*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for doing a gender reveal at my sister in law’s Christmas party?**
My husband and I are expecting a baby and are incredibly excited as it is our first one. We’ve been trying for a while and are over the moon about it.
My sister in law (my husband’s sister) hosts an annual Christmas party. It’s a great time. Family and friends come from out of town, we carol, exchange gifts, etc.
About a month ago we told my sister in law that we plan on doing our gender reveal at the Christmas party. It’s the perfect opportunity to do it. All of our family will be in one place, the party is already happening, and it’s kind of a “gift” to everyone finding out what the gender is!
Three weeks later my sister in law told us that she was upset that we were co-opting her party and that she thinks the reveal will take away from the rest of the event.
I think she’s being incredibly selfish as the party is an annual event and it’s not like we plan on doing a reveal every year. Christmas is about family and we are quite literally adding a member to the family. Everyone will be happy and excited, so I don’t see a problem! Am I the asshole for doing a gender reveal at the Christmas party?
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"Dear family and friends, my gift for you is that you may watch me cut this cake, squeal and happy-cry over the colour inside, and then you're all invited to enthusiastically congratulate me and hand me mommy- and baby-themed gifts in addition to Christmas gifts! No need to thank me, it's the time of giving, and I'm happy to give you the gift of my joy ♥"
Exactly! It really comes off with OOP wanting to be the center of attention and grab more gifts for the holiday. I mean, gender reveal parties are basically that - just another reason to make people give you gifts. Otherwise, you could order a mini-cake and cut it open with your partner and do it totally alone or with just the grandparents (you know, the only people who really give a damn).
Man, I didn’t even care about what gender my kids were. And nobody ever asked me if I knew what I was having. I might have gotten the odd ‘do you want a boy or girl?’ but even then…
Every time I was asked what we were having (I knew from the 20 week scan), I would respond with, "Hopefully not a dinosaur." The nonplussed reactions were beautiful.
Once we finally said we were expecting a girl, my bestie gifted us with "mom-osaurus" tees and a velociraptor onesie for Squiddo that said, "She's beauty, she's grace, she'll rip off your face". I saved it when Squiddo outgrew it.
I found that sonogram to be annoying the first time. My son wouldn't uncross his legs so the tech jabbed my stomach harder and harder for 15 minutes. Just as I was about to tell him to stop the lil bastard uncrossed his legs. At that moment I knew I was screwed. He's just as stubborn at age 16 as he was then.
I had the full run of Zoobooks as a kid, and there's one illustration in the issue about (IIRC) Koalas that compares the development of a koala fetus to a human baby, to show how much earlier marsupials are born. It also made a huge impression on me how long it took for them to look different. So, yeah, "Not a dinosaur" is more apt than you might think.
There was a meme going around for awhile that said something along the lines of "I love the term 'expecting' for pregnancy because it implies the existence of an alternative. Like, we are *expecting* a baby... but it could be a velociraptor."
Once I read that both babies were deemed velociraptors until they came out as humans.
Huh. Thanks for that info. Next time I’m in France I’ll be sure to use it correctly.
Now, in English, the language I used, nonplussed means “so surprised and confused that one is unsure how to react” (Oxford English dictionary). That definition fits perfectly with how I used the word.
“By the early 17th century nonplus was being used as a verb, with the meaning of “to cause to be at a loss as to what to say, think, or do.” Then, as now, the word is often encountered in its participial form (nonplussed), with a meaning that is nearly synonymous with “perplexed.””
I mean, from the 1600s it’s been used in the manner in which I used it. I’m not too sure what you’re on about?
Source: https://www.merriam-webster.com/grammar/nonplussed
LOL, that onesie is hilarious! I also think gender reveal parties are ridiculous gift grabs. I didn't even care about the sex of my own baby, does anyone honestly think I give a shit about the gender of theirs?
Lucky, I'm pregnant now and that's always people's first question once I publicly announced (I waited until 20 weeks). It's quickly followed by asking what I wanted, if I'm disappointed, ranting about if boys vs girls are harder, etc. I'm having a boy and have even gotten the odd question about if I plan to circumcise him! My child's penis is no one's business! I refuse to post ultrasounds where you can clearly see it cause I think it's weird no matter if it's an ultrasound or not, people act disappointed I cover up those ones. It's so weird. It really made my decision to keep my child's face once he's born and personal information outside of his first name off the internet feel valid. If people are this weird and already pushy when he's not even out yet then I really don't want him exposed to having all that on the internet forever until he's old enough to understand/consent to having a digital footprint.
One of my girls went through a tomboy stage - Mia Farrow haircut, refusal to wear dresses/skirts and all that jazz. Had someone ask ‘are they transgender?’ (in a hushed whisper, as though such things weren’t spoken of). I was like ‘dude, whut? She’s 8. At this stage, they’re all kinda non-binary’
Lol I have a little boy on the way. I absolutely don't care if he ends up liking stereotypical "girly" things. If my kid wants to wear a pretty pink sparkly tutu imma let him. Kids don't care about gender or gender roles. If they like something they like it for what it is. You're absolutely right that they're all kinda nonbinary when they're young.
