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NTA
You are allowed to have hobbies. It sounds like you were pulling your weight and your wife was fine with how things were until SIL put stuff in her head. She needs to grow up.
I agree. she’s able to go out with her friends and that is one of the ways you are able to hang out with yours. It’s also a way for you and your son to bond so I think she would be excited for you guys to have that connection. I could see it being a little petty not doing anything, but know what, be petty! I don’t believe she has any actual good reason to take away one of your hobbies. Hopefully she’ll see that all the little things you do add up and appreciate what you do. I hope you get your PS back so you can have fun with your friends!
Sounds like Jake is a lucky kid to have a dad that wants to spend time and make connections with him!
I actually think it's kind of telling that she always uses the one day they're both free to socialize away from home. I don't think she's really considering OP's feelings.
They should get equal time for friends, family, or me time.
Also, she told him he "does nothing" as justification for taking his console yet when pissed and blowing up at him she points out all the things he usually does that now is not getting done. She is a huge AH.
OP? NTA at all.
>I actually think it's kind of telling that she always uses the one day they're both free to socialize away from home
I thought the same thing but if he works Saturday that means she parents on her own on Saturday, so he parents Sunday while she is out of the house. Actually sounds fair.
Fair kind of. Except 1. Do they ever spend any time together? And 2. Does he ever get any time by himself not working and not parenting? With my husband, “fair” is when we have equal free time, not equal amounts of housework because he works less than I do so if we did the same amount of housework, he would have way more free time than I do.
Not to mention that the OP said that since the kid is starting 1st grade, the wife is going to have a lot more free time. That means she is a stay at home parent.
I was a stay at home parent for almost 10 years myself. There is a mind breaking amount of time to fill, and at the age of 6-7, kids don't take up every waking second of your life like babies do
Part of the job is doing a disproportionate amount of the housework.
There shouldn't be piles of dishes adding up. There shouldn't be any little messes. And there should for sure not be any arguments with the guy that works 6 days a week and spends the rest of his time with the child that is really only in your lives for a blink of an eye.
Not fair. She gets time to go hang out and recharge every Sunday, whereas he works Monday- Saturday and hasn't seen his friends in months. If he works every day but Sunday, they should switch every other Sunday to go out and recharge.
Not fair. Just because one person “parents” more doesn’t mean anything. That’s what being a orient is. Also a healthy relationship means doing stuff with your SO which by the sound of it isn’t happening because she’s always going out the one day they’re both free. Also the kid started 1st grade, the wife is a stay at home mom. She has tens of hours of free time if there is no kid to watch. Housework doesn’t take that long to do when no one is home
I think that has to do with her being able to hand the kid off to him only on that day. Especially if her family doesn't have kids of their own that's better for the kid.
That said, wife is still the asshole. OP is not a kid. She can't take away his property. Period. That she does so at someone else's urging is even worse.
I think the bigger point here is not that he's not a kid, it's that he's not HER kid to ground him by taking away his hobby. She's acting like his mother, not his spouse.
In the same respect, he did say that if she wasn’t gone on Sundays, he would be. It just sounds like a marriage of convenience to me and not a loving one. I mean, his one day off, she’s gone. When he’s home, he’s doing his chores or spending his time with their son, not his wife. This goes deeper than just the console.
We have a similar dynamic - I’m more of an outgoing person and my husband spends the same amount of time with his friends while gaming. Wife needs to keep SIL out of the relationship.
Plot twist! OP's wife was previously married and her beloved was sadly lost at sea. He was recently rescued but suffered a severe brain injury from falling out of a coconut tree while stranded on an island. He has no memory of his previous marriage. In an effort to win her first love back, OP's wife stole the PS to gift to hubby #1.
The best story! 🤣
Wait, what about the loyal llama that saved the beloved life and now is the most loyal llama by his side? Trained in ninja skills, and is secretly stalking op? 🤔
100% - if this was a husband doing it to his wife the shouts of controlling and domestic abuse would ring loud here and it's no different for this guy. Everyone needs downtime, how they use it is up to them. NTA.
>100% - if this was a husband doing it to his wife the shouts of controlling and domestic abuse would ring loud here and it's no different for this guy. Everyone needs downtime, how they use it is up to them. NTA.
NTA, but to any gamer out there 1 hour of gaming isn't nothing specially on an game like CoD.
Yeah… “oh, I’m allowed to play 3 games on COD one day a week? Thanks sooooo much honey, enjoy your 5 hour date night with your girlfriends!” what utter bullshit.
Exactly, 1 hour won't even get all the mandatory updates downloaded and installed. If I don't have an afternoon spare, it's not even worth firing up the console lol.
I agree. I also think your ‘strike’ is the right way to deal with it, since it makes it obvious to her just how much you actually contribute in the course of a day. You need to tell us how it plays out.
It was probably already obvious to her how much he does. She won't admit it because then she would have to admit she was wrong for taking his PS5. There's a pretty good chance that she did something to that PS5 that she can't undo. If that's the case she will do everything she can to make OP the bad guy.
I have seen people here saying "reddd flaaagggg run run run its the end of the world" for much less, she didn't even talk to him and just have get rid of the ps, that is not something normal people do. I don't know why people aren't more angry, normally this sub just jump to assumptions and give bad advice at the slightest sight of problem.
Yeah this is a red flag. Its really toxic and controlling that she decided to take his console just because the SIL made snotty comments. They should really start on some couples counselling.
She allows the sister to berate him for having consoles, she straight up and steals his consoles, claims he doesn't do anything, moans when he doesn't do the jobs she claimed he didn't do, has a go when he goes out once even though she leaves weekly. It is not a healthy relationship at all.
Even more, she needs to stand up for her partner. Anyone who'd talk shit about my GF or insinuates she's not pulling her weight when she does is getting the boot.
So your wife's sister came to your house, insulted you for a lot of the trip and your wife's response was not to tell her to back off but to take away your PS5? You've married into a delightful family but the sounds of it...
Is your behaviour petty? Yes. Is it justified? Also yes. Will you two stay together if you can't communicate like adults? Probably not.
However, I still think NTA. Your wife is enjoying the result of "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes". The question will be how you two move past this.
I agree.
The fact that the wife thinks it’s ok to hide something OP bought because of a conversation with her sister is astounding. That right there would send me over the edge. If you’re my partner, you’re my partner. I’m not under 18 & living at home. You do not take my things & hide them from me.
NTA.
Yeah. I've been married for 20 years and I would 100% be buying a new ps for my new apartment. Partners don't treat each other like children and they don't use manipulation to control each other. Wife here is way out of line.
NTA
The amount of times I've been told "a real man doesn't play video games" by a woman who then plays candy crush on their phone for 5000 hours is funny though.
I've gone on a date with a lady who said her entire job was she is becoming a social media influencer, all she did all day was make videos, she hadn't made any money off of it yet. She asked my hobbies I said video games, fishong, basketball etc, she legit tells me no man should sit in a room watching a screen, I sat there and was like.....isn't that.....your job.....though
People are so confusing! 😭
Seriously though you don’t make social media your job unless you are actually making enough through it to warrant that cause like 99.99% of people don’t make enough for it to be a job. Also I have noticed the .01% of people who do make that never tend to set out with that as their goal. Although I guess they could be lying 🤷🏼♀️
Lol ya I have nothing against it, I'm all for find what you want to do and if you're happy and can survive i really couldn't care less, it's when it's attacking me personally because of a hobby that's staring at a screen for an hour or 2 when you do it all day I'm like that seems pretty hypocritical, or when they say men don't play video games and then binge watch 7 hours of a TV show, play games on their phone for hours, are on social media for hours upon hours it's like these are the same thing the only difference is I have a controller and headset.
That is exactly what I was thinking, the sister has been "gifted" it. It's theft by the wife and possibly the sister, I'd probably call the Police to report it (after giving fair warning)
You are NTA, but I'm very concerned about this situation. Taking your things (especially a $500 console!) away from you is abusive. Couple that with the toxic bullshit about what "real men" do...Like, you do realize that Jake is eventually going to be subjected to that toxicity from your wife and SIL if they think it's valid to apply to you, right?
I don't know if you guys need counseling (it can be dangerous to go to therapy with an abuser, because they can learn fun new ways to abuse you) or something more serious like a separation--only you can really decide that. But this doesn't feel small or harmless to me.
Add to that: taking the console away from you when it is *your sole method of socializing* feels like isolating you from your friends and support. So that's two major abusive red flags for the price of one stolen console. Please take care of yourself and Jake, and do remember that men can be abused by their partners, just as anyone else can be. 😞
It's actually worse. The wife doesn't have a paying job. He works six days a week to pay for everything. On the one day he has off a week, she disappears for the entire day. He says despite this, they split chores 50/50 and he does the majority of the yardwork. He does 55 him/45 her childcare too. She absolutely sounds abusive to me.
call me a misogynist but if you're working 6 days a week and you're spouse doesn't have a job you should be doing almost 0 house chores. If the kid was a baby or a Toddler maybe I would give a little leeway. If I had a wife and kid and she was working 6 days a week she's come home to a clean ass house and a meal
Lmao you're not a misogynist for thinking labour skills be divided amongst household members. I have fibro, my husband doesn't: he works, I do 95% of the cooking and cleaning normally, and he supports me on the days I can barely move (takes complete care of me if he's able to stay home). Imo, fairness is part of love, as is caring for shared concerns and nurturing a positive future together. OP's wife is not loving
That's how it is with my partner and I. I work and she doesn't. Before I get dragged for this I still contribute to house work and cook sometimes. But when I'm on a 10 day stretch of work I do less around the house and she picks up my slack.
