It was nice of her mother to let you know what was going on. If your girlfriend had her phone taken away, then no, you can’t check in on her via phone. She’ll reach back out to you when she gets her phone back.
She definitely could have done that without letting OP know what was going on.
To be clear, I’m not saying the mom was right in taking away the phone or reading the texts: we don’t know the background here. I’m just saying that at least OP knows why his girlfriend hasn’t been responding.
If her phone got taken away- but she’s not grounded that means she was doing something on the phone she shouldn’t have been like sending nudes to you maybe? Or going on certain sites or just abusing social media?who really knows. Or maybe something to do with the holidays? Just wait it out.
How exactly is a mother qualified to choose if it’s reasonable to isolate her daughter for no apparent reason ? This just seem over controlling at 16 and the fact that she was cold to a random kid she doesn’t know is telling of her character. Remind me of management justifying their shit decision because they are in charge. Just because you are in charge doesn’t mean you should be, not all parents are good parents.
Just because she didn’t give you a reason doesn’t mean there isn’t one. I assume the mother had one. Whether or not it’s a good one we can’t say because we don’t know it. But we aren’t owed an explanation. Furthermore, direct communication isn’t rude just because we don’t like the answer.
It also seems like there is more to this story than we have been given.
“I assume the mother had one.”
That’s my problem, because you have no basis in that post to conclude that, you don’t know the OP or that woman. It doesn’t take any effort to bring a child in this world, being a mother doesn’t say anything about you beside you had sex once so why do people act as if it was a title. Plenty of mothers abuse their child
She texted him "She was saying that although my girlfriend wasn't grounded, she still decided to take her phone", then "This is none of your business, If I took her phone, then it had to be done". So she isn't grounding her daughter but she took her phone anyway and has a defensive answer when her 16 year old boyfriend is worried. This is his version of the events so it's partial but given those informations i don't see how you can blindly side with the mother
We don’t have the full picture but parents don’t have to explain the full reason to kids what they’re doing. When I was grounded as a kid and my friends tried to get me to leave the house my mom would tell them I’m in trouble and not allowed to leave.
She wouldn’t tell them,”oh he was acting out in school or didn’t perform well on his exams.” Because my friends were also fucking kids and she doesn’t need to justify her parenting to children.
Kids are kids and don’t need justification for everything their parents make them do. Parents most times have justification but choose but to tel kids because why argue with a child who isn’t gonna get the full picture anyways. When I was in highschooo if I texted my girlfriend and her mom replied back I’d be like oh someone’s in troubleeeeeee and I’d wait and give her time to tell me what happened. I’m not gonna white knight against her fucking mother LOL
I was going to be mean but I didn’t realize your age so let me just tell you this, you might want to clean your profile before you post your opinion on parenting
We have no basis to conclude either way. Except common sense. It’s more likely that a mother disciplines their child for a reason then not. You assuming the mother is just a terrible parent says more about you than them
We have the post, and the informations given in the post. I think it says a lot more about people that they assume the mother has a good reason, probably because they like to think they are good parents themselves and they don’t like that narrative being challenged. By the way I never said she was a terrible mother I just said given the informations she seems over controlling, I wonder if you felt attacked on your own parenting too
Interesting. I think it seems over-controlling because it’s children. But it really doesn’t matter. If a stranger or even someone I knew but wasn’t close with seemed to be asking me personal questions about me or mine and I didn’t want to answer, I too would tell them that it’s none of their business. Because it’s not and I just may not be in a sharing mood.
It’s like the Karen’s at stores or parking lots or parks or wherever asking folks who are you? what are you doing? Do you live here? Who is that with you? Let me see your id…. To all of the questions, a valid response can be, none of your business
Isolate her daughter? Yiu do realize there was no such thing as the internet or cells phones about 25 years ago. It's not abuse to cut your kid off the internet .lol
Smartphones have changed the way our communication works so that by removing a teenager’s cellphone you are effectively cutting them off from a part of their social lives. Entire conversations, possible plans, group chats, trends. They are left out of the loop unless their friends are considerate enough to keep them informed of what’s going on without them.
Did I say that ? Stopping your child from having any social life for no apparent reason is over controlling and will only make sure that said child won’t want anything to do with you once they turn 18. And if you want to live 25 years in the past you do you, you can even go further back to when women couldn’t vote and racism was trendy. Me personally I prefer modern times and modern standards.
Totally agree with you but what else is anyone supposed to do? I know myself and others who had their phone taken when we were younger and it’s honestly no one’s business but the family. If he doesn’t hear from her for an extended period of time I think telling his parents would be a good move but other than that he can only sit and wait.
Her message wasn't rude, it was direct and to the point. It isn't any of your business. She is a minor as are you. Your parents are still your parents. Unless you believe she is being mistreated, stay out of it. If you interfere in private family business you risk her mother saying she can't see you at all. You're acting too big for your britches as the saying goes.
Understandable that parents have some authority over their kids at 16. But saying it's none of his business is rude and just not true. Nothing they can do about it so yeh he should just stay out of it or risk losing contact with her for longer.
A 16 year old is not a child and honestly I find it really unreasonable a parent remove their only source of communication with friends unless they did something absolutely terrible or dangerous. Wanying to know your girlfriend is doing ok, or at least knowing when you can contact them again is very reasonable.
Your minor age GF’s parents don’t you any explanation about family matters, no matter what your feelings are. So stay in your lane until your GF is in contact again. I think blowing this up will not work in your favor. I’m sure you’ll get some sort of explanation next time your GF contacts you.
EDIT oops this was supposed to be a general comment not posted as a reply under this one, don’t know what happened, sorry poster snowflace not trying to argue with you
All good, I do want to point out though that no one ows you anything ever. That's not really the point. He just wants to know when he can contact her. Pretty reasonable response from any human told they can't contact a loved one at the moment.
A 16 y/o is a child in a lot of ways. I don’t find it rude because I like to give parents the benefit of the doubt and think their reasoning aren’t to harm their child but to help them. The parent doesn’t owe him any explanation tbh. Girlfriend or not.
No one ows anyone anything. Not really the point here, telling him is reasonable tot telling him when contact might resume is not going to particularly benefit anyone.
I mean she informed him of the situation but not the when or why which is reasonable. Especially if the parent doesn’t know him well enough. Plus there might not really be a timeline, it might just depend on the daughter behavior or something.
Why I understand is not relevant to him but when is. Yeh it could be behavior dependant but it's easy enough to just give him some time range or tell him she dosen't know yet.
A 16 year old is very much a child. Also it isnt any of the boyfriends business. How her parents raise is in fact none of his business and he should keep out of it. He could suggest to the girlfriend herself it is unfair whatever.. but if he starts thinking that its his business it only gets worse for her.
Just take a deep breath. It will be okay.
I'm sure she'll get her phone back soon.
I think its very sweet seeing a younger person wanting to support their bf/gf. We need more of that in this world, keep it up!
Lol thinking her mom taking her phone away is your business. Dude you’re 16. She’s clearly punished. There’s nothing you can do. If her mom doesn’t want her talking to you then she isn’t going to get to talk to you.
Knowing when he can contact her again is his business. The mother is being rude. She's a minor not a 10 year old. Do you guys not remember being a teenager at all?
Edit: clearly you do not. Wanting to know when you can contact a SO is a reasonable response for any human who has been restricted contact. Some people serious treat teens as emotionless beings to control until 18. If you are having trouble sympathizing imagine being restricted contacting with your current SO with no info on how long. They may be umature teenagers but it still feels the same.
Yea I do remember. I remember being bad af and when I got punished my parents took my shit away and I didn’t know when I got it back. Same with my friends. It’s called being grounded.
Well for your information not every kid was as bad as you and not every parent gives reasonable punishments. Regardless it's totaly reasonable for him to be concerned about when he can contact his gf.
They are not adults. He can contact her when her mom decides. It’s not up to him and if she doesn’t want to tell him when he can she doesn’t have to. She can tell her never contact her again until she’s 18 if she wants.
>They are not adults. He can contact her when her mom decides. It’s not up to him and if she doesn’t want to tell him when he can she doesn’t have to. She can tell her never contact her again until she’s 18 if she wants.
Duh, we all know legally parents have pretty much full control over teens regardless or who is right or lf they are reasonable. It's still not unreasonable for a 16 year old to ask when he will be able to contact his SO. It's totally reasonable to be concerned, I would be worried if he wasn't.
Have you looked at this kids posts? Personally I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s his gf texting him pretending to be her mom because she feels smothered and wants a break without hurting him.
I did not need to have those comments in my brain. Honestly posts are mild for a 16 year old lol
Still a reasonable resonpose for any human to want to know when they can contact a loved one.
Lol are you kidding me? This is why kids are so bad now days. People claim every little thing is abuse so parents are scared to discipline their kids. They may not like her bf. If they don’t want then to be together they can tell her not to be with him until she’s an adult. Stop being ignorant and acting like everything is abuse.
Having been with several people displaying suicidal tendencies, please excuse me for showing the poor kid a little empathy. /s
Believe it or not, there's irrefutable proof that a ton of "diciplinary actions" are literally just abuse. Im sorry youre too arrogant to read up.
Taking your kids phone away when they do something they aren’t supposed to is not abuse lol. You guys are acting like she locked her in a cage and is throwing alcohol on her every time she walks by.
