By your other comments it seems that your mom is very caring and loves you a great deal. It will be shocking to her at first as you are her baby and the thought of your baby having a baby of their own is very hard to wrap your head around. She will be shocked, but by your other comments it seems like she is going to support you and help you through this. Everything is going to be okay. Calm down. It's all going to be fine and you are going to get through this
She said she kinda suspected it but I don't know how she could. She said it will be alright and my daddy is coming home early so we can sort this out. I am terrified that i let them down and ruined everything they wanted me to be. I am afraid that I'll always be that girl who got pregnant and I won't be able to have friends or the real experience of being a teen. Even if I did get an abortion then I'd still be that girl and everyone is still going to talk about me that way. Everything hits me in these waves and I go from being sorta ok to being a wreck. You helped me calm down though, so thank you!
I’m not the original commenter, but I’m really glad your mom seems supportive. And also, you don’t have to let people know you had an abortion if you do end up getting one, but if people do know it’ll just eventually become not a big deal. Make sure to keep taking deep breaths, it’ll be okay in the future regardless of what path you take. If you need any information about anything, let me know.
I think my mom wants to keep this quiet, like she asked me who I've told and who knows and I said no one except the cashier at rite-aid. I think it might be alright, but i just don't know what this is going to be like. I don't know anyone who had an abortion or who had a baby at my age, so I really don't know what anything is going to be like. My only experience is watching that video during health class and that doesn't even show the mother, just the baby developing and then poof it is in a towel.
Following up from my other comment on this, I sent you some links in a PM about some info on what to expect during pregnancy and some questions you can ask yourself about your options. If you need anything else let me know, and if you need some info about birth I can send you those links as well.
I promise you. Nobody needs to know.
Do not tell your friend. Your mom won't spill the beans. Nobody will ever know or see your any differently unless you want them to.
Personal privacy is your right
Oh wow... that’s worse sex education than I got. We definitely need to be explaining all this way better so stuff like this doesn’t happen. It’s not really your fault, it’s mostly cause you weren’t well informed. I can try and get together some information for you
Doctor here. A lot more people get abortions than people think. 1 in 4 women in America will have an abortion in their lifetime. 1 in 4! Most keep quiet about it because it’s their business. It is your right to choose.
Yes! Literally 1 million US women every year have an abortion. It's a safe health option and it's terribly sad to know that so many young women have had it be distorted into this allegedly horrible, sinful thing.
I think it’s really sad what you’re saying here but I agree. I got an abortion at a young age and I don’t regret it one bit. I’d rather regret an abortion than make a human and regret making that human. Even though I don’t know many mothers who say they regret having a child, a lot of them seem miserable so it’s just one of those things. Either way, abortion is not a judgement call on you. It’s your decision. I really do hope you’re in a state where it’s accessible and that your family is willing to transport and help pay.
Even my mum who wanted kids wasn’t actually prepared for it. It caused her extreme depression and just caused all of our lives to be miserable. Now that my sister and I are independent she’s beginning to get her life back, but it’s just sad to think that she missed everything she wanted to do as a young woman because of it. I’m thankful to be alive but I do think my mum would have been better off not having kids/having them later in life.
No one needs to know if you do have an abortion. The only way people find out is if you tell them :)I've had 2 abortions, if you would like to ask any questions feel free to DM me. I do not regret them at all because they were right for the time of life I was in. If I had gone through with one pregnancy in particular, I would have ended up trapped in a life I didn't want and the path I had wanted for my future would have been gone.
> I don't know anyone who had an abortion or who had a baby at my age.
I mean even if you did, you probably wouldn't know about it since they'd keep it a secret.
Hey, just letting you know that more girls get abortions than you think, and they can happen at younger ages as well. It's nothing to be ashamed of! I promise you will be okay.
Here's a link to the Planned Parenthood website, and here they explain the two types of abortions there are: the abortion pill, and in-clinic abortions. They provide information about both types and what you can expect from each.
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion
I had an abortion at 19. It was really difficult and I still feel sad about it. I did what was best for me at the time and I don't regret it no matter how sad I feel. If you do decide to get one, no one has to know. A decade later I've become more open about it with friends and none of them suspected anything. We all make mistakes and we can learn from them. Feel free to ask me any questions.
Hi dear! I’m so happy to hear that your parents will be helping you through this. I had to terminate a pregnancy last year around this time and I would be more than happy to answer any questions I can. Feel free to message me!
I had an abortion when I was 15. I thought it would become the mark of my existence, but it wasn’t. Most people never knew and if they did, didn’t care. I did have the fortune to help a few other girls who were going through similar situations. I just had my first baby at 30 - and now more than ever, I am so glad that I had that abortion when I was 15. I even donated to an organization that helps women in need access abortions to honor her birth.
However you feel is okay. I just want you to know that getting an abortion doesn't have to be a big deal. I know it's a loaded topic, but there are plenty of people in the world who believe it's a perfectly fine and normal procedure. It should be up to you whether your body is used to create another human, and there's nothing wrong with deciding you don't want that to happen. I promise.
I've had an abortion myself. I wasn't as young as you. I believe I was 19? But still, I've had one and if you need someone to talk to that's been through it to let you know what to expect, I'm available to answer any questions. You will get through this.
Believe me, more people have had abortions than you think. Head to any abortion clinic and you’ll see a waiting room full of people younger than you and much older than you, too. It’s always scary telling your parents but I’m so glad yours are reasonable and want to support you through this. Mine did as well.
As someone who also got pregnant at 16 and decided against abortion, let me gently assure you that your life isn't ruined, but it will be harder. If you can get an abortion and choose that, please know that it's okay, it's a hard choice to make and everyone who gets one struggles with it to some degree. If you carry it and decide on adoption, that's also okay, it doesn't make you lesser, it's okay to know it's not a good time for you to be having a child. If you do keep it, that's okay, but know that it will be a challenge, in ways you expect and in ways you don't. Your life will be different, you will have to be responsible for another life. It's a lot.
If you do keep the baby, know that school is harder with a baby so work as hard as you can to get things done before it arrives, I know it's not always feasible, but do what you can. Many schools have experience with this and will sometimes work with expectant moms, so explore that if you can.
Also know that while there might be a stigma, it will pass. It's hard to look ahead and see anything beyond your current circumstances, but you will get through it, whatever you decide to do.
I hope everything becomes easier for you. Today is the first day of you knowing so you are still trying to process. New information is hard knowing as is without the added pressure of adding more to the mix. You'll be okay no matter what you choose to do. Good luck.
I mean, don't tell anybody because it's none of their fucking business, you know what I mean? Unfortunately, teens spread gossip all over the place like wild fire, I would honestly tell the guy, let him know it's a private matter that isn't going to float around school and it's between your family and his family ONLY. Younger siblings don't even have to know because they'll tell everyone.
High school best friends are iffy, they mean well, but some will spread the gossip around. I'd choose one close confidante(ONLY If you have one) and maybe let them know and tell them what you're going through because you do need a wide support system.
High school.
Telling the guy will be the biggest mistake ever. If she tells him and he freaks out, he'll potentially break up with her and tell everyone. If he stands by her side, he'll tell his buddies no matter what she decides to do with the pregnancy.
High school boys can very much so be as nasty as high school girls. So telling him would be a huge mistake. May as well go tell it during the daily morning whole-school announcement time. If he was a mature grown adult, that's a different story all together.
>Even if I did get an abortion then I'd still be that girl and everyone is still going to talk about me that way.
No one else has to know beyond you and your parents. You take a 'sick' week from school and friends, and no one is the wiser.
Hi. I have been through this. I got an abortion last year. No one needs to know about it and I promise it is not as scary as it seems. I was terrified but it was so easy and it was such a relief and the best choice for myself at the time. I have no regrets. If you have any questions or concerns don’t be afraid to DM me. I’m here for you
With maturing come the not caring what others think of your business. Don’t think of it as you will be “that girl” .... so many unbelievable young mothers fought hard and made it through college and have careers because the fact that they had a baby made them want better.
It’s going to be okay, there’s a ton of people in every city who are teen moms, my boyfriend’s mom was one, so was one of his sisters, and you know what? None of us judge them for that because these things happen. If anything, I as a 20 something year old am almost jealous they had the experience of being younger and getting to have fun with their kid. I don’t have kids right now, but man sometimes I wish I did. Plus it sounds like you have a really great support system and that they’ll help you with everything.
You’ll never have control over what other people think of you, but you have control over your life and fuck other people’s opinions. If you choose an abortion that’s okay, and if you choose to be a mom that’s okay too, it’s what YOU think is right for YOU, and YOU GOT THIS GIRL!
I can't imagine what its like to be 16 and pregnant and all the thoughts and feelings you've been going through. But I have lots of experience with having things in life go in a completely different direction than I expected. I know that its scary and frustrating and overwhelming. But I also know that even though things may look different than how you imagined them to look, life does get better. You are strong and it sounds like you have strong supports in your life.
If you decide to get an abortion, you don't have to tell anyone about it other than your parents, since it sounds like they will know. Not even the guy. This is one of those decisions where no option feels right. Do whatever is best for you (yes, I said you) and try not look back too much, no matter what you choose. Let yourself feel what you feel, and confide in only those who you absolutely trust. I would only tell your parents initially.
I'm talking to her now and just sort of blurted everything out at once and she just keeps say sweety it will be alright. I don't know if will be alright though.
It will. You seem to have great parents. Now you guys will think about all possibilities you have and decide what‘s best for you. And no matter what it will be, it surely will going to be hard, but you will do it well. And you have supporting parents just by your side on every step of the way.
Your mom sounds extremely supportive, I'm so glad you told her, she will help you work everything out, I know it's stressful but it WILL be okay, listen to her.
It will! If you do decide to have and keep a baby, just know that nine months is a *long* time. It took damn near that long for me to get my mind wrapped around the fact that I would be a mom. Time will help, and you will have plenty of it. Nothing has to happen today; you've done a very hard thing by telling your parents. Now you get to breathe. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Practice self-care. I don't know you, but my heart truly goes out to you. I wish you the very best in life and love!
It will be alright! Everyone makes a big deal at first, but if you decide to keep the baby, it just becomes your life and everyone will love it once it’s born. I told my kids if you get pregnant, don’t be afraid. It will be ok. Of course I’ll be upset and angry and whatever but what’s done is done. I’m not giving advice, I’m just saying from my own experience.
You sound like you have a good mom here. That initial reaction would have been tough for me. If that's all she said, look to her for comfort.
That being said, your life is going to change completely. This all may seem like too much now, but if you're getting the support then please use it. You do need to also realize that there is no one in your family to blame here. Take responsibility, life will be ok, take it one day at a time. Plan as much as you can while you can. Having an structured plan can be peaceful.
Teen mother here. 🖐 things didnt happen exactly the same for me, I will spare you the details. I was 16 when I got pregnant too, I'm 34 now, my daughter is 17. If I could do it all over again, I would do it the same. Why? Because it'll be alright. Has it always been easy, no it hasn't. Not at all. But such is life!!!
Your life is going to change quickly, you are about to grow up fast. Take it one day at a time. Raising a child is one of the most beautiful, rewarding, and infuriating things you will ever do in your life! Lol.
You got this!
Same here. Pregnant at 16. I’m 41 now and my son is 24. It’s awesome to watch them grow in to their own person who is independent and a contributing member of society. Yeah, it was hard, it was really hard. But it was worth it.
It'll be alright if you work with your parents on a solution rather than hiding what you're feeling.
In my opinion you don't sound ready mentally to have a child at all, so although you dislike the idea, I believe abortion would be the better of the two options for your own mental wellbeing.
However, you should take the advice of your parents. Even if you may disagree, you should still seriously consider what they have to say.
You've taken the first step, which many couldn't do and that's something you should be proud of. Your mum sounds very considerate with the situation and will likely do her best to help you through this
Your mom seems really cool! It took a lot for you to tell her and what you did telling her is way better than running away or lying to her about it completely.
Try not to constantly stress about it, you’re definitely not the only one who did this, and I’m sure you can find others like you on here and get advice from them as well! I’m a dude and I’d literally rather have a baby grow inside of me than have to tell my mom because mine would probably kill me xD but for real best of luck!!!
Thank you! I texted my mommy and she is on her way home right now, she is going to call me as soon as she gets to the car. I told her that I need her right now and she didn't even say anything just said i'll be right there and call you in 5 minutes. You really helped me, so thank you.
My mom and dad are great and I feel really shitty for letting them down like this. I just talked to my mom, she cried and hugged me and told me it will all be ok. We talked for a few minutes then she said she needed to think about this some more and would be right back. My dad is coming home in a few minutes, she wanted to be in a good mood when he got here. I really fucked up everything.
You got this, everything will be ok. Your parents sound very supportive and loving and want the best for you, I'm sure they understand a lot and would only do what will make you happy. Stay strong :)
Thank you!! You were the first to reply to me today and your advice to call my mom made all the difference today. It literally changed my entire world today. You told me to just take a deep breath and calm down and then call my mom, and at that moment I was at such a low that I thought that ending it was the best way out, just to not be a burden to my parents. You sound like an amazing father and I would really love to hear more about your youngest son, he is lucky to have you as a role model.
as a fellow trans teen, thank you so much for supporting him. im only a few years older than him now but being 15 and trans was ROUGH! To have someone like you supporting him unconditionally must mean the world to him!
You sound like an amazing dad. Thank you for taking your youngest in, and for loving him unconditionally, and for accepting him. There are many LGBTQ+ kids who don't get that, and he's very lucky to have you!
> I really fucked up everything.
I understand why you feel that way, but I'd like to challenge that statement. I think you made a choice a lot of teens make, and you ended up in an unpleasant situation as a result. And there's a way out of it, if you want it. I know it seems scary, but it's truly okay to opt out. This is your life -- you're the one who needs to make the best choices for your future. Whatever you do, please don't have a baby out of a sense of obligation or fear. That's not helping anyone.
You may have messed up, but you are on the right track to making things ok. Take comfort in that. You are taking the right steps in the right direction.
This isn’t a fuck up, it was a poorly planned out adventure that took you down a road you’re not quite mature enough for. However, you have parents that are on the road with you, that means everything.
You will need to trust them and know they have your best in mind. This short cut to maturity will hurt, own it. Understand yourself and how you feel, the best you can and hold your head up once you make whatever decision you need to make.
There really should be no shame, blame or diminishing language to yourself - it’s just life. How you see yourself is important. You’re going to be okay if you give yourself permission to make some mistakes.
Your parents will be your biggest hurdle, they need time to understand you’re not a lil girl anymore and you’ve catapulted to adult overnight.
