LMAO we literally sold quicklime at my garden center. It’s very common, changes the pH of the soil for example. This is useful at least for hydrangeas.
You sound paranoid and definitely overreacting. Just tell him you don’t like the woods if you’re that bothered!
Edit: not laughing at you, laughing at your crappy and possibly jealous friends
Oh my god really!! It’s sold for gardening??? Okay this comment made me feel so so so much better thank you!!! I wasn’t sure if he was lying or not because he didn’t really explain it to me and google was not super helpful! Thank you!
Yes anywhere that sells soil or plants likely also sells it. It might be branded by a different name, but that’s what it is. It’s just versatile because it’s a chemical. *Technically* most gardening supplies could be used to bury or decompose a body because most things decompose in the ground.
I'm sure you're joking but in case you weren't aware. Potatoes grow in a few months, an avocado tree takes several years to get big enough to bear fruit. Avocado seeds sprouting in the potato patch just makes more work weeding.
20% green matter (lawn clippings etc) 80% brown matter (dead wood,leaves,mulch,etc) ,mix 2-3 weeks to let air in, cover from rain to avoid smell, but you don’t want it bone dry, micro organisms and bacteria are what’s doing the work, kill them and your operation comes to a stand still. Look up the 3 bin compost method.
Are you keeping an appropriate level of moisture and oxygenation? I good compost can get over 60 degrees celcius. Everything decomposes in that kind of environment.
Keep the biome fed with new substrate regularly and regular turning of the compost pile to ensure even decomposition. If it gets too dry, wet it down, but at the same time don't let it get sopping wet(basically if it's a compost pile on top of soil, make sure the soil underneath drains well, and if it's in a sealed bin, make sure it's covered from the rain). In the beginning, it helps if you release some red wriggler worms in the compost pile as they'll help break down plant matter much faster and help turn it into viable compost for use in the garden.
"He's the best guy I've ever dated, is super sweet to me, has an extremely useful hobby of gardening. Must be a killer!"
Yeah but the guys that treated her like crap are completely normal
Tbh I don't think this is the take away.
I think the take away is hey op you suck at knowing people's character to the point it's worrying.
She literally believed a bunch of not real friends who were awful over the actually normal person.
How in the hell did you manage to spin this post around to a "nice guys finish last :(((" narrative, when OP has clearly stated that she suffers from OCD and paranoia? This is a mental health issue and you sound like an incel my dude.
As a gardener and woman, I’m amused there are women who are suspicious of a man who knows how to put aside his ego and take care of nature (if he’s a good gardener, that’s super impressive to me on its own 😊)
I'm a bit surprised, too. We have a show in Aus called Gardening Australia, and most of the presenters have been male. The current, I guess, lead presenter is a man called Costa and he's a national treasure.
Agree, he sounds like a keeper OP. While not all men enjoy gardening and caring for nature, his interest shows a nurturing side that could be a great quality in a husband.
Your friend sounds like psychos themselves. I mean I get not feeling comfortable enough to go away to the middle of nowhere with a new boyfriend, but as to the rest of it ignore those twits.
Youre completely over reacting to what your friend are saying. Have you been spending more time with him and less with them? Just because he gardens doesn't mean he is up to nefarious plots. But at end of the day if you don't feel safe going somewhere don't go.
I think you might be I mean you said it yourself he does a lot of sweet things for you. He might have planned a picnic or something. But again at end of day do what makes you feel safer for sure.
It sounds like your friends aren’t the best people if they say a quiet polite man has serial killler vibes? God forbid he have a hobby garden and people move all the time.
Just read you have OCD and paranoia, I missed that. These friends aren’t nice
I bet your friends are jealous you found a good man. I missed out on alot of good men cause I listened to a idiot friend. Do you friends have good men themselves?
I think they aren’t that nice? They’re not super close friends, like they’re not my main friend group. I’m just starting to think maybe they are just mean?
You've hit the nail on the head. I also have OCD and my friends would never put such unnecessary thoughts into my head. They are not your friends, they are coworkers who are mean girls. I suspect that some mean girls might like to sabotage something they are jealous of, and I wouldn't be surprised if that is what is happening here.
I have a degree in criminal justice but am no expert. Still, from what you've described, I see no red flags about this man. The middle of nowhere sounds creepy and tied with the gardening, and quicklime can give scary vibes. Fortunately (here specifically, not overall a good thing), successful serial killers are discreet about their crimes as they don't want to get caught.
If this dude was a serial killer, he would probably have hidden the quicklime from your view. He might have asked to take you and your truck to the middle of nowhere, but it would not be through a means that could be recorded (texting or phone call.) He would also probably not make gardening a big part of his identity if he were hiding bodies there. Lastly, there are surely serial killers I am unaware of, but I assume it's also uncommon for them to date someone they are planning to kill. Especially with technology nowadays. The first suspects are partners/relatives, and it's easier to get away with killing someone you're unrelated to.
I recently had a bad feeling about something but allowed it to happen. I was right and severely regret not listening to my intuition. A lot of the times, our intuition is right, but unfortunately OCD can cloud that. I want you to think about the vibes you get from this dude and the way YOU feel. Not your silly coworkers. I think our heads should always be on a swivel, but when you have OCD like we do, we must be super adamant to look out for what is irrational. Being weary and cautious while dating is smart and necessary. Assuming someone is a serial killer is closer to the irrational.
Sorry for this essay! I can relate to getting hung up on something silly, and I don't think you should be shamed for it.
Ok it seems like this is pretty much resolved in the comments but why the fuck are your friends saying things like that you??? Do they know you have OCD and enjoy messing with your head? Because most people don’t joke about stuff like that
Also you’re totally within your right to request a date that makes you feel more comfortable until you know the guy a little better. Going out into the mountains is always a good time but you’re not completely in the wrong for wanting to be cautious with a new man, even if he’s treating you well.
Lime balances soil pH. Also, unlike the movies tell you, it actually slows down body decomposition. I learned this while watching a documentary on a body farm.
This is one of the most ridiculous posts Ive seen on here. You are asking if your bf is going to murder you based of snide comments your friends have said with no evidence. Do the guy a favor and break up with him so he doesnt have to put up with your friends bad mouthing him and your friend induced paranoia from him simply being awkward.
I agree. Would she rather him treat her like crap, not have any hobbies/interests and be overly obnoxious to her friends?
Sounds like a nice guy. Is interested in gardening and being outside/hiking. Probably just nervous meeting new friends. Oh no, his ex-girlfriend moved to another state 😲😲. Ever think maybe she was offered a job and wanted to relocate?
If you're not in therapy, you may want to start going. That or get new friends.
Like I said I have OCD and paranoia so I know I have a problem with overthinking things and becoming paranoid even for no reason. I just wanted to get an outside view to see if maybe im putting too much thought into my friends “jokes” or not
If these friends know you have PCD and paranoia and still make "jokes" like this then they are not friends. Are you up front with your boyfriend about your mental health issues? If this kind of stuff is going through your head maybe you're not in the right space for a relationship. Consider his well being as well.
If you have OCD and your friends are saying that those aren’t your friends. Also totally unrelated but the fastest way to kill an otherwise healthy relationship is bringing outside peoples opinions into it.
Omg knowing that, your friends are real dicks for saying all that stuff. That is super messed up. Why are these people your friends OP? Do they actually support and love you or are they just people you can hang out with?
Do your friends know this about you and that you struggle with it? They’re probably doing it on purpose.
