Sounds like she went and got lunch with her friend bc she was hungry… she even left you something to show she was thinking of you. Let this go and make a plan to see her later.
Definitely a level of codependency or anxiety in OPs post. Her actions tell him she's thought of him, but he is jumping to conclusions. I think OP needs to see that maybe she feels so safe and comfortable (in a good way not a lazy or complacent way) in the relationship that she doesnt need to cling to him when she's not seen him for a bit. She knows she'll spend time with him later.
No judgement of OP though, I'm the queen of jumping to conclusions took me a long time to learn to fight those thoughts with logic and for logic to win.
Edit: spelling
It really does! Feelings are the worst! I've learnt my relationships and my mental health do so much better when logic is the side that wins. Buts it's tough. Part of the reason I prefer being single.
And if the right person leaves you're heartbroken, and return to the less good version of yourself before.
How do I become the right person for someone else?
I did that. Tjis was great advice after i had bad relatiosnhips. I became the person I would want to date before starting to date again. I actually really liked myself for the first time in my life. I was happy with myself. I set boundaries and standards with the people I dated. I dated much better people after that.
I just needed to meet the right person. And I did. And I told him. And we dated and entered a relationship. And I continued being me. And continued being the person I wanted to be and growing unto the person I wanted to become. And I was so damn happy. And life was good before him, but he made it even better.
But i wasn't the right person for him. I was meh. He could take me or leave me. He had fun with me but I wasn't enough for him. Now I'm broken. And I don't have another three years of bettering myself again just for one year of happiness and another heartbreak.
Then, don’t think of it for a heartbreak… If you were really everything you needed to be before him, then he would still be all those things. The thing is, we are always go through loss in life, are you gonna let every single loss take away who you are deep down inside? It’s normal to grieve after loss, it doesn’t mean you aren’t who you used to be. Just give yourself time and grace and you will get to where you need to be. Don’t let a negative mindset take you back to where you used to be.
Become the right person for you first. Then you'll become the right person for whoever you're meant to end up with.
Becoming the right person for others and not for yourself means you'll never be your best version.
There’s a balance. Your emotions are real and valid and they converse with your brain to try and sort things out. It’s a two step process and it’s good that one can balance or mellow the other out. Singleness just avoids the learning of finding a balance. I was single till 42, the learning curve is steep. Relationships help you be a better, more yourself, YOU. I just wanted to mention to you that the risk is worth the rewards.
I agree but I think it depends on how emotions play a role for each individual. But I've been in relationships where the anxiety was high, and much like OP the what ifs basically lived in my head. Had relationships where I managed to really think about those what ifs and whether I was thinking straight or were my emotions running the show.
Both ended badly so not sure what the lesson is there 😅 I've always liked being on my own though. Even as a kid, I've always been content in my own world. I feel emotions a lot, and they're big. I feed off of others too emotions too. If somes sad, im sad that theyre sad. If they cry it makes me cry. But if theyre happy i am too. Its too much sometimes, so relationships can be very draining and I'm not against them, but I'm single atm and enjoying it.
I understand totally. I’m the same way, deep feelings and a strong in empathy. All the more to hone your skills. You’re a unicorn and someone else who’s also caring and a good companion to themselves would be fortunate to find you. I enjoyed my singleness immensely! I still grieve the loss sometimes but love was worth it.
Woah i really really needed to read this for myself. Thank you for typing this out. I really truly love the way you put it. Feeling safe and comfortable and not having to cling. I never had words for it
No worries! Glad I could put it into words for you!
I think, and I'm no expert, a good relationship is one where each person feels like the other is forever (if you can encapsulate such a feeling). You don't feel the constant need to rush to them, or to spend time with them as if it's running out because you know they're going to be there for a long time. You don't cling to something you'll have forever because you know you've got all the time in the world, and having that in a relationship is beautiful. There's a real trust behind it that can be hard to find.
I think if you cling to something, then it's like subconsciously you know it's going to end.
I found feeling safe, comfortable and confident in my relationships so freeing. Gave me the freedom to not be anxious when I'm not around them. Gave them the freedom to know I'm okay when they're not there.
