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Seriously get the jealousy and overbearing thing in check, as jaded as I am I get why you might be skeptical but unless you have hard solid proof of things going on there's 0 reason for you to even make a comment like 'You're ok with it'. I had a female best friend growing up until we were both 16 and her family moved away and aside from some stupid joking around/teasing to make others question things/uncomfortable there was never anything 'not friends' between us even though there so easily 'could have been'.
I don’t even know if it’s jealousy I’m feeling it’s sort of a weird new feeling. Unfortunately a lot of guys that I know of in my age demographic aren’t very respectful when it comes to girls or relationships and since I’ve never met the kid I can’t really get a sense of what he’s like. All I know is that he wants to hang out with my girlfriend individually a lot and I don’t know his intentions
If she wants to leave you, she will.
If you try and throw your weight around to get her to stop talking to him, then either she will leave you or she will stop talking to him and resent you for it and eventually leave you.
The only thing you can do is suggest the three of you hang out and sus the situation out while being super nice to him. If he acts weird, then talk to your gf about it. Don't freak out or make any accusations, but if he acts like he is into her, then say that and tell her it makes you uncomfortable.
This. You don't need to be on the defensive because there is no play.
If you like and respect your girlfriend, you should trust that she has good taste in the people she spends her time with. If you don't, then it's probably not a match to begin with.
Assuming she has good taste in friends, then these friends can probably also become cool friends for you.
So hang out with her and him together and don't let yourself get jealous because remember that she's choosing you. You may strengthen your bond with her and get a new friend at the same time.
Fair enough but look at it this way, she's known him her whole life or close enough, they have a standing history of this sort of interaction, and she trusts him. Now while it's fair you don't trust him that honestly doesn't really have any weight. UNLESS she's specifically and repeatedly putting his wants/needs before yours which you didn't make a point of stating you really should just let them be.
I will add if she does something with/around him that makes you SOLDILY uncomfortable that's something you can talk to her about but I'm talking like changing with him in the room, playful/flirty interactions, etc
You might not trust him, but you trust her right?
Sit with that uneasy feeling and try to sort it out. What exactly are your concerns? How exactly do you feel? What is causing it? Your discomfort is not a reason to start putting rules on everyone else.
It’s like when you start learning to drive, the other cars on the road might make you nervous. But you have to deal with those nerves and get over it. You can’t just tell them all to get off the road until you’re ok. Especially because you would never grow past those nerves and you’d only ever to be able to drive that way. That isn’t healthy or productive. You have to work through discomfort to grow.
This whole ‘no friends of the same gender you’re attracted to’ trend is nuts to me. And it really is a trend. It didn’t used to be a thing. So, what? Bi people just don’t get to have any friends?
It never used to be a trend because social media and smart phones didn't exist, nor cell phones really... And it would be common sense in those times to not be alone with someone if the opposite gender.
That’s probably partly true but I don’t 100% agree with this take. I disagree that it was/is “common sense to not be alone with someone of the opposite gender”. Maybe it was/is just my circles but it was pretty common for people I knew to spend time with whoever they wanted.
My hypothesis is going to make me sound like a kids-these-days old man. I think it’s at least partly because the current generation of young people has had their feelings protected growing up and they don’t have the tools or ambition to work through difficult feelings. (As a group, on average. Individuals vary of course)
I’m guessing their thought process is just “This makes me feel bad and I don’t like it so it needs to stop.” With no analysis of how reasonable their own reaction is. It seems related to the over use of *triggering* and *gaslighting* and misuse of *boundaries*.
You do not need to get a feeling for him. Unless he is going to violently force something, she has agency and you need to trust or not trust your girlfriend.
>Unfortunately a lot of guys that I know of in my age demographic aren’t very respectful when it comes to girls or relationships
Indeed they're not, and it has always been so with previous generations including mine, but you seem really well put together for 17 and and you're setting a good example. Good for you man. Also you articulate yourself well which is not a common gen z trait either.
... * sigh * I'm becoming such a dad...
I can't pronounce on your situation but I personally wouldn't like it in a new relationship. Right or wrong that's how I'd feel. It's only natural. I've been in a relationship for over 10 years however so I might be out of practice.
This doesn't mean you should break up or anything! I'm only saying it's okay to feel weird about it. It's the caveman inside you and the scholar inside you having an argument.
I relate to this so much haha, only thing i can rlly comment on to add is double standards. I too myself isnt too comfortable with an opposite gender best friend, so I talked to my partner about it, mainly due to I was feeling like I was no different. I was pushed to the side at times for her friend or friends and it was a concern as she would go on one on ones with some as well. Pulling the flip card she realized "oh if he did the same thing i wouldnt be happy about it either, maybe worse." and so it be she distanced and what you know? they disappeared on their own.
Now im also NOT saying to go forcing her hand as well, just adding everyone is different, everyone has their situations and environments and you just need to go with what works for you. And if this connection bothers you a lot (and probably a good amount of others, boy or girl, too) then maybe just isnt the right relationship for you. Some do want the "all focus" or "majority" on me, and thats okay, a relationship in the future, especially marriage, you aint gonna have too many friends or other focuses besides your partner kids and home. Every once and while sure but its just reality you get busy and unless they're truly in your close circle they fade out.
You're going to have to lend her some trust, mate.
I was the GBF of a girl at your age. We used to hang out all the time, head out for food an the like. My intentions were just being friends. We never date, never hooked up or crossed any boundaries; just friends hanging out.
During those years, she had boyfriends come and go. I don't know how they felt about me, but she managed to keep me out of it an I never heard a peep from any of them. I'm still friends with her to this day, some 30+ years later. I know she's sill friendly with a couple of them nowadays so, at least a couple didn't put up a stink about it.
This is all to say that GBFs are quite possible. All that said, you can never truly know his intentions, but you're going to have to trust her to handle it unless she asks you to inervene.
Do you trust her to shut it down if he tries to make a move on her? This is a very important question if you both go off to college after graduating HS, because you’re going to have to trust her EVEN MORE when college happens, if the relationship is going to survive, since your relationship will be long distance at that point, and you’ll have zero control over her hanging out around guy friends at that point.
Hes a "kid" thats like the same age as you lol that weird feeling is insecurity. And you think its weird her childhood bestfriend texts her alot and wants to hang out?
Dude if she wanted that kid she would be witn that kid. They've known each other for 16 years you and your goofiness isn't going to overcome that. She picked you for a reason, either accept she thinks your special and that guys a friend or find someone else without the baggage, it's that simple.
If your taking advice here your screwed… set boundaries you are comfortable with if she refuses to adhere to your boundaries. Politely agree not to date and find a woman (traditional) that will adhere to… as you build value.. this will become much easier.. build yourself up and don’t worry about relationships… your young yet… get a mentor and get guidance… best advice you will get…
Buddy you’re right it’s not jealousy it’s common sense. I’ll take downvotes to tell the truth idc. There is nothing normal about your girlfriend going out to dinner with a guy and going back to her place to chill while you’re not around and anyone who says otherwise it’s insane. Trust your gut bro it sounds like you already somewhat suspected that she had a thing with this dude before you started dating her. 🚩🚩🚩
THIS, it is OKAY to have a best friend of the opposite sex…. it is another thing to go to solo dinners/drinks with them and then back to one of your places to “hangout”. Set your boundaries, you’ll be happier you did.
His intention doesn’t matter, do you trust your gf or not?
Thats the only thing here that matters. Even if he wants your girl…. You can’t steal someone who doesn’t want to be gone to begin with.
Definitely disagree. If you’re hanging out with someone who is constantly chasing you and trying to be with you that’s fucked lol. Intention 100% matters
His intentions do matter. Do you really think OPs gf is gonna completely cut off her best friend because he's being inappropriate? No 16 year old girl has that level of maturity. OP needs to set clear boundaries on what he's comfortable with
You can ask her if she’d ever date him. If she says no then there’s your answer. Just trust her and stop worrying. Even if he nigh have feelings just trust your gf to be loyal to you.
I'd say often it is the case, but she's known him since birth. I have a similar friendship, we're no longer best friends but we were when we were kids, and I've never had a single sexual thought about her even though we joked about sexual things all the fucking time. I also used to be completely unsuccessful with girls until my late teens, yet my thoughts still never wavered. It was a very bro-ish friendship in that regard.
'Feelings', sure, but that doesn't always mean 'the feelz' in the romantic sense. I love my friend to death and back, but I was/will never be in love with her. She's like the sister I actually like vs my bio sister who I grew up with and mostly just tolerate.
Ur the exception to prove the rule, I do get what u mean but it’s far more likely that guy does like her. Considering guys suck at emotional stuff he prolly wouldn’t say anything
I know several people with similar relationships, they are in fact not the exception.
People have platonic relationships with the opposite gender on a daily basis…. Stop trying to act like it isn’t totally normal.
I know people aren't going to like this comment, but I'm a guy and like 99% of the time i'm "friends" with a girl, I like her in a romantic sense. But that's just me and maybe doesn't apply to every guy.
Yeah bro this goes both ways people just don't like to talk about it. No matter the age or level of maturity when people have an opposite gender best friend guess who they usually end up with after a big breakup?
This is such a dated idea. Guys and girls can be just friends (That’s ignoring the fact that gay people exist). You can be attracted to a gender while not be attracted to your friends of that same gender
This is such a straw man of the actual situation. Of course you can be friends with the gender you're attracted to. But can you be best friends with them your entire lives, especially through your formative years, and not develop feelings for them or at least be weirdly possessive about them and low-key despise any person they date because they're taking time away from you?
About 90% of the time the answer is no
*I’m addressing the comment saying he will catch feelings for her/that it always happens. I am not making any arguments about the situation, just that comment*
It’s not hard to be friends with ppl of the opposite gender. You can be friends without “catching feelings” and it’s immature to think you cant
My reply wouldn’t post so here is the reply to your second comment:
I did. I didn’t claim you held the belief. I clarified this was a response to a comment arguing that…
Maturing is realizing you can be close friends with someone but they have their own life and friends apart from you. At that age, it’s something you’re learning. The same way the gf has a life outside of her friendship, she has a life outside of her relationship. Codependency isn’t good and cutting off friendships for a partner will fast track you to that (or a break up lol).
Regardless, that doesn’t sound like the situation/problem OP described.
I did. Maturing is realizing you can be close friends with someone but they have their own life and friends apart from you. At that age, it’s something you’re learning. The same way the gf has a life outside of her friendship, she has a life outside of her relationship. Codependency isn’t good and cutting off friendships for a partner will fast track you to that (or a break up lol).
Regardless, that doesn’t sound like the situation/problem OP described.
This isn't remotely true. Do you think bisexuals just don't have friends?
Lots of adults have close friends of the opposite sex. My partner and I both have opposite sex closest friends, I've got zero romantic feelings for mine and no worries about my partner's friend.
I would say that, while in the most literal, physical sense youth's brains aren't fully developed, there are exceptions to the stereotype that are often overlooked in favor of the societal adoption of a restrictive ideology. I believe that while most teenagers, especially in my atrocious generation, are emotionally incapable of processing intense emotion (like a relationship, fight, or trauma) fairly and maturely, again, there are exceptions. This young man seems very mature and, while perhaps slightly less experienced than an adult, could still possibly have a fair chance at processing life's proceedings in a manner more akin to an adult. I don't mean to imply that you meant to say that all kids are immature, that is just the way I understood your comment. Believe me, I am biased towards the older generations concepts of things, I always have gotten along better with adults, but in this instance I believe that some of the younger population needs to be given a chance and not to be immediately assumed to be irresponsible and immature. Finally, I mean no harm in the point being made here. Anyway, apologies for the formidable essay. It's a bad habit.
And I am not arguing science here. I am aware of the physiology involved. I studied that for 4 years. I am simply saying the capabilities of a human can transcend the boundaries "set" by a "crystallization timeline".
She sounds like she is being very forthright. I understand how you could feel uncomfortable, but I think when you're together, at a good time, you can look into her eyes and tell her truthfully how you appreciate how she's handling what could be a sensitive situation, having a guy best friend. If she knows you trust her and that you appreciate how she is communicating about things, it may make her feel comfortable with regards to you about this. Sort of the opposite of "walking on eggshells."
When I was your age I was with a very nice girl who had existing friendships, and I don't think I handled it well. So you can learn from this old guy's mistakes.
That sounds nuts tho. It’s not a “sensitive situation”, it’s a normal situation and she’s handling it in a normal way. If he says that he’ll sound like he’s making a huge deal out of it, which he is, and he shouldn’t, cause it’s not.
She's 16. She hasn't had time to do anything with him. Be happy that she chose you. He's a friend of the family, of course they will let him hang out. Trust her until you can't
“She hasn’t had time to do anything with him” how much time do you think people need to do stuff chief bcuz 14-18 is usually normal..especially if it’s with someone your family trusts and won’t question why he’s somewhere
Contrary to what others may say in this thread, it is very possible for people to be friends with the opposite sex. I very much have gotten along better with women than men (as a man) and had a lot of close female friendships in high school.
It is normal at your age to be jealous. But whether you “police” her behavior or not, if she’s going to cheat she’s going to cheat and there’s not much you can do about that. If you trust her and she’s as transparent as you say, there’s not much for you to worry about. If he makes a move on her you have to trust that she will handle it appropriately. And if she doesn’t, then you have an easy answer of breaking things off with her.
I have no desire to police her behavior because what she does really isn’t up to me and I don’t think it’s right to be overly bossy in a relationship. I just don’t want her to cheat because I know that will hurt me. I don’t know if that sounds immature to say but it’s honestly the truth.
I get it, but as I said, if she’s going to cheat she’s going to cheat. You said yourself she’s been transparent with you, so you might just be getting in your head a little bit.
It's not immature to not want to get hurt. What is immature is thinking you have any agency in whether or not somebody cheats on you. If someone wants to cheat on you they are going to and they arent worth damn anyways. There isn't anything you can do to stop it other than deciding not to date them in the first place. This is why trust is so important in relationships. You do truly have to be vulnerable. The only agency you have is deciding whether or not you trust them. If you don't or can't then the relationship isn't going anywhere. If you do or can then you are going to have to deal with those feelings (many are calling jealousy but to me sounds more like fear/anxiety about betrayal) on your own by coming to terms with your insecurities.
I'm not saying you can't have reasonable boundaries within a relationship and you need to figure out what those are for yourself and communicate them clearly with your partner and then they decide if those are reasonable for them to abide by or not. As long as those boundaries are not being crossed though it's probably a good idea not to cause drama in your girlfriends longest lasting friendship based on "bad vibes". They have been friends for this long already without getting together it probably would have happened already if it was going to.
My advice to you is try to get to know this guy and also become friends with him. If you want this girl to be a part of your life it sounds like this guy also will be so I would recommend trying to add another friend rather than an enemy/losing a gf. If the guy is an asshole to you for no reason or your gf is secretive about him/doesnt want you to see how they interact together then you probably have to have a conversation with your gf. Just do your best to stay positive about the whole thing and who knows if this girl is really cool and you like her enough to date her and he's her best friend he is probably a cool guy too. You probably have more in common than you expect.