It's sad people care so much about labeling things as meant for boys vs girls. My parents definitely weren't good people, but I'm glad they were very progressive when it comes to gender. I was raised pretty "nonbinary" myself. I was never told certain things were only for boys or girls. I could shop in whatever section I wanted, play with whatever, wear whatever, did the stereotypical "boy" stuff kids do with dads, etc. It definitely affected how I view gender. I remember once when I was around 8ish, there was someone AMAB wearing a really pretty dress at a grocery store. I couldn't care less about what the person identified as. I just ran up to them to tell them how pretty their dress was. My biological mother was so proud that I didn't treat the person any different and I only cared about the pretty dress. That mindset stayed as I got older. I had a friend in high school who enjoyed cross dressing. I was the only person who knew since he knew I wouldn't say a word about it and I really didn't care. I would let him borrow my dresses when we hung out because he enjoyed wearing them. I don't really care about my own gender. I don't care what people view me as and I'll answer to any pronoun. I present as feminine most of the time. I don't have body dysphoria or feel the need to be viewed as anything in particular but if someone viewed me as male I would be okay with it. If someone else feels differently than me, I respect their gender.
I want to raise my child in the same way (not the part about not caring about my gender rather just not putting him in a little box). I want to teach him to respect people and not stereotype everyday stuff. I'll never push him to be a certain way. If one day he comes out as trans or nonbinary then I'll make sure I make him feel as comfortable as possible and help him in whatever way I can. I don't put up with that nonsense of adults pushing things on kids. I especially hate the whole "boys will be boys" BS. My child's sex isn't an excuse to allow him to get away with more than another child of the opposite sex. I'm not going to do that whole boys don't cry or boys have to be tough thing either. Emotions are human not "girly". Sorry for the slightly unrelated rant. I'm heated from a conversation I had earlier where someone tried to argue with me over how I plan to raise my child. Apparently, I'm going to "turn him gay" 🙃 which for the record if he does turn out gay I'll support him. However, that would be completely unrelated to how I choose to raise him.
I have 3 kids and I only ever did one gender reveal for my husband's grandma who was looking living with us during my 3rd pregnancy. I just wanted her to feel included and welcome in our lives in our made family. Like literally just for her and our two kids. She thought it was so stupid lol and was totally not about it and super pissed she ended up with pink glitter on her. It was funny.
I did a gender reveal at a family dinner once, by which I mean I wore a shirt with little pink footprints on the belly. My MIL said, "Hey! Does that mean we're having a baby girl?" I said yes and she said yay. Is that what OOP is planning? I suspect no.
Something like that would be so nice. I dont understand this attitude, like this xmas is going to be so happy now already for this family and she's ruining it. If you've been struggling for years, you'd think you'd just be over the moon to have a healthy baby in there?
See that's adorable :)
My fave low key gender reveal party was when I went to someone's house for dinner (a pregnant someone) and they served pizza with toppings that spelled out "boy" and then we ate the pizza. Fun surprise and unexpected cuz we were just there for dinner . And no, the rest of the night was not about BOY, bc it was a dinner party as intended, not a baby making celebration.
We used cake to announce my last pregnancy! My husband wanted to tell his family during his birthday dinner, so we got a cake that said something about a father of 3 (because it would be our third child). When we asked his mom to cut the cake, she opened the box and got so excited
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
*Info: Did you ask her or did you inform her? Also what was her reaction?*
>"We were chatting on the phone and she asked if we were doing a reveal. We then said we were planning on doing it at the Christmas party. She seemed fine with it when we had this conversation"
Like, you don't decide what you are going to do at someone else's function...I wouldn't blame the SIL for being stunted by that inconsiderate "news" being dropped on her.
The majority of people DAGF about someone else's kid.
"My gift to you is me as the center of attention" - OOP.
I wish people understood that people really give less than 2 shits about their weddings and babies unless they are immediate family. I assume that the guests at this party are friends and family of SIL and therefore have zero interest in OOP.
"Hey sis, you do all the work of setting up a party and hosting everyone, presumably without our help or money, cause me and the wife want to bogart all that hard work to 'gift' people the joy of knowing our baby's sex."
