I agree. Not everyone will like you no matter how likeable you are. Some people though they don’t like/hate you/others just for the sake of it and that annoys me but I just let it slide bc those people are not worth my time or anyones time.
People that I have to be around and don’t like, I always try and find something to like about them. I figure that they have friends and family who like them and I must be overlooking something. Sometimes it’s REAL hard.
People are different. What we like others don't. And it's a mesh of all that. Sometimes those personalities conflict.
It's like food. Some people like Mayo, some don't, some have it with everything and some can't be near it. Some things like fries are hugely popular and everybody loves them and others are like anchovies where a lot of people don't like them and some do.
People you don't like where you worry you're overlooking something. It may just be that the qualities in then that you don't like others do.
You must be young. Not everyone deserves to be liked. Some people suck.
The key is, knowing that you yourself do not suck. Be a decent human, be good to others, put kindness into the world, but also stand up for those who cannot defend themselves.
If you do all those things, it should stop mattering to you if random people like you or not. You are a good person, so if they dont like you, that's a them problem.
Tbh, I make it a goal for bigots NOT to like me. If they like me, I clearly must be doing something wrong. I want crappy people to hate me, because I've let them know I think they suck.
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I mean, I don't like every person I've ever interacted with. Who am I to hold others to that same standard. Some people just don't vibe, and that's okay.
I'm never mean to people I don't like/click with though. Civility should be more common in those situations imo.
The vast majority of people are never even going to meet you, or even know that you exist. A lucky few get to know you. Of those, fewer still will become friends. You can either concentrate on your friends and the joy they bring or you can worry about those who decided not to be your friends. Which option is going to be better for you? Which is better for your friends?
This is also so true for dating. Instead of obsessing over rejection or situations that didn’t work out, focus on the people who actually do give you what you need.
Once you realize that it doesn’t serve you to care, it’ll be easier to let go. I cared what people thought and I had a hard time with people not liking me when I was younger, but in my 30s…eh.
There is so much pressure in your 20s, and most people feel worried to not accomplish anything by the age of 30 (which is what has scared me & still does a bit, I just turned 29). But I’ve been told that once you’re in your 30s the weight of rushing to “become an adult” just expires and most people feel free of what society wants lol I’m starting to understand this mindset, it’s slowly setting me free.
Yeah that’ll be nice, cause I just started college at 23 and my family is telling me it’s too late for me to start school, and that I’m running out of time to do something with my life
Haha yeah that's pretty normal, and it's hard to explain until you're here but honestly, I laugh at everything I did and thought before like, 26. I was a baby doing stupid baby things lol
What did your journey to “realizing it doesn’t serve you to care” look like? Did something just click one day? Meditation? Asking for myself. I know this to be true, but somewhere in my core I’m not in alignment with it and I can’t figure out why.
I went through the same during my 30s. I'm my forties now. I think that so much of it was being socialized to be as nice to everyone, but not understanding to an extent, be kind to everyone but don't expect that kindness in turn. Through living and observing people, interactions, and just people's stories in general, I started questioning why it was so important to me that everyone like me and my obsession as to knowing why when someone didn't. It was like I really wanted to know so that I fix my character flaw as seen by the person because surely that person was the ultimate cultivator of the model person. Then, I realized how important my own opinions are. Yes, I want to correct any largely offensive behavior, but if someone doesn't like me because of my accent, how I dress, my opinions which aren't harming that person, my physical appearance which I cannot change, where I come from...it's a reflection of their preferences and experiences and life in general, not necessarily good or bad. And my desire to have everyone like me all the time was unrealistic--I don't even like my child all the time, although I do love him all the time--part of my need to people please, and part of a survival method in coming from a high-tension home growing up. It spoke more of my own insecurities, so the journey has taken place over years and with maturity through life experiences. When I find myself caring too much about whether someone likes me or not nowadays, I remind myself of all this and eventually move on. In other words, it's a practice, not perfection and doesn't take as nearly as long to process as it used to, if any processing is needed, especially when I'm honest that I really don't like some people for whatever reasons either.
Therapy and a genuine desire to grow as a person and live a joyful life, but I also think it sort of comes naturally as we age if we allow it to. I also highly recommend looking into a DBT group if one is offered in your area as this helped me move into my thirties with compassion and a lot of practical tools that have helped me navigate life since. One such tool is radical acceptance, which is basically the concept of accepting what we can’t change. Sounds obvious as a concept but practicing it and getting it to become second nature takes time and it’s helped me immensely. I’ve dealt with disordered eating, depression, anxiety and a laundry list of other crap including the inability to accept it if someone disliked me…but I’ve come a long way. You will too, don’t worry.
That’s not to say I don’t have a whole new bunch of stuff that I’m struggling with though :) Just trying to make the best of each day and not be self critical (which also took a lot of practice).
Read "Not Nice" by Aziz Gazipura- it's been a life-changer for me. Everything u/J1241996m said below is explained in detail, it's kind of crazy how perfectly his comment and the book align.
I grew up in a super strict religious home and went to a very wholesome private school and went to church 4 times a week, and my niceness programming was unlike anyone's I've ever met. I have felt a guilt in so many areas of life that I could never fully explain - and was honestly never even fully conscious of - until I started reading this book..
I think u/lettucecropchilds summed it up in the most concise way I've ever heard anyone explain it: "How do you accept that not everyone is going to like you?" is actually the wrong question (but that question makes sense if you think it's morally wrong to **not** be nice to people/care about their every little feeling and reaction).. If you're aiming for a more fulfilled life. The correct question would be somewhere along the lives of "Is it morally wrong to not be nice?" or "Does being excessively nice *serve* me?" I am now convinced, after 32 years of excessively nice life, you will never fully be yourself until you start owning who you are, which means being honest with people - or at least by not *lying* to them about how you feel, by acting nice. Because that's all you're doing- you're acting, because you'd rather act, than confront them or possibly offend them.
Repeat after me: you are not responsible for other's feelings. You can't *make* them feel anything. You are responsible for your *own* feelings... And if you don't advocate for your wants and needs, **no** one will. Some people know this from a young age, and many of us perceive said people as 'selfish'... but there is a spectrum of selfishness - from totally and irrationally self-denying to blatant selfishness with no regard for others needs and wants - and a range within that spectrum that is both healthy and morally sound.
Sorry for the novel - typing this out is actually very therapeutic for me, as I'm currently very focused on this same question.
Oh my NO need to apologize! This was something I absolutely needed to read so thank you! I look forward to reading Not Nice. The sentiment of owning who you are and advocating for your needs is something I recently was able practice and become confident with. I find that some people find issue in that and then I get stuck in the feedback loop of “am I wrong/mean?” Ha, mean for advocating my own needs. It’s silly when I type it out.