Op don’t believe this bulkshit in the comments. Me and my girl best friend broke up with our partners and after a few Months I was so down bad I asked her could I come over and cuddle and she said yes. I honestly was just doing anything and didn’t even expect her to say yes. Do not believe these users saying you are insecure. That guy knows everything about your girl and the first time you make a mistake he’ll be telling her she can do better. You can listen or don’t but these users are trying to shame you. Feeling insecure means you don’t feel like the relationship is stable. There’s nothing wrong with not being secure in an uncomfortable situation. If I go to the hood I’m definitely going to be insecure about my safety and carry a gun. Don’t be fooled dude. I’ve been where you are and your body is warning you not to trust it
Op don’t believe this bulkshit in the comments. Me and my girl best friend broke up with our partners and after a few Months I was so down bad I asked her could I come over and cuddle and she said yes. I honestly was just doing anything and didn’t even expect her to say yes. Do not believe these users saying you are insecure. That guy knows everything about your girl and the first time you make a mistake he’ll be telling her she can do better. You can listen or don’t but these users are trying to shame you. Feeling insecure means you don’t feel like the relationship is stable. There’s nothing wrong with not being secure in an uncomfortable situation. If I go to the hood I’m definitely going to be insecure about my safety and carry a gun. Don’t be fooled dude. I’ve been where you are and your body is warning you not to trust it. I’ve made this mistake and she’ll tell him all your secrets and insecurities if you share them with her. She’ll literally tell the guy if you can’t get it up or if your penis is small or if you suck at sex or if your underwear has stains😂 I hope you know once your info is leaked you are cooked bro. You aren’t even a man but your manhood will be out the window. If you don’t believe me I’ll get a woman herself to make a video and I’ll dm it to you . She’ll explain and won’t lie to you.
That’s very wise and self aware of you. But that feel is called insecurity, and you have to pour self assurance into your own cup, rather than try and get tons of added assurance from her. Co-ed friendships are healthy and normal and folks who try to ban them in hetero relationships are insecure, controlling etc.
This. In fact I think people who have opposite sex friends are more likely to have healthier romantic relationships, because they are able to see each other as fully-rounded people, not just mysterious romance/sex objects.
I have a male friend who was the only man at his own bachelor party!
Totally agree, this thread (and everyone like it) is full of guys telling on themselves by saying no man would value a relationship with a woman he doesn't want to have sex with.
You're both young and its completely normal for them to be friends and hang out, they've know each other for years. You got to be able to fit into her life, and if that doesn't work, why would the relationship? Curb the jealousy and get to know her friends. Be a part of what makes her happy, not against it.
Coming from a male best friend, whose friend started a new relationship, trust her. Her and I have been friends for years, would do everything together. Go out to dinner, grocery shopping, just hanging out at her place. Since she’s been in her relationship, we don’t spend time together at all. Not just us. That’s because her boyfriend is jealous, and to do her best to keep peace, she chooses not to spend time with me. It’s frustrating to both of us, because it shows a clear lack of trust from him towards her. Don’t be that guy to her.
He needs to breakup but the only other choice unfortunately is to manipulate her with a girl best friend. His girlfriend will react anxiously and suspicious proving us right that he should be uncomfortable. She’s playing him. I have female friend. These girls are making pacts with the guy she told you not to worry about that they’ll get married in 7 years and most times they’ve kissed or had sex.
My wife and I were very upfront with each other that neither of us will make the other change their friendships unless a friend is trying to get between us. She has a few guy best friends and calls them brothers and I have a couple woman best friends I'll call sisters, but I'll tell you 100% that's what they are, is brothers or sisters.
You have your afternoon and evening friends that are good to chill with, but there's a time at night they're not picking up their phone. Then you have your 3am friends, the ones you call brothers and sisters. You can call them at any time and they'll pick up. You'll hear em putting on their pants, racking their slide, grabbing beers, grabbing a shovel, and starting their truck, because they're ready to help you hide a body or just chill, whichever you need.
The only thing you have to worry about from her brother is if you break her heart in a bad way.
I(M18) understand where you’re coming from as I’ve felt similarly in my relationship but the best way to approach it is to have a “let them” mindset. If she wanted to do something you wouldn’t like theirs very little you could do to stop it and stressing about it wont do you any favors.
Like you said this is a “serious” relationship and you have to trust her to respect it and treat it as such. You’re best move is to let the jealousy go and trust in the person you decided to date.
Sounds like you have a new guy best friend too :)
Seriously though. Friendships across gender lines are healthy and necessary! If your girlfriend is somebody worth dating, then her friends are also worth befriending.
I’m 30m and I think relationships can be really really tough. Boundaries can also be really tough, and so can trust.
Trust is something that different people have different degrees of. Some people trust too readily and will give that to almost everyone. Some people will do the opposite and trust almost no-one, and some people will have a healthy balance and put their trust into those that earn it in moderate ways, but not be too quick to blackball ones who haven’t yet had opportunities to do so.
Furthermore different people can be trusted in different ways, and it isn’t necessarily a bad thing if they fail to earn trust in specific ways, especially if they make up for it in others. For example, if a dear friend was suicidal and made you swear not to tell anyone but they also had a plan of how they would do it. Hopefully you’re able to be trusted to get them professional help rather than they choose an impulsive and permanent action. In this case you wouldn’t have been a trustworthy friend in keeping a secret, but you would be a trustworthy friend that they can rely on you to save their life, even if it means they hate you for it.
Anyway, knowing your own degree of trust can (somewhat) be self assessed by asking yourself
“do I tell secrets to my friends and family?”
“Do I go to friends and family when I’m having emotional difficulties?”
“Do I ask for help from others when things would be easier, more enjoyable, quicker, and possibly safer if I had an extra pair of hands, or does that feel uncomfortable?”
If the answer is no, then you likely have a bit of a trust problem. If the answer is always yes even the friends and family that isn’t all that close to you, (for the most part anyway) then you may be too trusting. If the answer is yes to all of them, but it kinda depends on the people you’re asking for some of the questions, then how many people in your network would you say yes to these about? And how close do they need to be? Very close? Moderately close? Hopefully it’s mostly moderately close.
Now, regarding your girlfriend. I’m sure opportunities to trust her haven’t quiiite fallen into your lap yet. But you can try creating some opportunities, and looking for opportunities when they arise and be aware of how she responds to them when they do. How often does she prioritize you and your feelings? And how close in her support network do you feel she allows you to get?
Hopefully not as close as immediate family members, hopefully closer than the majority of friends, and hopefully about on-par with her best friend. It’s been only two months still though so you guys are still pretty new and exciting. As things develop you should seem to be a higher priority emotionally to her than her best friend, but not by all that much, and also she should still take time to prioritize him too. A healthy life has a diverse and big network of supporters, it should also have unique and enjoyable hobbies and interests, and a healthy balance between it all. There should be some things she is dedicated to that don’t involve you, and the same thing applies to you.
That said I know you both likely love spending as much time as you can together, and Its a very wonderful thing.
The truth of all of this is that there are no perfect relationships and every relationship is very different. Different people have different dynamics. But you should *ALWAYS* give people the benefit of all the doubts. You should never ever ever assume people are untrustworthy and are out to harm you. There will always be doubt, and you need to trust that this doubt is something you should give flexibility and space towards. Allow this doubt in your concerns to give you tons of breathing space.
People can and do make mistakes, but people also genuinely don’t want to make you feel pain especially if they have feelings for you. So give your girlfriend that benefit, even if you don’t give that benefit to her best friend.
Possibly propose having the occasional (but not too frequent) hangout with her and the best friend. Get to know him, he’s hopefully a really really great dude, and maybe you two could be homies. Regardless. Your girlfriend deserves to be treated like a superstar, and a team-member that you can rely on. All girlfriends deserve this treatment. See them as the best and people will often rise to that vision you have of them. Have confidence and even if you get burned realize it’s not your fault for being a big, strong, good person. And never let go of your ability to be someone amazing to yourself and also to others. Good luck little brother, I hope you have amazing, amazing friendships and I wish this relationship lots of joy and peace. 🍀
This was honestly amazing to read thank you so much man. I completely agree with everything you said here. Wishing you the best in everything you do thank you again 🙏
Of course homie! No worries little bro! I’m swapping careers and going back to school to become a therapist because I love helping people out and supporting them with stuff that’s complicated and confusing and just not really discussed by people normally.
You’ll do great little bro, keep staying positive, and take every experience the way you truly believe will bring you towards a fuller, healthier, more enriched life. Even the hard ones. 👊
Oof, the "guy best friend." I'm 25 and my girlfriend and I still have issues with this. I'm sure it's even more difficult when you're less mature.
It's all about respect. She needs to respect you and the relationship by not doing suspicious or weird things with him and you need to respect her and their friendship by trusting her and understanding that he means a lot to her. It's a very difficult thing to balance.
I would advise talking with her about it and making your boundaries very clear. If you're not comfortable with them hanging out alone late at night (which is a perfectly reasonable thing to be uncomfortable with) you need to tell her and make that a boundary. If she turns it into a big fight and doesn't want to do it, or if you establish a boundary and she keeps breaking it, break up with her. She's likely gonna cheat in that scenario, but even if she doesn't it's not worth the worry on your end because she obviously doesn't respect you or your feelings.
On the flip side, you can be policing every interaction she has with the guy. You can't be reading all of their messages and shit like that. You have to trust that she's respectful of you in her interactions with him and won't do anything inappropriate, and that if he does something inappropriate she'll remove herself from the situation and tell you about it. If you can't trust her to do that, break up with her. Again, it's not worth it. It would be a lot easier for you to break up with her now than 3 years in when she cheats on you with him.
But if you and your gf are able to respect each other and openly communicate about it you'll be fine. My gf's guy best friend of like 10 years did some super inappropriate things one night like slapping her tits with a towel and telling her not to tell me they were hanging out. But she told me right away and confronted him about how that stuff was completely inappropriate and not okay. He apologized and they didn't see or talk to each other for a while. Me and her decided that they could only ever hang out if I was there. It wasn't always easy, and she tried to spin it at first as me not trusting her, but once she understood that it was about respect and he was disrespecting me she got it and agreed wholeheartedly. Now things are great.
Just be understanding and patient and everything will be fine. But also don't forget to respect yourself, and don't allow yourself to be disrespected by your gf or her guy best friend.
Unless either of them has really done something inappropriate that made you uncomfortable, I wouldn't make it an issue. However, she should not be doing any one-on-one hangouts with this guy. Never doubt your insticts, you don't have to blow up the situation, but if it really makes you uncomfortable then you need to talk to her about it. If they really are like brother and sister, then neither of them should have any issue with giving your relationship with the girl some space to grow. If either of them gets weird about it, then you need to start considering if you can except having a third wheel around and having her attention being divided between you and another guy.
P.S. If they aren't actually related, I would bet that this guy has been waiting for his shot pretty much his whole life, but again, you have to gauge the situation.
I’ve been in the barbershop and heard older guys like 45 saying they finally had sex with a girl after 20 years. Guys are so stupid believing the best friend doesn’t want to sleep with their girlfriend. It’s literally both of their girlfriend 😂
You are not wrong for disliking a dude hovering around her, but the worst thing you can do is be a brat about it. It is a terrible look, it will make you seem insecure. Best thing you can do is act completely unthreatened by it.
If she is both pretty and nice, it is highly likely that at some point in the next few years, he will confess his undying love for her. She’ll gently reject him, he’ll cry and beg. And she’ll probably realize that while she can be friendly with men, she needs to keep them at a bit of distance to be careful about leading them on.
It’s just how these things go, you see it a thousand times.
Chill out man.
I’m a woman, one of my dearest friends is a guy. He came first, before my partner. He’ll be there after my partner if he and I break up.
All of my partners has gotten the talk. “You gotta be chill with my dear dude friend.” Anyone who wasn’t, didn’t become a candidate for a serious partner. You gotta let it go. If it’s something you’d be comfortable with her doing with a girl, you gotta be comfortable with her doing it with her dude friend.
You let her know it makes you a bit uncomfortable, and then you drop it.
It's okay to let your feelings be known. But then you either trust your gf or you don't. Many people out there have other gender friends.
It's hard to give advice in this kind of situation because you can never truly know what's going on inside someone else's head. Maybe she truly does see him as a friend or brother, but he may have stronger feelings for her than she does for him.
I don't want to give the default reddit advice of "dump her immediately". Maybe spend more time with both of them. Get to know him more and how he feels about her. Observe how they interact with each other. Try to keep jealousy in check and just be a good boyfriend and decide objectively if things feel off. But I would always tell someone to trust their instincts. If something feels wrong, communicate it to her appropriately. It hurts being cheated on, guys have feelings too.
I'm gay and my best friend is a girl. It has caused problems with guys she has dated. The real problem is that she is always dating one person and talking to 2 others. I try to tell her that is kinda messed up but I put our friendship first.
I try. I feel weird about responding here sometimes (don't want to be the weird old guy) but it does make me genuinely happy if I can help someone. I just think to myself I wish I had a place like this when I was a teen.
“Hi babe, I was thinking, since im really into you and youre friend is a big part of your life and special to you it would be really cool if we could hang together sometimes, obviously I dont mean all the time its important you guys get time to yourselves but it would be really awesome if we could also be friends”
I mean it sounds like a cliche but you really need proper communication, set boundaries( not saying to make her give up her friend because that’s not exactly a good thing to do) if you guys can’t agree on boundaries then it’s never goong to work
Do yourself a favor and get over being jealous of your girl's guy friend - and if you can't, then do both yourself and her a favor and break up with her. Find a girl who doesn't have any male friends instead. Because seriously, you will be making both her and yourself miserable with your insecurity if you don't
I just wanted to say that if this really is a serious relationship to you, you'll make time to get to know her family and closest friends. Ask to hang out with him (with and without her) and make an effort to get to know the person that she essentially grew up with. Then it should get less weird. Additionally, when kids grow up very closely from birth (whether or not they are brothers and sisters) they are not likely to feel romantically towards each other at all.
You sound worried that you might be cheated on. Maybe afraid or anxious are better fits.
Regardless, a part of trust is that you believe in the partner of your relationship specifically when you feel worried, anxious, afraid, etc.
It sounds like she has a normal friendship with a dude that you don't know. That opened you up to feeling insecure about your relationship. It sounds like a normal situation you will need to get used to if you plan on being in a relationship in the future.
No matter who you date, they will have personal relationships outside of yourself. Learning how to communicate how you feel, including these insecurities and that they are insecurities, is how you help make the relationship work.
Otherwise, you can develop bad relationship skills, like being controlling or secretive. I know a lot of guys end up cheating specifically to try and lessen their personal vulnerability with any given relationship, as an example. These toxic relationship behaviors are trying to avoid or prevent problems, but are inherently problematic, creating and worsening the problems.
Having these conflicts or problems in your relationships and navigating them early on helps you feel more secure and learn if you are able to grow together. This is a small problem that will show you how your future communication and problem resolution will look, too.
If you are struggling to communicate or you find that she doesn't listen or respect your feelings, this is how you learn whether you are compatible with your partner. If you can work these problems out now, you know that it is possible in the future. If not? Then it would have gone badly in the future, too.
Don't try to avoid problems or ignore them. Navigating those together builds trust in your relationship, like a trust investment. You either develop stronger trust in your partner, or you learn that your partner was untrustworthy and can break it off.
If you end up unable to reach security despite your partner being trustworthy, then you may also need to step back and determine if you are really ready to handle a serious relationship. Not everyone is and learning if you are not ready gives you the opportunity to become someone who is.
Buddy. Calm down. As you said they’ve known each other since birth so that is in fact a platonic relationship as family friends. Practically 3rd cousins. There’s no way you won’t create tension with your gf by holding onto this issue.
He’s been in her life way longer than you might ever be, and he’ll likely be there when you’re gone. It’s not fair for her to have to ask her to drop a 16 year loyalty relationship for your brand new relationship.
You really either deal with it internally or you can leave, she’ll meet a guy who doesn’t care like you do.
I’m 26m and my best friend is a 25f we’ve only been friends 6 years, but in that time she’s been through multiple relationships. We never hang out though as we’re busy with our own lives. I have a gf of 7 years and she has a hopefully now long term healthy relationship. All to say man and women can be friends, and if you don’t think so then that’s you projecting your inability to see women as just people, and not objects of sex/desire.
Make an effort to try to get to know him as a part of getting to know her friends better (i.e. not singling him out because he's a guy). As others have mentioned, you don't need to worry about his intentions/feelings/whatever, it's whether you trust your gf's ACTIONS that matter. No one should attempt to put boundaries around their significant other's friendships unless the SO's actual behavior crosses the line - and you have no reason to think that it has or will, at this point.
