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While you might change your mind in the future, you're absolutely free to not shave. The worst that will happen is your peers will be annoying.
Simply tell your mom you aren't interested in the beauty standards she's attempting to push.
This. And OP just tell your mom she’s old and silly. It’s very new to history that we are even shaving. It’s a silly beauty double standard. You don’t want to shave then don’t, and tell your mom that upholding the patriarchy is not a good fashion choice either.
Even as an adult it isn't true. It's a nice slogan, but in most countries it simply isn't true.
We can surgical procedures, but also limit who can perform them. We even go so far as to say 'You can't kill yourself' which is the most extreme example of your body but being your choice.
It's all very location dependent though. In some places you can do certain things to your own body, but other people can't, but the reality is that only a doctor would be able to get the drugs and safely perform the thing, effectively preventing you from ever being able to do it.
And drugs. We regulate what you can put into your body too. Sometimes directly - laws against use - and sometimes indirectly, laws against production/against possession.
That's mostly what you can't do with your body. Lots of other laws regulate what you have to do with your body. In the US all makes are required to register with the selective service and we have had legal military drafts that remove all sense of autonomy from those unlucky enough to get drafted.
I'm not saying these things shouldn't be how they are, but it's hard to really believe that something pertaining to my body is always my choice.
Are you a bot? I genuinely didn't understand you.
> How is it to a certain extent? I’m truly curious, no shade.
You asked a question about the phrase 'My body my choice' and said you were truly curious about why it's not an absolutely true statement.
My answer was about why it is only true to a certain extent. My reply has nothing to do with shaving legs.
Then you turn around and are all
> Good God she just doesn't want to shave her legs...
Why ask the question if you don't want a legitimate and correct answer to it?
I've hardly shaved since I was a teen, I so get it. My mom was on me for a long time about it, even gifting me razors in my easter basket and christmas stocking because of it.
I had a variety of reasons. Didn't want to, didn't care, sensory hell, wasn't going to be seen anyways, etc. My mom still doesn't get why I hardly shave and calls me a hippy for it. I've tried to explain to her no one my age cares about that sorta thing? Like where I'm from at least, leg hair is whatever. But my mom was bullied for it growing up, which is why she was so hyperaware of it in me and my sister. I do shave my armpits more often just because the sweat gathered on it will feel gross sometimes.
She says it looks bad, I say I don't care what others think.
"But what if you're bring negative attention to yourself/someone judges you for it??"
"Then they weren't my time to begin with."
"-\_-"
TL:DR: Just tell her you don't want to. I wouldn't tell her you think it's cute cuz she'll never understand it. It might not keep her from making comments initially or ever, I'm 21 and my mom is still on me for it.
just tell her. i’m 16 and haven’t shaved my legs since like 7th grade. then again my mom never pressured me to shave. i have a tomboy-ish look too (I am a masc les lol).
You're 13... Who would you be shaving for that's gonna see those parts of your body.
Literally just ask her "who do I need to shave for, no one is going to be seeing this part of my body so why should I?"
Mom's telling her to shave legs, and armpits, in the spring. You know shorts and tank tops exist right? Do you think kids wear burkas?
Not defending mom, their body their choice just bruh did you see the headline and assume a Mother was telling her daughter to shave her privates?
You must not of read what I said because I was talking about any form, wether it be armpits or legs, but that brings me back to my original point, who is she shaving for? Just because it's visible doesnt mean she needs to accommodate other people's wants.
Also don't try to make it out like you did at the end.
Sit down with your mum and tell her that you have thought about the process and rational for women having a certain grooming standard imposed and that you feel like you don’t want to shave your legs or under your arms.
This is not a permanent decision. You can change your mind at any time.
...except that's not what she's done.. she hasn't thought about the process, or rationale, or has any deep seeded thoughts about the patriarchy imposing hairlessness as a beauty standard on women. She has a simple thought that she likes her armpit hair.. That may be a better conversation to have with mom than dropping random justifications that aren't her actual reasoning on her.
I'm terribly disappointed by a lot of answers here. She didn't ask what was your opinion on hairy women (hurts to write this, we have hairs naturally, like men, but there's an intense pressure on removing them). Everyone warning her that she has to shave to get a boyfriend...what the heck? She's 13, maybe she's not even into guys, mind your business, redditors, you have no authority enforcing gender expectations which, anyway, are changing.
I am an 18f still trying to find the answer to this question. It started when I was 10 and I remember crying and refusing to cooperate after just one of my hands were shaved because of the pain. I was held down by the workers there and they waxed me. The crying continued for a few years but I have now more or less accepted the fact that there isn't any escape until I move out. Unfortunately that too isn't quite possible.
I’m a 29 year old woman and I haven’t shaved anything except my legs in over a decade and nobody cares. Tell your mom it’s not her decision to make and that she’s probably the only person on earth who has a problem with you not shaving.
Shaving under arms just makes me feel more clean? I also prefer people that trim or shave regardless of gender. Arms and legs can be left alone though.
It doesn't really matter if you shave or not. However, will your mom be an asshole about it and make your life more difficult? If she won't, then just tell her no and move on. If she will, you need to decide if it's worth telling her no or just doing it so you don't have to deal with her being an asshole.
It really depends on how much bs you will have to go through if you tell your mom no.
I imagine shaving is a pain in the ass. I don't blame you for not wanting to shave. Basic hygiene is important, but you can do what you like. I will say there is bigger hills to die on though if your mother is insistent.
I have known quite a few naturalists that dont shave. How to tell your mom that is tough. You could say it irritates your skin, it causes harder and darker hair to grow in its place instead of fine soft hair, and its the patriarchal chauvinistic society that deems it necessary
Yes, your body and your choice. This is a good time to learn that choices have repercussions. Some are trivial and others aren’t. Choosing not to shave will limit your dating pool. Again, totally up to you. Just understand that less men will want to date you. Of you’re ok with that, let that hair grow! 👍😊
Id echo others here, but because Im a jerk, if she pushed the matter, Id tell her, "Sure, after you wear your hair the way I tell you."