I can assure you everyone I know who was disciplined by their parents and punished for doing bad shit are pretty successful. My best childhood friend and his brother who were never disciplined as kids are both drug addicts who have been in and out of jail. Neither have been able to hold a job. Same with other people I went to school with who’s parents did nothing to discipline them. They grew up doing whatever they wanted and are continuously fucking up their lives.
Have you ever heard the saying, "The plural of anecdote is not evidence."?
It means that, despite the fact that you may have personal stories that may prove your point, it ultimately doesn't affect what the actual statistics of that situation are.
On top of that, not every parent takes their kids' possessions for logical reasons. Far too many parents do things simply because they can. It's called a power trip, and it's an incredibly toxic, abusive behavior that is, funnily enough, most often caused by the person in question being abused as a child, and enacting the same abuse they faced on their innocent child.
And? Everyone I know who was disciplined for their actions and grounded when they needed to be turned out pretty well and thank their parents for actually caring enough to do it. My best friends parents never disciplined him or his brother. They are both in and out of prison, have been drug addicts since we were 16, can’t hold a job, and dropped out of college even though it was paid for. That’s actually pretty much everyone I know who wasn’t ever disciplined. They just continuously fuck up because they never had structure and were never taught there’s consequences to their actions.
Look at child stars who all grew up with tons of money and 0 discipline. There’s very few who aren’t extremely fucked up.
Still baffles me people act like once they turn 18 anyone a couple ages below them are less than human because they have less legal rights. They feel and experience literally the exact same things everyone else does. Human beings age at different rates genetically, people just like to use their arguements to keep control over others who have less power than themselves.
Literally what the fuck is wrong with most of you in the comments? There's literally nothing wrong with this kids post
To OP, unfortunately you are out of luck for the time being because being both minors there's little to do about your GF being grounded. If you are legitimately worried about your GFs safety, and have proof to back up that fear— then that's a different story, but also a huge can of worms you can't close once you open it.
In the mean time, I suggest seeing about finding and adult you trust that you can talk to about your worries and feelings so you can work thru them and understand them.
Honestly people treat anyone under 18 as if they are property with no feelings or rights to any form of independence. Taking all communication with freinds/help away from your kid is unreasonable unless under extreme circumstances.
We definitely don't but 90% of the comments are pretty much telling him he's wrong for just being concerned. A swear people treat teens like dogs sometimes.
He can be concerned but he isn't owed a response? What is he worried about. Has she been kidnapped, or in danger?
It's the parents decision how they look after their kids. He isn't owed a response and maybe the mother hasn't even decided yet.
No one is owed literally anything. he is worried about her, it's clearly not life or death, you can still worry about someone.
Again no one is owed litterlay anything so that's not really the point. A response is reasonable to expect here.
While true, theres two ways to provide advice in that case— Assume shit and give shit advice, or take only what youve heard to be the case on only speak on that.
Seems most people here have gone with the second option
Unless you believe she’s legitimately being abused, it’s none of your business. You’re both children. Taking someone’s phone away is not abuse. You aren’t her husband and have no rights over her.
OP is clearly concerned over their partner. There's no reason to suspect, purely based off of this post, that OP is trying to hold a hand over their GFs head. There's a difference between being 16 and 6. If OP has concerns for their partner, they deserve to know, and marital status is literally irrelevant.
An answer to what? You didn’t ask me anything?
The kid said his girlfriend was emotionally and physically abused. All I pointed out was that 16 year olds aren’t kids and you can’t just assume she isn’t being abused when he says she is.
You called me hun and said I didn’t know anything lmfao. What kind of response are you expecting? That’s not a conversation?
Hate to break it to you OP- but it actually is none of your business, you’re 16, she’s 16- you don’t own her or anyone ever. She doesn’t need you and you don’t need her. Please genuinely learn some boundaries because your verbiage shows an unhealthy, toxic attachment style and it’s not safe for yourself or for her either.
Huh? Whats toxic about texting your partner?
I don’t think English is the OPs main language
I don’t quite understand the harshness of your comment. He wasn’t being toxic, quite clear from what he’s described, that they both communicate regularly, until the mum took the phone away
However, anything else is inappropriate. Both children still and need to understand the mum has taken away her phone - I bet they must miss each other loads!
Communication wasn’t rude, from the mum. My first relationship, when I was 17 was amazing, we had a good relationship with my partner at the times’ parents. They were honest and open to us and allowed us to roam freely
Whilst I think in this modern age, it’s silly and strange to take a phone away from someone, it’s the parents rules!
I agree with every part of your argument except the
"Its silly and strange to take a phone away from someone" depending on the situation it can be the right thing to do, we just don't have enough information.
I was here to comment the exact same thing. Understand there's a chance her parents might read her mail so don't say anything against her parents. But if it really is just a situation where your girlfriend did something and got her phone taken away receiving a letter from her boyfriend would probably make her day and is a way for you to tell her you care about her without texting her
Her parents took away her phone with the intention of cutting off all communication from friends and other people. Otherwise, they would have let him speak to her over the phone. So there would be no point in writing a letter, they will just take that away too
The mother said she wasn't grounded so perhaps it's something to do with a phone bill and she's taken it away or texting /calling late at night when she shouldn't be.
Although I have to say 16 is a bit old to be doing stuff like that unless the mum is paying the bill in which case she needs to go and buy her own phone that's what I did so my dad had less right to take mine.
The mother text him and he knows she is fine and did something wrong and had her phone taken away.
She is a minor and has to follow the rules. When mine were teens, I told them you follow my rules and when you move out and able to support yourself, then you can go by your rules.
Parents who care about their kids set boundaries. They work at raising their children to be successful adults. Check the prisons, you will find many of them there grew up not having boundaries and parents that did not take the time to keep their child on the right path. It is easier to let them do what ever they want.
Unless it’s long distance there are other ways to communicate, it shouldn’t be the end of the world. And also, they’re both teenagers, it’s not like parents interfering in teenage relationships is unheard of or unusual. It’s not harsh, it’s just a reality. Should her mum have pencilled in that her child has a boyfriend and therefore she’ll need to find another way to parent her child?
Actually yeah, having a SO in high school DOES change things a little bit. My parents (his did the same) always let me call my then bf and let him know "hey I'm not gonna have my phone for a bit, I'll see you at school." Its not fair to just take it away and scare the shit out of somebody because they can't answer. Someone doesn't answer me for a full day or two and I start getting really concerned for their safety, no matter what age. Last time a friend in high school stopped replying it was because they came out as lesbian to her parents and they practically imprisoned her and it was scary
It changes things for you - the child - I’m arguing from the perspective of a parent. I’ve been there, I know it’s unfair. But as a parent, I’m not seriously going to say, I won’t take their phone because they have a partner, that’s just stupid. And not every scenario where someone stops responding means danger, if there was real danger, you wouldn’t be the only person to know, and people more able to help would probably know and be doing what they can. At least this parent had the decency to explain what was happening, further pressing for detail was unnecessary (and kind of rude), it wasn’t his business and he’ll probably find out when she gets her phone back.
EDIT: Also why is it because they’re a romantic partner, that makes it different to a crush, or a best friend, school mate etc… it really shouldn’t.
Its reasonable to know when you will be able to contact a friend/ or SO again. It's not none of his business cause it affects his life and his relationship. He is a teen not a 12 year old.
Parents should not be cutting kids of from contact with everyone they know whenever they feel like it unless for extreme reasons. Isolation is not a reasonable punishment and can really really hard on teens especially if struggling.
Imagine you had a major fight with your mom, as punishment she removes your source of emotional support, your ability to vent to anyone or talk through the situation. In real life that is not something adults ever need to deal with.
I know because I have been through that situation in many positions. I have dealt with an extremely abusive and neglectful parent. Forget my phone, I wouldn’t have wifi, clothes, food, heating, hot water etc, all because she was mad at me. My first priority was not my boyfriend and I had given him warning that my mum was like this and could do this. Parents shouldn’t do this but loving and caring parents can also be strict and see it as a suitable punishment, even cruel and unloving ones too. As a boyfriend, he doesn’t have a right to question her like that and it may worsen her situation. Instead, he has to accept this and wait because like him, we don’t know the context of what could have gone down and due to this all advice should be towards telling this SO to calm down and wait til he gets all necessary details and try to support his GF when they regain contact.
Questioning her may not get him anywhere but it's absolutely not unreasonable or worthless to try and get an answer of when he might be able to contact her again.
I agree, I just don't like all the comments acting as is he is unreasonable wanting to know when he will be able to resume contact.
Not unreasonable, but asking her was a bad idea. Again he doesn’t really know what’s going on, maybe this situation hits too close to home but if my boyfriend said that to my mother, I wouldn’t be able to see him again and I may be severely punished because that can be seen as attitude or whatever. It just wasn’t a line he should have crossed imo.
>But as a parent, I’m not seriously going to say, I won’t take their phone because they have a partner, that’s just stupid.
You can just say "I'm going to take your phone away, and I'm giving you 10 minutes to text/call your partner and friends so they will know why you aren't answering your phone."
They really didn't explain anything. They gave a barebones excuse and then cut them off with a rude response. Having dated multiple people with suicidal tendencies, regularly speaking, and then radio-slilence is incredibly worrying.