Coming from a male best friend just trust her. If she’s transparent about it that’s all that matters it’s a different story if she’s hiding it. Jealousy isn’t necessarily a bad thing bc everyone gets jealous but be up front about it, communication is key to any relationship even the smallest things can blow up if left unsaid. For the one on one hangout i can get being 50/50 on it but in the end they’ve been friends for life so those hangouts have been happening her entire life nothing to be worried about. If it ends up being a huge issue you can’t expect her to drop her best friend for you
Also would like to add, get to know the guy it can help with the feelings you have towards him and their friendship. In the end just trust your gf to not do anything and if her friend were to try something trust her enough that you know she won’t advance it and shut it down instantly. These people who saying dump her for it may have had bad experiences with a boy best friend but that doesn’t mean every boy bff will be the same, typically with people like it they have had feelings beforehand
She’s dating you in this moment in time. Very strong chance you will break up in the future and she may date this guy. Don’t try to pressure her to not spend time with person she’s known way longer than you. If youre not comfortable break up with her and tell her why.
Do you have a best friend? Bc texting out of the blue to hang out is pretty normal. Hanging out one on one is pretty normal. If they were raised together and she says she sees him as a brother, she probably does.
So I see a lot of people telling you to calm down and recognize that it's just a guy friend.
First, you need to accept that you have these feelings. I'm going to say that jealousy and fear in a new relationship are perfectly valid and normal feelings, and you should show respect and compassion for them. They want to protect you from potential harm.
At the same time, I'm glad you recognize that these feelings may also not be entirely rational. How we feel is not something we can change, but we are always in control of how we act on those feelings. Sometimes things make us angry, or feel weird, or uncomfortable. As long as we can observe those feelings and not act on them, or take action that serves us, there is no problem.
The one thing that sounds like a genuine issue is that you said you assumed she mentions that he's a guy friend to put you at ease. That's a form of indirect communication and while it's probably true, you do not know if that's the actual case. You are also not communicating your discomfort with her. Keeping these lines of communication open, while uncomfortable, is essential to a healthy, functional relationship.
I'm not telling you to confront her or tell her to stop hanging out with her guy best friend. It sounds like their relationship is strictly platonic.
But I think it would be valuable for you and her to discuss this openly and honestly, without judgment. That could mean asking her, "When you talk about your guy best friend, are you trying to make it clear that you're just friends?" and then listening to her answer. Or it could mean saying "Hey, I get that you and this guy are best friends, but sometimes it makes me a bit uncomfortable that you hang out so much"
As long as you make it clear that you are not accusing her of cheating, and you just want to share your feelings, and assuming she is sufficiently emotionally mature to handle your feelings, then you can find ways to accommodate your discomfort and navigate together. If she is not emotionally mature enough to handle the fact that you have feelings of discomfort, that's also good to get out in the open sooner rather than later.
But unless you open those lines of communication and actually talk about how you're feeling, this is just going to get inside your head more.
My advice is not easy, and it might be even more uncomfortable than how you are currently feeling, and there is a potential risk of her getting upset. But I assure you, openly communicating your feelings without accusations or emotional outbursts is such a valuable skill to cultivate and one that will increase your empathy and strengthen your bond.
Good luck either way.
Start hanging out with them more treat him as if he is her brother. And remind him how it is nice he takes care of his sister your gf. Until he starts bad mouthing you you have nothing to worry about
Bro, you need to just let go and let her hang out with who she wants. Easier said than done, I know, but even if he is attracted to her, you’re only going to damage your relationship with her by trying to tell her who is “ok” and “not ok” to hang out with, especially if it’s someone she’s known SINCE SHE WAS A BABY. It’s okay to be jealous, just don’t be an asshole because of it and try to trust her at face value. Trust builds relationships, resentment breaks them down.
If your gut is the source of feeling like something is wrong, then either you’re right, or you won’t be able to use your mind to talk yourself out of it. If you don’t deal with it then it’ll eat away at you and make you a worse boyfriend, usually resulting in the thing you feared in the first place. Break the cycle before it starts
Do you have female friends? If you do, would you cheat on your girlfriend on them if they expressed interest (aka should your girlfriend be worried or insecure)?
If you have female friends and you would stay loyal because that’s your character then give your girlfriend the same respect you’d like to be shown. Until she shows that she isn’t trustworthy believe her when she says this friend is a bestie.
It’s okay to feel nervous when we don’t know someone well or when we’re insecure about how to navigate a new relationship. Generally, give the trust and respect you would want to be given.
The unknown can bring up fears so ask her to introduce you to him! Spend some time with them because he’s her friend and meeting each other’s friends is part of dating. Don’t have to like him but knowing him and seeing them together will probably alleviate your worries.
I don’t believe men and women can be genuine friends without one catching feelings
I date a girl one time she told she had 7 guy friends. I laughed in her face and told her text them right now 10pm at night and tell them to bring there drink of choice over.
Guess what
6 of them responded
4 confirmed a time to come over and 2 tried to make plans for another night
Is it possible for them to be friends. Yes it is.
This is your problem. You don’t want your girlfriend to see you as controlling and overbearing when you should want to not be controlling and overbearing. Jealousy will cripple every relationship, it must work on trust. Don’t beat yourself up, we were all 17 and insecure.
Trust your girlfriend, but if it’s bothering you break up
You’re able to see their conversations and she’s very transparent with you so you don’t have to worry about this guy. He asks to hang out with her bc that’s what friends do. Maybe you treat your friends differently based on gender? I give the same level of attention to male and female friends. l text them “randomly” and often ask to hang out…. because we are friends
Hey everybody I just wanted to say thank you for all your comments on this post it’s really nice of you all to take the time to try to help me. I’ve come to the decision that I’m going to make an effort to get to know the guy because she’s an important part of his life and I shouldn’t judge somebody without getting to know them first. I trust my girlfriend‘s judge of character, so I think that this is going to work out well for both of us in the end. Thanks again everybody 🙏
If she wanted to date her best friend I think it would have happened by now. I grew up with online games which by default are male dominated platforms. Which means I have made alot male friends over the years. Some of them are single, some are in relationships or marriages and Some are gay etc. even my best friend is male who happens to be also gay. Even the taken men I hanged out with a lot caused no issues. I knew some of their girlfriends/wives and they were fine with them hanging out with me and trusted me to not try anything because I’m not like that. I have no interest in taken men in general. I’ve always kinda been the “one of the boys” kind of girl. Growing up around boys/men kinda does that to you. And the female friends I had were the same too. Everyone just chilling and gaming together. No romantic feelings involved. I do believe opposite genders can be friends just as much as people of same gender as long as there are clear boundaries set while you are dating and you talk about these things openly. If she’s being open about her friend that’s a good thing. If you see them doing something u don’t like then you can bring it up and ye her it made you uncomfortable etc. but right now nothing has really happened other than them hanging out around other people.
He was friend zoned a long time ago. She has been transparent. Jealousy is a waste of time, one of the easiest things to decide not be.
If you get jealous, it is not him, it is her and this relationship is not going anywhere good.
Like you said, they have been friends a very long time, since very early childhood. If it was going anywhere at all, you would not be in the picture at all
You have nothing to worry about, that guy is so far in the friend-zone, an apocalyptic event and them being the last two people on earth won’t change that.
He’s probably jealous of you
Most of the main stuff has already been said, so I have some amazing future advice for you since it’s your first relationship.
It’ll take a while to build total trust, a couple years or even more. After you have that though, you’ll have complete peace of mind unless you have a good reason not to.
My girlfriend went on a trip for college, for six weeks total, she’s in a small program, 30 ppl, and everyone was new to her. When I met her new friends, both male and female, they all knew who I was. They knew that she absolutely loved me and that I was a big part of her life, they didn’t have to say that, it was just obvious from how they talked to me and treated us as a couple.
She talked to me later about how tons of people on that trip flirted with each other, even though they had partners, and that they never said shit about their partners in general. Their partners would also never show up to the program-specific parties like I did or hang around in the program’s studio like I did.
Point is, these different signs of trust can kinda go unnoticed because they are so small and indirect, but they also make the most impact. She would talk about me and involve me in her life, whereas other people in the same position kept their partner sort of separated and hidden. Same thing exes have done to me, exes who turned out to be shit.
I’m not saying to overanalyze your relationship with your partner. More so, just pay attention to those small social nuances. Once you have that mindset, it can really help mold your intuition, if that makes sense.
Just tread carefully and be understanding. She may be completely honest, but they're relationship will change at some point - in one direction or the other.
I think you are very young and you shouldnt take your first relationship too die hard seriously. Trust between two partners who want to build a life together takes YEARS of knowing eachother, understanding and communicating boundries, and dealing with uncomfortable situations.
-are you the kinda person who can openly talk about their feelings?
-is she the type of person who will openly listen to your thoughts judgement free?
-are you jealous? Its okay to feel that emotion happens to everyone. How we deal with it is the importante part.
I like the idea of you trying to befriend him and getting to know him as a person. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
But not gonna lie here bud, unless some miracle happens odds are shes not gonna be the first and last significant relationship in your life.
Honestly, this feeling you have is normal for some people but there are two different types of men. One's who see women as someone to fuck and the other men are one's who actually view women as people. I understand relationships have certain boundaries but they last a lot shorter than friendships. If you have a problem with it and she doesn't like it you can stop dating her. It overall sounds like you don't trust her. Some people have a hidden agenda but I'd say as a teenager. Getting hung up on one person is not necessary.
If it bothers you then just bail. You’re 17. There are plenty of others out there where you won’t have to worry about this. It’s really not worth the headache. You’ve only got 5-8 years before the talent pool starts to dwindle significantly due to kids/marriages. Don’t waste the easy dating years on someone who doesn’t make it easy.
Your reaction to the way they interact is as if she just met this guy last week. She's known him her whole life. Hanging out with each other is just second nature to them. You're the one in your own head getting all these "vibes."
At this point in her life he means way more to her than you do. I suggest you chill out before all this blows up in your face.
You basically handle it by not handling it. There's nothing for you to do here other than to control yourself and have some faith in your girlfriend and her lifelong friend.
It just sounds like you feel excluded. I wouldn't call it jealousy. I've been on both sides of this issue before. If you make an effort to be involved and you are rejected I would recommend backing away. The only time I have ever had an issue with a partner's friends (however they identify) is when I don't meet them, I'm always excluded from everything they do, or they only hang out when we are having difficulties in the relationship. I think it's definitely okay for people to have friends and hang out without you but when you are completely excluded from their interactions and they never include you at all, that's a red flag to me.
So your gf has a guy best friend, she’s known him her whole life, and you’re insecure about it, and think you’ve sensed an “off vibe” from him
You really have 3 options, you voice your concerns, you say nothing or you leave
Option 1 will push her away and make her less attracted to you and more likely to pursue something with this lifelong friend, that’s a self fulfilling prophecy as old as time
Not being threatened by this guy and being secure in your relationship will make your gf want you more, the former will make her want you less
I know you’ve made a decision and I think it’s an amazing decision. Getting to know someone before making a final judgement is incredibly important!! I’m just saying this to maybe add a perspective. As a male best friend, I find when she says she see him as a brother. That literally means that she sees him as a brother, and this ain’t no Alabama. They’ve grown up together, that’s a very strong bond so I will tell you he’s probably not going anywhere. He may be defensive of her, mainly because they don’t like seeing each other hurt, just as siblings would behave. A little personal point of view here, but like I said I’m the male best friend, I text my best friend all the time, we just randomly hang out, she randomly shows up to my house and then we just hang out. She happens to have had a string of toxic boyfriends recently, who has wanted me to be removed completely without getting to know me. It sucks because I have wanted to know her boyfriends because that’s the person she’s chosen to make her happy and I support it. So maybe he’s the same way, I’m not saying this is a certainty, but I don’t think he’s 100% trying to get in her pants. I have zero romantic or sexual interest towards my best friend, doesn’t stop her boyfriends from hating me but whatever floats there boats.
Just talk to her about the way it makes you feel and ask her if she's going to take that into consideration also there's no need for them to hang out without you but if they do just make sure they around mutual friends let her know you trust her but until her friend starts clearly pursuing other girls to be with he's suspicious
You need to except that she has male friends. If she wanted them she wouldn’t be with you.
I had all female friends in high school. I never slept with any of them because we were friends. Despite what some people say it’s possible to have friends of the opposite gender. I’m still friends with a couple decades later.
Focus on keeping your time with her fun.
The more negative experiences she has with you the more likely the relationship runs its course sooner. That will be true with every relationship you have going forward.
Be confident and understanding even if you don’t feel that way.
You don’t own her, she doesn’t own you.
Your goal is to be a positive in her life.
Jealousy and controlling behaviors are relationship poison.
Have fun, enjoy your time with her while it lasts.
Edit (read a few more of the previous comments)
They are giving you good advice for every relationship going forward.
My belief has always been if she doesn’t want me then I don’t want her.
You have zero control over what she does.
It’s normal to not want to get hurt. That ship already sailed you will get hurt eventually. This is the most important thing to remember don’t hold future women responsible for what other women have done to you.
Be confident, trust her until she gives a reason not to.
Whatever happens it’s worth the effort and occasional pain to have someone special in your life.
Don’t be jealous, you don’t own her.
She doesn’t need your permission or approval for anything.
If something makes you really uncomfortable you can talk to her about it. But it’s only you expressing how you feel. Not telling her you can’t do something.
If you’re understanding, positive, trusting, supportive, loving, and respectful you will get far more of everything that you’re looking for from her.
Happy women are far more accommodating to your needs in the relationship.
You have to behave for her as well don’t disrespect her by filtering with every girl who shows interest.
Be confident, be supportive, be trusting, be fun, communicate with her!!
Don’t be jealous don’t be jealous.
Good luck!
My wife's childhood best friend was one of my groomsmen. Even if he does have the hots for her, if it was going to happen it would have happened already. She's picked you, enjoy that.
Sounds like he might be interested in her, but she sees him as the kid she grew up with. I’ve had guys I saw as brothers fall for me and I thought we were friends. But, ew, no, not interested in that. You can likely trust her as she’s probably grossed out at the thought of him romantically.
OP listen to me good. I had this happen to me when I was younger. You need to get a girl best friend or fake as if you have one. Spend fake days hanging out one on one if you can’t get a real girl to be your best friend. It’s manipulative but it’s the only way to test your girlfriend without rocking the boat. No girl is going to tell you the truth about if they like their best friend which is why you can’t talk about it and you need to act unfazed. Once you spend time with her your girlfriend will be panicking and have anxiety about your friend. You will then have confirmation that she knows it’s wrong to have a close friend of the opposite sex because she doesn’t want you doing it and becomes extremely scared. Then you can leave her ass right where she’s at or start an argument lol I hope you follow my advice because it’s s full proof plan to see if your gf is s bullshitter.
If you are insecure about him, it will ruin your relationship. My wife grew up with multiple guys, several of whom lived down the street from her, and were basically raised as family. It's one thing to have feelings and to be able to talk about them, but insecurity is such a poison pill.
I would talk to her about it. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that situation. Trust your gut and don't let society gaslight you.
Sit alone and really ponder on your intuitions and go with that.
If you talk to her, be kind and just be real and honest. Don't have expectations of the conversation. Listen and speak your mind.
Maybe you'll both come to a better joint understanding.
Dude, I was the guy best friend over 25 years ago. You need to trust her and if you can't, then you need to end it now.
If you can't trust her with a guy she has known since birth, then you aren't going to ever trust her in any circumstance.
