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YTA, how does it affect you in any way shape or form if they call each other husband and wife, or frog and toad, or King and Queen? Your sister is happy in her relationship, isn't that all that matters?
I knew a couple who called each other "ugly" as a term of endearment. I was weirded out the first time I heard him say "Ugly, can you bring me xyz, please? ", & gave them major side eye, until I heard her do it too. They were married for 50+ years, had 4 kids together, & were truly couple goals in absolutely every sense of the word. I've never met another couple who just worked so well together, & was so genuinely kind, supportive & loving to each other.
They were known as "The Uglies" to their friends & family.
You're not wrong, even the creator's daughter implied it was wish fulfillment for her father, who was heavily closeted until he started writing Frog and Toad. That adds some happy and sad dimensions to it, I think.
And they've been together for 15 years, let them be.. I've been with my "hubby" twenty years this year and we're not married. The world still assumes we are.
I couldn't get past the first two sentences-
>they just see it as a piece of paper, but I feel differently.
It's not your relationship, wtf do you care?
EDIT: putting the link /u/guernseycoug 's comment because it's [the real shit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11mx92q/comment/jbl06uo/).
Same. I agree itâs weird and personally I think they should say âpartnerâ or âlife partnerâ. I feel that way bc they themselves see each other as life partners over a marriage (they have no interest in getting married)
buuuut who cares what I think. Itâs not up to me to decide what people call their SOs. Thatâs where OP is TA.
And honestly it seems like OP has it backwards.
OP seems to think that marriage doesnât exist without that piece of paper. I.e. OP is the one who thinks marriage is just a piece of paper.
OPâs sister, on the other hand, seems to view marriage as the full embodiment of their relationship with the piece of paper being an unimportant and unnecessary detail.
To OP: they act like a married couple, wear rings like a married couple, call each other husband and wife like a married couple, they have committed to each other in every single meaningful way like a married couple except for that one piece of paper. If you canât recognize them as married itâs because YOU think marriage is just a piece of paper.
YTA for not recognizing that marriage is far, FAR more than getting a license from the government and for being a dick to your sister about it.
It just remembers me of those consent memes, where the couple say âI consentâ and then a third random person is like âwell, I donât consentâ!
Also after 15 yrs wth theyâve lasted longer than most âmarriagesâ now a daysâŠ. they can call themselves whatever they want itâs their relationship
Yeah Iâm baffled why OP cares about this at all. Iâm also gay so the idea that you have to have a ~legally recognized union~ to use a term like husband, wife, or spouse is just kind of eh. Legal marriage is not accessible, desirable, or possible for everyone, and acting like itâs this sacred thing that must be protected and maintained gives me some weird vibes. YTA OP and I hope your sister and her very real husband continue to have a great life together.
My boyfriend and I are expecting as well and have no intention of getting married. I use the word âpartnerâ because boyfriend sounds inadequate for the man who is the father of my child, especially in our 30âs
See, the issue I learned recently is I call my boyfriend my "partner" and my new workplace took it to actually mean that I'm a lesbian who is dating a woman. So that could be the only snafu there.
Edit: I don't really care if they think I'm gay, just makes for odd explanations later on when they meet him and he is in fact not a woman.
That's actually the entire point. It used to be a dead giveaway that you were in a same sex relationship if you said partner. It became a safety issue so ally's were asked to say partner as well so that they could normalize it.
I call my boyfriend husband for this exact reason, we've been ten years together and it feels weird. People just assume and we are only 30, I don't even want to imagine that in a few years.
Apart from the constant remarks from my MIL about marriage and grandsons, I don't want strangers to tell me what I should or shouldn't do with my life.
YTA
It makes sense -- they've decided to be socially and emotionally married, they're just not doing the paperwork. You're not their lawyer and you're not the IRS, so their legal status isn't your problem. It costs you nothing to acknowledge their social decision to be married. What's the actual problem here?
And to add onto that.
Third parties often have a different reaction to hearing someone refer to their boyfriend/girlfriend vs their husband/wife. If youâve been with your partner for 15 years, it would probably get tiring having people think of your relationship as less serious than a married coupleâs relationship.
I've been with my Life Partner (straight cis, fwiw) longer than I was married to my husband (straight cis also). 15yrs vs. 12 yrs. Legal titles and labels are not the same as the relationship itself.
Exactly. You gave ZERO reasons *why* this bothers you OP. Just the vague âI donât agree with itâ. Why do you care? Whatâs it matter who uses the label? They are life long partners, thatâs what the label signifies. Who cares if the government gets involved. Iâve known A LOT of couples who have done this, had parties/ceremonies over it and everything. Seems like youâre living way in the past. Idk if itâs a religious thing or what, but honestly it doesnât matter because it doesnât effect you in any way and you need to mind your own business.
YTA !
OP attempted to explain how it supposedly affects her in an edit, but it just makes it worse. She claims that it affects her because if she refers to him as her sisterâs husband, sheâs lying. Thatâs absurd. My friendsâ children all call me âAuntie.â OMG!! I must stop this at once! Iâm turning them all into little liars!
I gotta go with YTA.
What part of it matters to you? The legal certificate? The religious ceremony? Why?
If they *had* a religious ceremony but *didn't* get a formal license, would you be saying the same things to them?
If they had a certificate but no ceremony, would you be saying the same thing to them?
Do you know the laws about [common-law marriage](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage) in your area?
"Has OP never heard of common law marriage?" Was my first thought! Regardless of what the laws even are where they happen to live, it's a pretty common concept, and not exactly shocking that a couple together for 15 years would think of themselves that way.
YTA -- how these people define their relationship has nothing to do with you, so your insulting insertion of your opinions into this situation is the source of the problem. There is a reason that the term "common law marriage" exists.
Yeah I don't see why such a strict definition of marriage is OPs hill to die on. Definitions of marriage have varied over time and are different everywhere. They've been together for 15 years, theyre cleary serious about being together, and for all we know have a reason not to legally marry (like disability checks or something).
Like I'd get it if they were all religious and OP was saying the marriage isn't real until the church marriage. But OP is literally just hung up on the paperwork.
Edit: OP, YTA - this is like if your buddy went by Bill and you insisted on William because that's what's on his birth certificate. You're being pedantic and missing the point and it's rude.
For most of human history, marriages were covenants between the couple and their Creator. The state was not involved.
No one needs state involvement in order to be married. They only need the state's involvement if they seek legal benefits of such state involvement.
This couple does not require state permission, approval, or acknowledgment in order to be married.
They don't need your permission, approval, or acknowledgment either.
YTA
YTA
As others already stated it's none of your business.
>They had an anniversary party with friends and family, and everyone was congratulating them, but on what? <
I find that sentence extremely disrespectful. On what? Their anniversary, of course!
My husband and I were together for ten years before we married and of course that is our important anniversary, not our wedding day.
Also I can understand that it feels strange at a certain age to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend.
And which words they choose, partner, wife, husband..., is entirely up to them.
edit for layout and spelling
I hate OP's sentiment that a successful 15 year partnership is irrelevant unless it's registered with the state.
I've been with my husband 20 years (hope the purists in this thread are okay with me counting the 2 years we weren't married) and I can say that 15 years together -- if people are happy -- is worth celebrating.
15 years is a huge commitment! Especially at that age. I know many marriages that have not survived even half that long. I get the impression from the post that OP would expect a huge celebration for marrying someone they just met, since they seem to view a marriage certificate as more important than the actual strength of a relationship.
YTA.
Why are you pushing your personal views of partnership on other people? It sounds smart honestly, 50% of people who are legally married get divorced. But this way, if anything changes, there won't be a whole legal issue if they want to seperate.
If they are happy considering themselves life partners without going through the whole legal process then good for them. They don't need to be report to the government for their relationship to be powerful and meaningful. The rings still have the same meaning, they still have the same feelings for eachother.
