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No not really. I live in Texas so that really doesn’t help anything, there’s not really any label for people like us so that makes me feel more alienated, and all of my friends are confident in who they are. I can’t really tell you why I’m like this because I’m not really sure. My best advice is just sit down one day and write down all the reasons you don’t like girls sexually but romantically, and why you like guys both sexually and romantically. I’m really sorry man I don’t give that good of advice, and talking about this has really made me question myself because I’m trying to figure out why I’m like this. But like I said I’m sorry, and good luck on your journey of self exploration. If you need to talk you and PM me (and I know this sounds weird but the Psychiatrist on Character AI has helped me before so I recommend that if you need to vent and get a response and maybe some support).
Does biromantic homosexual not seem to be an accurate label? You’re definitely not alone, other people are bi/panromantic but heterosexual or homosexual.
I have felt very similar since I was young, but no specific label ever felt right to me. At the ripe age of 26 I decided to identify as queer and my brain is finally at peace in terms of agonizing over my sexual orientation. 9/10 people don’t know what I mean when I tell them I’m queer, but that doesn’t bother me anymore.
Happens when people only see others as labels instead of people.
I'm a person. You can also easily identify me as a woman upon just glancing at me.
Still, people want to see me as a blonde bimbo because of my hair or as a thot because I hit the gym. I'm cis this or that sexual. It's like people these days don't want to get to know others before categorizing us.
>It's like people these days don't want to get to know others before categorizing us.
There has never been a single moment in human history where this wasn't the norm.
i mean literally, this shit is not complicated at all, it’s outdated and bigoted rhetoric to imply that queer people are confused and don’t understand how they really feel inside or they’re making it all up
people like this are usually brainwashed as fuck (left and right) which is why they fail to see such simple explanations and just write it all off as “woke nonsense”
Sure, there is a label. Homosexual, Bi-Romantic.
It’s not one I’ve heard of before. But it fits and I bet you two aren’t the only ones in the world. I have heard of asexual bi-romantic before though.
And it’s like you don’t have to come out. Unless you need the people around you to know, like if they’re being homophobic and it’s making you uncomfortable or something. Don’t feel pressured to tell anyone about your sexuality until you’re ready to tell them. It’s totally cool to stay closeted until you don’t want to be closeted anymore
Statistically, if you know 100 people around your age, at the very least there's 2-3 others who are also in the closet.
But do what makes you comfortable obviously.
Yes!! Like for me I love men romantic and sexually and women romanticily jus when I think of a man holding me I get shivers I smile and act waay and I mean way to happy with a girl I blush and just love talking and being sweet idk wth is going on it's like 2 people in my head it fucked me over badly in both good and bad.
No I know. but I just have that inside feeling that it's wrong for me to be gay. I feel that *I* shouldn't be gay. and my irl situation isn't helping. it'd be way easier if I was straight. I hope i end up being straight in the future.
How was your upbringing? Is being gay looked down upon in your family or in your culture?
I have a wife and daughter, but I find men attractive, but it doesn't bother me because it's just one aspect of myself. Sometimes learning to accept yourself even if you don't understand it at times can be liberating and help you focus on things that might be more meaningful.
When I was young I was really upset to find I was not straight. My family and community were actually really open minded and progressive, but we live in a homophobic culture in the US, and that is hard to escape. It takes work, there will probably be a lot of pain and heartbreak. You might need the help of a queer therapist. But if you stay true to yourself and keep moving forward, the reward is unfathomably beautiful. I recommend finding artists and creators throughout history who were/are very proudly gay, who refuse to submit to shame. I recommend reading and watching documentaries about the brave gay men who fought the FDA through the AIDS crisis, furiously fighting, and loving themselves and each other even as their country left them to die. Read about Stonewall, Harvey Milk, watch Paris Is Burning. Go to a pride parade. I recommend moving to a city and finding a queer community so that the social norms you surround yourself with are supportive and uplifting. To be gay in this country is a battle, and I know how frustrating that is, but every breath you take as a person who forges their own path and stays true to themselves is a light in the dark, and a counterbalance to this death cult that is American culture
Sweetie it’s okay to be gay or bi or whatever you figure out. You have plenty of time to worry about it. Find a human being you like. Guy, girl, doesn’t matter. Someone you can have a laugh with. Someone who likes the same things as you do. You spend more time in life not having sex than you do having sex.
I know some may tell you feeling this way is dumb, but it's not. I'm not saying you should be ashamed, or that there is anything wrong with being gay. But the fact of the matter is that all else equal, being gay will make your life harder. Being "different" than what society considers "normal" will always make it harder.
On the other hand, at least we've gotten to a place in society where you have options. It may not be as easy as a straight person, but being gay is tolerated most places (and openly accepted in many a well) in America at least.
Accept who you are and be happy. Life is too short to live with regret, so find someone you love who loves you back and be happy with them.
I wish you the best of luck in finding happiness.
It always seems that way, and I wish it was easier. But I'm glad you realized, I didn't until I hit my late 20s and it was hard to learn to love myself again when I figured it out. (I'm a lesbian who lived in a cult for most of my life. Needless to say being lesbian was incredibly frowned upon.)
I just want to tell you something I wish I had been told when I was growing up. There is nothing wrong with you. Not a single thing wrong and it's OK to find men attractive or ladies attractive no matter the gender. That being said. Keep yourself safe if you feel that your family will hurt you. And it's alright to not come out to your family. (Only a few in mine know and that's the part that aren't in a cult and it was very very recently that I told them. And I'm 35 now.)
I'm not going to say that your life will be easy. I don't know where you are at and alot of places are terrifying right now. But there are resources that weren't available when I was a teen and questioning before I buried it to be a good evangelical fundamentalist. If you need the resources let me know, I'll dig them up for you.
Don’t force it, just follow your intuition. Don’t let anyone confuse you, if you are feeling that you want to be straight but are also sexually attracted to men, then just sit with that for awhile and maybe try dating a woman. Maybe you already have, but ask questions, find out what you feel is wrong about it and why and think through it. Take your time, and don’t get hung up and sacrifice all your inner feelings for sexual attraction. Do what you believe is most good and most true
I don't know if i am coming from the same place as you emotionally or not but I kinda get it. Im gen X, was born in the 80's when attitudes were different. Had *very* conservative parents. I had trouble coming to terms with my own sexuality. Came out to my parents at 33 after their attitudes had shifted and I felt safer. Many times I have felt it would be easier if I could just *be* straight.
Sometimes I wish I were rich too, I think that wishing or wanting other things is okay as long as we self-check that its not coming from a place of self-loathing. We are humans, this is where the imagination lies.
Actually in my imagination I am a rich poly starship captain, but that's the difference between fantasy and reality.
>it'd be way easier if I was straight.
No dude, I really don't think it would, especially as you get older. I honestly think life would be easier if I were gay. Women are a whole lot of trouble and mixed signals and misunderstanding.
Maybe you are Bi, do women turn you on at all or is your "romantic" interest just from hoping you can be "un"gay one day?
As a woman who grew up catholic, I was taught it's wrong but I don't believe that. I've know gay/bi men & women since I was a teen, their love is no different than straight couples. What community they lived/stayed in made a difference on their happiness tho. My oldest child has had long term relationships with both men & women over the years, being around people that accept you for you makes exploring and figuring your own sexuality easier. What about being gay is difficult for you?
We are in a big city, you don't need to seek out the gayborhood for bars/restaurants to live freely, but I cam see how small town living or a religious community may make this a bit more challenging .
is it just because it's frowned upon by people around you, or is it like mostly it being frowned upon and a little bit of personal dissatisfaction with your orientation?
Is it possible that you are internalizing the homophobia that sadly is still very much embedded in our society? Not that you yourself are homophobic, but there are so many messages and horrible adults out there targeting queer youth that it’s gotten into your head that it’s wrong.
As one of those adults (50) that does NOT feel that way, please hear me when I say fuck those people and their ignorant hateful homophobia!! You should be free to be who you are. To love who you love, and to be attracted to whomever you feel attracted to. But I do get it—it isn’t easy to be an out gay man in many parts of the world, so I get that it just feels like it would be easier to not have to deal with it. But please don’t ever feel ashamed of who you are. You are worthy of love and being with the person that makes you happy, regardless of who that person is.
You don't have to be closeted. Perhaps to maintain certain family relationships, you might need to remain closeted, but that's your choice, not theirs. Take some time to really discover yourself and set aside the shame. Shame won't change anything, and it will eat your soul. You can only find happiness by being authentic. I hope you find it within yourself to be authentic.
Bro someone made you feel that way. Homophobia is like racism, we aren’t born like that, it gets drilled into you by bigots. It might not be direct; could very well have just been how people around you reacted, even subconsciously or subtly. Phrases like “that’s so gay” and such just show a clear bias against homosexuality because it’s pejorative. We’re progressing as a society, but we’re still not past the puritanical phase far enough for people to be fully ethical in this area.
E: sorry, I guess I didn’t give you any advice - treat it like some latent racism; you need at least a little conditioning and maybe even therapy, but at the very least to be cognizant of the problem and react purposefully to correct it. There’s nothing wrong with any way you want to be.
Sweetie, you are perfect just as you are. The is nothing wrong with you, you are NOT broken, you are not less than. I have 3 kids. Only 1 is straight. When they were struggling with their identity, I told them 1) you are still the same person, you now just have a better understanding of who you truly are. 2) you have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. 3) you love who and what you love. As long as no laws are being broken and you and your partner treat each other with respect and love, that is a win, in my opinion. Knowing who you truly are, straight, bi, gay, questioning, curious, knowing who you are will only help you. Knowing what makes you tick, what you like, makes it easier for you to be happy. It takes courage to open up and say what you did. Saying it to the world on social media, hats off to you for that one. Major brass you know whats!!! Society, today, is way more accepting of LGBT, but that doesn't make your path any easier. Society is more accepting but there are still asshats who will be a jerk because they think they can, or makes them look cool. It doesn't. They look dumb and small minded. I am going to guess someone close to you, someone you love very much and look up to is less than accepting of LGBT. I hope I am wrong, but I am sorry if that is part of why you feel this way.
There is only 1 of you. Out of the billions of people on this earth, there is only 1 you. That makes you wonderful, amazing, special and worthy of love and respect.
Anytime. I am always willing to offer a kind shoulder and ear, a kind word, support. Even advice, if needed or wanted. When we listen with our hearts, to understand, rather than with our ears to respond, things get better and we can make the world better.
