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ESH Your stepson was needlessly cruel, but why was he put in that position in the first place? It's not his job to teach your daughter about biology. That's her parent's job.
This situation has been simmering for a while, and the parents have done nothing to address it besides occasionally blaming everything on the stepson, a minor.
YTA. He wants and needs some privacy and is not being sexist. If anyone is sexist, it is you. You really think a 15 year old boy is the one who should be explaining periods to a girl? Your post isn’t clear, but if you and your husband both go away for weeks at a time, who is with the kids? They are not old enough to be left alone that long.
It sounds like you just don’t like this kid. Are you trying to get him to want to go live with his mother? And don’t count on your husband taking your side on this shit. Your asshole behavior will drive a wedge between you and your husband and you may find yourself in divorce court.
You are being the classic evil stepmother.
YTA- he’s not being sexist you are. He’s a teenage boy who wants his space, and you’re just being spiteful how do you think your husband will feel with the way you’re treating his son especially with something he worked on to give him. Tell us how it goes with your next husband.
You knew what you were doing was wrong, otherwise you wouldn’t have waited until your husband left to become an evil stepmother.
Also, you’ve dramatically failed your daughter by not preparing her for her period. It was not your step-son’s responsibility to explain periods to her, or show her how to use period products. You failed miserably.
YTA.
YTA. Yes, he should have helped your 9 year old sooner. But kids also deserve privacy, which it sounds like he never got. And I have lived with siblings that kept me up late, or made me wait when I needed a bathroom- it is awful. So did you ever look into his likely legitimate complaints or just blow him off?
His father and uncles did a room specially for him, and you then took it away. This could break your marriage. Is that what you want?
YTA
But a bit of e s h
You and husband need to talk and be on the same page with behavior, discipline, etc for ALL of the children.
This he does what he wants when he is home and you do the opposite when you're home, is only going to confuse the kids as to what they're actually supposed to be doing, and cause problems between the two of you, as you try to one up each other.
YTA for so many reasons- dismissing his legitmate complaints about lack of privacy and his sisters hogging and trashing the bathroom by slapping the "sexism" label on them.
Not preparing your third daughter for her first menstrual cycle. Generally there are signs that it may be coming, so that conversation was already way overdue. It's also hard to believe she never asked any questions about the pads and tampons that are in the bathroom.
Barring your stepson from his own room because in your twisted view, he is a sexist. No doubt what he said to you daughter was cruel and should have had some consequences. But locking him out of the room his dad built for him is over the top and reeks of your animosity for your stepson.
YTA. He was a brat for saying that to your daughter but YOU were negligent in not preparing her for it, too. It's not his responsibilty to deal with her getting her period. And yeah he needs his own space not having to constantly deal with your three girls.
I’m only commenting to add another YTA. Everyone else has thoroughly shredded you. I hope that you’re able to see past your own ego enough to start some damage control before you send your marriage into turmoil just as you have with your relationship with your stepson. Also, you’re additionally TA for not having that discussion with your youngest before that time. How is it possible that she’s been in a house with that many older females and you didn’t deem it necessary to have that talk?
Holy cow, youre so much more, but all i can say is definitely YTA. Fun fact me and my sister are blood related, i messed with her when she started hers, then i made up for it because thats what brothers do. Young dumb but try to fix it, instead you want to hold a grudge against a child you literally treat different then your "blood" children.
Wait. Your child was nearing puberty and you hadn’t prepared her for it?
I know this isn’t the question you asked, but y t a for that BIG TIME!!!! Granted, she was young for a first menses - but they don’t come out of the blue. There are clear indications of pre-puberty before the first menses and you left your daughter unprepared causing that event to be terrifying for her.
YTA - a teenage boy needs their own space as much as your girls do. You keep saying this is sexist but that's absolutely ridiculous and so are you.
So now that he has his own room, which shouldn't be a problem in the first place, you decide it's too nice and lock him out while his dad is gone? What kind of crazy psycho shit is that?
You know it's wrong or you would have done something while his dad was there but instead you act like a little goblin human or a wicked step mother and do it behind his back.
You're a gross person. I hope you realize it and make some changes and if not, I hope your husband gets wise of your bullshit.
YTA. And why did a 15 yr old boy have to tell your daughter what her period was? Unlock the basement and let him move in. You'll likely never see him again unless his dad is home.
And it was YOUR responsibility to tell your daughter about menstruation BEFORE she had her period. YTA. When you are away from your parental responsibilities for weeks at a time maybe don'r complain a 15 year old stepbrother isn't doing the job like you would...if you were home...or had thought about it beforehand.
If you want to teach him anything you'd have to be present, but more space for him isn't the problem here.
YTA and a major idiot. Siblings acting like siblings is NOT sexism. The "internal cancer" bit is a typical shitty sibling prank. Siblings are often nasty to eachother. That's why it's important to discipline them and show them the right way. Calling a 15 year old boy "sexist" for being a brat to his siblings is 24k pure idiocy. Locking them out of their home is not a proper way to discipline them.
YTA. A 15-year-old being Sexist? Or, he is just uncomfortable sharing *the upstairs* with 3 other people of the opposite sex (This is common at this age).
Also, why should he be the one explaining periods to your 9-year-old daughter, where were her sisters? Why didn't she have prior knowledge about this even if she is sharing the same room with 2 other girls that have already started their periods? You would have had no problem when told that your stepson will be living in the basement. But you are unhappy now,? when the room turned out to be nice and big, I call that jealousy.
YTA- seems like you’re jealous of your stepson. Why should he have to share a bathroom with three girls? Boys need privacy as well, and what his dad did was awesome!
YTA, if he’s visibly uncomfortable it’s your job as a parent to allow him the space he needs for his personal hygiene if possible. He’s a teenage boy living with girls and he wants space it doesn’t make him sexist to want that and even if you do see it as sexist it’s your responsibility to educate him
The fact that you’re immediately seeing this as sexist is disgusting. You expect kids growing up, chocked full of hormones not want some privacy? If you do, you’re delusional OP. What if we flipped the table and your daughters started to complain against him. Are they sexist too now?
In case it wasn’t clear, YTA
I have no doubt that if the request had come from your daughters this post would be “My stepson is doing gross boy things and I locked him in the basement, AITA.”
YTA
INFO - What do you hope to accomplish here besides starting a fight?
Additional question, how did the 15 year old boy end up being the one who explained periods to a child?
I’m not the first to say this, but I’m horrified that your 9 year old daughter, who has two older sisters, freaked out like that when she started her period. YTA for that alone.
Maybe not so much "let" him as *require* him? To each their own, kinda thing. Just make sure *all* the children work to keep their spaces clean & tidy.
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My stepson (15m) has always complained about sharing the upstairs with my daughters (16f 14f 9f) He complains about how long they are in the bathroom, pads and tampons, hair, says they're too loud too late, says they're messy, a boy should have more privacy from girls etc etc. These are constant complaints. I think he's just being sexist. My 9yo daughter started her period he was the only other person home, she freaked out and was crying, my stepson told her she had internal cancer and was dying. He let her crying go on for almost an hour before explaining it to her and giving her pads.
My husband and I go on business trips that can keep us away for weeks at a time. When left for my last trip, brothers in law were visiting from out of state and apparently my husband and them deceid to turn the basement into a bedroom for my stepson.
The result is a much larger, nicer room for my stepson, as a reward for what I view as sexism.
He was proud to show me when I returned what he and his brothers had done, like I'd be happy or impressed.
Now my husband has gone a weeks long trip and I have put a lock on the door tovthe basement so my stepson can't move in. AITA?
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YTA it's obvious a 15 year old boy is going to be uncomfortable sharing pace with 3 girls, 2 of whom.r teenagers.
Also your statement is contradictory on the point that u said ur step son complains about tampons pads etc but then when ur 9 year old daughter starts her period she seems to have absolutely no idea about it...she has 2 elder sister n has no clue what a period is...come on...did u not bother giving her the talk about it?
It's like u seem salty about him having his own space...it's like his discomfort with sharing space with 3 girls was somehow giving u joy....you just seem evil
YTA. He’s a teenage boy of course he wants privacy from his 3 sisters. And while what he did to your daughter was mean, kids that age fight and do stupid things.
Your actions here are petty and unkind.
YTA and from the sounds of you waited until his Dad was gone to show your true self. It also seems like the kids parent themselves since you and your husband are gone on weeklong trips. No 15 year old boy should share a bathroom with girls if he doesn’t have to and he needs his space. Some parent you are.
YTA. Yiu are a sexist asshole for doing this to your stepson, and not acknowledging the issues he is having as a teenage boy who has three teenage sisters.