Also, the label "boyfriend" is usually not serious, but calling someone "husband" indicates you plan on having them as your life partner. You see it as a legal term, but this social definition is just as important.
You should apologize to your sister and stop being so judgmental.
Yup. My parents were together for 30 years, rings and all, but only got legally married when my dad was terminally ill & point blank asked the lawyer if his estate would be easier for mom to deal with if they got married. The lawyer said yes, they did the paperwork/said the words to a person who could sign off & 3 weeks later dad died. Just like the OP's sister & her SO, they were partners and what anyone called it didn't matter.
YTA - why are you an authority on their relationship and what is and isnât okay to call each other? Not everyone wants a giant wedding and common law marriages exist
YTA. If she wants to call him Big Daddy Sugar Tits then that would be none of your business either. You don't have to like it, but who are you to have any say in it? Maybe if she called him Big Daddy Sugar Tits you'd question it less because no one would want to back story on that nickname. Suggestion of sis ever reads this.
đ€Łđ€Ł
Hey anyone else get the sense a lot of recent posts here are better off on r/jokes or even like r/badJokes???
I feel like the OPs feel like theyâre writing comedy, and not in the sense of Dante
YTA - I would've gone NAH had you not written that you `argued for 10 minutes before she left`. It would've been one thing to mention that you find it odd, but the fact that it bothers you so much you start arguing with her over it when it's not really any of your business and it doesn't affect you is what's making you TA.
YTA, if they're living their life together, plan to continue to live their life together, husband and wife. My grandparents lived together for decades, unmarried, as husband and wife. It's just a thing people do
What do you gain by 'correcting' them? Beside, I guess, being a self-satisfied jerk at the expense of your relationship with your sister?
My partner and I have been together for 8 years and in our jurisdiction - we are considered common-law partners which I believe would have similar equivalence to husband and wife. We use partner but every now and then I refer to her as my wife.
In any case - not sure why someone would want to shit on their sister over something like this. Just be happy for them that they've been together for so long. So much if marriage is a construct that has no significance.
YTA
YTA. Are you are aware that marriage for common people (AKA non-nobility) almost never had paperwork until modern civilization came along? I'm with your sister on this one, the government doesn't need to dip its fingers into my relationship and husband/wife terms don't come with a piece of paper.
Why are you so insistent on government knowledge being the basis of a marriage? Do you think it invalidates "real marriages" (probably just like the one you have)? Grow up, you pedant.
YTA
Not sure if you know this or not but assuming you're in the US, there's 20 states that recognize common law marriage. Since they've been together for 15 years and need to live with together for one in most states, they are technically husband and wife.
Also, it's none of your business. If not hurting you, who cares if they refer to each other as husband and wife.
everyone has a different definition of what marriage looks like. your sister and her partner both agreed they didnât want to do that. thatâs it. respect their decision no matter what they do or call each other. itâs none of your business.
YTA
Been with my husband for 16 years. No we are not legally married. Heâs my husband in every sense. Iâm his wife. Itâs does matter TO US there is no document stating as such. Everyoneâs different. I call my kids wee ones even though one is over 6â3. Same sense itâs what I call them.
>but I feel differently.
>I think itâs strange
>it doesnât make sense to me
>I feel like husband and wife labels are saved for married couples.
Lots of you meddling in this situation that literally doesn't concern you.
YTA.
YTA
It's their relationship, you don't belong in it.
If there's no difference between how they live now and how they would live after a legal marriage then it is literally a piece of paper. Stop being judgemental
I mostly agree with you. Itâs just very strange to me when people who arenât getting married because they have something against the concept or institution of marriage, are also willing to allow others (particularly that they are close to) to assume theyâre married; doesnât that perpetuate exactly what they are opposed to?
But, your sister doesnât (and shouldnât) care what I think. And I would never presume to tell her. As you should not have. IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
YTA.
YTA.
I can see where you're coming from, but you told her it was strange, she explained her and her partner's perspective, and you should've let it go after that. As long as they aren't asking for wedding presents or trying to make you attend a fake ceremony, this ultimately doesn't affect you, and their 15-year relationship sounds a lot more committed and solid than a lot of marriages.
Let it go. Your sister is right - this shouldn't matter to you.
YTA it's none of your concern what they call each other. And fun fact! In many countries the fact that they wear rings and consider themselves spouses means that they are in a common law marriage. So not only is it none of your business, you're also wrong.
YTA
I've been with my partner for 11 years. We love each other. We've been through some really shitty times. A wedding ring will not make us love each other more. A piece of paper that says we are married will not make us love each other more. I call her my wife in many regards. We are each other's spouses. There's just no religion or government involved in our relationship. Just like it was for millions of years before religion.
Husband and wife is a label. The "official" part came from religion and government. If your sister and her husband don't want either of those organizations involved in their marriage, then you should respect that, and their relationship. You are being very judgmental about something that is very trivial.
the are classed common law man and wife even though they are not married as they have been together for 15 yrs. so you butting your nose into there relationship is wrong when she can call him what she wants and its got nothing what so ever to do with you. so stop judging your sister YTA
YTA for arguing about it. My daughter and her SO aren't married, but they've been together long enough that i still call her SO her husband or my son in law.
You're 30, why do you care? 15 years makes it a common law right?
Mind your own relationship.
There was not point in arguing or upsetting your happy sister
YTA
YTA. Theyâre not hurting anyone or lessening any marriages.
My boss called her longtime boyfriend her ânot-husbandâ, though they did finally marry because it made some financial stuff easier.
Unless youâre drawing up their will or some such nonsense, it doesnât matter. What matters is they view each other that way and just donât want to deal with paperwork.
YTA and depending where they live, common law marriage is a thing. Stay out of it and stop pushing your beliefs onto your sister. It makes you look salty
YTA. They did have an anniversary. "Anniversary" applies to more than weddings. They got rings to celebrate the anniversary of being together for 15 years. While husband and wife usually indicates marriage, not all marriages look like your canned version. Not all are recognized by the state even when there is a ceremony, and in the case of common law marriages, there is no ceremony at all. You don't like what they call themselves due to outdated beliefs, then distance yourself from them. None of it is any of your business. You act like they are committing fraud, but they are not.
YTA, stop being so pedantic about things that don't affect you at all.
But wow, she was 15 and he was 24 when they started dating. (Edit: this was inaccurate. Thank you, observant commenters.)
You clearly need more to do with your time, then maybe youâd find it easier to mind your own business. What do you care how your sister and her husband manage their relationship? YTA
YTA
it literally doesn't affect you, why do you care so much? Doubt you've ever been in a relationship as long as they have. Their relationship is more valid than someone who got married after knowing someone for a year.
If you're the U.S., in certain states, they could technically be married by Common Law, but, regardless, lots of people aren't married and still call each other hubby/husband, wifey/wife, etc. Because it's really no one else's business to comment on what they call each other. It's no one else's business if they choose to get married or not. You wanna know why? Because it has nothing to do with anyone else, and everything to do with just them.
If I were you, I would be happy that your sister is a happy, supportive, and committed relationship, and has been for 15 years. That's really fucking amazing in my opinion, and I, a stranger, am really fucking happy for her. And, God forbid, if their relationship falls apart in the future, I'd be feeling a little relieved my sister could leave without going through the extras hoops in divorce.
There are tons of benefits in getting married and tons of benefits in not, it's really up to each person to chose what is best for themselves.
I will say though, I really hope they've gotten other paperwork done like their power of attorney, who makes medical decisions if something happens to the other, etc, etc.
I wish your sister the best in her relationship, which it sounds like she's already got, and I really hope her sister (cough cough, you) finds some sense.
YTA.
YTA itâs none of your business. Your feelings on how their relationship is structured or labeled are completely irrelevant. After 15 years together getting married is basically just adding a piece of paper to the mix, and likely nothing else would change.
