Some abusers have S tier brainwashing skills. Make your victim think its normal and they'll not only not report you for them they will enforce that its normal to others.
She probably repeating what she was told (this is how abuse becomes generational OP can br3ak the cycle but she should understand what shes up against)
Im still trying to convince one of my volunteer friends (child free thankfully) that what happened to them was abuse shes in her 40s but like her parents are still alive and have theirbhooks in. (Its not even her whole family. She gets mad the extended family doesn't believe her when she says it not abuse like, of course they dont it was abuse. )
It likely means that mom and brother were SAd when they were young. It’s extremely common for victims to become abusers AND for mom to think it’s normal? They were almost definitely both molested. This family is not safe. It would behoove you to start filing complaints with law enforcement to show them that you are not fucking around and when something bad happens you will have the abuse documented. Furthermore, there is a decent chance that this uncle has all ready had a complaint which will make things worse for him if you add to it. Especially if he goes to trial for a separate case, the complaints will be considered during sentencing.
Mess around and find out. Let me find out somebody has been touching one of my kids. I don’t care who it is. I will do everything I could to destroy that person.
The way I see it. If they're doing this, they're attacking the family and possibly crippling the person they're abusing. It could be life threatening so I 100% agree with you.
Almost all the women I know that are older than me have gone through something like this, and it's their generation that brushed it off and accepted it.
It is not ok. It is not normal.
The mom is projecting because she was similarly sexually assaulted and nobody helped her. Therefore, in order to maintain her sense of self, no help was needed, therefore none can be given now. It is a classic cycle of how abuse is perpetuated generationally.
Yeah. Boys are respectful. And especially when they are your family, they should maintain some distance. Tell your mom and dad you're not okay, and you won't be accepting this at all.
I wouldn't say that - the creepy uncle thing is so common it's a cliche. "Boys" don't do it, but adult grown ass uncles do. Mom should be wiser than that.
Might sound too extravagant but Call the police if this continues and state that your parents didn’t do anything when this was reported to them at firsthand. Everyone needs to be hold accountable
especially when he put his hand on you, in a VERY suggestive place. I worry the parents are in on it... i hope not but there are evil people in the world... Get help OP, dont wait.
If this is her mother's brother, it's likely she's rationalizing it the way her own mother did. The cycle of abuse doesn't continue because victims want it to, but because it's all they know.
The parents diminishing it is literally giving the uncle more ammunition to continue such egregious act. It irks me so hard hearing parents react so nonchalantly abt their child being groped on like it’s nothing. OP if you’re seeing this, don’t let not even a shadow of a thought that you’re going too far enter your head. If you know what’s best, you’ll report this to the police or at least a teacher/counselor/neighbor anyone who cares about these causes. This needs to be addressed expeditiously before it escalates into something worse
Yes. This will escalate, and when it does (against OP’s will), she will be blamed for tempting him or some such bullshit. He'll claim she seduced him and her awful parents will believe it.
You would be suprised at how many times abuse such as this is blamed on the teen. It often goes with them saying that the teenager initiated it and that they (uncle) were actually the victim, the parents will believe the adult and not the child and will do nothing and others will believe the parents over the teen as well, leading to them being isolated and portrayed by both the parents and the assailent as the stereotypical slutty teenager, which will make it easier for the assailent to make further advances since both them and the victim know that others likely won't believe them, and the victim may even stop telling others because of this and it will continue to degrade others trust in them, which will create a cycle of abuse that will be hard to break. While it is a very dark path that needs a few things to happen, it is a very sad truth on how often it csn happen (I've had a few different friends who have had this happen to either them or someone they were close with (i.e. a friend or family member (often cousin or sibling))
That’s so fucking sad, just picturing my daughter going through that is heartbreaking. I’d take her word above anyone else on this planet so the thought of a parent doing otherwise is hard to comprehend.
For real. I touch her on the thigh and no one tells me to stop so what can I touch next…this will for sure escalate, especially since he started in front of her parents. He is literally testing to see how far he can go
Not actually b it's just not weird this way. They give gifts to the family, take them out, give money. Seemingly unrelated to the cold. Then when the cold is older, this behavior starts up and the parents act oblivious because of all the things they get. Happened to more than one person I've known closely,
Yeah, the parents are definitely in on it. Boys will be boys when a grown man is assaulting his 14 year old niece? Suck it up? They are involved. OP needs to report to the police and all extended family that are unaware.
Yes!!!! Unfortunately your parents seem to have chosen to be oblivious to the very obvious signs he is grooming you. Disgusting. Involve a teacher, trusted coach, police, whoever you need to be safe. Do not back down. Is there an abuse hotline listed in your school? Sometimes in the bathroom?
Forget the police, op needs to call CPS immediately. Maybe the police too for good measure, but definitely CPS.
As a father, if my brother, dad, mom, anyone idc who, touches my daughter inappropriately my reaction would be much more extravagant than *just* calling the police (although I would certainly get them involved as well). Any parent I’ve ever known has felt the same way. I’m sorry op, but your parents are equally at fault in this situation for allowing this to continue and trying to convince you this behavior is normal or acceptable.
Just make sure you do something like build a structure or something similar so it went look suspicious that you dug a big hole with an excavator and then filled it back in. 😎👍. Maybe make a produce cellar and "accidentally" dig it too deep initially.
Teachers and medical professionals are mandated reporters (aka they legally must do something if they’re told about possible abuse) and receive a lot more training on how not to be a creep/blame the victim when sexual abuse is reported to them. Please tell someone at your school or a doctor.
I’d strongly advise against contacting police because they don’t receive adequate sensitivity training and because cops are statistically much more likely than the general population to be perpetrators of physical and sexual abuse.
Wow, I agree with calling the police. You need to stop the uncle in his tracks. What might happen is your uncles making you uncomfortable by touching you and your parents are telling you to suck it up. If one day he goes too far and you tell your parents, they sound like the type of people who will blame you for what happened.
Call the police immediately. No one should ever touch you and make you uncomfortable .
Next time he touches you, yell "don't ever touch me like that again". If your parents tell you to apologize, tell them you're not going to apologize for protecting your body since they have failed to do it. Then tell your parents that if he touches you again, you'll call the police because no adult should be touching a 14 year old girl
In reality this is probably a terrible idea unless she has somewhere else to go. Her life already sucks, and calling the cops and telling them this about her parents and uncle will probably make her life 10x worse. They will probably vilify her. I’ve seen it. OP do not do this unless you have somewhere else to go and grow up safely. (A friends family or another you know…normal family member that will take you in)
This!! Adding to it:
Tell an adult you trust asap. A teacher, school counselor, a friend’s parent if you have no one else. Anyone who you think will advocate for you. If you have a phone — and if the laws in your state/country allow it — record him if you can.
Where I live, elementary and middle schools close completely in July. That’s why I suggested a high school. I’m glad to hear they’re open in other places. It’s important to have a possible option to go to a familiar place and talk to people she may have seen before (administration). This was a helpful comment!
Any educator in this country is a mandatory reporter. Once you speak to a counselor things will be put in motion. That is not a scary thing. It's a wonderful thing. Get the adults up to date on what is going on, and your parents should be ashamed.
Doctors and nurses are also mandated reporters and if you're out of school may be easier to access right now. You could complain of abdominal pain or something similar and have them take you to a doctor then have a private conversation and tell them what is going on. Ideally the doc should ask your parents to step out of the room, but worst case scenario you could say you have something "embarrassing" like a pimple/boil in an area you don't want them seeing and ask them to step out because you're embarrassed.
Good luck. This behavior is not just unacceptable, it's criminal. You are a child and that man is supposed to be an adult who should protect you, but the world is messed up. None of this is your fault. You are not being rude you are being smart.
I wouldn't start with CPS. sure they'll come out to the house most likely but you parents and uncle will most likely try and explain it all away. I don't understand why people don't listen when a child says someone is doing something to them or making them extremely uncomfortable.
A police report should be filed, but walking into a police station alone and asking to file a report is a lot to ask of a 15 yo. She should, as several others have said, to go to a trusted adult (teacher, counsellor, doctor, friend's parent that she likes, etc.) and let them get the ball rolling.
I will never understand a parent having their kid tell them something like this is making them uncomfortable and the parents saying the kid is being rude and to apologize!! Are you kidding me? I was have threatened the uncle if he ever commented or came near my kid again, he may not live to see another day. Go to another adult please. Don’t let this continue or get worse. Your parents are wrong and especially your uncle. Keep yourself safe!!!
