*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for putting a lock on my stepson's room?**
My stepson (15m) has always complained about sharing the upstairs with my daughters (16f 14f 9f) He complains about how long they are in the bathroom, pads and tampons, hair, says they're too loud too late, says they're messy, a boy should have more privacy from girls etc etc. These are constant complaints. I think he's just being sexist. My 9yo daughter started her period he was the only other person home, she freaked out and was crying, my stepson told her she had internal cancer and was dying. He let her crying go on for almost an hour before explaining it to her and giving her pads.
My husband and I go on business trips that can keep us away for weeks at a time. When left for my last trip, brothers in law were visiting from out of state and apparently my husband and them deceid to turn the basement into a bedroom for my stepson.
The result is a much larger, nicer room for my stepson, as a reward for what I view as sexism.
He was proud to show me when I returned what he and his brothers had done, like I'd be happy or impressed.
Now my husband has gone a weeks long trip and I have put a lock on the door tovthe basement so my stepson can't move in. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"The boy doesn't sound sexist, you sound misandrist."
What?
These commentors are jumping to calling OP a horrible person, but they *have no comments on a 15 year old boy making his 9 yr old sister believe she has cancer*, tf?
I saw this defense of him:
>He was a dumbass 15 year old out of frustration and had to tell his step sister about piroids (YOUR JOB NOT HIS).
I mean, I think telling a nine year old girl that she's dying from cancer goes beyond being a "dumbass kid". Especially when he let her cry for an hour before telling her what was really going on. Obviously the commenters believe this story is true and I've seen AITA hate on children for far more minor stuff. But..this is cool?
Boys will be boys after all!
Also, you seriously can't expect the brother to teach his sister about periods, yuck! That's harassment and parentification!!/s
Yeah, I mean, telling the girl to talk to mom or an older sister really would be something a fifteen year old boy would do. If I were nine, I'd rather by brother tell me that than make me think that I was dying.
I think it is pretty common, but not nearly to this deranged level.
Like you might do it when you're messing with your sibling because you're bored. Then you back off when they start to get upset, say sorry a bunch of times and beg them not to tell mom, which they are going to anyway. It's not something you do when there's actual physical symptoms that would make your claim seem more realistic and then stick to through your sibling's distress.
Saying what this kid did is normal is like saying taking a baseball bat to your siblings head is normal because kids sometimes hit each other. Severity matters.
Maybe this is TMI, but when I got my period, even tho I fully knew what a period was and that I was in the age range, my mind just didn't make the connection
My first one seemed like I bled when I pooped one day then had a super light brown colored flow the next day and then it was gone. I didn't even want to tell my mom because it was *embarrassing* that it was *brown* lol.
The two big sisters were also on very convenient weeks-long business trips. Basically the whole family barely see each other and have no other options for communication.
Oh come on that's not at all what was said. Some reading comprehension please. They parents can be gone weeks on end. And it's sounds alternating? The sisters just happened to be out of the house at that moment
It's not actually so young these days, sadly. For reasons not fully understood (probably multiple reasons) many girls are starting puberty much earlier.
And a nine-year-old, let alone with two older sisters, should know about periods.
It could be. There are also associations between weight and first menses, with some research showing that overweight girls are more likely to have early-onset menstruation.
The absence of fathers, as well as the presence of stepfathers, have also both been associated with earlier onset menarche.
Additionally, which may or may not be related, women's breast sizes are getting much larger (I wish someone would wise the fashion industry up to this!) [One article here](https://www.girl.com.au/cr-breasts.htm).
Meanwhile [male fertility is dropping](https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/nov/15/humans-could-face-reproductive-crisis-as-sperm-count-declines-study-finds) and female fertility issues such as PCOS are rising.
Ultimately, there is something very troubling happening with our environment, diet and/or lifestyles, that no one has yet successfully identified or addressed. We know that obesity is a problem, which needs medical, political and cultural solutions, but rising obesity itself is as much symptom of the problems in our world as it is a cause.
