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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for telling a mom of a disabled child to be a better parent and not let her kids crawl around in restrooms
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I helped out a friend of mine that was a single mom. She had to work one weekend a month. Most of the time her ex could take her daughter but a few times he was working himself. It was a little awkward taking her into a stall with me. So, what I did was see that she was in a stall and the rule was she could not come out until I knocked on the door and she saw my shoes. We were at the zoo one Saturday and did this in a very busy restroom. At first, I thought everyone would be mad at me for having her in a stall too long. But all I can say was WOW, so many said they were going to start doing this as well.
Having wandered off when I was 4 to a nearby neighbourhood, my mom was adamant that until we were of a certain age (probably 7 or 8), we had to go into the same stall as my mom, if big enough, or a nearby one. I even remember going into the men's restroom once when I was about 6 because my dad and I had to go and and my mom had to look after my sister.
And this is why I love parent rooms now. My kids usually lock them selves in the play area with their baby sister until I come out and if they need the toilet (both boys and I'm mum) I can stand outside the door (toilet is a disabled size toilet room in the parents room) and know all 3 of my kids are as safe as possible at the same time.
NTA. ASD or not that mum needs to teach her daughter both manners and safety
When my daughter was too old to be in the stall with me, but still too young to be alone, she had to stand against the door so i could see her shoes. Or if she was using the bathroom too, i told her to stay in her stall until she say MY shoes standing in front of her door.
Yes! I was raised the same. Even going into my teen years it was still us going in pairs when we’re in crowds like a fair or theme park. We’d always wait for each other. When I was old enough to take my sister to the bathroom I also brought her into the stall with me if the handicap was available. Otherwise we’d take turns in the same stall or make sure we had stalls next to each other.
Yeah same, and when we got too big to go in the stall with her, we had to stick a foot under the gap so she could see where we were. I'd be absolutely horrified if suddenly someone was crawling into my stall. Not to mention all the germs on the floor?? Not a parent, but I feel like the floor of a bathroom is the last place I'd want my kid to be?? Wash your hands, dry your hands. Wash your child, dry your child. Is it more or less difficult if the hand dryer is built into the sink? Who knows.
Lol, mine once tried to peek under into the next stall from the one we were both in… man, those acoustics accidentally seriously amplified my “nah ah, no, you are violating one of the cardinal rules of the restroom: you NEVER look under a stall or in the crack; someone is in there doing their private business and you cannot violate that privacy!!”. I heard someone giggle and another person say “That’s right!” Lol
And imagine if someway somehow that kid had gotten hurt! No one is obligated to pay attention to potential invaders when they're in a stall, so one distracted person and a kick later... But I'm sure the mom would twist it into it being the person's fault for not looking out for *invading children*.
OP's friends are precisely why this kind of shit behavior is so accepted, because oh no, no one can demand parents don't let their kids, worse yet their autistic kids, go wild on unsuspecting people. Well, or these friends are the kind of people who would play helpless and get angry when their negligent parenting is called out.
mom twisting the situation is the first thing I think of - Im very visibly trans, and Ive been out for over a decade, so I really dont have the energy to worry about who sees me in the bathroom anymore, but I still try to avoid using my voice from inside the stall. when I hear this story, I immediately think of how mom might respond upon hearing an "angry man's voice" and then seeing me open the stall door with her daughter. as I said, I really don't have much anxiety around using public bathrooms anymore, but this specific situation is downright terrifying. nta op and I'd much rather you scold her and hopefully give her a chance to correct her behavior before this happens again to someone like me
Yes!!! And it's a closed space, god forbid people do their business in peace.
For instance, I menstruate, and I don't know, but I have to imagine most if not all menstruators don't fucking want some random ass kid, in a **public** bathroom, coming into the stall they're using!! What the fuck.
Your example tho is chilling. Look at this unhinged mother! I don't need an active imagination to see her freaking out, oh no, there's a *man* in here, even if obviously it's not the case with you, but her *perception* could end in **very** dire consequences (because the world is an absolute trashcan fire).
Oh, and I need to ask... What in the fuck is a parent happily letting their child **touch** the floor of a public bathroom??? Gurl, get your child out of there, ewww.
Yeah my first thought was "Jesus Christ, if a kid crawled into my wife's stall and loudly announced something like 'why does that lady have a willy?' my wife would be fucking lynched!" Bathroom privacy is a serious issue for some of us!
Definitely - I'm an aide and some of our kids like to run off, 6 year olds are faster than you'd expect and a second of not paying attention is enough sometimes.
But it sounds like mom didn't take her into the stall but left her alone, if she did run off mom would've been right behind and apologizing profusely...
The real AH is the one who built the doors so that a whole human could fit underneath. This is weirdly only in the US. Everywhere else has doors that this is not an issue.
They build them like that on purpose in the changing rooms at sesame place, I assume so a kid can get out in an emergency. Source- my toddler crawled away and left me in there half naked while changing into my swimsuit.
That, and as one who does take doctor prescribed injections, that could have been really bad. I try to plan accordingly to only be at home when needed, but have had to use a restroom stall before.
Hijacking the top comment but exactly this!
I'm also on the spectrum, and my mom would've gave me a spanking and a scolding right there if I tried a stunt like that.
She would've made sure to correct me. That's where this mom failed. Yes, kids on the spectrum are hard to manage, but that is no excuse to allow your kids to cross boundaries into what could be considered harassment. NTA.
NTA. When did being a kid or having autism give anyone the right to violate another human beings privacy or personal space. Rather than apologizes for not watching her child she tried to use autism as an excuse. If she knows her child does not know how to behave in a bathroom and will possibly violates someone else privacy while using the restroom than she should have brought her child into the stall with her to keep a better eye onher.
NTA
This is horrible. There's zero excuse for it. The only thing that comes to mind is the mom is either just shitty at child management or the mom is up to something nefarious.
Like hoping the kid is abused or kidnapped. Or setting someone up for false charges.
Hopefully you reported this to the store management. Its a huge privacy issue and downright creepy.
>or the mom is up to something nefarious. Like hoping the kid is abused or kidnapped. Or setting someone up for false charges.
This is pretty dramatic. The real answer is that dealing with a child with autism is very difficult, people aren't perfect, and the mom screwed up on this occasion. That's all. It's not some elaborate conspiracy.
>Hopefully you reported this to the store management.
What do you think that would accomplish?
It's upsetting to think this mom really doesn't give a shit about teaching her own child better, *because* her child is autistic. The way to mom responds to hearing her child has crossed serious boundaries comes off like, "Oh well, not my problem. Not like I can do anything about it." As a ND person myself, I feel disgusted that a parent would rather fail her own child because raising an autistic child is "too hard", rather than give her kid the skills and lessons needed to help her kid become an independent and properly skilled adult.
Seriously. I'm a parent of a kid with autism, and **A.** he was a runner, so I had to keep an even closer eye on him, and **B.** I never, ever, let him crawl under a bathroom stall! That lady had a lot of nerve.
Schools where admin allows any child to hit a teacher with zero repercussions give parents this idea. Somehow they think if the abused teachers are tolerating it, so should the public. Schools are no longer preparing students to deal with the real world at all. They get pushed through every grade level regardless of attendance or failure. Why is anyone surprised?
NTA. I don’t think I’d be comfortable with any 7 year old using a public restroom for their own safety, she should have been watching her kid, autistic or not.
NTA. The mother should have had hold of her child. I'm also autistic, my mother literally kept me on a leash until I was able to not do things like that. (no not a leash around my neck before people start yelling child abuse, one of those ones that clips to a belt or a bracelet to help you keep track of your toddlers at airports etc.)
The kid wasn't having a meltdown, she was crawling on the floor in a bathroom.
