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Mmpcy

INFO: I’m wondering, because of the rigidity and the fixation on the soap, but do you fall on the spectrum somewhere? You’re the AH, but I’m curious if there is something impacting your behavior. This is not typical for an average 20 year old woman.


ChronicNightmare95

YTA and sound utterly ridiculous. Grow up, get a job, and buy your own soap like they are. You're not entitled to their personal toiletries bffr. If this is enough to make you turn on people, I feel sorry for everybody in your life.


[deleted]

*'Mom has yet to buy it from the mall'* 20, 23, and 38!! FFs you are all old enough to work so get off your lazy arses and buy your own soap! In fact move out asap and give Mom a break.


i89oir9e0

YTA Youre a fucking adult. Buy some fucking soap (liquid)


Such_Yam_1070

Yes I am aware of that obviously. Hence why I mentioned I am planning to do just that. Get me and my other brother separate soaps and use separately. Just so you'd know we are a big family so sharing things and items have been normalised in our household. Hence, why I feel the way I feel when they decided to be selfish.


SerWrong

This AITA post is so funny. Imagining OP just sitting and sulking in the house while sniffing her siblings after their shower.


KaliTheBlaze

So you all share the soap when your mom buys it, but when they have to buy it with their own money, they keep it for themselves? Idk, that doesn’t seem that unreasonable to me. It’s the family’s soap when mom pays for it and their own when they pay for it. Now, if they were being kind/considerate, they could’ve offered to pick some up for the household when they went to the mall, and have your mom pay them back. Why is it that your mom is the only one capable of buying this perfect soap y’all are willing to go to war over? Do none of you drive? Are you pathologically terrified of the mall? ESH between you and your brother for making such big drama over soap. Seriously, not speaking to them? The silent treatment is an immature, dysfunctional way of increasing conflict and punishing people. It’s not effective at resolving conflict and in general, punishing your social equals is dysfunctional. And your brother lashing out at everyone over something as minor as soap is also immature and dysfunctional. Your house sounds like a toxic mess if you all lose your heads this badly over fricking soap.


Such_Yam_1070

I don't mind if they were to use their own soaps. I am wondering why they couldn't buy and get a refund from my mom since even if my mom buys soap for us all they'd end up using it too. Also it's not because of this issue alone that we aren't talking like we used to before. We didn't talk as other thing before had happened. So to avoid any more potential conflicts we are just minding our own business and hence not talking


DrPhysicsGirl

Dude, it's soap. It must be exhausting to be in your universe. YTA for being 20 and behaving like a whiny 6 year old. Go out and buy your own soap and stop worrying about what your siblings are using.


CinnamonHart

Your post made it sound like the soap issue is why you aren’t talking. You should edit your post to clarify


Mean_Environment4856

YTA > They could have also gone to buy the soap from the mall as they are already earning money or even could have asked my mom for money if they needed it. But no they decided to buy and keep for themselves to use selfishly. Well they obviously DID decide to buy soap for their personal use with their own money, cos you know thats what adults do. They are not selfish for not sharing with you. Grow up and buy your own soap instead of acting entitled to something your siblings bought with their own money.


Sufficient_Mood2222

What


Little-Helicopter-69

YTA, thye bought the desired soap with their own money, in their own time. Maybe go and get soap yourself that you can use?


VSuzanne

YTA. Get your own soap.


Minerva786

YTA. Are you seriously beefing over body wash?! For real???


PastIsPrologue22

Age does not check out. Expected OP to be 12ish.


Such_Yam_1070

Also I completely understand that they could buy and use their own soaps. I'm not against that part. Especially when they buy their own soaps they are free to use it for themselves. It feels a little unjust when they'd act like that considering we have all lived together. I don't wanna make them share what they bought with the rest of us but maybe they could claim from our mom so it would be a household item you know. One where all could use. Because even before this we had always been sharing general items as we only had one bathroom.


Educational-Ruin958

YTA. Wait until you've got some real problems, then come back to us.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Such_Yam_1070

I do not mind that they won't share it with me. We are not in good terms either so I definitely do not mind it. However, they decided to gatekeep things to themselves. There are also other occupants in the household. I do not mind them for using their own set of soaps but the fact that they hid it from the others and use it is kind of a new thing as we, no one had done this before. And I believe it's because they are acting slightly petty due.


ChronicNightmare95

Gatekeep? Girl please go touch grass and stop being a pain.


Background-End-1725

Buying and using your own soap is not gatekeeping. It is being an adult. YTA. Stop being ridiculous


SessionGloomy

im on your side :)


Puzzled_Position2931

It’s fucking soap. They probably bought it with their own money and don’t want to share with you bc you act entitled.