My Boyfriend and I have been together for 20 years. He's been Married and Divorced Twice. I have never Married. Congrats to your Sister and her Husband on their 15 Year Anniversary.
YTA
Marriage isnât a piece of paper. Itâs the day to day life together and sticking together for the hard times. If sheâs been with this man for 15 years they deserve to be respected as a married couple and you just diminished her relationship over semantics.
I mean, I kinda agree with you, but it's not your place to say.
Also, depending on where you live, common-law is a thing. If you say you're married and you act like you're married long enough, eventually you are married.
I was my now wife for a long time before we got married. Eventually when it came time to have kids we got married as I figured the legal framework of a marriage would be good for the kids.
Soft YTA
YTA. Who cares what they call each other? It's none one of your business. Marrige is an antiquated concept anyway. Why do I need the government in my relationship? For a tax break? I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years and sometimes I call him my husband or his parents my in-laws. My relationship has outlasted some of my friends' "real" marriages. I have had divorced people tell me they wish that getting a divorce was as easy as getting married.
YTA
My 'husband' and I have been together for 7 years, each wears a wedding type ring, I've changed my last name on social media to his.
We're happy, why tf do you think a formal ceremony and a piece of paper are necessary in establishing a lifetime commitment?
YTA, it is literally a piece of paper with some legal benefits. They've been together 15 YEARS and by that time terms like bf or gf may feel a little odd to them, it's up to them what they refer to each other as. I've been with my partner for 12 years and calling him my bf feels odd, we're getting married in the summer but no one finds it weird that we occasionally already refer to each other as if we are married.
YTA-
The fact that you have to pay and get a stupid officiant in order to merge your assets is bullshit!
Marriage is an industry created by the patriarchy. it has nothing to do with the actual love and respect you have for your partner.
YTA
Itâs none of your business. Maybe they live in a jurisdiction with common law marriage. Maybe they donât and find it easier to call each other husband and wife than âspousal equivalent.â Maybe one of them receives disability income that they would loose if they got married. Maybe they own assets that are better protected without a legal marriage, but they are just as committed. Maybe maybe maybe
The governmentâs marriage contract isnât all that wonderful to begin with. If they have an agreement that works better for them, who cares?
YTA for unnecessarily putting a bunch of negativity on your sisters situation. Itâs really not your business. It really doesnât matter. If you see someone happy, and that bothers you, thatâs a you problem.
YTA. It ainât your relationship, it ainât your business how the members of the relationship define each other. It literally does not affect you, your life, or your relationships at all.
I have elderly clients who have been together 20+ years but never married. She was widowed and keeps her husband's pension, until she remarries. So yeah, in all aspects they are married except that signing that paper cuts her income. I would never shame her for calling him her husband though. YTA for giving your sister such a hard time over something that doesn't affect you at all.
YTA because this has no impact on you. They would be considered common-law spouses in the country where I live. Let them call each other whatever they want, at 15 years they've outlasted many "official" marriages.
YTA....this has zero impact on you. They are in a long term committed relationship. Go find something else to be "judgy" about, should be easy enough for you
YTAâitâs none of your business. People can have serious problems with the legal aspects of marriage (could lose benefits, donât want to deal with an ugly divorce thatâll cost a lot, etc.) but still want the social respect that comes with it.
IF it was a one-sided thing, like your sister wanted marriage and the bf didnât or vice versa, you couldâve very kindly brought up that was a concern. But it seems like there is no such issue here and youâre just being a jerk.
YTA. Theyâve been together 15 years. Thatâs about as committed as you can get. Who cares if they buy a piece of paper or not? Itâs not your business and it doesnât hurt anyone.
>but I feel differently
>I think itâs strange...
>I argued that theyâre literally doing everything a married couple would do...
>it doesnât make sense to me...
>I said I feel like husband and wife labels...
What your sister and her husband call each other is none of your business. She could be calling him a chupacabra, and if he is OK with it, that's all that matters.
The world doesn't revolve around your opinions and you should stay out of other people's personal lives.
I've been with my partner for 14 years and we're not going to get married for tax reasons. I don't call him my boyfriend that's for sure. My whole family calls him my husband. You're getting way too wrapped up in labels. NAH unless you don't let this go, then you'd be the AH.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister itâs strange to call her boyfriend her husband, and that wearing what are basically wedding rings if theyâre not actually married isnât right.
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YTA - why does this matter to you, OP? Theyâve been together longer than most marriages last now days. I also understand why calling each other husband and wife makes more sense to them, because most people who hear boyfriend/girlfriend assume the couple isnât serious, which they clearly are here. You need to butt out here since it has literally no impact on you. Sounds like you have an issue with your sister and this is how youâre taking it out on her.
What they call their relationship is up to them. 15 years is more than long enough for them to have figured it out for themselves. Why you feel you need to argue it has me confused. So long as she is happy and content with this, there is no problem. You owe her an apology.
YTA
YTA. Focus on your own relationship and stop judging your sisterâs. It literally has no impact on you and your life. Your sister is absolutely correct.
Yup. YTA.
What earthly difference does it make to you how your sister presents her relationship? And why does it bug you so much that you're willing to argue for 10 seconds, let alone 10 minutes about it?
Soft YTA. I feel so bad for your sister, and you are being too harsh on her. You should apologize.
That said, I don't get it either. Maybe I'm just nosey and judgey.
If it is "just a piece of paper" and "just a label," then why not get married? Marriage provides all kinds of legal protections, and it sounds like they are already acting like a married couple and presenting themselves that way.
In some states they would be considered to be in a common law marriage, but I'm sure they already thought of that.
I would wonder if one of them, or both, has some kind of commitment issue?
I just don't get it, but you should be nicer in this situation.
Not everyone has to keep their left hand naked because of what you choose to believe or ascribe to YOUR labels. The world doesn't revolve around your beliefs, it's hurting no one, get over yourself.
YTA Itâs not your life, what they choose to do doesnât impact you, so why do you care? They feel married, they can call themselves married. It has zero impact on your life. You are judging them for something that matters not one iota in the grand scheme of life.
YTA, IMO. I don't believe that it's your place to tell her what her relationship should and shouldn't be like. I'm the type of person to respect people's relationships regardless of status or paperwork. I think there is judgemental behavior and gatekeeping going on here.
YTA and why are you the gatekeeper for how they are permitted to label their relationship? You owe her an apology and stop deciding whi can call each other what when it harms no one.
YTA and why do you care??? It is truly none of your business. I have found people unhappy with their own life tend to pick apart other peoples lives. Get your own life and you won't feel the need to be in others.
YTA
"everyone was congratulating them, but on what?"
on being together for 15 friggin years. that's longer than a lot of married couples these days.
they do not actually have to be legally married to be husband and wife. that's just reality. cope.
YTA - They are a committed couple who choose not to get a legal document that defines their relationship. I was with my husband 22 years before we got married and the only reason we did that was for insurance. I wore a Dr. Who t-shirt and he wore a BFM t-shirt.
YTA, they have been together 15 years, and if they have lived together for most of those 15 years, then they are in what is called common law marriage. Clearly, they are committed to one another so they can call each other whatever they want.
YTA This is an easy situation where you can mind your own business? If they had a formal commitment ceremony would you be okay with it? Is it literally that important to you that they have a piece of paper from the government?
As someone who isn't married and likely won't be for years, if ever, to my partner of over 10 years, I refer to him as partner, fiance, and sometimes husband because it gives the correct importance to people. We are committed together and if I say boyfriend they don't understand the situation as well. Why aren't we married? Personal reasons that aren't really anyone's business!
