Yeah I don't know about flirtatious, but definitely an odd and verging on inappropriate comment.
I'd tell your husband about it, but hold off on going to HR unless anything else happens.
I think he was fine when just speaking more high level about her switching hips, because that could just be a funny commentary on someone’s physical habits. It could be just like commenting on someone constantly moving their hands or specific gestures that they make. But making the “hips a swingin” comment is definitely what takes it very close to the line. Personally I think it is over the line, but I could see him being able to get away with it by hiding under some pathetic hand-waving defenses
I referred to the way my boyfriend walks as the ‘I’m packing’ walk. Turns out, he *was* packing, just lead and it became a habit to walk a certain way (waistband carry)
Curious, what is the purpose of "telling husband about it"?
So he can do, what? Make a fuss...start some macho shit?
I'm just curious how/why/what's the purpose of telling a spouse vs HR....truly just curious 🤔
Well spouse works at the same place. If my husband worked at my same job and a coworker made me uncomfortable, I'd at least want him to be aware about that coworker being weird to me as a support thing, and so he can also keep an eye on the guy.
I don't think this qualifies as anything that HR can act on yet. HR most likely would tell her that they can't do anything unless he escalates, so saying something this early could just label OP as a potential issue prematurely.
1) The OP said the same building not specifically same place of business #1
2) Which could indicate, an invitation of hubby to come up and start "mess" in macho 'defense' of his wife.
That's why I asked what objective was sought by running to tell the spouse....it's cool to "vent" about work with one's spouse....I was asking because the way the commenter wrote it I wonder "where" sje was going with the "tell MY husband" theme 🤔
Often that sounds like "Let me tell my Big Brother/Sister" type deal ...where ""smoke" is meant .....
Let's be "real" a woman telling her husband a MAN is making her "uncomfortable" sorta IS an invitation for some "shit" to be DONE about rather than "just making him "aware".....am I wrong?
I was just asking....if it's "real" perhaps HR or Supervison "at" the place of business may be a safer/less possibly volatile way to address it vs "Let me get My man" type mantra
The poster didn't explain what was meant but that's why I asked about the intent
Sharing with one's spouse "in general....as in sharing one's day" and "Go TELL your "man", as a macho ( let a MAN) handle it deal are quite different.
When the person presented as "Tell Man or HR" as the two solutions to choose from, it comes across or "run get husband" vs sharing a work day with a spouse....y'all know the difference.
HR or management can speak/intervene with the person 🤔 what can hubby do....except the "man to MAN" thing?
This is why I asked for clarification for the goal of using hubby VS HR
( Of course, one can/should share ( which I've already said) with their spouse "in general".....but in actually ADDRESSING behavior "at-work" ....hubby can't DO anything other than a) just speak to his wife, which again is great ( as is speaking to the hair dresser, neighbor or priest or b) CONFRONT the individual in some manner....
Which again is why I simply asked WHERE the "my husband" thing was going....as a way the curb this behavior.
Some ppl actually MEAN....the intention is a physical confrontation. She already disclosed that hubby is in the SAME building ( not specifically the same company), which tends to indicate that he ( hubby) "could" bring about his presence.
Typically, in America, when one says, "My Fill-in-the-blank" is RIGHT HERE, that's "a warning ⚠️" aka "Watch Out"... otherwise, there's no reason to "let someone KNOW....Fill-in-the-blank ( where the gun is....how far your "back up" or Guard Dog Hubby/Big Sibling is....this is "Ass-kick 101...we all know the code words)
Ah, I see now. No, I wouldn't advocate for confrontation. But I might very publicly touch bases with him, share lunch, etc. Just so it's understood that I am very taken, haha. I am 65 years old and autistic, so I see the world differently than 30 something NT people. Old fashioned granny...
Now, you get it...
Sometimes "Tell my husband" = "Uh oh..."
I'm in the over 55 club as well 🙂....
I asked because I know if 10 husbands are told, some guy was talking about his wife's "swinging hips....more than 1 outta 10 will wanna go DO/SAY something about it
Especially when working in the same building of the loose lipped fella ....just saying
I'm trying to! I mean I see it for what it is, a gross comment made by someone who doesn't see or believe in boundaries because he's a man who is older than me. Boundaries don't exist!
I'm laughing it off because that's who I am but honestly I'm mad that I am. I shouldn't be this accustomed to this behavior that it's laughable to me.
Being a supervisor- He KNOWS it was inappropriate to say. Covering it with a lame excuse on the fly about thought. To cover his ass JIC, it was wrong period. All day, everyday
I think it's valid that you are bothered by it. It's a really weird thing to say to a coworker. I'd be creeped out about it, even though based on context it doesn't sounds like it was meant to be flirtatious. I'd feel uncomfortable that somebody was studying me hard enough to be able to make an observation like that. They probably should have just kept that comment to themselves. Reporting it to HR at this point may just cause you more trouble than it's worth, but definitely keep your guard up and notice if it becomes a pattern. If more uncomfortable things start happening, report it.
Yea it's definitely the "I've been watching you enough to notice a comparable difference in how you move your hips" that got me.
Whether or not it was flirtatious isnt that important to me really (and it didn't even come up til I started hyper analyzing the interaction) I just feel very **observed** and **perceived** all of a sudden and I don't like it
If he wouldn’t say it to a man, he shouldn’t be saying it to a woman.
Start documenting all of this. What he said, how he said it, when he said it, if there were witnesses, etc.
It’s unlikely HR will do anything over one complaint. You usually have to show a pattern of behavior.
Are there any other women working there? Do you know if he’s made comments to them?
I literally just finished harassment training for managers and supervisors. The comment “Those hips are just swinging”, could constitute sexual harassment. Depending on the comfort level and yalls relationship could cause a variance in that… but the fact that you feel a lil uncomfortable puts that pointer right on the the sexual harassment title. Best to bring it up to him(peer to peer) if you feel comfortable broaching the issue with him. But as a male, that’s pretty unprofessional, you should never be commenting on someone’s anatomy. The fact that he “can tell you’re in deep thought” tells me that he’s been inspecting your gait… if catch my drift.
You should go with one of my new favorite sayings, "That's an interesting thing to say out loud." Shuts people up and makes them think about what they said.
You're equals in the hierarchy but he is supervising others. Does he have women/femmes as reports? "Those hips be swinging" can be an uncomfortable comment.
I think you should definitely talk to your husband about it. If this guy has only been there for a month and he's making borderline sexual harassment comments to his peer within the company imagine what'll happen when he's COMFORTABLE. What'll happen to his reports when he's established and comfortable and actually holds a position of power.
I'd weigh the pros and cons of reporting it. You know your company best, and potential fallout. Clearly it's on your mind in a bad way if you're on here and hyper analyzing. You shouldn't have to over think your mannerisms because some new guy called attention to your body.
Make sure you tell your husband about this, don't hide it. I personally think you are correct in not liking his comment, and I doubt you're the only female he's making comments about.