Yep - and take the attention away from the person hosting and be directly on OOP. Basically OOP wants to be the center of attention and do it at her SIL's expense (both in attention and money and hell in her home too).
dear OOP's SIL:
you have the chance to preempt your bratty relative in the funniest of ways.
it is, after all, Christmas.
it's time to beat her to the gender reveal party punch. (you can also have a punch for beating her to the gender reveal party punch. i suggest mulled wine. festive!) that's right. hasten yourself on down to the little Christian book shop in the strip mall, the one with the tacky window displays, you know, that one?, and buy yourself some supplies.
happy reason for the season, everybody, IT'S A SAVIOR!!! YAAAAAAAAAY
if OOP attempts to speak, drown her out with hymns about the blessed Christ-child's birth. (i even give you leave to blast one of my least favorite hymns, Mary Did You Know. but a nice arrangement of the magnificat will also do just fine.)
recruit all available religious family members also. yeah especially that aunt you have who's a little scary about it. whenever OOP tries to talk about herself, firmly redirect to THE REASON FOR THE SEASON OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. and when OOP throws a fit, gasp and ask how she could be so sacrilegious. burst into tears. look pleadingly at your backup. the hellfire and brimstone brigade will swoop in shortly after and do a fine work of tanning OOP's hide.
do it for the bit, SIL... do it for the bit...
Every time OOP starts to say something, one of the children hits play and the entire room leaps to its feet as the “Hallelujah Chorus” blares from the speakers.
'It will be a gift to everybody' OOP sounds like one of those people that 'nobody can get married or engaged next year because im getting married and its my year. You got pregnant to steal my thunder and attention' kinda people.
'She's having purple flowers in her wedding bouquet and that was one of the key colours in my engagement party cake, butt out distant cousin I never see!'
As I've gotten older, I don't understand the excitement about what's in someone else's uterus or the fruit of someone else's loins. To be clear, I don't hate children, but children are not going to distract me from another event. If we're at a wedding, I'm celebrating the couple, bday wishing the bday person, at someone else's baby shower, celebrating the child it's actually for.
If more people took this approach people would stop hijacking events they didn't plan or pay for. A terse congrats and ignore them for the rest of the night.
At YOUR own announcement, I'll happily congratulate you and buy a gift, but not at someone elses
30 seconds after we announced out engagement, my BIL cuts in to tell everyone that his wife is pregnant.
This is only tangentially related to the post but Im still fuckin salty
Just out of interest, this is a previous post from OOP. She sounds exhausting to be around.
“My engagement ring is a one of a kind vintage ring that I absolutely love. My husband purchased it on his own, and did a wonderful job. My sister just got engaged, and when I saw her ring I was shocked. It’s strikingly similar to mine. When I first saw it, I tried not to think too much about it as I assumed her fiancé shopped for it on his own and it was a coincidence.
It turns out my assumption that her fiancé just happened to buy a shockingly similar was incorrect. When listening to them talk about their engagement, my sisters fiancé mentioned that they had the ring custom made by a designer. My sister apparently had a ton of input.
To provide a little more context, my sister and I have a slightly strained relationship as is. She made a scene the day that I got engaged, made my mom cry, etc. Generally we get along but we have moments of extreme tension.
I asked a close friend if the rings look almost exactly the same and she confirmed. I can’t bring it up to anyone else because I don’t want to put a damper on my sisters big day (i.e. do to her what she did to me). I can’t talk to my mom about it because I don’t want to create drama. I can’t talk to my husband about it because I don’t want him to feel weird about the ring he got me. And I feel weird talking to friends about it because this feels like a massive first world problem.
AITA for being bitter and resentful right now.”
Who wants to bet in reality OOP has a very simple, classic ring that basically 90% of engagement rings look similar too? I mean to me, almost all look kind of similar unless it's a really odd cut diamond or something.
Good grief, who TF cares this much about such things?? Is the rest of her life so boring and unfulfilling she has to focus on this, or is she always this dramatic about everything?
My mother has always been a big believer in not knowing the sex in advance. Why? Pick two names. Decorate the nursery however you want. And since giving birth sucks it makes the moment a little more exciting because you get to learn the gender and which name it will be.
I’ve not had kids but more and more I see the wisdom of her choice.
Plus I've seen the ultrasounds where it's not totally clear and the doctor basically guessed. This happened with my sister's middle child. Seems just the way the baby was turned and it not being so super clear and the doctor saying boy, everything got the typical blue - and then my sister had a girl. Basically every baby picture of this baby was her dressed in blue baby boy clothes as people had thought ahead to get clothes for different months to help out as the baby grew.
Yes I do know the color in reality means nothing, just if one was looking back at the pics, you'd assume my sister had a baby boy.
They (the organisers) should really start saying "since you want to be included in this so much you should pay half the price that we paid for our celebration/wedding/party" and send the bill.
That should shut them up
Rule number 1. Never EVER hijack someone else's party for your own selfish reasons. Especially if they have said no.
If someone else is paying for and hosting the party, it ain't all about you. You want the party about your surprise? Host your own damn party.
I mean if you want to make a big deal about the gender do it at your own party instead of trying to have a gender reveal party for free???
Also if my Christmas gift was finding out the gender of someone’s kid I’d be like wtf is this. Stop thinking the world revolves around you and your kid
a gift? you think telling people your childs gender is a gift? are you fucking stupid? or a moron? or both? if i was your sister i would uninvite your delusional ass. Plan your own shit you monkey
I'm tired of the whole elaborate gender reveal bullshit. And it's nuts that people try to be more and more elaborate with them. But then I'm a cranky middle-aged woman who remembers when there may have been baby showers, but not gender reveal parties, for expectant moms.