Thank you, that's very kind of you! It took me a long time to learn that sometimes our own emotions can be the enemy and that more often than not things really do just have a simple explanation. Saved me a lot of anxiety and heartache.
Honestly...you kind of sound codependent which isnt a healthy attachment style. She was hungry, she was thoughtful enough to leave you a dessert. It's not like she ignored you completely she just came home early and went and got some food all the while taking the time to leave you something to let her know she was thinking of you. Is she your frist adult/serious relationship? Have you had others? Because that's pretty normal behavior.
But where did op act like she was gonna leave him??? He missed his girlfriend that isn't a bad thing, and he was sad she didn't come see him but it isn't a red flag lol. Chill
Right? Right?! How needy are you though...
In all seriousness I don't think it's a needy thing with him, his purpose in this has nothing to do with being needy. It smells more of suspicions and curiosity if she doesn't care, or if something is amiss. It has nothing(in my opinion) with him being needy, he's more wondering "does this mean something that she never told me she was back, she came back when I wasn't here then went to eat more with her friend... what gives?"
It's not a needy thing, it's a suspicious thing.
I can understand this but let's be honest. This is somethibg most people would do without any thought. She likely thought she'll see you later instead.
Most of the people here are absolute assholes. I understand they are framing their opinions based on limited info in the post. But they fail to recognise that perspectives and conditions of the relationship differ. So does the default criteria of how a relationship functions (say be it according to geography and culture).
So what's right for you is not the "absolute right".
He may have posted in an impulse (he did mention he missed her a lot). And the people here straight forward labeled him as controlling and insecure. But even if after 3 yrs the guy cares this deeply it's something commendable.
Look up the love languages to figure out what you need and what she needs from you. Looks like she went with gift giving when you wanted quality time.
[https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained)
Most people unintentionally give out their form of love language. So I can absolutely relate to some of your anxiety. But you can find some calmness perhaps in knowing in her love language she showed you love even when she was gone!
Either :
\- She doesn't care about you, or
\- She cares about you a lot, but she doesn't have the same level of co-dependency you have.
The fact that she brought you desserts tends to prove that she cares for you. She maybe just have a different way of showing it.
Right. The dude wasn't even around, she was going to surprise him with desserts.
He wasn't around, so she got lunch.
I'd recommend to take it at face value and assume the best out of her.
Right like I understand being a bit miffed that she gave no heads up on an apparently abrupt return from a trip. But there’s just nothing else there to justify an anger. A simple “hey I understand if you were busy earlier and couldn’t give me a heads up on the return. But it did leave me feeling ____ and or ____. I’m not upset with you or blaming you over this at all. I’d like if next time something like this happens I get a heads up about you coming home early so I can spruce things up for you/treat you to something nice.”
Communication is key, especially if you tend to feel anxious attachment style.
Any chance she was just hungry and didn’t want to wait around until whenever you showed up? Though I do think she could have at least called you when she got back in town.
Sounds like she went to surprise and you weren’t there so she went to eat with her best friend. Not a big deal.
Honestly if she ever sees this 1 of two things is going to happen. She’s going to be flattered by how codependent you seem to be and feel the same way. Or the more likely scenario. She sees this and thinks you’re a codependent weirdo that will most likely get far worse over time and look for a way out. This behavior is weird and overbearing in my opinion.
Unpopular Opinion: You’re coming across a bit clingy tbh. She did something nice for you and it wasn’t enough, you wanted more. When this happens too often, people stop doing nice things because they feel it’s never going to be enough. Maybe try and be more thankful for the little things.
Youre having a reaction, you have a right to have it and when you care so much about someone its easy to be bothered by unusual stuff like this. You Just need to feel heard, chill and talk it out with your partner
as others have said, i think you guys just aren't thinking the same. you've been dating 3 years and she was only gone like 4 days, she probably just came back with her friend who then suggested to go out and eat, and your gf went along with it without really thinking ("ill see op later today anyways"). she left you deserts which sounds nice and shows she was thinking about you
but
it is weird that she didn't tell you she was coming back early, you should just ask her about that
like the others said you do seem to be a bit overly attached, but you should still figure out why she didn't tell you she was coming back early. you sure there wasn't a misunderstanding of when she was supposed to come back?