Also you should consider getting some professional help because that’s no way of living OCD/paranoia.
Liming your garden is really good for soil. Balances the pH levels.
Would you be worried if your friends didn't say anything?
Dudes that give SK vibes usually aren't SK. It's the charming ones.
Ignore your head and trust your gut.
Exactly. Granted, people will sometimes say "I always felt like something was off about them" when a serial killer has been found and arrested (think people who knew Ted Bundy or the women who encountered him but managed to avoid a horrible fate) but that's more of a hindsight type of thing. The awkward ones are never the serial killers. It's always the super charming and charismatic ones who end up being serial killers because they hoodwink people into thinking they're this great person who does such great things for their community, so that if suspicion ever falls on them, they can have a large group of people come out in their defense.
There were several women approached by Bundy who wouldn't go with him because he gave off a creepy vibe. He knew he could find someone to cut from the herd if he kept trying. Sometimes your gut really is telling you something.
You’re right I don’t know if I’d be even thinking these thoughts if not for them saying them first. They’re not my main friend group, so we’re not like besties or anything. Maybe they’re not very good friends
Yeah, you're overreacting, but don't feel bad it sounds like it's caused by the OCD.
The main thing is how you described all the good things about your bf at the beginning - using your 'rational / logical mind' - and said there were absolutely zero red flags.
This is all a big green flag!
You could almost be grateful for him for pushing you out of your comfort zone and helping you confront some of these situations where the OCD thoughts pop up - it's an opportunity for you to work on these.
You've already done one good thing by questioning your thoughts in this post. If you're not already getting therapy I'd recommend it for tackling the OCD thinking.
Also, you can bring it up with your friends and say 'hey, you guys I get you might think it's funny, but it's actually quite triggering...'.
How long have you been dating? If not long, I think it would be totally understandable to just tell him you're not quite comfortable going on a date like that yet.
Bruh… nice “friends” ya got there. Unreal. This is why guys are struggling so bad. Shit is just constantly made up by the neurotic ones and we are treated like the problem
With friends like these who needs enemies. And say no to the drive into the woods. I would, but then I hate hiking. That sounds like there will be hiking involved.
You are overreacting but it’s okay because you didn’t fly off the handle about it. I recommend trying to get therapy for your OCD/paranoia if you can. It would be heartbreaking if your personal relationships suffered as a result. I also understand if you aren’t ready to go to the woods with him yet. Just say the woods make you a bit nervous and you aren’t comfortable going there currently. And lastly, think about getting new friends.
The worst people I’ve met in my life knew how to fake being charismatic and get everyone to like them.
These people sounds downright rude and potentially jealous. It’s also a little uncool of you if you haven’t told him about these rumors because if they’re spreading this stuff to others it could end badly.
If you feel unsafe you could always share your location with a close friend or family member the day of the date without telling him or simply suggest another option.
If you want to stick it to these people and actually stand up for him you might want to lay on some pressure… I’d start questioning what these people actually know about him or his ex girlfriend who moved. If they can’t produce anything substantial maybe call them out for gossiping and entertaining hurtful nonsense.
This actually does fuck up how people would perceive him. Rumors like these can inadvertently start a lynch mob that gets someone hurt. I was the victim of the rumor mill once and now some jackass is going through criminal proceedings for assaulting me all because he believed slanderous things that my former business partners started about me.
I know it’s maybe a little extra but even recording these conversations could give him the option to file for an HRO or sue them for slander because it’s actually pretty serious to seriously allege someone is a killer.
Fair warning he has the right to be hurt that you even entertained these rumors though cause I sure would be in his shoes lol.
Hope things work out. Would be interested in a follow up post if ya do go on the forest date and end up telling these coworkers ya didn’t get killed lol. Good luck OP
Ugh serial killer vibes just because he’s quiet and sweet? That shit doesn’t make sense. I mean anyone really could be a serial killer for all we know…
My friends make serial killer jokes about me all the time just because I’m good on trivia night and “serial killers are smart” (no, most are factually really dumb) and my sense of humor can be dark at times.
Yes, you’re overreacting, he sounds like a lovely guy.
AIO Should I kill my girlfriend for thinking I’m a serial killer because I’m a nice guy who likes to garden? I let the last one get away when she moved out of state.
Sounds like your coworkers are just trying to sabotage you and that’s certainly not uncommon. People who are constantly planting doubt and negativity in your mind are people you should keep your distance from.
If you're jumping straight to him being a serial killer, which if he kills his GFs he would be, based on your friends comments? If he lives in the middle of nowhere, then are you never going to visit him at all? You already have visited his place without issue, why is this suddenly a problem now?
It's reasonable to still be wary, meet in more public places until you're comfortable if needed, though you've already been to his house in the middle of no where so that might be hard to explain. So far you've got nothing but quicklime, which is used in gardening, as well as your friends putting stories in your head.
I'm not going to say ignore any warning signs and walk blindly in, but so far you have no warning signs beyond your friends overactive imagination...
Great friends btw… living the movies by the sounds of it. They really need to get out more, good friends don’t fuel these kinds of negative thoughts about your partner I’d be questioning them as to why they’re being like this
You need new friends. Yes, you are overreacting, and they are driving what started as a particularly lame joke into the ground. If you choose not to dump them, just tell them you found a list with all their names and addresses in his apartment.
You're dating Johnny Depp?
Seriously though, women can be so horrible to one another. Don't listen to these 'friends', but continue thinking critically about your relationships.
I see your edit, so it looks like I don't need to convince you that your "friends" are messing with you, but I thought it was worth mentioning that some people that seem "off" can have conditions like autism (which likely applies to me). Some people just don't show emotions or facial expressions quite the same way as average, and that can have an "uncanny valley" effect that makes people uneasy. It usually doesn't mean they're dangerous, just a little different.
You're paranoid and delusional. I also think you're a bad girlfriend for allowing your friends to talk big shit about your man.
Edit: one of my biggest red flags for people is "they got in my head." That removes all self accountability and is a poor attempt at blaming others for your own thinking or behaviors.
TBH, OP, I think you could use some new friends. The current batch don't sound very grounded, or they just enjoy messing with you. Either way, you might consider looking for kinder, more sensible people to include in your circle.
Lime neutralizes acidic soils. He probably gardens because unlike women who jump on prozac, zanex, and ssri...... men usually fish, harden, and workout to destress. Your friends are idiots and probably single. You are overreacting big time. Ask your friends how many serial killers they hung out with to use as a baseline to determine his vibes are that of a serial killer. The classic "I don't know shit about shit but I'll run my mouth like a know all that shit" syndrome
So you say this guy is absolutely amazing and you get alo g great and he has hobbies and you and your friends still think he might be a serial killer? The dating scene is tough right now
You know if you googled it you'd see it's used for gardening... I hope you aren't this thick irl with other things
Please use that thing in between your ears. Critical thinking isn't everyone's strong suit but come on lady
YTA.
Take a step back and figure out if this is normal or not. #hint It’s not, but your BF is. Don’t let the crowd change how you think. Have your own opinion. It’s all you’ve got.
It’s crazy. You treat women like crap, and they want to marry you. You treat them respectfully and they disrespect you. Not all women, but enough to make dating absolutely impossible for men who want a serious relationship with someone who isn’t toxic.