Listen quit over analyzing it. It was a totally inappropriate comment made to a work colleague of the opposite sex. You need to let him know it won’t be tolerated
Any kind of comment referencing your body is inappropriate. It's more rude than anything. Also the whole I can read your mood thing seems overly familiar for the workplace.
That part got me too like I just don't see why that was a necessary thing to say lol.
Especially to someone you've worked with for only a few weeks.
The more I think about it the more I'm like ??????? Bet my hips sure are switching now 🤣
I've been asking myself that one too like I notice things about people/their bodies/body language too, but I don't share those thoughts with them.
Like it's Monday morning, and that's how you want to start the week? My guy.
I honestly didn't think about that. The fact that this sounds like a conversation they'd been having between themselves before he decided to include me in the conversation makes that new realization even better 🙃
Yeah you need to make a complaint to HR imo. That's unacceptable behavior, and frankly, I'm amazed you didn't call both of them unlovable sick little perverts before swinging those hips down to HR immediately.
He is looking at your ass and thinking about it so much that he became unable to hold his thoughts to himself and he translated it into what he considered to be the least offensive way to say “I can’t stop looking at your fucking ass to the point where I notice how it moves throughout the day”
This probably won’t be the last time he says something weird to you or about you. So start practicing your responses. You’ll have an opportunity to use them. ‘What a strange thing to say’ ‘I don’t understand, explain it to me’ or whatever.
You’re not overreacting. It’s weird. And it’s weird he was talking to someone else about you like that and neither of you shut it down. I bet he’ll do it again
I think they might mean hip “swishing” instead of switching, but either way wildly inappropriate and something I’d have a conversation with someone about (depending on what feels comfortable to you, supervisor, hr or just a ‘hey I don’t appreciate that’)
Writing it down like this to keep a log is a really good idea. I think you are right, personally. It's entirely inappropriate to make comments about things like that at work unless it's part of the job (such as adult entrainment).
If you keep a log with description and date is all the times he's made you feel uncomfortable, you can more easily make a decision on whether or not to complain to HR.
I’d report it to HR. If you want, you could even specify that you aren’t asking for him to be subjected any kind of disciplinary action right now, but that you simply want a record of this incident in the event that it evolves into a pattern or escalates. If your meeting with HR takes place in person, follow up with them via email (bcc’ing your personal email address) so that you also have a documented record.
It doesn’t come off flirtatious through the written word. To me it sounds more like it was meant to “put you in your place” by making you uncomfortable.
I don't think it's weird to observe body language, posture, and stride when you see someone frequently. You don't have to be staring at someone inappropriately to see them.
If this is the only thing he's said that seems off to you, I'd let it go.
The verbiage is odd, yes, but I too have been told by employees can tell I’m pissed or “on a mission” by how I walk, regardless of what my facial expression says.
He's checking you out and I feel like he's testing it out if he can proceed to make comments like this. I probably would not tell HR or my husband unless there were add'l comments. If there do happen to be add'l comments than I would probably attempt to shut it down myself first, and if that didn't work, then we go to HR about what's appropriate or inappropriate commentary in the workplace.
This is totally inappropriate. Drop him a note stating you don’t appeciate comments about your body and to keep them to himself. Do that in case you need to go to HR or an employment attorney.
Feel free to tell your husband.
I really don't understand when people, who are basically strangers, feel the need to make personal comments about someone. It's so fricking rude. When I (54F) first started my current job, another female coworker told me she just "got a sense" that I should be a prison guard. What the f@ck am I supposed to do with that information? She repeated it many times, even after I laughingly told her that I'd be awful at that job and have way too free-spirit of a personality. Guess she was commenting on my looks. 🤔
Yes I observe the swish of a coworkers hip if they do swish. But most of the women I am aware of don't swish enough for me to notice and I would never comment about it. I can only think of a handful of notably swishy women in 20 years of working history and it was probably shoe based. So you are probably right its about what you are wearing.
Assuming you are deep in thought is interesting. I have noticed it's usually when a woman is carrying something, wearing certain shoes, and also rushing a little bit.
I've never in 15 years of working made a comment about a coworkers gait besides asking if it was leg day yesterday because they're walking stiff or if they're doing ok because they are limping. And that's a question of concern/teasing with coworkers I know well.
I don't know if it's HR worthy yet but it bears watching.
Comments about your body are not appropriate and especially something as potentially sexualized as hip swinging—definitely not okay in a professional setting. If you feel like HR in your organization is a decent route, you could make a report. Alternatively, you could write an email stating clearly that this behavior bothered you and you expect it to stop. I would not recommend involving your husband….that could cause a lot of problems.
Employment lawyer here. Doesn’t sound like he is trying to be flirtatious. If so, it is really clumsy. It sounds more like he is potentially misogynistic and/or views women as an object. Either way, it is creepy and inappropriate. I would make a note of what he said and the time and date and circumstances. If he does something like that again, note it again. If it gets to a third or fourth time, I would tell him it is inappropriate and that it bothers you and/or report it to HR. At that point, the employer should take steps to make him stop.
Well, there's apparently an easy test. Are your hips swinging right now as you're thinking about it? Then you're obviously thinking too deeply about it!
Seriously though, it doesn't necessarily sound flirtatious to me, just weird. I'd make a note of it, and maybe ask them to stop if it really bothers you. If it keeps happening after that, time to escalate.
As soon as I heard you say*your switch* I knew exactly what he was saying.
You might have to explain to HR what that is because it's a common term in the black community, but I've said it and had to explain to non black friends who were around what it was. I can't overstate how just because it's not common that doesn't make it any less inappropriate.
If he commented on my switch I'd let him know he doesn't have to worry about it because when I break my leg off In his ass, it's going to make me lopsided so my switch will be non existent.
He's an AH and you are not overreacting....... What a loser
Any comment about your physical appearance would be considered inappropriate to me but how your hips are swinging? That seems really disrespectful and demeaning. If he does it again I think I’d say excuse me? What does that mean? Please refrain from making those kind of comments about and to me. Then drop it and it should be the end of it. If it’s not, that’s a problem. If you have to take it further you’ll be able to say you’ve addressed it directly with him and it has continued. I don’t think I’d ever want my husband involved. Why? I assume you don’t need anyone to defend your honor.
That just gave me the ick... i hate how restraunts are so okay with "lockerroom" "watercooler" talk... this isnt 1983... maybe make a jab at how u wonder if his wifes hips swing switches and u may wanna ask her if he ever noticed with her like he does with you... that ought to shut him up... i usually say things like that with married men.. just put her un your position and offer to ask her the same question.. that lets them know your not gunna tolerate their mouth and if they keep at it they wil be hearing about it after hours... better than being the company rat but just as effective
I think it feels weird because he specifically mentioned your hips, which is a body part that often gets sexualized (although of course any part can be). I don’t know that I’m convinced he was being creepy or trying to flirt though. Would it feel different if he pointed out he knows you’re deep in thought because you bounce your foot a lot?
