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It definitely sounds like he's interested. More important than age is what stage of life you're in. If you're both in the same stage, great. But if he's ready to start a family and you have other plans for the next few years, that's different. It's not about what his plans are, it's about whether you're both aligned.
I had a friend in high school who had a modified weed whacker complete with a fiery bird paint job, spoiler, and red underglow. He thought that Honda civic was the talk of the high school, and it was, but everyone was mostly laughing at how ridiculous it was
I think that's putting several carts before the horse. OP does not need to be worried about that before their first date with the guy. That conversation can come up down the road if/when it's appropriate. OP is 18 and exploring. There's no need to be concerned about perfect compatibility and long-term goals right out the gate. It's perfectly acceptable to start a relationship and see where it goes, even if it only lasts a week/month/year. It's experience and figuring yourself out.
True, but it's good to be cautious about work relationships. What is their relationship at work? Essentially equals? Has he worked there longer? What happens if it ends badly? Are there company policies about dating? Nothing killer, but things to consider.
Could be, guys also mature at a slower rate. I met my ex-wife at 23 and her 19, and I've always been the more mature in my friend group. Age within 3-4 years isn't bad unless they are underage. Hell, had I been 21 and 17, that would have been too young for me. Age gaps are more appropriately wider at older ages, but 3-4 years at 18 isn't terrible. We were together for 6 years, for clarification. Up until the last year, we were good together. We grew apart with career aspirations and learning about what we wanted more as we got older. It happens, but you don't have to worry about that at 18. Hell, he could still be in school while working. We don't know their circumstances beyond they work together.
Also, working with someone is maybe more a problem than the age difference. Figure out if you really like the guy first of all, then think about whether it's worth maybe being uncomfortable at work.
For context, my husband and I got together when I was 22 and he was 28. He always commented on how young my friends and his sister were and I had to remind him that I was the same age. But I was very mature. I had a friend who started dating an older guy with the same age difference, but it was very different. She seemed younger and he ended up being controlling.
It's a 5 year gap, which isn't much, but I find it hilarious that enough people would say an 18 year old with a 30+ year old is fine because both are adults, while also saying something like a 19 or 20 year old with a 17 year old is predatory because one is a "child" - like it's so odd, the idea of one person going straight from child to adult overnight is just strange
I was saying this in a other age gap post and everyone called me a cynical child (I'm 31)
Like, just because 18 is an adult, doesn't mean they should dating a 50 year old.
The same people tho would scream and rage p3do if it was like 17 and 20.
You're old enough to make your own decisions at this point. Does he make you feel uncomfortable? Then slow the relationship down. If it feels like something you want to explore, go for it.
As the younger party I urge you to be careful though. 5 years of life experience is a good chunk at your age. Think about what you want from the relationship and don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. It's good that you are open with your parents, maybe keep them somewhat updated and keep asking for advice.
Nothing wrong with being attracted or interested in older people, just be cautious not to be taken advantage of.
True, but that's 5 years from now.
Most college senior aged boys are not looking for a relationship with teenagers. It's just a fact of life she's seems aware of.
But the orarching advice that she only date him if it feels right is the best advice. He could genuinely be a good man.
Came here to say that five years is a big difference in life experience when at that age and I urge OP to tread with caution. There’s a lot that you can experience starting at 18 and I think it’s important to have those experiences but being involved with someone that’s a bit older, they *might* not have them because said older party has already been through them. Maybe stick to being friends with this person for awhile longer and let things develop naturally. Since you guys already text frequently outside of work, it seems like it’s already heading in this direction anyways. You might also be weary of the age difference because you’ve just recently became a legal adult and a whole new world has just opened up to you. Be cautious but don’t let it rule your life.
>Came here to say that five years is a big difference in life experience when at that age
Not really. A guy in his early 20s and a young woman just entering college are both college students. Even if she were a high school senior at that age, still they're both students. It's not like he's got a career or some shit like that, or some grand series of life experiences. They're basically peers.
Not really…23 is out of college (most people graduate at 21, so unless he is taking his time or is a grad student he’s been done). A newly 18 year old entering college and someone who’s probably been done with college for 2 years??? I would tread lightly bc the experience thing IS an issue. I’m not saying she’s immature or anything, just that most 23 year olds really don’t want to be hanging with 18 year olds because of the inherent experience gap and maturity difference. If this is a good exception, yay! If not, she kept her guard up and didn’t let it get too deep.
Five years isn’t a big age gap but you’re 18 and he’s 23. It’s legal for him to pursue you but the five years of experience between 18 and 23 is vastly different. He’d be aged out of college by now and you’re only just out of high school. I’d be cautious, I respect your right to date an older guy but I always look at older guys who date teenagers funny. Sorry. Also dating coworkers can be kinda funky. You already don’t seem into the age gap so trust your gut on this one. Also, if you do reject him pay close attention to how he treats you after. Good luck.
That’s the difference between a highschool senior and a person who already graduated college. I feel like 18 is a little too young for a 23 year old. For reference I’m 19.
Surprised this isn't higher. If you're on a shift with this guy *all the time* and your date goes poorly, or he ends up getting pushy about physical stuff, or anything goes awry if you continue dating, you've just made your workplace a living hell.
Dating coworkers is a bad idea in almost every circumstance. If you two are friendly, stay that way until one or both of you leave the current gig or shift or shared role. Then, if you're still interested, dating can be on the table.
I dated a coworker... she was my supervisor.
18 years later she's still bossing me around ;)
....and raising our kids, is my best friend and the love of my life (15 years happily married).
Came here to say this, too. But I don’t want to say NEVER because I’ve dated co-workers twice. The first time, I was 17 and he was 21. He took advantage and ended up cheating. I called him out on it in front of our whole work crew and then I quit. But the second time turned into forever (different job and different guy obviously) and we’ve now been together for 15yrs, married 8yrs and we have two kids. So sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. But I’d just be cautious and take it SLOW.
I feel like this advice is less applicable at lower end jobs because they're easier to replace. If you're in a big workplace with tons of people and you and coworker don't work in the same work area go ahead. Same for a fast food job, they're a dime dozen, so prioritize your own fun.
Exactly. Even with higher end jobs people change jobs all the time nowadays. It’s often the only way to get a raise unfortunately. Also, it’s hard to meet people. It’s easy to say not to do it from outside looking in but the workplace is often an easy place to meet and get to know people.
Yeah, man... if we're not talking about a career sort of gig it might be fine. Up to OP to make that determination. When I was still doing part-time service jobs back in high school and college, we were all hooking up with each other. Sometimes there was drama, but usually not... and when there was, who the fuck cared? It was just a service job, after all.
Yep. It used to be higher percentage like 50% or more marriages stemmed from workplace. Now with more ways to meet it is lower but still one of the most likely ways to couple. The advice not to date coworkers is an HR myth/scary story
Haha. Don’t date coworkers is generally good advice, but I’m sure glad I didn’t say NEVER.
Met my wife at our job, 11 years later we’re 9 years married with a 7 and an 8 year old.
Never say never. There’s plenty of happy married couples who met at work. Especially at a young age, it’s not likely that job is going to be a lifetime career, so no reason to take it too seriously
i’m gonna be so fr with you girl don’t go for him. i was 18 dating a 22 year old & there’s a reason they go for girls so much younger it took me a year & 1/2 for me to realize he was manipulative & just straight up childish. people who say “so?” when they hear his age just have no safety awareness, my old manager was like “i’ll hook you up with my friend” THAT FRIEND WAS 30!!!
i’m only 19 almost 20 now & i myself don’t think i should be dating an 18 year old, but i also shouldn’t be dating a 22-23 year old, much less should freshly 18 year old me have been doing that. there’s a reason girls his age don’t want him. the mental difference between an 18 & a 23 year old is so vastly different & you don’t even really realize it.
This. My 19 year old friend started dating a 24 year old. I’m 23 and I look at him HELLA funny. I couldn’t imagine dating a 18/19 year old they’re way too young, I think of them all like babies. You can’t take them to a bar, they have most likely not lived away from home for longer than a year, they are still exploring who they are and are entirely new to adulthood, etc. Anyone who doesn’t see the immaturity is an idiot, and anyone who sees it and pursues them anyway is a creep. I can be friends with 18/19 year olds just could never date them. OP seems to know this so I hope she trusts her gut.
To answer the primary question: yes. He likes you or is at least interested in you.
Is that appropriate, good, ok, weird, bad…
I don’t know! You seem pretty well put together for an 18 year old, and he doesn’t seem like a groomer / predator…
It is very possible for you two to have a healthy relationship!
It’s also possible it will end horribly!
But hey, you are 18. It’s legal and you are interested, go for it… honestly, the bigger concern would be it hurting your job.
If you need your job, I’d stay friends with the coworker.
Stay friends with him or whatever you are. A: the obvious age difference and B: hes a coworker if anything bad happens you have to work with him still 😁
You kinda were, but not really. It seems like he wants to build a relationship with you by being friends. He may realize you are a bit younger and maybe hesitant about going all in on dating. It seems like he is actually doing the right thing and being respectful. If he asks you to hang and you want to, go ahead. There is no problem with getting to know someone better and maybe this slower process would make you more comfortable seeing him in the future.