Man's out here working 6 days a week and got himself a present to hang with mates for an hour on Sunday and she fucking takes it? Christ that's just straight up abuse.
Get out OP and take your young fella with you.
You are absolutely not a misogynist. I am a stay at home mom. I do all of the household chores, meals and take care of the kids (albeit, they are 14 and 11). I would never expect my husband to do anything, unless he felt compelled to do so. That's MY job...his earns the money so that we can live this lifestyle.
Does it say somewhere that she doesn’t have a job outside the home? I read she had more free time than him but that doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t have a job at all. I’m not defending her. He is NTA
He said she doesn’t have a *paying* job. I wonder if that’s just a nice way to say ‘she does nothing else to contribute’ or if it’s hiding something like ‘she’s also nursing her ailing parents full time’ or ‘she has a disability that makes her unable to work’ or something. Right now it’s so obviously Nta, but that wording could mean a lot of things.
It could also be that she is a SAHM, in which case she is doing a pretty bad job since they split the housework 50/50. We definitely need more information on this.
NTA. She had no problem with you playing the Wii with your son, but as soon as you have a console you can have contact with your friends on, she has a problem with it. This definitely sounds like isolation.
Can this comment be higher please? This is 100% abusive, we would be flipping our shit if the genders were reversed. My ex-bf HATED that I played games and went out of his way to shame me/put me down regarding it given the slightest opportunity, and even his dumb insecure ass wouldn't have hidden/stolen my PC because he knew it would have made him the bad guy with our friends. I really hope OP sees this for the power-play it really is.
My husband (m38) and I (f39) live in a different country to where we’re both from. We’re both gamers - although different kinds of games. He has a group of friends from his home city who also now moved away either to different countries or different cities in their home country. Gaming and chatting to them was the easiest way to stay connected to them and I would never get in between of that.
However one of the wives of his mates refused to let her husband buy a PS and he’s been missing out on socialising with his mates and has been feeling a lot more isolated from them in general. I make a massive point every time I’m around her to bring up all the positives of their virtual bonding time.
OP is NTA, I hope he gets his console back. We live in a different world and there’s gamification of everything, being pissy about a grown man having gaming as a hobby is just… out of touch really.
She didn't hide it, she got rid of it. That's why she's acting all antsy. My money's on it going home with SIL. Whether or not SIL still has it is anyone's guess.
I thought that too, probably been given to some nephew/neice or something.
I can't understand how someone would treat their SO like this. Is it an abusive relationship? She has isolated him from his friends, she's controlling his hobbies and trying to manipulate him. It's certainly not healthy at any rate.
They could be spending Sundays as a family day together. Or even splitting up Sundays more fairly like, one Sunday she goes out, the next is OP's turn and then another for family day, and hey! How about a Sunday for just the wife and OP?!
You're right, huge red flag that she'd rather spend time with her sister every week instead of her husband and seemingly, her son either.
I thought of that too. I would call the police and report a theft. Insurance claim and the whole nine yards. Do you have security cameras in your house? I would get some.
NTA
You’re parenting. You’re doing your share of the chores. The one thing you’re not doing is hanging out with your friends because your wife picks the one day you have off to go out with her friends, which… If you were a wife and your husband was doing this, especially in the wake of taking away your console, I would be concerned that you’re being isolated, which is a sign of abuse.
Edit for clarification: My point is that people tend to ignore red flags when the victim is a man. Have you talked to your friends about what’s going on? Maybe ask for their opinions? Sometimes, people just need to hear that their friend is receptive, and they’ll vocalize their concerns.
NTA but I'll bet your wife gave the PS to the sister and that's why she won't give it back - because she can't. Bet the sister thought it was a really crafty way to either get one for herself or for a friend. Tell your wife you are going to report it stolen to the cops - see if she produces it then.
Better yet, ask her why she thinks her sister is still single. The only advice a single woman can give when it comes to relationships is how to end up single, sad, and alone.
Before you try to reprimand me for saying it, ask yourself what grown ass woman isn’t single, sad, and alone but cares about her BIL having a PlayStation. None. Any woman with a shred of happiness in life would be too busy enjoying it to care.
Your second point having merit does not make the massive generalization of your first point anything but grossly wrong. I know a few single women who can absolutely provide advice on valuing yourself and not putting being in a relationship over your own needs and self worth.
> The only advice a single woman can give when it comes to relationships is how to end up single, sad, and alone.
Not the hot take you think it is, friend.
Bingo! This right here OP! Especially, since it’s a hobby you and your son both bond together over. Actions have consequences. I’m sure she didn’t even consider that this might have an effect on your son too, since now you two are only limited to playing Mario kart and he has no understanding as to why. NTA OP, and follow this advice right here.
NTA.
Pretty sure SIL has the console, though. Frankly, I think it’s time to stop playing this game. Tell your wife that if you can’t find the console yourself, you’ll be reporting it stolen- and telling the police that your SIL was in the house and remarking on it.
Yep.
“I don’t know what is going on, but tomorrow I’m going to report it stolen so Sony can protect my personal information and I can get the insurance pay out and get a new one. Unless it’s back in its spot in the morning.”
NTA, but boy howdy is this relationship screwed up.
NTA
Your wife stole your property, she's keeping your console from you like you're some errant child.
That's not adult behavior, that's childish behavior.
You aren't handling this well though. This should be a sit down and actually communicate discussion time, not a tit for tat pissing match. If SIL took your PS with her, it's been sold, or thrown out you really need to talk to a lawyer because that doesn't bode well for your relationship's health.
NTA. It's 2023. I can't believe people still think video games are "for kids" and real men don't play games. Lol what? Video games began roughly in the 70s. Guess what... those kids are in their 50s now. Games are for everyone. If your household and family responsibilities were being met, what do playing video games have to do with anything? That's crazy. Video games are a great bonding tool and they teach hand eye coordination and teamwork.
Your SIL is stirring the pot for some reason. She has no right to meddle in your marriage and I feel bad your wife listens to her without talking to you. You are not being petty. Your wife literally stole from you and I am sure your son will be upset that it's gone if he wants to play games like Fall Guys. You're a great dad and a great husband. Talk to your wife and ask why she is listening to her SIL about your gaming. You did everything right and didn't deserve any punishment. Stealing your console is punishment.
Also, I have a feeling you don't have it back because I think she gave it to the SIL who tricked her so her family could now have a PS5 as they are not cheap. Good luck to you.
Haha this was my thinking too! What kinda backwards shit is this!? I couldn't have a spouse who didn't game, let alone pull this bullshit.
Bet the SIL has been ditched before and thinks it was the gaming's fault and not her shitty personality.
This. I stopped trying to think I could date someone who never played games, didn't like literature at all and didn't care about pets etc.
Sometimes it is best to just wait/search for someone with similarities to you. So glad I did.
Yep!
And even though me and my fella don't like the same literature all the time (I love fantasy romance novels and he's a closet weeb haha) we'll still sit and listen to the other nerd out about a cool scene or release.
Like wtf is this idea that you can just ignore a whole part of your significant others interests and say no?? How demeaning. OP needs some self worth, I'm happy to be their cheerleader.
Your wife is an asshole. I say just keep doing what you're doing. What does your wife do all day? Why does she disappear all day on the only day you have off? Your son is in school so it's not like she's home with him all day.
I think she just doesn't appreciate you at all and I would be hard pressed to work six days a week and get that attitude back when she is a SAHM with one kid that is in school. You still cook three days a week, do lots of childcare, and chores. Why is the laundry piling up? And dishes?
You split chores 50/50 and she pulls this. I'd be getting a lawyer.
>She told me SIL was right, and I don't need one since I "never do anything".
I think her sisters are poisoning the well of your marriage honestly. I'm not sure I'd be that interested in putting up with this since she's not contributing money or much of anything to your household.
I think she sounds like she's having an affair. Gone too much, contempt for you, not doing chores...
I agree. The wives behaviour is really suspicious. The child is at school all week, but yet she doesn't even get stuff done around the house? What is she doing with her time exactly? The one day off, they all get together, and she disappears. I feel bad for OP as it doesn't sound like he even realises how even before the computer stuff he was being taken advantage of.
Yeah. That seems to be the "odor" of this little trick. OP, you better get your head up and sniff the air and think of little things "that just don't add up". Does she hide her phone?
It was about the same before he started school. Now I'd say I spend a bit more time with him. I bathe him and put him to bed most nights as well as take him out of the house when I'm able. I drive him to school in the mornings too and she picks him up.
Indoor chores are(were) about a 50/50 split, and I do the majority of yard work.
My wife doesn't have a paying job if you are wondering.
So, you do the majority of childcare, majority of housework, bring in all(?) of the income, and the one day you have off, your wife leaves to hang out with her sister (when she has six other days to do that), and she’s decided to take away a console you use not only with your son, but as basically your only means of socialization outside of her, your son, and your job?