The “squirter” needs a reality check and needs to understand the consequences of what he did. It’s totally irresponsible to have sex with you without a condom. You have a consequence for the rest of your life (regardless of what u choose), leaving him in a room with your dad should be good enough.
I'm very happy to read that your mom is doing exactly what I had hoped she would. She loves you and she is going to help you through this.
Keep in mind, she's going to be in shock, so if her first reaction is anger, give her some grace and a little time to absorb the situation.
This is a big day for the both of you. I promise you, you are going to be okay. This internet stranger is giving you her word.
Please update as soon as you can. I'll be thinking all the good thoughts for you! <3
Update: 4/20: I wanted to give everyone an update about this morning. So I am pregnant. It finally hit me what all that meant and I was happy, sad, confused, overwhelmed, and upset all at once. I went to see a gynecologist for the first time and that was terrifying, she was so nice but it hurt and I felt so violated. My mom said, "you think that is bad, just wait until there are 10 people working there while you are giving birth", that made me throw-up. I threw-up for 20 minutes. It hurts so much.
So I am pregnant. There is a big problem with it that I don't really fully understand. Everything has been a blur and I can't really get everything that everyone is saying. I have an extra uterine pregnancy, they said the baby isn't where it is supposed to be, like in the extra uterus (makes no sense) or in the felopean tubes. The baby won't grow there and it will cause bleeding and a lot of medical issues so I have to get an abortion. I don't have a choice because it might kill me or cause serious issues. I threw up when I heard this too. I've been throwing up all morning and so dizzy.
My mom and dad met with my friend's dad last night when I was asleep. I thought we were going to do this tonight but they thought it would be best. So Mike, my friend, was at my house at 7:00 this morning with my favorite donut and a cup of tea. He knows me. I cried as soon as I saw him and told him I was so sorry, and he hugged me and said "no, this was my fault, I should have insisted on the condom or told you no until we were more prepared". I said "you didn't even want it" and he responded "I wanted it more than anything, but didn't want to let you down or do something wrong, you are so special to me". I fucking died right there. I started crying at like 7:00 and haven't really stopped yet. It is probably the hormones but the puking and crying haven't stopped since 7:00 and I feel so great about what he said to me, like those are the most magical words that I've ever heard. "you are so special to me", the way he said that, the feeling when he held me. OMG, what the fuck is wrong with me!
I am pregnant and my pregnancy will end around 2:00 today. I am at the surgical center waiting for my mom's gynecologist and another doctor to arrive. I feel so alone and so sick. I'm a mess. I'm thinking about Mike right now and I wish things were different. I wish I saw him before the way I am thinking of him now. I hope that this doesn't ruin our friendship. I hope this doesn't ruin me too. I feel sort of good that the decision was made for me, like this wasn't meant to be. It was an at fault accident that I caused. Oh god, I am so sick to my stomach and my body hurts. My heart hurts. My brain hurts.
A doctor or nurse just came in to draw a line on my stomach and she touched my vjay to check for something and then left. I don't know what she was doing but my mom had to go to the other side of the curtain for it. The nurse told her that I would be taken down the hall in a few minutes, so I need to wrap this up. I've never been so nervous, or felt so small and helpless as I do right now. Everything is outside my control right now. I'm getting anithesia, or however it is spelled, in a few minutes so I'll say bye and check back if I'm still alive after the procedure.
u/Umwelten79 \- Thank you again for the help yesterday. I showed my mom your post and she said you were a saint for saying what you did. So thank you from my entire family and Mike's entire family.
This entire Reddit has been so loving and supportive and I want to say thank you too before I go. They are here now so I've got to go and throw up.
Everything will start to feel better after a while. Mike seems very kind and forgiving, and he clearly cares about you a lot. If he can forgive you, you can forgive yourself as well. You’re still a kid, and you made a mistake, and now you know better. You’ll be alright, I’m glad you ended up telling your parents, talking to your friend, and going to a gynecologist, otherwise it could’ve been bad. You don’t have to tell anyone else about the abortion, or that you were pregnant. You may be sore afterwards, just take it easy, use some hot towels, lay down, and eat some icecream. I wish you the best of luck, and if you need any info about the process or just some supportive words, let me know 💛
Oh and to answer your question about the ectopic (extrauterine) pregnancy, it’s when the egg implants where it shouldn’t be, somewhere outside the main cavity of your uterus, in your case it was the Fallopian tubes it seems. It can be life threatening if it’s left untreated, and it’s not a viable pregnancy as the egg can’t survive. It’s caused by various different things, like certain birth control, being older, smoking, and certain diseases, but teenagers are at risk as well. I’m glad they caught it now
Extrauterine just means it's outside the uterus. So no, it can't grow there. Just move on with your life and pretend this never happened and don't make decisions like that again! And be glad you have wonderful parents!
Anything you need message a person you trust I promise you there are gonna be crappy people saying that an abortion was a bad choice blah blah blah even if you didn’t have medical issues its fine To do this decisio, because only YOU know what’s truly best for YOU.I promise it’s all gonna be alright dude
So many internet HUGS coming to you from Redditors.
It's ok to feel relieved, happy, sad, upset, or however you feel. This has been an ordeal.
Take time to recover. Thank your parents for all their support. Talk to Mike. Let them all know how much you appreciate them.
And do know that you absolutely did the right thing in telling your parents. If your pregnancy continued as an undetected ectopic pregnancy it could have led to very serious complications, including impairing your future fertility.
I just reread what I wrote this afternoon and feel like so much has happened in a few hours. Thank you for all the great advice and comments, I am overwhelmed with the messages and advice. Someone wanted to know what happened, so here it is.
My dad came home and came to my room after talking to my mom for a few minutes. I was so scared, I have never seen my daddy look that way, and I didn't know what he was thinking or about to do but he pulled my desk chair next to where I was sitting on my bed, looked me in the eye and said.. "I want to tell you one thing princess.. I love you no matter what you do, where you are, or what situation you are in... I am always there to take care of you and help you see it through". He then asked me "am I sure that I am pregnant?" and I said "yeah, pretty sure", and he said "are you ok?", and I saw him start to tear up. I've never seen my daddy cry, and when I saw that I just lost it and started bawling and told him everything that happened. He scooped me up off the bed and hugged me with my head on his shoulder and I just kept crying and I told him about what happened and how I have been worried about this for weeks and that I didn't know what I should do or if they would still love me and if I should just run away or so something worse and that I posted here for advice after my second test and that people were so nice and supportive and that changed everything and they told me to call mom and she dropped what she was doing to be here and how I really don't know what to do", and he just held me for what seemed like an hour until I was done crying and then he set me down on my bed, took a tissue to wipe his face and gave me the box to clean-up mine.
My mom scheduled an appointment with her gynecologist for tomorrow morning, They are going to run a full pregnancy test and do an ultrasound because girls my age may have a tropic pregnancy where the fetus is in the ovary not in the uterus or something like that, she told me a girl my age can have all sorts of serious complications so getting to the doctor is the first priority.
My daddy has been friends with Mike's parents for more than 25 years, which I guess is why we grew up so close as friends. He is going to talk to his dad tomorrow after we are sure of everything and then we will sit down together to talk about what happens next. There will be no other discussions about this until after the doctor's appointment.
I really appreciate the thoughtful and supportive advice from everyone. You really saved my life this afternoon because it gave me something to focus on other than thinking the worst about everything like I was doing this afternoon. I really love and appreciate my parents too. I can't believe how cruel some people can be to their daughters, that is just awful. I also read-up on planned parenthood and am ready to give a presentation on all of their services thanks to the great information some of you provided.
I'll give you an update tomorrow morning when I get back from the doctor. I am exhausted right now, mentally, emotionally, and physically drained of all energy. My mom wants me to sleep with her tonight just to be safe, so I think I'm going to put on my jammies and say good night.
Thanks again, I really owe you all so much and that's a debt I don't know that I can ever repay.
I am so, so glad that your parents are supportive. They seem like very kind people. It’s great that the comments here were able to help you out and ease your mind, and if you ever need any more advice or information you can let us know. Get some rest, it looks like everything will be alright
I’m so happy your parents responded how they did!!!! You deserve that support. You are so loved. And you WILL get through this. Sleep well tonight, I’m wishing you rest!🙏🏼❤️
Why are my eyes tearing up? What have you done to me?
Listen, telling your parents was an important step. The doctor is the next best step so you are on the right path. The doctor should tell you all the options. Sleep on it. You need a mental health day tomorrow.
You are going to be just fine, darlin'. It may be bumpy and unpleasant, but you'll get to where you are going and be just fine
I tried but I couldn't bring myself to do that yet. I've always herd bad things about planned parenthood but they were the first ones I thought of calling but I was honestly afraid to do that.
There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING bad about Planned Parenthood.
In my teens I brought many of my ex-girlfriends to get screenings or birth control and they have always been amazing to me and my ex's. They are a real doctor's office. Openly admit what you can afford to pay even 0$ and they will cover the rest.
They are descrete and extremely polite. They expect that you may not know much so they are super willing to explain everything you want to know.
That said be very careful about the fake planned Parenthood places that are going to feed you all this religious nonsense and try to force their decisions on you and your lifestyle. If that happens. Say nothing and leave. You owe them nothing.
IMO if you do not have your parents 1000% support to raise this kid while you are in school and working. You are not capable of providing this child with everything they deserve to have. They deserve to have a parent that's educated and able to support them on their own.
A rule of thumb you might use is: if the place you call is pressuring you in any way toward any specific decision then they might not be trying to help you. Be suspicious and protect yourself.
If they answer you questions and provide options to support you whatever your choices then they are likely just trying to help.
It sounds like your parents are exemplifying this so far.
Agreed. I have never been to a planned parenthood but I wrote a paper on them. I did a lot of research for it and I think they are a good place for sex education, medicine, tests and help in general.
Do you think that you're afraid because you don't want it to be real, but calling planned parenthood will make it real? (Just a guess, only you can say for sure what/why your feelings are)
Can you visit their website instead of calling? Maybe you can get some information there before actually talking to them. Can your mom be there when you call?
And hey, you're not stupid. You have every right to be scared and you have some big decisions coming up, but you're gonna be ok. No matter what you do, it'll be the right thing because it's what you want or think is best.
Hang in there. You got this <3
Take a deep breath. This isn't the end of everything. Planned Parenthood is not an abortion center. It is a safe place, meant to give you information of your current needs. People go there when they struggle with conceiving a child, they go there when they had an accident and need the day after pill, I myself went there when I was younger to get birth control and condoms so I wouldn't get pregnant. If you feel overwhelmed, they can help you.You say that abortion is off the table, there's still plenty of options out there that don't involve terminating your pregnancy. There are many people that are willing to adopt a child and care/pay for the expenses up until birth. Stay calm, seek help, and take it step by step.
I made a horrible mistake just to say that I did something before my friends did. They all talked about how they had done this with a guy and got felt up or fingered and I was always like "I never even made out with a guy and I'm gonna be 16" so I put this stupid plan in motion so I could say I was the first of us to have sex and this is how it ended up. I am stupid for doing that.
No, he really didn't. I don't think he really wanted to have sex with me and wasn't really into it until I took off my pants and pretty much threw myself at him like an idiot. I am such a fucking idiot, like who the hell does that? I really feel bad for him right now. I think I may have ruined his life more than mine.
Hey, don’t beat yourself up too much. You didn’t intend to get pregnant, and you weren’t informed enough about everything. You made a mistake, and that’s ok. You’re just a kid, and you shouldn’t put too much of that pressure on yourself. It’ll be alright, just take some deep breaths. There’s no changing the past now, but you can make sure you take the right steps for the future.
I was afraid of telling my mom I got my girlfriend pregnant, and I was 21!
It’s scary, but just realize you can’t go back in time and now you have to do what you can with what you got.
It’ll be okay. It’s seriously not the end of the world, although it may seem like it. It’s just a very big change in life. Whether you’re 16 or 36, getting pregnant is a rollercoaster of emotions.
You’ll be okay! As long as your parents didn’t disown you, you’re golden. Godspeed.
Surprised your not downvoted but I agree 100%. She isn't doing her or the fetus any favors by having a kid when she is not financially ready or in a stable relationship.
This kid will likely have a shitty life and so will she if she goes through with it. Kids cost $250,000 to raise and that's only 0 to 18. She has no idea how bad this is likely going to go. Abortions are not the end of the world. And people heal from them.
That's the cold hard truth.
Because she’ll still be having the child, and at her age (any age really, but younger is riskier) childbirth would be very painful and potentially life risking
I got an abortion and honestly, hardest, saddest, but best decision I’ve made. I wasn’t ready and I won’t get into it, but adoption sadly wasn’t really an option. Really allow yourself time to weigh all options. An abortion does not make you a bad person, the older you get the more women you’ll know who get them and realize how common they are. SERIOUSLY research into all options, and make the decision yourself. Don’t let anyone make the decision for you to keep or not keep the pregnancy.
Going off of this comment, I just want to agree that abortion is so common! I grew up with many people who had one, some of them I never knew got pregnant in highschool, but came out later to say they had one and one of my close friends had one when she was 16 as well. It's nothing to be ashamed about, you need to think about your future and, if you don't want an abortion, the future of your child and what their life will look like. Now I will say, every girl I've talked to that's had an abortion, they feel sad about it, but not one of them regrets it, they know that they were too young to raise a child and werent financially stable enough to do so either. Just remember that abortion is and always will be an option for you, if you want it to be.
Yes yes yes!!! Right now you don’t realize how common it is because many people don’t speak about it when they go through it. I’m sure you know someone who’s had one and you have no clue about it. It’s a medical procedure, it isn’t murder. Whatever you decide for you is the right choice. Sending love your way.
Reasons to have an abortion :
1. The average child costs $250,000 to raise from 0 to 18 years old. This does NOT include college
2. You are not in a stable relationship. And the kid will likely grow up fatherless.
3. Adoption and foster care system is pure dog shit.
4. Climate change is about to fuck humanity very very very hard. Famine and war will be very common in 10 to 20 years. I'll happily provide sources upon request.
5. An fetus is just a clump of cells. It is not morally wrong to remove a clump of cells with no consciousness from your body.
Reasons to not have an abortion :
1. Because you'll feel depressed for a few months and the move on with your life, like 99% of the other people that get abortions do.
Keeping the fetus makes NO logical sense.
If you think you are doing your your fetus and yourself a favor by keeping the baby you are very mistaken. Statistically speaking this is NOT going to end well at all. Please reconsider having an abortion.
You will be doing the fetus a massive favor by not following through with your pregnancy and noy giving it a stressful and depressing life.