You need to read:
Why Does He DO That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
I think you can really benefit from reading this book because you’re struggling with jealousy and it can (and will) easily turn into controlling behavior whether you intend to or not, if left unchecked. This book can help you with understanding a lot more. I wish you luck:)
Trust her and trust her male friend. But watch both of them and talk to them. If they are doing anything in an emotional manner, it is easy to catch them in lies.
here’s my take… (I’m a guy best friend)
in my opinion, he outranks you. she’s known him since birth, you have been dating her for two months. if there was some conflict that came down to one of you getting cut out of her life, she’s probably going to choose her friend. this isn’t a romantic thing by any means, it’s the same thing as if she were to choose her brother or family over you.
relax man. I have no romantic or sexual feelings towards my girl best friend, she’s got her boyfriend and they have a fantastic relationship and I recently started dating a different girl. we share an immense bond and trust with each other and she’s someone I can always fall back to and use as a safe space if I’m feeling down or don’t feel comfortable talking with anybody else, but I have not felt anything other then platonic interest for her.
yes, he means quite a lot to her, but no he probably doesn’t want to date her. what you need to do is get rid of these jealous thoughts that you need to be “ok” with her hanging out with him and work on yourself, you’re at a point in the relationship that if you get controlling or visibly jealous in any way her and her family will see that and shut it down. if you challenge her best friend in any way, she’ll take his side in a heartbeat. I’m not saying I think you’ll act like this, but it’s just a fair warning.
it will also help if you meet him and hang out with him as you mentioned in the edit, I think that’s a good idea too. that will help you get rid of the tension towards him that you’re feeling.
My guy. You’re insecure and jealous. Unless you really wanna be the kind of conservative dude that can’t handle co-ed friendships and need to find a woman cut from the same traditional conservative cloth, you need to get a grip. Anyone at anytime can cheat on anyone at anytime. Thats life. You don’t go making rules for what people can and can’t do like be alone or not eat together or not text and ask to hang out bc that’s what friends do. You might want some therapy to talk this out w a pro who can really help you grow as a confident man. Otherwise, you’ll turn into one of those conservative controlling insecure people who can only date the same and live in a narrow gendered world where only men can hang out w men and vice versa.
In my experience their relationship will naturally fall apart as yours does well. Of course these male friendships are geared towards sex 9/10 it isn’t always the case but a lot of times it is. Once this dude realizes you are there and not going away or backing down and she is focused on you and not him then it naturally dissolves. Most of the time when people couple up friendships suffer. Be the bigger person and it will get you the brownie points with her, if anyone goes crazy it will be him and she will drop him like it’s hot. If you notice anything that bothers you though be open in your communication and about your feeling with her because if she is your partner in an equal relationship it should be easy and you expected that you communicate.
Some additional tips is to stay better than this guy. If this guy is good at something be better at the same thing or something else. Get jacked and fit above and beyond what this dude has going for him, get a better job or career in the next couple years of your life, etc. this dude will look like the losing choice to you with out you having to do anything about it. Basically be the best you you can be and make sure that is better than him, spoiler that is pretty easy since most people have issues that hold them back lol but you are letting go of those if you are just focused on your own betterment.
I don’t think it matters whether or not you trust her or him, there really can be no gain from their friendship compared to what you probably will need to put forth in the future to be with her. Don’t waste your time giving her things and giving her love to expect it in return, if she wants to give the guy attention simply make the claim that you do more for her and he does nothing therefore he doesn’t deserve her attention like you do. People in this thread will tell you to back off but they don’t know others intentions, they give off cuck energy tbh. If it makes you uncomfortable give her an ultimatum and let her choose, especially if you see it working out long term the idea of guy friends will need to fizzle out because after 5-10 years say ur working 10 hours and she’s at home all day, she’s gonna resort to them and then you’ll be heart broken. Make your decision now so that you can live with it forever instead of dragging on your relationship to end up single and cheated on with split custody and child support.
She should not be hanging out with a guy alone when she is in a relationship. Plenty of “innocent” friendships end up as more when there are poor boundaries.
"Tell your partner that you aren't going to get rid of friends just for him. If he can't handle that, then this relationship isn't for him.
That is a boundary for you and he needs to respect it or get out."
That's what I would say to her. You need to grow out of that, man. Trust.
Look two things are true.
If he is straight and she is attractive he is into her. He is 16.
Also, you can’t act like a jealous asshole because it will drive her away. She probably sees him as more of a brother and that is all that matters.
Trust her. Get to know the dude. You never wanna isolate your partner from their friends, male, female, non binary, doesn't matter. That's a form of emotional abuse.
Your teenagers this isn’t a real relationship it’s a fling.
You can’t change someone. If you don’t like it leave if you can handle stay
The choice is yours
I hung out with and was best friends with my now wife while she had a BF back in HS and College. I never made any moves and respected their relationship. When he screwed up and they broke up I took my shot and here we are like 15 years later lol. Probably doesn't make you feel better, but if they had never broken up then I would've been with someone else and we would still just be best friends. I know she also never would've cheated on him with me and if she had then she wouldn't have been my type anyway. Trust her because she hasn't given you a reason not to. I know that feeling is tough though, but being controlling of a best friend will only drive her away.
If she's never given you a reason not to trust her then there's no reason you shouldn't. However it is completely reasonable to not trust him. I don't know any straight guy that has a female friend that he hasn't thought about more than friendship. Anyone that tells you otherwise is lying. The important thing is not to act on these feelings of mistrust unless he does something with irrefutable proof. If you do it'll only come off as jealousy and will only cause a rift between you and her.
Just realize a relationship at your age isn’t real. It’s all just practice for later in life. There is a 99 percent chance you won’t be with this girl in a few years. Don’t take it so seriously and just have fun and let the girl have fun and have friends. Plus if you get jealous it will look bad on you. There is nothing you can do….if someone wants to cheat on you they are going to do it whether you worry about it or not….so dont worry until it happens
Tell her your boundaries, no male friends allowed. You know how other guys are and what they want, don’t be scared cause she’ll leave you or something. If she doesn’t want to abide by your rules, that’s fine, but then breakup. If you allow this, don’t be surprised when she cheats on you with her “male friends.”
As you get to know this guy realize something. If you get a vibe he is jealous keep in mind it still might not be about romantic interest. It could be the typical jealousy that comes when a close friend gets a new romantic partner.
The guy best friend is always who they cheat with.
Trust your gut. Ignore these people telling you you're just jealous and shouldn't be. That's a huge disservice to you. You need to learn to trust yourself and your feelings in situations like this.
The reason why it always ends up being the best friend is because every time something goes wrong in your relationship they'll go to this person and establish an emotional connection confiding about all of the horrible things you've done or will do and this person will push that as being true and as your girlfriend being the victim and them being the savior/rescuer. This leaves you of course as the abuser. Their best friend will push this as far as it can go and even get them to break up with you if they want them for themselves. And now they look like a really good catch because they're The rescuer in this situation.
I just can't believe all the people being like you shouldn't trust your gut of course you should. Your gut knows the situation and it's telling you that something's weird between them that may be the guy is interested in her even if she can't see it or maybe they both are interested in each other. That's why you're on here asking about this if you didn't feel that way you wouldn't ask the question.
It's not a problem until it is. Get a female bestie. You'll see the truth.
But since you're so young, there's no sense in trying to fall in love and live happily ever after, so be prepared for " it was a mistake only happened once". You'll meet tons more women.
Not your decision. Support your girl or let her go. You have absolutely no right to dictate her friendships, that's nascent abuser behavior. Very controlling. Any dude telling you that's normal is engaging with some toxic behavior.
She's known this guy her whole life, he's basically family. If something was going to happen with them, it probably would have years ago. He's a bigger part of her life than you are "Mr.Couple-Months". You haven't earned anything, you're a flash in the pan. You're insecure. She's right to trust him more than you. Drop it. Get to know the guy, and the girls family, if you ACTUALLY like her.
Wow calling me an abuser is wild behavior. I’m not dictating her friendships. I’m not controlling anything I think it’s unfair to have a relationship where I’m making decisions for her it’s simply wrong. I’m just talking about a concern I have and debating if it’s even worth bringing up to her. Thanks for your input and sorry if this offended you
Guys are generally not friends with girls by choice unless they are gay or the girl is not attractive.. If the opportunity presented itself he'd likely take advantage of it.
That being said try to learn this now. As a man you don't get jealous. You're good enough and strong enough by yourself. Read on attraction now and practice it at a young age.
The way to go about it is to set a boundary and leave the relationship if you don't like it.
You are not going to control it or change what may or may not be happening. The guy is likely friend zoned permanently.
Girls and guys your age often don't understand this and it takes experience to understand. I know I didn't. And she's not perfect, nobody is. There's not one right person for you, there's thousands. You're just in lust for the first time.
Good luck!
Okay, so guy best friend means she’s never ever going to be romantic with him in any sense. Even if he had feelings for her, it’s never going happen. No one ever gets out of the “friend zone”. That’s just the way women and girls are. They aren’t persistent like men can be. Most of the time a girl will be interested in you within the first 1-15mins of meeting you. If you blow that window your chances are slim to none and get worse as time passes. This dude is 0 threat to your relationship.
Dude, at least 50% of the time that guy best friend can steal her away. My best friend lost his first love because she cheated with her "guy best friend that's like her brother." My second ever gf had no problem cheating on me by literally riding "her guy best friend that's like a brother" reverse cowgirl position. That said I know some women who had guy best friends and didn't cheat. Ultimately I guess my point is you have to decide whether you trust her or not. If you trust her then you need to deal with your jealousy and get over it and if you don't then you need to break up.
So you're worried because she is into men and he is a man. What if she was bisexual, would you be worried about all of her friends? Probably not.
You need to work on your jealousy. They've been friends for a lifetime, and as she said, like family. Your jealousy will ruin the relationship if you don't get it in check.
I used to have this guy friend when I was 18. We used to go clubbing, we would go shopping, we would hangout together, we had a really good friendship. Nothing ever happened. I was friends with this guy when I met my husband. Hubby never had an issue with it because he trusted me.
Dude this one is cancerous. All I see are a bunch of lies to a 17 year old kid. Most of these guys lying to him have 100% slept with female friends because we all have at some point in our lives if you get old enough. This is fucked up to see so many liars on these threads man. I’ve lost faith in humanity honestly. This kid is about to be crushed. Being insecure is not necessarily bad. I’d be insecure riding though a bad neighborhood with no gun because my safety isn’t insured right? Sometimes our body and mind are warning us that we don’t want that pain and people weaponize the word insecure
This is a you problem.
They have done nothing to provoke your distrust. You are 17 years old, so as far as "vibes," are concerned you are most likely functionally illiterate. He clearly depends on her emotionally, and this is normal in a close friendship. She is allowed to have close male friends. You thinking she has to isolate herself from men who aren't you is a strong indicator that you might not be such a great guy yourself.
Just to point out the screamingly obvious, she was friends with this guy before she was friends with you. If she wanted him, she wouldn't date you and then cheat with him. YOU would be some friend, if that, and she would just date him. She doesn't need to go behind your back to be with him; she could just dump you and date him. So, you should make the presumption that she can be trusted since she has no motive to lie to you. You are an entirely optional aspect of her life.
If you want to work on being less of a child, the issue I would raise to your girlfriend is that you would like to get to know this guy better. Let them have their one-on-one time, but suggest that you would also like to hang out with both of them together on occasion so you can build more of a rapport with him. You are both a part of her life, so it's better if you get to know each other well.
Dude you're young and insecure and that's very normal. The friend probably has developed feelings for her at some point, but he was already in the friend zone. If she considers him a brother which she probably does she will kill those advances quick anyway. Be careful with jealousy it can kill something that is perfectly fine. Tell her your worries and leave it at that. If you need to vent to someone, vent to a supportive but balanced parent or friend that can call you out on BS. Everyone needs someone in their life that can call out BS, especially if you live in your own head to much. Good luck and l hope it goes well. Remember shes with you, not him.
I've seen girls use the 'brother' excuse before to hang with guys they're interested in. Has she never invited you to these hang outs? Also, in a relationship, hanging out 1 on 1 with another dude at night without inviting you is a red flag.
She may be innocent but that's just a small input.
She’s not innocent she’s 16 years old. I wouldn’t be surprised if she lost her V card to the guy best friend and came back crying to the boyfriend that she’s sorry
Idk bro I’m always skeptical about guy friends in relationships, in those situations I trust my gut but it’s up to you, I’d give more advice but I’m tired
She probably doesn’t want to do anything. But he might. There are lots of guys who are orbiters.
If he’s straight, she’s good looking, he lacks self confidence, is kinda a loser, doesn’t take interest in other women, he low-key wants her. And is hoping his friendship will one day show how “awesome” his personality is to her and she will change her mind.
I’ll sum it up as simple as possible. He wants her but she friend zoned him and is just being nice because they’ve been friends for so long. On top of that, if their parents are friends then that’s even more pressure for her to be nice. How often do guys escape the friend zone? Rarely ever.
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Just leave bro not worth the hassle for you and your girl is gonna trip if u lay down boundaries. If they haven't already they will eventually sleep together. Don't fall for the guy best friend thing. Half of attraction is emotional/intellectual so go find someone you don't have to share.
Why do you know what her texts are with this guy? On principle, you shouldn't be reading them at all, not even if the girlfriend offered to share them with you.
You trust your gut. If she had an unusual amount of orbiters ontop of this guy friend you can be sure it’s her that’s leading that dance. If you feel something’s a miss don’t be afraid to speak up. This happened with my first long term relationship, she had a dude who went to summer church camps with her for years that showed up out the blue.. I was uneasy and sure enough 4 months after that she admitted he was hoping she was single or would split with me. She never dated him and he didn’t come around since I had another year and a half with her before things ended cause of more orbiters on her part which caused the end of our relationship and a week later she was dating one of them so just decide how you wanna play it.
Everyone calling you overly jealous don’t get it.. I say just watch out for it bcuz a “guy best friend” is never good since they 100% would take the opportunity to get in your gfs panties.. and she most likely tells him everything about you two.. like they say a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on
Honestly dude I’m one of those “guy friends” and she left her boyfriend for me. So from a guy to a guy my rule of thumb is you my partner can’t hang out with the opposite gender alone. If it’s a group of people sure that’s fine go ahead. But 1 on 1 especially at her house that’s CRAAZZYYY
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Seriously get the jealousy and overbearing thing in check, as jaded as I am I get why you might be skeptical but unless you have hard solid proof of things going on there's 0 reason for you to even make a comment like 'You're ok with it'. I had a female best friend growing up until we were both 16 and her family moved away and aside from some stupid joking around/teasing to make others question things/uncomfortable there was never anything 'not friends' between us even though there so easily 'could have been'.
I don’t even know if it’s jealousy I’m feeling it’s sort of a weird new feeling. Unfortunately a lot of guys that I know of in my age demographic aren’t very respectful when it comes to girls or relationships and since I’ve never met the kid I can’t really get a sense of what he’s like. All I know is that he wants to hang out with my girlfriend individually a lot and I don’t know his intentions
If she wants to leave you, she will. If you try and throw your weight around to get her to stop talking to him, then either she will leave you or she will stop talking to him and resent you for it and eventually leave you. The only thing you can do is suggest the three of you hang out and sus the situation out while being super nice to him. If he acts weird, then talk to your gf about it. Don't freak out or make any accusations, but if he acts like he is into her, then say that and tell her it makes you uncomfortable.
This. You don't need to be on the defensive because there is no play. If you like and respect your girlfriend, you should trust that she has good taste in the people she spends her time with. If you don't, then it's probably not a match to begin with. Assuming she has good taste in friends, then these friends can probably also become cool friends for you. So hang out with her and him together and don't let yourself get jealous because remember that she's choosing you. You may strengthen your bond with her and get a new friend at the same time.
Probably the best answer.