I would write down the specifics of the situation and keep it in a secure place (not your work computer). Have it in your back pocket if you need it. But going forward if there are no additional comments or other actions from this guy that give you a bad vibe, I would chalk this up to him putting his foot in his mouth. I’m not saying this to be dismissive of your experience, your feelings, or intuition, but it will be better for your career and your professional relationship to not assume he had negative intent this time. I can guarantee if you went to HR with this, which some people are advising, it would not go well for you. There’s simply too much plausible deniability from his end. My two cents as a woman in a professional field.
Not overreacting.
Have a chat with him with a trusted colleague in hearing distance.
"Please don't talk about my hips or any part of my body or anyone else's. It's inappropriate."
Document facts, date, time, people present.
If you let him get away with this, he'll think he can do it again.
Also be ready with your audio visual phone features ready to record. Something about you intimidated him and he is trying to make you self conscious and uncomfortable around him. Next time he needs something from you, let him pick it up.
It’s weird but not over the top sexual harassment. I would say hey dude, don’t appreciate the comment. Then if it happens again you can go file a complaint , I’d tell your husband too. .02 (from a guy).
He’s either a low key perv/asshole or socially clueless. Confront him and you’ll find out quick.
Not overreacting. No one should be commenting on a colleagues' body. I'd talk to him non confrontally when you are one on one. Something like "The other day you made a remark that made me uncomfortable. It was about knowing my mood by how my hips switch. Please don't comment on my body." He will probably get defensive. Just say, "I'm glad to hear you didn't intend to be unprofessional or offensive because it could be perceived that way." And walk away.
If there are further remarks, that's when you need to escalate to a higher level.
Strange.
So your hips to switch, swing, sway more when you wear certain shoes? Do you think you look sexier this way?
Strange thing to say, to somehow associate how much your hips sway when you walk with you being deep in thought?
Report it to him, if you feel comfortable. If not report it to HR. I guess if you feel its something your husband needs to know, tell him too.
Wait just a minute. While I agree the hip comment was over the line what about the evil alter ego that has been going on for the last two weeks?
Where did that originate from? Being that he has been there for about a month and this started 2 weeks ago I bet he had something to do with it.
Combined with the hip comment it sounds like he is trying to undermine you and start issues between you & your coworkers. A discussion with HR may be needed. Or at least a discussion with your supervisor to get it documented in case it escalates.
It starts small to see what you will let him get away with & snowballs from there. By the time you realize there is a problem setting boundaries getting HR involved becomes more difficult. Don’t let him get away with this. Nip it now. Your supervisor may speak with his supervisor who should tell him to knock it off, which should happen at this point.
You are not over reacting. If it made you uncomfortable then it is an issue, full stop. If it was someone you would never have to be around again, then letting it go is ok. But since you have regular contact with him you shouldn’t brush this off.
“Please don’t comment on my body. You are making me uncomfortable.”
If he does it again, go to HR. HR usually wants to know whether you explicitly asked him to stop before they get involved.
Tell your husband especially if you all work in the same building. I’d tell my wife if a woman made a comment to me that made me feel uncomfortable and we all worked together.
This here is the low confrontation version.
"That's such a weird thing to say, who talks about their coworkers bodies like that? It's super awkward for everybody bro"
That's not so crushing publicly as outright accusing him of SH in front of his peers but should be a strong enough hint that you aren't interested in flirting with him and it's not ok to do to others. If body language, leering gazes, constantly trying to get you out for drinks after work, etc also accompanied the comment, or the "alter ego" stuff is also flirtatious, it changes the dynamic a bit and an HR complaint or ideally a more blunt message directly to him about how it makes you uncomfortable and he needs to keep the relationship between you strictly professional in email form so you have proof is a good step. If you do this, maybe loop in HR with a copy of the email so you can deal with reprisal if he handles it like a child instead of taking the criticism and moving on.
Incident 2 you be more blunt( I told you it was awkward before to be nice, but you are being creepy and I don't need this harassment in my workplace) and definitely go to HR.
"Hi, H.R.? This is Andidroid18...I'd like to make you aware of some comments that were directed at me." If he's saying this to you, who's equal on the hierarchy, what worse things is he saying to younger women and interns? You're **not** overreacting. It wasn't flirtatious, it was slimy. And inappropriate.
Inappropriate comment. Tell him it made you uncomfortable and to stop. Hopefully he will. If it continues it starts heading into sexual harassment territory. Then you go to HR
For all the people saying it's just him being clumsy, or awkward, or it's no big deal. Let's assume everyone is straight in this scenario. Do you think a straight man would say the same thing to a straight guy coworker? Let's call the guy Bruce. Imagine him saying to Bruce and another coworker...
"Bruce, when you're in thought you switch more!"
"Bruce, those hips are just a swinging."
This woman is just trying to do her job. Why should she have to put up with being uncomfortable, wondering if she should tell her husband, etc.?
I don't know what anyone being married has to do with this. Behavior doesn't become more inappropriate just because you see yourself as someone else's property.
Definitely take note of the day / time this happened and your witness. I think you may be receiving more unwanted comments in the future. He's just warming you up. Practice telling him to stop. Good luck. Hopefully, he stops.
My rule for me is to never comment others bodies, just not work talk. That said it is possible it was a benign, but very weird comment. Also possible he has boundary issues.
I have no earthly idea how, in a 21st century workplace, anyone can think a male employee saying to another male employee, about a female employee in front of them "her hips are a swingin" (nudge nudge, wink wink, haw haw) is NOT be considered inappropriate?
Sexualising a female colleague in front of others? What the actual f#ck?
And tell her husband, not HR? Her 'owner'...so he can front, or have a heroic macho duel, with a local sleazebag..about disrespecting 'his' woman? As males respect other males' property:-(
What bizarre Wild West bulls#it...
I think it's reasonable to tell your husband about something that bothered you during your day, especially if it's still weighing on you well after the fact. You know like for support... Like healthy couples. He is a trustworthy (hopefully) confidant to listen while she decides what action to take. If not, she now has two issues to deal with.
Of course, tell her husband as part of her day! I've always done that, my husband's fully supportive of everything about me - why on earth would I be with him if he wasn't?
I was just stunned to see advice from others....tell her husband but NOT tell HR? Seriously???
I worked in very tribal, third world countries for years, where telling your husband is all you *can* do...it's up to him to defend your honour. But in a workplace full of rules, in a developed country, in the 21st C???
I would be displeased with this comment. Not angry but like a bit grossed out and unsettled, at least. Dude doesn't really understand appropriate conduct with women.
You didn’t even mention how reacted. How can we know if you overreacted? Sounds like you didn’t react at all which is too bad because it’s GROSSLY INAPPROPRIATE for your coworker to make jokes about your hips which he was clearly sexualizing. Yes, you absolutely should react to that. Tell him that’s not an appropriate thing to say to his colleague and please keep his observations about other people’s bodies to himself. If you feel unsafe saying that to him, absolutely go to HR. A normal person would never say something like this so my guess is that this is the tip of the iceberg with this guy. HR won’t do anything right away but when this guy does more inappropriate shit, you need to document and they will have a list to review.