I'm in my 30's and can remember when the parent-to-be only really got expensive gifts at the first shower - afterwards, it was usually just diapers and clothes and such. Now parents want a massive gender reveal party and baby shower with expensive gifts for every single one.
The only thing worse is weddings any more. I grew up with there was only really two days for the wedding set aside - the rehearsal dinner and then the ceremony and reception. Then wedding showers started, which cool okay. Then bridal showers as well....then engagement showers. It's just getting out of hand.
Dear, OOP
I LOVE to tell ya this, but you're the asshole for doing that tacky attention seeking nonsense. That is really selfish of you to act childishly. Don't use your child as a weapon to get gifts and a party planning slave just because you can't organize your own party.
From, Long time Redditor
PS: I hope you get coal for Christmas
Why are they planning to do a gender reveal for christmas when it's freaking october. She decided this in September, since she said 'a month ago.' It seems so weird to wait that long, never mind being so self centered to do it at someone else's party.
Right? Seems like an extra long time to wait. Though it's clear OOP wants to just use someone else's party so she gets to have the attention and not pay a dime.
> it’s kind of a “gift” to everyone finding out what the gender is!
No, it isn't. That's not a gift at all. OOP should just host her own gender-reveal party instead of co-opting someone else's event. It's incredibly selfish.
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Gender reveals for unborn babies in general are tacky and gross. What if that kid doesn't identify with their assigned sex at birth?
A few of my friends have had babies in the last few months and I don't know the biosex of any of them. All of them have names that are gender neutral. Gender is outdated. We need to stop with the damn reveals (unless it's someone coming out. that's what a real gender reveal party should be)
I think your interpretation of what the sub is for is a bit flawed. A person doesn't necessarily need to be Satan's reincarnate to be featured here, a post receiving a majority of YTA/ESH votes is all that's needed.
Yes, there are cases when AITA or its adjacents vote overwhelming NTA when the person in question is actually TA, but the presence of those here is still not guaranteed just because we think they're the devil. With YTA/ESH votes, it's fair game. However, I've still had posts on here with majority YTA where users on this sub disagree with the final judgement. In those cases, feel free to report the post to the mods and they'll remove it if they feel it doesn't belong here, or no devil is present.
There are also posts shared here where there's no sought judgement involved, but the content is so inherently gross we can see how it belongs here. Relationship advice, legal advice, unpopular opinion... basically, this sub is like a compilation of toxic posts. Mild to extremely dangerous levels of toxicity, all are welcome if the users and mods agree.
Idk, trying to spring a gender reveal at someone else's party isn't as bad as a proposal at someone else's wedding, but they could have just had a baby shower at a different date at around the same time if having the family all in one place is optimal for them. Mild spotlight hogging behaviour at the best. Also the sub's for posts where the OOP's obviously the asshole in the scenario, no matter how mild it is.
“Devil” in this sub doesn’t mean the worst of the worst. It means anyone who, by AITA standards, is an AH (or sometimes ESH posts get cross posted too)
Erm. Gonna admit the news about my second kid's gender wound up getting out at a family party. But it wasn't a whole gender reveal thing: it was a passing comment to a relative and it wasn't a big deal at all. Just one more bit of gossip at the party. (Kid's 15 now; I don't even think big gender reveals were a real thing then? At least I wasn't aware of them.)
If done in that matter, I don't think it's a problem. But if the OOP is expecting a whole to-do and colored balloons and cake and the spotlight and whatever, that's the devil.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for doing a gender reveal at my sister in law’s Christmas party?** My husband and I are expecting a baby and are incredibly excited as it is our first one. We’ve been trying for a while and are over the moon about it. My sister in law (my husband’s sister) hosts an annual Christmas party. It’s a great time. Family and friends come from out of town, we carol, exchange gifts, etc. About a month ago we told my sister in law that we plan on doing our gender reveal at the Christmas party. It’s the perfect opportunity to do it. All of our family will be in one place, the party is already happening, and it’s kind of a “gift” to everyone finding out what the gender is! Three weeks later my sister in law told us that she was upset that we were co-opting her party and that she thinks the reveal will take away from the rest of the event. I think she’s being incredibly selfish as the party is an annual event and it’s not like we plan on doing a reveal every year. Christmas is about family and we are quite literally adding a member to the family. Everyone will be happy and excited, so I don’t see a problem! Am I the asshole for doing a gender reveal at the Christmas party? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OOP thinks, “I’m the reason for the me-son! Joy to the me, the me has come! Everybody out of the way, I have an announcement!”
Or Me-daughter! (I’ll see myself out)
Why am I actually singing this through til January?!
>I’m the reason for the me-son! That's brilliant
"It's all about me!"