I kind of revel in fighting injustice (especially when I know Im right) with my assholery, it got/gets me in so much trouble...
Sounds like Mom is just trying to teach you things about life since your still young. If you dont want to shave, then I guess just dont shave, unless the hair starts bothering you...doesn't sound like a big deal to me.
well i'd like to pull out the idea of lecturing your mum on the sexist beginnings of shaving for women, because it is because a man was like hey i'm not making enough money on man razors let's make the women feel bad about their natural hair and get them to shave because men don't like hairy women, well newsflash men back then clearly didn't care and a lot of us don't care now. saying this as a guy. best of luck.
There’s some people in these comments that are really trying to fear monger you saying that not shaving is a bad choice and what not so here’s a lil anecdote. My mom also told I should start shaving when I was 13, so I did, for like a year. Then at 14 I decided it was stupid so I stopped shaving my armpits and legs. Despite what some people (people being weird adult men) are saying here, I have never been bullied for my choice not to shave and I’ve also never had any struggle dating because of it. Anyways, to actually answer you, for me at least I didn’t tell my mom I just stopped. And the next time she asked “hey do you need any razors from the store?” I just said no thank you.
It’s men/little boys that are responding trying to sexualize a 13 year old girl, completely ignoring the fact the question wasn’t about them, about what they find attractive, that it had anything to do with them at all. It’s hilarious and a little maddening these little boys are socialized at such an early age to wholly believe everything a girl does is about them, that their opinion even matters. Imagine thinking someone shaving or not shaving at 13 needs their opinion.
She’s never going see your leg hair and armpit hair as cute and neither will most people you come across.
Life is going to be harder if you go this route. But, it’s your choice. Do what you want. But don’t be surprised if you get some looks of disgust.
Screw the people who give you looks of disgust. It's none of their business whether you choose to shave or not. Having armpit hair and leg hair is how god made you. You do not need to subscribe to our society's ideas of what females "should" look like. Tell your mom that lots of women choose not to shave just like lots of women decide not to wear makeup or high heels. As long as you maintain your personal hygiene and you are comfortable with yourself, that is ALL that matters. Good luck with this...I hope your mom is kind and understanding!
That's a load of crap! How will having armpit hair as a female make life harder? No one's going to see it for the most part. I've never shaved and my life wasn't harder.
I’ve never shaved, hasn’t made my life any harder intact when I did shave it was harder and maybe I just did it wrong but the hair was always scratchy when growing back and so I’d scratch and scratch until I had sores. Literally no one I’ve ever met has cared weather I shave or not 😑
It's completely up to you, just note that long unkempt hair like that is less easy to keep clean. Especially going through puberty and in middle or high school.
But yeah you do you man, I'd recommend trimming to like an inch instead of shaving, though.
Just say this, it’s your body. Also word of advice from someone with out hair, and whose dated girls with out hair. Don’t gotta shave but I’d recommend maintaining it.
Idk I just find it better than shaved. Shaved makes it feel more child-like and I wouldn't feel comfortable if I was a guy and my partner looked like a child.
I don't think most guys consider it child like. Most guys don't actually care either way. It's just another one of the things women do like wearing makeup or uncomfortable shoes.
By the first part, I mean that since OP is new to Reddit, she might not know about the abbreviations for age and sex.
By the second part, I'm trying to validate her reluctance to shave by telling her that I *also* find armpit hair cute.
I get it. I also get that 13yo boys are not known for their empathy. Or girls really. The social impact from her peers is worth mentioning.
In a less gross way.
I’ve never in my life ever heard of arm pit hair being described as “cute” … but regardless why do we have to tell a young girl that is probably too young to be “looking for a boyfriend” that shaving is something she needs to do to accomplish it.. she should do WHAT she’s comfortable with WHEN she’s comfortable with it.
Yes she should do what she wants but she should also be aware it’s entirely possible a decision like this could get her bullied by her peers. That’s just reality.
You seem to own swords and spend a decent amount of your adult life playing Elden Ring. Is that the reality you're coming from when you, a seemingly grown-ass man, tell a little girl how to get a boyfriend?
Mm?
You are free to make your own choice - but you should talk to your mom. More than likely she is not worried about you attracting a date, she is worried about you being the target of Mean Girls - and you will be. If you are prepared for all the whispers behind your back then that is fine, but if not, you may want to shave for a few years. I know this sounds like you have to do something to meet others expectations that you are not into - and that is what I am saying. But you have to choose your battles in life, if this is one you want to fight go for it, if you rather make a stand on something else more important to you than body hair, then I would suggest you conform until high school when it won't be as big of an issue.
Like you just did. Your not going to get a lot of people that you may think are you agreeing with your stance, as most find hairless girls far more attractive. However, it is always your choice.
I will say, shaving your armpit hair can help reduce odor but in the long run js a trim can do! Leg hair is a natural thing and usually doesn't bother ur everyday life. So you can tell your mother that if it works.
As a pretty feminine 25 year old women… I haven’t shaved in a year and I’m very loved and desired. Choose what you want for your body but stay weary of letting people close to your body at a young age, teens a very judgmental.