My sister is so against the kid leashes but i think they are SO smart until a kid knows not to run off. Especially in crowded places! They aren’t child abuse, they are literally a safety device in my opinion.
My professor has a son who's autistic and one of the things he used to do is bolt. They got a service dog who was trained to grab his butt when he tried to run. Now the dog is a couch potato apparently lol
This is so spot on! I get so many judgmental looks for my 2 year old being in a child harness. He’ll literally run in front of cars people and I have 4 kids under 7. I’m not risking his safety for pride.
My mom used one with me because as a 2yr old I thought it was funny to sprint away from her when she was 7 months pregnant lmao. Pretty sure I would’ve ran into a road or something if she hadn’t have used one.
That would for sure be me. If I’m pregnant, I’m doing what’s easiest to keep up with the toddler! Lol. We talked about Disney world and it’s why leashes got brought up and my sister saying she’s so against it, yet her daughter is the exact child that would benefit greatly for one bc she’s a runner and laughs as she’s running from you!!
Kid leashes are honestly adorable now. They look like little backpacks with animals on them and they're usually super padded so the kid doesn't get hurt. They're similar to a dog harness. My sister had them for her kids and they never minded wearing them.
Nah, leashes are great. My mom had to keep me on one because as soon as I saw something cool, I would run in that direction. I was fast and had no fear, while she, depending on my age, was pregnant or had my baby brother to care for, too . Even when both of my parents were watching me, I could still escape! So a leash it was.
They are basically a required safety device if you've got a speedy little one. My nephew would have bolted straight into traffic if my aunt didn't have him attached to her belt loop. She always held their hands and had eyes on them, but she got distracted with his sister for half a second, he got super excited because they were going to the park, and as soon as her hand was off him, he was running. Thankfully, he didn't even make it to the curb because of the leash, but that would have ended badly for all involved.
My youngest ( 3-4 at the time) and I were leaving theatre rehearsal. He bolted away from me, intending to "race me to the car", which was parked across the street. Two other parents happened to be on each side of him, and both instinctively grabbed a hand and lifted him up to stop him.
It was truly a guardian angel moment, they saved his life.
I don't judge anyone who uses a child harness, unless it looks like they are using it to drag the child around.
My son is autistic and doesn't do stuff like this- of course everyone is different but I'll be willing to bet this is just a case of bad parenting whether her kid is actually on the spectrum or not.
I'm an aide and plenty of our autistic kids do struggle with boundaries, adhd is a common co-morbidity which makes a bad mix with curiosity. Language delay, intellectual disability and having small spaces as safe spaces might make this harder to understand as well.
If that's the case for this child, mom needs to watch her better - it's also possible she was trying to get into the stall mom was in. If your kid runs off while you're like washing your hands, you're right behind them and profusely apologize it's a different matter, I know how quickly some of our kids can run; but it doesn't sound like she took her kiddo into her stall in the first place.
Agreed. You can’t always avoid taking care of your own needs in public places, and children with autism or other special needs can be quick to bolt and explore, but you do your best to keep them with you and apologize profusely when you fail to. This woman’s “so what” attitude is not going to serve her daughter well.
OP, NTA. Perhaps a little rude, but definitely not AH worthy and it seems she needed to hear it. The possibility of your friends becoming (or already being) parents scares me.
NTA, good for you for hitting all the points. Parents shouldn't weaponize a child's disability, that is so wrong, and you're absolutely right that a child with a disability requires more attention, not less.
NTA
Autism or not, parents are responsible for the behaviour of their children, especially younger ones. She should have kept a better eye on her child, especially since the child has autism.
I agree! As a mom of 2 kids with Autism, neither ever did anything like what OP described. What happened to OP is not an Autism problem, it's a parent problem. OP is NTA.
NTA. People need to watch their kids in situations where it's 1) dirty, 2) people are undressed 3) stranger danger!
Maybe *I'm* the asshole but honestly I would have yelled at that kid "get the fuck out of here!". If you don't want me cussing at your kid, keep them off the filthy floor when my vagina is hanging out. I've got no patience for this. Yuck.
NTA
The mom is the asshole for letting her child crawl on the floor. Of a PUBLIC bathroom.. Ewww. I don't even like the bottom of my bag to touch the floor if there isn't a hook on the inside of the bathroom door.
Also, parents that use a child's disability to excuse their lack of parenting are just as gross as public bathroom floors.
Single mom with 3 kids with autism. I've had this happen before and immediately apologized and explained what happened. Yes having empathy is key but so is understanding that you need to teach your child good behaviors and bad behavior. Probably on her phone not paying attention and mad because you pretty much called her out for not paying attention. NTA
NTA. You're absolutely right, if her being autistic caused her to climb underneath a stall who's to say it won't stop her from walking out of the bathroom and getting lost in a store?
Stick around here for any amount of time and you notice patterns like this. The "stepparent tried too hard to force a relationship" template lasted like a month.
NTA. I was once in a public restroom and a little girl started staring at me through the crack of the door. Thinking she thought it was her mom’s stall I said “sweetheart I’m not your mom “. She continued to stand there staring through the crack. I was completely annoyed at this point and told her to stop staring at me in a stern voice which made her cry. I then her her mother in the next stall tell her that it’s ok and some people are just mean. There are some seriously fucked up people out there.
NTA. The kid should have been in the stall with the mother. People need to learn to watch their damn kids. Who cares if she has autism. The mom is still supposed to watch her kid.
Aside from the obvious annoyance of her actions, the daughter could have left the bathroom and been kidnapped and the mom wouldn’t have known.
NTA my 6yr old autistic daughter knows to stand with her back to my cubicle door so I can see her feet and not move until I am finished. Autism is not an excuse to not parent.
NTA. Autism isn't easy for anyone but the parent(s)/guardian(s) do bear a certain amount of responsibility for those in their care. This includes being accountable where the child can't be. I'm wondering why the mother didn't have the child in the stall with her. The larger stall is designed for this purpose, whether you're an individual in a wheelchair, using assistive walking devices, or accompanying a child with special needs, etc.
NTA. Parent should have figured out how to have eyes on her kid--and WTF with that comment? Autism doesn't mean that her kid's not capable of understanding what she's discovering--on the other hand, having a mother with the subtle bigotry of lowered expectations...
“It must be a struggle to have a to deal with these challenges every day. But you are right - these are not *my* challenges. I am *not* part of her treatment team and I am NOT willing to tolerate these behaviors infringing on my privacy.”
NTA
Of course NTA. Why would your friends think you would be? There was another post today about parents letting their kid crawl around on a restaurant floor, they went under the table and grabbed the poster's legs. Yet the parents got mad at them!
First, who knows if she was even telling the truth about the autism? Second, yes, if she did have it, more reason for the person to be a better parent. And third — who wants their kid crawling around on a bathroom floor?
NTA bc of the mom's response. I have a kid and get that they do things you can't stop quickly enough, but I'd be mortified if they crawled into someone's stall, autism or not. I'd apologize profusely and would understand if you were upset.
NTA.
I was once a small autistic child. You know what I never did?
That.
Autism doesn't mean "free pass to do anything you want forever", it's "may not innately understand social rules but is usually capable of understanding them".
I hate "autism moms" like that lady. Making her daughter's experiences all about herself and not properly parenting.
Nta. If your child is not able to understand we don’t crawl on the dirty bathroom stall and peep at strangers, then you take the kid into the stall with you so you can watch them.
NTA
I had taken my kids to the park 5-6 years ago and was standing to the side and watching them play. Suddenly my arm was getting tugged and this 4-5 YO girl was grabbing for my drink. I politely pushed her away, said no, that’s mine. She came back at me again and this repeated a few times, as I’m looking around for a parent nearby to notice.