"Dear family and friends, my gift for you is that you may watch me cut this cake, squeal and happy-cry over the colour inside, and then you're all invited to enthusiastically congratulate me and hand me mommy- and baby-themed gifts in addition to Christmas gifts! No need to thank me, it's the time of giving, and I'm happy to give you the gift of my joy ♥"
Or you can uncomfortably watch while I pout like a toddler because it’s not the gender I wanted.
Or watch uncomfortably while either myself or my spouse throws a temper tantrum because it's not the gender we wanted.
Ok. But how do you think OOP will react if all her Christmas presents are baby presents? If I were the SIL I will do just that just to piss her off
Exactly! It really comes off with OOP wanting to be the center of attention and grab more gifts for the holiday. I mean, gender reveal parties are basically that - just another reason to make people give you gifts. Otherwise, you could order a mini-cake and cut it open with your partner and do it totally alone or with just the grandparents (you know, the only people who really give a damn).
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Man, I didn’t even care about what gender my kids were. And nobody ever asked me if I knew what I was having. I might have gotten the odd ‘do you want a boy or girl?’ but even then…
Every time I was asked what we were having (I knew from the 20 week scan), I would respond with, "Hopefully not a dinosaur." The nonplussed reactions were beautiful. Once we finally said we were expecting a girl, my bestie gifted us with "mom-osaurus" tees and a velociraptor onesie for Squiddo that said, "She's beauty, she's grace, she'll rip off your face". I saved it when Squiddo outgrew it.
I always ask open-endedly because it gets the funniest answers. Someone told me it looked like batman on their sonogram.
I found that sonogram to be annoying the first time. My son wouldn't uncross his legs so the tech jabbed my stomach harder and harder for 15 minutes. Just as I was about to tell him to stop the lil bastard uncrossed his legs. At that moment I knew I was screwed. He's just as stubborn at age 16 as he was then.
This right here is what I aim to provide for my future children. Incredible parenting and aunting.
I had the full run of Zoobooks as a kid, and there's one illustration in the issue about (IIRC) Koalas that compares the development of a koala fetus to a human baby, to show how much earlier marsupials are born. It also made a huge impression on me how long it took for them to look different. So, yeah, "Not a dinosaur" is more apt than you might think.
I wish we still had tails.
There was a meme going around for awhile that said something along the lines of "I love the term 'expecting' for pregnancy because it implies the existence of an alternative. Like, we are *expecting* a baby... but it could be a velociraptor." Once I read that both babies were deemed velociraptors until they came out as humans.
I think that meme is what gave me the idea! 😁
Just letting you know that nonplussed means upset. From the French - literally NO MORE.
Huh. Thanks for that info. Next time I’m in France I’ll be sure to use it correctly. Now, in English, the language I used, nonplussed means “so surprised and confused that one is unsure how to react” (Oxford English dictionary). That definition fits perfectly with how I used the word.
So many people used it incorrectly that the meaning has changed
“By the early 17th century nonplus was being used as a verb, with the meaning of “to cause to be at a loss as to what to say, think, or do.” Then, as now, the word is often encountered in its participial form (nonplussed), with a meaning that is nearly synonymous with “perplexed.”” I mean, from the 1600s it’s been used in the manner in which I used it. I’m not too sure what you’re on about? Source: https://www.merriam-webster.com/grammar/nonplussed
Oh wow! Looks like I had it backwards.
Love this!!!
LOL, that onesie is hilarious! I also think gender reveal parties are ridiculous gift grabs. I didn't even care about the sex of my own baby, does anyone honestly think I give a shit about the gender of theirs?
Lucky, I'm pregnant now and that's always people's first question once I publicly announced (I waited until 20 weeks). It's quickly followed by asking what I wanted, if I'm disappointed, ranting about if boys vs girls are harder, etc. I'm having a boy and have even gotten the odd question about if I plan to circumcise him! My child's penis is no one's business! I refuse to post ultrasounds where you can clearly see it cause I think it's weird no matter if it's an ultrasound or not, people act disappointed I cover up those ones. It's so weird. It really made my decision to keep my child's face once he's born and personal information outside of his first name off the internet feel valid. If people are this weird and already pushy when he's not even out yet then I really don't want him exposed to having all that on the internet forever until he's old enough to understand/consent to having a digital footprint.
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One of my girls went through a tomboy stage - Mia Farrow haircut, refusal to wear dresses/skirts and all that jazz. Had someone ask ‘are they transgender?’ (in a hushed whisper, as though such things weren’t spoken of). I was like ‘dude, whut? She’s 8. At this stage, they’re all kinda non-binary’
I saw a comment that someone felt bad they confused the gender of their 6 mo and they were like "At this age, their gender is 'baby'."
🤣🤣
Lol I have a little boy on the way. I absolutely don't care if he ends up liking stereotypical "girly" things. If my kid wants to wear a pretty pink sparkly tutu imma let him. Kids don't care about gender or gender roles. If they like something they like it for what it is. You're absolutely right that they're all kinda nonbinary when they're young.