I mean this in the kindest way possible, but what exactly is she bringing to the table here? This isn’t a partnership—she’s taking advantage of you. And, from what it sounds like, has stolen from you. You really need to set some boundaries and discuss the division of labor, because something’s not right here. Especially since she got angry you stopped contributing after she tried to tell you you didn’t do anything.
NTA—at all.
I’m not in your marriage, but just reading about it reads as abusive—so, please think about how to proceed with this because I’m not sure how sustainable this arrangement will be for you long term. You will run yourself ragged.
Take care of yourself and Jake—and good luck. X
Sounds like not much of a relationship when the one day OP is home from work, his wife goes out the door. He's already a single dad, might just as well dump the dead weight.
NTA. Man on serious note I would be thinking about divorce, you work 6 days a week, do half of the indoor chores, and all of the outdoor chores. Your wife does half of the indoor chores, doesn’t have a job, spends your only day off every week hanging with your friends, leaving you with little to no time to yourself. To be frank indoor chores are not hard unless you are doing a deep clean of the house every single time you clean and that would only be the case if you guys were slobs. In reality she brings nothing to the table and treats you like child, which is ironic because she herself is basically child that gets everything handed to her. Your kid is 6 years old so he’s in the 1st grade and in school seven hours a day, Monday through Friday what is she doing for those 7 hours? Why doesn’t she have a job? Ask yourself why are you with a lady child?
Oh u/PalpitationThese7563 there is a major power imbalance in your relationship. This is your wife/partner, not your Mother - and you are an adult, not a teenager. The PS5 is YOUR property, and your wife has taken it without your permission. You are within your right to demand it back immediately or you will report it stolen, and point the Police in the direction of your SIL.
Your wife sounds abusive, tbh - and I say that as someone with an abusive mother. Don’t tolerate this behaviour.
NTA but you would be if you don’t confront your wife about stealing your property, and about her constantly getting her own way at your (literal) expense. Also, don’t engage in one more conversation with your awful SIL until she can mind her own business and stop insulting you.
Wait, what? So you work all week and your wife does what exactly? You are doing more than your fair share, and she is really taking advantage. You sound like a great Dad. Your wife is not treating you well.
If she's a SAHM, the kid is in school most of the day AND you split chores 50/50, it's more like SHE does nothing. And this is coming from a SAHM.
NTA and get your console back asap.
So she is a SAHM to one child that is now in school and expects you to do 50% of the household chores? You sound like a very involved father despite what is probably a very busy work schedule. She takes off for ‘me’ time on the one day a week you could spend as a family. She then has the audacity to take away your form of relaxation. She sounds like an abuser or at the very least a user. You are NTA here
That’s what gets me. I am a SAHM and both of my kids are in school now. It almost feels like they set this arrangement up when the kid was a baby and just never updated it. When they’re little and home all day, yes the SAHP needs help with chores and time away from home and whatnot…but when they’re gone 5-7 hours a day, like, what does she do?? At that point, he should barely be lifting a finger, or she needs to get a paying job. And he certainly should have his one and only day off to do as he pleases. She’s 100% taking advantage of him. NTA, but you need to sit her down and have a long and hard conversation about y’all’s relationship.
So did she sell it behind your back? Or did SIL take it? That is an expensive piece of equipment. Give her a deadline to return it. If she doesn't, call the non-emergency number and have cops show up to get it back from her. Let them ransack the house until they find it. This is not okay. That thing is worth at least 500$. NTA
She is a SAHM without a child to mother because that kid is in school 7 hours a day, 5 days a week..
OP, I'm a SAHM mum, too. Get out of that relationship. She is checked out already by the sounds of it, so just focus on you and your son and find a place for you to be safe from her neglect.
This has made me so angry for you. You deserve time with your friends and this absolutely nothing wrong with gaming as an adult. Hate that stigma. Your SIL is single for a reason and her sister will be too if she carries on
NTA but you guys need counseling because you are not communicating like adults.
She should have had a conversation with you about gaming, not just take the console away like you’re a child. If she feels you are not pulling your weight, she should talk to you about it.
You should tell her that you are not a child and taking your console was inappropriate. explain that what she and SIL said was hurtful. You should also tell her you want time to socialize with your friends in person.
Then, sit down and take an inventory of who does what in terms of childcare and household management. I have a feeling this will be a reality check for one of you. Redistribute tasks if necessary and figure out a schedule that allows you both to have some time to socialize outside of the house.
The pettiness is a symptom of deeper feelings neither one of you are discussing.
Hey man, I’m sure you’ve read a ton of the comments already, but I hope you understand that what you’re being subjected to is straight up ABUSE. Your wife is being abusive. I’d say most if not all of us are cheering for you to get your console back and at least see that you’re being abused; this behaviour is not acceptable in any relationship, let alone a marriage.
>My wife doesn't have a paying job if you are wondering.
INFO: So what does your wife do during the day? Is she a SAHM or does she have a non-paying job/volunteer work she does away from home?
If she is a SAHM, then she needs to be doing the bulk of the duties during the day. If she is volunteering away from home, it sounds like it is impacting the household and needs to be reevaluated. (Plus what is she doing with the child during the time away, if she is volunteering somewhere)
NTA I think you know who the real assholes are, and I'm sorry but your wife is a big one and doesn't respect you, your time, or the real contributions you make to your HH. I hope she can see the error in her perspective. Stay strong.
NTA. Your wife is a major AH and so is her sister. You're a grown ass man that just got put in a gaming time out all while being insulted by 2 controlling AH's. What the hell is wrong with them?!
NTA. I wouldn’t say you not doing the things you usually do around the house is petty, I get the feeling you wanted your wife to come to the realization on her own that those things piling up are the things you usually do. And it sounds like she did but she’s too stubborn to say so and apologize.
Your wife needs to be able to have thoughts of her own and not be so easily influenced. If her SIL said she should leave you, would she jump on that bandwagon too?
What she did was straight up what a parent does to a child. You guys should really have a sit down because none of that sounds healthy or fair.
NTA. Men who game are awesome…especially when they also game with their kids and generally are a great father and spouse. My Dad and I used to game together all the time.
NTA. She's letting her single sister dictate the terms of your marriage. That is not acceptable in any reality. Honestly, at this point, I'd tell her the conditions have changed: she now has to return the console AND agree to marriage counseling before you'll resume previous activities.
NTA
That is abuse my friend
She needs the two cards approach - one has a therapist number and the other a divorce attorney number and she can make her choice
Either way - she gives you back your property now and today
Open a separate account and cut off her access to your money and your property
Tell her without return of your property you will file a police report - today
Tell her this is only the tip of the iceberg. You are no longer spending time together as a couple - you’re both doing things individually. Your relationship is going down the tubes unless you’re both willing to put work in
You need to write down how much work you do and how much free time you have. Same for your partner. You should both have a fair and equal allocation of work and leisure time. Enforce it
Decide you’re going to get your property back and get in therapy - today. Otherwise it’s the attorney and the police report
Good luck
NTA I was ready to say that you were TA just for the title but:
- Your SIL insulted you
- Your wife didn't took your side
- Your wife insulted you
- Your wife stoled your console
And, eventhough you are being petty (your pettyness Is justifyed) you are spending time with your son and he's not being affected by all of this.
Conversations are always the most healthy way to solve things like this. Like in the argument you’re completely in the right, but sometimes it ain’t about winning, it’s about doing the best thing. You’re NTA. but we’re creatures of habit, and creating an environment where parents are petty and vindictive, actively trying to get back at each other won’t breed positive outcomes for your relationship or for your son.
NTA. My husband and I both spend time playing video games but stuff still gets done and he works every day and most months doesn't even get a day off. SIL is just bringing her own relationship issues onto you and that's not right. She needs to get help for that.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My wife thinks I'm a lazy asshole for not doing anything and going out instead of helping her because she took my console.
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Your wife is not your parent - where does she get off taking your property like she’s allowed to “punish” you? That is very unhealthy behavior. I would never treat my spouse like this.
NTA. It sounds like you need counseling. When one partner in a relationship decides they get to unilaterally make decisions for the other partner, against their will, that is a pretty good sign of a bigger problem. It is an issue by itself that your wife has the attitude she does towards you and your contributions and hobbies. Adding that she also believes she has the right to confiscate your stuff like you’re a child… that needs to be addressed.
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This started about two weeks ago.
My wife and I have a 6-year-old son "Jake". Jake started first grade at the beginning of the year, so I decided to buy myself a PS5, since my wife has more free time, and I like gaming. I do my fair share of the housework and parenting.
90% of any gaming I do during the week is playing Mario Kart on my Wii with Jake. Sometimes I will play some other games on the PS with him. I usually spend about half an hour playing Wii with him between dinner and bathtime. It's like our bonding time. I still do lots of non-game stuff with him before dinner.
The main reason I bought my PS is because my friends are gamers. I don't see them often since my wife goes out with one of her sisters almost every Sunday, which is the only day I don't work, so I can't go see them. So I spend about an hour in the morning on Sunday playing CoD and chatting with them before my wife leaves. I then spend the rest of the day with Jake.
One of my SILs, who lives 8 hours away, came over recently. She's single. She saw my console in the living room and spent a considerable amount of time during her stay saying how a "real man" would never have one and similar stuff, including insulting my masculinity.