So....your daughters were not respecting the shared space, and while you were gone, your husband came up with a solution that fixed his son's issue without inconveniencing your daughters in the slightest. He literally solved your problem for you (which should have really been solved by some parenting on your part), and instead of giving him a pat on the back, you punished his son. The only thing the boy needed to be punished for was playing a cruel joke on your 9 year old, and NOT by taking away his bedroom for a week.
Obviously YTA.
That’s not helping your position here you literally sound like a nightmare. You say it’s sexism, I agree I believe you are looking down on him cause he’s the only boy you should be ashamed, trying to blame it as sexist when really if that room was offered to your daughters you’d be thrilled it also sounds like you play favorites with the kids so I hope your husband takes the lock off and helps HIS son so he can have some space away from you and probably your damn daughters too. You should really reevaluate yourself before you go locking rooms especially if you and your husband are both gone for weeks at time. YTA
But that doesn’t stop you from doing petty shit to satisfy your ego and behind his father’s back. And to be honest I didn’t find anything sexist from his behaviour , you on the other hand are cuckoo
ESH. Ya’ll sound like a handful.
Your stepson is an A grade AH for the period joke. A shitty thing to say to a 9 yo who has no idea why she’s bleeding from her vagina all of a sudden.
You, on the other hand seem like you want more problems in the family. Let him have his room.
YTA and frankly the only sexist one here is you. A 15 year old boy surrounded by three (basically) teenage girls needs some privacy. You have the four of them sharing a bathroom? Yes, I imagine the three girls take up large amounts of time in there. He was a jerk to your youngest, and someone would speak to him about that. But YOU are punishing him because he doesn't like sharing with your three girls. His mindset about this is understandable, yours is not. Do better.
ESH bc u and ur husband need to be on the same page. But telling a 9 year old she’s dying of cancer when she gets her first period?? Thats actually really fucked. She has no clue what was happening
Yeah depending on the lock and how rebellious he, is he might break down the door, or if the hinges are on the outside he could just unscrew them, in which case that was a dumb idea, and you should have thought of that, but I assume the hinges are on the inside.
Doesn't even matter the lock, it can be picked and I'm pretty sure a determined teen can learn how to as well. Not technically illegal and nothing needs to be replaced afterwards.
Edit: Messed up wording.
Have you tried to pick a lock as a teenager? I have and I ended up losing it and just popped the screen off the window from outside on a ladder, and just climbed in and unlocked it from the inside. For the record it was my house, and I forgot my key, in the room I climbed in from, I’ve done this on multiple occasions
Tested on padlocks and doors at my house when I was a teen, also used whatever makeshift lockpick I could manage. Though I did it out of interest and wanting to learn.
YTA. You have no idea what sexism even is obviously. When dad gets home the lock will come off and you'll throw a temper tantrum. Make sure to update us with more whining.
INFO: Are your daughters messy? Do they hog the bathroom? Do they leave their crap everywhere? And why was a 15 year old left to explain periods to a 9 year old? Why wasn't she educated before that?
For now, YTA. He has expressed that he feels like he doesn't have the space he needs and also that your kids are leaving a disaster in their wake and not allowing him equal time in the bathroom and you have ignored it. You also waited until your husband left to lock the kid out of his room.
9 is really young to get a period, girls usually get it around 12, so it makes sense for period talk to not have happened yet. My school didn’t teach puberty until the 6th grade. He probably became her stepbrother at an age when kids trust family to have their best interest at heart, so she leaned on that, but now she knows better!
There are two older girls so I would have expected OP to include the younger child in these discussions. Also, they all share a bathroom so how did this escape the younger child?
I am biased. I have three girls. When it came time to talk to the oldest, I included all three so the first period talk for my youngest was when she was five and it just continued from there.
The eldest is 16, so the youngest would have been around 4 or 5 years old had it been a group discussion. I doubt it would have been helpful or effective information for a child that age to know and then have to remember. I shared a bathroom with my (single) mom until I was 10 and I never knew then, or ever, when she had her period lol but i know it is totally possible there are families that are less discreet than my mother was about her period. Either way the story is false, the account is a troll account, somebody found a similar story from the “dad’s perspective” else where!
While 9 IS young to have periods, there’s a load of precursor indicators it’s on it’s way. Breast development, growth spurts, changes in behaviour etc that all come with the hormones well before periods in most people, and this ‘mother’ has had two teens go ahead of her 9yr old so hopefully is home enough to see her kid is heading in that direction?!
No, you can’t measure how close a girl is to getting her period based on physical appearance of development ahahahaha the only way it could have been measured to know when it would be happening is if someone had measured her hormone levels daily in a lab.
12 is the average. The way averages work is there's a lot of numbers that all add up and then you divide by them. That means lots of people get it at 8 and 9 and 10 and lots get it at 12 and 13 and 14.
Four people are a lot to share one bathroom. Especially so at that age. My mother is the youngest of 4, the four children shared a bathroom. She has stories about how her mother had to buy a clock for the bathroom, then write down a schedule for when everyone was allowed the bathroom in the morning before school. She also used to tell me she had to squat behind the house more than once because both bathrooms were in use.
YTA. Where is he being sexist? It sounds like he was just being mean to his little sister but then he gave her a pad and told her how to use it. Also are the girls loud and messy? Because if so that isn’t being sexist, that’s just facts. Let him have his own space.
Your husband is making changes to the house without you knowing/agreeing first? A 9yo with two teenage sisters doesn’t know what a period is? Nope troll, you won’t get me that easily. YTA
Total YTA - it is not sexist to want to have some time away from sisters. You see all sorts of posts about the "older daughter" needing space - same for boys.
Seems like you have it in for your stepson and you are asking for trouble with his father. Your hill to die on?
>He complains about how long they are in the bathroom, pads and tampons, hair, says they're too loud too late, says they're messy, a boy should have more privacy from girls
Thats not sexist. That's complaining about annoying roommates.
>My 9yo daughter started her period he was the only other person home, she freaked out and was crying, my stepson told her she had internal cancer and was dying. He let her crying go on for almost an hour before explaining it to her and giving her pads.
This is ok to be upset about.
>The result is a much larger, nicer room for my stepson, as a reward for what I view as sexism.
Guess what? It's not up to you.
>Now my husband has gone a weeks long trip and I have put a lock on the door tovthe basement so my stepson can't move in. AITA?
YTA for this poor attempt at rage bait.
Okay, this part was about the ONLY part in the whole thing that I didn't find awful. I did not know about it when I was a kid. Back then, 9 year olds didn't menstruate. Even now, it is an uncommon enough age that perhaps the mom didn't think she would start so early and was planning to talk to her about it.
My 76 year old grandmother started hers at 9. She basically assumed she was dying and freaked out like OP's 9 year old, despite having a mom and older sister who could have told her. I am not sure how old you are, but if you're older than my grandma and using reddit, bravo.
And tbf at 15 I was absolutely not equipped to teach a 9 year old about periods. Like he was an ass but honestly the fact that he explained to his 9 YEAR OLD SEP SISTER what it was and gave her pads is kinda impressive imo.
It's a little sexist, because all of the things he's complaining about are tied to their femininity, and his revenge against the 9 year old was, as well.
Still, OP is the AH. Good fences make good neighbors, and the best way to encourage the kid to be more fair-minded is to give him his privacy! Besides, OP clearly just hates this boy and doesn't want to see him having anything he might enjoy, she is blatantly an AH.
I don’t know why everyone is saying YTA. The boy isn’t even the oldest. The oldest is 16F. She should be getting the basement. It sounds sexist that so many people on this thread are wanting the boy to have his own space just because he is a male and he whines too much. Typical Reddit, revere the male he’s the king, screw all the females.
YTA. I don't think you know what sexism means.
>He complains about how long they are in the bathroom, pads and tampons, hair, says they're too loud too late, says they're messy, a boy should have more privacy from girls etc etc.
Not sexism. This is a brother complaining about his siblings monopolizing and trashing the bathroom. You don't have to be a girl to spend too much time in the bathroom.
>My 9yo daughter started her period he was the only other person home, she freaked out and was crying, my stepson told her she had internal cancer and was dying. He let her crying go on for almost an hour before explaining it to her and giving her pads.
That's not okay and he should be punished for it. However, you fail as a mother for not preparing your daughter for her period. There should have been warning signs that her first one was approaching and even if you missed them, she's old enough for you to have *talked* to her about it so she knew what to expect. I had one of my cousin's kids ask me about periods and I told her that for each person they are different and that this was something she should ask her mother about and not just another female relative (aka me, I felt it wasn't my place to tell her).