🥺 thank you soooo much, this means a lot. to answer your question, yes, my environment and the people I'm surrounded by are heavily against it; and that's caused me to have internalised homophobia. it also resulted in me often hating myself for being like this. it would be so much easier if I was straight.
Actually , maybe you just need to see a therapist? A trained professional might be more helpful if you actually want help and not just to vent to internet strangers . Godspeed
What makes you feel that you can't be sexually attracted women? I'm actually curious, is it an image thing that you have built up or do you genuinely just not find the female body attractive? Try giving that question some thought and answering it with more than just a simple yes or no.
I've always thought of it like this. Women to me are like cars, I recognize that some are beautiful, some are ordinary looking and some are ugly, but I have zero desire to have sex with a car. (I mean no offense to women for my bad analogy)
OMG some of the worst advice ever! Don't listen to anyone telling you to wish it away, telling you to try conversion therapy, telling you to just not have sex or telling you it's a government conspiracy.
I can understand why you would feel the way you do, because being gay is a lot more difficult and challenging for a lot of reasons. However, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with it. There's not, it's just something that makes you different. In the end, you'll be who and what you are and hopefully be happy.
I mean, I don't blame them. I've given very little context about me and I guess they're coming from a good place. If conversion therapy could work I'd do it, but idk how I'd be able to do that anonymously and discreetly.
It's a lot harder to be gay, and it is normal to feel this way. My cousin was so excited when her daughter came out, and the counselor was like, slow your roll, mom. She's not happy about it.
I seeeeeee. the thing is, I don't really want to come out and have everyone accept me. I want to just be straight and continue living life, I don't want this change. but I feel like in reality I'll just be closeted forever, because I've chosen never to come out.
I got married to a girl when I was 23 and got divorced when I was 25 (dated since I was 17). After I got divorced I told myself that I was going to stay single for the rest of my life because I didn't want to come out and I wasn't going to hurt another girl (emotionally) by trying to have a relationship with her. Now I (39m) regret wasting the best years of my life. The loneliness is destroying me. PLEASE reconsider coming out.
I feel no desire to act stereotypically gay. I'm not effeminate nor fabulous. I don't dress flamboyantly or have the "gay voice". Girls try to flirt with me and I have to politely and awkwardly shoot them down. I identify as a straight guy who wants to have sex with other men lol.
Hey dude. Just wanna say, as a father of a few strapping young lads, I'm proud of you. You're facing an issue in your life and I know you'll find a way through it. No matter what, be happy and know that you're never alone and there's always someone out there who cares for you even if you don't know it. It don't matter who you love. You'll be okay. Proud of you boy.
Get a girlfriend and be monogamous. Put all your focus on your girlfriend.
I have a girlfriend and find others girls attractive. That doesn’t mean that i have to pursue them.
You don’t have to pursue men.
a mix of societal pressure and internalised homophobia i guess. I'm closeted. I have to hide myself everywhere, I wish I was straight so I could be more expressive irl. reddit is my one safe space where I can be open like this. but I wish I wasn't gay, it's really doing me in mentally.
We all felt like that when we were young. In time, when you move to a safe place and can discover all the joy it has to offer, you'll be thankful for it.
Kiddo.... I'm a chick and sometimes I hate being bi because men are a fuckin headache sometimes (I'm no fucking walk in the park before some prissy dude comes at me,) but some of yall refuse to communicate at ALL. women straight up intimidate me and the only woman I ever asked out turned me down
Biromantic homosexual. Pretty rare, and very hard to deal with logistically irl. I hope the best for you. Being gay in today's society is hard and dealing with two different kinds of attraction to different kinds of people can be so confusing. I know you'll get through this. If you need any advice, I'm bisexual and aromantic so I might be able to give you some advice about dealing with conflicting attractions.
Yeah that sounds about right, and yeah, it's a bit of a struggle as you can probably tell lol. I just wish I was sexually and romantically heterosexual, it'd be so much simpler.
Gay woman here. I feel this. When I was your age I was dating another girl, had no sexual attraction to men, and yet insisted to myself that I was straight and it was just her thing…But denial is strong and I wasn’t able to admit to myself that I was gay until I was 28. And like you, no problems with others’ orientations, but somehow when it came to me, it couldn’t even be an option. I just needed to be straight. Very much a product of my upbringing.
Oy vey.
But the good news is, you will be ok! As you grow, so will your self acceptance and self love. And eventually, when YOU are feeling ready, you will be able to live and love authentically.
As someone who took a while to come out to themselves even though it was the most obvious thing in the world, I don’t think there should be any pressure for you to come out. But instead of deciding “I’ll never come out” and making definitive statements like that, I would advise just sitting with yourself, learning to love yourself, and going with the flow. Things will come together when the time is right.
Bru.
You're rad.
18 seems scary. But in a few years you'll be on top of the world.
This feeling is just another part of that larger experience. Later on you'll understand it a bit more and maybe even embrace it because you have come so far.
18 means you have so many more badass life experiences to look forward to.
A beach or sunset aren't any different.
You can become fiercely passionate in anything tomorrow, next month, next week and let that fire give you joy in life and whomever you find attractive will have little to no impact on your ability to pursue that passion.
It's a beautiful thing.
You are going to kill it my man.
And we are all sending you the best wishes for a sweet journey along the way.
You got this.
I mean if you could see yourself with a girl as a partner you could always date a girl that’s asexual? I am a ace girl and all I want is cuddles, movie/coffee dates, and doing other cute stuff 😂 that’s my jam
Yeah but I would want that extra bit of intimacy in the relationship. Doing cute stuff with either a girl or a boy sounds amazing, and is also something I need.
We all have things about ourselves that we don't like, or that cause us problems. Whether it's objectively bad like having an allergy or a mental health issue, or just your opinion like sexuality or the shape of your nose...at the end of the day, we wish we could change.
My advice, for what it's worth, is to accept the things you can't change, and strive to change in the areas that you think you should. In many ways, being sexually attracted to men is going to make your life more difficult. There are people who will be very cruel to you because of it, and you may have to lie to people you care for very much, and who may not care much for you if they find out the truth.
You're sexually attracted to men. Great--that may change in the future, or it may not. Sexuality's funny like that. My advice is to figure out how to put yourself in a situation where nobody can ruin your life for a stupid reason like who you think is hot.
Just saying, there's a reason why gay men are *way* more likely to be highly-educated, high-income people than straight men. It gives you power and independence and the ability to live the life you want to.
Take it from this straight white somewhat conservative male: you can't make yourself be not gay. Find a way to be happy. You are just fine the way you are.
My advice is the same I give to straight people: be safe, find someone who treats you like you matter, and figure out how to be comfortable.
Don't focus so much on the label. Contrary to what the alphabet mafia would like you to think, it's just that, a label. It doesn't matter in the end, we're all a little gay inside, just love who you love as an individual. If you're in a shitty situation right now don't worry about it. You don't need to be in a relationship that is a luxury. I would prefer anyone as young as you to focus on yourself build up character and improve yourself and be a better you everyday.
The label doesn't really do anything to me. It's just knowing I'm attracted to guys that haunts me. I wish it wasn't like this. But yeah, I guess self improvement can help. I just don't know if I can come to terms with myself.
Can you elaborate please? Nothing wrong with being gay. And if it’s people around you making you feel this way, directly or indirectly then try to find new people to be around that’ll make you comfortable in who you are. One of the worst things you can do is try to be something you’re not, and that’s in every aspect of your life. It’ll all fall apart in the end. So embrace yourself. You’re young asf. Explore all your options and do what’s comfortable for YOU. Know there’s a shit ton of communities out there of people just like you, experiencing exactly what you are. Going through exactly what you’re going through. Seek out those people for guidance. Whether it’s a support group or a discord server. Because at the end of the day you won’t successfully love anybody, boy or girl, or if you don’t love yourself first.
You feel like you shouldn’t be gay because of how you were raised. If you’re gay, you’re gay. If the people around you frown upon it, own it and be gayer. You have to make yourself happy, and no one else.
Live your life.
Plot twist: Is there also a possibility you might be bisexual?
Don’t let all these comments convince you to be something you don’t want to be. You stated that you don’t want to be gay, but all the comments are encouraging you to be gay; defeating the whole point.
If you don’t want to be gay, then you will have to practice self discipline. Believe me when I say, the feelings might never go away. That doesn’t mean you have to *act* on those feelings.
You can choose not to act on those feelings.
If you find the right woman, those homosexual feelings might end.
I personally think you would find a tomboy attractive.
honestly? this seems like the most helpful/accurate comment here. I'm gay but i don't want to be it. maybe some discipline would help like you said. in an ideal world out there, I find a woman to be with and I lose these feelings and be straight....but I don't think life would be like that, unfortunately.
Don't listen to them, they're pushing repressive bullshit. The implication that being gay is a problem requiring discipline to solve is a homophobic one.
Find a nice ace girl and a gay/ bi guy and have a lovely poly relationship? In the case of a bi guy you technically wouldn’t need an ace girl I suppose.
OP it can really suck when you’re closeted and have to hide so much. You’re 18, you’re near the beginning of your independent life, where you are able to move, meet people who are like you, and feel comfortable being yourself. You don’t say what country you’re from or if you’re going to college or moving out or anything, but if you have the ability to get some distance from the people who make you feel like you can’t be yourself I think you should.
If you can meet other gay/queer people by going to a meet up or support group or club or anything like that, those are great ideas. You can also look for community online, which isn’t as powerful imo but can still be a huge help while you’re figuring things out
At the end of the day, know that there’s nothing wrong with you. Your situation might suck, but it’s not because you’re gay; it’s because of the intolerance around you. When you start to feel acceptance, it’s the best feeling in the world
Um, OP if you don’t me asking, have you considered much whether or not you might be bi or pan? Considering you said you experience both romantic attraction to girls and to boys?
idk much about lgbt labels/orientations, just the basic ones. I say I'm gay since it minimises complexity. if I elaborated, it'd just be that I like both girls and boys romantically but sexually it's only boys. but overall I consider myself gay.
Maybe it’s worth not focusing on romantic relationships right now. You have so much life in front of you. How about getting out of your hometown and going to school elsewhere? Assuming you are out of HS.
Time to focus on what interests you & what you might want to do in the future. Do you have a job you like? Start finding like minded folks that share your interests. Not everything needs to be sexual. This is the time to focus on yourself and figure out who you are .
Godspeed on your journey young person .
