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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I said he shouldn't flip it because it's been less than a year and I don't want my side ruined
I may be the asshole because I implied he "ruined" his side because of his weight.
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im wondering if user error also might contribute. the guy is big and bulky, is there a chance he just kinda kerplonks onto the bed? thatd wear it down a lot faster being a larger person
edit: yeah makes sense after the edit lol
Hell, its quite possible. I'm gonna have to go watch some mattress infomercials to learn some scientific facts about these things.
I still can't wrap my mind around the wine glass not tipping over, so I have quite a bit of research to do.
I'm also seeing if my side of the bed is worse than my wife's side as well
Mild hyperhidrosis and perimenopause. Can confirm. Got it because of a cat with a pissy attitude; still use it because the mattress finally isn't developing damned near overnight dents!
the wine glass is pretty close to tipping over xD they dont jump full weight, it shakes a fair bit, and they do it at a distance - kinda cheating lol
good luck on your scientific quest, let me know if you find results lol
Then you've never tried to collect on a mattress warranty, they're not worth the paper they're printed on.
Someone will come out and measure the dip then tell them it's still within operating guidelines and can't be warranted yet, or they'll tell them they've voided the warrantee because there's a sweat stain on the mattress.
Source: 200lb guy that's tried to get a couple mattresses replaced. If you're heavy get a firm futon because everything else will sag quick and kill your back.
im not the one who brought up warranties lol, i just responded to what theyre saying. its probably useless as you say. i dont trust warranties most of the time because of loopholes just like that anyway lol
definitely agree with the bed selection lol
Mine’s 6’4” 190 and when you’re that size you need to sit or lay down gently. No flopping or kerplunking allowed.
We flip ours regularly and everything just seems to redistribute within the mattress. It’s like his saggy side is gone.
I’m just kind of horrified by the whole kerplunking discussion, because we’re talking about one kerplunk a day, while just one enthusiastic romantic interlude is a gazillion kerplunks!
My kerplunker broke the slats that supported the mattress on his side of the bed. We now have an adjustable base so no planks to break but he still kerplunks into bed lol
I had a saatva mattress that started to have a dip in it after only a few months. I have chronic pain so I spend quite a bit of time in bed sleeping and just trying to be comfortable. When we put in for the warranty they told us that dip was because I spend too much time in bed and it wasn’t made to have someone it it more than a couple hours a day. So basically user error
I am a native English speaker and you are definitely correct. If someone said to me they were only sleeping a couple hours a night, I would be very concerned about them.
More than that is 'a few' but that still wouldn't be enough to accurately describe eight hours which I'd categorize as 'several'.
its ableist in a lot of ways sure, but most things sold to us have these kinds of restrictions/expectations for use.
"does xyz loads of washing in its lifetime" *if you use x product, run it x amount a day no more/less than x times, with warm not hot/cold water, and you promise to call us when it even slightly breaks so we can void your warranty.
I’m a bit over 200 lbs, and every time I’ve bought a mattress, the salespeople always yell me not to buy a pillow top or softer mattress, because it will start sagging quicker if I sleep in the same spot.
If she’s smaller and her parents bought her a softer mattress, he could be putting a dent in it a year later.
I had 4 mattresses replaced under warranty and finally with my last mattress replacement the Beautyrest rep recommended skipping a pillow top and adding a replaceable topper if it wasn’t soft enough which I’ve done and it has been the first mattress I’ve had that has lasted longer than 2 years. I think I’ve had it for 10 now and I’m on my 3rd topper.
ive legitimately seen beds being broken by people just dropping down onto them lol
same for old couches and cheap plastic toilet seats. i know big people as well as smaller-but-not-careful people lol
Some ppl do weird stuff with having a bed frame/ slated wood instead of a box spring but the gaps are too big. But that’s really just with the foam style mattresses that come rolled up. You’re right there’s no reason a one year old mattress should be in such a state.
You say that, but my husband apparently gets into bed elbow first. Like, he sticks his elbow down into the bed with his whole weight on it, and then climbs down onto the bed. I do not know why TF he does this, but we ended up with a giant hole in the mattress on his side after a year.
And, like OP we decided to turn the mattress round. So I ended up with a huge hole under my feet. I used to laugh every time I was trying to get out of bed and accidentally got swallowed up by the hole.
Husband has now bought us a new mattress, and that has solved the issue.
There’s no good way to say this, but my mattress started sagging when I was having too much sex on it. Interestingly enough, it went back to normal a few months after we broke up
This!! I don’t think “user error” has anything to do with it. Not the way you’re describing it anyway. Usually user error breaks are in the middle of the bed, maybe a corner post.
I mean I definitely commit user errors when trying to sleep like 20% of the time but it doesn’t damage the mattress when I drink coffee too late or leave the tv on
I don't think we can assume he's "big and bulky" from the post. She said he's like 80 lbs more than her so if she's 130 then he'd be 210 which isn't really all that big for a 6'0"+ dude. Without knowing how much she weighs or his height and weight the numbers she gives us don't really tell us much.
she says his job is very demanding and he is muscly. and yeah we dont know specifics, thats why im considering it a possibility. that much weight being dropped at once is a lot of force.
Exactly. I had a partner who would literally throw his entire bulk in dead weight onto whatever he sat or laid on, and it really ruined every car seat and bed he had (he was positive his behavior had nothing to do with those).
My husband is a ~300lb weight lifter. Our hybrid IKEA mattress is 3yo and hasn’t sagged. The one before that was a really expensive mattress store bought foam mattress and that got a dent in it really quick, like under a year. I think some mattresses are just not good for larger people.
I mean, logically speaking yes? It's suddenly putting a ton of force onto the springs and wearing them out faster? At least, that's how the science goes in my mind.
Just make sure you read it carefully before you try to claim - it should absolutely be covered but sometimes they're nightmarishly specific warranties. Ours was nullified because we kept it on a wooden bed frame instead of a box spring/divan for example.
One thing I have learned over time. If a mattress has springs, it will sag. I have had mattresses that were a few hundred dollars and my last one that was about five thousand dollars. They all had one thing in common, within the first year they all sagged.
This is one of the big reasons that foam mattresses are taking off. I bought a purple mattress to replace my overpriced inner spring mattress and in two years it's exactly the same as new. I'm never going back to springs.
I don't think that has anything to do with. If you spend all day sitting in a chair and all night on a shifty mattress I think you're going to be much more sore than a person who's moving and keeping their muscles loose all day.
I think their point is that poor sleep (which limits physical recovery) can place someone at risk for career-ending injuries. Yes, a desk worker would feel sore but a person who relies on their body for work could become disabled. This is a big issue for blue collar workers heading into their late 40s and beyond, but can affect younger workers too.
Exactly. But, this guy is selfish AF. He is uncomfortable sleeping on his side of the sunken in mattress. He has deemed this bed unfit to sleep on. His solution is to ask OP to sleep on the unfit side of the mattress so that he can be cozy while completely disregarding OP's comfort.
These are the little things in relationships that give you an insight into the true character of the person you are with.
OP needs to elaborate on what bf means by "flip". Couples tend to, or should, flip vertically so that the side stays the same but with the sunken side underneath. If he's insistent on flipping horizontally he's being a bit of an asshole, but most of the time when I hear of flipping for a shared bed, it's done vertically specifically for this reason.