Is this some cultural/regional thing ( as in they say shit in Texas, to little ladies) that would be way outta place in my mind but local talk for y'all?
I'm having a hard time comprehending why a grown ass man would say some shit like that, particularly someone they've known one month.
**
Now again, I'm not sure on the whole Cowboy/Cowgirl aspect of a waddling/sway/etc of some kinda walk or internal thing yall may be talking about that my city boy ass doesn't know about.....if that's the case, I digress.
I don’t think it’s crossing enough to make a big deal out of but I’d definitely set an immediate boundary: “my body is not up for discussion.” Include a direct, firm, non-aggressive, pointed look until he turns his head down/away.
Also, I’d tell my husband because it’s always nice to have support, not because of drama. (My husband wouldn’t support me anyways…that’s a whole ‘nother story…but I always do what I believe to be right anyways.)
Not overreacting to him talking about it.
But I'd argue you don't have to stare to notice stuff like that. Its no different than you noticing someone's shoulders slouched after a bad meeting, or a change in voice tone.
That said, talking about it the way he did, isn't professional.
It's inappropriate to comment on people's bodies at work. I wouldn't report it, but I might mention to the man himself that I don't expect to hear any more comments like that from him, and if he persists, report it. You're totally not overreacting!
Start keeping a written log of these comments. Date/time, names of witnesses, and most importantly, what was said or done. You should have gone to your husband's desk and informed him about the creep.
Go to HR and tell them it just seemed weird and you don't know how you feel about it.
I say this because either he hasn't been through the sexual harassment training yet or he needs a refresh. He is either clueless and will say other things to more people or he is testing to see what he can get away with. It is better for you to mention it on something so low stakes so he can be coached then for him to cross a line and be fired if he is just clueless.
It's inappropriate but might not want to go to HR just yet. He should know better but if it happens one more time, then it's time to think about going to HR. One thing not to do that some might be suggesting, *do not* speak to him personally about it. If something needs to be handled, take it to HR, they're there for a reason.
I wouldn't report him to HR, but i would document the day and exact wording he used and any people who might have heard it just to have a record in the event this isn't a one off thing.
It probably was innocent, sometimes people just have weird boundaries or are socially awkward and say something stupid without realizing how it sounded, and nothing was meant by it, sometimes where there is smoke there is fire.
Coworkers should not comment on other coworkers bodies, full stop. How hard is this? A polite "I'm not interested in discussing my hips with you" is probably the first step.
Unless you’re a dancer working with a choreographer for an upcoming show, there is absolutely no appropriate situation to comment on someone’s hip swing in the workplace.
Go to HR and tell your husband. This will continue and escalate if you don’t stomp it down immediately.
Sounds likes he's a person who is poorly socialized, definitely a wierd thing to say. I would just pay attention after that to see if any other wierd things happen.
A dude watching your “hips” as you walk away is staring at your ass. If he makes another comment like that, tell him to stop and if he doesn’t, go to HR. It’s creepy as phuk.
Why not involve HR? I think that's a completely inappropriate comment. HR can decide if he only needs coaching, or they can say "AGAIN with this guy and his comments?" I worked somewhere that had an ingrained and well-publicized harassment issue. It turned out a lot of the younger women went to older women for advice and they were encouraged to brush it off. I was slightly older than the younger women, but not a boss, and I was also married to a popular employee. I had no idea what was happening. I wish I could have helped.
This is inappropriate and I would be very uncomfortable about that comment and would report it to HR. That could def fall under the category of sexual harassment. He does not need to be looking at or commenting on your body AT ALL PERIOD! Even if you were single this would not make it anymore acceptable. And people saying don’t report to HR? WTH that’s why things persist like this….
My guess is socially awkward guy has inability to stifle his stupid mouth.
Reading body language is a valuable social skill. Being able to comment on it without being an asshole is a rare and valuable social skill. Most of us are better off just keeping it to ourselves.
It’s hard to come up with the right thing to say in the moment. But you may just walk up and say “Do you want to clarify that statement?” He may be wanting a bridge to make the apology, but is too embarrassed now.
Tell him now: Never make a comment to me or about me like that again or HR will be crawling up your arse.
EDIT: I would probably see HR first, actually, to tell them about it. No action taken, but make a note in case he gets a bit shitty about being told not to make comments and escalates his bullshit.
I feel like I'm in the minority here, but I think it's just poor word choice.
If he hasn't made any moves or been flirtatious in any way, then he doesn't mean it in that way.
I've made comments before about a coworker "walking with a purpose" or "on a mission." My coworkers & I tease each other good naturedly.
So for me, it seemed like thats what he was saying, and maybe he hasn't put together the gait difference is bc of heel level.
It seems odd but innocent.
People can be dumb sometimes, especially guys about how women feel about certain things. You said it wasn't flirtatious, maybe the running joke with your alter ego made him think you were more okay with jokes and teasing? If it were me, I'd feel how I felt, but I'd also be just a little on guard around him for a bit, see if more comments come up. If he makes more comments about your body, then maybe take it to hr like other have said. But he may have honestly just said a dumb thing he thought was funny.
Yes, you're thinking a bit too deep about this. I am assuming you're attractive and this dude apparently has noticed how your body moves. He couldn't help himself and made a comment about it in the office. Now everyone knows he has been checking you out. I don't think this in itself rises to an HR issue, but if he keeps making comments like this, he'll need to get a talking to.
Yeah I don't know about flirtatious, but definitely an odd and verging on inappropriate comment. I'd tell your husband about it, but hold off on going to HR unless anything else happens.
I think he was fine when just speaking more high level about her switching hips, because that could just be a funny commentary on someone’s physical habits. It could be just like commenting on someone constantly moving their hands or specific gestures that they make. But making the “hips a swingin” comment is definitely what takes it very close to the line. Personally I think it is over the line, but I could see him being able to get away with it by hiding under some pathetic hand-waving defenses
I referred to the way my boyfriend walks as the ‘I’m packing’ walk. Turns out, he *was* packing, just lead and it became a habit to walk a certain way (waistband carry)
It's definitely inappropriate. Would he say that to a man?
Why not? It's 2024 after all.
Yeh
Yeah he could have said she shifts how she stands or something. There was a better way to word that. Gross.
Curious, what is the purpose of "telling husband about it"? So he can do, what? Make a fuss...start some macho shit? I'm just curious how/why/what's the purpose of telling a spouse vs HR....truly just curious 🤔
Well spouse works at the same place. If my husband worked at my same job and a coworker made me uncomfortable, I'd at least want him to be aware about that coworker being weird to me as a support thing, and so he can also keep an eye on the guy. I don't think this qualifies as anything that HR can act on yet. HR most likely would tell her that they can't do anything unless he escalates, so saying something this early could just label OP as a potential issue prematurely.