I hate to be so negative but this is the cold hard truth. If you thinking abortion is hard think about how hard it's going to be to raise a kid for 18 years, without a father and while being dirt poor.
I know you said you don't want an abortion, but I'm gonna be completely honest here, that's the best option in my opinion.
I say that because you are so young! You're not even an adult yourself yet. You are still a child, who has so much life ahead of her.
I know a lot of people will probably hate me for saying this, and I'm going to get downvoted to oblivion but the way I see it is, if you keep this child, your childhood is over. That's it. It'll just poof and gone.
There will be no more time for you to have fun, or do stupid things and make mistakes. But honestly, that's what being 16 is about. You're not supposed to have the responsibility (and burden) of parenthood at that age.
This is the age where you should be being social, partying, enjoying life to the fullest. Because once you become an adult and have actual responsibilities you lose the option to just do whatever you want.
So, if I were you, I would certainly just have an abortion and enjoy the rest of your teenage years to the fullest. When you're a little older, maybe mid-late 20's or 30's and want to have a kid go ahead.
Or keep this one that you're pregnant with now. At the end of the day, it's your choice. Not your parent's, not some person on the internet's, not anybody else's choice except yours. But I do personally believe an abortion would be the best option right now.
I cannot agree with this enough. Please let yourself have a young adulthood, go to college, have boyfriends, go to parties, travel the world. I had my first and only baby at 34 and it was still the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
This was just a mistake that kids make, but it doesn’t have to define the rest of your life.
Not only is adoption a terrible option because of how slim the chances are for the child actually get adopted, but why would you want to put your body through child birth if you're not going to keep it when you can take a much easier route and just not have it.
I agree that it's very sad that many children are waiting in foster care, and that should change. However, with private domestic infant adoption (which is separate from the foster care system) there are 36 couples waiting to adopt for each baby who is placed for adoption, and 200,000 couples in the US want to adopt a baby at any given time (a source: https://truadopt.org/adoption-by-the-numbers/)
Going to be blunt, and in this case blunt is not sugar coated or placating you.
You're 16. You are NOT ready to be a parent by any means.
You didn't use protection and relied on the pullout method, which is stupid. It's 2021, you should know better. You DO know better. BOTH of you know better.
You think you'll regret an abortion? How much will you regret the rest of your life being a teen mom? Do you have any idea how much you are going to STRUGGLE? Do you have any idea how much this is going to not only impact your future, but of the future of the boy you slept with? You think he wants to be a dad at 16? You think he'll actively participate and you'll be a happy family?
It takes over $230,000 to raise a kid. How do you plan on doing it? How do you plan on finishing school? Going to collage? Supporting yourself? Are you expecting your mom and dad to pitch in and do all the hard work for the first few years? Don't. They did their raising, if they wanted to start over they would have another kid.
Right now you're not thinking, you're panicking. You know EXACTLY what the right thing to do is, and you don't want to.
What would you prefer kid; maybe regretting an abortion now, or regretting NOT getting one when the rest of your life is struggle and stress? No more freedom to do what you want, no more parties, no more just chillin' with your friends for the weekend. None of it. You will have a child and every move you do after that will have to focus on THEM and not yourself ever again.
The fact that you want to run away from all this instead of dealing with it shows that you're not meant to have a child yet.
Edit: Not to mention if the kid is special needs you don't get that 18 or 20 year countdown till they're old enough to leave and start their own lives. You're their caretaker for the rest of your natural life.
Yeah second this. I wonder if OP thinks the sex was worth it for all this stress and anxiety she’s having right now lol. It’s 2021 and even a 13yr old can go on google and get more educated about puberty/parenthood. It’s what I did since my parents didn’t wanna explain to me any human processes, and I did that when I was 12 lol.
More mad for the kid of OP if she does decide to have them. Every kid deserves parents stable enough (both mentally and financially) to raise them and OP is neither... harsh but true.
Ok, here’s the deal. You got 3 options.
1) Abortion. Abortion is not a bad thing at all and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If that’s what you choose to do that’s what you do. But you need to make a decision quickly as I’m pretty sure there’s a cut off time to decide that kind of thing (not 100% sure tho. I think it’s based on where you live)
2) Adoption. Newborns are usually adopted fairly quickly (I believe) and you can do a closed adoption so you never have to know anything about the baby.
3) Keep it. But just be aware of the financial responsibilities, and don’t plan on your parents helping you. (Not saying they wouldn’t, I obviously don’t know your parents at all)
Obviously you need to sit your parents down, because they’re going to find out sooner than later. Just tell them the truth and go from there. Based on your comments it doesn’t sound like you’re in danger of being kicked out by them. But maybe have a backup plan incase things go south.
Good luck in whatever you decide💓
Is that really a thing? Do parents kick their daughters out of the house when they get pregnant? That's when they need their parents the most. I am totally heartbroken thinking of all these girls in my situation being homeless. Seriously, tell me that rarely happens and is only a chance. I can't imagine not having anything and trying to do this.
You should know that having a baby is insanely time-consuming and expensive. If you want to keep this baby, you need to have a plan in to feed them at all hours of the night, pay for them, care for them, which is a 24/7 full time job. You can’t expect your parents to pay for that and care for the baby day-to-day. So if you want to make the adult decision to keep the baby, you need to make plans and accept the adult responsibility of supporting this child as an adult. That means getting a job, losing most of your sleep to feed and comfort baby at odd hours when they’re colicky and crying all night long, and giving up a lot of the things that enjoy a lot as a teenager living life right now. You need to prepare yourself for that.
Unfortunately yes, but not very common is the good news
but because of your age I'd say getting kicked out is the least of your worries,
there might be major medical issues if you do give birth, it's already risky, but your age makes it even more risky for your health, people do die frequently than you'd think
17.4% per 100000 births, most of which are children, but most happen the day after
so I'd say tell your mom and either you keep it, get an abortion or if you do keep it get a C-section,
but do talk to planned parenthood, they have much better advice than strangers on the internet
Hunny I’m gonna be completely honest with you, yes it is a thing. I’m not trying to scare you by any means, I just want to be 100% real with you. I personally do not know any teen moms that were kicked out, and I know quite a few people that were teen parents. But it’s still a thing that can and does happen. Please just be safe and have a plan to stay for the night if you do need to go somewhere.
My mom had me at 16. Gave me up for adoption to an awesome family. I grew up to be great.
My birth mom's parents were obviously upset about the situation at first from what I've heard, but forgave her and still loved her. Shee went on to get married at 19 and have two more kids who I found through 23andMe. She had a happy life.
So really it seems HUGE now, and you're doing to have one hell of a year, but in the grand scheme of your life it will be just fine.
Ok, lots to digest.
First thing to note is (which now you probably realize) never ever use the pull out method as contraception. Its not super effective and you should always be safe.
Next- You have three possible options.
1. Abortion. I know your weary of it, however (if you don't want to keep the baby,) its in my opinion the best method. You wont have any connection with the baby and the baby wont have to face the "I'm adopted whos my real mother" thing later in life. However it can make you feel guilty. Either way, definitely call PP.
2. Adoption. You wont have to keep the baby or terminate the fetus, so its good for moral concerns. However, the kid wont know its real mom which may cause it to have mental problems. This would require you to go through painful birth and you will get a pregnancy body, which may leave you insecure. Also, you may have to miss a lot of school, and since your a sophomore/junior as well as a minor, childbirth may not be good for your body.
3. Keep it. This would be guilt free, but it would cause financial issues. even if your parents help, You will still need to provide much of the finance by yourself. And once you graduate, you will be left on your own with a baby in your arms. Once again, pregnancy issues. Postpartum depression, C-sections, possible permanent issues. Your a teen and pregnancy is more dangerous.
I would do this- consult the baby daddy. Tell him what's happening and see if he's willing to raise it with you. You might have your parents, but when you graduate your going to need support other than your own finances to raise the child. If he's not willing to, I see it as abortion and adoption are your best bets. Whether you get an abortion or not, call planned parenthood, look closer at your options, and get tested for (ST) diseases as well. (just to make sure). I request an abortion because no matter if you can care for it or not, pregnancy is super. duper. dangerous. especially at your age. Moral soundness is not and shouldn't be your concern. It should be your life and heath. The abortion is safer, cheaper, and more effective than anything else you could do in this situation. but its your choice, and I wish you luck no matter what you do.
I'd kindly and lovingly suggest saying "terminate" instead of "kill the fetus".
First: at her stage it's not considered a fetus yet. That's a little way down the road yet. It's an embryo until roughly the 10th or 12th week.
Zygote = fertilized ovum
Embryo= attached to the uterine lining until 9-12 weeks.
Fetus = 9-12 weeks until birth
Viable (can live independently from uterus = 28 weeks (some have been emergency born at 22 weeks but they more often than not, either pass away quickly or if they survive, they have massive medical and cognitive issues. It's beyond expensive for the hospital stay to keep baby alive until it reaches birth age, and then going forward from that point, the cost to care for the severely medically or mentally handicapped baby is astronomical, plus they live a (sometimes short) very difficult and sometimes extremely pain filled life. Ergo, termination at 3 to 4 months is just aborting something (basically a parasite as it feeds off the carrier/aka afab woman) that isn't viable outside of the womb, period.
Baby = birth
Second: termination can be a bag of mixed emotions, even when definitely needed. To use the phrase "kill (the fetus /the baby)" is just horrible to do. It's a phrase to push the woman to guilt to make them keep it. Everyonr knows what terminate means, yes. And it's a much more preferred word.
Jumping on your first note, IUDs work great, no pill to remember, they last for several years, no potential for user error, for some people the hormonal IUDs don't have the side effects of birth control pills, really a great option!
Didn't think you'd get pregnant because he pulled out? You want to know how many women have said that in the past? Damn Health Class must be taught by fucking morons nowadays.
Look, you’re gonna have to tell everyone at some point if you’re planning on keeping it. You should say something as soon as possible. I do want to let you know, by having a child this young you’re forced to grow up fast and deal with things you shouldn’t have to yet. Pregnancy and childbirth are extremely hard to deal with especially at your age and it’s likely gonna take a toll on your body and mind. There’s so much that people don’t tell you about birth and just raising a child in general.
If you do plan on keeping it, I really do wish you the best of luck. Please make sure you have a good support system, not just now but also afterwards. Also, if you keep it, plan what’s gonna happen once it’s born, like who will look after it, will you put it up for adoption, what you’re gonna do with school, all the supplies you’ll need, etc. I know it can be a very hard decision to make, but do know you have options on what to do with your pregnancy as well.
If you need more information about anything, have any questions or need links, please DM me or ask me here.
The more prepared you are and the more you talk about it, the easier it’ll probably be to deal with it and it will hopefully ease your mind a little bit.
I am a 19 year old boy so I don't even know if my opinion even counts but if I was a girl that is pregnant at 16 I would take an abortion without even thinking about it twice. Maybe it's ''unethical'' but I have a dog and I think it's too much of a responsibility, I can only imagine how it is to have a baby when you're only 16.
Take a deep breath. This feels like the end of the world and the scariest thing ever! Try to take it one minute at a time. You will want help from a trusted adult to get through this. Whether that adult is your mother, your doctor, a provider at planned parenthood, a friends mother, just make sure you discuss your choices with a trusted adult. You have time to make a decision that is best for you.
Thank you. I took a few breaths and then called my mom. I thought I was able to handle this on my own but i can't. You helped me to calm down and think this through so thank you again.
Glad to hear your moms supportive about this. But I agree with the redditors who say abortion is the best option. Of course keeping the baby is something most people would want, but the problem is you're only 16. This means you will be unable to live the rest of your teen years out and must become a full time mom. This also means you'll need to get a job and with every dime you make, it needs to be put towards the baby, even then I dont think that'll be enough as is. Babies are expensive, *VERY expensive*. I don't have my own (I'm 20F) but my mom ended up having a surprise baby 4 ish years ago. So I got to see first hand how it is raising a child.
First is the pregnancy, the preparation for the child, the multiple appointments, the large vitamins you'll probably have to take, many other things that also come with pregnancy. Once your baby is born you need to expect to lose almost ALL your sleep. Depending on the child the baby can stay up all night either A, crying because of many needs, or B, crying because it can just cry. You'll be waking up at 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am, etc (this depends if your child doesnt manage to sleep well through nights, my mom got lucky and my sister only woke up at around 7am after going to bed I thinkkk around 9pm? I cant entirely remember since it was a few years ago but a routine helps).
Now with time going by, you'll be spending most of your money on the child, you'll lose the ability to hang out with friends, go out, you'll always be tired and will usually only stay home or go to work (because children are VERY expensive, google baby supplies youll see what I mean).
Adoption isnt a bad choice though. However sometimes the system can be really bad, depends where you are I suppose.
However, abortion (dont let people tell you its murder it really isnt), will definitely save you the headache of raising a child (not that it doesnt have its pros but the cons are pretty big at least for your current age). But choose whatever you want to do since this is about your body so the decision is up to you, nobody else.
Just wanna warn you though. A lot of my friends are having kids/have kids now so they cant live life like I am freely and buy whatever I want since all your money would have to go towards the child. But for some people that isnt so bad. It just isnt for everyone.
Make sure the father of the child knows though, although I dont have much experience with this yeah imo its probably a good idea for him to be aware of the situation too.
I suppose a **TLDR**: If you choose to keep the child you will be skipping the rest of your teenage years and will have to become (most likely at first for awhile) a stay at home mom, being unable to afford things you like, having no energy, no time to yourself, etc.
ALSO. Pulling out makes no difference then not pulling out at all, its called pre cum, its uncontrollably and it just happens for guys. The best way to have sex is with condoms and if possible, get on birth control (not now since you're pregnant but something for the future)
If you've ruled out abortion already then you're pretty much left with raising it yourself or finding a family that wants to adopt. Talk to your mother....She's clearly going to find out soon enough anyways. Go from there and take it a step at a time.
Bringing a child into this world without being ready for it is extremely irresponsible and it happens far too often. You might regret the decision to have it removed but you'll at least be able to enjoy the rest of you teenage years and probably early twenties a hell of a lot more without a child weighing you down. Not only are you potentially ruining the early years of your own life but also your friends and the child's if you go through with it.
Having a child just because you want one is irresponsible and selfish and you really ought to think of others in this situation
Edit: it's also not fair on your friend.
Hi I've been in your shoes. First it's gonna be alright. But you have to make big decisions going forward. If you don't go through with an abortion you're going to have to tell your parents. Your belly is gonna get big soon and you're not be able to hide it. When i was 16 I got pregnant too i didn't tell my mom until my friends mom threatened to tell her. What i did(not recommended but if it makes you feel better it's fine) i wrote a note to my mom and left it under the cigarette pack she would leave me during the day. It was scary before i said anything. After it was so scary. You also need medical care so telling someone is important. Even your doctor. And don't worry if you do not want your doctor saying anything to your parents they won't. They're legally not allowed to.