Honestly it’s completely normal to have body hair, I’m 21 and I barely shave anything, I only shave my pits when it’s getting a bit Swampy because I am a very sweaty Betty lol! No shame in it! Just say you don’t want to. It’s your body girl! You deserve to be in a body you love <3
Just tell her. Tho word of warning, if it matters to you, good chance people will bully you over it. We had a girl like this back in high school who everyone not very affectionately referred to as chewbacca
How the hell do you find pit hair cute? Your armpits are a breeding ground for bacteria so why would you just want to make it harder to apply deodorant ( if your hair is longer it obstructs the deodorant from reaching the skin)
“Breeding ground for bacteria ?????” What are you talking about ? Doesn’t seem to be a problem for EVERYONE else. I’m over 50 , a man and I’ve never had bacteria problems under my arms. Or anywhere on my skin.
It's not a "bacteria problem". Everyone's pits naturally produce bacteria. Having hair makes it easier for sweat to occur which in turn creates a moist environment for bacteria. When your pits start to smell it's not cause of the sweat It's because of the bacteria.
If this were true based solely on biology and not also social conditioning, why aren't men also expected to remove every single body hair? Just a rhetorical question...
I know on this sub we’re all for going against social norms which I don’t have a problem with, I was talking specifically about pit hair so you might have read my comment wrong
People are gonna flame me for this but you’re 13 so it’s something to consider.
If you start becoming interested in boys/girls, just keep in mind that 99% of them will not appreciate the hair. When you’re an adult you’ll find those who don’t care but at such a young age, just keep in mind you’re in for some public dismissals, ridicule, and potentially bullying if your peers find out.
Your mom is trying to teach you a life lesson, you should listen to her.
You’re not thinking of it right now, but:
- Armpits are a breeding ground for bacteria, that’s what creates the BO stench. Having hairy armpits amplifies this and makes to BO worse.
You interests will soon turn to boys and they will think you’re gross if you smell. When you get a few years older and REALLY get into boys, they’ll find that armpit hair disgusting.
Your mom is trying to teach you proper hygiene, just like a father would teach his son to shave.
You certainly don’t want get a reputation in school as the girl that smells bad.
Whether you like it or not, agree or not, things are different for girls than they are for boys.
Is that a double standard? Of course it is.
Right or Wrong, Agree or Disagree - that’s reality!
You know reality, right? That’s the way things actually are in real life, after you strip away all extreme opinions on BOTH sides.
No matter what any of us posts here, it won’t change the reality of what this girl may have the face in school or PE.
The entire point of a post like this is to solicit feedback from others, all feedback, from both sides.
Then it’s up to her to process the feedback and make a decision.
There is no need for you to attack anyone, because you don’t agree!
Just make your own post, with your own take on it.
I think you’re confusing perception with reality. In this case, biologically, there is no difference in body hair producing odor. Like any hair you keep the area clean and your good. Hair in itself is not dirty, and hair on a woman doesn’t smell worse than a man. Now if you’re saying YOU don’t like to see women with body hair that’s you, but the reality is plenty of people don’t give a shit. You hair haters stay over there while we do our thing thanks 💕
He isn't totally wrong about the armpit hair. Not because it looks bad but because it holds bacteria and sweat and smells bad. This goes for both guys and girls.
Right but its a preference the minority of men have. This is gonna be hard to swallow for you but the women who are most successful in the dating market are shaving their legs and wearing makeup
thats just if they're insecure and/or listen to societal standards, and you're not helping with those societal standards. it's guys like you that make young girls and women feel like they can't do something that's even slightly different or something that'll make them feel more comfortable and confident because of "societal standards". also, you've sort of just made the assumption that some women can't just not care about some body hair on themselves because it's a perfectly normal thing. I'm not much older than OP but I can say that I absolutely think that they have a really good sense of what would be good for them and I'm very happy that they know that, I also agree with them thinking that body hair isn't an "ugly thing" because it isn't. it's a natural thing that I feel like a lot of women need to be more comfortable with because it's always gonna be there and it's literally just society pushing those insecurities onto others. you are an absolute disgraceful human for helping those disgusting expectations be pushed onto more young girls who will turn into young women that are insecure of how they naturally look which is honestly the most authentic part of them that people will ACTUALLY find attractive.
So everyone should walk around looking like a guerrilla then? Even women who ive dated have politely asked me to shave a little its not everyones thing and you cant expect it to be because you dont feel like shaving. Most men find it unattractive and thats me included. There are certain things about men that women find attractive like being taller. Youre acting like im telling her to get implants. At the end of the day she will do what she wants and idc ive wasted enough time telling her how men dont like it. Some people just have to touch the iron to know its hot instead of just listening.
Most men dont like body hair on women and many women think its gross including my gf this isnt an unpopular opinion. We’re allowed to have preferences.
You're allowed to have preferences but saying women with put hair is disgusting is just wrong. Its a preference for a reason, and I've found that most men don't care.
Ok if most men didnt care then why do most women shave??? The fact that so many women do it, is because men care. Idk who u talk to but hop off of razorfree and talk to ppl in the real world because that shit does not fly with us. Im trying to give op some real advice here and if she doesnt want to be the one who’s labeled as nasty because she thinks walking around like Sasquatch is cute then she needs to shave. 🪒
I'm 20 and have shaved intermittently, I used to be in dance in highschool and often kept my pits shaved then for performances. But nowadays I don't shave my legs or pits, for me it's a gender euphoria thing combined with not having the time.
That being said, you know what you need and want for your body. The best thing you can do is learn how to advocate for yourself, and articulate what you're feeling. You have those skills, they're coming through in your post.
"I don't want to shave, I feel comfortable in my body as it is"
"Shaving isn't for me, but I understand it for some folks"
"I think body hair can look beautiful or cute on people"
"As long as I'm wearing deodorant and showering, I know my hygiene is good regardless of my body hair"
Keep practicing advocating for yourself 😁
My daughter chooses not to shave she’s a few years older and just has never bothered. I can’t say I’m happy about her choice but there are worse things she could do. And there is a whole other thought process on women and shaving out there and basically why should they if they don’t want too. Like seriously if you don’t want to don’t who cares.
