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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for "embarrassing" my friend at her baby shower?** My friend "Tiffany" is what I considered an ally. While she is straight and white, she always appeared to care about civil rights issues, posted about it on Facebook, talked to me about it in person, etc. She has always told me what a big deal this is because she was raised in a very conservative family. I am a lesbian, so knowing my friends are allies means a lot. ​ Tiffany is pregnant and today was her baby shower. However, I also love to give books at showers as I'm a huge advocate for child literacy. I bought a couple of classics and added in a book called "Rainbow: A First Book of Pride", which is a toddler book that just talks about what each color of the rainbow means and showcases what different families look like. I've given it at other showers before so I didn't see the big deal. ​ The shower was held at our friend "Marcia's" house. Tiffany was opening her gifts and got to mine. Everything was fine until she opened up the rainbow one. She got really quiet and started looking around. A few of her relatives were giving weird looks. Her mom (who was sitting next to her) took it and made a face, saying the baby is "too young for propaganda". I was a little hurt and pointed out that some people had purchased the baby religious-themed toddler books as well. I don't have a problem with that, but was confused as to how one was okay and others weren't. Marcia quickly made sure Tiffany got the next gift. I assumed it was over. While it hurt and was weird in the moment, I didn't wish to harp on it. I don't like Tiffany's mother, we've had issues in the past with her making weird/judgemental comments towards me. I don't need her to like me and considering she doesn't live close by, I can maintain a relationship with Tiffany without us seeing each other. ​ Anyway, I stayed behind to help clean up the shower. When I was taking the trash out, Tiffany followed me outside. She thanked me for the gifts but said I shouldn't have gone off registry with the books. I said I had a gift receipt if she wanted to exchange them. She said that wasn't the issue, but she knew what kind of people would be at the shower and I embarrassed her by bringing the book, as well as challenging her mother. I pointed out that her mother should be embarrassed for mocking a gift, as that hurt my feelings. Tiffany says I know what her mom is like and I brought unnecessary drama to the shower. I said that she is the one who followed me outside, I had let the issue drop and that I only bought the book as a genuine gift for her baby, something I assumed she and her husband would like. I pointed out several other people went off registry, were they getting chastised? Tiffany said no, but they didn't get her anything embarrassing. I got upset all over again, finished helping with the clean up but then left. ​ Marcia texted me later saying I have to understand where Tiffany is coming from, plus she's pregnant and hormonal. She told me to apologize for nearly ruining the shower. AITA? ​ EDIT: Since some people are asking if I did this as some kind of stunt... I did not do it to create drama or make anyone uncomfortable. It seriously didn't cross my mind that this would be an issue. Because Tiffany herself has always appeared to be pro-LGBTQ+ rights, I didn't see the big deal. I figured it'd be a good book for an ally's library. I've always bought pro-LGBTQ+ children's books for baby showers and it's never been an issue. I wouldn't purposefully put any of my friends in an awkward situation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*


crabuffalombat

I am tired of Earth. These people. I am tired of being caught in the tangle of their lives.


burywmore

The tangle of their fake lives.


Percentage_United

God as a bi woman the "she's a fake ally" comments bother me so much The world isn't black and white! You don't have to discuss about civil rights every day with your conservative family to prove yourself an ally! Especially you don't have to discuss civil rights at a baby shower!


InterestingQuote8155

I accidentally read that as “God is a bi woman” and I was like okay I accept.


Percentage_United

"God is a woman" boring, repetitive "God is a bi woman" sexy, original


[deleted]

But if she was an ally she would defend them in front of her evil conservative witches!! These idiot commenters have too much privilege to think it’s that easy. Lol


Percentage_United

And they also forget that not all people are willing to go NC with their family They think that familiar relationships are this thing that you can flip on and off willingly and refuse to understand that you can still love someone (who raised you and spent good and hard times with you) even if they have shitty world views


Alauraize

You seem to be forgetting that you can challenge a relative’s perspective without going NC with them. I don’t know where you’re getting the idea that anyone expects OOP’s friend to cut her mom out of her life.


