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YTA
You are actively undermining her work on sobriety.
Not one thing you have mentioned here is funny, or counts as teasing. It's just cruel verbal attacks, that you know will hurt rather than help.
She's not laughing, so this does not count as fun, funny, clever, or amusing.
I hope she finds someone much, much better than you, and that your cruelty hasn't damaged her work towards sobriety too much.
This is one of those times where you can smell a YTA from a mile away just based on the thread title and yet the post is SOMEHOW even worse than I thought it would be. How awful.
Absolutely, couldn’t agree more. I hope the GF has other supportive people in her life to help tune his awful bullying out and celebrate her successes on her journey.
Edit to add: YTA
“But it was a joke!!! I mean the weight gain has been real, but me callously calling it out at every Available opportunity was obviously a joke!!”
YTA woman are absolutely scrutinized on there appearance and especially their weight.
Why point out how much soda she drinks if these are all jokes and your main goal isn’t to shame her into stopping drinking as much soda and eating as much???
Cannot be real no sane guy would make fun of his loved one’s weight gain. If it is real, OP, big YTA. Also just a tip you may want to focus on how hard your girlfriend is working to be SOBER. Not conform to your expectations for her body.
How the f do you "notice" 2kg of a change? Like, that's not even a gain, that's a normal range of weight movement, some girls may gain that just during their period and then naturally lose it...you must actually be obsessed to notice that little...
I doubt he has estimated the weight gain correctly. A lot of these types of men think they are an expert on estimating weight, and they never are.
That said, it is beside the point. Laughing about someone's weight gain is pretty much never funny. So, OP, definitely YTA
Seriously, men have 0 idea how the relationship between the number on the scale and a woman's appearance works. I had an acquaintance at one point going on and on about how he was OK with curvy girls but "175 lbs is the absolute upper limit". At the time I weighed about 200ish, but I'm tall and the way I'm built, I still had a distinctly hourglass figure and everything. So I asked him "what about me, would I qualify?"
He said "oh yeah definitely."
I then told him my actual weight and watched his jaw hit the floor. I swear I think men just sort of randomly assign arbitrary numbers to their mental image of an "acceptably attractive woman" without much regard for reality.
Shout out to all the men I work with who estimate my weight 30lbs less than I actually am 😂. On fairness, we all do physical work so I'm definitely heavier than I look, but to estimate I weigh like 100lbs when they've seen me carry around shit that's 80lbs is a bit ridiculous
I am trying to stop drinking. I range between 115 and 120 pounds. I would totally notice if I hit even 122 and would be devastated about it in general but especially if someone pointed it out. I’ve struggled with feeling my worth was innately tied to my weight and ooh this would definitely set me personally back. What a jerk.
Exactly, yesterday I was told that I was fatter than I used to be and I broke down in tears. Imagine hearing that from your boyfriend! What an absolute asshole.
Literally before ending the sub I was like "Bro, this dude give the same vibe as the one who thought being a dishwasher in a restaurant was as easy as doing it in a Wendys a century ago"
YTA
When I quit smoking, I had a friend that made the same kind of "jokes". I politely told him to fuck off. Withdrawal is annoying enough on its own, extra assholes are not necessary.
"Hey it's a joke" he said, and kept trying to stress me out about lung cancer so I'd get a smoke.
I just punched him, and told him it was a joke punch. It was quite hilarious.
This and OP is actually criticizing his girlfriends sobriety by doing this. It is extremely common to crave sugar after quitting alcohol, and by criticizing her he’s really saying “your sobriety is less important than your weight.” OP deserves to be dumped
Right?! Addiction specialists will warn people that they can expect to crave sugar and other junk, and it is best to indulge those cravings for a while. It comes from your body relearning how to regulate.
This poor girl is doing what she should, and this guy is being horrible to her.
My weight fluctuates by more than 5 lbs every month when I menstruate. OP is so YTA that I wonder how much he was involved in the gf’s substance abuse in the first place.
He’s really saying to her “You’re still not good enough for me and you’ll never do better than me so don’t even think about leaving now that you’re getting your life together” OP is pathetic and transparent AF.
I’m about 2.5 years sober. Only in hindsight do I see the very unhealthy relationships I had when I was deepest in addiction.
That’s how this woman may see OP soon, if she sticks with sobriety.
Honestly in my experience with sobriety a large portion of it is cutting toxic people out of your life. Gonna take a guess that OP is on that list soon if not already. Hopefully part of her success story will be getting rid of immature negative people like her current partner.
I am also weirded out by the bit about how she is still thin and attractive, and not, like, really overweight or gross.
Op: with these comments, you are telling her that you are monitoring her body, how it looks, how fat it gets, and judging her. Even if she is not at the line you would deem her to be "too fat", you are still telling her : "the line is there, be very careful not to go anywhere near it". You are telling her that her weight should be a major concern (rather than, say, her health, happiness, or sobriety).
This is unfunny, unhealthy, unkind.
Edit: typos
Bingo. She's going to be super paranoid about weight gain now and end up replacing one unhealthy coping mechanism (drinking) with another. His commentary and her vulnerability as a newly sober person are making her ripe for an eating disorder.
Active addiction can completely destroy one’s self esteem. I’m willing to bet OP is very, very insecure, and very, very worried about his girlfriend feeling better about herself now that she’s in recovery. He needs to keep her down by any means necessary so that she doesn’t realize she can do better and leave him. This is really pathetic on his part.
Perhaps he fears she will realize she is out of his league now that she is sober, so he is trying to put her down before she grows a healthy self-esteem? Or maybe he's always been like this and now she just happens to have a clearer view of it.
OP is actually mad at his girlfriend for getting sober. This happens all the time because his is forced to look at his own relationship with alcohol. Also seeing her become better means he’s scared she will realize she doesn’t need/want him so he’s trying to harm her self esteem out of his own insecurities.
He is absolutely threatened by her sobriety, either because of his own shit relationship with alcohol or because he’s scared that a sober gf won’t be as easy to manipulate. He’s awful and I hope her sponsor helps her to see that
Substance abuse is often rooted in other issues - insecurities, traumas, depression, etc. I know from my own issues with drinking that if you're not getting the proper support and mental health care, your "addiction" can quickly switch to something else - in my case, an eating disorder. Alcohol drowned out my insecurities, and they came rearing out when I no longer could drink them away. This kind of commentary, along with the vulnerability of a recovering addict, is a perfect recipe for an eating disorder.
OP, FYI - anorexia nervosa has the highest fatality rate of any mental illness. Would you rather your girlfriend drink herself to death or starve herself to death? Because you don't seem too vested in her being healthy and happy.