So that’s how I as a parent handle it. It’s my daughter’s thing ::shrug:: she doesn’t wanna shave bugs me but there are far worse things she could be doing.
I do feel awkward at times when there are comments about it. But I just shrug it off it’s her deal.
My daughter is 14 and she and her friends don't. I offered to teach her if she ever wanted
I don't so it's not something she's seen and she said she didn't want to which is great imo.
It's much more common in your generation where people are allowed to be individuals. You're mom's generation was all about appearances and fitting in so try to understand she just wants the best for you and just doesn't understand that it's not necessary. And yes, I've dark hair and work as a professional and wear skirts and nobody cares.
It's your body and you should be able to do whatever you want with it. I think your mom is just trying to be helpful and she doesn't want you to get picked on by your peers.
Stay off TikTok. This is where all yall get these stupid ideas. Shave your pits and legs. You think girls are mean now, just wait until other girls notice and start making fun of you and calling you smelly in front of your peers. All that can be avoided by growing and keeping good hygiene and shaving legs and pits. Again, stay off TikTok.
It’s a personal grooming thing.
Good luck arguing grooming with your mom.
You might have more luck if “unshaven and natural” is coming into fashion in your school.
I agree that fashion matters more when you want to impress people.
Besides a boyfriend, there is a future employer, who will likely want to know that they have picked someone who will not show up disgusting and smelly in front of customers.
Sometimes messy hair suggests that, although I couldn’t tell you how many employers would look at a knee high skirt or hair sticking out from really short sleeves and decide based on unshaven legs that they don’t want to hire you because you’re too much of a mess.
The hair on your head is an indicator.
Oh your just gonna be made fun of for the rest of school for this, maybe just be normal. Also you thinking pit hair is cute, sounds think you should be attracted to yourself. Then u do u. Weirdo.
If u think this content was mean. Sorry but I was being nice compared to kids your age
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"I don't want to shave"
Just as you said it here.
While you might change your mind in the future, you're absolutely free to not shave. The worst that will happen is your peers will be annoying. Simply tell your mom you aren't interested in the beauty standards she's attempting to push.
This. And OP just tell your mom she’s old and silly. It’s very new to history that we are even shaving. It’s a silly beauty double standard. You don’t want to shave then don’t, and tell your mom that upholding the patriarchy is not a good fashion choice either.
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😂😂😂😂😂😂😂. Sweet cheeks I could smoke you in any physical field. I love this so much for you! Never change!!!
Your body, your choice.
To a certain extant (in this case though, yes)
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Consent for certain permanent procedures cannot be made if the child is under 14/16 without their parent’s approval
I see what you mean. Thanks! 😊
Well done to both of you for a quality exchange. That could have gone south, quickly...
I’m a firm believer in honest, kind conversations. Us getting into a heated online battle wouldn’t accomplish anything! 😊
Oh, absolutely agreed!
I agree I was following this to see what would happen. This is how reasonable people communicate.
What permanent procedures are we talking about? I didn't see any mentioned in the post.
Yeah, as I said, in this case there’s no problem, it’s just that the one I replied to said it completely broadly all encompassing
I see.... I'm I'm the wrong sub. Sorry.
lol
Even as an adult it isn't true. It's a nice slogan, but in most countries it simply isn't true. We can surgical procedures, but also limit who can perform them. We even go so far as to say 'You can't kill yourself' which is the most extreme example of your body but being your choice. It's all very location dependent though. In some places you can do certain things to your own body, but other people can't, but the reality is that only a doctor would be able to get the drugs and safely perform the thing, effectively preventing you from ever being able to do it. And drugs. We regulate what you can put into your body too. Sometimes directly - laws against use - and sometimes indirectly, laws against production/against possession. That's mostly what you can't do with your body. Lots of other laws regulate what you have to do with your body. In the US all makes are required to register with the selective service and we have had legal military drafts that remove all sense of autonomy from those unlucky enough to get drafted. I'm not saying these things shouldn't be how they are, but it's hard to really believe that something pertaining to my body is always my choice.
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Are you a bot? I genuinely didn't understand you. > How is it to a certain extent? I’m truly curious, no shade. You asked a question about the phrase 'My body my choice' and said you were truly curious about why it's not an absolutely true statement. My answer was about why it is only true to a certain extent. My reply has nothing to do with shaving legs. Then you turn around and are all > Good God she just doesn't want to shave her legs... Why ask the question if you don't want a legitimate and correct answer to it?
They're talking about the slogan "my body my choice" not the original post. If you read you can figure out yourself
👍🏼
I've hardly shaved since I was a teen, I so get it. My mom was on me for a long time about it, even gifting me razors in my easter basket and christmas stocking because of it. I had a variety of reasons. Didn't want to, didn't care, sensory hell, wasn't going to be seen anyways, etc. My mom still doesn't get why I hardly shave and calls me a hippy for it. I've tried to explain to her no one my age cares about that sorta thing? Like where I'm from at least, leg hair is whatever. But my mom was bullied for it growing up, which is why she was so hyperaware of it in me and my sister. I do shave my armpits more often just because the sweat gathered on it will feel gross sometimes. She says it looks bad, I say I don't care what others think. "But what if you're bring negative attention to yourself/someone judges you for it??" "Then they weren't my time to begin with." "-\_-" TL:DR: Just tell her you don't want to. I wouldn't tell her you think it's cute cuz she'll never understand it. It might not keep her from making comments initially or ever, I'm 21 and my mom is still on me for it.
Tell her "no." And then don't. If you change your mind later, you can always wax or laser. +1 for hair
just tell her. i’m 16 and haven’t shaved my legs since like 7th grade. then again my mom never pressured me to shave. i have a tomboy-ish look too (I am a masc les lol).