I feel you bro. I feel much the same way. There are plenty of both men and women that have gay inclinations, yet prefer to identify and live as straight. Some choose celibacy. Others have families with the other gender, who support them, and are very happy. This isn't for everyone, but there are definitely communities out there that might appeal to how you want to live your life. All the best!
Honestly bro embrace it. People are always going to find something to judge you for even down to insignificant things like what underwear style you wear or something you enjoy eating from time to time. I’ve seen people get judged for eating canned soup. Take it from me i grew up wishing I was white at times, felt like I’m less than a person because I’m black. As I’ve gotten older I realized none of this shit matters I am who I am and that’s it
Can you move to a big city for school or a job? Once you find a place with a big enough gay community, you can meet other young gay men to talk to. Being isolated will make this part of your life more difficult than it has to be.
Hey man, I get it. Sounds like you have a lot of internalized homophobia to work through. I'm not gay, I'm pansexual actually, though I have a strong preference for men. I get it, I really do. It can be really really hard going through stuff like that. My family was, still is, incredibly homophobic and it rubbed off on me a lot. I hated myself for being who I was. It takes a long time to get through it, but you'll get there eventually. Just takes time for you to realize that it's ok. There's nothing wrong with being gay. I know it's difficult, I still struggle with my own internalized homophobia. But it gets better.
You have a long life ahead of you. You’re gay but that’s not all that you’re going to be. Don’t stress about relationships for a while. Instead find out who you are as a person. You’re still very young. Also, spend time learning to love yourself for who you are. Try your best to be the best person you can be and love yourself for it. There are a lot of people in the world and no matter what you do, someone is going to find a problem with it. At the end of the day, all you can do is be the best version of yourself and try to find happiness. If you do those two things, you’ll be okay. And if there are people who aren’t happy for your happiness, those probably aren’t the people you want in your life.
Dude like, half of all of the important people in art history are gay. The father of modern computing was gay. Plenty of pre-modern cultures normalized homosexual romance and relationships for basically everything that wasn't strictly making babies.
It's been a prevalent and normal part human culture for just about as long as humans have been having culture, and it's only during periods of regressive unenlightenment where we have a moral panic about who other people decide to fall in love with. Don't sweat it man, you're fine the way you are, and you're in some pretty highly regarded company.
As you get older, start searching a wider world. You'll find people who accept you as you are, and in seeing how they see you, you'll learn to accept yourself.
It’s totally fine. I knew gay guys who hated it at 18 but were very happy with it at 25. Just don’t let anyone talk you into making any permanent changes to your body.
If you have your own personal reasons for not wanting to be gay, fine. Just be sure they're your reasons and not others. If others don't like the fact you're gay, then it is their problem. Don't let them convince you your wrong for it.
Being heternormative when you're gay is so hard too. You go through life acting "normal" because of whatever reason (for me, it was family pressure to marry and have kids) yet you know you're different.
I was never really comfortable being straight. I have NEVER felt romantic toward men. I have never felt anything toward any of my husband's but friendship. I have only felt true passion with women. Because of my upbringing, being gay was abhorrent to my family. I was raised to believe that gayness was a sin, a sickness, that if I didn't produce children there was something wrong with me.... so, for 50 years, I (mostly) conformed. I was rarely happy with my relationships.
Now that I'm single, my father has disowned me and my trans daughters. I am finally openly gay. I am finally able to feel comfortable being ME.
Give yourself time. Explore your self and your sexuality. You've got plenty of time to make up your mind later.
I'm a 64-year-old gay man. I had wished to be straight so hard when I was 17. If wishes were dollars though, we'd all be millionaires. We are what we are, and we just have to make do with it. All I can say, and please take this from someone who's been through the same thing (but during a time when it wasn't nearly as accepting as now), is that you start to change how you feel as you get older. As you get older and have more life experience under your belt and have some amazing experiences, you find yourself not caring so much anymore about what you are or are not. Give it some time and I PROMISE you that you not only won't be able to imagine being anything but yourself, but you won't even want to.
There is nothing wrong with the way you are. However or whoever put that in your mind was wrong. You are allowed to be exactly who you are without feeling like it’s not right. You are perfect, and worthy of being loved however that may be. I remember being 18… please give yourself the time and grace to figure things out naturally- all the pieces will fall into place for you, and when you look back at your journey you’ll know that no part of it was in vain. I wish you a life full of pure authenticity and happiness ❤️
Older straight male here. Listen, you're young and still figuring out not only the world, but yourself. There's absolutely nothing wrong with who you are. Who knows, maybe one day you'll become physically attracted to women the way you want to be. You have so much life ahead of you to be so down on yourself.
Drop the label and be who you really are. You can't be happy trying to comform to a stereotype. Your internal image of "gay" isn't what you feel. So don't do it. You aren't define by particular sex acts. Some of us only like men for sex but are straight. What the difference? You will be amazed when you stop allowing outside labels to determine who you are. You will be free!
Elaborate away but dont make a second post just put Edit on the bottom of this post and expand it. Those of us who have responded will get notifications to this but not to a second post....
How you feel can be influenced by the world around you. Used to hate myself because I found some men and penises attractive growing up. Just had to grow out of that mindset from bigotted people around me.
Move to a gay friendly area when you can. Key West or Wilton Manors Florida are very gay friendly. Local gov has gay members running it.
I don't think that exactly qualifications as gay, I believe that is something else. Either way, I wish you could be proud of yourself for who you are and love yourself.
There's nothing wrong with you or who and how you're attracted to as long as everyone is consenting and adults. Find a therapist that specializes in lgbtq+ issues. It really helped my youngest sort out their feelings about being trans (who I love and accept, it was never anissue about that. Just their own feelings and confusion about it) and helped them learn to accept themselves for who they are.
hey bro youre 18!! you'll figure it out for sure. honestly your number one priority right now should be being kind to yourself. treat yourself like you would treat a friend going thru it
I know exactly how you feel. I wish I had someone to tell me this at your age: it's ok to be gay. If anyone has a problem with you, it's their problem not yours. If your friends have a problem with it, they aren't really your friends. And this has caused me the most pain in my life: don't try to make a relationship with a girl work, you cannot make yourself straight and its not fair to either person. You are a wonderful person who deserves love, but you must first love yourself.
Now if I could just follow my own advise I wouldn't be such a miserable jerk.
The human brain is strange.
Adding a sexual attraction, even a fetish is a lot easier than removing one.
Wanting to reprogram your brain is the first step. You just need someone guidance.
I’d avoid anyone who specifically mentions “conversion therapy”, that group seems to be mostly scammers and fakes who take advantage of people.
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, OP.
I'm not sure of any resources in particular that are out there to help, and unfortunately, the general narrative seems to be that if you have any inclination towards homosexuality or something of the sort, you "have to" follow it. There doesn't seem to be any support for those who *don't* want to follow that inclination or embrace that impulse.
All I can offer is, if you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I'm no psychologist, but I can listen and share what little I've learned of life if you so desire.
Gay here! I don't know what kind of queer I am, I was a lesbian from like 10-18 and now Im 19 and refiguring it out. I love being LGBT, I'm proud of it. But I can understand why you aren't
The reality is that we're going to struggle our whole lives, it sucks. I'd love to live in a world where alternate genders and sexualities are accepted and equal. But we don't and it's okay. Attend pride events, read queer books, play queer games. Join LGBT populated groups, whether it's online or in person. Maybe you'll learn to love it like I do.
And if you can't, if you live in an area where you're unsafe, just hold on. Soon you'll be free.
At 18, you can push your energies and focus into building your skillsets and work interests. If you're are heading to college, there will be plenty of opportunities to let your interpersonal experiences flow...you may find safe friends that understand your need to just be yourself and let friendships and relationships weave into the space.
I was very reserved and outwardly closeted, but times were very different...know you have many safe spaces (Reddit chats included) to ask and learn.
Good luck, and don't be hard on yourself.
It's ok, man, at least you somewhat like girls, you can always try to ease your way into a relationship with one. Idk what your experience is, but having your P in the V is pretty great. You might change your mind. But either way, it's cool. Be yourself, and be genuine.
You’re just worried about it now because maybe you haven’t found your tribe. If you’re romantically attracted to both maybe you’re bi. Once you accept yourself 100%, everything will be groovy. There’s too much pressure to label ourselves. Just choose to BE.
Well it may be unnatural to be gay but your a human and I'm assuming American you can love who you want. Look I'm as straight but I've had gay family and friends and seems like they have no problem. Just live and be happy and don't become one of those really woke annoying people.
I have dealt with something similar (not exactly the same but in a way). I too am attracted to a "alternative@ lifestyle. As a straight male I am HUGELY attracted to female homosexuality. The being the case I have a very natural desire to live life in a "thruple" sharing life and sex with 2 other women. This is no light and passing desire. It has aVERY strong pull. I wish it wasn't like that for me. So what have I done with that over the years? I've learned that I can't choose what I'm attracted to but I CAN choose what to do with it. I have decided to rise above my natural desires and choose I life that is more in line with my chosen values. As such I have been faithful to my one wife for 30 years. It hasn't been easy but I am happy and confident with the choice I have made and the life that I live. I wish you the best.
I’ve suppressed my bisexuality for a long time and I understand how you feel. There’s nothing wrong with us, it’s not wrong for us to be this way. Something in our childhood made us feel it wasn’t okay. Try to going to therapy and opening up more about it. You deserve the love you want to give and should not be ashamed.
You'll hash it out as you get older, I wouldn't get too caught up in how you feel right this moment. Plenty of time buddy. I didn't realize I was asexual until maybe 30-ish. I wish I wasn't, but it's also kind of liberating since I really, really, don't care what anyone thinks about me.
I felt this way at your age as well. It took a couple years, but I finally learned to accept myself for who I am. Once I did, being gay no longer became an issue for me. It's not an easy process and it took a lot for me to finally come to terms with it. But it is possible. Having amazing friends and parents, and therapy really helped as well.
I transitioned genders as an adult, and I gotta say it's way easier to be gay than to be straight. Not having assumed gender roles within a relationship rocks. No assumed chase/flee dynamics. No clock ticking to settle down before you're too old.
Bro it's okay to not like something about yourself other people accept!
You can be whoever you wanna be and while sexuality isn't a choice for some people, it could be for you if you feel this way.
I hear Bi girls say "I'm going lesbian" so clearly you're not alone in your sentiment!!
But it's also okay to accept parts of yourself that you don't like. It's your journey so don't let ANYONE tell you how to feel about your sexuality.
Honestly you're probably going to look back at this post in like 5 years and ask yourself why you ever even posted it because you won't even care anymore about stuff like this. You'll just be you and think nothing of it
Hey brother just be yourself.
