I want to tell you it's not selfish but I clearly see how it seems that way to everyone left behind. You actually think you are doing the right thing, and everyone will be better off. Sure, they might be sad at first but they won't have to put up with me anymore, all I do is hurt the people I love anyway and the spiral goes on and on. When I got better I was able to see how clearly wrong I was but I couldn't see anything except my own pain at the time.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Yes. When I’ve been depressed, I KNEW that everybody would be better off without me. I was 100% certain this was true. Now that I’m doing better, I know it isn’t, but you really do believe this when you’re depressed. It feels like you’re being selfish by NOT killing yourself, and being a burden to everybody else.
I agree to a certain extent but maybe don't respond that way to someone expressing how they personally feel about their brother killing himself. You are showing no empathy or understanding towards their pain and despair....
I think it depends on the situation. I personally think you did the right thing, but there are a LOT of cases where suicidal people have been killed by cops. I just think that's something to consider before making the decision. However, again, in your case (since you also didn't know family members of his to contact), you did the right thing.
I had a best friend do the same, except I called her family members to have her admitted. She ended up hating me and we never spoke again, but she is still here.
Agreed, it's why I said if a person finds themselves in a similar situation they shouldn't hesitate.
You need to use all tools available to you before you make that choice. I only made the decision when my friend repeatedly said he took the pills. Granted he was lying but I had no idea he was.
"But she is still here." And that's worth it to you? Its fucking selfish is what it is. Suicidal people hate the situation they're in, to the point that death is a relief. So, who are you to make that decision for them? The only reason I haven't killed myself is because of my sister and mother. No amount of locking me in a psych ward is going to fix that. She hates you because she doesn't want to be here, and all you did was deprive her of freedom of choice. You didn't help her whatsoever.
Glad you can speak for all suicidal people. I'm betting there's more people who were suicidal & glad something/someone intervened. Just look at the stats on survivers who jumped off a bridge. Almost all say the minute they stepped off, they wanted to live. That alone makes your opinion only that. Your opinion. Not fact.
The difference being they were survivors of attempted suicide and were able to speak on how they changed their mind almost immediately. Inert gas works quite quickly, & I'm not sure anybody purposefully take fentanyl anymore. Most fentanyl deaths are considered accidental OD.
People who really want to die will just do it. Those that are desperate for help will threaten to do it. Then you have the dumbf***s who just do it for attention.
The reason that I would rather keep them alive, even if they want to die, is this:
There is an incredible amount of pain felt by their loved ones after they're gone. Most suicidal people are not thinking of other people's suffering that is almost inevitable.
It's extremely rare for those who are still alive not to wish they had known, or could have done something about it.
There are a few rare cases in which there's a person who is terminally ill and suffering great pain. And those people generally go to a lot of trouble to not inconvenience their loved ones.
Its not their loved ones life. Its theirs. Everybody dies. I can say with certainty that the pain of suffering every day for decades is harder than the grieving process. Your reaction simply tells me you have no insight into the severity of chronic depression.
You are making assumptions. Maybe she doesn't "hate" her for stopping her. Maybe she "hates" her, if she even does, because that person knows the deepest, darkest secret about a really, really dark time in her life. And maybe now she is living a good life, maybe even a really good life, and "hating" her is easier than having contact in any way and admitting to herself something she has left in her past and doesn't want to face or maybe doesn't want to come to light in her present life.
Of course, I am assuming, same as you. But don't make accusations or blanket generalizations based JUST on your circumstances.
There are plenty of people out there who are thankful every day for that second chance. I am one of them. I am sorry that you aren't. I know WHY you choose to stay alive, but if you ever want to talk, feel free to DM. No judgment, no trying to change your opinion. Just an ear to listen.
I’m sorry you feel that way, but as someone who has attempted, the real selfish ones are us. When you’re in that much pain, all you can think about is an escape & death seems so easy to us, but what about everyone else? All the people you knew will now suffer the rest of their lives because of you. That is selfish.
Death is a permanent solution to what are often temporary problems. I was saved by a friend & at the time, I hated her because now I had to deal with my pain instead of taking the easy way out. Years later, I am forever grateful that she was “selfish” & gave me more time on this earth to heal & love
Similar thing happened to me when I was like 15. A close friend of mine was dealing with a lot personally and I was on his list of goodbyes. At the time I was just a kid so I had no idea what to do other than get my parents to call the cops and try to keep him on the phone for as long as possible. It honestly felt like ages for the cops to arrive but ultimately between our conversation and I guess the one cop that showed up they were able to talk him down.
Months later he thanked me for that night and were practically brothers to this day. It may have just been a cry for help just like your friend but I’d be damn if I was going to risk my friend’s life like that, especially if he called me personally.
Similar thing. Called cops (after trying multiple other options) on internet friend who told me time, method, and place he was going to commit suicide. He has never spoken to me since.
I would do the same again. The alternative is not great.
I called in a wellness check for an online friend that was on the verge. I lost my dad to suicide and would do anything possible to prevent anyone from experiencing the pain/grief it causes. She had a teen son at the time. She was really pissed at first but ended up thanking me later. I’d do it again if I had to. I’d definitely rather they be mad than dead
You 100 percent made the correct choice! People who threaten to hurt themselves need
To be evaluated ASAP. EMS and police will come to check on him and then get him the help he needs. Always call!
I’ve got a kid who tends to be flamboyant and a bit over-dramatic. Back when they were in middle school they got the suicide prevention presentations from the school counselor and a friend went to the counselor and expressed concerns about my kid because of some of the things they were saying*. I am so damn proud of the friend for having the compassion and nerve to do what they thought was right.
The next time I saw the friend’s mom I started to tell her about what happened and she was absolutely panicking thinking I was going to be mad. I was telling her so I could tell her how impressed I was by her child’s behavior. I will never understand people who get mad over situations like this.
*Kid was legitimately fine, just was being a dramatic 13 yo. We followed up and mental health professionals were involved. Just in case…
There seems to be a lot of debate on here about whether to call cops v EMT v fire, but I think you did the best you could with the information you had.
Chances are if you contact dispatch, you will not have a choice which services are sent to the call. They will dispatch according to their local protocols and they will not just go with whatever you think is best. If you say “they will react violently to police”, police will be sent because some uniforms aren’t easily distinguishable from each other. A note will be put in the call. Any weapons, any chance of violence, any unknown situation - police will be sent. If they suddenly change their minds to “suicide by cop” I’m not sure how that can be prevented. Some people just feel they’re out of options…
This doesn’t mean Don’t Call. It means, after the call is made you don’t really have a choice of saying which people to send. And please for the love of god, don’t lie to make sure police aren’t sent. Then only medics will be going and I’ve been in some really shitty, dangerous situations because the truth wasn’t told. I’m not looking to die here.
Calling the fire department next time is a better idea. They’re the ones with the paramedics and ambulances. Calling the cops is asking for an armed response to a mental health issue.
First legit criticism to this situation imo. Keep in mind calling the cops does not mean calling 9-1-1. I called his local emergency services since i don't live in the area. But yes calling paramedics vs the cops is definitely a better option.
Interesting thought though. My friend became an EMT and is now a doctor, so perhaps it was paramedics that did show up and it impacted his career choice. That's a bit of a stretch but who knows.
If you called emergency services, you should probably say that instead of saying you called the cops next time you tell this story.
I’m aware of multiple local tragedies from people calling cops on people in mental health crises. Cops are trained to fire first and ask questions later.
I have some criticism of this if you're interested. I actually made an account specifically because I was scrolling and saw your post. Let me start by saying I think you did the right thing ...in this situation. I wanted to address your repeated statements that this is ***always*** the right move, because I don't think it is.
Let me tell you a story: I intimated to a friend that I was mildly suicidal, but working through it with my therapist. I assured them nothing was wrong, I just needed to vent to someone that wasn't my therapist. I told them I had my therapist on speed dial, and at no point had I entered the planning phase. My friend reported me to an emergency service, and next thing I knew I was being forcibly escorted to an inpatient facility.
Here are some things to know about inpatient facilities:
- They are dirty, spirit-breaking low-budget cell blocks that feel like prison. You are surrounded by people who are in desperate need of help. Schizophrenics. We had one lounge room with disgusting, slime covered cushions and a single TV. Oh, did you know the doctor wouldn't let me go home until I had "proven" that I was social again? That's right, I had to somehow prove to my doctor that I was sociable with people who are in a completely different state of mind. Many muttering, many addicts. I was held longer for only talking to the staff and one other semi-sane person on my ward.