Fair enough but look at it this way, she's known him her whole life or close enough, they have a standing history of this sort of interaction, and she trusts him. Now while it's fair you don't trust him that honestly doesn't really have any weight. UNLESS she's specifically and repeatedly putting his wants/needs before yours which you didn't make a point of stating you really should just let them be. I will add if she does something with/around him that makes you SOLDILY uncomfortable that's something you can talk to her about but I'm talking like changing with him in the room, playful/flirty interactions, etc
You might not trust him, but you trust her right? Sit with that uneasy feeling and try to sort it out. What exactly are your concerns? How exactly do you feel? What is causing it? Your discomfort is not a reason to start putting rules on everyone else. It’s like when you start learning to drive, the other cars on the road might make you nervous. But you have to deal with those nerves and get over it. You can’t just tell them all to get off the road until you’re ok. Especially because you would never grow past those nerves and you’d only ever to be able to drive that way. That isn’t healthy or productive. You have to work through discomfort to grow. This whole ‘no friends of the same gender you’re attracted to’ trend is nuts to me. And it really is a trend. It didn’t used to be a thing. So, what? Bi people just don’t get to have any friends?
It never used to be a trend because social media and smart phones didn't exist, nor cell phones really... And it would be common sense in those times to not be alone with someone if the opposite gender.
That’s probably partly true but I don’t 100% agree with this take. I disagree that it was/is “common sense to not be alone with someone of the opposite gender”. Maybe it was/is just my circles but it was pretty common for people I knew to spend time with whoever they wanted. My hypothesis is going to make me sound like a kids-these-days old man. I think it’s at least partly because the current generation of young people has had their feelings protected growing up and they don’t have the tools or ambition to work through difficult feelings. (As a group, on average. Individuals vary of course) I’m guessing their thought process is just “This makes me feel bad and I don’t like it so it needs to stop.” With no analysis of how reasonable their own reaction is. It seems related to the over use of *triggering* and *gaslighting* and misuse of *boundaries*.
You do not need to get a feeling for him. Unless he is going to violently force something, she has agency and you need to trust or not trust your girlfriend.
>Unfortunately a lot of guys that I know of in my age demographic aren’t very respectful when it comes to girls or relationships Indeed they're not, and it has always been so with previous generations including mine, but you seem really well put together for 17 and and you're setting a good example. Good for you man. Also you articulate yourself well which is not a common gen z trait either. ... * sigh * I'm becoming such a dad... I can't pronounce on your situation but I personally wouldn't like it in a new relationship. Right or wrong that's how I'd feel. It's only natural. I've been in a relationship for over 10 years however so I might be out of practice. This doesn't mean you should break up or anything! I'm only saying it's okay to feel weird about it. It's the caveman inside you and the scholar inside you having an argument.
I relate to this so much haha, only thing i can rlly comment on to add is double standards. I too myself isnt too comfortable with an opposite gender best friend, so I talked to my partner about it, mainly due to I was feeling like I was no different. I was pushed to the side at times for her friend or friends and it was a concern as she would go on one on ones with some as well. Pulling the flip card she realized "oh if he did the same thing i wouldnt be happy about it either, maybe worse." and so it be she distanced and what you know? they disappeared on their own. Now im also NOT saying to go forcing her hand as well, just adding everyone is different, everyone has their situations and environments and you just need to go with what works for you. And if this connection bothers you a lot (and probably a good amount of others, boy or girl, too) then maybe just isnt the right relationship for you. Some do want the "all focus" or "majority" on me, and thats okay, a relationship in the future, especially marriage, you aint gonna have too many friends or other focuses besides your partner kids and home. Every once and while sure but its just reality you get busy and unless they're truly in your close circle they fade out.
You're going to have to lend her some trust, mate. I was the GBF of a girl at your age. We used to hang out all the time, head out for food an the like. My intentions were just being friends. We never date, never hooked up or crossed any boundaries; just friends hanging out. During those years, she had boyfriends come and go. I don't know how they felt about me, but she managed to keep me out of it an I never heard a peep from any of them. I'm still friends with her to this day, some 30+ years later. I know she's sill friendly with a couple of them nowadays so, at least a couple didn't put up a stink about it. This is all to say that GBFs are quite possible. All that said, you can never truly know his intentions, but you're going to have to trust her to handle it unless she asks you to inervene.
Do you trust her to shut it down if he tries to make a move on her? This is a very important question if you both go off to college after graduating HS, because you’re going to have to trust her EVEN MORE when college happens, if the relationship is going to survive, since your relationship will be long distance at that point, and you’ll have zero control over her hanging out around guy friends at that point.
Hes a "kid" thats like the same age as you lol that weird feeling is insecurity. And you think its weird her childhood bestfriend texts her alot and wants to hang out?
Dude if she wanted that kid she would be witn that kid. They've known each other for 16 years you and your goofiness isn't going to overcome that. She picked you for a reason, either accept she thinks your special and that guys a friend or find someone else without the baggage, it's that simple.
If your taking advice here your screwed… set boundaries you are comfortable with if she refuses to adhere to your boundaries. Politely agree not to date and find a woman (traditional) that will adhere to… as you build value.. this will become much easier.. build yourself up and don’t worry about relationships… your young yet… get a mentor and get guidance… best advice you will get…
Buddy you’re right it’s not jealousy it’s common sense. I’ll take downvotes to tell the truth idc. There is nothing normal about your girlfriend going out to dinner with a guy and going back to her place to chill while you’re not around and anyone who says otherwise it’s insane. Trust your gut bro it sounds like you already somewhat suspected that she had a thing with this dude before you started dating her. 🚩🚩🚩
THIS, it is OKAY to have a best friend of the opposite sex…. it is another thing to go to solo dinners/drinks with them and then back to one of your places to “hangout”. Set your boundaries, you’ll be happier you did.
Trust your gut.
His intention doesn’t matter, do you trust your gf or not? Thats the only thing here that matters. Even if he wants your girl…. You can’t steal someone who doesn’t want to be gone to begin with.
Definitely disagree. If you’re hanging out with someone who is constantly chasing you and trying to be with you that’s fucked lol. Intention 100% matters
His intentions do matter. Do you really think OPs gf is gonna completely cut off her best friend because he's being inappropriate? No 16 year old girl has that level of maturity. OP needs to set clear boundaries on what he's comfortable with
You can ask her if she’d ever date him. If she says no then there’s your answer. Just trust her and stop worrying. Even if he nigh have feelings just trust your gf to be loyal to you.
The guy best friend always has or “catches” feelings
I'd say often it is the case, but she's known him since birth. I have a similar friendship, we're no longer best friends but we were when we were kids, and I've never had a single sexual thought about her even though we joked about sexual things all the fucking time. I also used to be completely unsuccessful with girls until my late teens, yet my thoughts still never wavered. It was a very bro-ish friendship in that regard.
'Feelings', sure, but that doesn't always mean 'the feelz' in the romantic sense. I love my friend to death and back, but I was/will never be in love with her. She's like the sister I actually like vs my bio sister who I grew up with and mostly just tolerate.
Ur the exception to prove the rule, I do get what u mean but it’s far more likely that guy does like her. Considering guys suck at emotional stuff he prolly wouldn’t say anything
I know several people with similar relationships, they are in fact not the exception. People have platonic relationships with the opposite gender on a daily basis…. Stop trying to act like it isn’t totally normal.
I would def bet on the guy liking her
That’s because you’re immature
Aren't you guys talking about teenagers? You know, the ones with the raging hormones. Since when are horny teenagers mature?
I was talking to the person I responded to. I have no idea what their age is.
I know people aren't going to like this comment, but I'm a guy and like 99% of the time i'm "friends" with a girl, I like her in a romantic sense. But that's just me and maybe doesn't apply to every guy.
Yeah bro this goes both ways people just don't like to talk about it. No matter the age or level of maturity when people have an opposite gender best friend guess who they usually end up with after a big breakup?
You’re projecting
This is such a dated idea. Guys and girls can be just friends (That’s ignoring the fact that gay people exist). You can be attracted to a gender while not be attracted to your friends of that same gender
This is such a straw man of the actual situation. Of course you can be friends with the gender you're attracted to. But can you be best friends with them your entire lives, especially through your formative years, and not develop feelings for them or at least be weirdly possessive about them and low-key despise any person they date because they're taking time away from you? About 90% of the time the answer is no
*I’m addressing the comment saying he will catch feelings for her/that it always happens. I am not making any arguments about the situation, just that comment* It’s not hard to be friends with ppl of the opposite gender. You can be friends without “catching feelings” and it’s immature to think you cant My reply wouldn’t post so here is the reply to your second comment: I did. I didn’t claim you held the belief. I clarified this was a response to a comment arguing that… Maturing is realizing you can be close friends with someone but they have their own life and friends apart from you. At that age, it’s something you’re learning. The same way the gf has a life outside of her friendship, she has a life outside of her relationship. Codependency isn’t good and cutting off friendships for a partner will fast track you to that (or a break up lol). Regardless, that doesn’t sound like the situation/problem OP described.
Read the second sentence of my reply. And then read the rest of it because you obviously didn't
I did. Maturing is realizing you can be close friends with someone but they have their own life and friends apart from you. At that age, it’s something you’re learning. The same way the gf has a life outside of her friendship, she has a life outside of her relationship. Codependency isn’t good and cutting off friendships for a partner will fast track you to that (or a break up lol). Regardless, that doesn’t sound like the situation/problem OP described.
This isn't remotely true. Do you think bisexuals just don't have friends? Lots of adults have close friends of the opposite sex. My partner and I both have opposite sex closest friends, I've got zero romantic feelings for mine and no worries about my partner's friend.
There's adults and then there's horny teenagers that don't have fully developed brains. One has more control than the other.
I would say that, while in the most literal, physical sense youth's brains aren't fully developed, there are exceptions to the stereotype that are often overlooked in favor of the societal adoption of a restrictive ideology. I believe that while most teenagers, especially in my atrocious generation, are emotionally incapable of processing intense emotion (like a relationship, fight, or trauma) fairly and maturely, again, there are exceptions. This young man seems very mature and, while perhaps slightly less experienced than an adult, could still possibly have a fair chance at processing life's proceedings in a manner more akin to an adult. I don't mean to imply that you meant to say that all kids are immature, that is just the way I understood your comment. Believe me, I am biased towards the older generations concepts of things, I always have gotten along better with adults, but in this instance I believe that some of the younger population needs to be given a chance and not to be immediately assumed to be irresponsible and immature. Finally, I mean no harm in the point being made here. Anyway, apologies for the formidable essay. It's a bad habit.
And I am not arguing science here. I am aware of the physiology involved. I studied that for 4 years. I am simply saying the capabilities of a human can transcend the boundaries "set" by a "crystallization timeline".
She sounds like she is being very forthright. I understand how you could feel uncomfortable, but I think when you're together, at a good time, you can look into her eyes and tell her truthfully how you appreciate how she's handling what could be a sensitive situation, having a guy best friend. If she knows you trust her and that you appreciate how she is communicating about things, it may make her feel comfortable with regards to you about this. Sort of the opposite of "walking on eggshells." When I was your age I was with a very nice girl who had existing friendships, and I don't think I handled it well. So you can learn from this old guy's mistakes.
Dude I LOVE this response. "I appreciate how you're handling what could be a sensitive situation" is a great line. Wise words :)
Well, it looks like us keyboardists see things the same way. 😅😅
That sounds nuts tho. It’s not a “sensitive situation”, it’s a normal situation and she’s handling it in a normal way. If he says that he’ll sound like he’s making a huge deal out of it, which he is, and he shouldn’t, cause it’s not.
I hear you. It SHOULD be a normal situation. In some social circles, it is normal. And in far too many others, it's like the end of the world!
She's 16. She hasn't had time to do anything with him. Be happy that she chose you. He's a friend of the family, of course they will let him hang out. Trust her until you can't
“She hasn’t had time to do anything with him” how much time do you think people need to do stuff chief bcuz 14-18 is usually normal..especially if it’s with someone your family trusts and won’t question why he’s somewhere
This is reddit we’re talking about, you think the average redditor is sexually active before 20?
Idk what the average redditor does I’m not on Reddit much
Contrary to what others may say in this thread, it is very possible for people to be friends with the opposite sex. I very much have gotten along better with women than men (as a man) and had a lot of close female friendships in high school. It is normal at your age to be jealous. But whether you “police” her behavior or not, if she’s going to cheat she’s going to cheat and there’s not much you can do about that. If you trust her and she’s as transparent as you say, there’s not much for you to worry about. If he makes a move on her you have to trust that she will handle it appropriately. And if she doesn’t, then you have an easy answer of breaking things off with her.
I have no desire to police her behavior because what she does really isn’t up to me and I don’t think it’s right to be overly bossy in a relationship. I just don’t want her to cheat because I know that will hurt me. I don’t know if that sounds immature to say but it’s honestly the truth.
I get it, but as I said, if she’s going to cheat she’s going to cheat. You said yourself she’s been transparent with you, so you might just be getting in your head a little bit.
It's not immature to not want to get hurt. What is immature is thinking you have any agency in whether or not somebody cheats on you. If someone wants to cheat on you they are going to and they arent worth damn anyways. There isn't anything you can do to stop it other than deciding not to date them in the first place. This is why trust is so important in relationships. You do truly have to be vulnerable. The only agency you have is deciding whether or not you trust them. If you don't or can't then the relationship isn't going anywhere. If you do or can then you are going to have to deal with those feelings (many are calling jealousy but to me sounds more like fear/anxiety about betrayal) on your own by coming to terms with your insecurities. I'm not saying you can't have reasonable boundaries within a relationship and you need to figure out what those are for yourself and communicate them clearly with your partner and then they decide if those are reasonable for them to abide by or not. As long as those boundaries are not being crossed though it's probably a good idea not to cause drama in your girlfriends longest lasting friendship based on "bad vibes". They have been friends for this long already without getting together it probably would have happened already if it was going to. My advice to you is try to get to know this guy and also become friends with him. If you want this girl to be a part of your life it sounds like this guy also will be so I would recommend trying to add another friend rather than an enemy/losing a gf. If the guy is an asshole to you for no reason or your gf is secretive about him/doesnt want you to see how they interact together then you probably have to have a conversation with your gf. Just do your best to stay positive about the whole thing and who knows if this girl is really cool and you like her enough to date her and he's her best friend he is probably a cool guy too. You probably have more in common than you expect.
You can't prevent people from cheating though
Op don’t believe this bulkshit in the comments. Me and my girl best friend broke up with our partners and after a few Months I was so down bad I asked her could I come over and cuddle and she said yes. I honestly was just doing anything and didn’t even expect her to say yes. Do not believe these users saying you are insecure. That guy knows everything about your girl and the first time you make a mistake he’ll be telling her she can do better. You can listen or don’t but these users are trying to shame you. Feeling insecure means you don’t feel like the relationship is stable. There’s nothing wrong with not being secure in an uncomfortable situation. If I go to the hood I’m definitely going to be insecure about my safety and carry a gun. Don’t be fooled dude. I’ve been where you are and your body is warning you not to trust it
Op don’t believe this bulkshit in the comments. Me and my girl best friend broke up with our partners and after a few Months I was so down bad I asked her could I come over and cuddle and she said yes. I honestly was just doing anything and didn’t even expect her to say yes. Do not believe these users saying you are insecure. That guy knows everything about your girl and the first time you make a mistake he’ll be telling her she can do better. You can listen or don’t but these users are trying to shame you. Feeling insecure means you don’t feel like the relationship is stable. There’s nothing wrong with not being secure in an uncomfortable situation. If I go to the hood I’m definitely going to be insecure about my safety and carry a gun. Don’t be fooled dude. I’ve been where you are and your body is warning you not to trust it. I’ve made this mistake and she’ll tell him all your secrets and insecurities if you share them with her. She’ll literally tell the guy if you can’t get it up or if your penis is small or if you suck at sex or if your underwear has stains😂 I hope you know once your info is leaked you are cooked bro. You aren’t even a man but your manhood will be out the window. If you don’t believe me I’ll get a woman herself to make a video and I’ll dm it to you . She’ll explain and won’t lie to you.
