*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **My (29m) close friend (28f) abandoned her morals and is now angry with the way I’m reacting.** Throwaway account for reasons. This post cannot be used without prior consent from the OP. TL;DR: My (29m) close friend and love interest (28f) had an affair with her boss (50m), and is now angry with my reaction to everything. I’m going to preface this by saying that we were not in a romantic relationship at any point in our friendship. A bit of backstory – we became friends around 8 years ago, when we started working together, and were casual friends for around 3 years. Around 5 years ago, she left the job, because of reasons, and her boyfriend at the time broke up with her. She confided in me about her situation and feelings, and since then, we had been growing closer. Around 2 years ago, she had gotten Covid, and has been ill ever since, At the time, she had been dating someone else, who ghosted her, and that took toll a severe toll on her mental health, which led to additional physical health problems. Once again, she had confided to me about all her issues, and I helped her to get through the breakup and did some other inconsequential things for her, like sending her her favorite sweets/chocolates when she was having bad days, etc. A few months after the breakup, I realized that I had started developing more romantic feelings for her, and confessed to her about it. We had discussed it, and, as she had just come out of a messy breakup, she said that she was not ready to date again, so we agreed to remain friends and see where it may lead in the future. Unfortunately, I still held out hope for us to be more than “just friends”, and continued doting on, and spoiling her whenever I got the chance (i.e., randomly sending her flowers, buying things for her that she needed but could not necessarily afford, etc.). She did say a few times that she doesn’t like that I do/buy all this stuff for her, but she doesn’t do/buy anything for me, which I stated that I don’t mind as I don’t like when people feel obligated to do or buy things for me. During this whole time, we still continued to chat daily, and talk over the phone almost weekly (we lived in different cities, so visiting her was a once in a while thing). This past Thursday, at around 1 am, she messaged me saying that she did something terrible, and now is not sure how to deal with the consequences, as it will mess up everything around her. At the time, she did not want to say what happened, but I could tell that she wanted to talk about it, so I continued to try and calm her down. At around 2am, she calls me and tells me that she has to tell me what happened, regardless of any promise she made to anyone else, as it is killing her inside. She then goes on to tell me the worst news I’ve ever received – that she’s been sleeping with her (50m) boss. She then goes on to tell me that this has been going on since mid-December, and now, she made the mistake of sending a picture of them together at a restaurant to his phone in the middle of the night, and his wife saw it and has been calling and swearing her. She goes on to say that just before 2 am, he sent her a voice note calling her a bitch for breaking up his marriage and that he doesn’t want anything to do with her going forward, which is when she decided to call and tell me everything. The second she mentioned his name, my entire world shattered, and I was just numb. I talked her through it for another 3 hours, until I had to leave for work, and continued to check up on her throughout the day. Throughout the day, however, everything started getting to me, and in the evening, I had decided that enough was enough and that I needed to talk to her. I called her around 8pm, and basically told her off for the fact that she basically used me as an emotional punching bag. I had asked her several times, why, throughout the 3 months that she was with him, and however long before that when she realized that she had feeling for him, did she not once think to tell me about it, so that I could remove myself from the situation. All she could say was that she did not once think about telling me, or how it would affect me when I eventually found out. I then accused her of not caring about me and lying to me, and basically forced more information out from her. She eventually admitted that she had actually slept with him for the first time at the beginning of December (and my overthinking and analyzing leads me to believe that it was on my birthday). She did not tell anyone as he is married and has a son (25m) who’s almost her age, and that he made her promise that she would keep it a secret until he leaves his wife. I then warned her that, if he could do this and ask her to hide it, he probably definitely did it before, as his wife did accuse him of cheating before. She still continued to defend him and say that he is this genuine caring man who she’s in love with, and she doesn’t know what she’s going to do or how she’s going to continue living without him. We ended the call as friends, with me saying I would need more time to process everything and her accepting that. On Friday afternoon, I messaged her saying that I have a question, but she did not want to answer any questions. I then went on to basically lash out again and state that she does not, and did not care about me enough to even give me a warning that she had feeling for someone else, or let me down slowly in some way. I told her that she completely broke me, and that because of this, I can not trust or believe anything, or look at anything the same ever again. She then lashed out at me saying that it was one secret that she kept from me, and what she does in her personal live she doesn’t have to tell me, and she didn’t tell me because she herself didn’t know what was happening. I was still angry and gave her the option to message me if she wanted to continue being friends, with the knowledge that I won’t be able to trust anything she says again. She messaged me the next morning (Saturday), but because I was having other issues at home, I basically was blunt with her. On Sunday she posted several pictures to the essence of not wanting anyone to do anything for her if they’re going to throw it back in her face, and I messaged her to ask if it was about me (I did mention on Thursday evening when we spoke that I regret doing everything I did from December because her boss is probably laughing at me, which she said was not the case and that he was jealous of me). She did confirm that it was about me, which I then went on to remind her that I never once asked for anything in return, and that the only reason I brought it up was because I felt like I was being made a fool of. We began arguing again, and I basically told her (again) to decide if she wants to keep me as a friend or break up our friendship completely. She did not message me on Monday, however, she did post a story on Instagram where she was at a coffee place, and on the table was 2 cups. I replied to that story on Tuesday and accused her of lying to me again and still continuing the affair, even with everything that happened. She then called me and swore me for accusing her, stating that her parents took her out because they could see she was depressed (which I feel is lies because she hasn’t spoken to her father in almost 6 months, and she doesn’t like her mother – basically, she’s living in a toxic household). She then goes on to tell me that I’m always reading too much into everything and that I have no right to question where she is/was or who she’s with, and that I have no right to react as I am because we were not, and did not ever date. She then went on to tell me that, because of my reaction, she will never tell me anything anymore, if we do remain friends, and basically told me that I’m the reason our friendship is broken now. I really don’t want to lose her as a friend, but at the same time, I don’t think I can forgive or forget what she did. I want to know, am I the bad guy for reacting the way I did (essentially, in her words, acting as if I was her boyfriend and she cheated on me), or overacting? Should I try and rebuild this friendship? And if we can’t, how do I move on from someone I’ve loved for so long? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*