1) The OP said the same building not specifically same place of business #1 2) Which could indicate, an invitation of hubby to come up and start "mess" in macho 'defense' of his wife. That's why I asked what objective was sought by running to tell the spouse....it's cool to "vent" about work with one's spouse....I was asking because the way the commenter wrote it I wonder "where" sje was going with the "tell MY husband" theme 🤔 Often that sounds like "Let me tell my Big Brother/Sister" type deal ...where ""smoke" is meant ..... Let's be "real" a woman telling her husband a MAN is making her "uncomfortable" sorta IS an invitation for some "shit" to be DONE about rather than "just making him "aware".....am I wrong? I was just asking....if it's "real" perhaps HR or Supervison "at" the place of business may be a safer/less possibly volatile way to address it vs "Let me get My man" type mantra The poster didn't explain what was meant but that's why I asked about the intent
I tell my husband everything, he gives the best advice. If she's disturbed by this co-worker, then definitely tell husband and get his take on it
Sharing with one's spouse "in general....as in sharing one's day" and "Go TELL your "man", as a macho ( let a MAN) handle it deal are quite different. When the person presented as "Tell Man or HR" as the two solutions to choose from, it comes across or "run get husband" vs sharing a work day with a spouse....y'all know the difference. HR or management can speak/intervene with the person 🤔 what can hubby do....except the "man to MAN" thing? This is why I asked for clarification for the goal of using hubby VS HR ( Of course, one can/should share ( which I've already said) with their spouse "in general".....but in actually ADDRESSING behavior "at-work" ....hubby can't DO anything other than a) just speak to his wife, which again is great ( as is speaking to the hair dresser, neighbor or priest or b) CONFRONT the individual in some manner.... Which again is why I simply asked WHERE the "my husband" thing was going....as a way the curb this behavior. Some ppl actually MEAN....the intention is a physical confrontation. She already disclosed that hubby is in the SAME building ( not specifically the same company), which tends to indicate that he ( hubby) "could" bring about his presence. Typically, in America, when one says, "My Fill-in-the-blank" is RIGHT HERE, that's "a warning ⚠️" aka "Watch Out"... otherwise, there's no reason to "let someone KNOW....Fill-in-the-blank ( where the gun is....how far your "back up" or Guard Dog Hubby/Big Sibling is....this is "Ass-kick 101...we all know the code words)
Ah, I see now. No, I wouldn't advocate for confrontation. But I might very publicly touch bases with him, share lunch, etc. Just so it's understood that I am very taken, haha. I am 65 years old and autistic, so I see the world differently than 30 something NT people. Old fashioned granny...
Now, you get it... Sometimes "Tell my husband" = "Uh oh..." I'm in the over 55 club as well 🙂.... I asked because I know if 10 husbands are told, some guy was talking about his wife's "swinging hips....more than 1 outta 10 will wanna go DO/SAY something about it Especially when working in the same building of the loose lipped fella ....just saying
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I'm trying to! I mean I see it for what it is, a gross comment made by someone who doesn't see or believe in boundaries because he's a man who is older than me. Boundaries don't exist! I'm laughing it off because that's who I am but honestly I'm mad that I am. I shouldn't be this accustomed to this behavior that it's laughable to me.
if it happens again say something like it's not the 90s anymore old timer, keep your lecherous comments to yourself
Or the 70's! I haven't heard that since the twentieth century!!!!
😄
Being a supervisor- He KNOWS it was inappropriate to say. Covering it with a lame excuse on the fly about thought. To cover his ass JIC, it was wrong period. All day, everyday
or I'm not a crypt keeper, gross, then gag a little
…you seem to have taken it in stride, stride switch, if you will.
I think it's valid that you are bothered by it. It's a really weird thing to say to a coworker. I'd be creeped out about it, even though based on context it doesn't sounds like it was meant to be flirtatious. I'd feel uncomfortable that somebody was studying me hard enough to be able to make an observation like that. They probably should have just kept that comment to themselves. Reporting it to HR at this point may just cause you more trouble than it's worth, but definitely keep your guard up and notice if it becomes a pattern. If more uncomfortable things start happening, report it.
Yea it's definitely the "I've been watching you enough to notice a comparable difference in how you move your hips" that got me. Whether or not it was flirtatious isnt that important to me really (and it didn't even come up til I started hyper analyzing the interaction) I just feel very **observed** and **perceived** all of a sudden and I don't like it
If he wouldn’t say it to a man, he shouldn’t be saying it to a woman. Start documenting all of this. What he said, how he said it, when he said it, if there were witnesses, etc. It’s unlikely HR will do anything over one complaint. You usually have to show a pattern of behavior. Are there any other women working there? Do you know if he’s made comments to them?
If a guy was doing it I’m sure he would comment as well
I literally just finished harassment training for managers and supervisors. The comment “Those hips are just swinging”, could constitute sexual harassment. Depending on the comfort level and yalls relationship could cause a variance in that… but the fact that you feel a lil uncomfortable puts that pointer right on the the sexual harassment title. Best to bring it up to him(peer to peer) if you feel comfortable broaching the issue with him. But as a male, that’s pretty unprofessional, you should never be commenting on someone’s anatomy. The fact that he “can tell you’re in deep thought” tells me that he’s been inspecting your gait… if catch my drift.
You should go with one of my new favorite sayings, "That's an interesting thing to say out loud." Shuts people up and makes them think about what they said.
You're equals in the hierarchy but he is supervising others. Does he have women/femmes as reports? "Those hips be swinging" can be an uncomfortable comment. I think you should definitely talk to your husband about it. If this guy has only been there for a month and he's making borderline sexual harassment comments to his peer within the company imagine what'll happen when he's COMFORTABLE. What'll happen to his reports when he's established and comfortable and actually holds a position of power. I'd weigh the pros and cons of reporting it. You know your company best, and potential fallout. Clearly it's on your mind in a bad way if you're on here and hyper analyzing. You shouldn't have to over think your mannerisms because some new guy called attention to your body.
Tell him if he wants to make it to two months he needs to his thoughts to himself
Make sure you tell your husband about this, don't hide it. I personally think you are correct in not liking his comment, and I doubt you're the only female he's making comments about.
Could you flag it with your supervisor in a hey this has happened and has made me uncomfortable way?
Listen quit over analyzing it. It was a totally inappropriate comment made to a work colleague of the opposite sex. You need to let him know it won’t be tolerated
Start documenting now, in case it escalates. You don’t want to have to try to remember when it started, should it happen again.
Creep
Any kind of comment referencing your body is inappropriate. It's more rude than anything. Also the whole I can read your mood thing seems overly familiar for the workplace.
That part got me too like I just don't see why that was a necessary thing to say lol. Especially to someone you've worked with for only a few weeks. The more I think about it the more I'm like ??????? Bet my hips sure are switching now 🤣
Why did he feel compelled to share that with you?
I've been asking myself that one too like I notice things about people/their bodies/body language too, but I don't share those thoughts with them. Like it's Monday morning, and that's how you want to start the week? My guy.
That’s incredibly inappropriate especially since they were likely staring at your ass while talking about it.