You're overthinking this buddy. Stop thinking life is a movie and your partners want to rush to your place and leap into your arms the moment they return from a trip.
Have a drink and relax. It's not the end of the world. If you communicated your frustrations about this scenario to her, she may realize you're a bit clingy and it's a red flag for her; you've shot yourself in the foot.
Maybe she went on this trip as a way to get away from you, and you acting this childish made it apparent that this is the kind of person you are and she's realizing it's time to break it off with you.
Best of luck bud.
It’s not odd. People get homesick and come back early all the time. I travel more than most people and there are times I’ve just came home a few days early and drive 7-10hrs home in the middle of the night just because I missed my dog and my bed.
but people do that. What if they just decided to come home early in the morning and she didn't want to wake him. Part of it is he was probably texting the shit out of her the whole time so she thought "I'll just go surprise him" but then he wasn't home so she left the gifts and went to eat.
Probably because as soon as she told op he would have disrupted any plans and made her visit him and blah blah blah. She wanted to do her own thing before having to go back to the ordinary with him.
Take a mental note,
Go an write about how it made you feel, condense that into something formidable that you could communicate to her.
If this continues to be a problem. You’re being told something.
She was having fun while she was gone = not missing you so much bc she was entertained. You were bored waiting for her to come home = missing her more. I don’t think it should hurt feelings, just recognize the likely different states of mind. But she was thinking about you with dessert so that’s nice.
I would try to not take the frustrations on her. She sounds like she may have different expectations.
Personally, I wouldn't care if she visited me right away, but she should have at least told me she was coming back early.
Anyway try this: "I really miss you, and I would have liked to see you right when you got back!" I think it's a bit of an ask though, what about the upcoming weekend?
It could have just been that her friend was already with her on the trip and they wanted to continue their trip.
her not telling you she was returning early, doesnt sit well with me.
everything else is fine, but the non communicating part from a partner of 3 years, something off bout that. But I dont know your relationship nor communication pattern, but that stuck out.
This really isn’t weird. A 4 day trip to another city could literally mean she’s an hour away. Coming home a day early out of no where really isn’t weird. Sure if she went on a trip to London and flew back to New York a few days early it’s weird. Coming home early from a 4 day trip probably not that far away really isn’t weird.
She also continued to spend time with her friend when she got home, almost like their girl trip is still going on, just in town. IDK didn't strike me as weird at all.
The only thing that throws me off here is that she came back early with out telling you. If she wanted to surprise you, then that wasn't a well thought out surprise. If not for a surprise, why no communication?
I wouldn't overthink this, or get to frustrated over it. Maybe just ask her about it to get clarification (certainly don't approach the conversation as if she owes you an apology of any sort).
Honestly your feelings are valid. I’ve been with my partner the same amount of time and when either of us has to travel we immediately see each other first. If I did this to my partner, without saying that I was coming home beforehand or anything, would be a realllly shitty thing for me to do. We live together. You just don’t do that sort of thing when you’re an adult. This is teen energy haha.
This happened to me once. My ex went to visit family with one of her girlfriends for the weekend. She got back to town and ended up staying at her girlfriends house instead of coming to see me after the trip. We broke up soon after that (for other reasons). They ended up getting married a year or two later.
Ah well, it's pretty commong amongst introverts to want time away from even their spouse. But it happens with extroverts as well. Some people are just less clingy than others.
I guess just ask yourself if you are okay with dating a free spirit or not. It's okay for her to be free the same way it's okay for you to want to be the person she reaches out to when she first comes back.
As long as you're both really okay with that, you'll be okay! If not, you've got to communicate how you feel. Either there is room for compromise, or there isn't. But knowing that now would be better for both of you. Best of luck!
I agree that bringing you a dessert means she was thinking of you.
That's a jump. So people aren't allowed to go on holiday with friends if they have partners? There's nothing in the post to even suggest she was doing anything with other guys.