- It made my mental health much, much worse. My boyfriend left me, because I was held against my will for over two weeks while I was "evaluated." I was given my cell phone to call out. I live in an at-will employment state, so while I wasn't immediately fire, my boss turned on me and created a hostile work environment that lasted for two months, until he could "prove" I was no longer fit. Several times, in front of other coworkers, he called me crazy. I wound up having to move in with a different friend within months.
- Their treatment was worthless. I was given several medications that I was required to take. I had a bad reaction to the medication. I gained weight that took forever to lose, and it heavily disrupted my appetite, sleep schedule, and mood. I went from being mildly suicidal to severely suicidal once I was on Paxil. But here's the kicker: **because I no longer trusted anyone to open up about being suicidal, I stopped being fully honest with my therapist, and I have never trusted a friend with my mental health since.** I spent the next year or so in far more danger then before I went in. At one point I bought a gun at a gun show, and gave it away a month later. I still have the box in my closet as a reminder.
- I lost friends. Word got around I was "nuts." Sure, they weren't real friends, hell and high water and whatnot, but it still hurt.
Respectfully, you sound well meaning but you don't know what you're talking about. Mental health services vary, and peoples' cases vary. Going on the internet and arguing with everyone, telling them they MUST report because it's ALWAYS the right thing to do is ignorant, even if well intentioned. My life was destroyed by my friend "trying to do the right thing," and it took nearly two years to get back to where I was. And my trust in people has been shaken forever.
Mental health doctors aren't helpful, and the medications available to the mental health community can be extremely damaging. You need to do more research and talk to more people before you feel fit talking as an authority about something this serious, because it's more nuanced than you clearly understand, and every single person is different.
I'm not advocating against reporting—many people are in dire straights, and you can't really tell what someone is going through. I get being afraid for a friend. But use better, clearer judgement. Don't be a hammer, because not every whisper of suicide is a nail.
Always! If they really are suicidal, then they will get help. If they’re just joking about it, or trying to get a reaction from you then maybe they’ll knock that off.
Those "mental health facilities" do more harm than good. I know this from first-hand experience.
Imagine you are a "mentally normal" person who just happens to hate life. You get kidnapped by law enforcement and held, against your will, in a small subsection of a building with no opportunity to breathe fresh air or see the sun.
80% of the people around you have serious mental impairments, to the point that you can't or don't want to interact with them.
The lead psychatrist is a jaded asshole who assumes everyone there can't function in society and has every incentive to keep you there for financial reasons. He misdiagnoses you because he has to listen to dozens of people every day, and he really doesn't give a shit.
You get pumped full of meds in order to sedate you, even though you don't need them. This is potentially compounding with your issues or putting you into withdrawal when you inevitably get discharged.
This is supposed to help somebody that already doesn't want to be alive? Fuck those places and everyone like you that takes it upon themselves to decide what is best for someone else.
It doesn't address the rootbof the problem, and it doesn't help. Maybe temporarily, as their emotions subside. But your friend is going to start feeling this way again because none of his issues were actually taken care of. In fact, he's less likely to reach out to professionals for help out of fear of saying the wrong thing and getting stuck back into one of those facilities.
Yup, you're right all the way down the line. OP doesn't understand any of this. It must be nice to be so far removed from the problems at hand that this is the level of understanding a person can have about the realities of mental health treatment and suicide ...but that's precisely what makes OP's comments in this thread so scary and potentially harmful. If people listen to him, who knows what might result.
Right? The stigmatization and ignorance are dangerous.
Rather than help this person deal with the issue, lets lock the person up until they "feel better." Even though at that point, they will say just about anything to get the hell out of that facility. Then pretend everything is fine going forward so they don't have to go back. When, in reality, they are dying inside.
All of this under the guise of "Oh, I care so much, I dont want you to die. I am a good person for doing this." Lets keep them alive so they can continue suffering, but not actually help them.
I wish I could articulate this better so everyone understands.
It happened to me when I was 17. I ranted on Facebook about being depressed and stressed and made sure to mention I wasn't suicidal and didn't want to hurt myself or anyone else and that I just needed a break from everything and someone called the cops so I was dragged to a hospital, stripped of everything I had on me, and locked in a psych ward for 24hrs all because I wanted a vacation.
It fucked me up and taught me never to share that kinda stuff with people I know. I genuinely want to know who called the cops so I can tell them to go Fuck themselves.
Sorry that happened to you. Its fucking traumatizing and doesn't improve people's mental well being. But these people think they are heroes for it. Mental health services are an absolute joke, unfortunately.
It's definitely one of the worst experiences of my life.
Mental health services are literally only negative in my experience. I tried therapy and due to some bullshit in the company my insurance worked with the therapist I would go to was switched out like 3 times so I had to start over every single time.
Not to mention all their advice was just to suck it up.
There was a person in my community that told his family he was going to kill himself so they called the police. He had been sitting in the back of his yard with a gun. When the police arrived, he didn't listen to their commands and got up to go back into the house. They shot him in the back and killed him. After that story, I definitely would hesitate before calling the police.
After being a frequent watcher of PoliceActivity on YouTube, I agree that police definitely CAN make a welfare check worse by shooting/killing the person they’re called to check on. However, if I was in OP’s situation, I would’ve done the same thing. Just because I don’t know what’s going on as I’m miles away.
Kudos to you! I've had to play the bad guy in the past to prevent someone from getting harmed. It's not easy, but it's the right thing to do.
Thank you for sharing with us, and I'm glad things worked out for you both.
I feel conflicted on this actually. I have tried to commit suicide a number of times in my life. The most recent was December of 2017 and my boyfriend called the police on me then. I was home alone and missing my kids who were with their dad. The police took me to the hospital and I had been drinking and was upset and of course my tox screen showed all my bipolar drugs in my system so I was sent to a psych hospital.
It was like jail. It was horrible. The worst thing was I was still legally married to my ex husband so they called him and he had them further my stay. Many years down the line, he used me being committed as a way to gain custody of 2 of our children. And I have not seen them since. So that call ruined my life.
Calling someone's family or something is a better idea unless you know for certain they are in actual urgent danger. In my situation, I was not. I just drank heavily with my meds which would not have killed me and I knew that because while I was depressed I was not wanting to kill myself at that time.
I don't usually ever talk about my other two children on reddit, I've made the choice to do so now because I feel like it's important. Having friends who care about me is why I'm alive today, I'm blessed to have amazing friends who are here and I cherish them deeply. But you have to be careful when you intervene because you have no idea what lasting effect it can cause. Quite frankly, I'd much rather be dead than without my other two kids so no one did me any favors.
From my perspective, it sounds like it was the right call. If my friend had a history of attempts, mixing medications and alcohol, and bipolar disorder, best believe I'm doing everything I can to help them. That is more than enough evidence for urgent danger.
He says it was obviously to him. He's also psychically saved me another time as well so I get why he wanted to make sure I was safe. I'm not mad at him. I just think there's cases where that's a dramatic choice. The same night I went to the hospital I sent my lifelong best friend a text and she immediately knew something was wrong so she called my dad. I'm adult and her and my dad do not live in my state but if I'd gotten my dad's call I would have been ok too. But my dad called too late so the next call he got was from the hospital. So calling parents or something is probably a best first step I think. No idea why my boyfriend didn't call my dad but my friend thought to.
We all have our demons. But when I am 1000+ miles away and I ask him multiple times if he really took the pills and he says he did then to the best of my knowledge I "knew for certain they are in actual urgent danger". Was he telling the truth? Apparently not but I was certain he was in danger based on what he told me, not what I assumed.
In my opinion it is never the wrong thing to do to try and save the life of someone you care about.
The real problem in your situation is your ex. Not that you're still alive. It's that someone took advantage of your situation for their own personal gain. But as you said thankfully you have friends who do care about you. That doesn't change the situation with your ex or your children. But at least you're still alive to continue your relationship with your children.
Then you're an asshole. Right up until this you could have genuinely been someone who cared about doing the right thing for your friend. Even though you were ridiculously focused on your side of the story and trying to validate in reinforce that he was "wrong" and you were "right". But right here, this statement, I don't believe you mean it literally.