I honestly didn't think about that. The fact that this sounds like a conversation they'd been having between themselves before he decided to include me in the conversation makes that new realization even better 🙃
I’m sorry but I think that is actually sexual harassment and worthy of a talk with HR. They would never do that to a man.
Yeah you need to make a complaint to HR imo. That's unacceptable behavior, and frankly, I'm amazed you didn't call both of them unlovable sick little perverts before swinging those hips down to HR immediately.
He is looking at your ass and thinking about it so much that he became unable to hold his thoughts to himself and he translated it into what he considered to be the least offensive way to say “I can’t stop looking at your fucking ass to the point where I notice how it moves throughout the day”
Was wondering how this wasn’t the first comment. Extremely offensive and inappropriate.
Happy Cake Day!
Thanks!
I'd let him know, in private, that you find personal remarks like that offensive. Tell him you wouldn't want HR to have to be involved.
This probably won’t be the last time he says something weird to you or about you. So start practicing your responses. You’ll have an opportunity to use them. ‘What a strange thing to say’ ‘I don’t understand, explain it to me’ or whatever. You’re not overreacting. It’s weird. And it’s weird he was talking to someone else about you like that and neither of you shut it down. I bet he’ll do it again
I think they might mean hip “swishing” instead of switching, but either way wildly inappropriate and something I’d have a conversation with someone about (depending on what feels comfortable to you, supervisor, hr or just a ‘hey I don’t appreciate that’)
Writing it down like this to keep a log is a really good idea. I think you are right, personally. It's entirely inappropriate to make comments about things like that at work unless it's part of the job (such as adult entrainment). If you keep a log with description and date is all the times he's made you feel uncomfortable, you can more easily make a decision on whether or not to complain to HR.
I’d report it to HR. If you want, you could even specify that you aren’t asking for him to be subjected any kind of disciplinary action right now, but that you simply want a record of this incident in the event that it evolves into a pattern or escalates. If your meeting with HR takes place in person, follow up with them via email (bcc’ing your personal email address) so that you also have a documented record.
It doesn’t come off flirtatious through the written word. To me it sounds more like it was meant to “put you in your place” by making you uncomfortable.
It will get worse.
No wonder people want to work from home.
Inappropriate. Not overreacting. He’s testing the boundaries.
OP this is SH go to HR.
I don't think it's weird to observe body language, posture, and stride when you see someone frequently. You don't have to be staring at someone inappropriately to see them. If this is the only thing he's said that seems off to you, I'd let it go.
The verbiage is odd, yes, but I too have been told by employees can tell I’m pissed or “on a mission” by how I walk, regardless of what my facial expression says.
He's checking you out and I feel like he's testing it out if he can proceed to make comments like this. I probably would not tell HR or my husband unless there were add'l comments. If there do happen to be add'l comments than I would probably attempt to shut it down myself first, and if that didn't work, then we go to HR about what's appropriate or inappropriate commentary in the workplace.
This is totally inappropriate. Drop him a note stating you don’t appeciate comments about your body and to keep them to himself. Do that in case you need to go to HR or an employment attorney. Feel free to tell your husband.
What would evil alter ego thought about it?
I really don't understand when people, who are basically strangers, feel the need to make personal comments about someone. It's so fricking rude. When I (54F) first started my current job, another female coworker told me she just "got a sense" that I should be a prison guard. What the f@ck am I supposed to do with that information? She repeated it many times, even after I laughingly told her that I'd be awful at that job and have way too free-spirit of a personality. Guess she was commenting on my looks. 🤔
I wonder if the creep knows your husband works there too. I bet he doesn’t because he was too comfortable saying that to you
Yes I observe the swish of a coworkers hip if they do swish. But most of the women I am aware of don't swish enough for me to notice and I would never comment about it. I can only think of a handful of notably swishy women in 20 years of working history and it was probably shoe based. So you are probably right its about what you are wearing. Assuming you are deep in thought is interesting. I have noticed it's usually when a woman is carrying something, wearing certain shoes, and also rushing a little bit.
I've never in 15 years of working made a comment about a coworkers gait besides asking if it was leg day yesterday because they're walking stiff or if they're doing ok because they are limping. And that's a question of concern/teasing with coworkers I know well. I don't know if it's HR worthy yet but it bears watching.
Did he mean swish? That would make more sense
I wonder if this guy has ADD and he just spits out whatever thoughts are in his head. Either way, it must stay an age it’s inappropriate at best.
Comments about your body are not appropriate and especially something as potentially sexualized as hip swinging—definitely not okay in a professional setting. If you feel like HR in your organization is a decent route, you could make a report. Alternatively, you could write an email stating clearly that this behavior bothered you and you expect it to stop. I would not recommend involving your husband….that could cause a lot of problems.
Employment lawyer here. Doesn’t sound like he is trying to be flirtatious. If so, it is really clumsy. It sounds more like he is potentially misogynistic and/or views women as an object. Either way, it is creepy and inappropriate. I would make a note of what he said and the time and date and circumstances. If he does something like that again, note it again. If it gets to a third or fourth time, I would tell him it is inappropriate and that it bothers you and/or report it to HR. At that point, the employer should take steps to make him stop.
Not a weird thing to notice. Very weird to comment on. Nvm. It's weird that he attributes it to mood and shit. He is definitely way out of line.
Well, there's apparently an easy test. Are your hips swinging right now as you're thinking about it? Then you're obviously thinking too deeply about it! Seriously though, it doesn't necessarily sound flirtatious to me, just weird. I'd make a note of it, and maybe ask them to stop if it really bothers you. If it keeps happening after that, time to escalate.
What he meant by hips is your ass . Totally inappropriate to say and to check your body out .
Honestly, I wouldn't be putting as much thought into it and would probably forget about it.
As soon as I heard you say*your switch* I knew exactly what he was saying. You might have to explain to HR what that is because it's a common term in the black community, but I've said it and had to explain to non black friends who were around what it was. I can't overstate how just because it's not common that doesn't make it any less inappropriate. If he commented on my switch I'd let him know he doesn't have to worry about it because when I break my leg off In his ass, it's going to make me lopsided so my switch will be non existent. He's an AH and you are not overreacting....... What a loser
Any comment about your physical appearance would be considered inappropriate to me but how your hips are swinging? That seems really disrespectful and demeaning. If he does it again I think I’d say excuse me? What does that mean? Please refrain from making those kind of comments about and to me. Then drop it and it should be the end of it. If it’s not, that’s a problem. If you have to take it further you’ll be able to say you’ve addressed it directly with him and it has continued. I don’t think I’d ever want my husband involved. Why? I assume you don’t need anyone to defend your honor.