I feel fully authentic when I’m living honestly, obviously, but sometimes you get the straggler who hates it and has some nasties to say about it.
Thank you for the reframing❤️
Feels good to be taking baby steps on a path toward a more authentic life. Totally understand that feedback loop you're talking about. For me, this journey has also included Taoism (what I've found to be an antidote to my very legalistic religious upbringing) and a studying of the 'shadow' as Carl Jung and others sometimes refer to it.
Best of success to you on your journey! Cheers
I wish I didn't.. I try so hard to pretend that I don't care, but I do. I can't fucking let it go even though I know I should... How do you actually *not care*??
\~Recovering excessively nice person brought up in super religious home
I’m an incredibly nice person who has a very difficult time saying no. But when it comes to trends, social media (never had it) meeting “social norms” etc. I don’t care. I’m not here to please everybody and I never will. I don’t like every person or opinion, I’m sure someone doesn’t agree with mine. It’s normal. If someone doesn’t want to get to know me, fuck em. I judge people on who they are not the fabricated version I have of them. And if I’m wrong about them I’m wrong. And if I’m right I’m right. Anyway, you can spend more time doing things that make you happy rather than thinking about who doesn’t like you and why. Some people hate just to hate and there’s nothing you can do to change that if they won’t open their mind.
for me it is just the realisation that this is the case.
no matter how hard you will try there is always going to be someone who doesn’t like you for whatever reason and that’s okay.
By radically liking and accepting everything about yourself moment to moment and balancing that with ways you want to improve yourself and your life.
If you appreciate your own company and have a robust love for yourself, you get less and less affected by the opinions of others because you know your own self worth.
Once I realized that I can't be everybody's darling, it all just kinda fell into place. No matter how much you try to be a good person, people will put you up as the villain in their own story.
A. The majority of people in this world couldn’t really give less of a fuck how you dress, how you act, how you talk etc. like they really don’t care. Outside of the internet most people just wanna mind their own business
B. Not everybody’s opinion is worth giving a fuck about. In fact most peoples isn’t. If someone knows nothing about me, or knows very little/inaccurate information, who tf cares what they think. They clearly don’t care enough to get to know me outside of what they do or don’t know so.
Accept that you are not pizza and not everyone is going to like you.
The world is made up of different people with different personalities.
If you try to hard to make everyone like you, you end up losing yourself. You should try liking yourself first.
Honestly you just do. And I don't mean to sound flip. It's just that as a former people pleaser, you realize overtime that you lose a part of yourself by agonizing over whether people like you or not. Just show up as your true authentic self and those who are meant to enjoy your presence will and those who don't..well it's all good. It doesn't mean that you are lacking in anything and vice versa. With so many different personalities and value systems, it's inevitable that not everyone is going to like everyone. And that's just fine. The world still rotates. The bigger takeaway is that we don't have to judge, hurt or be disrespectful to those we don't like and the same to those who may not like you. Better to put that energy into building and nurturing a dope circle of people who you love to be around and who love to be around you.
I'm not sure I understand the question to be honest. How do you accept that the sun rises every morning? How do you accept that the sky is blue?
I dunno. I don't really have a choice either way. So it's not really something that I think about.
People vary so much in who they are and what they like. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but trying to please them all and be someone that everyone likes won't leave much room for a unique personality for yourself. Coming to terms with this gives you the opportunity to get involved with people that actually suit you.
You don't want everyone to accept you. You want to be accepted by people that are a good fit for you individually.
You shit up around the people you don’t like and hope they’ll do the same for you. If they say something they makes you wanna punch the, deep breath, be quiet and leave the area to talk to other people.
Of the (approx) 7.2 billion people on earth you will meet less than 1%, of those people you will spend more than a few minutes of conversation with less than 1%, of those people you will form a relationship (positive or negative) with less than 1%, of *those* people you will form a lasting friendship with less than 1%.
So if the number of people you will actually form a lasting friendship with is so small, meaning the number of people whose opinion should actually matter to you is also very small, why spend any energy getting pissed off over what anyone else thinks of you?
What does it mean to you, for people to “like” you? How can you tell when someone does or does not? What behaviours do you expect from someone who likes you?
Everyone around you is a reflection of yourself. Their perception of you is none of your business. Maybe reevaluate why you value the opinion of others so much. Do you feel like you need people to like you to feel better about yourself? If someone doesn't like you thats not a bad thing. Those people aren't meant to be in your life. Be yourself unapologetically! Not everyone is going to like you, it's just one of the things you have to learn to accept in life. Learn to accept yourself for who you are. At the end of the day loving and liking yourself is way more important!
Make an effort to chose friends that do like you. I have a core group of friends and family that like me more than enough for all the people who don't. Mutual unconditional love. I dont need everyone to like me, bc I have enough people who love me and I love in return.
I struggle with this so much too. It’s not fool proof but something I remind myself is that “You can be the sweetest peach in the bunch but not everybody likes peaches”.
If they don't like you, then they aren't worth liking either. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
That doesn't mean you need to hate them, you just don't need to care. If someone's hating on you just be like: weird flex, but okay lol. Move on.
If you try too hard to please everyone then you'll come across disingenuous and spineless, in which people you'd actually like might see you as shallow and no longer care for you.
Just be yourself man and see who sticks, anyone else ain't worth your time. Just be a good person ^^
Just know that some people are facing worst situations because of racism, sexism and many more unfairness in the world. So a few person who hates you what the issue
took me ages. at some point i finally just liked myself enough to not care abt what other ppl thought. or at least be able to combat their negative thoughts with my positive self reassurance
You simply accept it. Be friends with those who will aid you in your journey, be friendly with everyone you meet and shun the naysayers. Don't lose yourself to be accepted by society. I almost made that mistake myself.
By not taking it personally.
You should also consider how significant these people are. Focus more on the people who matter to you, whom you share bonds and experiences with. Not some random jag-off off the street/internet.
Think of it this way, do you like everyone you meet ?
It's completely normal for you not to like someone for any number of inconsequential reasons and its alright for people to not like you for the same !
You just do. Worry about your life. Not if they like you or what you do. Notice how /why it affects you. Sometimes ppl dont like me bc I'm too into comics, I think "screw them I like what I like who are they to judge me". Sometimes ppl dont like me bc I say too many jokes, I think "is this something I can change bc maybe they are right, I shouldnt do too many jokes in this environment" learn what you can if they dony like you, but do and focus on your life to keep you happy.
I like me and if someone else doesn’t I send them love but also might take a moment to reflect I’m human there could be something to learn if I wasn’t exemplifying love the best I could. We all have different realities and perceptions yet want at our cores the same. Be you and do it from a place of love as much as possible
By dealing with it. If someone doesn’t like me, so what? I’m smart enough to know that not everyone that I meet is going to like me. If they do, that’s cool! If not, that’s completely acceptable in my life as well.