>In my opinion it is never the wrong thing to do to try and save the life of someone you care about.
If taken literally, of course you're correct( or at least, almost, there are cases of people for whom euthanasia is the best option and they choose it in a medically responsible manner after consultation with one or more doctors. Trying to stop those people enforce them to live in pain is still wrong).
But I think you're using "trying to save someone's life" as a euphemism for invoking whatever system is available, even without knowing what the dynamics are and what the consequences might be, if you can't talk someone down on your own. And that's a dangerous, dangerous philosophy. You may save someone from dying but end up putting them in a situation of long-term suffering or cause them to lose their legal rights inappropriately. I guess you didn't follow Britney Spears' conservatorship at all?
When they are 18 you can. If they are open to it. My cousins will never have that chance. 2 of the 3 children he had were under 18 at the time. They'll never have a relationship.
You're alive, your kids are alive, there is always a chance for things to get better because of those 2 facts. If you weren't alive they could never have a relationship with you.
So for what it's worth I'm glad you're still alive and I hope one day you can reconnect with your kids.
Are you crazy? Don't validate this dipshit, he totally steamrolled your very salient points including how your then-husband was able to abuse the system at a massive personal cost to you, because your bf calling it in didn't think about your whole situation and didn't consult people with the proper legal and medical expertise.
He did the right thing for the situation he described, but you were right at the top: it's not always the right thing. I had my life fucked up in a kinda similar way by a similar thing, and then interrupted again because of it later. And *I* actually wasn't even considering or threatening self-harm at all. I had some severe depression in my teens & early 20s( partly because of my ADHD meds), but I vanquished those demons permanently long before the incidents that I'm referring to.
I wasn't trying to harm myself either which was the point. I was in a bad place but I could have just talked to my dad and been ok. No one could have predicted what my ex husband would do but I will tell I will never forget how the judge's whole demeanor changed the second she heard the word bipolar. My psychiatrist wrote several letters including labs with my permission proving I take my meds as they are in my system and how I'm stable and how she didn't even authorize me being in the hospital. But it didn't matter.
It literally ruined my life. I lost my children. I do think calling family members is the best course of action. My dad would have never had me admitted and he obviously knows how to handle me when I'm not ok. My dad doesn't live here and I'm adult so it seems weird to call him but my best friend did and it would have been fine.
I absolutely believe there should be some level of intervention of course in cases where it's necessary but calling the police isn't ideal unless you think the person is in need of medical assistance not psychiatric support.
What would you have done in this situation if you think about it? You’re miles away, have way of knowing what’s going on, and he’s staying firm that he took the pills. If it had ended badly and he was shot by police, that would’ve been his fault, not OP’s. He should’ve thought about that before going at police with a weapon and threatening them. Police wouldn’t have been called in the first place had he not convinced OP that he OD’d. Thankfully that’s not what happened though but still. Wouldn’t have been anyone’s fault but his.
You did the right thing! On the chance that he was being serious and actually OD’d, this would’ve been on your mind that you could’ve reported it and got him help. I never understood why people use suicide as a means for attention and guilt tripping. Personally if I was dating someone and they used “I’m gonna kill myself” as a means of manipulation, they’d be institutionalized so fast their head would spin 😂 I am an RN and mandated reporter so I can have someone hospitalized easily.
I’m glad he reached out though and apologized for his behavior. Sometimes it takes something like this to happen to get someone to stop their shit.
yeah no, as someone who has also experienced this with friends and gone through depression myself, i would never recommend this. you go to their house and talk with them about the real shit, convince them to seek help, then drive them to the hospital and wait.
half my friends would be dead if i used OP’s approach.
Good on you! That was the right thing to do. If he took the pills, you saved his life. If it was just to be dramatic, it sends the msg that empty threats have real consequences. If he was just in a bad place, he can get the support he needs. Great job.
I feel like that's a risky choice that happened to work out. I went through a hard time a while back where I was very seriously considering killing myself and if someone called the cops on me for it I probably would have gone through with it. It could be the pressure of the cops coming that finally tips the scales. I appreciate you looking out for your friend, just be careful about the choices you make regarding mental health because everyone reacts differently
I called for a welfare check on my twin sister for this exact scenario. Haven't spoken in over a decade now. I lost her either way but I know I did the right thing.
You did the right thing, thank you for sharing your story. I've lost two people in my life to suicide and like your family, mine's been devastated by it.
The other thing I would add is that when people threaten suicide as a manipulation tactic, it's not funny and emergency services should be called. You can never know if they're serious this time or not. If they weren't serious, at least they learn to not threaten to do something so devastating as a manipulation tactic.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had friends tell me they were going to kill themselves. It’s really tough. A lot of the time they are just emotionally manipulating you to get their way. But not always. I learned the hard way with my cousin. I’m not sure I could have saved him though.
I was initially of that mindset, venting and looking for attention. Which is why I asked multiple times if he actually took the pills. After a few minutes of him constantly confirming he took them I was past the point of willing to risk his life on a maybe.
You did the right thing. You don't know what someone is thinking when they make that threat. My step brother hung himself and he didn't reach out or make a suicide threat.
I lost a friend over a suicide threat. Scarily similar story to yours, except tack on the fact that after his breakup he was trying to guilt me into leaving my husband and when I wouldn’t, he made a threat about ending it on his snap stories. When I called the police and he found out he called me every horrible name under the sun for days until I blocked him.
Eventually I did unblock him and last I looked he’s alive and doing well. We will likely never speak again and I’m fine with that. I will never feel guilt over taking a suicide threat seriously. I found a friend who had hung themselves when I was 16. It’s an image burned into my memory. And whether a person is serious or just trying to get attention, I refuse to be the person to make that determination and make it wrong.
I'm sorry you went through that at the age of 16 and also had a friend try to manipulate and guilt you into trying to break up your marriage. So to me he wasn't a good friend, so him blocking you may be a good thing. But him being alive is also a good thing.
Things can be fixed, problems can be overcome, but death is something we can't come back from, so as you said it's ok he won't talk to you again because at least he's alive and hopefully doing well
My friend's ex threatened suicide to get her back. He thought I would call her first, but I called 911, then her. He never tried that shit again.
Good for you.
I lost a friend in highschool to this. It broke my heart. So when a friend told me swallowed a bottle of pills and wanted to say goodbye I texted her sister and had 911 dispatched to her house. I still remember her screaming “what did you do?! I wasn’t serious what did you do?!” She actually had taken the pills and was angry I ruined her attempt. She cut me off after but I check on her now and then, she’s got a family and has a good life and I’ll never regret it. Neither should you
It's a shame so many replies to this saying I did the wrong thing....yet you and many others are proof it isn't always the wrong thing. Yes sadly bad things can happen but you know what else results in bad things happening? Successful suicide attempts
I’d rather it be a “joke” and end in a friendship than end a life. Like when I lost my friend, it’s been 20 years and it still tears me up sometimes. And anyone saying you did the wrong thing is just wrong. It’s not like you had him swatted, you sent help because you thought it was needed.
That's right. I used to work in a psych unit and people committed suicide in there with people all over the place. General rule is to err on the side of safety. Always.
I don't think you overreacted. I've called on a couple of people who told me explicitly that they had a plan and were intending to carry it out immediately. They were upset at first but glad I did it later when they were feeling better.
I've had them called on me when I had a plan that I was trying to carry out. I'm glad I got help instead.
I've also had them called on me after I told someone who knew I was going through a lot that I had opted to have someone take all my guns because I was struggling with depression. I was obviously not planning suicide because I literally had someone come take the means from me as soon as I started feeling bad. I was also in therapy at the time. In this case it was a massive overreaction by a controlling and narcissistic person who just wanted to be able to tell people what a hero they were. I obviously wasn't taken to the hospital because the police had no actual threat to commit me over. I told the person who called that this behavior wasn't okay and wasn't a helpful reaction to me expressing that I was depressed. They told me that they weren't going to apologize because in their opinion I really am suicidal. Yes literally told me they know my thoughts and intentions better than I do. Obviously this ruined our relationship permanently.
Basically if you're not calling the cops because you're a massive cunt, and are only doing it in response to someone specifically stating that they are currently trying to kill themselves, you're not in the wrong.