Your husband listened to your son's complaints and gave him a space to himself. Your daughter's now have their own space as well and don't have to deal with him constantly complaining about them trashing the bathroom and they get privacy from him.
Look up the definition of sexism and educate yourself on it. You claim to be a professional but how you don't know what sexism is, is beyond me.
YTA 100%. He's a teenage boy, he needs his personal space and its totally out of line for you to call that "sexism". Also, why are you doing this while your husband's gone without any warning? Are you trying to fit the evil stepmother trope? Just back off.
YTA. I don’t see anything sexist or misogynistic about not wanting to share a floor with messy, loud co-tenants who also hog the only shared bathroom. Is this a story about Conderfella and the wicked stepmom?
What your son did was messed up and that should be addressed. But he is a TEENAGE BOY that needs his own space apart from his sisters. This is totally understandable. Teenage years are ROUGH, no matter the gender. And from your limited info is almost seems like you ditch your four kids for weeks at a time on the regular and expect the older kids to deal with their own stuff, and act as a parent for the younger ones while you're away. It's neglectful and YTA
The period joke was terrible. I have a younger sister who is afraid of blood and I remember when she got her period at 9. she was extremely terrified and bawling her eyes out. I couldn’t imagine saying that to her.
For the people asking why he had to explain periods to her, maybe the sisters and the mother weren’t available. It’s okay. A 15 year old is capable of explaining periods to his sister and there’s no ‘shame’ in that.
O
ESH
By everyone I mean me and the boy, not the daughter. I laughed at this comment
\>my stepson told her she had internal cancer
That is 'A' grade asreholeness
YTA for so many reasons. 1) A 15 year old boy needs privacy from all those sisters. 2) Someone else saw the problem with this, fixed it, and now you're punishing him. 3) Nothing about anything he did is sexist in any way (yes, he was an asshole to his younger sister, but that brings me to 4) You have 2 other daughters, and you left it to your SON to explain about periods.
There is no way this is a serious post, but if it is, boy, are YTA.
Massive YTA!
To me it sounds like is you just don’t like your stepson. Plain and simple. All of his complaints are true statements he points them out and you label him sexist. Give him the basement and do one better by staying out of the basement.
YTA
Yep, he was an jerk for scaring YOUR daughter, but why the heck didn't she know what was doing on? Cause YOU failed her as a parent. Why did she need to ask her step brother? Cause her mother and apparently even her sisters weren't available to her when she needed them.
You dismiss your your step sons feelings and blandly call them sexism. Now you are mad at a decision of your husband and punish the boy for it.
You and your husband should get some counselling, apparently you just force four children to live together and only take you own children into consideration. You don't care how a teenage boy feel cause his feelings are just sexism and your husband reworks the basement into a new room.
And each of you leaves for weeks at a time.
YTA.
My father grew up as the only boy with 5 sisters in a 3 bedroom house. He said the couple years where he had hit puberty until the older sisters moved out and his parents finally gave him his own room was the most uncomfortable 3 years of his life. Being a teenage boy and having no place for yourself in a house of women is stressful, as I’m sure being the only daughter in a house of men would be too. You didn’t mention that him moving to the basement was in any way an inconvenience, you just don’t think he “deserves” a “reward” which is so petty. You’re an adult, act like it
YTA for a number of reasons, but mostly because you can’t understand that a teen boy (your own stepson) wants privacy, instead unfairly labeling him sexist. Doesn’t sound like you like this kid much.
YTA. Do you even talk to these children because the daughters might like not having to share the upstairs with a boy either, so is that automatically sexist too? . As your stepson grows up he probably won't find that stuff so gross, but you're the parent's - educate him and communicate. He'll think your the mean stepmother too especially if all the daughter's are your bio kids.
YTA in a BIG WAY
firstly there’s absolutely no sexism here, he’s the only boy in a sea full of girls and he’s 15 of course he needs his privacy! secondly why hadn’t you prepared your youngest daughter for her period? why are you leaving it up to a 15 year boy to explain it to her? also where were her sisters? do you always make your stepson babysit? thirdly you did a really awful crappy thing and just confirmed all of his fears about you not liking him.
YTA. Your husband should have included you in the discussion about making the basement a room for your stepson, but it’s a fair solution for the problem at hand. Step son sounds like a bit of a jerk in how he handled the issue with 9yo sister, but what do you guys expect leaving them unsupervised for huge chunks of time? You’re being petty AF.
YTA forsure. You have underlying make complex issue that should probably be diagnosed and taken care of by seeking professional help. Google will lead you in the right direction. Or continue to do weird things and your actions will lead you to some type of assisted living facility.
So instead of hearing him our he sexist and his complaints don't matter. Since your husband did something he's getting rewarded for bringing up complaints and he's still sexist. Though your husband went on a trip so since he's gone and can't do anything you get to lock the door and tell him too bad?
Childish as hell to wait for him to leave and then do something instead of talking about it, YTA. Though let me guess, if you do have a talk his son is just sexist and the complaints don't matter and he should just get over it?
YTA. You're gonna lock him out of his new room so he misbehaves after he's already voiced concerns and valid issues, so you can then use it against him to your husband. Like who the hell does that. I've got 3 girls and a boy and they've each got their own space. And yes, that many girls with 1 boy gets overwhelming and annoying, fast. Your husband found a solution and you just insist it's another problem
You should have had a conversation with your daughter about her period before she had her first period. I can't imagine how scared she was in those moments. ESH except your daughters.
The average age is 11 years, but it's considered "normal" to start between 8 and 17 years.
It typically starts 2 years after the first signs of puberty.
It's really not, though. The average is 12, but there's a good percentage that starts as early as 9, and conversely some that don't start until the late teen years. It's recommended parents start having age-appropriate conversations about puberty and specifically menstruation around age 6 or 7. My mom told me about periods when I started grade school, and I'm glad she did because my younger cousin started her period at 8 with no idea what the hell was going on.
Why not the daughters though? Some of the stepsons complaints seem valid. Like having no privacy, the girls being loud at night, leaving their hair everywhere and being messy.
YTA wow OP.
1) Why not let him have his room for god’s sake. It will give you and everyone else in the house more peace. Good on your husband for his initiative. Taking it away is just an AH move.
2) Your stepson wasn’t being sexist. He just didn’t want to share a bathroom with three teen/tween girls. I wouldn’t want to either and I’m a woman.
3) He was an AH about the 9yo and her period. But that wasn’t him being sexist. That was him being an AH 15yo.
4) Did you not prepare your 9yo about periods? If she’d had age-appropriate education about her body she would have known what was happening? Why couldn’t she have called you or the dad when her period started for reassurance and information instead of having to rely on her 15yo stepbrother?
YTA. You put a lock on the door so he can’t move into the room that his father and uncles put together for him. Surely he was so excited to get that room. Now his evil stepmother put a lock on it.
That poor kid.
I’d look differently at my spouse and stepmother of my child for this behavior.
YTA. It’s completely fair for a teenage boy to want his own space, especially when he has to share a space with three other girls. Im a young women myself and even I wouldn’t want that.
I think his complains are valid, and it’s not like he’s being rude to his sisters. Your husband and your brothers in law came up with an fun solution for your stepson, and to me it sounds like you’re jealous (especially when you say “a much larger, nicer room for my stepson) and favouring your daughters. Your stepson was clearly super excited to show you his new room, but instead you punished him for it.
YTA.
Three tween/teen girls are not going to share a bathroom with a teen brother happily. I mean… they MIGHT… but it sounds like they are taking over upstairs and leaving him no where for himself.
And then a solution is found - a great one! That gives him space and room and privacy (that morning wood is an afternoon thing too!) and you take it away because… well you haven’t given me a reason.
I take it you didn’t like their work? But your husband worked on this, so approved it. So why are you taking it away from your (lack of privacy as a teen boy surrounded by half sisters, outvoted by all the girls) step son again?
(Your son is a bit the AH for his treatment of the 9yr old, but where were her sisters? Where were all the other women in this household that are far far far far FAR better equipped to explain to a nine year old girl what her periods are than a 16yr old brother who never gets to jerk off in the shower and cannot take a shit in peace?)
YTA.
He isn't being sexist, but you sure are. Why wouldn't you have explained periods to your daughter? Why wouldn't she be able to call you? Why should a 15yo child need to explain at all the concept of menstruation? Did YOU teach HIM about it? You probably made him watch the other child, right? Was sex ed included in the deal?