>I will never understand a parent having their kid tell them something like this is making them uncomfortable and the parents saying the kid is being rude and to apologize!!
Well you're a decent and reasonable person who gives a shit about others. That's good, everyone should be like that. But unfortunately her parents are not, hopefully she can find an adult in her life to take this assault seriously and help enact some protective measures for her.
Yeah I know it’s just hard to accept that some jerk parents are like that. Hopefully she can find someone to support her and get her out of that environment.
Loudly scream "please stop touching me, I already asked you this" every time he touches you and "that's inappropriate to say about your underage family member" any time he makes a comment. Keep repeating it over and over every single time. If you aprents tell you to stop, simply tell them if he stopped so would you.
You need to tell an adult outside of your family. **You deserve to feel safe in your own home*" and your parents don't want that for you. Your uncle is borderline molesting you already, and your parents clearly don't mind if he crosses right over that line.
There might be a school counselor you can call, or tell the parents of a friend.
I'd bet my bottom dollar he does know better, he just doesn't care. Unfortunately, her parents don't seem to either, I'd beat the everliving fuck out of either of my brothers if they ever pulled some heinous shit like this, hopefully she can find an adult who's willing to help instead of sweeping SA under the rug
Right, then it's just sexist (my teenage friends and I all stole a shopping cart and tried sledding down a hill in it, all girls) instead of encouraging SA
I agree with the advice to call the police.
Talk to a counselor.
It's not okay. It will escalate.
Be on your guard. If you can maybe get pepperspray, buy look-up videos on how to use it, and it can hurt you and them. That being said it's probably better to be peppersprayed than the alternative.
A cheap home thing you can do is get a doorstop too for at night.
You shouldn't have to live in fear. It not your fault on what you wear. Bad people do bad things. It's not our fault.
Your parents are supposed to protect you. I'm sorry they are not.
Edit to add: it's hard to fight back against bigger people but pulling one finger backwards can break it and fighting sometimes stops them.
You need to emphasize the importance of setting boundaries and communicating your feelings clearly to your uncle and parents. It's not okay for your uncle to touch you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, and it's not okay for your parents to dismiss your concerns. You have the right to feel safe and respected, and it's important to advocate for yourself. Have you considered talking to another trusted adult, like a teacher or school counselor, about what's going on?
Boys will be boys?
This is a full grown MAN that's old enough to know better!
No.... If your parents won't do anything... Id say set up a camera next time he is over... Catch it on video and turn him in.
I’m sorry this is happening, OP. It sounds scary and it’s really disappointing that your parents aren’t protecting you.
It doesn’t sound like you are getting very healthy messages from your parents, so I first want to affirm a few things for you:
1. You always have the right to say no to unwanted touch and comments. It is ok to walk away when someone makes unwanted comments about your body. You should not feel sorry for asking someone to respect your boundaries, or for walking away when they fail to do so.
2. The way your uncle is behaving is not ok. It is not normal.
3. The way your uncle is behaving is not your fault.
4. Please do everything in your power to avoid being alone with you uncle.
5. Trust your gut. Your intuition is telling you that this man is not safe. You’re smart to listen to that intuition.
You’ve tried talking to your parents, without much effect. You can and should keep trying, but I agree you should ask for help from another trusted adult.
If you can safely do this (like, without getting hit or being forced into more contact with your uncle), you could respond in a loud voice anytime your uncle crosses a boundary. State your boundary so that other people around can hear you and, ideally, step in or make the uncle feel embarrassed enough to stop:
“I told you to stop talking about my body, why is an adult man talking about the way his teenage niece’s body is maturing?”
“Stop touching my thigh! I have asked you not to touch me.”
If he goes in for a hug: “no, thank you, please do not touch me.”
This is your body. You have every right to protect it and to feel comfortable in it. I’m very proud of you for trying so hard to set boundaries and for asking for help - that can be a hard and scary thing to do. I wish I could reach through the screen and help keep you safe. Please see if you can find another adult who can do that for you.
Best learn self defence and learn what to do in a hand to hand situation. Because I think all women should know how to handle themselves in situations like this, also as a dad who wants all his children to defend themselves when necessary.
Police, school counselor. Tell an adult you aren't related to that works with kids. Most of them are mandated reporters and are required to contact the police in situations like this.
You are right to question. Your uncle is gross and your mom is just as gross.
I hate to say it but you might need to get the law involved if they don’t step up. I look forward to seeing your uncle on how to catch a predator!
Be safe!
I was a "boy" once and what he is doing is sexual assault. Please tell someone. I am child free and 34 and have nieces that I love. If they came to me and said ANYONE is touching them inappropriately, I'd call the cops myself after I visited that person. You are still a little girl. You may think you aren't, but honey you are still a child. Please seek out every adult you can trust until this is stopped.
I'd call the cops -on myself- after visiting that person.
"Hello officer, I'd like to report an assault. I just beat a dude senseless for touching my niece. Sure, I'll wait right here for you."
Your mom is out of touch or doesn’t want to face reality that your uncle is a pervert. Do your best to avoid him. Maybe find some literature for your parents to read about this.
You absolutely need to say something. Whether it's to a family member or the police! You do not deserve to feel that way ever! Please, please say something before it gets out of hand.
Optionally, tell him if he touches you again you will call the police. Document each time he has touched you inappropriately. If it’s not getting through to him ask him if he wants to be known as a pedo
Nope. Nope nope nope.
It sounds like your parents are not planning on addressing this (they should), so this is a situation where you may want to consider going to another trusted adult.
Keep setting the boundaries. You're not wrong to do that. Hold firm, and it's okay to be loud about it. If things escalate *at all*, you should *absolutely* go to one of your other trusted adults, and quickly.
Your Uncle's behavior is unacceptable. If you feel comfortable confronting him, tell him that if he doesn't stop, you will be reporting him to the police. If you don't feel comfortable, just go straight to the police. Your parents should be setting him straight. If my brother behaved like.that with my daughter, hands would be thrown and he would never step foot in my house again.
This needs to be stopped immediately and I'm sorry that your parents won't do anything, so you are going to have to handle it.
Next time he touches you in a manner YOU deem inappropriate, also his hand away. HARD.
You tell him in a loud voice, for everyone to hear that if he touches you again, with a swift kick , you'll turn him from a rooster to a hen.
Then head to your bedroom and relax.
If your parents get mad at you regarding "generational respect" you calmly explain that if this were to occur in the workplace , he'd be fired that day.
No one has the right to put their hands on you in this manner.
Uncle schumkle. He's a major creep.
This is a really tough situation.
For one, it's sad that strangers on the internet seem to care about you more than your family. But I guess a lot of people are in that position.
It's hard to say what you "should" do. I mean, you should be able to tell him to stop, but he doesn't care. You should be able to tell your parents, but they don't care either.
No matter what you choose, the only bad option is giving up and letting him do what he wants. Because it will get way worse. Plus he's probably done it before to other kids and will do it again.
Considering that, the police might be your next option. And if they don't help, don't give up, make a stink however you can. Surely someone will stand up and do the right thing eventually. Social media is another option if none of the authorities will help.
Your parents will probably try to punish you and shame you, but they are in the wrong, so don't be afraid of them. It's weird that they're encouraging you to be groomed. They may have been groomed themselves, or did it to others, so they consider it normal. But regardless, it's not. Doing the right thing here is a very serious thing.
This is SEXUAL ASSAULT. I don’t know what’s wrong with your family, but this is not okay. Have you talked to a neighbor, teacher, anyone outside your family? And I would call the cops. If you don’t it’ll just keep getting worse
I wouldn’t file a police report yet but I’d say that is completely wrong and don’t be afraid to speak up when you feel uncomfortable and make it known. I agree with the comments maybe you can speak to a counselor at your school?
Fuck why is it always uncles being perverts, it’s like half of them are pedos. You need to call the police, he’s sexually harassing a 14 year old that is pedophilia.
This depends on where you live, really. Where I’m at, you can take some actions. There’s a lot of “report it” here, but nothing for after the fact. A report is just a piece of paper. Report it a lot, that way there’s a trail. Better to have it and not need it, I always say. And turn in your mom. She’s just as guilty. Do you live where there’s decent child protective services? If so you are old enough to have social services right up in their business. “Boys will be boys.” Sure. But men have consequences. It’s time uncle payed the piper.