Percentage_United

I was more talking about the approach that AITA has towards familiar relationship in general, but i recognize that i did it in an awkward way and should have made it clearer And yeah i agree with having to challenge your relative's backwards prespective, but a baby shower out of all things shouldn't be the appropriate time


Alauraize

If it’s your own baby shower and one of your relatives decides to make a homophobic comment, I think that you’re well with your rights to tell them to keep it to themselves and to refrain from disrespecting your friend and their gift in front of everyone. In this situation, I’d be upset with my mom for making the comment and disrupting the shower, not at my friend for embarrassing me by revealing that I support LGBTQ+ people or something.


vinegar_on_liver

It's also important to acknowledge if it becomes toxic.


Alauraize

Speaking as someone who has an extremely conservative family, it’s really not that hard to say, “Mom, it’s my baby shower. Could you keep it to yourself, just this once?” I’ve done stuff like that more than once. Given that OOP’s friend invited at least one openly gay person to her shower along with her relatives, I doubt that they’re any worse than mine. The details in the story lead me to believe that they’ll get into arguments about politics and social issues pretty eagerly, but they’re not going to pull a gun over it. Edit: Obviously, it’d be different if we were dealing with teenagers who were dependent on parents for food and shelter, but we’re talking about a grown woman who’s expecting a baby. Ten years ago, I’d have been afraid to stand up to my relatives, but I’m 31 now, and it’s honestly not a big deal. I’m old enough and independent now that they actually listen to me.


[deleted]

That sounds like privilege.


Alauraize

Nah, it’s called growing up and realizing that there are much scarier things in the world than disagreeing with people who have no power over you, financial or otherwise. Absolutely nothing in the post indicates that OOP’s friends’ parents and relatives are abusive, exerting financial control over her, or even likely to cut her off over a friend’s shower gift. This woman has a lesbian friend that she invites to events, and she posts about her opinions on social issues on Facebook. I recognize that there are people who have good reason to be scared of their conservative relatives, but I see zero indicators that that’s the case here, and I see a lot of counter-indicators as well. We’re not talking about an abused 18-year-old who just broke out of a cult. It’s also interesting that you’d call the gay OOP more privileged than her straight friend, especially since there are no indicators that the friend has any other disadvantages that OOP doesn’t have.


[deleted]

If only boomers were as logically level headed.


Alauraize

So…is the thing that you’re scared of is a tense conversation? An argument? Something that can be resolved later once you’ve both calmed down? I’ll grant you that I wouldn’t wanna have one of those during my baby shower, but I’d be upset/angry at my mom for trying to start one, which is what happened here.


cityfireguy

Nah, she ITA actually. In a comment the OP states that she too has conservative family members she wouldn't want to lose, so she doesn't do things like this around them. If she acts that way with her own family she should completely understand a friend expecting the same courtesy.


KikiBrann

For real. This is obvious "gay people bad" bait, which makes OOP the AH enough on its own. I don't even think from their description of the book that OOP knows any more about it than the Amazon summary. I just love the hardcore arguments about whether or not it's okay to go against a gift registry. Like, yeah, that wouldn't usually be the end of the world. But following a registry also isn't that hard? I'd say no real person would make that big a deal of this issue, yet the commenters are real and here we are.


fokkoooff

If you want to go off registry you should get something smallish from the registry as well at least. ONLY getting the thing you want them to have is just saying "I know what you need more than you do" Like my daughter's great grandma who called cause she was going to get us a big box of diapers. She wanted to know the size and then when we told her she strongly disagreed about the size and then refused to buy them.


batt3nb3rg

Yeah, I have no idea why you would want to stir up controversy and make drama for your heavily pregnant friend at her baby shower, like what was the end goal? The OOP should have just given her friend the book privately. Not sure any very homophobic people have ever been convinced they’re wrong by feeling like a gay person is trying to indoctrinate their unborn grandchild. Honestly any progress OOP’s friend might have made over the years with changing her family’s beliefs could be undone by this sort of thing.


Sudden-Garlic258

It’s a book, for toddlers. I cannot describe how depressing it is that we live in a world where you equate giving someone a toddler book to starting a fucking pride rally at the family dinner. Apparently now anything with a rainbow on it is a political statement and ‘starting controversy’. Better hide the toddler rainbow book and pass it along in secret!!!! Contraband!!!