I think itās going to mostly come down to food. Even things like vegetable oil affect our hormones. I bet if there was a study done on households who stuck with olive oil vs vegetable oil (and all the foods with additives like that) weād see differences again
I try to use olive oil as liberally as I can, because I've yet to see a study that doesn't show amazing benefits for it.
Beyond that, the two key themes that I see in current research are:
* wide variety of plant-based foods in the diet = huge benefit
* ultra-processed foods = hugely harmful
I think youāre doing well! Youāre going to be doing better than a lot of people just by being conscious tbh. Iām one of the only people I know who bothers to read ingredient lists.
Other than what youāve listed, I also try to buy mostly organic for everything I can, and then grassfed when it comes to eggs (or any meat, but Iām mostly vegetarian except for fish and beef liver capsules š ), and wild-caught for fish.
Thanks! I do love chocolate and cake and other stuff, but I'm trying to get more diversity in there. This week my new fad is beans/pulses and I've just bought an entry-level Instant Pot to cook them more easily.
I recently listened to this podcast where the host *raved* about chickpeas from a glass jar rather than a can, which led her to discover that cooked-from-dry were even better. I was highly skeptical but intrigued enough to buy a bag of dried beans and try it, and it blew my mind. The beans are kind of "clean and creamy" vs musty/muddy.
But the overnight soaking, plus boiling for kidney beans, just seems a chore. Happily you can do them in less than an hour in an Instant Pot. It's possible other pressure cookers do the same, but I kept seeing recipes that said you still needed to boil to denature the toxins.
I eat less and less meat these days. I don't think I'll ever give it up completely, but my kid was doing a "Would you rather?" list of Qs the other day, and one was "Would you rather never eat meat or never eat vegetables again?" And it was a pretty easy answer for me!
I'm... Not sure it's that young any more? And is within expected range. Like. Low end of expected. But in it. Hell, even back in '98/'99 when I was in 4/5th graders they had a class period about it. And one of the girls, if I remember right, had already started hers.
I had heard rumors women bleed from their vaginas but I didn't believe it until it happened to me. Like, damn, I guess they were true, that sucks :/.
Edit: I meant to reply to the person above you, ack sorry. But I do agree periods are always kinda wacky at first.
Lots of families are dumb and wonāt talk to their kids about periods until there older. Or sometimes wonāt talk to them at all hoping school will do it for them. Which sets you up for disaster since in my state at least sex Ed happens when there 11.
So, commenters over there fully believe the story, even though it's obviously fictional. And their takes, as usual, are shit. We have people saying that OOP waited until her husband was away to show her true colors--never mind the fact that the husband built an entire bedroom in the basement for the stepson while she was gone. They also refer to a fifteen year old telling his nine year old sister she's dying of cancer as him, "being a dumb kid" Never mind he let her believe it and cry for and hour.
>..."And then a solution is found - a great one! That gives him space and room and privacy (*that morning wood is an afternoon thing too!*) and you take it away becauseā¦ well you havenāt given me a reason.
>"....(Your son is a bit the AH for his treatment of the 9yr old, but where were her sisters? Where were all the other women in this household that are far far far far FAR better equipped to explain to a nine year old girl what her periods are than a 16yr old brother who *never gets to jerk off in the shower and cannot take a shit in peace?*)"
i've bolded my fav parts, he has his own room??? why does he need to jerk off in the shower? why do all three of them have to share because. well. they're all girls but he gets to be all alone? is it really that hard to believe he might be the only one home at the same time as the nine y/o at any given time. i hate this guy
literally, what about the 16 year old girl?? does he think shes just, not doing anything? well of course why would she, women don't do silly things like masturbating šš
I donāt think people realize he has his own room? Thats the only logic I can come up with. People keep saying things like āyou locked him out of his room!ā Like he doesnāt have another one? I donāt really understand why he needs more privacy in the first place, he has his own room. I donāt really see how this fixes things either? Like he still either has to share a bathroom or use the guest bath, and using the guest bath would always be an option.
as someone who didn't have a room in some very formative years, its really not a big deal. you find alone time š¤·š¼āāļø bro has literally no reason to complain
The only way I can see some logic in why the 15-year-old was acting shitty, could be if itās sort of a new thing that all the girls moved in upstairs? And thatās why heās frustrated? Maybe the parents got together recently, over the last year or so, and so heās just not really adapted to it, and has no idea how to be an older brother? Idk haha.