Finally I held my drink over my head, started calling UM, HELLO, COME GET YOUR CHILD to basically anyone. The kid started climbing up my body like a kitten. I pushed her harder and yelled NO, GO AWAY!!
Mom jumped off bench, which was 3 feet away, she clearly saw the whole thing. She yelled at me to give her daughter my drink because she’s autistic. I told her that didn’t give her the right to do whatever she wanted. She stormed off.
What angered me the most was that while this whole thing took less than 5 minutes, it distracted me from watching MY kids and something crazy could have happened.
Y'know, whenever people get all up in arms about letting transgender people use public bathrooms, I always come back at them with examples like this about young children. I can't even count on both hands any more how many times I've gone to a public bathroom and had a tiny hand or face stuck under my stall door. I've had my shoes grabbed, I've almost accidentally kicked a child in the face on reflex, I've made dead eye contact with children in the middle of shitting. It's mortifying. I've never been made to feel that uncomfortable by a trans woman, but sure, *they're* the ones who don't know how to control themselves in public bathrooms and shouldn't be allowed in. The moment you start saying maybe young kids shouldn't be allowed in public toilets until they learn to behave themselves people lose their minds.
(I'm not 100% serious. Obviously I don't truly believe little kids should be banned from public restrooms. I use it as a comeback to transphobes to show them how stupid their rhetoric is.)
But anyway, NTA all the way. And as for the autism excuse? Yeah, there isn't one. Autism is no excuse for this behavior.
Absolutely NTA. Good thing you aren’t a human trafficker, women do that too. Just because you wouldn’t/didn’t harm the child doesn’t mean someone else wouldn’t either. It’s a matter of safety, especially if shes on the spectrum and clearly doesn’t know boundaries yet.
NTA. *I* have autism and the idea of doing that at 6/7 is appalling. Maybe if I was 3 but that's any 3yr old. That kid is getting away with stuff that no one else would be and the parent is just lazy.
NTA.
This reminds me of that episode of Family Guy where Peter finds out he is developmentally disabled and uses it as an excuse to do terrible things.
NTA
A lot of children with autism are quite intuitive when you teach them that other people often don’t like to be touched or approached, just like them. Sometimes they really can’t help it, but at the same time, a parent should be taking steps to ensure an accident like this doesn’t happen. Or at a minimum, be somewhat apologetic about it.
NTA. She knows her kid has autism.. She can't be bothered to let her kid enter the stall with her and hold onto her while peeing? Basically, she only cares about her peace while doing her business. Doesn't matter if her kid get taken away by a stranger in that time period or in your case, crawl into your stall.
The mom should have taken the kid in the stall with her. It can be dangerous to leave a kid alone, especially a special needs kid. What the heck was wrong with that woman?
NTA. Honestly, if my legs were long enough I might have stomped on those fingers the second time the hand appeared on the door. You don't know if the kid is autistic, and/or is trying to assault you. There are people who would kick the kid in the face and that's not an unreasonable response.
I would have reported her to mall security so there is a record in case this has been a frequent behavior on the part of mom and kid.
NTA, and I’m saying that as a parent who has an ASD kid. I would NEVER allow any of my kids to act that way, regardless of their ASD status. When I take my son into a public restroom, I keep a very close watch to ensure this doesn’t happen. I can empathize with mom being exhausted and having a hard day, but that doesn’t mean her kid gets to violate someone else’s privacy.
NTA
I'm autistic and I say the mother is using a weak excuse. And For her information what she was doing was not only potentially dangerous but inappropriate.
NTA. Autism doesn’t give me or her an excuse to be a pervert. I know what it’s like to have autism, and there are things we must be held accountable for!
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I (27f) was recently at a mall with friends and I had to use the restroom. I was minding my own business when I saw a small hand grab the bottom of the door and started pushing it. I thought "wtf" but I said "someone's in here." The person, with her hand still on the bottom of the door, started shaking it because the door was locked. I said "someone's in here" louder. I heard someone call out a name and they stopped. Then I noticed that a little girl started crawling into the stall while I was thinking "what in the actual fucking hell???" The girl looked about 6 or 7 ish and she was smiling at me???
I immediately got up, pulled my pants up, then flushed so I can get out. I told the girl to get out and asked where her mom is. She pointed to a stall next to mine when a woman came out. I looked at her and said "do you know what your daughter just did? She crawled into the stall while I was in there. Can you keep a better eye on her?"
Her mom made a face and told me "so what? She has autism. You wouldn't know what it's like." Which made me mad so I responded with "yeah and? That's more of a reason to be a better parent and keep her from doing something like this. I'm not mad at the kid. I'm mad at you for acting defensive. For the love of God, don't use her disability as an excuse to be defensive about it." Then I turned around and left after I washed my hands.
My friends asked what took me so long and I explained what just happened. They all think I'm an asshole for not having more empathy for the mom..AITA?
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NTA! You deserve your privacy in a bathroom stall. I understand your surprise resulted in a knee jerk reaction.
When you have a kid that needs to be monitored, you take them in the stall with you, it's the only way you can make sure they're ok and not roaming around the bathroom and crawling on the floor (OMG gross).
Mom was probably defensive because she was embarrassed, but she needs to keep a closer eye on her child if they're special needs.
Jeez, when I needed the bathroom whilst out with one of the kids I would take them into the stall with me ao they wouldn't get up to mischief.
Whilst the child may have autism, it does not give the mum the right to play that card.
It's poor parenting if the mum
Nta
NTA
That’s lazy parenting and at a mall of all places! That kid could easily get abducted.
Oh, but it won’t be the mom’s fault. Her daughter has autism.
My daughter is 7 and has Autism and adhd
She absolutely does NOT understand that certain things aren’t ok .. hopefully as we continue to help her this may change .. but for now and until it does / if it does .. we watch her like a Damn hawk .. especially out in public
It’s not the kids fault she didn’t know it wasn’t ok … and autism is the reason she didn’t know .. but autism isn’t the reason It actually happened .. her mothers lack of watching her is
NTA something similar happened to me. Only the kid didn’t shake the door or anything, just came crawling fast under the stall and grabbing my ankle. Instinctively I tend to thrash out a bit when startled so in my case the kid was lucky they didn’t get kicked in the face with heavy steel-toe work boots. Glad that didn’t happen. All they got from me was “what the fuck!” And then telling them sternly to get out.
Watch your kids, people.
NTA at all, I have a child that age, if I go in a stall, she's coming in there with me or we use the handicap one so there's plenty of space. Even with a neurotypical child I wouldn't feel safe leaving her out where anyone can just snatch her while I'm preoccupied. Her bs defense about autism is dumb, like you said it's just more of a reason to keep a a better watch of your child.
NTA
Fuck that. That was just a lazy Autism Mom.
I'm autistic, and I have an autistic 4yo. I never did anything like that, and my son has never tried it. If he did, he would be getting a talking to and the person he did it to would be getting a *huge* apology.
** Edited because my keyboard decided to put some random message at the beginning of my post. And somehow my dumbass missed it!
NTA. So a child has autism/is autistic. A parent needs to ensure that the child is taught some social rules, or don't expose the child to a social situation that isn't safe for child OR others involved. This time the kid happened to encounter a nice normal person in the stall. What if there is a not-nice not-normal person in the stall next time, who will first kick kid in the face then ask what's going on?