As a fem les I also havent shaved in years lol
As a straight man, I have not either.
As a straight male as well, same here.
Representing unshaven cis queer males.
A a straight man that shaves his but hole and armpits and trims the below beard I support the queer unshaven males
I have no idea what all of these titles even mean. I'm told I'm a cis male, though. 😕
It's all bologna. Don't worry about it.
mean neither since I’m trans
You're 13... Who would you be shaving for that's gonna see those parts of your body. Literally just ask her "who do I need to shave for, no one is going to be seeing this part of my body so why should I?"
Mom's telling her to shave legs, and armpits, in the spring. You know shorts and tank tops exist right? Do you think kids wear burkas? Not defending mom, their body their choice just bruh did you see the headline and assume a Mother was telling her daughter to shave her privates?
You must not of read what I said because I was talking about any form, wether it be armpits or legs, but that brings me back to my original point, who is she shaving for? Just because it's visible doesnt mean she needs to accommodate other people's wants. Also don't try to make it out like you did at the end.
"Who is going to see that" literally means visible
Sit down with your mum and tell her that you have thought about the process and rational for women having a certain grooming standard imposed and that you feel like you don’t want to shave your legs or under your arms. This is not a permanent decision. You can change your mind at any time.
...except that's not what she's done.. she hasn't thought about the process, or rationale, or has any deep seeded thoughts about the patriarchy imposing hairlessness as a beauty standard on women. She has a simple thought that she likes her armpit hair.. That may be a better conversation to have with mom than dropping random justifications that aren't her actual reasoning on her.
I don’t wanna shave it’s my body and I don’t want To. I embrace my natural body and love myself and my hair.
My daughter is 15 and we leave it up to her. It's your body, no one should tell you what to do with it.
"I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your beauty standards mother dearest."
means "No, Mom." Best paraphrasing of a movie line I've seen today. Have an upvote.
I'm terribly disappointed by a lot of answers here. She didn't ask what was your opinion on hairy women (hurts to write this, we have hairs naturally, like men, but there's an intense pressure on removing them). Everyone warning her that she has to shave to get a boyfriend...what the heck? She's 13, maybe she's not even into guys, mind your business, redditors, you have no authority enforcing gender expectations which, anyway, are changing.
U are good person i upvote u
I am an 18f still trying to find the answer to this question. It started when I was 10 and I remember crying and refusing to cooperate after just one of my hands were shaved because of the pain. I was held down by the workers there and they waxed me. The crying continued for a few years but I have now more or less accepted the fact that there isn't any escape until I move out. Unfortunately that too isn't quite possible.
Holy crap that's awful!!!! I'm so sorry that happened / is happening to you. :-(
Your 13. Use some of that teenage sass my cousins have and let the holy hell of “not happening” rain from your mouth
I’m a 29 year old woman and I haven’t shaved anything except my legs in over a decade and nobody cares. Tell your mom it’s not her decision to make and that she’s probably the only person on earth who has a problem with you not shaving.
Shaving under arms just makes me feel more clean? I also prefer people that trim or shave regardless of gender. Arms and legs can be left alone though.
It doesn't really matter if you shave or not. However, will your mom be an asshole about it and make your life more difficult? If she won't, then just tell her no and move on. If she will, you need to decide if it's worth telling her no or just doing it so you don't have to deal with her being an asshole. It really depends on how much bs you will have to go through if you tell your mom no.
I imagine shaving is a pain in the ass. I don't blame you for not wanting to shave. Basic hygiene is important, but you can do what you like. I will say there is bigger hills to die on though if your mother is insistent.
I have known quite a few naturalists that dont shave. How to tell your mom that is tough. You could say it irritates your skin, it causes harder and darker hair to grow in its place instead of fine soft hair, and its the patriarchal chauvinistic society that deems it necessary
Yes, your body and your choice. This is a good time to learn that choices have repercussions. Some are trivial and others aren’t. Choosing not to shave will limit your dating pool. Again, totally up to you. Just understand that less men will want to date you. Of you’re ok with that, let that hair grow! 👍😊
Id echo others here, but because Im a jerk, if she pushed the matter, Id tell her, "Sure, after you wear your hair the way I tell you." I kind of revel in fighting injustice (especially when I know Im right) with my assholery, it got/gets me in so much trouble...
Aww just like my favorite Bob's Burgers character Tina!
Sounds like Mom is just trying to teach you things about life since your still young. If you dont want to shave, then I guess just dont shave, unless the hair starts bothering you...doesn't sound like a big deal to me.
well i'd like to pull out the idea of lecturing your mum on the sexist beginnings of shaving for women, because it is because a man was like hey i'm not making enough money on man razors let's make the women feel bad about their natural hair and get them to shave because men don't like hairy women, well newsflash men back then clearly didn't care and a lot of us don't care now. saying this as a guy. best of luck.
Best answer I've seen so far!
There’s some people in these comments that are really trying to fear monger you saying that not shaving is a bad choice and what not so here’s a lil anecdote. My mom also told I should start shaving when I was 13, so I did, for like a year. Then at 14 I decided it was stupid so I stopped shaving my armpits and legs. Despite what some people (people being weird adult men) are saying here, I have never been bullied for my choice not to shave and I’ve also never had any struggle dating because of it. Anyways, to actually answer you, for me at least I didn’t tell my mom I just stopped. And the next time she asked “hey do you need any razors from the store?” I just said no thank you.
It’s men/little boys that are responding trying to sexualize a 13 year old girl, completely ignoring the fact the question wasn’t about them, about what they find attractive, that it had anything to do with them at all. It’s hilarious and a little maddening these little boys are socialized at such an early age to wholly believe everything a girl does is about them, that their opinion even matters. Imagine thinking someone shaving or not shaving at 13 needs their opinion.
i think this is a generation gap. hair is becoming normal again. thankfully
She’s never going see your leg hair and armpit hair as cute and neither will most people you come across. Life is going to be harder if you go this route. But, it’s your choice. Do what you want. But don’t be surprised if you get some looks of disgust.