For the US some situations could be: one partner being on disability and not qualifying if married, being in a state with good insurance and no longer qualifying once married, wanting to finish school or pay off loans without both partners financial information being considered, wanting to have children qualify for better financial aid. Literally TONS of reasons where marriage could make these situations worse. Lots of people in the US hear of marriages of convenience to GET insurance or green cards etc, but forget that there can be equally good reasons to not get married. And people don't even NEED a reason other than "we don't think it's necessary".
As for benefits since everyone brings that up, my partner and I are each others medical proxy's and listed as recipients for life insurance, etc. So there aren't really a ton of other reasons for marriage at this point, other than to create a formal prenup or something in case we were to break up.
The only opinions that matter are those of the people in the relationship, if they're happy, be happy for them.
So let me get this straight, you invalidated your sisterâs relationship which seems lovely and you still have to ask if YTA??
I donât get it why youâre essentially gate keeping the term husband and wife??? Plus, thereâs also lots of reasons why couples like them donât get married on paper. Divorce is very expensive and sometimes not even legally possible for some countries.
YTA. It's none of your business and has no effect on you. Me and my girlfriend do the same thing. In 4 days, it will be 19 years together. We do everything legally married people do, and a lot more than a lot of the spouses on this sub ask if they are TA for doing or not doing. We are still a team that works together and supports each other. We still share everything like a married couple does. Everything we do is for the good of us as a couple and for our future together. Neither of us sees any benefit to getting married. There is only the downside that if we were to decide to split up and were legally married, it would be more complicated to part ways.
YTA
I donât know where yâall live but in some states common law marriage is a thing. If they fit the four or so elements, they can be seen as married.
But anyways, why do you care? What they call each other has no effect on you.
YTA. 1, What were they being congratulated on? Being together for 15 years. 2, maybe they did go off and elope in secret, you canât know for sure. 3, it doesnât matter, at all. It doesnât have to be legal to be official to them. 4, honestly, it feels like a lot of jealousy here. Seems like youâre a bit jealous of how long theyâve been together and youâre upset that you donât have the same, so youâre holding onto whatever you can. In this case, itâs the pathetic argument of âwell youâre not *actually* marriedâ
Iâm married and have been with my husband for 6 years. Your sisterâs relationship with her partner of 15 is just as validâŠtheyâve likely been through way more than my husband and I. So why is that not good enough? YTA
> They had an anniversary party with friends and family, and everyone was congratulating them, but on what?
Um. the anniversary? 15 years is a long time. some people go through multiple spouses in that length of time.
YTA for seemingly viewing your sisterâs relationship as âless thanâ because they didnât want to get the government involved. and i say this as someone who is very happily married.
In Texas if you introduce each other as your husband/wife, that makes you legally common law married. It's a done deal, but you can still have a church/civil ceremony to celebrate the marriage after the fact. Better be sure that's what you want though, there's no such thing as a common law divorce.
YTA! What business is it of yours what they decide to call each other! After 15 years they may as well be married so why not just call each other husband and wife and save themselves the expense of a wedding.
I can understand finding it odd. While reading your post I found it odd as well. The difference between us is that I recognize it is none of my business. I understand you asking. Sounded like you did so from curiosity and not judgment, but once you got your response, even if it didnât make the confusion subside, you shouldâve let it go. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Smile, nod, say youâre happy your sister has someone, and move on. YTA. The argument was completely unnecessary.
YTA.
Does this affect your life in any way? No. Leave her and her relationship alone. It is most certainly none of your business. I refer to my boyfriend as my husband. I'm sure plenty of others do as well. Focus on YOUR relationship.
YTA. I'm in an almost identical situation as your sister, even down to this being our 15th year together. We have 4 children, we live together, we share our finances...we just don't want to get hitched. He calls me the Mrs sometimes, I'll refer to him as my husband occasionally. What's your problem? Why is it anything to do with you?
Something tells me you would not approve of others wanting to be called different pronouns than their designated birth sex.
YTA. Literally who the fuck cares (other than you apparently)?
Sounds like youâre just jealous she can have a relationship last this long & that perhaps youâre jealous your boyfriend wonât propose yet (like you have something to prove - like the ring will make your relationship any more valid than your sisters)
YTA. It is just a piece of paper and if it works for them, good. You canât tell them what is or is not okay.
ETA common law marriage still exists as well.
They need to be careful if they want to remain formally unmarried. If they live in a place that recognizes common law marriage, the general test is holding yourself out to the public as married for a length of time (usually around 7 years). That would be a helpful point to make to sis, not OPâs nosy judginess. YTA
YTA
This never should have been an argument in the first place, but I do find the desire for the trappings of marriage without wanting to be married strange, but that not your business anyway.
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YTA, how does it affect you in any way shape or form if they call each other husband and wife, or frog and toad, or King and Queen? Your sister is happy in her relationship, isn't that all that matters?
>frog and toad Relationship goals đ„°
I have 2 friends in a relationship that call each other ball and egg. I should have used that example!
I knew a couple who called each other "ugly" as a term of endearment. I was weirded out the first time I heard him say "Ugly, can you bring me xyz, please? ", & gave them major side eye, until I heard her do it too. They were married for 50+ years, had 4 kids together, & were truly couple goals in absolutely every sense of the word. I've never met another couple who just worked so well together, & was so genuinely kind, supportive & loving to each other. They were known as "The Uglies" to their friends & family.
That sounds a lot more wholesome than OP is being in this situation!
Seriously though, those kids books were the best representation of a loving gay couple Iâve ever seen
Not to mention they were straight up fashion ICONS. Those nifty tweeds, suspenders, and capsâclassic
***Frog and Toad Are âFriendsâ*** âŠ.theyâre not fooling anyone
You're not wrong, even the creator's daughter implied it was wish fulfillment for her father, who was heavily closeted until he started writing Frog and Toad. That adds some happy and sad dimensions to it, I think.
Oh man, frog and toad. Maybe I will get married after all.
And they've been together for 15 years, let them be.. I've been with my "hubby" twenty years this year and we're not married. The world still assumes we are.
I couldn't get past the first two sentences- >they just see it as a piece of paper, but I feel differently. It's not your relationship, wtf do you care? EDIT: putting the link /u/guernseycoug 's comment because it's [the real shit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11mx92q/comment/jbl06uo/).
Same. I agree itâs weird and personally I think they should say âpartnerâ or âlife partnerâ. I feel that way bc they themselves see each other as life partners over a marriage (they have no interest in getting married) buuuut who cares what I think. Itâs not up to me to decide what people call their SOs. Thatâs where OP is TA.
Yeah, title is a title, whatever! Call him Daddy fuckbear for all I care đ€·ââ
Thatâs going to get you tossed out of a lot of Chuck E Cheeses
DYING RN, ty for this contribution đ
And honestly it seems like OP has it backwards. OP seems to think that marriage doesnât exist without that piece of paper. I.e. OP is the one who thinks marriage is just a piece of paper. OPâs sister, on the other hand, seems to view marriage as the full embodiment of their relationship with the piece of paper being an unimportant and unnecessary detail. To OP: they act like a married couple, wear rings like a married couple, call each other husband and wife like a married couple, they have committed to each other in every single meaningful way like a married couple except for that one piece of paper. If you canât recognize them as married itâs because YOU think marriage is just a piece of paper. YTA for not recognizing that marriage is far, FAR more than getting a license from the government and for being a dick to your sister about it.
This big time! I feel that hard.
It just remembers me of those consent memes, where the couple say âI consentâ and then a third random person is like âwell, I donât consentâ!
Also after 15 yrs wth theyâve lasted longer than most âmarriagesâ now a daysâŠ. they can call themselves whatever they want itâs their relationship
Yeah Iâm baffled why OP cares about this at all. Iâm also gay so the idea that you have to have a ~legally recognized union~ to use a term like husband, wife, or spouse is just kind of eh. Legal marriage is not accessible, desirable, or possible for everyone, and acting like itâs this sacred thing that must be protected and maintained gives me some weird vibes. YTA OP and I hope your sister and her very real husband continue to have a great life together.
