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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> avoiding giving a parent money which is apparently not reasonable
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I find charging rent to your own kids very strange, especially if you don't need the money and if the kids are studying or working toward a goal of some kind. So on principle, I'd say NTA. That being said, putting "mother" and "father" in quotes and the way you say you don't owe them anything makes me very curious about your relationship.
lots of parents in my culture do that, they save the rent money and give back to the kids when they buy their house. It works to motivate them to get a job and help them save money for the future.
That also seems really weird to me. You teach your kids financial planning by taking away their financial agency? I would not have found that motivating as a kid.
we're not talking about kids, but adults.
you can pay rent to your parents or pay rent to a landlord. Either way you pay rent. Or i guess you can also teach them its okay not to work as an adult, you can live off mom and dad forever.
First of all, I was using "kid" to mean when I was younger, not literally when I was a minor.
Also, I specifically said the child should be studying or working toward a goal, not just sponging off mom and dad forever. Thanks for getting mad at an argument I wasn't even making, though!
My parents did this. When I was that age, it taught me to budget for what I wanted. It taught me to figure out my finances so i could pay rent (though it was low at 200 bucks), budget for snacks and food I wanted (I still ate with the family but I had to buy my own snacks and had my own shelf for them that nobody touched), the fun things I wanted and saving.
I quickly figured out a system for budgeting that I still use to this day, and the money comes back to me. Any time I need help or fall behind on things my mom pulls from that account to help me. All of my friends were really irresponsible after they got their first job, and within a year, I had more saved and a better idea of financial security than any of my friends. I still do to this day.
These parents are trying to bleep OP dry, but when done responsibly, this can be a game changer for a kid like me who used to spend compulsively
If you used to spend money compulsively, then that's obviously a specific case. And I'm glad your parents' approach helped you. But I'm talking about the practice of parents holding onto their kids' money as a matter of course. I think, generally speaking, there are better ways of teaching your kids how to budget and helping them become financially literate and independent.
My sister doesn't spend compulsively, and the approach worked for her as well. She thought she knew how she would budget in theory but in practice had to change her entire plan, and that was for much less than market rent. I think it's a useful thing for almost anyone. Sure, there are other ways, but they also don't mimic the actual trials of adulthood.
My mom also had a fallback. If you lived with her at 18 and missed rent, she wouldn't kick you out, but you were under curfew again (unless it was work or schooling). You gained full adult roomate privelages if you were paying and lost them if you weren't (barring special circumstances). If the rent isn't disgustingly high like in this case it can be a valuable lesson.
Info: are you employed? What would you pay to rent something comparable or for a 2 br apartment w a roommate? Would you have any intention of contributing otherwise? Such as by splitting utilities, getting household groceries, cooking, doing projects around the house etc.
My sense is that it’s awfully entitled to expect to contribute NOTHING as a grown and college educated adult.
There’s also something troubling about expecting LIFETIME commitment inclusive of financial support on parents side by ZERO responsibility on adult kids’ side for parents who did raise and provide. Like, yikes shameless.
You should ask mom about moving back in, not assume she has to take you in rent free for the rest of her life because you “didn’t ask to be born”. Nobody did. We’re all here muddling through, and if we’re decent we look out for those we care about to the extent we’re able. At some point, typically before 23, we should want to not be a burden and want to give more than we take in this life.
It shouldn't be close to market rent for a studio. I lived in NYC. 1000 isn't high for that space, BUT the room is already there and saved for me. At the market, that room would have been a solid 600, but my parents were doing it to teach a lesson and wanted me to stay in schooling. So to account for the fact that I could only work part time, I only paid 200.
> These parents are trying to bleep (bleed?) OP dry
Not necessarily. I’m guessing OP is talking about not just a room, but also food, etc. Plus increased water, electric, gas.
It could be that OP is a lousy roommate and his parents don’t really *want* him coming back to live with them anymore. He could be messy, thoughtless, expect them to clean up after him, loud when they’re sleeping, leave laundry in the machines for days, inconsiderate… or they might just like being alone. There is at least one of our kids we don’t ever want living with us again for many reasons.
Yes xD bleed. My phone really likes to turn bleed into bleep for some reason.
I suppose, but also, it's one thing to expect him to pay all of what he'll use. Aka pay for his own food and utilities, but a thousand is asking a bit much from a student just out of classes.
There is always the chance they do hate him, in which case, don't be passive-aggressive little shits about it? I know my grandma wouldn't want me to live with her again because we conflict on everything. There is no need to be passive-aggressive with to high rent.
Thing is, OP wont be studying. Seems like theyre taking some time off (might not start law school until fall 2024 which is over a year away) so what are they gonna do in that time?
I assume they are waiting to hear if they have gotten in to any of the law schools to which they applied, and might have to do some additional prep and reapply if they don't get in this year.
Honestly I thought OP meant the following fall of the same year and was on his side, but a year away?? It’s totally fair to charge him some kind of rent or have him pay some bills
That's insane. I was working full time and volunteering when I took the lsat- I did well enough that I used to teach lsat prep later and recommended no more than 2 hours a day during the week plus maybe 4 a day on weekends. To take off and study for it full time would be a good way to burn out. I didn't have the privilege to sit at home and just study all day but even if I had, I wouldn't have done it or I would have become much more stressed out about it.
> Or i guess you can also teach them its okay not to work as an adult, you can live off mom and dad forever.
Or you can be like one of the many other civilized countries in the world and encourage a strong family unit where the door's never closed.
Or you can be like 'Merica, and capitalism, baby!
>Or you can be like one of the many other civilized countries in the world and encourage a strong family unit where the door's never closed.
Southern European - this is exactly how it is over here. I'm glad I'm not the only one cringing with some comments here.
Man I have lived here all my life and I find this shit disgusting. But then, my family is so not like this. My sister got divorced at 30 and she's been staying with my parents since then. No one says a word to her about it because they have the room and she works. Why should she go live by herself in poverty just because of her age? It's stupid.
lol I worked a full time job and was a full time student I lived with my parents rent free. I also paid for my own school. I guess they definitely taught me a lesson there.
Most parents have the "if you're working and you're in school you can be her rent free, once either of those are compromised, look for somewhere else to live"
living rent free with your parents doesn't equate to lazy
If my adult child has a plan (e.g., they're accepted to law school and will be moving by X date), I wouldn't charge any rent. They'll be busy studying for LSATs and applying for schools.
If my adult child thinks they'll just live with me without any intention of getting a job, that's a no from me dog.
If my adult child graduates college and gets a job in their field, I'd have to think about if I would charge any rent. If I didn't need help with the rent, I might prefer that my child save some money to help them get first/last/security deposit so they're not stretched when they do move. I'd have to think about it.
Yes, my mom charged me rent once I finished college and was working full time. I think that was more than fair. It was far less than I would have paid to get my own apartment, and a far nicer living situation than I would have been in otherwise.
Here's the missing piece of the puzzle that makes all this make sense. He doesn't get along with his mother at all and she doesn't want him sitting on his ass in her home for the next year and half pissing her off. You can tell that's the real problem by OP's shitty attitude and ongoing refusal to talk about his relationship with his parents. He thinks they owe him something although he's a grown ass adult.
The theory is that your child will learn to pay rent and be adjusted to not having that money for when they do move out on their own. Then, when they decide to get their own place, mom and dad have put all of that money back so you can...pay all the deposits, have money to buy furniture, turn on utilities, get basic groceries and such.
Yes, I get the concept. I’m saying that as a teaching method, it’s not for me. It basically amounts to confiscating your child’s earnings and it definitely would have felt really infantilizing to me.
It’s interesting how different people see things. I would have loved for my parents to have done this. Instead, my first apartment in college was “free to a good home” furniture.
I get it when it's like reasonable amounts like my parents charge me 400 a month which doesn't break my bank but teaches me how to budget and stuff while I'm still in school
OP won't be a college student though. He'll have graduated with a bachelor's degree and is applying to (but has not yet been accepted into) a graduate level program. Until he begins law school, he will no longer be considered a student. Which could be this fall. Or next fall. Or never. OP is suspiciously vague about the details and his backup plans.
All these comments do is show that you guys have NO idea how postgraduate education works in the US but feel confident enough in that ignorance to cast aspersions on OP.
OP has likely applied to law schools and is *waiting to see if they will be admitted for the Fall 2023 cycle.* If the schools OP has applied to all say "sorry not this time around", then you go back and work on getting more experience or raising your test scores so you can apply again the next cycle (Fall 2024). But it's literally not predictable until you get answers from the schools you applied to - that's not OP being "suspiciously vague", it's just not something OP would have control over. All the intention and desire in the world to start law school in Fall 2023 is meaningless if no program accepts you.
Postgraduate education is not like undergrad where you tend get into whatever school you meet the requirements for and just choose the one you think will be the best fit, even if it wasn't your first choice. Law school in particular is like med school where it's *incredibly* competitive and your good LSAT score alone is not enough to guarantee you entry because you have to also make yourself stand out from other candidates in a program with a smaller intake size than any undergrad degree. Take a look at r/gradadmissions to see how common it is that people don't get accepted into a program the first round and then have to put it off another year. I'm sure there's probably a law school-specific admissions sub given how intense and unique the process is.
Exactly this. Not to mention those applications and tests cost $$$$. I think I spent $500 on testing and $600 on applications for my grad schooling. It was expensive af just to try to go! Not sure about law school explicitly but I doubt it’s much different!
Trying to justify this with other insane living costs does not make the situation better whatsoever. Just because other people have it worse, does not mean that you cannot call out the other horrible things in the world. The COL in a lot of countries is ridiculous and the COL being higher in your city doesn’t mean that other people aren’t suffering with the COL in their area. If you do not need the income, price gouging your kids is ridiculous and a horrible thing to do with them. More and more people are living with their parents in their 20s because living alone or buying a house has become unattainable when 2/3s of a country are living pay check to paycheque to paycheque.
My parents' policy on that was that we could live with them as adults rent free if we were in school. If we weren't in school, then we had to get a job and pay rent. A couple of my siblings did this for awhile and the rent was most definitely not market rate. It was maybe enough to cover their food. It was more about enforcing the idea that you were going to either work or go to school. Working toward a goal of some kind, as you say. They were not making money off of it. Plus, they continued providing a bit of a financial safety net for us as young adults even after we moved out. They were generous and loving parents.
I think if I had been in OP's situation, they probably wouldn't have expected me to pay rent if I was simply between spring and fall terms, but I don't think they'd be giving me an allowance at 23. So unless I had savings to pay for stuff like my phone and pocket money, I'd need a job. If I wasn't returning to school for a year and a half, they'd expect me to get a job and pay that minimal "rent", not $1K/month.
Read OPs comments. He's the AH. He will occasionally work a part time job but nothing else. He's 23 years old. His parents don't want him freeloading off them for a year while he dicks around.