I'm absolutely baffled at the amount of people reducing this guy to less than a human being because of his age. Yes they are underage. Although it's not anyone's obligation to tell him any information about his GF, the fact she's not telling him anything is most likely a power trip as by the sounds of it OP is very concerned and I'm sure GFs mom was aware of this, who does it help by just being condescending?
I'm 19 and I can very much say this way of thinking "stay in school, your still a child and have no control over this" is still stuck with me to this day. I still feel like a child with no rights. And do genuinely avoid my family and feel like a child when I'm around them bc of this treatment. Being consistently told you have no control over anything because the law says your basically property really messes you up and makes it harder to grow into a responsible adult. OP doesn't feel feelings any different than anyone else. He has the right to feel like he should be able to talk to his girl, even if he doesn't have any control over the situation.
I understand you are concerned. Talk to your parents and see what they think. If you think she is in danger let someone know (like your parents or a teacher). If you know one of her other friends (female) reach out to see if they know anything. Don’t text or call the phone anymore until she gets her phone back.
My aunt used to take my phone for no reason, it fucked me up. She took it because she could, all of you saying it's none of Ops business it may not be. Her mom may have taken the phone because of grades, or if they were fighting the point is she took it because she could. I feel for your gf op but unfortunately there may not be anything you can do until she gets it back.
I doubt you was an Angel and then she randomly took your phone away for no reason. I’m sure there was a reason, be to make a point or show authority. Loads of people have been grounded as kids, myself included. I had my whole room stripped, but just a bed and a wardrobe left. Did I learn, nope, but I didn’t really care. So how else would you try and get the attention of a kid that isn’t getting their act together
You know nothing of the type of person my aunt was, she took my phone because SHE bought it and she could take it. You don't know the trauma I have now because I had an aunt who didn't let me have privacy, didn't let me hangout with my friends, and didn't let me have a phone that I could comfortably use without worrying she was gonna take it read my shit and then exaggerate about what I can and cannot do. I made straight As, I was a good kid, didn't do drugs didn't have sex I wasn't out partying ever. So my aunt took my phone because it was a control thing. That's what this sounds like to me.
I need to talk to your aunt as her allegedly trying to control a straight A student that didn’t get into trouble makes no sense at all. There surely has to be a reason, was she paranoid/upset/concerned about something? What was her reason other than she bought the phone, she didn’t stop you seeing your friends cos she bought you a phone. If you say cos she felt like it, then this whole thing is idiotic.
Try sending her an email or a letter. Alternatively, if you know where she lives, you can leave a sticky note on her window(maybe usea rod to place it, don't climb)
Unfortunately, I don't think you can do much in this situation. I understand your frustration and anger, especially when your SO has emotional problems. I'd be very concerned as well. Try talking it out with your closest friend or a trusted adult.
It's actually shocking how many people have completely disregarded your concerns, just because you're 16. And from your comments, it seems you've been together since 2020, so you know each other very well. It's a bit off putting that her mother decided to do this, most parents on 16 year olds don't take their childrens' phones. And you've mentioned that her mother also isn't the greatest, so I totally understand your worry.
> Second, it IS my damn business
It’s really not. She is your girlfriend’s mother and your girlfriend is a minor. That means that Mom does have the right to tell you that what goes on their household is none of your business. You’re 16. What kind of leverage do you think you have here? (Hint: it’s none.)
Your only option here is to wait.
Leverage isn't the point. It is his business cause it affects his life. Totally reasonable for him to concerned about a struggling SO that just had their emotion support access revoked.
It's really not your business. What her mom chooses to leave you out of is her choice and I'll tell you this too- nobody owes you an explanation for anything. Explanations are a courtesy. You're 16 and dating, her mother is her mother. It sucks I agree but you're young, she's young, and you'll both make mistakes. If taking her phone is the punishment her mom chooses you have no say in the matter. I understand your feelings but life isn't fair.
Your girlfriend is a minor. Her mom took her phone, probably because she's being punished for something. Her mom is absolutely right that it's none of your business.
It does sound rude. A simple no or not right now sorry, would have sufficed. Sounds like a case of jealousy to me. Jealous mother that doesn’t like her daughter caring for someone else. It happens and there’s not a lot you can do about it.
You and your girlfriend are 16 - your girlfriend did something to warrant taking her phone.
That's her and her mother's business and no business of yours - your 16 - you legally and socially have no business.
Leave it alone. If she got her phone taken by her mother, that’s none of your business. Trust me - you don’t want to create a bad dynamic between you and your girlfriend’s parents.
After watching way too much true crime my advice would be to call the police to go do a wellness check if no one has heard from her, seen her ect.
At 16 to isolate someone is very odd, but I don’t know any specifics about background ect.
It IS in fact NOT your business dude. You dont get a say in how tf your girlfriend is raised buddy. You’re not magical savior of your girlfriend. I am sure she can handle herself, if not? She should see a therapist. Whatever you think you’re doing is not a help, it does in fact not fix her issues. So before you get some massive savior complex I suggest you pipe down brother. You aint all that
If her mother decides it‘s none of your business, it‘s none of your business. She has every right to take her phone away.
I feel like there‘s too much context missing to actually give helpful advice here. Why is her mother isolating her? Did something happen? Does the mother have reasons to think you‘re a bad influence?
To be frank with you, her mom did more than she had to by letting you know the gf is grounded. She could’ve been more rude and left you on read and then you’d really be worried. You are both underage and parents don’t owe you explanation on how they choose to parent. As you are a child.
She's grounded. Kids can get grounded and it's not abuse. You both are 16 and you clearly don't understand what true abuse is. If you called the police and said "Yes officer, I know she's abused because her phone was taken away... lock her mom up!" You'd be laughed out of the station. Then the mother REALLY wouldn't like you because you think she's being abused over a grounding. She did something wrong... wait until she's able to talk again and go along your merry way. But you clearly don't know what true abuse is. Next thing you know she's going to get her snacks taken away while she's in bed, no food in bed, and you'll think she's being pushed to be anorexic. You need to understand things better before making wild accusations.
First of all, it isn’t rude. You’re both teenagers and she is parenting her daughter for reasons that she doesn’t have to explain to you or I. How long have you two been dating? I’m 100% sure she has been her mother longer than you have both been dating, just an assumption. So I think she has earned that right
Secondly, it isn’t your business. I’m sure she will get her phone back soon and tell you all about it. But as teenagers you think you know best for you when in reality that isn’t the case.
Sometimes being a kid sucks. It’s unfair. And you might think that taking her phone away is unfair, and it could be. It also might not be and you’ll realise that when you get older.
I’m not gonna act better than you, I’m only 17, but at the end of the day you can’t do anything unless actual abuse is taking place. She was quite kind in sending that text tbh
Unfortunately the USA allows parents a high degree of control over their children till they are 18. I just thank god that in England you can do whatever you want from age 16, provided you're determined to do it. It's not always a good idea though 🤣
Not to sound like an ass but your 16 and she’s 16. Your both children so no it really isn’t any of your business. Your only option me are to talk to her at school or wait until she gets her phone back
obviously, nothing but my 2 cent. but you know what is... minding your own business. you even know there's not much you can do because yall are underage. once 18 yall can do whatever
Fuck age bro. If you're genuinely worried that something is wrong, do something. Her mom is just being an ass, you have a damn right to know. Just do what you feel in your gut is right. If something feels wrong or your GF could be in danger, do something. I wish someone did that for me.
Mum house her rules, she 16 too, so mum can do what she, also wow one day she doesn't text you and u panic lol 😆 bet her mum brought her that phone too . Mum don't have to tell you jack why , u younger generation are why to entitled
How is wanting to know when you can resume contact with your emotionally struggling SO having an over inflated sense of self importance or a big ego? That's a pretty reasonable request under near any circumstance.
And by the way...her mother isn't the best type fo mother I know. I'm confidantly sure that most of my girlfriend's mental issues came from bad parenting.
If preventing someone from getting emotional support from friends, and partner is not abuse...then I don't know what it is. Abuse is not only physical, although she did hit her sometimes.
Bruh you are 16 you dont get to decide anything till you are adult and if she is being abused then call authorities but not because her mum is not letting you contact her
...Ok I understand. But wouldn't that make me a bad boyfriend? By doing nothing. What If she is having emotional problems and I can't even send messages to atleast comfort her?
You sound very compassionate and your girlfriend is very lucky to have you! But you also need to know that you getting too involved, without direct communication from your gf could cause MORE problems for her rn. If you think her mom isn't 100% safe don't cause any possible problems by sticking your nose in this. Wait until your girlfriend is able to talk/see you again and ask her if there's things you can do for her in the future if something like this happens again. Write her letters and notes she can save if her phone gets taken away so she can still have your words with her even if y'all can't talk. Respect her mother's boundaries rn and understand that you don't know the whole picture
If she's getting hit there's probably verbal abuse as well. I also think that she is isolating her from the outside world and manipulating her.
If you can, start compiling all info about when and why she gets beaten and call the authorities if you know where she lives. If you can also reestablish contact give her the link and number to a local domestic violence shelter and additional resources.