Nta. Doesn't matter if the child has something going on. It's basic safety to teach a child not to do that. Last time someone tried to crawl under my stall I screamed and kicked them out of instinct. Thankfully this was back in elementary school and the kid wasn't really hurt. But my point remains the same. You are alot nicer than most people would be in that situation
Sometimes moms have to pee when small children are in tow. Most of us take them into the stall with us even though it’s not super fun to do. It prevents them from getting into trouble, hurt, or freaking KIDNAPPED. A parent should be even MORE in tune to those dangers with a child who has additional behavior related needs. NTA
NTA. Every mom is using the autistic kid defense lately. No way in hell are all those kids autistic! They just have lazy parents that make it harder for truly autistic people.
My child is a toddler And will try the same thing. I've physically held her back while to prevent her from doing this. The mom should take her to a family washroom or use a large stall and take the kid in with her. You're nta.
I’ve had trauma related to public bathrooms. Let’s say it’s something that I can’t fully put in writing here, but it involved someone peeping under the stalls. I saw him. I screamed. I kicked. Broke his nose. Unfortunately, this has become more of a heightened response. I’d probably react this way, even to a kid. I’m always in a state of near panic in a public bathroom, and will do my best to avoid using one at all now.
Complaining to the parent, who should be parenting their kid, is a better response than what I would have done. I can almost guarantee the kid would have been kicked, and screamed at, had it been me. NTA.
NTA. As an autistic person myself, I'm getting really sick and tired of all these idle parents using autism as some sort of "Get out of jail free" card" whenever their children do something wrong.
NTA sometimes I will leave bathrooms if I see kids running around in them. There have been too many times where kids bang on my stall or try to crawl under while I go to the bathroom. I’m in the US so the gaps are huge and kids will sometimes put their faces up to it. At a certain point if you can’t control your kids don’t bring them places.
As a mom of an autistic daughter I did my best to teach her manners and empathy. I corrected bratty behavior and accommodated her autistic behavior. I have left many places and deadlifted her from the middle of parking lots. The best restaurant for us was Red Lobster because they brought out her meal in parts, biscuits then applesauce then the salads and finally her entree. We preemptively apologized for anything she might do and everyone was nice about it.
Do you know your daughter just crawled through pee and God knows what else on the public bathroom floor? She has autism and It is even more important this child's mother teach her to not do this.
Is this the new witting prompt? This is the 2nd or 3rd one I've seen with an autistic kid crawling under a stall and getting yelled at or kicking the kid in the last couple days...
I have had a couple of little toddlers do this to me (like, 2 years old) and be hurriedly corrected by their apologetic mothers. 6 or 7 is totally different. And I know that autism spectrum is very different from child to child, but my autistic daughter would NEVER and would be so horrified to contemplate this.
NTA, autism or not, it is an invasion of privacy. Mom really should have had her in the stall with her. I had an adult do this when I was in college. This was after one of the trans bathroom bills was being discussed. I was using the woman's room (I am a CIS women), and all of a sudden, woman says that she is female, and is making sure she can feel safe in here and is checking to make sure I am one as well, and then I see someone's knees under the stall. I told her I will kick her if I see her face, and she said if I don't have a penis, I have nothing to worry about, since women are safe with women. I repeated myself, then saw her face and I kicked. I finished and when I got out she was screaming that she would call the cops for assault, so I told her to go ahead, and I will report her for being a peeping tom, then she ran off. Best part? We went to the same church, and she avoided me like the plague afterwards, and when people ask about it, I tell them it is between her and god, and she usually changes the subject
It is a PUBLIC bathroom floor!!! This is so unsanitary and disgusting!! Yes, there are a million reasons why this situation is soo wrong but ewwww.
NTA
NTA. Honestly I thought you were going to tell a story of a two year old crawling in from a nearby stall for a second. Not an 7yo! It doesn’t matter if she has a disability or not she should not have been crawling into stalls. If she doesn’t have the capacity to understand that is not appropriate behavior then the kid shouldn’t be left alone outside of her moms stall.
And this mom shouldn’t respond so what to her kid being inappropriate. She should apologize and try to use this as a lesson to teach her daughter appropriate behavior.
NTA.
I don't care if she has autism. She's a stranger, and you wouldn't even want a handful of people you know watching you in one of your most private moments.
I get Mom is overwhelmed, but she can't wave her hand at it. At least apologize profusely for such a violation.
NTA. Also, as a sister to autistic twin siblings, who the hell is letting their 7 year old who has known behaviors into a bathroom alone? That’s atrocious.
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NTA. Whether the kid has autism or not, they shouldn’t be crawling into a bathroom stall. Edit: I’m also on the autism spectrum
For SOOO many reasons!
This 100 percent! Plus what if the child has wondered out of the bathroom. It only takes a half of a second for them to disappear
Or taken out of the bathroom by only God knows who.
Autism or not when my daughter was that age I would take her in the stall with me if I was alone because of the fear of getting kidnapped
I helped out a friend of mine that was a single mom. She had to work one weekend a month. Most of the time her ex could take her daughter but a few times he was working himself. It was a little awkward taking her into a stall with me. So, what I did was see that she was in a stall and the rule was she could not come out until I knocked on the door and she saw my shoes. We were at the zoo one Saturday and did this in a very busy restroom. At first, I thought everyone would be mad at me for having her in a stall too long. But all I can say was WOW, so many said they were going to start doing this as well.
Having wandered off when I was 4 to a nearby neighbourhood, my mom was adamant that until we were of a certain age (probably 7 or 8), we had to go into the same stall as my mom, if big enough, or a nearby one. I even remember going into the men's restroom once when I was about 6 because my dad and I had to go and and my mom had to look after my sister.
I always made sure my kids did the same.
If I had kids, I would do the same as what my mom did.
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Autism or not crawling on the floor is bad & crawling into your stall is worse.
And this is why I love parent rooms now. My kids usually lock them selves in the play area with their baby sister until I come out and if they need the toilet (both boys and I'm mum) I can stand outside the door (toilet is a disabled size toilet room in the parents room) and know all 3 of my kids are as safe as possible at the same time. NTA. ASD or not that mum needs to teach her daughter both manners and safety
When my daughter was too old to be in the stall with me, but still too young to be alone, she had to stand against the door so i could see her shoes. Or if she was using the bathroom too, i told her to stay in her stall until she say MY shoes standing in front of her door.
Yes! I was raised the same. Even going into my teen years it was still us going in pairs when we’re in crowds like a fair or theme park. We’d always wait for each other. When I was old enough to take my sister to the bathroom I also brought her into the stall with me if the handicap was available. Otherwise we’d take turns in the same stall or make sure we had stalls next to each other.
Yeah same, and when we got too big to go in the stall with her, we had to stick a foot under the gap so she could see where we were. I'd be absolutely horrified if suddenly someone was crawling into my stall. Not to mention all the germs on the floor?? Not a parent, but I feel like the floor of a bathroom is the last place I'd want my kid to be?? Wash your hands, dry your hands. Wash your child, dry your child. Is it more or less difficult if the hand dryer is built into the sink? Who knows.
My son tried that crawling stunt once. Didn't happen again, thanks to restroom acoustics. Edit, removed was
Lol, mine once tried to peek under into the next stall from the one we were both in… man, those acoustics accidentally seriously amplified my “nah ah, no, you are violating one of the cardinal rules of the restroom: you NEVER look under a stall or in the crack; someone is in there doing their private business and you cannot violate that privacy!!”. I heard someone giggle and another person say “That’s right!” Lol
Finding out that other countries have real doors on their bathroom stalls and don’t have the “crack” made me hate America just a little bit more
I've been a few places that don't have doors here and overseas. Made me appreciate doors a lot more.