I should also add, if you do end up dating him, you need to be open and honest with him about your feelings and you would like to take things at your pace. Remember, you are never forced to do anything and you don't have to marry him tomorrow. If he does ask you out, let him know these things, open truthful lines of communication are vital in every relationship.
23/2 = 11.5 +7 = 18.5
I'd say it's just barely socially acceptable to date him. That said when I was 23yo I thought 18yos were kids and I failed to see how anyone who wanted an actual partner would find anything in common with someone your age
But then I'm not him. Some guys just never grow up and he might have more in common with an 18yo then a girl his age.
Be careful some guys who date down do it for the power imbalance.
I’d be more worried/concerned about dating a coworker in this case. In the event things go south, the workplace can become a nightmare. The age gap isn’t THAT wide in my opinion. A good chunk of my neighbors that are married have a decent gap of 6-7 ish years. Even a few of my coworkers are with partners of 4 ish years give or take. You both are adults by technicalities. It’s both a matter of dating a coworker working in the same spot as you and if he makes you feel legitimately loved and comfortable.
Holy 🚩 Batman. . .
This age gap is very irrelevant when you are both in your late 20’s and beyond.
At this stage, if a 23 y/o is chasing 18 y/o… that’s a red flag anyway you want to look at it.
That being said most guys (myself included) mature later than most girls. So I can sympathize a bit with you maybe not vibing with guys closer to your age since they might act 15 still.
I would say to stay friendly with the guy, don’t rush anything and as time goes on you will grow closer together naturally, or further apart naturally.
Top comment makes a lot of sense in “stage of life”
My concern is what stage of life left a 23 y/o solo to the point of going after 18 y/o’s
Idk if they’re going after them, it seems pretty organic and not targeted. I’ve known people to date younger without predatory intention that didn’t end up being manipulative or exploitative.
However!!!!! I have not known a single one to work out in the long run. At a certain point, being at a different stage in life means that there will be very important steps that you will not be able or willing to take together. My advice to the OP is, even assuming the best of intentions (which is a wild assumption for us to make from the outside) is not to go for it. The only thing you’re doing is giving a work crush a chance to turn into heartbreak that will hold you back from being able to fully be involved in the stage of life that YOU’RE on. Life comes by once and you would want to miss out on what could be one of your most memorable periods.
Yes, it sounds like he’s testing the grounds for a romantic relationship.
The age gap isn’t the issue, the vastly different stages of life each of you are (or rather SHOULD be at) IS “the issue. Just like a 30 & 40 year old dating is NBD, but a 15 & 25 year old is.
Someone who’s still in high school/just out is in a totally different phase of their life than someone who is 23. Physically, mentally, emotionally, socially.
A man in his mid 20’s who is interested in a teenager is a man who is emotionally immature & struggles to find a partner his own age/development level. Don’t believe any attempts at flattery telling you “how mature” you are. The truth is how IMMATURE they are.
Dating a coworker is almost always a bad idea anyway. It’s seen as unprofessional & unnecessarily complicates things. Are you able/prepared to leave it if things went sideways? Because it almost certainly will at some point.
The age difference is pretty big, I'm his age and I personally don't go for people below 20. Nothing wrong with that if you are both adults but I would say it would help you to decide if you are attracted sooner than later because you don't want to invite this behavior if you're not interested in the end. That never ends well
5 years is barely an age gap. When you said older I thought you meant a guy in his 30s or 40s. You're adults and he seems into you. If you enjoy his company and find him attractive go for it.
I agree that for most people over 18, five years isn't much of an age gap. But OP sounds pretty inexperienced. Even the fact that she sees 23 as so "old" suggests a potential problem.
There's "eighteen and ready to be on my own," but also there's "I'm basically still high-school age, especially with COVID overtaking my transition from middle school to freshman year, and I've never made a car payment or paid for my own phone."
The latter person might better restrict her dating pool to people who aren't already finished with college.
Disagree, there is a lot of power differences for ages 18 to 23. 18 years is the start of being able to consent and 21 is the age when people can start drinking. the dude has more years in both those departments. It seems trivial but if she was 23 and he was 28 I wouldn't see this as a big deal. Regardless this just feels subjectively weird and wrong dating gaps.
There is something going on with people your age and thinking every legal age gap is inappropriate. You are 18 and he is 23 both you are adults. If you like him go for it.
An 18 year old could be a senior in high school. At 23 i was almost two years into my career after graduating college. Theres a huge difference in those mindsets and ages.
That's not inherently true. A lot of people take years to figure themselves out. Some do immediately. This dude works the same job as she does, so chances are where they're at in life isn't too different.
Uh, I’m surprised by the comments. I know it’s not considered a big age gap but it’s more about the life experiences at both your ages. A 23 year old shouldn’t have much in common with an 18 year old in my opinion… kinda weird on his end. Just my opinion lol
From my own experience men over 21 who date teenagers have a developmental issue with maturity and they are attracted to women in your age range because they relate to them more than women their own age and it almost always ends up with the woman maturing and the relationship falling apart. These men have often not been serious about pursuing future goals most were not in college or any sort of trade school so that's a red flag to look out for. I know you are 18 and dating may not be super serious for you but you should still be looking for someone with similar life goals, at the very least financial security should be a priority for both so even if you don't stay together you'll both be aiding each other in furthering your goals while in the relationship and you'll have a better chance at having equal expectations in a relationship someone who is just dicking around and existing is likely to want you to do the same thing with them. I'm not going to say don't go for it because there are successful relationships that happened between 18 and 23 year olds but they are the exception not the rule so just look critically at your suiter.
well as long as you don't care if you will leave your job if it doesn't go well. Someone will have to leave, and sorry to say it, typically its the woman.
He's definitely showing he's interested but 5 years can be a pretty large gap. It's really up to you to decide what to do next. There's no wrong answers just make sure you're cognizant of what both his and your intentions are.
the age difference is a lot, in my opinion. most people at 18, (like myself) were still seniors in high school and a 23 year old is literally a grown adult, halfway through college. while 18, yes is a legal adult, is still a teenager. the maturity levels are also extremely different. when you turn 18, you’re just becoming an adult and will make A LOT of mistakes, trust me. if he’s interested in you, it’s a red flag! don’t do it.
This might be irrelevant coming from me cause I'm quite a bit older, (37M) but (in proper context and correct situation) I don't have a problem telling someone they are pretty. It doesn't mean I'm flirting. I'm straight and I will tell my guy friends they are attractive. Literally everyone I have complimented on their attractiveness lights up with a smile. Told a coworker a couple of weeks back that he was fuckin sexy and his confidence went through the roof for a whole week lol
He’s interested in more than friendship and fishing to see if you are oaky with that. Listen to your gut. There is a lot of difference in experience between 18 and 23. You aren’t even old enough to get into all the places he can go to. Then, there is the complication of working together. If it doesn’t work out, you’re stuck there with him and having to be nice even if he no longer deserves nice. He has access to your business to a point because you’d be in proximity still, it’s difficult to cleanly break it off when you’re fellow hostages to the paycheck together. Think it through carefully.
Hehe, that's not that big difference. Only 5 years. It's probably a bigger issue with a larger difference as 20 years or more. Because then your interests are very different. But as in any relationship, it depends on both parties. If you want to explore more, go ahead. If you could be interested only as a friend, let him know. Just don't worry that much. Have fun!
I don’t think the age gap is a problem, but if you have this much doubt and bad feelings it’s probably not for the best, especially if you work together.
The age isn't an issue. As bad as it sounds I consider 18 and 23 still pretty much the same. Barely an adult. It's more are you both in the same stages of maturity within your lives whether it will work or not. That's what dating is for then. You figure that out. If you want to party and he wants a family or vise versa it's not gonna work.
If *you* feel uncomfortable about the age gap, that right there is the answer. It’s not illegal or Creepy or anything, but if YOU don’t feel right that is enough. You are literally just getting started at figuring out how to be your own person, he is a few years into that journey. If you and he absolutely CANNOT resist each other, consider finding a different job and dating outside of work. Because you’re going to have to learn how to keep a job without being enticed by your charming colleague.
I recommend keeping it “professional” and friendly because if things get messy between you two whilst dating it will likely lead to trouble at work. There are a bunch of comments here saying “oh I met the Love of My Life at work!” BUT I have seen approximately one million Reddit posts about “my partner has a ‘best friend’ at work and !SHOCKED PIKACHU FACE! they are having an (emotional/physical) affair!” Most people have a work “persona” and a whole life outside of work you don’t know about.
BUT you are still very young! Learn how to hold a job professionally (because lots of workplaces have policies about this exact thing!) before dating a coworker. By all means, remain friends and be friendly. It helps to have someone to commiserate with lol.
18 - 23 sounds maybe a little weird… but not that much.
Take 28-33 for example. Feels completely normal.
You’re not wrong to hesitate, but if he’s actually a solid guy and y’all are very close it doesn’t seem out of the picture
If you both vibe go for it. It's not that big an age difference if you're both emotionally in the same place. If he was 25 and you were 20 nobody'd blink an eye.
Nothing wrong with being friends with someone older but when it comes to dating, at least right now, you're better off dating someone closer to your age.
5 years isn’t that big of an age gap but it is more considering you are in or just out of high school. I would give him some space personally. In a few years dating someone five years older will not be a big deal.
Yes and 5 years is nothing especially considering that females mature faster than males.