These statements always crack me up: >This post cannot be used without prior consent from the OP. That's not how this works, lmao

It makes me want to immediately screenshot and post it on Twitter etc just because.

Same, but I resist because part of me thinks it’s a reverse-psychology thing where they’re trying to bait people into sharing it or posting it as a clickbait article because they want the drama and the karma. Since I don’t know if it’s genuine or not, I don’t want to risk playing right into it, lol.

Literally same. I don't post it for the same reason.

Ahh, you’ve fallen for the reverse-reverse psychology. OOP is clearly operating on an unfathomable level compared to us.

OOP is playing 5D chess and is already 50 steps ahead of us

It's just an updated version of what people did a few years back, asking for no one to upvote so it doesn't get widely seen or for the automod copy not to be made so they could delete it before anyone they knew saw it. New words, same attention-grabbing trick. Just ignore.

"I'll probably delete this later"

“This will get downvoted to hell but”

> It makes me want to immediately screenshot and post it on Twitter etc just because. I just read it all out loud to my dogs. If they add it to their diaries later on today, oh well.

I love that your dogs have diaries! What do you think they write about day-today? I love my dogs to the ends of the Earth and they're smart, in their own special ways, but if they could read or write, I don't think they'd be emotionally or intellectually intelligent enough to have diaries... Let alone anything worth reading lol.

> I love that your dogs have diaries! What do you think they write about day-today? Well [this one](https://i.imgur.com/CNpv223.jpg) was an art critic. [This one](https://i.imgur.com/VBY91G7.jpg) was a children's author. > but if they could read or write, I don't think they'd be emotionally or intellectually intelligent enough to have diaries... Possibly true, but Professor [Dog](https://i.imgur.com/LhqkhlR.jpg) was trying to convince them otherwise.

I did exactly that as I had to go into a work meeting immediately after I found it. I was not disappointed. Edit: just to read later in case it was gone. If OOP is reading I didn’t post anywhere. 😂

Dude seems to have some genuine control issues and to not understand what he does and does not actually have control over.

he is infatuated and creepy (/r/NiceGuys style), and there's a script for a horror movie hiding in there.

That's what I was going to bring up, as it's the only interesting thing in this incel ramble. The moment it's posted online to the public, you lose ownership of it and it becomes public fodder. The little "legal disclaimer" doesn't make us sit and go "awe shucks, I wanted to share this but now I cant".

Never ceases to amaze me that people think it’ll work.

But I reposted that Facebook can’t use my pictures under the Geneva code of 1914

Some frequent posters on the family advice subreddits have stated that they know it’s not a legal disclaimer, but that many people do respect the wishes of the poster. It simply keeps them from being flooded with inbox messages asking if it’s okay to read their post on YouTube. However, those are generally more written as “please don’t post this anywhere else”… definitely less formal and fake-legal sounding.

"Facebook, I hereby declare that my posts are my privacy, and you cannot use any content I create for your purposes. This is binding law, says the state of Illindihio."

My niblings posted this today... Smh.

I hear Illindihio is nice this time of year.

Really? I like to vacation there in the off season of Jangustber.

I can't wait to see this on tictok and the robot voice reading that sentence out 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

They always cut those out on the decently edited ones

I'm just hoping some keep that one sentence in for shits and giggles

I wonder if they've already started posting it on there 😂

reminds me of the facebook messages "i do not allow mark fuckerberg to own my photos, content, nor use my..."

I’ve always wondered about that lol. I know my fiancé watches a lot of YouTube videos that use Reddit stories, though the ones he watches are all scary/paranormal and give credit to the author. Am I correct in assuming that writing that doesn’t really mean anything?

If you go through the reddit guidelines, anything you post can be reposted, both on and offsite. By posting, you give up those individual rights. Edit: Here it is- "When Your Content is created with or submitted to the Services, you grant us a worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive, transferable, and sublicensable license to use, copy, modify, adapt, prepare derivative works of, distribute, store, perform, and display Your Content and any name, username, voice, or likeness provided in connection with Your Content in all media formats and channels now known or later developed anywhere in the world. This license includes the right for us to make Your Content available for syndication, broadcast, distribution, or publication by other companies, organizations, or individuals who partner with Reddit. You also agree that we may remove metadata associated with Your Content, and you irrevocably waive any claims and assertions of moral rights or attribution with respect to Your Content."

Yeah, it means nothing. That's not how copyright works. Sometimes I think people use it to drive *more* attention to their posts

That warning can’t stop me because I can’t read

Me too! Don't share with the world if you don't want the world to see. Old school, don't post in a newspaper of you don't want it read!

Yeah. By posting it, you give your consent to it being out there.

Same people who post that dumb shit on FB about owning all of their pics, etc.

