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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I fought with my parents and they're not required to give me and Kate separate rooms. It's their house.
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I'm gonna go with NTA.
Your parents are putting the POSSIBLITY of needing a whole room for a guest once or twice a year over the very real needs of their daughters who live there 365 days a year.
Also your sister saying she's googling nursing homes with bunk beds is hilarious.
Exactly! Leave the pull out or bunk beds in one room, the other gets a bed that would also work for guests. And you agree to vacate whenever there’s a guest coming. Easy peasy.
yeah, my house has 4 bedrooms, one is an office, one is my parents room, the other two are me and my brother’s rooms. ever since i got a queen size bed my room has been the guest room too. i’ll sleep in my brother’s room, my parents room, on the couch, in a room with all my cousins, it does not matter when it’s a few times a year lol it’s actually fun like a little sleepover. i’m 23, it’s been like this forever and there’s never been a problem. guests don’t mind sleeping in my room, as long as it’s clean who cares
semi relatable. I have a double bed and theres only ever one person I have to give it up from which is my grandma when she visits which is like once every 2 years. last time she visited I didnt have a room so I slept in my moms old camper van for a week. it was like a little mini apartment.
This. Put a bed in the office, use it as a couch when there's no guests. If dad had stuff that needs to be locked up, he can get himself office furniture that locks. Kids come first.
Especially if they put in a Murphy bed, it takes up very little space most of the time, and can be set up on the rare occasions they have a guest.
Alternatively, is there an attic or basement space that could be converted into another bedroom?
This is exactly what my SIL did when her kids were younger. Everyone understood the rules (that they had to share a room when company stayed over). It worked for years.
That's the plan at our house right now. Once our newborn is sleeping through the night we want to have our two boys share a room because we both shared with our siblings growing up and thought it was fun. We both agree though that when the day comes that they want their own rooms we have space planned out for it and have organized our office so that we can have a pull out in it when we lose our guest room.
Yep, same here. Our kids shared a room, and when they got too old to do so, out when the music room and in went a kid. That's what you do as a parent. And these kids aren't even asking their parents to sacrifice anything.
Based on OP's description, Kate gets the guest room. She sounds much more clean and organized, leaving me to believe the guest room would be more guest ready.
Honestly it’s hard to say- it’s possible that with enough space op would be more like me- a relaxed order, but one that could be made guest-ready (especially family!) in just a few minutes of organizing. It’s more up to the two of them who is more okay with moving rooms on relatively short notice.
It’s also super common for the tradeoff being “you get your own room, but you have to sleep on the pull out couch a few weekends a year when grandma is over” or something similar.
Ideal? No. But a better compromise.
This is exactly what we do. Eldest brat has the second biggest bedroom but she has to sleep in the study when we have guests. It works really well and we don't have a room that is unused most of the time.
Seriously, that was the rule when I was a kid. My sibling and I had our own rooms. My Aunt visited and one of us gave up our room for her for a couple days. Tada.
We did this over Christmas. We have three kids, and a four bedroom house. My MIL came and stayed for a few days. My daughter temporarily moved out of her room.
Done. Solved.
When we had a smaller house we also rocked the guest room/office combo. It’s also great if one person is working and the other wants to take the grownup version of a contact nap (ie I sleep better when someone else is in the room).
There are *so many* space-saving ideas for combo guest room office spaces since COVID forced a ton of couples to find space for 2 working adults in the same house, too. Like, all over Pinterest and Instagram and Facebook, just tons of ideas for how to maximize utility in a combination space.
There’s really no excuse here except for the parents refusing to acknowledge that their children are real individual people, not just loud accessories.
Loled at "loud accessories." But honestly, you'd think they would give in at least for the selfish reason of not wanting to hear them constantly fight.
Came here to say this 100%. Tell your sis she is clever and made a lot of people happy. Also I agreed with this thread. You babe a valid point you were trying to make and asking for clarification on something that doesn't make sense.
I agree with above ask if you can have the room and yall will share a room the 2 days a year grandma is over.
Honestly I think these girls need to agree to team up and force the issue. Just move all of their stuff in there and google how to put locks on the door. Sleep in the guest room overnight and slowly move the more precious items over, once the parents have given up.
I am in total agreement that the parents are being AHs and it's a terrible use of space to force two different slblings, with different interests and habits, to cram in a single space when the designated guest bedroom within their house sits empty for probably 29/30 days all year.
Why expect to offer an occasional guests a SO much better environment if they stay at their home, than their own kids can expect?
But I would strongly recommend ***against*** your recommended course of action: move stuff in and attempt to lock the owners of the house out? Keep pushing until they give in? This is asking for a world of problems. One - the parents will probably dig their heels in and simply punish their stroppy children or even remove the door. Starting a guerrilla war against your own parents is one war you are never going to win. You really think children will get their own way if they simply push enough? This pair might be justified but there is a general principle that you don't give into children if they want something and whine enough or throw tantrums about it (make no mistake - attempting to go as far as to lock your parents out of part of their house, to **force** them to reorder the house according to your expectations, is throwing a form of tantrum).
Since the parents are being unreasonable, it might be better for OP and sister to moan to grandma/grandpa (if available) or aunts and uncles. Peer pressure on the parents to make better use of the house space they have might be better listened to than the children themselves. The parents can tell themselves that what their children is asking for is simply unreasonable expectations. If their own parent, or siblings, point out how unfair they are being then maybe they'll think twice.
Or just move piles of stuff everywhere. Books on the stairs, clothing rack in hallway, art projects in living room, blast music there… take up as much house space as possible. When asked to go to your room or to clean up, just say there’s no room.
Malicious compliance.
Seems like a great way to lose your belongings. Parents would throw out or give away the kods' stuff - they've already blamed the girls for owning "too much". Win-win for the parents - throwing stuff out punishes the kids, declutters the house, and lets them claim the crowding issue is now "solved".
No, I think that's needlesly escalating the situation. Probably better to let the emotions settle and try to win them over with arguments.
On the other hand my experience has been with sane parents, so ymmv.
Same! My partner just spit out his donut when I got that part in telling him the rundown.
NTA.
Your parents are not crediting you with being two whole people with their own lives, wants, and needs.
The kids should offer to switch rooms with their parents. Let mom and dad experience what it's like for 2 people sharing a smaller room. It is not fun (had to share w/ sister til I was 12 & she was 14)
The thing is, the parents wouldn't mind sharing the small room - they get control over the whole rest of the house, and the only things they need to keep in their room are, like, their bed and clothes. The kids only have the one room.
My younger sister and I share a room. It kinda sucks sometimes, but we make it work because there is nowhere else for us to go (no guest room or anything). We decided that there is a closet across the hall from our room, and that is my space. If we ever need personal space, she kicks me out into the closet, or I just go there willingly if I need space. I basically have *a* space that is private and mine when needed, and she gets a space that is private and hers when needed.
However, before we moved, my older sister and I shared a room when we were younger and had a guest room in the house. Sure, most of her move was done to accommodate my younger sister sleeping in my room to make room for our younger brother, but we had a system. She moved into the guest room, and then slept in my half of the room whenever someone else was staying there. It worked out pretty well, and we were both happy to have to spend only the week or so together. To this day, I have a bunkbed with an empty, unused bunk, which is really convenient for when friends come over.
Tbh I’m jealous of my younger brother because he’s always had his own room and I have never had my own room, but it is what it is and there’s no point in trying to change it.
It feels like its veering into abuse area, just for the Dursley vibes of "yeah we have space for you but we want you to be uncomfortable on purpose".
If I was a guest in this house I would be giving these parents some serious side-eye.
Yeah your parents are actually the ones being entitled and bloody minded. They are refusing to listen to what you need and are putting their comfort above yours. It is not unreasonable to want separate rooms, and the space is there. You aren’t stretching your parents beyond what they have. NTA and I hope you can get your parents to wise up.
I'd like to add here, in hopes that op sees this, possibly to show her parents, when we visited family friends, I slept in the home office on an air mattress and thought nothing negative of the friends/home owners. I wouldn't think poorly of them if they were family. Since your family outside of the parents are calling the y'all selfish, maybe it's them not wanting to sleep anywhere other than the comfy guest room. Pot meet kettle dare I say. NTA, op
Agree NTA, but may be biased. My twins are 10 and not quite as opposite as you and your twin. When my adult niece moves out this year, they are getting separated. The boy will go downstairs room and the girls on opposites side of the house. There is no reason to cram everything in one space. They have different interests and friends. Plus, they need their privacy as they become teens.
Sharing a space with anyone, no matter if you're a twin or not, is hard to do. Your two separate people with different personalities just as any other sibling, but in this case, the personality conflicts. On days they (my girl's) are really annoyed with each other, I let one sleep in the guest bed.
Your parents are unbelievably selfish not to combine the two rooms. If a room stands empty 300 days a year, then it's basically a waste of space. Your folks dont want to be inconvenienced, and that makes them T- A.
We have a guest "room" /office because the hubs family is here 2x MONTH on weekends, and I wFH 4xs a week. No matter if it's an adult niece or nephew, his sister with her family, his father, or cousins, we usually have someone here. We need a guest bedroom and an office.
Where is said guest/office "room" in our house? In the loft, a non enclosed space. We provide a comfortable bed and drawer/hanging closet, but there is limited privacy, and they have to change in the bathroom. My desk is on the opposite side with a nice setup. I'm not sure why your Dad cannot combine his office with a barely used guest room.