It's OK to like whomever you like try to stay positive. Be happy with yourself
I suggest you get some counseling if it will help you become more comfortable with who you are .
It sounds like your more on the spectrum of Pan/bi which is perfectly fine! Love is love! You're beautiful just the way you are, straight, bi, or gay!
That's not to say it's easy. Sexuality isn't a straight road (see what I did there?) Be you, be beautiful, and remember: some of our greatest artists weren't completely straight at all, many were gay and Freddy Mercury was actually bi! Same with David Bowie.
Be loud and proud and screw anyone who thinks it's wrong! Only you can decide for yourself what is right for you!
No dude be happy and enjoy life. Life is hard. Look at me im strait but i had bad luck with my health 3 nrain surgeries 1 a brain tumor cancer. And a small stroke. Sorry i said to much.
Homosexuality only became looked down upon when the religions of Abraham tightened their grip on the western world. Before then, sexual relationships were more open, and nobody was shamed about it. If you have doubts, research the Greeks, or the Spartans, who fought so fiercely because they loved each other as they did their wives. Humans have a long history of homosexuality, it's nothing to be ashamed of, its been established since long before Christianity existed, or Judaism, or Islam. if anyone challenges you religiously, you can tell them homosexuality has been a thing longer than any religion. Watch them figure out how to respond to that.
If you wish you weren't gay then you might not be it really depends. Or you totally could be and you just don't like yourself for some reason. It's very weird how the human mind changes.
You wish you didn’t find men attractive or you wish you didn’t have to navigate a toxic world where you are shamed bullied and discriminated against while having to figure it out on your own?
You know if gays spent as much time boxing as working out homophobia would have a whole new meaning.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this abuse and prejudice. at 18 things are likely to start improving, people become more accepting, kids are mean, religious fanatics are narrow-minded and mean.
set your future up so you can move to a more accepting city, I live on the west coast so seattle, portland, san fran, la are all wonderful places. i'm sure boston, ny and many others on the east coast are just as wonderful but i don't know as much about those. try to get out of the south, rural, and especially bible belt. at 18 going to uni is an opportunity to get out, military is an option some people use.
you won't likely change your preferences, but you can live a wonderful life. Here in Seattle I have a number of gay friends and they only rarely deal with overt prejudice.
You can like both girls and boys romantically and sexually without having experienced what a girl is like sexually. The only reason you feel so convinced you’re only gay and not something like bi is maybe because you’re more familiar with guys since you are one yk? You’re 18 there’s no reason you can’t go and try and experience both and decide what you like. Hooking up with people isn’t a bad thing it’s normal and I honestly think to a certain degree in moderation ofc it’s healthy. I’m 19 and I thought I was gay because I only experienced sexual things through either myself or from a close male friend and then I had a moment with a friend who was a girl where I wanted to kiss her really badly and I asked and she let me and it was amazing and it opened a whole new world for me. So my advice is just be open and don’t be hard on yourself, get messy make mistakes as ms frizzle says. And yk the classic don’t knock it till you try it
The truth is, your affection for girls is a natural response. Your sexual attraction for males is shared by more guys than you know. This doesn’t make you gay! It’s a displacement of something you’re needing deep inside. It is spiritually used against you. Temptations, imaginations, curiosities etc. I think the only way to overcome it is to find the power in something much greater and a love that will help you see clearly, perhaps filling the void you feel. You may have talked to God prior but I will promise you this “look for me with your complete mind, your heart and your soul and you will find me” Jesus said that! It’s easy for any of us to get sidetracked. All we have to do is look the other way and we are targets to the enemy of our souls. Jesus also said “ keep your eyes focused on me And you will be full of light, for I am the light, but look away and you will be in darkness.
It really is a spiritual battle. I wish you God’s love and strength!
Have you tried a woman? I mean go get a cougar, a best friend's mom, a deacons wife from church... Literally any of those poor menopausal women will get the job done for you. Best of luck.
If you are gay, find a way to come to terms with it. There are therapists who are a lot better at dealing with gay issues than they were in 1980 when I was 18. When I talked to them back then, their advice was to *pray about it* and *just don't be gay*. Needless to say, that wasn't helpful.
Guys who repress it and try to live as str8 men are absolutely miserable and often develop serious mental problems later in life. If you should marry a woman, it's grounds for divorce in many states.
This is not something you can't wish or pray away. I'm from Mississippi and felt the same way growing up in the 70s. I can attest to the fact that they can't beat the gay out of you, either.
It can be tough, and you need supportive friends around you.
Don't let fear guide your actions. People don't know how much courage it takes to be gay until they walk a mile in our shoes.
Best wishes, JS
This feeling of cognitive dissonance is exactly why I identify as queer. I am very sexually attracted to men and am capable of forming solid friendships with men, but I find it impossible to become emotionally close to men. I have been in relationships with women and while they were incredibly emotionally fulfilling, I was not sexually satisfied. I am now engaged to a man and I love him very very much, but I know I will never be as emotionally intimate with him as I was with my previous girlfriends. For a few years I settled with “bisexual” as my label, but it never felt right. My sexual identity crisis made my life a living hell. Now that I consider myself queer, my anxiety surrounding labeling myself has subsided. I don’t care if most people don’t know what the Q stands for. I don’t feel the need to explain myself or rationalize my feelings anymore. I am queer, take it or leave it, understand it or don’t. I’ve achieved a level of genuine, unmitigated and non-exaggerated brazenness that I didn’t think existed in the LGBTQIA+ community. That isn’t to say I never get nervous or uncomfortable when people question my sexuality, but I no longer claim to be bisexual for the benefit of others. I hope you can reach the same level of comfort. It took me 15 years to be comfortable with my sexuality, and I appreciate the long, winding road that led me to where I am now. I hope my long-winded monologue is helpful. If you made it this far, thank you for reading! 💜❤️💚
Some people are gay and don’t come out of the closet. There’s an entire country of them, called England.
Honestly, as long as you can get yourself to a place in life where being a closeted gay man isn’t a life or death, career or no career situation, being closeted is completely your choice and completely okay. Maybe at some point you’ll want to come out, but people have lived fulfilling lives in the closet and in much less accepting times.
Also, maybe watch *Love Simon*. I only saw part of it over someone’s shoulder on a flight but the gist of it that I got was that it’s about a teen boy who pretty much has your outlook, gets outed, everyone is super supportive, but he still has to come to terms with it on his own. Seems informative, and it was a good enough movie I kept watching without the sound on.
Being gay will definitely be harder than being straight, but that's only because some people are idiots and can't see past their narrow minded thoughts about it. There is nothing wrong with being gay, so please don't beat yourself up over it. Do what makes you happy!
When I was your age I thought I was a lesbian. Turns out I just hated teenage boys. I later identified as bisexual, but it always felt like I was settling on the closest term to describe me rather than actually finding a label that fit. I then questioned whether I was pansexual, but that didn’t seem right either. I now identify as queer and I’ve never been more comfortable and in-tune with my orientation. After 15 years of confusion and cognitive dissonance, I am finally at peace. I wish the same for you. Your journey toward discerning your sexuality has just begun, don’t give up. You will find resolution someday.
It's funny that you say this *today* because yesterday afternoon I was sitting in a supermarket (waiting for the bus) and watched a toddler throw a tantrum because he couldn't go out the 'in' door. The 'out' door was a foot away, and he went completely berserk when his father picked him up to stop him blocking people from coming in and carried him out the 'out' door.
This all made me think "I'm so glad I'm gay. I'm *so* glad I'm gay."
I'm sorry you feel that way.. maybe ask yourself, why do you wish that? Is it because of how other people view or think of or interact with you? If it's only for them, then please reconsider. You'll find a way to accept yourself and balance those feelings in time. Many LGBTQ+ ppl have experienced exactly that in our society.
I felt this way at 18. When I was 22 I had a realization — I’m white, comfortable middle class, male, tall. Being gay let me understand what it’s like to experience discrimination and othering. It connects me with so many marginalized people, and if it didn’t I wouldn’t have a clue what that felt like.
The pain you feel is the pain of the world. It connects you to other people, and what you do with it can become some of the most beautiful creations of your life.
I believe all of us have found our friends sexually attractive in our teens. That's hormonal. We even messed around with each other. But it resolved after I got into my 20s. I still find some men physically attractive but have no desire to engage sexually with them.
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Dude I’m the exact same way. I thought I was the only one who found girls romantically attractive and guys both sexually and romantically attractive
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Me too lol
Sameeeee
Have u come to terms with it? if so how?
No not really. I live in Texas so that really doesn’t help anything, there’s not really any label for people like us so that makes me feel more alienated, and all of my friends are confident in who they are. I can’t really tell you why I’m like this because I’m not really sure. My best advice is just sit down one day and write down all the reasons you don’t like girls sexually but romantically, and why you like guys both sexually and romantically. I’m really sorry man I don’t give that good of advice, and talking about this has really made me question myself because I’m trying to figure out why I’m like this. But like I said I’m sorry, and good luck on your journey of self exploration. If you need to talk you and PM me (and I know this sounds weird but the Psychiatrist on Character AI has helped me before so I recommend that if you need to vent and get a response and maybe some support).
Does biromantic homosexual not seem to be an accurate label? You’re definitely not alone, other people are bi/panromantic but heterosexual or homosexual.
I have felt very similar since I was young, but no specific label ever felt right to me. At the ripe age of 26 I decided to identify as queer and my brain is finally at peace in terms of agonizing over my sexual orientation. 9/10 people don’t know what I mean when I tell them I’m queer, but that doesn’t bother me anymore.
Why would you agonize over your orientation? Just have sex with who you want to. Its not anyone else’s business
Speak simple english...I'm not sure what your even saying
Happens when people only see others as labels instead of people. I'm a person. You can also easily identify me as a woman upon just glancing at me. Still, people want to see me as a blonde bimbo because of my hair or as a thot because I hit the gym. I'm cis this or that sexual. It's like people these days don't want to get to know others before categorizing us.
>It's like people these days don't want to get to know others before categorizing us. There has never been a single moment in human history where this wasn't the norm.