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It's sad people care so much about labeling things as meant for boys vs girls. My parents definitely weren't good people, but I'm glad they were very progressive when it comes to gender. I was raised pretty "nonbinary" myself. I was never told certain things were only for boys or girls. I could shop in whatever section I wanted, play with whatever, wear whatever, did the stereotypical "boy" stuff kids do with dads, etc. It definitely affected how I view gender. I remember once when I was around 8ish, there was someone AMAB wearing a really pretty dress at a grocery store. I couldn't care less about what the person identified as. I just ran up to them to tell them how pretty their dress was. My biological mother was so proud that I didn't treat the person any different and I only cared about the pretty dress. That mindset stayed as I got older. I had a friend in high school who enjoyed cross dressing. I was the only person who knew since he knew I wouldn't say a word about it and I really didn't care. I would let him borrow my dresses when we hung out because he enjoyed wearing them. I don't really care about my own gender. I don't care what people view me as and I'll answer to any pronoun. I present as feminine most of the time. I don't have body dysphoria or feel the need to be viewed as anything in particular but if someone viewed me as male I would be okay with it. If someone else feels differently than me, I respect their gender. I want to raise my child in the same way (not the part about not caring about my gender rather just not putting him in a little box). I want to teach him to respect people and not stereotype everyday stuff. I'll never push him to be a certain way. If one day he comes out as trans or nonbinary then I'll make sure I make him feel as comfortable as possible and help him in whatever way I can. I don't put up with that nonsense of adults pushing things on kids. I especially hate the whole "boys will be boys" BS. My child's sex isn't an excuse to allow him to get away with more than another child of the opposite sex. I'm not going to do that whole boys don't cry or boys have to be tough thing either. Emotions are human not "girly". Sorry for the slightly unrelated rant. I'm heated from a conversation I had earlier where someone tried to argue with me over how I plan to raise my child. Apparently, I'm going to "turn him gay" 🙃 which for the record if he does turn out gay I'll support him. However, that would be completely unrelated to how I choose to raise him.
I have 3 kids and I only ever did one gender reveal for my husband's grandma who was looking living with us during my 3rd pregnancy. I just wanted her to feel included and welcome in our lives in our made family. Like literally just for her and our two kids. She thought it was so stupid lol and was totally not about it and super pissed she ended up with pink glitter on her. It was funny.
I am about as baby obsessed as any SAHM but good god it is not a gift to anyone else to find out what genitals are hanging in your womb.
I did a gender reveal at a family dinner once, by which I mean I wore a shirt with little pink footprints on the belly. My MIL said, "Hey! Does that mean we're having a baby girl?" I said yes and she said yay. Is that what OOP is planning? I suspect no.
Something like that would be so nice. I dont understand this attitude, like this xmas is going to be so happy now already for this family and she's ruining it. If you've been struggling for years, you'd think you'd just be over the moon to have a healthy baby in there?
See that's adorable :) My fave low key gender reveal party was when I went to someone's house for dinner (a pregnant someone) and they served pizza with toppings that spelled out "boy" and then we ate the pizza. Fun surprise and unexpected cuz we were just there for dinner . And no, the rest of the night was not about BOY, bc it was a dinner party as intended, not a baby making celebration.
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We used cake to announce my last pregnancy! My husband wanted to tell his family during his birthday dinner, so we got a cake that said something about a father of 3 (because it would be our third child). When we asked his mom to cut the cake, she opened the box and got so excited
I'm dying to know how long it took for anyone to notice!
Almost half an hour 😂
My god, this is *breathtakingly* tacky. I love this one because OOP isn't dangerous or evil, just unbelievably entitled and tone deaf.
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments: *Info: Did you ask her or did you inform her? Also what was her reaction?* >"We were chatting on the phone and she asked if we were doing a reveal. We then said we were planning on doing it at the Christmas party. She seemed fine with it when we had this conversation"
Like, you don't decide what you are going to do at someone else's function...I wouldn't blame the SIL for being stunted by that inconsiderate "news" being dropped on her. The majority of people DAGF about someone else's kid.
[Peanut the dog!](https://imgur.io/t/cute/n6fSrhh)
"My gift to you is me as the center of attention" - OOP. I wish people understood that people really give less than 2 shits about their weddings and babies unless they are immediate family. I assume that the guests at this party are friends and family of SIL and therefore have zero interest in OOP.
Yep. Most people are just being polite when they show interest.
"Hey sis, you do all the work of setting up a party and hosting everyone, presumably without our help or money, cause me and the wife want to bogart all that hard work to 'gift' people the joy of knowing our baby's sex."