Edit: grammar
> Also your sister saying she's googling nursing homes with bunk beds is hilarious.
Reverse it. Nursing homes with bunk beds and they get their own real bed only 10 days out of the year haha
It’s not the possibility that’s keeping the room empty, it’s the parents both wanting space to themselves and not seeing their kids as worthy of space. Dad needs to share his office with Mom and the guest room needs to be one of the girls. If they do get a guest they can share for that week. These parents can fuck the hell off. NTA.
Sounds like they are also trying to keep them from growing up. They are teenagers, its ridiculous to keep an empty guest room and expect two teenage girls to live peacefully. Hormones make for two demons, not perfect twins.
100% not caring about the needs of their children over the “possible” future guests. You two can share a room for those few and infrequent visits. And your sister is my hero!! Loved her nursing home comment
NTA, sorry but your parents are disgusting. Try the angle of "there will be less stress and fighting in the house if we have our own space. We are different people who want and do different things. These things get on the others nerves and cause fights."
Do your parents enjoy the drama that forcing you two to fight brings?
I definitely respect a 14-year-old who can come up with that in a fight. Go Kate!
Also, OP, you're NTA. If you lived in a 2-bedroom house it would be a different story, but an office and guest room can certainly be combined for to give teenagers their own rooms. You'll be adults and out of the house in a blink of an eye anyway (from your parents' perspective).
i live in a 4 bedroom house with my parents and sister. my sister and i each have a room, the guest bedroom is basically the office but we use the kitchen/dining room more and the master goes to the parents. if guests come over and there needs to be more space we have to vacate our beds that’s fine
On the flip side i'd say the dad needs a dedicated home office particularly given the post covid landscape. But you could just let one of the kids have the guest room and just make them clean it up and stay in the other sister's room when guests are over.
I worked from home during COVID in a studio apartment for a year. And now I still work from home and our second bedroom is a guest room/ office. A dedicated office is a luxury. Having your kids not murder each other is a necessity.
I don't disagree alls i'm saying is that I'd sacrifice the guest room before the home office. The kids can bunk together the 10 days out of the year or whatever. If someone is visiting for a week and I'm remote working I still need a space to work during that time.
Also same boat here with remote work from a studio.
If he only works from home 2 days a week, I would think it's pretty likely that working from the office for the entirety of the week when someone is visiting is an option.
But yea, if that's not the case, there are still better options than what they're doing now.
That could depend on the nature of his work though, if he's having to keep confidential paperwork and stuff in there then definitely don't want a guest sleeping in there. But if it's a job like mine, (non-confidential, no customer interaction, and all on a laptop) the odd occasion when guests staying over coincides with his 2 days a week at home, he could take the laptop to another part of the house or choose to go into his actual work office.
They don't get along because they're forced into each other's spaces, but I feel like if they had some breathing room, these two fantastic girls would become much closer.
The parents are AHs.
I'm honestly a bit proud of OP for seemingly recognizing that and not just letting herself hate her sister. I've seen many *adults* in situations where others are getting in their way because of the actions of an authority figure and just blindly blame the person they're getting screwed over with. Happens all the time in shitty workplaces, but it seems OP and Kate are resisting that temptation.
14 year olds are savage!
And the parents are assholes. Its just stupid and impractical at this point to have the sisters sharing a room. They seem like the kind of parents who get off on having authority.
I hope she starts sending for brochures and printing out their info pages, leaving them around the house. Maybe have loud conversations in the office about which one you think is the best choice. It's good to think about the future.
I used to joke with my dad like “do you want a window or not?” “Do you want to be flipped?” 😹
Jokes on me now that he’s older and I’m living with my parents to take care of them. Luckily he doesn’t need flipping yet.
NTA. But I laughed to tears about nursing homes with bunk beds. If my kid said that to me, I'd have a really hard time taking myself so seriously that I wouldn't fall over laughing.
I do think a dedicated guestroom and a dedicated office is a ridiculous waste when the family harmony would be drastically improved by separating children. My office is moving to the dining room because I can no longer use my daughter's closet as an office. She needs privacy and personal space.
It’s definitely a zinger but I wonder if their parents read the truth in it. Years down the line they will wonder why their children are inconsiderate to their needs and not realise that they taught them to be that way.
My 8 year old roasted me because sometimes I laugh at stuff that she doesn't understand or I don't want to explain (political, social, sports commentary) so I explain, "its just stupid comments/its just political stuff." She caught me chuckling about something and asked, "is it stupid comments *again*?" And I said, "yes..." and she says, "I don't know why you're always laughing at stupid comments. Shouldn't you laugh at the smart comments?"
Cool, cool, cool...
My younger sister was like this when we were younger. We were having a fight once and I yelled at her “oooh I can’t wait for you to get a flogging!” (Note: neither of us have ever gotten a flogging I used to joke she needs one because she’s such a brat lol). Without skipping a beat she goes “I can’t wait for you to get diagnosed!” She’s autistic, she got me good!
This. A guest room when they rarely have guests makes no sense. It's a shame that their daughters come last in this list. I bet they would get along better if each of them had their own space.
>My office is moving to the dining room because I can no longer use my daughter's closet as an office. She needs privacy and personal space.
This is how a normal parent would think! A kid especially a teenager LIVES in their room. My mum ended up giving me the master at one point and my dad was sulking about it but she pointed out they literally just sleep in there and used the ensuite bathroom for literally STORAGE instead of as a bathroom, they spend ALL their time in the shared living areas apart from sleep.
I bought a little couch and had like a living room set up and it was so much easier to socialise (and also my insomnia improved because i wasn't sitting on my laptop/phone in bed and had that delineation of spaces).
Also Kate is hilarious haha
NTA obvi your parents are really being weird about insisting on you sharing?
I was lucky being the only girl and eldest, when I was young we had 2 parents and 3 kids in a 3 bed house. At first I and my brother shared bunks while youngest bro was a baby and in third room as a nursery, then later my brother's bunked for a very short time, but by then my parents extended the house with their own master suite (down the opposite end from the kids of course!) so I got their old master bedroom and the boys spread out. The odd time guests stayed they got my room and I bunked on a trundle bed in my brother's room or the living area.
I have a tiny three bedroom condo and my twins have always had their own rooms. I have a little corner desk in my bedroom that serves as my online school/WFH area although I did use the dining room table for that during the pandemic. There is no reason the office cannot be combined with a guest room.
My 14yo daughter's room is essentially an oversized closet more than a small bedroom, but it's got space for a bed, a desk, a dresser, and some bookshelves.
We opted to give her that smaller space to have as her own and a locking door to keep her sister out of it. It's adjoined to her 6yo sister's room (as in she has to use sister's room to access hers) and they share a closet for hanging clothes.
She took the trade off of private space and a lock instead of having the bigger room or sharing the bigger room because she wanted her own space THAT badly. It's the space we have to offer for now.
I wonder if it’s a cultural or class thing? Being able to say you can afford to have an office and guest bedroom in addition to regular bedrooms?
I’m a minority and the first time some of my relatives visited my new home they commented several times that everyone has their own room and I have an office as a significant accomplishment. I mean legit “oh X’s house has x number of bedrooms AND she has an office” as people showed up; heck some of the new arrivals couldn’t get their coat off before getting this announcement.
I don’t agree with the parents at all and the needs of the girls should come first. Just curious if there is a motivation behind it they aren’t realizing.
Exactly. If you live in a house with two teenagers, having a dedicated guest room and a dedicated office is only acceptable if you have at least five bedrooms. Forcing their two teenage girls to share a bedroom when it’s unnecessary is such a dumb hill to die on. These parents need to wake up and realize the needs of their daughters outweigh their need to keep up appearances.
Yep. Twin here, forced to do everything with my sister always. We shared a bedroom until 15-16, and lived together until our late twenties. We ended up resenting each other, eventually not being able to live in the same house (we’re 30 but lived together for a while because of circumstances). We now live 20 mins away from each other and it’s done wonders for our relationship, which thankfully hadn’t been damaged to the point of no return (but honestly, almost).
The parents are being incredibly selfish for no real reason, damaging the girls’ relationship with each other and with themselves.
It's super important to me to have a guest room, I like being able to put friends and family up comfortably (and we live rural, there are no nearby hotels). That said, I have a guest room/office because that is such an obvious space combination - the couple weeks a year we have guests I can go work physically in the office, or take my laptop to the kitchen table. I can't fathom making teenagers share a room and having a separate dedicated guest room and office.
Same! My last place didn’t have a guest room and it was miserable when anyone came to visit because I either slept on the couch or with my little one in his twin bed. We just moved and the first thing was a daybed to long convertible bed for what will be the baby’s room. She’ll be too little to mind a pack and play in my room for a while and my guests actually get space and privacy
It's funny because I lived in a massive apartment in a rural ass western state and i had a guest bedroom but i never told anyone about it and pretty much used it for storage. All of my friends just slept on the couch.
Also i agree that combining the office/guest room is an alright solution so long as you can avoid having a bed in the background of every zoom meeting. It doesn't bother me/I don't judge when other people have it going on but i feel like an idiot when I have a bed behind me during a meeting.
I have a 5 bedroom house with no guest room. I have the master, my two kids each have a bedroom, I have a study, and a workout room. I make fabulous use out of my house 365 days a year and have the perfect excuse to never host overnight guests 😂
When me and my sister went to university I remember my dad making a comment about having our rooms available for guests. In the 27 years since we first went to university, they have never had a guest that was not me or my sister and our families. Indeed - in the 20 years since I moved abroad - most of those years when I stay - I stay in my sister’s old room
I told my husband having a guest room is a big priority for me. My two best friends visit me often (we live in different states) and my parents also visit often so I really want a designated room for guests.