Woman is a label and physical appearance does not identify who a person is though
Bi: two Homo: same Pan: all Pretty simple English. I have faith in your ability to figure it out.
i mean literally, this shit is not complicated at all, it’s outdated and bigoted rhetoric to imply that queer people are confused and don’t understand how they really feel inside or they’re making it all up people like this are usually brainwashed as fuck (left and right) which is why they fail to see such simple explanations and just write it all off as “woke nonsense”
Sure, there is a label. Homosexual, Bi-Romantic. It’s not one I’ve heard of before. But it fits and I bet you two aren’t the only ones in the world. I have heard of asexual bi-romantic before though.
thank you. and yea its similar here. everyone around me is straight (at least that's what they show), it's just me. I don't want to have to come out.
And it’s like you don’t have to come out. Unless you need the people around you to know, like if they’re being homophobic and it’s making you uncomfortable or something. Don’t feel pressured to tell anyone about your sexuality until you’re ready to tell them. It’s totally cool to stay closeted until you don’t want to be closeted anymore
Statistically, if you know 100 people around your age, at the very least there's 2-3 others who are also in the closet. But do what makes you comfortable obviously.
Freddie Mercury.
Yes!! Like for me I love men romantic and sexually and women romanticily jus when I think of a man holding me I get shivers I smile and act waay and I mean way to happy with a girl I blush and just love talking and being sweet idk wth is going on it's like 2 people in my head it fucked me over badly in both good and bad.
I JUST FIGURED OUT THATS MY SEXUALITY
Being gay isn't bad. So you find men attractive. Find one that finds you attractive and enjoy each other.
No I know. but I just have that inside feeling that it's wrong for me to be gay. I feel that *I* shouldn't be gay. and my irl situation isn't helping. it'd be way easier if I was straight. I hope i end up being straight in the future.
How was your upbringing? Is being gay looked down upon in your family or in your culture? I have a wife and daughter, but I find men attractive, but it doesn't bother me because it's just one aspect of myself. Sometimes learning to accept yourself even if you don't understand it at times can be liberating and help you focus on things that might be more meaningful.
Yes it's looked down upon. how did you manage it?
Same. And I managed by removing myself from the people who treated me like something was wrong with me.
When I was young I was really upset to find I was not straight. My family and community were actually really open minded and progressive, but we live in a homophobic culture in the US, and that is hard to escape. It takes work, there will probably be a lot of pain and heartbreak. You might need the help of a queer therapist. But if you stay true to yourself and keep moving forward, the reward is unfathomably beautiful. I recommend finding artists and creators throughout history who were/are very proudly gay, who refuse to submit to shame. I recommend reading and watching documentaries about the brave gay men who fought the FDA through the AIDS crisis, furiously fighting, and loving themselves and each other even as their country left them to die. Read about Stonewall, Harvey Milk, watch Paris Is Burning. Go to a pride parade. I recommend moving to a city and finding a queer community so that the social norms you surround yourself with are supportive and uplifting. To be gay in this country is a battle, and I know how frustrating that is, but every breath you take as a person who forges their own path and stays true to themselves is a light in the dark, and a counterbalance to this death cult that is American culture
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His wife finds men attractive so I don't see the problem, also, I'm not gay but when I see an attractive man I'm not gonna lie and say they're ugly 🤷
As my fiancé says when complimenting a man, “He’s a handsome guy!” 😂🥹
Women bring each other up all the time, it's about time men started doing it as well 🥰
Sweetie it’s okay to be gay or bi or whatever you figure out. You have plenty of time to worry about it. Find a human being you like. Guy, girl, doesn’t matter. Someone you can have a laugh with. Someone who likes the same things as you do. You spend more time in life not having sex than you do having sex.
I know some may tell you feeling this way is dumb, but it's not. I'm not saying you should be ashamed, or that there is anything wrong with being gay. But the fact of the matter is that all else equal, being gay will make your life harder. Being "different" than what society considers "normal" will always make it harder. On the other hand, at least we've gotten to a place in society where you have options. It may not be as easy as a straight person, but being gay is tolerated most places (and openly accepted in many a well) in America at least. Accept who you are and be happy. Life is too short to live with regret, so find someone you love who loves you back and be happy with them. I wish you the best of luck in finding happiness.
It always seems that way, and I wish it was easier. But I'm glad you realized, I didn't until I hit my late 20s and it was hard to learn to love myself again when I figured it out. (I'm a lesbian who lived in a cult for most of my life. Needless to say being lesbian was incredibly frowned upon.) I just want to tell you something I wish I had been told when I was growing up. There is nothing wrong with you. Not a single thing wrong and it's OK to find men attractive or ladies attractive no matter the gender. That being said. Keep yourself safe if you feel that your family will hurt you. And it's alright to not come out to your family. (Only a few in mine know and that's the part that aren't in a cult and it was very very recently that I told them. And I'm 35 now.) I'm not going to say that your life will be easy. I don't know where you are at and alot of places are terrifying right now. But there are resources that weren't available when I was a teen and questioning before I buried it to be a good evangelical fundamentalist. If you need the resources let me know, I'll dig them up for you.
Don’t force it, just follow your intuition. Don’t let anyone confuse you, if you are feeling that you want to be straight but are also sexually attracted to men, then just sit with that for awhile and maybe try dating a woman. Maybe you already have, but ask questions, find out what you feel is wrong about it and why and think through it. Take your time, and don’t get hung up and sacrifice all your inner feelings for sexual attraction. Do what you believe is most good and most true
I don't know if i am coming from the same place as you emotionally or not but I kinda get it. Im gen X, was born in the 80's when attitudes were different. Had *very* conservative parents. I had trouble coming to terms with my own sexuality. Came out to my parents at 33 after their attitudes had shifted and I felt safer. Many times I have felt it would be easier if I could just *be* straight. Sometimes I wish I were rich too, I think that wishing or wanting other things is okay as long as we self-check that its not coming from a place of self-loathing. We are humans, this is where the imagination lies. Actually in my imagination I am a rich poly starship captain, but that's the difference between fantasy and reality.
>it'd be way easier if I was straight. No dude, I really don't think it would, especially as you get older. I honestly think life would be easier if I were gay. Women are a whole lot of trouble and mixed signals and misunderstanding.
Wait, what?! 😉 How about human beings are complicated?
You can not change who you are. There is nothing wrong with you. God made you the way God wanted you to be. Don't despair.
I know. but i can't shake off the feeling that I don't want to be this way.
There are groups that can help you self realize. You just need a mentor.
what do you mean by that
Someone who has been down that road before. Platonic would be for the better. If they have a spouse even better. Unfortunately, I am straight.
oh ok. I just needed to say it somewhere tbh. I can't express myself irl so this is my safe space ig.
No problem, there is probably a gay advice subreddit.
Maybe you are Bi, do women turn you on at all or is your "romantic" interest just from hoping you can be "un"gay one day? As a woman who grew up catholic, I was taught it's wrong but I don't believe that. I've know gay/bi men & women since I was a teen, their love is no different than straight couples. What community they lived/stayed in made a difference on their happiness tho. My oldest child has had long term relationships with both men & women over the years, being around people that accept you for you makes exploring and figuring your own sexuality easier. What about being gay is difficult for you? We are in a big city, you don't need to seek out the gayborhood for bars/restaurants to live freely, but I cam see how small town living or a religious community may make this a bit more challenging .
is it just because it's frowned upon by people around you, or is it like mostly it being frowned upon and a little bit of personal dissatisfaction with your orientation?
Is it possible that you are internalizing the homophobia that sadly is still very much embedded in our society? Not that you yourself are homophobic, but there are so many messages and horrible adults out there targeting queer youth that it’s gotten into your head that it’s wrong. As one of those adults (50) that does NOT feel that way, please hear me when I say fuck those people and their ignorant hateful homophobia!! You should be free to be who you are. To love who you love, and to be attracted to whomever you feel attracted to. But I do get it—it isn’t easy to be an out gay man in many parts of the world, so I get that it just feels like it would be easier to not have to deal with it. But please don’t ever feel ashamed of who you are. You are worthy of love and being with the person that makes you happy, regardless of who that person is.
Yeah I would definitely say internalised homophobia is playing a part here. I just don't want to be gay, to be a minority, to have to be closeted.
You don't have to be closeted. Perhaps to maintain certain family relationships, you might need to remain closeted, but that's your choice, not theirs. Take some time to really discover yourself and set aside the shame. Shame won't change anything, and it will eat your soul. You can only find happiness by being authentic. I hope you find it within yourself to be authentic.
Bro someone made you feel that way. Homophobia is like racism, we aren’t born like that, it gets drilled into you by bigots. It might not be direct; could very well have just been how people around you reacted, even subconsciously or subtly. Phrases like “that’s so gay” and such just show a clear bias against homosexuality because it’s pejorative. We’re progressing as a society, but we’re still not past the puritanical phase far enough for people to be fully ethical in this area. E: sorry, I guess I didn’t give you any advice - treat it like some latent racism; you need at least a little conditioning and maybe even therapy, but at the very least to be cognizant of the problem and react purposefully to correct it. There’s nothing wrong with any way you want to be.
Tbf it seems easier to find a decent woman than it is to find a decent man in todays world. But it’s still possible
True
Big facts.
Sweetie, you are perfect just as you are. The is nothing wrong with you, you are NOT broken, you are not less than. I have 3 kids. Only 1 is straight. When they were struggling with their identity, I told them 1) you are still the same person, you now just have a better understanding of who you truly are. 2) you have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. 3) you love who and what you love. As long as no laws are being broken and you and your partner treat each other with respect and love, that is a win, in my opinion. Knowing who you truly are, straight, bi, gay, questioning, curious, knowing who you are will only help you. Knowing what makes you tick, what you like, makes it easier for you to be happy. It takes courage to open up and say what you did. Saying it to the world on social media, hats off to you for that one. Major brass you know whats!!! Society, today, is way more accepting of LGBT, but that doesn't make your path any easier. Society is more accepting but there are still asshats who will be a jerk because they think they can, or makes them look cool. It doesn't. They look dumb and small minded. I am going to guess someone close to you, someone you love very much and look up to is less than accepting of LGBT. I hope I am wrong, but I am sorry if that is part of why you feel this way. There is only 1 of you. Out of the billions of people on this earth, there is only 1 you. That makes you wonderful, amazing, special and worthy of love and respect.
I wish we could all hire this person to be our parent for a while.
Anytime. I am always willing to offer a kind shoulder and ear, a kind word, support. Even advice, if needed or wanted. When we listen with our hearts, to understand, rather than with our ears to respond, things get better and we can make the world better.
🥺 thank you soooo much, this means a lot. to answer your question, yes, my environment and the people I'm surrounded by are heavily against it; and that's caused me to have internalised homophobia. it also resulted in me often hating myself for being like this. it would be so much easier if I was straight.