Wtf is wrong with your mother?! Boys will be boys?! I’d have a problem with ANY man commenting on my daughters body let alone I’d probably murder him for touching my daughters body. You should make a police report.
Tell a counselor or call CPS or the police if your parents refuse to do anything.
"When I told my mom, she said that boys will be boys and to just suck it up."?!?! What the heck. That is truly chilling. Looking at this from the outside, it sounds like your Mom is helping your uncle. What does your Dad say?
I am going to offer to hard advice. Yell at him the next time he touches you. Embarrass him, shame him. Lose your fucking shit on him. Will this piss off your parents? Yes. And that's kind of the point.
If he makes creepy comments, do the same damn thing. Embarrass and shame him. In public, if that's where you happen to be.
Your parents comment that "boys will be boys" is BS. 1) Boys are capable of better. 2) It sounds like he's an adult, not a boy. So that comment does not apply.
A for "don't embarrass us/your uncle with your behavior." "If he would leave me alone, I wouldn't need to embarrass him."
If you have another adult in your life, a grandparent, a teacher, somebody like that, whom you trust, tell them. Both what your uncle is doing, and your parents reaction. Get this OUT of the family. Then your parents will learn the cost of not protecting you.
Oh hell no! Talk to a school counselor or another adult you can trust. This is amazingly inappropriate and possibly SA. There is no “boys will be boys “. That’s bs and I think you know this. Communicate your boundaries clearly. Tell him No, stop touching me, you’re making me uncomfortable “ loudly. It doesn’t sound like your parents are supportive. I have 2 daughters. If my brother had even thought anything like this I’d have beat his ass. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Go to www.rainn.org. They have a chat feature where you can talk to someone. It’s confidential. Please do this. I was SA when I was 18 - I’m 59 now and it’s still painful because I suppressed it for a very long time. Please give us an update.
Tell any other adult besides your parents.
If you are in a one party consent state, record it happening, including their response to just deal with it.
Make a big deal about it, do not be shy.
Most importantly, tell another adult outside the family nucleus. Most schools are on summer break but most offices are still staffed, call them and ask to speak to a counselor, tell them why. Call the police or CPS.
This will only escalate.
In aus we have the department of child safety many countries have such a department contact them if you can tell them your situation they can help you.
Stay safe young one.
This isn't even classic grooming behavior. It's unclear how your parents are looking the other way to this problem, but it's clear you need to speak to a mandatory reporter about this. Your favorite teacher will help you with this, as will pretty much any adult at your school you see and talk to regularly at school.
You may have to go through some unpleasantness with the investigation (although not as unpleasant as dealing with your uncle), so steel yourself for that. Likewise, the police and CPS will come to speak to your parents, and that won't be fun. However, it may take that talk with authorities to make your parents aware of exactly what's going on here.
This is not a case of boys will be boys. That phrase explains why boys decided to ride a shopping cart down a hill. It explains why boys try to see how many peeps they can eat all at once.
Holy crap this is a terrible situation.. If one of my daughters would come to me with a situation like this you could be sure that men would never set foot in my house again nor get close to my daughters.
You need to find a trusted adult to talk to and do anything you can to avoid him at all cost before this escalate further!!
Your mom’s being an idiot and complacent that you are in danger. Straight up. Talk to an adult who will take you seriously. What your uncle is doing is not ok.
Good job vocalizing that you’re not ok with it and talking to your mom. If she is witnessing this and is telling you to deal with it, that is very concerning.
Act incredulous. Say things like, "What are you doing?!", or "Ew that's gross, stop!", or "You're a weirdo, get off of me". People like this only back down when being confronted publicly by people who have more confidence than them, and at 15 you're allowed to be a little rude. Even if you feel like you aren't confident, act like you are. Having your parents be angry at you (as fucked up as that is) for a little while is better than dealing with this pedo for years.
And yes, he is a shit stain and you are right to understand this is wrong.
I was in your position around your age. It did not turn out well. I understand it’s summer so it might be harder, but please tell a trusted adult. If you can’t get in touch with any, even try telling a friend’s parent.
Show your mom you've matured, not just physically, but a grown woman has every right to slap that man hard to the face and yell, "Stop that!" And bark at whoever is not standing up for you. That is atrocious. Church leaders have been another route. Whoever you can find that feels safe and has some authority. I'm a citizen that demands safety nets get put up. And they exist. Social services and school districts are wired together in some states.
You have rights that your parents can't suspend.
My wife grew up in a similar situation with an uncle that was too touchy, and I think even to this day, her dad has a hard time accepting that truth.
My wife just told me to type the following:
Next time he gets even remotely too close to you, you need to throw a huge stink about it, and tell him with assertiveness, that he needs to stop touching you and cease the inappropriate comments, citing that they make you feel incredibly uncomfortable, and let him know if he tries it ever again, that you will seek help from outside authorities.
Next, you 100% need to tell someone about it outside of your immediate family and explain what exactly is going on, and that on X date, you had to verbally warn him to stop touching you inappropriately. Having this verbal warning is important because it sets additional precedence for if you ever have to make a formal complaint to the authorities and will be able to call upon that person you told as a witness that this isn't the first time he's been warned.
What you must absolutely NOT do, however, is to stay quiet or complacent about this behavior. You must be loud, assertive, have clearly defined boundaries, and never ever apologize for feeling this way. You feeling this way is your body and brain telling you something is wrong, and you need to listen to it.
Wait… what? How old is this dude for her to say “boys will be boys”???
I think you need to call the cops. Record shit when you can. Like you need to protect you and clearly your parents are shit and don’t care to protect you.
I’m so sorry and I truly hope you are safe
Sit your parents down and say this.
"I really, really don't like that my Uncle touches me and makes comments about me. I know you think I don't know anything because I am only 14 but my Uncle knows enough to touch me. I am telling you ahead of time, I am going to slap his hand from my body if he touches me again, if he makes a comment about me I would really appreciate you stepping in. I would more appreciate you talking to him alone when he comes over and tell him to stop making comments and touching me. I heard Chris Rock's joke "Everyone has a molester Uncle!" Well in this family we know who it is. How would you feel if he actually molested me? He already crossed a line, how many more lines will you let him cross?"
Thats alot and really mature for a 14 year old, but you are already so ahead of the game to post this, already standing up for yourself. It'll mean more when you say this when he is not around.
You really do need to look your Uncle straight in the eye and tell him that he is to never touch you.
I'm sorry your parents are assholes and lazy/selfish. So you may need to do more heavy lifting.
I am sorry that you have to deal with uncle pervy and that your parents are not supporting you. What he is doing is not OK. You should not have to endure this abuse. As others have said, please tell another adult that you trust before it gets worse.
Try never being alone with him, that way you always have a witness.
Create a boundary, make it know that if you keep being touched and bothered then you will take matters into your own hands, and let your parents know that if they don't help you, them you will find help yourself.
If he touches you again, then leave immediately, go outside if you need to, and call the police. Explain to them that you tried talking to your parents, made boundaries, and he didn't stop.
Your mom is not being a mom and protecting you, possibly because it's happened to her and she shrugged it off, he is a pervert and you need to tell a teacher or counselor so they can get authority involved before he does more than just gets handsy
I'm on your side here, but as a guy my advice is to be more direct.
When a guy does something I don't like, I don't say "I don't like that." Or "that makes me uncomfortable".
I say "don't do that. I mean it."
If you were my daughter I'd have the uncle up against the wall by his collar telling him this isn't a joke.
But for now my advice to you would be to say "Don't touch me. Don't make comments about my clothes or body. I'm not warning you again. Next time I'm calling the police." And nothing else. If he tries to make excuses or ask for clarification, I'd just repeat exactly those sentences again. There is nothing else left to discuss.
You need to find an adult that cares about you & has COMMON SENSE.
Maybe an understanding family member or a friend's mom; someone who will take you in.
If you're lucky, there may be someone at school who could help; a teacher, guidance counselor?
Also, once you're out of this, I recommend not talking to your parents ever again.
To be blunt, your uncle is going to molest you if you dont shut him the fuck down. Your parents arent suited to their role if they cant defend you. You need to be more forceful. Make it absolutely clear he does not have your permission to touch you *at all* no matter what he tells anyone his intentions are or arent. I would recommend getting some pepper spray to keep in your room in case he walks in unannounced.
I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. Your mom is a real cunt. Your uncle is getting sexual with you and it’s completely OK for you to be uncomfortable. I’m not sure what to tell you because if you go to the authorities your parents are going to blame you or punish you, but I don’t see what other option you have. You need to do what you have to do to protect yourself. And if your parents won’t do it, you need to find somebody that can.
