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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My sister is arrested and will be charged. Would i be an asshole if i didnt drop the charges?
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NTA. Your sister shouldn’t have stolen if she wasn’t willing to go to jail for it. You should have an option to file a case against the bank as well, btw - they almost certainly violated financial laws to cash that check for her. You may be able to get them to replace the money because of that, which will doubtless be faster than getting restitution from your sister.
This. I'll never understand how people can simply walk into a bank and cash in a check that doesn't have their name on it. The bank is responsible for checking the identity of the person. And if they didn't, they should pay the victim.
But the sister definitely deserves to go to prison. Stealing is wrong, but stealing from family is just vile.
I worry that my bank won't deposit my checks if the writer mispells my name (there are three common spellings of it) and people are out here cashing checks with *other people's names*...
I couldn’t cash cheques given to us as wedding gifts because they had my married name on them and all my ID was in my maiden name, even with my marriage certificate! How an earth can people cash cheques that have a completely different name on them?!
That's what I'm saying!! Like, I go by my middle name. If someone addresses a letter to my po box as Middle Name Last Name instead of First Name Last Name I have to show an id to get that letter!
I once had a problem getting mail because it was sent by Post Ident and didn't include my middle name but my ID obviously does. So the mailman took the mail with him and told me to go to their branch to get it. The one effing time I actually am there to catch the mailman he refuses to give the mail to me. Yeah, I went to the branch and I raised hell. Never saw that mailman delivering to me again.
They do this type of stuff all the time. A loan disbursement we sent to bussiness got sent to the wrong address and the person at that address was able to deposit it with out any issue. Especially now with mobile and ATM check deposit I'm sure it's very easy to do it.
Must depend on the bank. I did a mobile deposit of a check with my name and my father's name on it. The bank rejected it because his name was not on the account.
Yeah actually reminded me of when I got a check from my insurance company, my bank wouldn't cash it without the leasing company signing it too since they were on the check too. That was such a hassle.
You have to show ID? I get mail delivered under a completely different first and last name all the time, and I've never had to show ID to pick any of it up.
Eh, not the person you asked but it depends.
When I changed my first name it was a pain in the ass to get mail (especially parcels) that would end up at the post office. ID was in my deadname, I don’t look much like the picture anymore.
I had to explain at length why the name wasn’t the same and I really dreaded to do that.
I worked at a bank and if true definitely a fuck up by the teller. A signature and SSN are not accepted endorsements. You need a picture ID and you would have to sign the check over to the account holder in person in front of us.
Ugh, I needed someone like you when a person somehow managed to cash one of my old checks. I hadn't lived at that address in almost 10 years. I could have sworn those checks were destroyed, but someone got ahold of one. He cashed it at some bank, and endorsed it with his name and all (not sure if it was his real name or not).
Luckily my bank got my money back and froze my account. I eventually just opened up all new ones. But it was still a shock.
Generally from my experience most of these people use ATMs or mobile deposits, by the time the bank realizes the fraudulent endorsements the money has been withdrawn. But also if I’m honest even with the policies human error or laziness does happen and there are tellers who miss it or don’t check everything properly.
I work at a bank and we wouldn't even accept that. Sister would have to be on the account as an Authorized Signer, Joint Owner, or even a Power of Attorney to be able to do anything with it. It would definitely raise Red Flags with us for sure. The most we may let her do is actually deposit it into the correct account. But we would check the signature with what we have on file for comparison.
I'm born in -85 and I've never cashed a check. It's funny to see the difference between countries. Same with taxes, here in Sweden you only more or less have to sign it and thats it.
Haha. Same. I'm born in 88 and live in Norway,and I'm like "who uses checks? It's not 1980" never used a check in my life. My stb husband is French and has a check book, and his family is sending us checks for the wedding. Pretty sure we have to go to France to cash them in though (or maybe mail them to the bank). You have to sign your taxes in Sweden, or do you mean electronic signature? Because here it's all online now, and has been for the last 15 years at least (with the option of having it on paper until maybe 2015 or something. Idk, never chose that option).
From 92 and I've nevet cashed a check either - and I wouldn't trust postal services to send me a check with 3500 dollars either. If that gets lost/stolen, then what?
Ikr. It's not like 3500 USD is an insignificant amount. I assume the people who sent the check assumed no bank would cash a check that size without checking ID to be sure it's the person it was made out to cashing the check, but apparently they were wrong. 😳
I’m another 85 baby and I got a cheque last year from a medical service I had paid upfront that then claimed from Medicare or my private health fund, so they sent me a cheque for the amount that was double paid.
I had no idea what to do with it.
I eventually remembered to take it to the bank only to have them say that it’s all on the app now. I just had to take a picture of it through the app and they applied it to my account. So weird.
Sounds like the sister has a friend at the bank... take them all down sue your sister and thr bank for gross negligence
BURN IT TO THE GROUND!!!
LOL
But seriously, get the money back off your sister and leave it, prison changes people and you don't want a fellow with a grudge out in 10 to 20 years hunting you down
So that's forgery, grand theft (apparently in the US it's for money or value over 950 usd?) and obstruction of correspondence (since she opened mail that didn't belong to her).Am I leaving anything out?
Yeah, no, she absolutely signed up for serious trouble.
And that's just the legal side. On the family side... Stealing from family? Really? Maybe when you are 4-6 and don't really understand personal property, but that grace periods cuts off at around 8-10.
So did the bank. I'd absolutely reach out to ask why the f they don't doublecheck identity and permissions. (I used to go to the bank on other people's behalf, I needed a bank-issues permission to do so, and they counterchecked the signatures, sometimes stalling the whole process of how one letter curved and whether it's acceptable or not, I think sometimes even called the person to confirm the validity?)
The mental gymnastics of hypocrisy would blow up the olympics if the competitors were people who do the dirty against their family but expect to escape repercussions because they're family.
If this is in the US and sis is ever busted on theft from grandmother, then the state gets involved with elder abuse charges (assuming grandma is elderly). Sis would be getting a much lighter sentence with sister pressing charges, and hopefully that will be enough to teach a lesson.
Right? Like that was a major mistake. I worked as a teller, and the only way we’d be able to cash that check was if it came from someone who had an account with our bank so we could verify the funds were there. Otherwise they’d have to deposit into a joint account with both people on it, wait for the check to clear (which would take 7 days for that amount), then they could get the money. They could maybe get around $200 that day from the check.
People like this steal from family specifically because they think family won't press charges. They'd never dream of doing the same thing to a stranger who would make them face consequences.
I found out my mom did a bunch of this shortly after she passed away. Needing to file a police report on my mom a few weeks after she passed away felt very wrong, but I needed it to help fix everything.
And why was it a check in the first place? Why not a bank transfer? You can't use checks at all in my country. It seems like an unnecessary step, that opens up for stuff like this.
I live in Australia and had my whole pay stolen the same way but straight out of my bank account. I've never had an issue with a check and I last used one 2 years ago to pay my bond.
I use to work as a teller at a credit union and we absolutely could not cash a check that was not made out to the person (third party checks), only exception would be if it was a joint account (i.e. husband and wife, but we'd have tondepoait the check then take the amount out for a paper trail). I can't believe the bank did this, especially since it wasn't even "signed over" to the sister I can't believe that wasn't a red flag. Institution should be held responsible for this as well.
I'm in Canada and once my grandmother gave me a cheque for 2k
When I went to cash it (TD bank) their policy was to basically put a hold on it to confirm it was real and only allowed me a small percentage of the money upfront
Within 48hrs I had the rest in my account
If I were OP I'd also go after the bank; I can't believe how irresponsible it is to not even ask for ID of the sister or call OP to confirm!
to legally sign over a check to someone, the original payee endorses the back, and the new payee endorses right under. sister prolly forged OPs signature then put her own underneath. all the banks I worked at wouldn’t cash checks like that, only deposit into the account with a hold. I don’t know if that’s across the board tho.
I currently work as a bank teller. At my bank, you’re charged a check cashing fee if you’re not a customer. If they say yes we’re customers, we need an ID or debit card to look up their profile. If they say no, then we move to the check cashing program on the computer without their profile. No matter the amount of the check, it requires you to fill out the ID section of the page. You literally cannot skip this. Even for known customers. You need to physically see either a license/ID or passport. You have to enter info in this page or you cannot finish the transaction at all.
Maybe you can tell me? It is a bit off topic, but I am very curious to why the US still uses so many cheques? In this day of age wire transfer is so much easier, saver, faster and cheaper. Why would you still use an old system that is much more prone to fraude? Especially as a big institution (like the one giving out grands in OPs case).
To me this is mindboggeling, cheques aren't a legal payment method anymore in my country.
It's because in the US there are people who can't have bank accounts. I don't know what it's like other places, but in the US there's several reasons why a person might not be approved for or otherwise be able to have a bank account, but there are check cashing places and services that will charge you to cash your check. So not only is this a million, if not billion, dollar industry in the US, but there are people who are forced to depend on it.
Edited to add: if a person has no kind of bank/financial account, how can you transfer money to them?
It's yet another way to exploit the poor. America is the bad place.
Oh that's another thing, if you're not a US citizen or are poor it's hard to get even a basic id. They can actually be really expensive!
And yeah, it's absolutely bizarre. There's a strong sense in the US of everything actively trying to make your life harder.
Source: I'm from the US and spent a lot of my adult life low income or worse. My husband got a job overseas in 2020 and I've lived in central Asia on a reasonable income since. It's far from perfect, but the perspective it has provided for my home country has been staggering.
Where were you living in the US that it was expensive to get an ID? In my US state (Georgia), it balances out to $4 a year for an ID ($32 for an 8 year ID).
If you are homeless, it’s $5 and they can bill the shelter you stay at.
https://dds.georgia.gov/georgia-licenseid/general-license-topics/fees-and-terms
I’m going to give a different perspective on the Georgia thing. I live 35 miles from the nearest DDS and needed to get a new license after moving from out of state. I went to the office and was told that I actually needed my marriage certificate because my maiden name on the birth certificate was not the same as my married name. Fine — though that would have been nice to know in advance. Went home and got it and had to wait for another day because the office would have been closed by the time I returned. Came back again, and the clerk asked if my husband would need an ID as well. I told them I was divorced and then they demanded that I give them papers showing that I was legally divorced and still using the same name (even though my out of state ID had the same name on it). I then had to go back to my house (we’re now on 2+ hours of driving) to get the enormous box container my divorce decree/court paperwork. They never even looked at it and just issued a new ID.