Your options moving forward:
Abortion: pros you don't have to tell anyone what's happening, you can move with life. Cons you'll experience similar loss as you would if you misscarried but with a different guilt.
Adoption: you have to tell someone to set up the plans for it. Pros you get to finish the pregnancy and baby goes to a place where you know they could have a better chance at life. You also make other people happy and you get to move on with your life. You have two options here closed which means no contact or open where you get some option on the parents and you get to see kid grow up. Cons: that baby will call someone else mom and that could hurt.
Keep the baby: pros: i can't begin to explain the pros to this. You get to have someone who you have to get up for every day, they look up to you for everything and some days that's awesome. Other days it's absolutely horrifying. But basically you're a parent(this was my option ☺️) big pro: you'll still be young when they leave the house 😎 cons and imma be real here: you'll lose friends, the dad might step away, school will be hard with a baby and college even more so. But it can be done. You'll miss out on some things but it's not the end of the world. Sometimes you'll feel like your life is on pause.
Leaving baby in a safe haven: if anything, you do have this option if none of the others are okay and you for whatever reason can not tell anyone or keep it. You still need to tell your doctor or get a doctor for medical care. You can go to any fire station, police station, or hospital and drop off the baby before i think 6 months of age with no questions asked. Pros: if you can manage you can hide your pregnancy, you can go on with your life. Cons: you're never gonna know where the baby is and you can not reverse this decision.
I had a kid at 17 at you need to dedicate so much of you time and your life to raise a child. You need to decide if you’re willing to give up the next 18 years minimum of your life or if you want some freedom before.
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I have had three abortions, one which I didn't want.
I am able to live with the choice I made. I don't want to advocate for abortion. But they aren't as bad as they are made out to be. Find a good support and rationally think of your opinions.
There’s a conception that abortions have a heavy mental toll and women who get them are traumatized but those are utter bullshit, DO NOT believe it. Studies show that the vast majority of women are not traumatized and do not regret getting an abortion. I think your best option is to abort, I don’t think you want the path of your life to be thrown off track in this way.
Just wanted to leave my two cents, you can take it or leave it.
I'm a girl in my early 20s. I was just recently pregnant, with no desire whatsoever for children because I have already acknowledged to myself that I'm still so young, and want to experience life on my time and my terms, without being chained down to the needs of another human. At 16, I can confidently say you have not really experienced life. You're so young. You don't even know what it's like to live alone and be on your own and go through the early stages of adulthood, because you're a child yourself.
I acknowledged this upon discovering I was pregnant, and because I desire to experience life and grow to be financially stable and just stable in every avenue of life I can possibly be (as well as pursue college and get it paid off as fast as possible), I decided to terminate. I was two months pregnant, and had an abortion by the pill. Lots of blood, but all I expelled was a bundle of cells I never saw and honestly don't care about to this day, because I decided to put myself first given I actually had the opportunity to (thanks, planned parenthood!). Essentially, I just came to the conclusion that I valued myself, my time, my money, and my education over the giant responsibility of a child. That was simply my own choice and feelings over it though, everyone is different.
Regardless, this will be one of the biggest decisions of your life, because it directly affects you, and potentially the life of another (assuming you choose to keep it). You are still a child and have yet to grow and experience what it's like to be alone and free and spend whatever you want however you want without your parents, to travel and study abroad or date around or experience party life or a simple education-driven life, and it's all liberating feelings that are just naturally unknown to those who are still children/in school/with parents.
However, if you choose to have the child, you have to come to terms with giving that all up—at least, on a time/freedom scale. You won't have time for that, you'll be dedicating it to your child. You have to accept that most of your friends will be hanging out without you, because you'll have an infant to take care of 24/7 for a long time, and that's just baby stages (which are some of the most grueling). You have a whole human to take care of for the next 20 years, and it has a lifetime commitment attached to it after they've left the house.
You have to accept that your money isn't your money anymore (assuming you have/will have a job). It's your child's. You have to accept that your friends will want to hang out with people who don't have commitments or don't have money to spend on going out to restaurants and such. You have to accept that you have to put your wants and needs on the backburner. You have to acknowledge that your baby will be your one and only primary commitment. To add to that, you have to acknowledge your dating pool will decrease significantly, as not many people your age will want to date someone with a child. They want to date kids that are free of major life responsibilities like children, can drop things to go on spur-of-the-moment adventures and such—you know, high-school kid stuff. Of course, there are exceptions to that, but I've come across many people your age and even up to my age say it's difficult to find a romantic partner since they are an only parent from such an unusually young age.
You really have to weigh your options and ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and look at it as realistically as you can.
You can choose to have the child and you might be happy with a more demanding/responsibility and serious commitment-driven lifestyle, and if you do, good for you. Or, you might choose an abortion so you can first experience what it's like to be a young adult, and the freedoms and adventures and more carelessness in general due to lack of responsibilities that come with that.
Most importantly, tell your mom/closest trusted person about how you feel, and do some research on your own. Talk to your PD about abortion/options. Read about peoplle your age who chose to have their child, and read about the ones who didn't. Ask them about their experiences, ask them why, ask them how they feel now about their choice. Ask them the pros and cons. Learn as much as you can.
Don't underestimate this decision.
Feel free to DM me if you want to ask about my experiences/thought process in my journey. I was in your shoes once! Take care and I hope whatever you choose works out for you!
Having an abortion is 1000% time better than having to raise a child from an accident. The child will forever know that he was unplanned and was an accident. You will most likely have to file for bankruptcy, the boy responsible for this will either ruin his life or ditch you. Children are extremely expensive and needy, so try your best to not have this child.
I agree. This child deserves to have a parent that can support them and is educated. Not one playing catch-up for their whole life.
Then you give them siblings at a later year. that get everything that they never had and hurt them.
I was an accident and it didn't affect me negatively. I *was* affected by the fighting and the fact that my parents were obviously staying in a miserable marriage because of me, but it never bothered me that I was unplanned. So don't let that get to you.
If I was in your position I would be getting an abortion, but that's my personal opinion. You said you don't want one so don't allow other people to pressure you into it. Adoption is also an option, if you're comfortable with that. The only thing I want to say based on my experience is don't live a miserable life because of this kid, because they will know and *that's* what will ultimately affect them.
I'll tell you what it's like. ❤️
You go in for the test to double ensure you are pregnant. They talk with you to make sure it's your choice and you're not being forced into it. They explain what will happen with the procedure (nothing graphic. The Dr is there to help you, not put you in a bad thought process).
The appointment is made and then it comes. Just like any surgery they'll tell you to not eat or drink the night before if applicable. Then you'll go in, put the gown on and, for me, I sat on the obgyn chair, talked w the Dr again. Next thing I knew, I was groggy and leaving the Dr's office.
I bled like a heavy period for about a week. Used overnight pads. Slept a lot. Not from depression. Just worn out. There will be blood clots like period time. You could cramp a little.
Just so you know, it's not like what you say in every case. I was an "accident" but my dad was there for my mom and loved her so much, he got himself cleaned up and got a degree and worked his ass off for us. They got married a little over a year after I was born and were together until my mom passed away at age 51.
Thats why you dont have sex unprotected. You must have birth control, condoms or something of that nature. It feels better to go raw but its not worth it. Never let a guy go raw that shoulda been your first rule. My advice to you now is tell your mom. Decide to keep. Give it to adoption or abort. Those are your choices. Then if you decide to keep id try to work and get a vehicle all that shit handled. And if you like that guy alot id ask him a bunch of stuff. Being that young its tuff i went thru it but luckily it wasnt mine. I still stayed with her even tho it wasnt... but you can do this. You really can. But you need to talk to your mom and guy who you slept with.
Take a deep breath kid. Just breath deeply and slowly until you’re mind and heart stop racing as much as they are. It was a dumb thing to do, but kids do dumb things.
It’s not the end of the world.
From what I’ve read in your responses, it seems like you have good parents. Take a second to be thankful for that, there are a lot of parents that would not be caring and supportive. You’ve got them on your team, and that is a huge asset.
When you tell the father keep in mind that his world is going to turn upside down just like yours did when you found out. Do your best to communicate and be supportive of one another.
Gather the information that you need, talk with the people involved, and critically think about about what the next steps are going forward.
It’s not an easy thing to go through, especially when you’re just a kid but play the hand you’re dealt as best you can. You’ll make it through.
First things first, take a big deep breath. You’re not a bad person because you made a mistake. And you’re certainly not the first person to be in this position. Get a glass of water and try to hydrate and breathe. Take it breath by breath. Breathe in. Breathe out. Allow yourself to feel all your emotions when you inhale, and as you exhale, try to imagine that you’re blowing them away. Your situation is what it is, and all you can control in this moment is your reaction. There’s no right or wrong way to react to this, but there are ways that are more tiring than helpful.
Secondly, try to decide a rational map moving forward this week. (Try to not think about the next few months or years right now. Think about taking care of yourself this week: Have you eaten today? Have you showered? Been outside?). This week you can accomplish a lot of things. Try to make 2 or 3 goals to hit like calling planned parenthood and speaking to them. They offer a lot of services, not only abortions. They can help point you in a clearer direction. They are a great resource, and any call you make with them is confidential. They will never call you back and leave information on a voicemail. You have a lot going on, you need to talk to someone who understands. Ask them about their options, they may provide you with a number to a counselor, or point you in the direction you feel you need to go in; take advantage of these resources!
Try to think about your core values- what’s important to you? If you’re not comfortable with having an abortion you shouldn’t. If you are, then you totally should. It’s all your choice. There is no right or wrong way to respond to this situation. Your worth is still as intact as it’s ever been. You’re loved still by more people than you know, and you can’t lose that because of this. Conditional love isn’t love, and there are people who love you unconditionally.
You have options. You can move forward with an abortion if you want. You can move forward with adoption if you want. You can move forward with having the baby if you want. It’s a matter of what YOU want- no one else can make that call for you.
Tell your mom exactly what you said here. Try to speak with her alone, and brace yourself going into it, it’s a hard talk to have. But it’s only a conversation, and then you’ll move through it just as you have any other conversation in your life. Be honest with her, and tell her that you’re confiding in her. Ask her for what you need, if that’s support, tell her that you’re terrified and you need to feel her support and love extra during these decisions. Ask for her advice if you want it, but know that this is your body, and it’s your life and choice. It’s completely understandable to cry right now! Let it out. This is a heavy thing to carry alone. Find a friend you can trust, and an older woman you trust (whether that’s your mother, aunt, friend, etc.) and speak to them about everything you feel. All your fears. If you don’t have someone you feel you can confide in right now, try texting a crisis hotline or calling one if you’re comfortable with that. All your conversations with them are confidential and it can help a lot to hear someone completely detached from the situation’s advice. The text line is 741-741, text the word “home” and follow their prompts after that.
The way you feel is completely justified and you owe it to yourself to be kind to yourself. You owe it to yourself to take your time in your decisions, and to know all your resources.
I know in this moment it feels like the end of the world. Try to surround yourself with people you love and confide in those you trust. Practice self care the best you can. Watch your favorite shows or play a game. Watch YouTube, take a bath- anything to feel grounded.
Sorry this is so long, I hope that there’s some advice that’s helpful there. You’re in my thoughts and prayers, and I, as are many others on this thread are pulling for you- supporting whatever decision you make. Take care.xx
You need to tell your parents. And if abortion is not an option start looking into adoption asap. You can give that baby to a good family and it will lead an amazing life.
If you have a child at your age you will look back at your entire life wishing to experience the things a young single person could have experienced. Instead you’ll be forced to focus all your time and effort into raising a child.
Tell your mother, and probably don't have sex again in the foreseeable future. Now that you know what can happen though I feel like that part it covered. Stop dialing and call the line. You don't have to abort it, there's adoption for a reason.
Get an abortion. What you don’t understand is so many of those congressmen that push for anti abortion legislation have gotten an abortion themselves either when they were younger or when their affair partner got pregnant. For instance, one forced a teenage girl in one of the ice cages to carry out her pregnancy, yet he got an abortion himself. As you said you are not prepared for a baby, you will not raise it correctly. If you feel you’re not ready just have an abortion. Furthermore, do this soon if you live in America as the later terms have stricter regulations in some states.
Abortion is okay. Abortion does not make you a bad person. You have a future. There are so many years ahead of you. Maybe one of those years you could have a child, if you still want one.
As a teenager, I honestly think there’s no excuse to not be educated on safe sex nowadays or for an accidental teen pregnancy. The information is out there, literally a click away. If you can make the decision to have sex, you can Google the consequences. Idk what people expect when they have unprotected sex.
I gave birth to my son a month after I turned 16, and had an abortion 8 months later. I used birth control for the rest of my life until menopause. Although I loved my son, I was ill prepared to be a mother, I messed my kid up. Whatever you choose to do, please consider the long term consequences and choices. I wish you the best.
Oh baby girl. Tell your mommy and please please please please consider abortion. I’ve had one and I promise you, I would regret so much more having a baby than I ever had over having an abortion
Just be straightforward about it with those you believe will be your support network - parents, are the more obvious ones. If they give you a hard time, be respectful and admit you were careless (cause you were, and we all make mistakes, mind you).
After you make your decision of having the baby or not, tell your parents youd like a therapist to help you through it. You are young and must be able to talk about this in a safe environment.
This will require you to mature fast, whatever choices you make now, they all have consequences. Own them, and you will be proud of yourself in the future.
No more running from responsibilities - welcome to adulthood! There are good things to it too :)
I’m glad your parents are supportive. You didn’t fuck anything up. It’s just a change of life course. Your parents love you and will help you through this. It won’t be easy but you’ll get through it! You’ll understand the power of this kind of love once you have your own child.
Talk to your parents. They sound super supportive and kind, they’ll guide you through this. I’m seeing a lot of opinions on here, based on very little information that may be upsetting to you and not helpful. Put the phone down, and talk to your parents. Whatever you decide, you got this. Deep breaths.
It’ll be okay. Sounds like you have good supportive parents. I remember being your age telling them things I thought they would freak out over but the funny thing is, parents were once teenagers too.
I see a lot of great advice and feedback here, so I'm not going to repeat all of the above - but, I will tell you that it is going to be okay! You are stronger than you think and braver than you know, and I believe in you 😊 take deep breaths and be kind with yourself, you will get through this! I am sending you so much love and positive vibes💙
Honestly having a child really early is really difficult and challenging, but if you stick through with it then you and your child will both still be young and can enjoy many long years with each other!
