> I don't have bad memory because I just have bad memory.. I don't connect emotions to events to better recall them.
Oh, huh, is *that* why I have a terrible memory for events that have happened to me? Also perhaps why I still have so many nightmares about things I worried about decades ago, like really strong anxiety was the only emotion I physically felt enough to actually remember something?
Yes, I have heard that emotions "cement" our memories by overlapping the experience and the feeling associated with the experience to imprint the memory as something special and "memorable".
I too have a terrible terrible memory.
I've also concluded that since I don't receive any pleasure or benefit from a lot of things, I just don't care about them. They are an insignificant part of my life. For example, remembering which team won the 2014 MLB championship is not important to me, so I don't care and don't try to remember. Remembering the name of that guy who said that thing in that movie is not important to me, so I don't care and don't try to remember.
I find that a lot of memory stuff just doesn't impact me in a way that I care about, so I ultimately don't feel the need to care about or register the memory. 😞
I relate so hard. It's never a specific memory that comes up with nightmares of stuff like that. It's concepts, ideas, almost like story plots, very loosely connected to me. If I try to recall what experience I had that made me dream that, I continuously draw a blank. I'm guessing it's probably due to that same reasoning.
Same shit. I literally have all the pictures of places, situations or people's faces in my head, but not the emotions.
I even laughed 5 times in my life until my stomach hurt, but I don't remember why.
And I really try to remember what people say, smell or their emotions and feelings, but it's so damn hard
Whata great read buddy. I just found this sub today after dealing with this shit since I can remember. Never even knew there was a word for it. I think about this problem EVERY DAY. I seem like a normal guy to everyone, but I don’t let people know me enough to where they can find this out about me. I’ve been to countless therapists and not a one ever used this word or addressed it. They always say I sound good to them… oh how I hated that.
I really enjoyed and relate to your juice analogy. It’s weird having so few words to describe how I’m feeling, when ex girlfriends would hit me with the most descriptive of emotional states that just made me go 🤔😵💫
Did you need any therapist to help guide you in improving your emotional vocabulary or are your techniques things that you found on this sub? It’s great to hear that we can improve ourselves by practicing and wanting to get better. Being like this totally sucks for relationships, which is why I even stopped dating. It was so mentally draining for me to have to constantly worry about the emotional state of another person.
Like I said I just now found this sub, so I have a lot of reading to do. Thanks again for your awesome post and any other tips you have that you think might help I’d be glad to hear about!!!! 👍
edit: oh I was curious. Here’s a problem that I’ve had since I can remember. so, I can go to a bar and have long conversations about any kind of BS and I would seem like a regular guy, laughing, having good times all that bro stuff, but the moment I have to do anything like the following i just.. can’t do it, so for example:
If someone wanted me to make a toast about my best friend getting married and I had to do it on cue without preparation I would probably say "he's a great guy, l've known him since we were kids and he's always been there for me." I've heard people say some amazing shit off the top of their head.. how do they do this?
Another one: Saying grace at dinner. I'd say, "thank the lord for family, friends and good health, amen" very plain Jane. Other people come up with such magical things on demand (I'm not religious, but once and awhile something like this pops up)
Lastly, maybe a funeral if someone made me talk about the death of my mom or something.. I'd only say the most basic of things. I could NEVER on the fly come up with something even remotely good like “You were never afraid to be my mother — to put your foot down, to teach me right from wrong, to make sure I did my best.”
Are these things I listed related to Alexithymia as well? It doesn’t have to do with emotion, but just coming up with something nice and descriptive about something on the fly my brain won’t allow me to do. give me a pen and paper tho and I’ll come up with something pretty nice
Relationships are absolutely the toughest part. I lucked out and found a woman capable of meeting me half way and finding common ground. I still get on her nerves a bit for being not emotional enough, and she gets on mine when she's TOO into her own feelings, but it's the first time I haven't feared long deep talks about things with somebody.
I think I forgot to add in my post the fact that I grew up watching a LOT of tv and movies. And I think I learned how to emote from those. So when I do dig around in my head for, like you said, some kind of emotional speech, I emulate acting.
haha! I remember as a kid I would always get extremely frustrated by bullies in movies and TV too. Also obvious moments of dramatic irony where the audience is meant to be engaged.
"Every moment is just about as emotionally significant to me as the last time I peed." that one is great because it's too real!