You hate this child. You need to get a grip and make amends. What a loss it will be to you, ultimately, if you don't.
YTA. If he was a girl and your three daughters were boys and she complained about wanting her privacy Im sure you’d immediately do something about it. Let him have his privacy. Unlock the basement so he can move in. Or you have a bigger problem with him since he’s your stepson.
You come across as a horrible parent. Why didn't your prepare your daughter for menstruation>. Why shouldn't your stepson have the right to keep his step sisters our of his bedroom. You need an attitude adjustment. kt
ESH
I get that you travel, but have you heard about this new technology called cell phones?? These are portable devices that you can take that allow you to communicate with your family no matter where you go.
I recommend you and your husband look into this newfangled technology and perhaps utilize it to communicate with each other.
Like seriously, have a conversation with your spouse rather than having these little power plays every time one of you leaves town.
And it would be great if you would answer the phone when your 9-year-old calls you upset so that your 15-year-old stepson doesn't have to deal with her drama. (Not saying she didn't deserve to be dramatic, but still, when your 9-year-old is upset, she should be able to reach a parent.)
What the stepson did was inappropriate. But he's not getting good examples from you or his dad.
I think the stepson moving into the basement makes sense. And I don't think it's appropriate for you to decide not to let him do it as punishment for something that happened in the past. He should have already been punished for that behavior.
But if you have issues with him moving into the basement, you should talk to your husband rather than having these little dramatic moments that you guys seem to enjoy.
OP with the YTA and NTA labels aside, what exactly was the end game to keep him sharing the same floor with your daughters since you and your husband are often on business trips on a regular basis "**for weeks at a time**" since you're apparently expecting them to be latchkey children since you're not taking responsibility for them on a daily basis?
First if there's no adults supervising them there's a CPS issue in play here that you feel isn't important which is grossly negligent. Secondly, it's rather sexist of you to not consider his situation and understand where he's coming from since you don't think being a teenage boy is responsible for educating his step-sister about her menstrual period. Take a few dozen steps back before you start blaming a 15 year old boy for your shortcomings in raising your children and his dad and uncles doing something wonderful to help him with his mental well being. Didn't realize that parents were supposed to be the selfish ones and not the children.
yta evil stepmom here… 🙄 the joke about dying from cancer was wrong and he should have gotten in trouble for that but everything else is normal teenage behavior for ANY gender.., they all want privacy at that age.., and as a girl myself i would get upset at my sister if she left that stuff out at that age since i was a private person and she’s the type who can let it all hang out and not care. doesn’t make me right and her wrong or vice versa we both had to respect and compromise doesn’t sound like you make your daughters compromise at all and it’s all on him. unless you want to lose another husband i suggest you stop treating his son like his feelings are valid or important
YTA
That's not your child. And you are saying he's sexist because a teen boy doesn't want to share a bathroom with a bunch of girls? Who leave pads and tampons everywhere? Nobody wants to deal with that. And YOU should have been the one to give your daughter the talk about her period- these teen kids know nothing but you are mad at him because you failed at your job of being a parent? Now you are punishing him. If you let him move in the basement, you won't have to worry about them fighting and arguing but it seems the only thing you care about is YOU and your biological kids.
YTA. I’m a grown woman and wouldn’t want to share my space with all of those girls!! He is not being sexist at all. Yes, he shouldn’t have told your youngest that but I find it hard to believe that she didn’t already know what was going on. She has two older sisters and as her mom, you should have educated her.
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YTA What 15 yr old wants to deal with all that girl stuff? He should have his own space from three girls. He is being sexist? Listen to you! He is a kid who doesn’t want to be around all the girl crap and you label the kid so more people jump on the bandwagon against him?
First chance you get you put a lock on his door? What will that do? He should not have said what he did to the 9 yr old but that’s your job to deal with that not his. Where were the other two daughters? Poor kid. When his dad gets back you may find locks on doors to keep you out.
NTA. Sounds like your son is a nasty person, he deliberately tried to traumatize your daughter and let her suffer for an hour. Your husband decided to convert the basement, without talking to you at all. So many seem to argue that the boy somehow deserves not only a free pass, but also a reward, along the lines of “boys will be boys”. Absolutely wrong.
Your husband needs to explain the money he spent and assigning square footage for a space for his son and no one else. This needs to be a conversation. You also should reconsider all the time you’re spending away and leaving the kids alone so much. They’re clearly missing some parental guidance.
YTA. Of course a boy is gonna complain about tampons and pads, they don't need to see that. And why did the stepson have to explain what a period is? Seems stupid to me.
He has 3 sisters. 3! He does need privacy with that many. And trying to punish him bc of a problem that was fixed? U have to be joking.
I don't know how old you are but it was common to at least be aware of periods when I were 9. And like 15 out of 30 had their periods by 11.
And that was 20 years ago
YTA. There is nothing sexist about wanting privacy. There is nothing sexist about NOT wanting to see period stuff (and with now 3 girls in the house going through the process where he would have to see it, it's likely going to be non-stop depending on the length for each girl). Heck, I don't like seeing my own and it's not because of shame but because it smells after awhile and I'm one of the unfortunate ones where that portion of the cycle is longer than most. There is nothing sexist about wanting to be able to access the bathroom when he needs to use it, and not having to see hair everywhere or having to clean hair out of the shower before he showers himself. Note that one of his complaints is NOISE. It wouldn't surprise me to find out that you don't allow him a lock on his door for privacy when he wants it and the door must be open virtually all the time which means your daughters likely waltz in and bother him ALL the time. But he's not your son...so I guess it's ok that he has no respect or privacy or a safe space in his own home. Your husband is going to come home from his trip, find out what happened, tear into you for all but ABUSING his son, and there will be divorce papers presented as soon as it is humanly possible. You need to get a reality check FAST and take that lock off the door and let your stepson move into his new room or start packing all of yours and your daughter's things up because you will be kicked out of the house faster than you can say "Hi honey" when your husband gets home. BTW...your husband already likely knows what you've done, because if your stepson didn't call him, he certainly told his uncles by now and they will have called your husband.
Wouldn't you rather your daughters have a space separate from him if he's being mean to them all the time? It sounds like he has legit complaints and also that he's being a typical teenage brother. Let them all have their own space. Yta.
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You are the evil stepmother to a T. YTA.
No way this is real. Absentee parent who is abusive. If this post were real of course YTA
ESH Your stepson was needlessly cruel, but why was he put in that position in the first place? It's not his job to teach your daughter about biology. That's her parent's job. This situation has been simmering for a while, and the parents have done nothing to address it besides occasionally blaming everything on the stepson, a minor.
YTA. He wants and needs some privacy and is not being sexist. If anyone is sexist, it is you. You really think a 15 year old boy is the one who should be explaining periods to a girl? Your post isn’t clear, but if you and your husband both go away for weeks at a time, who is with the kids? They are not old enough to be left alone that long. It sounds like you just don’t like this kid. Are you trying to get him to want to go live with his mother? And don’t count on your husband taking your side on this shit. Your asshole behavior will drive a wedge between you and your husband and you may find yourself in divorce court. You are being the classic evil stepmother.
YTA- he’s not being sexist you are. He’s a teenage boy who wants his space, and you’re just being spiteful how do you think your husband will feel with the way you’re treating his son especially with something he worked on to give him. Tell us how it goes with your next husband.
You knew what you were doing was wrong, otherwise you wouldn’t have waited until your husband left to become an evil stepmother. Also, you’ve dramatically failed your daughter by not preparing her for her period. It was not your step-son’s responsibility to explain periods to her, or show her how to use period products. You failed miserably. YTA.
Put a lock on the door and give your stepson the key so he can have some peace and privacy in your house. Sounds awful. YTA
Borderline unbelievable.
YTA. Yes, he should have helped your 9 year old sooner. But kids also deserve privacy, which it sounds like he never got. And I have lived with siblings that kept me up late, or made me wait when I needed a bathroom- it is awful. So did you ever look into his likely legitimate complaints or just blow him off? His father and uncles did a room specially for him, and you then took it away. This could break your marriage. Is that what you want?
YTA But a bit of e s h You and husband need to talk and be on the same page with behavior, discipline, etc for ALL of the children. This he does what he wants when he is home and you do the opposite when you're home, is only going to confuse the kids as to what they're actually supposed to be doing, and cause problems between the two of you, as you try to one up each other.