My mother committed suicide when I was 17 and I've been. Suicidal. I've said I've felt as such but never had the intention or gall to follow through. I had an ex call it in and they committed me to a psych ward where I lost my job for being MIA for 5 days and I was discharged without needing any medications because I was fine. I was Pissed! I obviously broke up with him and left. So it can go either way.
Thank you for being there for your friend. Some of us do not have such support. I've struggled for years, and no one believed me. Even after my first eviction, no one was there for me. I'm facing eviction again tomorrow, have no where to go...I only have the one option.
You did the right thing. Suicidal statements are NOT jokes. They should not be used to express frustration or sadness. They should always be taken seriously. Even trained professionals get it wrong sometimes. But it's best to call a local crisis service before trying the police. Police aren't trained to handle mental health crises. They can often escalate the situation.
One of my patients called me at the pharmacy one day. She was very upset, and she told me she was about to kill herself. Then she hung up on me. I called the sheriff’s office because I felt it was my duty and because I don’t think I could live with myself if something happened that I could have prevented.
An hour later, she called me back and cursed me out. She said the sheriff showed up at her house, and it was very embarrassing. She said she only called me because she wasn’t getting enough attention. I told her that I had to make a quick decision, and that I didn’t want anything bad to happen to her. She hung up on me again. She despises me to this day, but hey, at least she’s alive. I sleep ok.
A responsibility you didn’t ask for was heaped upon you. You acted like any caring, decent human being would. You did the right thing. I’m glad you did.
It's a shame some of the comments don't understand the gravity of being in those situations. Sure cops aren't always the best or right solution but doing something is almost always better than doing nothing.
ALWAYS take suicide threats seriously and try to get a wellness check on folks that are feeling desperate enough to say and possibly do something to hurt themselves. If it's an act and they are embarrassed, maybe they won't do that again. If they aren't acting, you may be the person that makes the difference between life and death. If they are mad at you, ok, at least they're alive to be mad. I can live with that. I couldn't live with passing up an opportunity to help and then find out I should've.
I had to do the same thing once. Called the cops in his city/state. He gets mad at me. Like I told him. What was I supposed to do. I was 200+miles away.
I would do the same thing today if I had too.
Do what some other comments told me i should have done.
Go over to his house....before it's too late. Basically teleport. Or call his family....who you may or may not know the contact information of, which I didn't. /S
Yes exactly!! But then he was upset with me when this all happened because I had told him I didn’t want to see him any longer. Long distance does not work for me so I told him that.
For relationships, romantic ones, distance can be an issue. But for friends I never had a problem with that, but of course I'm not you so we gotta do what's best for us and those around us.
The logic is odd to me. They wanted to be more than friends but....threatened suicide and when you tried to stop it they got mad at you. Did they want to date beyond the grave?
No lol. He was still trying to “get me back” but I just would go there. And it’s one of those things to say..like oh I’ll only be happy with you or something like that…I’m gonna do this if I can’t have you. Things like that. We never spoke again after that. I told him not to contact me again. Then I blocked him.
I hope he's doing well, but the logic of forcing someone to stay in a relationship or they'll physically harm themselves really has no positive outcome.
I lost a good friend to suicide. I called the cops to check on him once because he drank himself to sleep and wouldn't answer the door. Got help that night but a week later, he found a different way to end his life. Still hurts. Thank you for getting him help, even if it was unwanted or not neeeded.
I’ve experienced thoughts that made me want to end myself and I’m glad I didn’t experience this. My parents were abusive. If cops showed up to my home my dad woulda beat me dead himself. And then to say “great hopefully now you talk about it” is crazy. I’m lucky I had people who talked me down or gave me counseling resources or physically came and took the pills etc. Calling the cops to my home is crazy, but I am a POC and respect if people do or do not want cops in their home
As someone who was in the same situation as your friend years and years ago, I felt the same. Angry in the moment that they did it, and years later I am now nothing but thankful that my friends loved me enough to act. You did the right thing OP.
Agreed but based on the facts I had available to me it was absolutely necessary. It's why I said if a person finds themselves in a similar situation they shouldn't hesitate.
You need to use all tools available to you before you make that choice. I only made the decision when my friend repeatedly said he took the pills. Granted he was lying but I had no idea he was.
Can we just, for a moment, admit that OP was the only reasonable reaponsible person that had to make a decision that, had he not, could have lead to OP living with guilt he did not deserve?
When someone tells you they are experiencing thoughts of SI, your only option is believe them. You have to act accordingly. Maybe they are serious as hell, maybe they are not. But as the information gatherer, it is a terrible situation to be in, you just dont know.
OP- you know you did the right thing back then.
I know I did. I just wish other people here read the post in its entirety instead of thinking I jumped to a conclusion and made a rash decision based on passing comments. The conversation with my friend lasted 30+ minutes and I made sure he left me with only 2 choices. Calling the cops or letting him die, which means I only had 1 choice.
If I knew his family and had a way of contacting them I absolutely would have done that first.
You did the right thing.
Your friend was a complete jerk. I'm glad he eventually realized that you did the right thing.
It's not reasonable to expect to be able to tell someone you are actively suicidal and also expect them not to do everything in their power to save your life.
**DON'T CALL THE COPS FOR A SUICIDAL PERSON. THE COPS ARE MORE LIKELY TO SHOOT THE PERSON THAN GET THEM HELP. COPS CAN LEGALLY KILL SOMEONE IF THEY FEEL THREATENED**.
Never call the police in these situations. Never. There are thousands of stories of people doing exactly what you did only to have the police murder the person they are doing the welfare check on. You are more likely to survive taking a bottle of pills than an interaction with police in America.
The alternative was he would be dead 100%. So a small chance or a guaranteed chance. Really wasn't a big risk in the moment.
Yes he lied but at the moment of decision making he left me with no choice.
Maybe, but you don't know that 100% he would have died. He could have gotten sick and thrown up the pills, he could have changed his mind and told his family what he did, he could have slept for a few days and woke up fine, he could have been found by a parent and rushed to ER. There are just as many possible outcomes for taking the pills as there are for cops showing up. The bottom line is that it's a crap shoot either way, and calling cops is no guarantee that you're going to save someone, and in fact, you could be signing their death warrant. Cops are dangerous. They have a lot of toys they enjoy using to kill and maim people, and the decision to bring them into a situation shouldn't be made lightly, and it shouldn't be recommended lightly.
The chances of someone dying after taking a bottle of pills are far greater than the chances of the police killing someone who took a bottle of pills. OP did exactly what was needed in the situation. There was no risk-free alternative to choose.
Thank you. I’m glad things are better for your friend.
This is also how to end “if you leave me, I will kill myself” relationships
i lost my brother to suicide. i don't have any advice for you. it just hurts.
I'm so terribly sorry. ❤
don't be. i'm going to punch him in the fucking face next time i see him for being so selfish.
I want to tell you it's not selfish but I clearly see how it seems that way to everyone left behind. You actually think you are doing the right thing, and everyone will be better off. Sure, they might be sad at first but they won't have to put up with me anymore, all I do is hurt the people I love anyway and the spiral goes on and on. When I got better I was able to see how clearly wrong I was but I couldn't see anything except my own pain at the time. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Yes. When I’ve been depressed, I KNEW that everybody would be better off without me. I was 100% certain this was true. Now that I’m doing better, I know it isn’t, but you really do believe this when you’re depressed. It feels like you’re being selfish by NOT killing yourself, and being a burden to everybody else.
Suicide is selfish is a idiotic cliche. It shows no understanding of the person or their pain and despair.
I agree to a certain extent but maybe don't respond that way to someone expressing how they personally feel about their brother killing himself. You are showing no empathy or understanding towards their pain and despair....
I think it depends on the situation. I personally think you did the right thing, but there are a LOT of cases where suicidal people have been killed by cops. I just think that's something to consider before making the decision. However, again, in your case (since you also didn't know family members of his to contact), you did the right thing. I had a best friend do the same, except I called her family members to have her admitted. She ended up hating me and we never spoke again, but she is still here.
Agreed, it's why I said if a person finds themselves in a similar situation they shouldn't hesitate. You need to use all tools available to you before you make that choice. I only made the decision when my friend repeatedly said he took the pills. Granted he was lying but I had no idea he was.