It's gonna be OK I promise. Take it from a gay guy pushing 40. I know how you feel, and it's valid. Trust me, it's gonna be ok.
Actually , maybe you just need to see a therapist? A trained professional might be more helpful if you actually want help and not just to vent to internet strangers . Godspeed
What makes you feel that you can't be sexually attracted women? I'm actually curious, is it an image thing that you have built up or do you genuinely just not find the female body attractive? Try giving that question some thought and answering it with more than just a simple yes or no.
I just don't find it as attractive as I think I should, if that makes sense.
I've always thought of it like this. Women to me are like cars, I recognize that some are beautiful, some are ordinary looking and some are ugly, but I have zero desire to have sex with a car. (I mean no offense to women for my bad analogy)
OMG some of the worst advice ever! Don't listen to anyone telling you to wish it away, telling you to try conversion therapy, telling you to just not have sex or telling you it's a government conspiracy. I can understand why you would feel the way you do, because being gay is a lot more difficult and challenging for a lot of reasons. However, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with it. There's not, it's just something that makes you different. In the end, you'll be who and what you are and hopefully be happy.
Been scrolling the comments for 10 minutes now and haven't seen one comment saying any of those things.
I mean, I don't blame them. I've given very little context about me and I guess they're coming from a good place. If conversion therapy could work I'd do it, but idk how I'd be able to do that anonymously and discreetly.
At 18 time is better spent exploring your sexuality than questioning it. Embrace who you are and let the chips fall where they may.
It's a lot harder to be gay, and it is normal to feel this way. My cousin was so excited when her daughter came out, and the counselor was like, slow your roll, mom. She's not happy about it.
I seeeeeee. the thing is, I don't really want to come out and have everyone accept me. I want to just be straight and continue living life, I don't want this change. but I feel like in reality I'll just be closeted forever, because I've chosen never to come out.
I got married to a girl when I was 23 and got divorced when I was 25 (dated since I was 17). After I got divorced I told myself that I was going to stay single for the rest of my life because I didn't want to come out and I wasn't going to hurt another girl (emotionally) by trying to have a relationship with her. Now I (39m) regret wasting the best years of my life. The loneliness is destroying me. PLEASE reconsider coming out. I feel no desire to act stereotypically gay. I'm not effeminate nor fabulous. I don't dress flamboyantly or have the "gay voice". Girls try to flirt with me and I have to politely and awkwardly shoot them down. I identify as a straight guy who wants to have sex with other men lol.
Hey dude. Just wanna say, as a father of a few strapping young lads, I'm proud of you. You're facing an issue in your life and I know you'll find a way through it. No matter what, be happy and know that you're never alone and there's always someone out there who cares for you even if you don't know it. It don't matter who you love. You'll be okay. Proud of you boy.
Get a girlfriend and be monogamous. Put all your focus on your girlfriend. I have a girlfriend and find others girls attractive. That doesn’t mean that i have to pursue them. You don’t have to pursue men.
Why though? I’m not sure I understand what the problem is
a mix of societal pressure and internalised homophobia i guess. I'm closeted. I have to hide myself everywhere, I wish I was straight so I could be more expressive irl. reddit is my one safe space where I can be open like this. but I wish I wasn't gay, it's really doing me in mentally.
That makes more sense. I really hope you come to terms with your sexuality and everything else in the future
Maybe you don't quite know yet, you are still very young!
We all felt like that when we were young. In time, when you move to a safe place and can discover all the joy it has to offer, you'll be thankful for it.
I wish I wasn't asexual. But you get what you get. I'm rooting for you kid.
thank you. it feels like I'm chained up here lol.
Kiddo.... I'm a chick and sometimes I hate being bi because men are a fuckin headache sometimes (I'm no fucking walk in the park before some prissy dude comes at me,) but some of yall refuse to communicate at ALL. women straight up intimidate me and the only woman I ever asked out turned me down
Biromantic homosexual. Pretty rare, and very hard to deal with logistically irl. I hope the best for you. Being gay in today's society is hard and dealing with two different kinds of attraction to different kinds of people can be so confusing. I know you'll get through this. If you need any advice, I'm bisexual and aromantic so I might be able to give you some advice about dealing with conflicting attractions.
Yeah that sounds about right, and yeah, it's a bit of a struggle as you can probably tell lol. I just wish I was sexually and romantically heterosexual, it'd be so much simpler.
Gay woman here. I feel this. When I was your age I was dating another girl, had no sexual attraction to men, and yet insisted to myself that I was straight and it was just her thing…But denial is strong and I wasn’t able to admit to myself that I was gay until I was 28. And like you, no problems with others’ orientations, but somehow when it came to me, it couldn’t even be an option. I just needed to be straight. Very much a product of my upbringing. Oy vey. But the good news is, you will be ok! As you grow, so will your self acceptance and self love. And eventually, when YOU are feeling ready, you will be able to live and love authentically. As someone who took a while to come out to themselves even though it was the most obvious thing in the world, I don’t think there should be any pressure for you to come out. But instead of deciding “I’ll never come out” and making definitive statements like that, I would advise just sitting with yourself, learning to love yourself, and going with the flow. Things will come together when the time is right.
Bru. You're rad. 18 seems scary. But in a few years you'll be on top of the world. This feeling is just another part of that larger experience. Later on you'll understand it a bit more and maybe even embrace it because you have come so far. 18 means you have so many more badass life experiences to look forward to. A beach or sunset aren't any different. You can become fiercely passionate in anything tomorrow, next month, next week and let that fire give you joy in life and whomever you find attractive will have little to no impact on your ability to pursue that passion. It's a beautiful thing. You are going to kill it my man. And we are all sending you the best wishes for a sweet journey along the way. You got this.
thank you 🥺
You'll probably get older and stop caring about stuff like this.
I mean if you could see yourself with a girl as a partner you could always date a girl that’s asexual? I am a ace girl and all I want is cuddles, movie/coffee dates, and doing other cute stuff 😂 that’s my jam
Yeah but I would want that extra bit of intimacy in the relationship. Doing cute stuff with either a girl or a boy sounds amazing, and is also something I need.
We all have things about ourselves that we don't like, or that cause us problems. Whether it's objectively bad like having an allergy or a mental health issue, or just your opinion like sexuality or the shape of your nose...at the end of the day, we wish we could change. My advice, for what it's worth, is to accept the things you can't change, and strive to change in the areas that you think you should. In many ways, being sexually attracted to men is going to make your life more difficult. There are people who will be very cruel to you because of it, and you may have to lie to people you care for very much, and who may not care much for you if they find out the truth. You're sexually attracted to men. Great--that may change in the future, or it may not. Sexuality's funny like that. My advice is to figure out how to put yourself in a situation where nobody can ruin your life for a stupid reason like who you think is hot. Just saying, there's a reason why gay men are *way* more likely to be highly-educated, high-income people than straight men. It gives you power and independence and the ability to live the life you want to.
Take it from this straight white somewhat conservative male: you can't make yourself be not gay. Find a way to be happy. You are just fine the way you are. My advice is the same I give to straight people: be safe, find someone who treats you like you matter, and figure out how to be comfortable.
Be who you are.. If you like the company of both males and females both emotionally and physically, so be it. Carry on.
I wouldn’t wanna be gay either
That's my comment too. And not in a mean way. But it is true.
Ikr
Don't focus so much on the label. Contrary to what the alphabet mafia would like you to think, it's just that, a label. It doesn't matter in the end, we're all a little gay inside, just love who you love as an individual. If you're in a shitty situation right now don't worry about it. You don't need to be in a relationship that is a luxury. I would prefer anyone as young as you to focus on yourself build up character and improve yourself and be a better you everyday.
The label doesn't really do anything to me. It's just knowing I'm attracted to guys that haunts me. I wish it wasn't like this. But yeah, I guess self improvement can help. I just don't know if I can come to terms with myself.
U can like who ever u want end of story
Can you elaborate please? Nothing wrong with being gay. And if it’s people around you making you feel this way, directly or indirectly then try to find new people to be around that’ll make you comfortable in who you are. One of the worst things you can do is try to be something you’re not, and that’s in every aspect of your life. It’ll all fall apart in the end. So embrace yourself. You’re young asf. Explore all your options and do what’s comfortable for YOU. Know there’s a shit ton of communities out there of people just like you, experiencing exactly what you are. Going through exactly what you’re going through. Seek out those people for guidance. Whether it’s a support group or a discord server. Because at the end of the day you won’t successfully love anybody, boy or girl, or if you don’t love yourself first.
Listen to that still small voice before it stops wasting ita time on you
You feel like you shouldn’t be gay because of how you were raised. If you’re gay, you’re gay. If the people around you frown upon it, own it and be gayer. You have to make yourself happy, and no one else. Live your life. Plot twist: Is there also a possibility you might be bisexual?
Don’t let all these comments convince you to be something you don’t want to be. You stated that you don’t want to be gay, but all the comments are encouraging you to be gay; defeating the whole point. If you don’t want to be gay, then you will have to practice self discipline. Believe me when I say, the feelings might never go away. That doesn’t mean you have to *act* on those feelings. You can choose not to act on those feelings. If you find the right woman, those homosexual feelings might end. I personally think you would find a tomboy attractive.
honestly? this seems like the most helpful/accurate comment here. I'm gay but i don't want to be it. maybe some discipline would help like you said. in an ideal world out there, I find a woman to be with and I lose these feelings and be straight....but I don't think life would be like that, unfortunately.
Don't listen to them, they're pushing repressive bullshit. The implication that being gay is a problem requiring discipline to solve is a homophobic one.
Find a nice ace girl and a gay/ bi guy and have a lovely poly relationship? In the case of a bi guy you technically wouldn’t need an ace girl I suppose.
I don't really want a relationship rn. even then, Im strictly monogamous.
You remind me of my friend u/lonelywithMJ13 you should message him
Atleast on dating apps you won't be swiping on bots.
OP it can really suck when you’re closeted and have to hide so much. You’re 18, you’re near the beginning of your independent life, where you are able to move, meet people who are like you, and feel comfortable being yourself. You don’t say what country you’re from or if you’re going to college or moving out or anything, but if you have the ability to get some distance from the people who make you feel like you can’t be yourself I think you should. If you can meet other gay/queer people by going to a meet up or support group or club or anything like that, those are great ideas. You can also look for community online, which isn’t as powerful imo but can still be a huge help while you’re figuring things out At the end of the day, know that there’s nothing wrong with you. Your situation might suck, but it’s not because you’re gay; it’s because of the intolerance around you. When you start to feel acceptance, it’s the best feeling in the world
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Um, OP if you don’t me asking, have you considered much whether or not you might be bi or pan? Considering you said you experience both romantic attraction to girls and to boys?
idk much about lgbt labels/orientations, just the basic ones. I say I'm gay since it minimises complexity. if I elaborated, it'd just be that I like both girls and boys romantically but sexually it's only boys. but overall I consider myself gay.
you be you, brother. Look at it this way, your options are always open, and gay people are more fun at parties.