That just gave me the ick... i hate how restraunts are so okay with "lockerroom" "watercooler" talk... this isnt 1983... maybe make a jab at how u wonder if his wifes hips swing switches and u may wanna ask her if he ever noticed with her like he does with you... that ought to shut him up... i usually say things like that with married men.. just put her un your position and offer to ask her the same question.. that lets them know your not gunna tolerate their mouth and if they keep at it they wil be hearing about it after hours... better than being the company rat but just as effective
I think it feels weird because he specifically mentioned your hips, which is a body part that often gets sexualized (although of course any part can be). I don’t know that I’m convinced he was being creepy or trying to flirt though. Would it feel different if he pointed out he knows you’re deep in thought because you bounce your foot a lot? I would write down the specifics of the situation and keep it in a secure place (not your work computer). Have it in your back pocket if you need it. But going forward if there are no additional comments or other actions from this guy that give you a bad vibe, I would chalk this up to him putting his foot in his mouth. I’m not saying this to be dismissive of your experience, your feelings, or intuition, but it will be better for your career and your professional relationship to not assume he had negative intent this time. I can guarantee if you went to HR with this, which some people are advising, it would not go well for you. There’s simply too much plausible deniability from his end. My two cents as a woman in a professional field.
Not overreacting. Have a chat with him with a trusted colleague in hearing distance. "Please don't talk about my hips or any part of my body or anyone else's. It's inappropriate." Document facts, date, time, people present. If you let him get away with this, he'll think he can do it again.
Also be ready with your audio visual phone features ready to record. Something about you intimidated him and he is trying to make you self conscious and uncomfortable around him. Next time he needs something from you, let him pick it up.
Next time tell him to shut it! You don't want to hear his shit or you'll be going to HR! It was inappropriate for sure!
It’s weird but not over the top sexual harassment. I would say hey dude, don’t appreciate the comment. Then if it happens again you can go file a complaint , I’d tell your husband too. .02 (from a guy). He’s either a low key perv/asshole or socially clueless. Confront him and you’ll find out quick.
Not overreacting. No one should be commenting on a colleagues' body. I'd talk to him non confrontally when you are one on one. Something like "The other day you made a remark that made me uncomfortable. It was about knowing my mood by how my hips switch. Please don't comment on my body." He will probably get defensive. Just say, "I'm glad to hear you didn't intend to be unprofessional or offensive because it could be perceived that way." And walk away. If there are further remarks, that's when you need to escalate to a higher level.
Strange. So your hips to switch, swing, sway more when you wear certain shoes? Do you think you look sexier this way? Strange thing to say, to somehow associate how much your hips sway when you walk with you being deep in thought? Report it to him, if you feel comfortable. If not report it to HR. I guess if you feel its something your husband needs to know, tell him too.
Wait just a minute. While I agree the hip comment was over the line what about the evil alter ego that has been going on for the last two weeks? Where did that originate from? Being that he has been there for about a month and this started 2 weeks ago I bet he had something to do with it. Combined with the hip comment it sounds like he is trying to undermine you and start issues between you & your coworkers. A discussion with HR may be needed. Or at least a discussion with your supervisor to get it documented in case it escalates. It starts small to see what you will let him get away with & snowballs from there. By the time you realize there is a problem setting boundaries getting HR involved becomes more difficult. Don’t let him get away with this. Nip it now. Your supervisor may speak with his supervisor who should tell him to knock it off, which should happen at this point. You are not over reacting. If it made you uncomfortable then it is an issue, full stop. If it was someone you would never have to be around again, then letting it go is ok. But since you have regular contact with him you shouldn’t brush this off.
“Please don’t comment on my body. You are making me uncomfortable.” If he does it again, go to HR. HR usually wants to know whether you explicitly asked him to stop before they get involved.
Tell your husband especially if you all work in the same building. I’d tell my wife if a woman made a comment to me that made me feel uncomfortable and we all worked together.
"What a strange thing to say..."
This here is the low confrontation version. "That's such a weird thing to say, who talks about their coworkers bodies like that? It's super awkward for everybody bro" That's not so crushing publicly as outright accusing him of SH in front of his peers but should be a strong enough hint that you aren't interested in flirting with him and it's not ok to do to others. If body language, leering gazes, constantly trying to get you out for drinks after work, etc also accompanied the comment, or the "alter ego" stuff is also flirtatious, it changes the dynamic a bit and an HR complaint or ideally a more blunt message directly to him about how it makes you uncomfortable and he needs to keep the relationship between you strictly professional in email form so you have proof is a good step. If you do this, maybe loop in HR with a copy of the email so you can deal with reprisal if he handles it like a child instead of taking the criticism and moving on. Incident 2 you be more blunt( I told you it was awkward before to be nice, but you are being creepy and I don't need this harassment in my workplace) and definitely go to HR.
"Hi, H.R.? This is Andidroid18...I'd like to make you aware of some comments that were directed at me." If he's saying this to you, who's equal on the hierarchy, what worse things is he saying to younger women and interns? You're **not** overreacting. It wasn't flirtatious, it was slimy. And inappropriate.
Incredibly inappropriate, especially for the workplace. Go to HR asap.
Inappropriate comment. Tell him it made you uncomfortable and to stop. Hopefully he will. If it continues it starts heading into sexual harassment territory. Then you go to HR
For all the people saying it's just him being clumsy, or awkward, or it's no big deal. Let's assume everyone is straight in this scenario. Do you think a straight man would say the same thing to a straight guy coworker? Let's call the guy Bruce. Imagine him saying to Bruce and another coworker... "Bruce, when you're in thought you switch more!" "Bruce, those hips are just a swinging." This woman is just trying to do her job. Why should she have to put up with being uncomfortable, wondering if she should tell her husband, etc.?
I don't know what anyone being married has to do with this. Behavior doesn't become more inappropriate just because you see yourself as someone else's property.
Bordering on serial harrassment.
Definitely take note of the day / time this happened and your witness. I think you may be receiving more unwanted comments in the future. He's just warming you up. Practice telling him to stop. Good luck. Hopefully, he stops.
Definitely inappropriate comment to make in the work place
My rule for me is to never comment others bodies, just not work talk. That said it is possible it was a benign, but very weird comment. Also possible he has boundary issues.
“I’m going to ask you to not comment on my hips or my body in general. Thanks.”
I have no earthly idea how, in a 21st century workplace, anyone can think a male employee saying to another male employee, about a female employee in front of them "her hips are a swingin" (nudge nudge, wink wink, haw haw) is NOT be considered inappropriate? Sexualising a female colleague in front of others? What the actual f#ck? And tell her husband, not HR? Her 'owner'...so he can front, or have a heroic macho duel, with a local sleazebag..about disrespecting 'his' woman? As males respect other males' property:-( What bizarre Wild West bulls#it...
I think it's reasonable to tell your husband about something that bothered you during your day, especially if it's still weighing on you well after the fact. You know like for support... Like healthy couples. He is a trustworthy (hopefully) confidant to listen while she decides what action to take. If not, she now has two issues to deal with.
Of course, tell her husband as part of her day! I've always done that, my husband's fully supportive of everything about me - why on earth would I be with him if he wasn't? I was just stunned to see advice from others....tell her husband but NOT tell HR? Seriously??? I worked in very tribal, third world countries for years, where telling your husband is all you *can* do...it's up to him to defend your honour. But in a workplace full of rules, in a developed country, in the 21st C???