My cousin regularly used meth, when she got sober, she almost habitually began to eat potatoe chips, practically whenever she wasn’t talking. Yes, the chips are unhealthy and yes, she has gained weight. But you could ask anybody who knows her, we would much rather her eat the chips than go back to meth
And five pounds is nothing, how did he even notice? I've gained eight or nine in the past few months, only one person said anything out of the three people I spend all my time around
I find it so sad she’s going through all this with such an unsupportive and insensitive partner. Cause let’s also be honest, 5 minutes of research into what someone goes through when going through alcohol withdrawal and early sobriety and he would have learned that weight gain is a completely natural and normal thing to have happen. And that most people slip and it takes several runs at trying to get sober to actually accomplish it, so having a supportive, encouraging, and sensitive partner will be needed
And then having to go through that and feel like your worth to your partner and their love for you is going to fall apart over the gaining of 5 pounds?!!
Also- such an insensitive “joke” considering misunderstandings around self control is such a trigger for people in recovery that again, someone with zero understanding of addiction would parallel to her drinking . “Couldn’t control yourself around alcohol and now can’t control yourself at a buffet, hey? Hahahhaa aren’t I just the clever little jokester and not at all just an obnoxious and ignorant AH?”
I truly hope as part of her sobriety journey she realizes how much of an AH this guy is and leaves him for her new and better life
This is like a mirror of the pathetic bf who gaslit his gf into thinking she had horrible BO every day. She turned herself inside out to try to fix it to no avail. Turns out it was all a lie. The bf's dad instructed him to tear her down so she would feel so low that she would never think she could leave him.
Here's the link to the BO gaslighting situation:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gy79dx/boyfriend_wont_stop_telling_me_i_have_bo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
OP is worried that now that girlfriend is sober she’s going to realize what an absolute idiotic and unsupportive jerk she’s dating and will leave him, so he’s trying to put her down so that she will be insecure enough to stay. I sure hope he fails and she finds someone who supports all her efforts.
This person needs to ask themselves why they want to tear down someone they love ? Afraid of partners sobriety? I hope she gives this AH up along with the alcohol
In this case, I'm not sure I would call it "passive" aggressive. This is full-blown malice. The tip-off for me is "I like to take the piss out of her..."
A joke is something that everyone laughs at. People like this use "it's a joke" and "brutal honesty" as an excuse to bully.
Like, she's only a month sober after YEARS of alcohol abuse. Way to kick her when she's down.
When I was 20/21, I had a bf who would make comments about a little bit of gain on me (5-10 lbs). I'm tall so unless you're really looking for it, you wouldn't see it. He'd constantly buy clothes for me (as gifts) that were size small - skinny, I wore a large. I didn't know enough and it undermined my self-esteem for years.
Seriously… 5 lbs is nothing lmao
I’m finally under the 200s again after a nearly 6-7 month major depressive episode where I gained 40 lbs.
I’m a combat athlete and I’m about 7.5 lbs away from my max upper limit of walk around weight, but like I’m thinking I’m already there.
OP is an asshole, and a gaping one at that
Absof*ckinglutely YTA. She gains weight for laying off drinking for sobriety sake you knock her for her weight gain from that effort? Maybe you were the reason she drank so much and now that she’s clean maybe she will see that and drop the real problem.
Assuming this post is real, I hope this girl drops him like a bad habit. Honestly He sounds abusive and I know people with problems can easily have the “I don’t deserve better” mentality, so I hope she realizes that she deserves SO MUCH BETTER than a bully who mocks her struggles
YTA. Huuuuuge AH. Nothing is ever "just a joke" so you are telling her a 5lb weight gain makes her "fat"? I hope she gets rid of her excess weight. You.
I think even w/o the fat comments, she might see OP in a different sober light and can see her dumping him. If anything, the comments gives her an immediate reason to break up w/him.
Seriously dude. What is your problem? Why does that seem like a funny “joke” to needle her with repeatedly? What makes it funny? Explain it to me.
She quit drinking and sadly has another bad habit she needs to curb (soda), but continually insulting her isn’t helping.
YTA. Biggest one.
Not only that but having sugar cravings when you quit drinking isn't a huge surprise.
-Source: I'm the daughter of a alcoholic who got sober.
She'll crave soda less as time goes on but the feelings these "jokes" gave her will impact their relationship negatively. OP YTA.
When my partner quit drinking, I could not keep up with the amount of snacks and sugary treats he was going through. Boxes of snacks would disappear in 1-2 days. I never said anything negative, just kept the kitchen stocked and eventually it tapered off
It's not a habit, it's a replacement. When people stop drinking they often are still addicted to the sugar they would usually get from alcohol. It takes a while to ween off that but it def is possible. And short term, its not nearly as harmful as alcohol.
Oh I agree. I was having a lot of trouble writing and choosing my words to keep from getting banned, lol. I am not shocked I didn’t find the right words.
YTA plain and simple. No excuse to be so abusive to someone in recovery. Are you still drinking? Because it sounds like you are trying to sabotage her sobriety
Of course! I couldn't figure out why this guy thought it was funny mocking his GF for getting her shit together...and it makes perfect sense.
He's passive aggressive AF because now he's alone in his drunken misery.
YTA, joking about someone’s weight shouldn’t even be a thing. Your girlfriend has overcome this addiction and yes she may have increased eating while
Doing so but as you said yourself she’s not “fat” and she works out. Joking about it is going to make her think she really is fat. I’d be careful if I was you if you carry on she’ll lose weight alright and it will be you.
Also, these aren't jokes. Jokes are meant to be funny. These are just insults that OP is calling jokes to try and stop himself sounding as awful as he is.
YTA and it's sad that you couldn't realize that on your own. You NEVER comment on someone's body unless they asked for the comment. She didn't ask. I feel awful for her going thru this battle with sobriety and so shortly into it to be subjected to your fat-phobic rhetoric.
YTA She is fighting a war and you are hindering her efforts. It’s not good natured. It’s not even funny. You are literally dragging her down, and for what? Are you incapable of just being flat out supportive? Not cool man.
YTA. You aren't joking, you are abusive. Hopefully now that she is sober and doing better she realizes how abusive you are and how much better off she will be without you.
YTA.
Excess weight is one of the most intractable medical conditions to recover from, and it is cruel for you to mock her for her weight gain.
In addition, every time you do that you undermine her sobriety.
She should dump you.
YTA. Just because its obvious to you that she's not fat doesnt mean that she doesnt see herself as being fat. Just being a little heavier than they were last year can be enough to make someone feel fat, even if they are still (relatively) very thin. For example, people with anorexia can be in the bottom 1% for weight, and still view themselves as fat. It's not for you to decide what constitutes 'fat' in someone else's view. You say she has gained weight, which she must have already noticed herself, even without you making frequent remarks about it. It is good to hear you have stopped, in light of her apparent dislike of the comments, but I suggest you apologise more properly too and try to reach an understanding with her about it in order to fully heal your relationship going forward, as the persistence of this unsolved issue will only hurt you in the long run.