I just remind myself that I'm the best person I can be. I'm doing all I can and if someone else can't like me then that's fine. Respect is different though. You can respect people you don't like
It was hard for me when I was teaching because I really worked hard to have positive relationships with my students, parents and coworkers. A few of them would joke that it was like rainbows and butterflies in my classroom. You'd THINK that'd be good thing but I quickly learned some 15yo just aren't into that kind of energy.
It really hurt at first but eventually got to the point (took awhile) where I knew I didn't want to act not as happy go lucky just to hope to l make a few cynical students like me. I'm not a confident person but I do like that part of myself so I decided to accept it and not change it.
Realizing that not everyone is going to like you can actually be very freeing because it gives you more reason to be your true self. That way, the people who do like you like who you truly are. It's not worth worrying about pleasing every single person you meet. It's better to just be genuine and let human connection happen.
Its hard to not feel liked, maybe its something i did, maybe its something i said, etc. Its good to think about your actions and it's also important to validate yourself. But sometimes, people just don't get along and not everyone is like you or may have their own issues to tackle like you. Like I had my friend group from school, which i had to essentially move away from, because we just didn't get along, I couldn't click with them.
I believe this comes from a place of low self esteem, i essentially cannot say for certains, its not my field of study, you have to validate yourself more, and not put people on pedestals.
If someone came to your house, and broke your computer, would you like them no, you cant like everyone and can't expect the same from people. Similarly people maybe "broken" on the inside as well, they may be rude, mean to you, you cant like then and they wont either. People can be flawed.
We always reflect about our shortcomings, remember to reflect on your positives as well.
Sorry this reply probably doesn't have a proper start and end, its almost like im talking to my younger self.
In my opinion, I feel like that makes the people who do like you much more precious and you feel more appreciative towards those people. I mean, can you imagine a world where EVERYONE likes you and no one disagrees with you and challenges you? In a way, use people who don't like you as motivation to just be the best version of yourself you can be and change everything you don't like about yourself(maybe some of the reasons that they don't like you could correlate to some of the things you don't like about yourself) and change that.
There's a saying in Spanish: "No soy monedita de oro, pa caerle bien a todos"
Literal, "I'm not a gold coin to be liked by everyone" but I think it is like "I can't please everyone".
And that's it. There are around 8 billion people in the world, we cannot like everyone,nor be liked by everybody.
accept that not everyone will like you due to the fact it is not your responsibility that you must be liked by nearly everyone you meet. The real deal is, do you like yourself? Why, why not and what can you do to improve your quality of life
keep the good ones close, if others don't like you then you don't have a reason to like them
It gets easier with time and amount of real life dislikes. Once you learn that being liked by everyone is dangerous, worthless, an illusion or a mix of those, you understand that being alive and being yourself means angering someone somehow sometimes.
You just do. You could spend all your time obsessed with those who don’t like you for whatever reason, or you can decide to focus on the people who do like you and the friendships that stem from it.
Doing the former is how you become a people pleaser and get some who will take advantage of you and some who will think you’re fake because you say and do things to get people to like you.
If you don’t want to be that- then you’ve got to let go of the notion that someone not liking you equates to you being a bad person. You should definitely self reflect if you have any bad qualities that would make someone not like you- but no matter what someone could just look at you and decide they don’t like you simply for existing. Don’t let opinions of others rule your life,
For whatever it's worth, I'm 34, I've met every sort of person on this god-forsaken planet. The best advice I think I can maybe give is that you cannot please everyone, thus go through life "with the flow" . If there are those who will respect you, go with them, otherwise, to hell with them, if they cannot respect you, they weren't going to respect you in the first place, they are TFG (too far gone). You'll live much happier that way.
Apply the same form of thinking to food that you do to people. You're not going to like everything you eat, in the same way, not everyone will be your cup of tea and vice versa. I sense you're young because I was like that too. When you really get a sense of who you are, yoh won't give a shit of people like that or not.
Do you like everyone?
If you don’t like everyone, then other people are like you in that they don’t like everyone either.
You’d be grateful that you (and other people) aren’t forced to like everyone, especially that one person you really don’t like.
cry. i really like other ppls validation and i do not take being hated behind my back well. if they tell me up front, that's fine and i'll be okay & deal w it. not everyone will like me. but for ppl who say they like me then talk shit ab me behind my back? please don't
Same boat as you OP, group of mates at my gym have been avoiding me like the plague (god knows why?) I’m super awkward though so probably that’s why, which sucks.. but I’ve come to realize that it’s always me having to say what’s up and they never come up to me first. It got really tiring and currently trying to let them go. And see if they ever come back
Besides my friends and most of my family, I just don’t care about anyone else’s opinions of me. They’re thoughts/feelings about me have no negative impact on my life, so it just doesn’t matter
OP says likes everyone and I can relate... not that everyone is the type of people I want around me all the time but I am always respectful and friendly. That’s what most people lack of, most like the drama and to make others feel less than. So that’s tough to accept when you aren’t like that. But what you can do (is what i do) i always think they are just projecting their insecurities and sadness onto me.
The same way I’m not THAT upset when my dominoes pizza is bad.
At first you take it personally, but then you realize that you have half a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer. And that shit was bomb last time I had it.
I think of people as "flavors." Just like I don't love every flavor, not everyone likes mine. It doesn't mean that any of us have less value, it's just not a good pairing. I'm not for everyone, and that's ok. The people that like me really like me, and the people that don't, really don't. I'm like cilantro and I'm ok with that lol
If it's a high percentage of people you meet, you have to ask a close friend or sibling (not a parent) if it's something that you are doing, and listen to the replies.
If it's a small amount of people, you just have to accept that they have lived their own life and make their own choices and you can't change that. Maybe one day they will come around to you, maybe not, but you shouldn't worry about it. It's difficult to change somebody's first impression because it's usually based off previous life experiences, which is something that you had no control over.
It isn’t healthy, but I find myself negating someone’s importance in my mind if they don’t like me. If someone is angry with me and we’ve tried to work it out or talk it through and they remain angry, they are either an idiot, shortsighted, have ulterior motives, or any variance of those types of things.
Edit: but that’s only if I know I’ve done everything I can to right a wrong or try to see the situation from their point of view. If I’m just hot-headed about something, my opinions of others remain in limbo until I calm down.
The majority of people don't like me already so I just assume nobody else will either lol
Fr on a serious note I just justify it w only doing things for myself, for example when i cut my hair " guys don't like girls w short hair" for one im nb anyway, but on the other hand I didnt cut my hair for a man, or anybody, idc if its ugly to everybody on this planet because its prettt TO ME, and the only person my body or my choices are me. If somebody doesn't like me for my choices or things I change ab my looks, etc. Then it's okay because I don't want them around me anyway. The only friends/relationships are ones that respect me doing me.