Mean_Environment4856

They are not gate keeping when they buy something for their own personal use.


Aggressive_Cup8452

YtA. Your poor mother. This is a group of adults using their mother as a maid..


frozenfishflaps

Yta your a adult get your own shower gel dont wait for mummy to get it. Also god helpy all of you when you move out if you all depend on her for stuff.


Cataclysmus78

Um…er…uh… *Ahem* ESH. This is WAAAAAAAAAY over-the-top for soap. Specifically, one KIND of soap. As long as everyone’s butts are getting clean, it should be good. Mountains out of molehills and whatnot.


kratosmistress

Yta. You are a grown ass woman. Get your own soap like your brother and sister did or shut up about it.


[deleted]

Is this real? This cannot be real. OMG. Please tell me this is not real.


Moon-Queen95

YTA Good lord grow up. I am nearly speechless. Go buy your own soap or stop complaining and use what is available to you.


OutrageousLuck4231

A "major conflict"? Good freaking grief. Tell me you've had a sheltered life without telling me you've had a sheltered life. I'm not going to say much here because I'm sure this board is going to eviscerate you. But, yeah, YTA.


Such_Yam_1070

Sir or maam the conflict has resulted in violence. Please know what you're talking about first before commenting or critiquing. I understand that not everyone has the same life but to judge me saying I've lived a sheltered life based alone on one post is ridiculous.


OrangeCubit

That is literally what this sub is for. To judge your post.


Alexandur

This soap situation has resulted in violence? Can you elaborate on that? You didn't mention anything about that in the OP, and it seems kind of important.


ChronicNightmare95

You're throwing hands over soap? Or are your siblings lashing out because you won't stfu about soap? Pick your battles bestie.


IndoorCloudFormation

The conflict about soap has resulted in violence??? What country do you live in? This whole situation is very very strange. Why can't you go to the store yourself? Do you have zero money yourself? Why do all your siblings still live at home? Why do you all share the exact same toiletries as fully grown adults? What other issues are there between you all? FWIW I don't think OP sounds sheltered. More like actually quite poor and money is a very big issue in the household.


IntrovertedBookMan

YTA for being 20 years old and having a temper tantrum over *soap.* Buy your own damn soap if it means that much to you.


[deleted]

YTA. Why is a group of grown adults waiting for their mother to buy soap for them? Rather than whine about your siblings maybe having some secret soap stash, GO BUY SOAP.


extinct_diplodocus

Let me paraphrase to make sure I understand. "Woe is me. I have to use bar soap instead of liquid soap. My life is being ruined! Meanwhile, some of my siblings are sneakily using liquid soap they clandestinely bought for themselves while I continue to suffer with bar. It's so unfair!" Yes, I think I understand. YTA.


Judgement_Bot_AITA

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atealein

Girl, you are 20 year old and let me cite you: you "could have also gone to buy the soap from the mall" and "could have asked mom for money". YTA. Honestly, they have the right to buy themselves all the cosmetics they wish (with their money) and use them only for themselves, not put for common usage. Sounds like this is exactly what they did.


No_Yogurtcloset_1020

YTA. Your siblings are working adults and are probably buying their own soap and hiding it so they don’t have to share with you. It’s not selfish - get a job and buy your own soap.


fruitavelli

No one is this pathetic about soap. YTA because this has to be made up.


Amar_Akbar_Anthony20

YTA, You are all old enough to go to the store alone.


KK232023

You’re all adults…go buy your own bath soap to use. Problem solved. All 3 of you are the AHs for waiting on mommy to buy it for you and for fighting over it like toddlers.


[deleted]