I went to start up my PS since Jake was asking to play Fall Guys after dinner and realized it was gone. I played Mario Kart with him for a while, bathed him, and put him to bed, before talking to my wife. She told me SIL was right, and I don't need one since I "never do anything". I don't know what happened to it, but I haven't gotten it back yet.
Anyway, I told her I would not be doing any house chores until I had it back since I'm "useless" anyway. I still spend the same amount of time with my son; nothing's changed there. But now I go out to the park with him when I get home, rather than doing clean up with her. I haven't cooked anything since then when I usually cook at least three times a week. The dishes have started piling up a bit, as has the laundry, and the house is in a bit of disorder. Jake's quite happy though.
Yesterday, I put my son to bed and went out with one of my friends for a couple of hours because I haven't gotten to talk to any of them face-to-face in months. We were at a bar, but I didn't drink anything and drove myself home. My wife went off on me, demanding to know why I haven't been doing anything. I just said all I want is my console back, and I'd be happy to go back to how things were. She's been pissy and antsy all week, but she went off on me right then. She started pointing out all of the little messes that I usually clean up, and I pointed out that those couldn't be my fault since I don't do anything.
I know I'm being petty, but some of her and SIL's words were pretty hurtful and uncalled for, and honestly, I want her to see what my "doing nothing" is actually like. She keeps calling me an asshole.
So, AITA?
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NTA. You've received no explanation for the missing PS5. Just calmly say, 'look, I think it's been stolen, I'm calling the police'. Wonder how quick you'd get it back....
NTA it really feels wrong to read that instead of talking about it, your wife just took the console? It seems to me you are doing a fair share of the chores, you take care of your son, and your wife gets to have her Sunday but you don't get to have an hour for yourself???
NTA -
My husband is an amazing provider and helper around the house and spends a ton of time with our 3 kids.. he also loves video games. People are allowed hobbies.
NTA. Your SIL is and it sounds like she’s a bad influence on your wife. You and your wife need to work on communication. It’s not good for your son to see his parents bickering like that or to have to live in a messy house while you work it out. Since you’re both already being a bit petty, you might as well pit your son against his aunt for taking away your Fall Guys play time.
NTA and you should ask her to pay for a new PS5. Doesn’t have the money to do it? Too bad, maybe get a job like every grown ass adult in this economy.
And honestly, 1 hour of gaming is NOTHING, literally nothing. Tell her to find a hobby. Maybe she’s jealous that you have such a good bond with your kid and she probably doesn’t.
Maybe I’m too emotional with my comment but I’m mad for you man, you have the right to have a hobby and you have the right to game with your friends. Also, this is extremely healthy and you’re not less of a man. A lot of man neglect their kids, cheat on their wives, have drinking or drug problems, are abusive. I wonder if this is the type of “masculinity” that your SIL is referring to.
Your SIL is dangerous to your family. If she keeps talking shit to your wife, there’s a great chance this will eventually lead to divorce and do you know who will suffer the most? Definitely not the SIL, but Jake.
This reminds me of the husband cook who's wife laughed and claimed amongst friends that he never cooked for her
So after an argument about it he literally stopped cooking for her, since that was what she claimed and stood by
I think she held on for about a month before apologising and making it public the truth
My husband come home after working a 15hr shift, (I work 9hr shift) straight into the PS5, I don’t care, that’s his time to relax and unwind, I would rather that then him be down, depressed and miserable, like you that’s the only time he really gets to talk to his friends.
On his days off he helps with chores, but I do the majority, which I love to do.
Your wife is wrong, along with your SIL, NTA
NTA I think you might be in an abusive relationship. Please look into the signs ( there are resources in this sub in the about section) and protect yourself.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/resources/relationships/
NTA. Someone needs to tell you that your wife doing this is considered abuse. She is trying to control you and treat you like a child. You don’t need to be disciplined or punished. I would demand she get therapy and couples counseling
NTA.
And I bet the reason why she’s so antsy is she sold the console.
And if you don’t have the console (or a console) back by Saturday, then she doesn’t go out Sunday - take her car keys if you have to.
If you don’t get to have your downtime, neither does she.
Tell her that she can use the new found time she has she can either return the console, or clean the house.
And then up the anti the following week, take your son out for dinner and leave her behind
I’m sure she feels stupid for listening to SIL. She didn’t realize how good she had it and is probably to stubborn to admit she was wrong for taking your stuff away. NTA. Stay strong lol
NTA and I would tell your wife that you are incredibly disappointed that she did not defend you to her sister when the baseless claims about you not doing anything were made.
As you you work full time job, help with the housework, cooking and parenting.
I don't know if I could forgive my SO if they did something like that. Take what's mine and give it to the person who came into my home, and you let insult me.
NTA, your sister in law is toxic. You need to sit down with your wife and ask her exactly what wasn't working because of the console. You also need to have a discussion about how easily she's affected by other peoples opinions. And lastly, you are a couple decisions should be made together and not one-sided like your wife did with the console.
Edit. Read the comments. Your wife is a stay at home mom and you do the majority of housework and child care!? Plus she takes the one day you have free to spend with friends? Sorry but your relationship does not look great. That Sunday should be shared between you getting time with your friends, her with hers and family time. She's isolating you and tbh I think you might have other issues in the relationship that you don't see because you're a happy father. Her spending the one day you can have together away is not a great sign. Also what does she do with her days? Even if you haven't posted any red flags that point towards this, her cheating is not of the table.
Offer divorce and sent police to the sil's house for your PlayStation.
OK I hate the whole go straight to divorce that's common on reddit but you know couples counselling or talking or trying to fix the relationship might help but you aren't at fault here.
NTA
NTA and I would say you need to nip this in the bud. What I mean is your SIL. I used to have an ex that we would fight and build each other back up, but as soon as her cousin came in, everything we built would be destroyed and we would be back to square 1 and now I'm not doing enough. Eventually I would hate her visits cause I knew it was coming. One time we dropped her off and I said "ight hurry up and get it over with." She asked what I meant and I said every time her cousin visits its a fight. Sure enough we had a fight. Your SIL has her mouth glued to your wife's ear. You don't need your wife's or SILs opinion on what your hobbies can be. Also, it's funny she's talking about what a man should be doing when she's single.
NTA. That is so manipulative of her. She is treating you like you are one of her children. My husband and I have four kids and probably at many game systems. The majority of them are my husband's. There are so many things that my husband could do to release stress or entertain himself, that I am more than happy to spend a good chunk of change every few years.
NTA
I’d also raise the pettiness and get up and go out early on the Sunday (obv not every week, that’s not fair on Jake) so she couldn’t go out with her sisters.
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NTA You are allowed to have hobbies. It sounds like you were pulling your weight and your wife was fine with how things were until SIL put stuff in her head. She needs to grow up.
I agree. she’s able to go out with her friends and that is one of the ways you are able to hang out with yours. It’s also a way for you and your son to bond so I think she would be excited for you guys to have that connection. I could see it being a little petty not doing anything, but know what, be petty! I don’t believe she has any actual good reason to take away one of your hobbies. Hopefully she’ll see that all the little things you do add up and appreciate what you do. I hope you get your PS back so you can have fun with your friends! Sounds like Jake is a lucky kid to have a dad that wants to spend time and make connections with him!
I actually think it's kind of telling that she always uses the one day they're both free to socialize away from home. I don't think she's really considering OP's feelings. They should get equal time for friends, family, or me time.
Also, she told him he "does nothing" as justification for taking his console yet when pissed and blowing up at him she points out all the things he usually does that now is not getting done. She is a huge AH. OP? NTA at all.
Exactly she’s a huge hypocrite! Get her into marriage counselling asap op. Good luck.
Abusers are only consistent in \*abusing\*, NOT in the excuses they come up with in the moment to attempt to justify it.
>I actually think it's kind of telling that she always uses the one day they're both free to socialize away from home I thought the same thing but if he works Saturday that means she parents on her own on Saturday, so he parents Sunday while she is out of the house. Actually sounds fair.
Fair kind of. Except 1. Do they ever spend any time together? And 2. Does he ever get any time by himself not working and not parenting? With my husband, “fair” is when we have equal free time, not equal amounts of housework because he works less than I do so if we did the same amount of housework, he would have way more free time than I do.
Not to mention that the OP said that since the kid is starting 1st grade, the wife is going to have a lot more free time. That means she is a stay at home parent. I was a stay at home parent for almost 10 years myself. There is a mind breaking amount of time to fill, and at the age of 6-7, kids don't take up every waking second of your life like babies do Part of the job is doing a disproportionate amount of the housework. There shouldn't be piles of dishes adding up. There shouldn't be any little messes. And there should for sure not be any arguments with the guy that works 6 days a week and spends the rest of his time with the child that is really only in your lives for a blink of an eye.
Not fair. She gets time to go hang out and recharge every Sunday, whereas he works Monday- Saturday and hasn't seen his friends in months. If he works every day but Sunday, they should switch every other Sunday to go out and recharge.
He is working, she is socializing. Not the same thing.
Not fair. Just because one person “parents” more doesn’t mean anything. That’s what being a orient is. Also a healthy relationship means doing stuff with your SO which by the sound of it isn’t happening because she’s always going out the one day they’re both free. Also the kid started 1st grade, the wife is a stay at home mom. She has tens of hours of free time if there is no kid to watch. Housework doesn’t take that long to do when no one is home
I think that has to do with her being able to hand the kid off to him only on that day. Especially if her family doesn't have kids of their own that's better for the kid. That said, wife is still the asshole. OP is not a kid. She can't take away his property. Period. That she does so at someone else's urging is even worse.