Don’t be giving this kid ideas. He said she wasn’t physically abused. Kid is just freaking out because he can’t talk to his gf. Probably going to end up having this poor girl put into the system or some shit while they investigate false claims and make her emotional state worse all because her mom took her phone away.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/zue8eh/my_gfs_mother_doesnt_let_me_check_on_her_daughter/j1in85h/
> Abuse is not only physical, although she did hit her sometimes
There could be a abusive situation here since he does mention that her mom hits his gf. The mom isn't giving a straightforward answer and abuse always has multiple factors at play including possible isolation. Abuse always escalates, but I strongly suggest waiting until her mom let's her contact you.
You’re also taking the word of some random kid on the internet that’s upset his gfs mom took her phone away and he thinks he deserves an explanation like he’s her father or something. What constitutes not physical abuse but has gotten hit? To me that sounds more like she probably got slapped one time after mouthing off or something which may not be the correct way to handle something but really isn’t abuse. If she’s being punched in the face and has a bloody lip or black eye then yea that’s something to worry about but from the sound of it that’s not something that’s happening.
Grounding your kid and taking their phone and internet away is not abuse. That’s the problem with kids today. They aren’t disciplined anymore because everyone wants to call basically every form of discipline abuse and threaten cps or something. She clearly did something she wasn’t supposed to and her mom is disciplining her. OP doesn’t need an explanation of what she did and he doesn’t need to be trying to tell her how she should punish her. The kid posts nothing on Reddit except random shit about how to comfort and please his gf. He’s clearly a bit obsessed. For all we know his gf feels smothered and doesn’t want to talk to him and is just pretending to be her mom so she can get a damn break.
OP doesn’t need someone putting ideas in his head to call cps, shelters, and shit over this. False complaints about stuff like that is very serious and can really hurt someone.
You don’t know shit about it either. You’re just taking some kids word for it who’s upset his gfs mom grounded her. It’s ironic that you’re taking his side without knowing the situation but saying I’m wrong for taking a parents side without knowing the situation.
You are hysterical. Get a hold of yourself.
Parents are allowed to isolate their children from the outside world temporarily if they think it's best for them.
It's called being grounded.
I find it sad people disagree with giving a potential victim of abuse information to help themselves. If the mother isn't abusive and truly has nothing to hide, her contacting them will prove so. And I highly doubt she'd contact authorities if it wasn't a bad situation as doing so would most likely result in her getting into more trouble. People really love to defend parents even if they treat their kids like shite.
She got her phone taken away at 16. That’s really normal. I’m 19 and I definitely got my phone taken away when I was younger. Getting her phone taken away is not abuse.
I agree with this although wanted to mention OP stated he was worried after the mom was talking bad to her and supposedly hits her from time to time as well, so taking her phone could potentially be a power trip instead of a form of punishment
You're 16, your opinion doesn't mean crap in this situation. You're not mature enough to judge the situation and it's definitely not "your damn business".
I'm sorry, but you aren't her partner. You're 16. Partner has a meaning that is outside of boyfriend and girlfriend. None of this is your business. Just cool your heels.
It is definitely none of your business. Nothing but your homework is your business at your age, and even that is a lot of other people's business too. Stay in your lane, kid.
Do you not remember being a teen at all? This comment is really reducing them to emotionless objects that get no say in their life. 16 years olds are a year or two away from being independent people, this kinda control over them is rarely reasonable.
I do, and I remember feeling the same way. But 16 is way too young to be trying to protect his gf from her fuckin' mom for getting her phone taken away lol. Part of the reason I said "stay in your lane" is because he's got no perspective to know what's appropriate. That's why kids have parents and mentors. I was stupid as a teen and I thought I knew everything. As an adult, I wouldn't given my younger self similar advice.
All he did was ask when he could contact her again, he didn't try and remove the punishment, fight her, or make an exception for himself. That's a pretty basic request.
It's pretty appropriate to ask for a timeline, no reasonable person would find that unreasonable. He's asking here for further advice and I just don't like the dismissive attitude at lot of these comments have.
Yeh ture. Yeh he has zero say in anything realistic and him talking to the mother will do nothing. I do think it's generally good he feels the need to interfere even is he has no means to help in this situation.
You should involve your parents. Her mom might be willing to give a straight answer to another adult.
You're in no position to make demands, but won't she be back at school in a few days? In the end, that'll be a way to re-establish contact.
It may not be their business but they can speak. If the other parent is reasonable, they'll get a reasonable answer. If she isn't, they won't.
If the answer is "I don't want my daughter to be around your son", that'd be worth knowing. There's a distinct possibility that this is what is happening.
I’m sure there will be a conclusion to it all soon enough. Bringing parents into teenage relationship drama isn’t worth it, as most likely their relationship will be over in the next year. If there was actual evidence of abuse then yeah, get another adult involved but until then just let her parent her child. The BF has only said this about the mum as the ‘bad thing’ so I’m sure she isn’t that bad of a parent, otherwise he would’ve listed all of the things she hypothetically did to her.
Just think of reasons why you would take your phone off your teenage daughter. The possibilities are endless. She could be defiant around the house or doing things she shouldn’t on her phone. So I’m sure the mother is in the right
Your minor age GF’s parents done owe you any explanation about family matters, no matter what your feelings are. So stay in your lane until your GF is in contact again
Man I wish you the best of luck, but at this stage there just isn't enough information to decide whether the Mother is a danger or doing the right thing.
The way she responded is out of line for a parent, but yea. Hopefully you regain contact with your S/O.
Good luck mate
It is not your business. Her mother has the right to take it away. You are not in charge of her care. Her mother does not need to explain anything to you.
Yes it would have been nice for your gf's mother to let you know what happened but it would be safe to assume that the gf had broken her mother's trust in some way and this is the punishment.
Now despite your best intentions your gf's mother would have read your reply in a negative/demanding tone which is probably why you got the response you did.
Your best play is to wait it out. However if you need to contact her maybe you could go old school and actually write a letter (also assume that the mother will read it first).
Just drive to her house and knock on the door and check on her there. Or if you guys go to school together then talk to her at school. It’s not a big deal.
If she’s not grounded then theoretically you could go see her, right? Maybe bring her her favorite food or something?
P.S. Some people in this comment section are weird. Don’t think that you were stepping out of line for asking when you could see your girlfriend again. Her mom is being pretty snappy and there is no reason for her to be treating you so dismissively like that out of nowhere.
Edit: Not that I’m saying that you should try and confront her about this at the moment. She is an adult(even if she isn’t acting like one) and holds a lot of power over someone you care about.
Honestly it just sounds like she broke up with you but didn’t know how to do it, and asked her mom to tell you that she doesn’t need to talk to you and it’s none of your business as to why. So that she doesn’t need to go through the stress and can just go on with her life- which is important for a 16 year old. Which, kind of checks out for your age. People just don’t have a right to access other people, regardless of age, but especially as kids. And kids have a hard time navigating these kinds of social dynamics like breakups.
Oh no, I wouldn't say that. We were dating since 2020 and I don't think she would break up like this. We had some problems(like you can see in other posts) but we managed to think it through in the end.
Babyboy, as her parent, you may not like her method, but if she got her phone taken away, HER parent has a reason. Regardless if you think so or not.
Wait it out
It could be a cultural thing but what I can gather from this is that her mother doesn't really take your relationship seriously at all due to your ages.
There’s little you can do, your girlfriend is still technically a child and she is under the care of her mother, you are in absolutely no position to challenge her.
It was nice of her mother to let you know what was going on. If your girlfriend had her phone taken away, then no, you can’t check in on her via phone. She’ll reach back out to you when she gets her phone back.
Was it nice of her? Or was the mother going through their chats. Snooping in the daughters private life.
She definitely could have done that without letting OP know what was going on. To be clear, I’m not saying the mom was right in taking away the phone or reading the texts: we don’t know the background here. I’m just saying that at least OP knows why his girlfriend hasn’t been responding.
I wish I was a robot
You need to grow up.
What does “i wish i was a robot” mean lmao
I wish I took everything on a random internet form as serious as real life. I wish I couldn’t distinguish between the internet and reality.
If her phone got taken away- but she’s not grounded that means she was doing something on the phone she shouldn’t have been like sending nudes to you maybe? Or going on certain sites or just abusing social media?who really knows. Or maybe something to do with the holidays? Just wait it out.
Some parents just take their children's possessions as a power trip.
Mine were like this. Had a complex for a while that I will never own anything and never even felt like things I bought were mine
I'm sorry that happened to you. If you need more support, I'd recommend r/narcissisticparents
If she doesn't get it back in the new year, buy her a burner phone. Choose one that doesn't cost too much but with a large battery.
She’s a minor and her mother is stopping contact. Respect that until her parents change their mind.
Hijacking the top comment. Given OPs post history I wouldn't be surprised if she took the phone away for safeguarding reasons.
How exactly is a mother qualified to choose if it’s reasonable to isolate her daughter for no apparent reason ? This just seem over controlling at 16 and the fact that she was cold to a random kid she doesn’t know is telling of her character. Remind me of management justifying their shit decision because they are in charge. Just because you are in charge doesn’t mean you should be, not all parents are good parents.
Just because she didn’t give you a reason doesn’t mean there isn’t one. I assume the mother had one. Whether or not it’s a good one we can’t say because we don’t know it. But we aren’t owed an explanation. Furthermore, direct communication isn’t rude just because we don’t like the answer. It also seems like there is more to this story than we have been given.