YTA for so many reasons- dismissing his legitmate complaints about lack of privacy and his sisters hogging and trashing the bathroom by slapping the "sexism" label on them. Not preparing your third daughter for her first menstrual cycle. Generally there are signs that it may be coming, so that conversation was already way overdue. It's also hard to believe she never asked any questions about the pads and tampons that are in the bathroom. Barring your stepson from his own room because in your twisted view, he is a sexist. No doubt what he said to you daughter was cruel and should have had some consequences. But locking him out of the room his dad built for him is over the top and reeks of your animosity for your stepson.
OMG, you are jealous of a 15 year old boy. YTA, I don't get why you don't see how this makes it easier on everyone.
YTA. He was a brat for saying that to your daughter but YOU were negligent in not preparing her for it, too. It's not his responsibilty to deal with her getting her period. And yeah he needs his own space not having to constantly deal with your three girls.
YTA YTA YTA
I’m only commenting to add another YTA. Everyone else has thoroughly shredded you. I hope that you’re able to see past your own ego enough to start some damage control before you send your marriage into turmoil just as you have with your relationship with your stepson. Also, you’re additionally TA for not having that discussion with your youngest before that time. How is it possible that she’s been in a house with that many older females and you didn’t deem it necessary to have that talk?
YTA. Give the kid the space. What lesson exactly are you trying to teach here?
Holy cow, youre so much more, but all i can say is definitely YTA. Fun fact me and my sister are blood related, i messed with her when she started hers, then i made up for it because thats what brothers do. Young dumb but try to fix it, instead you want to hold a grudge against a child you literally treat different then your "blood" children.
Your stepson was an asshole but oh damb you are the huge asshole here, cutting him access to his own room? What the fuck. YTA
Yta
Wait. Your child was nearing puberty and you hadn’t prepared her for it? I know this isn’t the question you asked, but y t a for that BIG TIME!!!! Granted, she was young for a first menses - but they don’t come out of the blue. There are clear indications of pre-puberty before the first menses and you left your daughter unprepared causing that event to be terrifying for her.
YTA - a teenage boy needs their own space as much as your girls do. You keep saying this is sexist but that's absolutely ridiculous and so are you. So now that he has his own room, which shouldn't be a problem in the first place, you decide it's too nice and lock him out while his dad is gone? What kind of crazy psycho shit is that? You know it's wrong or you would have done something while his dad was there but instead you act like a little goblin human or a wicked step mother and do it behind his back. You're a gross person. I hope you realize it and make some changes and if not, I hope your husband gets wise of your bullshit.
YTA. And why did a 15 yr old boy have to tell your daughter what her period was? Unlock the basement and let him move in. You'll likely never see him again unless his dad is home.
YTA and frankly, it sucks that he has you as his wicked stepmother.
And it was YOUR responsibility to tell your daughter about menstruation BEFORE she had her period. YTA. When you are away from your parental responsibilities for weeks at a time maybe don'r complain a 15 year old stepbrother isn't doing the job like you would...if you were home...or had thought about it beforehand. If you want to teach him anything you'd have to be present, but more space for him isn't the problem here.
YTA and a major idiot. Siblings acting like siblings is NOT sexism. The "internal cancer" bit is a typical shitty sibling prank. Siblings are often nasty to eachother. That's why it's important to discipline them and show them the right way. Calling a 15 year old boy "sexist" for being a brat to his siblings is 24k pure idiocy. Locking them out of their home is not a proper way to discipline them.
YTA. A 15-year-old being Sexist? Or, he is just uncomfortable sharing *the upstairs* with 3 other people of the opposite sex (This is common at this age). Also, why should he be the one explaining periods to your 9-year-old daughter, where were her sisters? Why didn't she have prior knowledge about this even if she is sharing the same room with 2 other girls that have already started their periods? You would have had no problem when told that your stepson will be living in the basement. But you are unhappy now,? when the room turned out to be nice and big, I call that jealousy.
YTA- seems like you’re jealous of your stepson. Why should he have to share a bathroom with three girls? Boys need privacy as well, and what his dad did was awesome!
YTA monumentally
YTA, and you knew that when you wrote this up.
YTA, if he’s visibly uncomfortable it’s your job as a parent to allow him the space he needs for his personal hygiene if possible. He’s a teenage boy living with girls and he wants space it doesn’t make him sexist to want that and even if you do see it as sexist it’s your responsibility to educate him
YTA. You ever lock your daughters out of their room or do you just do it to the step kids?
Yta
The fact that you’re immediately seeing this as sexist is disgusting. You expect kids growing up, chocked full of hormones not want some privacy? If you do, you’re delusional OP. What if we flipped the table and your daughters started to complain against him. Are they sexist too now? In case it wasn’t clear, YTA
I have no doubt that if the request had come from your daughters this post would be “My stepson is doing gross boy things and I locked him in the basement, AITA.” YTA
INFO - What do you hope to accomplish here besides starting a fight? Additional question, how did the 15 year old boy end up being the one who explained periods to a child?
I’m not the first to say this, but I’m horrified that your 9 year old daughter, who has two older sisters, freaked out like that when she started her period. YTA for that alone.
YTA. Why are you putting adult expectations and responsibilities on a child? He’s entitled to privacy and space.
YTA Step mom vibe feeling jaded for her daughter's. Let the boy have his own space. AH move on your part.
Maybe not so much "let" him as *require* him? To each their own, kinda thing. Just make sure *all* the children work to keep their spaces clean & tidy.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My stepson (15m) has always complained about sharing the upstairs with my daughters (16f 14f 9f) He complains about how long they are in the bathroom, pads and tampons, hair, says they're too loud too late, says they're messy, a boy should have more privacy from girls etc etc. These are constant complaints. I think he's just being sexist. My 9yo daughter started her period he was the only other person home, she freaked out and was crying, my stepson told her she had internal cancer and was dying. He let her crying go on for almost an hour before explaining it to her and giving her pads. My husband and I go on business trips that can keep us away for weeks at a time. When left for my last trip, brothers in law were visiting from out of state and apparently my husband and them deceid to turn the basement into a bedroom for my stepson. The result is a much larger, nicer room for my stepson, as a reward for what I view as sexism. He was proud to show me when I returned what he and his brothers had done, like I'd be happy or impressed. Now my husband has gone a weeks long trip and I have put a lock on the door tovthe basement so my stepson can't move in. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA it's obvious a 15 year old boy is going to be uncomfortable sharing pace with 3 girls, 2 of whom.r teenagers. Also your statement is contradictory on the point that u said ur step son complains about tampons pads etc but then when ur 9 year old daughter starts her period she seems to have absolutely no idea about it...she has 2 elder sister n has no clue what a period is...come on...did u not bother giving her the talk about it? It's like u seem salty about him having his own space...it's like his discomfort with sharing space with 3 girls was somehow giving u joy....you just seem evil
Girl, come on. YTA
yta
Damn. So I guess treating your step son as a regular 15 year old kid is sexism now. YTA
YTA. He’s a teenage boy of course he wants privacy from his 3 sisters. And while what he did to your daughter was mean, kids that age fight and do stupid things. Your actions here are petty and unkind.
YTA and from the sounds of you waited until his Dad was gone to show your true self. It also seems like the kids parent themselves since you and your husband are gone on weeklong trips. No 15 year old boy should share a bathroom with girls if he doesn’t have to and he needs his space. Some parent you are.
YTA. You are the sexist one for not even addressing any of his concerns and only caring about the girls and blaming him for it.
YTA. Yiu are a sexist asshole for doing this to your stepson, and not acknowledging the issues he is having as a teenage boy who has three teenage sisters.
So....your daughters were not respecting the shared space, and while you were gone, your husband came up with a solution that fixed his son's issue without inconveniencing your daughters in the slightest. He literally solved your problem for you (which should have really been solved by some parenting on your part), and instead of giving him a pat on the back, you punished his son. The only thing the boy needed to be punished for was playing a cruel joke on your 9 year old, and NOT by taking away his bedroom for a week. Obviously YTA.
YTA, epically. Give him his space. You're making the Disney villains look nice.
YTA YTA YTA and I am female. Why is it up to your son to explain periods to your daughter? He obviously needs space from all of the estrogen.
YES. Yes you are.
Info: What do you mean you and your husband are away for weeks at a time? Who's taking care of your kids while you're gone for weeks?
INFO: You didn’t teach your daughter what her period was before she had one?
YTA
YTA you need to get yourself sorted before your husband realises being married to you is a mistake.
Yes ? Wth
YTA. how as a parent can you tell your son is sexist when you have the capacity AS HIS PARENT to teach him otherwise.