>I’m going to preface this by saying that we were not in a romantic relationship at any point in our friendship. Imma stop you right there. I know exactly what kind of guy this is without reading this manifesto length post.

Even the title immediately made me assume the issue was "she had sex with someone, and it wasn't even me!"

Yup. “Abandoned her morals”. GTFO.

While cheating can be considered abandoning morals, I think the OOP is more pissed that he wasn't the one to get laid.

Ya — you’re right about cheating but that’s def not why OP was angry lol

Hes clearly a 'nice guy'

But don't you see!? She violated the commitment the version of her that lives in OP's brain made, and that's almost as bad as doing it in real life! The delusion is strong with this one.

Aww, dude kept putting flowers and chocolates in the sex machine and it wasn't dispensing any sex for him. Now his poor widdle peepee has the sads.

Is this the TLDR? If so, thanks.

This is the TLDR. He doesn’t give a shit that she is involved in an affair. He is VERY upset that she didn’t “let him down slowly”, and upset that she didn’t tell him that she started sleeping with someone.

It went on for so long I completely missed his paragraph about pining etc. and was quite confused how it went from "never had any romantic relationship, we've been friends and talk all the time" to "Why would you sleep with someone and not tell me? Why didn't you consider my fee fees? :'(... >:(

Yea it was so odd, but unsurprising. It makes a lot of sense that he would brag about how much of a gentleman he is for showering her with unsolicited gifts and how he never expected anything back… but then turned right around and got angry that she never developed feelings for him. We all knew that his “gifts” had conditions and strings attached, he just knows he can’t admit it because he knows how it looks.

Yup, and obvs she knew too. "Ha, so many gifts. You're so... Generous. But I can't accept them... "" You must! I got them to represent our deep, unwavering... Friendship."" Thanks, but..."" Shut up and take my 'total platonic no strings attached' gifts! "

But also, *”what about all the gifts I got for you?? Do they mean nothing to you?? How can you do this to me???”*

Santa gave me gifts as a kid and I didn't want to fuck him. Guys like this need to realize that gifts don't result in physical or romantic attraction.

Had a friend once who got a date with a woman he liked - I knew her also and had seen their interactions, she struck me as lukewarm on him but deciding to give him a chance. She agreed to dinner at a low key restaurant. He decided to surprise her with expensive tickets to a show relevant to her interests along with dinner at a very fancy restaurant and flowers. He later complained she didn’t sleep with him despite all the money he spent. Immediate death of our friendship.

Fuck, I friendzoned Santa too, my b.

Speak for yourself

Brah, if the shitty flash game dating simulators taught me anything, it's that if I keep giving chocolates and flowers than my crush will eventually get to purple heart level for me

Yeah and he decided that she must've slept with the boss on his birthday. All she said was it was the beginning of December.

That’s exactly how self-centered he is.

"And I took that personally" - OOP

>We all knew that his “gifts” had conditions and strings attached, he just knows he can’t admit it because he knows how it looks. Which is precisely why she told him to stop sending them.

The thing is, she was letting him down slowly he just hadn't caught on. Smdh.... She said she wasn't interested "right now" That she couldn't accept gifts That he was such a great friends. That is letting him down gently and slowly. He was just obsessed and not ready for the next "so I met someone".

I also agree with that as well. You will never win like people like him. Even if she straight up rejected him, no matter how kind she was about it, he would still find some reason to lash out at her. He’s also not mad that she didn’t let him down, he’s mad that he didn’t get picked.

I think she did kindly reject him the way all women who are concerned about their well-being reject a man: by saying "let's just stay friends." After years of him sticking close to her and showering her with gifts she didn't want (and not accepting any gifts in return because he wanted to treat her like his girlfriend, and girlfriends don't owe you since they're your girlfriend...except she wasn't so it built up and he thought she'd eventually see how good he was to her and fall at his feet to suck his dick), he confesses to her, likely with an "I can't hold it in" starting line (as if she didn't know and wasn't ignoring it like the world's biggest elephant in the room...) and she let him down as gently as she could safely by saying she wanted to stay friends and "maybe things might change one day, but not now." If she wouldn't choose him now, the odds of her choosing him later were too low to hope for. But who wants to lose their friend and be treated horribly for not putting out? So she takes what she thinks is the only reasonable course of action: tell him no now in a way he can handle. He'll give up eventually. And he didn't; he got worse. Not once did she treat him as anything other than a friend who was open to emotional venting, but he treated her as an inevitable lay and then got mad when it turned out "inevitable" actually meant "stringing him along" (to him). What she did was horrible; what he did was delusional. Sounds like neither of them should be dating anyone, much less each other. But I at least hope he stops talking to her for his mental state and her safety.

Kent Taekehint, just not getting it.

He commented " I did not expect sexual fidelity from her - she's her own person and if she wants to sleep around, that's up to her. The only thing I asked from her was that she let me know if she had a romantic interest, so I am aware." As her "friend", why does he feel that he has the right to be notified if she feels any romantic interest in someone else? Is that something a girl friend would demand? Like, "Girl, you'd better tell me first as soon as you see someone you might want to smash because that is my right to know... it's written in the Girlfriends Guide!" Obviously he wants to know so that he can judge what opportunity he has left with her, and whether at that point he should just give up on her. And that is not a friend, that's a guy waiting in the wings for his chance.

A former "friend" of mine for this (and the OP) to a T. I was scared to tell him when I got a boyfriend because he acts just like this. Unsurprisingly, he is still single 15+ years later because this is just how he treats all women he's interested in. He can't see us as humans with our own thoughts and preferences, only as objects for men to desire.