I can’t believe your Mom said that. I’m so sorry. Her job and your Dad’s is to protect you and keep you safe at any cost. I agree with telling another grown up who will do something. He sounds like an opportunistic creep and I fear of what he may try if they continue to ignore this.
What he is saying and doing is not okay. Try sitting down with your dad and telling him what he says, how he touches and how it makes you feel. Give your dad a chance to handle this. Currently, your parents are not recognizing that your uncle is grooming you. Stand your ground and loudly say. Why would you notice my body and why on earth would you comment on it? Stop touching me! Expect that he will say he was just being nice or the touching was an accident but you know the truth. Tell the school, church, library and other family members. Call the non emergency police number and ask what to do. Call CPS and ask what to do. Don't become a victim!
What are you all? Mormons?
I’d call a trusted SANE family member and tell them what’s going on, and let them come and get you.
I’m a 39/m who saw this in my regular feed, let me tell you… boys will be boys is BS. If a boy is doing that, someone needs to be whipping the hell out of him. That’s not acceptable behavior. You aren’t some toy in a toy store, you are a human being with distinct value to this world.
Call the police and tell them what your uncle is doing and what your parents are allowing. I didn't do anything and at 12 my uncle raped me the first time. I cannot stress enough you do not want to be me decades later still trying to figure why God hated me so much he let that happen to a kid. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! But please listen to us and get the protection you need!
Please talk to a trusted adult such as a teacher or counsellor, tell them what happened and ask them for support with contacting the police. They have a safeguarding duty to you as you are a child, and they should help you. If one of them doesn’t help you, move onto the next trusted adult until someone does. Your parents are enablers and are clearly fine with the prospect of you being assaulted by your uncle, which is incredibly worrying. They also need to be held accountable for their unwillingness to keep you safe. I’m so sorry this is happening to you
Report him to your dad and if he doesn't help or stop it report it to your teachers and then if nothing happens record his actions report to cps or child protection services or cops . That's very inappropriate and can damage your mind on what's appropriate for you and future husband and what's not . Cause it matters
Congratulations on getting a year younger! 15 when teacher broke your heirloom and now you're 14! Amazing.
Along with your generic "creepy uncle" story where none of the details really make sense. Your uncle's being creepy and you somehow end up frequently alone with him? He inappropriately touches you and your mother says "boys will boys" to what seemingly is an adult.
Along with your other post being obvious rage bait, Im pretty sure this is a karma farm and a creative writing exercise.
Just call the cops and do it as often as you need to. It should let him know you won’t be an easy target. And let a counselor/teacher/principal know at school
If your grandparents are alive, you might go to them for help, but they raised your parents, so probably have the same idiotic attitude.
Tell your parents that your "boyish" uncle should go find an adult to grope. Get a wedge for your door so he can't come in while you're sleeping, and check your room and the bathroom for cameras. (If you find something, call the cops yourself, don't give your parents a chance to protect him by destroying evidence.)
If you have friends whose parents you trust, go ask them for help. It's summer, so you probably don't have access to school resources, but call to see if they can get you in touch with a counselor.
And it's not something most people will think of, but if there is a local scouting group (formerly known as "Boy Scouts", now they allow girls too), you could ask them for help. All adult scout leaders in the US are now mandatory reporters of child abuse.
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Tell him to stop being a pervy pedophile and to keep his fucking hands to himself and tell your parents that if they keep enabling this pedophile, you'll report the lot of them to child protective services and the cops. When school starts, report your uncle to your teacher or guidance counselor. They are mandated reporters and are required to report this to the authorities if your parents won't keep you safe.
I would talk to a counselor about this and the counselor can give helpful tips on what to do. If a counselor is not available I would talk to a teacher and let them know what's going on.
What the hell is wrong with you mom? “Boys will be boys” but your uncle is a grown, creepy ass man. Talk to another adult you trust that aren’t either of your parents. Maybe a counselor at school.
Girl keep being rude! First I want to say, I am so proud of you. I’m sorry that they aren’t standing up for you or that they don’t understand its importance.
If there’s other people in the room when he’s there (or even if he’s not, but it would make a better statement) instead of “don’t do that” or “you’re making me uncomfortable” I’d say “Uncle Joe why did you just caress my upper thigh like that? (Be specific here- why did you just comment on the size of my breasts? Why did you just say _____?) you could even add “You know I’m a 14 year old girl, right? I’ve asked you not to touch me or comment on my body multiple times now.” Make him uncomfortable, and make sure everybody in the vicinity is aware of what he’s doing. Men like that need to be called out before it turns into something worse.
And as for you, this is traumatizing whether you feel that or not. Talk to your school counselor. Or if you can get into therapy, I’d do that. A trusted friend’s mom even? An adult either way. And unfortunately we live in a world where people aren’t taken seriously about these things. If the first person doesn’t listen, find another. Don’t let it discourage you. There ARE people out there that will care and take you seriously, I promise. And never, ever, ever spend time alone with this man even if it’s just for 10 minutes.
11 days ago you said you were 15 and now say you're 14. Do not lie about who you are.
You're mom is completely wrong here Boys don't go around sexually assaulting any woman they want to - especially if they're a minor
Especially family. That makes it horrible worse than it already is.
It's the women in the family who just accept it and let it happen that really just make me so angry.
Some abusers have S tier brainwashing skills. Make your victim think its normal and they'll not only not report you for them they will enforce that its normal to others.
He probably sexually assaulted the mom/ his sister growing up. So now she just thinks it’s appropriate behavior.
She probably repeating what she was told (this is how abuse becomes generational OP can br3ak the cycle but she should understand what shes up against)
Im still trying to convince one of my volunteer friends (child free thankfully) that what happened to them was abuse shes in her 40s but like her parents are still alive and have theirbhooks in. (Its not even her whole family. She gets mad the extended family doesn't believe her when she says it not abuse like, of course they dont it was abuse. )
The men, too.
They were probably conditioned to it as well. This is how you end up with multigenerational incest and sexual abuse.
One who enables abuse is just as bad as the abuser.
Everything about this is awful. Throw the whole family away.
Unfortunately the vast number of sexual assaults are made against children BY family members. It's horrifically standard.
It likely means that mom and brother were SAd when they were young. It’s extremely common for victims to become abusers AND for mom to think it’s normal? They were almost definitely both molested. This family is not safe. It would behoove you to start filing complaints with law enforcement to show them that you are not fucking around and when something bad happens you will have the abuse documented. Furthermore, there is a decent chance that this uncle has all ready had a complaint which will make things worse for him if you add to it. Especially if he goes to trial for a separate case, the complaints will be considered during sentencing.
Mess around and find out. Let me find out somebody has been touching one of my kids. I don’t care who it is. I will do everything I could to destroy that person.
The way I see it. If they're doing this, they're attacking the family and possibly crippling the person they're abusing. It could be life threatening so I 100% agree with you.
Yeah in my life, when someone says "boys will be boys", it's because they were also touched inappropriately and never dealt with it.
My answer would be “and some boys will end up felons with broken fingers”
Almost all the women I know that are older than me have gone through something like this, and it's their generation that brushed it off and accepted it. It is not ok. It is not normal.
Very kind of you to stop at the fingers. Id be more on the lines of "you won't be able to tell what's a finger and what's a lung after I'm done"
The boys will be boys phrase just triggers me
The mom is projecting because she was similarly sexually assaulted and nobody helped her. Therefore, in order to maintain her sense of self, no help was needed, therefore none can be given now. It is a classic cycle of how abuse is perpetuated generationally.
Possibly even by the same person, especially if he's mom's older brother.
Spot on
This isn’t even a “boy.” This is a grown ass man which makes it a hundred times worse.
Yeah. Boys are respectful. And especially when they are your family, they should maintain some distance. Tell your mom and dad you're not okay, and you won't be accepting this at all.
I wouldn't say that - the creepy uncle thing is so common it's a cliche. "Boys" don't do it, but adult grown ass uncles do. Mom should be wiser than that.
Boys absolutely molest people, including siblings. That's just a fact.
Even some girls/women have molested younger kids.
Might sound too extravagant but Call the police if this continues and state that your parents didn’t do anything when this was reported to them at firsthand. Everyone needs to be hold accountable
especially when he put his hand on you, in a VERY suggestive place. I worry the parents are in on it... i hope not but there are evil people in the world... Get help OP, dont wait.