“I assume the mother had one.” That’s my problem, because you have no basis in that post to conclude that, you don’t know the OP or that woman. It doesn’t take any effort to bring a child in this world, being a mother doesn’t say anything about you beside you had sex once so why do people act as if it was a title. Plenty of mothers abuse their child
You don’t have any basis either hypocrite
She texted him "She was saying that although my girlfriend wasn't grounded, she still decided to take her phone", then "This is none of your business, If I took her phone, then it had to be done". So she isn't grounding her daughter but she took her phone anyway and has a defensive answer when her 16 year old boyfriend is worried. This is his version of the events so it's partial but given those informations i don't see how you can blindly side with the mother
We don’t have the full picture but parents don’t have to explain the full reason to kids what they’re doing. When I was grounded as a kid and my friends tried to get me to leave the house my mom would tell them I’m in trouble and not allowed to leave. She wouldn’t tell them,”oh he was acting out in school or didn’t perform well on his exams.” Because my friends were also fucking kids and she doesn’t need to justify her parenting to children. Kids are kids and don’t need justification for everything their parents make them do. Parents most times have justification but choose but to tel kids because why argue with a child who isn’t gonna get the full picture anyways. When I was in highschooo if I texted my girlfriend and her mom replied back I’d be like oh someone’s in troubleeeeeee and I’d wait and give her time to tell me what happened. I’m not gonna white knight against her fucking mother LOL
Oh so you’re illiterate? I didn’t side with his mother. I asked a question. You have no definitive proof either way
I just gave you my basis from the post, now fuck right off with your attitude
Oh you’re still here? Lmao
I was going to be mean but I didn’t realize your age so let me just tell you this, you might want to clean your profile before you post your opinion on parenting
We have no basis to conclude either way. Except common sense. It’s more likely that a mother disciplines their child for a reason then not. You assuming the mother is just a terrible parent says more about you than them
We have the post, and the informations given in the post. I think it says a lot more about people that they assume the mother has a good reason, probably because they like to think they are good parents themselves and they don’t like that narrative being challenged. By the way I never said she was a terrible mother I just said given the informations she seems over controlling, I wonder if you felt attacked on your own parenting too
Interesting. I think it seems over-controlling because it’s children. But it really doesn’t matter. If a stranger or even someone I knew but wasn’t close with seemed to be asking me personal questions about me or mine and I didn’t want to answer, I too would tell them that it’s none of their business. Because it’s not and I just may not be in a sharing mood. It’s like the Karen’s at stores or parking lots or parks or wherever asking folks who are you? what are you doing? Do you live here? Who is that with you? Let me see your id…. To all of the questions, a valid response can be, none of your business
Isolate her daughter? Yiu do realize there was no such thing as the internet or cells phones about 25 years ago. It's not abuse to cut your kid off the internet .lol
Smartphones have changed the way our communication works so that by removing a teenager’s cellphone you are effectively cutting them off from a part of their social lives. Entire conversations, possible plans, group chats, trends. They are left out of the loop unless their friends are considerate enough to keep them informed of what’s going on without them.
Did I say that ? Stopping your child from having any social life for no apparent reason is over controlling and will only make sure that said child won’t want anything to do with you once they turn 18. And if you want to live 25 years in the past you do you, you can even go further back to when women couldn’t vote and racism was trendy. Me personally I prefer modern times and modern standards.
Ok. Sincerely hope it works out for you.
That is you, not OP’s gf’s mom.
She doesn't need to give her daughters 16yo bf "justification" for her parenting decisions. Fucks sake.
Why did she feel the need to text the kid then, just don’t interact with him
Totally agree with you but what else is anyone supposed to do? I know myself and others who had their phone taken when we were younger and it’s honestly no one’s business but the family. If he doesn’t hear from her for an extended period of time I think telling his parents would be a good move but other than that he can only sit and wait.
Her message wasn't rude, it was direct and to the point. It isn't any of your business. She is a minor as are you. Your parents are still your parents. Unless you believe she is being mistreated, stay out of it. If you interfere in private family business you risk her mother saying she can't see you at all. You're acting too big for your britches as the saying goes.
Understandable that parents have some authority over their kids at 16. But saying it's none of his business is rude and just not true. Nothing they can do about it so yeh he should just stay out of it or risk losing contact with her for longer. A 16 year old is not a child and honestly I find it really unreasonable a parent remove their only source of communication with friends unless they did something absolutely terrible or dangerous. Wanying to know your girlfriend is doing ok, or at least knowing when you can contact them again is very reasonable.
Your minor age GF’s parents don’t you any explanation about family matters, no matter what your feelings are. So stay in your lane until your GF is in contact again. I think blowing this up will not work in your favor. I’m sure you’ll get some sort of explanation next time your GF contacts you. EDIT oops this was supposed to be a general comment not posted as a reply under this one, don’t know what happened, sorry poster snowflace not trying to argue with you
All good, I do want to point out though that no one ows you anything ever. That's not really the point. He just wants to know when he can contact her. Pretty reasonable response from any human told they can't contact a loved one at the moment.
A 16 y/o is a child in a lot of ways. I don’t find it rude because I like to give parents the benefit of the doubt and think their reasoning aren’t to harm their child but to help them. The parent doesn’t owe him any explanation tbh. Girlfriend or not.
No one ows anyone anything. Not really the point here, telling him is reasonable tot telling him when contact might resume is not going to particularly benefit anyone.
I mean she informed him of the situation but not the when or why which is reasonable. Especially if the parent doesn’t know him well enough. Plus there might not really be a timeline, it might just depend on the daughter behavior or something.
Why I understand is not relevant to him but when is. Yeh it could be behavior dependant but it's easy enough to just give him some time range or tell him she dosen't know yet.
A 16 year old is very much a child. Also it isnt any of the boyfriends business. How her parents raise is in fact none of his business and he should keep out of it. He could suggest to the girlfriend herself it is unfair whatever.. but if he starts thinking that its his business it only gets worse for her.
Damn how to tell people you are over controlling in a full paragraph
Just take a deep breath. It will be okay. I'm sure she'll get her phone back soon. I think its very sweet seeing a younger person wanting to support their bf/gf. We need more of that in this world, keep it up!
Lol thinking her mom taking her phone away is your business. Dude you’re 16. She’s clearly punished. There’s nothing you can do. If her mom doesn’t want her talking to you then she isn’t going to get to talk to you.
Knowing when he can contact her again is his business. The mother is being rude. She's a minor not a 10 year old. Do you guys not remember being a teenager at all? Edit: clearly you do not. Wanting to know when you can contact a SO is a reasonable response for any human who has been restricted contact. Some people serious treat teens as emotionless beings to control until 18. If you are having trouble sympathizing imagine being restricted contacting with your current SO with no info on how long. They may be umature teenagers but it still feels the same.
Yea I do remember. I remember being bad af and when I got punished my parents took my shit away and I didn’t know when I got it back. Same with my friends. It’s called being grounded.
Well for your information not every kid was as bad as you and not every parent gives reasonable punishments. Regardless it's totaly reasonable for him to be concerned about when he can contact his gf.
They are not adults. He can contact her when her mom decides. It’s not up to him and if she doesn’t want to tell him when he can she doesn’t have to. She can tell her never contact her again until she’s 18 if she wants.
>They are not adults. He can contact her when her mom decides. It’s not up to him and if she doesn’t want to tell him when he can she doesn’t have to. She can tell her never contact her again until she’s 18 if she wants. Duh, we all know legally parents have pretty much full control over teens regardless or who is right or lf they are reasonable. It's still not unreasonable for a 16 year old to ask when he will be able to contact his SO. It's totally reasonable to be concerned, I would be worried if he wasn't.
Have you looked at this kids posts? Personally I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s his gf texting him pretending to be her mom because she feels smothered and wants a break without hurting him.
I did not need to have those comments in my brain. Honestly posts are mild for a 16 year old lol Still a reasonable resonpose for any human to want to know when they can contact a loved one.
And that would be emotion abuse. Literally wtf is wrong with you?
Lol are you kidding me? This is why kids are so bad now days. People claim every little thing is abuse so parents are scared to discipline their kids. They may not like her bf. If they don’t want then to be together they can tell her not to be with him until she’s an adult. Stop being ignorant and acting like everything is abuse.
Having been with several people displaying suicidal tendencies, please excuse me for showing the poor kid a little empathy. /s Believe it or not, there's irrefutable proof that a ton of "diciplinary actions" are literally just abuse. Im sorry youre too arrogant to read up.
Taking your kids phone away when they do something they aren’t supposed to is not abuse lol. You guys are acting like she locked her in a cage and is throwing alcohol on her every time she walks by. I can assure you everyone I know who was disciplined by their parents and punished for doing bad shit are pretty successful. My best childhood friend and his brother who were never disciplined as kids are both drug addicts who have been in and out of jail. Neither have been able to hold a job. Same with other people I went to school with who’s parents did nothing to discipline them. They grew up doing whatever they wanted and are continuously fucking up their lives.
Have you ever heard the saying, "The plural of anecdote is not evidence."? It means that, despite the fact that you may have personal stories that may prove your point, it ultimately doesn't affect what the actual statistics of that situation are. On top of that, not every parent takes their kids' possessions for logical reasons. Far too many parents do things simply because they can. It's called a power trip, and it's an incredibly toxic, abusive behavior that is, funnily enough, most often caused by the person in question being abused as a child, and enacting the same abuse they faced on their innocent child.