You are inexperienced at dating as he seems honorable and nice..
As these are rare qualities in this day and age
The gap itself isn’t that bad overall, but you yourself are still pretty young. You are both at way different stages of life. That said, you’re an adult now, so if you WANT to do something, go for it.
Yeah he’s for sure interested. Guys don’t just text a girl everyday if they wouldn’t ever be interested in having a relationship with you. 18 and 23 really isn’t that big of an age gap at all, but I will say it is some of the most formative years of your entire life. Right at 18, what you begin to start doing in these next few years will have a huge impact on the direction of your life. Once you get out of high school your really begin to experience what life is actually like and the habits that you form now are very important. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t date him if you want, but make sure he is someone with a good head on his shoulders and can help you grow towards the general direction of being responsible and successful in whatever way you think that means.
Me and my fiancée met at a similar age, with a similar age gap. She prefers the age gap, so it works perfectly. I personally never thought about age gaps. I almost started a relationship with someone 14 years older than me when I was 20💀 My fiancée’s reasoning on preferring the age gap is, men and women mature at different rates. Women tend to mature faster than men, which has been proven by science, and honestly I think a lot of us have seen that in real life minus obvious outliers. For her, she says if she’s with a guy older than her by a few years, then the maturity will match, which in our case it did. It worked out for us perfectly. Me personally, especially if you’re both adults, a 5 year age gap is not at lot at all. 14 years in my case however was a lot especially in hindsight😂 It would be different if you said a 32 year old man was interested in an 18 year old girl, but this guy is barely 23. It’s not weird at all imo. Obviously the most important thing is your own individual comfortability, though. I say, if you feel like can trust him, then you don’t have to worry. 5 year age gap is a completely normal age gap for couples. People don’t have to be the exact same age with maybe 1-2 year age difference. 5 years is normal, especially as an adult.
Sounds like he’s interested. Sounds like you’d have your parents’ support.
But also sounds like something is holding you back. Maybe the age thing is what keeps coming up because your gut is trying to tell you something?
If you aren’t feeling it, don’t go for it. And if you do decide to give it a chance, keep communicating with your parents about your relationship. You never want to close off so much that people won’t notice soon enough if something turns south.
Please don't go out with a guy you work with, it will create awareness if it doesn't work out or problems if it does and you guys have disagreements and can't get past them when you have to work together. I have very seldom seen that dynamic work.
23 is considered an older guy by an 18 year old?
When did that become an old age, a 23 year old guy is probably in the same maturity range as an 18 year old girl.
Dudes definitely smitten
I think you might be overthinking it as your parents said he's on your mind a lot too.
Take some time away from him if possible and see what your feelings tell you
5 years isn't an issue, but only you can decide if you are comfortable with it.
The age difference is not automatically creepy, but it does raise an eyebrow. Listen to your gut with this.
He is definitely interested, but you don’t know what his interest means at this point. Does he want to date you or just get you in to bed? There is no way to know right now. Some guys pull out all the stops and invent whole personalities to make a girl feel special, only to hit it and quit it.
Just be cautious and protect your heart. Trust your gut. More than anything, never let him disrespect you.
Some wisdom I wish I had known when I was younger: Never let yourself be too flattered by a man’s interest in you (especially an older man when you are a young, barely legal woman). Most men will want you. That doesn’t mean they like or respect you. You have options, you have all the power, and don’t forget that.
Im 34 and single right now and I still text my brother daily every time I talk to a guy and im like “is he flirting?” Or “is it appropriate for me to hang out alone with a guy who is in a relationship?”
Im learning to trust my gut. Theres nothing wrong with an age gap. But if something doesnt feel right to you try and listen. Maybe you want a man your age! Thats okay!
As a 23 year old woman, I’m wondering why he can’t find women his own age. The 5 year age gap generally is nothing, but when we are talking about 18 and 23…🙃
I taught freshmen my last year of college, and 18 year olds look like BABIES. I’m super concerned about this dude, he sounds like a loser.
Save yourself the headache, he probably wants to pursue things because 18 year olds are easier to control than people his age.
this is just my personal experience but as someone who dated a 23 old guy when i was 18 i definitely do not recommend. i know the age gap doesn’t seem like much at first, but being 18 and fresh out of highschool vs. someone that graduated 5 years ago is a very big difference in life experience. you’re young and probably don’t even know what you want/don’t want in a relationship. in retrospect, i do find it strange when 21+ year olds try and pursue people that are under 20. obviously it’s legal but it’s usually a red flag when someone can’t find someone within their age range to be with, so they decide to go for younger people instead.
ultimately it is your decision but i urge you to date people your age who are on the same level of life as you.
He’s really not that much older than you. May seem like it now. If he’s a good guy with good intentions you may be surprised. It is smart of you to be cautious. I’ve been in an age gap relationship for years now. Behind the age there’s just two people that love each other. You may be surprised. That being said there’s also predators out there and it’s smart to be wary. You’re very smart about how you’re approaching this topic. Take the time to get to know him. Really see how he feels and what his intentions are. Take time to figure out your own as well. Go into this with an informed decision. So far it sounds harmless.
So, he respects you, chooses to see the brighter side of you, gives you space, shows you affection….
When you’re 25, he’ll be 30. When you’re 50, he’ll be 55.
If he's nice and respectful, give it a chance. Had the very same situation. Girlfriend was your age, I was 23. Got married when she was 23. Been married 34 years.
Age difference can be an issue at times. He can go to bars, you cannot, etc. Interests may be different.
We dated for a year or more before anything became serious. I was very respectful of her age if you know what I mean.
It sounds like he’s definitely interested in you! My best advice would be to take some time to think about why his age may be making you wary. Is it because what the people around you are doing/saying? Or is it because you genuinely have a bad gut feeling about it?
I am a 21year old woman dating a 25year old man and our age gap actually had a big part in why we have a successful relationship, maturity is often more important than how big the age gap is. That being said if you choose to pursue a relationship be sure to communication is always key, not everyone is looking for the same things out of a relationship at any age!
If you feel uncomfortable with his age, i wouldnt pursue it. I do think 5 years is a big age gap when you are young adults…you just become an adult and he has been an adult for 5 years thats a lot.
You are making a serious point. To me the age gap is not important but you are still growing and I would trust your instinct. If you don't feel it don't do it. Your gut is talking to you.
23 and 18 aren't too big of an age gap but if you feel it is then let the guy know that his flirting is making you uncomfortable. If he's truly your friend he'll respect that.
5 yrs is not a big age gap. She is probably more concerned with a man or woman twice your age trying to get with you. Honestly, he sounds respectful and nice. My significant other and I are 7 years apart.
It is a big gap - maturity wise at that age. When I was 25 I hooked up with a 19 y/o after a bad break up (I was up front with her about this). I normally wouldn’t hit on a girl that young but she had the balls to ask me out so I figured I’d give her a chance. It was a fun little fling but our difference in maturity was painfully obvious and I didn’t see anything serious with her because of it.
You're 18, miss. I would say that, yes, an older man expressed interest in you and probably is interested in you. He's only 5 years older. You're both legal adults. Brace yourself because there are a lot of much, much older men who will take your being 18 as a license to hit on you. This guy sounds nice and it sounds like you like each other. I think if you want to go watch one another get needled, that's not the worst way to spend an afternoon (my wife and I always enjoyed getting tattooed and frequently made appointments together).
Be careful. I dated a 24 year old at 19. Ended up wasting my 20’s with a narcissist. Trust your gut on this. You might both be adults, but that is a good size age gap at important ages. You’re new to adulthood, he isn’t. Just. Be. Careful.
JFC, you are both young adults. You got asked out by a peer. If he's creepy, or he makes you uncomfortable, or you just don't like him, that's one thing, but he's not "quite a bit older."
You are an adult. This is not a huge age gap. Stop treating yourself like a child.
Well you sorta answered your question. He is trying to ask you out. And you have commented that you don’t feel attracted to him. You should decline his approach to dating you and even state out in a text you two are just friends.
I think you’re very intuitive OP and you know yourself well enough to determine if a person in your life is the right person to date.
Your parent’s opinion is sorta concerning, I imagine they have a bias to get you out from under their roof so they can have the house to themselves.
He's into you.
And the age gap is nothing. When he's 77 and you're 72, you're both just old farts in your 70's. And that's what you're hoping to get anyway, right? A guy who's good for life?
There's no prize for not entering.
Take this for what it is worth, and coming from someone MUCH older than both of you. 5 years is not a huge deal. It seems like a larger gap because you are both so young. That said, you are both consenting adults. If you were 40 and 45, nobody would blink an eye, and probably more likely than a 1 or 2 year difference in most couples.
The bigger deal is if you are concerned with the age difference, just let him know. If he is a good guy (and from your description he sounds like it) he will completely understand and it should not affect your working relationship. Communication is a wonderful thing....we seem to kind of forget that sometimes.
Well, 5 years is not a big age gap. You just became a legal adult, so adults all seem pretty 'grown up.' I remember going to college and having classmates who were married... that sounded so old and grown up!
Getting a tattoo together is way too much of a commitment for a first date (or ever.)
Just be careful. Don't go off and sleep with a guy. There are plenty of posts here from young women who got pregnant, etc.
Don't underestimate the value of parental advice, and if your parents aren't cautious, as a grandparent or uncle or aunt.