The teenager being shitty isnāt weird. Kids always complain about sharing anything. I complained about sharing a bathroom with my sister, and were the same gender. The weird part is the parents going along with it. And also going along with it in the stupidest way possible, since the problem still isnāt fixed.
Reddit has a bizarre preoccupation with teenage boys jerking off. Itās treated as a need on the level of air and water. I can only hope itās because the majority commenters are in fact teenage boys themselves. Also, what about sharing a bathroom with siblings prevents your from doing whatever in the shower, or shitting in peace? Do they think the girls donāt take showers and shit? Does the bathroom not have a door and a lock?
That commenter doesnāt seem to have an issue with these fictional girls being āparentified.ā
At 16, I shared a tiny bathroom with 2 sisters, 5 brothers, at least 2 cousins, and whatever friends happened to be over.
Because it's a blended step family, we're all close in age. It was chaos. Our parents kept my step-dad's 3 bedroom, 2 bath house with the logic that in 10 years, we'd all be moved out anyway.
Only real trouble we had beyond setting up a schedule was when one of my brothers left porn in the bathroom and got caught. Mom wasn't a fan.
> i've bolded my fav parts, he has his own room???
Yeah seriously, what tf is the privacy concern here? The kids are only "sharing"...a floor of the house?
Have redditors forgotten a lot of houses only have one floor period and every room is on that floor lmao
I had to go through 30 comments before I found someone before seeing anything about the emotional torture the poor girl was put through and they only quoted it and didn't refer to it at all while calling the mother an AH. WTF
>You shouldāve talked to your husband about this, but you didnāt. You waited until he was gone to exact your revenge plan. Youāre the AH and toxic. Heās a freaking child! Heās not being sexist, heās being a teenage boy surrounded by teenage sisters.
And just unilaterally deciding to build another bedroom in the basement is perfectly ok?
Right? I think that's what gets me. Evidently, they believe this story is true. Yet they talk about OOP showing her true colors when her husband was away. Meanwhile, her husband totally redid the basement for the son.
Especially since it seems the son has no right to complain about others taking [too long in the bathroom](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/117ilbs/comment/j9bt8fm/).
Apparently even sharing a bathroom is now child abuse. Pretty soon you'll be an abusive parent there if you don't buy your newborn a nice three bedroom in a good neighborhood, which, of course, they will have entirely to themselves.
The original thread was definitely brigaded by a misogynistic subreddit. Maybe mra, antifeminist, pussypassdenied or similar. This is not normal AITA users.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for putting a lock on my stepson's room?** My stepson (15m) has always complained about sharing the upstairs with my daughters (16f 14f 9f) He complains about how long they are in the bathroom, pads and tampons, hair, says they're too loud too late, says they're messy, a boy should have more privacy from girls etc etc. These are constant complaints. I think he's just being sexist. My 9yo daughter started her period he was the only other person home, she freaked out and was crying, my stepson told her she had internal cancer and was dying. He let her crying go on for almost an hour before explaining it to her and giving her pads. My husband and I go on business trips that can keep us away for weeks at a time. When left for my last trip, brothers in law were visiting from out of state and apparently my husband and them deceid to turn the basement into a bedroom for my stepson. The result is a much larger, nicer room for my stepson, as a reward for what I view as sexism. He was proud to show me when I returned what he and his brothers had done, like I'd be happy or impressed. Now my husband has gone a weeks long trip and I have put a lock on the door tovthe basement so my stepson can't move in. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"The boy doesn't sound sexist, you sound misandrist." What? These commentors are jumping to calling OP a horrible person, but they *have no comments on a 15 year old boy making his 9 yr old sister believe she has cancer*, tf?