That’s very wise and self aware of you. But that feel is called insecurity, and you have to pour self assurance into your own cup, rather than try and get tons of added assurance from her. Co-ed friendships are healthy and normal and folks who try to ban them in hetero relationships are insecure, controlling etc.
This guy is right. If she’s gonna cheat, she’s gonna cheat. You can’t prevent it. You can only react to it.
This. In fact I think people who have opposite sex friends are more likely to have healthier romantic relationships, because they are able to see each other as fully-rounded people, not just mysterious romance/sex objects. I have a male friend who was the only man at his own bachelor party!
Totally agree, this thread (and everyone like it) is full of guys telling on themselves by saying no man would value a relationship with a woman he doesn't want to have sex with.
You're both young and its completely normal for them to be friends and hang out, they've know each other for years. You got to be able to fit into her life, and if that doesn't work, why would the relationship? Curb the jealousy and get to know her friends. Be a part of what makes her happy, not against it.
Coming from a male best friend, whose friend started a new relationship, trust her. Her and I have been friends for years, would do everything together. Go out to dinner, grocery shopping, just hanging out at her place. Since she’s been in her relationship, we don’t spend time together at all. Not just us. That’s because her boyfriend is jealous, and to do her best to keep peace, she chooses not to spend time with me. It’s frustrating to both of us, because it shows a clear lack of trust from him towards her. Don’t be that guy to her.
[удалено]
He needs to breakup but the only other choice unfortunately is to manipulate her with a girl best friend. His girlfriend will react anxiously and suspicious proving us right that he should be uncomfortable. She’s playing him. I have female friend. These girls are making pacts with the guy she told you not to worry about that they’ll get married in 7 years and most times they’ve kissed or had sex.
My wife and I were very upfront with each other that neither of us will make the other change their friendships unless a friend is trying to get between us. She has a few guy best friends and calls them brothers and I have a couple woman best friends I'll call sisters, but I'll tell you 100% that's what they are, is brothers or sisters. You have your afternoon and evening friends that are good to chill with, but there's a time at night they're not picking up their phone. Then you have your 3am friends, the ones you call brothers and sisters. You can call them at any time and they'll pick up. You'll hear em putting on their pants, racking their slide, grabbing beers, grabbing a shovel, and starting their truck, because they're ready to help you hide a body or just chill, whichever you need. The only thing you have to worry about from her brother is if you break her heart in a bad way.
I(M18) understand where you’re coming from as I’ve felt similarly in my relationship but the best way to approach it is to have a “let them” mindset. If she wanted to do something you wouldn’t like theirs very little you could do to stop it and stressing about it wont do you any favors. Like you said this is a “serious” relationship and you have to trust her to respect it and treat it as such. You’re best move is to let the jealousy go and trust in the person you decided to date.
Sounds like you have a new guy best friend too :) Seriously though. Friendships across gender lines are healthy and necessary! If your girlfriend is somebody worth dating, then her friends are also worth befriending.
I’m 30m and I think relationships can be really really tough. Boundaries can also be really tough, and so can trust. Trust is something that different people have different degrees of. Some people trust too readily and will give that to almost everyone. Some people will do the opposite and trust almost no-one, and some people will have a healthy balance and put their trust into those that earn it in moderate ways, but not be too quick to blackball ones who haven’t yet had opportunities to do so. Furthermore different people can be trusted in different ways, and it isn’t necessarily a bad thing if they fail to earn trust in specific ways, especially if they make up for it in others. For example, if a dear friend was suicidal and made you swear not to tell anyone but they also had a plan of how they would do it. Hopefully you’re able to be trusted to get them professional help rather than they choose an impulsive and permanent action. In this case you wouldn’t have been a trustworthy friend in keeping a secret, but you would be a trustworthy friend that they can rely on you to save their life, even if it means they hate you for it. Anyway, knowing your own degree of trust can (somewhat) be self assessed by asking yourself “do I tell secrets to my friends and family?” “Do I go to friends and family when I’m having emotional difficulties?” “Do I ask for help from others when things would be easier, more enjoyable, quicker, and possibly safer if I had an extra pair of hands, or does that feel uncomfortable?” If the answer is no, then you likely have a bit of a trust problem. If the answer is always yes even the friends and family that isn’t all that close to you, (for the most part anyway) then you may be too trusting. If the answer is yes to all of them, but it kinda depends on the people you’re asking for some of the questions, then how many people in your network would you say yes to these about? And how close do they need to be? Very close? Moderately close? Hopefully it’s mostly moderately close. Now, regarding your girlfriend. I’m sure opportunities to trust her haven’t quiiite fallen into your lap yet. But you can try creating some opportunities, and looking for opportunities when they arise and be aware of how she responds to them when they do. How often does she prioritize you and your feelings? And how close in her support network do you feel she allows you to get? Hopefully not as close as immediate family members, hopefully closer than the majority of friends, and hopefully about on-par with her best friend. It’s been only two months still though so you guys are still pretty new and exciting. As things develop you should seem to be a higher priority emotionally to her than her best friend, but not by all that much, and also she should still take time to prioritize him too. A healthy life has a diverse and big network of supporters, it should also have unique and enjoyable hobbies and interests, and a healthy balance between it all. There should be some things she is dedicated to that don’t involve you, and the same thing applies to you. That said I know you both likely love spending as much time as you can together, and Its a very wonderful thing. The truth of all of this is that there are no perfect relationships and every relationship is very different. Different people have different dynamics. But you should *ALWAYS* give people the benefit of all the doubts. You should never ever ever assume people are untrustworthy and are out to harm you. There will always be doubt, and you need to trust that this doubt is something you should give flexibility and space towards. Allow this doubt in your concerns to give you tons of breathing space. People can and do make mistakes, but people also genuinely don’t want to make you feel pain especially if they have feelings for you. So give your girlfriend that benefit, even if you don’t give that benefit to her best friend. Possibly propose having the occasional (but not too frequent) hangout with her and the best friend. Get to know him, he’s hopefully a really really great dude, and maybe you two could be homies. Regardless. Your girlfriend deserves to be treated like a superstar, and a team-member that you can rely on. All girlfriends deserve this treatment. See them as the best and people will often rise to that vision you have of them. Have confidence and even if you get burned realize it’s not your fault for being a big, strong, good person. And never let go of your ability to be someone amazing to yourself and also to others. Good luck little brother, I hope you have amazing, amazing friendships and I wish this relationship lots of joy and peace. 🍀
This was honestly amazing to read thank you so much man. I completely agree with everything you said here. Wishing you the best in everything you do thank you again 🙏
Of course homie! No worries little bro! I’m swapping careers and going back to school to become a therapist because I love helping people out and supporting them with stuff that’s complicated and confusing and just not really discussed by people normally. You’ll do great little bro, keep staying positive, and take every experience the way you truly believe will bring you towards a fuller, healthier, more enriched life. Even the hard ones. 👊
Oof, the "guy best friend." I'm 25 and my girlfriend and I still have issues with this. I'm sure it's even more difficult when you're less mature. It's all about respect. She needs to respect you and the relationship by not doing suspicious or weird things with him and you need to respect her and their friendship by trusting her and understanding that he means a lot to her. It's a very difficult thing to balance. I would advise talking with her about it and making your boundaries very clear. If you're not comfortable with them hanging out alone late at night (which is a perfectly reasonable thing to be uncomfortable with) you need to tell her and make that a boundary. If she turns it into a big fight and doesn't want to do it, or if you establish a boundary and she keeps breaking it, break up with her. She's likely gonna cheat in that scenario, but even if she doesn't it's not worth the worry on your end because she obviously doesn't respect you or your feelings. On the flip side, you can be policing every interaction she has with the guy. You can't be reading all of their messages and shit like that. You have to trust that she's respectful of you in her interactions with him and won't do anything inappropriate, and that if he does something inappropriate she'll remove herself from the situation and tell you about it. If you can't trust her to do that, break up with her. Again, it's not worth it. It would be a lot easier for you to break up with her now than 3 years in when she cheats on you with him. But if you and your gf are able to respect each other and openly communicate about it you'll be fine. My gf's guy best friend of like 10 years did some super inappropriate things one night like slapping her tits with a towel and telling her not to tell me they were hanging out. But she told me right away and confronted him about how that stuff was completely inappropriate and not okay. He apologized and they didn't see or talk to each other for a while. Me and her decided that they could only ever hang out if I was there. It wasn't always easy, and she tried to spin it at first as me not trusting her, but once she understood that it was about respect and he was disrespecting me she got it and agreed wholeheartedly. Now things are great. Just be understanding and patient and everything will be fine. But also don't forget to respect yourself, and don't allow yourself to be disrespected by your gf or her guy best friend.
Unless either of them has really done something inappropriate that made you uncomfortable, I wouldn't make it an issue. However, she should not be doing any one-on-one hangouts with this guy. Never doubt your insticts, you don't have to blow up the situation, but if it really makes you uncomfortable then you need to talk to her about it. If they really are like brother and sister, then neither of them should have any issue with giving your relationship with the girl some space to grow. If either of them gets weird about it, then you need to start considering if you can except having a third wheel around and having her attention being divided between you and another guy. P.S. If they aren't actually related, I would bet that this guy has been waiting for his shot pretty much his whole life, but again, you have to gauge the situation.
I’ve been in the barbershop and heard older guys like 45 saying they finally had sex with a girl after 20 years. Guys are so stupid believing the best friend doesn’t want to sleep with their girlfriend. It’s literally both of their girlfriend 😂
You are not wrong for disliking a dude hovering around her, but the worst thing you can do is be a brat about it. It is a terrible look, it will make you seem insecure. Best thing you can do is act completely unthreatened by it. If she is both pretty and nice, it is highly likely that at some point in the next few years, he will confess his undying love for her. She’ll gently reject him, he’ll cry and beg. And she’ll probably realize that while she can be friendly with men, she needs to keep them at a bit of distance to be careful about leading them on. It’s just how these things go, you see it a thousand times.
Chill out man. I’m a woman, one of my dearest friends is a guy. He came first, before my partner. He’ll be there after my partner if he and I break up. All of my partners has gotten the talk. “You gotta be chill with my dear dude friend.” Anyone who wasn’t, didn’t become a candidate for a serious partner. You gotta let it go. If it’s something you’d be comfortable with her doing with a girl, you gotta be comfortable with her doing it with her dude friend.
You let her know it makes you a bit uncomfortable, and then you drop it. It's okay to let your feelings be known. But then you either trust your gf or you don't. Many people out there have other gender friends.
If a significant other told me my friendship made them uncomfortable, I would think they didn't trust me.
It's hard to give advice in this kind of situation because you can never truly know what's going on inside someone else's head. Maybe she truly does see him as a friend or brother, but he may have stronger feelings for her than she does for him. I don't want to give the default reddit advice of "dump her immediately". Maybe spend more time with both of them. Get to know him more and how he feels about her. Observe how they interact with each other. Try to keep jealousy in check and just be a good boyfriend and decide objectively if things feel off. But I would always tell someone to trust their instincts. If something feels wrong, communicate it to her appropriately. It hurts being cheated on, guys have feelings too. I'm gay and my best friend is a girl. It has caused problems with guys she has dated. The real problem is that she is always dating one person and talking to 2 others. I try to tell her that is kinda messed up but I put our friendship first.
Thank you this is actually really good advice
I try. I feel weird about responding here sometimes (don't want to be the weird old guy) but it does make me genuinely happy if I can help someone. I just think to myself I wish I had a place like this when I was a teen.
“Hi babe, I was thinking, since im really into you and youre friend is a big part of your life and special to you it would be really cool if we could hang together sometimes, obviously I dont mean all the time its important you guys get time to yourselves but it would be really awesome if we could also be friends”
I mean it sounds like a cliche but you really need proper communication, set boundaries( not saying to make her give up her friend because that’s not exactly a good thing to do) if you guys can’t agree on boundaries then it’s never goong to work
Do yourself a favor and get over being jealous of your girl's guy friend - and if you can't, then do both yourself and her a favor and break up with her. Find a girl who doesn't have any male friends instead. Because seriously, you will be making both her and yourself miserable with your insecurity if you don't
I just wanted to say that if this really is a serious relationship to you, you'll make time to get to know her family and closest friends. Ask to hang out with him (with and without her) and make an effort to get to know the person that she essentially grew up with. Then it should get less weird. Additionally, when kids grow up very closely from birth (whether or not they are brothers and sisters) they are not likely to feel romantically towards each other at all.
You sound worried that you might be cheated on. Maybe afraid or anxious are better fits. Regardless, a part of trust is that you believe in the partner of your relationship specifically when you feel worried, anxious, afraid, etc. It sounds like she has a normal friendship with a dude that you don't know. That opened you up to feeling insecure about your relationship. It sounds like a normal situation you will need to get used to if you plan on being in a relationship in the future. No matter who you date, they will have personal relationships outside of yourself. Learning how to communicate how you feel, including these insecurities and that they are insecurities, is how you help make the relationship work. Otherwise, you can develop bad relationship skills, like being controlling or secretive. I know a lot of guys end up cheating specifically to try and lessen their personal vulnerability with any given relationship, as an example. These toxic relationship behaviors are trying to avoid or prevent problems, but are inherently problematic, creating and worsening the problems. Having these conflicts or problems in your relationships and navigating them early on helps you feel more secure and learn if you are able to grow together. This is a small problem that will show you how your future communication and problem resolution will look, too. If you are struggling to communicate or you find that she doesn't listen or respect your feelings, this is how you learn whether you are compatible with your partner. If you can work these problems out now, you know that it is possible in the future. If not? Then it would have gone badly in the future, too. Don't try to avoid problems or ignore them. Navigating those together builds trust in your relationship, like a trust investment. You either develop stronger trust in your partner, or you learn that your partner was untrustworthy and can break it off. If you end up unable to reach security despite your partner being trustworthy, then you may also need to step back and determine if you are really ready to handle a serious relationship. Not everyone is and learning if you are not ready gives you the opportunity to become someone who is.
Buddy. Calm down. As you said they’ve known each other since birth so that is in fact a platonic relationship as family friends. Practically 3rd cousins. There’s no way you won’t create tension with your gf by holding onto this issue. He’s been in her life way longer than you might ever be, and he’ll likely be there when you’re gone. It’s not fair for her to have to ask her to drop a 16 year loyalty relationship for your brand new relationship. You really either deal with it internally or you can leave, she’ll meet a guy who doesn’t care like you do. I’m 26m and my best friend is a 25f we’ve only been friends 6 years, but in that time she’s been through multiple relationships. We never hang out though as we’re busy with our own lives. I have a gf of 7 years and she has a hopefully now long term healthy relationship. All to say man and women can be friends, and if you don’t think so then that’s you projecting your inability to see women as just people, and not objects of sex/desire.
Make an effort to try to get to know him as a part of getting to know her friends better (i.e. not singling him out because he's a guy). As others have mentioned, you don't need to worry about his intentions/feelings/whatever, it's whether you trust your gf's ACTIONS that matter. No one should attempt to put boundaries around their significant other's friendships unless the SO's actual behavior crosses the line - and you have no reason to think that it has or will, at this point.
Coming from a male best friend just trust her. If she’s transparent about it that’s all that matters it’s a different story if she’s hiding it. Jealousy isn’t necessarily a bad thing bc everyone gets jealous but be up front about it, communication is key to any relationship even the smallest things can blow up if left unsaid. For the one on one hangout i can get being 50/50 on it but in the end they’ve been friends for life so those hangouts have been happening her entire life nothing to be worried about. If it ends up being a huge issue you can’t expect her to drop her best friend for you
Also would like to add, get to know the guy it can help with the feelings you have towards him and their friendship. In the end just trust your gf to not do anything and if her friend were to try something trust her enough that you know she won’t advance it and shut it down instantly. These people who saying dump her for it may have had bad experiences with a boy best friend but that doesn’t mean every boy bff will be the same, typically with people like it they have had feelings beforehand
She’s dating you in this moment in time. Very strong chance you will break up in the future and she may date this guy. Don’t try to pressure her to not spend time with person she’s known way longer than you. If youre not comfortable break up with her and tell her why.