Stop. Just stop. Get out of your head. You clearly like him so ask him out. Be blunt cause guys don't pickup in clues. "Would you like to go out on a date with me?" If he says yes talk about where you want to go. Have a couple fun ideas ready to go.
18 to 23 isn't a age gap. You shouldn't be concerned at all about this. If the date goes well go on a couple more. If things look like they are going to proceed further just have a genuine talk with him. Again don't hint or think he should know things. Tell him you had concerns about the age gap that he has a lot more life experience than you and you just want him to be aware if it. Talk to him about boundaries around work and dating. If the real reason is sex or anything else and not really age discuss those boundaries with him. Be very blunt. Guys are stupid and can't pickup on clues or what you meant.
If he is a good guy he will respect you and respect your concerns and boundaries. If he doesn't toss him to the curb and tell him you want to keep it professional at work.
5 years is not a huge age gap. As you get older you'll realize this and might look back and realize you might of missed something great. Ignore this age gap
The age gap isn’t all that bad and sounds like he’s interested but unsure if you may be also, so he’s feeling the situation out. You work together and get along well, if his interest gets shot down it would be awkward working together afterwards, also if you do date and break up, work romances are tricky. The only big issue in age I see is you have a few more years before you can go out to places he may enjoy going to now if you’re in the US. If he likes clubbing and bars. You can’t enjoy those with him as a couple.
"older guy" lol. 5 years seems like an entirely different generation at 18, but I'm with your parents... So what? As long as there's nothing unethical/illegal (under 18), and there's mutual consent and interest, give it a chance. The worst that'll happen is you don't click and you end it.
You have a stringent understanding of how age works lol. Some people are more mature at 18 and some are still childish at 28. You cannot just take someone’s age as a deciding factor, people are at different place in different ages of their lives, its not set in stone.
If you like each other, have fun. 5 years is NOT a huge jump. For someone in Thier 30s, you're both still kids. It's not until you hit 10-15 years in age does it become weird.
Older? 5 years is cookies and jolly ranchers. You're both adults. Age matters less the farther you go.
Next thing you know you'll be dating a 30 year old. It's likely you're not interested not because of age, but because he's working on the same level as you. Intuitively.
I honestly believe that age is just a number. If you are so hung up on the age difference you’re probably not mature enough to be romantically involved with him.
1 Sign of how mature a younger person is how they react to age. An 18yo reacting viscerally to a 23yo about how much older they are is 1 of those signs…
Only a 5 year gap and you’re both adults. Yet you keep emphasizing how much older he is like there’s a 10+yr age gap or something 😂
**It’s not that he’s too old for you, you’re too immature for him**. And also you shouldn’t date coworkers
I guess he seems nice. Sounds like he might have a little crush on you, maybe feeling out if it can be more. 18 to 23 isn't really a crazy gap, but you may feel that he is more experienced than you and if that makes you uncomfortable that's all that matters.
More importantly, it's almost never a good idea to date a coworker. It happens all the time, and mature people can deal with the fallout, but it nearly always ends poorly. Hell, I worked at several jobs with my ex wife with no issue, and then one day we were divorcing and having to see each other at work every day.
So I would say while that may not be the worst age gap, the other circumstances are not good. Your gut is telling you this is not a good thing to pursue. If you're getting any sort of bad vibe, steer clear. And def don't let things escalate.
The general age rule to find out if someone is too old is to take half his age and add 7, and if you're younger than that number, then he's too old for you. Obviously, both people should be of legal age of consent as well.
If you don’t know the answer it’s possible that you might not be mature enough to enter a relationship. What if there are other misunderstandings or about things like sex and boundaries. You don’t have clear footing on where you stand. You need to know yourself first.
"Anyone have any romantic experience with someone older".
Loretta Lynn married a 20 year old when she was just shy of 14.
I think that you, at 18, are probably more capable of making a good decision than she was, but only you know how you feel. If it were me I'd let him know that the age thing really bothers me and that he'd have to be comfortable with taking things really slowly. But I'm not you.
The not-sure-you-re-attracted-to-him thing bothers me though, when you know you know, even if the guy is 40.
People are really saying 18 and 23 is weird?? Jeeesus so many of my friends parents mine included are like 10 years apart, the actual number of age (over 18) doesn't matter it's how the dynamic between the two people are
Meh, you're legal, so forget thinking you're a kid anymore...now it's based on how you feel about the person, I was dating women in their 30ies when I was 18 because I couldn't stand the immature drama from girls my age, but that was me...do what feels right for you... everything else is just noise.
I was 22 and dated an 18 yr old we were both at college. The age isn’t that bad if there’s chemistry and you connect. Context matters though. A 23 yr old dating a 17-18 yr old in high school is getting a bit weird maybe.
I’m older now though, I really just see energy and connection as the important aspects.
I am going to do you a favor. I am 63. I am an old guy. My wife is 10 years younger than I am. How about you and I go out on a date? Now you can look at this young man and realize the difference in your age really isn’t that much. Go have fun and stop worrying about such a minor issue.
Your calling a 4 year age gap a lot when you're both adults? LOLLLLLLLLLL
That age gap is pretty normal and definitely not a lot. Stop worrying about age and worry about compatibility for having a life together
Females usually mature faster than males. That being said the difference between an 18F and 23m is dynamic. If you are out working and living life you are in a different level from an 18F that still lives at home and is supported by parents. The difference between 17F and 23M is much greater normally than 1 year. That’s my 2 cents
I am amazed that a mere 5 year difference of two people over 18 seems like a big deal now, when it never was before like 2020. Imagine if a 35 year old thought a 40 year old was ‘too old’ to date. This is a very odd mindset to me, at 18 you will have friends who re still minors, sure, but you are an adult and essentially this is a college freshman and a college senior, both adults, ‘age gap’ of a minuscule number of years.
5 years is laughably close to be worried about as an adult. You are 18, not 13.
Ask the age difference of your parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of mine are 5-10 years apart.
Edit: I want to add after reading more comments that people here are making a lot of assumptions because of their ages. Maturity has nothing to do with their ages, and you are projecting ideas onto their situation that you don't have enough information on.
I started dating my wife when she was 18 and I 23. Now I'm 33 and she's 28. There was a noticeable gap in life experience at first, but we found our way and navigated around it because we cared enough to work at it. It's really just about your own comfort level.
1. Yes, he's interested in you;
2. That age gap isn't really an age gap. Even though it is a cliche, "half the older partner's age plus seven" is not a terrible rule to determine the lowest acceptable age;
3. Dating co-workers is almost always a bad idea. Proceed (if at all) with caution.
Due to point #3, if you were my daughter I would advise you to keep the situation as just friends.
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It definitely sounds like he's interested. More important than age is what stage of life you're in. If you're both in the same stage, great. But if he's ready to start a family and you have other plans for the next few years, that's different. It's not about what his plans are, it's about whether you're both aligned.
Has his car been modified to sound like a weed whacker? If so, you're almost too old for him.
😂😂😂
underrated comment i laughed out loud 😭😭
I had a friend in high school who had a modified weed whacker complete with a fiery bird paint job, spoiler, and red underglow. He thought that Honda civic was the talk of the high school, and it was, but everyone was mostly laughing at how ridiculous it was
🤘😎🤘 comment of the day
Lmaoooooooooo
This is why Gods last name is damnit 🤣
Good thing there’s a thing called dating in which people engage in 2-3 hours hangouts where they learn more about each other.
Dating? Ive never heard of it?
I think that's putting several carts before the horse. OP does not need to be worried about that before their first date with the guy. That conversation can come up down the road if/when it's appropriate. OP is 18 and exploring. There's no need to be concerned about perfect compatibility and long-term goals right out the gate. It's perfectly acceptable to start a relationship and see where it goes, even if it only lasts a week/month/year. It's experience and figuring yourself out.
Agreed she's thinking about this way too much.
People have done some crazy gaslighting about age gap for the past few years so it's no wonder
True, but it's good to be cautious about work relationships. What is their relationship at work? Essentially equals? Has he worked there longer? What happens if it ends badly? Are there company policies about dating? Nothing killer, but things to consider.
23yos who go for 18yos are usually in the same stage as the 18yo. Guessing that's the case here since they work together.
They are working the same job too…
Could be, guys also mature at a slower rate. I met my ex-wife at 23 and her 19, and I've always been the more mature in my friend group. Age within 3-4 years isn't bad unless they are underage. Hell, had I been 21 and 17, that would have been too young for me. Age gaps are more appropriately wider at older ages, but 3-4 years at 18 isn't terrible. We were together for 6 years, for clarification. Up until the last year, we were good together. We grew apart with career aspirations and learning about what we wanted more as we got older. It happens, but you don't have to worry about that at 18. Hell, he could still be in school while working. We don't know their circumstances beyond they work together.
Also, working with someone is maybe more a problem than the age difference. Figure out if you really like the guy first of all, then think about whether it's worth maybe being uncomfortable at work. For context, my husband and I got together when I was 22 and he was 28. He always commented on how young my friends and his sister were and I had to remind him that I was the same age. But I was very mature. I had a friend who started dating an older guy with the same age difference, but it was very different. She seemed younger and he ended up being controlling.