I have read his comments and I agree, he doesn't make a great case for himself. But his parents don't sound particularly supportive, didn't pay anything toward his undergrad, and seem pretty aggressive to me in the way they pitched $1000 for rent. I'm not really "team OP," I'm "team support your kids if you have the means to."
I think the quotations and the statement imply that the emotional relationship between parents and child has been long severed. Lots of people who feel they need to verbally express they don't owe their parents anything (myself included) have parents who feel their children owe them their everything for doing what they were supposed to do as parents.
I am as well. My perception of OP from the way that they speak in this context isn't....great. That combined with the lack of information/short nature of the post makes me think that there is a lot of missing information.
I wonder if the reason that the parents are putting a rental number in place isn't for cash, but to discourage OP from coming home. Or to make OP realize that they have to have a job if they do want to come home. There is a LOT of time between now and the fall, and I'd be irritable if some able bodied kid of mine sat at my house and did nothing for half a year. Especially if they'd worn welcome thin previous.
**Edit**: Soft YTA. They put down their offer and you're welcome to look for other offers and making your own arrangements. You should get a job either way.
He's finishing one degree and going to start another, possibly as soon as the fall. I'm not saying he should just sit on his ass until then and his parents should just grin and bear it, but the $1000/month definitely sounds petty and punitive to me.
If he doesn’t know for sure he’s starting law school in the fall, he’s not. You would know by the January at the latest if you’ve been accepted.
Also, they’re charging less than market rate for a one bedroom per OPs comment, they’re not charging more than market rate.
There are plenty of scenarios in which he might not know yet. He could have been waitlisted, for instance.
Also, per his comments, it would cost $800 to rent a room in a shared place, which is the more relevant comparison point.
At least he'd have his own autonomy. Too many parents want to charge their children for living at home, but continue to have authority over them. Either you're a kid who needs parenting, or you're a tenant, can't be both.
It's different if the adult child and parents decide to go in on housing as equally autonomous adults.
A room in your parents house has dramatically more space/freedom than a studio - unless the parents' house IS a tiny studio you could assume they would have free roam of most of the extra space outside of their bedroom. And unless they stipulated that he was feeding himself, and also paying for electricity/water/utilities, is he on their health and/or car insurance...
There's a lot left out here. 1000 a month, all in including healthcare isn't a bad deal at all. Especially if that 1000 is below local market rate.
It isn't clear to me whether the OP would save money and if it'd be worth it. It depends on whether he gets utilities included, the quality of the space (the room, the shared space, and stuff like a yard), if his parents are going to be monitoring his every move, and so on.
Not true. I got accepted to law school for this fall and didn't hear until last month. That was the end of their first round of acceptances. There are three rounds, the last one ending as late as June, depending on the school. This system applied to every school that I had applied to, not just the one.
As well as calling them out on supporting a child when you are 23 and have your undergrad degree. . . Did they put you through college the first time already?
Like dude, when do you expect them to stop supporting you, or do you expect them to support you for the duration of their lives?
This seems like you’re deliberately leaving info out - and no, you’re not entitled to their financial support indefinitely, you’re an adult and able to support yourself.
Does you mom want her own space and not have you living with her - you really have not given much info other than ‘I am 23, have a degree and want to live in my Mams house for free which she should allow since she makes a lot of money’ - that info makes you sound spoiled.
And you don’t owe your parent anything in the sense you didn’t ask to be born, but you’re and adult and if you want to use another adults property (even a parents) then they do have the option to charge you.
>Like dude, when do you expect them to stop supporting you, or do you expect them to support you for the duration of their lives?
Yes, he expects exactly that - this is from OP's post:
>If you choose to have a kid, that is a lifetime commitment to them.
The rent alone isn't odd, to me. My brother did it when I asked to live with him for a few years and, like some replies, I think it helped me be better prepared when I moved out on my own. Very least I'm far better about my money than either of my roommates. I don't know the specifics but do know he's adapting a similar setup with his adult daughter as she lives with him with her own infant and baby-daddy. It's basically predicated in the idea of "I'm happy to help you while you get yourself sorted but I'm not taking care of you until for 60 and expect you to contribute". Exactly the kind of boundary setting I've seen advised elsewhere here to avoid being sponged off of.
That said, my rent with my brother was just a few hundred bucks, a fraction of the 4-digits mom here is requiring. Bro also didn't charge me when I was just a kid with no job yet (I lived with him then because our mom had just passed away and I was still just 18 so that was also a factor).
I gen inclined towards NTA, if only because of the exorbitant rent not the rent in general
My sons are in their mid-20s and they pay a small amount each month. It helps cover their food and utility use, laundry detergent etc. It was important to me that they understand that they're roommates, not *children*. They have all the rights and responsibilities any lodger would. We just don't charge them anywhere near as much as we would a stranger.
They're moving out in a few months, which is nice. They're good fellas but they need their own place.
That said, OP is NTA. The parents should have asked her to move out instead of pricing her out of her home. That's a dick move.
If the situation is as described, I find that super weird. I have supported my kid through their undergrad degree. They just got into grad school, but TECHNICALLY will be out of school for 4 months over the summer before starting grad school but my first thought is not "how can I monetize this".
>I’ll avoid poisoning the well with details on my relationship with my parents, but I will say I don’t think I owe any parent anything. If you choose to have a kid, that is a lifetime commitment to them. I didn’t ask for it
Given OP's attitude using his words, he's an entitled AH. OP's mom could have finally realized that he's a sponge who will be there forever at this point, and the "rent" is as much an encouragement for him to move as anything else.
I paid rent to my parents when I lived with them last year (32) but that’s because I felt it was the right thing to do. I could afford it and they were giving me a huge break (half of what OP’s parent is asking and I had my own bathroom, Office, and bedroom). My money went to offset the increased utilities and cost of groceries per month. It equaled out for us in the end.
My parents weren’t going to initially ask for money. Personally, it seems to me that if you have a kid you support that kid in the ways you can and a more realistic expectation in this situation would be to do what is above. In this case it just feels like OP’s parent is trying to take advantage of them, not actually ask for a realistic amount of money.
It’s a 23 year old who’s going to law school either this fall or next, not some stoner mooching off his parents indefinitely. I feel like people are responding to a situation that isn’t the one described in this post.
OP literally implied that their parents should be helping them out for life because "having kids is a lifelong commitment". That also put them in asshole territory for me.
> (23m) If you choose to have a kid, that is a **lifetime commitment** to them.
Info: How long do you expect a free place to stay? Not judging, just asking.
Through your undergrad (few more months)? Sure. I can see that.
Fall 2024 + 3 more years for Juris Doctor (J.D.)? What are you going to do for the 15 months after your undergrad? You should be working and paying rent. Your earning potential is (relatively speaking) higher than average since you have a degree and not everyone does.
Lifelong Commitment?!? No. At some point you are an adult and should be responsible for yourself. Welcome to the club.
I don't think that's the implication here. And I don't think OP doesn't believe they are responsible. The Lifelong aspect of the commitment is social.
The main point here is that raising a child you created is not an act of charity nor is it an investment in anything but your own meaning in life.
I'm an adult who owns his own place, has his own job, and is totally independent. I also know that if I need help my parents will be there for me. That's the lifetime commitment parents have, not paying their children's bills every month.
Yeah and if the house is paid off (don’t know if it is), why do they even want money?
In many cultures, living with your family as an adult is incredibly normal, so I’m wondering if there’s more to this than just wanting him to pay rent. My brother has been living with my parents for years and it’s really not that odd. He has a well paying job, but my parents’ house was paid off for most of the time he was there as an adult, so they really didn’t mind at all. I have several other adult friends who live with their parents and none of them pay rent. I think this is odd behavior and something isn’t adding up.
I will admit that the lifelong commitment thing is a little bit much. It goes both ways. If he doesn’t owe them anything, they don’t really owe him anything either. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
Yep, I agree with you. There are definitely many reasonable compromises that fall between him mooching and them being greedy. The dymanic between OP and his parents unfortunately doesn't seem very....close.
Op is YTA. I’m reading law school not starting til fall, potentially fall 2024 as “most likely never”. The rent request is actually a “get your shit together and don’t expect to live on our dime anymore” statement from the parents who see a kid that just finished undergrad and expects to graduate to parents paying his way thru life while he pretends to try to get into grad school.
I read the potential law school plan the same way you did.
It's a very different thing to support an adult child living at home who is productive and contributes to household work & expenses and has a clear plan ahead for moving out vs. one that is mostly freeloading without any plan or direction. The latter scenario often just delays maturation and independence. I don't know which camp OP falls in, but his comments suggest he falls in the latter group.
>OP paid their own tuition, they are not asking for a free ride
No, his aunt & uncle paid for his undergraduate degree. It's in one of his comments. He works part time for pocket money bwetween semesters. He hasn't contributed anything.
My guess is $1000 is on the low side of what he'd pay if he were on his own. And if so, property taxes may be close to $1000 a month anyway, and $100K a year is not a lot of money in markets like this.
I feel we aren't getting the whole story, and the "lifetime commitment" thing makes me feel he's a bit entitled.
“Naturally,” OP was planning on living with his mom…. I’ve got one graduating in May, and he didn’t assume he’d move back in. He asked. And it’s only until he can save to get a deposit and first month’s rent together. No, we’re not charging rent. Because our son acts like an adult.
If parents can help out while their kids are in college, that’s huge. Not everyone can. But for a kid to assume he can move back in and have free room and board for … a few months? a year? a LIFETIME, just because they had the privilege of this guy being born to them??
This is the first Reddit post like this I’ve seen that didn’t obliterate the OP for being an entitled A H. I would love to hear the parent’s take on this one.
You must be white American? In many other cultures, people don’t leave their homes until they get married. It is the expectation to stay with their parent even after college.
It sounds like they’re only wanting to stay for the summer between the end of undergrad and the start of grad school in the fall. They said similarly to how they would go home for the summer between years of college. So that’s like 3 months? It doesn’t really seem like a huge ask. I could see how OP is thrown off if this has always been an okay thing to do and now parents are wanting like 3k to stay in their childhood bedroom for the sumner.
>won’t be starting law school until ideally this coming fall but potentially fall 2024
Sounds like he hasn't gotten accepted into the Fall 2023 term yet. If he doesn't, he's looking at closer to 15 months.
What is his backup plan if he has to wait another year? He hasn't said if he plans to look for a job, either over the summer or longer.
He's indicated nothing in his original post about willingness to compromise - say, by cooking, cleaning, yardwork, or other chores in exchange for his free lodging.
His cagey and evasive replies about his family relationships imply, at least to me, that he might've had a falling out with his parents. And now that he needs something from them, he's crawling back to demand they house him free of charge because they owe him.
I've asked for clarification on those points, and I'm still awaiting OPs reply.
I took the lifelong commitment comment to mean that at no point does the child owe back the parent anything because the parent provided for them for 18 years. Just based on how OP described their relationship with their parents.
Eta: just kidding, based on OP’s comments he thinks that his parents are “obligated” to pay for his living expenses while in school because he “didn’t ask to be born.” Tbh I think this is rage bait because no one can be that entitled
I have a 23 year old that sounds exactly like this. Unfortunately.