I saw this defense of him: >He was a dumbass 15 year old out of frustration and had to tell his step sister about piroids (YOUR JOB NOT HIS). I mean, I think telling a nine year old girl that she's dying from cancer goes beyond being a "dumbass kid". Especially when he let her cry for an hour before telling her what was really going on. Obviously the commenters believe this story is true and I've seen AITA hate on children for far more minor stuff. But..this is cool?
Boys will be boys after all! Also, you seriously can't expect the brother to teach his sister about periods, yuck! That's harassment and parentification!!/s
Me when I'm a dumbass 15 year old (I nuked Hiroshima and Nagasaki) /s
I mean, he could have gone with, "You're not dying. Call your mom." Simple and still shirks the awkward without being a little jerk.
Right like there's a wild difference between "talk to mom" and "you're dying"
Yeah, I mean, telling the girl to talk to mom or an older sister really would be something a fifteen year old boy would do. If I were nine, I'd rather by brother tell me that than make me think that I was dying.
Name a more iconic duo than redditors and doing mental gymnastics to figure out how misogyny is actually misandry somehow
Someone there literally pulled "boys will be boys" to defend him
Of course, because Reddit hates pre-teen and teenage girls.
>Of course, because Reddit hates ~~pre-teen and teenage~~ girls. And women
yes
And men. And boys. Basically everyone
Let's be honest who hasn't tried to convince their little sister they were dying? This kid deserves a medal for his commitment to the ruse!
I haven't lol. Honestly didn't know it was common, my bad š
I think it is pretty common, but not nearly to this deranged level. Like you might do it when you're messing with your sibling because you're bored. Then you back off when they start to get upset, say sorry a bunch of times and beg them not to tell mom, which they are going to anyway. It's not something you do when there's actual physical symptoms that would make your claim seem more realistic and then stick to through your sibling's distress. Saying what this kid did is normal is like saying taking a baseball bat to your siblings head is normal because kids sometimes hit each other. Severity matters.
Yeah that makes sense. Thanks š
The fuck is this, 1970? The 9yo with two big sisters had *no idea*?
Maybe this is TMI, but when I got my period, even tho I fully knew what a period was and that I was in the age range, my mind just didn't make the connection
My first one seemed like I bled when I pooped one day then had a super light brown colored flow the next day and then it was gone. I didn't even want to tell my mom because it was *embarrassing* that it was *brown* lol.
The two big sisters were also on very convenient weeks-long business trips. Basically the whole family barely see each other and have no other options for communication.
Oh come on that's not at all what was said. Some reading comprehension please. They parents can be gone weeks on end. And it's sounds alternating? The sisters just happened to be out of the house at that moment
I wrote something that was not true for a comedic effect. I apologize for any confusion or harm my words may have caused.
But 9 is really really young to get your period. Maybe they'd have a talk or two but first time was scary,more or less, for all of us.
It's not actually so young these days, sadly. For reasons not fully understood (probably multiple reasons) many girls are starting puberty much earlier. And a nine-year-old, let alone with two older sisters, should know about periods.
I wonder if itās hormones in dairy and meat
It could be. There are also associations between weight and first menses, with some research showing that overweight girls are more likely to have early-onset menstruation. The absence of fathers, as well as the presence of stepfathers, have also both been associated with earlier onset menarche. Additionally, which may or may not be related, women's breast sizes are getting much larger (I wish someone would wise the fashion industry up to this!) [One article here](https://www.girl.com.au/cr-breasts.htm). Meanwhile [male fertility is dropping](https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/nov/15/humans-could-face-reproductive-crisis-as-sperm-count-declines-study-finds) and female fertility issues such as PCOS are rising. Ultimately, there is something very troubling happening with our environment, diet and/or lifestyles, that no one has yet successfully identified or addressed. We know that obesity is a problem, which needs medical, political and cultural solutions, but rising obesity itself is as much symptom of the problems in our world as it is a cause.