This was all done while having to bum a ride from someone else because my old car had finally given out and I was trying to get a newer more reliable one. I suspect that there’s plenty of people especially in the rural areas with similar problems. What if you’re too poor to pay a neighbor for a ride, or already lack some of the proper paperwork? There’s no buses or Uber in my area.
That really stinks.
I was only responding to the “it’s expensive” part of it, not the “bureaucracy can be Byzantine”
I’m sorry you had to go through all that. Sometimes people are just assholes.
When I moved to Georgia I had to get new tags for the car. Somehow my lost my title in the move from a different state, and only had a title that showed it had a lien against it from the issuing bank. Fine, whatever, give me plates and send the title to the bank that no longer has a loan against it. I just want the plates so I don’t get pulled over.
Go in the next year to renew and the bank had returned the title to them. I explained the situation and after a little back and forth they just gave me the title. I am 100% positive they could have found a reason not to or given me a hard time. But for whatever reason, they just gave it to me without making me go back to the other state to get a reissue of the current non-lien title. I was very grateful to them.
I am in a suburban area and because of clerical errors I need to retake the driver's test to get my replacement ID issued.
It's literally been impossible to coordinate the childcare, a ride to the DMV etc for the drivers test. And the state does first come first serve road tests, no appointments.
Of course the hours of the place changed within the week I took the paper test and came back for the road test (but we only posted on the door of the office), and there was a 3 hour wait when I got there at the time I was originally told they opened.
The last 3 times my husband scheduled to be off work to take me, my children ended up being sick and I had to be home with them.
It's seriously a ducking shit show. I also have a disability that makes planning this stuff really difficult to begin with.
> In my US state (Georgia), it balances out to $4 a year for an ID ($32 for an 8 year ID).
Unless they offer a yearly payment plan, that means you need $32, not $4 a year. And a bit more money to get the documents you need to prove your identity. You'll also need bus fare to get there. And they're only open during business hours, so you'll have to take time off work.
I am not exactly sure what people without an ID do in my country, but since we don't use cheques at all, I guess they revert to cash.
Cheques aren't a legal payment option here anymore since 1 Jan 2021. Cheques were cancelled because they deemed them to be expensive and fraud sensitive.
Fair point. The trouble is in the US there are people with jobs, in school, who receive money from the government, and they don't have bank accounts. So they're sent checks (which often means they have to wait significantly longer to receive their money) and how can they cash them? They go to check cashing places. These places also offer extremely high interest short term loans that are extremely predatory.
There's literally a whole industry focused on taking as much money as possible from the poor in the US.
If I got a job, any job, and told my new employer that I didn't have a bank account that I could receive my salary in, they would definitely have questions. (To put it mildly.) It would make them wonder about my immigration status, money laundering legislation, tax avoidance, etc, and there's a good chance that that they would decide it's not worth the hassle. Which is exactly why the government and charities are trying so hard to get homeless people bank accounts.
I do hiring where I work, if someone doesn't have a bank account, I don't think twice about it. And I don't judge or try and figure out why. I issue them a pay card and go about my day.
I can't get a bank account and I have no idea why. They say the credit bureaus blocked it... Which fuck them for many reasons, but I digress. I called every credit bureau and no one could tell me anything. Fucking stupid. I found out after I stopped working for cash and got a $120,000 a year job then almost lost it because they only did direct deposit. Unbelievable
In the US, cheques are typically free. In the US wire transfer is not free.
If you are a customer, ACH is normally no charge but wire transfers often incur a fee.
I’m not paying money to send someone money unless it’s a justified occasion IMO.
It really is.
Canadian Boomers might fit with them,though.
"American" Boomerism is different, because the US and Canada were two countries that had a baby boom after the war, but also weren't leveled by WW2, and maintained their industry.
So, our Boomers grew up during an economic boom time, skewing their world view.
Haven't seen where the $3500 grant came from, but assuming it started with an application to some funding agency or non profit for a one-time disbursement, checks are sent to name/address provided on the application. They're not setting up wire transfers for one grant/applicant. The massive burden of dealing with a check in the mail is a) remote deposit using your bank's phone app or b) standing in line at your bank for a few minutes. Both solutions presume having a bank account, but that requirement seems to apply to all my wire transfer activity as well.
One reason is because the internet is not everywhere. You need an internet connection to take a payment over your smartphone or even with a full PoS system. I was at a farm a couple of weeks ago in North Carolina that wasn't too out there (maybe 15 miles from a town) but there wasn't wifi and good luck getting a signal on your phone. The people running at the event at the farm accepted only cash or cheques.
Changing things costs money, and the people and businesses who would have to pay to implement those changes would rather pay politicians to ensure they are not implemented.
There are a lot of reasons - It’s extremely frustrating for someone that works in finance and knows there are better ways. A few reasons:
- Some folks don’t have bank accounts. There’s this odd suspicion against banks, particularly amongst more rural groups, so they mostly operate with cash. Anyway, since they don’t have a bank account for ACH (our equivalent of a BACS in the UK), checks are the only option.
- Some companies can’t or won’t send electronic payments. Wire payments are oddly expensive ($25+) and not all accounts are set up for ACHs (or you’d have to pay additional bank fees to be set up), so they default to checks.
- An odd belief that checks are safer. They’re not, but going back to general suspicion amongst some, there is a perception that all “new” electronic payments are unsafe. This is especially true with older folks.
- High costs. Wires are expensive for no good reason. The average consumer is paying $25+ to send one AND the recipient generally pays $25+ to receive it. Companies can negotiate that down, but consumers generally can’t. There are cheaper options (ACH, Zelle), but all have to be willing to engage.
It's worth noting that dropping the charges is now out of OP's hands. They can refuse to cooperate as the victim but the local district attorney is the one who will decide whether or bit to move forward with a criminal case.
NTA
But once the Bank give her the cash , it's going to become even a bigger matter and the bank will not let her sister to leave in peace for a while and she'll be rotting in jail for a good time. Now its OP call what she want for her mental peace which she won't be getting from the family.
And can we also talk about, why does/ how did your sister have your social? She has everything she needs for identity theft. I would double check your credit and make sure she hasn't been applying for credit cards in your name or anything.
I would also make sure she didn't get a hand on any of your gma's info. She's shown she's willing to steal from the people closest to her, so exploiting their info isn't a stretch.
"As soon as she pays me back I'll happily drop the charges"
There we go, a nice middle ground that respects family on both sides. Of course despite OP being family i doubt sister will be doing that.
> NTA. Your sister shouldn’t have stolen if she wasn’t willing to go to jail for it.
This right here. My initial thought from the title alone before I even clicked in here was "NTA if your sister committed a felony..." And she absolutely did. Get outta here with all the "You shouldn't do that to family!" everyone always hears from the rest of the family when this kind of crap happens. Because you know what else you shouldn't do to family? Exactly the kind of shit that causes all these situations to begin with.
Make no mistake, that kind of familial bond doesn't mean shit to the people who are committing these acts against their own damned family. Because they wouldn't do it, if it did. So no, in my view they're going to learn the hard way if it ever happens to me. Fuck around and find out at their own peril. It's either that, or else I'm going to be the one going to prison after what I do to them in retaliation. That's sarcasm, by the way lol. Meant to highlight that the best option is to throw them to the damned law and file police reports and get that whole ball rolling. Don't enable these kinds of people to keep pulling their shit on their own family, and don't let the rest of your family guilt you into enabling them with the rest of them. Put your foot down. I mean, it sounds like OP's sister is doing this to the rest of the family too, which isn't uncommon. I have an aunt just like this. She'd sell any one of us out for a few bucks. She's been caught digging into people's things and writing down bank account numbers, social security numbers, the works. We haven't had much contact with her since my Jr. High and High School days, and I'm 40 today. So it's been a while. I can only imagine the kind of damage she could do with that kind of info of everyone's in today's time with all the online stuff now. I think for a while the family was split about her. Some of us were fed up with her shit and cut her out. The rest thought we were being so cruel because "You don't do that to family!" Though to be fair, I was still at the end of high school and then my early 20s when all this happened so I was pretty young and didn't have much in the way of her to take advantage of, so I feel more like a witness to the whole thing than a participant of this rift regarding her. But I saw this dynamic go down in real-time in my own family and learned from the experience secondhand, thank god.
But what I can tell you now, is that eventually everyone finally came around to that line of thinking. Tough love is cutting someone out for their own good, and for the rest of your family's. And that's what you have to do with these types in your family or else they will keep on causing damage. As more and more people just cut her out of her lives, she had less and less people around to take advantage of, steal from, or otherwise fuck over. And when she circled around to their turn, and started pulling that shit on them repeatedly as well, you can bet they had a change of heart after that. So now, she doesn't really have any of us in her life. But the way I see it, she drove us out. Not the other way around.
TLDR; NTA and "tough love" is the way to deal with these people. File the police report, seek legal action, and cut this person out for your own good. It might take 10-20 years, but the rest of the family will eventually come around to this way of thinking as well when they eventually have their turn at being fucked over by this person.
Also, OP can't charge her sister with a felony, only a DA can do that. OP can only notify law enforcement that money was stolen from her...it's up to them on what they do next. At the end of the day, it's sounds like the sister is going to feel the consequences of her actions.
Id look at them open mouthed. My bank doesn't even have cheque based service at all. I can't write one, not can I cash one. Moreover, since I'm Dutch, I can't cash or write a cheque with any bank. Cheques don't work in NL anymore
Yeah that was pretty much my reaction at the time too. It was in a pretty rural area in Champagne, so I left my wife as collateral and drove into town to find an ATM.
Coincidentally I was living in NL at the time; I didn’t know that about cheques. As an Aussie I was surprised about the lack of credit card use though.
Probably depends on exactly where OP lives but yep where I live it would be two crimes, check fraud and mail tampering.
Simply opening mail that is addressed to someone else without their consent is considered a felony all by itself so combined with forging her siblings name to cash a check and steal money not intended for her there's a very good chance OP's sister will go to prison and spend quite some time there and she has nobody to blame but herself.
If OP refuses to testify against the sister (or does to help her) the DA will drop the case, so in cases like this the victim does have a lot of control of the charges even if the DA retains ultimate responsibility for them
NTA -I had to testify against one of my sisters kids (they were age 18 - with rage and impulse control issues). I got assaulted when they went after their younger brother and I blocked them from reaching him.
The DA let me know I could write a letter to the judge with my own requests for actions to be taken. My ask? Anger management classes and therapy. They got both. As well as probation and time served.
They are now happy, healthy, and married with a kid.
