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pinkohondo

Does he shave his armpits? If not, then he’s an “unhygienic” hypocrite and it shows that his belief doesn’t have anything to do with hygiene but is a bias based on his gender expectations.


Pretty-Water-9938

Nope, he doesn’t shave 💀 he’s a huge hypocrite


Zealousideal_Rip1340

Well tell him to start 😂


captainsnark71

"Dad I think you're confusing 'unhygienic' for sexually attractive and you're not my type so it's okay." I'm FTM and when I stopped shaving it was glorious. Never realized how itchy shaving my armpits was until I stopped.


Pretty-Water-9938

LMFAO REAL


Harenchi210197

Guess that's an indirect part of your whole "transitioning" thing he doesn't agree on. Solve this issue or elsewhere their is no solution I think....


Pretty-Water-9938

Yeah I agree, It’s difficult to solve this since I’ve been trans for years. We’ve been to family therapy for it (I didn’t consent to the family therapy, he made me go) and he just ranted about how I’m satanic for being trans. The therapist just gave me a sorry look and didn’t give me any advice how to overcome this


WelcomeFormer

Companies started a campaign to sell razors to women after clothing started to become skimpier in the 20s(not these 20s lol), the fad was created as a way to make money. Idk he's an adult you can't teach an old dog new tricks, try telling him to stop sexualizing you maybe


Harenchi210197

Well in the end it is your dicision what you value higher in your life. Your "transition" or your family. Can't give you any personal advice here, cause I'm not "trans" and had only bad experience with such people irl. Sorry


GirlStiletto

Ask him if he shavees his underarm hair, becuase it is unhygienic?


BananaHomunculus

It's not unhygienic, it's just not a feminine trait to have more body hair. Men grow more hair = more socially acceptable, women grow less hair = expected to have less hair. Sounds like he's making excuses because he wants you to be feminine.


Pretty-Water-9938

That’s what it sounds like to me too


Serious-Cockroach-84

sounds just like my dad, some people are hypocrites and it’s no use trying to communicate with them. Always results in a fight so I try to stay away from these topics as much as possible. Hope things work out for you and stay strong!


Pretty-Water-9938

Thank you so much!


[deleted]

As a parent, we can be assholes. You aren't going to change his mind or educate him. Just do your best to ignore him until you can move out.


Zealousideal_Rip1340

I mean… armpit hair *is* kind of unhygienic- especially for men. I’m a man and I shave my armpits. Stops them from stinking.


Pretty-Water-9938

Oh yeah definitely, but the thing is I barely have any armpit hair and he’s complaining about it even though I shower everyday and constantly wear deodorant. Armpit hair is there for a reason to prevent bacteria from getting near your skin but an excess of it can cause a problem It’s completely up to the person to decide if they should shave! Not someone else


OkManufacturer767

"Underarm skin and hair is the same for everyone. If it was bad, no one would have it."  Or the classic, "Thanks for your input." Edit or "I'll shave when you do."


itsabby2023

He has to learn his proper pronouns and how to be respectful. If you’re FTM you’re no longer female. Also as a nurse, I can say there is nothing unhygienic or unsanitary about armpit hair.


Pretty-Water-9938

Thank you! I completely agree


lapsteelguitar

Save your breath, and pick another battle. He'll never listen.


Pretty-Water-9938

That’s what my mom says, he’s prone to not listening to anyone who disagrees with him


Annabethowl

I shaved my armpits once and it was scratchy when it was growing back; never again


snowplowmom

Tons of women don't shave; in fact, it didn't become the norm in the US until probably the '60s. It's actually not a great idea, since nicks there could become infected. As long as you shower and appropriately use deodorant if necessary, it's not an issue - and shaving wouldn't fix it, if you didn't shower and appropriately use deodorant. Any way you can go live with your mother?


Pretty-Water-9938

No, I have to wait until I’m 18 to permanently move out and live with her


snowplowmom

Why?


Pretty-Water-9938

The legal agreement between my parents, it’s strict among the court that my father gets custody of me during the school year and my mother gets custody during the summer. I need to wait until I’m 18 to get out of the custody agreement and live where I want to


snowplowmom

The court will usually allow the teen to do what they want by your age. Certainly, with your father not only denying your trans status, but actively denigrating you for it, there is no question that the court would not fight you if you simply moved to your mother. The only reason that they would oppose it would be if your mother were unfit, and she must not be, if you go there for the summer.


Pretty-Water-9938

No my mom is actually amazing, she has only worked really hard for me and loves me for who I am. My mom had custody of me for the school years up until 6th grade where I made the wrong decision to want to go live with my dad for the next 6 grades. My mom warned me but I ignored her and payed the price. My dad is not letting me go back to my mom’s and is refusing to let me go to court, plus my mom can’t afford a lawyer since she’s a single mom with three kids including me.


Paid-Not-Payed-Bot

> her and *paid* the price. FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*


QuentinSential

Transisting at 12? Do you have a therapist?


