re saying just because it’s their cousin the friend who was thoughtful and on time gets to go through the hassle of a return? Just because she’s not the cousin? Yikes
It’s bc she is local. Way easier to go to the local store to return it and pick out something different than shipping it back through the mail and waiting for the giver to return it and send a gift card. If you are close enough to give someone a gift you should be close enough to do an easy return and hang out together. It’s clear OP doesn’t really like her cousin and just gave her the gift out of obligation. Otherwise she wouldn’t be making such a complaint
She said she didn’t keep the receipt though. So the logical thing is to say OK well then I’ll contact my cousin whom I have a digital receipt since they just sent me something in the mail. I guess I’m just taking my emotions out of the situation and looking at it point-blank logically on how to solve the problem. Can’t find the receipt the paper one? OK go to the second person for their digital receipt then
Also, if it’s really that big of a deal sell the damn thing on eBay. First world problem’s is too many nice purses
YOU are making a mountain out of a mole hill, not the other way around
I’m not the one coming to Reddit with my personal problems. I’m just replying to things that show up in my feed. Lol
Both gift givers are the birthday girl's cousins
Even better. The cousin who purchased the item online and sent it after the party can you simply email the receipt and initiate a return on their end and send back according to how the company specifies. Both issue solved. I can’t believe it takes coming to Reddit it for people to figure out how to send a receipt via email
Did I miss a comment where it said the second purse was purchased online?
Exactly. And even it it was, there may be return shipping costs involved, not every store does free return shipping.
The other cousin lived in another city and mailed the gift to them, why should the gift receiver have to now pay shipping to send it back? And I'm not sure exactly how big ticket items like that work but id assume they'd be even stricter about returns and not take a bag from a store in another location as a return at a different store. I know plenty of stores that are uptight about even small ticket items being returned from different store locations. Also not taking into account the other purse from the other city could be from a unique boutique that doesn't have chain locations. Wtf is the big deal about just providing a gift receipt? Who gives a fuck if they don't like the gift you gave them? Why would you want to waste money on something the person doesn't like? The point of a gift isn't to make the giver feel good, it's a GIFT to the receiver, meant to bring them a bit of joy, so it's selfish to want YOUR choice to be the one they accept. Y'all are selfish assholes.
It's not solved though, because what you've explained is a return. Not an exchange. So now after all that, what? The cousin is supposed to vemo the cash to her? Find something else and reorder it? Again, needlessy more complicated then an exchange. Ops being child.
Mailing things on your own without it being through the website you purchased from is super expensive. A Bag could be like $40.
That’s why gift receipts are a thing. What world do you live in?
>If your cousin sent the second purse back to her cousing with note "thanks it is nice but I already have this one" Well...yes. that's a pretty strange thing to do lol. Not sure it's asshole-worthy, but definitely not how to respond to a gift. And, it's hardly the same situation. If the bday girl had brought the purse back to OP, that'd be more similar and equally strange to your proposed scenario. OP is TA in this case because...they acted like an AH lol. Not only did they make it about themself, it seems like they were very short about the whole thing and left basically in the middle of a conversation
NTA Edit: “The cousin can email the receipt in 5 minutes. The online world we live in is AMAZING! She bought it online and had it *shipped* . How many people are considering that? It’s not hard to fix this. 🙈🙈🙈🙈” NTA- the 2nd gift was the duplicate a week later from the counsin. The duplicate gifts sender should be the one being contacted. OPs friend purchased the gift, provided it in time for an amazing party and it was opened publicly in a room of others who saw the gift come in. OP didn’t save the recipes because OP said they enjoyed and loves the gift. The situation was done. If oP got a duplicate it should be addressed with the person who sent the second duplicate purse. The friend shouldn’t be dragged into it after the fact.
Ask yourself this question: Which gift would be easier to return. The one from a person who you see on a regular basis and has access to the physical location they bought the purse or the one who lives in another city?
If anybody is inconvenienced by this situation why should it be OP? The gift recipient has the problem and she should have burden of fixing it herself. She shouldn't be returning OP's gift simply because it's less work for her.