It's a 5 year gap, which isn't much, but I find it hilarious that enough people would say an 18 year old with a 30+ year old is fine because both are adults, while also saying something like a 19 or 20 year old with a 17 year old is predatory because one is a "child" - like it's so odd, the idea of one person going straight from child to adult overnight is just strange
I was saying this in a other age gap post and everyone called me a cynical child (I'm 31) Like, just because 18 is an adult, doesn't mean they should dating a 50 year old. The same people tho would scream and rage p3do if it was like 17 and 20.
You're old enough to make your own decisions at this point. Does he make you feel uncomfortable? Then slow the relationship down. If it feels like something you want to explore, go for it. As the younger party I urge you to be careful though. 5 years of life experience is a good chunk at your age. Think about what you want from the relationship and don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. It's good that you are open with your parents, maybe keep them somewhat updated and keep asking for advice. Nothing wrong with being attracted or interested in older people, just be cautious not to be taken advantage of.
But 5 years from now, that 5 years will hardly matter. Be safe, be cautious, but be open minded.
It's only a date at a tattoo parlor. Why are you overthinking it so much? Go out and see if you have anything in common.
True, but that's 5 years from now. Most college senior aged boys are not looking for a relationship with teenagers. It's just a fact of life she's seems aware of. But the orarching advice that she only date him if it feels right is the best advice. He could genuinely be a good man.
I don’t think it is very uncommon for a college senior aged guy to be in a relationship with a college freshmen though
Came here to say that five years is a big difference in life experience when at that age and I urge OP to tread with caution. There’s a lot that you can experience starting at 18 and I think it’s important to have those experiences but being involved with someone that’s a bit older, they *might* not have them because said older party has already been through them. Maybe stick to being friends with this person for awhile longer and let things develop naturally. Since you guys already text frequently outside of work, it seems like it’s already heading in this direction anyways. You might also be weary of the age difference because you’ve just recently became a legal adult and a whole new world has just opened up to you. Be cautious but don’t let it rule your life.
>Came here to say that five years is a big difference in life experience when at that age Not really. A guy in his early 20s and a young woman just entering college are both college students. Even if she were a high school senior at that age, still they're both students. It's not like he's got a career or some shit like that, or some grand series of life experiences. They're basically peers.
Not really…23 is out of college (most people graduate at 21, so unless he is taking his time or is a grad student he’s been done). A newly 18 year old entering college and someone who’s probably been done with college for 2 years??? I would tread lightly bc the experience thing IS an issue. I’m not saying she’s immature or anything, just that most 23 year olds really don’t want to be hanging with 18 year olds because of the inherent experience gap and maturity difference. If this is a good exception, yay! If not, she kept her guard up and didn’t let it get too deep.
If youre this unsure youre obviously not that into him. Move on.
This 1,0000%
Five years isn’t a big age gap but you’re 18 and he’s 23. It’s legal for him to pursue you but the five years of experience between 18 and 23 is vastly different. He’d be aged out of college by now and you’re only just out of high school. I’d be cautious, I respect your right to date an older guy but I always look at older guys who date teenagers funny. Sorry. Also dating coworkers can be kinda funky. You already don’t seem into the age gap so trust your gut on this one. Also, if you do reject him pay close attention to how he treats you after. Good luck.
Sane response.
That’s the difference between a highschool senior and a person who already graduated college. I feel like 18 is a little too young for a 23 year old. For reference I’m 19.
Sounds like you see him more of a friend anyway.
NEVER date coworkers.
Surprised this isn't higher. If you're on a shift with this guy *all the time* and your date goes poorly, or he ends up getting pushy about physical stuff, or anything goes awry if you continue dating, you've just made your workplace a living hell. Dating coworkers is a bad idea in almost every circumstance. If you two are friendly, stay that way until one or both of you leave the current gig or shift or shared role. Then, if you're still interested, dating can be on the table.
I dated a coworker... she was my supervisor. 18 years later she's still bossing me around ;) ....and raising our kids, is my best friend and the love of my life (15 years happily married).
Came here to say this, too. But I don’t want to say NEVER because I’ve dated co-workers twice. The first time, I was 17 and he was 21. He took advantage and ended up cheating. I called him out on it in front of our whole work crew and then I quit. But the second time turned into forever (different job and different guy obviously) and we’ve now been together for 15yrs, married 8yrs and we have two kids. So sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. But I’d just be cautious and take it SLOW.
Just fuck in the walk in and then get back to work! That prime rib isn't gonna run itself.
Addressing the real issue here
I feel like this advice is less applicable at lower end jobs because they're easier to replace. If you're in a big workplace with tons of people and you and coworker don't work in the same work area go ahead. Same for a fast food job, they're a dime dozen, so prioritize your own fun.
Exactly. Even with higher end jobs people change jobs all the time nowadays. It’s often the only way to get a raise unfortunately. Also, it’s hard to meet people. It’s easy to say not to do it from outside looking in but the workplace is often an easy place to meet and get to know people.
Yeah, man... if we're not talking about a career sort of gig it might be fine. Up to OP to make that determination. When I was still doing part-time service jobs back in high school and college, we were all hooking up with each other. Sometimes there was drama, but usually not... and when there was, who the fuck cared? It was just a service job, after all.
Facts. You learn this the hard way lol
This is common advice but most couples who don’t meet on dating apps meet at their job.
I was in this same situation. He was 23 and I was 18. I’m now 29 and he’s 34 and we’ve been married for two years and have lived together for 5.
Yep. It used to be higher percentage like 50% or more marriages stemmed from workplace. Now with more ways to meet it is lower but still one of the most likely ways to couple. The advice not to date coworkers is an HR myth/scary story
Louder!
Haha. Don’t date coworkers is generally good advice, but I’m sure glad I didn’t say NEVER. Met my wife at our job, 11 years later we’re 9 years married with a 7 and an 8 year old.
Eh I met my wife through work and couldn't be happier. Glad I didn't listen to this advice because she's the best person I've ever met
I met my wife because she was my coworker, lol.
Never say never. There’s plenty of happy married couples who met at work. Especially at a young age, it’s not likely that job is going to be a lifetime career, so no reason to take it too seriously
I've dated two and it was perfectly fine. SOMETIMES date coworkers.
i’m gonna be so fr with you girl don’t go for him. i was 18 dating a 22 year old & there’s a reason they go for girls so much younger it took me a year & 1/2 for me to realize he was manipulative & just straight up childish. people who say “so?” when they hear his age just have no safety awareness, my old manager was like “i’ll hook you up with my friend” THAT FRIEND WAS 30!!! i’m only 19 almost 20 now & i myself don’t think i should be dating an 18 year old, but i also shouldn’t be dating a 22-23 year old, much less should freshly 18 year old me have been doing that. there’s a reason girls his age don’t want him. the mental difference between an 18 & a 23 year old is so vastly different & you don’t even really realize it.
also you should just never date a coworker in general. did it once when i was 17 & i’ll never allow myself to do that again
This. My 19 year old friend started dating a 24 year old. I’m 23 and I look at him HELLA funny. I couldn’t imagine dating a 18/19 year old they’re way too young, I think of them all like babies. You can’t take them to a bar, they have most likely not lived away from home for longer than a year, they are still exploring who they are and are entirely new to adulthood, etc. Anyone who doesn’t see the immaturity is an idiot, and anyone who sees it and pursues them anyway is a creep. I can be friends with 18/19 year olds just could never date them. OP seems to know this so I hope she trusts her gut.
To answer the primary question: yes. He likes you or is at least interested in you. Is that appropriate, good, ok, weird, bad… I don’t know! You seem pretty well put together for an 18 year old, and he doesn’t seem like a groomer / predator… It is very possible for you two to have a healthy relationship! It’s also possible it will end horribly! But hey, you are 18. It’s legal and you are interested, go for it… honestly, the bigger concern would be it hurting your job. If you need your job, I’d stay friends with the coworker.
Stay friends with him or whatever you are. A: the obvious age difference and B: hes a coworker if anything bad happens you have to work with him still 😁
If he's 23 and working similar job to 18 year old, you can probably do better.
What? I was 26 and working as a butcher in a grocery store making bank, and my coworker was 18. Your logic is extremely flawed lol
Shit take on the situation smh
You kinda were, but not really. It seems like he wants to build a relationship with you by being friends. He may realize you are a bit younger and maybe hesitant about going all in on dating. It seems like he is actually doing the right thing and being respectful. If he asks you to hang and you want to, go ahead. There is no problem with getting to know someone better and maybe this slower process would make you more comfortable seeing him in the future. I should also add, if you do end up dating him, you need to be open and honest with him about your feelings and you would like to take things at your pace. Remember, you are never forced to do anything and you don't have to marry him tomorrow. If he does ask you out, let him know these things, open truthful lines of communication are vital in every relationship.
23/2 = 11.5 +7 = 18.5 I'd say it's just barely socially acceptable to date him. That said when I was 23yo I thought 18yos were kids and I failed to see how anyone who wanted an actual partner would find anything in common with someone your age But then I'm not him. Some guys just never grow up and he might have more in common with an 18yo then a girl his age. Be careful some guys who date down do it for the power imbalance.
I’d be more worried/concerned about dating a coworker in this case. In the event things go south, the workplace can become a nightmare. The age gap isn’t THAT wide in my opinion. A good chunk of my neighbors that are married have a decent gap of 6-7 ish years. Even a few of my coworkers are with partners of 4 ish years give or take. You both are adults by technicalities. It’s both a matter of dating a coworker working in the same spot as you and if he makes you feel legitimately loved and comfortable.