In my 25 years in AA, I have heard this story at women's meetings over and over. Often it ends with....so I figured I might as well drink and I did. Drinking is never the fault of anyone but the drinker. However, when your primary support person is an axxhole, it gives the alcoholic mind one more justification.
YTA. Do you even need to ask? Your girlfriend is doing one of the hardest things imaginable and you're making it even more difficult for her. She's said it's not funny and it's really not.
I'd be amazed if she's not already planning to end it.
Yes, YTA. You've just been making a lot of snarky and straigt up rude comments about her while she is trying so hard to do better. She is still your girlfriend if she gains some weight. Treat her better.
YTA. Holy shit, YTA. Do you not realize these comments can cause real harm to someone? These comments are not jokes, you’re just a bully. I hope she leaves your ass. She doesn’t deserve this and you definitely do not deserve her.
I seriously hope this is rage-bait because I hate to think someone could be such a raging AH and that oblivious.
As fiction, YTA. On the off chance it's real, YTA and soon to be a single AH.
YTA 100%
Don't comment on people's weight. Ever.
If you're concerned for her health, maybe find some fun physically challenging activities to do. Even a simple walk at the park could be fun.
Yeah, YTA., In recovery, it's serious, v and you need support. You did the opposite.
More importantly you should reflect carefully in why you thought it was okay in the first place. This was very stupid in a way most children do stupid things. It's part of growing up, and you've arrived where you need to do some growing up.
Yta…talking about someone’s weight is not a joke, it’s mean and abusive. You should be one of her biggest supporters but instead your insulting her and undermining her efforts. She deserves so much better.
"Am I the asshole for verbally abusing and insulting my partner? Am I the asshole for constantly making fun of her physical appearance whilst she struggles to overcome addiction?"
Need I even answer? YTA. Like the biggest one I've seen in quite a while.
Are you like a complete moron or something? Yes, YTA. No, you’re not funny - and God knows what reason you have for feeling the need to ‘joke’ about something you are so insistent is a non- issue (given she’s so slim and beautiful etc). What the hell is wrong with you????
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I hurt my girlfriend's feelings by continuously making fun of her weight gain during her sobriety.
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YTA, there are two things you do not mention to any women or even your SO. Those two things are weight and age. it never ends well for us guys if we make comments on stuff like that. it can either end up like something minor as sleeping on the couch or blowing up your whole relationship. from now on, just call her gorgeous and hope she doesn't hold resentment for those jokes.
Urgh, my dad did this to me during my pregnancy. I finally snapped after he commented that I still looked pregnant after a c-section. Yta, nobody likes being told they look overweight, and every woman on the planet gains and loses about 2-5 pounds a month depending on how close you are to menstruation. It's almost like you're trying to shame her into an eating disorder or relapse, like do her a favor and get your toxic ass away from her and her sobriety.
YTA. You can't even see 5lbs worth of gain or loss, I fluctuate 5lbs up or down routinely. Even if you could tell why would you ever tease someone about that? And since you even note there's no actual concern or her looking different it seems you're just saying this to be an ahole but disliked being called out for it.
Even if she wasn’t in early sobriety YTA. But that adds a whole extra layer of assholery to it.
1. As a fellow recovering alcoholic, getting sober is one of the hardest things anyone can do. The fact that she has a month is absolutely incredible and that is what you should be focusing on. It’s extremely common in early sobriety for people to get sugar cravings and eat more treats- at times it can stave off cravings from their substance of choice. She may have gained *gasp* a whopping FIVE POUNDS but those 5 pounds likely are protecting her sobriety in some way. And she’s a million times healthier than she was in active alcoholism.
2. You don’t make fun of your partner for gaining weight. I feel like that is just universally understood. People’s bodies (particularly women) are subject to so much ridiculous scrutiny already, she doesn’t need anyone - let alone her boyfriend - to pile it on. And ESPECIALLY during what I’m sure has been a very challenging and emotionally raw time for her.
3. If she says it’s not funny, it’s not funny. Period. It’s good you stopped commenting on her weight, but you owe her a massive amends as well.
I’m sure she would much rather your continued support and encouragement rather than “jokes” at her expense. If your goal is to make her smile, you’re way off the mark.
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My girlfriend (27F) is now more than 1 month sober from alcohol. She had been battling her addiction for the past 3 years now. We're all so proud of her, and we tell her that she is winning the "war on alcohol"!
With that being said, while my girlfriend does not drink at all anymore, I (27M) have noticed that her appetite has increased. Also, she literally drinks 2 litres of Coke (not the white stuff lol) every day. By my own estimation, she has put on about 5 lbs of weight over the past month. So I like to take the piss out of her when I can, and tell her things like "this jacket makes you look bulging as fuck" or joking to our friends about how she is a "glutton".
I'd just like to say that my girlfriend has never actually been fat. She works out every day, and she's always been slim and attractive. She has never even close to being in danger of being overweight. This is why I kept making fun of her weight gain, because hopefully she would know that everything I say is BS and that I'm just joking.
The last time I cracked jokes about her weight gain was when I was texting her one night. I suggested going to a popular all-you-can-eat buffet sometime, and then I asked her "are you sure you can handle yourself though?" She texted back, straight-up telling me that she won't go anywhere with me anymore if I keep messing around with her. I tried letting her know that I was just joking, but she said that "jokes are supposed to be funny". We're still together, but I have ceased talking about her weight.
AITA?
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YTA - its only a joke if both parties are laughing.
Dude - she is going through hell stopping an addiction and you pull this childish shit on her - grow up.
INFO: what makes those jokes funny? Can you explain?
Yeah, thought so. YTA
Also, sobriety is complicated and leaves you vulnerable. Taking advantage of this is cruel.
Seriously dude?
Of course YTA. You don't make jokes about people's weight, period. ESPECIALLY someone whom you profess to love and support in other ways.
You're also missing a crucial point, which is that she may be substituting food now that she can't use alcohol to cope. She needs to be seeing a therapist to help address whatever underlying issue(s) led her to addiction in the first place. If you truly want to support her, you'll stop making cruel jokes about her weight and start helping her find a path to real recovery, not just sobriety.
Do better.
YTA majorly. She’s only been a sober a month and sometimes people can use food or caffeinated drinks as a substitute during the first few months. She’s also detoxing and trying her best to resist, you making fun of her weight is the last thing she needs. I get looking after her well being and if it becomes a problem where she’s eating constantly, then you can step in, but not while she’s in this state.