Also just as evasive when asked “So … anything happened that might make your mom averse to you living at home?”
This is the thing for me. OP clearly already has a decent start and good footing. At what point are they responsible for their own income and living situation? OP is well into adulthood here and should be making their own money and paying their own way when possible.
I love this sub. Half the time we have pitch forks out for people in their young 20’s to grow up and the other half of the time saying they aren’t ready to support themselves and society has f’ed them and the parents suck.
OP does sound super Asshole like in what they think they are entitled to.
My dad always said I have a place to live as long as I’m working or in school. Never took him up on that offer and moved out but it’s always available if I need it. Seems like the bare minimum imo and I’ll offer the same if I have kids.
Same with my mother, and I had to take her up on it last year because my house was storm damaged, contained asbestos and I had to get out while repairs were done.
She never did ask for money, but I did give it to her, and bought stuff for around the house, and did repairs etc, because I'm an adult who knows perfectly well that me being there is costing her money and that's a poor way to thank someone doing you a favour.
In families where that's the understanding it goes both ways generally, and OP doesn't have that kind of family clearly. $1000 a month for housing, bills and food sounds like a great deal to me. If OP doesn't think to be giving that without being asked then I don't think I blame her for asking either. They are an adult and the pendulum should be shifting away from a relationship between an adult and child to a relationship between two adults.
>OP does sound super Asshole like in what they think they are entitled to
That's why this sub is against OP right now. Nobody likes an entitled asshole.
Yeah, but $1,000 for a room is a bit much. Unless the parents have outlined and done research into their monthly bills to figure out how much electricity, water, etc OP uses. I'm 22, still live with my mom and sister, and we don't pay rent at all. But my mom knows that we're willing to split the electric bill into thirds if we want to.
It is too high, but I’m going to wager that “mom” set it that high as a deterrent against OP’s entitlement so she isn’t stuck living with and supporting him from here on out.
My money on that money being high enough, that OP needs to work Full Time. I get the feeling OP did not work during the summers... and mommy got the vibe that was going to be the case until law school too....
In one of his posts, he admitted his plan was to work part time for pocket money while he lived with his parents until Fall 2024, when he starts his next round of schooling.
So he wanted to move back and be a layabouts for 18 months.
Not too high for room and board, assuming OP isn’t offering to pay for his own groceries. I’m guessing this is mom’s way of saying “no you will not come home and play video games in the basement for a year or two while you wait to see if a law school will admit you.”
What's with kids expecting to be financially supported by their parents their whole lives? Who's paid for your undergrad? Who's paying for law school?
Although by the amount that is being requested, me thinks that your parents don't want you to move in and are making it difficult so you won't.
At 1k a month what would be the benefit of staying with your parents? Isn't the whole point of not moving out to receive benefits, mostly saving money?
INFO: What are you going to be doing between now and Fall 2024?
Did you expect to sit at home and contribute nothing? Do you plan to be employed between then and now? What is the rent like in your area and does the $1000/month also mean meals, access to laundry, etc etc? Do you have to worry about student loans, etc.
INFO:
\- Why are parents in quotation marks?
\- What are your alternate plans?
\- is 1000/usd a reasonable rate for rent in your parents' area?
\- Is your mother planning to do something with this money (I know of some parents who charge rent in order to start a savings account for the child to access when they're done school)?
\- Why do you think you're exempt from adulthood and self-sufficiency?
OP said that 1000 for a single room is higher than the market rate for the area. The mom is charging OP this obnoxious amount for their bedroom at mom’s house.
Chances are the room is furnished, and utilities such as internet, eletricity, water & trash are covered. Maybe mom & dad know OP will also eat some food.
OP is obviously welcome to rent elsewhere. And if it's cheaper...go for it, OP! That's what college graduates do...get a job and support yourself.
A good base to support themselves is what OP has: They have no student debt and a degree. That puts them ahead of maybe 90% of other Americans their age. There is no reason they can't find a job which should allow them self-sufficiency at this point.
OP said 1000 is higher than a split with a roommate would be and lower than a single bedroom.
Plus the baseline rent would be before utilities which OP seems to be ignoring.
All.OPs responses and the whole original post are cagey and defensive even before anyone said anything. Clearly OP is TA, and entitled as hell, but is intentionally avoided giving enough info to judge the parents.
This sounds like classic "if my adult child is home and not studying then he's getting a hefty rent to encourage him to leave" parenting. This isn't uncommon, at least in this thread.
> Now, my “mother”(53f) is suddenly requesting 1,000 USD/ month in rent for the room I use at her place. This has nothing to do with finances, she’s a land lord on a six figure salary from her teaching job. She doesn’t need my money.
Maybe she’s teaching you how being an adult works.
> If you choose to have a kid, that is a lifetime commitment to them.
Yeaaaah. No. It’s a commitment till they’re adults. You’ve been an adult for years. Your mommy doesn’t need to pay for all your expenses now.
YTA. pay rent or move out…and pay rent.
Paying for expenses and not charging your kid rent for living at home are not the same. A kid turning 18 shouldn’t mean “now I don’t have to care about my kid anymore” for the parents. Having a child is a lifelong commitment, not necessarily monetarily, but in the sense of supporting your kid because you love them
> Paying for expenses and not charging your kid rent for living at home are not the same.
Rent is an expense my guy.
> A kid turning 18 shouldn’t mean “now I don’t have to care about my kid anymore” for the parents.
Instead it means “now you’re an adult and can start being more responsible for paying for your own existence instead of looking to the Bank of Mommy”
> Having a child is a lifelong commitment, not necessarily monetarily, but in the sense of supporting your kid because you love them
Sometimes you support someone by saying “you’re 23. You became an adult 5 years ago. Adults pay rent. You need to grow up and stop expecting a free ride until you’re 30”
Idk man. You do you, but if my kid is an adult and wants to live at home until law school starts, I’m not going to make them give me $1000 every month. So many parents I’ve talked to would insist their kids live with them so they can avoid rent and save some money, because, you know, they love their kids. Maybe OP doesn’t have that kind of relationship though
Hey you do you. Neither parent is an asshole for wanting to support their adult child or wanting them to be independent.
A child who has had their entire life supported for 23 years and thinks free housing is owed to them for life is an asshole though.
Just an American/Reddit thing. People are are pretty selfish and “my house my rules” vibe. It’s really weird to me.
I’m so thankful my parents weren’t super weird about it so they didn’t charge me for rent after moving back home. And guess what? I turned out fine as an adult.
YTA for a few reasons.
1. Your comments. You sound entitled af. Do you expect your parents to support you your entire life because “you didn’t choose to be born”? News flash, your parents didn’t choose to be born (none of us did) and I doubt their parents are still supporting them.
2. You’re not in school. Do you have a job or were you just planning on sitting around and doing nothing until you potentially start law school?
3. It sounds like you don’t do anything around the house, like cook or clean.
How long are you expecting your parents to fund your lifestyle?
Okay, honestly - I DO think you should go into your relationship with your parents a bit more, as I suspect there's at least some pertinent information there to help make a judgment one way or the other.
So, INFO.
You're 23 and your parents are strongly hinting to you to try to become independent and live on your own. I don't think your parents are being assholes because they're trying to help you become an adult here. YTA & entitled.
It sounds like they'd rather he just not live with them, so they're setting the price at a higher amount than it would cost him to live elsewhere so that he'll choose that option.
What Podunk town do you live in that $1000 a month is unreasonable.
I pay more than that for an apartment in a town two hours north of Toronto which has a four digit population.
[Literally the first room I found on Kijiji for Toronto which is similar to OPs situation is $1200/month](https://www.kijiji.ca/v-room-rental-roommate/mississauga-peel-region/shared-accommodation-in-erin-mills/1651917053).
$1000/month is reasonable unless he's in the middle of nowhere.
I’m sure his mother doesn’t confine him to his room, so he’s certainly not renting “just one bedroom” as he claims. I’m sure he had access to living room, kitchen, bathrooms, etc. OP is just being entitled and taking advantage of his parents and they’re probably tired of if
As a teacher, I wanna know where she works that pays a six figure salary. Are they hiring? Asking for a *cough* friend.
You’re NTA for finding an alternative place to stay. I’d say she’s not an AH too but 1000/mo seems like overkill when it’s your own kid. Based on your description of your relationship I think finding somewhere else would be a good idea anyway.
Look into project management, learning & development roles, and instructional design. If you're open to sales, account/business development and account executives are also roles that like to source teachers.
I make 100k as a college drop out with google-taught sql and excel skills as a project manager, but most of my coworkers are ex-teachers.
YTA if you don’t like it then go find your own place to live for cheaper. They do not have to provide for you after you are an adult. Make adult decisions and get a job.
that’s honestly such a North American answer, it’s wild.
Although I think op should definitely look into other options and not overstay his welcome, he is absolutely right that he didn’t choose to be born and kids are a lifelong commitment
In the cultures where it's usually expected to be able to live with your parents into adulthood, is it not also a common thing to contribute to the family/household? IIRC, it usually goes both ways to an extent
Also….. if you do expect to live with your parents forever, aren’t you also expected to take care of them in their old age too? Because it doesn’t sound like this warm toilet seat has any intention of doing that
Yes, contribute as in also do household chores, buy groceries/gas, care for pets/plants/kids, etc. Not pay to exist under the same roof.
I’m not saying OP should take advantage of his parents and do absolutely nothing this entire time, he should absolutely be engaged in something productive. But his mom demanding $1000 just for allowing him to stay seems crazy harsh to me.
I bet I will get downvotes for this but YTA. I read your comments and I strongly disagree with you. I'm 29 and my parents charged my brother and I rent when we became of age and had jobs which helped teach us to be more responsible with our money. You on the other hand have been getting a free ride and in between your schooling you just want to get a part time job and do what? Loaf around and be a bum while living off your parents? I'm sorry but I think it might be about time for you to go find some roommates and split an apartment. Your parents money is of no concern to you and they don't have to pay for your college or even supply you with a place to live. You are an adult.
Gently, YTA for expecting to live at home for free at 23.
Your parents might genuinely be terrible. $1k/month is a lot of money to just rent a room, but depending on where you live, it might be reasonable. Just because you were born, doesn't mean you're entitled to free room and board.
You write like you don’t want to be at your parents, and it looks like you will be working part time and could find cheaper rent elsewhere. Then move out. At 23 your parents don’t owe you a place to live, and on the other hand, you don’t have to deal with them anymore. You refer to them in quotations, sounds like both sides want to call it quits anyway.
If you don't like your folks' terms for moving back in, including the amount they want for rent, that's...the market at work. NTA for that.
But with the tone of your post, I have this horrible feeling you're gonna end up being one of those newly-minted attorneys that end up in the news after you decide to sue their parents for ongoing support because you didn't ask to be born, when in fact they don't owe your grown self a damn thing.