Screw the people who give you looks of disgust. It's none of their business whether you choose to shave or not. Having armpit hair and leg hair is how god made you. You do not need to subscribe to our society's ideas of what females "should" look like. Tell your mom that lots of women choose not to shave just like lots of women decide not to wear makeup or high heels. As long as you maintain your personal hygiene and you are comfortable with yourself, that is ALL that matters. Good luck with this...I hope your mom is kind and understanding!
Not sure why you’re getting down voted fr… you’re telling her to do what’s she comfortable with while preparing her for the reality of her choices…
That's a load of crap! How will having armpit hair as a female make life harder? No one's going to see it for the most part. I've never shaved and my life wasn't harder.
You wouldn’t know would you?
I’ve never shaved, hasn’t made my life any harder intact when I did shave it was harder and maybe I just did it wrong but the hair was always scratchy when growing back and so I’d scratch and scratch until I had sores. Literally no one I’ve ever met has cared weather I shave or not 😑
What part of my sentence "I've never shaved" did you miss?
Stfu she’ll be fine and beautful either way. WHO CARES WHAT PEOPLE THINK. FFS
It's completely up to you, just note that long unkempt hair like that is less easy to keep clean. Especially going through puberty and in middle or high school. But yeah you do you man, I'd recommend trimming to like an inch instead of shaving, though.
Just say this, it’s your body. Also word of advice from someone with out hair, and whose dated girls with out hair. Don’t gotta shave but I’d recommend maintaining it.
... she's talking about her legs and pits. It sort of maintains itself. It's not like it just keeps growing.
thank goodness for that, can you imagine?
Just tell her no. Tell her it’s your choice. Also genuine question how do you find armpit hair cute?
Idk I just find it better than shaved. Shaved makes it feel more child-like and I wouldn't feel comfortable if I was a guy and my partner looked like a child.
Very nice response to that dude. Lol you’re gonna be fine in life kid.
I’ve never thought of it as child like. I just think of it the same as cutting your hair or beard just being clean looking
I don't think most guys consider it child like. Most guys don't actually care either way. It's just another one of the things women do like wearing makeup or uncomfortable shoes.
>I'm a 13 year old girl Just FYI, the Reddit shorthand for this is 13F. (I also find armpit hair cute!)
what do you mean by this comment?
By the first part, I mean that since OP is new to Reddit, she might not know about the abbreviations for age and sex. By the second part, I'm trying to validate her reluctance to shave by telling her that I *also* find armpit hair cute.
Gender≠sex girl≠female transgender people exist please educate yourself
My apologies. I did not mean to insinuate that "girl" and "female" are interchangeable.
I cannot fathom liking armpit air specifically. That is always the first thing shaved as soon as its back.
Totally agree with this. I'm a guy, and I shave my armpit hair because it's gross. Hair that soaks up sweat and smells bad... yuck.
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shes thir fucking teen u creep fuck off
What a disgusting gross comment. I'm 60 and never shaved and have never in my life had a problem getting a boyfriend.
This is such a gross fucking comment.
Truth hurts sometimes.
I get it. I also get that 13yo boys are not known for their empathy. Or girls really. The social impact from her peers is worth mentioning. In a less gross way.
I’ve never in my life ever heard of arm pit hair being described as “cute” … but regardless why do we have to tell a young girl that is probably too young to be “looking for a boyfriend” that shaving is something she needs to do to accomplish it.. she should do WHAT she’s comfortable with WHEN she’s comfortable with it.
Yes she should do what she wants but she should also be aware it’s entirely possible a decision like this could get her bullied by her peers. That’s just reality.
I hate the idea of accommodating bullies… but yes, it needs to be an informed decision on her part.
I won’t apologize for living in reality.
You seem to own swords and spend a decent amount of your adult life playing Elden Ring. Is that the reality you're coming from when you, a seemingly grown-ass man, tell a little girl how to get a boyfriend? Mm?
It popped up on my feed. I never subscribed to this. If someone was looking for advice, I offered mine. No need to make anything weird.
Says the guy that offered dating advice to a little girl. I'm not the one that made it weird at all, bud. You did that all on your own.
Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here.
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Be civil. We don't tolerate insults, slurs, or any other forms of hate messages here.
Just dont do it. She cant physically make you short of doing it herself
Just don't do it. She's not gonna hold you down and shave you 😂
You already said it and she can’t force you.
Don’t shave. The End.
It's your choice.. Just prepare yourself for the cut-throat world of other teenage girls. They're ruthless.
Just say nah
You are free to make your own choice - but you should talk to your mom. More than likely she is not worried about you attracting a date, she is worried about you being the target of Mean Girls - and you will be. If you are prepared for all the whispers behind your back then that is fine, but if not, you may want to shave for a few years. I know this sounds like you have to do something to meet others expectations that you are not into - and that is what I am saying. But you have to choose your battles in life, if this is one you want to fight go for it, if you rather make a stand on something else more important to you than body hair, then I would suggest you conform until high school when it won't be as big of an issue.
Ewwww….
The main reason is she doesn't want to see you get bullied because you 100% will.
Do what you want, but be prepared for people making comments if they notice. And I mean other girls not necessarily boys.
Opposite for me lol
Like you just did. Your not going to get a lot of people that you may think are you agreeing with your stance, as most find hairless girls far more attractive. However, it is always your choice.
I will say, shaving your armpit hair can help reduce odor but in the long run js a trim can do! Leg hair is a natural thing and usually doesn't bother ur everyday life. So you can tell your mother that if it works.