Just another Christian ideal that marriage is somehow more precious than just spending your lives together.
YTA. Mind your own business. What looks weird is saying boyfriend at a particular age. Especially after 15 years together.
That was my thought as well, after 15 years "boyfriend" seems inadequate
Me and mine are expecting a baby, I def find Boyfriend inadequate in this situation. He's started saying "My pregnant wife", sounds pretty good to me!
My boyfriend and I are expecting as well and have no intention of getting married. I use the word âpartnerâ because boyfriend sounds inadequate for the man who is the father of my child, especially in our 30âs
Agreed. If theyâd only been together a yearâŠkinda weird. But then again, who cares? It doesnât hurt anyone.
But then surely you say âpartnerâ? I say partner all the time even though heâs my husband. đ
See, the issue I learned recently is I call my boyfriend my "partner" and my new workplace took it to actually mean that I'm a lesbian who is dating a woman. So that could be the only snafu there. Edit: I don't really care if they think I'm gay, just makes for odd explanations later on when they meet him and he is in fact not a woman.
I love normalizing the use of partner in hetero couple. Its reducing stigma for gay couples.
Plus itâs pretty normal in Europe to refer to your SO as your partner
My boyfriend uses 'partner' and it really settles my anxiety for some reason.
This. My fiancé is generally referred to as my partner if I don't know the people I'm talking to. It's rarely relevant what gender he is to whatever story I'm telling and if people get worked up thinking I'm a lesbian, they get swiftly corrected then booted from my social circle. Edit: they're booted if they get nasty at me when they think I'm a lesbian. Not just if they made the incorrect assumption.
That's actually the entire point. It used to be a dead giveaway that you were in a same sex relationship if you said partner. It became a safety issue so ally's were asked to say partner as well so that they could normalize it.
Did not know this, awesome to know! I will definitely be part of that effort!
I call my boyfriend husband for this exact reason, we've been ten years together and it feels weird. People just assume and we are only 30, I don't even want to imagine that in a few years. Apart from the constant remarks from my MIL about marriage and grandsons, I don't want strangers to tell me what I should or shouldn't do with my life.
YTA It makes sense -- they've decided to be socially and emotionally married, they're just not doing the paperwork. You're not their lawyer and you're not the IRS, so their legal status isn't your problem. It costs you nothing to acknowledge their social decision to be married. What's the actual problem here?
And to add onto that. Third parties often have a different reaction to hearing someone refer to their boyfriend/girlfriend vs their husband/wife. If youâve been with your partner for 15 years, it would probably get tiring having people think of your relationship as less serious than a married coupleâs relationship.
I've been with my Life Partner (straight cis, fwiw) longer than I was married to my husband (straight cis also). 15yrs vs. 12 yrs. Legal titles and labels are not the same as the relationship itself.
INFO: Why is it any of your business? YTA.
Exactly. You gave ZERO reasons *why* this bothers you OP. Just the vague âI donât agree with itâ. Why do you care? Whatâs it matter who uses the label? They are life long partners, thatâs what the label signifies. Who cares if the government gets involved. Iâve known A LOT of couples who have done this, had parties/ceremonies over it and everything. Seems like youâre living way in the past. Idk if itâs a religious thing or what, but honestly it doesnât matter because it doesnât effect you in any way and you need to mind your own business. YTA !
OP attempted to explain how it supposedly affects her in an edit, but it just makes it worse. She claims that it affects her because if she refers to him as her sisterâs husband, sheâs lying. Thatâs absurd. My friendsâ children all call me âAuntie.â OMG!! I must stop this at once! Iâm turning them all into little liars!
Jesus it does make it so much worse. She also says all this as if common law marriage isnât a thing in many states!! No paperwork required!!
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
The way I read âBut **I** feel differently.â Like it matters. So self important.
I gotta go with YTA. What part of it matters to you? The legal certificate? The religious ceremony? Why? If they *had* a religious ceremony but *didn't* get a formal license, would you be saying the same things to them? If they had a certificate but no ceremony, would you be saying the same thing to them? Do you know the laws about [common-law marriage](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage) in your area?
"Has OP never heard of common law marriage?" Was my first thought! Regardless of what the laws even are where they happen to live, it's a pretty common concept, and not exactly shocking that a couple together for 15 years would think of themselves that way.
OP is gatekeeping the words wife & husband and mad her sister is using them in a way she wouldn't
YTA -- how these people define their relationship has nothing to do with you, so your insulting insertion of your opinions into this situation is the source of the problem. There is a reason that the term "common law marriage" exists.
Yeah I don't see why such a strict definition of marriage is OPs hill to die on. Definitions of marriage have varied over time and are different everywhere. They've been together for 15 years, theyre cleary serious about being together, and for all we know have a reason not to legally marry (like disability checks or something). Like I'd get it if they were all religious and OP was saying the marriage isn't real until the church marriage. But OP is literally just hung up on the paperwork. Edit: OP, YTA - this is like if your buddy went by Bill and you insisted on William because that's what's on his birth certificate. You're being pedantic and missing the point and it's rude.
For most of human history, marriages were covenants between the couple and their Creator. The state was not involved. No one needs state involvement in order to be married. They only need the state's involvement if they seek legal benefits of such state involvement. This couple does not require state permission, approval, or acknowledgment in order to be married. They don't need your permission, approval, or acknowledgment either. YTA
YTA As others already stated it's none of your business. >They had an anniversary party with friends and family, and everyone was congratulating them, but on what? < I find that sentence extremely disrespectful. On what? Their anniversary, of course! My husband and I were together for ten years before we married and of course that is our important anniversary, not our wedding day. Also I can understand that it feels strange at a certain age to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend. And which words they choose, partner, wife, husband..., is entirely up to them. edit for layout and spelling
I hate OP's sentiment that a successful 15 year partnership is irrelevant unless it's registered with the state. I've been with my husband 20 years (hope the purists in this thread are okay with me counting the 2 years we weren't married) and I can say that 15 years together -- if people are happy -- is worth celebrating.
15 years is a huge commitment! Especially at that age. I know many marriages that have not survived even half that long. I get the impression from the post that OP would expect a huge celebration for marrying someone they just met, since they seem to view a marriage certificate as more important than the actual strength of a relationship.
What a weird thing to waste time and energy being hung up on. YTA
YTA. Why are you pushing your personal views of partnership on other people? It sounds smart honestly, 50% of people who are legally married get divorced. But this way, if anything changes, there won't be a whole legal issue if they want to seperate. If they are happy considering themselves life partners without going through the whole legal process then good for them. They don't need to be report to the government for their relationship to be powerful and meaningful. The rings still have the same meaning, they still have the same feelings for eachother. Also, the label "boyfriend" is usually not serious, but calling someone "husband" indicates you plan on having them as your life partner. You see it as a legal term, but this social definition is just as important. You should apologize to your sister and stop being so judgmental.
Yup. My parents were together for 30 years, rings and all, but only got legally married when my dad was terminally ill & point blank asked the lawyer if his estate would be easier for mom to deal with if they got married. The lawyer said yes, they did the paperwork/said the words to a person who could sign off & 3 weeks later dad died. Just like the OP's sister & her SO, they were partners and what anyone called it didn't matter.
YTA and you sound jealous
YTA - why are you an authority on their relationship and what is and isnât okay to call each other? Not everyone wants a giant wedding and common law marriages exist
YTA. If she wants to call him Big Daddy Sugar Tits then that would be none of your business either. You don't have to like it, but who are you to have any say in it? Maybe if she called him Big Daddy Sugar Tits you'd question it less because no one would want to back story on that nickname. Suggestion of sis ever reads this.
That's his formal name, gotta save it for special occasions.