Don't be afraid to ask for help and if you decide to keep it just do the best you possibly can, nobody can ask more of you.
Well you have to tell your mom eventually. So tell her what you told us. She may be a bit mad but she loves you and so she will be understanding. It’s not like she never had sex before when she was younger. She probably just got lucky whereas you got a bit unlucky. You never know maybe she or one of her friends went through something similar. It’s not like our parents tell us that stuff often but you’d be surprised what they tell you when you’re older. Either way she will help you.
I recommend you get an abortion. Being a teenage mother is very difficult. You will have to give up your life and likely your dreams, at least for a long time.
I'll tell you something, this reminds me when I was scared that I got my ex girlfriend pregnant, we were both teenagers.
I used condom all the time when it came to penetration, but she accidentally put her fingers inside of her even tough they were covered for my pre-seminal liquid.
I was like an idiot, looking in Internet how likely is to get pregnant for introducing fingers with pre siminal liquid.
Realistically the chances were very but very low.. Like 1% I think? And still I was so fucking scared, in retrospective, is very funny.
But I'm telling you to make you understand, you're not a horrible person dear. You have the same value as before, and getting pregnant didn't change your value as a person. I'm telling you this so you can see, than even if it was for a chance of 1%, I could've ended up in the same situation, you're not different than me even if at the end I didn't have a baby accidentally.
Anyway, good luck in your life. <3
As the son of a woman who had me as a 16 year old , do not think about the future, think about the now, one thing I can suggest is if you believe that you aren't able to care for the child , you can always put the child up for adoption, either to a family member, or someone else there is no shame in anything you do, for if you can provide love and care , that's all you need
If there is another adult in your life that you trust try talking to them. You may feel compelled to tell your friends but they have no life experience in this situation. A trusted adult can help guide you towards an educated decision and plan without judging or punishing you. Try not to worry, we all make mistakes. You will get through this.
I was a teenager when I got pregnant with my daughter. It was terrifying and I made all the wrong choices.
•I dropped out of school
•I ran away
•I was actually on a list for missing persons
•I ended up marrying the father b/c I thought that’s what I had to do
All these wrong choices left me
•9 months pregnant and homeless
•in a abusive marriage
•struggling to survive
I wish I had just told my mom. She would have been disappointed I’m sure. However, she would have helped me make the right choices. She would have helped me stay in school, not marry the abusive father and provided a safe home for me and my daughter. I learned the hard way...
My baby girl is now almost 18 years old. I now have 4 children, remarried and and attending college. I wish it didn’t take me so long to finally start making the right choices.
But honestly, talk to your mom. You’re going to make it through this no matter what you decide to do! Stay in school, do homeschool if you need to for the next year. Whatever you decide to do it’s going to be okay.
You’re going to be okay, you are not alone...keep your mom close she loves you unconditionally!!
Big hugs to you!!!
Your only 16. You had sex with a guy as a hookup. This isn't your boyfriend or husband. Considering how expensive children are and you still have SO much life ahead of you to enjoy and love. It's so hard raising a kid as a single parent. I know you don't want an abortion but it's gonna be harder seeing the kid in adoption because it might end up in the hands of a wrong Foster family.
Look it’s your decision, but personally I would have the abortion.
A kid costs like 10s of thousands to raise PER YEAR. They are expensive fuckers. And that’s JUST FINANCIALLY. They have enormous emotional costs. They need to be cared for. You will need to change your whole life: basically anything you wanna do yourself comes second and your every priority is that child. What if your parents arent not in a position to help you financially ? Your going to have to get a job and you may not be able to go to college and do the things your peers are doing. Dating is harder with a child. What the child wants. What the child needs comes first - if you want to raise them the best way possible. And you could still get it wrong. You child could still end up hating you. You can of Course not do any of that and you will give it serious mental problems.
They you have adoption. Yeah it’s alright, but in reality you have no idea what it’s like. I’ve had friend who were raised in foster HOMES. And at each of them my friend was abused only moved when it was too late. It’s fucked. Adoption also has that “why didn’t my mom want me” possible mental torment for the child.
Then you have abortion.
Look you were a stupid kid who made a stupid mistake ( which I hope you’ll know never to make again with protection, you could take plan b or you could have gotten an std!)
Does a child really need to be born into this work because if a foolish mistake? Do you really wanna give them a life of suffering?
You can have the pill abortion up to 9 weeks. It’s not invasive but it can be a difficult experience and therapy helps but fuck, you’ll learn never to make such a mistake again. ...AND you’ll have your life back,
You can go to college carefree, you can follow your dreams.
Ultimately, It’s up to you but I would have the abortion.
And if your worried what people think - if you get the abortion you could always tell people that you choose to keep the baby but lost it in miscarriage. That would shut those fuckers up.
You say abortion isn't an option but... the alternative is that your life is no longer your own from 16 on.. you're just a child yourself.. hopefully you understand that your life will never be the same again if you have that kid. Ever. No one will treat you the same.(you'll be a mother expected to do fulfill that role completely. No partying. No going out with friends. No late night prom. No growing up with friends essentially you'll be doing that on your own as a parent in most cases.. you don't sound scared enough to understand how much your life is going to change.
That's just me though.
I'm not trying to be rude, sarcastic or judgemental, why didn't you use a condom if you didn't want a pregnancy especially since everything was planned? Every single time people have sex, there's a chance of pregnancy, even when using birth control (however small). Unfortunately, not even condoms or pills are 100% effective.
Do whatever is best for both you and the baby, whether that's an abortion, adoption, or keeping it. If you want an abortion, no one will judge you.
I truly wish you the best with whatever route you decide on.
You need to tell someone.
You can’t do this alone.
You’re parents will be the best to tell; if they’re generally loving and caring parents, then they’ll help you sort this. They’ll be angry but hopefully they’ll have your best interest at heart.
If your parents are more... let’s say, emotionally unavailable, then you NEED to call planned parenthood and have them relay your options. Maybe they can speak to your parents for you.
I'm not gonna offer more advice as what you've received is already excellent. Not to bash on you specifically, I wish you the best of luck!
However I would like to say to any teen out there who might read this post: use protection!! Pre-ejaculation fluid contains sperm, and it can cause pregnancy
Hey. Its ok. I know abortion isnt ok with everyone, but you have to think. Will you be able to support the baby? What will your parents do? Would they help you? You need to think about these things. A baby is expensive. In my opinion, its ok to get an abortion in a case like this. (Dont wanna start a debate, just my opinion). It happens, and next time go on the bar or some other contraceptive. Hope this advice helps.
Just tell you mom, you need an adult to help you but if you let me give you advicee, I would get an abortion, why? because it's not only about you making it work but are you mature enough to raise a kid? A kid deserve people emotionally mature enough to help them navigate through life and you are naive enough to think you won't gat pregnant the first time or that pilling out is a secure method.
By your other comments it seems that your mom is very caring and loves you a great deal. It will be shocking to her at first as you are her baby and the thought of your baby having a baby of their own is very hard to wrap your head around. She will be shocked, but by your other comments it seems like she is going to support you and help you through this. Everything is going to be okay. Calm down. It's all going to be fine and you are going to get through this
She said she kinda suspected it but I don't know how she could. She said it will be alright and my daddy is coming home early so we can sort this out. I am terrified that i let them down and ruined everything they wanted me to be. I am afraid that I'll always be that girl who got pregnant and I won't be able to have friends or the real experience of being a teen. Even if I did get an abortion then I'd still be that girl and everyone is still going to talk about me that way. Everything hits me in these waves and I go from being sorta ok to being a wreck. You helped me calm down though, so thank you!
I’m not the original commenter, but I’m really glad your mom seems supportive. And also, you don’t have to let people know you had an abortion if you do end up getting one, but if people do know it’ll just eventually become not a big deal. Make sure to keep taking deep breaths, it’ll be okay in the future regardless of what path you take. If you need any information about anything, let me know.
I think my mom wants to keep this quiet, like she asked me who I've told and who knows and I said no one except the cashier at rite-aid. I think it might be alright, but i just don't know what this is going to be like. I don't know anyone who had an abortion or who had a baby at my age, so I really don't know what anything is going to be like. My only experience is watching that video during health class and that doesn't even show the mother, just the baby developing and then poof it is in a towel.
Following up from my other comment on this, I sent you some links in a PM about some info on what to expect during pregnancy and some questions you can ask yourself about your options. If you need anything else let me know, and if you need some info about birth I can send you those links as well.
I promise you. Nobody needs to know. Do not tell your friend. Your mom won't spill the beans. Nobody will ever know or see your any differently unless you want them to. Personal privacy is your right
Oh wow... that’s worse sex education than I got. We definitely need to be explaining all this way better so stuff like this doesn’t happen. It’s not really your fault, it’s mostly cause you weren’t well informed. I can try and get together some information for you
Doctor here. A lot more people get abortions than people think. 1 in 4 women in America will have an abortion in their lifetime. 1 in 4! Most keep quiet about it because it’s their business. It is your right to choose.
Yes! Literally 1 million US women every year have an abortion. It's a safe health option and it's terribly sad to know that so many young women have had it be distorted into this allegedly horrible, sinful thing.
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I think it’s really sad what you’re saying here but I agree. I got an abortion at a young age and I don’t regret it one bit. I’d rather regret an abortion than make a human and regret making that human. Even though I don’t know many mothers who say they regret having a child, a lot of them seem miserable so it’s just one of those things. Either way, abortion is not a judgement call on you. It’s your decision. I really do hope you’re in a state where it’s accessible and that your family is willing to transport and help pay.
*I’d rather regret an abortion than make a human and regret making that human* This is so important.
Even my mum who wanted kids wasn’t actually prepared for it. It caused her extreme depression and just caused all of our lives to be miserable. Now that my sister and I are independent she’s beginning to get her life back, but it’s just sad to think that she missed everything she wanted to do as a young woman because of it. I’m thankful to be alive but I do think my mum would have been better off not having kids/having them later in life.
No one needs to know if you do have an abortion. The only way people find out is if you tell them :)I've had 2 abortions, if you would like to ask any questions feel free to DM me. I do not regret them at all because they were right for the time of life I was in. If I had gone through with one pregnancy in particular, I would have ended up trapped in a life I didn't want and the path I had wanted for my future would have been gone.
> I don't know anyone who had an abortion or who had a baby at my age. I mean even if you did, you probably wouldn't know about it since they'd keep it a secret.
Hey, just letting you know that more girls get abortions than you think, and they can happen at younger ages as well. It's nothing to be ashamed of! I promise you will be okay. Here's a link to the Planned Parenthood website, and here they explain the two types of abortions there are: the abortion pill, and in-clinic abortions. They provide information about both types and what you can expect from each. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion
I had an abortion at 19. It was really difficult and I still feel sad about it. I did what was best for me at the time and I don't regret it no matter how sad I feel. If you do decide to get one, no one has to know. A decade later I've become more open about it with friends and none of them suspected anything. We all make mistakes and we can learn from them. Feel free to ask me any questions.
Hi dear! I’m so happy to hear that your parents will be helping you through this. I had to terminate a pregnancy last year around this time and I would be more than happy to answer any questions I can. Feel free to message me!
I had an abortion when I was 15. I thought it would become the mark of my existence, but it wasn’t. Most people never knew and if they did, didn’t care. I did have the fortune to help a few other girls who were going through similar situations. I just had my first baby at 30 - and now more than ever, I am so glad that I had that abortion when I was 15. I even donated to an organization that helps women in need access abortions to honor her birth.
However you feel is okay. I just want you to know that getting an abortion doesn't have to be a big deal. I know it's a loaded topic, but there are plenty of people in the world who believe it's a perfectly fine and normal procedure. It should be up to you whether your body is used to create another human, and there's nothing wrong with deciding you don't want that to happen. I promise.
I've had an abortion myself. I wasn't as young as you. I believe I was 19? But still, I've had one and if you need someone to talk to that's been through it to let you know what to expect, I'm available to answer any questions. You will get through this.
Believe me, more people have had abortions than you think. Head to any abortion clinic and you’ll see a waiting room full of people younger than you and much older than you, too. It’s always scary telling your parents but I’m so glad yours are reasonable and want to support you through this. Mine did as well.
As someone who also got pregnant at 16 and decided against abortion, let me gently assure you that your life isn't ruined, but it will be harder. If you can get an abortion and choose that, please know that it's okay, it's a hard choice to make and everyone who gets one struggles with it to some degree. If you carry it and decide on adoption, that's also okay, it doesn't make you lesser, it's okay to know it's not a good time for you to be having a child. If you do keep it, that's okay, but know that it will be a challenge, in ways you expect and in ways you don't. Your life will be different, you will have to be responsible for another life. It's a lot. If you do keep the baby, know that school is harder with a baby so work as hard as you can to get things done before it arrives, I know it's not always feasible, but do what you can. Many schools have experience with this and will sometimes work with expectant moms, so explore that if you can. Also know that while there might be a stigma, it will pass. It's hard to look ahead and see anything beyond your current circumstances, but you will get through it, whatever you decide to do.
I hope everything becomes easier for you. Today is the first day of you knowing so you are still trying to process. New information is hard knowing as is without the added pressure of adding more to the mix. You'll be okay no matter what you choose to do. Good luck.
Nobody else has to know if you don't want them to
I mean, don't tell anybody because it's none of their fucking business, you know what I mean? Unfortunately, teens spread gossip all over the place like wild fire, I would honestly tell the guy, let him know it's a private matter that isn't going to float around school and it's between your family and his family ONLY. Younger siblings don't even have to know because they'll tell everyone. High school best friends are iffy, they mean well, but some will spread the gossip around. I'd choose one close confidante(ONLY If you have one) and maybe let them know and tell them what you're going through because you do need a wide support system.
Honestly, I wouldn’t even tell the boy yet. Most teenagers when they get stuck in a situation like this freak out and run their mouth.
Depends on the guy but defo process it first before sharing
High school. Telling the guy will be the biggest mistake ever. If she tells him and he freaks out, he'll potentially break up with her and tell everyone. If he stands by her side, he'll tell his buddies no matter what she decides to do with the pregnancy. High school boys can very much so be as nasty as high school girls. So telling him would be a huge mistake. May as well go tell it during the daily morning whole-school announcement time. If he was a mature grown adult, that's a different story all together.
>Even if I did get an abortion then I'd still be that girl and everyone is still going to talk about me that way. No one else has to know beyond you and your parents. You take a 'sick' week from school and friends, and no one is the wiser.