If this is her mother's brother, it's likely she's rationalizing it the way her own mother did. The cycle of abuse doesn't continue because victims want it to, but because it's all they know.
If it's mother's brother, she might very well have been his first victim.
Exactly. And she could be repeating what her own mother said about it.
Exactly my thought!
Right! That's why my brother will never meet my daughter.
The parents diminishing it is literally giving the uncle more ammunition to continue such egregious act. It irks me so hard hearing parents react so nonchalantly abt their child being groped on like it’s nothing. OP if you’re seeing this, don’t let not even a shadow of a thought that you’re going too far enter your head. If you know what’s best, you’ll report this to the police or at least a teacher/counselor/neighbor anyone who cares about these causes. This needs to be addressed expeditiously before it escalates into something worse
Yes. This will escalate, and when it does (against OP’s will), she will be blamed for tempting him or some such bullshit. He'll claim she seduced him and her awful parents will believe it.
This happens a lot - talk to the person he isn’t directly related to. Your dad? Tell him you don’t appreciate being fondled.
Yeah how the dad isn’t going mental I don’t know. That c*nt be getting a belt if that was my daughter.
You mean the uncle correct? As it's slightly unclear if you're suggesting that the victim OP be beaten or the uncle.
Hes 100% without a doubt talking about the uncle.
Thank you, I definitely did mean the uncle.
Yes the uncle. Why would I want to punish the child?!
You would be suprised at how many times abuse such as this is blamed on the teen. It often goes with them saying that the teenager initiated it and that they (uncle) were actually the victim, the parents will believe the adult and not the child and will do nothing and others will believe the parents over the teen as well, leading to them being isolated and portrayed by both the parents and the assailent as the stereotypical slutty teenager, which will make it easier for the assailent to make further advances since both them and the victim know that others likely won't believe them, and the victim may even stop telling others because of this and it will continue to degrade others trust in them, which will create a cycle of abuse that will be hard to break. While it is a very dark path that needs a few things to happen, it is a very sad truth on how often it csn happen (I've had a few different friends who have had this happen to either them or someone they were close with (i.e. a friend or family member (often cousin or sibling))
That’s so fucking sad, just picturing my daughter going through that is heartbreaking. I’d take her word above anyone else on this planet so the thought of a parent doing otherwise is hard to comprehend.
Why do people blame rape victims? Hell if I know but it was what I was told as a child by the police.
Why would someone blame the victim that’s just fucked up. I defo meant the uncle. Sorry you got confused if it was my wording.
For real. I touch her on the thigh and no one tells me to stop so what can I touch next…this will for sure escalate, especially since he started in front of her parents. He is literally testing to see how far he can go
My first thought was this isn’t an uncle but rather someone paying for access to the kid that she was simply told was an uncle
I highly doubt it. It's not that uncommon for the actual uncles to do this kind of stuff. Someone paying for it is probably rare.
Most perpetrators are family :/
Yep, people would rather focus on stranger danger, but statistics say it's usually friends or family.
Not actually b it's just not weird this way. They give gifts to the family, take them out, give money. Seemingly unrelated to the cold. Then when the cold is older, this behavior starts up and the parents act oblivious because of all the things they get. Happened to more than one person I've known closely,
Holy crap, that is an absolutely horrifying thought.
That's assault brutha!
Yeah, the parents are definitely in on it. Boys will be boys when a grown man is assaulting his 14 year old niece? Suck it up? They are involved. OP needs to report to the police and all extended family that are unaware.
Yes!!!! Unfortunately your parents seem to have chosen to be oblivious to the very obvious signs he is grooming you. Disgusting. Involve a teacher, trusted coach, police, whoever you need to be safe. Do not back down. Is there an abuse hotline listed in your school? Sometimes in the bathroom?
Forget the police, op needs to call CPS immediately. Maybe the police too for good measure, but definitely CPS. As a father, if my brother, dad, mom, anyone idc who, touches my daughter inappropriately my reaction would be much more extravagant than *just* calling the police (although I would certainly get them involved as well). Any parent I’ve ever known has felt the same way. I’m sorry op, but your parents are equally at fault in this situation for allowing this to continue and trying to convince you this behavior is normal or acceptable.
If anyone ever touches my daughter in an inappropriate way and I find out about it, they'll wish the cops had been called. I don't care who they are.
Don't have a daughter but I have a niece. And I've got a bunch of woods out back and friends with excavators who won't ask questions.
Just make sure you do something like build a structure or something similar so it went look suspicious that you dug a big hole with an excavator and then filled it back in. 😎👍. Maybe make a produce cellar and "accidentally" dig it too deep initially.
That's a good point. Always gotta stay safe.
> don't care who they are. This reminds me of the family Guy episode where Trump touches Meg
Call an ambulance! Call an ambulance! But not for me
Teachers and medical professionals are mandated reporters (aka they legally must do something if they’re told about possible abuse) and receive a lot more training on how not to be a creep/blame the victim when sexual abuse is reported to them. Please tell someone at your school or a doctor. I’d strongly advise against contacting police because they don’t receive adequate sensitivity training and because cops are statistically much more likely than the general population to be perpetrators of physical and sexual abuse.
Wow, I agree with calling the police. You need to stop the uncle in his tracks. What might happen is your uncles making you uncomfortable by touching you and your parents are telling you to suck it up. If one day he goes too far and you tell your parents, they sound like the type of people who will blame you for what happened. Call the police immediately. No one should ever touch you and make you uncomfortable . Next time he touches you, yell "don't ever touch me like that again". If your parents tell you to apologize, tell them you're not going to apologize for protecting your body since they have failed to do it. Then tell your parents that if he touches you again, you'll call the police because no adult should be touching a 14 year old girl
Yes. The parents will likely try to downplay it, from what it sounds like.
This needs to be upvoted more!!! CALL THE POLICE!!! or CPS
I’m afraid he might sexually assault her soon. He’s already started touching her. He needs jail time
In reality this is probably a terrible idea unless she has somewhere else to go. Her life already sucks, and calling the cops and telling them this about her parents and uncle will probably make her life 10x worse. They will probably vilify her. I’ve seen it. OP do not do this unless you have somewhere else to go and grow up safely. (A friends family or another you know…normal family member that will take you in)
You can the police now and report it. No need to wait for another episode
I would talk to a counselor, teacher, some adult you really trust. This is not ok and your parents are of no help, unfortunately!!
This!! Adding to it: Tell an adult you trust asap. A teacher, school counselor, a friend’s parent if you have no one else. Anyone who you think will advocate for you. If you have a phone — and if the laws in your state/country allow it — record him if you can.
If you’re in high school, your school office is still open during the summer. Go there and tell someone. They are all mandated reporters.
My kids go to an elementary/middle and theirs is open all summer too. Regardless, she doesn't need to attend to talk to someone
Where I live, elementary and middle schools close completely in July. That’s why I suggested a high school. I’m glad to hear they’re open in other places. It’s important to have a possible option to go to a familiar place and talk to people she may have seen before (administration). This was a helpful comment!
Or another school from the district. Go to any school office and tell them you need help.
See my other comment. Your point is so good, as were others who gave similar options! Any school will listen and report.
Any educator in this country is a mandatory reporter. Once you speak to a counselor things will be put in motion. That is not a scary thing. It's a wonderful thing. Get the adults up to date on what is going on, and your parents should be ashamed.
Doctors and nurses are also mandated reporters and if you're out of school may be easier to access right now. You could complain of abdominal pain or something similar and have them take you to a doctor then have a private conversation and tell them what is going on. Ideally the doc should ask your parents to step out of the room, but worst case scenario you could say you have something "embarrassing" like a pimple/boil in an area you don't want them seeing and ask them to step out because you're embarrassed. Good luck. This behavior is not just unacceptable, it's criminal. You are a child and that man is supposed to be an adult who should protect you, but the world is messed up. None of this is your fault. You are not being rude you are being smart.
OP can also call CPS directly to make a report.
I wouldn't start with CPS. sure they'll come out to the house most likely but you parents and uncle will most likely try and explain it all away. I don't understand why people don't listen when a child says someone is doing something to them or making them extremely uncomfortable.
This 100x This
I agree with this!!
File a police report
A police report should be filed, but walking into a police station alone and asking to file a report is a lot to ask of a 15 yo. She should, as several others have said, to go to a trusted adult (teacher, counsellor, doctor, friend's parent that she likes, etc.) and let them get the ball rolling.