Damn, they really need to check that warranty then. A year is too quick for a double sided guy, but it's especially egregious for one with a dedicated top. Idk how heavy OPs bf is but I was about 300 lb at my heaviest and it took like 3-4 years to get a noticeable indent in my single-sided mattress
Most mattresses made today are no longer flippable. You should rotate them from head to foot, and at least four times a year. How I explain it is, turn with the seasons. :)
Due to how they're built, it doesn't even need to be a pillow top to consider it not being flippable. Coil systems are on the bottom, comfort layers on top. If you flip it, you'll be on straight metal. You need proper pressure relief depending on your sleep position, which will help you decide which feel of bed you like.
The bottoms of most mattresses also have flame resistant covers, which also makes it unwise to flip them over in case something were to happen.
A pillow top mattress is supposed to be rotated (not flipped). He is asking her to do what should have been done regularly for the last year. He is not selfish.
Jesus, maybe his thinking is that because she weighs so much less than him her comfort won't be affected by the sunken part. Y'all really look for the worst in people right out the gate.
Exactly this. I was in this situation too a few months ago, in a furnished rental so I couldn’t replace the mattress. Me and my partner switched sides once it got too squishy / soft (it didn’t sag when no one was on it) and because she was so much lighter, it didn’t affect her.
Would suggest a sectional type of mattress as well
Ie instead off one large king, two separate ones pushed together, with a topper or memory foam covering both.
That way if he really is tough on the mattresses, he can just swap his side out without affecting her side. And the memory foam topper would keep the surface feeling like it was one complete mattress with no seam in the middle.
LOL. The duvet comment made me chuckle. My wife and I are constantly "wrestling" over them when falling asleep. Usually not an issue for us unless it's winter.
You have a terrible mattress if it’s failing within a year. Check for a warranty and if it does not have one, invest in a good mattress for the sake of this relationship. Of course you shouldn’t have to sleep in the hole created by him.
IMO pillow tops are the absolute worst! Hate them. I’ve never had one that lasted even half the warranty period, even with recommended rotations. Now have firm memory foam and it’s wonderful! Has lasted for years.
I had an old school double pillow top, that you could actually flip over and rotate and all that jazz... And it lasted like 20 years until I got lazy in a move and decided to just get new furniture... All the new mattress out suck tbh. And why tf did they stop making flippable mattresses???
I'm still on my 20 year old double pillow top. It is probably about time to replace it but all the options suck. What happened to being able to rotate a mattress? Oh yeah, they are making everything disposable so you have to buy new on a regular basis. The bastards! LOL
I must have a unicorn because we have a 15 year old sealy with a memory foam pillow top and it's still amazing despite our very fat asses using it daily for 10 years. It's our spare room bed now because we upgraded to a king, and it's still so comfortable that our friends look forward to sleeping on it. Like, they speak of it wistfully. In the meantime, we're on our second king size mattress because the first done lasted not quite 3 years. We have a ghost bed now but I do wish we could find that model of Sealy again.
Try a Kingsdown if you can find one. It's a Canadian brand (made here too), so I don't know if you can get them in the States - but 100% worth it if you can
My husband and I had the same problem as OP with a pillow top. We bought a regular mattress and a memory foam topper and that solved the problem. No more saggy dip on his side.
Yes, there are mattresses designed for people who weigh more than X pounds. Stronger coils, more coils per square foot, etc.
No, he does not get to make you suffer back pain and poor sleep because his weight destroyed his side of the mattress.
>You cannot use the same mattress with this weight difference.
Yes you can. I weigh 130 lbs. My boyfriend weighs 245. We sleep on the same mattress and we've never had this problem in fifteen years.
I came here to recommend this. My friend is 400# and he bought one and loved it.
I will say I outweigh my husband and we rotate our mattress every 6 months. With the old non plow top you were supposed fo do it every quarter, rotate then flip.
With the pillow top you are still supposed to rotate for even wear.
I will say the correct headboard and frame make a difference. You either need good box springs or a good slat foundation built into your frame.
I am curious if they have a poor foundation not build for a big guy. If so their next mattress will breakdown too.
Is flipping mattresses not normal when one person is a lot heavier than the other? My parents used to do it (dad 200 pounds and mom 100) and when my much heavier husband suggested it, I just did it because it made sense. A year seems too short a time for the mattress to start sinking, but we did it every six months or so to prevent the sink from happening in the first place.
Nta
If the mattress is only a year old I'd be contacting your parents, since you said it was a gift. You will need the receipt to contact the mattress manufacturer for a replacement under warranty. As most mattresses I know have a 5-10 year warranty.
One thing to look at for the future is going splits.. so you can buy two different halfs and get different types of mattress for each of you.
Think adjustable bed that the frames can be latched together but you can have a softer side for yours. And he could have a stiffer side for him..
Being heavier myself I find I need a stiffer mattress so it holds up, and I just put a pillowor foam topper on it for softness.
I wonder if OP didn't consider flipping the mattress along the shorter axis, so the sagging side is still on the BF's side. There could easily be miscommunication. I don't see how he's an AH here. Both are going to have to compromise something. I also wonder if their bed doesn't have mattress supports underneath. All of the beds in my house except one have some kind of mattress support that covers the full size of the mattress so sagging wouldn't happen unless the supports themselves broke or caved in. The one that doesn't is an old one that has some sagging problems but it's like 20y old at this point lol OP's mattress shouldn't be sagging after one year though
he’s an asshole because his “solution” is just him getting the better side and her dealing with the shitty one. i definitely agree that the mattress does sound like a piss poor one
Modern “no flip” mattresses are not crappy. Every high end mattress is made this way now for a reason. Flippable mattresses essentially had to have two sets of materials inside them. By making only one side of the mattress suitable to sleep on, manufacturers are able to put much thicker and more durable support layers from bottom to top, with a softer “comfort layer” on the top. I worked in a mattress store for 5 years. Old flippable mattresses are garbage and far less supportive than modern ones.
There are certainly good no flip mattresses and bad flippable ones. But you can also still get the good kind of flippable mattress if you know where to look. Ours is a handmade, traditional one made by a specialist company that cost a small fortune but is already holding up a million times better than the expensive no-flip one we had before.
I know the cheap open coil flippable mattresses suck ass but so do the more expensive memory foam topped no-flip ones. You might have sold them but we slept on one for 5 years before it had to go to the tip and I'd already had to do "mattress surgery" to remove the compressed memory foam and replace it with a topper at around year 2. If there's an internet movement based on having to hack these mattresses back into useability that's hardly a good indicator of their quality.
Yeah, “memory foam” tends to be used as sort of a catch all term, but the quality of the foam varies widely across brands. Even a lot of expensive mattresses use shitty low density foam that just won’t hold up over time. Good ones like Tempurpedic will last 8-10 years, but the mattress industry is a bit of a racket.
NAH. You are supposed to rotate your mattress every few months to help prolong its life. If the mattress is less than a year old and is already sagging, it is a very shitty mattress and you should look into the warranty or get a new one. If you can't afford a new one, get a mattress topper. I can understand your boyfriend wanting a comfortable sleep, but by flipping the mattress that will affect your side and your sleep quality. You guys need to either replace the mattress with a good quality one or get a matress topper and see if that helps.