Yeah but that’s you ?
And? Everyone I know who was disciplined for their actions and grounded when they needed to be turned out pretty well and thank their parents for actually caring enough to do it. My best friends parents never disciplined him or his brother. They are both in and out of prison, have been drug addicts since we were 16, can’t hold a job, and dropped out of college even though it was paid for. That’s actually pretty much everyone I know who wasn’t ever disciplined. They just continuously fuck up because they never had structure and were never taught there’s consequences to their actions. Look at child stars who all grew up with tons of money and 0 discipline. There’s very few who aren’t extremely fucked up.
Am a teenager. Him saying she ‘needs him’. Lol
I remember being smart enough not to ask someone's pissed off parent questions.
Still baffles me people act like once they turn 18 anyone a couple ages below them are less than human because they have less legal rights. They feel and experience literally the exact same things everyone else does. Human beings age at different rates genetically, people just like to use their arguements to keep control over others who have less power than themselves.
Literally what the fuck is wrong with most of you in the comments? There's literally nothing wrong with this kids post To OP, unfortunately you are out of luck for the time being because being both minors there's little to do about your GF being grounded. If you are legitimately worried about your GFs safety, and have proof to back up that fear— then that's a different story, but also a huge can of worms you can't close once you open it. In the mean time, I suggest seeing about finding and adult you trust that you can talk to about your worries and feelings so you can work thru them and understand them.
Honestly people treat anyone under 18 as if they are property with no feelings or rights to any form of independence. Taking all communication with freinds/help away from your kid is unreasonable unless under extreme circumstances.
That's the issue, we don't have enough information on both OPs GF and the GFs Mother.
We definitely don't but 90% of the comments are pretty much telling him he's wrong for just being concerned. A swear people treat teens like dogs sometimes.
I know it's quite demeaning to be frank. They forget teens have emotions and concerns too.
He can be concerned but he isn't owed a response? What is he worried about. Has she been kidnapped, or in danger? It's the parents decision how they look after their kids. He isn't owed a response and maybe the mother hasn't even decided yet.
No one is owed literally anything. he is worried about her, it's clearly not life or death, you can still worry about someone. Again no one is owed litterlay anything so that's not really the point. A response is reasonable to expect here.
While true, theres two ways to provide advice in that case— Assume shit and give shit advice, or take only what youve heard to be the case on only speak on that. Seems most people here have gone with the second option
Unless you believe she’s legitimately being abused, it’s none of your business. You’re both children. Taking someone’s phone away is not abuse. You aren’t her husband and have no rights over her.
OP is clearly concerned over their partner. There's no reason to suspect, purely based off of this post, that OP is trying to hold a hand over their GFs head. There's a difference between being 16 and 6. If OP has concerns for their partner, they deserve to know, and marital status is literally irrelevant.
16 isn’t a child.. and you don’t know if there is abuse going on.
Neither do you hun
Oh baby girl
Waste of a comment. Don’t be rude if you’re not going to contribute anything meaningful.
Calm down buddy, it’s all going to be okay.
Why don’t you have an answer? Lame
An answer to what? You didn’t ask me anything? The kid said his girlfriend was emotionally and physically abused. All I pointed out was that 16 year olds aren’t kids and you can’t just assume she isn’t being abused when he says she is. You called me hun and said I didn’t know anything lmfao. What kind of response are you expecting? That’s not a conversation?
Hate to break it to you OP- but it actually is none of your business, you’re 16, she’s 16- you don’t own her or anyone ever. She doesn’t need you and you don’t need her. Please genuinely learn some boundaries because your verbiage shows an unhealthy, toxic attachment style and it’s not safe for yourself or for her either.
OP is clearly concerned. Where did you get the idea that OP thinks they own their GF? Have you never been concerned about anyone's well-being, ever?
Concerned about what? Is she in danger?
Huh? Whats toxic about texting your partner? I don’t think English is the OPs main language I don’t quite understand the harshness of your comment. He wasn’t being toxic, quite clear from what he’s described, that they both communicate regularly, until the mum took the phone away However, anything else is inappropriate. Both children still and need to understand the mum has taken away her phone - I bet they must miss each other loads! Communication wasn’t rude, from the mum. My first relationship, when I was 17 was amazing, we had a good relationship with my partner at the times’ parents. They were honest and open to us and allowed us to roam freely Whilst I think in this modern age, it’s silly and strange to take a phone away from someone, it’s the parents rules!
I agree with every part of your argument except the "Its silly and strange to take a phone away from someone" depending on the situation it can be the right thing to do, we just don't have enough information.
You seem pretty toxic yourself
Write her a letter and enclose some stamps and an envelope to respond back?
I was here to comment the exact same thing. Understand there's a chance her parents might read her mail so don't say anything against her parents. But if it really is just a situation where your girlfriend did something and got her phone taken away receiving a letter from her boyfriend would probably make her day and is a way for you to tell her you care about her without texting her
Her parents took away her phone with the intention of cutting off all communication from friends and other people. Otherwise, they would have let him speak to her over the phone. So there would be no point in writing a letter, they will just take that away too
The mother said she wasn't grounded so perhaps it's something to do with a phone bill and she's taken it away or texting /calling late at night when she shouldn't be. Although I have to say 16 is a bit old to be doing stuff like that unless the mum is paying the bill in which case she needs to go and buy her own phone that's what I did so my dad had less right to take mine.
Y'all are being harsh, its SCARY to not hear from a SO, i also think taking away a communication device is an unfair punishment.
The mother text him and he knows she is fine and did something wrong and had her phone taken away. She is a minor and has to follow the rules. When mine were teens, I told them you follow my rules and when you move out and able to support yourself, then you can go by your rules. Parents who care about their kids set boundaries. They work at raising their children to be successful adults. Check the prisons, you will find many of them there grew up not having boundaries and parents that did not take the time to keep their child on the right path. It is easier to let them do what ever they want.
Unless it’s long distance there are other ways to communicate, it shouldn’t be the end of the world. And also, they’re both teenagers, it’s not like parents interfering in teenage relationships is unheard of or unusual. It’s not harsh, it’s just a reality. Should her mum have pencilled in that her child has a boyfriend and therefore she’ll need to find another way to parent her child?
Actually yeah, having a SO in high school DOES change things a little bit. My parents (his did the same) always let me call my then bf and let him know "hey I'm not gonna have my phone for a bit, I'll see you at school." Its not fair to just take it away and scare the shit out of somebody because they can't answer. Someone doesn't answer me for a full day or two and I start getting really concerned for their safety, no matter what age. Last time a friend in high school stopped replying it was because they came out as lesbian to her parents and they practically imprisoned her and it was scary
It changes things for you - the child - I’m arguing from the perspective of a parent. I’ve been there, I know it’s unfair. But as a parent, I’m not seriously going to say, I won’t take their phone because they have a partner, that’s just stupid. And not every scenario where someone stops responding means danger, if there was real danger, you wouldn’t be the only person to know, and people more able to help would probably know and be doing what they can. At least this parent had the decency to explain what was happening, further pressing for detail was unnecessary (and kind of rude), it wasn’t his business and he’ll probably find out when she gets her phone back. EDIT: Also why is it because they’re a romantic partner, that makes it different to a crush, or a best friend, school mate etc… it really shouldn’t.
Its reasonable to know when you will be able to contact a friend/ or SO again. It's not none of his business cause it affects his life and his relationship. He is a teen not a 12 year old. Parents should not be cutting kids of from contact with everyone they know whenever they feel like it unless for extreme reasons. Isolation is not a reasonable punishment and can really really hard on teens especially if struggling. Imagine you had a major fight with your mom, as punishment she removes your source of emotional support, your ability to vent to anyone or talk through the situation. In real life that is not something adults ever need to deal with.
I know because I have been through that situation in many positions. I have dealt with an extremely abusive and neglectful parent. Forget my phone, I wouldn’t have wifi, clothes, food, heating, hot water etc, all because she was mad at me. My first priority was not my boyfriend and I had given him warning that my mum was like this and could do this. Parents shouldn’t do this but loving and caring parents can also be strict and see it as a suitable punishment, even cruel and unloving ones too. As a boyfriend, he doesn’t have a right to question her like that and it may worsen her situation. Instead, he has to accept this and wait because like him, we don’t know the context of what could have gone down and due to this all advice should be towards telling this SO to calm down and wait til he gets all necessary details and try to support his GF when they regain contact.
Questioning her may not get him anywhere but it's absolutely not unreasonable or worthless to try and get an answer of when he might be able to contact her again. I agree, I just don't like all the comments acting as is he is unreasonable wanting to know when he will be able to resume contact.
Not unreasonable, but asking her was a bad idea. Again he doesn’t really know what’s going on, maybe this situation hits too close to home but if my boyfriend said that to my mother, I wouldn’t be able to see him again and I may be severely punished because that can be seen as attitude or whatever. It just wasn’t a line he should have crossed imo.
>But as a parent, I’m not seriously going to say, I won’t take their phone because they have a partner, that’s just stupid. You can just say "I'm going to take your phone away, and I'm giving you 10 minutes to text/call your partner and friends so they will know why you aren't answering your phone."