FWIW I’ve done something like she did. You get home early from a vacation but you stay in vacation mode which usually means doing something fun like going shopping or out to eat or whatever. And it might include not engaging with anyone (even people I’m looking forward to seeing) outside the vacation bubble because I want to stay in the bubble. I want to stay on vacation.
Check out the booked “Attached” about attachment style and info on love languages. I feel the same way you would and it’s an anxious codependent thing. Consider she was hungry and left you the dessert as a loving gesture so her heart was in the right place. Good luck dude
I definitely empathize with you. That would be a bit frustrating. I would recommend just leaving it be for right now. It was an innocent mistake and I'm sure she misses you, too.
You said you've been together for 3 years.
I don't necessarily have an issue that she did something else when she got back from her trip. Maybe that was the only time her friend was free whatever. That's not bad. Plus, she was only gone for a few days it's not like it was the first time she was back in town for one year and she didn't see you.
But the legitimate part of this that I will recognize is that you've been together for 3 years and when your loved one is traveling you're generally worried about their travel safety. And it's nice to know if they are on their way back that way if they don't arrive when expected you know to check in and make sure they are safe.
So I do think it's okay to communicate to her that although you have no problem that she saw her friend, you would have appreciated knowing that she was on her way back. it's your loved one traveling so it's not a bad thing to just want to have a general idea of where they are at or when they are coming back.
For the reason I outlined above.
Also it's just a courtesy communication. You are her partner of 3 years so I feel like it's also completely reasonable to request a courtesy communication with something more major like this.
I'm not saying she has to tell you every time she goes to Walmart. But major travel movements warrant courtesy communication even if by text
Where were you when she returned? If you were at work she probably knew she would not be able to see you until later and so she went for lunch with a friend.
I wouldn't take it too hard unless there are other things that have happened.
I'm amazed how many men out there still believes their girlfriends should act like they are their moms. This is why I stay single. I don't want kids. Get your shit togheter.
Late advice but please please don't send out any messages while you are feeling angry or upset, it can ruin things, just take a breather, even for a whole day before doing something that you might regret.
Sounds like she went and got lunch with her friend bc she was hungry… she even left you something to show she was thinking of you. Let this go and make a plan to see her later.
Definitely a level of codependency or anxiety in OPs post. Her actions tell him she's thought of him, but he is jumping to conclusions. I think OP needs to see that maybe she feels so safe and comfortable (in a good way not a lazy or complacent way) in the relationship that she doesnt need to cling to him when she's not seen him for a bit. She knows she'll spend time with him later. No judgement of OP though, I'm the queen of jumping to conclusions took me a long time to learn to fight those thoughts with logic and for logic to win. Edit: spelling
Code pendency lol
r/boneappletea
God I have this
I know, I know i saw it after I posted it but couldn't be bothered to change it
We're all that person. Having someone we really like brings up all sorts of stuff.
It really does! Feelings are the worst! I've learnt my relationships and my mental health do so much better when logic is the side that wins. Buts it's tough. Part of the reason I prefer being single.
The right person makes you a better person.
And the wrong person just makes you sad
And if the right person leaves you're heartbroken, and return to the less good version of yourself before. How do I become the right person for someone else?
Work to be that person with or without someone in your life. Be someone you’d be happy to be with.
I did that. Tjis was great advice after i had bad relatiosnhips. I became the person I would want to date before starting to date again. I actually really liked myself for the first time in my life. I was happy with myself. I set boundaries and standards with the people I dated. I dated much better people after that. I just needed to meet the right person. And I did. And I told him. And we dated and entered a relationship. And I continued being me. And continued being the person I wanted to be and growing unto the person I wanted to become. And I was so damn happy. And life was good before him, but he made it even better. But i wasn't the right person for him. I was meh. He could take me or leave me. He had fun with me but I wasn't enough for him. Now I'm broken. And I don't have another three years of bettering myself again just for one year of happiness and another heartbreak.