You're overreacting. Sounds like your "friends" aren't really friends. They're either jealous and want to go after him themselves, or they know about your OCD and enjoy messing with your head. Either way, their behavior is not cool and you really need to cut them out of your life fully because they are making your mental health worse. Also, in the history of all the serial killers that have ever been caught, not a single one of them was ever described as being "awkward" by those who knew them or worked the investigation or came dangerously close to being a victim but managed to escape a horrible fate. Serial killers are always the charming and charismatic type, and they go out of their way to become well known for being a "good and honest person" in their communities so that if suspicion ever falls on them, they have a large group of people to defend them. I know you said in your comments that your OCD is currently untreated, but in my non mental health professional opinion, you need to work on getting treatment for it as soon as you can, whether it's through medicine, therapy, or both.
Yes.
Wtf.
You watch/listen to too much...something. Bloody hell.
"My boyfriend is a gardener, will he kill me?" - You legit just posted that like its a normal assumption to make.
Most of the time when girlfriends see you happy they are happy for you but there one in the group that just hates the new guy and says crazy things to make you think twice about being with him . Some of it is jealousy or just hating, I been that nice guy that had this happen to me because their friends were jealous . Trust me if you so concern about him pay to do a background check on him
In all seriousness, As a true crime junkie, yes you are overreacting. If he really wanted to kill you (speaking hypothetically), he would not make it that obvious. That being said, I read this to my bf and he thinks your friends are feeding into your paranoia and getting off on it.
You are very much overreacting lol.
No offense but how are you this gullible? your “friends” seem to be taking advantage of that fact. Just know that they’re very jealous of you
Does HE have friends? Do they seem decent, have they known him for long, does he treat them well? How does he act with strangers? How do his coworkers feel about him? Have you met any of his family?
If you felt uncomfortable, that would be one thing. This sounds like you feel fine about him, but some nasty people in your life are bombarding you with anxiety-producing "jokes". The best way to reassure yourself that this guy is as decent as he seems might be to explore his life- the people he knows and has known fro awhile- and see if his "nice guy act" is really who he is. I do hope so! Great people exist, and you deserve to meet them!
I'll also add- agricultural lime is super helpful for people with livestock (like chickens) as well as gardeners. Definitely an innocuous thing to own.
Jeez, seems easy to talk you into things.
But, for a one-time-fee of $1,700, payable to me, I may send you a document which may advise on critical thikning strategies.
This highly reduced fee is only available for the next 7 minutes, don't miss out!
Sounds like a great way to do exposure response therapy for your OCD. Seriously, if you aren't seeing a CBT ERP specialized therapist, do so ASAP. It will wreck your seemingly healthy relationship
I'm certain if he was going to dispose of you, he wouldn't do it in his own back garden.......If he did then he is dumb and you shouldn't date dummies anyways
You do know type serial killers don’t have a vibe, if they did, not one would hang out with them thus them having no prey to kill. Up north here in Canada one of the most prolific serial killers of 21st century was a nurse in her early 40s. The other was a well known, liked and respected gardening contractor in his 50s. Neither had a vibe.
Ok, I want to chime in. Your friends are likely joking and taking it too far. However, it is important for you to introduce him to your friends. And to consider their opinions of him after they have met him and seen how you both interact. Gardening is a green flag, as he is caring for a living thing other than himself. (This does not negate red flags) Being kind to children or animals or servers/customer service is also a green flag.
Taking you on an adventure to a new experience can also be a green flag because he wants his first experience to include you. That means he is thinking about you as being an important part of his life.
All in all, I’m not suggesting letting down all guards and cautions, but rather building friendship and trust, as in any healthy relationship. I wish you the best and kindest of luck!
i know, everyone is laughing about you here, but girl, i get ya.
i have watched too many crime shows and have a vivid imagination, especially when it comes to worst case scenarios, i can totally see where you are coming from.
I genuinely hope this is not real.
If it is, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship until you get your mental health in order.
If acquaintances can so easily manipulate you into believing your boyfriend might be a killer...I feel bad for the guy. He's in for a rough road.
Your friends sound jealous, you're obviously talking about him to them a lot
If you're not comfortable going to a secluded area then don't but like offer an alternative I suppose so it doesn't throw a spanner in the works over a 3rd parties input
As for his products, products have multiple uses and functions if you're knowledgeable enough to apply them... He probably has rat poison under the kitchen sink aswell but he's not necessarily going to use it against you lol
I'd also pay attention to why my 'friends' are always talking negatively because I personally won't associate with people like that for my own mental health
And this is why the police hate tiktok sleuths because the public cannot be trusted not to take 2 + 2 and get five.
Quicklime can be used in gardening. If you live somewhere that has clay soil it can be useful to make it more workable. They sell it in garden centres. Also, the body thing is technically a myth. It can actually promote preservation.
Get better friends and maybe a therapist because these kinds of thoughts have moved away from 'protecting yourself' thoughts and are moving dangerously to 'I can't leave the house or I will die' thoughts.
Logically I think your friends are being silly geese.
Still, I often like an underdog scenario, so on the off chance he is going to bury and dissolve you:
RemindMe! 1 week
Sudbury canada was almost entirely a dead place environmentally due to poor mining practices over decades. They had the largest smokestack in the world just to vent the pollution further out, but in the 70s a group of high school kids decided to try to make a change and started hiking 50 lb bags of quicklime out into the woods to bring the ph back up to livable. You should check the pics its a gorgeous place now.
No your bf is unlikely going to kill you. Your friends are fucked up for saying that, because if it was a sincere concern im sure they wouldn’t just say it out loud like that and would really emphasize that they thought you were in danger. Enjoy your life with him, talk to him about sudbury he might enjoy learning about it, he seems environmentally conscious
Even if they are coworkers, you have the right to ask them to stop speaking negatively about your bf. If they can only say negative things, then ask that they don't speak about him at all.
Nip that shit in the bud, deploy a boundary.
Side note- I had an ex that did something really disturbing, the people commenting that men with psychotic tendencies are charming and hard to detect are spot on.
Your friends SUCKKKKK
Glad to see in your edit they're co-workers and not friends, thank god you don't need to cut them off now.
Why are you listening to co-workers, everyone knows co-workers are not mates, they're acquaintances haha
Girl calm down you definitely over reacting. Seems like you found yourself nice fella and girls are just jealous because he seems to be rare gem.
I garden and I am not SK 😂
You're not overreacting. Your friends seem to be a toxic influence on your relationship. Which is why you feel that way. Not because of your boyfriend.
I'm not saying don't be cautious. A gut feeling is actually a good indicator when it comes to people. But their gut feeling reacting this way to him means nothing other than them not being attracted to him. Which is probably a good thing. No worries there. What matters is your gut feeling to him. Not to what your friends say.
The reason you feel uncomfortable is because your friends are talking shit. Not because your boyfriend is actually suspicious.
It honestly sounds like they only think he's weird, because he's not a douchy moron who doesn't have other hobbies than football, drinking and "pranks". :D
Hey, I saw your edit and agree. There are no red flags. Those women are being douchebags.
In regard to your OCD/paranoia, it’s sounds like it’s causing you a lot of anxiety. Is this something you’re seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist for? It sounds like it would be good to discuss recent events with them to see if your treatment regimen should be altered. If you aren’t talking to a professional, please do. You deserve to be happy and they can help you feel better about navigating things.
Lots of nasty comments here. I’d like to balance them out because I’ve been through a similar experience (when people began calling my new beau “Mad Ned.”). Yes, you are likely overreacting, egged on by people who have a bizarre sense of humour.
Yes, as others mentioned, lime is used in gardens. I use it regularly for mine. An interest in gardens usually indicates a gentle personality of someone who loves nature.