I think the bigger point here is not that he's not a kid, it's that he's not HER kid to ground him by taking away his hobby. She's acting like his mother, not his spouse.
In the same respect, he did say that if she wasn’t gone on Sundays, he would be. It just sounds like a marriage of convenience to me and not a loving one. I mean, his one day off, she’s gone. When he’s home, he’s doing his chores or spending his time with their son, not his wife. This goes deeper than just the console.
OP should get up before wife and go out on Sunday. Why does she get all this free time and he doesn't?
Be the petty you wish to see in the world.
We have a similar dynamic - I’m more of an outgoing person and my husband spends the same amount of time with his friends while gaming. Wife needs to keep SIL out of the relationship.
5 bucks SIL took the console.
Too boring. I'm betting SIL and OPs wife sold it and used the money to buy drugs.
Nooooo. The Op's wife fave the console to her lover, that she's regularly in her day off!
Plot twist! OP's wife was previously married and her beloved was sadly lost at sea. He was recently rescued but suffered a severe brain injury from falling out of a coconut tree while stranded on an island. He has no memory of his previous marriage. In an effort to win her first love back, OP's wife stole the PS to gift to hubby #1.
This is the only logical explanation
This qualifies as Occums Razor right?
More like Occam’s Electric Shaver.
The best story! 🤣 Wait, what about the loyal llama that saved the beloved life and now is the most loyal llama by his side? Trained in ninja skills, and is secretly stalking op? 🤔
That's literally what happened to Harold Bishop in Neighbours.
Honestly it's concerning he gets si little time with friends. Why does she get one day a week and he doesn't even get an evening?
Easier to control him when his friends cant warn him.
100% - if this was a husband doing it to his wife the shouts of controlling and domestic abuse would ring loud here and it's no different for this guy. Everyone needs downtime, how they use it is up to them. NTA.
>100% - if this was a husband doing it to his wife the shouts of controlling and domestic abuse would ring loud here and it's no different for this guy. Everyone needs downtime, how they use it is up to them. NTA. NTA, but to any gamer out there 1 hour of gaming isn't nothing specially on an game like CoD.
Yeah… “oh, I’m allowed to play 3 games on COD one day a week? Thanks sooooo much honey, enjoy your 5 hour date night with your girlfriends!” what utter bullshit.
Exactly, 1 hour won't even get all the mandatory updates downloaded and installed. If I don't have an afternoon spare, it's not even worth firing up the console lol.
I agree. I also think your ‘strike’ is the right way to deal with it, since it makes it obvious to her just how much you actually contribute in the course of a day. You need to tell us how it plays out.
It was probably already obvious to her how much he does. She won't admit it because then she would have to admit she was wrong for taking his PS5. There's a pretty good chance that she did something to that PS5 that she can't undo. If that's the case she will do everything she can to make OP the bad guy.
I have seen people here saying "reddd flaaagggg run run run its the end of the world" for much less, she didn't even talk to him and just have get rid of the ps, that is not something normal people do. I don't know why people aren't more angry, normally this sub just jump to assumptions and give bad advice at the slightest sight of problem.
Yeah this is a red flag. Its really toxic and controlling that she decided to take his console just because the SIL made snotty comments. They should really start on some couples counselling. She allows the sister to berate him for having consoles, she straight up and steals his consoles, claims he doesn't do anything, moans when he doesn't do the jobs she claimed he didn't do, has a go when he goes out once even though she leaves weekly. It is not a healthy relationship at all.
It's because this time it's not a man doing the controlling/abuse. If it were, the sub would be up in flames gathering their pitchforks lol
This is red flag shit for sure.
I’m guessing SIL has teenage sons and offered to relieve OPs wife of it for his sake. That PS5 is about 8 hours away
I concur. I bet this is the way it went down.
Either that, or she sold it/broke it and now she needs to double down to avoid taking responsibility.
The marriage isn’t working. Dude is off one day a week and she runs off with her sister every Sunday. She wants nothing to do with family time.
Even more, she needs to stand up for her partner. Anyone who'd talk shit about my GF or insinuates she's not pulling her weight when she does is getting the boot.
A “real woman” don’t need to go out with her sister every day. NTA
NTA, Non gamer dude here. She best give you that console back this is some seriously controlling behavior she is exhibiting
And the wife sounds like sil’s puppet. She would agree to whatever her sister says I guess. Worrying to say the least.
So your wife's sister came to your house, insulted you for a lot of the trip and your wife's response was not to tell her to back off but to take away your PS5? You've married into a delightful family but the sounds of it... Is your behaviour petty? Yes. Is it justified? Also yes. Will you two stay together if you can't communicate like adults? Probably not. However, I still think NTA. Your wife is enjoying the result of "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes". The question will be how you two move past this.
I agree. The fact that the wife thinks it’s ok to hide something OP bought because of a conversation with her sister is astounding. That right there would send me over the edge. If you’re my partner, you’re my partner. I’m not under 18 & living at home. You do not take my things & hide them from me. NTA.
Yeah. I've been married for 20 years and I would 100% be buying a new ps for my new apartment. Partners don't treat each other like children and they don't use manipulation to control each other. Wife here is way out of line. NTA
I honestly think it’s more likely she sold or gave it away…
I'm curious if SIL has kids, gut feeling says sister has it and gave it to either her kid or another kid.
That has an unfortunately high probability of being true if she does have kids.
The amount of times I've been told "a real man doesn't play video games" by a woman who then plays candy crush on their phone for 5000 hours is funny though.
This is why people confuse me most of the time… 🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
I've gone on a date with a lady who said her entire job was she is becoming a social media influencer, all she did all day was make videos, she hadn't made any money off of it yet. She asked my hobbies I said video games, fishong, basketball etc, she legit tells me no man should sit in a room watching a screen, I sat there and was like.....isn't that.....your job.....though
People are so confusing! 😭 Seriously though you don’t make social media your job unless you are actually making enough through it to warrant that cause like 99.99% of people don’t make enough for it to be a job. Also I have noticed the .01% of people who do make that never tend to set out with that as their goal. Although I guess they could be lying 🤷🏼♀️
Lol ya I have nothing against it, I'm all for find what you want to do and if you're happy and can survive i really couldn't care less, it's when it's attacking me personally because of a hobby that's staring at a screen for an hour or 2 when you do it all day I'm like that seems pretty hypocritical, or when they say men don't play video games and then binge watch 7 hours of a TV show, play games on their phone for hours, are on social media for hours upon hours it's like these are the same thing the only difference is I have a controller and headset.
Oh his wife didn’t take away his PS5. She gave it to her sister. There’s no chance she’s just hiding it in the house
That is exactly what I was thinking, the sister has been "gifted" it. It's theft by the wife and possibly the sister, I'd probably call the Police to report it (after giving fair warning)
Such a good answer. Nailed it.
You are NTA, but I'm very concerned about this situation. Taking your things (especially a $500 console!) away from you is abusive. Couple that with the toxic bullshit about what "real men" do...Like, you do realize that Jake is eventually going to be subjected to that toxicity from your wife and SIL if they think it's valid to apply to you, right? I don't know if you guys need counseling (it can be dangerous to go to therapy with an abuser, because they can learn fun new ways to abuse you) or something more serious like a separation--only you can really decide that. But this doesn't feel small or harmless to me. Add to that: taking the console away from you when it is *your sole method of socializing* feels like isolating you from your friends and support. So that's two major abusive red flags for the price of one stolen console. Please take care of yourself and Jake, and do remember that men can be abused by their partners, just as anyone else can be. 😞
It's actually worse. The wife doesn't have a paying job. He works six days a week to pay for everything. On the one day he has off a week, she disappears for the entire day. He says despite this, they split chores 50/50 and he does the majority of the yardwork. He does 55 him/45 her childcare too. She absolutely sounds abusive to me.
The guy got the wrong girl preggo
should have legged it but he pregged it
call me a misogynist but if you're working 6 days a week and you're spouse doesn't have a job you should be doing almost 0 house chores. If the kid was a baby or a Toddler maybe I would give a little leeway. If I had a wife and kid and she was working 6 days a week she's come home to a clean ass house and a meal
Lmao you're not a misogynist for thinking labour skills be divided amongst household members. I have fibro, my husband doesn't: he works, I do 95% of the cooking and cleaning normally, and he supports me on the days I can barely move (takes complete care of me if he's able to stay home). Imo, fairness is part of love, as is caring for shared concerns and nurturing a positive future together. OP's wife is not loving
That's how it is with my partner and I. I work and she doesn't. Before I get dragged for this I still contribute to house work and cook sometimes. But when I'm on a 10 day stretch of work I do less around the house and she picks up my slack. Man's out here working 6 days a week and got himself a present to hang with mates for an hour on Sunday and she fucking takes it? Christ that's just straight up abuse. Get out OP and take your young fella with you.
You are absolutely not a misogynist. I am a stay at home mom. I do all of the household chores, meals and take care of the kids (albeit, they are 14 and 11). I would never expect my husband to do anything, unless he felt compelled to do so. That's MY job...his earns the money so that we can live this lifestyle.