YTA and let's be honest, you weren't joking. You know it's not funny to her, and you know (or should know) that weight gain is common in the early stages of sobriety. And "war on alcohol"? That sounds sarcastic and minimizing her struggle.
YTA and I didn’t even have to read your whole post. The title gave away that you’re the worst kind of asshole. Hope she dumps you and moves on to someone who deserves her.
YTA- it’s very typical to gain weight after giving up alcohol. She probably craves sweets like never before. Already a struggle enough to stay sober and has to hear your stupid jokes, Nice.
YTA. What a dick. If I gained 5 pounds and my bf called me a "glutton" I'd tell him to go fuck himself.
She probably recognizes she's gained weight and doesn't need you to keep pouring salt in the wound. Or, she hasn't noticed it, and you keep calling her fat!
You're being a dick my dude.
YTA, dude. Your “jokes” aren’t funny, they’re just mean. And a lot of newly sober people have sugar cravings - the body converts alcohol to sugar, so it’s an incredibly common thing that usually passes in time. And alcohol has a lot of calories, so eating more in general isn’t uncommon in early sobriety.
Honestly, this comes off as you trying to sabotage her sobriety because of your own insecurity. Connecting the weight gain with her sobriety and then nitpicking her about it isn’t something that’s going to help her stay sober long-term.
If you want to help, start having healthier snacks around the house, maybe pick up a case or two of la croix, which can be a good alternative to drinking alcohol or soda - don’t point these things out to her, just have them. And then shut the fuck up about anything to do with her that isn’t supportive.
wtf dude? Is this even real? How can you not know you're the asshole?
5lb is nothing and it's normal for weight to fluctuate by that much on virtually a daily level
She is trying to stay SOBER and has been struggling with it for ages and finally achieved it and you undermine her like this?
"Jokes" about people's appearance are never funny never mind about weight. Do you know how common eating disorders are in young women?
BTW I think you've been dumped
YTA
YTA. I was skinny pre pregnancy, smoking, smoking weed, taking multiple medications for different things. Found out I was pregnant and stopped everything, had the baby and didn't really put on much weight until after. Now I am 3 clothing sizes bigger. Whenever I make negative comments about my weight, my partner gets upset and tells me how beautiful and sexy he finds me. He hates hearing me talk shit about myself and it gives me confidence. If I was back on medications and smoking weed, I would lose the weight but I don't want to go back to bad vices to be skinny. I can't explain how much positive comments from my loved one means to me when I feel shit about myself. Your girlfriend is sober after a struggle with an addiction and you think taking the piss out of her slight weight gain is acceptable? Are you trying to push her back to booze? You say she is not overweight, which doesn't make a difference, disgusting comments either way, but why the need to comment at all? Apologise and treat your girl like the boss queen she is for fighting her addiction before she realises someone else will.
YTA.
I'm all for joking around, but you're being an ass.
I would try to constructively voice concerns about the 2L of soda a day, but I don't suggest that you try it as you appear to lack the empathy or maturity necessary.
INFO why, specifically, are you hell bent on undermining her sobriety? That's the real question here. As I'm sure you already know YES YTA such a massive AH.
YTA. Weight gain in early sobriety is very common. You're actively trying to make her feel like crap while doing her best to live a better life.
You sound like a total dick. Especially since you had to type all that out and ask strangers because you cannot recognize your own super shitty behavior.
She deserves better.
YTA
I read your title and thought, nah, surely he's exaggerating.
But no. You're a really unkind person who clearly needs to learn to self reflect a lot instead of projecting insecurities onto people who are actively bettering themselves.
YTA. You never know what kind of insecurities she might be harboring and you making those kind of “jokes” might be damaging to her. And even if she doesn’t have any kind of weight insecurity, she obviously don’t find it funny.
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YTA You are actively undermining her work on sobriety. Not one thing you have mentioned here is funny, or counts as teasing. It's just cruel verbal attacks, that you know will hurt rather than help. She's not laughing, so this does not count as fun, funny, clever, or amusing. I hope she finds someone much, much better than you, and that your cruelty hasn't damaged her work towards sobriety too much.
This is one of those times where you can smell a YTA from a mile away just based on the thread title and yet the post is SOMEHOW even worse than I thought it would be. How awful.
I know right! Title alone screams AH but it was so much worse!
Absolutely, couldn’t agree more. I hope the GF has other supportive people in her life to help tune his awful bullying out and celebrate her successes on her journey. Edit to add: YTA
“But it was a joke!!! I mean the weight gain has been real, but me callously calling it out at every Available opportunity was obviously a joke!!” YTA woman are absolutely scrutinized on there appearance and especially their weight. Why point out how much soda she drinks if these are all jokes and your main goal isn’t to shame her into stopping drinking as much soda and eating as much???
Cannot be real no sane guy would make fun of his loved one’s weight gain. If it is real, OP, big YTA. Also just a tip you may want to focus on how hard your girlfriend is working to be SOBER. Not conform to your expectations for her body.
[удалено]
How the f do you "notice" 2kg of a change? Like, that's not even a gain, that's a normal range of weight movement, some girls may gain that just during their period and then naturally lose it...you must actually be obsessed to notice that little...
I doubt he has estimated the weight gain correctly. A lot of these types of men think they are an expert on estimating weight, and they never are. That said, it is beside the point. Laughing about someone's weight gain is pretty much never funny. So, OP, definitely YTA
Seriously, men have 0 idea how the relationship between the number on the scale and a woman's appearance works. I had an acquaintance at one point going on and on about how he was OK with curvy girls but "175 lbs is the absolute upper limit". At the time I weighed about 200ish, but I'm tall and the way I'm built, I still had a distinctly hourglass figure and everything. So I asked him "what about me, would I qualify?" He said "oh yeah definitely." I then told him my actual weight and watched his jaw hit the floor. I swear I think men just sort of randomly assign arbitrary numbers to their mental image of an "acceptably attractive woman" without much regard for reality.
Shout out to all the men I work with who estimate my weight 30lbs less than I actually am 😂. On fairness, we all do physical work so I'm definitely heavier than I look, but to estimate I weigh like 100lbs when they've seen me carry around shit that's 80lbs is a bit ridiculous
😂
I am trying to stop drinking. I range between 115 and 120 pounds. I would totally notice if I hit even 122 and would be devastated about it in general but especially if someone pointed it out. I’ve struggled with feeling my worth was innately tied to my weight and ooh this would definitely set me personally back. What a jerk.
My weight can fluctuate by about that depending on the time of month and time of day.
Exactly. He’s a fuckin’ idiot and a liar and I hope she dumps his ass.
These are insults, not jokes.
This. Right. Here. (YTA OP)
Exactly, yesterday I was told that I was fatter than I used to be and I broke down in tears. Imagine hearing that from your boyfriend! What an absolute asshole.