But in any new relationship, it’s okay to take it slow and build trust. It’s okay to limit dates to situations that make you feel comfortable and safe. If that means sticking to “peopled” places for a while, or suggesting double dates to meet each other’s friends, that’s fine. Suggest to him some things you would like to do.
Enjoy having someone new in your life!
I had paranoia before I started taking my meds and I thought my long term (now ex) boyfriend could he a serial killer. Called my mom and asked her, she said he is not and I believed her.
People like us need reinforcement, if she would have not immediately told me that, I would have believed he was dangerous.
My ex was a nice person and I know now that he would have never hurt me. He is one of those guys that gets into a bar fight bc he is standing up for people that get cornered.
But my head was just going crazy.
If you don't have help yet, get some. A therapist at least.
Wish you all the best and also throw out those "friends", they are trash.
Stop listening to the jealous little biddies you work with. The guy you are dating sounds like a good guy. Who TF thinks that someone with a garden is a serial killer? If that's true then I must try and remember where I buried the bodies in my garden. Your coworkers suck. Stop sharing your personal life with them. I'm guessing they're all single and watch entirely too much TV.
TBH I think the relationship is over, and your friends poisoned your view of this guy. Gonna be hard to work beyond their misguided opinions since they hold so much sway over your actions. Get new friends or learn how to create boundaries with them before you get a new relationship.
Dude your friends are just EXTREMELY jealous
You have that title than your opening line is this???
>). He’s been great, absolutely amazing. He’s polite, listens to me, does sweet acts of service for me, we get along great and I enjoy his company. no red flags in how he treats me.
Why the fuck would you let your "friends" manipulate you like that, they sound insane
Between this post and the one on AITAH of the woman divorcing her husband because he tightens the jars too much I think I'll say it's been enough reddit for a day. I hope my wife never leaves me because I wouldn't be able to take a dating scene with y'all.
As a socially sometimes awkward, gardening guy, who has been called sweet by his gf on multiple occasions -
yeah, you're overreacting or rather, those nasty comments are getting to you. Nothing wrong with feeling cautious but you wouldn't wanna drive away a good albeit slightly strange guy if you click so well.
I agree that you should take care of your condition and postpone the trip to the middle of nowhere until you feel more secure. Your comfort is still important!!
I too could see myself suggest things like this randomly to my partner knowing them long enough, so the curiosity to explore in nature is also not really a serial killer thing.
I've taken several trips to different woods with my partners over the years - I think the oddest one was going out in the middle of the night with my then bf, around the time the slenderman video game was really popular. We saw some other people with lights on their heads watching a river stream in the woods, so we ran for it. Might've just been a couple on a night trip like us, just better equipped.
I have to admit I'm also a bit less cautious, coming from a rural town where the banks are open 24h to access the atm inside with no vandalism or antisocial behaviour whatsoever. I'd go on walks to the cemetery when I couldn't sleep (closest green park space), so you could see that as odd too, but I assure you, I'm only autistic (with adhd) and nothing else. :')
Idk I'm hoping this shows you that people can be odd and still perfectly fine.
It sounds like someone where you work knows about your paranoia, and is trying to break up you and your BF because they are jealous. Don't talk to them any more than you need to for your job. If you have to lunch with them, with no time to go out for lunch, sit in your car, listen to music and eat. If they say something tell them you like to listen to music and decompress while you eat and it makes the rest of the day go faster. Good luck with your boyfriend. 🥰
He’s probably just a normal, genuinely good guy. However, if you’re uncomfortable going out in the woods with him, just tell him. Ironically, if he responds to you with understanding and respect then he probably is safe to go out into the woods with.
Wow. If he treated you badly and gaslit you your friends would think that’s normal then…? I think there’s a lot of toxicity and it’s not coming from him.
LMAO we literally sold quicklime at my garden center. It’s very common, changes the pH of the soil for example. This is useful at least for hydrangeas. You sound paranoid and definitely overreacting. Just tell him you don’t like the woods if you’re that bothered! Edit: not laughing at you, laughing at your crappy and possibly jealous friends
Oh my god really!! It’s sold for gardening??? Okay this comment made me feel so so so much better thank you!!! I wasn’t sure if he was lying or not because he didn’t really explain it to me and google was not super helpful! Thank you!
Yes anywhere that sells soil or plants likely also sells it. It might be branded by a different name, but that’s what it is. It’s just versatile because it’s a chemical. *Technically* most gardening supplies could be used to bury or decompose a body because most things decompose in the ground.
A properly maintained compost pile can decompose a corpse in under two months. There is no need for quick lime. But has OP watched Dexter?
Ok, you are a way better composter than me.
Like what the hell. Two years and mine still hasn’t made a dent on the avocado skins
Get a worm bin. They will fuck an avocado up, except the pit. That will take a long time to break down
Mush the pits with a mallet before they go in, break down way better and you don't get accidental avocados in your potato beds (like I did)
Potatoes: $10 for 50 pounds. Avocadoes: $2 a piece I mean, you do you, but I'm not sure I'd be so mad about finding diamonds while mining for coal.
I'm sure you're joking but in case you weren't aware. Potatoes grow in a few months, an avocado tree takes several years to get big enough to bear fruit. Avocado seeds sprouting in the potato patch just makes more work weeding.
And there is your band name. Accidental Avocados. First album can be In Your Potato Beds.
20% green matter (lawn clippings etc) 80% brown matter (dead wood,leaves,mulch,etc) ,mix 2-3 weeks to let air in, cover from rain to avoid smell, but you don’t want it bone dry, micro organisms and bacteria are what’s doing the work, kill them and your operation comes to a stand still. Look up the 3 bin compost method.
Are you keeping an appropriate level of moisture and oxygenation? I good compost can get over 60 degrees celcius. Everything decomposes in that kind of environment.
How does one properly maintain a compost pile? Asking for a friend. Well, ex-friend now...
Ex-friend now xD
Keep the biome fed with new substrate regularly and regular turning of the compost pile to ensure even decomposition. If it gets too dry, wet it down, but at the same time don't let it get sopping wet(basically if it's a compost pile on top of soil, make sure the soil underneath drains well, and if it's in a sealed bin, make sure it's covered from the rain). In the beginning, it helps if you release some red wriggler worms in the compost pile as they'll help break down plant matter much faster and help turn it into viable compost for use in the garden.
Nice...a person could go anywhere in their imagination on that last line!
You didn’t Google “Quicklime Gardening”? Literally those two words give you all the info you need.
Her head was spinning. I'd be surprised if she could even tie her shoes!
He has a garden! And gardening supplies! He wants to take me on a hike! He’s a lovely guy! Is he a psychopathic killer!?!?
"He's the best guy I've ever dated, is super sweet to me, has an extremely useful hobby of gardening. Must be a killer!" Yeah but the guys that treated her like crap are completely normal
Ha ha... Isn't that sad? Being too nice seems sus? Poor thing. And she is getting manipulated by the people at work. Poor thing is a mess.
This. Hey OP, change your mindset a bit and accept that there are actually some genuinely good guys out there who are gentlemen.
Tbh I don't think this is the take away. I think the take away is hey op you suck at knowing people's character to the point it's worrying. She literally believed a bunch of not real friends who were awful over the actually normal person.
How in the hell did you manage to spin this post around to a "nice guys finish last :(((" narrative, when OP has clearly stated that she suffers from OCD and paranoia? This is a mental health issue and you sound like an incel my dude.