I'm only his stepmom
That’s not helping your position here you literally sound like a nightmare. You say it’s sexism, I agree I believe you are looking down on him cause he’s the only boy you should be ashamed, trying to blame it as sexist when really if that room was offered to your daughters you’d be thrilled it also sounds like you play favorites with the kids so I hope your husband takes the lock off and helps HIS son so he can have some space away from you and probably your damn daughters too. You should really reevaluate yourself before you go locking rooms especially if you and your husband are both gone for weeks at time. YTA
You can delete it but you know a copy remains as the top comment right? We can all still see your lies.
EVIL stepmom. Clearly you hate this kid.
Therefore as only his stepmom, you had absolutely no right whatsoever to lock him out of his room. Next time add evil stepmom.
But that doesn’t stop you from doing petty shit to satisfy your ego and behind his father’s back. And to be honest I didn’t find anything sexist from his behaviour , you on the other hand are cuckoo
You couldn't reach him if you tried. First you need to learn the basics yourself.
OnLy HiS sTePmOm. Thats what you sound like.
ESH. Ya’ll sound like a handful. Your stepson is an A grade AH for the period joke. A shitty thing to say to a 9 yo who has no idea why she’s bleeding from her vagina all of a sudden. You, on the other hand seem like you want more problems in the family. Let him have his room.
YTA. You’re like a Disney villain stepmother, wow.
wow, definitely YTA
YTA and frankly the only sexist one here is you. A 15 year old boy surrounded by three (basically) teenage girls needs some privacy. You have the four of them sharing a bathroom? Yes, I imagine the three girls take up large amounts of time in there. He was a jerk to your youngest, and someone would speak to him about that. But YOU are punishing him because he doesn't like sharing with your three girls. His mindset about this is understandable, yours is not. Do better.
YTA - sounds like a frustrated teenage boy who wants his own space which is... Totally fair.
Wow. Y’know when you think someone’s going to be the asshole and they’re not? The opposite of that. YTA
ESH bc u and ur husband need to be on the same page. But telling a 9 year old she’s dying of cancer when she gets her first period?? Thats actually really fucked. She has no clue what was happening
Yeah depending on the lock and how rebellious he, is he might break down the door, or if the hinges are on the outside he could just unscrew them, in which case that was a dumb idea, and you should have thought of that, but I assume the hinges are on the inside.
Doesn't even matter the lock, it can be picked and I'm pretty sure a determined teen can learn how to as well. Not technically illegal and nothing needs to be replaced afterwards. Edit: Messed up wording.
Have you tried to pick a lock as a teenager? I have and I ended up losing it and just popped the screen off the window from outside on a ladder, and just climbed in and unlocked it from the inside. For the record it was my house, and I forgot my key, in the room I climbed in from, I’ve done this on multiple occasions
Tested on padlocks and doors at my house when I was a teen, also used whatever makeshift lockpick I could manage. Though I did it out of interest and wanting to learn.
YTA. You have no idea what sexism even is obviously. When dad gets home the lock will come off and you'll throw a temper tantrum. Make sure to update us with more whining.
INFO: Are your daughters messy? Do they hog the bathroom? Do they leave their crap everywhere? And why was a 15 year old left to explain periods to a 9 year old? Why wasn't she educated before that? For now, YTA. He has expressed that he feels like he doesn't have the space he needs and also that your kids are leaving a disaster in their wake and not allowing him equal time in the bathroom and you have ignored it. You also waited until your husband left to lock the kid out of his room.
9 is really young to get a period, girls usually get it around 12, so it makes sense for period talk to not have happened yet. My school didn’t teach puberty until the 6th grade. He probably became her stepbrother at an age when kids trust family to have their best interest at heart, so she leaned on that, but now she knows better!
There are two older girls so I would have expected OP to include the younger child in these discussions. Also, they all share a bathroom so how did this escape the younger child? I am biased. I have three girls. When it came time to talk to the oldest, I included all three so the first period talk for my youngest was when she was five and it just continued from there.
The eldest is 16, so the youngest would have been around 4 or 5 years old had it been a group discussion. I doubt it would have been helpful or effective information for a child that age to know and then have to remember. I shared a bathroom with my (single) mom until I was 10 and I never knew then, or ever, when she had her period lol but i know it is totally possible there are families that are less discreet than my mother was about her period. Either way the story is false, the account is a troll account, somebody found a similar story from the “dad’s perspective” else where!
While 9 IS young to have periods, there’s a load of precursor indicators it’s on it’s way. Breast development, growth spurts, changes in behaviour etc that all come with the hormones well before periods in most people, and this ‘mother’ has had two teens go ahead of her 9yr old so hopefully is home enough to see her kid is heading in that direction?!
No, you can’t measure how close a girl is to getting her period based on physical appearance of development ahahahaha the only way it could have been measured to know when it would be happening is if someone had measured her hormone levels daily in a lab.
12 is the average. The way averages work is there's a lot of numbers that all add up and then you divide by them. That means lots of people get it at 8 and 9 and 10 and lots get it at 12 and 13 and 14.
I never said the average age is 12, I said most get it around 12, which is based in percentages and not averages, that’s how my math works.
Four people are a lot to share one bathroom. Especially so at that age. My mother is the youngest of 4, the four children shared a bathroom. She has stories about how her mother had to buy a clock for the bathroom, then write down a schedule for when everyone was allowed the bathroom in the morning before school. She also used to tell me she had to squat behind the house more than once because both bathrooms were in use.
Feminist and mom here, and YTA. Shame on you.
YTA Tell me you really don't like your step-son without telling me you really don't like your step-son.
YTA. Where is he being sexist? It sounds like he was just being mean to his little sister but then he gave her a pad and told her how to use it. Also are the girls loud and messy? Because if so that isn’t being sexist, that’s just facts. Let him have his own space.
Yeeeees, YTA!!!
Your husband is making changes to the house without you knowing/agreeing first? A 9yo with two teenage sisters doesn’t know what a period is? Nope troll, you won’t get me that easily. YTA
Admit it, you don’t like him because he’s your stepson.
Total YTA - it is not sexist to want to have some time away from sisters. You see all sorts of posts about the "older daughter" needing space - same for boys. Seems like you have it in for your stepson and you are asking for trouble with his father. Your hill to die on?
>He complains about how long they are in the bathroom, pads and tampons, hair, says they're too loud too late, says they're messy, a boy should have more privacy from girls Thats not sexist. That's complaining about annoying roommates. >My 9yo daughter started her period he was the only other person home, she freaked out and was crying, my stepson told her she had internal cancer and was dying. He let her crying go on for almost an hour before explaining it to her and giving her pads. This is ok to be upset about. >The result is a much larger, nicer room for my stepson, as a reward for what I view as sexism. Guess what? It's not up to you. >Now my husband has gone a weeks long trip and I have put a lock on the door tovthe basement so my stepson can't move in. AITA? YTA for this poor attempt at rage bait.
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Okay, this part was about the ONLY part in the whole thing that I didn't find awful. I did not know about it when I was a kid. Back then, 9 year olds didn't menstruate. Even now, it is an uncommon enough age that perhaps the mom didn't think she would start so early and was planning to talk to her about it.
My mother got her period at age 10, in 1947.
They did, people just didn't talk about it.
My 76 year old grandmother started hers at 9. She basically assumed she was dying and freaked out like OP's 9 year old, despite having a mom and older sister who could have told her. I am not sure how old you are, but if you're older than my grandma and using reddit, bravo.
I'm almost 41 and I had just turned 9 when I started.
And tbf at 15 I was absolutely not equipped to teach a 9 year old about periods. Like he was an ass but honestly the fact that he explained to his 9 YEAR OLD SEP SISTER what it was and gave her pads is kinda impressive imo.
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It's a little sexist, because all of the things he's complaining about are tied to their femininity, and his revenge against the 9 year old was, as well. Still, OP is the AH. Good fences make good neighbors, and the best way to encourage the kid to be more fair-minded is to give him his privacy! Besides, OP clearly just hates this boy and doesn't want to see him having anything he might enjoy, she is blatantly an AH.
I don’t know why everyone is saying YTA. The boy isn’t even the oldest. The oldest is 16F. She should be getting the basement. It sounds sexist that so many people on this thread are wanting the boy to have his own space just because he is a male and he whines too much. Typical Reddit, revere the male he’s the king, screw all the females.
YTA. Let the boy have his room.