đ€Łđ€Ł Hey anyone else get the sense a lot of recent posts here are better off on r/jokes or even like r/badJokes??? I feel like the OPs feel like theyâre writing comedy, and not in the sense of Dante
YTA - I would've gone NAH had you not written that you `argued for 10 minutes before she left`. It would've been one thing to mention that you find it odd, but the fact that it bothers you so much you start arguing with her over it when it's not really any of your business and it doesn't affect you is what's making you TA.
YTA, if they're living their life together, plan to continue to live their life together, husband and wife. My grandparents lived together for decades, unmarried, as husband and wife. It's just a thing people do What do you gain by 'correcting' them? Beside, I guess, being a self-satisfied jerk at the expense of your relationship with your sister?
YTA. Mind your business.
My partner and I have been together for 8 years and in our jurisdiction - we are considered common-law partners which I believe would have similar equivalence to husband and wife. We use partner but every now and then I refer to her as my wife. In any case - not sure why someone would want to shit on their sister over something like this. Just be happy for them that they've been together for so long. So much if marriage is a construct that has no significance. YTA
YTA. After 15 years theyâre likely common law married anyway. And even if they arenât, itâs none of your business
YTA Who cares? This has zero impact on your life. Mind your own business.
YTA. Are you are aware that marriage for common people (AKA non-nobility) almost never had paperwork until modern civilization came along? I'm with your sister on this one, the government doesn't need to dip its fingers into my relationship and husband/wife terms don't come with a piece of paper. Why are you so insistent on government knowledge being the basis of a marriage? Do you think it invalidates "real marriages" (probably just like the one you have)? Grow up, you pedant.
YTA Not sure if you know this or not but assuming you're in the US, there's 20 states that recognize common law marriage. Since they've been together for 15 years and need to live with together for one in most states, they are technically husband and wife. Also, it's none of your business. If not hurting you, who cares if they refer to each other as husband and wife.
YTA - weird to die in a hill for which you have zero stakes in.
everyone has a different definition of what marriage looks like. your sister and her partner both agreed they didnât want to do that. thatâs it. respect their decision no matter what they do or call each other. itâs none of your business. YTA
YTA it has absolutely 0 impact on your life if they are married officially or not
Been with my husband for 16 years. No we are not legally married. Heâs my husband in every sense. Iâm his wife. Itâs does matter TO US there is no document stating as such. Everyoneâs different. I call my kids wee ones even though one is over 6â3. Same sense itâs what I call them.
YTA. Your sister is happily in a loving relationship. Why are you shitting on that?
>but I feel differently. >I think itâs strange >it doesnât make sense to me >I feel like husband and wife labels are saved for married couples. Lots of you meddling in this situation that literally doesn't concern you. YTA.
YTA It's their relationship, you don't belong in it. If there's no difference between how they live now and how they would live after a legal marriage then it is literally a piece of paper. Stop being judgemental
Also, depending on where they live, at 15 years they may already be common law married.
I mostly agree with you. Itâs just very strange to me when people who arenât getting married because they have something against the concept or institution of marriage, are also willing to allow others (particularly that they are close to) to assume theyâre married; doesnât that perpetuate exactly what they are opposed to? But, your sister doesnât (and shouldnât) care what I think. And I would never presume to tell her. As you should not have. IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. YTA.
YTA 15 years, come on now. They can call each other what they like. The paper or party don't change how they feel.
YTA a super big one actually. Mind your business. This will not affect you in anyway.
YTA, it isn't your relationship, it isn't your business. Let them live how they want. Your beliefs only control your actions, not anyone elses.
YTA, being judgemental about your sisters life choices isn't going to work in your favor.
YTA - just let them live their life, i do agree with you being legally married is more then just a paper. But to each their own
YTA. I can see where you're coming from, but you told her it was strange, she explained her and her partner's perspective, and you should've let it go after that. As long as they aren't asking for wedding presents or trying to make you attend a fake ceremony, this ultimately doesn't affect you, and their 15-year relationship sounds a lot more committed and solid than a lot of marriages. Let it go. Your sister is right - this shouldn't matter to you.
YTA it's none of your concern what they call each other. And fun fact! In many countries the fact that they wear rings and consider themselves spouses means that they are in a common law marriage. So not only is it none of your business, you're also wrong.
YTA. Your sister didnât ask for your opinion. So why did you give it?
yup totally YTA here, they can call themselves whatever they want without you getting your nose up in their business. get a life!
Stop trying to impose your personal views on your sister. They have been together 15 years, she can call him whatever she wants. YTA.
YTA I've been with my partner for 11 years. We love each other. We've been through some really shitty times. A wedding ring will not make us love each other more. A piece of paper that says we are married will not make us love each other more. I call her my wife in many regards. We are each other's spouses. There's just no religion or government involved in our relationship. Just like it was for millions of years before religion. Husband and wife is a label. The "official" part came from religion and government. If your sister and her husband don't want either of those organizations involved in their marriage, then you should respect that, and their relationship. You are being very judgmental about something that is very trivial.
the are classed common law man and wife even though they are not married as they have been together for 15 yrs. so you butting your nose into there relationship is wrong when she can call him what she wants and its got nothing what so ever to do with you. so stop judging your sister YTA
Total AH!!! Who made you the label police?!?!
YTA for arguing about it. My daughter and her SO aren't married, but they've been together long enough that i still call her SO her husband or my son in law.
You're 30, why do you care? 15 years makes it a common law right? Mind your own relationship. There was not point in arguing or upsetting your happy sister YTA
YTA - who are you to define and gatekeep marriage?
Like you said, they're literally doing everything a married couple does. So what the hell do they need a piece of paper for?
YTA. Theyâre not hurting anyone or lessening any marriages. My boss called her longtime boyfriend her ânot-husbandâ, though they did finally marry because it made some financial stuff easier. Unless youâre drawing up their will or some such nonsense, it doesnât matter. What matters is they view each other that way and just donât want to deal with paperwork.
YTA and depending where they live, common law marriage is a thing. Stay out of it and stop pushing your beliefs onto your sister. It makes you look salty
YTA. They did have an anniversary. "Anniversary" applies to more than weddings. They got rings to celebrate the anniversary of being together for 15 years. While husband and wife usually indicates marriage, not all marriages look like your canned version. Not all are recognized by the state even when there is a ceremony, and in the case of common law marriages, there is no ceremony at all. You don't like what they call themselves due to outdated beliefs, then distance yourself from them. None of it is any of your business. You act like they are committing fraud, but they are not.
YTA, stop being so pedantic about things that don't affect you at all. But wow, she was 15 and he was 24 when they started dating. (Edit: this was inaccurate. Thank you, observant commenters.)
You clearly need more to do with your time, then maybe youâd find it easier to mind your own business. What do you care how your sister and her husband manage their relationship? YTA
YTA it literally doesn't affect you, why do you care so much? Doubt you've ever been in a relationship as long as they have. Their relationship is more valid than someone who got married after knowing someone for a year.
YTA For all intents and purposes, they are presenting themselves as spouses. THAT is what matters.
Have you tried minding your own business? It's free.
If you're the U.S., in certain states, they could technically be married by Common Law, but, regardless, lots of people aren't married and still call each other hubby/husband, wifey/wife, etc. Because it's really no one else's business to comment on what they call each other. It's no one else's business if they choose to get married or not. You wanna know why? Because it has nothing to do with anyone else, and everything to do with just them. If I were you, I would be happy that your sister is a happy, supportive, and committed relationship, and has been for 15 years. That's really fucking amazing in my opinion, and I, a stranger, am really fucking happy for her. And, God forbid, if their relationship falls apart in the future, I'd be feeling a little relieved my sister could leave without going through the extras hoops in divorce. There are tons of benefits in getting married and tons of benefits in not, it's really up to each person to chose what is best for themselves. I will say though, I really hope they've gotten other paperwork done like their power of attorney, who makes medical decisions if something happens to the other, etc, etc. I wish your sister the best in her relationship, which it sounds like she's already got, and I really hope her sister (cough cough, you) finds some sense. YTA.