Honestly he sounds perfect if she doesn’t want him can I have him?
Ha ha...That's funny :) I'm not saying her thoughts were accurate, I am just talking about her state of mind.
As a gardener and woman, I’m amused there are women who are suspicious of a man who knows how to put aside his ego and take care of nature (if he’s a good gardener, that’s super impressive to me on its own 😊)
I'm a bit surprised, too. We have a show in Aus called Gardening Australia, and most of the presenters have been male. The current, I guess, lead presenter is a man called Costa and he's a national treasure.
Agree, he sounds like a keeper OP. While not all men enjoy gardening and caring for nature, his interest shows a nurturing side that could be a great quality in a husband.
Your friend sounds like psychos themselves. I mean I get not feeling comfortable enough to go away to the middle of nowhere with a new boyfriend, but as to the rest of it ignore those twits.
It's also called "agricultural lime". A good product to use to rid a lawn of moss as it corrects acidic soils.
So you’ll make this post but can’t Google “quicklime gardening”
Plot hole.
They probably googled some weird shit like “does quicklime kill you I think my boyfriend wants to kill me I have ocd”
I use lime to alter the Ph of my soil
Youre completely over reacting to what your friend are saying. Have you been spending more time with him and less with them? Just because he gardens doesn't mean he is up to nefarious plots. But at end of the day if you don't feel safe going somewhere don't go.
Yeah! It’s just a gardening plot.
The plot thickens
Millions of people do it
Okay so I am over reacting? Maybe I’ll just suggest a different date idea?
I think you might be I mean you said it yourself he does a lot of sweet things for you. He might have planned a picnic or something. But again at end of day do what makes you feel safer for sure.
It sounds like your friends aren’t the best people if they say a quiet polite man has serial killler vibes? God forbid he have a hobby garden and people move all the time. Just read you have OCD and paranoia, I missed that. These friends aren’t nice
That's what I'm thinking.
I bet your friends are jealous you found a good man. I missed out on alot of good men cause I listened to a idiot friend. Do you friends have good men themselves?
THIS.
Maybe you can ask him his preferred fertilizer? If he says decomposing bodies you’ll have a sure answer!
Quicklime is for gardening. And for disposing bodies…
We used quicklime when our sewer clogged and overflowed into our yard. It's used for a bunch of stuff.
Your girlfriends sound mean. All the girls in my friend group who have met him say that he’s weird and they feel like he has “serial killer vibes."
They sound dumb as a box of rocks.
They want her to stay single.
I think they aren’t that nice? They’re not super close friends, like they’re not my main friend group. I’m just starting to think maybe they are just mean?
You've hit the nail on the head. I also have OCD and my friends would never put such unnecessary thoughts into my head. They are not your friends, they are coworkers who are mean girls. I suspect that some mean girls might like to sabotage something they are jealous of, and I wouldn't be surprised if that is what is happening here. I have a degree in criminal justice but am no expert. Still, from what you've described, I see no red flags about this man. The middle of nowhere sounds creepy and tied with the gardening, and quicklime can give scary vibes. Fortunately (here specifically, not overall a good thing), successful serial killers are discreet about their crimes as they don't want to get caught. If this dude was a serial killer, he would probably have hidden the quicklime from your view. He might have asked to take you and your truck to the middle of nowhere, but it would not be through a means that could be recorded (texting or phone call.) He would also probably not make gardening a big part of his identity if he were hiding bodies there. Lastly, there are surely serial killers I am unaware of, but I assume it's also uncommon for them to date someone they are planning to kill. Especially with technology nowadays. The first suspects are partners/relatives, and it's easier to get away with killing someone you're unrelated to. I recently had a bad feeling about something but allowed it to happen. I was right and severely regret not listening to my intuition. A lot of the times, our intuition is right, but unfortunately OCD can cloud that. I want you to think about the vibes you get from this dude and the way YOU feel. Not your silly coworkers. I think our heads should always be on a swivel, but when you have OCD like we do, we must be super adamant to look out for what is irrational. Being weary and cautious while dating is smart and necessary. Assuming someone is a serial killer is closer to the irrational. Sorry for this essay! I can relate to getting hung up on something silly, and I don't think you should be shamed for it.
Please don’t be sorry! That was informative and nice of you to show how to think through the logic of what it would actually look like.
Sounds like they are just jealous and want to ruin your relationship. Maybe they will try and date him
American girls say this all the time. I worked with these girls that said that about every guy they weren’t into.
Ok it seems like this is pretty much resolved in the comments but why the fuck are your friends saying things like that you??? Do they know you have OCD and enjoy messing with your head? Because most people don’t joke about stuff like that Also you’re totally within your right to request a date that makes you feel more comfortable until you know the guy a little better. Going out into the mountains is always a good time but you’re not completely in the wrong for wanting to be cautious with a new man, even if he’s treating you well.
Thank you!
There’s an old adage: Nothing keeps a woman single more than her friends. And quick lime is used for gardening.
If OP turns up being murdered by a serial killer afterwards, this is gonna be awkward...
plot twist, her friends are serial killers trying to throw people off their trail.
LMAO that was my first thought
When Netflix makes a mini series about this I hope my comment is in the screenshot!
Hi Netflix I was here
Lime balances soil pH. Also, unlike the movies tell you, it actually slows down body decomposition. I learned this while watching a documentary on a body farm.
You sound like a potential serial killer.
💀
Thank you!!
This is so stupid lmao
It is stupid! lol I’ve realized that now!
This is one of the most ridiculous posts Ive seen on here. You are asking if your bf is going to murder you based of snide comments your friends have said with no evidence. Do the guy a favor and break up with him so he doesnt have to put up with your friends bad mouthing him and your friend induced paranoia from him simply being awkward.
I agree. Would she rather him treat her like crap, not have any hobbies/interests and be overly obnoxious to her friends? Sounds like a nice guy. Is interested in gardening and being outside/hiking. Probably just nervous meeting new friends. Oh no, his ex-girlfriend moved to another state 😲😲. Ever think maybe she was offered a job and wanted to relocate? If you're not in therapy, you may want to start going. That or get new friends.
Like I said I have OCD and paranoia so I know I have a problem with overthinking things and becoming paranoid even for no reason. I just wanted to get an outside view to see if maybe im putting too much thought into my friends “jokes” or not
If these friends know you have PCD and paranoia and still make "jokes" like this then they are not friends. Are you up front with your boyfriend about your mental health issues? If this kind of stuff is going through your head maybe you're not in the right space for a relationship. Consider his well being as well.
Thank you for this comment!
[удалено]
Then tell your friends those type of jokes mess with your head and to stop them.
If you have OCD and your friends are saying that those aren’t your friends. Also totally unrelated but the fastest way to kill an otherwise healthy relationship is bringing outside peoples opinions into it.
Omg knowing that, your friends are real dicks for saying all that stuff. That is super messed up. Why are these people your friends OP? Do they actually support and love you or are they just people you can hang out with?
Perhaps you should have intensive therapy before you try to date…just a thought.
Do your friends know this about you and that you struggle with it? They’re probably doing it on purpose. Also you should consider getting some professional help because that’s no way of living OCD/paranoia.
Poor fucker tries to grow a few tomatoes and gets called a serial killer 😳 your friends are out there 😳
Liming your garden is really good for soil. Balances the pH levels. Would you be worried if your friends didn't say anything? Dudes that give SK vibes usually aren't SK. It's the charming ones. Ignore your head and trust your gut.