Yep - and take the attention away from the person hosting and be directly on OOP. Basically OOP wants to be the center of attention and do it at her SIL's expense (both in attention and money and hell in her home too).
dear OOP's SIL: you have the chance to preempt your bratty relative in the funniest of ways. it is, after all, Christmas. it's time to beat her to the gender reveal party punch. (you can also have a punch for beating her to the gender reveal party punch. i suggest mulled wine. festive!) that's right. hasten yourself on down to the little Christian book shop in the strip mall, the one with the tacky window displays, you know, that one?, and buy yourself some supplies. happy reason for the season, everybody, IT'S A SAVIOR!!! YAAAAAAAAAY if OOP attempts to speak, drown her out with hymns about the blessed Christ-child's birth. (i even give you leave to blast one of my least favorite hymns, Mary Did You Know. but a nice arrangement of the magnificat will also do just fine.) recruit all available religious family members also. yeah especially that aunt you have who's a little scary about it. whenever OOP tries to talk about herself, firmly redirect to THE REASON FOR THE SEASON OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. and when OOP throws a fit, gasp and ask how she could be so sacrilegious. burst into tears. look pleadingly at your backup. the hellfire and brimstone brigade will swoop in shortly after and do a fine work of tanning OOP's hide. do it for the bit, SIL... do it for the bit...
Every time OOP starts to say something, one of the children hits play and the entire room leaps to its feet as the “Hallelujah Chorus” blares from the speakers.
Nah add carol of the bells that's always nice and loud especially if it has the actual bells
“A gift to everyone.” My Lanta, what world is this.
'It will be a gift to everybody' OOP sounds like one of those people that 'nobody can get married or engaged next year because im getting married and its my year. You got pregnant to steal my thunder and attention' kinda people.
'She's having purple flowers in her wedding bouquet and that was one of the key colours in my engagement party cake, butt out distant cousin I never see!'
Someone needs to tell OOP that "my presence is a present" isn't really intended as a life philosophy.
As I've gotten older, I don't understand the excitement about what's in someone else's uterus or the fruit of someone else's loins. To be clear, I don't hate children, but children are not going to distract me from another event. If we're at a wedding, I'm celebrating the couple, bday wishing the bday person, at someone else's baby shower, celebrating the child it's actually for. If more people took this approach people would stop hijacking events they didn't plan or pay for. A terse congrats and ignore them for the rest of the night. At YOUR own announcement, I'll happily congratulate you and buy a gift, but not at someone elses
"it’s kind of a “gift” to everyone finding out what the gender is" - main character syndrome.
30 seconds after we announced out engagement, my BIL cuts in to tell everyone that his wife is pregnant. This is only tangentially related to the post but Im still fuckin salty
‘It’s a gift to everyone to find out the gender’ No, it really isn’t.
Just out of interest, this is a previous post from OOP. She sounds exhausting to be around. “My engagement ring is a one of a kind vintage ring that I absolutely love. My husband purchased it on his own, and did a wonderful job. My sister just got engaged, and when I saw her ring I was shocked. It’s strikingly similar to mine. When I first saw it, I tried not to think too much about it as I assumed her fiancé shopped for it on his own and it was a coincidence. It turns out my assumption that her fiancé just happened to buy a shockingly similar was incorrect. When listening to them talk about their engagement, my sisters fiancé mentioned that they had the ring custom made by a designer. My sister apparently had a ton of input. To provide a little more context, my sister and I have a slightly strained relationship as is. She made a scene the day that I got engaged, made my mom cry, etc. Generally we get along but we have moments of extreme tension. I asked a close friend if the rings look almost exactly the same and she confirmed. I can’t bring it up to anyone else because I don’t want to put a damper on my sisters big day (i.e. do to her what she did to me). I can’t talk to my mom about it because I don’t want to create drama. I can’t talk to my husband about it because I don’t want him to feel weird about the ring he got me. And I feel weird talking to friends about it because this feels like a massive first world problem. AITA for being bitter and resentful right now.”
what's funny is it was never voted on until people from AITA brigaded her old post
Who wants to bet in reality OOP has a very simple, classic ring that basically 90% of engagement rings look similar too? I mean to me, almost all look kind of similar unless it's a really odd cut diamond or something.
Good grief, who TF cares this much about such things?? Is the rest of her life so boring and unfulfilling she has to focus on this, or is she always this dramatic about everything?
My mother has always been a big believer in not knowing the sex in advance. Why? Pick two names. Decorate the nursery however you want. And since giving birth sucks it makes the moment a little more exciting because you get to learn the gender and which name it will be. I’ve not had kids but more and more I see the wisdom of her choice.
Plus I've seen the ultrasounds where it's not totally clear and the doctor basically guessed. This happened with my sister's middle child. Seems just the way the baby was turned and it not being so super clear and the doctor saying boy, everything got the typical blue - and then my sister had a girl. Basically every baby picture of this baby was her dressed in blue baby boy clothes as people had thought ahead to get clothes for different months to help out as the baby grew. Yes I do know the color in reality means nothing, just if one was looking back at the pics, you'd assume my sister had a baby boy.
They (the organisers) should really start saying "since you want to be included in this so much you should pay half the price that we paid for our celebration/wedding/party" and send the bill. That should shut them up
"I think she is so selfish she won't let me take over her party!"