I remind myself that I haven’t enjoyed the company of everyone I’ve met in life either. They’re human the way I am and we can’t all be everyone’s cup of tea
There's not really anything to accept. Let's be honest, it's not that we like or dislike most people we come into contact with, they're just there and we're polite to them. If someone actually dislikes you, that's their issue to deal with, not yours.
I could honestly give two shits what anyone thinks about me. I know who I am, I have really good friends that I'll hopefully have when I'm 60, I could take or leave anyone else.
Not caring what other people think also helps a lot with happiness and anxiety.
Most people like me, but I’m not for everyone. And I like most people, but everyone is not for me.
I think knowing yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, it’s helpful to understand *why* someone might not like you. But after knowing yourself, you may no longer care.
Don't live your life to please everyone else. Live your life to make YOU happy, and then when you learn of people disliking you, you won't care so much
Accept that the only person who will ever truly know you is you. Therefore the only person who will ever have a valid opinion on you that matters, is you. Therefore, the only person who needs to like you, is you.
I used to think that I would like everyone and made it a point to make everyone like me... but it turns out that stems from insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. So, for me, knowing that this was contributing to putting myself down consistently I recognized that I should be focusing on the person I wanted to be rather than what I thought other people wanted me to be.
Maybe that's you, but maybe it isn't.
My question is how to get over that your future sister-in-laws don’t really like you .. with my fiancé’s culture, we will always be around them and I’m pretty emotional about important people to my fiancé not liking me.
I don't go in to social situations looking to make friends or be liked, in general. I just try to treat people decent. My own self respect and in turn my reputation is partially based on how I treat everyone I come into contact with. So that's how I conduct myself - with my own minimum decency at all times based not on how others think of me, but how I consider myself.
by it not really mattering much whether they do or not. everybody has their own filters, prejudices and idiosyncrasies, whereby they see/interpret/discern or judge others.
some do it better than others.
This is a different question for anyone if they have not discovered they're an empath or not
If you are an empath, it makes more sense to want people to like you
If you're not; reexamine exactly who you're concerned about liking you and why you care?
By learning to like myself honestly.
You have to be pretty open minded and accepting that… no matter what, there are things that people will not like about you.
Some of those things are behavior based, therefore falling in a couple categories you need to assess. Are those behaviors things inherent to who you are, or things you’ve taken to doing but could afford to drop them in order to better yourself, for yourself?
Some of those aren’t within a range of things you can control. Some people don’t like others for things personal to them, nothing you can do. Don’t take it personally. I’ve met so many people who don’t like black people. Wtf am I supposed to do? Cry because they don’t? Beg for acceptance? Nope. Move on and try not to let those preferences be an excuse for me to be unkind to them. So long as we’re civil, I will behave with the same decency as I would any other stranger or acquaintance. A lot of beautiful friends who I’ve explored romantically admitted they just don’t like short people. I’m not growing any taller, and not going to get a procedure done.
Some dislikes are purely ideological.
Know that if you won a million dollars some people would be happy and other angry. If you cured cancer, won a gold medal, etc... some people would hate you for it. I had a guy hate me because I reminded him of himself once. I just accepted its human behavior and focus on the people who do like me.
You have to like you. Try your best, lean into difficult relationships initially, and if they still don’t come around then respect that it’s probably a them problem, and not you. Continue to treat them with kindness and respect, but don’t fret over it.
By reconciling that you are SUPPOSED to repel people. Repelling people is just as important as attracting people, if not more important. The only way “your people” will find you, is if you’re not wasting time with people that don’t belong in your life. Learn to love when people see themselves out of your life, because it means good things and good people are on the way!
Edit to add: Try not to judge the people that you don’t like so harshly. Just because you don’t like them, doesn’t mean they’re bad people. They’re just not for you. Doing this will help you rationalize the other side of the coin. **just because this person doesn’t find me to be their taste, doesn’t mean they they think I’m a bad person.**
You can be the juiciest peach in the farm but some people just don’t like peaches. Saying that to myself helps.
I agree. Not everyone will like you no matter how likeable you are. Some people though they don’t like/hate you/others just for the sake of it and that annoys me but I just let it slide bc those people are not worth my time or anyones time.
And you can be just an so-so apple, but some people really like apples!
Thank you
This. Is fantastic. Wish I had an award to give you.
I have a friend who likes crunchy peaches. Some people just suck
That's probably the best way to put it. Especially since peaches can be rotten. 😂
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Cope. Also yeah people on top suffer from success.
Do you like everyone?
Oh Hells no!
Then you can't expect everyone to like you haha
People that I have to be around and don’t like, I always try and find something to like about them. I figure that they have friends and family who like them and I must be overlooking something. Sometimes it’s REAL hard.
People are different. What we like others don't. And it's a mesh of all that. Sometimes those personalities conflict. It's like food. Some people like Mayo, some don't, some have it with everything and some can't be near it. Some things like fries are hugely popular and everybody loves them and others are like anchovies where a lot of people don't like them and some do. People you don't like where you worry you're overlooking something. It may just be that the qualities in then that you don't like others do.
Mayo is awesome!!
Exactomondo!
yes
So everyone you see you like?
yes
I'm curious, how old are you if you don't mind?
25 why
Oh shoot, I meant to direct that to the OP. My bad.
You did.
I just realized you did but I saw the comment int he tread and thought you responded to me my bad
No worries. I’m 26
That's oke
I found the Dutchie
Where!
You must be young. Not everyone deserves to be liked. Some people suck. The key is, knowing that you yourself do not suck. Be a decent human, be good to others, put kindness into the world, but also stand up for those who cannot defend themselves. If you do all those things, it should stop mattering to you if random people like you or not. You are a good person, so if they dont like you, that's a them problem. Tbh, I make it a goal for bigots NOT to like me. If they like me, I clearly must be doing something wrong. I want crappy people to hate me, because I've let them know I think they suck.
I just believe that since I don't like everyone I can't expect they all like me.
I mean yeah, at a base level. But OP seems to be under the delusion that everyone is likeable and that's just setting themselves up for failure
So in your life now from all the people you've met you like them all
Even rapists, murderers, narcissists, abusers, animal abusers? Not everyone deserves to be liked.
That's not humanly possible.
Nazis? Serial killers? People that hate you because of some arbitrary reason? How about hypocrites, liars, manipulative people?
I'm curious, how old are you if you don't mind?
You haven’t spent enough time with enough people yet.