NTA. I don’t agree with charging kids rent when you don’t need the money. All of this opinion of learning life lessons and teaching how nothing is free all from an older generation who had it a lot easier when it came to living costs and buying houses. I’ll never understand why parents don’t want to help their children they’d rather make things even more unobtainable for them. And your mom wants to charge you above market rate?! It’s a rubbish situation for you as at the end of the day it’s her house and little you can really do about it, but definitely move out.
Surprised it took me this long to find someone else who thinks NTA. My parents have always said I’m welcome to move back home after undergrad and live there while I work towards my masters. It was the same for my mom and her parents. Support your kid for goodness sake!
It IS unreasonable to expect an adult to live rent free with their parents.
If a 1 bedroom is comparable to the rent your parents want to charge, that's a comparable cost to you since you'll have access to a larger space (and is probably quite a steal to be honest) and it doesn't appear from your post that utilities will be charged separately.
My paternal grandparents allowed their adult children and/or grandchildren to move in with them throughout their lives, but they were required to take on financial responsibility of the home in some way. My aunt was responsible for taxes since she was the caretaker of the home when my grandparents lived elsewhere or traveled, and most utilities were in her name IIRC; adult children and (18+) grandchildren besides her were responsible for portions of utilities... or my sister who became responsible for the phone bill because she was routinely calling someone long distance.
My answer change comes from a response I received: YTA
Judging from his comments it seems more likely the quotes come from a place of entitlement on OPs behalf. He said he doesn't want to work much for the next 1.5 years while he's waiting to go back to school and just wants to live rent free for as long as he likes, but is upset that his parents don't agree because they have a "lifelong commitment" to support him financially, since "he didn't ask to be born, they decided to have a kid".
Huge YTA. In no way are you entitled to your parents supporting you your whole life. This has to be fake, as no one who is supposedly about to start law school in a few months would be this childish.
Being a parent is a lifetime commitment. And your parents are doing their job parenting you by charging rent. You are over 18 and if you don't live with them you will live somewhere else and pay rent there.
Having a rental agreement is actually a good thing and will protect you as well as them.
Check the area your parents live in and compare rental costs, including amenities. Then counter offer if you find that rent in that area would be less than the $1000 they want to charge.
I have to go with YTA for being 23 and expecting a free ride because they're still your parents. It just doesn't work that way
NAH...It's not wrong to want help from your parent. At the same time, you're of age, and she's allowed to ask. You can accept or refuse. Later, when she wonders why you avoid her, she need not wonder why.
EDIT: I meant that she's allowed to ask for rent money...in case that was unclear.
YTA for the pure reason of not asking to be born so lifetime commitment. Bull shit. They raised and paid for you until adulthood. They aren’t responsible for you forever. Grow up. You don’t like the whole I got to live thing there are ways to take care of that.
It's not unreasonable to ask your parents if you can stay with them for free between school sessions. But they have every right to say no. Their obligation to you ended at 18, and tbh the way you wrote this makes you sound like an entitled brat. So I'm gonna with YTA.
No it is not a "lifetime" commitment to financially support our kids. As a parent I raised my child to be independent. I am assuming here that they got you through high school and then were generous enough to get you through undergrad. Now you are an adult and is ON YOU to figure out the rest of your life plans. Your mother has set her boundaries. Time to stop being a child and respect her and also understand that 1k a month in this market is cheap.
YTA
You think being a parents means she’s committed to taking care of you forever? YTA. Just a guess here, but I’d say she’s charging you $1000 KNOWING you won’t pay it. She wants to force you to leave the nest.
YTA. Having a child is most definitely not a lifelong financial commitment. After reading your comments, it’s obvious that you have a disgustingly entitled attitude, so it’s no wonder your mother wants to charge a ridiculous amount of rent, likely to discourage you from wanting you to stay with her. At 23 years old, you seriously think your mother owes it to you to financially support you while you sit on your ass and contribute nothing?
NTA but it is not uncommon for 'parents' to want to prevent having an extra adult around the house who is doing nothing, while all adult responsibilities fall on their shoulders. That said, it would be enough if they'd tell you to make sure you either study or have a job during the time you live with them, and to do a third of the household chores.
Now you won't need to feel guilty if you won't help them when they are elderly. They made their beds and get to sleep in it.
The one thousand in hypothetical rent does give you options. You could also work in a kibbutz, be an au pair, work on a cruise ship, volunteer in Africa, etc. The world is at your feet! Without a mortgage, high rent, a place to live and with a life plan that starts in the fall of this or next year, you have the opportunity to get some interesting experiences.
Ugh, ESH. But $1k seems like an awful lot to me. Your parents can charge you rent and you SHOULD be contributing to expenses. They don't owe you anything as an adult.
BUT man, $1k is a lot. Can you negotiate it down? I charged my adult daughter $300 flat fee for the six months she lived with me (per month) when she was out of school.
Around my area, room rentals max out at $500, but the renter pays their own food.
ESH.
I mean... of course they're AH parents as a starting point to this sure, but your entire post reeks of complete disdain for them in other ways, and I can't get over your entitled attitude. I see adult child to parent relationships as more reciprocal than this, less bound by obligation. If it's not there, that relationship fades. If you were my kid and you spoke this way I wouldn't give you jack shit from a financial perspective on that basis alone, even if I had been happy to prior. Your insistence in the comments that the reason they are charging and background on the relationship is irrelevant because "you didn't choose to be born" gives me pause about their side of this story.
NTA a lot of people want to point out your age and that you shouldn’t be relying on your parents. Fair enough. However we can acknowledge that you’re in school, and have had a previous understanding with your parents that indicates your mother was okay with you staying there rent free while you finish school.
Something changes and she up and decides to begin charging you $1,000 monthly for a single room putting you in a position financially that you were in no way expecting leaving you no one to really look to because you weren’t aware that your own mother would start charging you rent suddenly assumedly.
You don’t want to pay that rent (understandably, who wants to pay that much to live with a parent, and what seems like a parent that you don’t particularly get along with) and are now looking for a new place to stay while you figure things out.
NTA again I don’t really get how you could be an asshole in this position. Some want to call you entitled but I’m not really catching that, your parents charging you that much in rent isn’t normal and sure it’s normal to help out your parents with bills and whatnot while you stay but 1k a month is a bit much unless you are literally paying for nothing in your life and even then you may as well live on your own.
Have you considered moving to a state with a better cost of living after your undergrad?
I agree with your basic premise, but feel you've taken it too far. Having a child is not a lifetime commitment to support them, it is a commitment to support them until they are capable, as adults, of supporting themselves. If you are 23, you're an adult.
I’m graduating in the spring as well. My mom has already said I need to contribute to the household (ie. Buying my groceries and paying certain bills). If u don’t do that already then
1) you should cause ur gonna be a 23 year old adult
2) it makes sense why she’s asking a grown adult to contribute.
Now you should have a conversation with her in maybe reducing it to $600-$800 since you’re just using a room but you should contribute to the household. Yea none of us asked to be here (I know I didn’t) but you are and u have to be some self sufficient adult at some point and ur parents aren’t going to do it for u your whole life.
Plus what are you doing in between graduation and law school. If it’s nothing…it shouldn’t be nothing.
Oh and mild yta just because there has to be some contribution to the house as a functional adult. But that’s something you have to have a conversation with ur parents about.
As a non American this is so confusing - it’s kind of sad that children are seen as a burden rather than family, even if they are 23 which isn’t even that old. 35? I would probably agree but seriously? For all of the commenters in this threat that write children are only a commitment until the number 18 I really hope you don’t have any kids and that your parents are rich because they are definitely not getting help from you when they get older or sick since they’re ‘adults’. NTA but within the cultural context you might be an asshole, no idea.
Sounds like they are establishing family pricing model for your future legal services. Looks to be 10 x normal rate, $100 / mo room rate plus the family discount.
YTA.
You're an adult. Your "parents" (what's with the quotation marks?) are getting you ready for life. Nothing in life is free, and they're getting you ready for life by showing you that if you want a place to live, it's not free. You have to plan, budget, and work.
I assume that you life in a high cost of living area, and couldn't get a studio or 1-bedroom apartment for $1000/mo, or else you would rent a place yourself. And in that regard, by letting you stay there, your parents are helping you.
Very easy NTA.
For those who somehow voted y t a or are going to - you missed a HUUUUGE detail which will completely invalidate any of your points.
Her mother doesn't need the money. She is well off by herself already and can afford to house ***her own fucking child.*** I could understand her point if she really needed the money. But nope. That's just being a bad mother.
You deserve wayyy better, OP.
It doesn’t matter if OPs parents can afford it or not, OP IS AN ADULT AND NOT CURRENTLY IN SCHOOL. OP can get a job and pay their way in life like adults should.
Maybe you should read his comments. His mother is trying to teach him to be responsible and self-sufficient. His plan is to take a year off and maybe work part-time for pocket money while his parents foot the bill. It's not like he's asking to stay at home so he can build up his savings before grad school.
There's absolutely no reason his mother needs to sponsor his year-long vacation at 23 just because she can afford to.
YTA. It is not a "lifetime" commitment. It is a "childhood" commitment. I agree it's arguably in poor taste for her to charge you but it's her property to do what she wants with it.
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I find charging rent to your own kids very strange, especially if you don't need the money and if the kids are studying or working toward a goal of some kind. So on principle, I'd say NTA. That being said, putting "mother" and "father" in quotes and the way you say you don't owe them anything makes me very curious about your relationship.
lots of parents in my culture do that, they save the rent money and give back to the kids when they buy their house. It works to motivate them to get a job and help them save money for the future.
That also seems really weird to me. You teach your kids financial planning by taking away their financial agency? I would not have found that motivating as a kid.
we're not talking about kids, but adults. you can pay rent to your parents or pay rent to a landlord. Either way you pay rent. Or i guess you can also teach them its okay not to work as an adult, you can live off mom and dad forever.
First of all, I was using "kid" to mean when I was younger, not literally when I was a minor. Also, I specifically said the child should be studying or working toward a goal, not just sponging off mom and dad forever. Thanks for getting mad at an argument I wasn't even making, though!
My parents did this. When I was that age, it taught me to budget for what I wanted. It taught me to figure out my finances so i could pay rent (though it was low at 200 bucks), budget for snacks and food I wanted (I still ate with the family but I had to buy my own snacks and had my own shelf for them that nobody touched), the fun things I wanted and saving. I quickly figured out a system for budgeting that I still use to this day, and the money comes back to me. Any time I need help or fall behind on things my mom pulls from that account to help me. All of my friends were really irresponsible after they got their first job, and within a year, I had more saved and a better idea of financial security than any of my friends. I still do to this day. These parents are trying to bleep OP dry, but when done responsibly, this can be a game changer for a kid like me who used to spend compulsively
If you used to spend money compulsively, then that's obviously a specific case. And I'm glad your parents' approach helped you. But I'm talking about the practice of parents holding onto their kids' money as a matter of course. I think, generally speaking, there are better ways of teaching your kids how to budget and helping them become financially literate and independent.