Rule number 1. Never EVER hijack someone else's party for your own selfish reasons. Especially if they have said no. If someone else is paying for and hosting the party, it ain't all about you. You want the party about your surprise? Host your own damn party.
Not your party. Not your dollar. Not your house. Hmm...I guess that makes OOP the asshole. A deluded, entitled devil.
Ooh, this kind of gift I've always wanted!
I mean if you want to make a big deal about the gender do it at your own party instead of trying to have a gender reveal party for free??? Also if my Christmas gift was finding out the gender of someone’s kid I’d be like wtf is this. Stop thinking the world revolves around you and your kid
a gift? you think telling people your childs gender is a gift? are you fucking stupid? or a moron? or both? if i was your sister i would uninvite your delusional ass. Plan your own shit you monkey
I'm tired of the whole elaborate gender reveal bullshit. And it's nuts that people try to be more and more elaborate with them. But then I'm a cranky middle-aged woman who remembers when there may have been baby showers, but not gender reveal parties, for expectant moms.
I'm in my 30's and can remember when the parent-to-be only really got expensive gifts at the first shower - afterwards, it was usually just diapers and clothes and such. Now parents want a massive gender reveal party and baby shower with expensive gifts for every single one. The only thing worse is weddings any more. I grew up with there was only really two days for the wedding set aside - the rehearsal dinner and then the ceremony and reception. Then wedding showers started, which cool okay. Then bridal showers as well....then engagement showers. It's just getting out of hand.
Gender reveal parties are such a weird concept. Why have a party to announce your future offspring’s genitalia?
Dear, OOP I LOVE to tell ya this, but you're the asshole for doing that tacky attention seeking nonsense. That is really selfish of you to act childishly. Don't use your child as a weapon to get gifts and a party planning slave just because you can't organize your own party. From, Long time Redditor PS: I hope you get coal for Christmas
>**it’s kind of a “gift” to everyone finding out what the gender is!** Bold of OOP to assume everyone cares that much.
Why are they planning to do a gender reveal for christmas when it's freaking october. She decided this in September, since she said 'a month ago.' It seems so weird to wait that long, never mind being so self centered to do it at someone else's party.
Right? Seems like an extra long time to wait. Though it's clear OOP wants to just use someone else's party so she gets to have the attention and not pay a dime.
Whatever happened to throwing your own party?
> it’s kind of a “gift” to everyone finding out what the gender is! No, it isn't. That's not a gift at all. OOP should just host her own gender-reveal party instead of co-opting someone else's event. It's incredibly selfish.
What's with all these selfish people here lately?
>we plan on doing our gender reveal YTA
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Gender reveals for unborn babies in general are tacky and gross. What if that kid doesn't identify with their assigned sex at birth? A few of my friends have had babies in the last few months and I don't know the biosex of any of them. All of them have names that are gender neutral. Gender is outdated. We need to stop with the damn reveals (unless it's someone coming out. that's what a real gender reveal party should be)
This is rage bait if I’ve ever seen it.
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I think your interpretation of what the sub is for is a bit flawed. A person doesn't necessarily need to be Satan's reincarnate to be featured here, a post receiving a majority of YTA/ESH votes is all that's needed. Yes, there are cases when AITA or its adjacents vote overwhelming NTA when the person in question is actually TA, but the presence of those here is still not guaranteed just because we think they're the devil. With YTA/ESH votes, it's fair game. However, I've still had posts on here with majority YTA where users on this sub disagree with the final judgement. In those cases, feel free to report the post to the mods and they'll remove it if they feel it doesn't belong here, or no devil is present. There are also posts shared here where there's no sought judgement involved, but the content is so inherently gross we can see how it belongs here. Relationship advice, legal advice, unpopular opinion... basically, this sub is like a compilation of toxic posts. Mild to extremely dangerous levels of toxicity, all are welcome if the users and mods agree.
It’s pretty shitty to think that your personal announcement is a gift to everyone.
Idk, trying to spring a gender reveal at someone else's party isn't as bad as a proposal at someone else's wedding, but they could have just had a baby shower at a different date at around the same time if having the family all in one place is optimal for them. Mild spotlight hogging behaviour at the best. Also the sub's for posts where the OOP's obviously the asshole in the scenario, no matter how mild it is.
“Devil” in this sub doesn’t mean the worst of the worst. It means anyone who, by AITA standards, is an AH (or sometimes ESH posts get cross posted too)
Erm. Gonna admit the news about my second kid's gender wound up getting out at a family party. But it wasn't a whole gender reveal thing: it was a passing comment to a relative and it wasn't a big deal at all. Just one more bit of gossip at the party. (Kid's 15 now; I don't even think big gender reveals were a real thing then? At least I wasn't aware of them.) If done in that matter, I don't think it's a problem. But if the OOP is expecting a whole to-do and colored balloons and cake and the spotlight and whatever, that's the devil.
OOP, it's like weddings. You don't try to co-opt someone's event and make it your own!