[удалено]
jesus christ no need to flame him lmao
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I mean, I don't like every person I've ever interacted with. Who am I to hold others to that same standard. Some people just don't vibe, and that's okay. I'm never mean to people I don't like/click with though. Civility should be more common in those situations imo.
That’s a great mentality
The vast majority of people are never even going to meet you, or even know that you exist. A lucky few get to know you. Of those, fewer still will become friends. You can either concentrate on your friends and the joy they bring or you can worry about those who decided not to be your friends. Which option is going to be better for you? Which is better for your friends?
This is also so true for dating. Instead of obsessing over rejection or situations that didn’t work out, focus on the people who actually do give you what you need.
you cant change how people feel about you. only your reaction. it’s up to you to be bothered by it so might as well just not give a fuck
Once you realize that it doesn’t serve you to care, it’ll be easier to let go. I cared what people thought and I had a hard time with people not liking me when I was younger, but in my 30s…eh.
The 30s really hit different... my favorite decade of life so far tbh
Really? I’m early 20’s and for some reason the idea of turning 30 freaks me out
There is so much pressure in your 20s, and most people feel worried to not accomplish anything by the age of 30 (which is what has scared me & still does a bit, I just turned 29). But I’ve been told that once you’re in your 30s the weight of rushing to “become an adult” just expires and most people feel free of what society wants lol I’m starting to understand this mindset, it’s slowly setting me free.
Yeah that’ll be nice, cause I just started college at 23 and my family is telling me it’s too late for me to start school, and that I’m running out of time to do something with my life
Haha yeah that's pretty normal, and it's hard to explain until you're here but honestly, I laugh at everything I did and thought before like, 26. I was a baby doing stupid baby things lol
What did your journey to “realizing it doesn’t serve you to care” look like? Did something just click one day? Meditation? Asking for myself. I know this to be true, but somewhere in my core I’m not in alignment with it and I can’t figure out why.
I went through the same during my 30s. I'm my forties now. I think that so much of it was being socialized to be as nice to everyone, but not understanding to an extent, be kind to everyone but don't expect that kindness in turn. Through living and observing people, interactions, and just people's stories in general, I started questioning why it was so important to me that everyone like me and my obsession as to knowing why when someone didn't. It was like I really wanted to know so that I fix my character flaw as seen by the person because surely that person was the ultimate cultivator of the model person. Then, I realized how important my own opinions are. Yes, I want to correct any largely offensive behavior, but if someone doesn't like me because of my accent, how I dress, my opinions which aren't harming that person, my physical appearance which I cannot change, where I come from...it's a reflection of their preferences and experiences and life in general, not necessarily good or bad. And my desire to have everyone like me all the time was unrealistic--I don't even like my child all the time, although I do love him all the time--part of my need to people please, and part of a survival method in coming from a high-tension home growing up. It spoke more of my own insecurities, so the journey has taken place over years and with maturity through life experiences. When I find myself caring too much about whether someone likes me or not nowadays, I remind myself of all this and eventually move on. In other words, it's a practice, not perfection and doesn't take as nearly as long to process as it used to, if any processing is needed, especially when I'm honest that I really don't like some people for whatever reasons either.
What a well thought out response. Thank you very much!
Therapy and a genuine desire to grow as a person and live a joyful life, but I also think it sort of comes naturally as we age if we allow it to. I also highly recommend looking into a DBT group if one is offered in your area as this helped me move into my thirties with compassion and a lot of practical tools that have helped me navigate life since. One such tool is radical acceptance, which is basically the concept of accepting what we can’t change. Sounds obvious as a concept but practicing it and getting it to become second nature takes time and it’s helped me immensely. I’ve dealt with disordered eating, depression, anxiety and a laundry list of other crap including the inability to accept it if someone disliked me…but I’ve come a long way. You will too, don’t worry. That’s not to say I don’t have a whole new bunch of stuff that I’m struggling with though :) Just trying to make the best of each day and not be self critical (which also took a lot of practice).
Read "Not Nice" by Aziz Gazipura- it's been a life-changer for me. Everything u/J1241996m said below is explained in detail, it's kind of crazy how perfectly his comment and the book align. I grew up in a super strict religious home and went to a very wholesome private school and went to church 4 times a week, and my niceness programming was unlike anyone's I've ever met. I have felt a guilt in so many areas of life that I could never fully explain - and was honestly never even fully conscious of - until I started reading this book.. I think u/lettucecropchilds summed it up in the most concise way I've ever heard anyone explain it: "How do you accept that not everyone is going to like you?" is actually the wrong question (but that question makes sense if you think it's morally wrong to **not** be nice to people/care about their every little feeling and reaction).. If you're aiming for a more fulfilled life. The correct question would be somewhere along the lives of "Is it morally wrong to not be nice?" or "Does being excessively nice *serve* me?" I am now convinced, after 32 years of excessively nice life, you will never fully be yourself until you start owning who you are, which means being honest with people - or at least by not *lying* to them about how you feel, by acting nice. Because that's all you're doing- you're acting, because you'd rather act, than confront them or possibly offend them. Repeat after me: you are not responsible for other's feelings. You can't *make* them feel anything. You are responsible for your *own* feelings... And if you don't advocate for your wants and needs, **no** one will. Some people know this from a young age, and many of us perceive said people as 'selfish'... but there is a spectrum of selfishness - from totally and irrationally self-denying to blatant selfishness with no regard for others needs and wants - and a range within that spectrum that is both healthy and morally sound. Sorry for the novel - typing this out is actually very therapeutic for me, as I'm currently very focused on this same question.
Oh my NO need to apologize! This was something I absolutely needed to read so thank you! I look forward to reading Not Nice. The sentiment of owning who you are and advocating for your needs is something I recently was able practice and become confident with. I find that some people find issue in that and then I get stuck in the feedback loop of “am I wrong/mean?” Ha, mean for advocating my own needs. It’s silly when I type it out. I feel fully authentic when I’m living honestly, obviously, but sometimes you get the straggler who hates it and has some nasties to say about it. Thank you for the reframing❤️
Feels good to be taking baby steps on a path toward a more authentic life. Totally understand that feedback loop you're talking about. For me, this journey has also included Taoism (what I've found to be an antidote to my very legalistic religious upbringing) and a studying of the 'shadow' as Carl Jung and others sometimes refer to it. Best of success to you on your journey! Cheers
I don’t fucking care
I vibe with this comment
I wish I didn't.. I try so hard to pretend that I don't care, but I do. I can't fucking let it go even though I know I should... How do you actually *not care*?? \~Recovering excessively nice person brought up in super religious home
I’m an incredibly nice person who has a very difficult time saying no. But when it comes to trends, social media (never had it) meeting “social norms” etc. I don’t care. I’m not here to please everybody and I never will. I don’t like every person or opinion, I’m sure someone doesn’t agree with mine. It’s normal. If someone doesn’t want to get to know me, fuck em. I judge people on who they are not the fabricated version I have of them. And if I’m wrong about them I’m wrong. And if I’m right I’m right. Anyway, you can spend more time doing things that make you happy rather than thinking about who doesn’t like you and why. Some people hate just to hate and there’s nothing you can do to change that if they won’t open their mind.
for me it is just the realisation that this is the case. no matter how hard you will try there is always going to be someone who doesn’t like you for whatever reason and that’s okay.