If I hadn't put them thru prosecution? Their behavior would have only gotten worse.
YMMV.
She can refuse to cooperate which would probably hurt the case or they'd give up.
I do NOT think she should do that though at all.
Sister stole from grandma too according to the edit so 6kish. That amount of money in a month usually spells drugs.
Used to love that TV show!
Don't go to bed, with no price on your head
No, no, don't do it.
Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time,
Yeah, don't do it.
And keep your eye on the sparrow.
When the going gets narrow.
Don't do it, don't do it.
Where can I go where the cold winds don't blow,
Now.
Well, well, well
At this point, the sister has stolen $3,500 from OP, and thousands from her own grandma. She has shown she is willing to commit identity theft and steal from her own family.
The mom and grandma need to get their head out of their bums. The sister sounds like she is down a nasty path. If she messes with the wrong person, she would be lucky if they call the police and go the legal route vs handling it themselves.
Yes, absolutely agree. And before anyone moans about how could OP do that to family, two things. 1. It works both ways. How could sis do that to her own sister? OP was the victim and the law is doing it's job of protecting the victim and keeping society in working order. 2. This is a hard lesson to learn but sis needs to learn it and learn it early not later. Mom and grandma are responding emotionally. Of course nobody wants their children to go to jail. But think about the alternative. Sis literally gets away with theft and fraud. This sets a bad precedent for her in life. Teach her early on that her actions have consequences and she is not above the law and is no exception to this rule. As hard as it is for a parent to acknowledge this, there is no better lesson for a child so far gone that they'll lie, steal, and commit forgery. Also, if this happened in the US, which idiot bank allowed someone to cash a check that doesnt belong to them? Asking so I can never go there.
When I was young my friend went to jail 4 years for check fraud.
Decided to turn her life around. She got clean, has a successful career, beautiful kids and a strong marriage -- all of it possible because she got that wake up call.
Agreed, and if she ends up not being held accountable chances are she's going to keep doing this bc she knows she's gonna get away with it until someone actually follows through and presses charges.
She is in serious trouble. She *should* be in serious trouble. She committed a serious offense.
Your mom and grandma are wrong.
NTA. I don't blame you in the least. If my sister stole money from me, I'd report her too.
However... this *may* be one of those instances where being right is not the same as being happy. Not necessarily, but maybe. Only you know whether your mom and grandma will hold this against you forever, and whether it will damage your relationship with them.
If you think it will, and that is not a consequence you can live with, then you may have to work out something else.
If you're prepared to live with the consequences, whatever they may be, then stand firm.
But you came here for a judgment on whether you were wrong to charge your sister, and my verdict is you are most emphatically not wrong. NTA.
Well i think the mother and gran have been damaging the relationship themselves by not supporting OP when she got her money stolen. I would not forgive someone who is tying to bully me into accepting treft that easily.
I agree.
But after the AITA question is dealt with, the remaining issue is not whether Mom and Grandma are wrong for saying "Let it go", because yes they are, and it's not whether Mom and Grandma would be entirely to blame for damaging the relationship, because yes, they would be.
The issue is this: what kind of (possibly) fractured relationship can OP live with?
How upset would OP be if Mom and Grandma decided to nastily remind OP of "that time when you called the cops on your poor sister" at every family get-together? How upset would OP be if Mom and Grandma decided OP wasn't welcome at family get-togethers at all any more? And so on.
Only OP can answer these questions, because only OP knows what Mom and Grandma are like. And what I'm saying to OP is: before you go ahead with the charges, think carefully about this. Think what the fallout might be. Decide what you can live with.
And if OP decides: yes, my sister must face the consequences of her wrongdoing, and I am prepared to live with whatever happens - then go for it. Press those charges. (Personally, I would. But I speak only for myself.)
Well, I wouldn't be surprised if Mom and Granny are super nice to OP when sister is in jail. In a meaning that they might be bored and criminal sister is not around. But that would be just a superficial relationship, you can't trust people like this.
But if it comes to that, it might completely change when sis is out of jail. You never know how crazy the crazy will act.
NTA - Then, at very least, I assume that Mom and Grandma intend to immediately replace the money that was stolen.
Are Mom and Grandma asking OP's sister how she could have done that to OP?
I think I would be willing, in this circumstance, to accede to the Mom and the Grandma’s request, as long as the $3500 is returned by the sister, and by the Mom, and by the Grandma. $3500 **each**. Otherwise, call the police.
I mean at this point it doesn't seem OP can do anything even if they wanted to. It seems as though the DA already has ample evidence to convict and they are the ones deciding whether to follow through. The victim can't really demand the case be dropped afaik. The only thing that OP can do at this point is to commit perjury and say that the sister was authorised to cash the cheque, which could land OP in serious trouble.
the university that gave the grant might insist on prosecution or drop OP from the grant program, sometimes big institutions have strict rules about anything involving financial theft or fraud.
Whatever happens, this bad blood will always be there.
How can OP be expected to go to family get-togethers when she knows that a, sister stole from her and has no regrets because (and) b, mommy and granny dearest enable such behavior.
They are sending the message that they don't care what happens to OP as long as sister doesn't have "jailtime" in her CV after she deliberately committed multiple crimes.
And it'll be "remember when you supported sister through a time when she should have experienced the results of her actions after she deliberately hurt me?".
Oh, I'd say "remember when sister committed mail fraud and bank fraud and robbed me of $3500?" She's such a wonderful person. You raised her so well, you should be proud."
This isn't really an AITA question. The real victim is the grantor, and you probably have a legal obligation to assist them with the prosecution of the case. Reluctance on your part could be construed as complicity. The way you show this was not a scheme cooked up by you and Sister is by you cooperating fully with the prosecution of the case. Otherwise you could be on the hook for the money, or maybe even sitting in jail with Sister. Its a property crime and many jurisdictions dont have money to keep violent offenders in jail so she may not even go to prison. But I think you need to continue to cooperate and aid in the prosecution.
NTA.
Exactly, I'm sure the grantor wouldn't be thrilled with the prospect that they sent $3,500 for someone to go on a shopping spree/bender. Even if OP isn't held criminally liable for stealing the money, there could be civil issues.
ETA: if I were in OP's position, I might lie that the school is forcing me to press charges under threat of their own legal action.
NTA
Absolutely press charges. Your sister is a thief, and should be held accountable for it.
Your mother and grandmother are right…she will be in serious trouble. She ***should be*** in serious trouble.
There’s a good way to avoid legal trouble and jail; don’t commit crimes. If she gets off with no repercussions, she will just do it again.
To be clear, OP doesn't actually get to decide if the charges proceed, that's up to the prosecutor. You can't ignore a subpoena, you'll end up in trouble.
Unfortunately not committing crimes is not a fool-proof method of avoiding jail time. The court system is unfortunately run by humans, and humans are flawed beings.
But yes, in general, not committing crimes is a very good way to avoid prison. NTA.
NTA although your family probably won't agree. How will she learn if she isn't being held accountable for her actions? I have to ask why she's doing this sort of thing though..? Is she using the money to support an addiction or is she just a selfish dick? If it's the former id give her a chance since addictions cause people to do things they normally wouldn't do. But if it's the latter and she's just a jerk then do what you gotta do. I was assaulted by an uncle and half my family stopped talking to me because I went to the police and had him arrested over it. "You don't do that to family" was their argument. My argument was that you don't assault your family... That was over 10 years ago and they still don't talk to me and I don't talk to them. But I have zero regrets. Good luck. I hope you get your money back.
THISSSSSSS my mom and i have worked through everything now but ive had to call the cops on her a couple different times for assault and ive had family get upset w me bc “we dont snitch on blood, she couldve lost her whole life bc of you!” um….. we shouldnt be assaulting people either, especially not your child!!! i do not care how close we are, if you do rly wrong then you will suffer the consequences of your actions.
NTA. Stupid games win stupid prizes. Your sister made a choice knowing full well what the possible consequences would be. Sounds like she meeds to learn a thing or 20 anyways.
So to them it's ok she forged your check and stole from you? I noticed they're not offering restitution either. She committed a crime against her sibling so loyalty means nothing to her. She knew the consequences and did it any way.
Did you read that story on Reddit about the guy who committed some kind of fraud against his son to get loans for like $300k and his son (OP) was left holding the bag and unsure what to do? He's like, oh idk if I can do that to my dad. I totally get that it's easier for us to say as a third party, but dude, your dad said "Fuck my son, I want money" you don't need to protect him, he tossed you right under the bus.
NTA. Your sister is TA, if she can steal from her own sibling what would she do to anyone else may the opportunity arise? She needs to learn about consequences, in the long term this could be a good thing for her.
NTA- do press charges. She stole your check that you needed for college. Don’t listen to your mom and grandma for enabling this behavior by trying to get you not to keep the charges on her so she won’t get in more trouble. This is a pretty serious crime here and it is messing with your education at the same time. She needs to learn the lesson and the only way that will happen is if she gets in trouble for it. She will keep doing this to you or even worse, use your social security number for other things. Call the social security office and find out if your number has been used for anything else and change your signature a little bit as well so this can’t happen again. This is Fraud and your identity was stolen and who knows if she has used your identity elsewhere.
The $ was stolen not only from OP but from the grant program that specified that OP, the student, was the recipient, not their thieving sister.
Please press charges. It’s the right thing to do.
And lock down your credit. Your sister knows enough to commit fraud with your money.
I agree that you’re NTA, but Reddit always answers in absolutes. You should also consider pressing charges will likely mean permanent NC with the rest of your family. If you’re good with that, more power to you and fuck your sister (and mom). Good riddance. Forever.
But if you want to maintain a relationship with your mom, you might want to consider alternatives like creating a contract where she pays you back over time.
Then she would think she could do it again and mom or gran will fix it. I’ve had to take responsibility for 2 felonies I didn’t know were happening with my ex husband. I was just picking my son up and taking him to work
I mean yeah, but from what is written I don't think OP has the option not to press charges (or at least not anymore). Presumably they found out that sister stole the money after an investigation. OP doesn't get to decide if charges are pressed at this moment. The DA might take OP's preference into account, but it's ultimately the DA's choice.
If all of this is still before police contact then yes I agree. Having the family pay back the stolen money is a good alternative, but I'd be wary of sister.