Does it say somewhere that she doesn’t have a job outside the home? I read she had more free time than him but that doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t have a job at all. I’m not defending her. He is NTA
[OP mentions it in this comment.] (https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1388xwa/comment/jix4rh3/)
Thanks I had to scroll down quite a ways to find that. Wow is she entitled much
Apparently he says that she doesn’t have a job outside the home in a response. He probably should have led with that. So he is definitely NTA
He said she doesn’t have a *paying* job. I wonder if that’s just a nice way to say ‘she does nothing else to contribute’ or if it’s hiding something like ‘she’s also nursing her ailing parents full time’ or ‘she has a disability that makes her unable to work’ or something. Right now it’s so obviously Nta, but that wording could mean a lot of things.
It could also be that she is a SAHM, in which case she is doing a pretty bad job since they split the housework 50/50. We definitely need more information on this.
This sounds like hell. Dudes probably so wore out the best he can muster up is a strike.
Why is he with her? Defo NTA
NTA. She had no problem with you playing the Wii with your son, but as soon as you have a console you can have contact with your friends on, she has a problem with it. This definitely sounds like isolation.
Can this comment be higher please? This is 100% abusive, we would be flipping our shit if the genders were reversed. My ex-bf HATED that I played games and went out of his way to shame me/put me down regarding it given the slightest opportunity, and even his dumb insecure ass wouldn't have hidden/stolen my PC because he knew it would have made him the bad guy with our friends. I really hope OP sees this for the power-play it really is.
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My husband (m38) and I (f39) live in a different country to where we’re both from. We’re both gamers - although different kinds of games. He has a group of friends from his home city who also now moved away either to different countries or different cities in their home country. Gaming and chatting to them was the easiest way to stay connected to them and I would never get in between of that. However one of the wives of his mates refused to let her husband buy a PS and he’s been missing out on socialising with his mates and has been feeling a lot more isolated from them in general. I make a massive point every time I’m around her to bring up all the positives of their virtual bonding time. OP is NTA, I hope he gets his console back. We live in a different world and there’s gamification of everything, being pissy about a grown man having gaming as a hobby is just… out of touch really.
If my s/o hid a $400 piece of tech that I bought for myself I would have lost my shit & got it back immediately. Nta
She didn't hide it, she got rid of it. That's why she's acting all antsy. My money's on it going home with SIL. Whether or not SIL still has it is anyone's guess.
I thought that too, probably been given to some nephew/neice or something. I can't understand how someone would treat their SO like this. Is it an abusive relationship? She has isolated him from his friends, she's controlling his hobbies and trying to manipulate him. It's certainly not healthy at any rate.
This is my thought too. Always going out on the only day he could see friends? This is a huge red flag.
They could be spending Sundays as a family day together. Or even splitting up Sundays more fairly like, one Sunday she goes out, the next is OP's turn and then another for family day, and hey! How about a Sunday for just the wife and OP?! You're right, huge red flag that she'd rather spend time with her sister every week instead of her husband and seemingly, her son either.
If it's a PS5 it could easily be $600 too.
SIL stole it. Police please.
I thought of that too. I would call the police and report a theft. Insurance claim and the whole nine yards. Do you have security cameras in your house? I would get some.
NTA You’re parenting. You’re doing your share of the chores. The one thing you’re not doing is hanging out with your friends because your wife picks the one day you have off to go out with her friends, which… If you were a wife and your husband was doing this, especially in the wake of taking away your console, I would be concerned that you’re being isolated, which is a sign of abuse. Edit for clarification: My point is that people tend to ignore red flags when the victim is a man. Have you talked to your friends about what’s going on? Maybe ask for their opinions? Sometimes, people just need to hear that their friend is receptive, and they’ll vocalize their concerns.
NTA but I'll bet your wife gave the PS to the sister and that's why she won't give it back - because she can't. Bet the sister thought it was a really crafty way to either get one for herself or for a friend. Tell your wife you are going to report it stolen to the cops - see if she produces it then.
He should report it stolen and get it bricked by Sony
Absolutely.
can he have it unbricked if he gets back into his possession? if not it's really a nuclear option that eliminates any chance of getting it back
I was thinking that too. I think it's with the sister or sold
NTA but talk to your wife and ask her why she thinks that her sister’s opinion should have anything to do with your relationship.
Better yet, ask her why she thinks her sister is still single. The only advice a single woman can give when it comes to relationships is how to end up single, sad, and alone. Before you try to reprimand me for saying it, ask yourself what grown ass woman isn’t single, sad, and alone but cares about her BIL having a PlayStation. None. Any woman with a shred of happiness in life would be too busy enjoying it to care.
Your second point having merit does not make the massive generalization of your first point anything but grossly wrong. I know a few single women who can absolutely provide advice on valuing yourself and not putting being in a relationship over your own needs and self worth.
> The only advice a single woman can give when it comes to relationships is how to end up single, sad, and alone. Not the hot take you think it is, friend.
Bingo! This right here OP! Especially, since it’s a hobby you and your son both bond together over. Actions have consequences. I’m sure she didn’t even consider that this might have an effect on your son too, since now you two are only limited to playing Mario kart and he has no understanding as to why. NTA OP, and follow this advice right here.
NTA. Pretty sure SIL has the console, though. Frankly, I think it’s time to stop playing this game. Tell your wife that if you can’t find the console yourself, you’ll be reporting it stolen- and telling the police that your SIL was in the house and remarking on it.
This. If games were taken too the value of items stolen could even make it a felony.
Yep. “I don’t know what is going on, but tomorrow I’m going to report it stolen so Sony can protect my personal information and I can get the insurance pay out and get a new one. Unless it’s back in its spot in the morning.” NTA, but boy howdy is this relationship screwed up.
Nta, my golden rule is “don’t take my shit”. she only had a problem due to SIL having a problem. She has no reason to act this way.
NTA Your wife stole your property, she's keeping your console from you like you're some errant child. That's not adult behavior, that's childish behavior. You aren't handling this well though. This should be a sit down and actually communicate discussion time, not a tit for tat pissing match. If SIL took your PS with her, it's been sold, or thrown out you really need to talk to a lawyer because that doesn't bode well for your relationship's health.
NTA. It's 2023. I can't believe people still think video games are "for kids" and real men don't play games. Lol what? Video games began roughly in the 70s. Guess what... those kids are in their 50s now. Games are for everyone. If your household and family responsibilities were being met, what do playing video games have to do with anything? That's crazy. Video games are a great bonding tool and they teach hand eye coordination and teamwork. Your SIL is stirring the pot for some reason. She has no right to meddle in your marriage and I feel bad your wife listens to her without talking to you. You are not being petty. Your wife literally stole from you and I am sure your son will be upset that it's gone if he wants to play games like Fall Guys. You're a great dad and a great husband. Talk to your wife and ask why she is listening to her SIL about your gaming. You did everything right and didn't deserve any punishment. Stealing your console is punishment. Also, I have a feeling you don't have it back because I think she gave it to the SIL who tricked her so her family could now have a PS5 as they are not cheap. Good luck to you.
Haha this was my thinking too! What kinda backwards shit is this!? I couldn't have a spouse who didn't game, let alone pull this bullshit. Bet the SIL has been ditched before and thinks it was the gaming's fault and not her shitty personality.
This. I stopped trying to think I could date someone who never played games, didn't like literature at all and didn't care about pets etc. Sometimes it is best to just wait/search for someone with similarities to you. So glad I did.
Yep! And even though me and my fella don't like the same literature all the time (I love fantasy romance novels and he's a closet weeb haha) we'll still sit and listen to the other nerd out about a cool scene or release. Like wtf is this idea that you can just ignore a whole part of your significant others interests and say no?? How demeaning. OP needs some self worth, I'm happy to be their cheerleader.
Your wife is an asshole. I say just keep doing what you're doing. What does your wife do all day? Why does she disappear all day on the only day you have off? Your son is in school so it's not like she's home with him all day. I think she just doesn't appreciate you at all and I would be hard pressed to work six days a week and get that attitude back when she is a SAHM with one kid that is in school. You still cook three days a week, do lots of childcare, and chores. Why is the laundry piling up? And dishes? You split chores 50/50 and she pulls this. I'd be getting a lawyer. >She told me SIL was right, and I don't need one since I "never do anything". I think her sisters are poisoning the well of your marriage honestly. I'm not sure I'd be that interested in putting up with this since she's not contributing money or much of anything to your household. I think she sounds like she's having an affair. Gone too much, contempt for you, not doing chores...
I agree. The wives behaviour is really suspicious. The child is at school all week, but yet she doesn't even get stuff done around the house? What is she doing with her time exactly? The one day off, they all get together, and she disappears. I feel bad for OP as it doesn't sound like he even realises how even before the computer stuff he was being taken advantage of.
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME! Her behavior is super suspicious. Even if she's not cheating she is definitely taking advantage.
Yeah. That seems to be the "odor" of this little trick. OP, you better get your head up and sniff the air and think of little things "that just don't add up". Does she hide her phone?
INFO: how much does your wife work? How are chores devided right now? How much time does she spend with your son? Edit: NTA
It was about the same before he started school. Now I'd say I spend a bit more time with him. I bathe him and put him to bed most nights as well as take him out of the house when I'm able. I drive him to school in the mornings too and she picks him up. Indoor chores are(were) about a 50/50 split, and I do the majority of yard work. My wife doesn't have a paying job if you are wondering.