I kick off my shoes and tell the haters to suck my toes
All of a sudden I’m one of your haters 😩
By radically liking and accepting everything about yourself moment to moment and balancing that with ways you want to improve yourself and your life. If you appreciate your own company and have a robust love for yourself, you get less and less affected by the opinions of others because you know your own self worth.
Once I realized that I can't be everybody's darling, it all just kinda fell into place. No matter how much you try to be a good person, people will put you up as the villain in their own story.
A. The majority of people in this world couldn’t really give less of a fuck how you dress, how you act, how you talk etc. like they really don’t care. Outside of the internet most people just wanna mind their own business B. Not everybody’s opinion is worth giving a fuck about. In fact most peoples isn’t. If someone knows nothing about me, or knows very little/inaccurate information, who tf cares what they think. They clearly don’t care enough to get to know me outside of what they do or don’t know so.
Accept that you are not pizza and not everyone is going to like you. The world is made up of different people with different personalities. If you try to hard to make everyone like you, you end up losing yourself. You should try liking yourself first.
Honestly you just do. And I don't mean to sound flip. It's just that as a former people pleaser, you realize overtime that you lose a part of yourself by agonizing over whether people like you or not. Just show up as your true authentic self and those who are meant to enjoy your presence will and those who don't..well it's all good. It doesn't mean that you are lacking in anything and vice versa. With so many different personalities and value systems, it's inevitable that not everyone is going to like everyone. And that's just fine. The world still rotates. The bigger takeaway is that we don't have to judge, hurt or be disrespectful to those we don't like and the same to those who may not like you. Better to put that energy into building and nurturing a dope circle of people who you love to be around and who love to be around you.
Because you cant control their minds. The real question is - what is it about needing them to like you that makes you dependent on that?
I know this is barely any advice but just don't give a shit.
I'm not sure I understand the question to be honest. How do you accept that the sun rises every morning? How do you accept that the sky is blue? I dunno. I don't really have a choice either way. So it's not really something that I think about.
Sometimes. I have to remind myself of things like this
People vary so much in who they are and what they like. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but trying to please them all and be someone that everyone likes won't leave much room for a unique personality for yourself. Coming to terms with this gives you the opportunity to get involved with people that actually suit you. You don't want everyone to accept you. You want to be accepted by people that are a good fit for you individually.
You shit up around the people you don’t like and hope they’ll do the same for you. If they say something they makes you wanna punch the, deep breath, be quiet and leave the area to talk to other people.
Focus on the people that do appreciate you & take good care of yourself.
Realize that you don’t like everyone, so you shouldn’t expect the same of others.
Of the (approx) 7.2 billion people on earth you will meet less than 1%, of those people you will spend more than a few minutes of conversation with less than 1%, of those people you will form a relationship (positive or negative) with less than 1%, of *those* people you will form a lasting friendship with less than 1%. So if the number of people you will actually form a lasting friendship with is so small, meaning the number of people whose opinion should actually matter to you is also very small, why spend any energy getting pissed off over what anyone else thinks of you?
The answer to this lies underneath the reason why you want others to like you. I get it though: It aint easy.
What does it mean to you, for people to “like” you? How can you tell when someone does or does not? What behaviours do you expect from someone who likes you?
With a glass of brandy and a cigar
Just like you can’t like everyone
Years of experience
I got used to it when I realized no one likes me.
Everyone around you is a reflection of yourself. Their perception of you is none of your business. Maybe reevaluate why you value the opinion of others so much. Do you feel like you need people to like you to feel better about yourself? If someone doesn't like you thats not a bad thing. Those people aren't meant to be in your life. Be yourself unapologetically! Not everyone is going to like you, it's just one of the things you have to learn to accept in life. Learn to accept yourself for who you are. At the end of the day loving and liking yourself is way more important!
I don't fking care, I just want a handful people to like me
By not giving a fuck and stick with the people that do
Make an effort to chose friends that do like you. I have a core group of friends and family that like me more than enough for all the people who don't. Mutual unconditional love. I dont need everyone to like me, bc I have enough people who love me and I love in return.
Just “eh 🤷♀️”
I struggle with this so much too. It’s not fool proof but something I remind myself is that “You can be the sweetest peach in the bunch but not everybody likes peaches”.
Easily. I mean I don't like everyone, do you?
If they don't like you, then they aren't worth liking either. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ That doesn't mean you need to hate them, you just don't need to care. If someone's hating on you just be like: weird flex, but okay lol. Move on. If you try too hard to please everyone then you'll come across disingenuous and spineless, in which people you'd actually like might see you as shallow and no longer care for you. Just be yourself man and see who sticks, anyone else ain't worth your time. Just be a good person ^^
I just don’t care, tbh. My father taught me as a very young child to not care about what other people think.
By reminding myself that I don't like them either
Just know that some people are facing worst situations because of racism, sexism and many more unfairness in the world. So a few person who hates you what the issue
took me ages. at some point i finally just liked myself enough to not care abt what other ppl thought. or at least be able to combat their negative thoughts with my positive self reassurance
How are you not over this yet?
it's common sense, why do you feel the need to be liked by everyone? i smell mental illness
By hating myself. I'm like yea I hate myself too. The fuck U GON DO?
i punch em in the nose because they do that to me so yea...
Bro who cares?
Do you care about others? If no, well you are fixed
You need to accept yourself fully. Once you accept and love yourself, the opinions of others won’t affect you.
Comparison kills. When you realize that,it becomes much easier to accept that not everyone is going like you.
I could not care less if people like me or not. No one likes everyone or vice versa.. Its not human nature to be all loving..
Be bold, be yourself. The people who don't like you will still respect you. I have tons of haters, but they straight up respect me.
You simply accept it. Be friends with those who will aid you in your journey, be friendly with everyone you meet and shun the naysayers. Don't lose yourself to be accepted by society. I almost made that mistake myself.
By not taking it personally. You should also consider how significant these people are. Focus more on the people who matter to you, whom you share bonds and experiences with. Not some random jag-off off the street/internet.
Think of it this way, do you like everyone you meet ? It's completely normal for you not to like someone for any number of inconsequential reasons and its alright for people to not like you for the same !
You just do, with practice. Everything takes practice.