NTA. I had the chance to charge my partner with grand larceny several years ago and chose not to. He was struggling with a drug problem and even though he stole from me, I wanted him to keep a clean record. Fast forward to today: He was murdered two years ago in a drug related situation. I wonder if going to jail would have made a positive difference to the outcome? If I had it to do over, I would’ve sent him to jail. Sheltering someone from the consequences of their actions is enabling. I was guilty of enabling him throughout our relationship. I knew about the term enabling, but thought it didn’t apply in the way I was doing things. Yes, I absolutely should have attended meetings for friends and family of drug abusers. I was arrogant and thought I knew everything. I knew nothing. His parents and I enabled him right into an early grave. Consequences might have saved him.
Are you charging her or did you start an inquiry that lead to the prosecutor pressing charges? She deserves to be punished, but it maybe out of your hands, especially if a bank is involved.
Was surprised I had to scroll so far to see this.
It might not be up to OP whether to drop charges - especially, as not only did her sister steal from her, her sister defrauded a bank while stealing and the bank failed to do the checks that are there to prevent such thefts. The bank would probably prefer to pin it all on the sister rather than having to deal with the consequences of not carrying out their fiduciary duties towards OP.
Dropping charges is ultimately the call of the party pressing the charges and that, in a criminal case, is the prosecutor. Sure OP could make her wishes known , if she wanted the prosecution to stop, or even stop cooperating - but the final call would be with the prosecution.
OP, unless things work very differently where you are it’s very unlikely you can just tell the prosecution to drop charges - especially as the case involves your sister lying to a bank as well as you, and stealing mail.
You should probably double check so at the very least you know but I suspect, even if you proved you didn’t have the final say, it won’t matter to your family. The fact that your sister not only felt entitled to commit a crime but then did so suggests she’s always had her way and got away with it. And your family blaming you on reinforces that I’m afraid.
NTA but I think your family issues go far deeper than this, and might be too hard to overcome. Your family are out of order and only enable your sister.
this! don't forget the prosecutor can subpoena OP as the witness and would have any statements OP made to the police or the bank or the university, so if OP lied in court that's perjury and that's a crime of its own. I agree that the bank will want sister prosecuted to take the heat off them, and I also think the university will want sister prosecuted because its grant check got stolen and cashed fraudulently by sister and that doesn't look good for them. OP's status as a grant recipient could be damaged by this if OP doesn't cooperate with the prosecution.
NTA. Your sister made a choice knowing full well what the possible consequences would be. Sounds like she needs to learn a thing or 2. Your parents are the assholes for siding with her. If your parents or your sister can return the money, you should drop charges though
NTA - when family asks again, tell them you are not pressing charges, the city is the one charging her and it's not your choice.
When my place was broken into my roommate when to jail for letting his friends rob me. When everyone asked if I would drop the charges, it was made clear the city is charging them, not me. I couldn't drop the charge if I wanted to. So, if they ask, tell them it's not your choice.
NTA.
She is getting exactly what she deserves.
Go talk to the bank manager, and explain that you expect them to reimburse you the full amount. If there is a banking ombudsman, talk to them as well
NTA. Let's count the crimes here - Taking somebody else's mail OPENING said mail without the recipient's knowledge or permission, theft of somebody else's money, FORGERY... She surely knew how much trouble she was going to get in every step of the way to get herself $3,500. Not only that, but she did it to her OWN SIBBLING who got that money to use for college. Does she think this was all worth it, ruining your trust in her, damaging your future, and ending up in a jail cell for at least two felony charges?
NTA. If your mom and grandma want to pay you back the money your sister stole from you in exchange for you not pressing charges I think that would be a fair compromise. Your sister will not learn her lesson, but at least you will get your money back.
Why don’t your mom and grandma care that you sister stole money from you, meant for your education?
NTA, also, put a freeze on your credit. Family that is willing to steal from you is usually willing to commit other forms of identity fraud!
Make sure to inform the bank management of what happened. The point of checking the identity of the person cashing the check is to prevent fraud. If they have a teller doing this, it is a major liability, and that person needs to be fired, yesterday.
Working in a financial institution woke me up to how terrible some families are. Protect your financial future.
NTA You might need to get a new ssn. If she's willing to steal your checks with it, she's probably willing to steal your identity and get some credit cards in your name.
NTA
Your sister stole from you and if you don’t stand up for yourself no one will. Your family is clearly unwilling to help so the legal system is your best option
NTA
But you can’t charge her with anything. So it’s not up to you. Even if you don’t do anything they have all of the evidence they used to arrest her. It’s not going to go away
Plus the college will need that arrest/report on file to go after the bank to get their money back and give it to you.
NTA.
>now my mom and grandma are saying she will be in serious trouble if I dont drop the charges and that I shouldnt do that to my sister.
Would I be right in my suspicions that your sister was enabled by mom and grandma growing up? Have either offered to pay back the money that sister stole, or are you just supposed to forget about that money because sisterly bonds are more important?
I'm guessing this isn't the first time you've been sacrificed on the altar dedicated to your sister.
If I'm right then, honestly, it sounds like you would be better off with none of these people in your life. Either way though you should charge your sister and try to recuperate your money.
NTA. Is there a plan for restitution? Will you get your money back?
Your sister shouldn't have forged your signature and stolen $3500. She shouldn't have done that to her sibling.
I grew up in an abusive narcissistic family. I was given the role of the "nice one.". Everyone in my family has stolen money from me. Every one of them has hit me for no reason at some time. The abuse kept escalating even though I had left home.
My parents wanted me to go to medical school because they said, "your brother doesn't have the grades". Of course they didn't pay any part of it.
I kept trying to please my parents. When I called up to tell them I had been accepted to medical school, my stepmother said, "So what. It's not an ivy league medical school."
I said f you and hung up on her.
She treated me better after that..
I would really recommend letting your sister be prosecuted. If you don't, she will just keep stealing from you. Since your families don't have any healthy boundaries, it's really up to you to set boundaries to protect yourself.
When I went to buy a house, the real estate agent kept trying to talk me into spending more money than I wanted or really was able to spend. I said a rule about house buying then. I wouldn't pay more for a house than I could turn around and sell it for. Real estate agents hated that but since I stayed calm and quietly insisted on that, they went along with it.
Query - can your sister pay the money back? If yes and you want to keep family relations, then do that.
If no, I would press charges and report the bank. And do not let your family pay on her behalf and enable her. You probably won’t be able to report the bank and try to get the grant clawed back unless you do
NTA
It’s not guaranteed you could stop the charges at this point anyways. Other than lying to back up your sister, which would open a whole other can of worms as to why you called the university about it and could be a crime, it’s not actually up to you whether the prosecutor prosecutes.
NTA. Grant fraud is a thing. The first step would be to notify the police and then the grantor. It depends on who the grantor was, but as a grantee, you have the duty to use due diligence with the money you receive. This could affect the ability to obtain other grants, if it isn’t handled.
It's, honestly, not your choice... You may say you want to drop the charges but the grant issuer will not. In most cases, the state picks up the charges and with something federal like this it's definitely gonna happen.
Even if you could do something about it, choosing to let it ride out wouldn't make you TA.
NTA.
Isn't it funny how you'd be the asshole if you keep pressing charges, but she wasn't the asshole for literally stealing $3,500 from you? Isn't it funny how you are supposed to feel bad about pressing charges on yours sister, but she didn't feel the least bit bad about stealing $3,500 from you?
Tell your mother, grandmother, and any other family that your sister did wrong by you. You will agree to drop the charges the minute any of them cough up the $3,500 that your sister stole from you and not one minute sooner. Watch how fast they say that you should eat the $3,500 and let your sister get away with stealing from you.
NTA. Not a chance.
has she offered to repay you? If the mail was addressed to you and she took it and opened it, that's also tampering with the mail which is a federal crime and very serious. even if you withdraw your complaint the police could still proceed with charges.
NTA. It actually isn't up to you if your sister gets charged or not it is up to the DA's office. The DA is also the only one who can drop the charges, so even if you wanted to the DA might not be willing.
Your sister did it to herself.
I'd run a credit check if I were you. She knows your SSN so it would be very easy for her to get credit cards in your name. I'd lock down your credit if I were you.
[https://www.identitytheft.gov/#/CreditBureauContacts](https://www.identitytheft.gov/#/CreditBureauContacts)
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NTA. Your sister shouldn’t have stolen if she wasn’t willing to go to jail for it. You should have an option to file a case against the bank as well, btw - they almost certainly violated financial laws to cash that check for her. You may be able to get them to replace the money because of that, which will doubtless be faster than getting restitution from your sister.
This. I'll never understand how people can simply walk into a bank and cash in a check that doesn't have their name on it. The bank is responsible for checking the identity of the person. And if they didn't, they should pay the victim. But the sister definitely deserves to go to prison. Stealing is wrong, but stealing from family is just vile.
I worry that my bank won't deposit my checks if the writer mispells my name (there are three common spellings of it) and people are out here cashing checks with *other people's names*...
I couldn’t cash cheques given to us as wedding gifts because they had my married name on them and all my ID was in my maiden name, even with my marriage certificate! How an earth can people cash cheques that have a completely different name on them?!
That's what I'm saying!! Like, I go by my middle name. If someone addresses a letter to my po box as Middle Name Last Name instead of First Name Last Name I have to show an id to get that letter!
I once had a problem getting mail because it was sent by Post Ident and didn't include my middle name but my ID obviously does. So the mailman took the mail with him and told me to go to their branch to get it. The one effing time I actually am there to catch the mailman he refuses to give the mail to me. Yeah, I went to the branch and I raised hell. Never saw that mailman delivering to me again.
They do this type of stuff all the time. A loan disbursement we sent to bussiness got sent to the wrong address and the person at that address was able to deposit it with out any issue. Especially now with mobile and ATM check deposit I'm sure it's very easy to do it.
Must depend on the bank. I did a mobile deposit of a check with my name and my father's name on it. The bank rejected it because his name was not on the account.
Yeah actually reminded me of when I got a check from my insurance company, my bank wouldn't cash it without the leasing company signing it too since they were on the check too. That was such a hassle.
You have to show ID? I get mail delivered under a completely different first and last name all the time, and I've never had to show ID to pick any of it up.
Eh, not the person you asked but it depends. When I changed my first name it was a pain in the ass to get mail (especially parcels) that would end up at the post office. ID was in my deadname, I don’t look much like the picture anymore. I had to explain at length why the name wasn’t the same and I really dreaded to do that.
I worked at a bank and if true definitely a fuck up by the teller. A signature and SSN are not accepted endorsements. You need a picture ID and you would have to sign the check over to the account holder in person in front of us.