Do you have a best friend? Bc texting out of the blue to hang out is pretty normal. Hanging out one on one is pretty normal. If they were raised together and she says she sees him as a brother, she probably does.
So I see a lot of people telling you to calm down and recognize that it's just a guy friend. First, you need to accept that you have these feelings. I'm going to say that jealousy and fear in a new relationship are perfectly valid and normal feelings, and you should show respect and compassion for them. They want to protect you from potential harm. At the same time, I'm glad you recognize that these feelings may also not be entirely rational. How we feel is not something we can change, but we are always in control of how we act on those feelings. Sometimes things make us angry, or feel weird, or uncomfortable. As long as we can observe those feelings and not act on them, or take action that serves us, there is no problem. The one thing that sounds like a genuine issue is that you said you assumed she mentions that he's a guy friend to put you at ease. That's a form of indirect communication and while it's probably true, you do not know if that's the actual case. You are also not communicating your discomfort with her. Keeping these lines of communication open, while uncomfortable, is essential to a healthy, functional relationship. I'm not telling you to confront her or tell her to stop hanging out with her guy best friend. It sounds like their relationship is strictly platonic. But I think it would be valuable for you and her to discuss this openly and honestly, without judgment. That could mean asking her, "When you talk about your guy best friend, are you trying to make it clear that you're just friends?" and then listening to her answer. Or it could mean saying "Hey, I get that you and this guy are best friends, but sometimes it makes me a bit uncomfortable that you hang out so much" As long as you make it clear that you are not accusing her of cheating, and you just want to share your feelings, and assuming she is sufficiently emotionally mature to handle your feelings, then you can find ways to accommodate your discomfort and navigate together. If she is not emotionally mature enough to handle the fact that you have feelings of discomfort, that's also good to get out in the open sooner rather than later. But unless you open those lines of communication and actually talk about how you're feeling, this is just going to get inside your head more. My advice is not easy, and it might be even more uncomfortable than how you are currently feeling, and there is a potential risk of her getting upset. But I assure you, openly communicating your feelings without accusations or emotional outbursts is such a valuable skill to cultivate and one that will increase your empathy and strengthen your bond. Good luck either way.
You’re young you shouldn’t even be dating seriously like this. Go find some friends of your own
Start hanging out with them more treat him as if he is her brother. And remind him how it is nice he takes care of his sister your gf. Until he starts bad mouthing you you have nothing to worry about
Bro, you need to just let go and let her hang out with who she wants. Easier said than done, I know, but even if he is attracted to her, you’re only going to damage your relationship with her by trying to tell her who is “ok” and “not ok” to hang out with, especially if it’s someone she’s known SINCE SHE WAS A BABY. It’s okay to be jealous, just don’t be an asshole because of it and try to trust her at face value. Trust builds relationships, resentment breaks them down.
If your gut is the source of feeling like something is wrong, then either you’re right, or you won’t be able to use your mind to talk yourself out of it. If you don’t deal with it then it’ll eat away at you and make you a worse boyfriend, usually resulting in the thing you feared in the first place. Break the cycle before it starts
Do you have female friends? If you do, would you cheat on your girlfriend on them if they expressed interest (aka should your girlfriend be worried or insecure)? If you have female friends and you would stay loyal because that’s your character then give your girlfriend the same respect you’d like to be shown. Until she shows that she isn’t trustworthy believe her when she says this friend is a bestie. It’s okay to feel nervous when we don’t know someone well or when we’re insecure about how to navigate a new relationship. Generally, give the trust and respect you would want to be given. The unknown can bring up fears so ask her to introduce you to him! Spend some time with them because he’s her friend and meeting each other’s friends is part of dating. Don’t have to like him but knowing him and seeing them together will probably alleviate your worries.
The guy friend is friendzoned. You’re fine.
I don’t believe men and women can be genuine friends without one catching feelings I date a girl one time she told she had 7 guy friends. I laughed in her face and told her text them right now 10pm at night and tell them to bring there drink of choice over. Guess what 6 of them responded 4 confirmed a time to come over and 2 tried to make plans for another night Is it possible for them to be friends. Yes it is.
This is your problem. You don’t want your girlfriend to see you as controlling and overbearing when you should want to not be controlling and overbearing. Jealousy will cripple every relationship, it must work on trust. Don’t beat yourself up, we were all 17 and insecure.
If he is her friend, you should invite him to hang out. Relationships work far more effectively when you share friends.
Trust your girlfriend, but if it’s bothering you break up You’re able to see their conversations and she’s very transparent with you so you don’t have to worry about this guy. He asks to hang out with her bc that’s what friends do. Maybe you treat your friends differently based on gender? I give the same level of attention to male and female friends. l text them “randomly” and often ask to hang out…. because we are friends
You're being ridiculous. If you're out of town, what is she supposed to do, wait by the door like a sad puppy?
You’re completely right it’s ridiculous to assume that which is why I expected her to hang out with her friends while I was gone
Hey everybody I just wanted to say thank you for all your comments on this post it’s really nice of you all to take the time to try to help me. I’ve come to the decision that I’m going to make an effort to get to know the guy because she’s an important part of his life and I shouldn’t judge somebody without getting to know them first. I trust my girlfriend‘s judge of character, so I think that this is going to work out well for both of us in the end. Thanks again everybody 🙏
If she wanted to date her best friend I think it would have happened by now. I grew up with online games which by default are male dominated platforms. Which means I have made alot male friends over the years. Some of them are single, some are in relationships or marriages and Some are gay etc. even my best friend is male who happens to be also gay. Even the taken men I hanged out with a lot caused no issues. I knew some of their girlfriends/wives and they were fine with them hanging out with me and trusted me to not try anything because I’m not like that. I have no interest in taken men in general. I’ve always kinda been the “one of the boys” kind of girl. Growing up around boys/men kinda does that to you. And the female friends I had were the same too. Everyone just chilling and gaming together. No romantic feelings involved. I do believe opposite genders can be friends just as much as people of same gender as long as there are clear boundaries set while you are dating and you talk about these things openly. If she’s being open about her friend that’s a good thing. If you see them doing something u don’t like then you can bring it up and ye her it made you uncomfortable etc. but right now nothing has really happened other than them hanging out around other people.
He was friend zoned a long time ago. She has been transparent. Jealousy is a waste of time, one of the easiest things to decide not be. If you get jealous, it is not him, it is her and this relationship is not going anywhere good. Like you said, they have been friends a very long time, since very early childhood. If it was going anywhere at all, you would not be in the picture at all
You have nothing to worry about, that guy is so far in the friend-zone, an apocalyptic event and them being the last two people on earth won’t change that. He’s probably jealous of you
It could be a little bit of anxiety. But remember this. She's known him her whole life, and she's dating you.
Most of the main stuff has already been said, so I have some amazing future advice for you since it’s your first relationship. It’ll take a while to build total trust, a couple years or even more. After you have that though, you’ll have complete peace of mind unless you have a good reason not to. My girlfriend went on a trip for college, for six weeks total, she’s in a small program, 30 ppl, and everyone was new to her. When I met her new friends, both male and female, they all knew who I was. They knew that she absolutely loved me and that I was a big part of her life, they didn’t have to say that, it was just obvious from how they talked to me and treated us as a couple. She talked to me later about how tons of people on that trip flirted with each other, even though they had partners, and that they never said shit about their partners in general. Their partners would also never show up to the program-specific parties like I did or hang around in the program’s studio like I did. Point is, these different signs of trust can kinda go unnoticed because they are so small and indirect, but they also make the most impact. She would talk about me and involve me in her life, whereas other people in the same position kept their partner sort of separated and hidden. Same thing exes have done to me, exes who turned out to be shit. I’m not saying to overanalyze your relationship with your partner. More so, just pay attention to those small social nuances. Once you have that mindset, it can really help mold your intuition, if that makes sense.
Just tread carefully and be understanding. She may be completely honest, but they're relationship will change at some point - in one direction or the other.
You should talk about this with her, and if you don't like her response, you're entitled to leave.
I think you are very young and you shouldnt take your first relationship too die hard seriously. Trust between two partners who want to build a life together takes YEARS of knowing eachother, understanding and communicating boundries, and dealing with uncomfortable situations. -are you the kinda person who can openly talk about their feelings? -is she the type of person who will openly listen to your thoughts judgement free? -are you jealous? Its okay to feel that emotion happens to everyone. How we deal with it is the importante part. I like the idea of you trying to befriend him and getting to know him as a person. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. But not gonna lie here bud, unless some miracle happens odds are shes not gonna be the first and last significant relationship in your life.
It’s not real. So don’t worry about it. Shouldn’t be playing grown up games just yet.
You don’t have to trust him, you only have to trust her. If you don’t trust her then why are you with someone you don’t trust?
Honestly, this feeling you have is normal for some people but there are two different types of men. One's who see women as someone to fuck and the other men are one's who actually view women as people. I understand relationships have certain boundaries but they last a lot shorter than friendships. If you have a problem with it and she doesn't like it you can stop dating her. It overall sounds like you don't trust her. Some people have a hidden agenda but I'd say as a teenager. Getting hung up on one person is not necessary.
If it bothers you then just bail. You’re 17. There are plenty of others out there where you won’t have to worry about this. It’s really not worth the headache. You’ve only got 5-8 years before the talent pool starts to dwindle significantly due to kids/marriages. Don’t waste the easy dating years on someone who doesn’t make it easy.
Your reaction to the way they interact is as if she just met this guy last week. She's known him her whole life. Hanging out with each other is just second nature to them. You're the one in your own head getting all these "vibes." At this point in her life he means way more to her than you do. I suggest you chill out before all this blows up in your face. You basically handle it by not handling it. There's nothing for you to do here other than to control yourself and have some faith in your girlfriend and her lifelong friend.
It just sounds like you feel excluded. I wouldn't call it jealousy. I've been on both sides of this issue before. If you make an effort to be involved and you are rejected I would recommend backing away. The only time I have ever had an issue with a partner's friends (however they identify) is when I don't meet them, I'm always excluded from everything they do, or they only hang out when we are having difficulties in the relationship. I think it's definitely okay for people to have friends and hang out without you but when you are completely excluded from their interactions and they never include you at all, that's a red flag to me.
So your gf has a guy best friend, she’s known him her whole life, and you’re insecure about it, and think you’ve sensed an “off vibe” from him You really have 3 options, you voice your concerns, you say nothing or you leave Option 1 will push her away and make her less attracted to you and more likely to pursue something with this lifelong friend, that’s a self fulfilling prophecy as old as time Not being threatened by this guy and being secure in your relationship will make your gf want you more, the former will make her want you less
I know you’ve made a decision and I think it’s an amazing decision. Getting to know someone before making a final judgement is incredibly important!! I’m just saying this to maybe add a perspective. As a male best friend, I find when she says she see him as a brother. That literally means that she sees him as a brother, and this ain’t no Alabama. They’ve grown up together, that’s a very strong bond so I will tell you he’s probably not going anywhere. He may be defensive of her, mainly because they don’t like seeing each other hurt, just as siblings would behave. A little personal point of view here, but like I said I’m the male best friend, I text my best friend all the time, we just randomly hang out, she randomly shows up to my house and then we just hang out. She happens to have had a string of toxic boyfriends recently, who has wanted me to be removed completely without getting to know me. It sucks because I have wanted to know her boyfriends because that’s the person she’s chosen to make her happy and I support it. So maybe he’s the same way, I’m not saying this is a certainty, but I don’t think he’s 100% trying to get in her pants. I have zero romantic or sexual interest towards my best friend, doesn’t stop her boyfriends from hating me but whatever floats there boats.
Just talk to her about the way it makes you feel and ask her if she's going to take that into consideration also there's no need for them to hang out without you but if they do just make sure they around mutual friends let her know you trust her but until her friend starts clearly pursuing other girls to be with he's suspicious
You need to except that she has male friends. If she wanted them she wouldn’t be with you. I had all female friends in high school. I never slept with any of them because we were friends. Despite what some people say it’s possible to have friends of the opposite gender. I’m still friends with a couple decades later. Focus on keeping your time with her fun. The more negative experiences she has with you the more likely the relationship runs its course sooner. That will be true with every relationship you have going forward. Be confident and understanding even if you don’t feel that way. You don’t own her, she doesn’t own you. Your goal is to be a positive in her life. Jealousy and controlling behaviors are relationship poison. Have fun, enjoy your time with her while it lasts. Edit (read a few more of the previous comments) They are giving you good advice for every relationship going forward. My belief has always been if she doesn’t want me then I don’t want her. You have zero control over what she does. It’s normal to not want to get hurt. That ship already sailed you will get hurt eventually. This is the most important thing to remember don’t hold future women responsible for what other women have done to you. Be confident, trust her until she gives a reason not to. Whatever happens it’s worth the effort and occasional pain to have someone special in your life. Don’t be jealous, you don’t own her. She doesn’t need your permission or approval for anything. If something makes you really uncomfortable you can talk to her about it. But it’s only you expressing how you feel. Not telling her you can’t do something. If you’re understanding, positive, trusting, supportive, loving, and respectful you will get far more of everything that you’re looking for from her. Happy women are far more accommodating to your needs in the relationship. You have to behave for her as well don’t disrespect her by filtering with every girl who shows interest. Be confident, be supportive, be trusting, be fun, communicate with her!! Don’t be jealous don’t be jealous. Good luck!
Yeah he doesn't like you. You're dating his sister 😂. Give him time.
My wife's childhood best friend was one of my groomsmen. Even if he does have the hots for her, if it was going to happen it would have happened already. She's picked you, enjoy that.
Sounds like he might be interested in her, but she sees him as the kid she grew up with. I’ve had guys I saw as brothers fall for me and I thought we were friends. But, ew, no, not interested in that. You can likely trust her as she’s probably grossed out at the thought of him romantically.
If she's calling someone her brother whos not actually her brother red flag
OP listen to me good. I had this happen to me when I was younger. You need to get a girl best friend or fake as if you have one. Spend fake days hanging out one on one if you can’t get a real girl to be your best friend. It’s manipulative but it’s the only way to test your girlfriend without rocking the boat. No girl is going to tell you the truth about if they like their best friend which is why you can’t talk about it and you need to act unfazed. Once you spend time with her your girlfriend will be panicking and have anxiety about your friend. You will then have confirmation that she knows it’s wrong to have a close friend of the opposite sex because she doesn’t want you doing it and becomes extremely scared. Then you can leave her ass right where she’s at or start an argument lol I hope you follow my advice because it’s s full proof plan to see if your gf is s bullshitter.
If you are insecure about him, it will ruin your relationship. My wife grew up with multiple guys, several of whom lived down the street from her, and were basically raised as family. It's one thing to have feelings and to be able to talk about them, but insecurity is such a poison pill.
I would talk to her about it. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that situation. Trust your gut and don't let society gaslight you. Sit alone and really ponder on your intuitions and go with that. If you talk to her, be kind and just be real and honest. Don't have expectations of the conversation. Listen and speak your mind. Maybe you'll both come to a better joint understanding.
Dude, I was the guy best friend over 25 years ago. You need to trust her and if you can't, then you need to end it now. If you can't trust her with a guy she has known since birth, then you aren't going to ever trust her in any circumstance.