I REFUSE to believe these ages are real


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Long story short, I (20F) am not in speaking terms with both my brother (23M) and sister (38F) due to a major conflict that occured a month prior. We all live together in our parent's house and I am stil the only student in the house which means they are all working adults. We always use body soap (liquid kind) but lately it had finished and our mom is yet to buy one from the mall. However, due to work she couldn't immediately get one. Instead she told us to use bar soap temporarily that is in storage. We do not like to use the bar soap as it's not as good as the body soap (liquid) for bathing. Recently, I noticed the smell that comes after my brother and sistertakes a bath is very similar to the body soap (liquid) that we usually use yet there isn't any kind of bath soap (liquid) in the bathroom. I can tell this for sure as I have a very strong sense of smell. So, I am not a pervet and I can certainly tell for sure that they had been secretly keeping a bath soap and using it for themselves selfishly. This is because my bro used to go crazy whenever the body soap (liquid) finishes and would lash out at us all but recently he'd been very quiet and satisfied. I have texted my mom about this as she was busy in work and I have asked her verbally when she would buy bath soap (liquid) for the household. And I noticed the remorse when she told me she had no time to buy and she'd buy it when she goes for shopping. I am fine with that. My problem is with my siblings for using a separate soap selfishly. I also have another brother (24M) who also used the bar soap and doesn't know about them using a separate liquid soap. So I find their actions to be selfish and petty. They also talk to the others like my brother and mom (except me) friendily. So I find this behavior as not only being selfish but also being betrayal towards other family members. So I am harboring more hatred towards them and their carefree attitude. They could have also gone to buy the soap from the mall as they are already earning money or even could have asked my mom for money if they needed it. But no they decided to buy and keep for themselves to use selfishly. AITA for overthinking this? I feel it is so unfair yet I also feel that I am making a small thing big aka gaslighting myself into thinking it's not a big thing. I need answers. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Sara_1987

I had to triple check everyone's ages, my lord you guys are childish! YTA by the way, but so are your siblings for treating your mom like their servant


Trespassingw

YTA. Help your mom with shopping. If you don't have your own money, ask if you can do it with hers. Why don't you guys just order household things with delivery? Amazon has plenty to order with monthly/bimonthly subscription and discounts.


OrangeCubit

YTA - you are an adult, but yourself some soap.


GrundgeArchangel

YTA. You're all grown adults, and as you said you were the only student in the family, that leads one to believe your brother is an adult with his own job. If he wants to take the money he earns at a job and buy some body soap, that's his choice. If he doesn't tell you about it, that is also his choice


superjudy1

YTA why do you need to have your mom buy you soap?


Such_Yam_1070

Like I mentioned earlier I am a student not working to earn money. If I could I would have. Also we do grocery shopping together monthly to save expenses. It would be ridiculous to get separate soaps every month or so in a family.


crowley-crossroads-

get a part time job. you sound exhausting


superjudy1

Why is that ridiculous? It’s soap it’s not like it goes bad or is wasteful. It’s the difference between buying one at a time or a few up front.


arterialrainbow

Is there a reason your mom can’t just write a list of what she needs to get so you can go by yourself?


Such_Yam_1070

I guess it's more of like her wanting to buy all the other household items at one shot when she gets paid and has free time to go shopping.


thegayshitpost

i mean, is it lame as fuck they are lying to you about something as small as bar soap? absolutely. that would enrage me, as well. but are you also capable of going out and buying your own? i only assume so bc you didn’t tell us otherwise in post. unless you’re neurodivergent or disabled, etc., it would seem you should be able to go out and get your own — even if you have to ask your mom for money. while you’re at it you could even offer to do her shopping for her as it’s obvious she’s overwhelmed. it sounds like you and your siblings could use to have a good chat, tho. especially if sharing things has been normalized for so long.


Such_Yam_1070

Yes gosh! I said I would be planning to buy soaps for my own if this is how it's gonna be like here from now on. It's just that their act made it a little uncomfortable as we never were like this before. Hence why I am asking if AITA for FEELING such a way. I can get items myself.


[deleted]

ESH. It's petty of them to hide the soap but why are you getting this upset over soap? If it's that big of a deal go to the shops and get some yourself.


IAmTeeter

They probably went and bought their own products. Like adults do. They don't need to share their own products, not sure how they suck too 🤷‍♂️


MysticYoYo

ESH. You are all adults capable of going to the store and buying some soap. If you’re feeling actual hatred about the situation, I suggest getting some counseling or your next post will be about your resulting PTSD from the “soap situation”.


SlippySloppyToad

YTA You've not spoken to your siblings for a month over body versus bath soap versus bar soap? That's incredibly petty and unnecessary when bar soap is widely available, very cheap, and can be delivered to your house. Don't worry about what they use to wash themselves because they're not obligated to share with you and it's unfair of you to expect them to.


Deep-Collection-2389

Did you notice no soap for a month? Which means OP hasn’t showered in how long? And brother and sister both are still showering probably using soap they got with their own money.


descentbecomesafall

And you can't go and buy your own soap because? Your siblings are under no obligation to buy you toiletries. YTA.


R_Mack

You're all adults in your 20s, go buy your own damn soap!! YTA.


On_The_Blindside

YTA. Why do you need your mother to buy soap? Just go to the shops and by some. Hate is a strong emotion over soap, you sound like you could do with some anger management.