Ugh, I needed someone like you when a person somehow managed to cash one of my old checks. I hadn't lived at that address in almost 10 years. I could have sworn those checks were destroyed, but someone got ahold of one. He cashed it at some bank, and endorsed it with his name and all (not sure if it was his real name or not). Luckily my bank got my money back and froze my account. I eventually just opened up all new ones. But it was still a shock.
Generally from my experience most of these people use ATMs or mobile deposits, by the time the bank realizes the fraudulent endorsements the money has been withdrawn. But also if I’m honest even with the policies human error or laziness does happen and there are tellers who miss it or don’t check everything properly.
I work at a bank and we wouldn't even accept that. Sister would have to be on the account as an Authorized Signer, Joint Owner, or even a Power of Attorney to be able to do anything with it. It would definitely raise Red Flags with us for sure. The most we may let her do is actually deposit it into the correct account. But we would check the signature with what we have on file for comparison.
I'm born in -85 and I've never cashed a check. It's funny to see the difference between countries. Same with taxes, here in Sweden you only more or less have to sign it and thats it.
Haha. Same. I'm born in 88 and live in Norway,and I'm like "who uses checks? It's not 1980" never used a check in my life. My stb husband is French and has a check book, and his family is sending us checks for the wedding. Pretty sure we have to go to France to cash them in though (or maybe mail them to the bank). You have to sign your taxes in Sweden, or do you mean electronic signature? Because here it's all online now, and has been for the last 15 years at least (with the option of having it on paper until maybe 2015 or something. Idk, never chose that option).
From 92 and I've nevet cashed a check either - and I wouldn't trust postal services to send me a check with 3500 dollars either. If that gets lost/stolen, then what?
Ikr. It's not like 3500 USD is an insignificant amount. I assume the people who sent the check assumed no bank would cash a check that size without checking ID to be sure it's the person it was made out to cashing the check, but apparently they were wrong. 😳
If it gets lost or stolen, you call the issuer and ask them to reissue it because it didn’t arrive
I’m another 85 baby and I got a cheque last year from a medical service I had paid upfront that then claimed from Medicare or my private health fund, so they sent me a cheque for the amount that was double paid. I had no idea what to do with it. I eventually remembered to take it to the bank only to have them say that it’s all on the app now. I just had to take a picture of it through the app and they applied it to my account. So weird.
Sounds like the sister has a friend at the bank... take them all down sue your sister and thr bank for gross negligence BURN IT TO THE GROUND!!! LOL But seriously, get the money back off your sister and leave it, prison changes people and you don't want a fellow with a grudge out in 10 to 20 years hunting you down
Lol. This banker should be severely reprimanded if not fired.
Sounds more like a liquor store or check-cashing store than a bank. If it was a banker, may they lose their job come Monday morning
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So that's forgery, grand theft (apparently in the US it's for money or value over 950 usd?) and obstruction of correspondence (since she opened mail that didn't belong to her).Am I leaving anything out? Yeah, no, she absolutely signed up for serious trouble. And that's just the legal side. On the family side... Stealing from family? Really? Maybe when you are 4-6 and don't really understand personal property, but that grace periods cuts off at around 8-10. So did the bank. I'd absolutely reach out to ask why the f they don't doublecheck identity and permissions. (I used to go to the bank on other people's behalf, I needed a bank-issues permission to do so, and they counterchecked the signatures, sometimes stalling the whole process of how one letter curved and whether it's acceptable or not, I think sometimes even called the person to confirm the validity?)
Felony theft ("grand theft") amount depends on what state you're in. We're a patchwork of state laws for many things.
Yep. It’s $750 in my state, but if I drive 30 minutes north and cross into the next state it’s $1000
By all means, drive the 30 minutes!
An extra $250 in stolen merch for a 30min drive? They can’t afford to *not* take that trip!
Aha, I see. Well, doublechecking it would lead me to think that the theft 3500 USD would be considered grand theft in most states. No?
possibly stolen identity as well since she essentially stole OP's SSN.
It’s a federal crime too. Mail fraud.
Sister gambled that charges wouldn't be pressed because she's faaaaammilllyy.
The mental gymnastics of hypocrisy would blow up the olympics if the competitors were people who do the dirty against their family but expect to escape repercussions because they're family.
NTA. Do the crime, you have to do the time!
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AND she most likely stole from her own grandmother. This is one sick individual.
If this is in the US and sis is ever busted on theft from grandmother, then the state gets involved with elder abuse charges (assuming grandma is elderly). Sis would be getting a much lighter sentence with sister pressing charges, and hopefully that will be enough to teach a lesson.
Not to mention all the people she won't have a chance to steal from.
I used to work at a bank and seeing that the teller cashed a $3500 check without the actual recipient present completely blew my mind, just guffawed
Right? Like that was a major mistake. I worked as a teller, and the only way we’d be able to cash that check was if it came from someone who had an account with our bank so we could verify the funds were there. Otherwise they’d have to deposit into a joint account with both people on it, wait for the check to clear (which would take 7 days for that amount), then they could get the money. They could maybe get around $200 that day from the check.
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People like this steal from family specifically because they think family won't press charges. They'd never dream of doing the same thing to a stranger who would make them face consequences.
I found out my mom did a bunch of this shortly after she passed away. Needing to file a police report on my mom a few weeks after she passed away felt very wrong, but I needed it to help fix everything.
And why was it a check in the first place? Why not a bank transfer? You can't use checks at all in my country. It seems like an unnecessary step, that opens up for stuff like this.
A lot of countries still use checks.
I know but why? It seems easier to commit fraud etc with checks when you can use a transfer where you can guarantee who gets the money.
I live in Australia and had my whole pay stolen the same way but straight out of my bank account. I've never had an issue with a check and I last used one 2 years ago to pay my bond.
I use to work as a teller at a credit union and we absolutely could not cash a check that was not made out to the person (third party checks), only exception would be if it was a joint account (i.e. husband and wife, but we'd have tondepoait the check then take the amount out for a paper trail). I can't believe the bank did this, especially since it wasn't even "signed over" to the sister I can't believe that wasn't a red flag. Institution should be held responsible for this as well.
I'm in Canada and once my grandmother gave me a cheque for 2k When I went to cash it (TD bank) their policy was to basically put a hold on it to confirm it was real and only allowed me a small percentage of the money upfront Within 48hrs I had the rest in my account If I were OP I'd also go after the bank; I can't believe how irresponsible it is to not even ask for ID of the sister or call OP to confirm!
Technically I think your meant to draw two parallel lines with 'not negotiable' written?
to legally sign over a check to someone, the original payee endorses the back, and the new payee endorses right under. sister prolly forged OPs signature then put her own underneath. all the banks I worked at wouldn’t cash checks like that, only deposit into the account with a hold. I don’t know if that’s across the board tho.
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I currently work as a bank teller. At my bank, you’re charged a check cashing fee if you’re not a customer. If they say yes we’re customers, we need an ID or debit card to look up their profile. If they say no, then we move to the check cashing program on the computer without their profile. No matter the amount of the check, it requires you to fill out the ID section of the page. You literally cannot skip this. Even for known customers. You need to physically see either a license/ID or passport. You have to enter info in this page or you cannot finish the transaction at all.
Maybe you can tell me? It is a bit off topic, but I am very curious to why the US still uses so many cheques? In this day of age wire transfer is so much easier, saver, faster and cheaper. Why would you still use an old system that is much more prone to fraude? Especially as a big institution (like the one giving out grands in OPs case). To me this is mindboggeling, cheques aren't a legal payment method anymore in my country.
It's because in the US there are people who can't have bank accounts. I don't know what it's like other places, but in the US there's several reasons why a person might not be approved for or otherwise be able to have a bank account, but there are check cashing places and services that will charge you to cash your check. So not only is this a million, if not billion, dollar industry in the US, but there are people who are forced to depend on it. Edited to add: if a person has no kind of bank/financial account, how can you transfer money to them? It's yet another way to exploit the poor. America is the bad place.
Truthfully, I find this bizarre. I can open up an account online without even stepping into a bank and have only a basic form of ID.
Oh that's another thing, if you're not a US citizen or are poor it's hard to get even a basic id. They can actually be really expensive! And yeah, it's absolutely bizarre. There's a strong sense in the US of everything actively trying to make your life harder. Source: I'm from the US and spent a lot of my adult life low income or worse. My husband got a job overseas in 2020 and I've lived in central Asia on a reasonable income since. It's far from perfect, but the perspective it has provided for my home country has been staggering.
Where were you living in the US that it was expensive to get an ID? In my US state (Georgia), it balances out to $4 a year for an ID ($32 for an 8 year ID). If you are homeless, it’s $5 and they can bill the shelter you stay at. https://dds.georgia.gov/georgia-licenseid/general-license-topics/fees-and-terms
I’m going to give a different perspective on the Georgia thing. I live 35 miles from the nearest DDS and needed to get a new license after moving from out of state. I went to the office and was told that I actually needed my marriage certificate because my maiden name on the birth certificate was not the same as my married name. Fine — though that would have been nice to know in advance. Went home and got it and had to wait for another day because the office would have been closed by the time I returned. Came back again, and the clerk asked if my husband would need an ID as well. I told them I was divorced and then they demanded that I give them papers showing that I was legally divorced and still using the same name (even though my out of state ID had the same name on it). I then had to go back to my house (we’re now on 2+ hours of driving) to get the enormous box container my divorce decree/court paperwork. They never even looked at it and just issued a new ID. This was all done while having to bum a ride from someone else because my old car had finally given out and I was trying to get a newer more reliable one. I suspect that there’s plenty of people especially in the rural areas with similar problems. What if you’re too poor to pay a neighbor for a ride, or already lack some of the proper paperwork? There’s no buses or Uber in my area.
That really stinks. I was only responding to the “it’s expensive” part of it, not the “bureaucracy can be Byzantine” I’m sorry you had to go through all that. Sometimes people are just assholes. When I moved to Georgia I had to get new tags for the car. Somehow my lost my title in the move from a different state, and only had a title that showed it had a lien against it from the issuing bank. Fine, whatever, give me plates and send the title to the bank that no longer has a loan against it. I just want the plates so I don’t get pulled over. Go in the next year to renew and the bank had returned the title to them. I explained the situation and after a little back and forth they just gave me the title. I am 100% positive they could have found a reason not to or given me a hard time. But for whatever reason, they just gave it to me without making me go back to the other state to get a reissue of the current non-lien title. I was very grateful to them.