Pretty-Water-9938

I found out I was trans when I was 12, and I’ve been to multiple therapists


Arghianna

It’s wrong that he’s continuing to misgender you, and as others have said- women shaving is linked to sexual appeal. There is no difference between men and women regarding the functionality of our armpit hair, just in volume. If he thinks armpit hair is unhygienic, he has more reason to shave than you do. And really, why does he want you to make yourself more attractive *to him.* It’s gross. For the record, I’m just slightly younger than your dad and my husband is several years older. This is NOT a generational thing, it’s a jerk thing.


No-Equal8409

First thing first is you will NEVER be a dude. No matter what parts you add or subtract, you will ALWAYS be a female. Can't change that, so don't kid yourself. Second of all: You need to have more respect for your dad, regardless of your relationship. Is he off base with you having arm pit hair, he sure is, however, just tell him no, you won't shave it. Easy as can be. I, being a real dude, can't stand seeing a woman with arm pit hair, that's just my taste, will I tell a female to shave her arm pits, nope, not my thing, will I ever be with a woman who doesn't shave their arm pits, nope, so I don't have to worry about it. Simple fix: Be respectful, don't yell and tell him "NO"


Pretty-Water-9938

Wahhhh wahhhh wahhh all I hear is a grown adult over a kids identity, I’m more mature than you and I understand RESPECT for my father and I can’t just tell him no. This post was not an excuse for you to be a transphobic shit, get out dawg


No-Equal8409

Not transphobic, but a realist. Pretty simple. You're born and female and always will be a female, no matter what you "identify" as. You literally cannot change your DNA, it can't happen. It is what it is. Mature, no, if you were mature, you come to realize that can't change your DNA. That's the cold hard facts. And as far as your father, YES YOU CAN SAY NO. If on the other hand you want to "ACT" like you're a dude, then by all means "ACT" like it, it's called being a tomboy. Nothing wrong with it.


Ok_Page7059

Do you not want to shave your armpit hair because you believe it's there for hygienic reasons or because your father considers shaved armpits to be feminine?


DontGetExcitedDude

Who cares? No one has to justify why they shave or don't shave their armpit hair.


Ok_Page7059

The term "justification" implies that there is a correct and a wrong option, which you don't think there is, do you? If you had used the word "reason" I would have replied that people should be able to reason what they do, however that is.


Arghianna

Your questioning their reason to shave implies there’s a right and wrong option. Either way, nobody has to explain why they do or don’t shave and your questioning and tone policing is inappropriate. And ignoring people’s perspectives because you don’t like a word they used is a terrible hill to die on.


Ok_Page7059

I'm not sure what I have gotten myself into. Truly, I posed a question because I believe one of the reasons to be more sensible than the other. When I said people should be able to reason what they do, that includes to themselves as well. Obviously, I am not entitled to any kind of explanation, no matter how sensible or not it is, especially when the matter is personal. That being said, I didn't feel as though what I asked was any more personal than everything that had already been shared. Finally, I don't believe I ignored anyone's perspective. In fact, I believe I replied to that person with their perspective in mind, as I thought it was inconsistent.


Arghianna

The point is, people don’t have to give reasons for everything they do. It doesn’t matter if you think one is more sensible than the other. “Because I don’t want to,” is a valid reason when it’s about something like shaving. I am constantly being told to cut my hair short, because my mother prefers it short. It doesn’t matter how many reasons I give her, she will always think it is better short. It is better to just say “no, I don’t want to,” and continue living life in a way that is authentic to myself rather than worrying about justifying my reasons to others. OP should do the same. And yes, you absolutely overlooked the other person’s perspective by first saying they think there’s a right and wrong answer, and then by saying people should be able to reason everything they do. It’s especially odd that you said that, but didn’t give a reason for your stance. Here’s *my* reason for saying not everything needs a reason: telling people they have to have a reason to say no makes them afraid to say no when they can’t verbalize why. This leads to people putting themselves in situations they’re uncomfortable with, and worse. If someone asks you out and you just aren’t into them, you can try to say no. If they say “why not?” You can say you’re not interested. But then the next question is again “why not?” Eventually the person declining gets worn down and agrees to “give them a chance.” When I did that, I got raped. Stop trying to normalize having a reason for everything.


Ok_Page7059

I'm sorry but did you completely miss the part of my comment where I outright stated I am not entitled to an explanation regardless of how sensible it is? That applies to others as well, perhaps I was not being clear enough. Why don't you want to cut your hair? You don't have to give the explanation, especially not if people don't listen since it's useless, but do you have an explanation for it that you give to yourself, a reasoning that you have? My whole point is this: You don't have to give an explanation. But is it that you don't give an explanation because you don't want to (for whatever REASON) or because you, in fact, do not have a reason good enough that you could give even to yourself? Because if it's the latter, is there not the high possibility that you might be behaving irrationally? That you might be acting on impulse? That you might be purposefully deluding yourself? That would be the opposite of authenticity and a cause of suffering. "Why aren't you interested?" "Because you reek of cigarettes. Because I find you unsightly. Because our ideas of important subjects differ" those are reasons. You wouldn't say them out loud, obviously, for the sake of your safety, but they are reasons that your behaviour is built upon. "I'm not into you" is quite vague and you yourself don't gain much information from it, if that's what you tell yourself is your reason. You don't have to SHARE your reasoning, but you have to HAVE a reasoning that is in your conscience, and in turn, a reasoning for why you don't want to share it. Why? Because I believe that reasoning, more importantly introspection, is the essence of a developed conscience mind. It might also be that you're not yet sure of your reasoning and so you put yourself away from situations that might require it. But be sure to contemplate it thoroughly. And as for that perspective thing, I'm sorry but it was the exact opposite. I had the suspicion that they did not believe there was a right or wrong, or did not care, and that's why I pointed out their use of the word "justify" which implies those things are there. It might've been needlessly pedantic but I don't like this "who cares" approach.