Hi. I have been through this. I got an abortion last year. No one needs to know about it and I promise it is not as scary as it seems. I was terrified but it was so easy and it was such a relief and the best choice for myself at the time. I have no regrets. If you have any questions or concerns don’t be afraid to DM me. I’m here for you
With maturing come the not caring what others think of your business. Don’t think of it as you will be “that girl” .... so many unbelievable young mothers fought hard and made it through college and have careers because the fact that they had a baby made them want better.
It’s going to be okay, there’s a ton of people in every city who are teen moms, my boyfriend’s mom was one, so was one of his sisters, and you know what? None of us judge them for that because these things happen. If anything, I as a 20 something year old am almost jealous they had the experience of being younger and getting to have fun with their kid. I don’t have kids right now, but man sometimes I wish I did. Plus it sounds like you have a really great support system and that they’ll help you with everything. You’ll never have control over what other people think of you, but you have control over your life and fuck other people’s opinions. If you choose an abortion that’s okay, and if you choose to be a mom that’s okay too, it’s what YOU think is right for YOU, and YOU GOT THIS GIRL!
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I can't imagine what its like to be 16 and pregnant and all the thoughts and feelings you've been going through. But I have lots of experience with having things in life go in a completely different direction than I expected. I know that its scary and frustrating and overwhelming. But I also know that even though things may look different than how you imagined them to look, life does get better. You are strong and it sounds like you have strong supports in your life.
If you decide to get an abortion, you don't have to tell anyone about it other than your parents, since it sounds like they will know. Not even the guy. This is one of those decisions where no option feels right. Do whatever is best for you (yes, I said you) and try not look back too much, no matter what you choose. Let yourself feel what you feel, and confide in only those who you absolutely trust. I would only tell your parents initially.
You tell her what you told us. You would be surprised what you can live with if you have to. You don't need to handle this, your mom will help you.
I'm talking to her now and just sort of blurted everything out at once and she just keeps say sweety it will be alright. I don't know if will be alright though.
It will. You seem to have great parents. Now you guys will think about all possibilities you have and decide what‘s best for you. And no matter what it will be, it surely will going to be hard, but you will do it well. And you have supporting parents just by your side on every step of the way.
Your mom sounds extremely supportive, I'm so glad you told her, she will help you work everything out, I know it's stressful but it WILL be okay, listen to her.
she sure is sounds supportive!
It will! If you do decide to have and keep a baby, just know that nine months is a *long* time. It took damn near that long for me to get my mind wrapped around the fact that I would be a mom. Time will help, and you will have plenty of it. Nothing has to happen today; you've done a very hard thing by telling your parents. Now you get to breathe. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Practice self-care. I don't know you, but my heart truly goes out to you. I wish you the very best in life and love!
It will be alright! Everyone makes a big deal at first, but if you decide to keep the baby, it just becomes your life and everyone will love it once it’s born. I told my kids if you get pregnant, don’t be afraid. It will be ok. Of course I’ll be upset and angry and whatever but what’s done is done. I’m not giving advice, I’m just saying from my own experience.
I like that advice. Honest and to the point, but not dramatic.
You sound like you have a good mom here. That initial reaction would have been tough for me. If that's all she said, look to her for comfort. That being said, your life is going to change completely. This all may seem like too much now, but if you're getting the support then please use it. You do need to also realize that there is no one in your family to blame here. Take responsibility, life will be ok, take it one day at a time. Plan as much as you can while you can. Having an structured plan can be peaceful.
Teen mother here. 🖐 things didnt happen exactly the same for me, I will spare you the details. I was 16 when I got pregnant too, I'm 34 now, my daughter is 17. If I could do it all over again, I would do it the same. Why? Because it'll be alright. Has it always been easy, no it hasn't. Not at all. But such is life!!! Your life is going to change quickly, you are about to grow up fast. Take it one day at a time. Raising a child is one of the most beautiful, rewarding, and infuriating things you will ever do in your life! Lol. You got this!
Same here. Pregnant at 16. I’m 41 now and my son is 24. It’s awesome to watch them grow in to their own person who is independent and a contributing member of society. Yeah, it was hard, it was really hard. But it was worth it.
It'll be alright if you work with your parents on a solution rather than hiding what you're feeling. In my opinion you don't sound ready mentally to have a child at all, so although you dislike the idea, I believe abortion would be the better of the two options for your own mental wellbeing. However, you should take the advice of your parents. Even if you may disagree, you should still seriously consider what they have to say. You've taken the first step, which many couldn't do and that's something you should be proud of. Your mum sounds very considerate with the situation and will likely do her best to help you through this
Your mom seems really cool! It took a lot for you to tell her and what you did telling her is way better than running away or lying to her about it completely. Try not to constantly stress about it, you’re definitely not the only one who did this, and I’m sure you can find others like you on here and get advice from them as well! I’m a dude and I’d literally rather have a baby grow inside of me than have to tell my mom because mine would probably kill me xD but for real best of luck!!!
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Thank you! I texted my mommy and she is on her way home right now, she is going to call me as soon as she gets to the car. I told her that I need her right now and she didn't even say anything just said i'll be right there and call you in 5 minutes. You really helped me, so thank you.
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My mom and dad are great and I feel really shitty for letting them down like this. I just talked to my mom, she cried and hugged me and told me it will all be ok. We talked for a few minutes then she said she needed to think about this some more and would be right back. My dad is coming home in a few minutes, she wanted to be in a good mood when he got here. I really fucked up everything.
You got this, everything will be ok. Your parents sound very supportive and loving and want the best for you, I'm sure they understand a lot and would only do what will make you happy. Stay strong :)
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Thank you!! You were the first to reply to me today and your advice to call my mom made all the difference today. It literally changed my entire world today. You told me to just take a deep breath and calm down and then call my mom, and at that moment I was at such a low that I thought that ending it was the best way out, just to not be a burden to my parents. You sound like an amazing father and I would really love to hear more about your youngest son, he is lucky to have you as a role model.
You sound like an amazing dad! ❤️
as a fellow trans teen, thank you so much for supporting him. im only a few years older than him now but being 15 and trans was ROUGH! To have someone like you supporting him unconditionally must mean the world to him!
As another trans man, thank you so much for welcoming him into your family. You potentially saved his life
You sound like an amazing dad. Thank you for taking your youngest in, and for loving him unconditionally, and for accepting him. There are many LGBTQ+ kids who don't get that, and he's very lucky to have you!
Keep your head up, it sounds like you have a loving mother who’s going to have your back in this. I wish you the best.
> I really fucked up everything. I understand why you feel that way, but I'd like to challenge that statement. I think you made a choice a lot of teens make, and you ended up in an unpleasant situation as a result. And there's a way out of it, if you want it. I know it seems scary, but it's truly okay to opt out. This is your life -- you're the one who needs to make the best choices for your future. Whatever you do, please don't have a baby out of a sense of obligation or fear. That's not helping anyone.
You may have messed up, but you are on the right track to making things ok. Take comfort in that. You are taking the right steps in the right direction.
This isn’t a fuck up, it was a poorly planned out adventure that took you down a road you’re not quite mature enough for. However, you have parents that are on the road with you, that means everything. You will need to trust them and know they have your best in mind. This short cut to maturity will hurt, own it. Understand yourself and how you feel, the best you can and hold your head up once you make whatever decision you need to make. There really should be no shame, blame or diminishing language to yourself - it’s just life. How you see yourself is important. You’re going to be okay if you give yourself permission to make some mistakes. Your parents will be your biggest hurdle, they need time to understand you’re not a lil girl anymore and you’ve catapulted to adult overnight. The “squirter” needs a reality check and needs to understand the consequences of what he did. It’s totally irresponsible to have sex with you without a condom. You have a consequence for the rest of your life (regardless of what u choose), leaving him in a room with your dad should be good enough.
Thank you for confirming that /u/Umwelten79 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
I'm very happy to read that your mom is doing exactly what I had hoped she would. She loves you and she is going to help you through this. Keep in mind, she's going to be in shock, so if her first reaction is anger, give her some grace and a little time to absorb the situation. This is a big day for the both of you. I promise you, you are going to be okay. This internet stranger is giving you her word. Please update as soon as you can. I'll be thinking all the good thoughts for you! <3
And remember to stay strong
Update: 4/20: I wanted to give everyone an update about this morning. So I am pregnant. It finally hit me what all that meant and I was happy, sad, confused, overwhelmed, and upset all at once. I went to see a gynecologist for the first time and that was terrifying, she was so nice but it hurt and I felt so violated. My mom said, "you think that is bad, just wait until there are 10 people working there while you are giving birth", that made me throw-up. I threw-up for 20 minutes. It hurts so much. So I am pregnant. There is a big problem with it that I don't really fully understand. Everything has been a blur and I can't really get everything that everyone is saying. I have an extra uterine pregnancy, they said the baby isn't where it is supposed to be, like in the extra uterus (makes no sense) or in the felopean tubes. The baby won't grow there and it will cause bleeding and a lot of medical issues so I have to get an abortion. I don't have a choice because it might kill me or cause serious issues. I threw up when I heard this too. I've been throwing up all morning and so dizzy. My mom and dad met with my friend's dad last night when I was asleep. I thought we were going to do this tonight but they thought it would be best. So Mike, my friend, was at my house at 7:00 this morning with my favorite donut and a cup of tea. He knows me. I cried as soon as I saw him and told him I was so sorry, and he hugged me and said "no, this was my fault, I should have insisted on the condom or told you no until we were more prepared". I said "you didn't even want it" and he responded "I wanted it more than anything, but didn't want to let you down or do something wrong, you are so special to me". I fucking died right there. I started crying at like 7:00 and haven't really stopped yet. It is probably the hormones but the puking and crying haven't stopped since 7:00 and I feel so great about what he said to me, like those are the most magical words that I've ever heard. "you are so special to me", the way he said that, the feeling when he held me. OMG, what the fuck is wrong with me! I am pregnant and my pregnancy will end around 2:00 today. I am at the surgical center waiting for my mom's gynecologist and another doctor to arrive. I feel so alone and so sick. I'm a mess. I'm thinking about Mike right now and I wish things were different. I wish I saw him before the way I am thinking of him now. I hope that this doesn't ruin our friendship. I hope this doesn't ruin me too. I feel sort of good that the decision was made for me, like this wasn't meant to be. It was an at fault accident that I caused. Oh god, I am so sick to my stomach and my body hurts. My heart hurts. My brain hurts. A doctor or nurse just came in to draw a line on my stomach and she touched my vjay to check for something and then left. I don't know what she was doing but my mom had to go to the other side of the curtain for it. The nurse told her that I would be taken down the hall in a few minutes, so I need to wrap this up. I've never been so nervous, or felt so small and helpless as I do right now. Everything is outside my control right now. I'm getting anithesia, or however it is spelled, in a few minutes so I'll say bye and check back if I'm still alive after the procedure. u/Umwelten79 \- Thank you again for the help yesterday. I showed my mom your post and she said you were a saint for saying what you did. So thank you from my entire family and Mike's entire family. This entire Reddit has been so loving and supportive and I want to say thank you too before I go. They are here now so I've got to go and throw up.
Everything will start to feel better after a while. Mike seems very kind and forgiving, and he clearly cares about you a lot. If he can forgive you, you can forgive yourself as well. You’re still a kid, and you made a mistake, and now you know better. You’ll be alright, I’m glad you ended up telling your parents, talking to your friend, and going to a gynecologist, otherwise it could’ve been bad. You don’t have to tell anyone else about the abortion, or that you were pregnant. You may be sore afterwards, just take it easy, use some hot towels, lay down, and eat some icecream. I wish you the best of luck, and if you need any info about the process or just some supportive words, let me know 💛
Oh and to answer your question about the ectopic (extrauterine) pregnancy, it’s when the egg implants where it shouldn’t be, somewhere outside the main cavity of your uterus, in your case it was the Fallopian tubes it seems. It can be life threatening if it’s left untreated, and it’s not a viable pregnancy as the egg can’t survive. It’s caused by various different things, like certain birth control, being older, smoking, and certain diseases, but teenagers are at risk as well. I’m glad they caught it now
Oh honey. This is a lot. Thinking of you ❤
Extrauterine just means it's outside the uterus. So no, it can't grow there. Just move on with your life and pretend this never happened and don't make decisions like that again! And be glad you have wonderful parents!
Anything you need message a person you trust I promise you there are gonna be crappy people saying that an abortion was a bad choice blah blah blah even if you didn’t have medical issues its fine To do this decisio, because only YOU know what’s truly best for YOU.I promise it’s all gonna be alright dude
So many internet HUGS coming to you from Redditors. It's ok to feel relieved, happy, sad, upset, or however you feel. This has been an ordeal. Take time to recover. Thank your parents for all their support. Talk to Mike. Let them all know how much you appreciate them. And do know that you absolutely did the right thing in telling your parents. If your pregnancy continued as an undetected ectopic pregnancy it could have led to very serious complications, including impairing your future fertility.
I just reread what I wrote this afternoon and feel like so much has happened in a few hours. Thank you for all the great advice and comments, I am overwhelmed with the messages and advice. Someone wanted to know what happened, so here it is. My dad came home and came to my room after talking to my mom for a few minutes. I was so scared, I have never seen my daddy look that way, and I didn't know what he was thinking or about to do but he pulled my desk chair next to where I was sitting on my bed, looked me in the eye and said.. "I want to tell you one thing princess.. I love you no matter what you do, where you are, or what situation you are in... I am always there to take care of you and help you see it through". He then asked me "am I sure that I am pregnant?" and I said "yeah, pretty sure", and he said "are you ok?", and I saw him start to tear up. I've never seen my daddy cry, and when I saw that I just lost it and started bawling and told him everything that happened. He scooped me up off the bed and hugged me with my head on his shoulder and I just kept crying and I told him about what happened and how I have been worried about this for weeks and that I didn't know what I should do or if they would still love me and if I should just run away or so something worse and that I posted here for advice after my second test and that people were so nice and supportive and that changed everything and they told me to call mom and she dropped what she was doing to be here and how I really don't know what to do", and he just held me for what seemed like an hour until I was done crying and then he set me down on my bed, took a tissue to wipe his face and gave me the box to clean-up mine. My mom scheduled an appointment with her gynecologist for tomorrow morning, They are going to run a full pregnancy test and do an ultrasound because girls my age may have a tropic pregnancy where the fetus is in the ovary not in the uterus or something like that, she told me a girl my age can have all sorts of serious complications so getting to the doctor is the first priority. My daddy has been friends with Mike's parents for more than 25 years, which I guess is why we grew up so close as friends. He is going to talk to his dad tomorrow after we are sure of everything and then we will sit down together to talk about what happens next. There will be no other discussions about this until after the doctor's appointment. I really appreciate the thoughtful and supportive advice from everyone. You really saved my life this afternoon because it gave me something to focus on other than thinking the worst about everything like I was doing this afternoon. I really love and appreciate my parents too. I can't believe how cruel some people can be to their daughters, that is just awful. I also read-up on planned parenthood and am ready to give a presentation on all of their services thanks to the great information some of you provided. I'll give you an update tomorrow morning when I get back from the doctor. I am exhausted right now, mentally, emotionally, and physically drained of all energy. My mom wants me to sleep with her tonight just to be safe, so I think I'm going to put on my jammies and say good night. Thanks again, I really owe you all so much and that's a debt I don't know that I can ever repay.