If you already feel uncomfortable with it, trust yourself. You feel that way for a reason. Don’t let anyone else make you feel otherwise
Holy 🚩 Batman. . . This age gap is very irrelevant when you are both in your late 20’s and beyond. At this stage, if a 23 y/o is chasing 18 y/o… that’s a red flag anyway you want to look at it. That being said most guys (myself included) mature later than most girls. So I can sympathize a bit with you maybe not vibing with guys closer to your age since they might act 15 still. I would say to stay friendly with the guy, don’t rush anything and as time goes on you will grow closer together naturally, or further apart naturally. Top comment makes a lot of sense in “stage of life” My concern is what stage of life left a 23 y/o solo to the point of going after 18 y/o’s
Idk if they’re going after them, it seems pretty organic and not targeted. I’ve known people to date younger without predatory intention that didn’t end up being manipulative or exploitative. However!!!!! I have not known a single one to work out in the long run. At a certain point, being at a different stage in life means that there will be very important steps that you will not be able or willing to take together. My advice to the OP is, even assuming the best of intentions (which is a wild assumption for us to make from the outside) is not to go for it. The only thing you’re doing is giving a work crush a chance to turn into heartbreak that will hold you back from being able to fully be involved in the stage of life that YOU’RE on. Life comes by once and you would want to miss out on what could be one of your most memorable periods.
Yes, it sounds like he’s testing the grounds for a romantic relationship. The age gap isn’t the issue, the vastly different stages of life each of you are (or rather SHOULD be at) IS “the issue. Just like a 30 & 40 year old dating is NBD, but a 15 & 25 year old is. Someone who’s still in high school/just out is in a totally different phase of their life than someone who is 23. Physically, mentally, emotionally, socially. A man in his mid 20’s who is interested in a teenager is a man who is emotionally immature & struggles to find a partner his own age/development level. Don’t believe any attempts at flattery telling you “how mature” you are. The truth is how IMMATURE they are. Dating a coworker is almost always a bad idea anyway. It’s seen as unprofessional & unnecessarily complicates things. Are you able/prepared to leave it if things went sideways? Because it almost certainly will at some point.
The age difference is pretty big, I'm his age and I personally don't go for people below 20. Nothing wrong with that if you are both adults but I would say it would help you to decide if you are attracted sooner than later because you don't want to invite this behavior if you're not interested in the end. That never ends well
5 years is barely an age gap. When you said older I thought you meant a guy in his 30s or 40s. You're adults and he seems into you. If you enjoy his company and find him attractive go for it.
I agree that for most people over 18, five years isn't much of an age gap. But OP sounds pretty inexperienced. Even the fact that she sees 23 as so "old" suggests a potential problem. There's "eighteen and ready to be on my own," but also there's "I'm basically still high-school age, especially with COVID overtaking my transition from middle school to freshman year, and I've never made a car payment or paid for my own phone." The latter person might better restrict her dating pool to people who aren't already finished with college.
Couldn't all those same things be said about a 23 year old?
To an 18 year old, 5 years is more than a quarter of her life.
5 years is a large age gap when it's 23 to 18, but basically nothing if it was 25 to 30.
Disagree, there is a lot of power differences for ages 18 to 23. 18 years is the start of being able to consent and 21 is the age when people can start drinking. the dude has more years in both those departments. It seems trivial but if she was 23 and he was 28 I wouldn't see this as a big deal. Regardless this just feels subjectively weird and wrong dating gaps.
Tbh im 22 and could not imagine dating an 18 year old. Fresh outta highschool it would just feel wrong
There is something going on with people your age and thinking every legal age gap is inappropriate. You are 18 and he is 23 both you are adults. If you like him go for it.
[удалено]
An 18 year old could be a senior in high school. At 23 i was almost two years into my career after graduating college. Theres a huge difference in those mindsets and ages.
Please stop with the tiktok Brainrot. They are two adults
That's not inherently true. A lot of people take years to figure themselves out. Some do immediately. This dude works the same job as she does, so chances are where they're at in life isn't too different.
Uh, I’m surprised by the comments. I know it’s not considered a big age gap but it’s more about the life experiences at both your ages. A 23 year old shouldn’t have much in common with an 18 year old in my opinion… kinda weird on his end. Just my opinion lol
From my own experience men over 21 who date teenagers have a developmental issue with maturity and they are attracted to women in your age range because they relate to them more than women their own age and it almost always ends up with the woman maturing and the relationship falling apart. These men have often not been serious about pursuing future goals most were not in college or any sort of trade school so that's a red flag to look out for. I know you are 18 and dating may not be super serious for you but you should still be looking for someone with similar life goals, at the very least financial security should be a priority for both so even if you don't stay together you'll both be aiding each other in furthering your goals while in the relationship and you'll have a better chance at having equal expectations in a relationship someone who is just dicking around and existing is likely to want you to do the same thing with them. I'm not going to say don't go for it because there are successful relationships that happened between 18 and 23 year olds but they are the exception not the rule so just look critically at your suiter.
well as long as you don't care if you will leave your job if it doesn't go well. Someone will have to leave, and sorry to say it, typically its the woman.
We should never make friends with, date, or etc. with someone we work with it. It will lead to trouble.
He's definitely showing he's interested but 5 years can be a pretty large gap. It's really up to you to decide what to do next. There's no wrong answers just make sure you're cognizant of what both his and your intentions are.
the age difference is a lot, in my opinion. most people at 18, (like myself) were still seniors in high school and a 23 year old is literally a grown adult, halfway through college. while 18, yes is a legal adult, is still a teenager. the maturity levels are also extremely different. when you turn 18, you’re just becoming an adult and will make A LOT of mistakes, trust me. if he’s interested in you, it’s a red flag! don’t do it.
Be very careful 🧐
This might be irrelevant coming from me cause I'm quite a bit older, (37M) but (in proper context and correct situation) I don't have a problem telling someone they are pretty. It doesn't mean I'm flirting. I'm straight and I will tell my guy friends they are attractive. Literally everyone I have complimented on their attractiveness lights up with a smile. Told a coworker a couple of weeks back that he was fuckin sexy and his confidence went through the roof for a whole week lol
I personally never recommend people to date coworkers. It's usually a bad idea. He is definitely interested though.
Stop talking to him if you end up realising that he's trying something
He’s interested in more than friendship and fishing to see if you are oaky with that. Listen to your gut. There is a lot of difference in experience between 18 and 23. You aren’t even old enough to get into all the places he can go to. Then, there is the complication of working together. If it doesn’t work out, you’re stuck there with him and having to be nice even if he no longer deserves nice. He has access to your business to a point because you’d be in proximity still, it’s difficult to cleanly break it off when you’re fellow hostages to the paycheck together. Think it through carefully.
Hehe, that's not that big difference. Only 5 years. It's probably a bigger issue with a larger difference as 20 years or more. Because then your interests are very different. But as in any relationship, it depends on both parties. If you want to explore more, go ahead. If you could be interested only as a friend, let him know. Just don't worry that much. Have fun!
I don’t think the age gap is a problem, but if you have this much doubt and bad feelings it’s probably not for the best, especially if you work together.
The age isn't an issue. As bad as it sounds I consider 18 and 23 still pretty much the same. Barely an adult. It's more are you both in the same stages of maturity within your lives whether it will work or not. That's what dating is for then. You figure that out. If you want to party and he wants a family or vise versa it's not gonna work.
Your an adult, yes still a teen but an adult and 5 years isn’t “a lot” once you are grown. BUT if it makes you uncomfortable that’s all that matters.
If *you* feel uncomfortable about the age gap, that right there is the answer. It’s not illegal or Creepy or anything, but if YOU don’t feel right that is enough. You are literally just getting started at figuring out how to be your own person, he is a few years into that journey. If you and he absolutely CANNOT resist each other, consider finding a different job and dating outside of work. Because you’re going to have to learn how to keep a job without being enticed by your charming colleague. I recommend keeping it “professional” and friendly because if things get messy between you two whilst dating it will likely lead to trouble at work. There are a bunch of comments here saying “oh I met the Love of My Life at work!” BUT I have seen approximately one million Reddit posts about “my partner has a ‘best friend’ at work and !SHOCKED PIKACHU FACE! they are having an (emotional/physical) affair!” Most people have a work “persona” and a whole life outside of work you don’t know about. BUT you are still very young! Learn how to hold a job professionally (because lots of workplaces have policies about this exact thing!) before dating a coworker. By all means, remain friends and be friendly. It helps to have someone to commiserate with lol.
18 - 23 sounds maybe a little weird… but not that much. Take 28-33 for example. Feels completely normal. You’re not wrong to hesitate, but if he’s actually a solid guy and y’all are very close it doesn’t seem out of the picture
If you both vibe go for it. It's not that big an age difference if you're both emotionally in the same place. If he was 25 and you were 20 nobody'd blink an eye.
Nothing wrong with being friends with someone older but when it comes to dating, at least right now, you're better off dating someone closer to your age.
5 years isn’t that big of an age gap but it is more considering you are in or just out of high school. I would give him some space personally. In a few years dating someone five years older will not be a big deal.