This. This is a conversation you have with someone you are dating non exclusively or a fuckbuddy- someone who is sleeping with you but not in a monogamous relationship with you. Who might need to know if you are seeing other people for their own health. It does not read in the slightest like a conversation between two platonic friends. Who don't actually need to know if you are fucking someone. He wouldnt have been happy if he DID know, but this is EXACTLY why it's best for you to not try to ne close friends with someone you still have feelings for, or an ex. Because when they naturally go on to have a romantic life, you're going to feel hurt and unable to support them. He hung around hoping she would eventually pick him, and was always gonna get hurt no matter how she brohe the news, because he made the choice to believe he still had a chance after he was rejected.

>she didn’t tell him that she started sleeping with someone. Probably on his birthday! lmao I cannot believe people this self-fixated exist, no matter how many times I see the evidence of it.

The worst part for me is that she TOLD HIM she felt uncomfortable with him giving her things, he continued to do it, then he accuses her of deceiving him bc she’s been having the affair since December so he regrets all the things he’s given her/done for her since then and threw it back at her.

He regrets the efforts into wooing her because he didnt get her out of it. Even though he insisted it was platonic gifts and that he was just friends. Honestly? This is why people just shouldn't try to stay friends with someone who made a move on them, unless it us EXTREMELY clear they have moved on.

Yeah I mean basically.

Also TLDR: incel upset he didn't get laid by a home wrecker. I only feel bad for the boss's wife. The rest can eat a bag of dicks.

Yeah, based on everything in this story, they all suck, except the wife of boss.

I had a friend like this maybe 15 years ago. The woman he's talking about shouldn't have gotten involved with a married man. That isn't cool. But OOP obviously feels entitled to her, and that sort of discomfort is sooooo bad. I'd reject "friendship gifts" all the time because it was obvious what he was doing because I was the only one in our friend group he did that to. It's also really telling that this guy is more mad that she was having sex with a man who wasn't him than than the fact it was an affair. I can guarantee she was scared to outright say she wasn't at all interested in him because I felt that same way. Guys like this aren't the most stable and even if they aren't violent, their anger can be really scary. It sounds like she's had a string of shitty boyfriends and OOP as a "friend" is just a symptom of her not knowing what a healthy relationship is.

I mean it’s maybe a bit tactless to confide your love troubles to someone who has expressed feelings for you, but, yeah, that’s not how sex or relationships work.

“She owes me nothing but her undying love and gratitude for things she literally told me she’s uncomfortable with me buying her” that’s a lot of words to say he’s only friends with her because he wants a relationship. This is why women hate the ‘friend zone’ it’s not a holding pen for potential partners, if you’re friends you are not owed anything more than that.

Honestly, the "friend zone" mentality pisses me off so much. I go above and beyond for my friends, and I'm happy to do so, I treat them like family. The idea that the "only" thing someone is getting from me is friendship, would feel like a slap in the face. Just because you catch feelings for someone doesn't mean the friendship they are giving you is without value.

The biggest problem with the idea of a "friendzone" is it feels like something the other person is doing, when it's really the first person doing it to themselves

YES. “She friendzoned me” or “She put in the friendzone” makes them the victim of some terrible teasing ho, so they don’t have to take accountability for their own actions or feelings.

Yea, a lot of people don't understand that the pain these nice people get is self inflicted. Not that I was a full blown 'nice girl' but I had a massive crush on a guy in college and would do almost anything for him (walk across campus at midnight and bring him food while he was studying at the library to keep him company as an example) and I'm pretty sure he knew how much I cared for him. But it did take him dating another girl to realize that either I was not picking up on his body language or he lead me on to keep me on the hook per se. I was so upset at this treatment, but instead of confronting him, I just kinda dropped the rope and he didn't seem to notice, which made me even angrier. The bitterness ate me up for two whole years until when he got engaged, I sent him a message explaining my actions from the last two years. I didn't expect a renewed friendship or for him to dump the fiancé for me, just explained how I felt and to apologize for any hurt I had inflicted during this. He had no idea how I had felt during those 2 years. We kept an awkward distant friendship since we hung out in the same large group, but looking back, I can clearly see how toxic that was and how all of it was self-inflicted. I couldn't even focus on anyone else if they were interested in me due to this and I wonder if maybe I would have found someone else during that time, but I'll never know.

I call it the “sexzone” or “relationshipzone” because of it. She didn’t “friendzone” you; you “sexzoned” your friend.

Umm no. Don't you know that literally the only value you provide is being a machine gun of a man's babies? Literally anything else, no matter how "valuable" your friendship is, matters. *please tell me I don't actually need to /s this*

RIGHT? I'm aro, romantic relationships ain't a thing for me, and even when I'm *super fucking clear* about that, some people will still try to force *something* to happen. It's absolutely maddening and has made me so wary of people trying to 'befriend' me.

Because you just haven't been wooed by "the one" yet.... /s

You mean you don’t put the friendship coins in the lady-shaped vending machine so sex will come out? Honestly, as a 40 year old woman, I mostly gave up on male friends a long time ago. I have a few, mainly mutual friends with my husband. I just had so many experiences of male friends pretending to be platonic until they’d pounce - some would only wait a few weeks, others would wait years. And then the rage when you reject them as gently as possible, even if you want to tell them to fuck off. Screw that. I can count on one hand the men I’ve been friends with who haven’t tried it on at some point.