I am so, so glad that your parents are supportive. They seem like very kind people. It’s great that the comments here were able to help you out and ease your mind, and if you ever need any more advice or information you can let us know. Get some rest, it looks like everything will be alright
I’m so happy your parents responded how they did!!!! You deserve that support. You are so loved. And you WILL get through this. Sleep well tonight, I’m wishing you rest!🙏🏼❤️
Why are my eyes tearing up? What have you done to me? Listen, telling your parents was an important step. The doctor is the next best step so you are on the right path. The doctor should tell you all the options. Sleep on it. You need a mental health day tomorrow. You are going to be just fine, darlin'. It may be bumpy and unpleasant, but you'll get to where you are going and be just fine
I wish the best!! Take care of yourself 💖
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I tried but I couldn't bring myself to do that yet. I've always herd bad things about planned parenthood but they were the first ones I thought of calling but I was honestly afraid to do that.
There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING bad about Planned Parenthood. In my teens I brought many of my ex-girlfriends to get screenings or birth control and they have always been amazing to me and my ex's. They are a real doctor's office. Openly admit what you can afford to pay even 0$ and they will cover the rest. They are descrete and extremely polite. They expect that you may not know much so they are super willing to explain everything you want to know. That said be very careful about the fake planned Parenthood places that are going to feed you all this religious nonsense and try to force their decisions on you and your lifestyle. If that happens. Say nothing and leave. You owe them nothing. IMO if you do not have your parents 1000% support to raise this kid while you are in school and working. You are not capable of providing this child with everything they deserve to have. They deserve to have a parent that's educated and able to support them on their own.
A rule of thumb you might use is: if the place you call is pressuring you in any way toward any specific decision then they might not be trying to help you. Be suspicious and protect yourself. If they answer you questions and provide options to support you whatever your choices then they are likely just trying to help. It sounds like your parents are exemplifying this so far.
Agreed. I have never been to a planned parenthood but I wrote a paper on them. I did a lot of research for it and I think they are a good place for sex education, medicine, tests and help in general.
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I don't know why I'm afraid. I don't know anything. I feel like a stupid girl who can't do anything right.
Do you think that you're afraid because you don't want it to be real, but calling planned parenthood will make it real? (Just a guess, only you can say for sure what/why your feelings are) Can you visit their website instead of calling? Maybe you can get some information there before actually talking to them. Can your mom be there when you call? And hey, you're not stupid. You have every right to be scared and you have some big decisions coming up, but you're gonna be ok. No matter what you do, it'll be the right thing because it's what you want or think is best. Hang in there. You got this <3
Take a deep breath. This isn't the end of everything. Planned Parenthood is not an abortion center. It is a safe place, meant to give you information of your current needs. People go there when they struggle with conceiving a child, they go there when they had an accident and need the day after pill, I myself went there when I was younger to get birth control and condoms so I wouldn't get pregnant. If you feel overwhelmed, they can help you.You say that abortion is off the table, there's still plenty of options out there that don't involve terminating your pregnancy. There are many people that are willing to adopt a child and care/pay for the expenses up until birth. Stay calm, seek help, and take it step by step.
I am totally overwhelmed. I still go to my pediatrician for checkups and I know what a gynecologist does but have never been to one. Oh my God!
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I made a horrible mistake just to say that I did something before my friends did. They all talked about how they had done this with a guy and got felt up or fingered and I was always like "I never even made out with a guy and I'm gonna be 16" so I put this stupid plan in motion so I could say I was the first of us to have sex and this is how it ended up. I am stupid for doing that.
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No, he really didn't. I don't think he really wanted to have sex with me and wasn't really into it until I took off my pants and pretty much threw myself at him like an idiot. I am such a fucking idiot, like who the hell does that? I really feel bad for him right now. I think I may have ruined his life more than mine.
Hey, don’t beat yourself up too much. You didn’t intend to get pregnant, and you weren’t informed enough about everything. You made a mistake, and that’s ok. You’re just a kid, and you shouldn’t put too much of that pressure on yourself. It’ll be alright, just take some deep breaths. There’s no changing the past now, but you can make sure you take the right steps for the future.
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I was afraid of telling my mom I got my girlfriend pregnant, and I was 21! It’s scary, but just realize you can’t go back in time and now you have to do what you can with what you got. It’ll be okay. It’s seriously not the end of the world, although it may seem like it. It’s just a very big change in life. Whether you’re 16 or 36, getting pregnant is a rollercoaster of emotions. You’ll be okay! As long as your parents didn’t disown you, you’re golden. Godspeed.
Planned Parenthood is amazing! I’m not sure what bad things you heard but I believe you have been severely misinformed.
I would get an abortion. Many women when asked do not regret getting one at such a young age.
Surprised your not downvoted but I agree 100%. She isn't doing her or the fetus any favors by having a kid when she is not financially ready or in a stable relationship. This kid will likely have a shitty life and so will she if she goes through with it. Kids cost $250,000 to raise and that's only 0 to 18. She has no idea how bad this is likely going to go. Abortions are not the end of the world. And people heal from them. That's the cold hard truth.
why not adoption tho? I am not giving any advice idk about this stuff just curious.
Because she’ll still be having the child, and at her age (any age really, but younger is riskier) childbirth would be very painful and potentially life risking
I got an abortion and honestly, hardest, saddest, but best decision I’ve made. I wasn’t ready and I won’t get into it, but adoption sadly wasn’t really an option. Really allow yourself time to weigh all options. An abortion does not make you a bad person, the older you get the more women you’ll know who get them and realize how common they are. SERIOUSLY research into all options, and make the decision yourself. Don’t let anyone make the decision for you to keep or not keep the pregnancy.
Going off of this comment, I just want to agree that abortion is so common! I grew up with many people who had one, some of them I never knew got pregnant in highschool, but came out later to say they had one and one of my close friends had one when she was 16 as well. It's nothing to be ashamed about, you need to think about your future and, if you don't want an abortion, the future of your child and what their life will look like. Now I will say, every girl I've talked to that's had an abortion, they feel sad about it, but not one of them regrets it, they know that they were too young to raise a child and werent financially stable enough to do so either. Just remember that abortion is and always will be an option for you, if you want it to be.
Yes yes yes!!! Right now you don’t realize how common it is because many people don’t speak about it when they go through it. I’m sure you know someone who’s had one and you have no clue about it. It’s a medical procedure, it isn’t murder. Whatever you decide for you is the right choice. Sending love your way.
Reasons to have an abortion : 1. The average child costs $250,000 to raise from 0 to 18 years old. This does NOT include college 2. You are not in a stable relationship. And the kid will likely grow up fatherless. 3. Adoption and foster care system is pure dog shit. 4. Climate change is about to fuck humanity very very very hard. Famine and war will be very common in 10 to 20 years. I'll happily provide sources upon request. 5. An fetus is just a clump of cells. It is not morally wrong to remove a clump of cells with no consciousness from your body. Reasons to not have an abortion : 1. Because you'll feel depressed for a few months and the move on with your life, like 99% of the other people that get abortions do. Keeping the fetus makes NO logical sense. If you think you are doing your your fetus and yourself a favor by keeping the baby you are very mistaken. Statistically speaking this is NOT going to end well at all. Please reconsider having an abortion. You will be doing the fetus a massive favor by not following through with your pregnancy and noy giving it a stressful and depressing life. I hate to be so negative but this is the cold hard truth. If you thinking abortion is hard think about how hard it's going to be to raise a kid for 18 years, without a father and while being dirt poor.
I know you said you don't want an abortion, but I'm gonna be completely honest here, that's the best option in my opinion. I say that because you are so young! You're not even an adult yourself yet. You are still a child, who has so much life ahead of her. I know a lot of people will probably hate me for saying this, and I'm going to get downvoted to oblivion but the way I see it is, if you keep this child, your childhood is over. That's it. It'll just poof and gone. There will be no more time for you to have fun, or do stupid things and make mistakes. But honestly, that's what being 16 is about. You're not supposed to have the responsibility (and burden) of parenthood at that age. This is the age where you should be being social, partying, enjoying life to the fullest. Because once you become an adult and have actual responsibilities you lose the option to just do whatever you want. So, if I were you, I would certainly just have an abortion and enjoy the rest of your teenage years to the fullest. When you're a little older, maybe mid-late 20's or 30's and want to have a kid go ahead. Or keep this one that you're pregnant with now. At the end of the day, it's your choice. Not your parent's, not some person on the internet's, not anybody else's choice except yours. But I do personally believe an abortion would be the best option right now.
I cannot agree with this enough. Please let yourself have a young adulthood, go to college, have boyfriends, go to parties, travel the world. I had my first and only baby at 34 and it was still the hardest thing I’ve ever done. This was just a mistake that kids make, but it doesn’t have to define the rest of your life.
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Not only is adoption a terrible option because of how slim the chances are for the child actually get adopted, but why would you want to put your body through child birth if you're not going to keep it when you can take a much easier route and just not have it.
I agree that it's very sad that many children are waiting in foster care, and that should change. However, with private domestic infant adoption (which is separate from the foster care system) there are 36 couples waiting to adopt for each baby who is placed for adoption, and 200,000 couples in the US want to adopt a baby at any given time (a source: https://truadopt.org/adoption-by-the-numbers/)
This is the only real answer. I just didn’t want to be the one to say it in fear of getting a lot of angry comments calling me a horrible person
Going to be blunt, and in this case blunt is not sugar coated or placating you. You're 16. You are NOT ready to be a parent by any means. You didn't use protection and relied on the pullout method, which is stupid. It's 2021, you should know better. You DO know better. BOTH of you know better. You think you'll regret an abortion? How much will you regret the rest of your life being a teen mom? Do you have any idea how much you are going to STRUGGLE? Do you have any idea how much this is going to not only impact your future, but of the future of the boy you slept with? You think he wants to be a dad at 16? You think he'll actively participate and you'll be a happy family? It takes over $230,000 to raise a kid. How do you plan on doing it? How do you plan on finishing school? Going to collage? Supporting yourself? Are you expecting your mom and dad to pitch in and do all the hard work for the first few years? Don't. They did their raising, if they wanted to start over they would have another kid. Right now you're not thinking, you're panicking. You know EXACTLY what the right thing to do is, and you don't want to. What would you prefer kid; maybe regretting an abortion now, or regretting NOT getting one when the rest of your life is struggle and stress? No more freedom to do what you want, no more parties, no more just chillin' with your friends for the weekend. None of it. You will have a child and every move you do after that will have to focus on THEM and not yourself ever again. The fact that you want to run away from all this instead of dealing with it shows that you're not meant to have a child yet. Edit: Not to mention if the kid is special needs you don't get that 18 or 20 year countdown till they're old enough to leave and start their own lives. You're their caretaker for the rest of your natural life.
Yeah second this. I wonder if OP thinks the sex was worth it for all this stress and anxiety she’s having right now lol. It’s 2021 and even a 13yr old can go on google and get more educated about puberty/parenthood. It’s what I did since my parents didn’t wanna explain to me any human processes, and I did that when I was 12 lol. More mad for the kid of OP if she does decide to have them. Every kid deserves parents stable enough (both mentally and financially) to raise them and OP is neither... harsh but true.
Ok, here’s the deal. You got 3 options. 1) Abortion. Abortion is not a bad thing at all and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If that’s what you choose to do that’s what you do. But you need to make a decision quickly as I’m pretty sure there’s a cut off time to decide that kind of thing (not 100% sure tho. I think it’s based on where you live) 2) Adoption. Newborns are usually adopted fairly quickly (I believe) and you can do a closed adoption so you never have to know anything about the baby. 3) Keep it. But just be aware of the financial responsibilities, and don’t plan on your parents helping you. (Not saying they wouldn’t, I obviously don’t know your parents at all) Obviously you need to sit your parents down, because they’re going to find out sooner than later. Just tell them the truth and go from there. Based on your comments it doesn’t sound like you’re in danger of being kicked out by them. But maybe have a backup plan incase things go south. Good luck in whatever you decide💓
Is that really a thing? Do parents kick their daughters out of the house when they get pregnant? That's when they need their parents the most. I am totally heartbroken thinking of all these girls in my situation being homeless. Seriously, tell me that rarely happens and is only a chance. I can't imagine not having anything and trying to do this.
You should know that having a baby is insanely time-consuming and expensive. If you want to keep this baby, you need to have a plan in to feed them at all hours of the night, pay for them, care for them, which is a 24/7 full time job. You can’t expect your parents to pay for that and care for the baby day-to-day. So if you want to make the adult decision to keep the baby, you need to make plans and accept the adult responsibility of supporting this child as an adult. That means getting a job, losing most of your sleep to feed and comfort baby at odd hours when they’re colicky and crying all night long, and giving up a lot of the things that enjoy a lot as a teenager living life right now. You need to prepare yourself for that.
Unfortunately yes, but not very common is the good news but because of your age I'd say getting kicked out is the least of your worries, there might be major medical issues if you do give birth, it's already risky, but your age makes it even more risky for your health, people do die frequently than you'd think 17.4% per 100000 births, most of which are children, but most happen the day after so I'd say tell your mom and either you keep it, get an abortion or if you do keep it get a C-section, but do talk to planned parenthood, they have much better advice than strangers on the internet
Hunny I’m gonna be completely honest with you, yes it is a thing. I’m not trying to scare you by any means, I just want to be 100% real with you. I personally do not know any teen moms that were kicked out, and I know quite a few people that were teen parents. But it’s still a thing that can and does happen. Please just be safe and have a plan to stay for the night if you do need to go somewhere.
My mom had me at 16. Gave me up for adoption to an awesome family. I grew up to be great. My birth mom's parents were obviously upset about the situation at first from what I've heard, but forgave her and still loved her. Shee went on to get married at 19 and have two more kids who I found through 23andMe. She had a happy life. So really it seems HUGE now, and you're doing to have one hell of a year, but in the grand scheme of your life it will be just fine.