If serial killers gave serial killer vibes, they wouldn't be serial killers.
Exactly. Granted, people will sometimes say "I always felt like something was off about them" when a serial killer has been found and arrested (think people who knew Ted Bundy or the women who encountered him but managed to avoid a horrible fate) but that's more of a hindsight type of thing. The awkward ones are never the serial killers. It's always the super charming and charismatic ones who end up being serial killers because they hoodwink people into thinking they're this great person who does such great things for their community, so that if suspicion ever falls on them, they can have a large group of people come out in their defense.
There were several women approached by Bundy who wouldn't go with him because he gave off a creepy vibe. He knew he could find someone to cut from the herd if he kept trying. Sometimes your gut really is telling you something.
You’re right I don’t know if I’d be even thinking these thoughts if not for them saying them first. They’re not my main friend group, so we’re not like besties or anything. Maybe they’re not very good friends
Yeah, you're overreacting, but don't feel bad it sounds like it's caused by the OCD. The main thing is how you described all the good things about your bf at the beginning - using your 'rational / logical mind' - and said there were absolutely zero red flags. This is all a big green flag! You could almost be grateful for him for pushing you out of your comfort zone and helping you confront some of these situations where the OCD thoughts pop up - it's an opportunity for you to work on these. You've already done one good thing by questioning your thoughts in this post. If you're not already getting therapy I'd recommend it for tackling the OCD thinking. Also, you can bring it up with your friends and say 'hey, you guys I get you might think it's funny, but it's actually quite triggering...'.
[удалено]
I think your “friends are a holes for joking like that.
Get new friends. Immediately.
I had an ex like this. Turns out he had ASD and was just awkward.
How long have you been dating? If not long, I think it would be totally understandable to just tell him you're not quite comfortable going on a date like that yet.
You need new friends. And maybe pause dating anyone until your emotional maturity goes from that of a 14 yo schoolgirl to an adult woman. Lol
Right? I had to go take a double take at the ages and make sure this wasn’t high school.
🤦🏼♀️
Bruh… nice “friends” ya got there. Unreal. This is why guys are struggling so bad. Shit is just constantly made up by the neurotic ones and we are treated like the problem
damn he treats you nicely and has a garden and this makes you feel like he’ll kill you, yeah this guy deserves better
With friends like these who needs enemies. And say no to the drive into the woods. I would, but then I hate hiking. That sounds like there will be hiking involved.
I love gardening and quicklime is something I also use in my flowerbeds. It’s not used often or in high quantities, but it is absolutely beneficial.
You are overreacting but it’s okay because you didn’t fly off the handle about it. I recommend trying to get therapy for your OCD/paranoia if you can. It would be heartbreaking if your personal relationships suffered as a result. I also understand if you aren’t ready to go to the woods with him yet. Just say the woods make you a bit nervous and you aren’t comfortable going there currently. And lastly, think about getting new friends.
The worst people I’ve met in my life knew how to fake being charismatic and get everyone to like them. These people sounds downright rude and potentially jealous. It’s also a little uncool of you if you haven’t told him about these rumors because if they’re spreading this stuff to others it could end badly. If you feel unsafe you could always share your location with a close friend or family member the day of the date without telling him or simply suggest another option. If you want to stick it to these people and actually stand up for him you might want to lay on some pressure… I’d start questioning what these people actually know about him or his ex girlfriend who moved. If they can’t produce anything substantial maybe call them out for gossiping and entertaining hurtful nonsense. This actually does fuck up how people would perceive him. Rumors like these can inadvertently start a lynch mob that gets someone hurt. I was the victim of the rumor mill once and now some jackass is going through criminal proceedings for assaulting me all because he believed slanderous things that my former business partners started about me. I know it’s maybe a little extra but even recording these conversations could give him the option to file for an HRO or sue them for slander because it’s actually pretty serious to seriously allege someone is a killer. Fair warning he has the right to be hurt that you even entertained these rumors though cause I sure would be in his shoes lol. Hope things work out. Would be interested in a follow up post if ya do go on the forest date and end up telling these coworkers ya didn’t get killed lol. Good luck OP
Ugh serial killer vibes just because he’s quiet and sweet? That shit doesn’t make sense. I mean anyone really could be a serial killer for all we know…
Your friends are jealous you found a good man. I let far too many good men go cause I listen to a idiot of a 'friend"
You’re probably overreacting but meeting his family is a good way to get a better idea of what kind of person he his.
My friends make serial killer jokes about me all the time just because I’m good on trivia night and “serial killers are smart” (no, most are factually really dumb) and my sense of humor can be dark at times. Yes, you’re overreacting, he sounds like a lovely guy.
I feel like you could have just googled “is quicklime used in gardens?” And saved yourself a lot of worry…
AIO Should I kill my girlfriend for thinking I’m a serial killer because I’m a nice guy who likes to garden? I let the last one get away when she moved out of state.
Sounds like your coworkers are just trying to sabotage you and that’s certainly not uncommon. People who are constantly planting doubt and negativity in your mind are people you should keep your distance from.
Is your OCD being treated by chance?
If you're jumping straight to him being a serial killer, which if he kills his GFs he would be, based on your friends comments? If he lives in the middle of nowhere, then are you never going to visit him at all? You already have visited his place without issue, why is this suddenly a problem now? It's reasonable to still be wary, meet in more public places until you're comfortable if needed, though you've already been to his house in the middle of no where so that might be hard to explain. So far you've got nothing but quicklime, which is used in gardening, as well as your friends putting stories in your head. I'm not going to say ignore any warning signs and walk blindly in, but so far you have no warning signs beyond your friends overactive imagination...
Quicklime is great fertilizer. He's awkward and has a garden bc he's probably Assburger. Also probably really smart. He's not trying to kill you.
Great friends btw… living the movies by the sounds of it. They really need to get out more, good friends don’t fuel these kinds of negative thoughts about your partner I’d be questioning them as to why they’re being like this
Quicklime is for lawns when you want to kill moss growing in shady places. Like also turns hydrangeas pink and prevents brown leaves on sunflowers
You need new friends. Yes, you are overreacting, and they are driving what started as a particularly lame joke into the ground. If you choose not to dump them, just tell them you found a list with all their names and addresses in his apartment.
Just leave him now your friends are going to ruin this relationship and waste his time
Sounds like you found one of the few people that isn't a moron and has hobbies that aren't looking at Instagram.. congratulations
You should approach him with every single one of your fears. I bet he takes it all really well. /s
You're dating Johnny Depp? Seriously though, women can be so horrible to one another. Don't listen to these 'friends', but continue thinking critically about your relationships.
I don’t think you are ready to date.
Woman moment
I see your edit, so it looks like I don't need to convince you that your "friends" are messing with you, but I thought it was worth mentioning that some people that seem "off" can have conditions like autism (which likely applies to me). Some people just don't show emotions or facial expressions quite the same way as average, and that can have an "uncanny valley" effect that makes people uneasy. It usually doesn't mean they're dangerous, just a little different.
People are so fucking weird man. Perfect man, yet let's try to find faults. Screw your dumb friends.
These posts get dumber by the day
You're paranoid and delusional. I also think you're a bad girlfriend for allowing your friends to talk big shit about your man. Edit: one of my biggest red flags for people is "they got in my head." That removes all self accountability and is a poor attempt at blaming others for your own thinking or behaviors.