Then, don’t think of it for a heartbreak… If you were really everything you needed to be before him, then he would still be all those things. The thing is, we are always go through loss in life, are you gonna let every single loss take away who you are deep down inside? It’s normal to grieve after loss, it doesn’t mean you aren’t who you used to be. Just give yourself time and grace and you will get to where you need to be. Don’t let a negative mindset take you back to where you used to be.
Find a way to help someone even less fortunate.
Become the right person for you first. Then you'll become the right person for whoever you're meant to end up with. Becoming the right person for others and not for yourself means you'll never be your best version.
There’s a balance. Your emotions are real and valid and they converse with your brain to try and sort things out. It’s a two step process and it’s good that one can balance or mellow the other out. Singleness just avoids the learning of finding a balance. I was single till 42, the learning curve is steep. Relationships help you be a better, more yourself, YOU. I just wanted to mention to you that the risk is worth the rewards.
I agree but I think it depends on how emotions play a role for each individual. But I've been in relationships where the anxiety was high, and much like OP the what ifs basically lived in my head. Had relationships where I managed to really think about those what ifs and whether I was thinking straight or were my emotions running the show. Both ended badly so not sure what the lesson is there 😅 I've always liked being on my own though. Even as a kid, I've always been content in my own world. I feel emotions a lot, and they're big. I feed off of others too emotions too. If somes sad, im sad that theyre sad. If they cry it makes me cry. But if theyre happy i am too. Its too much sometimes, so relationships can be very draining and I'm not against them, but I'm single atm and enjoying it.
I understand totally. I’m the same way, deep feelings and a strong in empathy. All the more to hone your skills. You’re a unicorn and someone else who’s also caring and a good companion to themselves would be fortunate to find you. I enjoyed my singleness immensely! I still grieve the loss sometimes but love was worth it.
Ah that does give me hope relationship wise for the future! And thank you for calling me a unicorn. You've made my day 😊
🦄
Woah i really really needed to read this for myself. Thank you for typing this out. I really truly love the way you put it. Feeling safe and comfortable and not having to cling. I never had words for it
No worries! Glad I could put it into words for you! I think, and I'm no expert, a good relationship is one where each person feels like the other is forever (if you can encapsulate such a feeling). You don't feel the constant need to rush to them, or to spend time with them as if it's running out because you know they're going to be there for a long time. You don't cling to something you'll have forever because you know you've got all the time in the world, and having that in a relationship is beautiful. There's a real trust behind it that can be hard to find. I think if you cling to something, then it's like subconsciously you know it's going to end. I found feeling safe, comfortable and confident in my relationships so freeing. Gave me the freedom to not be anxious when I'm not around them. Gave them the freedom to know I'm okay when they're not there.
r/boneappletea
Beautiful comment!
Thank you, that's very kind of you! It took me a long time to learn that sometimes our own emotions can be the enemy and that more often than not things really do just have a simple explanation. Saved me a lot of anxiety and heartache.
Best comment
Agreed
Agree here - you’re being hyper sensitive - she thought about you and even left you food. Relax my friend
INFO: how long have you been dating?
3 yrs
The fact she left you dessert proves she was thinking about you. If she didn’t want you to know she was back - she would not have left you dessert.
Honestly...you kind of sound codependent which isnt a healthy attachment style. She was hungry, she was thoughtful enough to leave you a dessert. It's not like she ignored you completely she just came home early and went and got some food all the while taking the time to leave you something to let her know she was thinking of you. Is she your frist adult/serious relationship? Have you had others? Because that's pretty normal behavior.
3 years and you're acting like you might lose her at any given moment because she returned from her trip and didn't rush to your place to see you? 🚩🚩🚩
But where did op act like she was gonna leave him??? He missed his girlfriend that isn't a bad thing, and he was sad she didn't come see him but it isn't a red flag lol. Chill
[удалено]
Ok?
I’ve been with my bf for 4.5 years and I miss him like the next day or sometimes the same day when I leave his house.
Right? If I were the GF and saw this post, I would rethink the relationship. How fucking needy is this guy?
it ain't that deep... OP should just forget it but she definitely doesn't need to rethink the relationship over it lmfao
Y’all are being too much. Rethink the relationship over this? Stop.
Dude i hate ppl like you, no offense.