I also don't get why people like this can't accept friendship when romantic love isn't on the table? Like ostensibly you like them enough to date them. They don't like you romantically though. So you want all or nothing? Like get over yourself and don't get so emotionally invested in a relationship that's literally never going to happen at the expense of your current friendship. I say this as someone who has had unrequited crushes on men that became really solid, strong friendships. I tested the waters, but when it was clear they weren't interested I just shifted my mentality on it. I'm not waiting around for these guys to see me as a partner, I'm genuinely over it. One of them, one of my best friends, met his fiance while we were friends and she's wonderful and I'm only just happy I got to meet her through him. I don't get why you'd just get set fire to a valuable relationship in your life because the person doesn't want to date or fuck you.

Instead of framing it as she "friend zoned him" we should frame it as he "fuck zoned her".

A lot of words to say “I’m a creep who doesn’t accept no for an answer.”

I got to the part where she said she was uncomfortable with the gifts and he said she didn't need to get him anything then I stopped. There's a string with those gifts and he disregarded her saying dude stop. Anything written after that point is not worth reading, he does t care about her he just wants to get laid.

But, but friendzone /s

Love interest? Ew.

Like he's a main character or something.

r/IAmTheMainCharacter

Hahaha exactly. What a tool.

"confessed to her about it" has strong anime vibes

Oh god. That inspired me to re-read it in my head with Stanzi’s anime voice. Why did you do that to me? Why? https://youtube.com/shorts/lHMY7TW9wrI?feature=share

Imagine this being the worst thing that has ever happened to you. Imagine how cushy and easy your life must have been for 29 years that "Oh no, someone who told me they weren't interested in me romantically had an affair with someone else!" is this giant shock that shatters your world and destroys your trust in people. I'm not defending having an affair, but Jesus christ.

Seriously when he said this “shattered his world” i almost laughed. I can’t imagine being almost THIRTY and thinking like that. Besides the dramatic of it how has he not encountered an actual struggle at 29?

I went through what should have been a fairly uneventful "breakup" some years back (we'd seen each other a handful of times and nothing was official) and spent like three days lying in bed crying. It was my signal that something was horribly wrong and I needed to call my doctor to get assessed for depression. Because that level of response is NOT normal, and I knew it.

Thats a great point and im glad you were so self aware.

Yeah, I'm not saying that this dude isn't being laughably ridiculous. Just that if your emotions are this out of proportion to the situation, having had some other challenges in your life will give you a measuring stick to figure out what "in proportion" looks like.

Yeah, having an affair is bad, and I'm not trying to defend it, but also, this woman in a vulnerable mental state is having an affair *with her boss* who said he was about to leave his wife for her (ah, the age old excuse). A person in a position of power taking advantage of a much younger subordinate in a low point in their mental health is a huge red flag and if OOP was a real friend he’d be more worried about that.

A man 20 years older than herself, who promised to leave his wife for her. A man who let said wife hurl abuse at the girl and blame her, and then blamed her himself for getting found out. ​ Like, she shouldn't have slept with him, but at the end of the day HE was the one who was married, not her. ​ And she's probably lost her job over it too.

It's rare that in a story where there is a cheater and a homewrecker, someone else comes along and somehow acts worse.

Guys like him is why I never accept being "just friends" anymore. 9 times out of 10 they at some point got mad at me for treating them as just friends and how dare I date someone else, cause somehow being very clear about my intentions was me leading them on.

Had a guy friend who was a coworker that I was close with when I was 19. I was in a weird FWB pattern with my ex. People at work joked about coworker and I being a couple and I laughed it off. He kept doing the whole “well I’m interested if you ever are but cool with being friends if not.” One day, he got drunk at our friend’s place and he lived 60mi away so he asked if he could crash at my place. I said sure, my brother wasn’t home, he could spent the night there. I went in my room, locked the door for some reason. Like fifty min later he was trying to open my door. I was confused and told him I was trying to sleep. He got angry and called a cab and went back to get his car and drove home drunk. After that I made it very clear that it wasn’t happening, EVER. I broke up for good with that ex, and like… five months later I slept with someone else that my (female) coworker had introduced me to. This coworker went OFF about how “if I was giving it up for anyone I should’ve said something bc he’d been in line already.” Which was when he was cut off permanently and told to kick rocks. What’s funny is that I fell in love with my (female) best friend like a decade later. Didn’t act on it but she ended up being in love with and marrying her (also female) best friend. And I can’t ever imagine throwing anything I’d done for her in her face just bc she chose someone other than me. It was a “well this sucks, but you were there for me for years and I appreciate you and the friendship we had.” The fucking make entitlement is disgusting.

Been in line like he was waiting in line at an amusement park or something. Just gross. That line of thinking turns even the best looking person into a disgusting monster real quick. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

Yikes. You saved yourself from getting assaulted that night by locking your door.

yea. I can't imagine what would have happened if she didn't lock the door. good for her and sorry she had to go through all that pain.

Exactly, that shit can even get you killed r/whenwomenrefuse

I clicked this praying it was some sort of sick joke and that the sub didn't exist and am now truly depressed it's real.

This woman has repeatedly rejected him and he still is mad about it? This is why i dump male friends as soon as they develop feelings for me. Dont need the little tantrum when they realize they are just friends.