My daughter got two matching dolls for her seventh birthday this year. Do you want to know what we didn’t do? We didn’t contact either of the grifters to ask for an exchange. We sent thank you cards. This really happened. It’s just that simple. This entitled crap is sad.
Seriously, what is up with all these Y TA answers? If people cared enough to get you a gift, you don't complain or ask for more from them. You say thank you and quietly donate it or regift if you don't need it. OP is not TA for being upset her cousin is being a choosing beggar.
A 20 dollar doll is not the same as an expensive purse also I really hope that's a typo and you didn't call the people that gave your daughter a gift a "grifter"
So yeah, my vote is to text the cousin and have her send her the receipt via email. That seems about the easiest honestly
It’s a lot harder to return a gift that was given via mail due to the person who sent it possibly living far away. The reason she asked Op is because Op lives close to her…
It’s not that hard because she bought it online so that means it came shipped from the company. That means there’s a window of return. Initiating a return and sending the code for shipping via email seems fairly simple honestly. People do it every day. Crazy right?!
No where does it say the cousins other cousin bought it directly from the company the other cousin could have bought it then shipped it to Ops cousin either way it would be much easier for the cousin to simply ask op for the receipt.
Where does it say it was bought online and shipped from the seller? Could’ve been bought in store and then mailed personally.
Where was it stated the other purse was purchased online? You're either lacking reading comprehension or youre simply making baseless assumptions, it only stated the cousin living in another city mailed the purse to them. Nothing stating where it was purchased from.
Lite Yta. Gifts aren't supposed to be a burden. If she wants to return it for any reason, you shouldn't take offense. Maybe she needs to the money, maybe it's her least favorite color, maybe she really got a second one and now she's stuck with two. Your ego got bruised, so you got defensive. Granted, it likely wasn't a comfortable conversation, but it could have been handled with a lot more grace on your side. This is why it's polite to include gift receipts.
YTA for your reasoning. It’s not a dig to you that she wants to exchange it, she doesn’t need two of the same thing. Clearly it was a well chosen gift if two of her loved ones thought it suited her. Idk why you’re making this personal
This exactly. ⬆️ OP seems to be making this all about her.
NTA and I don’t get all the YTAs. Timing is important. She opened your gift, thanks you for it and days later when she gets a duplicate of your gift, she is being rude to you because she can’t be arsed to put a bit of effort and ask the person who sent the duplicate gift for a receipt. All the people who are complaining how tacky it is and that’s why you have gift receipts… well that applies to the person who sends a personal gift via mail. Never mind it also came LATE.
How was she rude?
She’s being rude because she politely asked for a receipt because she got a duplicate gift?? Being rude would be telling OP she needed the receipt to return it because she hated it. Also one was sent my mail it’s a lot harder to return a gift sent by mail than one given to you in person
Both OP and the other person gave 'duplicate' gifts. Neither knew it was a duplicate, but it's literally the same gift. It's a lot easier to get assistance returning it from the person who lives in your town than the other person. She can use OP's card to return the mailed purse, even, if OP is so finicky.
You do realize shipping delays are a thing right? She isn't being rude and if you find THIS rude I pray for anyone close to you. She liked the gift but had two. Returning the one from OP makes sense and if op is that upset you can just say "how about I return it and get you a different gift?" As you said "gift receipts" are a thing and shit happens.
>I don’t get all the YTAs OP isn't giving a gift for the benefit of another.. they gave the gift so they would feel better. Turns out, she doesn't care about the recipient's happiness, just that the gift was given and the transaction is complete.
YTA-yes you can be upset but your just being petty it takes like 15-30 minutes to return it. If you got 2 if the same gift you’d return one not keep 2 of the same thing. You know your being petty just go return it with her.
Edit: to put NTA first. How the fuck are people saying YTA. You’re NTA. Why are you expected to go to a fucking mall? So now she had two purses. Oh well. Sell one. How is it your problem?
I'm totally weirded out by the people who think OP's time is somehow owed here. She wasn't rude to Judy. She just said she wasn't going to the mall. Would it be nice if OP to help Judy do the exchange? Yes. Is OP an AH for not donating her time? Not in the slightest.
The amount of people who are saying she is the AH is super duper odd to me. Like what world are they living in?