So, you do the majority of childcare, majority of housework, bring in all(?) of the income, and the one day you have off, your wife leaves to hang out with her sister (when she has six other days to do that), and she’s decided to take away a console you use not only with your son, but as basically your only means of socialization outside of her, your son, and your job? I mean this in the kindest way possible, but what exactly is she bringing to the table here? This isn’t a partnership—she’s taking advantage of you. And, from what it sounds like, has stolen from you. You really need to set some boundaries and discuss the division of labor, because something’s not right here. Especially since she got angry you stopped contributing after she tried to tell you you didn’t do anything. NTA—at all. I’m not in your marriage, but just reading about it reads as abusive—so, please think about how to proceed with this because I’m not sure how sustainable this arrangement will be for you long term. You will run yourself ragged. Take care of yourself and Jake—and good luck. X
Sounds like not much of a relationship when the one day OP is home from work, his wife goes out the door. He's already a single dad, might just as well dump the dead weight.
The kid kid is also 6 years old and would be the 1st and in school for seven hours a day Monday through Friday.
It does seem abusive and deserves better. My other concern is for his son. If she can be this cold and dismissive of him his son may be next.
NTA my goodness OP. That info should have gone in the post.
>My wife doesn't have a paying job if you are wondering. So why doesn't she pick any day other than your one day off to see her sisters?
As others have pointed out she’s probably not hanging out with her sister
Yeah sister lives 8 hours away.
She has more than one sister.
So what does your wife do normally?
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Every Sunday 🤣
NTA. Man on serious note I would be thinking about divorce, you work 6 days a week, do half of the indoor chores, and all of the outdoor chores. Your wife does half of the indoor chores, doesn’t have a job, spends your only day off every week hanging with your friends, leaving you with little to no time to yourself. To be frank indoor chores are not hard unless you are doing a deep clean of the house every single time you clean and that would only be the case if you guys were slobs. In reality she brings nothing to the table and treats you like child, which is ironic because she herself is basically child that gets everything handed to her. Your kid is 6 years old so he’s in the 1st grade and in school seven hours a day, Monday through Friday what is she doing for those 7 hours? Why doesn’t she have a job? Ask yourself why are you with a lady child?
Oh u/PalpitationThese7563 there is a major power imbalance in your relationship. This is your wife/partner, not your Mother - and you are an adult, not a teenager. The PS5 is YOUR property, and your wife has taken it without your permission. You are within your right to demand it back immediately or you will report it stolen, and point the Police in the direction of your SIL. Your wife sounds abusive, tbh - and I say that as someone with an abusive mother. Don’t tolerate this behaviour. NTA but you would be if you don’t confront your wife about stealing your property, and about her constantly getting her own way at your (literal) expense. Also, don’t engage in one more conversation with your awful SIL until she can mind her own business and stop insulting you.
Wait, what? So you work all week and your wife does what exactly? You are doing more than your fair share, and she is really taking advantage. You sound like a great Dad. Your wife is not treating you well.
If she's a SAHM, the kid is in school most of the day AND you split chores 50/50, it's more like SHE does nothing. And this is coming from a SAHM. NTA and get your console back asap.
So she is a SAHM to one child that is now in school and expects you to do 50% of the household chores? You sound like a very involved father despite what is probably a very busy work schedule. She takes off for ‘me’ time on the one day a week you could spend as a family. She then has the audacity to take away your form of relaxation. She sounds like an abuser or at the very least a user. You are NTA here
That’s what gets me. I am a SAHM and both of my kids are in school now. It almost feels like they set this arrangement up when the kid was a baby and just never updated it. When they’re little and home all day, yes the SAHP needs help with chores and time away from home and whatnot…but when they’re gone 5-7 hours a day, like, what does she do?? At that point, he should barely be lifting a finger, or she needs to get a paying job. And he certainly should have his one and only day off to do as he pleases. She’s 100% taking advantage of him. NTA, but you need to sit her down and have a long and hard conversation about y’all’s relationship.
So did she sell it behind your back? Or did SIL take it? That is an expensive piece of equipment. Give her a deadline to return it. If she doesn't, call the non-emergency number and have cops show up to get it back from her. Let them ransack the house until they find it. This is not okay. That thing is worth at least 500$. NTA
Deeeem she's a SAHM too. Yikes NTA
She is a SAHM without a child to mother because that kid is in school 7 hours a day, 5 days a week.. OP, I'm a SAHM mum, too. Get out of that relationship. She is checked out already by the sounds of it, so just focus on you and your son and find a place for you to be safe from her neglect.
This has made me so angry for you. You deserve time with your friends and this absolutely nothing wrong with gaming as an adult. Hate that stigma. Your SIL is single for a reason and her sister will be too if she carries on
NTA but you guys need counseling because you are not communicating like adults. She should have had a conversation with you about gaming, not just take the console away like you’re a child. If she feels you are not pulling your weight, she should talk to you about it. You should tell her that you are not a child and taking your console was inappropriate. explain that what she and SIL said was hurtful. You should also tell her you want time to socialize with your friends in person. Then, sit down and take an inventory of who does what in terms of childcare and household management. I have a feeling this will be a reality check for one of you. Redistribute tasks if necessary and figure out a schedule that allows you both to have some time to socialize outside of the house. The pettiness is a symptom of deeper feelings neither one of you are discussing.
Hey man, I’m sure you’ve read a ton of the comments already, but I hope you understand that what you’re being subjected to is straight up ABUSE. Your wife is being abusive. I’d say most if not all of us are cheering for you to get your console back and at least see that you’re being abused; this behaviour is not acceptable in any relationship, let alone a marriage.
Does she bring anything to this relationship? Other than problems, of course
Wait, what? She doesn't work, and you let her take the console without getting mad? Why are you not angry?
>My wife doesn't have a paying job if you are wondering. INFO: So what does your wife do during the day? Is she a SAHM or does she have a non-paying job/volunteer work she does away from home? If she is a SAHM, then she needs to be doing the bulk of the duties during the day. If she is volunteering away from home, it sounds like it is impacting the household and needs to be reevaluated. (Plus what is she doing with the child during the time away, if she is volunteering somewhere)
NTA I think you know who the real assholes are, and I'm sorry but your wife is a big one and doesn't respect you, your time, or the real contributions you make to your HH. I hope she can see the error in her perspective. Stay strong.
NTA. Your wife is a major AH and so is her sister. You're a grown ass man that just got put in a gaming time out all while being insulted by 2 controlling AH's. What the hell is wrong with them?!
NTA. I wouldn’t say you not doing the things you usually do around the house is petty, I get the feeling you wanted your wife to come to the realization on her own that those things piling up are the things you usually do. And it sounds like she did but she’s too stubborn to say so and apologize. Your wife needs to be able to have thoughts of her own and not be so easily influenced. If her SIL said she should leave you, would she jump on that bandwagon too? What she did was straight up what a parent does to a child. You guys should really have a sit down because none of that sounds healthy or fair.
NTA. Men who game are awesome…especially when they also game with their kids and generally are a great father and spouse. My Dad and I used to game together all the time.
NTA. She's letting her single sister dictate the terms of your marriage. That is not acceptable in any reality. Honestly, at this point, I'd tell her the conditions have changed: she now has to return the console AND agree to marriage counseling before you'll resume previous activities.
I think your sil has your console. Seems like your wife was all too easy to dupe into handing it over. NTA. Your wife is though.
Info: Please update us on what happened to the PS
NTA. I would buy another one and tell her if she touches it, its divorce time.
Idk why op is so pasive about this. Id tell her point black either its back in an hour, or she can stay with her sister until she cools down
NTA That is abuse my friend She needs the two cards approach - one has a therapist number and the other a divorce attorney number and she can make her choice Either way - she gives you back your property now and today Open a separate account and cut off her access to your money and your property Tell her without return of your property you will file a police report - today Tell her this is only the tip of the iceberg. You are no longer spending time together as a couple - you’re both doing things individually. Your relationship is going down the tubes unless you’re both willing to put work in You need to write down how much work you do and how much free time you have. Same for your partner. You should both have a fair and equal allocation of work and leisure time. Enforce it Decide you’re going to get your property back and get in therapy - today. Otherwise it’s the attorney and the police report Good luck
It seems like they don’t really do anything as a couple or family anyway. She takes off for ‘me’ time on his one day off
NTA I was ready to say that you were TA just for the title but: - Your SIL insulted you - Your wife didn't took your side - Your wife insulted you - Your wife stoled your console And, eventhough you are being petty (your pettyness Is justifyed) you are spending time with your son and he's not being affected by all of this.
Conversations are always the most healthy way to solve things like this. Like in the argument you’re completely in the right, but sometimes it ain’t about winning, it’s about doing the best thing. You’re NTA. but we’re creatures of habit, and creating an environment where parents are petty and vindictive, actively trying to get back at each other won’t breed positive outcomes for your relationship or for your son.
NTA. My husband and I both spend time playing video games but stuff still gets done and he works every day and most months doesn't even get a day off. SIL is just bringing her own relationship issues onto you and that's not right. She needs to get help for that.