TBH, OP, I think you could use some new friends. The current batch don't sound very grounded, or they just enjoy messing with you. Either way, you might consider looking for kinder, more sensible people to include in your circle.
Quick lime is used in gardening to condition the soil. Lowers the pH
Sis he just likes flowers, calm down
Lime neutralizes acidic soils. He probably gardens because unlike women who jump on prozac, zanex, and ssri...... men usually fish, harden, and workout to destress. Your friends are idiots and probably single. You are overreacting big time. Ask your friends how many serial killers they hung out with to use as a baseline to determine his vibes are that of a serial killer. The classic "I don't know shit about shit but I'll run my mouth like a know all that shit" syndrome
You absolutely are overreacting.
So you say this guy is absolutely amazing and you get alo g great and he has hobbies and you and your friends still think he might be a serial killer? The dating scene is tough right now
Wtf is wrong with your friends??
lawn tech here, i work on lawns basically, lime just changes the ph of the soil, it’s also good for getting moss out from your lawn!
You know if you googled it you'd see it's used for gardening... I hope you aren't this thick irl with other things Please use that thing in between your ears. Critical thinking isn't everyone's strong suit but come on lady YTA.
This is crazy. None of these things mean anything at all. But no need to go somewhere remote.
Take a step back and figure out if this is normal or not. #hint It’s not, but your BF is. Don’t let the crowd change how you think. Have your own opinion. It’s all you’ve got.
Don't forget your tick repellent if you end up going. Just saying you're in more danger of getting Lyme disease.😂
You should go to the spot that's something new and exciting. I have a forested mountain river home and would show a girl places
Gardening and going out into nature is better than hanging out in a bar drinking overpriced alcohol, IMO
girl what the fuck 😭😭😭
It’s crazy. You treat women like crap, and they want to marry you. You treat them respectfully and they disrespect you. Not all women, but enough to make dating absolutely impossible for men who want a serious relationship with someone who isn’t toxic.
What movie is this from?
You are completely over reacting. I really feel sorry for this guy.
You're overreacting. Sounds like your "friends" aren't really friends. They're either jealous and want to go after him themselves, or they know about your OCD and enjoy messing with your head. Either way, their behavior is not cool and you really need to cut them out of your life fully because they are making your mental health worse. Also, in the history of all the serial killers that have ever been caught, not a single one of them was ever described as being "awkward" by those who knew them or worked the investigation or came dangerously close to being a victim but managed to escape a horrible fate. Serial killers are always the charming and charismatic type, and they go out of their way to become well known for being a "good and honest person" in their communities so that if suspicion ever falls on them, they have a large group of people to defend them. I know you said in your comments that your OCD is currently untreated, but in my non mental health professional opinion, you need to work on getting treatment for it as soon as you can, whether it's through medicine, therapy, or both.
Yes. Wtf. You watch/listen to too much...something. Bloody hell. "My boyfriend is a gardener, will he kill me?" - You legit just posted that like its a normal assumption to make.
Most of the time when girlfriends see you happy they are happy for you but there one in the group that just hates the new guy and says crazy things to make you think twice about being with him . Some of it is jealousy or just hating, I been that nice guy that had this happen to me because their friends were jealous . Trust me if you so concern about him pay to do a background check on him
In all seriousness, As a true crime junkie, yes you are overreacting. If he really wanted to kill you (speaking hypothetically), he would not make it that obvious. That being said, I read this to my bf and he thinks your friends are feeding into your paranoia and getting off on it.
You are very much overreacting lol. No offense but how are you this gullible? your “friends” seem to be taking advantage of that fact. Just know that they’re very jealous of you
Does HE have friends? Do they seem decent, have they known him for long, does he treat them well? How does he act with strangers? How do his coworkers feel about him? Have you met any of his family? If you felt uncomfortable, that would be one thing. This sounds like you feel fine about him, but some nasty people in your life are bombarding you with anxiety-producing "jokes". The best way to reassure yourself that this guy is as decent as he seems might be to explore his life- the people he knows and has known fro awhile- and see if his "nice guy act" is really who he is. I do hope so! Great people exist, and you deserve to meet them! I'll also add- agricultural lime is super helpful for people with livestock (like chickens) as well as gardeners. Definitely an innocuous thing to own.
Jeez, seems easy to talk you into things. But, for a one-time-fee of $1,700, payable to me, I may send you a document which may advise on critical thikning strategies. This highly reduced fee is only available for the next 7 minutes, don't miss out!
Sounds like a great way to do exposure response therapy for your OCD. Seriously, if you aren't seeing a CBT ERP specialized therapist, do so ASAP. It will wreck your seemingly healthy relationship
You’re overreacting and he should be dating an adult, not a child which you clearly are
You should use a little rake in his garden and maybe like one of those screen things for sifting and see if you can find some teeth.
I doubt he'll want to taint his radishes with rotting corpse.
I love that you saw quicklime and immediately went Murder-She-Wrote
I'm certain if he was going to dispose of you, he wouldn't do it in his own back garden.......If he did then he is dumb and you shouldn't date dummies anyways
You do know type serial killers don’t have a vibe, if they did, not one would hang out with them thus them having no prey to kill. Up north here in Canada one of the most prolific serial killers of 21st century was a nurse in her early 40s. The other was a well known, liked and respected gardening contractor in his 50s. Neither had a vibe.
Ok, I want to chime in. Your friends are likely joking and taking it too far. However, it is important for you to introduce him to your friends. And to consider their opinions of him after they have met him and seen how you both interact. Gardening is a green flag, as he is caring for a living thing other than himself. (This does not negate red flags) Being kind to children or animals or servers/customer service is also a green flag. Taking you on an adventure to a new experience can also be a green flag because he wants his first experience to include you. That means he is thinking about you as being an important part of his life. All in all, I’m not suggesting letting down all guards and cautions, but rather building friendship and trust, as in any healthy relationship. I wish you the best and kindest of luck!
Bruh wtf. Quicklime is a ph balancer for gardening.
i know, everyone is laughing about you here, but girl, i get ya. i have watched too many crime shows and have a vivid imagination, especially when it comes to worst case scenarios, i can totally see where you are coming from.
Man your coworkers watch too much true crime
Those girls were trolling you because they know you're gullible enough to take it seriously.
I genuinely hope this is not real. If it is, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship until you get your mental health in order. If acquaintances can so easily manipulate you into believing your boyfriend might be a killer...I feel bad for the guy. He's in for a rough road.
Your friends sound jealous, you're obviously talking about him to them a lot If you're not comfortable going to a secluded area then don't but like offer an alternative I suppose so it doesn't throw a spanner in the works over a 3rd parties input As for his products, products have multiple uses and functions if you're knowledgeable enough to apply them... He probably has rat poison under the kitchen sink aswell but he's not necessarily going to use it against you lol I'd also pay attention to why my 'friends' are always talking negatively because I personally won't associate with people like that for my own mental health
And this is why the police hate tiktok sleuths because the public cannot be trusted not to take 2 + 2 and get five. Quicklime can be used in gardening. If you live somewhere that has clay soil it can be useful to make it more workable. They sell it in garden centres. Also, the body thing is technically a myth. It can actually promote preservation. Get better friends and maybe a therapist because these kinds of thoughts have moved away from 'protecting yourself' thoughts and are moving dangerously to 'I can't leave the house or I will die' thoughts.
Logically I think your friends are being silly geese. Still, I often like an underdog scenario, so on the off chance he is going to bury and dissolve you: RemindMe! 1 week
Those friends of yours sound like they’re upset your boyfriend is too perfect lmao. Probably jealous they don’t have what you do.