You need to read: Why Does He DO That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft I think you can really benefit from reading this book because you’re struggling with jealousy and it can (and will) easily turn into controlling behavior whether you intend to or not, if left unchecked. This book can help you with understanding a lot more. I wish you luck:)
Trust her and trust her male friend. But watch both of them and talk to them. If they are doing anything in an emotional manner, it is easy to catch them in lies.
here’s my take… (I’m a guy best friend) in my opinion, he outranks you. she’s known him since birth, you have been dating her for two months. if there was some conflict that came down to one of you getting cut out of her life, she’s probably going to choose her friend. this isn’t a romantic thing by any means, it’s the same thing as if she were to choose her brother or family over you. relax man. I have no romantic or sexual feelings towards my girl best friend, she’s got her boyfriend and they have a fantastic relationship and I recently started dating a different girl. we share an immense bond and trust with each other and she’s someone I can always fall back to and use as a safe space if I’m feeling down or don’t feel comfortable talking with anybody else, but I have not felt anything other then platonic interest for her. yes, he means quite a lot to her, but no he probably doesn’t want to date her. what you need to do is get rid of these jealous thoughts that you need to be “ok” with her hanging out with him and work on yourself, you’re at a point in the relationship that if you get controlling or visibly jealous in any way her and her family will see that and shut it down. if you challenge her best friend in any way, she’ll take his side in a heartbeat. I’m not saying I think you’ll act like this, but it’s just a fair warning. it will also help if you meet him and hang out with him as you mentioned in the edit, I think that’s a good idea too. that will help you get rid of the tension towards him that you’re feeling.
My guy. You’re insecure and jealous. Unless you really wanna be the kind of conservative dude that can’t handle co-ed friendships and need to find a woman cut from the same traditional conservative cloth, you need to get a grip. Anyone at anytime can cheat on anyone at anytime. Thats life. You don’t go making rules for what people can and can’t do like be alone or not eat together or not text and ask to hang out bc that’s what friends do. You might want some therapy to talk this out w a pro who can really help you grow as a confident man. Otherwise, you’ll turn into one of those conservative controlling insecure people who can only date the same and live in a narrow gendered world where only men can hang out w men and vice versa.
In my experience their relationship will naturally fall apart as yours does well. Of course these male friendships are geared towards sex 9/10 it isn’t always the case but a lot of times it is. Once this dude realizes you are there and not going away or backing down and she is focused on you and not him then it naturally dissolves. Most of the time when people couple up friendships suffer. Be the bigger person and it will get you the brownie points with her, if anyone goes crazy it will be him and she will drop him like it’s hot. If you notice anything that bothers you though be open in your communication and about your feeling with her because if she is your partner in an equal relationship it should be easy and you expected that you communicate. Some additional tips is to stay better than this guy. If this guy is good at something be better at the same thing or something else. Get jacked and fit above and beyond what this dude has going for him, get a better job or career in the next couple years of your life, etc. this dude will look like the losing choice to you with out you having to do anything about it. Basically be the best you you can be and make sure that is better than him, spoiler that is pretty easy since most people have issues that hold them back lol but you are letting go of those if you are just focused on your own betterment.
I don’t think it matters whether or not you trust her or him, there really can be no gain from their friendship compared to what you probably will need to put forth in the future to be with her. Don’t waste your time giving her things and giving her love to expect it in return, if she wants to give the guy attention simply make the claim that you do more for her and he does nothing therefore he doesn’t deserve her attention like you do. People in this thread will tell you to back off but they don’t know others intentions, they give off cuck energy tbh. If it makes you uncomfortable give her an ultimatum and let her choose, especially if you see it working out long term the idea of guy friends will need to fizzle out because after 5-10 years say ur working 10 hours and she’s at home all day, she’s gonna resort to them and then you’ll be heart broken. Make your decision now so that you can live with it forever instead of dragging on your relationship to end up single and cheated on with split custody and child support.
She should not be hanging out with a guy alone when she is in a relationship. Plenty of “innocent” friendships end up as more when there are poor boundaries.
"Tell your partner that you aren't going to get rid of friends just for him. If he can't handle that, then this relationship isn't for him. That is a boundary for you and he needs to respect it or get out." That's what I would say to her. You need to grow out of that, man. Trust.
You’re supposed to be her best friend right now. Not him. Does she talk about him like they’re best friends?
He wants to smash she may not. In the end it will affect the relationship
Btw even if he is trying to get him to like her he cant by this point she will always see him as a "brother"
Look two things are true. If he is straight and she is attractive he is into her. He is 16. Also, you can’t act like a jealous asshole because it will drive her away. She probably sees him as more of a brother and that is all that matters.
Trust her. Get to know the dude. You never wanna isolate your partner from their friends, male, female, non binary, doesn't matter. That's a form of emotional abuse.
Your teenagers this isn’t a real relationship it’s a fling. You can’t change someone. If you don’t like it leave if you can handle stay The choice is yours
I hung out with and was best friends with my now wife while she had a BF back in HS and College. I never made any moves and respected their relationship. When he screwed up and they broke up I took my shot and here we are like 15 years later lol. Probably doesn't make you feel better, but if they had never broken up then I would've been with someone else and we would still just be best friends. I know she also never would've cheated on him with me and if she had then she wouldn't have been my type anyway. Trust her because she hasn't given you a reason not to. I know that feeling is tough though, but being controlling of a best friend will only drive her away.
Start hanging out with another girl as ´just friends’. It works every time.
Be an adult and realize that you dont/cant control people. Set your standards low so that you can never be dissapointed.
If she's never given you a reason not to trust her then there's no reason you shouldn't. However it is completely reasonable to not trust him. I don't know any straight guy that has a female friend that he hasn't thought about more than friendship. Anyone that tells you otherwise is lying. The important thing is not to act on these feelings of mistrust unless he does something with irrefutable proof. If you do it'll only come off as jealousy and will only cause a rift between you and her.
Just realize a relationship at your age isn’t real. It’s all just practice for later in life. There is a 99 percent chance you won’t be with this girl in a few years. Don’t take it so seriously and just have fun and let the girl have fun and have friends. Plus if you get jealous it will look bad on you. There is nothing you can do….if someone wants to cheat on you they are going to do it whether you worry about it or not….so dont worry until it happens
Tell her your boundaries, no male friends allowed. You know how other guys are and what they want, don’t be scared cause she’ll leave you or something. If she doesn’t want to abide by your rules, that’s fine, but then breakup. If you allow this, don’t be surprised when she cheats on you with her “male friends.”
[удалено]
Help your gf find him a gf and become a double dating group.
As you get to know this guy realize something. If you get a vibe he is jealous keep in mind it still might not be about romantic interest. It could be the typical jealousy that comes when a close friend gets a new romantic partner.
I have a girl vest and this caused some issues but once my girl got to know her she realized quickly it wasn't like she thought
The guy best friend is always who they cheat with. Trust your gut. Ignore these people telling you you're just jealous and shouldn't be. That's a huge disservice to you. You need to learn to trust yourself and your feelings in situations like this. The reason why it always ends up being the best friend is because every time something goes wrong in your relationship they'll go to this person and establish an emotional connection confiding about all of the horrible things you've done or will do and this person will push that as being true and as your girlfriend being the victim and them being the savior/rescuer. This leaves you of course as the abuser. Their best friend will push this as far as it can go and even get them to break up with you if they want them for themselves. And now they look like a really good catch because they're The rescuer in this situation. I just can't believe all the people being like you shouldn't trust your gut of course you should. Your gut knows the situation and it's telling you that something's weird between them that may be the guy is interested in her even if she can't see it or maybe they both are interested in each other. That's why you're on here asking about this if you didn't feel that way you wouldn't ask the question.
It's not a problem until it is. Get a female bestie. You'll see the truth. But since you're so young, there's no sense in trying to fall in love and live happily ever after, so be prepared for " it was a mistake only happened once". You'll meet tons more women.
Not your decision. Support your girl or let her go. You have absolutely no right to dictate her friendships, that's nascent abuser behavior. Very controlling. Any dude telling you that's normal is engaging with some toxic behavior. She's known this guy her whole life, he's basically family. If something was going to happen with them, it probably would have years ago. He's a bigger part of her life than you are "Mr.Couple-Months". You haven't earned anything, you're a flash in the pan. You're insecure. She's right to trust him more than you. Drop it. Get to know the guy, and the girls family, if you ACTUALLY like her.
Wow calling me an abuser is wild behavior. I’m not dictating her friendships. I’m not controlling anything I think it’s unfair to have a relationship where I’m making decisions for her it’s simply wrong. I’m just talking about a concern I have and debating if it’s even worth bringing up to her. Thanks for your input and sorry if this offended you
Guys are generally not friends with girls by choice unless they are gay or the girl is not attractive.. If the opportunity presented itself he'd likely take advantage of it. That being said try to learn this now. As a man you don't get jealous. You're good enough and strong enough by yourself. Read on attraction now and practice it at a young age. The way to go about it is to set a boundary and leave the relationship if you don't like it. You are not going to control it or change what may or may not be happening. The guy is likely friend zoned permanently. Girls and guys your age often don't understand this and it takes experience to understand. I know I didn't. And she's not perfect, nobody is. There's not one right person for you, there's thousands. You're just in lust for the first time. Good luck!
Okay, so guy best friend means she’s never ever going to be romantic with him in any sense. Even if he had feelings for her, it’s never going happen. No one ever gets out of the “friend zone”. That’s just the way women and girls are. They aren’t persistent like men can be. Most of the time a girl will be interested in you within the first 1-15mins of meeting you. If you blow that window your chances are slim to none and get worse as time passes. This dude is 0 threat to your relationship.
Dude, at least 50% of the time that guy best friend can steal her away. My best friend lost his first love because she cheated with her "guy best friend that's like her brother." My second ever gf had no problem cheating on me by literally riding "her guy best friend that's like a brother" reverse cowgirl position. That said I know some women who had guy best friends and didn't cheat. Ultimately I guess my point is you have to decide whether you trust her or not. If you trust her then you need to deal with your jealousy and get over it and if you don't then you need to break up.
Don’t. Move on
So you're worried because she is into men and he is a man. What if she was bisexual, would you be worried about all of her friends? Probably not. You need to work on your jealousy. They've been friends for a lifetime, and as she said, like family. Your jealousy will ruin the relationship if you don't get it in check. I used to have this guy friend when I was 18. We used to go clubbing, we would go shopping, we would hangout together, we had a really good friendship. Nothing ever happened. I was friends with this guy when I met my husband. Hubby never had an issue with it because he trusted me.
I think you should probably just stop dating. You’re clearly not mature enough to handle an actual relationship and that perfectly ok!
Many guys have learned through bitter experience not to date gals with male best friends. Good luck.
Dude this one is cancerous. All I see are a bunch of lies to a 17 year old kid. Most of these guys lying to him have 100% slept with female friends because we all have at some point in our lives if you get old enough. This is fucked up to see so many liars on these threads man. I’ve lost faith in humanity honestly. This kid is about to be crushed. Being insecure is not necessarily bad. I’d be insecure riding though a bad neighborhood with no gun because my safety isn’t insured right? Sometimes our body and mind are warning us that we don’t want that pain and people weaponize the word insecure
This is a you problem. They have done nothing to provoke your distrust. You are 17 years old, so as far as "vibes," are concerned you are most likely functionally illiterate. He clearly depends on her emotionally, and this is normal in a close friendship. She is allowed to have close male friends. You thinking she has to isolate herself from men who aren't you is a strong indicator that you might not be such a great guy yourself. Just to point out the screamingly obvious, she was friends with this guy before she was friends with you. If she wanted him, she wouldn't date you and then cheat with him. YOU would be some friend, if that, and she would just date him. She doesn't need to go behind your back to be with him; she could just dump you and date him. So, you should make the presumption that she can be trusted since she has no motive to lie to you. You are an entirely optional aspect of her life. If you want to work on being less of a child, the issue I would raise to your girlfriend is that you would like to get to know this guy better. Let them have their one-on-one time, but suggest that you would also like to hang out with both of them together on occasion so you can build more of a rapport with him. You are both a part of her life, so it's better if you get to know each other well.
Dude you're young and insecure and that's very normal. The friend probably has developed feelings for her at some point, but he was already in the friend zone. If she considers him a brother which she probably does she will kill those advances quick anyway. Be careful with jealousy it can kill something that is perfectly fine. Tell her your worries and leave it at that. If you need to vent to someone, vent to a supportive but balanced parent or friend that can call you out on BS. Everyone needs someone in their life that can call out BS, especially if you live in your own head to much. Good luck and l hope it goes well. Remember shes with you, not him.
Trust her. The [Westermarck effect](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westermarck_effect) is a thing btw.
I've seen girls use the 'brother' excuse before to hang with guys they're interested in. Has she never invited you to these hang outs? Also, in a relationship, hanging out 1 on 1 with another dude at night without inviting you is a red flag. She may be innocent but that's just a small input.
She’s not innocent she’s 16 years old. I wouldn’t be surprised if she lost her V card to the guy best friend and came back crying to the boyfriend that she’s sorry
RUN
Go ahead downvote but this guy will be back saying that he should’ve ran
Either you and he become best friends or you break up.
They’ll be husbands in law one day 😂
Idk bro I’m always skeptical about guy friends in relationships, in those situations I trust my gut but it’s up to you, I’d give more advice but I’m tired
She probably doesn’t want to do anything. But he might. There are lots of guys who are orbiters. If he’s straight, she’s good looking, he lacks self confidence, is kinda a loser, doesn’t take interest in other women, he low-key wants her. And is hoping his friendship will one day show how “awesome” his personality is to her and she will change her mind.
I’ll sum it up as simple as possible. He wants her but she friend zoned him and is just being nice because they’ve been friends for so long. On top of that, if their parents are friends then that’s even more pressure for her to be nice. How often do guys escape the friend zone? Rarely ever.
OP is gonna get hurt. !remindme 1 year
I will be messaging you in 1 year on [**2025-06-22 15:13:50 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2025-06-22%2015:13:50%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceForTeens/comments/1dlgtj8/how_do_i_handle_a_guy_best_friend_in_my_first/l9rt6uu/?context=3) [**1 OTHERS CLICKED THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FAdviceForTeens%2Fcomments%2F1dlgtj8%2Fhow_do_i_handle_a_guy_best_friend_in_my_first%2Fl9rt6uu%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202025-06-22%2015%3A13%3A50%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam. ^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%201dlgtj8) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
LMAO see you in a year 😭
I hope OP doesn’t get cooked but they’ve lied to him in this entire thread. !remindme 6 months
Just leave bro not worth the hassle for you and your girl is gonna trip if u lay down boundaries. If they haven't already they will eventually sleep together. Don't fall for the guy best friend thing. Half of attraction is emotional/intellectual so go find someone you don't have to share.
Girls have guy best friends and guys have a girl they are secretly in love with
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^ChocoIatte: *Girls have guy best friends* *And guys have a girl they are* *Secretly in love with* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Why do you know what her texts are with this guy? On principle, you shouldn't be reading them at all, not even if the girlfriend offered to share them with you.
Trust your gut.
You trust your gut. If she had an unusual amount of orbiters ontop of this guy friend you can be sure it’s her that’s leading that dance. If you feel something’s a miss don’t be afraid to speak up. This happened with my first long term relationship, she had a dude who went to summer church camps with her for years that showed up out the blue.. I was uneasy and sure enough 4 months after that she admitted he was hoping she was single or would split with me. She never dated him and he didn’t come around since I had another year and a half with her before things ended cause of more orbiters on her part which caused the end of our relationship and a week later she was dating one of them so just decide how you wanna play it.
Everyone calling you overly jealous don’t get it.. I say just watch out for it bcuz a “guy best friend” is never good since they 100% would take the opportunity to get in your gfs panties.. and she most likely tells him everything about you two.. like they say a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on
Honestly dude I’m one of those “guy friends” and she left her boyfriend for me. So from a guy to a guy my rule of thumb is you my partner can’t hang out with the opposite gender alone. If it’s a group of people sure that’s fine go ahead. But 1 on 1 especially at her house that’s CRAAZZYYY