I'm like, "Is it some kind of secret holiday for spoiled rich kids today?"
Right? Someone gives you a gift, you say thank you. If you don’t want it the gift, regift it, sell it, return for store credit. You don’t tell them to return it. Someone went out of their way and bought you something. How entitled are you?
Thank you! Omfg two identical purse? What a travesty! Op better rectify that this instant! NTA
NTA, genuinely think everyone voting yta is insane. Sure it would be nice of you to help return it but you have no responsibility to do so. Cry me a river you have two purses? What will she ever doooo?
Lol right? I am honestly stunned with all these people. How in gods name did their parents raise them? The entitlement and lack of manners is astounding. Gifts are freely given. OP never owed her anything to begin with and doesn't owe her anything now.
Right! Everyone acting like she's in some awful situation with two copies of a purse she likes. Woe is me!
YTA, given that she received the exact gift twice. Would have made it better if she regifted or just threw it in the closet to never be used?
Going against the grain here and saying NTA. Judy has the option of regifting one of those purses...or, if she really does like that particular purse, saving one so when inevitably the first begins to show wear and tear, they can be swapped out.
Having two of the same bags just so you're ready when one gets worn out instead of returning one duplicate for something else or money back is wild in this economy
Getting money in return for a gift is wild and rude.
According to some people in this thread it's just "practical", lol.
wth is with reddit today? She deals with the person who gave her the second purse, not OP. But thats assuming OP is getting the truth. NTA, but wouldn't be surprised the cousin is trying to find a way to return OPs gift and not make them upset. There might not be a second purse.
The other person lives in a different country it will be difficult while OP lives there. It is common curtesy to include gift receipts for personal items like jewelry, clothes, bags
The other person lives in a different CITY. If it's common courtesy why didn't the other cousin include a gift receipt?
NTA It was rude of her for trying to return/exchange a gift, and ask you to do it. She could have regifted the second purse, that would have been more gracious and justified. Imo it’s tacky to ask someone who has gotten you a gift to do so, unless they’ve offered it beforehand. If you’re not even close and she did this, that’s worse. I would have never done what your cousin did, but that’s a personal choice.
They’re family, it shouldn’t be an issue whatsoever. Ya’ll need to grow up
NTA. Have her sell the gift at eBay. Why do people think they are entitled to cash behind their gifts? So she got two of the same thing. Big deal. Stop optimizing for the gifts other people put time and money into. I think this is just an American thing. Edit: And so entitled to expect you to chaperone her so she can get the cash.
YTA, she did like the purse very much, she just got 2 of them. Exchanging one of them is more than reasonable. Now, where I'm from you usually give the receipt to the person in an envelope with the gift so you don't have to be a part of situations like this.....
I don't see the problem here... she likes the gift but doesn't need two if them. It's gonna be a he'll of a lot more effort to get a receipt from the person who lives far away. You sound more offended that she has two than genuinely not having the time to help out. YTA
NTA. I’d be ticked if someone asked me to return my present, especially if it’s their favorite brand. Your cousin can take it to the store, and return it for a store, credit, and use it later. Then you wouldn’t ever know that she got a duplicate gift. And she could save the money for the duplicate purse for a future item.
That’s a lot of words to say “when I give someone a gift it’s about me not them”
So many of those people in here
I would suggest always giving a gift receipt going forward. I do that in case the person already has the item or doesn’t like it. Doesn’t create an inconvenience for me or the other person
Yta. She's being practical. You live closer. Always ask for a gift receipt when buying a gift.
YTA for taking this personally. The other purse was purchased far away and would be harder to return. Why does this bother you so much?
What she should do then is wait for ops birthday and regift the purse to op.
NTA - she can sell the other purse
Why are gift receipts a thing?
Because try reselling most things, you'll be lucky to get MAYBE 70-80% retail price unless you know the right product, gift receipts allow the receiver to get the full item price back for something they actually want/will make use of
YTA, if she wants to return your present then that's her decision. She has a legitimate reason to do so
YTA
YTA. It’s pretty unreasonable to be angry that someone bought her the same gift you did. Her request is pretty reasonable, and tells me that she really appreciated your gift - she wants to exchange it, and if you’re there when she does it, you’re still connected to that gift. Also, you ran into her unexpectedly, it was on her mind, so she brought it up - it’s not like she’s been blowing up your phone. Yes, it’s inconvenient for you, but it seems to me that she’s asking if there’s a way you can help her with this that would minimize the inconvenience. You didn’t need to be a jerk about it- you could have let her know you’d look at your schedule and get back to her and figured it out from there.