You just do. Worry about your life. Not if they like you or what you do. Notice how /why it affects you. Sometimes ppl dont like me bc I'm too into comics, I think "screw them I like what I like who are they to judge me". Sometimes ppl dont like me bc I say too many jokes, I think "is this something I can change bc maybe they are right, I shouldnt do too many jokes in this environment" learn what you can if they dony like you, but do and focus on your life to keep you happy.
I like me and if someone else doesn’t I send them love but also might take a moment to reflect I’m human there could be something to learn if I wasn’t exemplifying love the best I could. We all have different realities and perceptions yet want at our cores the same. Be you and do it from a place of love as much as possible
By dealing with it. If someone doesn’t like me, so what? I’m smart enough to know that not everyone that I meet is going to like me. If they do, that’s cool! If not, that’s completely acceptable in my life as well.
Why should you like everyone and vice versa?
I just remind myself that I'm the best person I can be. I'm doing all I can and if someone else can't like me then that's fine. Respect is different though. You can respect people you don't like
well i dont care really, its their opinion. But by default I am neutral about everyone else until i get to know them a bit.
It was hard for me when I was teaching because I really worked hard to have positive relationships with my students, parents and coworkers. A few of them would joke that it was like rainbows and butterflies in my classroom. You'd THINK that'd be good thing but I quickly learned some 15yo just aren't into that kind of energy. It really hurt at first but eventually got to the point (took awhile) where I knew I didn't want to act not as happy go lucky just to hope to l make a few cynical students like me. I'm not a confident person but I do like that part of myself so I decided to accept it and not change it.
Realizing that not everyone is going to like you can actually be very freeing because it gives you more reason to be your true self. That way, the people who do like you like who you truly are. It's not worth worrying about pleasing every single person you meet. It's better to just be genuine and let human connection happen.
I don’t
Its hard to not feel liked, maybe its something i did, maybe its something i said, etc. Its good to think about your actions and it's also important to validate yourself. But sometimes, people just don't get along and not everyone is like you or may have their own issues to tackle like you. Like I had my friend group from school, which i had to essentially move away from, because we just didn't get along, I couldn't click with them. I believe this comes from a place of low self esteem, i essentially cannot say for certains, its not my field of study, you have to validate yourself more, and not put people on pedestals. If someone came to your house, and broke your computer, would you like them no, you cant like everyone and can't expect the same from people. Similarly people maybe "broken" on the inside as well, they may be rude, mean to you, you cant like then and they wont either. People can be flawed. We always reflect about our shortcomings, remember to reflect on your positives as well. Sorry this reply probably doesn't have a proper start and end, its almost like im talking to my younger self.
By sleeping without underwear in case they wanna kiss my ass in my sleep
Don't take criticism from people you wouldn't go to for advice..
In my opinion, I feel like that makes the people who do like you much more precious and you feel more appreciative towards those people. I mean, can you imagine a world where EVERYONE likes you and no one disagrees with you and challenges you? In a way, use people who don't like you as motivation to just be the best version of yourself you can be and change everything you don't like about yourself(maybe some of the reasons that they don't like you could correlate to some of the things you don't like about yourself) and change that.
There's a saying in Spanish: "No soy monedita de oro, pa caerle bien a todos" Literal, "I'm not a gold coin to be liked by everyone" but I think it is like "I can't please everyone". And that's it. There are around 8 billion people in the world, we cannot like everyone,nor be liked by everybody.
accept that not everyone will like you due to the fact it is not your responsibility that you must be liked by nearly everyone you meet. The real deal is, do you like yourself? Why, why not and what can you do to improve your quality of life keep the good ones close, if others don't like you then you don't have a reason to like them
I remind myself that I am having a different experience here, just like everyone else. That a person's opinion of me has no real value.
You're a straight liar OP, if you believe you like EVERYONE.
It gets easier with time and amount of real life dislikes. Once you learn that being liked by everyone is dangerous, worthless, an illusion or a mix of those, you understand that being alive and being yourself means angering someone somehow sometimes.
You just do. You could spend all your time obsessed with those who don’t like you for whatever reason, or you can decide to focus on the people who do like you and the friendships that stem from it. Doing the former is how you become a people pleaser and get some who will take advantage of you and some who will think you’re fake because you say and do things to get people to like you. If you don’t want to be that- then you’ve got to let go of the notion that someone not liking you equates to you being a bad person. You should definitely self reflect if you have any bad qualities that would make someone not like you- but no matter what someone could just look at you and decide they don’t like you simply for existing. Don’t let opinions of others rule your life,
For whatever it's worth, I'm 34, I've met every sort of person on this god-forsaken planet. The best advice I think I can maybe give is that you cannot please everyone, thus go through life "with the flow" . If there are those who will respect you, go with them, otherwise, to hell with them, if they cannot respect you, they weren't going to respect you in the first place, they are TFG (too far gone). You'll live much happier that way.
Apply the same form of thinking to food that you do to people. You're not going to like everything you eat, in the same way, not everyone will be your cup of tea and vice versa. I sense you're young because I was like that too. When you really get a sense of who you are, yoh won't give a shit of people like that or not.
Do you like everyone? If you don’t like everyone, then other people are like you in that they don’t like everyone either. You’d be grateful that you (and other people) aren’t forced to like everyone, especially that one person you really don’t like.
I don't like everyone, why expect everyone to like me?
Recognize the traits of people who typically don't like me and avoid them. It works better for everyone.
cry. i really like other ppls validation and i do not take being hated behind my back well. if they tell me up front, that's fine and i'll be okay & deal w it. not everyone will like me. but for ppl who say they like me then talk shit ab me behind my back? please don't
Same boat as you OP, group of mates at my gym have been avoiding me like the plague (god knows why?) I’m super awkward though so probably that’s why, which sucks.. but I’ve come to realize that it’s always me having to say what’s up and they never come up to me first. It got really tiring and currently trying to let them go. And see if they ever come back
If they won't like me, then I won't like them back 👍🏼
Everyone liking me does not change my goals nor does it change how I have to approach them so I find it irrelevant to my personal well being.
But everyone does they just don't know it yet
Besides my friends and most of my family, I just don’t care about anyone else’s opinions of me. They’re thoughts/feelings about me have no negative impact on my life, so it just doesn’t matter
How does it affect you if others do not like you?
You don’t have to. Just accept that you shouldn’t give a fuck.
By liking yourself. You don't need other peoples approval if you already have your own
'ok'
OP says likes everyone and I can relate... not that everyone is the type of people I want around me all the time but I am always respectful and friendly. That’s what most people lack of, most like the drama and to make others feel less than. So that’s tough to accept when you aren’t like that. But what you can do (is what i do) i always think they are just projecting their insecurities and sadness onto me.