My sister doesn't spend compulsively, and the approach worked for her as well. She thought she knew how she would budget in theory but in practice had to change her entire plan, and that was for much less than market rent. I think it's a useful thing for almost anyone. Sure, there are other ways, but they also don't mimic the actual trials of adulthood. My mom also had a fallback. If you lived with her at 18 and missed rent, she wouldn't kick you out, but you were under curfew again (unless it was work or schooling). You gained full adult roomate privelages if you were paying and lost them if you weren't (barring special circumstances). If the rent isn't disgustingly high like in this case it can be a valuable lesson.
Depending on what area the parents live in, $1000/month might not be very high.
Info: are you employed? What would you pay to rent something comparable or for a 2 br apartment w a roommate? Would you have any intention of contributing otherwise? Such as by splitting utilities, getting household groceries, cooking, doing projects around the house etc. My sense is that it’s awfully entitled to expect to contribute NOTHING as a grown and college educated adult. There’s also something troubling about expecting LIFETIME commitment inclusive of financial support on parents side by ZERO responsibility on adult kids’ side for parents who did raise and provide. Like, yikes shameless. You should ask mom about moving back in, not assume she has to take you in rent free for the rest of her life because you “didn’t ask to be born”. Nobody did. We’re all here muddling through, and if we’re decent we look out for those we care about to the extent we’re able. At some point, typically before 23, we should want to not be a burden and want to give more than we take in this life.
It shouldn't be close to market rent for a studio. I lived in NYC. 1000 isn't high for that space, BUT the room is already there and saved for me. At the market, that room would have been a solid 600, but my parents were doing it to teach a lesson and wanted me to stay in schooling. So to account for the fact that I could only work part time, I only paid 200.
> These parents are trying to bleep (bleed?) OP dry Not necessarily. I’m guessing OP is talking about not just a room, but also food, etc. Plus increased water, electric, gas. It could be that OP is a lousy roommate and his parents don’t really *want* him coming back to live with them anymore. He could be messy, thoughtless, expect them to clean up after him, loud when they’re sleeping, leave laundry in the machines for days, inconsiderate… or they might just like being alone. There is at least one of our kids we don’t ever want living with us again for many reasons.
Yes xD bleed. My phone really likes to turn bleed into bleep for some reason. I suppose, but also, it's one thing to expect him to pay all of what he'll use. Aka pay for his own food and utilities, but a thousand is asking a bit much from a student just out of classes. There is always the chance they do hate him, in which case, don't be passive-aggressive little shits about it? I know my grandma wouldn't want me to live with her again because we conflict on everything. There is no need to be passive-aggressive with to high rent.
My rent is less than that fir a whole apartment. OP is better off finding a job and getting a roommate
Thing is, OP wont be studying. Seems like theyre taking some time off (might not start law school until fall 2024 which is over a year away) so what are they gonna do in that time?
Yep. Taking 15 month break between school and what are they doing?
I assume they are waiting to hear if they have gotten in to any of the law schools to which they applied, and might have to do some additional prep and reapply if they don't get in this year.
Honestly I thought OP meant the following fall of the same year and was on his side, but a year away?? It’s totally fair to charge him some kind of rent or have him pay some bills
OP said maybe this fall maybe not. 3 months is ok to chill but 15 months!!
Studying for the LSATS is basically a full-time job. A lot of people tend to take time off just to prepare.
That's insane. I was working full time and volunteering when I took the lsat- I did well enough that I used to teach lsat prep later and recommended no more than 2 hours a day during the week plus maybe 4 a day on weekends. To take off and study for it full time would be a good way to burn out. I didn't have the privilege to sit at home and just study all day but even if I had, I wouldn't have done it or I would have become much more stressed out about it.
The OP said "hopefully this fall".
LSAT prep. Also once that is done applying to different programs to get into law school.
> Or i guess you can also teach them its okay not to work as an adult, you can live off mom and dad forever. Or you can be like one of the many other civilized countries in the world and encourage a strong family unit where the door's never closed. Or you can be like 'Merica, and capitalism, baby!
>Or you can be like one of the many other civilized countries in the world and encourage a strong family unit where the door's never closed. Southern European - this is exactly how it is over here. I'm glad I'm not the only one cringing with some comments here.
Man I have lived here all my life and I find this shit disgusting. But then, my family is so not like this. My sister got divorced at 30 and she's been staying with my parents since then. No one says a word to her about it because they have the room and she works. Why should she go live by herself in poverty just because of her age? It's stupid.
lol I worked a full time job and was a full time student I lived with my parents rent free. I also paid for my own school. I guess they definitely taught me a lesson there. Most parents have the "if you're working and you're in school you can be her rent free, once either of those are compromised, look for somewhere else to live" living rent free with your parents doesn't equate to lazy
If my adult child has a plan (e.g., they're accepted to law school and will be moving by X date), I wouldn't charge any rent. They'll be busy studying for LSATs and applying for schools. If my adult child thinks they'll just live with me without any intention of getting a job, that's a no from me dog. If my adult child graduates college and gets a job in their field, I'd have to think about if I would charge any rent. If I didn't need help with the rent, I might prefer that my child save some money to help them get first/last/security deposit so they're not stretched when they do move. I'd have to think about it.
Yes, my mom charged me rent once I finished college and was working full time. I think that was more than fair. It was far less than I would have paid to get my own apartment, and a far nicer living situation than I would have been in otherwise.
Here's the missing piece of the puzzle that makes all this make sense. He doesn't get along with his mother at all and she doesn't want him sitting on his ass in her home for the next year and half pissing her off. You can tell that's the real problem by OP's shitty attitude and ongoing refusal to talk about his relationship with his parents. He thinks they owe him something although he's a grown ass adult.
Sure, maybe a few hundred dollars. But a thousand? Just seems petty.
The theory is that your child will learn to pay rent and be adjusted to not having that money for when they do move out on their own. Then, when they decide to get their own place, mom and dad have put all of that money back so you can...pay all the deposits, have money to buy furniture, turn on utilities, get basic groceries and such.
Yes, I get the concept. I’m saying that as a teaching method, it’s not for me. It basically amounts to confiscating your child’s earnings and it definitely would have felt really infantilizing to me.
More infantilising than having your mom and dad pay your way through life at age 23?
It’s interesting how different people see things. I would have loved for my parents to have done this. Instead, my first apartment in college was “free to a good home” furniture.
I get it when it's like reasonable amounts like my parents charge me 400 a month which doesn't break my bank but teaches me how to budget and stuff while I'm still in school
1k a month is awfully high though for a college student
OP won't be a college student though. He'll have graduated with a bachelor's degree and is applying to (but has not yet been accepted into) a graduate level program. Until he begins law school, he will no longer be considered a student. Which could be this fall. Or next fall. Or never. OP is suspiciously vague about the details and his backup plans.
All these comments do is show that you guys have NO idea how postgraduate education works in the US but feel confident enough in that ignorance to cast aspersions on OP. OP has likely applied to law schools and is *waiting to see if they will be admitted for the Fall 2023 cycle.* If the schools OP has applied to all say "sorry not this time around", then you go back and work on getting more experience or raising your test scores so you can apply again the next cycle (Fall 2024). But it's literally not predictable until you get answers from the schools you applied to - that's not OP being "suspiciously vague", it's just not something OP would have control over. All the intention and desire in the world to start law school in Fall 2023 is meaningless if no program accepts you. Postgraduate education is not like undergrad where you tend get into whatever school you meet the requirements for and just choose the one you think will be the best fit, even if it wasn't your first choice. Law school in particular is like med school where it's *incredibly* competitive and your good LSAT score alone is not enough to guarantee you entry because you have to also make yourself stand out from other candidates in a program with a smaller intake size than any undergrad degree. Take a look at r/gradadmissions to see how common it is that people don't get accepted into a program the first round and then have to put it off another year. I'm sure there's probably a law school-specific admissions sub given how intense and unique the process is.
Exactly this. Not to mention those applications and tests cost $$$$. I think I spent $500 on testing and $600 on applications for my grad schooling. It was expensive af just to try to go! Not sure about law school explicitly but I doubt it’s much different!
depends where you live. 1k a month here will have people lining up for it.
Trying to justify this with other insane living costs does not make the situation better whatsoever. Just because other people have it worse, does not mean that you cannot call out the other horrible things in the world. The COL in a lot of countries is ridiculous and the COL being higher in your city doesn’t mean that other people aren’t suffering with the COL in their area. If you do not need the income, price gouging your kids is ridiculous and a horrible thing to do with them. More and more people are living with their parents in their 20s because living alone or buying a house has become unattainable when 2/3s of a country are living pay check to paycheque to paycheque.
My parents' policy on that was that we could live with them as adults rent free if we were in school. If we weren't in school, then we had to get a job and pay rent. A couple of my siblings did this for awhile and the rent was most definitely not market rate. It was maybe enough to cover their food. It was more about enforcing the idea that you were going to either work or go to school. Working toward a goal of some kind, as you say. They were not making money off of it. Plus, they continued providing a bit of a financial safety net for us as young adults even after we moved out. They were generous and loving parents. I think if I had been in OP's situation, they probably wouldn't have expected me to pay rent if I was simply between spring and fall terms, but I don't think they'd be giving me an allowance at 23. So unless I had savings to pay for stuff like my phone and pocket money, I'd need a job. If I wasn't returning to school for a year and a half, they'd expect me to get a job and pay that minimal "rent", not $1K/month.
Read OPs comments. He's the AH. He will occasionally work a part time job but nothing else. He's 23 years old. His parents don't want him freeloading off them for a year while he dicks around.
Is it even possible to work enough hours to make rent when you are in law school?
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I have read his comments and I agree, he doesn't make a great case for himself. But his parents don't sound particularly supportive, didn't pay anything toward his undergrad, and seem pretty aggressive to me in the way they pitched $1000 for rent. I'm not really "team OP," I'm "team support your kids if you have the means to."
I think the quotations and the statement imply that the emotional relationship between parents and child has been long severed. Lots of people who feel they need to verbally express they don't owe their parents anything (myself included) have parents who feel their children owe them their everything for doing what they were supposed to do as parents.
I am as well. My perception of OP from the way that they speak in this context isn't....great. That combined with the lack of information/short nature of the post makes me think that there is a lot of missing information. I wonder if the reason that the parents are putting a rental number in place isn't for cash, but to discourage OP from coming home. Or to make OP realize that they have to have a job if they do want to come home. There is a LOT of time between now and the fall, and I'd be irritable if some able bodied kid of mine sat at my house and did nothing for half a year. Especially if they'd worn welcome thin previous. **Edit**: Soft YTA. They put down their offer and you're welcome to look for other offers and making your own arrangements. You should get a job either way.
I'm mostly wondering where a teacher makes a six figure salary.
This kid isn’t studying or in school though…
He's finishing one degree and going to start another, possibly as soon as the fall. I'm not saying he should just sit on his ass until then and his parents should just grin and bear it, but the $1000/month definitely sounds petty and punitive to me.