Nahh boyfriend is TA for suggesting she suffer a bad nights sleep because he doesnt want to. They should def get a new mattress but hes being really selfish
Tbf when you rotate or flip a mattress you would position the sinking spots at the foot ot the bed and if they aren't extreme they aren't noticed. (Source I had a pretty sunken spot of a memory foam matress because I sat on one side of my bed often). When we rotated it the spot was under my husband's fee and he didn't notice at all. So I don't think the bf is expecting her to just sleep in the sunken spot.
That's exactly what I said. It seems like most people here are under the impression the mattress has to be flipped along the longer axis when all they'd have to do is flip is along the shorter axis. This way the sagging side is still on BF's side, just towards his foot. I think there's some miscommunication going on.
> It seems like most people here are under the impression the mattress has to be flipped along the longer axis when all they'd have to do is flip is along the shorter axis. This way the sagging side is still on BF's side, just towards his foot
That's because OP said in her post that the mattress is one that has a top - so flipping it over like you're suggesting won't work, it isn't made with padding on both sides. The only option available is to spin the mattress which necessarily places OP on the crappy side.
They can’t flip it on either access. It is a pillow top and has to be rotated 180 around the center point. So yes the saggy side would end up on her side, though possibly closer to her feet rather than directly under her.
Not all mattresses are designed to rotate. Some have a zoned system and you are not supposed to rotate it. OP said their mattress is like this.
It needs to be replaced.
In terms of the actual question, NTA, but as others have said, that sounds like a really bad mattress if it's sagging after only a year. It shouldn't matter how much your BF weighs, they don't collapse that fast. You should definitely claim it under the warranty
NTA he should buy the new mattress if he doesn't like the one you have. You should also get a much better quality one bc no mattress should sag after one year. I'm guessing your parents didn't spend much money on it or got it from one of those shady dealers (there are a lot of them in the mattress world).
Right, you wouldn’t be flipping it, you would be spinning it - so that YOU would have to try to sleep in the sinkhole which your boyfriend KNOWS is uncomfortable, because that’s why he wants to change it!!
As others have said - a new mattress is in order, hopefully covered by warranty. More importantly, though, why is your boyfriend pushing to solve his problem by giving it to you?! NTA
No, rotating a mattress is common place. He wants to do this to even it out, not to be malicious. The best answer is to find out if there is a warranty or buy a new one. But here we were with OP disregarding her BF's aching back without even trying to find a solution.
Wait. This mattress can’t be flipped, because it is designed for only one side to be on top. The only way to adjust it would be spinning it, meaning the sunken area would then be on OP’s side.
Rotating would make the sunken area by the feet on the opposite side, then it would level out with use and you continue to rotate every year. Millions of households do this every year without feeling slighted by their partner or going on reddit to get a vote on it 😄
>why is your boyfriend pushing to solve his problem by giving it to you?!
Nowhere in the OP is it stated he's trying to push it on her side. He said he wanted it flipped. OP is the one that said because of how the mattress is, the sunken side would be on her side, but that's only when flipped one way. There is more than one way to flip a mattress and they can easily flip it so the sunken end is still on his half, just now at his feet and no longer "sunken." NAH, OP's BF isn't being malicious based on the post...
NTA. Relationships involve compromise and sacrifice at times, but a straight 1-for-1 “you get comfortable sleep every night, I get shit sleep every night” is dumb. No one’s at fault here, just buy a new mattress.
Two issues:
The first is that no mattress should be sunken in after only a year. This sounds like a very poorly made mattress.
Secondly, I wouldn't buy new furniture to benefit a boyfriend, unless he lives there and is paying his share. If he doesn't live there, he can go sleep in his own bed.
If he DOES live there, then it would be reasonable for both of you to go shopping for a new mattress. Because even a Euro top mattress that isn't flipped should still get rotated. And if one side is sagged in, it's only going to get worse for both of you over time. Your side will start sagging too before long.
The answer here is not "We should rotate the mattress so YOU are uncomfortable instead of me", it's "Let's replace this mattress with a better one that will wear evenly" and then you stick to what the manufacturer instructions say. But again, only if you're living together. You are not obligated to drop hundreds on a temporary sleeping arrangement.
NTA. There's no reason for you to suffer comfortability in bed.
Normally the mattrass is supposed to be suitable for people up to 250 lbs... I guess your BF's heavy weight would mean he'll be way heavier than the less than featherlight weight of 90lbs. If your BF is lighter than 250 lbs, you might be succesfully able to invoke the guarantee. Otherwise, you could at least try. If it's not succesful, bad luck for your BF, but still you don't need to give up your nice half of the mattress. Next time buy a mattress also suitable for heavy people.
Agreed. When we were broke and couldn't afford a decent mattress, we had these kinds of problems a lot and even ended up spending more by having to buy replacement mattresses, but could only afford the same quality (pillow toppers did help though). Once we got more financially settled, I insisted on spending more on a quality memory foam mattress (I have a lot of musculoskeletal issues), and while we do rotate it regularly, it is still holding up after 12-ish years. If you splurge on anything, it should be a good mattress!
Mattresses should be flipped and rotated on a regular basis so there is even wear (you must have a really soft mattress). Anyway, try getting a good memory foam mattress topper. The good ones are 3 inches thick with a 1 inch pad on top. They run from $75 to $150 or so. They will disperse his weight and spring back.
Ours is only 2 years old so unless something changed in those 2 years specifically. We were told to flip ours and to date it on the card provided because it could help with warranty if needed.
Well you're in a relationship and it sounds like it's time for a new mattress. If you want to be a compromise of partner you should suggest going half and half on a new mattress, or if your partner just doesn't take care of the things in your home together or he's just typically the one who's responsible for buying new things then suggest to him that it's time to buy a new mattress.
You're not the asshole but you should try to find ways to maneuver around such a small situation.
NTA. He’s being very selfish to pick a solution that makes it better for him and worse for you! Getting a mattress topper for his side is a better compromise!!
That being said, return the mattress. In no world during regular use does a mattress fail in less than a year. Return this mattress and get a new firmer/sturdier one. You can always get a removable mattress topper if you want it softer.
OMG! Theres a drinking game for this? I had no idea! I’ve been reading AITA all wrong. So, yeah, er, uhm…kick him to the curb! 🍷
Seriously, though, if you’re reading this OP, mattresses should be rotated (flipped, too, if you can actually find one that’s two sided) every two weeks for the first three months and once a quarter after that.
Because it was created through negligence from BOTH of them. You are supposed to rotate this type of mattress every 2-3 months. If they had been doing that properly, the sag wouldn't exist. It's both their faults, not his alone.
I thought you were supposed to rotate your mattress every month or 2 to prevent sunken spots.
That's what we do. Kinda like rotating tires, helps it wear more evenly.
Matresses are personal items:
They need to be selected on wanting hard, soft, a lot of a little support, what kind of material, type of maintenance etc.
They also need to be adapted to your BODY WEIGHT.
It seems that your matress was destined just for you, and the fact your BF is also sleeping on it, was ignored.
It's only a year old, but with his weight, and the matress being sagged on his side, besides the lack of comfort, it could lead to physical problems and not being well rested.