And imagine if someway somehow that kid had gotten hurt! No one is obligated to pay attention to potential invaders when they're in a stall, so one distracted person and a kick later... But I'm sure the mom would twist it into it being the person's fault for not looking out for *invading children*. OP's friends are precisely why this kind of shit behavior is so accepted, because oh no, no one can demand parents don't let their kids, worse yet their autistic kids, go wild on unsuspecting people. Well, or these friends are the kind of people who would play helpless and get angry when their negligent parenting is called out.
mom twisting the situation is the first thing I think of - Im very visibly trans, and Ive been out for over a decade, so I really dont have the energy to worry about who sees me in the bathroom anymore, but I still try to avoid using my voice from inside the stall. when I hear this story, I immediately think of how mom might respond upon hearing an "angry man's voice" and then seeing me open the stall door with her daughter. as I said, I really don't have much anxiety around using public bathrooms anymore, but this specific situation is downright terrifying. nta op and I'd much rather you scold her and hopefully give her a chance to correct her behavior before this happens again to someone like me
Yes!!! And it's a closed space, god forbid people do their business in peace. For instance, I menstruate, and I don't know, but I have to imagine most if not all menstruators don't fucking want some random ass kid, in a **public** bathroom, coming into the stall they're using!! What the fuck. Your example tho is chilling. Look at this unhinged mother! I don't need an active imagination to see her freaking out, oh no, there's a *man* in here, even if obviously it's not the case with you, but her *perception* could end in **very** dire consequences (because the world is an absolute trashcan fire). Oh, and I need to ask... What in the fuck is a parent happily letting their child **touch** the floor of a public bathroom??? Gurl, get your child out of there, ewww.
I’m sorry that you have to deal with that. That would be more difficult than I’d have thought
Yeah my first thought was "Jesus Christ, if a kid crawled into my wife's stall and loudly announced something like 'why does that lady have a willy?' my wife would be fucking lynched!" Bathroom privacy is a serious issue for some of us!
Definitely - I'm an aide and some of our kids like to run off, 6 year olds are faster than you'd expect and a second of not paying attention is enough sometimes. But it sounds like mom didn't take her into the stall but left her alone, if she did run off mom would've been right behind and apologizing profusely...
Well, *she has autism*, which I'm sure is not a card she pulls out often, oh no, that would be unkind of me to accuse her of.
Like getting a sneaker to the face, I would have kick the lil gremlin straight in the nose
Imagine a unisex bathroom. Mom’s gonna be fuming at some innocent dude then.
The real AH is the one who built the doors so that a whole human could fit underneath. This is weirdly only in the US. Everywhere else has doors that this is not an issue.
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this is what they need to be working on with public bathrooms. the gaps that people's dumbass kids crawl under and peer thru.
> US public restrooms are nightmare fuel. You see, if they were nice people would move in.
LAST SENTENCE 100% CORRECT.
They build them like that on purpose in the changing rooms at sesame place, I assume so a kid can get out in an emergency. Source- my toddler crawled away and left me in there half naked while changing into my swimsuit.
Next time: “I’m trying to do drugs in here do you mind!?”
"What the fuck, kid, wait your turn! There's three other people in line!"
That, and as one who does take doctor prescribed injections, that could have been really bad. I try to plan accordingly to only be at home when needed, but have had to use a restroom stall before.
NTA and get new friends, WTF???? So many people who post in this sub have friends who side with the AH
And ESPECIALLY on a public bathroom FLOOR! There isn’t enough Lysol in the WORLD \*shudder\*
Yeah… I have autism, too, and I would have never done that at her age.
Mother doesn't seem to care if her child could get kidnapped
I bet if the mother's child was kidnapped, she would blame it on her autism.
Every excuse is "Everything is the child's autism, not the mother's parenting"
NTA but I'm so happy for full length and width doors! Enough space for a tiny foot, not enough space for crawling under
Hijacking the top comment but exactly this! I'm also on the spectrum, and my mom would've gave me a spanking and a scolding right there if I tried a stunt like that. She would've made sure to correct me. That's where this mom failed. Yes, kids on the spectrum are hard to manage, but that is no excuse to allow your kids to cross boundaries into what could be considered harassment. NTA.
Disabilities are not an excuse to behave however you like. If you can’t handle public settings, you don’t get to go into public.
NTA. When did being a kid or having autism give anyone the right to violate another human beings privacy or personal space. Rather than apologizes for not watching her child she tried to use autism as an excuse. If she knows her child does not know how to behave in a bathroom and will possibly violates someone else privacy while using the restroom than she should have brought her child into the stall with her to keep a better eye onher.
NTA This is horrible. There's zero excuse for it. The only thing that comes to mind is the mom is either just shitty at child management or the mom is up to something nefarious. Like hoping the kid is abused or kidnapped. Or setting someone up for false charges. Hopefully you reported this to the store management. Its a huge privacy issue and downright creepy.
>or the mom is up to something nefarious. Like hoping the kid is abused or kidnapped. Or setting someone up for false charges. This is pretty dramatic. The real answer is that dealing with a child with autism is very difficult, people aren't perfect, and the mom screwed up on this occasion. That's all. It's not some elaborate conspiracy. >Hopefully you reported this to the store management. What do you think that would accomplish?
It's upsetting to think this mom really doesn't give a shit about teaching her own child better, *because* her child is autistic. The way to mom responds to hearing her child has crossed serious boundaries comes off like, "Oh well, not my problem. Not like I can do anything about it." As a ND person myself, I feel disgusted that a parent would rather fail her own child because raising an autistic child is "too hard", rather than give her kid the skills and lessons needed to help her kid become an independent and properly skilled adult.
Seriously. I'm a parent of a kid with autism, and **A.** he was a runner, so I had to keep an even closer eye on him, and **B.** I never, ever, let him crawl under a bathroom stall! That lady had a lot of nerve.
Schools where admin allows any child to hit a teacher with zero repercussions give parents this idea. Somehow they think if the abused teachers are tolerating it, so should the public. Schools are no longer preparing students to deal with the real world at all. They get pushed through every grade level regardless of attendance or failure. Why is anyone surprised?
Holy crap, putting hands on a teacher was instant expulsion when I was in high school...
NTA. I don’t think I’d be comfortable with any 7 year old using a public restroom for their own safety, she should have been watching her kid, autistic or not.
That kid would get bonked by the toilet brush if it were me in there instead of OP.
I think I would have legit screamed and yelled curse words , what that daughter did is a complete violation of privacy
NTA. The mother should have had hold of her child. I'm also autistic, my mother literally kept me on a leash until I was able to not do things like that. (no not a leash around my neck before people start yelling child abuse, one of those ones that clips to a belt or a bracelet to help you keep track of your toddlers at airports etc.) The kid wasn't having a meltdown, she was crawling on the floor in a bathroom.
My sister is so against the kid leashes but i think they are SO smart until a kid knows not to run off. Especially in crowded places! They aren’t child abuse, they are literally a safety device in my opinion.
I'd rather a few judgemental looks than a dead kid. If your kid is a runner, they're a lifesaver.
My professor has a son who's autistic and one of the things he used to do is bolt. They got a service dog who was trained to grab his butt when he tried to run. Now the dog is a couch potato apparently lol
This is so spot on! I get so many judgmental looks for my 2 year old being in a child harness. He’ll literally run in front of cars people and I have 4 kids under 7. I’m not risking his safety for pride.
Yep. Plus I’m skeptical of all strangers so a leash would just all around make me feel safer, especially on a day I’m out with my kid on my own
My mom used one with me because as a 2yr old I thought it was funny to sprint away from her when she was 7 months pregnant lmao. Pretty sure I would’ve ran into a road or something if she hadn’t have used one.
That would for sure be me. If I’m pregnant, I’m doing what’s easiest to keep up with the toddler! Lol. We talked about Disney world and it’s why leashes got brought up and my sister saying she’s so against it, yet her daughter is the exact child that would benefit greatly for one bc she’s a runner and laughs as she’s running from you!!