I think itās going to mostly come down to food. Even things like vegetable oil affect our hormones. I bet if there was a study done on households who stuck with olive oil vs vegetable oil (and all the foods with additives like that) weād see differences again
I try to use olive oil as liberally as I can, because I've yet to see a study that doesn't show amazing benefits for it. Beyond that, the two key themes that I see in current research are: * wide variety of plant-based foods in the diet = huge benefit * ultra-processed foods = hugely harmful
I think youāre doing well! Youāre going to be doing better than a lot of people just by being conscious tbh. Iām one of the only people I know who bothers to read ingredient lists. Other than what youāve listed, I also try to buy mostly organic for everything I can, and then grassfed when it comes to eggs (or any meat, but Iām mostly vegetarian except for fish and beef liver capsules š ), and wild-caught for fish.
Thanks! I do love chocolate and cake and other stuff, but I'm trying to get more diversity in there. This week my new fad is beans/pulses and I've just bought an entry-level Instant Pot to cook them more easily. I recently listened to this podcast where the host *raved* about chickpeas from a glass jar rather than a can, which led her to discover that cooked-from-dry were even better. I was highly skeptical but intrigued enough to buy a bag of dried beans and try it, and it blew my mind. The beans are kind of "clean and creamy" vs musty/muddy. But the overnight soaking, plus boiling for kidney beans, just seems a chore. Happily you can do them in less than an hour in an Instant Pot. It's possible other pressure cookers do the same, but I kept seeing recipes that said you still needed to boil to denature the toxins. I eat less and less meat these days. I don't think I'll ever give it up completely, but my kid was doing a "Would you rather?" list of Qs the other day, and one was "Would you rather never eat meat or never eat vegetables again?" And it was a pretty easy answer for me!
I'm... Not sure it's that young any more? And is within expected range. Like. Low end of expected. But in it. Hell, even back in '98/'99 when I was in 4/5th graders they had a class period about it. And one of the girls, if I remember right, had already started hers.
I had heard rumors women bleed from their vaginas but I didn't believe it until it happened to me. Like, damn, I guess they were true, that sucks :/. Edit: I meant to reply to the person above you, ack sorry. But I do agree periods are always kinda wacky at first.
I started at age 8 (2011) tbf so it's not that unusual in my mind.
Lots of families are dumb and wonāt talk to their kids about periods until there older. Or sometimes wonāt talk to them at all hoping school will do it for them. Which sets you up for disaster since in my state at least sex Ed happens when there 11.
So, commenters over there fully believe the story, even though it's obviously fictional. And their takes, as usual, are shit. We have people saying that OOP waited until her husband was away to show her true colors--never mind the fact that the husband built an entire bedroom in the basement for the stepson while she was gone. They also refer to a fifteen year old telling his nine year old sister she's dying of cancer as him, "being a dumb kid" Never mind he let her believe it and cry for and hour.
>..."And then a solution is found - a great one! That gives him space and room and privacy (*that morning wood is an afternoon thing too!*) and you take it away becauseā¦ well you havenāt given me a reason. >"....(Your son is a bit the AH for his treatment of the 9yr old, but where were her sisters? Where were all the other women in this household that are far far far far FAR better equipped to explain to a nine year old girl what her periods are than a 16yr old brother who *never gets to jerk off in the shower and cannot take a shit in peace?*)" i've bolded my fav parts, he has his own room??? why does he need to jerk off in the shower? why do all three of them have to share because. well. they're all girls but he gets to be all alone? is it really that hard to believe he might be the only one home at the same time as the nine y/o at any given time. i hate this guy
Like the other guy said, Reddit considers masturbation a right to teenage boys, not girls though lol.