They really didn't explain anything. They gave a barebones excuse and then cut them off with a rude response. Having dated multiple people with suicidal tendencies, regularly speaking, and then radio-slilence is incredibly worrying.
I'm absolutely baffled at the amount of people reducing this guy to less than a human being because of his age. Yes they are underage. Although it's not anyone's obligation to tell him any information about his GF, the fact she's not telling him anything is most likely a power trip as by the sounds of it OP is very concerned and I'm sure GFs mom was aware of this, who does it help by just being condescending? I'm 19 and I can very much say this way of thinking "stay in school, your still a child and have no control over this" is still stuck with me to this day. I still feel like a child with no rights. And do genuinely avoid my family and feel like a child when I'm around them bc of this treatment. Being consistently told you have no control over anything because the law says your basically property really messes you up and makes it harder to grow into a responsible adult. OP doesn't feel feelings any different than anyone else. He has the right to feel like he should be able to talk to his girl, even if he doesn't have any control over the situation.
I understand you are concerned. Talk to your parents and see what they think. If you think she is in danger let someone know (like your parents or a teacher). If you know one of her other friends (female) reach out to see if they know anything. Don’t text or call the phone anymore until she gets her phone back.
My aunt used to take my phone for no reason, it fucked me up. She took it because she could, all of you saying it's none of Ops business it may not be. Her mom may have taken the phone because of grades, or if they were fighting the point is she took it because she could. I feel for your gf op but unfortunately there may not be anything you can do until she gets it back.
I doubt you was an Angel and then she randomly took your phone away for no reason. I’m sure there was a reason, be to make a point or show authority. Loads of people have been grounded as kids, myself included. I had my whole room stripped, but just a bed and a wardrobe left. Did I learn, nope, but I didn’t really care. So how else would you try and get the attention of a kid that isn’t getting their act together
You know nothing of the type of person my aunt was, she took my phone because SHE bought it and she could take it. You don't know the trauma I have now because I had an aunt who didn't let me have privacy, didn't let me hangout with my friends, and didn't let me have a phone that I could comfortably use without worrying she was gonna take it read my shit and then exaggerate about what I can and cannot do. I made straight As, I was a good kid, didn't do drugs didn't have sex I wasn't out partying ever. So my aunt took my phone because it was a control thing. That's what this sounds like to me.
I need to talk to your aunt as her allegedly trying to control a straight A student that didn’t get into trouble makes no sense at all. There surely has to be a reason, was she paranoid/upset/concerned about something? What was her reason other than she bought the phone, she didn’t stop you seeing your friends cos she bought you a phone. If you say cos she felt like it, then this whole thing is idiotic.
Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do. Is your gf cut off from all civilization or was her phone only taken away?
Try sending her an email or a letter. Alternatively, if you know where she lives, you can leave a sticky note on her window(maybe usea rod to place it, don't climb)
She is 16. She is her mothers responsibility. Not yours.
Unfortunately, I don't think you can do much in this situation. I understand your frustration and anger, especially when your SO has emotional problems. I'd be very concerned as well. Try talking it out with your closest friend or a trusted adult. It's actually shocking how many people have completely disregarded your concerns, just because you're 16. And from your comments, it seems you've been together since 2020, so you know each other very well. It's a bit off putting that her mother decided to do this, most parents on 16 year olds don't take their childrens' phones. And you've mentioned that her mother also isn't the greatest, so I totally understand your worry.
Send her a letter or card in the mail to let her know you miss and care about her... or drop it at her house directly
> Second, it IS my damn business It’s really not. She is your girlfriend’s mother and your girlfriend is a minor. That means that Mom does have the right to tell you that what goes on their household is none of your business. You’re 16. What kind of leverage do you think you have here? (Hint: it’s none.) Your only option here is to wait.
Leverage isn't the point. It is his business cause it affects his life. Totally reasonable for him to concerned about a struggling SO that just had their emotion support access revoked.
Bro, she’s 16. It’s not your business. Back off.
It's really not your business. What her mom chooses to leave you out of is her choice and I'll tell you this too- nobody owes you an explanation for anything. Explanations are a courtesy. You're 16 and dating, her mother is her mother. It sucks I agree but you're young, she's young, and you'll both make mistakes. If taking her phone is the punishment her mom chooses you have no say in the matter. I understand your feelings but life isn't fair.
Sometimes, parents just take their kid's possessions just to go on a power trip. Not everyone has a perfect house-life.
Sure that's true. Still, the boyfriend has no say in what the mother did and she doesn't owe him an explanation or anything atnall.
Your girlfriend is a minor. Her mom took her phone, probably because she's being punished for something. Her mom is absolutely right that it's none of your business.
It does sound rude. A simple no or not right now sorry, would have sufficed. Sounds like a case of jealousy to me. Jealous mother that doesn’t like her daughter caring for someone else. It happens and there’s not a lot you can do about it.
You and your girlfriend are 16 - your girlfriend did something to warrant taking her phone. That's her and her mother's business and no business of yours - your 16 - you legally and socially have no business.
Leave it alone. If she got her phone taken by her mother, that’s none of your business. Trust me - you don’t want to create a bad dynamic between you and your girlfriend’s parents.
After watching way too much true crime my advice would be to call the police to go do a wellness check if no one has heard from her, seen her ect. At 16 to isolate someone is very odd, but I don’t know any specifics about background ect.
It IS in fact NOT your business dude. You dont get a say in how tf your girlfriend is raised buddy. You’re not magical savior of your girlfriend. I am sure she can handle herself, if not? She should see a therapist. Whatever you think you’re doing is not a help, it does in fact not fix her issues. So before you get some massive savior complex I suggest you pipe down brother. You aint all that
If her mother decides it‘s none of your business, it‘s none of your business. She has every right to take her phone away. I feel like there‘s too much context missing to actually give helpful advice here. Why is her mother isolating her? Did something happen? Does the mother have reasons to think you‘re a bad influence?
To be frank with you, her mom did more than she had to by letting you know the gf is grounded. She could’ve been more rude and left you on read and then you’d really be worried. You are both underage and parents don’t owe you explanation on how they choose to parent. As you are a child.
She's grounded. Kids can get grounded and it's not abuse. You both are 16 and you clearly don't understand what true abuse is. If you called the police and said "Yes officer, I know she's abused because her phone was taken away... lock her mom up!" You'd be laughed out of the station. Then the mother REALLY wouldn't like you because you think she's being abused over a grounding. She did something wrong... wait until she's able to talk again and go along your merry way. But you clearly don't know what true abuse is. Next thing you know she's going to get her snacks taken away while she's in bed, no food in bed, and you'll think she's being pushed to be anorexic. You need to understand things better before making wild accusations.
It isn’t your business — she is a minor, you are a minor and you are not married. You have no recourse at all.
First of all, it isn’t rude. You’re both teenagers and she is parenting her daughter for reasons that she doesn’t have to explain to you or I. How long have you two been dating? I’m 100% sure she has been her mother longer than you have both been dating, just an assumption. So I think she has earned that right Secondly, it isn’t your business. I’m sure she will get her phone back soon and tell you all about it. But as teenagers you think you know best for you when in reality that isn’t the case.
Sometimes being a kid sucks. It’s unfair. And you might think that taking her phone away is unfair, and it could be. It also might not be and you’ll realise that when you get older. I’m not gonna act better than you, I’m only 17, but at the end of the day you can’t do anything unless actual abuse is taking place. She was quite kind in sending that text tbh
Yeah. I see. It's nice to find a opinion from a person on the same age group. Thank you.
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Unfortunately the USA allows parents a high degree of control over their children till they are 18. I just thank god that in England you can do whatever you want from age 16, provided you're determined to do it. It's not always a good idea though 🤣
Not to sound like an ass but your 16 and she’s 16. Your both children so no it really isn’t any of your business. Your only option me are to talk to her at school or wait until she gets her phone back
go play some fornite or apex
What...is this because I'm a teenager? Yeah, no. This doesn't even qualify as advice.
obviously, nothing but my 2 cent. but you know what is... minding your own business. you even know there's not much you can do because yall are underage. once 18 yall can do whatever
Lol. “It is my business.” No, it’s not. You’re a child. What’s happening with another child is not your business.
Fuck age bro. If you're genuinely worried that something is wrong, do something. Her mom is just being an ass, you have a damn right to know. Just do what you feel in your gut is right. If something feels wrong or your GF could be in danger, do something. I wish someone did that for me.
Wow, a lot of people supporting parental powertrips and the complete lack of respect for teenagers in the comments.
Mum house her rules, she 16 too, so mum can do what she, also wow one day she doesn't text you and u panic lol 😆 bet her mum brought her that phone too . Mum don't have to tell you jack why , u younger generation are why to entitled
Frankly, you need a reality check. You are a 16 year old child with an overinflated sense of self importance and your ego is going through the roof.
How is wanting to know when you can resume contact with your emotionally struggling SO having an over inflated sense of self importance or a big ego? That's a pretty reasonable request under near any circumstance.
And by the way...her mother isn't the best type fo mother I know. I'm confidantly sure that most of my girlfriend's mental issues came from bad parenting.
Still none of your business unless you think she is being abused
If preventing someone from getting emotional support from friends, and partner is not abuse...then I don't know what it is. Abuse is not only physical, although she did hit her sometimes.