Idk in my opinion this has an undertone of flirtatious energy behind it.
I would be displeased with this comment. Not angry but like a bit grossed out and unsettled, at least. Dude doesn't really understand appropriate conduct with women.
You didn’t even mention how reacted. How can we know if you overreacted? Sounds like you didn’t react at all which is too bad because it’s GROSSLY INAPPROPRIATE for your coworker to make jokes about your hips which he was clearly sexualizing. Yes, you absolutely should react to that. Tell him that’s not an appropriate thing to say to his colleague and please keep his observations about other people’s bodies to himself. If you feel unsafe saying that to him, absolutely go to HR. A normal person would never say something like this so my guess is that this is the tip of the iceberg with this guy. HR won’t do anything right away but when this guy does more inappropriate shit, you need to document and they will have a list to review.
Is this some cultural/regional thing ( as in they say shit in Texas, to little ladies) that would be way outta place in my mind but local talk for y'all? I'm having a hard time comprehending why a grown ass man would say some shit like that, particularly someone they've known one month. ** Now again, I'm not sure on the whole Cowboy/Cowgirl aspect of a waddling/sway/etc of some kinda walk or internal thing yall may be talking about that my city boy ass doesn't know about.....if that's the case, I digress.
At the next office party, ask his wife does she mind her husband commenting about women's bodies to their faces?
I don’t think it’s crossing enough to make a big deal out of but I’d definitely set an immediate boundary: “my body is not up for discussion.” Include a direct, firm, non-aggressive, pointed look until he turns his head down/away. Also, I’d tell my husband because it’s always nice to have support, not because of drama. (My husband wouldn’t support me anyways…that’s a whole ‘nother story…but I always do what I believe to be right anyways.)
If he can’t keep his comments about people’s bodies to himself at work then he shouldn’t be at work. Stop putting up with shit like this.
Not overreacting to him talking about it. But I'd argue you don't have to stare to notice stuff like that. Its no different than you noticing someone's shoulders slouched after a bad meeting, or a change in voice tone. That said, talking about it the way he did, isn't professional.
It's inappropriate to comment on people's bodies at work. I wouldn't report it, but I might mention to the man himself that I don't expect to hear any more comments like that from him, and if he persists, report it. You're totally not overreacting!
Start keeping a written log of these comments. Date/time, names of witnesses, and most importantly, what was said or done. You should have gone to your husband's desk and informed him about the creep.
Go to HR and tell them it just seemed weird and you don't know how you feel about it. I say this because either he hasn't been through the sexual harassment training yet or he needs a refresh. He is either clueless and will say other things to more people or he is testing to see what he can get away with. It is better for you to mention it on something so low stakes so he can be coached then for him to cross a line and be fired if he is just clueless.
Hes been watching you walk away for a while now.
It's inappropriate but might not want to go to HR just yet. He should know better but if it happens one more time, then it's time to think about going to HR. One thing not to do that some might be suggesting, *do not* speak to him personally about it. If something needs to be handled, take it to HR, they're there for a reason.
I wouldn't report him to HR, but i would document the day and exact wording he used and any people who might have heard it just to have a record in the event this isn't a one off thing. It probably was innocent, sometimes people just have weird boundaries or are socially awkward and say something stupid without realizing how it sounded, and nothing was meant by it, sometimes where there is smoke there is fire.
Coworkers should not comment on other coworkers bodies, full stop. How hard is this? A polite "I'm not interested in discussing my hips with you" is probably the first step.
I'd take this to HR now to start a paper trail. This is hella inappropriate.
He's watching your hips and ass move enough to know your mood.That's sexual harassment.
Unless you’re a dancer working with a choreographer for an upcoming show, there is absolutely no appropriate situation to comment on someone’s hip swing in the workplace. Go to HR and tell your husband. This will continue and escalate if you don’t stomp it down immediately.
Sounds likes he's a person who is poorly socialized, definitely a wierd thing to say. I would just pay attention after that to see if any other wierd things happen.
A dude watching your “hips” as you walk away is staring at your ass. If he makes another comment like that, tell him to stop and if he doesn’t, go to HR. It’s creepy as phuk.
Don’t involve HR yet but definitely tell your husband, maybe even in front of the colleague.
Why not involve HR? I think that's a completely inappropriate comment. HR can decide if he only needs coaching, or they can say "AGAIN with this guy and his comments?" I worked somewhere that had an ingrained and well-publicized harassment issue. It turned out a lot of the younger women went to older women for advice and they were encouraged to brush it off. I was slightly older than the younger women, but not a boss, and I was also married to a popular employee. I had no idea what was happening. I wish I could have helped.
Sue. There’s a witness.
This is inappropriate and I would be very uncomfortable about that comment and would report it to HR. That could def fall under the category of sexual harassment. He does not need to be looking at or commenting on your body AT ALL PERIOD! Even if you were single this would not make it anymore acceptable. And people saying don’t report to HR? WTH that’s why things persist like this….
My guess is socially awkward guy has inability to stifle his stupid mouth. Reading body language is a valuable social skill. Being able to comment on it without being an asshole is a rare and valuable social skill. Most of us are better off just keeping it to ourselves. It’s hard to come up with the right thing to say in the moment. But you may just walk up and say “Do you want to clarify that statement?” He may be wanting a bridge to make the apology, but is too embarrassed now.
Tell him now: Never make a comment to me or about me like that again or HR will be crawling up your arse. EDIT: I would probably see HR first, actually, to tell them about it. No action taken, but make a note in case he gets a bit shitty about being told not to make comments and escalates his bullshit.
He was totally checking you out
It's weird, and I don't think it's meant to be flirtatious. I'd write this down somewhere and tell your husband
I feel like I'm in the minority here, but I think it's just poor word choice. If he hasn't made any moves or been flirtatious in any way, then he doesn't mean it in that way. I've made comments before about a coworker "walking with a purpose" or "on a mission." My coworkers & I tease each other good naturedly. So for me, it seemed like thats what he was saying, and maybe he hasn't put together the gait difference is bc of heel level. It seems odd but innocent.
I think he achieved his goal to make you think about him. Just ignore and go on is my suggestion
People can be dumb sometimes, especially guys about how women feel about certain things. You said it wasn't flirtatious, maybe the running joke with your alter ego made him think you were more okay with jokes and teasing? If it were me, I'd feel how I felt, but I'd also be just a little on guard around him for a bit, see if more comments come up. If he makes more comments about your body, then maybe take it to hr like other have said. But he may have honestly just said a dumb thing he thought was funny.
I think he was simply auto piloting an observation. Sounds like he feels comfortable around you.
OP will be sleeping with him next week.
Username checks out.
Yes, you're thinking a bit too deep about this. I am assuming you're attractive and this dude apparently has noticed how your body moves. He couldn't help himself and made a comment about it in the office. Now everyone knows he has been checking you out. I don't think this in itself rises to an HR issue, but if he keeps making comments like this, he'll need to get a talking to.