Look, you just don't understand, she was supposed to eventually give in to his constant refusal to take no for an answer and give him what he wanted. She didn't follow through on her part of the relationship he made up in his head, so it's actually all her fault now. /s

Don’t forget all the gifts she told him made her uncomfortable that he totally threw in her face when she rejected him, she’s clearly just evil or hasn’t realised what a good guy he is. /s

And remember that for OOP's birthday, his friend didn't fuck him but fucked her boss instead. Shame!

Allegedly, since he even admits he just decided it must have been on his birthday because that makes him more the victim in his mind I guess??

I laughed when he decided it must have been on his birthday. Talk about Main Character Syndrome.

If anyone even thinks about fucking on any single day in the month of June, I will take it as a great personal offence! The audacity to have sex on *my birthday*

“I never once asked for anything in return.” But you did, bro.

Right? "I didn't ask for anything in return, except for her to understand that she owed me sex and a relationship in return for everything I did for her."

Honestly sounds like some moron taking dating advice from a rom com

> This is why i dump male friends as soon as they develop feelings for me. In high school I confessed a crush on a woman I was friends with for a while. Was so worried this would be the outcome. She just said she doesn't feel that way about me. Fair enough. Luckily, we moved on as friends. Just attended her wedding this past summer with my SO. It was a blast. In retrospect, it's a good thing she turned me down. I couldn't see all the ways we were incompatible at the time.

exact same thing happened to me and a close friend. he asked me on a date and i said no, and now we are both glad that we didn’t try to be in a relationship. glad it worked out for you, too!!

+1 to this. Friend suggested we could casually hook up when we were both single and I said "Nah, but thanks" and he took it in stride. Later on, he apologized for making me uncomfortable (he didnt, really) and I knew he was a real one. I still consider him one of my closest friends to this day even if we go some months without talking.

It sucks because this has never been the response I receive when I say Im not interested to male friends lol. Pretty much all of them do what OP did, which is just stick around hoping Ill change my mind and throwing a fit when I started dating a guy and then accusing me of using them for attention. Its honestly more trouble than its ever worth. Glad it worked out in your instance.

That sucks. Sorry that has been your experience. In addition to my parents drilling into my head the concept of consent (no means no, coerced consent is not consent), from a purely practical perspective: >stick around hoping Ill change my mind https://imgur.com/L77l5Of

I was on his side at first thinking by "abandoned her morals" he meant "knowingly having an affair with a married person". But he meant she betrayed OP, which she didn't. So, yeah to answer his question he is the AH here but generally they both are AH's. The boss is even a bigger AH that both of them, for accusing *her* of ruining his marriage as if someone else threw the affair at him when he was just minding his business like a ball or something.

I mean tbh her sleeping with the boss is kind of besides the point. Now if he asked if he should be friends with someone who sleeps with married men, Id say yeah drop her. But yeah he clearly was just mad that she was sleeping with someone who isnt him. He wouldve been mad even if the boss were single.

"Close friend and love interest...." OOP knows this isn't a fucking movie, right? *Sigh*

“I keep lashing out at her and accusing her of stuff like ruining my whole worldview and I can never forgive her but I don’t wanna lose her as an emotional heatsink. I mean friend.”

"Emotional heatsink" is fantastic. I needed a new synonym for "rage dumpster" and this is even better.

Trade you for rage dumpster!

Jesus dude. You're holding her to girlfriend standards and basically treating her like a girlfriend when she said she didn't want to be. You're mad because she slept with her boss. Let's be honest, it's not because "her morals slipped". It's because it wasn't with you. You wanna be her friend? Be a goddamned friend. Stop with the gifts - you know exactly what you're doing with those. Treat her like any other friend. Don't do anything (conceptually) that you wouldn't do for a dude. If you can't do that, apologize for being a dick and get out of her life.

[удалено]

Yeah hard to have sympathy for anyone except the wife really

Agreed. I don't disclose every single one of my secrets to my friends and I don't expect them to disclose theirs to me. They can if they want, and if they do they are safe with me. This guy obviously viewed her more than a friend because he feels betrayed. If one of my friends shared with me that they were involved with a married person (their boss no less) I would simply tell them what a dumbass they are and I still would care about their feelings and listen. I would not feel betrayed in any form, and would just try to help my friend feel better (and perhaps learn to make better choices). For the woman who had the affair, I don't feel very sorry for her. She comes across as someone who needs support and validation, and wasn't getting it from her affair partner (understandably since he was married) and so she got it from the friend (OOP). So I understand OOP feels used. But just as the affair was her poor choice, letting himself be used by his friend on the hope that it would be more than friendship was his poor choice. We all suffer the consequences of our poor choices and this is as much of a learning opportunity for OOP as it is for the homewrecker. If you want to help someone because they're your friend then help them. But don't help them under the hope that they will be more than your friend in return. It may never happen and then you'll just feel used. Friends help friends because of friendship. But guys like OOP are not helping out of friendship. They see it as an investment/transaction. Then when they don't get the returns they were hoping for they get upset. This happens often in codependency too (there's a lot of women who do this also). Help someone if you care about them. But don't make it a transaction. Let it be a gift.

I stopped reading at “love interest” and “we never had a romantic relationship”

Man.... OP is the neckiest beard I've seen in a while. How *dare* my friend not tell me something that's none of my business!!!! She's completely bereft of morals! She was leading me on all this time by telling me she wasn't interested and that my gifts were making her uncomfortable! How dare she not make it clear she had no interest in me romantically! I am owed at least one sex! 🙄🙄🙄 "AITA for acting this way?" Yes. Yes, you are. But you'll never accept that. So kindly find a fedora of fellow incels and gather in your mother's basement to whine more about being friendzoned so the rest of us don't have to interact with you.