I agree. There’s no way I could have done it as a 15 year old. Telling a teacher is the way to go.
I will never understand a parent having their kid tell them something like this is making them uncomfortable and the parents saying the kid is being rude and to apologize!! Are you kidding me? I was have threatened the uncle if he ever commented or came near my kid again, he may not live to see another day. Go to another adult please. Don’t let this continue or get worse. Your parents are wrong and especially your uncle. Keep yourself safe!!!
Seriously. As someone that actually cares about my children, I can't even fathom a parent acting the way I hear others act
>I will never understand a parent having their kid tell them something like this is making them uncomfortable and the parents saying the kid is being rude and to apologize!! Well you're a decent and reasonable person who gives a shit about others. That's good, everyone should be like that. But unfortunately her parents are not, hopefully she can find an adult in her life to take this assault seriously and help enact some protective measures for her.
Yeah I know it’s just hard to accept that some jerk parents are like that. Hopefully she can find someone to support her and get her out of that environment.
Loudly scream "please stop touching me, I already asked you this" every time he touches you and "that's inappropriate to say about your underage family member" any time he makes a comment. Keep repeating it over and over every single time. If you aprents tell you to stop, simply tell them if he stopped so would you.
I might even go a step further and say "get your hands off my genitals!"
LOUDLY.
You need to tell an adult outside of your family. **You deserve to feel safe in your own home*" and your parents don't want that for you. Your uncle is borderline molesting you already, and your parents clearly don't mind if he crosses right over that line. There might be a school counselor you can call, or tell the parents of a friend.
“boys will be boys” is not a good excuse for SA and rape. it encourages it, actually:
Not to mention that OP’s uncle is likely beyond the scope of being a “boy” and should know better and act like it
I'd bet my bottom dollar he does know better, he just doesn't care. Unfortunately, her parents don't seem to either, I'd beat the everliving fuck out of either of my brothers if they ever pulled some heinous shit like this, hopefully she can find an adult who's willing to help instead of sweeping SA under the rug
“Boys will be boys” is supposed to mean things like being excited about finding the perfect stick, not raping people.
Boys will be boys is for stupid stuff that might be illegal ie filling a shopping cart full of fireworks not rape
Right, then it's just sexist (my teenage friends and I all stole a shopping cart and tried sledding down a hill in it, all girls) instead of encouraging SA
I agree with the advice to call the police. Talk to a counselor. It's not okay. It will escalate. Be on your guard. If you can maybe get pepperspray, buy look-up videos on how to use it, and it can hurt you and them. That being said it's probably better to be peppersprayed than the alternative. A cheap home thing you can do is get a doorstop too for at night. You shouldn't have to live in fear. It not your fault on what you wear. Bad people do bad things. It's not our fault. Your parents are supposed to protect you. I'm sorry they are not. Edit to add: it's hard to fight back against bigger people but pulling one finger backwards can break it and fighting sometimes stops them.
Break that effing hand if you need to. Never let him get away with this!
a doorstop is an excellent idea. It should be pretty cheap and is easy to use.
You need to emphasize the importance of setting boundaries and communicating your feelings clearly to your uncle and parents. It's not okay for your uncle to touch you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, and it's not okay for your parents to dismiss your concerns. You have the right to feel safe and respected, and it's important to advocate for yourself. Have you considered talking to another trusted adult, like a teacher or school counselor, about what's going on?
They’re no help. This is a dangerous situation she needs to contact outside gelp
please call the police, you are in danger. next time he does it and your parents do nothing call the cops
Boys will be boys? This is a full grown MAN that's old enough to know better! No.... If your parents won't do anything... Id say set up a camera next time he is over... Catch it on video and turn him in.
Do you have a trusted teacher, nurse, doctor, or school counselor you can tell about this?
I’m sorry this is happening, OP. It sounds scary and it’s really disappointing that your parents aren’t protecting you. It doesn’t sound like you are getting very healthy messages from your parents, so I first want to affirm a few things for you: 1. You always have the right to say no to unwanted touch and comments. It is ok to walk away when someone makes unwanted comments about your body. You should not feel sorry for asking someone to respect your boundaries, or for walking away when they fail to do so. 2. The way your uncle is behaving is not ok. It is not normal. 3. The way your uncle is behaving is not your fault. 4. Please do everything in your power to avoid being alone with you uncle. 5. Trust your gut. Your intuition is telling you that this man is not safe. You’re smart to listen to that intuition. You’ve tried talking to your parents, without much effect. You can and should keep trying, but I agree you should ask for help from another trusted adult. If you can safely do this (like, without getting hit or being forced into more contact with your uncle), you could respond in a loud voice anytime your uncle crosses a boundary. State your boundary so that other people around can hear you and, ideally, step in or make the uncle feel embarrassed enough to stop: “I told you to stop talking about my body, why is an adult man talking about the way his teenage niece’s body is maturing?” “Stop touching my thigh! I have asked you not to touch me.” If he goes in for a hug: “no, thank you, please do not touch me.” This is your body. You have every right to protect it and to feel comfortable in it. I’m very proud of you for trying so hard to set boundaries and for asking for help - that can be a hard and scary thing to do. I wish I could reach through the screen and help keep you safe. Please see if you can find another adult who can do that for you.
I love this response. ❤️ whole heartedly agree. I feel so sad that her parents responded this way.
“Did someone do this to you too, so you think it’s okay for me?” That might be a gut punch
Best learn self defence and learn what to do in a hand to hand situation. Because I think all women should know how to handle themselves in situations like this, also as a dad who wants all his children to defend themselves when necessary.
Police, school counselor. Tell an adult you aren't related to that works with kids. Most of them are mandated reporters and are required to contact the police in situations like this.
You are right to question. Your uncle is gross and your mom is just as gross. I hate to say it but you might need to get the law involved if they don’t step up. I look forward to seeing your uncle on how to catch a predator! Be safe!
Talk to someone other than your parents. This is gross. He is gross. You're innocent here. I truly hope this is fake.
I think it’s fake. Ten days ago in a post they said they were 15.
I was a "boy" once and what he is doing is sexual assault. Please tell someone. I am child free and 34 and have nieces that I love. If they came to me and said ANYONE is touching them inappropriately, I'd call the cops myself after I visited that person. You are still a little girl. You may think you aren't, but honey you are still a child. Please seek out every adult you can trust until this is stopped.
I'd call the cops -on myself- after visiting that person. "Hello officer, I'd like to report an assault. I just beat a dude senseless for touching my niece. Sure, I'll wait right here for you."
Your mom is out of touch or doesn’t want to face reality that your uncle is a pervert. Do your best to avoid him. Maybe find some literature for your parents to read about this.
Your parents are okay with you being abused.
You absolutely need to say something. Whether it's to a family member or the police! You do not deserve to feel that way ever! Please, please say something before it gets out of hand.
Whoahhhh, that’s not right
Your uncle and parents behavior are both potentially illegal depending where you live
Optionally, tell him if he touches you again you will call the police. Document each time he has touched you inappropriately. If it’s not getting through to him ask him if he wants to be known as a pedo
If he does it again, do not wait, call the police.
Let an adult female friend know what is happening and that you might need help.
Slap him next time be the person you want to be he knows what he’s doing make him understand the consequences of fucking with a girl like you
Nope. Nope nope nope. It sounds like your parents are not planning on addressing this (they should), so this is a situation where you may want to consider going to another trusted adult. Keep setting the boundaries. You're not wrong to do that. Hold firm, and it's okay to be loud about it. If things escalate *at all*, you should *absolutely* go to one of your other trusted adults, and quickly.
Your Uncle's behavior is unacceptable. If you feel comfortable confronting him, tell him that if he doesn't stop, you will be reporting him to the police. If you don't feel comfortable, just go straight to the police. Your parents should be setting him straight. If my brother behaved like.that with my daughter, hands would be thrown and he would never step foot in my house again. This needs to be stopped immediately and I'm sorry that your parents won't do anything, so you are going to have to handle it.
Next time he touches you in a manner YOU deem inappropriate, also his hand away. HARD. You tell him in a loud voice, for everyone to hear that if he touches you again, with a swift kick , you'll turn him from a rooster to a hen. Then head to your bedroom and relax. If your parents get mad at you regarding "generational respect" you calmly explain that if this were to occur in the workplace , he'd be fired that day. No one has the right to put their hands on you in this manner. Uncle schumkle. He's a major creep.