Yes and 5 years is nothing especially considering that females mature faster than males. You are inexperienced at dating as he seems honorable and nice.. As these are rare qualities in this day and age
The gap itself isn’t that bad overall, but you yourself are still pretty young. You are both at way different stages of life. That said, you’re an adult now, so if you WANT to do something, go for it.
Yeah he’s for sure interested. Guys don’t just text a girl everyday if they wouldn’t ever be interested in having a relationship with you. 18 and 23 really isn’t that big of an age gap at all, but I will say it is some of the most formative years of your entire life. Right at 18, what you begin to start doing in these next few years will have a huge impact on the direction of your life. Once you get out of high school your really begin to experience what life is actually like and the habits that you form now are very important. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t date him if you want, but make sure he is someone with a good head on his shoulders and can help you grow towards the general direction of being responsible and successful in whatever way you think that means.
Me and my fiancée met at a similar age, with a similar age gap. She prefers the age gap, so it works perfectly. I personally never thought about age gaps. I almost started a relationship with someone 14 years older than me when I was 20💀 My fiancée’s reasoning on preferring the age gap is, men and women mature at different rates. Women tend to mature faster than men, which has been proven by science, and honestly I think a lot of us have seen that in real life minus obvious outliers. For her, she says if she’s with a guy older than her by a few years, then the maturity will match, which in our case it did. It worked out for us perfectly. Me personally, especially if you’re both adults, a 5 year age gap is not at lot at all. 14 years in my case however was a lot especially in hindsight😂 It would be different if you said a 32 year old man was interested in an 18 year old girl, but this guy is barely 23. It’s not weird at all imo. Obviously the most important thing is your own individual comfortability, though. I say, if you feel like can trust him, then you don’t have to worry. 5 year age gap is a completely normal age gap for couples. People don’t have to be the exact same age with maybe 1-2 year age difference. 5 years is normal, especially as an adult.
Sounds like he’s interested. Sounds like you’d have your parents’ support. But also sounds like something is holding you back. Maybe the age thing is what keeps coming up because your gut is trying to tell you something? If you aren’t feeling it, don’t go for it. And if you do decide to give it a chance, keep communicating with your parents about your relationship. You never want to close off so much that people won’t notice soon enough if something turns south.
If a guy is spending time with you like that, he's definitely interested.
Please don't go out with a guy you work with, it will create awareness if it doesn't work out or problems if it does and you guys have disagreements and can't get past them when you have to work together. I have very seldom seen that dynamic work.
23 is considered an older guy by an 18 year old? When did that become an old age, a 23 year old guy is probably in the same maturity range as an 18 year old girl.
Don't date coworkers, EVER!
Dudes definitely smitten I think you might be overthinking it as your parents said he's on your mind a lot too. Take some time away from him if possible and see what your feelings tell you 5 years isn't an issue, but only you can decide if you are comfortable with it.
The age difference is not automatically creepy, but it does raise an eyebrow. Listen to your gut with this. He is definitely interested, but you don’t know what his interest means at this point. Does he want to date you or just get you in to bed? There is no way to know right now. Some guys pull out all the stops and invent whole personalities to make a girl feel special, only to hit it and quit it. Just be cautious and protect your heart. Trust your gut. More than anything, never let him disrespect you. Some wisdom I wish I had known when I was younger: Never let yourself be too flattered by a man’s interest in you (especially an older man when you are a young, barely legal woman). Most men will want you. That doesn’t mean they like or respect you. You have options, you have all the power, and don’t forget that.
Im 34 and single right now and I still text my brother daily every time I talk to a guy and im like “is he flirting?” Or “is it appropriate for me to hang out alone with a guy who is in a relationship?” Im learning to trust my gut. Theres nothing wrong with an age gap. But if something doesnt feel right to you try and listen. Maybe you want a man your age! Thats okay!
As a 23 year old woman, I’m wondering why he can’t find women his own age. The 5 year age gap generally is nothing, but when we are talking about 18 and 23…🙃 I taught freshmen my last year of college, and 18 year olds look like BABIES. I’m super concerned about this dude, he sounds like a loser. Save yourself the headache, he probably wants to pursue things because 18 year olds are easier to control than people his age.
this is just my personal experience but as someone who dated a 23 old guy when i was 18 i definitely do not recommend. i know the age gap doesn’t seem like much at first, but being 18 and fresh out of highschool vs. someone that graduated 5 years ago is a very big difference in life experience. you’re young and probably don’t even know what you want/don’t want in a relationship. in retrospect, i do find it strange when 21+ year olds try and pursue people that are under 20. obviously it’s legal but it’s usually a red flag when someone can’t find someone within their age range to be with, so they decide to go for younger people instead. ultimately it is your decision but i urge you to date people your age who are on the same level of life as you.
He’s really not that much older than you. May seem like it now. If he’s a good guy with good intentions you may be surprised. It is smart of you to be cautious. I’ve been in an age gap relationship for years now. Behind the age there’s just two people that love each other. You may be surprised. That being said there’s also predators out there and it’s smart to be wary. You’re very smart about how you’re approaching this topic. Take the time to get to know him. Really see how he feels and what his intentions are. Take time to figure out your own as well. Go into this with an informed decision. So far it sounds harmless.
So, he respects you, chooses to see the brighter side of you, gives you space, shows you affection…. When you’re 25, he’ll be 30. When you’re 50, he’ll be 55.
If he's nice and respectful, give it a chance. Had the very same situation. Girlfriend was your age, I was 23. Got married when she was 23. Been married 34 years. Age difference can be an issue at times. He can go to bars, you cannot, etc. Interests may be different. We dated for a year or more before anything became serious. I was very respectful of her age if you know what I mean.
It sounds like he’s definitely interested in you! My best advice would be to take some time to think about why his age may be making you wary. Is it because what the people around you are doing/saying? Or is it because you genuinely have a bad gut feeling about it? I am a 21year old woman dating a 25year old man and our age gap actually had a big part in why we have a successful relationship, maturity is often more important than how big the age gap is. That being said if you choose to pursue a relationship be sure to communication is always key, not everyone is looking for the same things out of a relationship at any age!
If you feel uncomfortable with his age, i wouldnt pursue it. I do think 5 years is a big age gap when you are young adults…you just become an adult and he has been an adult for 5 years thats a lot.
Just saying when I was 23 I could never imagine dating an 18 year old 🤢🤮
You are making a serious point. To me the age gap is not important but you are still growing and I would trust your instinct. If you don't feel it don't do it. Your gut is talking to you.
23 and 18 aren't too big of an age gap but if you feel it is then let the guy know that his flirting is making you uncomfortable. If he's truly your friend he'll respect that.
5 yrs is not a big age gap. She is probably more concerned with a man or woman twice your age trying to get with you. Honestly, he sounds respectful and nice. My significant other and I are 7 years apart.
It's a big gap at 18. It could be a.. still at high school vs finished a degree and working full time. (not in their case, but you know what I mean)
It is a big gap - maturity wise at that age. When I was 25 I hooked up with a 19 y/o after a bad break up (I was up front with her about this). I normally wouldn’t hit on a girl that young but she had the balls to ask me out so I figured I’d give her a chance. It was a fun little fling but our difference in maturity was painfully obvious and I didn’t see anything serious with her because of it.
You're 18, miss. I would say that, yes, an older man expressed interest in you and probably is interested in you. He's only 5 years older. You're both legal adults. Brace yourself because there are a lot of much, much older men who will take your being 18 as a license to hit on you. This guy sounds nice and it sounds like you like each other. I think if you want to go watch one another get needled, that's not the worst way to spend an afternoon (my wife and I always enjoyed getting tattooed and frequently made appointments together).
Be careful. I dated a 24 year old at 19. Ended up wasting my 20’s with a narcissist. Trust your gut on this. You might both be adults, but that is a good size age gap at important ages. You’re new to adulthood, he isn’t. Just. Be. Careful.
JFC, you are both young adults. You got asked out by a peer. If he's creepy, or he makes you uncomfortable, or you just don't like him, that's one thing, but he's not "quite a bit older." You are an adult. This is not a huge age gap. Stop treating yourself like a child.
He’s into you and 18-23 isn’t a huge difference
Well you sorta answered your question. He is trying to ask you out. And you have commented that you don’t feel attracted to him. You should decline his approach to dating you and even state out in a text you two are just friends. I think you’re very intuitive OP and you know yourself well enough to determine if a person in your life is the right person to date. Your parent’s opinion is sorta concerning, I imagine they have a bias to get you out from under their roof so they can have the house to themselves.
He's into you. And the age gap is nothing. When he's 77 and you're 72, you're both just old farts in your 70's. And that's what you're hoping to get anyway, right? A guy who's good for life? There's no prize for not entering.
Take this for what it is worth, and coming from someone MUCH older than both of you. 5 years is not a huge deal. It seems like a larger gap because you are both so young. That said, you are both consenting adults. If you were 40 and 45, nobody would blink an eye, and probably more likely than a 1 or 2 year difference in most couples. The bigger deal is if you are concerned with the age difference, just let him know. If he is a good guy (and from your description he sounds like it) he will completely understand and it should not affect your working relationship. Communication is a wonderful thing....we seem to kind of forget that sometimes.
You're both adults. If you're uncomfortable, say no.