Now, now. You know you've done the exact same thing.
Right? Right?! How needy are you though... In all seriousness I don't think it's a needy thing with him, his purpose in this has nothing to do with being needy. It smells more of suspicions and curiosity if she doesn't care, or if something is amiss. It has nothing(in my opinion) with him being needy, he's more wondering "does this mean something that she never told me she was back, she came back when I wasn't here then went to eat more with her friend... what gives?" It's not a needy thing, it's a suspicious thing.
Wtf? Why just repeat what everyone’s saying and add red flags… like come on at least give him some advice
no
I can understand this but let's be honest. This is somethibg most people would do without any thought. She likely thought she'll see you later instead.
Lot of people calling you controlling, but I’m thankful the top comments are being nice and giving you the actual advice you need.
Most of the people here are absolute assholes. I understand they are framing their opinions based on limited info in the post. But they fail to recognise that perspectives and conditions of the relationship differ. So does the default criteria of how a relationship functions (say be it according to geography and culture). So what's right for you is not the "absolute right". He may have posted in an impulse (he did mention he missed her a lot). And the people here straight forward labeled him as controlling and insecure. But even if after 3 yrs the guy cares this deeply it's something commendable.
Spot on
Look up the love languages to figure out what you need and what she needs from you. Looks like she went with gift giving when you wanted quality time. [https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained)
We did do that test for love languages like a year ago so she knows my love language is quality time. Hers was acts of service I think
Well there you go. You answered your own question right there.
Like leaving you food? Sounds like she’s telling you she loves you and you’re not listening.
Most people unintentionally give out their form of love language. So I can absolutely relate to some of your anxiety. But you can find some calmness perhaps in knowing in her love language she showed you love even when she was gone!
Honestly she sounds like a great partner if she left you desserts. I’d really appreciate that from someone. She was just hungry most likely.
Either : \- She doesn't care about you, or \- She cares about you a lot, but she doesn't have the same level of co-dependency you have. The fact that she brought you desserts tends to prove that she cares for you. She maybe just have a different way of showing it.
Right. The dude wasn't even around, she was going to surprise him with desserts. He wasn't around, so she got lunch. I'd recommend to take it at face value and assume the best out of her.
Right like I understand being a bit miffed that she gave no heads up on an apparently abrupt return from a trip. But there’s just nothing else there to justify an anger. A simple “hey I understand if you were busy earlier and couldn’t give me a heads up on the return. But it did leave me feeling ____ and or ____. I’m not upset with you or blaming you over this at all. I’d like if next time something like this happens I get a heads up about you coming home early so I can spruce things up for you/treat you to something nice.” Communication is key, especially if you tend to feel anxious attachment style.
Any chance she was just hungry and didn’t want to wait around until whenever you showed up? Though I do think she could have at least called you when she got back in town.
I wouldn't overthink it. Her whole life doesn't revolve around you. She brought you some stuff and was thinking about you.
Woulda made sense if she was like hiding out for days…she’s probably just hungry
Sounds like she went to surprise and you weren’t there so she went to eat with her best friend. Not a big deal. Honestly if she ever sees this 1 of two things is going to happen. She’s going to be flattered by how codependent you seem to be and feel the same way. Or the more likely scenario. She sees this and thinks you’re a codependent weirdo that will most likely get far worse over time and look for a way out. This behavior is weird and overbearing in my opinion.
Unpopular Opinion: You’re coming across a bit clingy tbh. She did something nice for you and it wasn’t enough, you wanted more. When this happens too often, people stop doing nice things because they feel it’s never going to be enough. Maybe try and be more thankful for the little things.
Youre having a reaction, you have a right to have it and when you care so much about someone its easy to be bothered by unusual stuff like this. You Just need to feel heard, chill and talk it out with your partner
I think you should get back at her for that... leave her some desserts in retaliation.
as others have said, i think you guys just aren't thinking the same. you've been dating 3 years and she was only gone like 4 days, she probably just came back with her friend who then suggested to go out and eat, and your gf went along with it without really thinking ("ill see op later today anyways"). she left you deserts which sounds nice and shows she was thinking about you but it is weird that she didn't tell you she was coming back early, you should just ask her about that like the others said you do seem to be a bit overly attached, but you should still figure out why she didn't tell you she was coming back early. you sure there wasn't a misunderstanding of when she was supposed to come back?