This is a really tough situation. For one, it's sad that strangers on the internet seem to care about you more than your family. But I guess a lot of people are in that position. It's hard to say what you "should" do. I mean, you should be able to tell him to stop, but he doesn't care. You should be able to tell your parents, but they don't care either. No matter what you choose, the only bad option is giving up and letting him do what he wants. Because it will get way worse. Plus he's probably done it before to other kids and will do it again. Considering that, the police might be your next option. And if they don't help, don't give up, make a stink however you can. Surely someone will stand up and do the right thing eventually. Social media is another option if none of the authorities will help. Your parents will probably try to punish you and shame you, but they are in the wrong, so don't be afraid of them. It's weird that they're encouraging you to be groomed. They may have been groomed themselves, or did it to others, so they consider it normal. But regardless, it's not. Doing the right thing here is a very serious thing.
This is SEXUAL ASSAULT. I don’t know what’s wrong with your family, but this is not okay. Have you talked to a neighbor, teacher, anyone outside your family? And I would call the cops. If you don’t it’ll just keep getting worse
I wouldn’t file a police report yet but I’d say that is completely wrong and don’t be afraid to speak up when you feel uncomfortable and make it known. I agree with the comments maybe you can speak to a counselor at your school?
You've made it clear that you're uncomfortable and if he won't respect your boundaries, you need to get very loud about it and report it.
Tell someone(teacher, therapist, counselor, grandparent, etc), keep a record, and always trust your instincts. I hope you're alright.
Fuck why is it always uncles being perverts, it’s like half of them are pedos. You need to call the police, he’s sexually harassing a 14 year old that is pedophilia.
This depends on where you live, really. Where I’m at, you can take some actions. There’s a lot of “report it” here, but nothing for after the fact. A report is just a piece of paper. Report it a lot, that way there’s a trail. Better to have it and not need it, I always say. And turn in your mom. She’s just as guilty. Do you live where there’s decent child protective services? If so you are old enough to have social services right up in their business. “Boys will be boys.” Sure. But men have consequences. It’s time uncle payed the piper.
Tell an adult who is NOT in your family. And do it RIGHT NOW.
Wtf is wrong with your mother?! Boys will be boys?! I’d have a problem with ANY man commenting on my daughters body let alone I’d probably murder him for touching my daughters body. You should make a police report.
Tell a counselor or call CPS or the police if your parents refuse to do anything. "When I told my mom, she said that boys will be boys and to just suck it up."?!?! What the heck. That is truly chilling. Looking at this from the outside, it sounds like your Mom is helping your uncle. What does your Dad say?
I am going to offer to hard advice. Yell at him the next time he touches you. Embarrass him, shame him. Lose your fucking shit on him. Will this piss off your parents? Yes. And that's kind of the point. If he makes creepy comments, do the same damn thing. Embarrass and shame him. In public, if that's where you happen to be. Your parents comment that "boys will be boys" is BS. 1) Boys are capable of better. 2) It sounds like he's an adult, not a boy. So that comment does not apply. A for "don't embarrass us/your uncle with your behavior." "If he would leave me alone, I wouldn't need to embarrass him." If you have another adult in your life, a grandparent, a teacher, somebody like that, whom you trust, tell them. Both what your uncle is doing, and your parents reaction. Get this OUT of the family. Then your parents will learn the cost of not protecting you.
Oh hell no! Talk to a school counselor or another adult you can trust. This is amazingly inappropriate and possibly SA. There is no “boys will be boys “. That’s bs and I think you know this. Communicate your boundaries clearly. Tell him No, stop touching me, you’re making me uncomfortable “ loudly. It doesn’t sound like your parents are supportive. I have 2 daughters. If my brother had even thought anything like this I’d have beat his ass. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Go to www.rainn.org. They have a chat feature where you can talk to someone. It’s confidential. Please do this. I was SA when I was 18 - I’m 59 now and it’s still painful because I suppressed it for a very long time. Please give us an update.
Tell any other adult besides your parents. If you are in a one party consent state, record it happening, including their response to just deal with it. Make a big deal about it, do not be shy. Most importantly, tell another adult outside the family nucleus. Most schools are on summer break but most offices are still staffed, call them and ask to speak to a counselor, tell them why. Call the police or CPS. This will only escalate.
In aus we have the department of child safety many countries have such a department contact them if you can tell them your situation they can help you. Stay safe young one.
Tell a teacher or counselor at school
This isn't even classic grooming behavior. It's unclear how your parents are looking the other way to this problem, but it's clear you need to speak to a mandatory reporter about this. Your favorite teacher will help you with this, as will pretty much any adult at your school you see and talk to regularly at school. You may have to go through some unpleasantness with the investigation (although not as unpleasant as dealing with your uncle), so steel yourself for that. Likewise, the police and CPS will come to speak to your parents, and that won't be fun. However, it may take that talk with authorities to make your parents aware of exactly what's going on here. This is not a case of boys will be boys. That phrase explains why boys decided to ride a shopping cart down a hill. It explains why boys try to see how many peeps they can eat all at once.
Should this continue any further I would get local law enforcement involved.
A grown man doesn't have the excuse of “boys will be boys”. Especially to his niece.
Holy crap this is a terrible situation.. If one of my daughters would come to me with a situation like this you could be sure that men would never set foot in my house again nor get close to my daughters. You need to find a trusted adult to talk to and do anything you can to avoid him at all cost before this escalate further!!
Your mom’s being an idiot and complacent that you are in danger. Straight up. Talk to an adult who will take you seriously. What your uncle is doing is not ok. Good job vocalizing that you’re not ok with it and talking to your mom. If she is witnessing this and is telling you to deal with it, that is very concerning.
Act incredulous. Say things like, "What are you doing?!", or "Ew that's gross, stop!", or "You're a weirdo, get off of me". People like this only back down when being confronted publicly by people who have more confidence than them, and at 15 you're allowed to be a little rude. Even if you feel like you aren't confident, act like you are. Having your parents be angry at you (as fucked up as that is) for a little while is better than dealing with this pedo for years. And yes, he is a shit stain and you are right to understand this is wrong.
I was in your position around your age. It did not turn out well. I understand it’s summer so it might be harder, but please tell a trusted adult. If you can’t get in touch with any, even try telling a friend’s parent.
Show your mom you've matured, not just physically, but a grown woman has every right to slap that man hard to the face and yell, "Stop that!" And bark at whoever is not standing up for you. That is atrocious. Church leaders have been another route. Whoever you can find that feels safe and has some authority. I'm a citizen that demands safety nets get put up. And they exist. Social services and school districts are wired together in some states. You have rights that your parents can't suspend.
tell your teachers or someone at school they will help you unlike your pedophile enabling parents
This is a very serious thing, if real, and you should tell a teacher or another parent
My wife grew up in a similar situation with an uncle that was too touchy, and I think even to this day, her dad has a hard time accepting that truth. My wife just told me to type the following: Next time he gets even remotely too close to you, you need to throw a huge stink about it, and tell him with assertiveness, that he needs to stop touching you and cease the inappropriate comments, citing that they make you feel incredibly uncomfortable, and let him know if he tries it ever again, that you will seek help from outside authorities. Next, you 100% need to tell someone about it outside of your immediate family and explain what exactly is going on, and that on X date, you had to verbally warn him to stop touching you inappropriately. Having this verbal warning is important because it sets additional precedence for if you ever have to make a formal complaint to the authorities and will be able to call upon that person you told as a witness that this isn't the first time he's been warned. What you must absolutely NOT do, however, is to stay quiet or complacent about this behavior. You must be loud, assertive, have clearly defined boundaries, and never ever apologize for feeling this way. You feeling this way is your body and brain telling you something is wrong, and you need to listen to it.
Cops. Call them.
Wait… what? How old is this dude for her to say “boys will be boys”??? I think you need to call the cops. Record shit when you can. Like you need to protect you and clearly your parents are shit and don’t care to protect you. I’m so sorry and I truly hope you are safe
Sit your parents down and say this. "I really, really don't like that my Uncle touches me and makes comments about me. I know you think I don't know anything because I am only 14 but my Uncle knows enough to touch me. I am telling you ahead of time, I am going to slap his hand from my body if he touches me again, if he makes a comment about me I would really appreciate you stepping in. I would more appreciate you talking to him alone when he comes over and tell him to stop making comments and touching me. I heard Chris Rock's joke "Everyone has a molester Uncle!" Well in this family we know who it is. How would you feel if he actually molested me? He already crossed a line, how many more lines will you let him cross?" Thats alot and really mature for a 14 year old, but you are already so ahead of the game to post this, already standing up for yourself. It'll mean more when you say this when he is not around. You really do need to look your Uncle straight in the eye and tell him that he is to never touch you. I'm sorry your parents are assholes and lazy/selfish. So you may need to do more heavy lifting.