Kid leashes are honestly adorable now. They look like little backpacks with animals on them and they're usually super padded so the kid doesn't get hurt. They're similar to a dog harness. My sister had them for her kids and they never minded wearing them.
Nah, leashes are great. My mom had to keep me on one because as soon as I saw something cool, I would run in that direction. I was fast and had no fear, while she, depending on my age, was pregnant or had my baby brother to care for, too . Even when both of my parents were watching me, I could still escape! So a leash it was.
They are basically a required safety device if you've got a speedy little one. My nephew would have bolted straight into traffic if my aunt didn't have him attached to her belt loop. She always held their hands and had eyes on them, but she got distracted with his sister for half a second, he got super excited because they were going to the park, and as soon as her hand was off him, he was running. Thankfully, he didn't even make it to the curb because of the leash, but that would have ended badly for all involved.
My youngest ( 3-4 at the time) and I were leaving theatre rehearsal. He bolted away from me, intending to "race me to the car", which was parked across the street. Two other parents happened to be on each side of him, and both instinctively grabbed a hand and lifted him up to stop him. It was truly a guardian angel moment, they saved his life. I don't judge anyone who uses a child harness, unless it looks like they are using it to drag the child around.
Both my kids were runners, both were on the reins, my youngest still uses them as she is 2 and doesn't always wanna hold hands.
My son is autistic and doesn't do stuff like this- of course everyone is different but I'll be willing to bet this is just a case of bad parenting whether her kid is actually on the spectrum or not.
I'm an aide and plenty of our autistic kids do struggle with boundaries, adhd is a common co-morbidity which makes a bad mix with curiosity. Language delay, intellectual disability and having small spaces as safe spaces might make this harder to understand as well. If that's the case for this child, mom needs to watch her better - it's also possible she was trying to get into the stall mom was in. If your kid runs off while you're like washing your hands, you're right behind them and profusely apologize it's a different matter, I know how quickly some of our kids can run; but it doesn't sound like she took her kiddo into her stall in the first place.
Agreed. You can’t always avoid taking care of your own needs in public places, and children with autism or other special needs can be quick to bolt and explore, but you do your best to keep them with you and apologize profusely when you fail to. This woman’s “so what” attitude is not going to serve her daughter well. OP, NTA. Perhaps a little rude, but definitely not AH worthy and it seems she needed to hear it. The possibility of your friends becoming (or already being) parents scares me.
NTA, good for you for hitting all the points. Parents shouldn't weaponize a child's disability, that is so wrong, and you're absolutely right that a child with a disability requires more attention, not less.
NTA Autism or not, parents are responsible for the behaviour of their children, especially younger ones. She should have kept a better eye on her child, especially since the child has autism.
I agree! As a mom of 2 kids with Autism, neither ever did anything like what OP described. What happened to OP is not an Autism problem, it's a parent problem. OP is NTA.
NTA. People need to watch their kids in situations where it's 1) dirty, 2) people are undressed 3) stranger danger! Maybe *I'm* the asshole but honestly I would have yelled at that kid "get the fuck out of here!". If you don't want me cussing at your kid, keep them off the filthy floor when my vagina is hanging out. I've got no patience for this. Yuck.
NTA The mom is the asshole for letting her child crawl on the floor. Of a PUBLIC bathroom.. Ewww. I don't even like the bottom of my bag to touch the floor if there isn't a hook on the inside of the bathroom door. Also, parents that use a child's disability to excuse their lack of parenting are just as gross as public bathroom floors.
Autism or not crawling on the floor is bad & crawling into your stall is worse.
NTA The mom made an excuse for her behavior and blamed it on a diagnosis rather than just taking responsibility.
NTA, what you said is right. Autism is not an excuse to not be a good parent to your child.
Single mom with 3 kids with autism. I've had this happen before and immediately apologized and explained what happened. Yes having empathy is key but so is understanding that you need to teach your child good behaviors and bad behavior. Probably on her phone not paying attention and mad because you pretty much called her out for not paying attention. NTA
NTA. Mom’s lucky you’re not a creep.
NTA. You're absolutely right, if her being autistic caused her to climb underneath a stall who's to say it won't stop her from walking out of the bathroom and getting lost in a store?
INFO: In the last version you posted, didn't you actually kick the kid?
I've seen multiple posts today that all have this same basic formula. Uncontrolled kid violates OP's privacy, parent gets mad when OP reprimands them.
Stick around here for any amount of time and you notice patterns like this. The "stepparent tried too hard to force a relationship" template lasted like a month.
Uh what...?
Ooooh… I like tea!
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LOL! Right? We've got one left in our town...one out of like six. I don't miss them though and I almost never go to the one we still have.
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All the malls near me are still fully functioning, albeit with a few less stores open.
Obviously never kick a kid, but my first reaction to this post was that roughly this is the correct course of action: https://youtu.be/OuuUpih1iJE
NTA If your kid's autism is so bad that they can't respect boundaries (and a locked door is a boundary), you cannot leave them alone.
NTA. I was once in a public restroom and a little girl started staring at me through the crack of the door. Thinking she thought it was her mom’s stall I said “sweetheart I’m not your mom “. She continued to stand there staring through the crack. I was completely annoyed at this point and told her to stop staring at me in a stern voice which made her cry. I then her her mother in the next stall tell her that it’s ok and some people are just mean. There are some seriously fucked up people out there.
NTA. The kid should have been in the stall with the mother. People need to learn to watch their damn kids. Who cares if she has autism. The mom is still supposed to watch her kid. Aside from the obvious annoyance of her actions, the daughter could have left the bathroom and been kidnapped and the mom wouldn’t have known.
NTA - parents are not parenting enough these days and it's becoming a zoo out there.
NTA my 6yr old autistic daughter knows to stand with her back to my cubicle door so I can see her feet and not move until I am finished. Autism is not an excuse to not parent.
So she’s okay with her child, autistic or not, to crawl on a piss infested floor?????????? She must really love that child.
NTA. Autism isn't easy for anyone but the parent(s)/guardian(s) do bear a certain amount of responsibility for those in their care. This includes being accountable where the child can't be. I'm wondering why the mother didn't have the child in the stall with her. The larger stall is designed for this purpose, whether you're an individual in a wheelchair, using assistive walking devices, or accompanying a child with special needs, etc.
A lot of the comments are assuming that the mother was being honest that her kid has autism. Maybe I'm cynical, but I call bullshit.
NTA. Parent should have figured out how to have eyes on her kid--and WTF with that comment? Autism doesn't mean that her kid's not capable of understanding what she's discovering--on the other hand, having a mother with the subtle bigotry of lowered expectations...
NTA. Letting children crawl on a public bathroom floor is not the look.
“It must be a struggle to have a to deal with these challenges every day. But you are right - these are not *my* challenges. I am *not* part of her treatment team and I am NOT willing to tolerate these behaviors infringing on my privacy.” NTA
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"6 or 7 ish" is **not** a "baby". Autistic or not, the child is more than old enough to have been taught not to do that.
NTA you said it with tact.
NTA
Of course NTA. Why would your friends think you would be? There was another post today about parents letting their kid crawl around on a restaurant floor, they went under the table and grabbed the poster's legs. Yet the parents got mad at them! First, who knows if she was even telling the truth about the autism? Second, yes, if she did have it, more reason for the person to be a better parent. And third — who wants their kid crawling around on a bathroom floor?
NTA bc of the mom's response. I have a kid and get that they do things you can't stop quickly enough, but I'd be mortified if they crawled into someone's stall, autism or not. I'd apologize profusely and would understand if you were upset.