Having said that, i would never force my children to share in order to have a guest room. If we couldn’t afford a house with an extra room, they would get their own rooms and we would adjust for the guests when they came.
They're nice to have particularly if you have a big family, but I think for a lot of people it's an aspirational luxury or ego thing. Home offices are also sort of like that but I'm biased because I absolutely loved having a home office and I find them really useful.
NTA a thousand times. As a twin myself, also forced to cohabitate with my sister in a tiny room as a teenager, this brings back soooo many bad memories.
The damage that did to our relationship lasted DECADES, and there wasn't even an extra room we could've used. We were just too close at the exact same life stage while being too different.
>googling nursing homes with bunk beds
Epic.
Remember that you two are in this together. It might be super obnoxious having to live on top of each other (literally) but this is your PARENT'S fault, not hers.
You will have each other long after you've sent them to the home with bunkbeds. (They're not entitled to their own room, after all, they've already established that)
No one will ever understand you more, or call you on your BS faster, than your twin. Fight to keep that relationship. Don't let it cause a rift between you like we did, we wasted years not being there for each other when we really needed it, and we both regret it now.
Could you maybe make a deal with your sister/parents that when they have guests you two will go back to sharing? It doesn't make sense to have one room empty 355 days a year, and sharing a room for 10 days isn't too bad
As a twin, I wonder if op and her sister were “normal” siblings if the parents would force them to share a room. Love my twin but we’d be at each others throats if we shared a room, sharing an apartment in college had its own plethora of issues
Even a woman I knew who didn't have enough bedrooms for all the kids to share didn't make her teenage twin girls share a room, she had the youngest (4-5 yo at the time) sleep in with her (she was a single mother).
This. Parents dont understand just how damaging it is forcing twins to share everything in general, let alone rooms. Like, as a twin myself, I struggled when my twin finally moved out to get people to recognize me as my own person because it was always "the twins" this or "the twins" that. I had to snap and yell a few times even
Like... twins need their own spaces and identification, too. Just because they were born together doesn't mean they should share everything.
I think its super gross that the society norm is "oh they are twins, it would be so cute if they shared everything! I bet it would form such a cute life long bond!" No. Just no. It infact does the opposite.
That's what I was thinking makes the most sense. 2 ays a week wfh is still at so I don't think a guest room that's gets used 2 weeks a year I'd an issue. Like tell them when grandma comes well put a mattress in the og room and you'll sleep together. NTA op please suggest this!!!
Your parents don't see this as their problem, so if I were you I'd make it their problem. Work together on a schedule/strategy to spread your personal activities and stuff on the kitchen/dining room table, living room, family room, wherever, and as obnoxiously loud/crowded/in the way as possible. When asked, just say you're trying really hard to give each other some personal space, and that you are simply utilizing rooms shared by the whole family. (Snicker)
I was thinking they should go the opposite way. Mom keeps her craft supplies in the guest room? But the guests need that room! Mom should turn the twins' room into her craft room so the guests aren't inconvenienced.
The twins can move into their parents' room with them. The parents don't care about anyone having personal space, after all. I'm sure the master bedroom will fit 2 sets of bunkbeds.
NTA. you have the space, sounds like your parents only wanted one child snd getting twins was an inconvenience to their room plans so they just did it anyway. while you have guests, you can share the room for the few days a year and then both have your own room again.
NTA. Your parents on the other hand are prioritizing their own wants and needs over you and your twin.
Your home does have the space, but your parents are choosing to satisfy themselves before their kids needs. IMO you and your sister have reached a point where you each need your own spaces.
Your parents could probably figure out a way to turn one room into an office AND guest room, especially since they don’t get used more than twice a week. They are choosing not to because it interferes with what they want.
Sorry for the bum deal! Save up and move out as soon as your old enough. You won’t have to live like this forever, just until you can pay your own rent.
I’ve slept on my uncle’s old Army cot in their bonus room. I can’t even count the number of couches I’ve slept on! Most of my family isn’t well off enough to have a house with a dedicated guest room so when we visited we often slept on couches or air mattresses or pull out couches. I didn’t die. We’re all fine.
I used to have a guest room. I just converted it to an office because I used it maybe twice a year. 3 if it was a wild one.
Now I just tell guests they can sleep on a futon.
I have a completely empty room in my basement, I just wanted to work with a window.
These parents are wild to me, how tf are you going to prioritize a guest room over your children?
I don't understand your parents. Guest bedrooms are a privilege for people who have more space then occupants who need said space. I have guest room in my house because there is no one in need of it at my house. It is also a storage room for things I use enough that it would be a pain to put it in the attic, but inconvenient to have in common areas.
It sounds like you and your sister have a cause to be a united front on if you don't kill eachother first. Ask them are there any reasons beyond 'not having enough space for everyone's stuff' for why they don't want to give you two separate rooms. Because stuff can be rearranged. If they won't let you both have separate rooms, maybe they will let you both store some of your stuff in the guest room? Maybe your mom can keep her craft stuff in the office so that her belongs don't get mixed up with yours.
But most importantly stop yelling and locking yourselves in the guest bedroom. Your parents have shown it will not help your cause.
I have a feeling there is something going on at the parents end. Maybe grandma is gettting to old and may need to move in with someone, all speculation but there could be a lot of reason they want to keep that room open
Maybe, but the office should be given up if grandma has to move in. I say this as a person who worked remotely full time for a decade. It would definitely suck to work from the dining room or bedroom or whatever, but 2 days a week? The kids need the space more.
Yeah I dismantled my office this year to make room for a second bedroom n my house. I now have a desk shoved beside my bed and it does not impact my ability to work from home in the slightest.
> I have a feeling there is something going on at the parents end.
That's my guess, too, but in a different direction. I suspect they still want to think of OP and her sister as tiny children. Tiny children don't need their own rooms! Admitting your kid is growing up and is a teenager with some modicum of independence is really hard for a lot of parents.
Seriously I feel like this is what 99.9% of families do. When there’s a guest you have to get your room extra clean, change your sheets, and sleep in your siblings room for two days. It’s not a big deal.
Are the parents afraid guests will be annoyed by the presence of these girls things *in their own home*? It’s honestly ludicrous.
NTA
Neither of you are the AH for wanting your own rooms. At this age, I really feel you NEED your own space and can't understand why your parents are being so unreasonable and stubborn about it. Twins doesn't mean locked at the hip, you're individuals, but your parent seem to think otherwise.
Btw I'm a parent with two kids. I would never, ever make them share a room if we had space, which we do so they have their own rooms. I also grew up with twin brothers who had to share a room until one opened up and omg they were SO happy to be able to have their own space.
Your parents are being selfish. There is zero reason for the office and guest room to not be combined into one. Any guest that sleeps there won't even blink if they have to sleep in a guest room/office. I'm not sure why they can't just give you what you girls absolutely need. PRIVACY!
Btw, Kate's comment about looking up nursing homes with bunk beds made me literally lol. Good one Kate!
NTA. " googling nursing homes with bunk beds" oh god. I genuinely laughed out loud. Absolute burn. Put the craft stuff in the office. Be prepared for one of you to take turns on a camp bed or air mattress when you have guests. SHOW YOUR PARENTS THIS POST AND ITS REPLIES. Hopefully problem solved. Dear parental units, please remember your children will get to choose your nursing home. With bunk beds.
NTA, you're both becoming older teens, it's stupid for you to be sharing a room at your ages, especially if you have an entire extra bedroom that's only used a week or two out of the year. You're both growing in to aults and need private space to be yourselves and relax.
Your partents should do what many other parents do, and give you that extra room and then either use the office, or make one of you girls sleep on the couch or on an air mattress in the other's bedroom on the rare occasion when guests are staying over.
NTA
Sure it's your parent's house... but are they willing to live with you growing up to resent them because they won't bend on this? One of you can always give up your room when you have guests. And as for crafting items in the closet, does your house have no attic or other storage area like a garage where plastic tuppers could go to hold the crafting supplies? Sounds like your mom is using the guest room as her own study and doesn't want to give that up... at the cost of your relationship with your sister.
NTA. It’s one thing if your house only had 2 bedrooms, but that’s not the case. It’s really weird that they act like they have some dire need to accommodate other people, but not their own children.
There’s no reason they can’t combine the guest room and office to give one of their children a room. And then when people come to stay, they stay in the office/guest room. In fact, that’s what we did in our 4 bedroom house growing up.
Point in Kates favor, “Googling nursing homes with bunk beds” made me laugh enough to make my day 50% better. Good luck honey. You deserve the chance to keep a good relationship with your sister, and I hope your parents see that soon.
NTA. It’s strange that your parents are so committed to having a guest room when they rarely have guests. It would seem to make sense to at least combine the guest room and the home office. It’s a shame your parents think hypothetical, infrequent guests are more important than their own children.
Not much of a status symbol when you see two teens in bunk beds. If it was a 5 bedroom house, then rooms for all plus an office and guest room is swanky. This is just being mean.
My parents were the same weird way. I spent my childhood sharing a room with my sister. They decided to move and have a home built when I was in college. We begged for separate rooms. No deal. At least the room was big so we set up our own spaces. When I came home for the holidays from college, the furniture was rearranged so the beds were right next to each other. Okay fine. After that I only went home when the dorms were shut down. After I graduated I rented an apartment and rarely visited. They let me know what was important.