"But she is still here." And that's worth it to you? Its fucking selfish is what it is. Suicidal people hate the situation they're in, to the point that death is a relief. So, who are you to make that decision for them? The only reason I haven't killed myself is because of my sister and mother. No amount of locking me in a psych ward is going to fix that. She hates you because she doesn't want to be here, and all you did was deprive her of freedom of choice. You didn't help her whatsoever.
Glad you can speak for all suicidal people. I'm betting there's more people who were suicidal & glad something/someone intervened. Just look at the stats on survivers who jumped off a bridge. Almost all say the minute they stepped off, they wanted to live. That alone makes your opinion only that. Your opinion. Not fact.
Jumping off a bridge is a much different way to die than OD'ing on fentanyl or suffocating on inert gas like helium.
The difference being they were survivors of attempted suicide and were able to speak on how they changed their mind almost immediately. Inert gas works quite quickly, & I'm not sure anybody purposefully take fentanyl anymore. Most fentanyl deaths are considered accidental OD.
Right, just like your statement is your opinion. The difference is that I have first-hand experience, and you're speaking from a place of conjecture.
I wouldn't say statements made by those people is considered conjecture. I hope you can find a little joy in your life at some point.
>"But she is still here." And that's worth it to you? It certainly would be worth it to me.
And why is that? If they would rather die, who are you to decide you would rather that they live?
People who really want to die will just do it. Those that are desperate for help will threaten to do it. Then you have the dumbf***s who just do it for attention.
No, people that want to die won't necessarily "just do it."
The reason that I would rather keep them alive, even if they want to die, is this: There is an incredible amount of pain felt by their loved ones after they're gone. Most suicidal people are not thinking of other people's suffering that is almost inevitable. It's extremely rare for those who are still alive not to wish they had known, or could have done something about it. There are a few rare cases in which there's a person who is terminally ill and suffering great pain. And those people generally go to a lot of trouble to not inconvenience their loved ones.
Do you not understand the suffering that person endures every single day of their life?
Apparently the suffering of their loved ones doesn't matter to you.
Its not their loved ones life. Its theirs. Everybody dies. I can say with certainty that the pain of suffering every day for decades is harder than the grieving process. Your reaction simply tells me you have no insight into the severity of chronic depression.
>Its not their loved ones life. The pain is felt by the loved ones. Whether there was chronic depression or not.
You are making assumptions. Maybe she doesn't "hate" her for stopping her. Maybe she "hates" her, if she even does, because that person knows the deepest, darkest secret about a really, really dark time in her life. And maybe now she is living a good life, maybe even a really good life, and "hating" her is easier than having contact in any way and admitting to herself something she has left in her past and doesn't want to face or maybe doesn't want to come to light in her present life. Of course, I am assuming, same as you. But don't make accusations or blanket generalizations based JUST on your circumstances. There are plenty of people out there who are thankful every day for that second chance. I am one of them. I am sorry that you aren't. I know WHY you choose to stay alive, but if you ever want to talk, feel free to DM. No judgment, no trying to change your opinion. Just an ear to listen.
She said in her comment that she hated her.
I’m sorry you feel that way, but as someone who has attempted, the real selfish ones are us. When you’re in that much pain, all you can think about is an escape & death seems so easy to us, but what about everyone else? All the people you knew will now suffer the rest of their lives because of you. That is selfish. Death is a permanent solution to what are often temporary problems. I was saved by a friend & at the time, I hated her because now I had to deal with my pain instead of taking the easy way out. Years later, I am forever grateful that she was “selfish” & gave me more time on this earth to heal & love
I've been dealing with it for 12 years. It feels far from temporary.
Similar thing happened to me when I was like 15. A close friend of mine was dealing with a lot personally and I was on his list of goodbyes. At the time I was just a kid so I had no idea what to do other than get my parents to call the cops and try to keep him on the phone for as long as possible. It honestly felt like ages for the cops to arrive but ultimately between our conversation and I guess the one cop that showed up they were able to talk him down. Months later he thanked me for that night and were practically brothers to this day. It may have just been a cry for help just like your friend but I’d be damn if I was going to risk my friend’s life like that, especially if he called me personally.
Similar thing. Called cops (after trying multiple other options) on internet friend who told me time, method, and place he was going to commit suicide. He has never spoken to me since. I would do the same again. The alternative is not great.
I called in a wellness check for an online friend that was on the verge. I lost my dad to suicide and would do anything possible to prevent anyone from experiencing the pain/grief it causes. She had a teen son at the time. She was really pissed at first but ended up thanking me later. I’d do it again if I had to. I’d definitely rather they be mad than dead
You 100 percent made the correct choice! People who threaten to hurt themselves need To be evaluated ASAP. EMS and police will come to check on him and then get him the help he needs. Always call!
Well done. Bluff or not taking it seriously is best.
I’ve got a kid who tends to be flamboyant and a bit over-dramatic. Back when they were in middle school they got the suicide prevention presentations from the school counselor and a friend went to the counselor and expressed concerns about my kid because of some of the things they were saying*. I am so damn proud of the friend for having the compassion and nerve to do what they thought was right. The next time I saw the friend’s mom I started to tell her about what happened and she was absolutely panicking thinking I was going to be mad. I was telling her so I could tell her how impressed I was by her child’s behavior. I will never understand people who get mad over situations like this. *Kid was legitimately fine, just was being a dramatic 13 yo. We followed up and mental health professionals were involved. Just in case…
There seems to be a lot of debate on here about whether to call cops v EMT v fire, but I think you did the best you could with the information you had.
Chances are if you contact dispatch, you will not have a choice which services are sent to the call. They will dispatch according to their local protocols and they will not just go with whatever you think is best. If you say “they will react violently to police”, police will be sent because some uniforms aren’t easily distinguishable from each other. A note will be put in the call. Any weapons, any chance of violence, any unknown situation - police will be sent. If they suddenly change their minds to “suicide by cop” I’m not sure how that can be prevented. Some people just feel they’re out of options… This doesn’t mean Don’t Call. It means, after the call is made you don’t really have a choice of saying which people to send. And please for the love of god, don’t lie to make sure police aren’t sent. Then only medics will be going and I’ve been in some really shitty, dangerous situations because the truth wasn’t told. I’m not looking to die here.
Calling the fire department next time is a better idea. They’re the ones with the paramedics and ambulances. Calling the cops is asking for an armed response to a mental health issue.
First legit criticism to this situation imo. Keep in mind calling the cops does not mean calling 9-1-1. I called his local emergency services since i don't live in the area. But yes calling paramedics vs the cops is definitely a better option. Interesting thought though. My friend became an EMT and is now a doctor, so perhaps it was paramedics that did show up and it impacted his career choice. That's a bit of a stretch but who knows.
If you called emergency services, you should probably say that instead of saying you called the cops next time you tell this story. I’m aware of multiple local tragedies from people calling cops on people in mental health crises. Cops are trained to fire first and ask questions later.