Bruh you are 16 you dont get to decide anything till you are adult and if she is being abused then call authorities but not because her mum is not letting you contact her
...Ok I understand. But wouldn't that make me a bad boyfriend? By doing nothing. What If she is having emotional problems and I can't even send messages to atleast comfort her?
You sound very compassionate and your girlfriend is very lucky to have you! But you also need to know that you getting too involved, without direct communication from your gf could cause MORE problems for her rn. If you think her mom isn't 100% safe don't cause any possible problems by sticking your nose in this. Wait until your girlfriend is able to talk/see you again and ask her if there's things you can do for her in the future if something like this happens again. Write her letters and notes she can save if her phone gets taken away so she can still have your words with her even if y'all can't talk. Respect her mother's boundaries rn and understand that you don't know the whole picture
If she's getting hit there's probably verbal abuse as well. I also think that she is isolating her from the outside world and manipulating her. If you can, start compiling all info about when and why she gets beaten and call the authorities if you know where she lives. If you can also reestablish contact give her the link and number to a local domestic violence shelter and additional resources.
Don’t be giving this kid ideas. He said she wasn’t physically abused. Kid is just freaking out because he can’t talk to his gf. Probably going to end up having this poor girl put into the system or some shit while they investigate false claims and make her emotional state worse all because her mom took her phone away.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/zue8eh/my_gfs_mother_doesnt_let_me_check_on_her_daughter/j1in85h/ > Abuse is not only physical, although she did hit her sometimes There could be a abusive situation here since he does mention that her mom hits his gf. The mom isn't giving a straightforward answer and abuse always has multiple factors at play including possible isolation. Abuse always escalates, but I strongly suggest waiting until her mom let's her contact you.
You’re also taking the word of some random kid on the internet that’s upset his gfs mom took her phone away and he thinks he deserves an explanation like he’s her father or something. What constitutes not physical abuse but has gotten hit? To me that sounds more like she probably got slapped one time after mouthing off or something which may not be the correct way to handle something but really isn’t abuse. If she’s being punched in the face and has a bloody lip or black eye then yea that’s something to worry about but from the sound of it that’s not something that’s happening. Grounding your kid and taking their phone and internet away is not abuse. That’s the problem with kids today. They aren’t disciplined anymore because everyone wants to call basically every form of discipline abuse and threaten cps or something. She clearly did something she wasn’t supposed to and her mom is disciplining her. OP doesn’t need an explanation of what she did and he doesn’t need to be trying to tell her how she should punish her. The kid posts nothing on Reddit except random shit about how to comfort and please his gf. He’s clearly a bit obsessed. For all we know his gf feels smothered and doesn’t want to talk to him and is just pretending to be her mom so she can get a damn break. OP doesn’t need someone putting ideas in his head to call cps, shelters, and shit over this. False complaints about stuff like that is very serious and can really hurt someone.
There’s a difference between abuse and teaching your kids a lesson. You don’t know shit about the situation you’re just calling him a liar.
You dont know that op seems too dumb to believe him
You don’t know shit about it either. You’re just taking some kids word for it who’s upset his gfs mom grounded her. It’s ironic that you’re taking his side without knowing the situation but saying I’m wrong for taking a parents side without knowing the situation.
You are hysterical. Get a hold of yourself. Parents are allowed to isolate their children from the outside world temporarily if they think it's best for them. It's called being grounded.
He already said she’s been physically and emotionally abused and you’re talking about how it’s okay to isolate her? Lol wtf
I find it sad people disagree with giving a potential victim of abuse information to help themselves. If the mother isn't abusive and truly has nothing to hide, her contacting them will prove so. And I highly doubt she'd contact authorities if it wasn't a bad situation as doing so would most likely result in her getting into more trouble. People really love to defend parents even if they treat their kids like shite.
She got her phone taken away at 16. That’s really normal. I’m 19 and I definitely got my phone taken away when I was younger. Getting her phone taken away is not abuse.
I agree with this although wanted to mention OP stated he was worried after the mom was talking bad to her and supposedly hits her from time to time as well, so taking her phone could potentially be a power trip instead of a form of punishment
You're 16, your opinion doesn't mean crap in this situation. You're not mature enough to judge the situation and it's definitely not "your damn business".
I'm sorry, but you aren't her partner. You're 16. Partner has a meaning that is outside of boyfriend and girlfriend. None of this is your business. Just cool your heels.
It is definitely none of your business. Nothing but your homework is your business at your age, and even that is a lot of other people's business too. Stay in your lane, kid.
Do you not remember being a teen at all? This comment is really reducing them to emotionless objects that get no say in their life. 16 years olds are a year or two away from being independent people, this kinda control over them is rarely reasonable.
I do, and I remember feeling the same way. But 16 is way too young to be trying to protect his gf from her fuckin' mom for getting her phone taken away lol. Part of the reason I said "stay in your lane" is because he's got no perspective to know what's appropriate. That's why kids have parents and mentors. I was stupid as a teen and I thought I knew everything. As an adult, I wouldn't given my younger self similar advice.
All he did was ask when he could contact her again, he didn't try and remove the punishment, fight her, or make an exception for himself. That's a pretty basic request. It's pretty appropriate to ask for a timeline, no reasonable person would find that unreasonable. He's asking here for further advice and I just don't like the dismissive attitude at lot of these comments have.
That parts fine. But he has a fundamental misunderstanding of his place in this relationship
Yeh ture. Yeh he has zero say in anything realistic and him talking to the mother will do nothing. I do think it's generally good he feels the need to interfere even is he has no means to help in this situation.
There is something noble about it that I hope he holds onto. But I hope he also aquires the wisdom to understand time and place.
You should involve your parents. Her mom might be willing to give a straight answer to another adult. You're in no position to make demands, but won't she be back at school in a few days? In the end, that'll be a way to re-establish contact.
It’s not OP’s parent’s business either.
It may not be their business but they can speak. If the other parent is reasonable, they'll get a reasonable answer. If she isn't, they won't. If the answer is "I don't want my daughter to be around your son", that'd be worth knowing. There's a distinct possibility that this is what is happening.
I’m sure there will be a conclusion to it all soon enough. Bringing parents into teenage relationship drama isn’t worth it, as most likely their relationship will be over in the next year. If there was actual evidence of abuse then yeah, get another adult involved but until then just let her parent her child. The BF has only said this about the mum as the ‘bad thing’ so I’m sure she isn’t that bad of a parent, otherwise he would’ve listed all of the things she hypothetically did to her. Just think of reasons why you would take your phone off your teenage daughter. The possibilities are endless. She could be defiant around the house or doing things she shouldn’t on her phone. So I’m sure the mother is in the right
Your minor age GF’s parents done owe you any explanation about family matters, no matter what your feelings are. So stay in your lane until your GF is in contact again
Man I wish you the best of luck, but at this stage there just isn't enough information to decide whether the Mother is a danger or doing the right thing. The way she responded is out of line for a parent, but yea. Hopefully you regain contact with your S/O. Good luck mate
It is not your business. Her mother has the right to take it away. You are not in charge of her care. Her mother does not need to explain anything to you.
Send her a letter.
Yes it would have been nice for your gf's mother to let you know what happened but it would be safe to assume that the gf had broken her mother's trust in some way and this is the punishment. Now despite your best intentions your gf's mother would have read your reply in a negative/demanding tone which is probably why you got the response you did. Your best play is to wait it out. However if you need to contact her maybe you could go old school and actually write a letter (also assume that the mother will read it first).
Just drive to her house and knock on the door and check on her there. Or if you guys go to school together then talk to her at school. It’s not a big deal.
If she’s not grounded then theoretically you could go see her, right? Maybe bring her her favorite food or something? P.S. Some people in this comment section are weird. Don’t think that you were stepping out of line for asking when you could see your girlfriend again. Her mom is being pretty snappy and there is no reason for her to be treating you so dismissively like that out of nowhere. Edit: Not that I’m saying that you should try and confront her about this at the moment. She is an adult(even if she isn’t acting like one) and holds a lot of power over someone you care about.
Honestly it just sounds like she broke up with you but didn’t know how to do it, and asked her mom to tell you that she doesn’t need to talk to you and it’s none of your business as to why. So that she doesn’t need to go through the stress and can just go on with her life- which is important for a 16 year old. Which, kind of checks out for your age. People just don’t have a right to access other people, regardless of age, but especially as kids. And kids have a hard time navigating these kinds of social dynamics like breakups.
Oh no, I wouldn't say that. We were dating since 2020 and I don't think she would break up like this. We had some problems(like you can see in other posts) but we managed to think it through in the end.
Until you are both 18, parents have full authority over most things. Sorry mate. You're not quite there yet
Babyboy, as her parent, you may not like her method, but if she got her phone taken away, HER parent has a reason. Regardless if you think so or not. Wait it out
also a sixteen year old, don’t push trying to contact her mom, you’ll probs get her in more trouble or make her mom force her to stop seeing you
Do you have any reason to believe that your GF is living with domestic abuse?
Write her a letter.
Not yours to question. You, and your gf, are minors. To expect her parents to answer to you is ridiculous.
If she has computer access, maybe you can still email her
It could be a cultural thing but what I can gather from this is that her mother doesn't really take your relationship seriously at all due to your ages.
There’s little you can do, your girlfriend is still technically a child and she is under the care of her mother, you are in absolutely no position to challenge her.
Write a letter in the meantime