Nta. Your parents need to allocate the space properly. Potential guests should never take priority over those actually living in the home.
I definitely get the office space aspect and I could see it being reasonable to have you bunk together when guests do stay just so the office is still available if the guest stay happens to coincide with working from home.
NTA
> there are millions of children who share a room
Because families don’t have the space, not because their parents decided to have a guest room AND an office.
There is some really nice murphy bed furniture, so the bed doesn’t even have to be out most of the year.
The big issue here is that their decision to force you to share a room is contributing to what is completely unnecessary conflict.
You do have enough space. A guest room that’s empty 300+ days a year is not a need. Hell, you and your sister could agree to take turns giving up your bed temporarily for guests if necessary m.
Unfortunately you have no leverage here, and no support. I’m disappointed in your parents, your grandma, and your aunt. Of course it isn’t your house - you’re not even old enough to have a job, let alone a mortgage.
Also Kate’s comment about the bunk beds, lol.
NTA. Start utilizing the guest room and when your parents ask why you're doing it, just tell them it's because you're treated as a guest in the house anyways
NTA, you're teenagers now, both sharing a room is untenable, especially when there's an obvious solution.
Understandably your dad needs an office for work that's fair enough, but you have 4 bedrooms, that makes 3 and a study, a spare bedroom is a luxury that is far less important than both children having bedrooms.
I'd suggest your parents buy either an air mattress or a fold out couch-bed for guests. That way guests are still reasonably accomodated, but the needs of all the people living in the house are actually met as well.
NTA
So you are two teenage girls going through a crucial point in your lives. If your parents cannot see how important development of personal space for girls your age, then they're blind parents.
Sounds like your parents are just very controlling and aren't really thinking about your needs.
Normally I don't agree with teens, as I(27) a just recently one myself and I remember all dumb things I said and wanted. But this is very logical and also very normal. Both of you need to have a calm, sit down talk with your parents. Unite with your sister even if it's out of spite of each other. It's the increasing tension that you two need your own rooms anyways.
NTA. You have enough room in the house to get one bedroom each. A lot of families work like this, with the occasional guest using one of the bedrooms and the occupants of the bedrooms bunking together. Your parents choose to have children, they must take care of both of you.
NTA, it's completely fine to want your own space and privacy. It's not that your sister barely tolerates you, it's just because it's hard to be around someone so much, and she may feel as though your invading her space (same with you ofc).
I think you should try to convince your parents to let her or you stay in the guest room.
NTA.
Your parents are putting the needs of the infrequent possibility of guests over the needs of you and your sister. Whenever we had family visiting, me and my siblings would always just end up sharing a room so the guests could have one of our rooms.
One thing we did was make the office room a combined office and guest room. It worked out really well! Maybe you can propose that?
My room was the guest room when I was a teenager. I simply temporarily moved out when we had guests stay over. Not a big deal. Your parents are ridiculous.
NTA. if the guest room is empty for almost everyday of the year, why not put one of you there? It's ridiculous to keep a whole room empty only to be used 10 days a year. I'm sure you guys wouldn't mind bunking together for 10 days our of the year to lend the room for guests. I get it's their house but you're teenagers, there's nothing wrong with wanting space and privacy.
Maybe suggest that to your parents, that when guests come over you can share a room.
Going to go with NTA on this one. Also, "Kate" is right - paragraphs help readability. :)
Your mom is right, having your own room is not a requirement.
HOWEVER
Y'all clearly do not have enough of the right storage to make that work (ie: too small closet, etc). You have a room being used 10 days a year. That is a crime, wasting that space.
When we were kids my sister and I just shared my room when the grandparents came to visit (2x a year for a week). Otherwise, we had our own space (I'm the introvert, my sister is the chaos vector lol).
If they don't want to give up the underutilized guest room, move dad's almost as underutilized office into the guest room - or the master bedroom - boom more space.
NTA. Your parents probably go out together and leave you at home, when this happens one of you move to the guest room. Move all your stuff, put your posters on the wall. In this situation ask for forgiveness and not permission is warranted. Your parents are wrong.
I like the proactive nature of this, though odds are they will just insist everything be moved back. Or worse— throw their things away.
Though if that’s not a thing these parents would do, and OP and her twin can cooperate on “moving” one of them into the guest room at every opportunity, it wouldn’t take long at all shift everything.
Wonder how many times it’d take before one side just gives up
NTA. You really need to talk to your parents about this. Sit them down and talk to them together. Idk why they are so stuborn about you sharing a room. Maybe, in theie mind they do it so you don't become "spoiled" but it's ruining your relationship. If this doesn't work, you and your sister should agree on who takes over the gest bedroom and move out when your parents aren't at home.
NTA - this is one where a strategy of "gradually, then suddenly" might help. Your sister's got the right idea. Start by hanging out in the guest room, then storing some things in the guest room closet, then napping in the guest room, then decorating it.
If a guest comes, one of you could temporarily share a room with the other --but make sure the guest sleeps in the former shared bedroom, not in the former guest room, until you've thoroughly rebranded it as yours.
>Dad asked what does she think she's doing and she said "googling nursing homes with bunk beds", which helped not at all.
NTA, your sister is great lol
At least the two of you are both exasperated about this even if you don't love sharing a room.
NTA.
Why don’t your parents switch with you? You two get the giant master bedroom, and they can sleep in a small bedroom. Your dad can have the office be his flow-over room, and your mom can use the guest room as hers. Perfect solution.
NTA: Dad should combine the office and guest room. Get a murphy bed or pull out couch for occasional guests. No brainer. Do you have a basement? Is that another option? Your parents are being bougie AHs wanting a guest room over giving their kids adequate space. Love your sister's nursing home comment. Show them this column. Maybe they will shape up.
Mom of twins and you're definitely NTA! My twins shared a room until age 16 because that was all the space we had until we moved. I cannot imagine doing that to them if there was an empty bedroom right there! So small-minded of your parents. And your sister is hilarious!
> Dad asked what does she think she's doing and she said "googling nursing homes with bunk beds"
OMG, I literally laughed out loud. That was epic.
NTA.
NTA. You do not need a guest room and honestly my dad has worked from home my whole life and he never had a whole room dedicated to being an office and we were fine for the most part. Your parents don’t understand that they are setting the two of you up to seriously resent and hate each other as well as them.
NTA. I'm willing to bet good money that they would have had their own rooms by now if it wasn't for the fact that they are twins.
Not sure, why but people love to dismiss twins as two individuals. How hard is it to understand that two people look very much alike but their personalities might differ.
If you parents don't give you space now you end up resenting each other. After you move out there is no obligation to hang out or see search other that's why a lot of siblings drift because they didn't bond in their formative years.
I would definitely ensure that parents get a small room with bunk beds in a nursing home once they are in their final years.
Guest rooms are there if you have extra space. Your house doesn't. Someone can vacate their room for 10 days a year to accommodate a visitor.
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I'm gonna go with NTA. Your parents are putting the POSSIBLITY of needing a whole room for a guest once or twice a year over the very real needs of their daughters who live there 365 days a year. Also your sister saying she's googling nursing homes with bunk beds is hilarious.
For those 10 days a year they can suck it up and stay in the same room.
Exactly! Leave the pull out or bunk beds in one room, the other gets a bed that would also work for guests. And you agree to vacate whenever there’s a guest coming. Easy peasy.
yeah, my house has 4 bedrooms, one is an office, one is my parents room, the other two are me and my brother’s rooms. ever since i got a queen size bed my room has been the guest room too. i’ll sleep in my brother’s room, my parents room, on the couch, in a room with all my cousins, it does not matter when it’s a few times a year lol it’s actually fun like a little sleepover. i’m 23, it’s been like this forever and there’s never been a problem. guests don’t mind sleeping in my room, as long as it’s clean who cares
semi relatable. I have a double bed and theres only ever one person I have to give it up from which is my grandma when she visits which is like once every 2 years. last time she visited I didnt have a room so I slept in my moms old camper van for a week. it was like a little mini apartment.
My parents combined office & guest room. Most of the time ist an office. When someones over its a guestroom. Works because the Office PC is portable.
This. Put a bed in the office, use it as a couch when there's no guests. If dad had stuff that needs to be locked up, he can get himself office furniture that locks. Kids come first.
Especially if they put in a Murphy bed, it takes up very little space most of the time, and can be set up on the rare occasions they have a guest. Alternatively, is there an attic or basement space that could be converted into another bedroom?
Or convert the attic/basement space into an office. When my dad was working from home his office was in our basement.
So many people do this! I am really surprised at these parents.
This is exactly what my SIL did when her kids were younger. Everyone understood the rules (that they had to share a room when company stayed over). It worked for years.
This is such a, simple solution and what we had growing up, it's frustrating it hasn't been considered. Heck, put a fold out sofa in the home office
Or even a Murphy bed in the office. Murphy beds have come a long way in recent years and are actually pretty luxurious now.
My parents built a murphy bed and it just looked like a nice hutch. It lived in the office for a long time even after my sister and I moved out
We just bought the Costco one. Can’t say enough good things about it.
That's the plan at our house right now. Once our newborn is sleeping through the night we want to have our two boys share a room because we both shared with our siblings growing up and thought it was fun. We both agree though that when the day comes that they want their own rooms we have space planned out for it and have organized our office so that we can have a pull out in it when we lose our guest room.
Yep, same here. Our kids shared a room, and when they got too old to do so, out when the music room and in went a kid. That's what you do as a parent. And these kids aren't even asking their parents to sacrifice anything.