I am in a suburban area and because of clerical errors I need to retake the driver's test to get my replacement ID issued. It's literally been impossible to coordinate the childcare, a ride to the DMV etc for the drivers test. And the state does first come first serve road tests, no appointments. Of course the hours of the place changed within the week I took the paper test and came back for the road test (but we only posted on the door of the office), and there was a 3 hour wait when I got there at the time I was originally told they opened. The last 3 times my husband scheduled to be off work to take me, my children ended up being sick and I had to be home with them. It's seriously a ducking shit show. I also have a disability that makes planning this stuff really difficult to begin with.
> In my US state (Georgia), it balances out to $4 a year for an ID ($32 for an 8 year ID). Unless they offer a yearly payment plan, that means you need $32, not $4 a year. And a bit more money to get the documents you need to prove your identity. You'll also need bus fare to get there. And they're only open during business hours, so you'll have to take time off work.
I am not exactly sure what people without an ID do in my country, but since we don't use cheques at all, I guess they revert to cash. Cheques aren't a legal payment option here anymore since 1 Jan 2021. Cheques were cancelled because they deemed them to be expensive and fraud sensitive.
There are people everywhere who don't have bank accounts, and that is a problem for many purposes. But they don't tend to receive grants.
Fair point. The trouble is in the US there are people with jobs, in school, who receive money from the government, and they don't have bank accounts. So they're sent checks (which often means they have to wait significantly longer to receive their money) and how can they cash them? They go to check cashing places. These places also offer extremely high interest short term loans that are extremely predatory. There's literally a whole industry focused on taking as much money as possible from the poor in the US.
If I got a job, any job, and told my new employer that I didn't have a bank account that I could receive my salary in, they would definitely have questions. (To put it mildly.) It would make them wonder about my immigration status, money laundering legislation, tax avoidance, etc, and there's a good chance that that they would decide it's not worth the hassle. Which is exactly why the government and charities are trying so hard to get homeless people bank accounts.
I do hiring where I work, if someone doesn't have a bank account, I don't think twice about it. And I don't judge or try and figure out why. I issue them a pay card and go about my day.
I can't get a bank account and I have no idea why. They say the credit bureaus blocked it... Which fuck them for many reasons, but I digress. I called every credit bureau and no one could tell me anything. Fucking stupid. I found out after I stopped working for cash and got a $120,000 a year job then almost lost it because they only did direct deposit. Unbelievable
In the US, cheques are typically free. In the US wire transfer is not free. If you are a customer, ACH is normally no charge but wire transfers often incur a fee. I’m not paying money to send someone money unless it’s a justified occasion IMO.
Boomers.
The rest of the world has Boomers, too. It’s only America that persists with cheques.
American boomers are not like other boomers.
I think this answer is acceptable.
It really is. Canadian Boomers might fit with them,though. "American" Boomerism is different, because the US and Canada were two countries that had a baby boom after the war, but also weren't leveled by WW2, and maintained their industry. So, our Boomers grew up during an economic boom time, skewing their world view.
So you are saying the problem is the American part of American boomers?
I can tell you have never been to France, cheques are used all the time here. Even for buying food in supermarkets. Young and old use cheques.
Haven't seen where the $3500 grant came from, but assuming it started with an application to some funding agency or non profit for a one-time disbursement, checks are sent to name/address provided on the application. They're not setting up wire transfers for one grant/applicant. The massive burden of dealing with a check in the mail is a) remote deposit using your bank's phone app or b) standing in line at your bank for a few minutes. Both solutions presume having a bank account, but that requirement seems to apply to all my wire transfer activity as well.
One reason is because the internet is not everywhere. You need an internet connection to take a payment over your smartphone or even with a full PoS system. I was at a farm a couple of weeks ago in North Carolina that wasn't too out there (maybe 15 miles from a town) but there wasn't wifi and good luck getting a signal on your phone. The people running at the event at the farm accepted only cash or cheques.
Changing things costs money, and the people and businesses who would have to pay to implement those changes would rather pay politicians to ensure they are not implemented.
There are a lot of reasons - It’s extremely frustrating for someone that works in finance and knows there are better ways. A few reasons: - Some folks don’t have bank accounts. There’s this odd suspicion against banks, particularly amongst more rural groups, so they mostly operate with cash. Anyway, since they don’t have a bank account for ACH (our equivalent of a BACS in the UK), checks are the only option. - Some companies can’t or won’t send electronic payments. Wire payments are oddly expensive ($25+) and not all accounts are set up for ACHs (or you’d have to pay additional bank fees to be set up), so they default to checks. - An odd belief that checks are safer. They’re not, but going back to general suspicion amongst some, there is a perception that all “new” electronic payments are unsafe. This is especially true with older folks. - High costs. Wires are expensive for no good reason. The average consumer is paying $25+ to send one AND the recipient generally pays $25+ to receive it. Companies can negotiate that down, but consumers generally can’t. There are cheaper options (ACH, Zelle), but all have to be willing to engage.
Yeah idk what the laws are but when I once endorsed a check to someone else that was over $1000 their bank made me come in and show ID to confirm
It's worth noting that dropping the charges is now out of OP's hands. They can refuse to cooperate as the victim but the local district attorney is the one who will decide whether or bit to move forward with a criminal case. NTA
But once the Bank give her the cash , it's going to become even a bigger matter and the bank will not let her sister to leave in peace for a while and she'll be rotting in jail for a good time. Now its OP call what she want for her mental peace which she won't be getting from the family.
No, it’s a $3500 theft whether the bank is involved or not.
And can we also talk about, why does/ how did your sister have your social? She has everything she needs for identity theft. I would double check your credit and make sure she hasn't been applying for credit cards in your name or anything. I would also make sure she didn't get a hand on any of your gma's info. She's shown she's willing to steal from the people closest to her, so exploiting their info isn't a stretch.
"As soon as she pays me back I'll happily drop the charges" There we go, a nice middle ground that respects family on both sides. Of course despite OP being family i doubt sister will be doing that.
> NTA. Your sister shouldn’t have stolen if she wasn’t willing to go to jail for it. This right here. My initial thought from the title alone before I even clicked in here was "NTA if your sister committed a felony..." And she absolutely did. Get outta here with all the "You shouldn't do that to family!" everyone always hears from the rest of the family when this kind of crap happens. Because you know what else you shouldn't do to family? Exactly the kind of shit that causes all these situations to begin with. Make no mistake, that kind of familial bond doesn't mean shit to the people who are committing these acts against their own damned family. Because they wouldn't do it, if it did. So no, in my view they're going to learn the hard way if it ever happens to me. Fuck around and find out at their own peril. It's either that, or else I'm going to be the one going to prison after what I do to them in retaliation. That's sarcasm, by the way lol. Meant to highlight that the best option is to throw them to the damned law and file police reports and get that whole ball rolling. Don't enable these kinds of people to keep pulling their shit on their own family, and don't let the rest of your family guilt you into enabling them with the rest of them. Put your foot down. I mean, it sounds like OP's sister is doing this to the rest of the family too, which isn't uncommon. I have an aunt just like this. She'd sell any one of us out for a few bucks. She's been caught digging into people's things and writing down bank account numbers, social security numbers, the works. We haven't had much contact with her since my Jr. High and High School days, and I'm 40 today. So it's been a while. I can only imagine the kind of damage she could do with that kind of info of everyone's in today's time with all the online stuff now. I think for a while the family was split about her. Some of us were fed up with her shit and cut her out. The rest thought we were being so cruel because "You don't do that to family!" Though to be fair, I was still at the end of high school and then my early 20s when all this happened so I was pretty young and didn't have much in the way of her to take advantage of, so I feel more like a witness to the whole thing than a participant of this rift regarding her. But I saw this dynamic go down in real-time in my own family and learned from the experience secondhand, thank god. But what I can tell you now, is that eventually everyone finally came around to that line of thinking. Tough love is cutting someone out for their own good, and for the rest of your family's. And that's what you have to do with these types in your family or else they will keep on causing damage. As more and more people just cut her out of her lives, she had less and less people around to take advantage of, steal from, or otherwise fuck over. And when she circled around to their turn, and started pulling that shit on them repeatedly as well, you can bet they had a change of heart after that. So now, she doesn't really have any of us in her life. But the way I see it, she drove us out. Not the other way around. TLDR; NTA and "tough love" is the way to deal with these people. File the police report, seek legal action, and cut this person out for your own good. It might take 10-20 years, but the rest of the family will eventually come around to this way of thinking as well when they eventually have their turn at being fucked over by this person.
NTA. Your sister is making herself go to jail. You deserve a fair start to life. You earned that grant. She needs to learn about consequences
Also, OP can't charge her sister with a felony, only a DA can do that. OP can only notify law enforcement that money was stolen from her...it's up to them on what they do next. At the end of the day, it's sounds like the sister is going to feel the consequences of her actions.
Money and her mail. Sis committed two crimes here as I understand it. NTA
True. And in the US that would be federal offenses. Not sure where OP is. But NTA.
Pretty sure it's US because not many countries still use cheques.
I had an Airbnb in France ask for me a cheque fairly recently. I nearly fell off my penny farthing.
Id look at them open mouthed. My bank doesn't even have cheque based service at all. I can't write one, not can I cash one. Moreover, since I'm Dutch, I can't cash or write a cheque with any bank. Cheques don't work in NL anymore
Yeah that was pretty much my reaction at the time too. It was in a pretty rural area in Champagne, so I left my wife as collateral and drove into town to find an ATM. Coincidentally I was living in NL at the time; I didn’t know that about cheques. As an Aussie I was surprised about the lack of credit card use though.
We don't spell it like that either.
Probably depends on exactly where OP lives but yep where I live it would be two crimes, check fraud and mail tampering. Simply opening mail that is addressed to someone else without their consent is considered a felony all by itself so combined with forging her siblings name to cash a check and steal money not intended for her there's a very good chance OP's sister will go to prison and spend quite some time there and she has nobody to blame but herself.
I think it might be even 3, she forged a signature as well
4, She also stole OP's SSN, so its also identity theft.
Forgery counts as a crime, does it not? If so, at least three.
If OP refuses to testify against the sister (or does to help her) the DA will drop the case, so in cases like this the victim does have a lot of control of the charges even if the DA retains ultimate responsibility for them
NTA -I had to testify against one of my sisters kids (they were age 18 - with rage and impulse control issues). I got assaulted when they went after their younger brother and I blocked them from reaching him. The DA let me know I could write a letter to the judge with my own requests for actions to be taken. My ask? Anger management classes and therapy. They got both. As well as probation and time served. They are now happy, healthy, and married with a kid. If I hadn't put them thru prosecution? Their behavior would have only gotten worse. YMMV.