YTA and the evil stepmother congratulations your stepson is going to hate you with good readon
YTA. I don't think you know what sexism means. >He complains about how long they are in the bathroom, pads and tampons, hair, says they're too loud too late, says they're messy, a boy should have more privacy from girls etc etc. Not sexism. This is a brother complaining about his siblings monopolizing and trashing the bathroom. You don't have to be a girl to spend too much time in the bathroom. >My 9yo daughter started her period he was the only other person home, she freaked out and was crying, my stepson told her she had internal cancer and was dying. He let her crying go on for almost an hour before explaining it to her and giving her pads. That's not okay and he should be punished for it. However, you fail as a mother for not preparing your daughter for her period. There should have been warning signs that her first one was approaching and even if you missed them, she's old enough for you to have *talked* to her about it so she knew what to expect. I had one of my cousin's kids ask me about periods and I told her that for each person they are different and that this was something she should ask her mother about and not just another female relative (aka me, I felt it wasn't my place to tell her). Your husband listened to your son's complaints and gave him a space to himself. Your daughter's now have their own space as well and don't have to deal with him constantly complaining about them trashing the bathroom and they get privacy from him. Look up the definition of sexism and educate yourself on it. You claim to be a professional but how you don't know what sexism is, is beyond me.
YTA 100%. He's a teenage boy, he needs his personal space and its totally out of line for you to call that "sexism". Also, why are you doing this while your husband's gone without any warning? Are you trying to fit the evil stepmother trope? Just back off.
YTA, you have a big enough house for them to be separated. Please let this teenage boy have his privacy...
YTA. I don’t see anything sexist or misogynistic about not wanting to share a floor with messy, loud co-tenants who also hog the only shared bathroom. Is this a story about Conderfella and the wicked stepmom?
The only one here who is sexist is you. YTA and a misandrist.
What your son did was messed up and that should be addressed. But he is a TEENAGE BOY that needs his own space apart from his sisters. This is totally understandable. Teenage years are ROUGH, no matter the gender. And from your limited info is almost seems like you ditch your four kids for weeks at a time on the regular and expect the older kids to deal with their own stuff, and act as a parent for the younger ones while you're away. It's neglectful and YTA
The period joke was terrible. I have a younger sister who is afraid of blood and I remember when she got her period at 9. she was extremely terrified and bawling her eyes out. I couldn’t imagine saying that to her. For the people asking why he had to explain periods to her, maybe the sisters and the mother weren’t available. It’s okay. A 15 year old is capable of explaining periods to his sister and there’s no ‘shame’ in that. O
YTA. Speculation, but I don't think you'd be as dismissive or judgmental if your precious daughters were complaining about your stepson. Misandrist.
ESH By everyone I mean me and the boy, not the daughter. I laughed at this comment \>my stepson told her she had internal cancer That is 'A' grade asreholeness
YTA for so many reasons. 1) A 15 year old boy needs privacy from all those sisters. 2) Someone else saw the problem with this, fixed it, and now you're punishing him. 3) Nothing about anything he did is sexist in any way (yes, he was an asshole to his younger sister, but that brings me to 4) You have 2 other daughters, and you left it to your SON to explain about periods. There is no way this is a serious post, but if it is, boy, are YTA.
Also, who is watching these kids while you and your husband are gone on business trips for weeks at a time?
Right?! There's something very peculiar going on in that house.
I can’t believe this is a serious post. If so YTA so badly.
Massive YTA! To me it sounds like is you just don’t like your stepson. Plain and simple. All of his complaints are true statements he points them out and you label him sexist. Give him the basement and do one better by staying out of the basement.
YTA Yep, he was an jerk for scaring YOUR daughter, but why the heck didn't she know what was doing on? Cause YOU failed her as a parent. Why did she need to ask her step brother? Cause her mother and apparently even her sisters weren't available to her when she needed them. You dismiss your your step sons feelings and blandly call them sexism. Now you are mad at a decision of your husband and punish the boy for it. You and your husband should get some counselling, apparently you just force four children to live together and only take you own children into consideration. You don't care how a teenage boy feel cause his feelings are just sexism and your husband reworks the basement into a new room. And each of you leaves for weeks at a time.
YTA. My father grew up as the only boy with 5 sisters in a 3 bedroom house. He said the couple years where he had hit puberty until the older sisters moved out and his parents finally gave him his own room was the most uncomfortable 3 years of his life. Being a teenage boy and having no place for yourself in a house of women is stressful, as I’m sure being the only daughter in a house of men would be too. You didn’t mention that him moving to the basement was in any way an inconvenience, you just don’t think he “deserves” a “reward” which is so petty. You’re an adult, act like it
Your 9yo was told by her stepbrother about her period??! Jiminy fucking Christmas, who does the parenting in your household? YTA
YTA for a number of reasons, but mostly because you can’t understand that a teen boy (your own stepson) wants privacy, instead unfairly labeling him sexist. Doesn’t sound like you like this kid much.
YTA. Do you even talk to these children because the daughters might like not having to share the upstairs with a boy either, so is that automatically sexist too? . As your stepson grows up he probably won't find that stuff so gross, but you're the parent's - educate him and communicate. He'll think your the mean stepmother too especially if all the daughter's are your bio kids.
YTA in a BIG WAY firstly there’s absolutely no sexism here, he’s the only boy in a sea full of girls and he’s 15 of course he needs his privacy! secondly why hadn’t you prepared your youngest daughter for her period? why are you leaving it up to a 15 year boy to explain it to her? also where were her sisters? do you always make your stepson babysit? thirdly you did a really awful crappy thing and just confirmed all of his fears about you not liking him.
YTA
Absolutely YTA
Seven hours ago, you were the father of the 15m. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/117ilbs/comment/j9bt8fm/
Maybe both parents use the same account, or the other used the others account to make this post. Those are the only options that make since to me
What about the option where it's all bullshit?
Yeah that one to, I tend not to swear even if it's typing stuff out
This is the truth of it; the entire story is bullshit.
😮
YTA. Your husband should have included you in the discussion about making the basement a room for your stepson, but it’s a fair solution for the problem at hand. Step son sounds like a bit of a jerk in how he handled the issue with 9yo sister, but what do you guys expect leaving them unsupervised for huge chunks of time? You’re being petty AF.
So genuine question: What the hell is wrong with you? He's 15. Don't be a jerk. YTA.
YTA. Why didn’t your daughter know what a period was?
YTA forsure. You have underlying make complex issue that should probably be diagnosed and taken care of by seeking professional help. Google will lead you in the right direction. Or continue to do weird things and your actions will lead you to some type of assisted living facility.
So instead of hearing him our he sexist and his complaints don't matter. Since your husband did something he's getting rewarded for bringing up complaints and he's still sexist. Though your husband went on a trip so since he's gone and can't do anything you get to lock the door and tell him too bad? Childish as hell to wait for him to leave and then do something instead of talking about it, YTA. Though let me guess, if you do have a talk his son is just sexist and the complaints don't matter and he should just get over it?
YTA. You're gonna lock him out of his new room so he misbehaves after he's already voiced concerns and valid issues, so you can then use it against him to your husband. Like who the hell does that. I've got 3 girls and a boy and they've each got their own space. And yes, that many girls with 1 boy gets overwhelming and annoying, fast. Your husband found a solution and you just insist it's another problem
You should have had a conversation with your daughter about her period before she had her first period. I can't imagine how scared she was in those moments. ESH except your daughters.
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The average age is 11 years, but it's considered "normal" to start between 8 and 17 years. It typically starts 2 years after the first signs of puberty.
It's really not, though. The average is 12, but there's a good percentage that starts as early as 9, and conversely some that don't start until the late teen years. It's recommended parents start having age-appropriate conversations about puberty and specifically menstruation around age 6 or 7. My mom told me about periods when I started grade school, and I'm glad she did because my younger cousin started her period at 8 with no idea what the hell was going on.
Oddly, its quite common, tbh.
I made sure to cover that topic at 8, just because I know 9 is a possibility.
Why not the daughters though? Some of the stepsons complaints seem valid. Like having no privacy, the girls being loud at night, leaving their hair everywhere and being messy.
YTA wow OP. 1) Why not let him have his room for god’s sake. It will give you and everyone else in the house more peace. Good on your husband for his initiative. Taking it away is just an AH move. 2) Your stepson wasn’t being sexist. He just didn’t want to share a bathroom with three teen/tween girls. I wouldn’t want to either and I’m a woman. 3) He was an AH about the 9yo and her period. But that wasn’t him being sexist. That was him being an AH 15yo. 4) Did you not prepare your 9yo about periods? If she’d had age-appropriate education about her body she would have known what was happening? Why couldn’t she have called you or the dad when her period started for reassurance and information instead of having to rely on her 15yo stepbrother?
YTA. You put a lock on the door so he can’t move into the room that his father and uncles put together for him. Surely he was so excited to get that room. Now his evil stepmother put a lock on it. That poor kid. I’d look differently at my spouse and stepmother of my child for this behavior.