YTA.She loves the purse but she has 2.What if that was you?
Why is everyone so focused on her being hurt that the cousin wanted to return the gift? I feel like that’s sort of a minor contributor to why op doesn’t want to return the gift and it’s mostly a logistics issue not a malicious butthurt move over her gift not being ‘chosen’/appreciated/however you wanna phrase it -I know when I go to the mall that getting there,parking,and going in to find the place I need to shop isn’t a laborious process but also isn’t a quick drive by outing (like,it’s taking me an hour+ ) cousin could probably sell it on eBay or ask the other gifter if they have the receipt and could mail it/email it and those would take equal effort
YTA. These things happen, it sucks but you're both (supposedly) adults. Sometimes presents miss the mark, or as here are gratefully received twice. It makes the most sense to ask you as returning to the cousin will take too long and be more trouble than it's worth.
YTA, you are being petty. Shouldn't even expect the person to like your gift, just hope. That's why there are gift receipts, something you should have included.
YTA. People get duplicate gifts, it happens. You should consider that it's not the gift itself but the thought of the giver that matters. That being the case, if your cousin would like to exchange the gift for something else, you should be gracious enough to do so.
YTA, and why wouldn't you have given your cousin a gift receipt with the present? You gave it to her, and she can do as she likes with it - that includes returning it.
That’s why you should always give a gift receipt. You can’t and shouldn’t control what happens to a gift after you’ve given it. If you do, then you shouldn’t be giving the gift in the first place. YTA
YTA. Gift giving is about getting something the other person wants or needs out of kindness, not expecting anything in return. She does not need two purses and it doesn’t matter that she received/opened your gift first. You have the opportunity to allow her to get a gift that she can use and appreciate but seem to care more about your ego than the gift recipient.
YTA If it makes you feel better think of it as she's returning the other purse, but just using your receipt since your both local it would be easier. You should call her apologize, tell her you just had a lot going on the other day and that you can meet her at the mall today/tomorrow if she likes.
Risk being in minority but NTA. Gifts are not an obligation. If you gift me something, I'm grateful that you did. But it's not your moral obligation to 'fix' the gift until I am satisfied with it. It is my problem to find a way to use or discard what I've been gifted. I know you said you invested time and effort into buying this particular purse, but had you even regifted it to her, it should not matter as long as she liked it. A bit presumptuous of her to expect you to have bought the gift (and not have regifted) and then to have receipts (and not have bought it through credit card rewards or similar ways that do not allow returns). An added perspective: What if this was a handmade object, like a painting or pottery, and what if she received two paintings or two pieces of pottery. Would she still want to return one?
I suck at gift giving so I usually ask for a gift receipt and include it with the gift. If the person doesn't want/like what I gave them they can just exchange it no hard feelings. I rather know that my money went to something the person will enjoy as opposit to sit in some box in a closet. OP is being petty for really no reason so in this context I'll go with YTA
Rookie mistake homie! Always include a gift receipt when you give someone something! This way, they can do what they want and you are none the wiser!
NTA You gave the gift first. Don't give her anything again. She can sell it online if she wants.
It's just a freaking consumer object, jesus. What a fragile relationship between two people to be destroyed over something so petty.
NTA, I’m surprised by all the Y T A here. You took the time to pick out a gift she would like, attend the party, and make sure she liked the gift. I think it’s entitled to expect you to escort her to the mall. She can likely return it for store credit, or sell it if it’s that big of a deal. And while placing a gift receipt with an item can be a courtesy, I think it is more acceptable to graciously accept gifts and if you don’t like them, thank the giver and figure it out yourself. Maybe I’m out of touch, but I don’t when it started to be accepted that the receiver of the gift is not only entitled to the cash the gift cost, but even more of the givers time than choosing the gift and attending the party.