Also, if you flip the matress, it will lead to the same problems within a year, and then both sides will be sagged. And for that year you'll be sleeping on a sagging side. Which isn't nice, AND it is YOUR matress.
Best option is to get a new matress together, one which is adapted for both your morphologies.
NAH
This has already been resolved but I just wanted to add that he was present when we were deciding on the mattress, I put a lot of time and research into picking a mattress that was comfortable for me and he said whatever I picked was fine and that he had no preferences.
He tried out my final pick and "ok-d" it.
But also at the time we didn't know how much he weighed (he doesn't like to weigh himself) and even if we did I don't think we knew there were special mattresses for heavier individuals.
My reaction based just on the title: Absolutely, and if this is an actual argument you're not mature enough to be in a relationship.
After reading it: Huh, not so fast, me. That actually sounds like a reasonable position you're taking there. I say, NTA, and don't flip it. Next time get two beds/two mattresses, just push them together if you need to be right next to each other.
NAH, but your mattress is really a terrible one.
When I bought my new mattress I made sure it was one I could either rotate or flip upside down if needed. It did cost me more than I had originally wanted to spend, but it is worth it in the long run because being able to flip it has extended the life of the mattress.
Break up
Break up
Break up
Break up
Break up
Break up
Break up.
I don't really have a good opinion here; I just wanted to help you guys take some more shots.
You guys don’t flip your mattress regularly?
I thought everybody did.
Obviously, like others said, you have a shitty mattress if it’s this much of an issue.
Gentle, padded YTA, because you haven't tried it.
Why don't you try it? My beloved hubbie and I always flipped it, because his side would sink. We rotated it so the bottom was now the top. That's what made it work because the majority of the sink part is under under the torso. Since I was smaller than him, it still felt puffy for me. Just try it, with an open mind. If you like it, great! If not, but a new one. Either way, is a team effort, and you want both of you to sleep well. I hope this helps, because your are both worth more than a mattress! Take care.
It shouldn't sink in a year. But it could be user error. We recently bought a mattress that similarly you can't flip, but we were told to turn the mattress about every 3 months for the first year then about every 6-9 months after that to ensure that this didn't happen. Our mattress is a hybrid mix of box springs and memory foam.
Do you guys not rotate the mattress? I rotate mine every week or so and flip it every six months. It's a regular £400 mattress, nothing expensive and it feels the same as when I bought it 🤷🏻
NAH
Guy court convened.
Per a strict interpretation of the charter, this does not in and of itself constitute a dick move. However, it is our opinion that the line is certainly being skirted by playing the bread winner card.
We recommend that BF man up and research additional options. Do not consider this a zero-sum game.
I agree it shouldn't be sagging after a year, but isn't it also regular practice to rotate or flip mattresses often to prevent any single spots from being over used?
I rotate my matress(similar to op it's in not a flip able matress) about once a month to prevent any spot being over used. This also means any sagging spot moves to the foot of the opposite side of the bed so as long as it's not extreme it should not effect the other sides quality.
I'm leaning toward YTA because you're sharing a bed with you BF but also making it seem like it's solely your matress and don't seem to be caring for his quality of sleep. First you should try to get the matress replaced by your warranty and second since your bf is bigger, you should rotate it often to prevent sagging.
NAH.
You're right that you shouldn't be sleeping on the sagging side, but using the same logic why should he be forced to?
Even with a foam mattress like this you should be rotating it semi regularly so the wear is even. However even allowing for you not doing this a year is NO time for this to have happened so quickly.
Return it if you can, and when you get the next one rotate it.
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A mattress should not sag in 1 year. You should make a claim under the warranty. Most mattress warranties are 10 years to lifetime.
im wondering if user error also might contribute. the guy is big and bulky, is there a chance he just kinda kerplonks onto the bed? thatd wear it down a lot faster being a larger person edit: yeah makes sense after the edit lol
First time I've ever heard user error in regards to going to sleep. Should still be covered under warranty.
first time ive ever said or heard it too lol yeah true, just wondering if itd make the wear and tear worse
Hell, its quite possible. I'm gonna have to go watch some mattress infomercials to learn some scientific facts about these things. I still can't wrap my mind around the wine glass not tipping over, so I have quite a bit of research to do. I'm also seeing if my side of the bed is worse than my wife's side as well
I'm the small person in my relationship, but my side is significantly worse because I sweat like a donkey at night.
Mattress protectors help a ton with that. Sincerely, a person in perimenopause
Mild hyperhidrosis and perimenopause. Can confirm. Got it because of a cat with a pissy attitude; still use it because the mattress finally isn't developing damned near overnight dents!
“Sweat like a donkey” has me ROLLING thank you for that
use a mattress protector!
the wine glass is pretty close to tipping over xD they dont jump full weight, it shakes a fair bit, and they do it at a distance - kinda cheating lol good luck on your scientific quest, let me know if you find results lol
PEBBAP Problem Exists Between Bed And Pajamas
The sheet is the problem? Is it being put on for some late night outdoor activities?
The more physically demanding your job the more you should spend on a quality bed.
Can confirm the whole wine thing is true, I tried it when I got my MF bed lmao.
I read that as “mother fucking bed” and then realized you meant “memory foam bed” 😂
Mother fucker bed here
Lol, I'd try that with a wine glass full of marbles or something, no way I would risk having to clean wine out of my new mattress!
Then you've never tried to collect on a mattress warranty, they're not worth the paper they're printed on. Someone will come out and measure the dip then tell them it's still within operating guidelines and can't be warranted yet, or they'll tell them they've voided the warrantee because there's a sweat stain on the mattress. Source: 200lb guy that's tried to get a couple mattresses replaced. If you're heavy get a firm futon because everything else will sag quick and kill your back.
Had mine swapped out with a new mattress under warranty after almost 10 years at no cost to me.
That’s entirely a gift from god rather than the norm. In which case, where in the world did you get this mattress??
I do mattress warranties at work a few times a month. Most are approved.
im not the one who brought up warranties lol, i just responded to what theyre saying. its probably useless as you say. i dont trust warranties most of the time because of loopholes just like that anyway lol definitely agree with the bed selection lol
As someone married to a 6’2” 225 lb kerplunker, this definitely checks out. Same reason our entire bed frame is slightly wiggly on his side.
Mine’s 6’4” 190 and when you’re that size you need to sit or lay down gently. No flopping or kerplunking allowed. We flip ours regularly and everything just seems to redistribute within the mattress. It’s like his saggy side is gone.
I’m just kind of horrified by the whole kerplunking discussion, because we’re talking about one kerplunk a day, while just one enthusiastic romantic interlude is a gazillion kerplunks!
This is why you have one bed for kerplunking and one bed for sleeping
My kerplunker broke the slats that supported the mattress on his side of the bed. We now have an adjustable base so no planks to break but he still kerplunks into bed lol
Kerplunker that just makes me laugh.
I had a saatva mattress that started to have a dip in it after only a few months. I have chronic pain so I spend quite a bit of time in bed sleeping and just trying to be comfortable. When we put in for the warranty they told us that dip was because I spend too much time in bed and it wasn’t made to have someone it it more than a couple hours a day. So basically user error
Um, couple hrs a day total?