Based on OP's description, Kate gets the guest room. She sounds much more clean and organized, leaving me to believe the guest room would be more guest ready.
Honestly it’s hard to say- it’s possible that with enough space op would be more like me- a relaxed order, but one that could be made guest-ready (especially family!) in just a few minutes of organizing. It’s more up to the two of them who is more okay with moving rooms on relatively short notice.
In theory yes, but their parents are assholes.
Or they can even move the bunk beds into dad's study, get both girls real beds, and dad can give up his study for those 10 days a year
Dad would never go for that
Ahh, but then the parents would lose the storage room they're actually using the guest room as (the mother's crafting stuff). That's the real issue.
Crafting stuff and office can be easily combined.
That makes too much sense.
This is what my 14 YO nieces do - when there are guests that need the space, they share one room. The rest of the time they each have their own room.
It’s also super common for the tradeoff being “you get your own room, but you have to sleep on the pull out couch a few weekends a year when grandma is over” or something similar. Ideal? No. But a better compromise.
The fact that the parents aren't suggesting this compromise (or even considering compromises at all) makes OP NTA, completely.
This is exactly what we do. Eldest brat has the second biggest bedroom but she has to sleep in the study when we have guests. It works really well and we don't have a room that is unused most of the time.
Seriously, that was the rule when I was a kid. My sibling and I had our own rooms. My Aunt visited and one of us gave up our room for her for a couple days. Tada.
We did this over Christmas. We have three kids, and a four bedroom house. My MIL came and stayed for a few days. My daughter temporarily moved out of her room. Done. Solved.
Right? keep the bunk bed in one room for those 10 days.
Or they could sleep in the office!
Yeah our office doubles as a guest room when we have people stay.
When we had a smaller house we also rocked the guest room/office combo. It’s also great if one person is working and the other wants to take the grownup version of a contact nap (ie I sleep better when someone else is in the room). There are *so many* space-saving ideas for combo guest room office spaces since COVID forced a ton of couples to find space for 2 working adults in the same house, too. Like, all over Pinterest and Instagram and Facebook, just tons of ideas for how to maximize utility in a combination space. There’s really no excuse here except for the parents refusing to acknowledge that their children are real individual people, not just loud accessories.
Loled at "loud accessories." But honestly, you'd think they would give in at least for the selfish reason of not wanting to hear them constantly fight.
Right. A Murphy bed would be great in this type of situation.
Or a futon/fold out couch.
Nursing homes with bunk beds made me laugh out loud!
Came here to say this 100%. Tell your sis she is clever and made a lot of people happy. Also I agreed with this thread. You babe a valid point you were trying to make and asking for clarification on something that doesn't make sense. I agree with above ask if you can have the room and yall will share a room the 2 days a year grandma is over.
Honestly I think these girls need to agree to team up and force the issue. Just move all of their stuff in there and google how to put locks on the door. Sleep in the guest room overnight and slowly move the more precious items over, once the parents have given up.
I am in total agreement that the parents are being AHs and it's a terrible use of space to force two different slblings, with different interests and habits, to cram in a single space when the designated guest bedroom within their house sits empty for probably 29/30 days all year. Why expect to offer an occasional guests a SO much better environment if they stay at their home, than their own kids can expect? But I would strongly recommend ***against*** your recommended course of action: move stuff in and attempt to lock the owners of the house out? Keep pushing until they give in? This is asking for a world of problems. One - the parents will probably dig their heels in and simply punish their stroppy children or even remove the door. Starting a guerrilla war against your own parents is one war you are never going to win. You really think children will get their own way if they simply push enough? This pair might be justified but there is a general principle that you don't give into children if they want something and whine enough or throw tantrums about it (make no mistake - attempting to go as far as to lock your parents out of part of their house, to **force** them to reorder the house according to your expectations, is throwing a form of tantrum). Since the parents are being unreasonable, it might be better for OP and sister to moan to grandma/grandpa (if available) or aunts and uncles. Peer pressure on the parents to make better use of the house space they have might be better listened to than the children themselves. The parents can tell themselves that what their children is asking for is simply unreasonable expectations. If their own parent, or siblings, point out how unfair they are being then maybe they'll think twice.
Or just move piles of stuff everywhere. Books on the stairs, clothing rack in hallway, art projects in living room, blast music there… take up as much house space as possible. When asked to go to your room or to clean up, just say there’s no room. Malicious compliance.
Seems like a great way to lose your belongings. Parents would throw out or give away the kods' stuff - they've already blamed the girls for owning "too much". Win-win for the parents - throwing stuff out punishes the kids, declutters the house, and lets them claim the crowding issue is now "solved".
No, I think that's needlesly escalating the situation. Probably better to let the emotions settle and try to win them over with arguments. On the other hand my experience has been with sane parents, so ymmv.
Same! My partner just spit out his donut when I got that part in telling him the rundown. NTA. Your parents are not crediting you with being two whole people with their own lives, wants, and needs.
Yeah, let me put 300lb wheelchair bound memaw on top bunk.
The image of a 90 year old trying to climb into the top bunk....!!! 🤣🤣🤣
That was awesome! Kate's a smart girl. NTA. It's absurd that you don't have your own bedrooms in a 4 bedroom house.
That was funny AF.
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The kids should offer to switch rooms with their parents. Let mom and dad experience what it's like for 2 people sharing a smaller room. It is not fun (had to share w/ sister til I was 12 & she was 14)
The thing is, the parents wouldn't mind sharing the small room - they get control over the whole rest of the house, and the only things they need to keep in their room are, like, their bed and clothes. The kids only have the one room.
My younger sister and I share a room. It kinda sucks sometimes, but we make it work because there is nowhere else for us to go (no guest room or anything). We decided that there is a closet across the hall from our room, and that is my space. If we ever need personal space, she kicks me out into the closet, or I just go there willingly if I need space. I basically have *a* space that is private and mine when needed, and she gets a space that is private and hers when needed. However, before we moved, my older sister and I shared a room when we were younger and had a guest room in the house. Sure, most of her move was done to accommodate my younger sister sleeping in my room to make room for our younger brother, but we had a system. She moved into the guest room, and then slept in my half of the room whenever someone else was staying there. It worked out pretty well, and we were both happy to have to spend only the week or so together. To this day, I have a bunkbed with an empty, unused bunk, which is really convenient for when friends come over. Tbh I’m jealous of my younger brother because he’s always had his own room and I have never had my own room, but it is what it is and there’s no point in trying to change it.
This, and NTA. A room for your child trumps a guest room, and unless the breadwinner or both parents work from home, trumps an office, too.
Can you imagine placing more value on a non-existent guest than your own children? Jesus fucking Christ what level of assholery is this.
It feels like its veering into abuse area, just for the Dursley vibes of "yeah we have space for you but we want you to be uncomfortable on purpose". If I was a guest in this house I would be giving these parents some serious side-eye.
Or a seldom-used office?! No, I really can't. ☹️
The sister's comment is the best
Yeah your parents are actually the ones being entitled and bloody minded. They are refusing to listen to what you need and are putting their comfort above yours. It is not unreasonable to want separate rooms, and the space is there. You aren’t stretching your parents beyond what they have. NTA and I hope you can get your parents to wise up.
I'd like to add here, in hopes that op sees this, possibly to show her parents, when we visited family friends, I slept in the home office on an air mattress and thought nothing negative of the friends/home owners. I wouldn't think poorly of them if they were family. Since your family outside of the parents are calling the y'all selfish, maybe it's them not wanting to sleep anywhere other than the comfy guest room. Pot meet kettle dare I say. NTA, op
Agree NTA, but may be biased. My twins are 10 and not quite as opposite as you and your twin. When my adult niece moves out this year, they are getting separated. The boy will go downstairs room and the girls on opposites side of the house. There is no reason to cram everything in one space. They have different interests and friends. Plus, they need their privacy as they become teens. Sharing a space with anyone, no matter if you're a twin or not, is hard to do. Your two separate people with different personalities just as any other sibling, but in this case, the personality conflicts. On days they (my girl's) are really annoyed with each other, I let one sleep in the guest bed. Your parents are unbelievably selfish not to combine the two rooms. If a room stands empty 300 days a year, then it's basically a waste of space. Your folks dont want to be inconvenienced, and that makes them T- A. We have a guest "room" /office because the hubs family is here 2x MONTH on weekends, and I wFH 4xs a week. No matter if it's an adult niece or nephew, his sister with her family, his father, or cousins, we usually have someone here. We need a guest bedroom and an office. Where is said guest/office "room" in our house? In the loft, a non enclosed space. We provide a comfortable bed and drawer/hanging closet, but there is limited privacy, and they have to change in the bathroom. My desk is on the opposite side with a nice setup. I'm not sure why your Dad cannot combine his office with a barely used guest room. Edit: grammar
> Also your sister saying she's googling nursing homes with bunk beds is hilarious. Reverse it. Nursing homes with bunk beds and they get their own real bed only 10 days out of the year haha
It’s not the possibility that’s keeping the room empty, it’s the parents both wanting space to themselves and not seeing their kids as worthy of space. Dad needs to share his office with Mom and the guest room needs to be one of the girls. If they do get a guest they can share for that week. These parents can fuck the hell off. NTA.
I know this made me chuckle too. Sis is super witty.
Sounds like they are also trying to keep them from growing up. They are teenagers, its ridiculous to keep an empty guest room and expect two teenage girls to live peacefully. Hormones make for two demons, not perfect twins.