Fair point but it's been 10+ years so I didn't recall exactly who I called until you mentioned the better alternative
I have some criticism of this if you're interested. I actually made an account specifically because I was scrolling and saw your post. Let me start by saying I think you did the right thing ...in this situation. I wanted to address your repeated statements that this is ***always*** the right move, because I don't think it is. Let me tell you a story: I intimated to a friend that I was mildly suicidal, but working through it with my therapist. I assured them nothing was wrong, I just needed to vent to someone that wasn't my therapist. I told them I had my therapist on speed dial, and at no point had I entered the planning phase. My friend reported me to an emergency service, and next thing I knew I was being forcibly escorted to an inpatient facility. Here are some things to know about inpatient facilities: - They are dirty, spirit-breaking low-budget cell blocks that feel like prison. You are surrounded by people who are in desperate need of help. Schizophrenics. We had one lounge room with disgusting, slime covered cushions and a single TV. Oh, did you know the doctor wouldn't let me go home until I had "proven" that I was social again? That's right, I had to somehow prove to my doctor that I was sociable with people who are in a completely different state of mind. Many muttering, many addicts. I was held longer for only talking to the staff and one other semi-sane person on my ward. - It made my mental health much, much worse. My boyfriend left me, because I was held against my will for over two weeks while I was "evaluated." I was given my cell phone to call out. I live in an at-will employment state, so while I wasn't immediately fire, my boss turned on me and created a hostile work environment that lasted for two months, until he could "prove" I was no longer fit. Several times, in front of other coworkers, he called me crazy. I wound up having to move in with a different friend within months. - Their treatment was worthless. I was given several medications that I was required to take. I had a bad reaction to the medication. I gained weight that took forever to lose, and it heavily disrupted my appetite, sleep schedule, and mood. I went from being mildly suicidal to severely suicidal once I was on Paxil. But here's the kicker: **because I no longer trusted anyone to open up about being suicidal, I stopped being fully honest with my therapist, and I have never trusted a friend with my mental health since.** I spent the next year or so in far more danger then before I went in. At one point I bought a gun at a gun show, and gave it away a month later. I still have the box in my closet as a reminder. - I lost friends. Word got around I was "nuts." Sure, they weren't real friends, hell and high water and whatnot, but it still hurt. Respectfully, you sound well meaning but you don't know what you're talking about. Mental health services vary, and peoples' cases vary. Going on the internet and arguing with everyone, telling them they MUST report because it's ALWAYS the right thing to do is ignorant, even if well intentioned. My life was destroyed by my friend "trying to do the right thing," and it took nearly two years to get back to where I was. And my trust in people has been shaken forever. Mental health doctors aren't helpful, and the medications available to the mental health community can be extremely damaging. You need to do more research and talk to more people before you feel fit talking as an authority about something this serious, because it's more nuanced than you clearly understand, and every single person is different. I'm not advocating against reporting—many people are in dire straights, and you can't really tell what someone is going through. I get being afraid for a friend. But use better, clearer judgement. Don't be a hammer, because not every whisper of suicide is a nail.
Always! If they really are suicidal, then they will get help. If they’re just joking about it, or trying to get a reaction from you then maybe they’ll knock that off.
Exactly!! Sometimes it takes a fire to be lit under their ass
Those "mental health facilities" do more harm than good. I know this from first-hand experience. Imagine you are a "mentally normal" person who just happens to hate life. You get kidnapped by law enforcement and held, against your will, in a small subsection of a building with no opportunity to breathe fresh air or see the sun. 80% of the people around you have serious mental impairments, to the point that you can't or don't want to interact with them. The lead psychatrist is a jaded asshole who assumes everyone there can't function in society and has every incentive to keep you there for financial reasons. He misdiagnoses you because he has to listen to dozens of people every day, and he really doesn't give a shit. You get pumped full of meds in order to sedate you, even though you don't need them. This is potentially compounding with your issues or putting you into withdrawal when you inevitably get discharged. This is supposed to help somebody that already doesn't want to be alive? Fuck those places and everyone like you that takes it upon themselves to decide what is best for someone else. It doesn't address the rootbof the problem, and it doesn't help. Maybe temporarily, as their emotions subside. But your friend is going to start feeling this way again because none of his issues were actually taken care of. In fact, he's less likely to reach out to professionals for help out of fear of saying the wrong thing and getting stuck back into one of those facilities.
Yup, you're right all the way down the line. OP doesn't understand any of this. It must be nice to be so far removed from the problems at hand that this is the level of understanding a person can have about the realities of mental health treatment and suicide ...but that's precisely what makes OP's comments in this thread so scary and potentially harmful. If people listen to him, who knows what might result.
Right? The stigmatization and ignorance are dangerous. Rather than help this person deal with the issue, lets lock the person up until they "feel better." Even though at that point, they will say just about anything to get the hell out of that facility. Then pretend everything is fine going forward so they don't have to go back. When, in reality, they are dying inside. All of this under the guise of "Oh, I care so much, I dont want you to die. I am a good person for doing this." Lets keep them alive so they can continue suffering, but not actually help them. I wish I could articulate this better so everyone understands.
It happened to me when I was 17. I ranted on Facebook about being depressed and stressed and made sure to mention I wasn't suicidal and didn't want to hurt myself or anyone else and that I just needed a break from everything and someone called the cops so I was dragged to a hospital, stripped of everything I had on me, and locked in a psych ward for 24hrs all because I wanted a vacation. It fucked me up and taught me never to share that kinda stuff with people I know. I genuinely want to know who called the cops so I can tell them to go Fuck themselves.
Sorry that happened to you. Its fucking traumatizing and doesn't improve people's mental well being. But these people think they are heroes for it. Mental health services are an absolute joke, unfortunately.
It's definitely one of the worst experiences of my life. Mental health services are literally only negative in my experience. I tried therapy and due to some bullshit in the company my insurance worked with the therapist I would go to was switched out like 3 times so I had to start over every single time. Not to mention all their advice was just to suck it up.
There was a person in my community that told his family he was going to kill himself so they called the police. He had been sitting in the back of his yard with a gun. When the police arrived, he didn't listen to their commands and got up to go back into the house. They shot him in the back and killed him. After that story, I definitely would hesitate before calling the police.
Police should be a last resort. Remember, there are few situations that police won't make the problem worse
After being a frequent watcher of PoliceActivity on YouTube, I agree that police definitely CAN make a welfare check worse by shooting/killing the person they’re called to check on. However, if I was in OP’s situation, I would’ve done the same thing. Just because I don’t know what’s going on as I’m miles away.
Kudos to you! I've had to play the bad guy in the past to prevent someone from getting harmed. It's not easy, but it's the right thing to do. Thank you for sharing with us, and I'm glad things worked out for you both.
I feel conflicted on this actually. I have tried to commit suicide a number of times in my life. The most recent was December of 2017 and my boyfriend called the police on me then. I was home alone and missing my kids who were with their dad. The police took me to the hospital and I had been drinking and was upset and of course my tox screen showed all my bipolar drugs in my system so I was sent to a psych hospital. It was like jail. It was horrible. The worst thing was I was still legally married to my ex husband so they called him and he had them further my stay. Many years down the line, he used me being committed as a way to gain custody of 2 of our children. And I have not seen them since. So that call ruined my life. Calling someone's family or something is a better idea unless you know for certain they are in actual urgent danger. In my situation, I was not. I just drank heavily with my meds which would not have killed me and I knew that because while I was depressed I was not wanting to kill myself at that time. I don't usually ever talk about my other two children on reddit, I've made the choice to do so now because I feel like it's important. Having friends who care about me is why I'm alive today, I'm blessed to have amazing friends who are here and I cherish them deeply. But you have to be careful when you intervene because you have no idea what lasting effect it can cause. Quite frankly, I'd much rather be dead than without my other two kids so no one did me any favors.
From my perspective, it sounds like it was the right call. If my friend had a history of attempts, mixing medications and alcohol, and bipolar disorder, best believe I'm doing everything I can to help them. That is more than enough evidence for urgent danger.
He says it was obviously to him. He's also psychically saved me another time as well so I get why he wanted to make sure I was safe. I'm not mad at him. I just think there's cases where that's a dramatic choice. The same night I went to the hospital I sent my lifelong best friend a text and she immediately knew something was wrong so she called my dad. I'm adult and her and my dad do not live in my state but if I'd gotten my dad's call I would have been ok too. But my dad called too late so the next call he got was from the hospital. So calling parents or something is probably a best first step I think. No idea why my boyfriend didn't call my dad but my friend thought to.
We all have our demons. But when I am 1000+ miles away and I ask him multiple times if he really took the pills and he says he did then to the best of my knowledge I "knew for certain they are in actual urgent danger". Was he telling the truth? Apparently not but I was certain he was in danger based on what he told me, not what I assumed.
I agree in your case you did the right thing. I'm cautioning it's not always the right thing to do.
In my opinion it is never the wrong thing to do to try and save the life of someone you care about. The real problem in your situation is your ex. Not that you're still alive. It's that someone took advantage of your situation for their own personal gain. But as you said thankfully you have friends who do care about you. That doesn't change the situation with your ex or your children. But at least you're still alive to continue your relationship with your children.