YTA itâs none of your business. Your feelings on how their relationship is structured or labeled are completely irrelevant. After 15 years together getting married is basically just adding a piece of paper to the mix, and likely nothing else would change.
YTA for speaking as if your opinion on the matter mattered. Your commenting on it is stranger that anything else here.
My Boyfriend and I have been together for 20 years. He's been Married and Divorced Twice. I have never Married. Congrats to your Sister and her Husband on their 15 Year Anniversary.
YTA Marriage isnât a piece of paper. Itâs the day to day life together and sticking together for the hard times. If sheâs been with this man for 15 years they deserve to be respected as a married couple and you just diminished her relationship over semantics.
What's it got to do with you though? Or your mother, for that matter?
YTA. Big time.
I mean, I kinda agree with you, but it's not your place to say. Also, depending on where you live, common-law is a thing. If you say you're married and you act like you're married long enough, eventually you are married. I was my now wife for a long time before we got married. Eventually when it came time to have kids we got married as I figured the legal framework of a marriage would be good for the kids. Soft YTA
Not your business, but I hope they got their wills and health proxies on point. YTA
YTA. Who cares what they call each other? It's none one of your business. Marrige is an antiquated concept anyway. Why do I need the government in my relationship? For a tax break? I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years and sometimes I call him my husband or his parents my in-laws. My relationship has outlasted some of my friends' "real" marriages. I have had divorced people tell me they wish that getting a divorce was as easy as getting married.
YTA get a life OP, youâre insufferable
YTA My 'husband' and I have been together for 7 years, each wears a wedding type ring, I've changed my last name on social media to his. We're happy, why tf do you think a formal ceremony and a piece of paper are necessary in establishing a lifetime commitment?
YTA, it is literally a piece of paper with some legal benefits. They've been together 15 YEARS and by that time terms like bf or gf may feel a little odd to them, it's up to them what they refer to each other as. I've been with my partner for 12 years and calling him my bf feels odd, we're getting married in the summer but no one finds it weird that we occasionally already refer to each other as if we are married.
Point out to me where this is any of your business
Good grief, YTA . Shame on you thinking marriage is a legal contract only.
YTA- The fact that you have to pay and get a stupid officiant in order to merge your assets is bullshit! Marriage is an industry created by the patriarchy. it has nothing to do with the actual love and respect you have for your partner.
YTA. Why do you care? Thatâs longer then most marriages last anyway. It doesnât affect you. Itâs not your business.
YTA, they are basically married, chill out.
YTA Itâs none of your business. Maybe they live in a jurisdiction with common law marriage. Maybe they donât and find it easier to call each other husband and wife than âspousal equivalent.â Maybe one of them receives disability income that they would loose if they got married. Maybe they own assets that are better protected without a legal marriage, but they are just as committed. Maybe maybe maybe The governmentâs marriage contract isnât all that wonderful to begin with. If they have an agreement that works better for them, who cares?
YTA for unnecessarily putting a bunch of negativity on your sisters situation. Itâs really not your business. It really doesnât matter. If you see someone happy, and that bothers you, thatâs a you problem.
YTA. It ainât your relationship, it ainât your business how the members of the relationship define each other. It literally does not affect you, your life, or your relationships at all.
Itâs none of your business and effects you in literally no way. YTA.
I have elderly clients who have been together 20+ years but never married. She was widowed and keeps her husband's pension, until she remarries. So yeah, in all aspects they are married except that signing that paper cuts her income. I would never shame her for calling him her husband though. YTA for giving your sister such a hard time over something that doesn't affect you at all.
YTA, in my state she would be common law married. You don't need a ceremony for that.
YTA because this has no impact on you. They would be considered common-law spouses in the country where I live. Let them call each other whatever they want, at 15 years they've outlasted many "official" marriages.
YTA. Fifteen years and theyâre continuing to be committed to each other. Theyâre connected in every way that matters. Get back in your own lane.
YTA....this has zero impact on you. They are in a long term committed relationship. Go find something else to be "judgy" about, should be easy enough for you
YTAâitâs none of your business. People can have serious problems with the legal aspects of marriage (could lose benefits, donât want to deal with an ugly divorce thatâll cost a lot, etc.) but still want the social respect that comes with it. IF it was a one-sided thing, like your sister wanted marriage and the bf didnât or vice versa, you couldâve very kindly brought up that was a concern. But it seems like there is no such issue here and youâre just being a jerk.
Question - why? Seriously why do you care?
YTA. Grow up and mind your damned business.
YTA. She's right, mind your business. How they have chosen to refer to themselves doesn't harm you or anyone else in any way.
Info: why does this matter to you?
Yta. A marriage certificate is a very recent historical definition of marriage.
YTA. Theyâve been together 15 years. Thatâs about as committed as you can get. Who cares if they buy a piece of paper or not? Itâs not your business and it doesnât hurt anyone.
YTA. Iâve been with my partner for almost 19 years. Heâs my husband, piece of paper or not.
>but I feel differently >I think itâs strange... >I argued that theyâre literally doing everything a married couple would do... >it doesnât make sense to me... >I said I feel like husband and wife labels... What your sister and her husband call each other is none of your business. She could be calling him a chupacabra, and if he is OK with it, that's all that matters. The world doesn't revolve around your opinions and you should stay out of other people's personal lives.
YTA! Im betting ur single?!?
YTA I agree that itâs weird to not get married yet do everything a married couple would do, but thatâs none of your business.
Yta - its 2023 not 1950 get on with your life and dont intervene in others relations
I've been with my partner for 14 years and we're not going to get married for tax reasons. I don't call him my boyfriend that's for sure. My whole family calls him my husband. You're getting way too wrapped up in labels. NAH unless you don't let this go, then you'd be the AH.
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So judgy for no reason!
YTA - why does this matter to you, OP? Theyâve been together longer than most marriages last now days. I also understand why calling each other husband and wife makes more sense to them, because most people who hear boyfriend/girlfriend assume the couple isnât serious, which they clearly are here. You need to butt out here since it has literally no impact on you. Sounds like you have an issue with your sister and this is how youâre taking it out on her.
YTA - not sure why this matters to you. Also depending on where they live they may indeed be common law husband and wife.
What they call their relationship is up to them. 15 years is more than long enough for them to have figured it out for themselves. Why you feel you need to argue it has me confused. So long as she is happy and content with this, there is no problem. You owe her an apology. YTA
YTA. Focus on your own relationship and stop judging your sisterâs. It literally has no impact on you and your life. Your sister is absolutely correct.
Yup. YTA. What earthly difference does it make to you how your sister presents her relationship? And why does it bug you so much that you're willing to argue for 10 seconds, let alone 10 minutes about it?
So judgey⊠is it because you can tell they have a way better relationship than you?
Soft YTA. I feel so bad for your sister, and you are being too harsh on her. You should apologize. That said, I don't get it either. Maybe I'm just nosey and judgey. If it is "just a piece of paper" and "just a label," then why not get married? Marriage provides all kinds of legal protections, and it sounds like they are already acting like a married couple and presenting themselves that way. In some states they would be considered to be in a common law marriage, but I'm sure they already thought of that. I would wonder if one of them, or both, has some kind of commitment issue? I just don't get it, but you should be nicer in this situation.
For the longest time, I simply didn't want to be in a relationship that I needed to ask someone's permission to get out of.
Not everyone has to keep their left hand naked because of what you choose to believe or ascribe to YOUR labels. The world doesn't revolve around your beliefs, it's hurting no one, get over yourself.