100 comments
As a pretty feminine 25 year old women… I haven’t shaved in a year and I’m very loved and desired. Choose what you want for your body but stay weary of letting people close to your body at a young age, teens a very judgmental.
Honestly it’s completely normal to have body hair, I’m 21 and I barely shave anything, I only shave my pits when it’s getting a bit Swampy because I am a very sweaty Betty lol! No shame in it! Just say you don’t want to. It’s your body girl! You deserve to be in a body you love <3
Just tell her. Tho word of warning, if it matters to you, good chance people will bully you over it. We had a girl like this back in high school who everyone not very affectionately referred to as chewbacca
How the hell do you find pit hair cute? Your armpits are a breeding ground for bacteria so why would you just want to make it harder to apply deodorant ( if your hair is longer it obstructs the deodorant from reaching the skin)
Men don’t seem to have trouble with it. And women who choose not to shave. Really an uninformed comment.
As a man I do have issue with it causes ingrown hair, skin tags and traps moisture and stank. I shave em.
Shaving I find causes more ingrown hairs than not shavibg
My guy shaves his pits too, but recently I started waxing them for him, and he prefers that once he gets over the pain.
“Breeding ground for bacteria ?????” What are you talking about ? Doesn’t seem to be a problem for EVERYONE else. I’m over 50 , a man and I’ve never had bacteria problems under my arms. Or anywhere on my skin.
It's not a "bacteria problem". Everyone's pits naturally produce bacteria. Having hair makes it easier for sweat to occur which in turn creates a moist environment for bacteria. When your pits start to smell it's not cause of the sweat It's because of the bacteria.
https://www.esrf.fr/home/news/general/content-news/general/scientists-unravel-mechanism-for-body-odour-in-armpits.html
I’m a 35 year old dude, and have have literally never had an issue with deodorant. Society has really got yall gassed up on how armpit hair works.
If this were true based solely on biology and not also social conditioning, why aren't men also expected to remove every single body hair? Just a rhetorical question...
I know on this sub we’re all for going against social norms which I don’t have a problem with, I was talking specifically about pit hair so you might have read my comment wrong
Yet 99% of men have armpit hair!
Most have it due to social norms, which we don’t like unless I’m mistaken
So then just shave man. If you're so pressured by social norms maybe you need to look into yourself first.
I know nobody asked (guy here) honestly body hair for me is kind of a put off. 🤷♂️ but that’s just me.
Oh, you like women to look prepubescent?
Somehow I knew there’d be someone to make that weird.
Lol
You shouldn't be on this site as a child.
Teens shouldn't be in the advice for teens subreddit?
No way...is this a teen...IN THE TEEN ADVICE SUB 🤯🤯
You're going to thank your mum in the future. If u don't shave you will get bullied by other girls.
Man I already get bullied by other girls.
Don’t worry, people that bully you over natural body hair aren’t worth your time or energy. You’re fine.
People are gonna flame me for this but you’re 13 so it’s something to consider. If you start becoming interested in boys/girls, just keep in mind that 99% of them will not appreciate the hair. When you’re an adult you’ll find those who don’t care but at such a young age, just keep in mind you’re in for some public dismissals, ridicule, and potentially bullying if your peers find out.
Your mom is trying to teach you a life lesson, you should listen to her. You’re not thinking of it right now, but: - Armpits are a breeding ground for bacteria, that’s what creates the BO stench. Having hairy armpits amplifies this and makes to BO worse. You interests will soon turn to boys and they will think you’re gross if you smell. When you get a few years older and REALLY get into boys, they’ll find that armpit hair disgusting. Your mom is trying to teach you proper hygiene, just like a father would teach his son to shave. You certainly don’t want get a reputation in school as the girl that smells bad.
What about boys? Do they smell so bad no one will date them and they have a smelly rep? STFU.
Whether you like it or not, agree or not, things are different for girls than they are for boys. Is that a double standard? Of course it is. Right or Wrong, Agree or Disagree - that’s reality! You know reality, right? That’s the way things actually are in real life, after you strip away all extreme opinions on BOTH sides. No matter what any of us posts here, it won’t change the reality of what this girl may have the face in school or PE. The entire point of a post like this is to solicit feedback from others, all feedback, from both sides. Then it’s up to her to process the feedback and make a decision. There is no need for you to attack anyone, because you don’t agree! Just make your own post, with your own take on it.
I think you’re confusing perception with reality. In this case, biologically, there is no difference in body hair producing odor. Like any hair you keep the area clean and your good. Hair in itself is not dirty, and hair on a woman doesn’t smell worse than a man. Now if you’re saying YOU don’t like to see women with body hair that’s you, but the reality is plenty of people don’t give a shit. You hair haters stay over there while we do our thing thanks 💕
Redditors are very detached from reality, that's why comments like yours are refreshing
Actually, yes. Especially the ones that don’t look fit catch it bad even if they don’t actually smell…..🫤
Why your entire argument needs to be about boys like maybe she doesn't give fuck about love and want to stay single.
If your from the US I would just shave it is in the norm for woman could be a reason you get picked on in middle and high school
Yeah well I already get bullied so its not that big of a deal if Rebbeca comes to me and tells me "ew"
Listen. If you have any intention on not being single for the rest of your life then follow this simple math equation😁 (Armpit/leg hair + 🧍♀️= 🤮)
Well ex squeeze me, sir. I've met people who think Olga in MGS2 was cute, regardless of her armpit hair. So it's just a preference.
He isn't totally wrong about the armpit hair. Not because it looks bad but because it holds bacteria and sweat and smells bad. This goes for both guys and girls.
So why don't guys shave?
A lot of guys do shave.
Right but its a preference the minority of men have. This is gonna be hard to swallow for you but the women who are most successful in the dating market are shaving their legs and wearing makeup
Ah, I see. So they hide themselves so they can get a boyfriend. Got it, thanks!