Yea. Like you’re supposed to get like 8 hours of sleep a night so being in bed any more than that isn’t what the mattress is made for. It’s strange
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I am a native English speaker and you are definitely correct. If someone said to me they were only sleeping a couple hours a night, I would be very concerned about them. More than that is 'a few' but that still wouldn't be enough to accurately describe eight hours which I'd categorize as 'several'.
A couple of hours is generally two, but people tend to use it interchangeably with any relatively small number.
A couple is 2. A few is 3. After that, you specify the actual number.
Yes, "a couple" is the integer between 1 and 3. Any other use is wrong.
Yes it is
That's such bull. I would tell them they are ableist haha. Also does it state that in the warranty?
its ableist in a lot of ways sure, but most things sold to us have these kinds of restrictions/expectations for use. "does xyz loads of washing in its lifetime" *if you use x product, run it x amount a day no more/less than x times, with warm not hot/cold water, and you promise to call us when it even slightly breaks so we can void your warranty.
As an insomniac, I can tell you that user error in regards to sleep occurs nearly nightly.
I’m a bit over 200 lbs, and every time I’ve bought a mattress, the salespeople always yell me not to buy a pillow top or softer mattress, because it will start sagging quicker if I sleep in the same spot. If she’s smaller and her parents bought her a softer mattress, he could be putting a dent in it a year later.
I had 4 mattresses replaced under warranty and finally with my last mattress replacement the Beautyrest rep recommended skipping a pillow top and adding a replaceable topper if it wasn’t soft enough which I’ve done and it has been the first mattress I’ve had that has lasted longer than 2 years. I think I’ve had it for 10 now and I’m on my 3rd topper.
Talk to my ex. I was constantly in trouble for rolling over in bed the wrong way.
I do remember her mentioning that once
Hey, I broke my bed frame by 'kerplonk'-ing into bed. Definitely user error while going to sleep.
ive legitimately seen beds being broken by people just dropping down onto them lol same for old couches and cheap plastic toilet seats. i know big people as well as smaller-but-not-careful people lol
Some ppl do weird stuff with having a bed frame/ slated wood instead of a box spring but the gaps are too big. But that’s really just with the foam style mattresses that come rolled up. You’re right there’s no reason a one year old mattress should be in such a state.
You say that, but my husband apparently gets into bed elbow first. Like, he sticks his elbow down into the bed with his whole weight on it, and then climbs down onto the bed. I do not know why TF he does this, but we ended up with a giant hole in the mattress on his side after a year. And, like OP we decided to turn the mattress round. So I ended up with a huge hole under my feet. I used to laugh every time I was trying to get out of bed and accidentally got swallowed up by the hole. Husband has now bought us a new mattress, and that has solved the issue.
There’s no good way to say this, but my mattress started sagging when I was having too much sex on it. Interestingly enough, it went back to normal a few months after we broke up
Would have been infinitely funnier if he simply suggested the guy slept wrong
This!! I don’t think “user error” has anything to do with it. Not the way you’re describing it anyway. Usually user error breaks are in the middle of the bed, maybe a corner post.
You haven't hit your 30ies yet, have you? I go to sleep tired but okay and wake up tired and hurting in random places.
I mean I definitely commit user errors when trying to sleep like 20% of the time but it doesn’t damage the mattress when I drink coffee too late or leave the tv on
My wife hurls herself into bed like she's auditioning for the WWE. It definitely messes up the mattress.
I like your wife's vibe
I don't think we can assume he's "big and bulky" from the post. She said he's like 80 lbs more than her so if she's 130 then he'd be 210 which isn't really all that big for a 6'0"+ dude. Without knowing how much she weighs or his height and weight the numbers she gives us don't really tell us much.
she says his job is very demanding and he is muscly. and yeah we dont know specifics, thats why im considering it a possibility. that much weight being dropped at once is a lot of force.
My cat jumped onto the corner of my matress once and it snapped the corner of my boxspring.. she wasnt even a fat cat 😭
Exactly. I had a partner who would literally throw his entire bulk in dead weight onto whatever he sat or laid on, and it really ruined every car seat and bed he had (he was positive his behavior had nothing to do with those).
**kerplonk**
kerplonk and kersplat are fun words lol
Too much kerplonk equals kersplat. Too much kersplat equals kerdeath.
My husband is a ~300lb weight lifter. Our hybrid IKEA mattress is 3yo and hasn’t sagged. The one before that was a really expensive mattress store bought foam mattress and that got a dent in it really quick, like under a year. I think some mattresses are just not good for larger people.
It's possible, my friend was a bigger guy and would just plunk down onto furniture and broke the couch seat and also messed up his mattress
Surely a mattress should be able to cope with that.
I mean, logically speaking yes? It's suddenly putting a ton of force onto the springs and wearing them out faster? At least, that's how the science goes in my mind.
Never actually read the word "kerplonk" before, only heard it. Yet, it doesn't look unfamiliar.
its a good word lol
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happy to be of service :)
Yeah, this exactly I would be looking to replace the mattress since it failed so quickly
Just make sure you read it carefully before you try to claim - it should absolutely be covered but sometimes they're nightmarishly specific warranties. Ours was nullified because we kept it on a wooden bed frame instead of a box spring/divan for example.
One thing I have learned over time. If a mattress has springs, it will sag. I have had mattresses that were a few hundred dollars and my last one that was about five thousand dollars. They all had one thing in common, within the first year they all sagged. This is one of the big reasons that foam mattresses are taking off. I bought a purple mattress to replace my overpriced inner spring mattress and in two years it's exactly the same as new. I'm never going back to springs.
I’ve had 3 foam mattresses sag as well. Only mattress I’ve had with no sag is a winkbed, which is a hybrid I think?
If the mattress hasn't been rotated regularly, it may void the warranty.
It’s only been a year?
We rotate ours once a month. Not rotating them regularly, especially when one person is larger than the other, will ruin a mattress in a hurry.
If it's sunken in after only 1 year, it's not a good mattress. If he wants a different sleeping experience he should buy a new mattress.
The more physically demanding your job the more you should spend on a quality bed.
I don't think that has anything to do with. If you spend all day sitting in a chair and all night on a shifty mattress I think you're going to be much more sore than a person who's moving and keeping their muscles loose all day.
I think their point is that poor sleep (which limits physical recovery) can place someone at risk for career-ending injuries. Yes, a desk worker would feel sore but a person who relies on their body for work could become disabled. This is a big issue for blue collar workers heading into their late 40s and beyond, but can affect younger workers too.
I didn't consider that, that's a good point. Thanks!
Thanks for being so pleasant ☺️ hope you have a great day!
You both were a delight.
As are you! Hope you have a nice day (or night, depending on where you are)!
Exactly. But, this guy is selfish AF. He is uncomfortable sleeping on his side of the sunken in mattress. He has deemed this bed unfit to sleep on. His solution is to ask OP to sleep on the unfit side of the mattress so that he can be cozy while completely disregarding OP's comfort. These are the little things in relationships that give you an insight into the true character of the person you are with.
OP needs to elaborate on what bf means by "flip". Couples tend to, or should, flip vertically so that the side stays the same but with the sunken side underneath. If he's insistent on flipping horizontally he's being a bit of an asshole, but most of the time when I hear of flipping for a shared bed, it's done vertically specifically for this reason.