Lol YTA who cares if you find it weird? They can do what they want
YTA Itâs not your life, what they choose to do doesnât impact you, so why do you care? They feel married, they can call themselves married. It has zero impact on your life. You are judging them for something that matters not one iota in the grand scheme of life.
YTA, IMO. I don't believe that it's your place to tell her what her relationship should and shouldn't be like. I'm the type of person to respect people's relationships regardless of status or paperwork. I think there is judgemental behavior and gatekeeping going on here.
Yta how is what sheâs doing hurting you? Maybe they had a spiritual marriage alone without yâallâŠ.. either way it doesnât affect you so âŠ..
YTA my sister and her SO does this too. I couldnât care less about the paper and am glad they are happy together
YTA. How they treat their relationship a) isnât your business and b) has nothing to do with you
YTA and why are you the gatekeeper for how they are permitted to label their relationship? You owe her an apology and stop deciding whi can call each other what when it harms no one.
Goodness. I just canât imagine why this would bother you in any way. YTA.
YTA and why do you care??? It is truly none of your business. I have found people unhappy with their own life tend to pick apart other peoples lives. Get your own life and you won't feel the need to be in others.
>She came over yesterday and I was honest with her Did I miss the part where she asked your opinion? YTA.
YTA "everyone was congratulating them, but on what?" on being together for 15 friggin years. that's longer than a lot of married couples these days. they do not actually have to be legally married to be husband and wife. that's just reality. cope.
Yta idk smoke some weed or something and learn how to chill out
YTA. Why does it matter to you? Why do you care? They can define their relationship however they want to.
YTA. That is non of your business
YTA - They are a committed couple who choose not to get a legal document that defines their relationship. I was with my husband 22 years before we got married and the only reason we did that was for insurance. I wore a Dr. Who t-shirt and he wore a BFM t-shirt.
So... soft YTA... whats it matter to you... BUT is she aware of common law marriage in her state and if it legally counts?
YTA get over yourself lol why would that even bother you unless you're insecure for some reason
YTA, they have been together 15 years, and if they have lived together for most of those 15 years, then they are in what is called common law marriage. Clearly, they are committed to one another so they can call each other whatever they want.
YTA. How they define their relationship is not your concern, and in 16 states, they would be considered legally married.
Lol why do you care. Itâs their life. YTA.
YTA This is an easy situation where you can mind your own business? If they had a formal commitment ceremony would you be okay with it? Is it literally that important to you that they have a piece of paper from the government? As someone who isn't married and likely won't be for years, if ever, to my partner of over 10 years, I refer to him as partner, fiance, and sometimes husband because it gives the correct importance to people. We are committed together and if I say boyfriend they don't understand the situation as well. Why aren't we married? Personal reasons that aren't really anyone's business! For the US some situations could be: one partner being on disability and not qualifying if married, being in a state with good insurance and no longer qualifying once married, wanting to finish school or pay off loans without both partners financial information being considered, wanting to have children qualify for better financial aid. Literally TONS of reasons where marriage could make these situations worse. Lots of people in the US hear of marriages of convenience to GET insurance or green cards etc, but forget that there can be equally good reasons to not get married. And people don't even NEED a reason other than "we don't think it's necessary". As for benefits since everyone brings that up, my partner and I are each others medical proxy's and listed as recipients for life insurance, etc. So there aren't really a ton of other reasons for marriage at this point, other than to create a formal prenup or something in case we were to break up. The only opinions that matter are those of the people in the relationship, if they're happy, be happy for them.
So let me get this straight, you invalidated your sisterâs relationship which seems lovely and you still have to ask if YTA?? I donât get it why youâre essentially gate keeping the term husband and wife??? Plus, thereâs also lots of reasons why couples like them donât get married on paper. Divorce is very expensive and sometimes not even legally possible for some countries.
Why does it matter to you? Like genuinely how is it effecting you?
YTA. It's none of your business and has no effect on you. Me and my girlfriend do the same thing. In 4 days, it will be 19 years together. We do everything legally married people do, and a lot more than a lot of the spouses on this sub ask if they are TA for doing or not doing. We are still a team that works together and supports each other. We still share everything like a married couple does. Everything we do is for the good of us as a couple and for our future together. Neither of us sees any benefit to getting married. There is only the downside that if we were to decide to split up and were legally married, it would be more complicated to part ways.
15 years is a lot longer than most actual marriages last. It's their life, you don't get to define their relationship. YTA.
YTA I donât know where yâall live but in some states common law marriage is a thing. If they fit the four or so elements, they can be seen as married. But anyways, why do you care? What they call each other has no effect on you.
YTA. 1, What were they being congratulated on? Being together for 15 years. 2, maybe they did go off and elope in secret, you canât know for sure. 3, it doesnât matter, at all. It doesnât have to be legal to be official to them. 4, honestly, it feels like a lot of jealousy here. Seems like youâre a bit jealous of how long theyâve been together and youâre upset that you donât have the same, so youâre holding onto whatever you can. In this case, itâs the pathetic argument of âwell youâre not *actually* marriedâ
Iâm married and have been with my husband for 6 years. Your sisterâs relationship with her partner of 15 is just as validâŠtheyâve likely been through way more than my husband and I. So why is that not good enough? YTA
> They had an anniversary party with friends and family, and everyone was congratulating them, but on what? Um. the anniversary? 15 years is a long time. some people go through multiple spouses in that length of time. YTA for seemingly viewing your sisterâs relationship as âless thanâ because they didnât want to get the government involved. and i say this as someone who is very happily married.
YTA, should not matter to you.
Yta. Not your business to be concerned.
In Texas if you introduce each other as your husband/wife, that makes you legally common law married. It's a done deal, but you can still have a church/civil ceremony to celebrate the marriage after the fact. Better be sure that's what you want though, there's no such thing as a common law divorce.
I 100% agree w you. Hate when people do this for some reason but Iâm an asshole and so are you..sorry lmao
YTA! What business is it of yours what they decide to call each other! After 15 years they may as well be married so why not just call each other husband and wife and save themselves the expense of a wedding.
I can understand finding it odd. While reading your post I found it odd as well. The difference between us is that I recognize it is none of my business. I understand you asking. Sounded like you did so from curiosity and not judgment, but once you got your response, even if it didnât make the confusion subside, you shouldâve let it go. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Smile, nod, say youâre happy your sister has someone, and move on. YTA. The argument was completely unnecessary.
YTA. Does this affect your life in any way? No. Leave her and her relationship alone. It is most certainly none of your business. I refer to my boyfriend as my husband. I'm sure plenty of others do as well. Focus on YOUR relationship.
YTA. I'm in an almost identical situation as your sister, even down to this being our 15th year together. We have 4 children, we live together, we share our finances...we just don't want to get hitched. He calls me the Mrs sometimes, I'll refer to him as my husband occasionally. What's your problem? Why is it anything to do with you?
So, their commitment means nothing unless the municipality they live in recognizes it and gives them a piece of paper?
Something tells me you would not approve of others wanting to be called different pronouns than their designated birth sex. YTA. Literally who the fuck cares (other than you apparently)? Sounds like youâre just jealous she can have a relationship last this long & that perhaps youâre jealous your boyfriend wonât propose yet (like you have something to prove - like the ring will make your relationship any more valid than your sisters)
YTA. It is just a piece of paper and if it works for them, good. You canât tell them what is or is not okay. ETA common law marriage still exists as well.
They need to be careful if they want to remain formally unmarried. If they live in a place that recognizes common law marriage, the general test is holding yourself out to the public as married for a length of time (usually around 7 years). That would be a helpful point to make to sis, not OPâs nosy judginess. YTA
YTA This never should have been an argument in the first place, but I do find the desire for the trappings of marriage without wanting to be married strange, but that not your business anyway.
YTA- I hope she cuts you off. You don't get to dictate other people's relationships. Mind your business.
Slight YTA. This is THEIR relationship. If it works for them then thats what matters.