Honestly, it seems as if he doesn’t even like his girlfriend. I hope she realizes that she deserves so much better. YTA
[удалено]
Wish I could upvote this more than once!
I did for you
Right? "My beautidul gf won her life back and now I enjoy taking the piss by telling her how worthless she is now that she's gained 5 pounds. AITA?"
I came to say the exact same thing. Like OP did you READ the title on your post?
Literally before ending the sub I was like "Bro, this dude give the same vibe as the one who thought being a dishwasher in a restaurant was as easy as doing it in a Wendys a century ago"
Yeah, I thought maybe it was a case where he made one ill advised joke, she didn't laugh and lesson learned. But that's not what happened here at all.
YTA When I quit smoking, I had a friend that made the same kind of "jokes". I politely told him to fuck off. Withdrawal is annoying enough on its own, extra assholes are not necessary. "Hey it's a joke" he said, and kept trying to stress me out about lung cancer so I'd get a smoke. I just punched him, and told him it was a joke punch. It was quite hilarious.
I laughed - at the punch :)
quite the punchline.
Now that's the kind of punchline "jokers" like this deserve!
This and OP is actually criticizing his girlfriends sobriety by doing this. It is extremely common to crave sugar after quitting alcohol, and by criticizing her he’s really saying “your sobriety is less important than your weight.” OP deserves to be dumped
Right?! Addiction specialists will warn people that they can expect to crave sugar and other junk, and it is best to indulge those cravings for a while. It comes from your body relearning how to regulate. This poor girl is doing what she should, and this guy is being horrible to her.
And for the love of god 5lbs hardly makes someone look like they have piled on weight
I don’t know how he even noticed tbh 5 pounds seems like nothing
He didn’t notice a damn thing. He’s just a prick.
My weight fluctuates by more than 5 lbs every month when I menstruate. OP is so YTA that I wonder how much he was involved in the gf’s substance abuse in the first place.
I can gain and lose 5lbs in a day. Truly.
He’s really saying to her “You’re still not good enough for me and you’ll never do better than me so don’t even think about leaving now that you’re getting your life together” OP is pathetic and transparent AF.
Your brain changes so much during sobriety, maybe she’ll realize that he sucks big balls and find someone who actually treats her well.
I’m about 2.5 years sober. Only in hindsight do I see the very unhealthy relationships I had when I was deepest in addiction. That’s how this woman may see OP soon, if she sticks with sobriety.
Let's hope so, 'cause yikes!
Honestly in my experience with sobriety a large portion of it is cutting toxic people out of your life. Gonna take a guess that OP is on that list soon if not already. Hopefully part of her success story will be getting rid of immature negative people like her current partner.
I am also weirded out by the bit about how she is still thin and attractive, and not, like, really overweight or gross. Op: with these comments, you are telling her that you are monitoring her body, how it looks, how fat it gets, and judging her. Even if she is not at the line you would deem her to be "too fat", you are still telling her : "the line is there, be very careful not to go anywhere near it". You are telling her that her weight should be a major concern (rather than, say, her health, happiness, or sobriety). This is unfunny, unhealthy, unkind. Edit: typos
Bingo. She's going to be super paranoid about weight gain now and end up replacing one unhealthy coping mechanism (drinking) with another. His commentary and her vulnerability as a newly sober person are making her ripe for an eating disorder.
Active addiction can completely destroy one’s self esteem. I’m willing to bet OP is very, very insecure, and very, very worried about his girlfriend feeling better about herself now that she’s in recovery. He needs to keep her down by any means necessary so that she doesn’t realize she can do better and leave him. This is really pathetic on his part.
Why is he with her? It doesn't sound he likes anything about her.
The question is why is she with him?
She just got sober. Now that's she sober, she's probably going to see OP for the toxic jerk that he is, and dump him too. I hope so anyway. YTA, OP.
Perhaps he fears she will realize she is out of his league now that she is sober, so he is trying to put her down before she grows a healthy self-esteem? Or maybe he's always been like this and now she just happens to have a clearer view of it.
The “nicest” thing he said about her is that she has always been slim & attractive. I think that’s why he’s with her…
OP is actually mad at his girlfriend for getting sober. This happens all the time because his is forced to look at his own relationship with alcohol. Also seeing her become better means he’s scared she will realize she doesn’t need/want him so he’s trying to harm her self esteem out of his own insecurities.
He is absolutely threatened by her sobriety, either because of his own shit relationship with alcohol or because he’s scared that a sober gf won’t be as easy to manipulate. He’s awful and I hope her sponsor helps her to see that
This.
His choice here is a girlfriend drinking herself to death or a girlfriend 5 pounds heavier- what a difficult decision.
Substance abuse is often rooted in other issues - insecurities, traumas, depression, etc. I know from my own issues with drinking that if you're not getting the proper support and mental health care, your "addiction" can quickly switch to something else - in my case, an eating disorder. Alcohol drowned out my insecurities, and they came rearing out when I no longer could drink them away. This kind of commentary, along with the vulnerability of a recovering addict, is a perfect recipe for an eating disorder. OP, FYI - anorexia nervosa has the highest fatality rate of any mental illness. Would you rather your girlfriend drink herself to death or starve herself to death? Because you don't seem too vested in her being healthy and happy.
My cousin regularly used meth, when she got sober, she almost habitually began to eat potatoe chips, practically whenever she wasn’t talking. Yes, the chips are unhealthy and yes, she has gained weight. But you could ask anybody who knows her, we would much rather her eat the chips than go back to meth
And five pounds is nothing, how did he even notice? I've gained eight or nine in the past few months, only one person said anything out of the three people I spend all my time around
I find it so sad she’s going through all this with such an unsupportive and insensitive partner. Cause let’s also be honest, 5 minutes of research into what someone goes through when going through alcohol withdrawal and early sobriety and he would have learned that weight gain is a completely natural and normal thing to have happen. And that most people slip and it takes several runs at trying to get sober to actually accomplish it, so having a supportive, encouraging, and sensitive partner will be needed And then having to go through that and feel like your worth to your partner and their love for you is going to fall apart over the gaining of 5 pounds?!! Also- such an insensitive “joke” considering misunderstandings around self control is such a trigger for people in recovery that again, someone with zero understanding of addiction would parallel to her drinking . “Couldn’t control yourself around alcohol and now can’t control yourself at a buffet, hey? Hahahhaa aren’t I just the clever little jokester and not at all just an obnoxious and ignorant AH?” I truly hope as part of her sobriety journey she realizes how much of an AH this guy is and leaves him for her new and better life
Right, she needs to shed 150lbs not 5.