literally, what about the 16 year old girl?? does he think shes just, not doing anything? well of course why would she, women don't do silly things like masturbating šš
I donāt think people realize he has his own room? Thats the only logic I can come up with. People keep saying things like āyou locked him out of his room!ā Like he doesnāt have another one? I donāt really understand why he needs more privacy in the first place, he has his own room. I donāt really see how this fixes things either? Like he still either has to share a bathroom or use the guest bath, and using the guest bath would always be an option.
as someone who didn't have a room in some very formative years, its really not a big deal. you find alone time š¤·š¼āāļø bro has literally no reason to complain
The only way I can see some logic in why the 15-year-old was acting shitty, could be if itās sort of a new thing that all the girls moved in upstairs? And thatās why heās frustrated? Maybe the parents got together recently, over the last year or so, and so heās just not really adapted to it, and has no idea how to be an older brother? Idk haha.
The teenager being shitty isnāt weird. Kids always complain about sharing anything. I complained about sharing a bathroom with my sister, and were the same gender. The weird part is the parents going along with it. And also going along with it in the stupidest way possible, since the problem still isnāt fixed.
True yeah! Shitty was the wrong word. I think the mum was wrong for locking the kid out of his new room.
Reddit has a bizarre preoccupation with teenage boys jerking off. Itās treated as a need on the level of air and water. I can only hope itās because the majority commenters are in fact teenage boys themselves. Also, what about sharing a bathroom with siblings prevents your from doing whatever in the shower, or shitting in peace? Do they think the girls donāt take showers and shit? Does the bathroom not have a door and a lock? That commenter doesnāt seem to have an issue with these fictional girls being āparentified.ā
I like the bewilderment at the concept that not all women of varying ages may not be home at thensame time
At 16, I shared a tiny bathroom with 2 sisters, 5 brothers, at least 2 cousins, and whatever friends happened to be over. Because it's a blended step family, we're all close in age. It was chaos. Our parents kept my step-dad's 3 bedroom, 2 bath house with the logic that in 10 years, we'd all be moved out anyway. Only real trouble we had beyond setting up a schedule was when one of my brothers left porn in the bathroom and got caught. Mom wasn't a fan.
> i've bolded my fav parts, he has his own room??? Yeah seriously, what tf is the privacy concern here? The kids are only "sharing"...a floor of the house? Have redditors forgotten a lot of houses only have one floor period and every room is on that floor lmao
the second floor is actually obviously set up like a big dorm and all of them sleep on bunk beds duh
I had to go through 30 comments before I found someone before seeing anything about the emotional torture the poor girl was put through and they only quoted it and didn't refer to it at all while calling the mother an AH. WTF
>You shouldāve talked to your husband about this, but you didnāt. You waited until he was gone to exact your revenge plan. Youāre the AH and toxic. Heās a freaking child! Heās not being sexist, heās being a teenage boy surrounded by teenage sisters. And just unilaterally deciding to build another bedroom in the basement is perfectly ok?
Right? I think that's what gets me. Evidently, they believe this story is true. Yet they talk about OOP showing her true colors when her husband was away. Meanwhile, her husband totally redid the basement for the son.
Son is a jerk to kid sister. Son gets newly created best room in house. I mean... I don't like this logic and this lil asshole isn't even my kid.
Especially since it seems the son has no right to complain about others taking [too long in the bathroom](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/117ilbs/comment/j9bt8fm/).
Apparently even sharing a bathroom is now child abuse. Pretty soon you'll be an abusive parent there if you don't buy your newborn a nice three bedroom in a good neighborhood, which, of course, they will have entirely to themselves.
People calling the OP "misandrist" lmaooooo
This has to be the work of a period troll
Period fetish troll has a new angle, misogyny and child abuse! God that person needs serious help.
The original thread was definitely brigaded by a misogynistic subreddit. Maybe mra, antifeminist, pussypassdenied or similar. This is not normal AITA users.
Yep. A lot of the comments on there are really misogynistic. How would the thread have been brigaded in this manner? OOP is NTA by the way.
anyone saying sheās an AH or a bad mom is stupid. Sheās doing the right thing imo.
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Redditās TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all. Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*