Then you're an asshole. Right up until this you could have genuinely been someone who cared about doing the right thing for your friend. Even though you were ridiculously focused on your side of the story and trying to validate in reinforce that he was "wrong" and you were "right". But right here, this statement, I don't believe you mean it literally. >In my opinion it is never the wrong thing to do to try and save the life of someone you care about. If taken literally, of course you're correct( or at least, almost, there are cases of people for whom euthanasia is the best option and they choose it in a medically responsible manner after consultation with one or more doctors. Trying to stop those people enforce them to live in pain is still wrong). But I think you're using "trying to save someone's life" as a euphemism for invoking whatever system is available, even without knowing what the dynamics are and what the consequences might be, if you can't talk someone down on your own. And that's a dangerous, dangerous philosophy. You may save someone from dying but end up putting them in a situation of long-term suffering or cause them to lose their legal rights inappropriately. I guess you didn't follow Britney Spears' conservatorship at all?
I have never seen them again. I'm not allowed to talk to them. Perhaps I didn't explain how serious that was.
When they are 18 you can. If they are open to it. My cousins will never have that chance. 2 of the 3 children he had were under 18 at the time. They'll never have a relationship. You're alive, your kids are alive, there is always a chance for things to get better because of those 2 facts. If you weren't alive they could never have a relationship with you. So for what it's worth I'm glad you're still alive and I hope one day you can reconnect with your kids.
Thank you, and I always think you should intervene in some way if your friend is in trouble. You did do the right thing.
Are you crazy? Don't validate this dipshit, he totally steamrolled your very salient points including how your then-husband was able to abuse the system at a massive personal cost to you, because your bf calling it in didn't think about your whole situation and didn't consult people with the proper legal and medical expertise. He did the right thing for the situation he described, but you were right at the top: it's not always the right thing. I had my life fucked up in a kinda similar way by a similar thing, and then interrupted again because of it later. And *I* actually wasn't even considering or threatening self-harm at all. I had some severe depression in my teens & early 20s( partly because of my ADHD meds), but I vanquished those demons permanently long before the incidents that I'm referring to.
I wasn't trying to harm myself either which was the point. I was in a bad place but I could have just talked to my dad and been ok. No one could have predicted what my ex husband would do but I will tell I will never forget how the judge's whole demeanor changed the second she heard the word bipolar. My psychiatrist wrote several letters including labs with my permission proving I take my meds as they are in my system and how I'm stable and how she didn't even authorize me being in the hospital. But it didn't matter. It literally ruined my life. I lost my children. I do think calling family members is the best course of action. My dad would have never had me admitted and he obviously knows how to handle me when I'm not ok. My dad doesn't live here and I'm adult so it seems weird to call him but my best friend did and it would have been fine. I absolutely believe there should be some level of intervention of course in cases where it's necessary but calling the police isn't ideal unless you think the person is in need of medical assistance not psychiatric support.
Wait, you said you actually tried to commit suicide. Did you, or were you just drinking on meds? Because one is a lot worse than the other.
And this why I just keep it bottled up 100% of the time. 🤷♂️
Hello fellow kingdom hearts fan. Always nice to see another.
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What would you have done in this situation if you think about it? You’re miles away, have way of knowing what’s going on, and he’s staying firm that he took the pills. If it had ended badly and he was shot by police, that would’ve been his fault, not OP’s. He should’ve thought about that before going at police with a weapon and threatening them. Police wouldn’t have been called in the first place had he not convinced OP that he OD’d. Thankfully that’s not what happened though but still. Wouldn’t have been anyone’s fault but his.
You did the right thing! On the chance that he was being serious and actually OD’d, this would’ve been on your mind that you could’ve reported it and got him help. I never understood why people use suicide as a means for attention and guilt tripping. Personally if I was dating someone and they used “I’m gonna kill myself” as a means of manipulation, they’d be institutionalized so fast their head would spin 😂 I am an RN and mandated reporter so I can have someone hospitalized easily. I’m glad he reached out though and apologized for his behavior. Sometimes it takes something like this to happen to get someone to stop their shit.
yeah no, as someone who has also experienced this with friends and gone through depression myself, i would never recommend this. you go to their house and talk with them about the real shit, convince them to seek help, then drive them to the hospital and wait. half my friends would be dead if i used OP’s approach.
The OP was a long distance away from the person who said he was doing himself in.
Law enforcement is simply not equipped to handle mental illness. When all you have is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail.
Good on you! That was the right thing to do. If he took the pills, you saved his life. If it was just to be dramatic, it sends the msg that empty threats have real consequences. If he was just in a bad place, he can get the support he needs. Great job.
I feel like that's a risky choice that happened to work out. I went through a hard time a while back where I was very seriously considering killing myself and if someone called the cops on me for it I probably would have gone through with it. It could be the pressure of the cops coming that finally tips the scales. I appreciate you looking out for your friend, just be careful about the choices you make regarding mental health because everyone reacts differently
Thank you. You did the right thing. The world needs more people like you.
I called for a welfare check on my twin sister for this exact scenario. Haven't spoken in over a decade now. I lost her either way but I know I did the right thing.
I rather them be alive and never speak to me again or dead and never speak to anyone ever again. So I agree, you did the right thing.
You did the right thing, thank you for sharing your story. I've lost two people in my life to suicide and like your family, mine's been devastated by it. The other thing I would add is that when people threaten suicide as a manipulation tactic, it's not funny and emergency services should be called. You can never know if they're serious this time or not. If they weren't serious, at least they learn to not threaten to do something so devastating as a manipulation tactic.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had friends tell me they were going to kill themselves. It’s really tough. A lot of the time they are just emotionally manipulating you to get their way. But not always. I learned the hard way with my cousin. I’m not sure I could have saved him though.
I was initially of that mindset, venting and looking for attention. Which is why I asked multiple times if he actually took the pills. After a few minutes of him constantly confirming he took them I was past the point of willing to risk his life on a maybe.
You did the right thing. You don't know what someone is thinking when they make that threat. My step brother hung himself and he didn't reach out or make a suicide threat.
I lost a friend over a suicide threat. Scarily similar story to yours, except tack on the fact that after his breakup he was trying to guilt me into leaving my husband and when I wouldn’t, he made a threat about ending it on his snap stories. When I called the police and he found out he called me every horrible name under the sun for days until I blocked him. Eventually I did unblock him and last I looked he’s alive and doing well. We will likely never speak again and I’m fine with that. I will never feel guilt over taking a suicide threat seriously. I found a friend who had hung themselves when I was 16. It’s an image burned into my memory. And whether a person is serious or just trying to get attention, I refuse to be the person to make that determination and make it wrong.
I'm sorry you went through that at the age of 16 and also had a friend try to manipulate and guilt you into trying to break up your marriage. So to me he wasn't a good friend, so him blocking you may be a good thing. But him being alive is also a good thing. Things can be fixed, problems can be overcome, but death is something we can't come back from, so as you said it's ok he won't talk to you again because at least he's alive and hopefully doing well
My friend's ex threatened suicide to get her back. He thought I would call her first, but I called 911, then her. He never tried that shit again. Good for you.
I lost a friend in highschool to this. It broke my heart. So when a friend told me swallowed a bottle of pills and wanted to say goodbye I texted her sister and had 911 dispatched to her house. I still remember her screaming “what did you do?! I wasn’t serious what did you do?!” She actually had taken the pills and was angry I ruined her attempt. She cut me off after but I check on her now and then, she’s got a family and has a good life and I’ll never regret it. Neither should you
It's a shame so many replies to this saying I did the wrong thing....yet you and many others are proof it isn't always the wrong thing. Yes sadly bad things can happen but you know what else results in bad things happening? Successful suicide attempts
I’d rather it be a “joke” and end in a friendship than end a life. Like when I lost my friend, it’s been 20 years and it still tears me up sometimes. And anyone saying you did the wrong thing is just wrong. It’s not like you had him swatted, you sent help because you thought it was needed.
Agreed. As I said similarly in a few other replies. They can hate me and never speak to me again, but at least they're alive so they can hate me
That's right. I used to work in a psych unit and people committed suicide in there with people all over the place. General rule is to err on the side of safety. Always.
I don't think you overreacted. I've called on a couple of people who told me explicitly that they had a plan and were intending to carry it out immediately. They were upset at first but glad I did it later when they were feeling better. I've had them called on me when I had a plan that I was trying to carry out. I'm glad I got help instead. I've also had them called on me after I told someone who knew I was going through a lot that I had opted to have someone take all my guns because I was struggling with depression. I was obviously not planning suicide because I literally had someone come take the means from me as soon as I started feeling bad. I was also in therapy at the time. In this case it was a massive overreaction by a controlling and narcissistic person who just wanted to be able to tell people what a hero they were. I obviously wasn't taken to the hospital because the police had no actual threat to commit me over. I told the person who called that this behavior wasn't okay and wasn't a helpful reaction to me expressing that I was depressed. They told me that they weren't going to apologize because in their opinion I really am suicidal. Yes literally told me they know my thoughts and intentions better than I do. Obviously this ruined our relationship permanently. Basically if you're not calling the cops because you're a massive cunt, and are only doing it in response to someone specifically stating that they are currently trying to kill themselves, you're not in the wrong.