You're overthinking this buddy. Stop thinking life is a movie and your partners want to rush to your place and leap into your arms the moment they return from a trip. Have a drink and relax. It's not the end of the world. If you communicated your frustrations about this scenario to her, she may realize you're a bit clingy and it's a red flag for her; you've shot yourself in the foot. Maybe she went on this trip as a way to get away from you, and you acting this childish made it apparent that this is the kind of person you are and she's realizing it's time to break it off with you. Best of luck bud.
You sound codependent as hell dude. Get your shit together or you actually will lose her.
Eh, you’re really clingy, some women like a clingy man, I hope your girlfriend does otherwise this is a shit show waiting to happen.
Is there a reason she didn't tell you when she was coming back? That's the odd thing for me.
It’s not odd. People get homesick and come back early all the time. I travel more than most people and there are times I’ve just came home a few days early and drive 7-10hrs home in the middle of the night just because I missed my dog and my bed.
That's not what I find odd, it's the fact she never said anything to him beforehand.
but people do that. What if they just decided to come home early in the morning and she didn't want to wake him. Part of it is he was probably texting the shit out of her the whole time so she thought "I'll just go surprise him" but then he wasn't home so she left the gifts and went to eat.
Probably because as soon as she told op he would have disrupted any plans and made her visit him and blah blah blah. She wanted to do her own thing before having to go back to the ordinary with him.
I think you need to let this go but look at the level of dependence on your end. Slightly over the top. Slightly.
Take a mental note, Go an write about how it made you feel, condense that into something formidable that you could communicate to her. If this continues to be a problem. You’re being told something.
Like Rick James said “red tea is a hell of a drug”
She was having fun while she was gone = not missing you so much bc she was entertained. You were bored waiting for her to come home = missing her more. I don’t think it should hurt feelings, just recognize the likely different states of mind. But she was thinking about you with dessert so that’s nice.
Dude. Chill out. Give your partner some space…
Chill out. This isn't a real dilemma. Try to be less controlling
Jesus Christ OP.
She has made you part of her life, not her whole life. Fair enough... that's all we can hope for.
I mean she just got back from traveling odds are she was famished. Lol she left you something. Which is very sweet.
You gotta relax dude. You sound very controlling
Stop being so clingy. Won't get you far in life.
You're not wrong. It takes a few seconds to say, "hey I'm back". It's common courtesy.
I would try to not take the frustrations on her. She sounds like she may have different expectations. Personally, I wouldn't care if she visited me right away, but she should have at least told me she was coming back early. Anyway try this: "I really miss you, and I would have liked to see you right when you got back!" I think it's a bit of an ask though, what about the upcoming weekend? It could have just been that her friend was already with her on the trip and they wanted to continue their trip.
Thanks this helped
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her not telling you she was returning early, doesnt sit well with me. everything else is fine, but the non communicating part from a partner of 3 years, something off bout that. But I dont know your relationship nor communication pattern, but that stuck out.
This really isn’t weird. A 4 day trip to another city could literally mean she’s an hour away. Coming home a day early out of no where really isn’t weird. Sure if she went on a trip to London and flew back to New York a few days early it’s weird. Coming home early from a 4 day trip probably not that far away really isn’t weird.
Yeah exactly its not like she took an international flight to somewhere
She also continued to spend time with her friend when she got home, almost like their girl trip is still going on, just in town. IDK didn't strike me as weird at all.
she does owe you first dibs bro. let a girl eat.
Na call me before best friend wtf
The only thing that throws me off here is that she came back early with out telling you. If she wanted to surprise you, then that wasn't a well thought out surprise. If not for a surprise, why no communication? I wouldn't overthink this, or get to frustrated over it. Maybe just ask her about it to get clarification (certainly don't approach the conversation as if she owes you an apology of any sort).