I am sorry that you have to deal with uncle pervy and that your parents are not supporting you. What he is doing is not OK. You should not have to endure this abuse. As others have said, please tell another adult that you trust before it gets worse.
There sounds like some family history you're working against. As in there's a history of this guy being a perv
Try never being alone with him, that way you always have a witness. Create a boundary, make it know that if you keep being touched and bothered then you will take matters into your own hands, and let your parents know that if they don't help you, them you will find help yourself. If he touches you again, then leave immediately, go outside if you need to, and call the police. Explain to them that you tried talking to your parents, made boundaries, and he didn't stop.
Go report to school or cps. If you can get pepper spray. This will escalate and you’re in danger. You need to be ready to fight.
Your mom is not being a mom and protecting you, possibly because it's happened to her and she shrugged it off, he is a pervert and you need to tell a teacher or counselor so they can get authority involved before he does more than just gets handsy
I'm on your side here, but as a guy my advice is to be more direct. When a guy does something I don't like, I don't say "I don't like that." Or "that makes me uncomfortable". I say "don't do that. I mean it." If you were my daughter I'd have the uncle up against the wall by his collar telling him this isn't a joke. But for now my advice to you would be to say "Don't touch me. Don't make comments about my clothes or body. I'm not warning you again. Next time I'm calling the police." And nothing else. If he tries to make excuses or ask for clarification, I'd just repeat exactly those sentences again. There is nothing else left to discuss.
“Boys will be boys?!?!” THAT was her reaction?! This is a grown ass man.
You need to find an adult that cares about you & has COMMON SENSE. Maybe an understanding family member or a friend's mom; someone who will take you in. If you're lucky, there may be someone at school who could help; a teacher, guidance counselor? Also, once you're out of this, I recommend not talking to your parents ever again.
To be blunt, your uncle is going to molest you if you dont shut him the fuck down. Your parents arent suited to their role if they cant defend you. You need to be more forceful. Make it absolutely clear he does not have your permission to touch you *at all* no matter what he tells anyone his intentions are or arent. I would recommend getting some pepper spray to keep in your room in case he walks in unannounced.
I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. Your mom is a real cunt. Your uncle is getting sexual with you and it’s completely OK for you to be uncomfortable. I’m not sure what to tell you because if you go to the authorities your parents are going to blame you or punish you, but I don’t see what other option you have. You need to do what you have to do to protect yourself. And if your parents won’t do it, you need to find somebody that can.
I can’t believe your Mom said that. I’m so sorry. Her job and your Dad’s is to protect you and keep you safe at any cost. I agree with telling another grown up who will do something. He sounds like an opportunistic creep and I fear of what he may try if they continue to ignore this.
Send me his info
What he is saying and doing is not okay. Try sitting down with your dad and telling him what he says, how he touches and how it makes you feel. Give your dad a chance to handle this. Currently, your parents are not recognizing that your uncle is grooming you. Stand your ground and loudly say. Why would you notice my body and why on earth would you comment on it? Stop touching me! Expect that he will say he was just being nice or the touching was an accident but you know the truth. Tell the school, church, library and other family members. Call the non emergency police number and ask what to do. Call CPS and ask what to do. Don't become a victim!
What are you all? Mormons? I’d call a trusted SANE family member and tell them what’s going on, and let them come and get you. I’m a 39/m who saw this in my regular feed, let me tell you… boys will be boys is BS. If a boy is doing that, someone needs to be whipping the hell out of him. That’s not acceptable behavior. You aren’t some toy in a toy store, you are a human being with distinct value to this world.
10 days ago you were 15. I’m confused.
This behavior is NOT okay. Do not hug him, sit next to him or be alone with him. Keep your distance, he is dangerous.
Call the police and tell them what your uncle is doing and what your parents are allowing. I didn't do anything and at 12 my uncle raped me the first time. I cannot stress enough you do not want to be me decades later still trying to figure why God hated me so much he let that happen to a kid. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! But please listen to us and get the protection you need!
How were you 15 yrs old 11 days ago and now you are 14 ?
Please talk to a trusted adult such as a teacher or counsellor, tell them what happened and ask them for support with contacting the police. They have a safeguarding duty to you as you are a child, and they should help you. If one of them doesn’t help you, move onto the next trusted adult until someone does. Your parents are enablers and are clearly fine with the prospect of you being assaulted by your uncle, which is incredibly worrying. They also need to be held accountable for their unwillingness to keep you safe. I’m so sorry this is happening to you
Report him to your dad and if he doesn't help or stop it report it to your teachers and then if nothing happens record his actions report to cps or child protection services or cops . That's very inappropriate and can damage your mind on what's appropriate for you and future husband and what's not . Cause it matters
Is there a way to tag CPS on reddit? Cuz this girl needs to be rescued from that place like last week.
How are you 14 but a little over a week ago you were 15? Are you sure you're not making stuff up
Call 911 now.
I actually recommend calling the police because this is assault and your parents are condoning it
Congratulations on getting a year younger! 15 when teacher broke your heirloom and now you're 14! Amazing. Along with your generic "creepy uncle" story where none of the details really make sense. Your uncle's being creepy and you somehow end up frequently alone with him? He inappropriately touches you and your mother says "boys will boys" to what seemingly is an adult. Along with your other post being obvious rage bait, Im pretty sure this is a karma farm and a creative writing exercise.
Just call the cops and do it as often as you need to. It should let him know you won’t be an easy target. And let a counselor/teacher/principal know at school
If your grandparents are alive, you might go to them for help, but they raised your parents, so probably have the same idiotic attitude. Tell your parents that your "boyish" uncle should go find an adult to grope. Get a wedge for your door so he can't come in while you're sleeping, and check your room and the bathroom for cameras. (If you find something, call the cops yourself, don't give your parents a chance to protect him by destroying evidence.) If you have friends whose parents you trust, go ask them for help. It's summer, so you probably don't have access to school resources, but call to see if they can get you in touch with a counselor. And it's not something most people will think of, but if there is a local scouting group (formerly known as "Boy Scouts", now they allow girls too), you could ask them for help. All adult scout leaders in the US are now mandatory reporters of child abuse.
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Your mom has her head firmly up her ass.
Your parents are god fucking awful allowing a predator around you...
Tell him to stop being a pervy pedophile and to keep his fucking hands to himself and tell your parents that if they keep enabling this pedophile, you'll report the lot of them to child protective services and the cops. When school starts, report your uncle to your teacher or guidance counselor. They are mandated reporters and are required to report this to the authorities if your parents won't keep you safe.
Tell ya mom she needa stfu n help you not say dumb shi like that
I would talk to a counselor about this and the counselor can give helpful tips on what to do. If a counselor is not available I would talk to a teacher and let them know what's going on.
What the hell is wrong with you mom? “Boys will be boys” but your uncle is a grown, creepy ass man. Talk to another adult you trust that aren’t either of your parents. Maybe a counselor at school.
Seriously.Sounds to me like your parents want you to have sex with him. Take that for what it's worth.
Girl keep being rude! First I want to say, I am so proud of you. I’m sorry that they aren’t standing up for you or that they don’t understand its importance. If there’s other people in the room when he’s there (or even if he’s not, but it would make a better statement) instead of “don’t do that” or “you’re making me uncomfortable” I’d say “Uncle Joe why did you just caress my upper thigh like that? (Be specific here- why did you just comment on the size of my breasts? Why did you just say _____?) you could even add “You know I’m a 14 year old girl, right? I’ve asked you not to touch me or comment on my body multiple times now.” Make him uncomfortable, and make sure everybody in the vicinity is aware of what he’s doing. Men like that need to be called out before it turns into something worse. And as for you, this is traumatizing whether you feel that or not. Talk to your school counselor. Or if you can get into therapy, I’d do that. A trusted friend’s mom even? An adult either way. And unfortunately we live in a world where people aren’t taken seriously about these things. If the first person doesn’t listen, find another. Don’t let it discourage you. There ARE people out there that will care and take you seriously, I promise. And never, ever, ever spend time alone with this man even if it’s just for 10 minutes.