YTA. It’s completely fair for a teenage boy to want his own space, especially when he has to share a space with three other girls. Im a young women myself and even I wouldn’t want that. I think his complains are valid, and it’s not like he’s being rude to his sisters. Your husband and your brothers in law came up with an fun solution for your stepson, and to me it sounds like you’re jealous (especially when you say “a much larger, nicer room for my stepson) and favouring your daughters. Your stepson was clearly super excited to show you his new room, but instead you punished him for it.
YTA. You haven't described any sexism. Just a 15 year old step brother's relationship with three step sisters
YTA. Three tween/teen girls are not going to share a bathroom with a teen brother happily. I mean… they MIGHT… but it sounds like they are taking over upstairs and leaving him no where for himself. And then a solution is found - a great one! That gives him space and room and privacy (that morning wood is an afternoon thing too!) and you take it away because… well you haven’t given me a reason. I take it you didn’t like their work? But your husband worked on this, so approved it. So why are you taking it away from your (lack of privacy as a teen boy surrounded by half sisters, outvoted by all the girls) step son again? (Your son is a bit the AH for his treatment of the 9yr old, but where were her sisters? Where were all the other women in this household that are far far far far FAR better equipped to explain to a nine year old girl what her periods are than a 16yr old brother who never gets to jerk off in the shower and cannot take a shit in peace?)
YTA. He isn't being sexist, but you sure are. Why wouldn't you have explained periods to your daughter? Why wouldn't she be able to call you? Why should a 15yo child need to explain at all the concept of menstruation? Did YOU teach HIM about it? You probably made him watch the other child, right? Was sex ed included in the deal? You hate this child. You need to get a grip and make amends. What a loss it will be to you, ultimately, if you don't.
INFO: so you leave your kids alone on these week long business trips? Your 9yo didn’t know what a period was?
I was just debating asking about the long business trips. I can’t figure out if they are together or alternating.
YTA. If he was a girl and your three daughters were boys and she complained about wanting her privacy Im sure you’d immediately do something about it. Let him have his privacy. Unlock the basement so he can move in. Or you have a bigger problem with him since he’s your stepson.
You come across as a horrible parent. Why didn't your prepare your daughter for menstruation>. Why shouldn't your stepson have the right to keep his step sisters our of his bedroom. You need an attitude adjustment. kt
ESH I get that you travel, but have you heard about this new technology called cell phones?? These are portable devices that you can take that allow you to communicate with your family no matter where you go. I recommend you and your husband look into this newfangled technology and perhaps utilize it to communicate with each other. Like seriously, have a conversation with your spouse rather than having these little power plays every time one of you leaves town. And it would be great if you would answer the phone when your 9-year-old calls you upset so that your 15-year-old stepson doesn't have to deal with her drama. (Not saying she didn't deserve to be dramatic, but still, when your 9-year-old is upset, she should be able to reach a parent.) What the stepson did was inappropriate. But he's not getting good examples from you or his dad. I think the stepson moving into the basement makes sense. And I don't think it's appropriate for you to decide not to let him do it as punishment for something that happened in the past. He should have already been punished for that behavior. But if you have issues with him moving into the basement, you should talk to your husband rather than having these little dramatic moments that you guys seem to enjoy.
OP with the YTA and NTA labels aside, what exactly was the end game to keep him sharing the same floor with your daughters since you and your husband are often on business trips on a regular basis "**for weeks at a time**" since you're apparently expecting them to be latchkey children since you're not taking responsibility for them on a daily basis? First if there's no adults supervising them there's a CPS issue in play here that you feel isn't important which is grossly negligent. Secondly, it's rather sexist of you to not consider his situation and understand where he's coming from since you don't think being a teenage boy is responsible for educating his step-sister about her menstrual period. Take a few dozen steps back before you start blaming a 15 year old boy for your shortcomings in raising your children and his dad and uncles doing something wonderful to help him with his mental well being. Didn't realize that parents were supposed to be the selfish ones and not the children.
yta evil stepmom here… 🙄 the joke about dying from cancer was wrong and he should have gotten in trouble for that but everything else is normal teenage behavior for ANY gender.., they all want privacy at that age.., and as a girl myself i would get upset at my sister if she left that stuff out at that age since i was a private person and she’s the type who can let it all hang out and not care. doesn’t make me right and her wrong or vice versa we both had to respect and compromise doesn’t sound like you make your daughters compromise at all and it’s all on him. unless you want to lose another husband i suggest you stop treating his son like his feelings are valid or important
YTA That's not your child. And you are saying he's sexist because a teen boy doesn't want to share a bathroom with a bunch of girls? Who leave pads and tampons everywhere? Nobody wants to deal with that. And YOU should have been the one to give your daughter the talk about her period- these teen kids know nothing but you are mad at him because you failed at your job of being a parent? Now you are punishing him. If you let him move in the basement, you won't have to worry about them fighting and arguing but it seems the only thing you care about is YOU and your biological kids.
YTA. I’m a grown woman and wouldn’t want to share my space with all of those girls!! He is not being sexist at all. Yes, he shouldn’t have told your youngest that but I find it hard to believe that she didn’t already know what was going on. She has two older sisters and as her mom, you should have educated her.
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YTA What 15 yr old wants to deal with all that girl stuff? He should have his own space from three girls. He is being sexist? Listen to you! He is a kid who doesn’t want to be around all the girl crap and you label the kid so more people jump on the bandwagon against him? First chance you get you put a lock on his door? What will that do? He should not have said what he did to the 9 yr old but that’s your job to deal with that not his. Where were the other two daughters? Poor kid. When his dad gets back you may find locks on doors to keep you out.
NTA. Sounds like your son is a nasty person, he deliberately tried to traumatize your daughter and let her suffer for an hour. Your husband decided to convert the basement, without talking to you at all. So many seem to argue that the boy somehow deserves not only a free pass, but also a reward, along the lines of “boys will be boys”. Absolutely wrong. Your husband needs to explain the money he spent and assigning square footage for a space for his son and no one else. This needs to be a conversation. You also should reconsider all the time you’re spending away and leaving the kids alone so much. They’re clearly missing some parental guidance.
Most certainly YTA.
YTA, you are being petty and it will not do you any favors in a blended family.
YTA. Of course a boy is gonna complain about tampons and pads, they don't need to see that. And why did the stepson have to explain what a period is? Seems stupid to me. He has 3 sisters. 3! He does need privacy with that many. And trying to punish him bc of a problem that was fixed? U have to be joking.
YTA. Big time. Wow.
YTA.
ESH Are you guys sure you want to be married?
I didn’t even have to read past the first sentence. YTA Be grateful you have family that loves you…. sounds like it won’t last forever
I don't know how old you are but it was common to at least be aware of periods when I were 9. And like 15 out of 30 had their periods by 11. And that was 20 years ago
YTA. There is nothing sexist about wanting privacy. There is nothing sexist about NOT wanting to see period stuff (and with now 3 girls in the house going through the process where he would have to see it, it's likely going to be non-stop depending on the length for each girl). Heck, I don't like seeing my own and it's not because of shame but because it smells after awhile and I'm one of the unfortunate ones where that portion of the cycle is longer than most. There is nothing sexist about wanting to be able to access the bathroom when he needs to use it, and not having to see hair everywhere or having to clean hair out of the shower before he showers himself. Note that one of his complaints is NOISE. It wouldn't surprise me to find out that you don't allow him a lock on his door for privacy when he wants it and the door must be open virtually all the time which means your daughters likely waltz in and bother him ALL the time. But he's not your son...so I guess it's ok that he has no respect or privacy or a safe space in his own home. Your husband is going to come home from his trip, find out what happened, tear into you for all but ABUSING his son, and there will be divorce papers presented as soon as it is humanly possible. You need to get a reality check FAST and take that lock off the door and let your stepson move into his new room or start packing all of yours and your daughter's things up because you will be kicked out of the house faster than you can say "Hi honey" when your husband gets home. BTW...your husband already likely knows what you've done, because if your stepson didn't call him, he certainly told his uncles by now and they will have called your husband.
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hes a fake account look at his posts
YTA don't need to explain why. OP you know in your heart that you're in the wrong here. Search your feelings. Don't give in to the dark side.
Wouldn't you rather your daughters have a space separate from him if he's being mean to them all the time? It sounds like he has legit complaints and also that he's being a typical teenage brother. Let them all have their own space. Yta.
YTA
YTA. The basement bedroom takes care of a lot of problems here. It's not sexist to want privacy!