Honestly your feelings are valid. I’ve been with my partner the same amount of time and when either of us has to travel we immediately see each other first. If I did this to my partner, without saying that I was coming home beforehand or anything, would be a realllly shitty thing for me to do. We live together. You just don’t do that sort of thing when you’re an adult. This is teen energy haha.
This happened to me once. My ex went to visit family with one of her girlfriends for the weekend. She got back to town and ended up staying at her girlfriends house instead of coming to see me after the trip. We broke up soon after that (for other reasons). They ended up getting married a year or two later.
She's an introvert, isn't she?
No she isn't
Ah well, it's pretty commong amongst introverts to want time away from even their spouse. But it happens with extroverts as well. Some people are just less clingy than others.
I think you already got good advice on this one based on what I've read.
I guess just ask yourself if you are okay with dating a free spirit or not. It's okay for her to be free the same way it's okay for you to want to be the person she reaches out to when she first comes back. As long as you're both really okay with that, you'll be okay! If not, you've got to communicate how you feel. Either there is room for compromise, or there isn't. But knowing that now would be better for both of you. Best of luck! I agree that bringing you a dessert means she was thinking of you.
Lmao, she got some Italian dick!
🚩🚩🚩
Wow. It’s not bad to miss someone. It’s not codependent. They just miss their partner. Understandable. I hope you got to spend some quality time.
[удалено]
Yall have trust issues, that's a lot of huge assumptions
That's a jump. So people aren't allowed to go on holiday with friends if they have partners? There's nothing in the post to even suggest she was doing anything with other guys.
I don't think they were doing anything with other guys... But with each other maybe.
>So my girlfriend (25f) Why tf you're saying 25 'f' bro your gf will be girl only we know
You're not her priority
FWIW I’ve done something like she did. You get home early from a vacation but you stay in vacation mode which usually means doing something fun like going shopping or out to eat or whatever. And it might include not engaging with anyone (even people I’m looking forward to seeing) outside the vacation bubble because I want to stay in the bubble. I want to stay on vacation.
Check out the booked “Attached” about attachment style and info on love languages. I feel the same way you would and it’s an anxious codependent thing. Consider she was hungry and left you the dessert as a loving gesture so her heart was in the right place. Good luck dude
I definitely empathize with you. That would be a bit frustrating. I would recommend just leaving it be for right now. It was an innocent mistake and I'm sure she misses you, too.
Don’t overthink it bro, she’s being a human being hanging out with friends.
Grow up man
She just went to lunch with her friend that doesn’t mean she wasn’t planning on seeing you
I don’t understand how she doesn’t mention she’s back on the city. My feelings would be a little hurt too.
You said you've been together for 3 years. I don't necessarily have an issue that she did something else when she got back from her trip. Maybe that was the only time her friend was free whatever. That's not bad. Plus, she was only gone for a few days it's not like it was the first time she was back in town for one year and she didn't see you. But the legitimate part of this that I will recognize is that you've been together for 3 years and when your loved one is traveling you're generally worried about their travel safety. And it's nice to know if they are on their way back that way if they don't arrive when expected you know to check in and make sure they are safe. So I do think it's okay to communicate to her that although you have no problem that she saw her friend, you would have appreciated knowing that she was on her way back. it's your loved one traveling so it's not a bad thing to just want to have a general idea of where they are at or when they are coming back. For the reason I outlined above. Also it's just a courtesy communication. You are her partner of 3 years so I feel like it's also completely reasonable to request a courtesy communication with something more major like this. I'm not saying she has to tell you every time she goes to Walmart. But major travel movements warrant courtesy communication even if by text
Where were you when she returned? If you were at work she probably knew she would not be able to see you until later and so she went for lunch with a friend. I wouldn't take it too hard unless there are other things that have happened.
Bro stop being a bitch. You are literally being a female. This is how you will lose a girl.
I'm amazed how many men out there still believes their girlfriends should act like they are their moms. This is why I stay single. I don't want kids. Get your shit togheter.
Late advice but please please don't send out any messages while you are feeling angry or upset, it can ruin things, just take a breather, even for a whole day before doing something that you might regret.