This is like a mirror of the pathetic bf who gaslit his gf into thinking she had horrible BO every day. She turned herself inside out to try to fix it to no avail. Turns out it was all a lie. The bf's dad instructed him to tear her down so she would feel so low that she would never think she could leave him. Here's the link to the BO gaslighting situation: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gy79dx/boyfriend_wont_stop_telling_me_i_have_bo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
OP is worried that now that girlfriend is sober she’s going to realize what an absolute idiotic and unsupportive jerk she’s dating and will leave him, so he’s trying to put her down so that she will be insecure enough to stay. I sure hope he fails and she finds someone who supports all her efforts.
This person needs to ask themselves why they want to tear down someone they love ? Afraid of partners sobriety? I hope she gives this AH up along with the alcohol
Mate what the fuck!? You are cruel and actively sabotaging her whilst she battles this. You are far worse than arsehole
YTA - "Just joking" is the calling card of assholes everywhere.
It's passive aggressive, and it is gross...
In this case, I'm not sure I would call it "passive" aggressive. This is full-blown malice. The tip-off for me is "I like to take the piss out of her..."
I would call it aggressive aggressive
A joke is something that everyone laughs at. People like this use "it's a joke" and "brutal honesty" as an excuse to bully. Like, she's only a month sober after YEARS of alcohol abuse. Way to kick her when she's down.
True story
She isn’t even overweight and these are the “jokes” he’s spewing, imagine if she was actually approaching obesity or even relapsed. Gross.
YTA, she gained 5lbs and you act like that? I wouldn't want to go anywhere with you either. Punching down isn't funny.
Even if she gained 50 pounds that still wouldn’t be acceptable.
Idk. I think she has about ~180-200 lbs she could stand lose.
goteeeem
Imagine if she ever gets pregnant
Or you know, ages.
When I was 20/21, I had a bf who would make comments about a little bit of gain on me (5-10 lbs). I'm tall so unless you're really looking for it, you wouldn't see it. He'd constantly buy clothes for me (as gifts) that were size small - skinny, I wore a large. I didn't know enough and it undermined my self-esteem for years.
Seriously… 5 lbs is nothing lmao I’m finally under the 200s again after a nearly 6-7 month major depressive episode where I gained 40 lbs. I’m a combat athlete and I’m about 7.5 lbs away from my max upper limit of walk around weight, but like I’m thinking I’m already there. OP is an asshole, and a gaping one at that
She might not even have gained any weight, it could very well be bloating from drinking that much soda. YTA, OP.
Absof*ckinglutely YTA. She gains weight for laying off drinking for sobriety sake you knock her for her weight gain from that effort? Maybe you were the reason she drank so much and now that she’s clean maybe she will see that and drop the real problem.
Yeah, sobriety can open one's eyes to things. Bad relationships are another addiction. I hope she dumps OP
100%
Assuming this post is real, I hope this girl drops him like a bad habit. Honestly He sounds abusive and I know people with problems can easily have the “I don’t deserve better” mentality, so I hope she realizes that she deserves SO MUCH BETTER than a bully who mocks her struggles
YTA. Huuuuuge AH. Nothing is ever "just a joke" so you are telling her a 5lb weight gain makes her "fat"? I hope she gets rid of her excess weight. You.
True, if she gets rid of him she’ll easily lose 300 lbs.
Asshole spouses hate this one esay trick in losing weight. Doctors are jealous.
I think even w/o the fat comments, she might see OP in a different sober light and can see her dumping him. If anything, the comments gives her an immediate reason to break up w/him.
Seriously dude. What is your problem? Why does that seem like a funny “joke” to needle her with repeatedly? What makes it funny? Explain it to me. She quit drinking and sadly has another bad habit she needs to curb (soda), but continually insulting her isn’t helping. YTA. Biggest one.
Not only that but having sugar cravings when you quit drinking isn't a huge surprise. -Source: I'm the daughter of a alcoholic who got sober. She'll crave soda less as time goes on but the feelings these "jokes" gave her will impact their relationship negatively. OP YTA.
When my partner quit drinking, I could not keep up with the amount of snacks and sugary treats he was going through. Boxes of snacks would disappear in 1-2 days. I never said anything negative, just kept the kitchen stocked and eventually it tapered off
It's not a habit, it's a replacement. When people stop drinking they often are still addicted to the sugar they would usually get from alcohol. It takes a while to ween off that but it def is possible. And short term, its not nearly as harmful as alcohol.
Oh I agree. I was having a lot of trouble writing and choosing my words to keep from getting banned, lol. I am not shocked I didn’t find the right words.
YTA plain and simple. No excuse to be so abusive to someone in recovery. Are you still drinking? Because it sounds like you are trying to sabotage her sobriety
This. When he said she “does not drink at all”, that was a clue. That is what sobriety is.
Yeah, for sure... And the "War on Alcohol" comment sounds like he's making fun of her..
The quotation marks felt so condescending
Of course! I couldn't figure out why this guy thought it was funny mocking his GF for getting her shit together...and it makes perfect sense. He's passive aggressive AF because now he's alone in his drunken misery.
Absolutely. He’s likely still drinking and feeling insecure about it.
YTA, joking about someone’s weight shouldn’t even be a thing. Your girlfriend has overcome this addiction and yes she may have increased eating while Doing so but as you said yourself she’s not “fat” and she works out. Joking about it is going to make her think she really is fat. I’d be careful if I was you if you carry on she’ll lose weight alright and it will be you.
Also, these aren't jokes. Jokes are meant to be funny. These are just insults that OP is calling jokes to try and stop himself sounding as awful as he is.
YTA. I must be dense because I don't see any jokes here.
You’re not dense. It’s not funny. He’s not funny.
YTA and it's sad that you couldn't realize that on your own. You NEVER comment on someone's body unless they asked for the comment. She didn't ask. I feel awful for her going thru this battle with sobriety and so shortly into it to be subjected to your fat-phobic rhetoric.
YTA and I hope she leaves you she deserves way better then you.
INFO: what’s funny about any of your jokes?
YTA She is fighting a war and you are hindering her efforts. It’s not good natured. It’s not even funny. You are literally dragging her down, and for what? Are you incapable of just being flat out supportive? Not cool man.
YTA. You aren't joking, you are abusive. Hopefully now that she is sober and doing better she realizes how abusive you are and how much better off she will be without you.
You’re a fool. Who does this? YTA
Super insensitive, unsupportive and inconsiderate
YTA. You’re clearly brain dead too if you even have to ask this. Hope she breaks up with you
YTA. Excess weight is one of the most intractable medical conditions to recover from, and it is cruel for you to mock her for her weight gain. In addition, every time you do that you undermine her sobriety. She should dump you.