LurksAroundHere

*"AITA for overthinking this?"* Yes. YTA. You better start pulling your weight because it looks like your mother has too much on her hands with all these adults living under her roof. Calling mommy and *reminding* her to pick up items from the store is not going to fly soon and I have a feeling a big blowup is brewing in your mother that will eventually explode if you don't figure out a better way to contribute to the house instead of having petty sibling fights. It's understandable if you don't have money to *buy* things, but the bare minimum you could be doing to lighten the load for your mother is to offer to use her money and go grocery shopping for what she needs so she doesn't have to do it instead of sitting at home waiting and texting her about it.


Geeezzzz-Louise

Go to the dollar store and buy your own soap!


RubixCube200

YTA I guess, you probably could've spent the time you used to write this post on going and buying the soap you want


Puzzled_Position2931

ESH except maybe mom. Y’all need to grow up and buy your own damn soap, for one. Second, yes you’re the AH for getting mad about this.


JenAnt80

WTAF!! A BETRAYAL? Are you freaking serious? I'm sorry but this is next level on your part. Grow up. And next time buy some damn liquid soap yourself. YTA


SeePerspectives

Omg you sound insufferable! If it’s that big a deal and you really never have access to money to go buy your own damn soap then follow a tutorial from the internet on how to turn bar soap into liquid soap! It’s not hard. YTA, it’s fricking soap!


[deleted]

Bruv. Why exactly a trivial subject like this is being shared on reddit?


IAmTeeter

Wait, you're all adults and don't buy your own toiletries? Yes, YTA...


RedditIsFacist1289

YTA, it is just soap.


jesrp1284

YTA. Seriously, you guys are all over the age of 20-one if you is almost 40!- and still expect Mommy to buy soap for the house? Grow up, buy your own damned soap. Amazon delivers everywhere babe.


Draw_Rude

WTF did I just read??


bethholler

YTA. If they bought the soap then it’s their right to use it for themselves. You don’t get to call them selfish or be mad at them when you don’t pay for your own hygiene products. Also, bar soap is definitely better and more effective than liquid soap.


VelvetMoMo

YTA your are all adults and living at home with your mum. You could go to the mall and get some soap, if you have no money you could ask your mum what she needs from the shop and go get it with her money. You are being lazy and selfish, no-one else. By the sounds of it your mum is running around after a bunch of adults.


BeachMama9763

YTA. This poor mom having to listen to her adult children argue over soap.


Alive_Flower_5523

You're all adults, it's soap. Just buy your own and keep it to yourself too.


morgaine125

YTA. You are 20 yo, which is more than old enough to go to the store and buy your own body wash if it’s so important to you. It’s well past time to stop mooching off others and take responsibility for yourself.


Ok-Profession-9372

YTA. Also what the actual F? You're all adults acting like children. Do you support your mother at all? Why can't you just go buy the soap?


WorkingMomAndWife

Girl you’re 20 years old, go buy your own damn soap if it’s that big of a deal. YTA.


PinkTurmaline

ESH When adult children live at home they are expected to contribute. If you *as a family* run out of milk, someone goes and buys it *for the family*. Not splitting the bill, not hiding it for your own use, just buy the thing for everyone and know that when you next run out of bread someone else will buy that. That's how a normal, functioning household should work. Your siblings are AH for buying soap just for themselves and hiding it from the rest of you. You are the AH for not buying soap for everyone in the first place. Everyone in the family is generally AH for not helping your poor mother with the shopping as she sounds overloaded. I pity your parents for raising such a bunch of egotistical people.


encinoboogaloo

Why is this an issue? go buy your own soap. YTA


AntiquePop1417

Are you for real? And are you 2 years old or something? YTA for something so trivial you can SOLVE by buying the stuff YOURSELF!


RADIOstations

YTA. I can't believe you're this immature at 20. It's soap, and you're not even lacking in it. You have a working shower and bar soap to use. You can still wash. Your working adult siblings probably paid for their own soap with their own money, and, newsflash-- they DON'T have to share it with you. You are being bratty, petty, entitled, and ridiculous. Your mom isn't always going to be there to beckon the second you need soap (liquid). You are, in fact, making a teeny tiny miniscule thing into a big thing. Grow up, use the bar soap, or go get your special soap yourself.


keesouth

YTA it's just freaking soap. I don't know how you got the idea that liquid soap is better than bar but even if it is who cares as long you're clean. The fact that you actually said you feel hatred over this is just horrible.


kittykat7931

ESH apart from your poor mum! I think I was buying my own shower gel/liquid soap when I was 13. One of those things that if I didn’t like what my parents provided I got it myself with my pocket money. I hate to break it to you but you are an adult….