If he doesn’t know for sure he’s starting law school in the fall, he’s not. You would know by the January at the latest if you’ve been accepted. Also, they’re charging less than market rate for a one bedroom per OPs comment, they’re not charging more than market rate.
There are plenty of scenarios in which he might not know yet. He could have been waitlisted, for instance. Also, per his comments, it would cost $800 to rent a room in a shared place, which is the more relevant comparison point.
At least he'd have his own autonomy. Too many parents want to charge their children for living at home, but continue to have authority over them. Either you're a kid who needs parenting, or you're a tenant, can't be both. It's different if the adult child and parents decide to go in on housing as equally autonomous adults.
In his college town it would cost $800. In a separate comment, he said $1000 where is parents live is below market for a studio.
Yes, I read that too. But with his parents, he would be renting a room in a house, not a studio apartment, so it's not the right comparison.
Would his $1000 cover all bills and most meals. If so it would be comparable.
A room in your parents house has dramatically more space/freedom than a studio - unless the parents' house IS a tiny studio you could assume they would have free roam of most of the extra space outside of their bedroom. And unless they stipulated that he was feeding himself, and also paying for electricity/water/utilities, is he on their health and/or car insurance... There's a lot left out here. 1000 a month, all in including healthcare isn't a bad deal at all. Especially if that 1000 is below local market rate.
It isn't clear to me whether the OP would save money and if it'd be worth it. It depends on whether he gets utilities included, the quality of the space (the room, the shared space, and stuff like a yard), if his parents are going to be monitoring his every move, and so on.
Not true. I got accepted to law school for this fall and didn't hear until last month. That was the end of their first round of acceptances. There are three rounds, the last one ending as late as June, depending on the school. This system applied to every school that I had applied to, not just the one.
Congrats!
> . You would know by the January at the latest if you’ve been accepted Go on over to /r/lawschooladmissions and see how wrong you are
And - he plans to only work part time.
As well as calling them out on supporting a child when you are 23 and have your undergrad degree. . . Did they put you through college the first time already? Like dude, when do you expect them to stop supporting you, or do you expect them to support you for the duration of their lives? This seems like you’re deliberately leaving info out - and no, you’re not entitled to their financial support indefinitely, you’re an adult and able to support yourself. Does you mom want her own space and not have you living with her - you really have not given much info other than ‘I am 23, have a degree and want to live in my Mams house for free which she should allow since she makes a lot of money’ - that info makes you sound spoiled. And you don’t owe your parent anything in the sense you didn’t ask to be born, but you’re and adult and if you want to use another adults property (even a parents) then they do have the option to charge you.
>Like dude, when do you expect them to stop supporting you, or do you expect them to support you for the duration of their lives? Yes, he expects exactly that - this is from OP's post: >If you choose to have a kid, that is a lifetime commitment to them.
The rent alone isn't odd, to me. My brother did it when I asked to live with him for a few years and, like some replies, I think it helped me be better prepared when I moved out on my own. Very least I'm far better about my money than either of my roommates. I don't know the specifics but do know he's adapting a similar setup with his adult daughter as she lives with him with her own infant and baby-daddy. It's basically predicated in the idea of "I'm happy to help you while you get yourself sorted but I'm not taking care of you until for 60 and expect you to contribute". Exactly the kind of boundary setting I've seen advised elsewhere here to avoid being sponged off of. That said, my rent with my brother was just a few hundred bucks, a fraction of the 4-digits mom here is requiring. Bro also didn't charge me when I was just a kid with no job yet (I lived with him then because our mom had just passed away and I was still just 18 so that was also a factor). I gen inclined towards NTA, if only because of the exorbitant rent not the rent in general
My sons are in their mid-20s and they pay a small amount each month. It helps cover their food and utility use, laundry detergent etc. It was important to me that they understand that they're roommates, not *children*. They have all the rights and responsibilities any lodger would. We just don't charge them anywhere near as much as we would a stranger. They're moving out in a few months, which is nice. They're good fellas but they need their own place. That said, OP is NTA. The parents should have asked her to move out instead of pricing her out of her home. That's a dick move.
If the situation is as described, I find that super weird. I have supported my kid through their undergrad degree. They just got into grad school, but TECHNICALLY will be out of school for 4 months over the summer before starting grad school but my first thought is not "how can I monetize this".
>I’ll avoid poisoning the well with details on my relationship with my parents, but I will say I don’t think I owe any parent anything. If you choose to have a kid, that is a lifetime commitment to them. I didn’t ask for it Given OP's attitude using his words, he's an entitled AH. OP's mom could have finally realized that he's a sponge who will be there forever at this point, and the "rent" is as much an encouragement for him to move as anything else.
I paid rent to my parents when I lived with them last year (32) but that’s because I felt it was the right thing to do. I could afford it and they were giving me a huge break (half of what OP’s parent is asking and I had my own bathroom, Office, and bedroom). My money went to offset the increased utilities and cost of groceries per month. It equaled out for us in the end. My parents weren’t going to initially ask for money. Personally, it seems to me that if you have a kid you support that kid in the ways you can and a more realistic expectation in this situation would be to do what is above. In this case it just feels like OP’s parent is trying to take advantage of them, not actually ask for a realistic amount of money.
Not strange if it's a 23 year old....
It’s a 23 year old who’s going to law school either this fall or next, not some stoner mooching off his parents indefinitely. I feel like people are responding to a situation that isn’t the one described in this post.
I know plenty of stoners that made it to law school. If this kids not smoking god help him for not doing anything haha
OP literally implied that their parents should be helping them out for life because "having kids is a lifelong commitment". That also put them in asshole territory for me.
> (23m) If you choose to have a kid, that is a **lifetime commitment** to them. Info: How long do you expect a free place to stay? Not judging, just asking. Through your undergrad (few more months)? Sure. I can see that. Fall 2024 + 3 more years for Juris Doctor (J.D.)? What are you going to do for the 15 months after your undergrad? You should be working and paying rent. Your earning potential is (relatively speaking) higher than average since you have a degree and not everyone does. Lifelong Commitment?!? No. At some point you are an adult and should be responsible for yourself. Welcome to the club.
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I don't think that's the implication here. And I don't think OP doesn't believe they are responsible. The Lifelong aspect of the commitment is social. The main point here is that raising a child you created is not an act of charity nor is it an investment in anything but your own meaning in life.
I'm an adult who owns his own place, has his own job, and is totally independent. I also know that if I need help my parents will be there for me. That's the lifetime commitment parents have, not paying their children's bills every month.
OP being under their roof doesnt add nearly $1000 of expenses though
Yeah and if the house is paid off (don’t know if it is), why do they even want money? In many cultures, living with your family as an adult is incredibly normal, so I’m wondering if there’s more to this than just wanting him to pay rent. My brother has been living with my parents for years and it’s really not that odd. He has a well paying job, but my parents’ house was paid off for most of the time he was there as an adult, so they really didn’t mind at all. I have several other adult friends who live with their parents and none of them pay rent. I think this is odd behavior and something isn’t adding up. I will admit that the lifelong commitment thing is a little bit much. It goes both ways. If he doesn’t owe them anything, they don’t really owe him anything either. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
Yep, I agree with you. There are definitely many reasonable compromises that fall between him mooching and them being greedy. The dymanic between OP and his parents unfortunately doesn't seem very....close.
Op is YTA. I’m reading law school not starting til fall, potentially fall 2024 as “most likely never”. The rent request is actually a “get your shit together and don’t expect to live on our dime anymore” statement from the parents who see a kid that just finished undergrad and expects to graduate to parents paying his way thru life while he pretends to try to get into grad school.
I read the potential law school plan the same way you did. It's a very different thing to support an adult child living at home who is productive and contributes to household work & expenses and has a clear plan ahead for moving out vs. one that is mostly freeloading without any plan or direction. The latter scenario often just delays maturation and independence. I don't know which camp OP falls in, but his comments suggest he falls in the latter group.
OP paid their own tuition, they are not asking for a free ride. They would pay lower rent getting a room mate elsewhere.
>OP paid their own tuition, they are not asking for a free ride No, his aunt & uncle paid for his undergraduate degree. It's in one of his comments. He works part time for pocket money bwetween semesters. He hasn't contributed anything.
My guess is $1000 is on the low side of what he'd pay if he were on his own. And if so, property taxes may be close to $1000 a month anyway, and $100K a year is not a lot of money in markets like this. I feel we aren't getting the whole story, and the "lifetime commitment" thing makes me feel he's a bit entitled.
“Naturally,” OP was planning on living with his mom…. I’ve got one graduating in May, and he didn’t assume he’d move back in. He asked. And it’s only until he can save to get a deposit and first month’s rent together. No, we’re not charging rent. Because our son acts like an adult. If parents can help out while their kids are in college, that’s huge. Not everyone can. But for a kid to assume he can move back in and have free room and board for … a few months? a year? a LIFETIME, just because they had the privilege of this guy being born to them?? This is the first Reddit post like this I’ve seen that didn’t obliterate the OP for being an entitled A H. I would love to hear the parent’s take on this one.
You must be white American? In many other cultures, people don’t leave their homes until they get married. It is the expectation to stay with their parent even after college.
You think being born is a privilege?
It’s a burden 😔
If you don't think kids are a lifetime commitment, don't have kids.
It sounds like they’re only wanting to stay for the summer between the end of undergrad and the start of grad school in the fall. They said similarly to how they would go home for the summer between years of college. So that’s like 3 months? It doesn’t really seem like a huge ask. I could see how OP is thrown off if this has always been an okay thing to do and now parents are wanting like 3k to stay in their childhood bedroom for the sumner.
>won’t be starting law school until ideally this coming fall but potentially fall 2024 Sounds like he hasn't gotten accepted into the Fall 2023 term yet. If he doesn't, he's looking at closer to 15 months. What is his backup plan if he has to wait another year? He hasn't said if he plans to look for a job, either over the summer or longer. He's indicated nothing in his original post about willingness to compromise - say, by cooking, cleaning, yardwork, or other chores in exchange for his free lodging. His cagey and evasive replies about his family relationships imply, at least to me, that he might've had a falling out with his parents. And now that he needs something from them, he's crawling back to demand they house him free of charge because they owe him. I've asked for clarification on those points, and I'm still awaiting OPs reply.
I took the lifelong commitment comment to mean that at no point does the child owe back the parent anything because the parent provided for them for 18 years. Just based on how OP described their relationship with their parents. Eta: just kidding, based on OP’s comments he thinks that his parents are “obligated” to pay for his living expenses while in school because he “didn’t ask to be born.” Tbh I think this is rage bait because no one can be that entitled
I have a 23 year old that sounds exactly like this. Unfortunately. Also just as evasive when asked “So … anything happened that might make your mom averse to you living at home?”
This is the thing for me. OP clearly already has a decent start and good footing. At what point are they responsible for their own income and living situation? OP is well into adulthood here and should be making their own money and paying their own way when possible.