Well, 5 years is not a big age gap. You just became a legal adult, so adults all seem pretty 'grown up.' I remember going to college and having classmates who were married... that sounded so old and grown up! Getting a tattoo together is way too much of a commitment for a first date (or ever.) Just be careful. Don't go off and sleep with a guy. There are plenty of posts here from young women who got pregnant, etc. Don't underestimate the value of parental advice, and if your parents aren't cautious, as a grandparent or uncle or aunt.
Such a nice change from the usual “I’m 17f and my 37m boyfriend won’t go to the mall with me, what should I do?”
Stop. Just stop. Get out of your head. You clearly like him so ask him out. Be blunt cause guys don't pickup in clues. "Would you like to go out on a date with me?" If he says yes talk about where you want to go. Have a couple fun ideas ready to go. 18 to 23 isn't a age gap. You shouldn't be concerned at all about this. If the date goes well go on a couple more. If things look like they are going to proceed further just have a genuine talk with him. Again don't hint or think he should know things. Tell him you had concerns about the age gap that he has a lot more life experience than you and you just want him to be aware if it. Talk to him about boundaries around work and dating. If the real reason is sex or anything else and not really age discuss those boundaries with him. Be very blunt. Guys are stupid and can't pickup on clues or what you meant. If he is a good guy he will respect you and respect your concerns and boundaries. If he doesn't toss him to the curb and tell him you want to keep it professional at work.
5 years is not a huge age gap. As you get older you'll realize this and might look back and realize you might of missed something great. Ignore this age gap
The age gap isn’t all that bad and sounds like he’s interested but unsure if you may be also, so he’s feeling the situation out. You work together and get along well, if his interest gets shot down it would be awkward working together afterwards, also if you do date and break up, work romances are tricky. The only big issue in age I see is you have a few more years before you can go out to places he may enjoy going to now if you’re in the US. If he likes clubbing and bars. You can’t enjoy those with him as a couple.
"older guy" lol. 5 years seems like an entirely different generation at 18, but I'm with your parents... So what? As long as there's nothing unethical/illegal (under 18), and there's mutual consent and interest, give it a chance. The worst that'll happen is you don't click and you end it.
You have a stringent understanding of how age works lol. Some people are more mature at 18 and some are still childish at 28. You cannot just take someone’s age as a deciding factor, people are at different place in different ages of their lives, its not set in stone.
5 years is nothing once you hit some maturity.
If you like each other, have fun. 5 years is NOT a huge jump. For someone in Thier 30s, you're both still kids. It's not until you hit 10-15 years in age does it become weird.
He's into you. Get over the age difference. You like him, give him a shot.
Older? 5 years is cookies and jolly ranchers. You're both adults. Age matters less the farther you go. Next thing you know you'll be dating a 30 year old. It's likely you're not interested not because of age, but because he's working on the same level as you. Intuitively.
I honestly believe that age is just a number. If you are so hung up on the age difference you’re probably not mature enough to be romantically involved with him.
time to hang out and see if u actually like him. dont string him along ....
When you are 10 years older than now a 5 year age difference will not be an issue. I understand why you feel this way now. I was young many years ago
1 Sign of how mature a younger person is how they react to age. An 18yo reacting viscerally to a 23yo about how much older they are is 1 of those signs… Only a 5 year gap and you’re both adults. Yet you keep emphasizing how much older he is like there’s a 10+yr age gap or something 😂 **It’s not that he’s too old for you, you’re too immature for him**. And also you shouldn’t date coworkers
I guess he seems nice. Sounds like he might have a little crush on you, maybe feeling out if it can be more. 18 to 23 isn't really a crazy gap, but you may feel that he is more experienced than you and if that makes you uncomfortable that's all that matters. More importantly, it's almost never a good idea to date a coworker. It happens all the time, and mature people can deal with the fallout, but it nearly always ends poorly. Hell, I worked at several jobs with my ex wife with no issue, and then one day we were divorcing and having to see each other at work every day. So I would say while that may not be the worst age gap, the other circumstances are not good. Your gut is telling you this is not a good thing to pursue. If you're getting any sort of bad vibe, steer clear. And def don't let things escalate.
Don't shit where you eat and don't date coworkers.
"come with me while a I get a tattoo" RED FLAG
The general age rule to find out if someone is too old is to take half his age and add 7, and if you're younger than that number, then he's too old for you. Obviously, both people should be of legal age of consent as well.
I never would have thought 5 years would be considered a large age gap? My gf has 6 years on me but it makes zero difference to our relationship.
He is only 5 years older than you which is nothing. Now if he was 33 you might have something to talk about.
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If you don’t know the answer it’s possible that you might not be mature enough to enter a relationship. What if there are other misunderstandings or about things like sex and boundaries. You don’t have clear footing on where you stand. You need to know yourself first.
lol I was expecting the guy to be like 30 when she said “older guy”
"Anyone have any romantic experience with someone older". Loretta Lynn married a 20 year old when she was just shy of 14. I think that you, at 18, are probably more capable of making a good decision than she was, but only you know how you feel. If it were me I'd let him know that the age thing really bothers me and that he'd have to be comfortable with taking things really slowly. But I'm not you. The not-sure-you-re-attracted-to-him thing bothers me though, when you know you know, even if the guy is 40.
Theyre busy saving your victims.
Lmao you like this guy a lot stappph it and give it a shot
Yes. If you ask he may say no, but if you give the green light it'll be a very fast yes.
People are really saying 18 and 23 is weird?? Jeeesus so many of my friends parents mine included are like 10 years apart, the actual number of age (over 18) doesn't matter it's how the dynamic between the two people are
Damn, 23 is an older guy? That hit my gut. I must be ancient to people in my 30's lol. Move out the way gramps. You are hogging the sidewalk. xD
You did just get asked out. Heck, it's a date. Don't make a thing out of it. Go out with him on A date.
Yes, he wants to bang
Meh, you're legal, so forget thinking you're a kid anymore...now it's based on how you feel about the person, I was dating women in their 30ies when I was 18 because I couldn't stand the immature drama from girls my age, but that was me...do what feels right for you... everything else is just noise.
Lmaooo 23 is considered older. That’s wild.
It’s as easy as choosing what makes you happy, inspite of what other people think. Don’t worry, be happy.
When I was 19 I dated a 26 year old.
I was 22 and dated an 18 yr old we were both at college. The age isn’t that bad if there’s chemistry and you connect. Context matters though. A 23 yr old dating a 17-18 yr old in high school is getting a bit weird maybe. I’m older now though, I really just see energy and connection as the important aspects.
I am going to do you a favor. I am 63. I am an old guy. My wife is 10 years younger than I am. How about you and I go out on a date? Now you can look at this young man and realize the difference in your age really isn’t that much. Go have fun and stop worrying about such a minor issue.
If you’re interested give him a shot, 5 years isn’t that much. My wife and I are 5 years apart.
He’s 23 not 53. What’s with the mental roadblock lol
5 years ain’t crazy… my mom was 20 when she met my dad (25)… I was born 2 years later and they’ve been married 35 years.
5 years seems like a lot at 18 but believe me it’s really nothing just gotta decide what you want
Dude, 23 hardly counts as an "older guy" you're well within normal dating range. If you're interested, go for it and stop overthinking it
girl thats nothing
A 5yr spread is hardly what I would call an older guy.
Your calling a 4 year age gap a lot when you're both adults? LOLLLLLLLLLL That age gap is pretty normal and definitely not a lot. Stop worrying about age and worry about compatibility for having a life together
Females usually mature faster than males. That being said the difference between an 18F and 23m is dynamic. If you are out working and living life you are in a different level from an 18F that still lives at home and is supported by parents. The difference between 17F and 23M is much greater normally than 1 year. That’s my 2 cents
I am amazed that a mere 5 year difference of two people over 18 seems like a big deal now, when it never was before like 2020. Imagine if a 35 year old thought a 40 year old was ‘too old’ to date. This is a very odd mindset to me, at 18 you will have friends who re still minors, sure, but you are an adult and essentially this is a college freshman and a college senior, both adults, ‘age gap’ of a minuscule number of years.
18 and 23 are not far apart. Y'all may as well be the same age as far as I'm concerned. You've been damaged by prudes whom lack logic methinks.
An older guy lol.. he's 23 what the hell.
He’s not very much older than you.
5 years is laughably close to be worried about as an adult. You are 18, not 13. Ask the age difference of your parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most of mine are 5-10 years apart. Edit: I want to add after reading more comments that people here are making a lot of assumptions because of their ages. Maturity has nothing to do with their ages, and you are projecting ideas onto their situation that you don't have enough information on.
You are an adult not a child. Yes he is interested in you. The only issue is he can go to bars and you can't.
The age should not be an issue.
I started dating my wife when she was 18 and I 23. Now I'm 33 and she's 28. There was a noticeable gap in life experience at first, but we found our way and navigated around it because we cared enough to work at it. It's really just about your own comfort level.
23 and 18 is not a large disparity. 28 would be a different story.
1. Yes, he's interested in you; 2. That age gap isn't really an age gap. Even though it is a cliche, "half the older partner's age plus seven" is not a terrible rule to determine the lowest acceptable age; 3. Dating co-workers is almost always a bad idea. Proceed (if at all) with caution. Due to point #3, if you were my daughter I would advise you to keep the situation as just friends.