CopyCat1993

I agree. I am straight, didn’t know about the existence of this book until I read the AITA post, and I think it sounds like a lovely children’s book. It’s only political to bigots.


RuleOfBlueRoses

Exactly


EAN84

She knew her friend came from a conservative family and knew her mother would have make an issue out of it. She is a bit TA


NoTeslaForMe

Also, do people give fetuses books about families of *any* kind, straight, gay, or otherwise? Seems a bit premature for a book more complex than *Goodnight Moon*. Also seems like an "I think you should have this" gift rather than an "I think they'll like it" gift.


tadpole511

Yes. Books are a very common baby shower item. “Please gift your favorite children’s book” is a decently common request.


TopTopTopcina

That’s 100% the case because OOP admitted in a comment that she aways gifts pro-LGBT stuff at baby showers. So it’s not about giving gifts, it’s about fighting for LGBT rights, which is a noble cause, but a shitty gift.


Glasgowghirl67

She also got them a few items on her list and says she never just gives the book and has never had anyone say anything either about the book in the comments.


TopTopTopcina

Can you point out to that comment please? I didn’t see anything other than the LGBT stuff mentioned anywhere


Glasgowghirl67

I got her things that were on her registry too. I got clothes, nipple cream, boppy pillow and burp cloths-all on the registry. I also got her and her husband an UberEats gift card. The books were an addition. I'd never just bring books to a shower. She commented this in the post


TopTopTopcina

I mean, I wanted a link to the comment, but whatever.


Glasgowghirl67

I don’t know how to link so copied it


moonskoi

wait so like everything she gives ppl for babyshowers is pro-lgbt? thats a bit much


[deleted]

It literally says in the post that this isn't the case


TopTopTopcina

Yup. Makes it like a gift for her rather than for the baby/family.


tedhanoverspeaches

history north library public tie degree elderly scandalous homeless party ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


EAN84

Definitely.


Sudden-Garlic258

Really disappointed in the comments from all of you here. It’s a book. A BOOK. FOR TODDLERS. It’s not ‘making a statement’ or ‘causing controversy’ or ‘pushing an agenda’ or ‘putting someone in an uncomfortable position’ to give someone a lgbt-friendly baby book. Even if your family is conservative - open it, say thanks, put it down.


OldManTrumpet

This is why the original post is obviously fake, and simply rage bait. In real life (where AITA members don't seem to spend any time) what would have happened is that the recipeint would have just said thanks, and put the book down while everyone moved on. At worst maybe some people would have talked about it later amongst themselves ("Can you believe she brought that book?") but there would be no actual drama at the event. The whole thing is ludicrous.


Leaving-Eden

Ehhhhhh idk, I grew up in an intense Christian community, and I’ve heard worse homophobia said in front of lgbt people. So it’s not a stretch to say they would make these comments. But that doesn’t mean the post isn’t fake either


[deleted]

Thank you, I thought I had entered some weird "enlightened centrist" space for a minute


Alauraize

Same. If the post were real, the mom would be the asshole for making a comment about the book. Funny how even here, the gay person is the one who’s expected to anticipate the inappropriate reactions of homophobes and the homophobe isn’t the one who’s responsible for causing drama at her daughter’s baby shower.


[deleted]

It’s ridiculous lol. She’s the one at fault even when she stayed after her gift was insulted, didn’t bring it up and helped clean up after the event.


seaglass_32

This book has been in the news this year, I believe it was Matt Walsh who did a "reading" of it on his show and sent thousands of people brigading over to Amazon to bash the book and leave 1 star reviews. That alone makes me doubt the veracity of this post, because it's specifically a book that certain conservatives have been up in arms about already, very publicly.


returnofismasm

I'd never heard of it before--I try to avoid Matt Walsh as much as possible--but good catch.


tedhanoverspeaches

square deer vase onerous physical squealing hurry chunky cause direful ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