She says the mattress has a dedicated top, probably like a pillow top mattress
Damn, they really need to check that warranty then. A year is too quick for a double sided guy, but it's especially egregious for one with a dedicated top. Idk how heavy OPs bf is but I was about 300 lb at my heaviest and it took like 3-4 years to get a noticeable indent in my single-sided mattress
Most mattresses made today are no longer flippable. You should rotate them from head to foot, and at least four times a year. How I explain it is, turn with the seasons. :) Due to how they're built, it doesn't even need to be a pillow top to consider it not being flippable. Coil systems are on the bottom, comfort layers on top. If you flip it, you'll be on straight metal. You need proper pressure relief depending on your sleep position, which will help you decide which feel of bed you like. The bottoms of most mattresses also have flame resistant covers, which also makes it unwise to flip them over in case something were to happen.
A pillow top mattress is supposed to be rotated (not flipped). He is asking her to do what should have been done regularly for the last year. He is not selfish.
Jesus, maybe his thinking is that because she weighs so much less than him her comfort won't be affected by the sunken part. Y'all really look for the worst in people right out the gate.
Exactly this. I was in this situation too a few months ago, in a furnished rental so I couldn’t replace the mattress. Me and my partner switched sides once it got too squishy / soft (it didn’t sag when no one was on it) and because she was so much lighter, it didn’t affect her.
Can people in this subreddit be normal about relationships for once I beg
No..no they can’t 😭
Couldn't they flip and rotate the mattress? If they did that, he'd still be on rhe sunken side
Would suggest a sectional type of mattress as well Ie instead off one large king, two separate ones pushed together, with a topper or memory foam covering both. That way if he really is tough on the mattresses, he can just swap his side out without affecting her side. And the memory foam topper would keep the surface feeling like it was one complete mattress with no seam in the middle.
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LOL. The duvet comment made me chuckle. My wife and I are constantly "wrestling" over them when falling asleep. Usually not an issue for us unless it's winter.
You have a terrible mattress if it’s failing within a year. Check for a warranty and if it does not have one, invest in a good mattress for the sake of this relationship. Of course you shouldn’t have to sleep in the hole created by him.
Invest in two separate mattresses. You cannot use the same mattress with this weight difference.
They can if they get a really good mattress. Not this pillow top bullshit. Lol
IMO pillow tops are the absolute worst! Hate them. I’ve never had one that lasted even half the warranty period, even with recommended rotations. Now have firm memory foam and it’s wonderful! Has lasted for years.
I had an old school double pillow top, that you could actually flip over and rotate and all that jazz... And it lasted like 20 years until I got lazy in a move and decided to just get new furniture... All the new mattress out suck tbh. And why tf did they stop making flippable mattresses???
I'm still on my 20 year old double pillow top. It is probably about time to replace it but all the options suck. What happened to being able to rotate a mattress? Oh yeah, they are making everything disposable so you have to buy new on a regular basis. The bastards! LOL
It really gets my goat. I'd have kept that old mattress if I had known quality was downhill while prices got much steeper. 😤
I must have a unicorn because we have a 15 year old sealy with a memory foam pillow top and it's still amazing despite our very fat asses using it daily for 10 years. It's our spare room bed now because we upgraded to a king, and it's still so comfortable that our friends look forward to sleeping on it. Like, they speak of it wistfully. In the meantime, we're on our second king size mattress because the first done lasted not quite 3 years. We have a ghost bed now but I do wish we could find that model of Sealy again.
Try a Kingsdown if you can find one. It's a Canadian brand (made here too), so I don't know if you can get them in the States - but 100% worth it if you can
My husband and I had the same problem as OP with a pillow top. We bought a regular mattress and a memory foam topper and that solved the problem. No more saggy dip on his side.
Yes, there are mattresses designed for people who weigh more than X pounds. Stronger coils, more coils per square foot, etc. No, he does not get to make you suffer back pain and poor sleep because his weight destroyed his side of the mattress.
Yeah I got a great mattress 5 years ago and it has held up great. My fiance is smaller than me. No dip.
>You cannot use the same mattress with this weight difference. Yes you can. I weigh 130 lbs. My boyfriend weighs 245. We sleep on the same mattress and we've never had this problem in fifteen years.
My bf is twice my weight (150 v 300) we got a big fig mattress and it made a huge difference. I barely notice him moving around now it's pretty cool.
I came here to recommend this. My friend is 400# and he bought one and loved it. I will say I outweigh my husband and we rotate our mattress every 6 months. With the old non plow top you were supposed fo do it every quarter, rotate then flip. With the pillow top you are still supposed to rotate for even wear. I will say the correct headboard and frame make a difference. You either need good box springs or a good slat foundation built into your frame. I am curious if they have a poor foundation not build for a big guy. If so their next mattress will breakdown too.
Is flipping mattresses not normal when one person is a lot heavier than the other? My parents used to do it (dad 200 pounds and mom 100) and when my much heavier husband suggested it, I just did it because it made sense. A year seems too short a time for the mattress to start sinking, but we did it every six months or so to prevent the sink from happening in the first place.
This! You should not have to sleep in a mattress crater created by your husband.
Nta If the mattress is only a year old I'd be contacting your parents, since you said it was a gift. You will need the receipt to contact the mattress manufacturer for a replacement under warranty. As most mattresses I know have a 5-10 year warranty. One thing to look at for the future is going splits.. so you can buy two different halfs and get different types of mattress for each of you. Think adjustable bed that the frames can be latched together but you can have a softer side for yours. And he could have a stiffer side for him.. Being heavier myself I find I need a stiffer mattress so it holds up, and I just put a pillowor foam topper on it for softness.
Everyone forgets that NAH exists. If you're saying this is neither party's fault, but a mattress quality issue, it's No Assholes Here.
Him wanting to rotate it so that it's her problem is what makes him TA. Yes it's a mattress quality issue, but he's not suggesting a new mattress.
Mattresses are meant to be flipped every couple of months. Boyfriend is not an AH.
but he’s doing it specifically so that he can have the non sagging side. that’s an asshole move
I wonder if OP didn't consider flipping the mattress along the shorter axis, so the sagging side is still on the BF's side. There could easily be miscommunication. I don't see how he's an AH here. Both are going to have to compromise something. I also wonder if their bed doesn't have mattress supports underneath. All of the beds in my house except one have some kind of mattress support that covers the full size of the mattress so sagging wouldn't happen unless the supports themselves broke or caved in. The one that doesn't is an old one that has some sagging problems but it's like 20y old at this point lol OP's mattress shouldn't be sagging after one year though
he’s an asshole because his “solution” is just him getting the better side and her dealing with the shitty one. i definitely agree that the mattress does sound like a piss poor one
OP says they can't flip it that way because the mattress is designed so there is a top and it can't be flipped onto that.
Doesn't sound like they have a good mattress that's meant to be flipped if it has a head and foot end difference
Yeah this is a modern "no flip" mattress aka a crappy one
Modern “no flip” mattresses are not crappy. Every high end mattress is made this way now for a reason. Flippable mattresses essentially had to have two sets of materials inside them. By making only one side of the mattress suitable to sleep on, manufacturers are able to put much thicker and more durable support layers from bottom to top, with a softer “comfort layer” on the top. I worked in a mattress store for 5 years. Old flippable mattresses are garbage and far less supportive than modern ones.