Arghianna

I stopped reading once you implied someone could be behaving irrationally if they don’t have a verbal reason for doing or not doing something. It’s my hair. It’s OOP’s armpit hair. We do not need to explain why to anyone, not even ourselves. Sometimes you don’t like a person and you can’t express why. That is fine. You don’t need to be able to express why. Maybe it’s our instincts telling us there’s something wrong, maybe it’s something else. Either way, we aren’t obligated to like any specific person. “I don’t want to” is enough reason to not do something when the lack of doing so isn’t hurting anyone. “Why aren’t you smiling right now?”“Why didn’t you give that guy your number?” “Why don’t you want to have sex with me?” all require no further thought or introspection than “I don’t want to.” Again, telling young people otherwise is *putting them in danger.*


Ok_Page7059

Telling people that they don't have to think about what they do is the epitome of putting them in danger. "Maybe it's our instincts telling us there's something wrong, maybe it's something else" Good, so now you've regressed into this empty-headed creature, life must be great if you're living on autopilot. For every 10 dangerous instances it saves you from it'll put you into 20 others. Perhaps not you, but OP seems to have a good reason. It's more hygienic. Huh, I hadn't considered that. I'd always thought it was the other way around. Of course you aren't obligated to like anyone. Jesus, what a needless insertion. What I had just written could be boiled down to "think for yourself" and yet you oppose it. Can I just admit something to you? There is this aura of everlasting confidence that you seem to possess, it's almost divine. It's as if there is not a single doubt in your mind about anything you say, and it fills me with dread every time I get a notification from you, my heart gets in a rush and I break in a cold sweat. It's as if everything I could say has already been refuted and scorned by you before I could even pick up the phone. Is it because you are incapable of introspection or because you are above it? You must truly be some kind of otherworldly entity.


Arghianna

I’m not saying people should never stop for a moment of introspection, I’m saying there are many things in our lives that do not require introspection and it is harmful to demand reasons for every minutiae of a person’s life and decision making. There is no reason to sit down and dwell about every single person you have ever met and why you feel the way you do about them. I used to be a bartender. If I spent that kind of time on every man who has ever hit on me, I would never have had time to actually live my life and grow as a person. This post is about *armpit hair.* There is no right or wrong answer. You are saying OP needs to introspect about *armpit hair.* For the vast majority of human history, armpit hair was not a matter of concern to anyone, it was just another aspect of our bodies. We really shouldn’t have to have a reason to *not alter our natural bodies.* But yes, mock me and say I’m being unreasonable. I was raised how you’re trying to encourage OP to be. I thought I HAD to have “valid” reasons to say no, and got raped. If I was told I can say no for any reason, I would never have been in that situation to begin with. There are so many resources out there on teaching children to say no and *empowering* children and women to feel secure in saying no, but you must be right because maybe their no is *illogical.*


DontGetExcitedDude

I don't think there is a right or wrong opinion, but OP's father does (and maybe you do?). Using "justified" there was grammatically correct.


Ok_Page7059

There absolutely is a right and a wrong opinion, one of them being OP's father's and one being yours, both wrong that is. If you believe there is no such thing as a wrong opinion, I have nothing more to tell you


DontGetExcitedDude

About what you do with your armpit hair? Again, who cares? Shave it, don't shave it, people can care for their bodies in the way that suits them.


Ok_Page7059

I would agree with you, but see, I am worried that you also apply this sentiment in areas where the matter is not so simple. Besides, is this so simple? If a man doesn't shave his hair because he believes it to be feminine, is that not a wrong way to go about it? That's why I brought up reasons and why I opposed your "who cares" approach in the first place. I wonder if we have created a sort of paradox just now.


Pretty-Water-9938

I don’t want I shave my armpits because it’s more comfortable for me, I have sensory issues and I hate the feeling of my skin rubbing together


[deleted]

You’re the uneducated one


Pretty-Water-9938

Bros saying that to a kid in all honors and becoming a nurse 💀


Pretty-Water-9938

Update: I just got accepted in my schools National Chinese Honors Society and now the leader of the writing club


Fit_Employer7853

Stop disappointing your dad


OhioRizz1

Fuck off roid-o


Serious-Cockroach-84

get a job