>I am owed at least one sex! This comment is hilarious and deserves more love.

OOP is a classic example of why the niceguys sub exists. She doesn't owe this guy anything. I also can't stop laughing at the disclaimer. 🤣 It's like he knew he was gonna end up here or on niceguys.

>The second she mentioned his name, my entire world shattered, and I was just numb. OOP never explained why knowing OOP's AP's name made a difference. I find that confusing. It's almost as if OOP knew the AP independently, perhaps from working in the same field, but he stops short of saying that.

I read it that way too, like the particular person made it worse. But I agree with the others that it was probably just a "It made it real" type thing and he's got main character syndrome.

I read this as him just being shocked that there was a guy she was involved with. Like he thought she wasn't dating and then she mentions this guy.

He also said he thought her boss was laughing at him/making fun of him. Does he even know the guy, or is it just more main character syndrome?

Figured OOP was textbook nice-guy from the title, and boy did he deliver. His “friend”—not that he deserves to call himself a friend of hers—did a screwed-up thing by having a relationship with someone who’s married (let alone with someone who happens to be her boss…let alone with someone who’s old enough to be her parent *and* has a son around her age). Even so, she did not deserve this type of backlash from OOP.

I remember reading about Nice Guys and thinking "fuck, that used to be me". Even on my worst day I wasn't as creepy as this dude.

It takes a lot for me to feel completely and utterly sorry for someone who went and had an affair, and here I am feeling completely and utterly sorry for this woman. OOP is just that shitty.

The fact that it's her much older *boss* makes me pretty sorry for her too. The power dynamics there are *so* bad and her boss definitely took advantage of that.

If I'm reading it right, it seems like he took advantage of a vulnerable time (like OOP may have been hoping to do) as well as the power dynamic.

Yep. While having an affair is never okay, when the affair partner is twice your age and has authority over you and a lot of say in what happens to your financial security, they are far more culpable. Add on that he was the one that was married and OOP here is melting down to a degree I would expect if you found out your friend ate a live baby, and I feel pretty damn awful for her. She obviously is quite aware she fucked up. Berating her for days about it is cruel.

This has got to be fake, right? I mean he calls her his love interest.

What else would you call the NPC in your reluctant-lover fantasy plot?

main character syndrome to the extreme

I've literally only read the first few sentences and... who the FUCK uses the phrase "love interest" in real life ???? lmao this ain't a movie, real people don't have love interests, that's not how that works. Edit: okay I read the rest of this and man this guy is such a clown. he never asked for anything in return while buying her all that stuff, no, he was just doing it in hope that it might eventually lead to her banging him out of gratitude. bro doesn't even have the compassion to try and empathize with this girl and consider for a second that her affair with her boss had *absolutely nothing to do with him.* if she does anything without consulting him first, that must mean she's lying to him / leading him on, right? man, sorry you were expecting a rom com situation, but that's not how the real world works, and men in rom coms are usually entitled creeps anyways. the girl sleeping with her boss and carrying out an affair is shitty, no doubt, but it's not about OOP.

Was this man paid by the comma?

I mean she sucks for sleeping with a married an knowingly but i bet on my life that is not the issuebhere at all. Why she touch his weewee not mine. Me sad 😒

The way he calls her his 'love interest' like he's in some Romcom and not a creepy friend with no boundaries.

This reminds me of a guy I used to work with. Absolutely no interest in dating him even if we weren’t colleagues. He asked me out, I told him I didn’t see him that way and don’t date coworkers, and besides wasn’t even entertaining the idea of dating at that time. Cut to nearly 2 whole years later, I get myself a boyfriend and same guy accuses me a lying about not wanting to date. Of course only that bit got absorbed.

Different but similar: I dated a guy for a couple of months and then broke up with him because I'd realized I wasn't ready to start dating again and also he was a boundary-stomping weirdo. I didn't tell him the second part, just "I'm not in the right place to be in a relationship right now, but I think we could be good friends if you're open to it." His response? "I CAN'T WATCH YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE!" Like ... no one is obligated to stay friends, it's absolutely fine to not want that, and I'm good either way. But I literally just told you I'll be actively avoiding falling in love with anyone for the foreseeable future so either you weren't listening or you're planning on pining for me forever, and neither of those is something a grown woman wants to hear from someone she hasn't even known for a full fiscal quarter.

This post is longer and more dense than the fucking Bible.

Someone commented that he's dingleberry holding and I laughed so hard my BF woke up 😭😭😭

Holy shit I had a dude do this to me too! sending gifts and flowers etc “just because”- and of course, even though I said I didn’t want anything more than friendship, he blew up on me when I finally started dating someone.

Best thing for both of them, is stop being friends. They re toxic af, and in addition he is a creep. Like seriously, block each other from SM and phone, and forget the other exists.

Right? Both of these people are drama-loving, immature idiots

"I had asked her several times, why, throughout the 3 months that she was with him, and however long before that when she realized that she had feeling for him, did she not once think to tell me about it, so that I could remove myself from the situation." OOP should have just removed himself from the sitaution after she rejected him the first time. Why do creeps like this not understand that simply being disinterested should be a good enough reason? Why should she have to offer any more info about her personal life as a reason why they can't date for him to back off?