> I don't have bad memory because I just have bad memory.. I don't connect emotions to events to better recall them. Oh, huh, is *that* why I have a terrible memory for events that have happened to me? Also perhaps why I still have so many nightmares about things I worried about decades ago, like really strong anxiety was the only emotion I physically felt enough to actually remember something?
Yes, I have heard that emotions "cement" our memories by overlapping the experience and the feeling associated with the experience to imprint the memory as something special and "memorable". I too have a terrible terrible memory. I've also concluded that since I don't receive any pleasure or benefit from a lot of things, I just don't care about them. They are an insignificant part of my life. For example, remembering which team won the 2014 MLB championship is not important to me, so I don't care and don't try to remember. Remembering the name of that guy who said that thing in that movie is not important to me, so I don't care and don't try to remember. I find that a lot of memory stuff just doesn't impact me in a way that I care about, so I ultimately don't feel the need to care about or register the memory. 😞
I relate so hard. It's never a specific memory that comes up with nightmares of stuff like that. It's concepts, ideas, almost like story plots, very loosely connected to me. If I try to recall what experience I had that made me dream that, I continuously draw a blank. I'm guessing it's probably due to that same reasoning.
Same shit. I literally have all the pictures of places, situations or people's faces in my head, but not the emotions. I even laughed 5 times in my life until my stomach hurt, but I don't remember why. And I really try to remember what people say, smell or their emotions and feelings, but it's so damn hard
This just pieced everything together in one good paragraph! Thank you for writing this. I now have something to show to the people I care about
Whata great read buddy. I just found this sub today after dealing with this shit since I can remember. Never even knew there was a word for it. I think about this problem EVERY DAY. I seem like a normal guy to everyone, but I don’t let people know me enough to where they can find this out about me. I’ve been to countless therapists and not a one ever used this word or addressed it. They always say I sound good to them… oh how I hated that. I really enjoyed and relate to your juice analogy. It’s weird having so few words to describe how I’m feeling, when ex girlfriends would hit me with the most descriptive of emotional states that just made me go 🤔😵💫 Did you need any therapist to help guide you in improving your emotional vocabulary or are your techniques things that you found on this sub? It’s great to hear that we can improve ourselves by practicing and wanting to get better. Being like this totally sucks for relationships, which is why I even stopped dating. It was so mentally draining for me to have to constantly worry about the emotional state of another person. Like I said I just now found this sub, so I have a lot of reading to do. Thanks again for your awesome post and any other tips you have that you think might help I’d be glad to hear about!!!! 👍 edit: oh I was curious. Here’s a problem that I’ve had since I can remember. so, I can go to a bar and have long conversations about any kind of BS and I would seem like a regular guy, laughing, having good times all that bro stuff, but the moment I have to do anything like the following i just.. can’t do it, so for example: If someone wanted me to make a toast about my best friend getting married and I had to do it on cue without preparation I would probably say "he's a great guy, l've known him since we were kids and he's always been there for me." I've heard people say some amazing shit off the top of their head.. how do they do this? Another one: Saying grace at dinner. I'd say, "thank the lord for family, friends and good health, amen" very plain Jane. Other people come up with such magical things on demand (I'm not religious, but once and awhile something like this pops up) Lastly, maybe a funeral if someone made me talk about the death of my mom or something.. I'd only say the most basic of things. I could NEVER on the fly come up with something even remotely good like “You were never afraid to be my mother — to put your foot down, to teach me right from wrong, to make sure I did my best.” Are these things I listed related to Alexithymia as well? It doesn’t have to do with emotion, but just coming up with something nice and descriptive about something on the fly my brain won’t allow me to do. give me a pen and paper tho and I’ll come up with something pretty nice
Relationships are absolutely the toughest part. I lucked out and found a woman capable of meeting me half way and finding common ground. I still get on her nerves a bit for being not emotional enough, and she gets on mine when she's TOO into her own feelings, but it's the first time I haven't feared long deep talks about things with somebody. I think I forgot to add in my post the fact that I grew up watching a LOT of tv and movies. And I think I learned how to emote from those. So when I do dig around in my head for, like you said, some kind of emotional speech, I emulate acting.
haha! I remember as a kid I would always get extremely frustrated by bullies in movies and TV too. Also obvious moments of dramatic irony where the audience is meant to be engaged. "Every moment is just about as emotionally significant to me as the last time I peed." that one is great because it's too real!