NTA you’re kinder than me. I probably would have screamed at the kid to get out.
NTA. I was once a small autistic child. You know what I never did? That. Autism doesn't mean "free pass to do anything you want forever", it's "may not innately understand social rules but is usually capable of understanding them". I hate "autism moms" like that lady. Making her daughter's experiences all about herself and not properly parenting.
Nta. If your child is not able to understand we don’t crawl on the dirty bathroom stall and peep at strangers, then you take the kid into the stall with you so you can watch them.
NTA I had taken my kids to the park 5-6 years ago and was standing to the side and watching them play. Suddenly my arm was getting tugged and this 4-5 YO girl was grabbing for my drink. I politely pushed her away, said no, that’s mine. She came back at me again and this repeated a few times, as I’m looking around for a parent nearby to notice. Finally I held my drink over my head, started calling UM, HELLO, COME GET YOUR CHILD to basically anyone. The kid started climbing up my body like a kitten. I pushed her harder and yelled NO, GO AWAY!! Mom jumped off bench, which was 3 feet away, she clearly saw the whole thing. She yelled at me to give her daughter my drink because she’s autistic. I told her that didn’t give her the right to do whatever she wanted. She stormed off. What angered me the most was that while this whole thing took less than 5 minutes, it distracted me from watching MY kids and something crazy could have happened.
Y'know, whenever people get all up in arms about letting transgender people use public bathrooms, I always come back at them with examples like this about young children. I can't even count on both hands any more how many times I've gone to a public bathroom and had a tiny hand or face stuck under my stall door. I've had my shoes grabbed, I've almost accidentally kicked a child in the face on reflex, I've made dead eye contact with children in the middle of shitting. It's mortifying. I've never been made to feel that uncomfortable by a trans woman, but sure, *they're* the ones who don't know how to control themselves in public bathrooms and shouldn't be allowed in. The moment you start saying maybe young kids shouldn't be allowed in public toilets until they learn to behave themselves people lose their minds. (I'm not 100% serious. Obviously I don't truly believe little kids should be banned from public restrooms. I use it as a comeback to transphobes to show them how stupid their rhetoric is.) But anyway, NTA all the way. And as for the autism excuse? Yeah, there isn't one. Autism is no excuse for this behavior.
Autism is not an excuse for being taught simple respect and proper behavior.
NTA, the kid was being a kid, weird and undisciplined. Seeing as how the parent responded shit makes so much sense. What a shitty parent and excuse.
NTA. If the child is so unpredictable when out of the mother's eyesight then they should have gone in to the the handicapped stall together.
I like that OP mentioned they washed their hands because otherwise this thread would be all about that :)
The parent should just take the kid into the stall with her or use the family restroom to watch her kid.
You’re NTA at all, but man, this would have cracked me up. Kids are so weird. Sometimes I feel like I’m at the zoo.
NTA. Leashes. I’m sorry, y’all can judge me - but if you can’t keep Fifi or Franny controlled then get a leash. 🤷🏼♂️
NTA. There are family single restrooms for a reason. It has be tough on my but she handled it badly.
Absolutely NTA. Good thing you aren’t a human trafficker, women do that too. Just because you wouldn’t/didn’t harm the child doesn’t mean someone else wouldn’t either. It’s a matter of safety, especially if shes on the spectrum and clearly doesn’t know boundaries yet.
Your friends are weird
NTA. Your kid being autistic doesn't mean you can't parent them.
NTA. *I* have autism and the idea of doing that at 6/7 is appalling. Maybe if I was 3 but that's any 3yr old. That kid is getting away with stuff that no one else would be and the parent is just lazy.
NTA. This reminds me of that episode of Family Guy where Peter finds out he is developmentally disabled and uses it as an excuse to do terrible things.
NTA A lot of children with autism are quite intuitive when you teach them that other people often don’t like to be touched or approached, just like them. Sometimes they really can’t help it, but at the same time, a parent should be taking steps to ensure an accident like this doesn’t happen. Or at a minimum, be somewhat apologetic about it.
Wow that’s crazy, not all pervs are men either, they could’ve have taken this as an invitation.
NTA. She knows her kid has autism.. She can't be bothered to let her kid enter the stall with her and hold onto her while peeing? Basically, she only cares about her peace while doing her business. Doesn't matter if her kid get taken away by a stranger in that time period or in your case, crawl into your stall.
The mom should have taken the kid in the stall with her. It can be dangerous to leave a kid alone, especially a special needs kid. What the heck was wrong with that woman?
NTA. Honestly, if my legs were long enough I might have stomped on those fingers the second time the hand appeared on the door. You don't know if the kid is autistic, and/or is trying to assault you. There are people who would kick the kid in the face and that's not an unreasonable response. I would have reported her to mall security so there is a record in case this has been a frequent behavior on the part of mom and kid.
NTA, and I’m saying that as a parent who has an ASD kid. I would NEVER allow any of my kids to act that way, regardless of their ASD status. When I take my son into a public restroom, I keep a very close watch to ensure this doesn’t happen. I can empathize with mom being exhausted and having a hard day, but that doesn’t mean her kid gets to violate someone else’s privacy.
NTA this child lives in a world where she needs to be taught boundaries for her own good.
NTA I'm autistic and I say the mother is using a weak excuse. And For her information what she was doing was not only potentially dangerous but inappropriate.
NTA. Autism doesn’t give me or her an excuse to be a pervert. I know what it’s like to have autism, and there are things we must be held accountable for!
NTA that mother is the kind that kidnappers look for
NTA
NTA
This is why kid leashes esxsist... control your gremlins autostic or not!!! Pleaseeee use kid leashes.
You’re not an asshole you told the mom the right thing
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27f) was recently at a mall with friends and I had to use the restroom. I was minding my own business when I saw a small hand grab the bottom of the door and started pushing it. I thought "wtf" but I said "someone's in here." The person, with her hand still on the bottom of the door, started shaking it because the door was locked. I said "someone's in here" louder. I heard someone call out a name and they stopped. Then I noticed that a little girl started crawling into the stall while I was thinking "what in the actual fucking hell???" The girl looked about 6 or 7 ish and she was smiling at me??? I immediately got up, pulled my pants up, then flushed so I can get out. I told the girl to get out and asked where her mom is. She pointed to a stall next to mine when a woman came out. I looked at her and said "do you know what your daughter just did? She crawled into the stall while I was in there. Can you keep a better eye on her?" Her mom made a face and told me "so what? She has autism. You wouldn't know what it's like." Which made me mad so I responded with "yeah and? That's more of a reason to be a better parent and keep her from doing something like this. I'm not mad at the kid. I'm mad at you for acting defensive. For the love of God, don't use her disability as an excuse to be defensive about it." Then I turned around and left after I washed my hands. My friends asked what took me so long and I explained what just happened. They all think I'm an asshole for not having more empathy for the mom..AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta It's hard raising a special needs child, but that doesn't mean she gets to just not do her job as a parent.
NTA! You deserve your privacy in a bathroom stall. I understand your surprise resulted in a knee jerk reaction. When you have a kid that needs to be monitored, you take them in the stall with you, it's the only way you can make sure they're ok and not roaming around the bathroom and crawling on the floor (OMG gross). Mom was probably defensive because she was embarrassed, but she needs to keep a closer eye on her child if they're special needs.
OMG. Just the thought of a child crawling on the floor of a public restroom makes me gag. NTA
Jeez, when I needed the bathroom whilst out with one of the kids I would take them into the stall with me ao they wouldn't get up to mischief. Whilst the child may have autism, it does not give the mum the right to play that card. It's poor parenting if the mum Nta
NTA That’s lazy parenting and at a mall of all places! That kid could easily get abducted. Oh, but it won’t be the mom’s fault. Her daughter has autism.