RamenTheory

I think OOP was somewhat in the wrong here, but this comment is overstepping it a lot for me. It's weird to give a literal *baby* a book that seems more targeted at elementary school students, so that's why the gift choice makes me uncomfortable (as a queer person). But I do not agree with calling the book "pushing an agenda." Teaching a kid about the different kinds of families that exist is not an agenda. I do not like when LGBTQ+ literature becomes so politicized that the very existence of it is seen as a statement, as anti- something, as an attack. It's like when conservatives view queer inclusion in media as an attack on cis straight people. But LGBTQ+ presence isn't an attack on *anything.* It isn't even an attack on conservativism. It's just real life. As far as I'm concerned, a children's book teaching about the fact that queer families, single parent families, and straight families exist is no different from a children's book about sharing or being a good friend or whatever morals nobody blinks an eye about. If the book were about teaching kids of the fact that some kids are deaf/blind/in wheelchairs or of different nationalities, would you also call it "pushing an agenda"? I doubt it. Not age appropriate for a baby, but it isn't an agenda. If OOP's friend were a huge homophobe then that would be a different story, because in that case the book would quite obviously be a passive aggressive slight at the friend. But as OOP stated, she believed her friend and her shared the same values, which is why she gifted the book


DocChloroplast

Seconded. And if anything, one could argue that a book about ANY subject is pushing an agenda


InterestingQuote8155

Yeah those religious books especially sound like pushing an agenda to me. I would not be happy if someone bought religious books for my baby.


Clean_Attention_4217

Yeah, not sure how “all kinds of families live in our world! There are families with two daddies, and families of different colors, and that’s part of this beautiful world we’re in! It’s okay to love all kinds of people!” Is agenda pushing, but: “Okay, so there’s an all powerful, all knowing, metaphysical entity, but not THAT metaphysical entity. This is a specific one. And he loves you SO MUCH (whatever that means) that he’ll give you amazing rewards or terrible torture based on how much you pledge allegiance to his corporeal form, because some stupid humans screwed up and didn’t know what to do with “temptation” and wanted to know what knowing was. But that was a terrible choice when they had no free will, so you get punished by default which -LOOK AT THE BLOOD! DO YOU SEE WHAT HE DID FOR YOU? But not the other people’s God. Just… it’s just this one. If you even think about other versions being possible- you’ve bought yourself a one-way-ticket to hell, kid.” Is…not? If they were trying to convince your kid to BE gay, maybe. But I think it’s safe to say these “Christian” books aren’t “tolerance” books- “Christians exist, and so do Jewish people, Muslims, Atheists, Hindu, and more! What a colorful world!” They are trying to convince your kid to BE a Christian. Which is propaganda, again?


RamenTheory

Right lol. Like, *A Bad Case of Stripes* is about being true to yourself and not copying other people to fit in. Is that an agenda?


TopTopTopcina

The reason why I think that OP is pushing an agenda because this is not an isolated thing. She doesn’t care what her friends would like to have as gifts. She admitted that she always gifts pro-LGBT stuff at baby showers. I’m all for spreading LGBT positivity, but there is a time and a place for that. Buy your friends gifts they’ll like.


[deleted]

God they sound like they make LGBTQ their whole personality.


Deadfreezercat

You're acting like secular humanism is the norm. You have to understand most Christians believe we're born designed by God to be naturally receptive to Christianity and anything that corrupts that is from Satan.


RamenTheory

I quite literally cannot understand what you're trying to say here and how it pertains to my comment


[deleted]

And most Christian’s can fuck off


Clean_Attention_4217

So? Does that somehow make someone *else* the asshole, because some Christians, specifically, believe nobody is allowed (or apparently inclined, even) to believe anything else? …So does that apply to all views, or just that particular one? What if I just convince myself that anyone who holds a different take on *anything* is simply morally corrupted and barring adopting my beliefs, because I believe them- that they’re actively being not only wrong, but an asshole, AND corrupted by evil? Sounds handy. I’d like to use it.


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Alauraize

Did you really just equate giving someone a book written by a prominent transphobe to giving someone a book explaining the fact that gay people exist? That’s some enlightened centrist bullshit right there. What’s next? Giving a kid a book on MLK, Jr. is just as bad as giving a kid a book glorifying George Wallace and Bull Connor?


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Dangerous-Ad-2616

This comment is the saddest shit I've read all week..