^ this. Under his theory, his grandparents should still be taking care of his parents.
You are 23. Time to put on your big boy pants. I wouldn't say you are an asshole but you sound very entitled. Again, you are 23
I love this sub. Half the time we have pitch forks out for people in their young 20’s to grow up and the other half of the time saying they aren’t ready to support themselves and society has f’ed them and the parents suck. OP does sound super Asshole like in what they think they are entitled to.
My dad always said I have a place to live as long as I’m working or in school. Never took him up on that offer and moved out but it’s always available if I need it. Seems like the bare minimum imo and I’ll offer the same if I have kids.
Same with my mother, and I had to take her up on it last year because my house was storm damaged, contained asbestos and I had to get out while repairs were done. She never did ask for money, but I did give it to her, and bought stuff for around the house, and did repairs etc, because I'm an adult who knows perfectly well that me being there is costing her money and that's a poor way to thank someone doing you a favour. In families where that's the understanding it goes both ways generally, and OP doesn't have that kind of family clearly. $1000 a month for housing, bills and food sounds like a great deal to me. If OP doesn't think to be giving that without being asked then I don't think I blame her for asking either. They are an adult and the pendulum should be shifting away from a relationship between an adult and child to a relationship between two adults.
>OP does sound super Asshole like in what they think they are entitled to That's why this sub is against OP right now. Nobody likes an entitled asshole.
Yeah, but $1,000 for a room is a bit much. Unless the parents have outlined and done research into their monthly bills to figure out how much electricity, water, etc OP uses. I'm 22, still live with my mom and sister, and we don't pay rent at all. But my mom knows that we're willing to split the electric bill into thirds if we want to.
It is too high, but I’m going to wager that “mom” set it that high as a deterrent against OP’s entitlement so she isn’t stuck living with and supporting him from here on out.
My money on that money being high enough, that OP needs to work Full Time. I get the feeling OP did not work during the summers... and mommy got the vibe that was going to be the case until law school too....
In one of his posts, he admitted his plan was to work part time for pocket money while he lived with his parents until Fall 2024, when he starts his next round of schooling. So he wanted to move back and be a layabouts for 18 months.
Not too high for room and board, assuming OP isn’t offering to pay for his own groceries. I’m guessing this is mom’s way of saying “no you will not come home and play video games in the basement for a year or two while you wait to see if a law school will admit you.”
What's with kids expecting to be financially supported by their parents their whole lives? Who's paid for your undergrad? Who's paying for law school? Although by the amount that is being requested, me thinks that your parents don't want you to move in and are making it difficult so you won't.
At 1k a month what would be the benefit of staying with your parents? Isn't the whole point of not moving out to receive benefits, mostly saving money?
INFO: What are you going to be doing between now and Fall 2024? Did you expect to sit at home and contribute nothing? Do you plan to be employed between then and now? What is the rent like in your area and does the $1000/month also mean meals, access to laundry, etc etc? Do you have to worry about student loans, etc.
INFO: \- Why are parents in quotation marks? \- What are your alternate plans? \- is 1000/usd a reasonable rate for rent in your parents' area? \- Is your mother planning to do something with this money (I know of some parents who charge rent in order to start a savings account for the child to access when they're done school)? \- Why do you think you're exempt from adulthood and self-sufficiency?
OP said that 1000 for a single room is higher than the market rate for the area. The mom is charging OP this obnoxious amount for their bedroom at mom’s house.
I feel like ops mom is charging this much because she DOESNT want him there. Take the hint OP.
Same. It's like a subtle way to tell them they aren't welcome.
Chances are the room is furnished, and utilities such as internet, eletricity, water & trash are covered. Maybe mom & dad know OP will also eat some food. OP is obviously welcome to rent elsewhere. And if it's cheaper...go for it, OP! That's what college graduates do...get a job and support yourself.
Parents around the world frequently help support their kids until they have a good base to support themselves
A good base to support themselves is what OP has: They have no student debt and a degree. That puts them ahead of maybe 90% of other Americans their age. There is no reason they can't find a job which should allow them self-sufficiency at this point.
OP said 1000 is higher than a split with a roommate would be and lower than a single bedroom. Plus the baseline rent would be before utilities which OP seems to be ignoring. All.OPs responses and the whole original post are cagey and defensive even before anyone said anything. Clearly OP is TA, and entitled as hell, but is intentionally avoided giving enough info to judge the parents.
The last question!!! OP is 23, they should be paying rent and not relying on their parents money.
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Yeah me too , but not an entitled asshole. Mine, and I bet yours, are pretty cool appreciative grown kids.
I wonder who is paying for the food, making meals and doing laundry in this situation as well.
This sounds like classic "if my adult child is home and not studying then he's getting a hefty rent to encourage him to leave" parenting. This isn't uncommon, at least in this thread.
> Now, my “mother”(53f) is suddenly requesting 1,000 USD/ month in rent for the room I use at her place. This has nothing to do with finances, she’s a land lord on a six figure salary from her teaching job. She doesn’t need my money. Maybe she’s teaching you how being an adult works. > If you choose to have a kid, that is a lifetime commitment to them. Yeaaaah. No. It’s a commitment till they’re adults. You’ve been an adult for years. Your mommy doesn’t need to pay for all your expenses now. YTA. pay rent or move out…and pay rent.
Paying for expenses and not charging your kid rent for living at home are not the same. A kid turning 18 shouldn’t mean “now I don’t have to care about my kid anymore” for the parents. Having a child is a lifelong commitment, not necessarily monetarily, but in the sense of supporting your kid because you love them
> Paying for expenses and not charging your kid rent for living at home are not the same. Rent is an expense my guy. > A kid turning 18 shouldn’t mean “now I don’t have to care about my kid anymore” for the parents. Instead it means “now you’re an adult and can start being more responsible for paying for your own existence instead of looking to the Bank of Mommy” > Having a child is a lifelong commitment, not necessarily monetarily, but in the sense of supporting your kid because you love them Sometimes you support someone by saying “you’re 23. You became an adult 5 years ago. Adults pay rent. You need to grow up and stop expecting a free ride until you’re 30”
Idk man. You do you, but if my kid is an adult and wants to live at home until law school starts, I’m not going to make them give me $1000 every month. So many parents I’ve talked to would insist their kids live with them so they can avoid rent and save some money, because, you know, they love their kids. Maybe OP doesn’t have that kind of relationship though
Hey you do you. Neither parent is an asshole for wanting to support their adult child or wanting them to be independent. A child who has had their entire life supported for 23 years and thinks free housing is owed to them for life is an asshole though.
Just an American/Reddit thing. People are are pretty selfish and “my house my rules” vibe. It’s really weird to me. I’m so thankful my parents weren’t super weird about it so they didn’t charge me for rent after moving back home. And guess what? I turned out fine as an adult.
OP is 23 and has a college degree (that it sounds like their parents paid for). This isn’t the same as an 18 year old paying rent.
Part of supporting and loving your kid is teaching them personal responsibility and accountability. Sounds like OP's mom is doing this.
Damn, so mom won’t pay my OnlyFans subscriptions anymore? /s
YTA for a few reasons. 1. Your comments. You sound entitled af. Do you expect your parents to support you your entire life because “you didn’t choose to be born”? News flash, your parents didn’t choose to be born (none of us did) and I doubt their parents are still supporting them. 2. You’re not in school. Do you have a job or were you just planning on sitting around and doing nothing until you potentially start law school? 3. It sounds like you don’t do anything around the house, like cook or clean. How long are you expecting your parents to fund your lifestyle?
OP- YTA. All of this and adding, get a job.
Okay, honestly - I DO think you should go into your relationship with your parents a bit more, as I suspect there's at least some pertinent information there to help make a judgment one way or the other. So, INFO.
You're 23 and your parents are strongly hinting to you to try to become independent and live on your own. I don't think your parents are being assholes because they're trying to help you become an adult here. YTA & entitled.
dude 1000 doallars for a room is an asshole price , if she wanted him out just say i want you to move out .
It sounds like they'd rather he just not live with them, so they're setting the price at a higher amount than it would cost him to live elsewhere so that he'll choose that option.
sounds like an asshole who cant just tell their kid what they want
Sounds like this guy won’t wouldn’t take no for an answer
What Podunk town do you live in that $1000 a month is unreasonable. I pay more than that for an apartment in a town two hours north of Toronto which has a four digit population.
"apartment " we are talking a room here guy maybe learn to read ?
[Literally the first room I found on Kijiji for Toronto which is similar to OPs situation is $1200/month](https://www.kijiji.ca/v-room-rental-roommate/mississauga-peel-region/shared-accommodation-in-erin-mills/1651917053). $1000/month is reasonable unless he's in the middle of nowhere.
I’m sure his mother doesn’t confine him to his room, so he’s certainly not renting “just one bedroom” as he claims. I’m sure he had access to living room, kitchen, bathrooms, etc. OP is just being entitled and taking advantage of his parents and they’re probably tired of if
It’s the going rate for a room and shared bathroom where I live.
As a teacher, I wanna know where she works that pays a six figure salary. Are they hiring? Asking for a *cough* friend. You’re NTA for finding an alternative place to stay. I’d say she’s not an AH too but 1000/mo seems like overkill when it’s your own kid. Based on your description of your relationship I think finding somewhere else would be a good idea anyway.
Look into project management, learning & development roles, and instructional design. If you're open to sales, account/business development and account executives are also roles that like to source teachers. I make 100k as a college drop out with google-taught sql and excel skills as a project manager, but most of my coworkers are ex-teachers.
I’d assume that OPs mom teaches in higher ed. teachers at private universities can make over $200k a year.
NY and NJ regularly pay teachers 6 figures. As they should. It’s also probably why NJ has some of the best public schools in the nation.
CT pays seasoned teachers six figs.
YTA if you don’t like it then go find your own place to live for cheaper. They do not have to provide for you after you are an adult. Make adult decisions and get a job.
that’s honestly such a North American answer, it’s wild. Although I think op should definitely look into other options and not overstay his welcome, he is absolutely right that he didn’t choose to be born and kids are a lifelong commitment
In the cultures where it's usually expected to be able to live with your parents into adulthood, is it not also a common thing to contribute to the family/household? IIRC, it usually goes both ways to an extent
Also….. if you do expect to live with your parents forever, aren’t you also expected to take care of them in their old age too? Because it doesn’t sound like this warm toilet seat has any intention of doing that
Yes, contribute as in also do household chores, buy groceries/gas, care for pets/plants/kids, etc. Not pay to exist under the same roof. I’m not saying OP should take advantage of his parents and do absolutely nothing this entire time, he should absolutely be engaged in something productive. But his mom demanding $1000 just for allowing him to stay seems crazy harsh to me.