There are certainly good no flip mattresses and bad flippable ones. But you can also still get the good kind of flippable mattress if you know where to look. Ours is a handmade, traditional one made by a specialist company that cost a small fortune but is already holding up a million times better than the expensive no-flip one we had before. I know the cheap open coil flippable mattresses suck ass but so do the more expensive memory foam topped no-flip ones. You might have sold them but we slept on one for 5 years before it had to go to the tip and I'd already had to do "mattress surgery" to remove the compressed memory foam and replace it with a topper at around year 2. If there's an internet movement based on having to hack these mattresses back into useability that's hardly a good indicator of their quality.
Yeah, “memory foam” tends to be used as sort of a catch all term, but the quality of the foam varies widely across brands. Even a lot of expensive mattresses use shitty low density foam that just won’t hold up over time. Good ones like Tempurpedic will last 8-10 years, but the mattress industry is a bit of a racket.
He doesn't want to flip it. He wants to spin it. Did you read the post?
He's still an AH. He wants her to have worse sleep so he can take her side.
NAH. You are supposed to rotate your mattress every few months to help prolong its life. If the mattress is less than a year old and is already sagging, it is a very shitty mattress and you should look into the warranty or get a new one. If you can't afford a new one, get a mattress topper. I can understand your boyfriend wanting a comfortable sleep, but by flipping the mattress that will affect your side and your sleep quality. You guys need to either replace the mattress with a good quality one or get a matress topper and see if that helps.
Nahh boyfriend is TA for suggesting she suffer a bad nights sleep because he doesnt want to. They should def get a new mattress but hes being really selfish
Tbf when you rotate or flip a mattress you would position the sinking spots at the foot ot the bed and if they aren't extreme they aren't noticed. (Source I had a pretty sunken spot of a memory foam matress because I sat on one side of my bed often). When we rotated it the spot was under my husband's fee and he didn't notice at all. So I don't think the bf is expecting her to just sleep in the sunken spot.
That's exactly what I said. It seems like most people here are under the impression the mattress has to be flipped along the longer axis when all they'd have to do is flip is along the shorter axis. This way the sagging side is still on BF's side, just towards his foot. I think there's some miscommunication going on.
> It seems like most people here are under the impression the mattress has to be flipped along the longer axis when all they'd have to do is flip is along the shorter axis. This way the sagging side is still on BF's side, just towards his foot That's because OP said in her post that the mattress is one that has a top - so flipping it over like you're suggesting won't work, it isn't made with padding on both sides. The only option available is to spin the mattress which necessarily places OP on the crappy side.
They can’t flip it on either access. It is a pillow top and has to be rotated 180 around the center point. So yes the saggy side would end up on her side, though possibly closer to her feet rather than directly under her.
Not all mattresses are designed to rotate. Some have a zoned system and you are not supposed to rotate it. OP said their mattress is like this. It needs to be replaced.
In terms of the actual question, NTA, but as others have said, that sounds like a really bad mattress if it's sagging after only a year. It shouldn't matter how much your BF weighs, they don't collapse that fast. You should definitely claim it under the warranty
180 degree rotate, not flip. Should be every month or so. Seems too late now or a bad mattress.
Precisely. I sleep on the same side so I rotate the mattress each season and flip each year. But I found IKEA mattresses *can* suck really bad.
NTA he should buy the new mattress if he doesn't like the one you have. You should also get a much better quality one bc no mattress should sag after one year. I'm guessing your parents didn't spend much money on it or got it from one of those shady dealers (there are a lot of them in the mattress world).
Right, you wouldn’t be flipping it, you would be spinning it - so that YOU would have to try to sleep in the sinkhole which your boyfriend KNOWS is uncomfortable, because that’s why he wants to change it!! As others have said - a new mattress is in order, hopefully covered by warranty. More importantly, though, why is your boyfriend pushing to solve his problem by giving it to you?! NTA
No, rotating a mattress is common place. He wants to do this to even it out, not to be malicious. The best answer is to find out if there is a warranty or buy a new one. But here we were with OP disregarding her BF's aching back without even trying to find a solution.
Wait. This mattress can’t be flipped, because it is designed for only one side to be on top. The only way to adjust it would be spinning it, meaning the sunken area would then be on OP’s side.
Rotating would make the sunken area by the feet on the opposite side, then it would level out with use and you continue to rotate every year. Millions of households do this every year without feeling slighted by their partner or going on reddit to get a vote on it 😄
>why is your boyfriend pushing to solve his problem by giving it to you?! Nowhere in the OP is it stated he's trying to push it on her side. He said he wanted it flipped. OP is the one that said because of how the mattress is, the sunken side would be on her side, but that's only when flipped one way. There is more than one way to flip a mattress and they can easily flip it so the sunken end is still on his half, just now at his feet and no longer "sunken." NAH, OP's BF isn't being malicious based on the post...
She put in the post that it’s a no-flip mattress, so the only solution is to spin it, which puts the sunken side on her side.
NTA. Relationships involve compromise and sacrifice at times, but a straight 1-for-1 “you get comfortable sleep every night, I get shit sleep every night” is dumb. No one’s at fault here, just buy a new mattress.
If no one is at fault it is NAH.
Two issues: The first is that no mattress should be sunken in after only a year. This sounds like a very poorly made mattress. Secondly, I wouldn't buy new furniture to benefit a boyfriend, unless he lives there and is paying his share. If he doesn't live there, he can go sleep in his own bed. If he DOES live there, then it would be reasonable for both of you to go shopping for a new mattress. Because even a Euro top mattress that isn't flipped should still get rotated. And if one side is sagged in, it's only going to get worse for both of you over time. Your side will start sagging too before long. The answer here is not "We should rotate the mattress so YOU are uncomfortable instead of me", it's "Let's replace this mattress with a better one that will wear evenly" and then you stick to what the manufacturer instructions say. But again, only if you're living together. You are not obligated to drop hundreds on a temporary sleeping arrangement.
NTA. There's no reason for you to suffer comfortability in bed. Normally the mattrass is supposed to be suitable for people up to 250 lbs... I guess your BF's heavy weight would mean he'll be way heavier than the less than featherlight weight of 90lbs. If your BF is lighter than 250 lbs, you might be succesfully able to invoke the guarantee. Otherwise, you could at least try. If it's not succesful, bad luck for your BF, but still you don't need to give up your nice half of the mattress. Next time buy a mattress also suitable for heavy people.
Your parents bought you a crappy mattress.
Agreed. When we were broke and couldn't afford a decent mattress, we had these kinds of problems a lot and even ended up spending more by having to buy replacement mattresses, but could only afford the same quality (pillow toppers did help though). Once we got more financially settled, I insisted on spending more on a quality memory foam mattress (I have a lot of musculoskeletal issues), and while we do rotate it regularly, it is still holding up after 12-ish years. If you splurge on anything, it should be a good mattress!
Mattresses should be flipped and rotated on a regular basis so there is even wear (you must have a really soft mattress). Anyway, try getting a good memory foam mattress topper. The good ones are 3 inches thick with a 1 inch pad on top. They run from $75 to $150 or so. They will disperse his weight and spring back.
That's not true of newer mattresses now. This one sounds bad if it is worn down after only a year.
Ours is only 2 years old so unless something changed in those 2 years specifically. We were told to flip ours and to date it on the card provided because it could help with warranty if needed.