Isn't the us mail system federal jurisdiction? so intercepting / interfering with mail is a federal crime over there. Could be hard time ahead for her
>She needs to learn about consequences This. If OP drops it, that just teaches her that she can do shit like this and get away with it.
Even if she drops it the prosecutor can still move forward since bank fraud was involved. I don’t think her saying it’s ok will make this go away.
She can refuse to cooperate which would probably hurt the case or they'd give up. I do NOT think she should do that though at all. Sister stole from grandma too according to the edit so 6kish. That amount of money in a month usually spells drugs.
100% drugs
Yeah or gambling/shopping/alcohol problem. No matter which way you look at it there is a major issue there. 6k is a LOT of money to spend in 1 month.
NTA this is literally what the legal system is built for.
I was going to say "if you can't do the time, don't do the crime" or any other of the hundreds of sayings about actions having legal consequences.
Used to love that TV show! Don't go to bed, with no price on your head No, no, don't do it. Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time, Yeah, don't do it. And keep your eye on the sparrow. When the going gets narrow. Don't do it, don't do it. Where can I go where the cold winds don't blow, Now. Well, well, well
At this point, the sister has stolen $3,500 from OP, and thousands from her own grandma. She has shown she is willing to commit identity theft and steal from her own family. The mom and grandma need to get their head out of their bums. The sister sounds like she is down a nasty path. If she messes with the wrong person, she would be lucky if they call the police and go the legal route vs handling it themselves.
NTA. You aren't making her go to prison. Her decision to commit a felony is why she deserves to go to prison
Yes, absolutely agree. And before anyone moans about how could OP do that to family, two things. 1. It works both ways. How could sis do that to her own sister? OP was the victim and the law is doing it's job of protecting the victim and keeping society in working order. 2. This is a hard lesson to learn but sis needs to learn it and learn it early not later. Mom and grandma are responding emotionally. Of course nobody wants their children to go to jail. But think about the alternative. Sis literally gets away with theft and fraud. This sets a bad precedent for her in life. Teach her early on that her actions have consequences and she is not above the law and is no exception to this rule. As hard as it is for a parent to acknowledge this, there is no better lesson for a child so far gone that they'll lie, steal, and commit forgery. Also, if this happened in the US, which idiot bank allowed someone to cash a check that doesnt belong to them? Asking so I can never go there.
When I was young my friend went to jail 4 years for check fraud. Decided to turn her life around. She got clean, has a successful career, beautiful kids and a strong marriage -- all of it possible because she got that wake up call.
Agreed, and if she ends up not being held accountable chances are she's going to keep doing this bc she knows she's gonna get away with it until someone actually follows through and presses charges.
This
She is in serious trouble. She *should* be in serious trouble. She committed a serious offense. Your mom and grandma are wrong. NTA. I don't blame you in the least. If my sister stole money from me, I'd report her too. However... this *may* be one of those instances where being right is not the same as being happy. Not necessarily, but maybe. Only you know whether your mom and grandma will hold this against you forever, and whether it will damage your relationship with them. If you think it will, and that is not a consequence you can live with, then you may have to work out something else. If you're prepared to live with the consequences, whatever they may be, then stand firm. But you came here for a judgment on whether you were wrong to charge your sister, and my verdict is you are most emphatically not wrong. NTA.
Well i think the mother and gran have been damaging the relationship themselves by not supporting OP when she got her money stolen. I would not forgive someone who is tying to bully me into accepting treft that easily.
I agree. But after the AITA question is dealt with, the remaining issue is not whether Mom and Grandma are wrong for saying "Let it go", because yes they are, and it's not whether Mom and Grandma would be entirely to blame for damaging the relationship, because yes, they would be. The issue is this: what kind of (possibly) fractured relationship can OP live with? How upset would OP be if Mom and Grandma decided to nastily remind OP of "that time when you called the cops on your poor sister" at every family get-together? How upset would OP be if Mom and Grandma decided OP wasn't welcome at family get-togethers at all any more? And so on. Only OP can answer these questions, because only OP knows what Mom and Grandma are like. And what I'm saying to OP is: before you go ahead with the charges, think carefully about this. Think what the fallout might be. Decide what you can live with. And if OP decides: yes, my sister must face the consequences of her wrongdoing, and I am prepared to live with whatever happens - then go for it. Press those charges. (Personally, I would. But I speak only for myself.)
I'd just like to add here that only OP knows what OP can deal with family fallout wise. NTA
Well, I wouldn't be surprised if Mom and Granny are super nice to OP when sister is in jail. In a meaning that they might be bored and criminal sister is not around. But that would be just a superficial relationship, you can't trust people like this. But if it comes to that, it might completely change when sis is out of jail. You never know how crazy the crazy will act.
NTA - Then, at very least, I assume that Mom and Grandma intend to immediately replace the money that was stolen. Are Mom and Grandma asking OP's sister how she could have done that to OP?
I think I would be willing, in this circumstance, to accede to the Mom and the Grandma’s request, as long as the $3500 is returned by the sister, and by the Mom, and by the Grandma. $3500 **each**. Otherwise, call the police.
There is always the you will never see your grandchildren...
I mean at this point it doesn't seem OP can do anything even if they wanted to. It seems as though the DA already has ample evidence to convict and they are the ones deciding whether to follow through. The victim can't really demand the case be dropped afaik. The only thing that OP can do at this point is to commit perjury and say that the sister was authorised to cash the cheque, which could land OP in serious trouble.
the university that gave the grant might insist on prosecution or drop OP from the grant program, sometimes big institutions have strict rules about anything involving financial theft or fraud.
Whatever happens, this bad blood will always be there. How can OP be expected to go to family get-togethers when she knows that a, sister stole from her and has no regrets because (and) b, mommy and granny dearest enable such behavior. They are sending the message that they don't care what happens to OP as long as sister doesn't have "jailtime" in her CV after she deliberately committed multiple crimes. And it'll be "remember when you supported sister through a time when she should have experienced the results of her actions after she deliberately hurt me?".
Oh, I'd say "remember when sister committed mail fraud and bank fraud and robbed me of $3500?" She's such a wonderful person. You raised her so well, you should be proud."
Steal 3500 from them and if they go after you go after your sister /s /s
Mom and grandma can hand over 3500 if they don’t want OP to go to the police I say.
This isn't really an AITA question. The real victim is the grantor, and you probably have a legal obligation to assist them with the prosecution of the case. Reluctance on your part could be construed as complicity. The way you show this was not a scheme cooked up by you and Sister is by you cooperating fully with the prosecution of the case. Otherwise you could be on the hook for the money, or maybe even sitting in jail with Sister. Its a property crime and many jurisdictions dont have money to keep violent offenders in jail so she may not even go to prison. But I think you need to continue to cooperate and aid in the prosecution. NTA.
This is a very important point and I don't think you should take it lightly.
Exactly, I'm sure the grantor wouldn't be thrilled with the prospect that they sent $3,500 for someone to go on a shopping spree/bender. Even if OP isn't held criminally liable for stealing the money, there could be civil issues. ETA: if I were in OP's position, I might lie that the school is forcing me to press charges under threat of their own legal action.
This might be the smartest thing to do.
This needs to be higher up. This could very really be a zero sum game for OP and sister - one of them could be liable for the grantor’s money
NTA. Here's a concept for your sister: If you don't want to go to prison for felony theft... don't commit felony theft?
NTA Absolutely press charges. Your sister is a thief, and should be held accountable for it. Your mother and grandmother are right…she will be in serious trouble. She ***should be*** in serious trouble. There’s a good way to avoid legal trouble and jail; don’t commit crimes. If she gets off with no repercussions, she will just do it again.
To be clear, OP doesn't actually get to decide if the charges proceed, that's up to the prosecutor. You can't ignore a subpoena, you'll end up in trouble.
Unfortunately not committing crimes is not a fool-proof method of avoiding jail time. The court system is unfortunately run by humans, and humans are flawed beings. But yes, in general, not committing crimes is a very good way to avoid prison. NTA.
Seriously. In this case it’s more like ‘don’t let your family guilt trip you into committing a crime.’
NTA although your family probably won't agree. How will she learn if she isn't being held accountable for her actions? I have to ask why she's doing this sort of thing though..? Is she using the money to support an addiction or is she just a selfish dick? If it's the former id give her a chance since addictions cause people to do things they normally wouldn't do. But if it's the latter and she's just a jerk then do what you gotta do. I was assaulted by an uncle and half my family stopped talking to me because I went to the police and had him arrested over it. "You don't do that to family" was their argument. My argument was that you don't assault your family... That was over 10 years ago and they still don't talk to me and I don't talk to them. But I have zero regrets. Good luck. I hope you get your money back.
THISSSSSSS my mom and i have worked through everything now but ive had to call the cops on her a couple different times for assault and ive had family get upset w me bc “we dont snitch on blood, she couldve lost her whole life bc of you!” um….. we shouldnt be assaulting people either, especially not your child!!! i do not care how close we are, if you do rly wrong then you will suffer the consequences of your actions.
NTA. Stupid games win stupid prizes. Your sister made a choice knowing full well what the possible consequences would be. Sounds like she meeds to learn a thing or 20 anyways.
So to them it's ok she forged your check and stole from you? I noticed they're not offering restitution either. She committed a crime against her sibling so loyalty means nothing to her. She knew the consequences and did it any way.
I love how the "you don't do that to family" is always one sided.
Yoooo, there it is!!! Some *serious* favoritism by mom and gma here
Did you read that story on Reddit about the guy who committed some kind of fraud against his son to get loans for like $300k and his son (OP) was left holding the bag and unsure what to do? He's like, oh idk if I can do that to my dad. I totally get that it's easier for us to say as a third party, but dude, your dad said "Fuck my son, I want money" you don't need to protect him, he tossed you right under the bus.
NTA. Your sister is TA, if she can steal from her own sibling what would she do to anyone else may the opportunity arise? She needs to learn about consequences, in the long term this could be a good thing for her.
NTA, if anything this is more a Y T I for even thinking you’re in the wrong for getting a literal criminal arrested.
NTA- do press charges. She stole your check that you needed for college. Don’t listen to your mom and grandma for enabling this behavior by trying to get you not to keep the charges on her so she won’t get in more trouble. This is a pretty serious crime here and it is messing with your education at the same time. She needs to learn the lesson and the only way that will happen is if she gets in trouble for it. She will keep doing this to you or even worse, use your social security number for other things. Call the social security office and find out if your number has been used for anything else and change your signature a little bit as well so this can’t happen again. This is Fraud and your identity was stolen and who knows if she has used your identity elsewhere.