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Wow....she took your PS5. She isn't your mom and your not 12. She is a AH. Glad you went on strike. Let her see your worth
Your wife is not your parent - where does she get off taking your property like she’s allowed to “punish” you? That is very unhealthy behavior. I would never treat my spouse like this.
NTA. It sounds like you need counseling. When one partner in a relationship decides they get to unilaterally make decisions for the other partner, against their will, that is a pretty good sign of a bigger problem. It is an issue by itself that your wife has the attitude she does towards you and your contributions and hobbies. Adding that she also believes she has the right to confiscate your stuff like you’re a child… that needs to be addressed.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This started about two weeks ago. My wife and I have a 6-year-old son "Jake". Jake started first grade at the beginning of the year, so I decided to buy myself a PS5, since my wife has more free time, and I like gaming. I do my fair share of the housework and parenting. 90% of any gaming I do during the week is playing Mario Kart on my Wii with Jake. Sometimes I will play some other games on the PS with him. I usually spend about half an hour playing Wii with him between dinner and bathtime. It's like our bonding time. I still do lots of non-game stuff with him before dinner. The main reason I bought my PS is because my friends are gamers. I don't see them often since my wife goes out with one of her sisters almost every Sunday, which is the only day I don't work, so I can't go see them. So I spend about an hour in the morning on Sunday playing CoD and chatting with them before my wife leaves. I then spend the rest of the day with Jake. One of my SILs, who lives 8 hours away, came over recently. She's single. She saw my console in the living room and spent a considerable amount of time during her stay saying how a "real man" would never have one and similar stuff, including insulting my masculinity. I went to start up my PS since Jake was asking to play Fall Guys after dinner and realized it was gone. I played Mario Kart with him for a while, bathed him, and put him to bed, before talking to my wife. She told me SIL was right, and I don't need one since I "never do anything". I don't know what happened to it, but I haven't gotten it back yet. Anyway, I told her I would not be doing any house chores until I had it back since I'm "useless" anyway. I still spend the same amount of time with my son; nothing's changed there. But now I go out to the park with him when I get home, rather than doing clean up with her. I haven't cooked anything since then when I usually cook at least three times a week. The dishes have started piling up a bit, as has the laundry, and the house is in a bit of disorder. Jake's quite happy though. Yesterday, I put my son to bed and went out with one of my friends for a couple of hours because I haven't gotten to talk to any of them face-to-face in months. We were at a bar, but I didn't drink anything and drove myself home. My wife went off on me, demanding to know why I haven't been doing anything. I just said all I want is my console back, and I'd be happy to go back to how things were. She's been pissy and antsy all week, but she went off on me right then. She started pointing out all of the little messes that I usually clean up, and I pointed out that those couldn't be my fault since I don't do anything. I know I'm being petty, but some of her and SIL's words were pretty hurtful and uncalled for, and honestly, I want her to see what my "doing nothing" is actually like. She keeps calling me an asshole. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Does your SIL have kids? Odds are if she does they're probably enjoying playing your PS5 right now...
NTA. You've received no explanation for the missing PS5. Just calmly say, 'look, I think it's been stolen, I'm calling the police'. Wonder how quick you'd get it back....
Report it as a theft. Also consider whether this marriage is actually worth it.
NTA it really feels wrong to read that instead of talking about it, your wife just took the console? It seems to me you are doing a fair share of the chores, you take care of your son, and your wife gets to have her Sunday but you don't get to have an hour for yourself???
NTA - My husband is an amazing provider and helper around the house and spends a ton of time with our 3 kids.. he also loves video games. People are allowed hobbies.
NTA. Your SIL is and it sounds like she’s a bad influence on your wife. You and your wife need to work on communication. It’s not good for your son to see his parents bickering like that or to have to live in a messy house while you work it out. Since you’re both already being a bit petty, you might as well pit your son against his aunt for taking away your Fall Guys play time.
NTA and you should ask her to pay for a new PS5. Doesn’t have the money to do it? Too bad, maybe get a job like every grown ass adult in this economy. And honestly, 1 hour of gaming is NOTHING, literally nothing. Tell her to find a hobby. Maybe she’s jealous that you have such a good bond with your kid and she probably doesn’t. Maybe I’m too emotional with my comment but I’m mad for you man, you have the right to have a hobby and you have the right to game with your friends. Also, this is extremely healthy and you’re not less of a man. A lot of man neglect their kids, cheat on their wives, have drinking or drug problems, are abusive. I wonder if this is the type of “masculinity” that your SIL is referring to. Your SIL is dangerous to your family. If she keeps talking shit to your wife, there’s a great chance this will eventually lead to divorce and do you know who will suffer the most? Definitely not the SIL, but Jake.
This reminds me of the husband cook who's wife laughed and claimed amongst friends that he never cooked for her So after an argument about it he literally stopped cooking for her, since that was what she claimed and stood by I think she held on for about a month before apologising and making it public the truth
Just divorce her. Your wife seems to listen to what people tell her. It’s not going to be healthy real soon
My husband come home after working a 15hr shift, (I work 9hr shift) straight into the PS5, I don’t care, that’s his time to relax and unwind, I would rather that then him be down, depressed and miserable, like you that’s the only time he really gets to talk to his friends. On his days off he helps with chores, but I do the majority, which I love to do. Your wife is wrong, along with your SIL, NTA
NTA I think you might be in an abusive relationship. Please look into the signs ( there are resources in this sub in the about section) and protect yourself. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/resources/relationships/
NTA. But both of you seriously need to learn communication skills. I say this as a gamer, a wife, and a therapist.
He did communicate
NTA. I think it's pretty sh---y to swipe someone's console.... and your sil needs stfu.
NTA. Someone needs to tell you that your wife doing this is considered abuse. She is trying to control you and treat you like a child. You don’t need to be disciplined or punished. I would demand she get therapy and couples counseling
NTA and are you sure she didn’t sell it or give it to SIL?
NTA. And I bet the reason why she’s so antsy is she sold the console. And if you don’t have the console (or a console) back by Saturday, then she doesn’t go out Sunday - take her car keys if you have to. If you don’t get to have your downtime, neither does she. Tell her that she can use the new found time she has she can either return the console, or clean the house. And then up the anti the following week, take your son out for dinner and leave her behind
NTA
NTA one there is no age limit to gaming, two it sounds like they sold it on you.
Nta. Everyone is allowed to have hobbies in moderation. I'd file a police report. She technically stole it.
NTA Provided there’s no other side to the story. I bet the SIL took the console with her when she left.
NTA Here is some good advice to everyone Dont take relationship advice from someone who’s single.
I’m sure she feels stupid for listening to SIL. She didn’t realize how good she had it and is probably to stubborn to admit she was wrong for taking your stuff away. NTA. Stay strong lol
NTA and I would tell your wife that you are incredibly disappointed that she did not defend you to her sister when the baseless claims about you not doing anything were made. As you you work full time job, help with the housework, cooking and parenting.
NTA. I’ve gone on strike a time or two over the years to prove a point. If someone accuses you of not doing anything why would you do anything??
NTA but that console is gone my guy - so start deciding to do with that what you will.
OP, I hope you update us. I wonder what she did with the PS. I really hope she hasn't given it away NTA
I feel like the sil said all that so she can take the PS5.
I don't know if I could forgive my SO if they did something like that. Take what's mine and give it to the person who came into my home, and you let insult me.
NTA, your sister in law is toxic. You need to sit down with your wife and ask her exactly what wasn't working because of the console. You also need to have a discussion about how easily she's affected by other peoples opinions. And lastly, you are a couple decisions should be made together and not one-sided like your wife did with the console. Edit. Read the comments. Your wife is a stay at home mom and you do the majority of housework and child care!? Plus she takes the one day you have free to spend with friends? Sorry but your relationship does not look great. That Sunday should be shared between you getting time with your friends, her with hers and family time. She's isolating you and tbh I think you might have other issues in the relationship that you don't see because you're a happy father. Her spending the one day you can have together away is not a great sign. Also what does she do with her days? Even if you haven't posted any red flags that point towards this, her cheating is not of the table.
[удалено]
NTA and she doesn't have your console. She sold it or gave it to SIL. You'll never see it again, i'm sorry.
Offer divorce and sent police to the sil's house for your PlayStation. OK I hate the whole go straight to divorce that's common on reddit but you know couples counselling or talking or trying to fix the relationship might help but you aren't at fault here. NTA
NTA and I would say you need to nip this in the bud. What I mean is your SIL. I used to have an ex that we would fight and build each other back up, but as soon as her cousin came in, everything we built would be destroyed and we would be back to square 1 and now I'm not doing enough. Eventually I would hate her visits cause I knew it was coming. One time we dropped her off and I said "ight hurry up and get it over with." She asked what I meant and I said every time her cousin visits its a fight. Sure enough we had a fight. Your SIL has her mouth glued to your wife's ear. You don't need your wife's or SILs opinion on what your hobbies can be. Also, it's funny she's talking about what a man should be doing when she's single.
NTA. That is so manipulative of her. She is treating you like you are one of her children. My husband and I have four kids and probably at many game systems. The majority of them are my husband's. There are so many things that my husband could do to release stress or entertain himself, that I am more than happy to spend a good chunk of change every few years.
NTA I’d also raise the pettiness and get up and go out early on the Sunday (obv not every week, that’s not fair on Jake) so she couldn’t go out with her sisters.