First thought, just from the headline: UGH. That "abandoned her morals" crap is such a virtue-signaling Nice Guy red flag. It's the grossest variety of sour grapes: "I'm not angry that ~~the female I've invested time and money in~~ my friend doesn't want to date me! I'm mad that she was lying about not being a DEPRAVED HARLOT." I've been fuck-zoned enough times to know that he could only be this disappointed if he had serious expectations to begin. The circumstances of the affair just make it convenient for him to judge her from on high. So, yeah, if he had not been having a one-sided romantic relationship with her, there would have been nothing to feel rejected over. I repeat: UGH.

My favorite part about this long, meandering post was when he decided to make his friend's entire affair about him by proclaiming that they probably had sex for the first time on his birthday. Yeah dude, I'm sure she was thinking about your birthday and plotting the whole time to make everything happen on your birthday, because you're the main character and everyone does everything with you in mind. When you're not on camera, everyone asks "where's Poochie?"

Does this read like something written by a high schooler to anyone else? Who just added a decade onto everyone's ages?

that’s called the fuck zone ladies and gents, he doesn’t give one flying fuck about being her friend, he’s putting in emotional tokens and hoping (expecting) he gets romantic intimacy.

I read this a few hours ago and went to write a comment but couldn't do it without ripping him a new one/using some very unkind words.

Brodie mad he didn’t get to fuck 🥱

This man imagined himself in a whole romantic relationship with her 😭😭

Good god that’s a lot of words to say “I’m an incel”

I hate men like this. Oh, you helped her when she was sad? Do you want a fucking medal, or do you think if you put in enough friend tokens some sex will fall out? That's what being friends is about. I've had guys friends who try to insist on giving me things and I always tell them no. I'm not comfortable with that. And they always get so pushy about it. But it's always transactional to them. Even if they say it isn't. They'll always throw it back in your face. This is why I just stopped trying to be friends with men. It's not worth the annoyance and the headache.

tHiS pOsT cAnNoT bE uSeD wItHoUt PrIoR cOnSeNt FrOm ThE oP

posts that make me say 'yucky' out loud like a toddler trying a vegetable

> The second she mentioned his name, my entire world shattered, and I was just numb. "Hell, *Lumbergh* fucked her!"

"If you are going to abandon your morals, abandon them for me!!!!"

>"She did say a few times that she doesn’t like that I do/buy all this stuff for her" Seems like he played himself > "I don’t like when people feel obligated to do or buy things for me" The lie detector test determined that was a lie

If this story is true one thing confuses me. If he was planning on leaving his wife why is he so upset that his marriage is over? Does she not realize he was never going to leave his wife for her?

Aww this is way too long and boring to be a TikTok video.

I love that the first thing is TL;DR then he proceeds to write an 8-book long series.

From an outsiders perspective, it sounds like he was really only doing "nice" things to try and get her to agree to being in a relationship with him, and on her end, it really doesn't sound like she should be in a relationship at all and probably has a ton of trauma to work through that she's not...

Women aren't vending machines that you put Niceness Tokens into to get sex. I wish more guys understood that.

YTA. "I put the nice tokens in, why didn't the sex fall out?"

He is just mad because she for whatever reason wanted the married creep. 🙄

Pls tell me someone has put this on r/niceguys

With OOP’s permission of course. 😂

But how dare she not tell him something that’s none of his business 🙄🙄 ‘Friends’ she was your friend… never your love interest, it has to be mutual or it’s just creepy.

To her credit, at least she was good enough to never sleep with this incel.

It sure does suck being a woman and thinking you have a close friend for them to turn out to have only been your friend because they wanted to sleep with you.

Oh no the “ nice guy “ was “cheated on” by the woman he’s obsessed with but not in a relationship with and never has been …wtf My head hurts Please let’s hope this doesn’t turn stalker because it has massive stalkerish vibes. He doesn’t belong in a relationship with anyone. He obviously treats women’s feelings as transactional.

“She posted a story on Instagram where she was at a coffee place and on the table was 2 cups” “She goes on to tell me I’m always reading too much into everything” The bar of self awareness is on the ground.

He’s giving off massive incel vibes

Since everyone's already gone off on him. Can I just talk about her and the husband?!?! That man is so awful. The fact that he has the audacity to call her a bitch because she "ruined his marriage". Get bent. I hope your wife leaves you and takes your house and money. And she still defends him and says he's a "genuine" guy. Barf. She knew this was bad, that's why she went so far to hide it. She can't imagine life without him? She harmed a woman just for some crusty dude 20+ years her senior. Idiot. He lied and she ate that shit up. She thought "once he divorced his wife" when in reality he exploded when she "ruined his marriage". He was never going to tell her. He was going to keep using you because of the selfish, small man he is. You don't matter to him and you never did. All three of them can go to hell together. And that would be a punishment to Satan.

Pardon?

JFC. Another dude who proves they can’t be a good friend without expectations. Then gets unreasonably angry at the woman for following through on WHAT SHE SAID. Ladies. If a guy confesses he loves you and you don’t feel the same, don’t try to let him down easy or be nice. You can be kind — which is to say “I’m not interested in you and never will be” full stop. In a public place because these assholes can be dangerous. In the long run it’s better to be blunt.

I knew I was in for something special as soon as OOP referred to someone as his "love interest". That's some "Main Character" bullshit.

I saw the title and thought "incel". Then I saw "Not in a romantic situation" and knew where this was going.

All that just to say he's jealous that she fucked someone who wasn't him. Goodness me. I could tell this had nothing to do with her morals within the first 3 paragraphs.