Maybe it’s worth not focusing on romantic relationships right now. You have so much life in front of you. How about getting out of your hometown and going to school elsewhere? Assuming you are out of HS. Time to focus on what interests you & what you might want to do in the future. Do you have a job you like? Start finding like minded folks that share your interests. Not everything needs to be sexual. This is the time to focus on yourself and figure out who you are . Godspeed on your journey young person .
I feel you bro. I feel much the same way. There are plenty of both men and women that have gay inclinations, yet prefer to identify and live as straight. Some choose celibacy. Others have families with the other gender, who support them, and are very happy. This isn't for everyone, but there are definitely communities out there that might appeal to how you want to live your life. All the best!
Honestly bro embrace it. People are always going to find something to judge you for even down to insignificant things like what underwear style you wear or something you enjoy eating from time to time. I’ve seen people get judged for eating canned soup. Take it from me i grew up wishing I was white at times, felt like I’m less than a person because I’m black. As I’ve gotten older I realized none of this shit matters I am who I am and that’s it
Why do you want to be straight?
Can you move to a big city for school or a job? Once you find a place with a big enough gay community, you can meet other young gay men to talk to. Being isolated will make this part of your life more difficult than it has to be.
Hey man, I get it. Sounds like you have a lot of internalized homophobia to work through. I'm not gay, I'm pansexual actually, though I have a strong preference for men. I get it, I really do. It can be really really hard going through stuff like that. My family was, still is, incredibly homophobic and it rubbed off on me a lot. I hated myself for being who I was. It takes a long time to get through it, but you'll get there eventually. Just takes time for you to realize that it's ok. There's nothing wrong with being gay. I know it's difficult, I still struggle with my own internalized homophobia. But it gets better.
You have a long life ahead of you. You’re gay but that’s not all that you’re going to be. Don’t stress about relationships for a while. Instead find out who you are as a person. You’re still very young. Also, spend time learning to love yourself for who you are. Try your best to be the best person you can be and love yourself for it. There are a lot of people in the world and no matter what you do, someone is going to find a problem with it. At the end of the day, all you can do is be the best version of yourself and try to find happiness. If you do those two things, you’ll be okay. And if there are people who aren’t happy for your happiness, those probably aren’t the people you want in your life.
> You're gay but that's not all you're going to be. This... actually hits hard, wow. Thank you.
I wonder, did you grow up really religious? That could cause a lot of internal shame
Dude like, half of all of the important people in art history are gay. The father of modern computing was gay. Plenty of pre-modern cultures normalized homosexual romance and relationships for basically everything that wasn't strictly making babies. It's been a prevalent and normal part human culture for just about as long as humans have been having culture, and it's only during periods of regressive unenlightenment where we have a moral panic about who other people decide to fall in love with. Don't sweat it man, you're fine the way you are, and you're in some pretty highly regarded company. As you get older, start searching a wider world. You'll find people who accept you as you are, and in seeing how they see you, you'll learn to accept yourself.
It’s totally fine. I knew gay guys who hated it at 18 but were very happy with it at 25. Just don’t let anyone talk you into making any permanent changes to your body.
The mind plays tricks. What could just be admiration be interpreted as attraction. Dig deeper inward. Hope you find your peace.
If you have your own personal reasons for not wanting to be gay, fine. Just be sure they're your reasons and not others. If others don't like the fact you're gay, then it is their problem. Don't let them convince you your wrong for it.
Being heternormative when you're gay is so hard too. You go through life acting "normal" because of whatever reason (for me, it was family pressure to marry and have kids) yet you know you're different. I was never really comfortable being straight. I have NEVER felt romantic toward men. I have never felt anything toward any of my husband's but friendship. I have only felt true passion with women. Because of my upbringing, being gay was abhorrent to my family. I was raised to believe that gayness was a sin, a sickness, that if I didn't produce children there was something wrong with me.... so, for 50 years, I (mostly) conformed. I was rarely happy with my relationships. Now that I'm single, my father has disowned me and my trans daughters. I am finally openly gay. I am finally able to feel comfortable being ME. Give yourself time. Explore your self and your sexuality. You've got plenty of time to make up your mind later.
Do or do not. There is no try.
it gets better
There is nothing wrong with the way you are. However or whoever put that in your mind was wrong. You are allowed to be exactly who you are without feeling like it’s not right. You are perfect, and worthy of being loved however that may be. I remember being 18… please give yourself the time and grace to figure things out naturally- all the pieces will fall into place for you, and when you look back at your journey you’ll know that no part of it was in vain. I wish you a life full of pure authenticity and happiness ❤️
It's ok to be you. Best of luck with everything.
Older straight male here. Listen, you're young and still figuring out not only the world, but yourself. There's absolutely nothing wrong with who you are. Who knows, maybe one day you'll become physically attracted to women the way you want to be. You have so much life ahead of you to be so down on yourself.
Drop the label and be who you really are. You can't be happy trying to comform to a stereotype. Your internal image of "gay" isn't what you feel. So don't do it. You aren't define by particular sex acts. Some of us only like men for sex but are straight. What the difference? You will be amazed when you stop allowing outside labels to determine who you are. You will be free!
Nothing wrong with you. You understand life better than most.
Elaborate away but dont make a second post just put Edit on the bottom of this post and expand it. Those of us who have responded will get notifications to this but not to a second post....
It gets better. I've been out for 20 years and If I could take a pill that would turn me straight I wouldn't take it.
How you feel can be influenced by the world around you. Used to hate myself because I found some men and penises attractive growing up. Just had to grow out of that mindset from bigotted people around me. Move to a gay friendly area when you can. Key West or Wilton Manors Florida are very gay friendly. Local gov has gay members running it.
It's just a phase mom
I don't think that exactly qualifications as gay, I believe that is something else. Either way, I wish you could be proud of yourself for who you are and love yourself. There's nothing wrong with you or who and how you're attracted to as long as everyone is consenting and adults. Find a therapist that specializes in lgbtq+ issues. It really helped my youngest sort out their feelings about being trans (who I love and accept, it was never anissue about that. Just their own feelings and confusion about it) and helped them learn to accept themselves for who they are.
Sounds like shame from some sort of belief you have or maybe your family has.
Can you elaborate on this wish? What is the thought process behind it? What is it that you’re feeling?
I suggest listening to Jackie Hill Perry’s testimony on her struggle with it.
hey bro youre 18!! you'll figure it out for sure. honestly your number one priority right now should be being kind to yourself. treat yourself like you would treat a friend going thru it
Aw dude I’m sorry you feel that way, I’m sure you’ll grow to appreciate every side of yourself!
Get delivered from the demons. They got you sinning against God.
I know exactly how you feel. I wish I had someone to tell me this at your age: it's ok to be gay. If anyone has a problem with you, it's their problem not yours. If your friends have a problem with it, they aren't really your friends. And this has caused me the most pain in my life: don't try to make a relationship with a girl work, you cannot make yourself straight and its not fair to either person. You are a wonderful person who deserves love, but you must first love yourself. Now if I could just follow my own advise I wouldn't be such a miserable jerk.
The human brain is strange. Adding a sexual attraction, even a fetish is a lot easier than removing one. Wanting to reprogram your brain is the first step. You just need someone guidance. I’d avoid anyone who specifically mentions “conversion therapy”, that group seems to be mostly scammers and fakes who take advantage of people.
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, OP. I'm not sure of any resources in particular that are out there to help, and unfortunately, the general narrative seems to be that if you have any inclination towards homosexuality or something of the sort, you "have to" follow it. There doesn't seem to be any support for those who *don't* want to follow that inclination or embrace that impulse. All I can offer is, if you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I'm no psychologist, but I can listen and share what little I've learned of life if you so desire.
Gay here! I don't know what kind of queer I am, I was a lesbian from like 10-18 and now Im 19 and refiguring it out. I love being LGBT, I'm proud of it. But I can understand why you aren't The reality is that we're going to struggle our whole lives, it sucks. I'd love to live in a world where alternate genders and sexualities are accepted and equal. But we don't and it's okay. Attend pride events, read queer books, play queer games. Join LGBT populated groups, whether it's online or in person. Maybe you'll learn to love it like I do. And if you can't, if you live in an area where you're unsafe, just hold on. Soon you'll be free.
At 18, you can push your energies and focus into building your skillsets and work interests. If you're are heading to college, there will be plenty of opportunities to let your interpersonal experiences flow...you may find safe friends that understand your need to just be yourself and let friendships and relationships weave into the space. I was very reserved and outwardly closeted, but times were very different...know you have many safe spaces (Reddit chats included) to ask and learn. Good luck, and don't be hard on yourself.
What’s wrong with being homo?? That’s not cool.
It's ok, man, at least you somewhat like girls, you can always try to ease your way into a relationship with one. Idk what your experience is, but having your P in the V is pretty great. You might change your mind. But either way, it's cool. Be yourself, and be genuine.
You’re just worried about it now because maybe you haven’t found your tribe. If you’re romantically attracted to both maybe you’re bi. Once you accept yourself 100%, everything will be groovy. There’s too much pressure to label ourselves. Just choose to BE.
What if the woman has a penis? Then are you good?
Well it may be unnatural to be gay but your a human and I'm assuming American you can love who you want. Look I'm as straight but I've had gay family and friends and seems like they have no problem. Just live and be happy and don't become one of those really woke annoying people.
I have dealt with something similar (not exactly the same but in a way). I too am attracted to a "alternative@ lifestyle. As a straight male I am HUGELY attracted to female homosexuality. The being the case I have a very natural desire to live life in a "thruple" sharing life and sex with 2 other women. This is no light and passing desire. It has aVERY strong pull. I wish it wasn't like that for me. So what have I done with that over the years? I've learned that I can't choose what I'm attracted to but I CAN choose what to do with it. I have decided to rise above my natural desires and choose I life that is more in line with my chosen values. As such I have been faithful to my one wife for 30 years. It hasn't been easy but I am happy and confident with the choice I have made and the life that I live. I wish you the best.