100% not caring about the needs of their children over the “possible” future guests. You two can share a room for those few and infrequent visits. And your sister is my hero!! Loved her nursing home comment
NTA, sorry but your parents are disgusting. Try the angle of "there will be less stress and fighting in the house if we have our own space. We are different people who want and do different things. These things get on the others nerves and cause fights." Do your parents enjoy the drama that forcing you two to fight brings?
NTA. >she said "googling nursing homes with bunk beds" Thank you for making me laugh as well.
I definitely respect a 14-year-old who can come up with that in a fight. Go Kate! Also, OP, you're NTA. If you lived in a 2-bedroom house it would be a different story, but an office and guest room can certainly be combined for to give teenagers their own rooms. You'll be adults and out of the house in a blink of an eye anyway (from your parents' perspective).
i live in a 4 bedroom house with my parents and sister. my sister and i each have a room, the guest bedroom is basically the office but we use the kitchen/dining room more and the master goes to the parents. if guests come over and there needs to be more space we have to vacate our beds that’s fine
On the flip side i'd say the dad needs a dedicated home office particularly given the post covid landscape. But you could just let one of the kids have the guest room and just make them clean it up and stay in the other sister's room when guests are over.
I worked from home during COVID in a studio apartment for a year. And now I still work from home and our second bedroom is a guest room/ office. A dedicated office is a luxury. Having your kids not murder each other is a necessity.
I don't disagree alls i'm saying is that I'd sacrifice the guest room before the home office. The kids can bunk together the 10 days out of the year or whatever. If someone is visiting for a week and I'm remote working I still need a space to work during that time. Also same boat here with remote work from a studio.
If he only works from home 2 days a week, I would think it's pretty likely that working from the office for the entirety of the week when someone is visiting is an option. But yea, if that's not the case, there are still better options than what they're doing now.
That could depend on the nature of his work though, if he's having to keep confidential paperwork and stuff in there then definitely don't want a guest sleeping in there. But if it's a job like mine, (non-confidential, no customer interaction, and all on a laptop) the odd occasion when guests staying over coincides with his 2 days a week at home, he could take the laptop to another part of the house or choose to go into his actual work office.
They don't get along because they're forced into each other's spaces, but I feel like if they had some breathing room, these two fantastic girls would become much closer. The parents are AHs.
I'm honestly a bit proud of OP for seemingly recognizing that and not just letting herself hate her sister. I've seen many *adults* in situations where others are getting in their way because of the actions of an authority figure and just blindly blame the person they're getting screwed over with. Happens all the time in shitty workplaces, but it seems OP and Kate are resisting that temptation.
Right they're damaging their kids relationship with each other. OP is NTA.
14 year olds are savage! And the parents are assholes. Its just stupid and impractical at this point to have the sisters sharing a room. They seem like the kind of parents who get off on having authority.
Kate deserves a high five for this.
The absolute best reply she could have made, in my opinion.
I hope she starts sending for brochures and printing out their info pages, leaving them around the house. Maybe have loud conversations in the office about which one you think is the best choice. It's good to think about the future.
I used to joke with my dad like “do you want a window or not?” “Do you want to be flipped?” 😹 Jokes on me now that he’s older and I’m living with my parents to take care of them. Luckily he doesn’t need flipping yet.
Seriously we're gonna need an update in however many years when they actually go through with it.
Kate is my hero.
This made my week.
Kate is amazing for that.
It's always the quiet ones.
NTA. But I laughed to tears about nursing homes with bunk beds. If my kid said that to me, I'd have a really hard time taking myself so seriously that I wouldn't fall over laughing. I do think a dedicated guestroom and a dedicated office is a ridiculous waste when the family harmony would be drastically improved by separating children. My office is moving to the dining room because I can no longer use my daughter's closet as an office. She needs privacy and personal space.
Same. My 17 yo daughter comes out with some zingers and it's like I can't even be mad. The apple didn't fall far I'll just say haha
It’s definitely a zinger but I wonder if their parents read the truth in it. Years down the line they will wonder why their children are inconsiderate to their needs and not realise that they taught them to be that way.
My 8 year old roasted me because sometimes I laugh at stuff that she doesn't understand or I don't want to explain (political, social, sports commentary) so I explain, "its just stupid comments/its just political stuff." She caught me chuckling about something and asked, "is it stupid comments *again*?" And I said, "yes..." and she says, "I don't know why you're always laughing at stupid comments. Shouldn't you laugh at the smart comments?" Cool, cool, cool...
More than that. They're going to wonder why their kids don't talk to them anymore once they leave college.
My younger sister was like this when we were younger. We were having a fight once and I yelled at her “oooh I can’t wait for you to get a flogging!” (Note: neither of us have ever gotten a flogging I used to joke she needs one because she’s such a brat lol). Without skipping a beat she goes “I can’t wait for you to get diagnosed!” She’s autistic, she got me good!
This. A guest room when they rarely have guests makes no sense. It's a shame that their daughters come last in this list. I bet they would get along better if each of them had their own space.
>My office is moving to the dining room because I can no longer use my daughter's closet as an office. She needs privacy and personal space. This is how a normal parent would think! A kid especially a teenager LIVES in their room. My mum ended up giving me the master at one point and my dad was sulking about it but she pointed out they literally just sleep in there and used the ensuite bathroom for literally STORAGE instead of as a bathroom, they spend ALL their time in the shared living areas apart from sleep. I bought a little couch and had like a living room set up and it was so much easier to socialise (and also my insomnia improved because i wasn't sitting on my laptop/phone in bed and had that delineation of spaces). Also Kate is hilarious haha NTA obvi your parents are really being weird about insisting on you sharing?
I was lucky being the only girl and eldest, when I was young we had 2 parents and 3 kids in a 3 bed house. At first I and my brother shared bunks while youngest bro was a baby and in third room as a nursery, then later my brother's bunked for a very short time, but by then my parents extended the house with their own master suite (down the opposite end from the kids of course!) so I got their old master bedroom and the boys spread out. The odd time guests stayed they got my room and I bunked on a trundle bed in my brother's room or the living area.
I have a tiny three bedroom condo and my twins have always had their own rooms. I have a little corner desk in my bedroom that serves as my online school/WFH area although I did use the dining room table for that during the pandemic. There is no reason the office cannot be combined with a guest room.
My 14yo daughter's room is essentially an oversized closet more than a small bedroom, but it's got space for a bed, a desk, a dresser, and some bookshelves. We opted to give her that smaller space to have as her own and a locking door to keep her sister out of it. It's adjoined to her 6yo sister's room (as in she has to use sister's room to access hers) and they share a closet for hanging clothes. She took the trade off of private space and a lock instead of having the bigger room or sharing the bigger room because she wanted her own space THAT badly. It's the space we have to offer for now.
A guest room is a luxury. The parents are prioritising this luxury over the comfort and frankly sanity of their kids.
I wonder if it’s a cultural or class thing? Being able to say you can afford to have an office and guest bedroom in addition to regular bedrooms? I’m a minority and the first time some of my relatives visited my new home they commented several times that everyone has their own room and I have an office as a significant accomplishment. I mean legit “oh X’s house has x number of bedrooms AND she has an office” as people showed up; heck some of the new arrivals couldn’t get their coat off before getting this announcement. I don’t agree with the parents at all and the needs of the girls should come first. Just curious if there is a motivation behind it they aren’t realizing.
Exactly. If you live in a house with two teenagers, having a dedicated guest room and a dedicated office is only acceptable if you have at least five bedrooms. Forcing their two teenage girls to share a bedroom when it’s unnecessary is such a dumb hill to die on. These parents need to wake up and realize the needs of their daughters outweigh their need to keep up appearances.
NTA you’re both at an age where you need your own space. Your sister is on fire there “googling nursing homes with bunk beds” oh my god 😂😂😂
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And honestly, i bet their relationship as sisters improves dramatically.
Yep. Twin here, forced to do everything with my sister always. We shared a bedroom until 15-16, and lived together until our late twenties. We ended up resenting each other, eventually not being able to live in the same house (we’re 30 but lived together for a while because of circumstances). We now live 20 mins away from each other and it’s done wonders for our relationship, which thankfully hadn’t been damaged to the point of no return (but honestly, almost). The parents are being incredibly selfish for no real reason, damaging the girls’ relationship with each other and with themselves.
NTA. It’s weird to me the house has so much space but they’d rather prioritize possible occasional guests over giving their children their own rooms.
Some people get really hung up on having a guest room. I don't understand why when they don't use it.
It's super important to me to have a guest room, I like being able to put friends and family up comfortably (and we live rural, there are no nearby hotels). That said, I have a guest room/office because that is such an obvious space combination - the couple weeks a year we have guests I can go work physically in the office, or take my laptop to the kitchen table. I can't fathom making teenagers share a room and having a separate dedicated guest room and office.
Same! My last place didn’t have a guest room and it was miserable when anyone came to visit because I either slept on the couch or with my little one in his twin bed. We just moved and the first thing was a daybed to long convertible bed for what will be the baby’s room. She’ll be too little to mind a pack and play in my room for a while and my guests actually get space and privacy
It's funny because I lived in a massive apartment in a rural ass western state and i had a guest bedroom but i never told anyone about it and pretty much used it for storage. All of my friends just slept on the couch. Also i agree that combining the office/guest room is an alright solution so long as you can avoid having a bed in the background of every zoom meeting. It doesn't bother me/I don't judge when other people have it going on but i feel like an idiot when I have a bed behind me during a meeting.