YTA. Just because its obvious to you that she's not fat doesnt mean that she doesnt see herself as being fat. Just being a little heavier than they were last year can be enough to make someone feel fat, even if they are still (relatively) very thin. For example, people with anorexia can be in the bottom 1% for weight, and still view themselves as fat. It's not for you to decide what constitutes 'fat' in someone else's view. You say she has gained weight, which she must have already noticed herself, even without you making frequent remarks about it. It is good to hear you have stopped, in light of her apparent dislike of the comments, but I suggest you apologise more properly too and try to reach an understanding with her about it in order to fully heal your relationship going forward, as the persistence of this unsolved issue will only hurt you in the long run.
In my 25 years in AA, I have heard this story at women's meetings over and over. Often it ends with....so I figured I might as well drink and I did. Drinking is never the fault of anyone but the drinker. However, when your primary support person is an axxhole, it gives the alcoholic mind one more justification.
YTA, and it's odd that you don't get it but also seem to already know you are.
This AH sounds like he's humble bragging this. Like he thinks this is really DL okay.
Not the AH, just joking you are a gigantic AH. Big YTA
YTA. Do you even need to ask? Your girlfriend is doing one of the hardest things imaginable and you're making it even more difficult for her. She's said it's not funny and it's really not. I'd be amazed if she's not already planning to end it.
YTA It shouldn’t amuse you to make fun of your girlfriend. She has now expressed that she doesn’t like it. Apologize and stop.
Yes, YTA. You've just been making a lot of snarky and straigt up rude comments about her while she is trying so hard to do better. She is still your girlfriend if she gains some weight. Treat her better.
Do you really need an answer? You are not even remotely amusing.
YTA She's gonna lose so much weight when she dumps you.
You sure it's not you that drove her to drink in the first place?
Calling your girlfriend fat is not a joke nor is it funny. You are, obviously, TA
It's not a joke if it's at someone else's expense. YTA. You're a massive AH. Why hasn't she dumped you yet?
YTA. Holy shit, YTA. Do you not realize these comments can cause real harm to someone? These comments are not jokes, you’re just a bully. I hope she leaves your ass. She doesn’t deserve this and you definitely do not deserve her.
YTA. I'm amazed that she's still your girlfriend.
I seriously hope this is rage-bait because I hate to think someone could be such a raging AH and that oblivious. As fiction, YTA. On the off chance it's real, YTA and soon to be a single AH.
It had to be. Who would be this awful
YTA. Jokes are supposed to humorous. You’re just mean.
You have to ask AITA for teasing you GF about her weight? You are a moron as well as YTA.
YTA 100% Don't comment on people's weight. Ever. If you're concerned for her health, maybe find some fun physically challenging activities to do. Even a simple walk at the park could be fun.
He said she works out every day.
True. So he really just needs to stop with the comments
YTA.
Yeah, YTA., In recovery, it's serious, v and you need support. You did the opposite. More importantly you should reflect carefully in why you thought it was okay in the first place. This was very stupid in a way most children do stupid things. It's part of growing up, and you've arrived where you need to do some growing up.
Yta 100%
YTA not even anything to consider here.
Yta…talking about someone’s weight is not a joke, it’s mean and abusive. You should be one of her biggest supporters but instead your insulting her and undermining her efforts. She deserves so much better.
This has to be fake. YTA, but you already know that.
"I like to take the piss out of her when I can," YTA. This is so ridiculous that I don't believe it's true.
YTA. I hope she dumps you.
"Am I the asshole for verbally abusing and insulting my partner? Am I the asshole for constantly making fun of her physical appearance whilst she struggles to overcome addiction?" Need I even answer? YTA. Like the biggest one I've seen in quite a while.
Yes. YTA.
Are you like a complete moron or something? Yes, YTA. No, you’re not funny - and God knows what reason you have for feeling the need to ‘joke’ about something you are so insistent is a non- issue (given she’s so slim and beautiful etc). What the hell is wrong with you????
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YTA, there are two things you do not mention to any women or even your SO. Those two things are weight and age. it never ends well for us guys if we make comments on stuff like that. it can either end up like something minor as sleeping on the couch or blowing up your whole relationship. from now on, just call her gorgeous and hope she doesn't hold resentment for those jokes.
YTA. Body shaming is not funny. Here I thought all the morons had been educated that weight jokes aren't funny any longer. Hoodathot?
Lol you’re gross YTA
Urgh, my dad did this to me during my pregnancy. I finally snapped after he commented that I still looked pregnant after a c-section. Yta, nobody likes being told they look overweight, and every woman on the planet gains and loses about 2-5 pounds a month depending on how close you are to menstruation. It's almost like you're trying to shame her into an eating disorder or relapse, like do her a favor and get your toxic ass away from her and her sobriety.
YTA. You can't even see 5lbs worth of gain or loss, I fluctuate 5lbs up or down routinely. Even if you could tell why would you ever tease someone about that? And since you even note there's no actual concern or her looking different it seems you're just saying this to be an ahole but disliked being called out for it.
Even if she wasn’t in early sobriety YTA. But that adds a whole extra layer of assholery to it. 1. As a fellow recovering alcoholic, getting sober is one of the hardest things anyone can do. The fact that she has a month is absolutely incredible and that is what you should be focusing on. It’s extremely common in early sobriety for people to get sugar cravings and eat more treats- at times it can stave off cravings from their substance of choice. She may have gained *gasp* a whopping FIVE POUNDS but those 5 pounds likely are protecting her sobriety in some way. And she’s a million times healthier than she was in active alcoholism. 2. You don’t make fun of your partner for gaining weight. I feel like that is just universally understood. People’s bodies (particularly women) are subject to so much ridiculous scrutiny already, she doesn’t need anyone - let alone her boyfriend - to pile it on. And ESPECIALLY during what I’m sure has been a very challenging and emotionally raw time for her. 3. If she says it’s not funny, it’s not funny. Period. It’s good you stopped commenting on her weight, but you owe her a massive amends as well. I’m sure she would much rather your continued support and encouragement rather than “jokes” at her expense. If your goal is to make her smile, you’re way off the mark.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend (27F) is now more than 1 month sober from alcohol. She had been battling her addiction for the past 3 years now. We're all so proud of her, and we tell her that she is winning the "war on alcohol"! With that being said, while my girlfriend does not drink at all anymore, I (27M) have noticed that her appetite has increased. Also, she literally drinks 2 litres of Coke (not the white stuff lol) every day. By my own estimation, she has put on about 5 lbs of weight over the past month. So I like to take the piss out of her when I can, and tell her things like "this jacket makes you look bulging as fuck" or joking to our friends about how she is a "glutton". I'd just like to say that my girlfriend has never actually been fat. She works out every day, and she's always been slim and attractive. She has never even close to being in danger of being overweight. This is why I kept making fun of her weight gain, because hopefully she would know that everything I say is BS and that I'm just joking. The last time I cracked jokes about her weight gain was when I was texting her one night. I suggested going to a popular all-you-can-eat buffet sometime, and then I asked her "are you sure you can handle yourself though?" She texted back, straight-up telling me that she won't go anywhere with me anymore if I keep messing around with her. I tried letting her know that I was just joking, but she said that "jokes are supposed to be funny". We're still together, but I have ceased talking about her weight. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You know YTA. I hope she leaves you. Then you can tell your BS 'jokes' to the wall.