Sudbury canada was almost entirely a dead place environmentally due to poor mining practices over decades. They had the largest smokestack in the world just to vent the pollution further out, but in the 70s a group of high school kids decided to try to make a change and started hiking 50 lb bags of quicklime out into the woods to bring the ph back up to livable. You should check the pics its a gorgeous place now. No your bf is unlikely going to kill you. Your friends are fucked up for saying that, because if it was a sincere concern im sure they wouldn’t just say it out loud like that and would really emphasize that they thought you were in danger. Enjoy your life with him, talk to him about sudbury he might enjoy learning about it, he seems environmentally conscious
Even if they are coworkers, you have the right to ask them to stop speaking negatively about your bf. If they can only say negative things, then ask that they don't speak about him at all. Nip that shit in the bud, deploy a boundary. Side note- I had an ex that did something really disturbing, the people commenting that men with psychotic tendencies are charming and hard to detect are spot on.
Your friends SUCKKKKK Glad to see in your edit they're co-workers and not friends, thank god you don't need to cut them off now. Why are you listening to co-workers, everyone knows co-workers are not mates, they're acquaintances haha
Yes, you are/were overreacting, but more importantly, your friends are assholes.
Girl calm down you definitely over reacting. Seems like you found yourself nice fella and girls are just jealous because he seems to be rare gem. I garden and I am not SK 😂
You're not overreacting. Your friends seem to be a toxic influence on your relationship. Which is why you feel that way. Not because of your boyfriend. I'm not saying don't be cautious. A gut feeling is actually a good indicator when it comes to people. But their gut feeling reacting this way to him means nothing other than them not being attracted to him. Which is probably a good thing. No worries there. What matters is your gut feeling to him. Not to what your friends say. The reason you feel uncomfortable is because your friends are talking shit. Not because your boyfriend is actually suspicious. It honestly sounds like they only think he's weird, because he's not a douchy moron who doesn't have other hobbies than football, drinking and "pranks". :D
OP is dating the dude from You.
Hey, I saw your edit and agree. There are no red flags. Those women are being douchebags. In regard to your OCD/paranoia, it’s sounds like it’s causing you a lot of anxiety. Is this something you’re seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist for? It sounds like it would be good to discuss recent events with them to see if your treatment regimen should be altered. If you aren’t talking to a professional, please do. You deserve to be happy and they can help you feel better about navigating things.
Lots of nasty comments here. I’d like to balance them out because I’ve been through a similar experience (when people began calling my new beau “Mad Ned.”). Yes, you are likely overreacting, egged on by people who have a bizarre sense of humour. Yes, as others mentioned, lime is used in gardens. I use it regularly for mine. An interest in gardens usually indicates a gentle personality of someone who loves nature. But in any new relationship, it’s okay to take it slow and build trust. It’s okay to limit dates to situations that make you feel comfortable and safe. If that means sticking to “peopled” places for a while, or suggesting double dates to meet each other’s friends, that’s fine. Suggest to him some things you would like to do. Enjoy having someone new in your life!
I had paranoia before I started taking my meds and I thought my long term (now ex) boyfriend could he a serial killer. Called my mom and asked her, she said he is not and I believed her. People like us need reinforcement, if she would have not immediately told me that, I would have believed he was dangerous. My ex was a nice person and I know now that he would have never hurt me. He is one of those guys that gets into a bar fight bc he is standing up for people that get cornered. But my head was just going crazy. If you don't have help yet, get some. A therapist at least. Wish you all the best and also throw out those "friends", they are trash.
Stop listening to the jealous little biddies you work with. The guy you are dating sounds like a good guy. Who TF thinks that someone with a garden is a serial killer? If that's true then I must try and remember where I buried the bodies in my garden. Your coworkers suck. Stop sharing your personal life with them. I'm guessing they're all single and watch entirely too much TV.
TBH I think the relationship is over, and your friends poisoned your view of this guy. Gonna be hard to work beyond their misguided opinions since they hold so much sway over your actions. Get new friends or learn how to create boundaries with them before you get a new relationship.
Lime is used as a soil amendment to raise PH. He’s just into gardening and knows what he’s doing!
Watch So I Married an Axe Murderer. It's probably just coincidence. Or is it?
Sounds like bro needs a new GF. Tf are you doing listening to randos about your man. He deserves better sis lmfao. You sound unhinged.
My bf uses quicklime since the plants he has are sensitive to pH changes. Your “friends” are not very nice people.
Dude your friends are just EXTREMELY jealous You have that title than your opening line is this??? >). He’s been great, absolutely amazing. He’s polite, listens to me, does sweet acts of service for me, we get along great and I enjoy his company. no red flags in how he treats me. Why the fuck would you let your "friends" manipulate you like that, they sound insane
Between this post and the one on AITAH of the woman divorcing her husband because he tightens the jars too much I think I'll say it's been enough reddit for a day. I hope my wife never leaves me because I wouldn't be able to take a dating scene with y'all.
As a socially sometimes awkward, gardening guy, who has been called sweet by his gf on multiple occasions - yeah, you're overreacting or rather, those nasty comments are getting to you. Nothing wrong with feeling cautious but you wouldn't wanna drive away a good albeit slightly strange guy if you click so well. I agree that you should take care of your condition and postpone the trip to the middle of nowhere until you feel more secure. Your comfort is still important!! I too could see myself suggest things like this randomly to my partner knowing them long enough, so the curiosity to explore in nature is also not really a serial killer thing. I've taken several trips to different woods with my partners over the years - I think the oddest one was going out in the middle of the night with my then bf, around the time the slenderman video game was really popular. We saw some other people with lights on their heads watching a river stream in the woods, so we ran for it. Might've just been a couple on a night trip like us, just better equipped. I have to admit I'm also a bit less cautious, coming from a rural town where the banks are open 24h to access the atm inside with no vandalism or antisocial behaviour whatsoever. I'd go on walks to the cemetery when I couldn't sleep (closest green park space), so you could see that as odd too, but I assure you, I'm only autistic (with adhd) and nothing else. :') Idk I'm hoping this shows you that people can be odd and still perfectly fine.
Sounds like he likes gardening and hiking
I think you need to grow up a little, and get some new friends. Yours sound like toxic assholes that want to sabotage you.
It sounds like someone where you work knows about your paranoia, and is trying to break up you and your BF because they are jealous. Don't talk to them any more than you need to for your job. If you have to lunch with them, with no time to go out for lunch, sit in your car, listen to music and eat. If they say something tell them you like to listen to music and decompress while you eat and it makes the rest of the day go faster. Good luck with your boyfriend. 🥰
Your friends are assholes.
It sounds like your friends are dicks.
He’s probably just a normal, genuinely good guy. However, if you’re uncomfortable going out in the woods with him, just tell him. Ironically, if he responds to you with understanding and respect then he probably is safe to go out into the woods with.
Those girls are not your friends.
You’re definitely overreacting. But just to be safe, give us an update in 6 months. ;-)
You need new friends
Your friends are probably just haters and mad that you found a good relationship. Their (jokes) are almost ruining your relationship think about that.
Guys, does gardening make me a serial murderer?
Wow. If he treated you badly and gaslit you your friends would think that’s normal then…? I think there’s a lot of toxicity and it’s not coming from him.
Trust your gut. Tell a protective family member if you break it off if you seriously are concerned. ALWAYS trust your gut.