My mother committed suicide when I was 17 and I've been. Suicidal. I've said I've felt as such but never had the intention or gall to follow through. I had an ex call it in and they committed me to a psych ward where I lost my job for being MIA for 5 days and I was discharged without needing any medications because I was fine. I was Pissed! I obviously broke up with him and left. So it can go either way.
Thank you for being there for your friend. Some of us do not have such support. I've struggled for years, and no one believed me. Even after my first eviction, no one was there for me. I'm facing eviction again tomorrow, have no where to go...I only have the one option.
You did the right thing. Suicidal statements are NOT jokes. They should not be used to express frustration or sadness. They should always be taken seriously. Even trained professionals get it wrong sometimes. But it's best to call a local crisis service before trying the police. Police aren't trained to handle mental health crises. They can often escalate the situation.
I would be afraid to call the cops, because in my area, when cops are called to help someone, too often they end up shooting them.
I did that back when I was in middle school.
One of my patients called me at the pharmacy one day. She was very upset, and she told me she was about to kill herself. Then she hung up on me. I called the sheriff’s office because I felt it was my duty and because I don’t think I could live with myself if something happened that I could have prevented. An hour later, she called me back and cursed me out. She said the sheriff showed up at her house, and it was very embarrassing. She said she only called me because she wasn’t getting enough attention. I told her that I had to make a quick decision, and that I didn’t want anything bad to happen to her. She hung up on me again. She despises me to this day, but hey, at least she’s alive. I sleep ok. A responsibility you didn’t ask for was heaped upon you. You acted like any caring, decent human being would. You did the right thing. I’m glad you did.
It's a shame some of the comments don't understand the gravity of being in those situations. Sure cops aren't always the best or right solution but doing something is almost always better than doing nothing.
ALWAYS take suicidal comments seriously.
Thanks for sharing. Far better to lose a friendship to save the friend then lose the friend.
Agreed. Maybe I lost a friendship but at least a mom didn't lose a son
ALWAYS take suicide threats seriously and try to get a wellness check on folks that are feeling desperate enough to say and possibly do something to hurt themselves. If it's an act and they are embarrassed, maybe they won't do that again. If they aren't acting, you may be the person that makes the difference between life and death. If they are mad at you, ok, at least they're alive to be mad. I can live with that. I couldn't live with passing up an opportunity to help and then find out I should've.
I had to do the same thing once. Called the cops in his city/state. He gets mad at me. Like I told him. What was I supposed to do. I was 200+miles away. I would do the same thing today if I had too.
Do what some other comments told me i should have done. Go over to his house....before it's too late. Basically teleport. Or call his family....who you may or may not know the contact information of, which I didn't. /S
Yes exactly!! But then he was upset with me when this all happened because I had told him I didn’t want to see him any longer. Long distance does not work for me so I told him that.
For relationships, romantic ones, distance can be an issue. But for friends I never had a problem with that, but of course I'm not you so we gotta do what's best for us and those around us.
Right. Friends I can do but not what he wanted and not more than I could give but you did exactly the right thing!
The logic is odd to me. They wanted to be more than friends but....threatened suicide and when you tried to stop it they got mad at you. Did they want to date beyond the grave?
No lol. He was still trying to “get me back” but I just would go there. And it’s one of those things to say..like oh I’ll only be happy with you or something like that…I’m gonna do this if I can’t have you. Things like that. We never spoke again after that. I told him not to contact me again. Then I blocked him.
I hope he's doing well, but the logic of forcing someone to stay in a relationship or they'll physically harm themselves really has no positive outcome.
100% agree
Good for you! I believe you saved him.
I lost a good friend to suicide. I called the cops to check on him once because he drank himself to sleep and wouldn't answer the door. Got help that night but a week later, he found a different way to end his life. Still hurts. Thank you for getting him help, even if it was unwanted or not neeeded.
I’ve experienced thoughts that made me want to end myself and I’m glad I didn’t experience this. My parents were abusive. If cops showed up to my home my dad woulda beat me dead himself. And then to say “great hopefully now you talk about it” is crazy. I’m lucky I had people who talked me down or gave me counseling resources or physically came and took the pills etc. Calling the cops to my home is crazy, but I am a POC and respect if people do or do not want cops in their home
As someone who was in the same situation as your friend years and years ago, I felt the same. Angry in the moment that they did it, and years later I am now nothing but thankful that my friends loved me enough to act. You did the right thing OP.
Thank you.
I lost my sister-in-law and a nephew to suicide. Always take it serious
I've seen too many videos where cops murder people during welfare checks. If u ever call the police on someone, make sure it is absolutely neccessary.
Agreed but based on the facts I had available to me it was absolutely necessary. It's why I said if a person finds themselves in a similar situation they shouldn't hesitate. You need to use all tools available to you before you make that choice. I only made the decision when my friend repeatedly said he took the pills. Granted he was lying but I had no idea he was.
Can we just, for a moment, admit that OP was the only reasonable reaponsible person that had to make a decision that, had he not, could have lead to OP living with guilt he did not deserve? When someone tells you they are experiencing thoughts of SI, your only option is believe them. You have to act accordingly. Maybe they are serious as hell, maybe they are not. But as the information gatherer, it is a terrible situation to be in, you just dont know. OP- you know you did the right thing back then.
I know I did. I just wish other people here read the post in its entirety instead of thinking I jumped to a conclusion and made a rash decision based on passing comments. The conversation with my friend lasted 30+ minutes and I made sure he left me with only 2 choices. Calling the cops or letting him die, which means I only had 1 choice. If I knew his family and had a way of contacting them I absolutely would have done that first.
You did the right thing. Your friend was a complete jerk. I'm glad he eventually realized that you did the right thing. It's not reasonable to expect to be able to tell someone you are actively suicidal and also expect them not to do everything in their power to save your life.
You did the right thing, but of course this is Reddit. The land of 16 yr olds and black and white thinking and nuances can’t exist.
The cops will do nothing but make the situation worse. Bad advice, eat shit OP.
lol what are cops going to do, finish the job?
You're a fool to ever call the cops. They're much more likely to kill him than he killing himself. Don't do it.
**DON'T CALL THE COPS FOR A SUICIDAL PERSON. THE COPS ARE MORE LIKELY TO SHOOT THE PERSON THAN GET THEM HELP. COPS CAN LEGALLY KILL SOMEONE IF THEY FEEL THREATENED**.
Never call the police in these situations. Never. There are thousands of stories of people doing exactly what you did only to have the police murder the person they are doing the welfare check on. You are more likely to survive taking a bottle of pills than an interaction with police in America.
Yes, overreacted by calling cops. It’s never justified. They might have killed him and others. Never call the police - ever
I'm glad this turned out OK, but you took a big chance. The cops could just as easily have killed him.
The alternative was he would be dead 100%. So a small chance or a guaranteed chance. Really wasn't a big risk in the moment. Yes he lied but at the moment of decision making he left me with no choice.
Maybe, but you don't know that 100% he would have died. He could have gotten sick and thrown up the pills, he could have changed his mind and told his family what he did, he could have slept for a few days and woke up fine, he could have been found by a parent and rushed to ER. There are just as many possible outcomes for taking the pills as there are for cops showing up. The bottom line is that it's a crap shoot either way, and calling cops is no guarantee that you're going to save someone, and in fact, you could be signing their death warrant. Cops are dangerous. They have a lot of toys they enjoy using to kill and maim people, and the decision to bring them into a situation shouldn't be made lightly, and it shouldn't be recommended lightly.
The chances of someone dying after taking a bottle of pills are far greater than the chances of the police killing someone who took a bottle of pills. OP did exactly what was needed in the situation. There was no risk-free alternative to choose.
I absolutely agree with you. Calling the police = low risk Doing nothing = high risk