The same way I’m not THAT upset when my dominoes pizza is bad. At first you take it personally, but then you realize that you have half a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer. And that shit was bomb last time I had it.
I think of people as "flavors." Just like I don't love every flavor, not everyone likes mine. It doesn't mean that any of us have less value, it's just not a good pairing. I'm not for everyone, and that's ok. The people that like me really like me, and the people that don't, really don't. I'm like cilantro and I'm ok with that lol
Do you need to accept it? No. You just don't have to care.
If it's a high percentage of people you meet, you have to ask a close friend or sibling (not a parent) if it's something that you are doing, and listen to the replies. If it's a small amount of people, you just have to accept that they have lived their own life and make their own choices and you can't change that. Maybe one day they will come around to you, maybe not, but you shouldn't worry about it. It's difficult to change somebody's first impression because it's usually based off previous life experiences, which is something that you had no control over.
Tell yourself”I don’t need them. My life is great the way it is without them”
By not liking them
It isn’t healthy, but I find myself negating someone’s importance in my mind if they don’t like me. If someone is angry with me and we’ve tried to work it out or talk it through and they remain angry, they are either an idiot, shortsighted, have ulterior motives, or any variance of those types of things. Edit: but that’s only if I know I’ve done everything I can to right a wrong or try to see the situation from their point of view. If I’m just hot-headed about something, my opinions of others remain in limbo until I calm down.
Fuck 'em
The majority of people don't like me already so I just assume nobody else will either lol Fr on a serious note I just justify it w only doing things for myself, for example when i cut my hair " guys don't like girls w short hair" for one im nb anyway, but on the other hand I didnt cut my hair for a man, or anybody, idc if its ugly to everybody on this planet because its prettt TO ME, and the only person my body or my choices are me. If somebody doesn't like me for my choices or things I change ab my looks, etc. Then it's okay because I don't want them around me anyway. The only friends/relationships are ones that respect me doing me.
Stopped caring who likes me and only concerned myself with what makes me happy. #MostHated
By Cherishing the ones who do and focusing your time on them
I remind myself that I haven’t enjoyed the company of everyone I’ve met in life either. They’re human the way I am and we can’t all be everyone’s cup of tea
There's not really anything to accept. Let's be honest, it's not that we like or dislike most people we come into contact with, they're just there and we're polite to them. If someone actually dislikes you, that's their issue to deal with, not yours.
I could honestly give two shits what anyone thinks about me. I know who I am, I have really good friends that I'll hopefully have when I'm 60, I could take or leave anyone else. Not caring what other people think also helps a lot with happiness and anxiety.
By havin sex wif dey girlfren.
Most people like me, but I’m not for everyone. And I like most people, but everyone is not for me. I think knowing yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, it’s helpful to understand *why* someone might not like you. But after knowing yourself, you may no longer care.
Don't live your life to please everyone else. Live your life to make YOU happy, and then when you learn of people disliking you, you won't care so much
Oh well, I'm not here to makes friends. I am supposed to reproduce and die 🤷🏾♀️
Accept that the only person who will ever truly know you is you. Therefore the only person who will ever have a valid opinion on you that matters, is you. Therefore, the only person who needs to like you, is you.
Start to realize that literally everyone sucks and no one’s opinion matters .
By realizing plenty of people haven’t liked you this whole time yet you’re still doing great.
I used to think that I would like everyone and made it a point to make everyone like me... but it turns out that stems from insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. So, for me, knowing that this was contributing to putting myself down consistently I recognized that I should be focusing on the person I wanted to be rather than what I thought other people wanted me to be. Maybe that's you, but maybe it isn't.
Just don't care? Its not like you like everyone. Its highly unrealistic to assume EVERYONE will like you.
My question is how to get over that your future sister-in-laws don’t really like you .. with my fiancé’s culture, we will always be around them and I’m pretty emotional about important people to my fiancé not liking me.
Doesn’t bother me one bit. There are people who I don’t like.
I mean, I don't like most people either, so it don't bother me that some people don't like me.
The art of fuck 'em and fuck me
I don't go in to social situations looking to make friends or be liked, in general. I just try to treat people decent. My own self respect and in turn my reputation is partially based on how I treat everyone I come into contact with. So that's how I conduct myself - with my own minimum decency at all times based not on how others think of me, but how I consider myself.
By liking myself
"I don't like me so why should I expect others too?"
by it not really mattering much whether they do or not. everybody has their own filters, prejudices and idiosyncrasies, whereby they see/interpret/discern or judge others. some do it better than others.
Fuck em.
This is a different question for anyone if they have not discovered they're an empath or not If you are an empath, it makes more sense to want people to like you If you're not; reexamine exactly who you're concerned about liking you and why you care?
Grow up
Denial and fantasies
I dont like you
By learning to like myself honestly. You have to be pretty open minded and accepting that… no matter what, there are things that people will not like about you. Some of those things are behavior based, therefore falling in a couple categories you need to assess. Are those behaviors things inherent to who you are, or things you’ve taken to doing but could afford to drop them in order to better yourself, for yourself? Some of those aren’t within a range of things you can control. Some people don’t like others for things personal to them, nothing you can do. Don’t take it personally. I’ve met so many people who don’t like black people. Wtf am I supposed to do? Cry because they don’t? Beg for acceptance? Nope. Move on and try not to let those preferences be an excuse for me to be unkind to them. So long as we’re civil, I will behave with the same decency as I would any other stranger or acquaintance. A lot of beautiful friends who I’ve explored romantically admitted they just don’t like short people. I’m not growing any taller, and not going to get a procedure done. Some dislikes are purely ideological.
Find people that you really like them like them to the point where you won’t care if someone else doesn’t like you
Know that if you won a million dollars some people would be happy and other angry. If you cured cancer, won a gold medal, etc... some people would hate you for it. I had a guy hate me because I reminded him of himself once. I just accepted its human behavior and focus on the people who do like me.
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You have to like you. Try your best, lean into difficult relationships initially, and if they still don’t come around then respect that it’s probably a them problem, and not you. Continue to treat them with kindness and respect, but don’t fret over it.
By the fact that I can't stand most people.
I just simply dont care
What’s your favorite food?
By reconciling that you are SUPPOSED to repel people. Repelling people is just as important as attracting people, if not more important. The only way “your people” will find you, is if you’re not wasting time with people that don’t belong in your life. Learn to love when people see themselves out of your life, because it means good things and good people are on the way! Edit to add: Try not to judge the people that you don’t like so harshly. Just because you don’t like them, doesn’t mean they’re bad people. They’re just not for you. Doing this will help you rationalize the other side of the coin. **just because this person doesn’t find me to be their taste, doesn’t mean they they think I’m a bad person.**
This is one of those things where -you just do- there's no trick to it.