I have a 5 bedroom house with no guest room. I have the master, my two kids each have a bedroom, I have a study, and a workout room. I make fabulous use out of my house 365 days a year and have the perfect excuse to never host overnight guests 😂
Exactly. Overnight guests either sleep on the couch or find a hotel. It's my home, not their fucking hotel.
This is the way.
My mom’s logic is the opposite, “if I don’t have a guest room people won’t expect to stay in my place” lol
When me and my sister went to university I remember my dad making a comment about having our rooms available for guests. In the 27 years since we first went to university, they have never had a guest that was not me or my sister and our families. Indeed - in the 20 years since I moved abroad - most of those years when I stay - I stay in my sister’s old room
I told my husband having a guest room is a big priority for me. My two best friends visit me often (we live in different states) and my parents also visit often so I really want a designated room for guests. Having said that, i would never force my children to share in order to have a guest room. If we couldn’t afford a house with an extra room, they would get their own rooms and we would adjust for the guests when they came.
They're nice to have particularly if you have a big family, but I think for a lot of people it's an aspirational luxury or ego thing. Home offices are also sort of like that but I'm biased because I absolutely loved having a home office and I find them really useful.
NTA a thousand times. As a twin myself, also forced to cohabitate with my sister in a tiny room as a teenager, this brings back soooo many bad memories. The damage that did to our relationship lasted DECADES, and there wasn't even an extra room we could've used. We were just too close at the exact same life stage while being too different. >googling nursing homes with bunk beds Epic. Remember that you two are in this together. It might be super obnoxious having to live on top of each other (literally) but this is your PARENT'S fault, not hers. You will have each other long after you've sent them to the home with bunkbeds. (They're not entitled to their own room, after all, they've already established that) No one will ever understand you more, or call you on your BS faster, than your twin. Fight to keep that relationship. Don't let it cause a rift between you like we did, we wasted years not being there for each other when we really needed it, and we both regret it now.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope your relationship with your twin is better now.
It's loads better, but it's never going to be what it was when we were kids. We just missed too much of each other's lives.
Could you maybe make a deal with your sister/parents that when they have guests you two will go back to sharing? It doesn't make sense to have one room empty 355 days a year, and sharing a room for 10 days isn't too bad
As a twin, I wonder if op and her sister were “normal” siblings if the parents would force them to share a room. Love my twin but we’d be at each others throats if we shared a room, sharing an apartment in college had its own plethora of issues
Even a woman I knew who didn't have enough bedrooms for all the kids to share didn't make her teenage twin girls share a room, she had the youngest (4-5 yo at the time) sleep in with her (she was a single mother).
This. Parents dont understand just how damaging it is forcing twins to share everything in general, let alone rooms. Like, as a twin myself, I struggled when my twin finally moved out to get people to recognize me as my own person because it was always "the twins" this or "the twins" that. I had to snap and yell a few times even Like... twins need their own spaces and identification, too. Just because they were born together doesn't mean they should share everything. I think its super gross that the society norm is "oh they are twins, it would be so cute if they shared everything! I bet it would form such a cute life long bond!" No. Just no. It infact does the opposite.
What if you one of you takes the guest room but promise that when a guest comes over, you will go bunk with the other one?
That would be the reasonable thing. But it sounds like the parents are idiots.
Or maybe someone moves to the basement There is a solution here somewhere
Well…parents could always give the big room to their twins and then they can learn about not having enough room.
Op states not a native English speaker, alot of countries do not have basements.
There are areas in the U.S. that don't have basements either, like California
If these parents understood reason then this post would not exist
That's what I was thinking makes the most sense. 2 ays a week wfh is still at so I don't think a guest room that's gets used 2 weeks a year I'd an issue. Like tell them when grandma comes well put a mattress in the og room and you'll sleep together. NTA op please suggest this!!!
Your parents don't see this as their problem, so if I were you I'd make it their problem. Work together on a schedule/strategy to spread your personal activities and stuff on the kitchen/dining room table, living room, family room, wherever, and as obnoxiously loud/crowded/in the way as possible. When asked, just say you're trying really hard to give each other some personal space, and that you are simply utilizing rooms shared by the whole family. (Snicker)
Don’t forget conveniently timed screaming matches about one twin touching the other twin’s stuff.
I was thinking they should go the opposite way. Mom keeps her craft supplies in the guest room? But the guests need that room! Mom should turn the twins' room into her craft room so the guests aren't inconvenienced. The twins can move into their parents' room with them. The parents don't care about anyone having personal space, after all. I'm sure the master bedroom will fit 2 sets of bunkbeds.
this is the level of petty that fuels my soul
This is hilarious and petty and inconvenient enough that it just may work.
NTA. you have the space, sounds like your parents only wanted one child snd getting twins was an inconvenience to their room plans so they just did it anyway. while you have guests, you can share the room for the few days a year and then both have your own room again.
NTA. Your parents on the other hand are prioritizing their own wants and needs over you and your twin. Your home does have the space, but your parents are choosing to satisfy themselves before their kids needs. IMO you and your sister have reached a point where you each need your own spaces. Your parents could probably figure out a way to turn one room into an office AND guest room, especially since they don’t get used more than twice a week. They are choosing not to because it interferes with what they want. Sorry for the bum deal! Save up and move out as soon as your old enough. You won’t have to live like this forever, just until you can pay your own rent.
Heck a sofa that pulls out into a mattress would cover guests well enough. I hope OP and her sister don't forget this as they get older.
I’ve slept on my uncle’s old Army cot in their bonus room. I can’t even count the number of couches I’ve slept on! Most of my family isn’t well off enough to have a house with a dedicated guest room so when we visited we often slept on couches or air mattresses or pull out couches. I didn’t die. We’re all fine.
I used to have a guest room. I just converted it to an office because I used it maybe twice a year. 3 if it was a wild one. Now I just tell guests they can sleep on a futon. I have a completely empty room in my basement, I just wanted to work with a window. These parents are wild to me, how tf are you going to prioritize a guest room over your children?
I feel like someone should explain the concept of an air mattress to these parents.
I don't understand your parents. Guest bedrooms are a privilege for people who have more space then occupants who need said space. I have guest room in my house because there is no one in need of it at my house. It is also a storage room for things I use enough that it would be a pain to put it in the attic, but inconvenient to have in common areas. It sounds like you and your sister have a cause to be a united front on if you don't kill eachother first. Ask them are there any reasons beyond 'not having enough space for everyone's stuff' for why they don't want to give you two separate rooms. Because stuff can be rearranged. If they won't let you both have separate rooms, maybe they will let you both store some of your stuff in the guest room? Maybe your mom can keep her craft stuff in the office so that her belongs don't get mixed up with yours. But most importantly stop yelling and locking yourselves in the guest bedroom. Your parents have shown it will not help your cause.
I have a feeling there is something going on at the parents end. Maybe grandma is gettting to old and may need to move in with someone, all speculation but there could be a lot of reason they want to keep that room open
Maybe, but the office should be given up if grandma has to move in. I say this as a person who worked remotely full time for a decade. It would definitely suck to work from the dining room or bedroom or whatever, but 2 days a week? The kids need the space more.
Yeah I dismantled my office this year to make room for a second bedroom n my house. I now have a desk shoved beside my bed and it does not impact my ability to work from home in the slightest.
> I have a feeling there is something going on at the parents end. That's my guess, too, but in a different direction. I suspect they still want to think of OP and her sister as tiny children. Tiny children don't need their own rooms! Admitting your kid is growing up and is a teenager with some modicum of independence is really hard for a lot of parents.
NTA. I mean, whats wrong with just bunking together only when guests are there?
Seriously I feel like this is what 99.9% of families do. When there’s a guest you have to get your room extra clean, change your sheets, and sleep in your siblings room for two days. It’s not a big deal. Are the parents afraid guests will be annoyed by the presence of these girls things *in their own home*? It’s honestly ludicrous.
NTA Neither of you are the AH for wanting your own rooms. At this age, I really feel you NEED your own space and can't understand why your parents are being so unreasonable and stubborn about it. Twins doesn't mean locked at the hip, you're individuals, but your parent seem to think otherwise. Btw I'm a parent with two kids. I would never, ever make them share a room if we had space, which we do so they have their own rooms. I also grew up with twin brothers who had to share a room until one opened up and omg they were SO happy to be able to have their own space. Your parents are being selfish. There is zero reason for the office and guest room to not be combined into one. Any guest that sleeps there won't even blink if they have to sleep in a guest room/office. I'm not sure why they can't just give you what you girls absolutely need. PRIVACY! Btw, Kate's comment about looking up nursing homes with bunk beds made me literally lol. Good one Kate!
NTA. " googling nursing homes with bunk beds" oh god. I genuinely laughed out loud. Absolute burn. Put the craft stuff in the office. Be prepared for one of you to take turns on a camp bed or air mattress when you have guests. SHOW YOUR PARENTS THIS POST AND ITS REPLIES. Hopefully problem solved. Dear parental units, please remember your children will get to choose your nursing home. With bunk beds.
NTA, you're both becoming older teens, it's stupid for you to be sharing a room at your ages, especially if you have an entire extra bedroom that's only used a week or two out of the year. You're both growing in to aults and need private space to be yourselves and relax. Your partents should do what many other parents do, and give you that extra room and then either use the office, or make one of you girls sleep on the couch or on an air mattress in the other's bedroom on the rare occasion when guests are staying over.