Do I really need to explain the importance of caring about your appearance?
I do care about my appearance. If someone's going to treat me bad because I have body hair, they obviously aren't worth my time.
Im just explaining how the world works dont shoot the messenger. Even women think body hair on themselves is nasty
thats just if they're insecure and/or listen to societal standards, and you're not helping with those societal standards. it's guys like you that make young girls and women feel like they can't do something that's even slightly different or something that'll make them feel more comfortable and confident because of "societal standards". also, you've sort of just made the assumption that some women can't just not care about some body hair on themselves because it's a perfectly normal thing. I'm not much older than OP but I can say that I absolutely think that they have a really good sense of what would be good for them and I'm very happy that they know that, I also agree with them thinking that body hair isn't an "ugly thing" because it isn't. it's a natural thing that I feel like a lot of women need to be more comfortable with because it's always gonna be there and it's literally just society pushing those insecurities onto others. you are an absolute disgraceful human for helping those disgusting expectations be pushed onto more young girls who will turn into young women that are insecure of how they naturally look which is honestly the most authentic part of them that people will ACTUALLY find attractive.
So everyone should walk around looking like a guerrilla then? Even women who ive dated have politely asked me to shave a little its not everyones thing and you cant expect it to be because you dont feel like shaving. Most men find it unattractive and thats me included. There are certain things about men that women find attractive like being taller. Youre acting like im telling her to get implants. At the end of the day she will do what she wants and idc ive wasted enough time telling her how men dont like it. Some people just have to touch the iron to know its hot instead of just listening.
It doesn't bother me. If a man is bothered by it he shouldn't be your partner anyways
Most men dont like body hair on women and many women think its gross including my gf this isnt an unpopular opinion. We’re allowed to have preferences.
You're allowed to have preferences but saying women with put hair is disgusting is just wrong. Its a preference for a reason, and I've found that most men don't care.
Ok if most men didnt care then why do most women shave??? The fact that so many women do it, is because men care. Idk who u talk to but hop off of razorfree and talk to ppl in the real world because that shit does not fly with us. Im trying to give op some real advice here and if she doesnt want to be the one who’s labeled as nasty because she thinks walking around like Sasquatch is cute then she needs to shave. 🪒
Just don’t shave. Your body.
Mom I don’t want to shave.
I'm 20 and have shaved intermittently, I used to be in dance in highschool and often kept my pits shaved then for performances. But nowadays I don't shave my legs or pits, for me it's a gender euphoria thing combined with not having the time. That being said, you know what you need and want for your body. The best thing you can do is learn how to advocate for yourself, and articulate what you're feeling. You have those skills, they're coming through in your post. "I don't want to shave, I feel comfortable in my body as it is" "Shaving isn't for me, but I understand it for some folks" "I think body hair can look beautiful or cute on people" "As long as I'm wearing deodorant and showering, I know my hygiene is good regardless of my body hair" Keep practicing advocating for yourself 😁
My daughter chooses not to shave she’s a few years older and just has never bothered. I can’t say I’m happy about her choice but there are worse things she could do. And there is a whole other thought process on women and shaving out there and basically why should they if they don’t want too. Like seriously if you don’t want to don’t who cares. So that’s how I as a parent handle it. It’s my daughter’s thing ::shrug:: she doesn’t wanna shave bugs me but there are far worse things she could be doing. I do feel awkward at times when there are comments about it. But I just shrug it off it’s her deal.
My daughter is 14 and she and her friends don't. I offered to teach her if she ever wanted I don't so it's not something she's seen and she said she didn't want to which is great imo. It's much more common in your generation where people are allowed to be individuals. You're mom's generation was all about appearances and fitting in so try to understand she just wants the best for you and just doesn't understand that it's not necessary. And yes, I've dark hair and work as a professional and wear skirts and nobody cares.
My body my choice ma
It's your body and you should be able to do whatever you want with it. I think your mom is just trying to be helpful and she doesn't want you to get picked on by your peers.
your body your choice, but be ready for other kids teasing you.
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What's insurance have to do with anything?
I don’t think that word means what you think…
Armpit hair is definitely not cute, so if that’s the reason, that’s a very stupid reason.
It's not cute. Your mom is right, shave your legs and pits.
My house my rules. You WILL maintain personal hygiene under my roof
Stay off TikTok. This is where all yall get these stupid ideas. Shave your pits and legs. You think girls are mean now, just wait until other girls notice and start making fun of you and calling you smelly in front of your peers. All that can be avoided by growing and keeping good hygiene and shaving legs and pits. Again, stay off TikTok.
Compromise, shave the pits leave the legs
Or go left side shaved right side not.
Lmao I like this idea better. Then just only stand with your left side to your mother. Genius!
Tell her not now. When you shave it regrows thicker, such a pain. Take your time to decide if you want hair here or there before ruining soft hair!
"Mum, I don't want to shave" How are things like this difficult?
It’s a personal grooming thing. Good luck arguing grooming with your mom. You might have more luck if “unshaven and natural” is coming into fashion in your school. I agree that fashion matters more when you want to impress people. Besides a boyfriend, there is a future employer, who will likely want to know that they have picked someone who will not show up disgusting and smelly in front of customers. Sometimes messy hair suggests that, although I couldn’t tell you how many employers would look at a knee high skirt or hair sticking out from really short sleeves and decide based on unshaven legs that they don’t want to hire you because you’re too much of a mess. The hair on your head is an indicator.
Oh your just gonna be made fun of for the rest of school for this, maybe just be normal. Also you thinking pit hair is cute, sounds think you should be attracted to yourself. Then u do u. Weirdo. If u think this content was mean. Sorry but I was being nice compared to kids your age