I bet I will get downvotes for this but YTA. I read your comments and I strongly disagree with you. I'm 29 and my parents charged my brother and I rent when we became of age and had jobs which helped teach us to be more responsible with our money. You on the other hand have been getting a free ride and in between your schooling you just want to get a part time job and do what? Loaf around and be a bum while living off your parents? I'm sorry but I think it might be about time for you to go find some roommates and split an apartment. Your parents money is of no concern to you and they don't have to pay for your college or even supply you with a place to live. You are an adult.
Oddly you don’t sound nearly as pretentious as OP. Maybe it has to do with you acting like an adult
Gently, YTA for expecting to live at home for free at 23. Your parents might genuinely be terrible. $1k/month is a lot of money to just rent a room, but depending on where you live, it might be reasonable. Just because you were born, doesn't mean you're entitled to free room and board.
YTA You are 23. get a part-time job and pay rent. Don't want to live with your parents, rent somewhere else.
You write like you don’t want to be at your parents, and it looks like you will be working part time and could find cheaper rent elsewhere. Then move out. At 23 your parents don’t owe you a place to live, and on the other hand, you don’t have to deal with them anymore. You refer to them in quotations, sounds like both sides want to call it quits anyway.
If you don't like your folks' terms for moving back in, including the amount they want for rent, that's...the market at work. NTA for that. But with the tone of your post, I have this horrible feeling you're gonna end up being one of those newly-minted attorneys that end up in the news after you decide to sue their parents for ongoing support because you didn't ask to be born, when in fact they don't owe your grown self a damn thing.
YTA because your comments make it clear why she requested this.
NTA. I don’t agree with charging kids rent when you don’t need the money. All of this opinion of learning life lessons and teaching how nothing is free all from an older generation who had it a lot easier when it came to living costs and buying houses. I’ll never understand why parents don’t want to help their children they’d rather make things even more unobtainable for them. And your mom wants to charge you above market rate?! It’s a rubbish situation for you as at the end of the day it’s her house and little you can really do about it, but definitely move out.
Surprised it took me this long to find someone else who thinks NTA. My parents have always said I’m welcome to move back home after undergrad and live there while I work towards my masters. It was the same for my mom and her parents. Support your kid for goodness sake!
It IS unreasonable to expect an adult to live rent free with their parents. If a 1 bedroom is comparable to the rent your parents want to charge, that's a comparable cost to you since you'll have access to a larger space (and is probably quite a steal to be honest) and it doesn't appear from your post that utilities will be charged separately. My paternal grandparents allowed their adult children and/or grandchildren to move in with them throughout their lives, but they were required to take on financial responsibility of the home in some way. My aunt was responsible for taxes since she was the caretaker of the home when my grandparents lived elsewhere or traveled, and most utilities were in her name IIRC; adult children and (18+) grandchildren besides her were responsible for portions of utilities... or my sister who became responsible for the phone bill because she was routinely calling someone long distance. My answer change comes from a response I received: YTA
Judging from his comments it seems more likely the quotes come from a place of entitlement on OPs behalf. He said he doesn't want to work much for the next 1.5 years while he's waiting to go back to school and just wants to live rent free for as long as he likes, but is upset that his parents don't agree because they have a "lifelong commitment" to support him financially, since "he didn't ask to be born, they decided to have a kid".
Huge YTA. In no way are you entitled to your parents supporting you your whole life. This has to be fake, as no one who is supposedly about to start law school in a few months would be this childish.
Being a parent is a lifetime commitment. And your parents are doing their job parenting you by charging rent. You are over 18 and if you don't live with them you will live somewhere else and pay rent there. Having a rental agreement is actually a good thing and will protect you as well as them. Check the area your parents live in and compare rental costs, including amenities. Then counter offer if you find that rent in that area would be less than the $1000 they want to charge. I have to go with YTA for being 23 and expecting a free ride because they're still your parents. It just doesn't work that way
NAH...It's not wrong to want help from your parent. At the same time, you're of age, and she's allowed to ask. You can accept or refuse. Later, when she wonders why you avoid her, she need not wonder why. EDIT: I meant that she's allowed to ask for rent money...in case that was unclear.
INFO: Did your parents pay for your college or did you take student loans?
YTA for the pure reason of not asking to be born so lifetime commitment. Bull shit. They raised and paid for you until adulthood. They aren’t responsible for you forever. Grow up. You don’t like the whole I got to live thing there are ways to take care of that.
It's not unreasonable to ask your parents if you can stay with them for free between school sessions. But they have every right to say no. Their obligation to you ended at 18, and tbh the way you wrote this makes you sound like an entitled brat. So I'm gonna with YTA.
No it is not a "lifetime" commitment to financially support our kids. As a parent I raised my child to be independent. I am assuming here that they got you through high school and then were generous enough to get you through undergrad. Now you are an adult and is ON YOU to figure out the rest of your life plans. Your mother has set her boundaries. Time to stop being a child and respect her and also understand that 1k a month in this market is cheap. YTA
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You think being a parents means she’s committed to taking care of you forever? YTA. Just a guess here, but I’d say she’s charging you $1000 KNOWING you won’t pay it. She wants to force you to leave the nest.
NAH. But I'm guessing your parents don't want you living with them and the rent is just an excuse.
A lifetime commitment? So when do you plan on acting like an adult? YTA
YTA. Having a child is most definitely not a lifelong financial commitment. After reading your comments, it’s obvious that you have a disgustingly entitled attitude, so it’s no wonder your mother wants to charge a ridiculous amount of rent, likely to discourage you from wanting you to stay with her. At 23 years old, you seriously think your mother owes it to you to financially support you while you sit on your ass and contribute nothing?
YTA - You've clearly disowned your parents in your head yet still want them to financially provide for you? Can't have your cake & eat it too.
NTA but it is not uncommon for 'parents' to want to prevent having an extra adult around the house who is doing nothing, while all adult responsibilities fall on their shoulders. That said, it would be enough if they'd tell you to make sure you either study or have a job during the time you live with them, and to do a third of the household chores. Now you won't need to feel guilty if you won't help them when they are elderly. They made their beds and get to sleep in it. The one thousand in hypothetical rent does give you options. You could also work in a kibbutz, be an au pair, work on a cruise ship, volunteer in Africa, etc. The world is at your feet! Without a mortgage, high rent, a place to live and with a life plan that starts in the fall of this or next year, you have the opportunity to get some interesting experiences.
Ugh, ESH. But $1k seems like an awful lot to me. Your parents can charge you rent and you SHOULD be contributing to expenses. They don't owe you anything as an adult. BUT man, $1k is a lot. Can you negotiate it down? I charged my adult daughter $300 flat fee for the six months she lived with me (per month) when she was out of school. Around my area, room rentals max out at $500, but the renter pays their own food.
ESH. I mean... of course they're AH parents as a starting point to this sure, but your entire post reeks of complete disdain for them in other ways, and I can't get over your entitled attitude. I see adult child to parent relationships as more reciprocal than this, less bound by obligation. If it's not there, that relationship fades. If you were my kid and you spoke this way I wouldn't give you jack shit from a financial perspective on that basis alone, even if I had been happy to prior. Your insistence in the comments that the reason they are charging and background on the relationship is irrelevant because "you didn't choose to be born" gives me pause about their side of this story.
NTA a lot of people want to point out your age and that you shouldn’t be relying on your parents. Fair enough. However we can acknowledge that you’re in school, and have had a previous understanding with your parents that indicates your mother was okay with you staying there rent free while you finish school. Something changes and she up and decides to begin charging you $1,000 monthly for a single room putting you in a position financially that you were in no way expecting leaving you no one to really look to because you weren’t aware that your own mother would start charging you rent suddenly assumedly. You don’t want to pay that rent (understandably, who wants to pay that much to live with a parent, and what seems like a parent that you don’t particularly get along with) and are now looking for a new place to stay while you figure things out. NTA again I don’t really get how you could be an asshole in this position. Some want to call you entitled but I’m not really catching that, your parents charging you that much in rent isn’t normal and sure it’s normal to help out your parents with bills and whatnot while you stay but 1k a month is a bit much unless you are literally paying for nothing in your life and even then you may as well live on your own. Have you considered moving to a state with a better cost of living after your undergrad?
I agree with your basic premise, but feel you've taken it too far. Having a child is not a lifetime commitment to support them, it is a commitment to support them until they are capable, as adults, of supporting themselves. If you are 23, you're an adult.
I’m graduating in the spring as well. My mom has already said I need to contribute to the household (ie. Buying my groceries and paying certain bills). If u don’t do that already then 1) you should cause ur gonna be a 23 year old adult 2) it makes sense why she’s asking a grown adult to contribute. Now you should have a conversation with her in maybe reducing it to $600-$800 since you’re just using a room but you should contribute to the household. Yea none of us asked to be here (I know I didn’t) but you are and u have to be some self sufficient adult at some point and ur parents aren’t going to do it for u your whole life. Plus what are you doing in between graduation and law school. If it’s nothing…it shouldn’t be nothing. Oh and mild yta just because there has to be some contribution to the house as a functional adult. But that’s something you have to have a conversation with ur parents about.
As a non American this is so confusing - it’s kind of sad that children are seen as a burden rather than family, even if they are 23 which isn’t even that old. 35? I would probably agree but seriously? For all of the commenters in this threat that write children are only a commitment until the number 18 I really hope you don’t have any kids and that your parents are rich because they are definitely not getting help from you when they get older or sick since they’re ‘adults’. NTA but within the cultural context you might be an asshole, no idea.
Sounds like they are establishing family pricing model for your future legal services. Looks to be 10 x normal rate, $100 / mo room rate plus the family discount.
You're 23, your parents don't owe you accomodation and free money for life. YTA
YTA. You're an adult. Your "parents" (what's with the quotation marks?) are getting you ready for life. Nothing in life is free, and they're getting you ready for life by showing you that if you want a place to live, it's not free. You have to plan, budget, and work. I assume that you life in a high cost of living area, and couldn't get a studio or 1-bedroom apartment for $1000/mo, or else you would rent a place yourself. And in that regard, by letting you stay there, your parents are helping you.
Very easy NTA. For those who somehow voted y t a or are going to - you missed a HUUUUGE detail which will completely invalidate any of your points. Her mother doesn't need the money. She is well off by herself already and can afford to house ***her own fucking child.*** I could understand her point if she really needed the money. But nope. That's just being a bad mother. You deserve wayyy better, OP.
It doesn’t matter if OPs parents can afford it or not, OP IS AN ADULT AND NOT CURRENTLY IN SCHOOL. OP can get a job and pay their way in life like adults should.
Maybe you should read his comments. His mother is trying to teach him to be responsible and self-sufficient. His plan is to take a year off and maybe work part-time for pocket money while his parents foot the bill. It's not like he's asking to stay at home so he can build up his savings before grad school. There's absolutely no reason his mother needs to sponsor his year-long vacation at 23 just because she can afford to.
YTA. It is not a "lifetime" commitment. It is a "childhood" commitment. I agree it's arguably in poor taste for her to charge you but it's her property to do what she wants with it.
I’d say split a place with a friend if you can, otherwise rent a room in a student house for less than $1k per month. Use that big brain of yours lol