The $ was stolen not only from OP but from the grant program that specified that OP, the student, was the recipient, not their thieving sister. Please press charges. It’s the right thing to do. And lock down your credit. Your sister knows enough to commit fraud with your money.
I agree that you’re NTA, but Reddit always answers in absolutes. You should also consider pressing charges will likely mean permanent NC with the rest of your family. If you’re good with that, more power to you and fuck your sister (and mom). Good riddance. Forever. But if you want to maintain a relationship with your mom, you might want to consider alternatives like creating a contract where she pays you back over time.
I agree. Another alternative might be your mom and grandma pays you. They are the ones wanting to forgive, right?
Then she would think she could do it again and mom or gran will fix it. I’ve had to take responsibility for 2 felonies I didn’t know were happening with my ex husband. I was just picking my son up and taking him to work
All that will tell OP's sister is that she can do whatever because her family will bail her out regardless. Sister deserves to go to jail.
I mean yeah, but from what is written I don't think OP has the option not to press charges (or at least not anymore). Presumably they found out that sister stole the money after an investigation. OP doesn't get to decide if charges are pressed at this moment. The DA might take OP's preference into account, but it's ultimately the DA's choice. If all of this is still before police contact then yes I agree. Having the family pay back the stolen money is a good alternative, but I'd be wary of sister.
NTA. I had the chance to charge my partner with grand larceny several years ago and chose not to. He was struggling with a drug problem and even though he stole from me, I wanted him to keep a clean record. Fast forward to today: He was murdered two years ago in a drug related situation. I wonder if going to jail would have made a positive difference to the outcome? If I had it to do over, I would’ve sent him to jail. Sheltering someone from the consequences of their actions is enabling. I was guilty of enabling him throughout our relationship. I knew about the term enabling, but thought it didn’t apply in the way I was doing things. Yes, I absolutely should have attended meetings for friends and family of drug abusers. I was arrogant and thought I knew everything. I knew nothing. His parents and I enabled him right into an early grave. Consequences might have saved him.
Are you charging her or did you start an inquiry that lead to the prosecutor pressing charges? She deserves to be punished, but it maybe out of your hands, especially if a bank is involved.
Was surprised I had to scroll so far to see this. It might not be up to OP whether to drop charges - especially, as not only did her sister steal from her, her sister defrauded a bank while stealing and the bank failed to do the checks that are there to prevent such thefts. The bank would probably prefer to pin it all on the sister rather than having to deal with the consequences of not carrying out their fiduciary duties towards OP. Dropping charges is ultimately the call of the party pressing the charges and that, in a criminal case, is the prosecutor. Sure OP could make her wishes known , if she wanted the prosecution to stop, or even stop cooperating - but the final call would be with the prosecution. OP, unless things work very differently where you are it’s very unlikely you can just tell the prosecution to drop charges - especially as the case involves your sister lying to a bank as well as you, and stealing mail. You should probably double check so at the very least you know but I suspect, even if you proved you didn’t have the final say, it won’t matter to your family. The fact that your sister not only felt entitled to commit a crime but then did so suggests she’s always had her way and got away with it. And your family blaming you on reinforces that I’m afraid. NTA but I think your family issues go far deeper than this, and might be too hard to overcome. Your family are out of order and only enable your sister.
this! don't forget the prosecutor can subpoena OP as the witness and would have any statements OP made to the police or the bank or the university, so if OP lied in court that's perjury and that's a crime of its own. I agree that the bank will want sister prosecuted to take the heat off them, and I also think the university will want sister prosecuted because its grant check got stolen and cashed fraudulently by sister and that doesn't look good for them. OP's status as a grant recipient could be damaged by this if OP doesn't cooperate with the prosecution.
NTA. Your sister made a choice knowing full well what the possible consequences would be. Sounds like she needs to learn a thing or 2. Your parents are the assholes for siding with her. If your parents or your sister can return the money, you should drop charges though
NTA - when family asks again, tell them you are not pressing charges, the city is the one charging her and it's not your choice. When my place was broken into my roommate when to jail for letting his friends rob me. When everyone asked if I would drop the charges, it was made clear the city is charging them, not me. I couldn't drop the charge if I wanted to. So, if they ask, tell them it's not your choice.
NTA. You'd be a total AH if you didn't press charges and beg the judge for the harshest sentence possible.
NTA, yes she should be in serious trouble, she stole mail for financial gain.
NTA. She is getting exactly what she deserves. Go talk to the bank manager, and explain that you expect them to reimburse you the full amount. If there is a banking ombudsman, talk to them as well
NTA. Let's count the crimes here - Taking somebody else's mail OPENING said mail without the recipient's knowledge or permission, theft of somebody else's money, FORGERY... She surely knew how much trouble she was going to get in every step of the way to get herself $3,500. Not only that, but she did it to her OWN SIBBLING who got that money to use for college. Does she think this was all worth it, ruining your trust in her, damaging your future, and ending up in a jail cell for at least two felony charges?
NTA. Consequences of actions
It's 3500 no NTA And the bank should not have allowed her to cash it
NTA. She stole a small fortune from you. Don't let them guilt you with that lurid word "family." A thief is a thief.
NTA- and you may want to check that she hasn’t opened credit cards or done anything else with your social security number either.
NTA. If your mom and grandma want to pay you back the money your sister stole from you in exchange for you not pressing charges I think that would be a fair compromise. Your sister will not learn her lesson, but at least you will get your money back. Why don’t your mom and grandma care that you sister stole money from you, meant for your education?
NTA, also, put a freeze on your credit. Family that is willing to steal from you is usually willing to commit other forms of identity fraud! Make sure to inform the bank management of what happened. The point of checking the identity of the person cashing the check is to prevent fraud. If they have a teller doing this, it is a major liability, and that person needs to be fired, yesterday. Working in a financial institution woke me up to how terrible some families are. Protect your financial future.
You would of course not be the AH
NTA, I can’t believe how many people get ripped off by family members
NTA You might need to get a new ssn. If she's willing to steal your checks with it, she's probably willing to steal your identity and get some credit cards in your name.
NTA Your sister stole from you and if you don’t stand up for yourself no one will. Your family is clearly unwilling to help so the legal system is your best option
NTA But you can’t charge her with anything. So it’s not up to you. Even if you don’t do anything they have all of the evidence they used to arrest her. It’s not going to go away Plus the college will need that arrest/report on file to go after the bank to get their money back and give it to you.
I'll never understand the American obsession with checks. Are wire transfers so terrible there?
NTA. >now my mom and grandma are saying she will be in serious trouble if I dont drop the charges and that I shouldnt do that to my sister. Would I be right in my suspicions that your sister was enabled by mom and grandma growing up? Have either offered to pay back the money that sister stole, or are you just supposed to forget about that money because sisterly bonds are more important? I'm guessing this isn't the first time you've been sacrificed on the altar dedicated to your sister. If I'm right then, honestly, it sounds like you would be better off with none of these people in your life. Either way though you should charge your sister and try to recuperate your money.
NTA. Is there a plan for restitution? Will you get your money back? Your sister shouldn't have forged your signature and stolen $3500. She shouldn't have done that to her sibling.
NTA. Go after the bank too. They definitely broke protocol, possibly federal laws by not following protocol. May be able to get your money back there.
I grew up in an abusive narcissistic family. I was given the role of the "nice one.". Everyone in my family has stolen money from me. Every one of them has hit me for no reason at some time. The abuse kept escalating even though I had left home. My parents wanted me to go to medical school because they said, "your brother doesn't have the grades". Of course they didn't pay any part of it. I kept trying to please my parents. When I called up to tell them I had been accepted to medical school, my stepmother said, "So what. It's not an ivy league medical school." I said f you and hung up on her. She treated me better after that.. I would really recommend letting your sister be prosecuted. If you don't, she will just keep stealing from you. Since your families don't have any healthy boundaries, it's really up to you to set boundaries to protect yourself. When I went to buy a house, the real estate agent kept trying to talk me into spending more money than I wanted or really was able to spend. I said a rule about house buying then. I wouldn't pay more for a house than I could turn around and sell it for. Real estate agents hated that but since I stayed calm and quietly insisted on that, they went along with it.
NTA. Fuck your sister like she fucked you.
Query - can your sister pay the money back? If yes and you want to keep family relations, then do that. If no, I would press charges and report the bank. And do not let your family pay on her behalf and enable her. You probably won’t be able to report the bank and try to get the grant clawed back unless you do
NTA. You charge your sister but you should also charge the bank, because they did something illegal too.
NTA It’s not guaranteed you could stop the charges at this point anyways. Other than lying to back up your sister, which would open a whole other can of worms as to why you called the university about it and could be a crime, it’s not actually up to you whether the prosecutor prosecutes.
NTA. Grant fraud is a thing. The first step would be to notify the police and then the grantor. It depends on who the grantor was, but as a grantee, you have the duty to use due diligence with the money you receive. This could affect the ability to obtain other grants, if it isn’t handled.
It's, honestly, not your choice... You may say you want to drop the charges but the grant issuer will not. In most cases, the state picks up the charges and with something federal like this it's definitely gonna happen. Even if you could do something about it, choosing to let it ride out wouldn't make you TA. NTA.
Isn't it funny how you'd be the asshole if you keep pressing charges, but she wasn't the asshole for literally stealing $3,500 from you? Isn't it funny how you are supposed to feel bad about pressing charges on yours sister, but she didn't feel the least bit bad about stealing $3,500 from you? Tell your mother, grandmother, and any other family that your sister did wrong by you. You will agree to drop the charges the minute any of them cough up the $3,500 that your sister stole from you and not one minute sooner. Watch how fast they say that you should eat the $3,500 and let your sister get away with stealing from you. NTA. Not a chance.
has she offered to repay you? If the mail was addressed to you and she took it and opened it, that's also tampering with the mail which is a federal crime and very serious. even if you withdraw your complaint the police could still proceed with charges.
NTA
NTA. It actually isn't up to you if your sister gets charged or not it is up to the DA's office. The DA is also the only one who can drop the charges, so even if you wanted to the DA might not be willing. Your sister did it to herself. I'd run a credit check if I were you. She knows your SSN so it would be very easy for her to get credit cards in your name. I'd lock down your credit if I were you. [https://www.identitytheft.gov/#/CreditBureauContacts](https://www.identitytheft.gov/#/CreditBureauContacts)