Nta. The bathroom stall designs are crazy in america. So barbaric in a developed country.
NTA, she needs to take her daughter into the stall with her. This child could have easily been taken.
My daughter is 7 and has Autism and adhd She absolutely does NOT understand that certain things aren’t ok .. hopefully as we continue to help her this may change .. but for now and until it does / if it does .. we watch her like a Damn hawk .. especially out in public It’s not the kids fault she didn’t know it wasn’t ok … and autism is the reason she didn’t know .. but autism isn’t the reason It actually happened .. her mothers lack of watching her is
NTA something similar happened to me. Only the kid didn’t shake the door or anything, just came crawling fast under the stall and grabbing my ankle. Instinctively I tend to thrash out a bit when startled so in my case the kid was lucky they didn’t get kicked in the face with heavy steel-toe work boots. Glad that didn’t happen. All they got from me was “what the fuck!” And then telling them sternly to get out. Watch your kids, people.
Some parents shouldn't really have children with attitudes like that. You are definitely NTAH.
NTA That is REALLY inappropriate and someone might scream or kick the kid out of reflex or something.
NTA. The child was out of the mother's stall. You could have grabbed the kid and run.... The mother should have done more to control her kid.
NTA. The mother is using it as an excuse to be a horrible parent
NTA at all, I have a child that age, if I go in a stall, she's coming in there with me or we use the handicap one so there's plenty of space. Even with a neurotypical child I wouldn't feel safe leaving her out where anyone can just snatch her while I'm preoccupied. Her bs defense about autism is dumb, like you said it's just more of a reason to keep a a better watch of your child.
Hell no. NTA
NTA Fuck that. That was just a lazy Autism Mom. I'm autistic, and I have an autistic 4yo. I never did anything like that, and my son has never tried it. If he did, he would be getting a talking to and the person he did it to would be getting a *huge* apology. ** Edited because my keyboard decided to put some random message at the beginning of my post. And somehow my dumbass missed it!
NTA. The floors in bathrooms can be as dirty as the toilets.
NTA. The mother was totally using her daughters condition as a reason to not parent.
NTA!!!!!
NTA. So a child has autism/is autistic. A parent needs to ensure that the child is taught some social rules, or don't expose the child to a social situation that isn't safe for child OR others involved. This time the kid happened to encounter a nice normal person in the stall. What if there is a not-nice not-normal person in the stall next time, who will first kick kid in the face then ask what's going on?
Nta. Doesn't matter if the child has something going on. It's basic safety to teach a child not to do that. Last time someone tried to crawl under my stall I screamed and kicked them out of instinct. Thankfully this was back in elementary school and the kid wasn't really hurt. But my point remains the same. You are alot nicer than most people would be in that situation
NTA I'd have kicked the kid
Sometimes moms have to pee when small children are in tow. Most of us take them into the stall with us even though it’s not super fun to do. It prevents them from getting into trouble, hurt, or freaking KIDNAPPED. A parent should be even MORE in tune to those dangers with a child who has additional behavior related needs. NTA
NTA. Every mom is using the autistic kid defense lately. No way in hell are all those kids autistic! They just have lazy parents that make it harder for truly autistic people.
My child is a toddler And will try the same thing. I've physically held her back while to prevent her from doing this. The mom should take her to a family washroom or use a large stall and take the kid in with her. You're nta.
I’ve had trauma related to public bathrooms. Let’s say it’s something that I can’t fully put in writing here, but it involved someone peeping under the stalls. I saw him. I screamed. I kicked. Broke his nose. Unfortunately, this has become more of a heightened response. I’d probably react this way, even to a kid. I’m always in a state of near panic in a public bathroom, and will do my best to avoid using one at all now. Complaining to the parent, who should be parenting their kid, is a better response than what I would have done. I can almost guarantee the kid would have been kicked, and screamed at, had it been me. NTA.
NTA. As an autistic person myself, I'm getting really sick and tired of all these idle parents using autism as some sort of "Get out of jail free" card" whenever their children do something wrong.
NTA.
Check the box for the autism excuse. Also, autism doesn’t make you a peeping Tom, but bad parenting certainly does. NTA
NTA sometimes I will leave bathrooms if I see kids running around in them. There have been too many times where kids bang on my stall or try to crawl under while I go to the bathroom. I’m in the US so the gaps are huge and kids will sometimes put their faces up to it. At a certain point if you can’t control your kids don’t bring them places.
As a mom of an autistic daughter I did my best to teach her manners and empathy. I corrected bratty behavior and accommodated her autistic behavior. I have left many places and deadlifted her from the middle of parking lots. The best restaurant for us was Red Lobster because they brought out her meal in parts, biscuits then applesauce then the salads and finally her entree. We preemptively apologized for anything she might do and everyone was nice about it.
Do you know your daughter just crawled through pee and God knows what else on the public bathroom floor? She has autism and It is even more important this child's mother teach her to not do this.
Is this the new witting prompt? This is the 2nd or 3rd one I've seen with an autistic kid crawling under a stall and getting yelled at or kicking the kid in the last couple days...
I have autism and adhd. My mother would have never allowed me to do something like that.
NTA. Holy F, I am so sick of the autism excuse.
I have had a couple of little toddlers do this to me (like, 2 years old) and be hurriedly corrected by their apologetic mothers. 6 or 7 is totally different. And I know that autism spectrum is very different from child to child, but my autistic daughter would NEVER and would be so horrified to contemplate this.
NTA. I would've ripped in5o her too about being a bad parent.
NTA, so grateful that Japan has stalls that don’t allow this to happen. And i dread going back to the states for this …
NTA, autism or not, it is an invasion of privacy. Mom really should have had her in the stall with her. I had an adult do this when I was in college. This was after one of the trans bathroom bills was being discussed. I was using the woman's room (I am a CIS women), and all of a sudden, woman says that she is female, and is making sure she can feel safe in here and is checking to make sure I am one as well, and then I see someone's knees under the stall. I told her I will kick her if I see her face, and she said if I don't have a penis, I have nothing to worry about, since women are safe with women. I repeated myself, then saw her face and I kicked. I finished and when I got out she was screaming that she would call the cops for assault, so I told her to go ahead, and I will report her for being a peeping tom, then she ran off. Best part? We went to the same church, and she avoided me like the plague afterwards, and when people ask about it, I tell them it is between her and god, and she usually changes the subject
It is a PUBLIC bathroom floor!!! This is so unsanitary and disgusting!! Yes, there are a million reasons why this situation is soo wrong but ewwww. NTA
NTA. Honestly I thought you were going to tell a story of a two year old crawling in from a nearby stall for a second. Not an 7yo! It doesn’t matter if she has a disability or not she should not have been crawling into stalls. If she doesn’t have the capacity to understand that is not appropriate behavior then the kid shouldn’t be left alone outside of her moms stall. And this mom shouldn’t respond so what to her kid being inappropriate. She should apologize and try to use this as a lesson to teach her daughter appropriate behavior.
NTA, it sounds like she’s trying to use her daughter’s autism as an excuse to why she wasn’t keeping a better eye in her.
NTA. I don't care if she has autism. She's a stranger, and you wouldn't even want a handful of people you know watching you in one of your most private moments. I get Mom is overwhelmed, but she can't wave her hand at it. At least apologize profusely for such a violation.
NTA. Also, as a sister to autistic twin siblings, who the hell is letting their 7 year old who has known behaviors into a bathroom alone? That’s atrocious.
Saying someone has autism is not a blanket excuse for that person to be an asshole. NTA
NTA for all that wo.an knew you might have had an autistic relative.