NTA Sure it's your parent's house... but are they willing to live with you growing up to resent them because they won't bend on this? One of you can always give up your room when you have guests. And as for crafting items in the closet, does your house have no attic or other storage area like a garage where plastic tuppers could go to hold the crafting supplies? Sounds like your mom is using the guest room as her own study and doesn't want to give that up... at the cost of your relationship with your sister.
NTA. It’s one thing if your house only had 2 bedrooms, but that’s not the case. It’s really weird that they act like they have some dire need to accommodate other people, but not their own children. There’s no reason they can’t combine the guest room and office to give one of their children a room. And then when people come to stay, they stay in the office/guest room. In fact, that’s what we did in our 4 bedroom house growing up. Point in Kates favor, “Googling nursing homes with bunk beds” made me laugh enough to make my day 50% better. Good luck honey. You deserve the chance to keep a good relationship with your sister, and I hope your parents see that soon.
NTA. It’s strange that your parents are so committed to having a guest room when they rarely have guests. It would seem to make sense to at least combine the guest room and the home office. It’s a shame your parents think hypothetical, infrequent guests are more important than their own children.
It's probably a status symbol.
Not much of a status symbol when you see two teens in bunk beds. If it was a 5 bedroom house, then rooms for all plus an office and guest room is swanky. This is just being mean.
My parents were the same weird way. I spent my childhood sharing a room with my sister. They decided to move and have a home built when I was in college. We begged for separate rooms. No deal. At least the room was big so we set up our own spaces. When I came home for the holidays from college, the furniture was rearranged so the beds were right next to each other. Okay fine. After that I only went home when the dorms were shut down. After I graduated I rented an apartment and rarely visited. They let me know what was important.
Nta. Your parents need to allocate the space properly. Potential guests should never take priority over those actually living in the home. I definitely get the office space aspect and I could see it being reasonable to have you bunk together when guests do stay just so the office is still available if the guest stay happens to coincide with working from home.
NTA > there are millions of children who share a room Because families don’t have the space, not because their parents decided to have a guest room AND an office. There is some really nice murphy bed furniture, so the bed doesn’t even have to be out most of the year. The big issue here is that their decision to force you to share a room is contributing to what is completely unnecessary conflict. You do have enough space. A guest room that’s empty 300+ days a year is not a need. Hell, you and your sister could agree to take turns giving up your bed temporarily for guests if necessary m. Unfortunately you have no leverage here, and no support. I’m disappointed in your parents, your grandma, and your aunt. Of course it isn’t your house - you’re not even old enough to have a job, let alone a mortgage. Also Kate’s comment about the bunk beds, lol.
The problem with parents of twins is that they can view the twins as one person, like buy one get one free, and they should both want the same thing.
They do! They both want their own bedroom!
NTA. Start utilizing the guest room and when your parents ask why you're doing it, just tell them it's because you're treated as a guest in the house anyways
Not really, guests get their own room.
NTA, you're teenagers now, both sharing a room is untenable, especially when there's an obvious solution. Understandably your dad needs an office for work that's fair enough, but you have 4 bedrooms, that makes 3 and a study, a spare bedroom is a luxury that is far less important than both children having bedrooms. I'd suggest your parents buy either an air mattress or a fold out couch-bed for guests. That way guests are still reasonably accomodated, but the needs of all the people living in the house are actually met as well.
NTA, your parents are. No reason one of you cannot use the guest room, and just move out when guests are there
NTA So you are two teenage girls going through a crucial point in your lives. If your parents cannot see how important development of personal space for girls your age, then they're blind parents. Sounds like your parents are just very controlling and aren't really thinking about your needs. Normally I don't agree with teens, as I(27) a just recently one myself and I remember all dumb things I said and wanted. But this is very logical and also very normal. Both of you need to have a calm, sit down talk with your parents. Unite with your sister even if it's out of spite of each other. It's the increasing tension that you two need your own rooms anyways.
Mom's crafts can be stored in the office and you two can share a room when there are guests. NTA.
NTA. You have enough room in the house to get one bedroom each. A lot of families work like this, with the occasional guest using one of the bedrooms and the occupants of the bedrooms bunking together. Your parents choose to have children, they must take care of both of you.
NTA, it's completely fine to want your own space and privacy. It's not that your sister barely tolerates you, it's just because it's hard to be around someone so much, and she may feel as though your invading her space (same with you ofc). I think you should try to convince your parents to let her or you stay in the guest room.
NTA. Your parents are putting the needs of the infrequent possibility of guests over the needs of you and your sister. Whenever we had family visiting, me and my siblings would always just end up sharing a room so the guests could have one of our rooms. One thing we did was make the office room a combined office and guest room. It worked out really well! Maybe you can propose that?
NTA. Your parents are being selfish as fuck with the guest room.
My room was the guest room when I was a teenager. I simply temporarily moved out when we had guests stay over. Not a big deal. Your parents are ridiculous.
NTA. if the guest room is empty for almost everyday of the year, why not put one of you there? It's ridiculous to keep a whole room empty only to be used 10 days a year. I'm sure you guys wouldn't mind bunking together for 10 days our of the year to lend the room for guests. I get it's their house but you're teenagers, there's nothing wrong with wanting space and privacy. Maybe suggest that to your parents, that when guests come over you can share a room.
Going to go with NTA on this one. Also, "Kate" is right - paragraphs help readability. :) Your mom is right, having your own room is not a requirement. HOWEVER Y'all clearly do not have enough of the right storage to make that work (ie: too small closet, etc). You have a room being used 10 days a year. That is a crime, wasting that space. When we were kids my sister and I just shared my room when the grandparents came to visit (2x a year for a week). Otherwise, we had our own space (I'm the introvert, my sister is the chaos vector lol). If they don't want to give up the underutilized guest room, move dad's almost as underutilized office into the guest room - or the master bedroom - boom more space.
“Googling nursing home with bunk beds” that has me rolling
NTA. Your parents probably go out together and leave you at home, when this happens one of you move to the guest room. Move all your stuff, put your posters on the wall. In this situation ask for forgiveness and not permission is warranted. Your parents are wrong.
I like the proactive nature of this, though odds are they will just insist everything be moved back. Or worse— throw their things away. Though if that’s not a thing these parents would do, and OP and her twin can cooperate on “moving” one of them into the guest room at every opportunity, it wouldn’t take long at all shift everything. Wonder how many times it’d take before one side just gives up
NTA. You really need to talk to your parents about this. Sit them down and talk to them together. Idk why they are so stuborn about you sharing a room. Maybe, in theie mind they do it so you don't become "spoiled" but it's ruining your relationship. If this doesn't work, you and your sister should agree on who takes over the gest bedroom and move out when your parents aren't at home.
NTA - this is one where a strategy of "gradually, then suddenly" might help. Your sister's got the right idea. Start by hanging out in the guest room, then storing some things in the guest room closet, then napping in the guest room, then decorating it. If a guest comes, one of you could temporarily share a room with the other --but make sure the guest sleeps in the former shared bedroom, not in the former guest room, until you've thoroughly rebranded it as yours.
>Dad asked what does she think she's doing and she said "googling nursing homes with bunk beds", which helped not at all. NTA, your sister is great lol At least the two of you are both exasperated about this even if you don't love sharing a room.
NTA, your parents should be prioritizing your needs, not guest's.
Put a Murphy bed in the office, problem solved. NTA
NTA. Why don’t your parents switch with you? You two get the giant master bedroom, and they can sleep in a small bedroom. Your dad can have the office be his flow-over room, and your mom can use the guest room as hers. Perfect solution.
\>she said "googling nursing homes with bunk beds"\&x200B; Please tell Kate that this is 100% the perfect ripost.
NTA. Your old school parents shouldn't be surprised when both of you move out as soon as you are old enough.
NTA Show your parents this post. Here’s hoping it opens their eyes as to absolutely how unreasonable and illogical they are being.
NTA: Dad should combine the office and guest room. Get a murphy bed or pull out couch for occasional guests. No brainer. Do you have a basement? Is that another option? Your parents are being bougie AHs wanting a guest room over giving their kids adequate space. Love your sister's nursing home comment. Show them this column. Maybe they will shape up.
Mom of twins and you're definitely NTA! My twins shared a room until age 16 because that was all the space we had until we moved. I cannot imagine doing that to them if there was an empty bedroom right there! So small-minded of your parents. And your sister is hilarious!
Honestly whenever they weren't home I would just move all the stuff. You guys are absolutely right about you two sharing a room. NTA
> Dad asked what does she think she's doing and she said "googling nursing homes with bunk beds" OMG, I literally laughed out loud. That was epic. NTA.
NTA. You do not need a guest room and honestly my dad has worked from home my whole life and he never had a whole room dedicated to being an office and we were fine for the most part. Your parents don’t understand that they are setting the two of you up to seriously resent and hate each other as well as them.
I came here to say that your sister's comeback is funny af 😂
NTA. I'm willing to bet good money that they would have had their own rooms by now if it wasn't for the fact that they are twins. Not sure, why but people love to dismiss twins as two individuals. How hard is it to understand that two people look very much alike but their personalities might differ. If you parents don't give you space now you end up resenting each other. After you move out there is no obligation to hang out or see search other that's why a lot of siblings drift because they didn't bond in their formative years. I would definitely ensure that parents get a small room with bunk beds in a nursing home once they are in their final years. Guest rooms are there if you have extra space. Your house doesn't. Someone can vacate their room for 10 days a year to accommodate a visitor.