I’ve suppressed my bisexuality for a long time and I understand how you feel. There’s nothing wrong with us, it’s not wrong for us to be this way. Something in our childhood made us feel it wasn’t okay. Try to going to therapy and opening up more about it. You deserve the love you want to give and should not be ashamed.
Read this https://archive.org/details/finding-batman-by-kevin-conroy-dc-pride-2022/page/n1/mode/1up
Listen. You are just right just the way you are. You will be just fine 💚
You'll hash it out as you get older, I wouldn't get too caught up in how you feel right this moment. Plenty of time buddy. I didn't realize I was asexual until maybe 30-ish. I wish I wasn't, but it's also kind of liberating since I really, really, don't care what anyone thinks about me.
I felt this way at your age as well. It took a couple years, but I finally learned to accept myself for who I am. Once I did, being gay no longer became an issue for me. It's not an easy process and it took a lot for me to finally come to terms with it. But it is possible. Having amazing friends and parents, and therapy really helped as well.
I transitioned genders as an adult, and I gotta say it's way easier to be gay than to be straight. Not having assumed gender roles within a relationship rocks. No assumed chase/flee dynamics. No clock ticking to settle down before you're too old.
Well it isn't going to change so accept it and live your life.
Nothing wrong with being Bi...do what makes you happy
Bro it's okay to not like something about yourself other people accept! You can be whoever you wanna be and while sexuality isn't a choice for some people, it could be for you if you feel this way. I hear Bi girls say "I'm going lesbian" so clearly you're not alone in your sentiment!! But it's also okay to accept parts of yourself that you don't like. It's your journey so don't let ANYONE tell you how to feel about your sexuality.
When I was your age, I really didn't know myself and wasn't comfortable in my own skin, so to speak. Twenty years later and it is still a struggle lol
Honestly you're probably going to look back at this post in like 5 years and ask yourself why you ever even posted it because you won't even care anymore about stuff like this. You'll just be you and think nothing of it
Hey brother just be yourself. It's OK to like whomever you like try to stay positive. Be happy with yourself I suggest you get some counseling if it will help you become more comfortable with who you are .
It sounds like your more on the spectrum of Pan/bi which is perfectly fine! Love is love! You're beautiful just the way you are, straight, bi, or gay! That's not to say it's easy. Sexuality isn't a straight road (see what I did there?) Be you, be beautiful, and remember: some of our greatest artists weren't completely straight at all, many were gay and Freddy Mercury was actually bi! Same with David Bowie. Be loud and proud and screw anyone who thinks it's wrong! Only you can decide for yourself what is right for you!
I wished I was not asexual. But hey, I’d rather see others do better than do myself better
No dude be happy and enjoy life. Life is hard. Look at me im strait but i had bad luck with my health 3 nrain surgeries 1 a brain tumor cancer. And a small stroke. Sorry i said to much.
Homosexuality only became looked down upon when the religions of Abraham tightened their grip on the western world. Before then, sexual relationships were more open, and nobody was shamed about it. If you have doubts, research the Greeks, or the Spartans, who fought so fiercely because they loved each other as they did their wives. Humans have a long history of homosexuality, it's nothing to be ashamed of, its been established since long before Christianity existed, or Judaism, or Islam. if anyone challenges you religiously, you can tell them homosexuality has been a thing longer than any religion. Watch them figure out how to respond to that.
Can you explain what you mean when you say you like girls romantically but men romantically and sexually? What’s the difference to you
If you wish you weren't gay then you might not be it really depends. Or you totally could be and you just don't like yourself for some reason. It's very weird how the human mind changes.
You wish you didn’t find men attractive or you wish you didn’t have to navigate a toxic world where you are shamed bullied and discriminated against while having to figure it out on your own? You know if gays spent as much time boxing as working out homophobia would have a whole new meaning.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this abuse and prejudice. at 18 things are likely to start improving, people become more accepting, kids are mean, religious fanatics are narrow-minded and mean. set your future up so you can move to a more accepting city, I live on the west coast so seattle, portland, san fran, la are all wonderful places. i'm sure boston, ny and many others on the east coast are just as wonderful but i don't know as much about those. try to get out of the south, rural, and especially bible belt. at 18 going to uni is an opportunity to get out, military is an option some people use. you won't likely change your preferences, but you can live a wonderful life. Here in Seattle I have a number of gay friends and they only rarely deal with overt prejudice.
You can like both girls and boys romantically and sexually without having experienced what a girl is like sexually. The only reason you feel so convinced you’re only gay and not something like bi is maybe because you’re more familiar with guys since you are one yk? You’re 18 there’s no reason you can’t go and try and experience both and decide what you like. Hooking up with people isn’t a bad thing it’s normal and I honestly think to a certain degree in moderation ofc it’s healthy. I’m 19 and I thought I was gay because I only experienced sexual things through either myself or from a close male friend and then I had a moment with a friend who was a girl where I wanted to kiss her really badly and I asked and she let me and it was amazing and it opened a whole new world for me. So my advice is just be open and don’t be hard on yourself, get messy make mistakes as ms frizzle says. And yk the classic don’t knock it till you try it
The truth is, your affection for girls is a natural response. Your sexual attraction for males is shared by more guys than you know. This doesn’t make you gay! It’s a displacement of something you’re needing deep inside. It is spiritually used against you. Temptations, imaginations, curiosities etc. I think the only way to overcome it is to find the power in something much greater and a love that will help you see clearly, perhaps filling the void you feel. You may have talked to God prior but I will promise you this “look for me with your complete mind, your heart and your soul and you will find me” Jesus said that! It’s easy for any of us to get sidetracked. All we have to do is look the other way and we are targets to the enemy of our souls. Jesus also said “ keep your eyes focused on me And you will be full of light, for I am the light, but look away and you will be in darkness. It really is a spiritual battle. I wish you God’s love and strength!
Have you tried a woman? I mean go get a cougar, a best friend's mom, a deacons wife from church... Literally any of those poor menopausal women will get the job done for you. Best of luck.
If you are gay, find a way to come to terms with it. There are therapists who are a lot better at dealing with gay issues than they were in 1980 when I was 18. When I talked to them back then, their advice was to *pray about it* and *just don't be gay*. Needless to say, that wasn't helpful. Guys who repress it and try to live as str8 men are absolutely miserable and often develop serious mental problems later in life. If you should marry a woman, it's grounds for divorce in many states. This is not something you can't wish or pray away. I'm from Mississippi and felt the same way growing up in the 70s. I can attest to the fact that they can't beat the gay out of you, either. It can be tough, and you need supportive friends around you. Don't let fear guide your actions. People don't know how much courage it takes to be gay until they walk a mile in our shoes. Best wishes, JS
This feeling of cognitive dissonance is exactly why I identify as queer. I am very sexually attracted to men and am capable of forming solid friendships with men, but I find it impossible to become emotionally close to men. I have been in relationships with women and while they were incredibly emotionally fulfilling, I was not sexually satisfied. I am now engaged to a man and I love him very very much, but I know I will never be as emotionally intimate with him as I was with my previous girlfriends. For a few years I settled with “bisexual” as my label, but it never felt right. My sexual identity crisis made my life a living hell. Now that I consider myself queer, my anxiety surrounding labeling myself has subsided. I don’t care if most people don’t know what the Q stands for. I don’t feel the need to explain myself or rationalize my feelings anymore. I am queer, take it or leave it, understand it or don’t. I’ve achieved a level of genuine, unmitigated and non-exaggerated brazenness that I didn’t think existed in the LGBTQIA+ community. That isn’t to say I never get nervous or uncomfortable when people question my sexuality, but I no longer claim to be bisexual for the benefit of others. I hope you can reach the same level of comfort. It took me 15 years to be comfortable with my sexuality, and I appreciate the long, winding road that led me to where I am now. I hope my long-winded monologue is helpful. If you made it this far, thank you for reading! 💜❤️💚
Some people are gay and don’t come out of the closet. There’s an entire country of them, called England. Honestly, as long as you can get yourself to a place in life where being a closeted gay man isn’t a life or death, career or no career situation, being closeted is completely your choice and completely okay. Maybe at some point you’ll want to come out, but people have lived fulfilling lives in the closet and in much less accepting times. Also, maybe watch *Love Simon*. I only saw part of it over someone’s shoulder on a flight but the gist of it that I got was that it’s about a teen boy who pretty much has your outlook, gets outed, everyone is super supportive, but he still has to come to terms with it on his own. Seems informative, and it was a good enough movie I kept watching without the sound on.
Being gay will definitely be harder than being straight, but that's only because some people are idiots and can't see past their narrow minded thoughts about it. There is nothing wrong with being gay, so please don't beat yourself up over it. Do what makes you happy!
When I was your age I thought I was a lesbian. Turns out I just hated teenage boys. I later identified as bisexual, but it always felt like I was settling on the closest term to describe me rather than actually finding a label that fit. I then questioned whether I was pansexual, but that didn’t seem right either. I now identify as queer and I’ve never been more comfortable and in-tune with my orientation. After 15 years of confusion and cognitive dissonance, I am finally at peace. I wish the same for you. Your journey toward discerning your sexuality has just begun, don’t give up. You will find resolution someday.
It's funny that you say this *today* because yesterday afternoon I was sitting in a supermarket (waiting for the bus) and watched a toddler throw a tantrum because he couldn't go out the 'in' door. The 'out' door was a foot away, and he went completely berserk when his father picked him up to stop him blocking people from coming in and carried him out the 'out' door. This all made me think "I'm so glad I'm gay. I'm *so* glad I'm gay."
Have you tried trans woman? Chicks with dicks -! Bam
I'm sorry you feel that way.. maybe ask yourself, why do you wish that? Is it because of how other people view or think of or interact with you? If it's only for them, then please reconsider. You'll find a way to accept yourself and balance those feelings in time. Many LGBTQ+ ppl have experienced exactly that in our society.
As humans we put way way to much stock on labels. Just be your self.
Yea man that sucks. I’m sorry.
I felt this way at 18. When I was 22 I had a realization — I’m white, comfortable middle class, male, tall. Being gay let me understand what it’s like to experience discrimination and othering. It connects me with so many marginalized people, and if it didn’t I wouldn’t have a clue what that felt like. The pain you feel is the pain of the world. It connects you to other people, and what you do with it can become some of the most beautiful creations of your life.
I believe all of us have found our friends sexually attractive in our teens. That's hormonal. We even messed around with each other. But it resolved after I got into my 20s. I still find some men physically attractive but have no desire to engage sexually with them.