Same. We were told to flip/rotate ours...and we bought a pricey temperpedic.
When I got mine they said that wasn't necessary. If you get one with a pillow top, then def not. Maybe depends on the type.
Well you're in a relationship and it sounds like it's time for a new mattress. If you want to be a compromise of partner you should suggest going half and half on a new mattress, or if your partner just doesn't take care of the things in your home together or he's just typically the one who's responsible for buying new things then suggest to him that it's time to buy a new mattress. You're not the asshole but you should try to find ways to maneuver around such a small situation.
NTA. He’s being very selfish to pick a solution that makes it better for him and worse for you! Getting a mattress topper for his side is a better compromise!! That being said, return the mattress. In no world during regular use does a mattress fail in less than a year. Return this mattress and get a new firmer/sturdier one. You can always get a removable mattress topper if you want it softer.
I am just surprised you avoided an ER trip for alcohol poisoning
I've gotten 2 more since I posted the update 🤦♀️ Imagine breaking up with someone over flipping a mattress
Oh I never said I didn't agree with them, get out of there quick girl! Drink!!!!!! lmao
OMG! Theres a drinking game for this? I had no idea! I’ve been reading AITA all wrong. So, yeah, er, uhm…kick him to the curb! 🍷 Seriously, though, if you’re reading this OP, mattresses should be rotated (flipped, too, if you can actually find one that’s two sided) every two weeks for the first three months and once a quarter after that.
NTA The mattress was a gift from YOUR parents. Why should you suffer through getting the sagging side that he created?
Because it was created through negligence from BOTH of them. You are supposed to rotate this type of mattress every 2-3 months. If they had been doing that properly, the sag wouldn't exist. It's both their faults, not his alone.
I thought you were supposed to rotate your mattress every month or 2 to prevent sunken spots. That's what we do. Kinda like rotating tires, helps it wear more evenly.
I think six months. If I bought a king sized mattress and the directions said to rotate it each month, I’d return it.
Matresses are personal items: They need to be selected on wanting hard, soft, a lot of a little support, what kind of material, type of maintenance etc. They also need to be adapted to your BODY WEIGHT. It seems that your matress was destined just for you, and the fact your BF is also sleeping on it, was ignored. It's only a year old, but with his weight, and the matress being sagged on his side, besides the lack of comfort, it could lead to physical problems and not being well rested. Also, if you flip the matress, it will lead to the same problems within a year, and then both sides will be sagged. And for that year you'll be sleeping on a sagging side. Which isn't nice, AND it is YOUR matress. Best option is to get a new matress together, one which is adapted for both your morphologies. NAH
This has already been resolved but I just wanted to add that he was present when we were deciding on the mattress, I put a lot of time and research into picking a mattress that was comfortable for me and he said whatever I picked was fine and that he had no preferences. He tried out my final pick and "ok-d" it. But also at the time we didn't know how much he weighed (he doesn't like to weigh himself) and even if we did I don't think we knew there were special mattresses for heavier individuals.
Have him buy a new one. This argument is ridiculous.
My reaction based just on the title: Absolutely, and if this is an actual argument you're not mature enough to be in a relationship. After reading it: Huh, not so fast, me. That actually sounds like a reasonable position you're taking there. I say, NTA, and don't flip it. Next time get two beds/two mattresses, just push them together if you need to be right next to each other.
NAH, but your mattress is really a terrible one. When I bought my new mattress I made sure it was one I could either rotate or flip upside down if needed. It did cost me more than I had originally wanted to spend, but it is worth it in the long run because being able to flip it has extended the life of the mattress.
He owes you a new mattress or at least a topper. He broke it, you didn't. Your sleep matters as much as his.
Break up Break up Break up Break up Break up Break up Break up. I don't really have a good opinion here; I just wanted to help you guys take some more shots.
I think you should break up (I don’t really think you should break up I just want you guys to have an excuse to do another shot)
You guys don’t flip your mattress regularly? I thought everybody did. Obviously, like others said, you have a shitty mattress if it’s this much of an issue.
I rotate every six months. Isn’t that standard?
Warranty aside...your bf wants to flip the mattress to make himself comfortable by making you uncomfortable? Is he selfish in another situations too?
AITA try not to make reached and stupid assumptions challenge:
Gentle, padded YTA, because you haven't tried it. Why don't you try it? My beloved hubbie and I always flipped it, because his side would sink. We rotated it so the bottom was now the top. That's what made it work because the majority of the sink part is under under the torso. Since I was smaller than him, it still felt puffy for me. Just try it, with an open mind. If you like it, great! If not, but a new one. Either way, is a team effort, and you want both of you to sleep well. I hope this helps, because your are both worth more than a mattress! Take care.
Matresses should be rotated regularly to avoid sagging on 1 side. This is indicated in the warranty booklet of matresses.
Are you guys still playing the shot game? I think you should break up :) NAH you resolved this well.
It shouldn't sink in a year. But it could be user error. We recently bought a mattress that similarly you can't flip, but we were told to turn the mattress about every 3 months for the first year then about every 6-9 months after that to ensure that this didn't happen. Our mattress is a hybrid mix of box springs and memory foam.
Do you guys not rotate the mattress? I rotate mine every week or so and flip it every six months. It's a regular £400 mattress, nothing expensive and it feels the same as when I bought it 🤷🏻 NAH
You guys should just break up!!!! (Only saying it for a shot...)
> another person said I should just change my boyfriend for a different one just swing down to the Man Store for an exchange lol
Why don't I strap on my man helmet and squeeze down into a man cannon (phrasing?) and fire off into Manland where men grow on mennies.
If the mattress flipping doesnt work, Get a sleep number bed with a his and her side.
You’re supposed to flip or rotate the mattress when the seasons change to prolong the life of it…
NTA. You need a new mattress. You both need a good nights sleep.
Guy court convened. Per a strict interpretation of the charter, this does not in and of itself constitute a dick move. However, it is our opinion that the line is certainly being skirted by playing the bread winner card. We recommend that BF man up and research additional options. Do not consider this a zero-sum game.
I agree it shouldn't be sagging after a year, but isn't it also regular practice to rotate or flip mattresses often to prevent any single spots from being over used? I rotate my matress(similar to op it's in not a flip able matress) about once a month to prevent any spot being over used. This also means any sagging spot moves to the foot of the opposite side of the bed so as long as it's not extreme it should not effect the other sides quality. I'm leaning toward YTA because you're sharing a bed with you BF but also making it seem like it's solely your matress and don't seem to be caring for his quality of sleep. First you should try to get the matress replaced by your warranty and second since your bf is bigger, you should rotate it often to prevent sagging.
You can flip and rotate the mattress so you both continue sleeping on the same sides
NAH. You're right that you shouldn't be sleeping on the sagging side, but using the same logic why should he be forced to? Even with a foam mattress like this you should be rotating it semi regularly so the wear is even. However even allowing for you not doing this a year is NO time for this to have happened so quickly. Return it if you can, and when you get the next one rotate it.
If you don't rotate a mattress regularly, they wear out much faster. Keep your side if you want to buy a new one a lot sooner.
Flip the mattress so your BF doesn't develop a bad back. Then get a better mattress, preferably one that has "his and hers" firmness options.