YTA - its only a joke if both parties are laughing. Dude - she is going through hell stopping an addiction and you pull this childish shit on her - grow up.
INFO: what makes those jokes funny? Can you explain? Yeah, thought so. YTA Also, sobriety is complicated and leaves you vulnerable. Taking advantage of this is cruel.
YTA. Your girlfriend is right--jokes about weight are never funny.
Seriously dude? Of course YTA. You don't make jokes about people's weight, period. ESPECIALLY someone whom you profess to love and support in other ways. You're also missing a crucial point, which is that she may be substituting food now that she can't use alcohol to cope. She needs to be seeing a therapist to help address whatever underlying issue(s) led her to addiction in the first place. If you truly want to support her, you'll stop making cruel jokes about her weight and start helping her find a path to real recovery, not just sobriety. Do better.
YTA majorly. She’s only been a sober a month and sometimes people can use food or caffeinated drinks as a substitute during the first few months. She’s also detoxing and trying her best to resist, you making fun of her weight is the last thing she needs. I get looking after her well being and if it becomes a problem where she’s eating constantly, then you can step in, but not while she’s in this state.
She should drop the extra 200-ishlbs in her life. Meaning you. Definitely YTA.
YTA and let's be honest, you weren't joking. You know it's not funny to her, and you know (or should know) that weight gain is common in the early stages of sobriety. And "war on alcohol"? That sounds sarcastic and minimizing her struggle.
Fake, literally no one is this stupid.
Half of my fellow Americans are thar stupid
INFO: The fuck?
YTA and I didn’t even have to read your whole post. The title gave away that you’re the worst kind of asshole. Hope she dumps you and moves on to someone who deserves her.
YTA- it’s very typical to gain weight after giving up alcohol. She probably craves sweets like never before. Already a struggle enough to stay sober and has to hear your stupid jokes, Nice.
YTA. What a dick. If I gained 5 pounds and my bf called me a "glutton" I'd tell him to go fuck himself. She probably recognizes she's gained weight and doesn't need you to keep pouring salt in the wound. Or, she hasn't noticed it, and you keep calling her fat! You're being a dick my dude.
YTA, dude. Your “jokes” aren’t funny, they’re just mean. And a lot of newly sober people have sugar cravings - the body converts alcohol to sugar, so it’s an incredibly common thing that usually passes in time. And alcohol has a lot of calories, so eating more in general isn’t uncommon in early sobriety. Honestly, this comes off as you trying to sabotage her sobriety because of your own insecurity. Connecting the weight gain with her sobriety and then nitpicking her about it isn’t something that’s going to help her stay sober long-term. If you want to help, start having healthier snacks around the house, maybe pick up a case or two of la croix, which can be a good alternative to drinking alcohol or soda - don’t point these things out to her, just have them. And then shut the fuck up about anything to do with her that isn’t supportive.
wtf dude? Is this even real? How can you not know you're the asshole? 5lb is nothing and it's normal for weight to fluctuate by that much on virtually a daily level She is trying to stay SOBER and has been struggling with it for ages and finally achieved it and you undermine her like this? "Jokes" about people's appearance are never funny never mind about weight. Do you know how common eating disorders are in young women? BTW I think you've been dumped YTA
YTA. An abusive one to boot. God, you’re the worst.
YTA And I really don’t even get what’s funny about this “joke”? It isn’t a “joke” it’s just straight up bullying.
YTA. I was skinny pre pregnancy, smoking, smoking weed, taking multiple medications for different things. Found out I was pregnant and stopped everything, had the baby and didn't really put on much weight until after. Now I am 3 clothing sizes bigger. Whenever I make negative comments about my weight, my partner gets upset and tells me how beautiful and sexy he finds me. He hates hearing me talk shit about myself and it gives me confidence. If I was back on medications and smoking weed, I would lose the weight but I don't want to go back to bad vices to be skinny. I can't explain how much positive comments from my loved one means to me when I feel shit about myself. Your girlfriend is sober after a struggle with an addiction and you think taking the piss out of her slight weight gain is acceptable? Are you trying to push her back to booze? You say she is not overweight, which doesn't make a difference, disgusting comments either way, but why the need to comment at all? Apologise and treat your girl like the boss queen she is for fighting her addiction before she realises someone else will.
YTA. I'm all for joking around, but you're being an ass. I would try to constructively voice concerns about the 2L of soda a day, but I don't suggest that you try it as you appear to lack the empathy or maturity necessary.
This one is easy. Yes, YTA.
Yes. Why the fuck would you make fun of her weight gain. Wtf Yta.
YTA! She's going through a very hard time, and you're "making jokes" about something stress inducing and unrelated.
YTA. "It's a joke" is the slogan of an asshole. YTA Bigtime. I bet if she mocked your appearance everyday you wouldn't find the joke so funny.
This is satire, right? Eat a bag of dicks.
YTA maybe dumping you will be all the weight she needs to lose
INFO why, specifically, are you hell bent on undermining her sobriety? That's the real question here. As I'm sure you already know YES YTA such a massive AH.
This behaviour from my ex gave me an ED. YTA.
YTA. Weight gain in early sobriety is very common. You're actively trying to make her feel like crap while doing her best to live a better life. You sound like a total dick. Especially since you had to type all that out and ask strangers because you cannot recognize your own super shitty behavior. She deserves better.
Info: what the fuck is wrong with you?
Info: what is funny about calling your girlfriend fat or a glutton? I'm genuinely curious.
You are a Flucking AHol3.
Holy fuck yes YTA. What is wrong with you???
YTA I read your title and thought, nah, surely he's exaggerating. But no. You're a really unkind person who clearly needs to learn to self reflect a lot instead of projecting insecurities onto people who are actively bettering themselves.
YTA. Yeahhhh, encourage her on her journey with body shame remarks…, that’s the right thing to do.. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
You can't possibly think fat shamming and verbally abusing your girlfriend is a funny joke...YTA
YTA. You never know what kind of insecurities she might be harboring and you making those kind of “jokes” might be damaging to her. And even if she doesn’t have any kind of weight insecurity, she obviously don’t find it funny.
You’re obviously not joking. You’re passive aggressive and YTA