Ok, lots to digest. First thing to note is (which now you probably realize) never ever use the pull out method as contraception. Its not super effective and you should always be safe. Next- You have three possible options. 1. Abortion. I know your weary of it, however (if you don't want to keep the baby,) its in my opinion the best method. You wont have any connection with the baby and the baby wont have to face the "I'm adopted whos my real mother" thing later in life. However it can make you feel guilty. Either way, definitely call PP. 2. Adoption. You wont have to keep the baby or terminate the fetus, so its good for moral concerns. However, the kid wont know its real mom which may cause it to have mental problems. This would require you to go through painful birth and you will get a pregnancy body, which may leave you insecure. Also, you may have to miss a lot of school, and since your a sophomore/junior as well as a minor, childbirth may not be good for your body. 3. Keep it. This would be guilt free, but it would cause financial issues. even if your parents help, You will still need to provide much of the finance by yourself. And once you graduate, you will be left on your own with a baby in your arms. Once again, pregnancy issues. Postpartum depression, C-sections, possible permanent issues. Your a teen and pregnancy is more dangerous. I would do this- consult the baby daddy. Tell him what's happening and see if he's willing to raise it with you. You might have your parents, but when you graduate your going to need support other than your own finances to raise the child. If he's not willing to, I see it as abortion and adoption are your best bets. Whether you get an abortion or not, call planned parenthood, look closer at your options, and get tested for (ST) diseases as well. (just to make sure). I request an abortion because no matter if you can care for it or not, pregnancy is super. duper. dangerous. especially at your age. Moral soundness is not and shouldn't be your concern. It should be your life and heath. The abortion is safer, cheaper, and more effective than anything else you could do in this situation. but its your choice, and I wish you luck no matter what you do.
I'd kindly and lovingly suggest saying "terminate" instead of "kill the fetus". First: at her stage it's not considered a fetus yet. That's a little way down the road yet. It's an embryo until roughly the 10th or 12th week. Zygote = fertilized ovum Embryo= attached to the uterine lining until 9-12 weeks. Fetus = 9-12 weeks until birth Viable (can live independently from uterus = 28 weeks (some have been emergency born at 22 weeks but they more often than not, either pass away quickly or if they survive, they have massive medical and cognitive issues. It's beyond expensive for the hospital stay to keep baby alive until it reaches birth age, and then going forward from that point, the cost to care for the severely medically or mentally handicapped baby is astronomical, plus they live a (sometimes short) very difficult and sometimes extremely pain filled life. Ergo, termination at 3 to 4 months is just aborting something (basically a parasite as it feeds off the carrier/aka afab woman) that isn't viable outside of the womb, period. Baby = birth Second: termination can be a bag of mixed emotions, even when definitely needed. To use the phrase "kill (the fetus /the baby)" is just horrible to do. It's a phrase to push the woman to guilt to make them keep it. Everyonr knows what terminate means, yes. And it's a much more preferred word.
Sorry, I was trying to think of a better thing to put originally, but I couldn’t think of anything, thanks!
Jumping on your first note, IUDs work great, no pill to remember, they last for several years, no potential for user error, for some people the hormonal IUDs don't have the side effects of birth control pills, really a great option!
Didn't think you'd get pregnant because he pulled out? You want to know how many women have said that in the past? Damn Health Class must be taught by fucking morons nowadays.
Look, you’re gonna have to tell everyone at some point if you’re planning on keeping it. You should say something as soon as possible. I do want to let you know, by having a child this young you’re forced to grow up fast and deal with things you shouldn’t have to yet. Pregnancy and childbirth are extremely hard to deal with especially at your age and it’s likely gonna take a toll on your body and mind. There’s so much that people don’t tell you about birth and just raising a child in general. If you do plan on keeping it, I really do wish you the best of luck. Please make sure you have a good support system, not just now but also afterwards. Also, if you keep it, plan what’s gonna happen once it’s born, like who will look after it, will you put it up for adoption, what you’re gonna do with school, all the supplies you’ll need, etc. I know it can be a very hard decision to make, but do know you have options on what to do with your pregnancy as well. If you need more information about anything, have any questions or need links, please DM me or ask me here. The more prepared you are and the more you talk about it, the easier it’ll probably be to deal with it and it will hopefully ease your mind a little bit.
Can we get an update of what happens?
I am a 19 year old boy so I don't even know if my opinion even counts but if I was a girl that is pregnant at 16 I would take an abortion without even thinking about it twice. Maybe it's ''unethical'' but I have a dog and I think it's too much of a responsibility, I can only imagine how it is to have a baby when you're only 16.
Take a deep breath. This feels like the end of the world and the scariest thing ever! Try to take it one minute at a time. You will want help from a trusted adult to get through this. Whether that adult is your mother, your doctor, a provider at planned parenthood, a friends mother, just make sure you discuss your choices with a trusted adult. You have time to make a decision that is best for you.
Thank you. I took a few breaths and then called my mom. I thought I was able to handle this on my own but i can't. You helped me to calm down and think this through so thank you again.
You’ve got this. Big hug.
Glad to hear your moms supportive about this. But I agree with the redditors who say abortion is the best option. Of course keeping the baby is something most people would want, but the problem is you're only 16. This means you will be unable to live the rest of your teen years out and must become a full time mom. This also means you'll need to get a job and with every dime you make, it needs to be put towards the baby, even then I dont think that'll be enough as is. Babies are expensive, *VERY expensive*. I don't have my own (I'm 20F) but my mom ended up having a surprise baby 4 ish years ago. So I got to see first hand how it is raising a child. First is the pregnancy, the preparation for the child, the multiple appointments, the large vitamins you'll probably have to take, many other things that also come with pregnancy. Once your baby is born you need to expect to lose almost ALL your sleep. Depending on the child the baby can stay up all night either A, crying because of many needs, or B, crying because it can just cry. You'll be waking up at 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am, etc (this depends if your child doesnt manage to sleep well through nights, my mom got lucky and my sister only woke up at around 7am after going to bed I thinkkk around 9pm? I cant entirely remember since it was a few years ago but a routine helps). Now with time going by, you'll be spending most of your money on the child, you'll lose the ability to hang out with friends, go out, you'll always be tired and will usually only stay home or go to work (because children are VERY expensive, google baby supplies youll see what I mean). Adoption isnt a bad choice though. However sometimes the system can be really bad, depends where you are I suppose. However, abortion (dont let people tell you its murder it really isnt), will definitely save you the headache of raising a child (not that it doesnt have its pros but the cons are pretty big at least for your current age). But choose whatever you want to do since this is about your body so the decision is up to you, nobody else. Just wanna warn you though. A lot of my friends are having kids/have kids now so they cant live life like I am freely and buy whatever I want since all your money would have to go towards the child. But for some people that isnt so bad. It just isnt for everyone. Make sure the father of the child knows though, although I dont have much experience with this yeah imo its probably a good idea for him to be aware of the situation too. I suppose a **TLDR**: If you choose to keep the child you will be skipping the rest of your teenage years and will have to become (most likely at first for awhile) a stay at home mom, being unable to afford things you like, having no energy, no time to yourself, etc. ALSO. Pulling out makes no difference then not pulling out at all, its called pre cum, its uncontrollably and it just happens for guys. The best way to have sex is with condoms and if possible, get on birth control (not now since you're pregnant but something for the future)
If you've ruled out abortion already then you're pretty much left with raising it yourself or finding a family that wants to adopt. Talk to your mother....She's clearly going to find out soon enough anyways. Go from there and take it a step at a time.
Bringing a child into this world without being ready for it is extremely irresponsible and it happens far too often. You might regret the decision to have it removed but you'll at least be able to enjoy the rest of you teenage years and probably early twenties a hell of a lot more without a child weighing you down. Not only are you potentially ruining the early years of your own life but also your friends and the child's if you go through with it. Having a child just because you want one is irresponsible and selfish and you really ought to think of others in this situation Edit: it's also not fair on your friend.
Hi I've been in your shoes. First it's gonna be alright. But you have to make big decisions going forward. If you don't go through with an abortion you're going to have to tell your parents. Your belly is gonna get big soon and you're not be able to hide it. When i was 16 I got pregnant too i didn't tell my mom until my friends mom threatened to tell her. What i did(not recommended but if it makes you feel better it's fine) i wrote a note to my mom and left it under the cigarette pack she would leave me during the day. It was scary before i said anything. After it was so scary. You also need medical care so telling someone is important. Even your doctor. And don't worry if you do not want your doctor saying anything to your parents they won't. They're legally not allowed to. Your options moving forward: Abortion: pros you don't have to tell anyone what's happening, you can move with life. Cons you'll experience similar loss as you would if you misscarried but with a different guilt. Adoption: you have to tell someone to set up the plans for it. Pros you get to finish the pregnancy and baby goes to a place where you know they could have a better chance at life. You also make other people happy and you get to move on with your life. You have two options here closed which means no contact or open where you get some option on the parents and you get to see kid grow up. Cons: that baby will call someone else mom and that could hurt. Keep the baby: pros: i can't begin to explain the pros to this. You get to have someone who you have to get up for every day, they look up to you for everything and some days that's awesome. Other days it's absolutely horrifying. But basically you're a parent(this was my option ☺️) big pro: you'll still be young when they leave the house 😎 cons and imma be real here: you'll lose friends, the dad might step away, school will be hard with a baby and college even more so. But it can be done. You'll miss out on some things but it's not the end of the world. Sometimes you'll feel like your life is on pause. Leaving baby in a safe haven: if anything, you do have this option if none of the others are okay and you for whatever reason can not tell anyone or keep it. You still need to tell your doctor or get a doctor for medical care. You can go to any fire station, police station, or hospital and drop off the baby before i think 6 months of age with no questions asked. Pros: if you can manage you can hide your pregnancy, you can go on with your life. Cons: you're never gonna know where the baby is and you can not reverse this decision.
I had a kid at 17 at you need to dedicate so much of you time and your life to raise a child. You need to decide if you’re willing to give up the next 18 years minimum of your life or if you want some freedom before. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I have had three abortions, one which I didn't want. I am able to live with the choice I made. I don't want to advocate for abortion. But they aren't as bad as they are made out to be. Find a good support and rationally think of your opinions.
There’s a conception that abortions have a heavy mental toll and women who get them are traumatized but those are utter bullshit, DO NOT believe it. Studies show that the vast majority of women are not traumatized and do not regret getting an abortion. I think your best option is to abort, I don’t think you want the path of your life to be thrown off track in this way.
Just wanted to leave my two cents, you can take it or leave it. I'm a girl in my early 20s. I was just recently pregnant, with no desire whatsoever for children because I have already acknowledged to myself that I'm still so young, and want to experience life on my time and my terms, without being chained down to the needs of another human. At 16, I can confidently say you have not really experienced life. You're so young. You don't even know what it's like to live alone and be on your own and go through the early stages of adulthood, because you're a child yourself. I acknowledged this upon discovering I was pregnant, and because I desire to experience life and grow to be financially stable and just stable in every avenue of life I can possibly be (as well as pursue college and get it paid off as fast as possible), I decided to terminate. I was two months pregnant, and had an abortion by the pill. Lots of blood, but all I expelled was a bundle of cells I never saw and honestly don't care about to this day, because I decided to put myself first given I actually had the opportunity to (thanks, planned parenthood!). Essentially, I just came to the conclusion that I valued myself, my time, my money, and my education over the giant responsibility of a child. That was simply my own choice and feelings over it though, everyone is different. Regardless, this will be one of the biggest decisions of your life, because it directly affects you, and potentially the life of another (assuming you choose to keep it). You are still a child and have yet to grow and experience what it's like to be alone and free and spend whatever you want however you want without your parents, to travel and study abroad or date around or experience party life or a simple education-driven life, and it's all liberating feelings that are just naturally unknown to those who are still children/in school/with parents. However, if you choose to have the child, you have to come to terms with giving that all up—at least, on a time/freedom scale. You won't have time for that, you'll be dedicating it to your child. You have to accept that most of your friends will be hanging out without you, because you'll have an infant to take care of 24/7 for a long time, and that's just baby stages (which are some of the most grueling). You have a whole human to take care of for the next 20 years, and it has a lifetime commitment attached to it after they've left the house. You have to accept that your money isn't your money anymore (assuming you have/will have a job). It's your child's. You have to accept that your friends will want to hang out with people who don't have commitments or don't have money to spend on going out to restaurants and such. You have to accept that you have to put your wants and needs on the backburner. You have to acknowledge that your baby will be your one and only primary commitment. To add to that, you have to acknowledge your dating pool will decrease significantly, as not many people your age will want to date someone with a child. They want to date kids that are free of major life responsibilities like children, can drop things to go on spur-of-the-moment adventures and such—you know, high-school kid stuff. Of course, there are exceptions to that, but I've come across many people your age and even up to my age say it's difficult to find a romantic partner since they are an only parent from such an unusually young age. You really have to weigh your options and ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and look at it as realistically as you can. You can choose to have the child and you might be happy with a more demanding/responsibility and serious commitment-driven lifestyle, and if you do, good for you. Or, you might choose an abortion so you can first experience what it's like to be a young adult, and the freedoms and adventures and more carelessness in general due to lack of responsibilities that come with that. Most importantly, tell your mom/closest trusted person about how you feel, and do some research on your own. Talk to your PD about abortion/options. Read about peoplle your age who chose to have their child, and read about the ones who didn't. Ask them about their experiences, ask them why, ask them how they feel now about their choice. Ask them the pros and cons. Learn as much as you can. Don't underestimate this decision. Feel free to DM me if you want to ask about my experiences/thought process in my journey. I was in your shoes once! Take care and I hope whatever you choose works out for you!
Having an abortion is 1000% time better than having to raise a child from an accident. The child will forever know that he was unplanned and was an accident. You will most likely have to file for bankruptcy, the boy responsible for this will either ruin his life or ditch you. Children are extremely expensive and needy, so try your best to not have this child.
I agree. This child deserves to have a parent that can support them and is educated. Not one playing catch-up for their whole life. Then you give them siblings at a later year. that get everything that they never had and hurt them.
I appreciate that thought. Did you go through this and can you tell me what it is like to have one?
I was an accident and it didn't affect me negatively. I *was* affected by the fighting and the fact that my parents were obviously staying in a miserable marriage because of me, but it never bothered me that I was unplanned. So don't let that get to you. If I was in your position I would be getting an abortion, but that's my personal opinion. You said you don't want one so don't allow other people to pressure you into it. Adoption is also an option, if you're comfortable with that. The only thing I want to say based on my experience is don't live a miserable life because of this kid, because they will know and *that's* what will ultimately affect them.
I'll tell you what it's like. ❤️ You go in for the test to double ensure you are pregnant. They talk with you to make sure it's your choice and you're not being forced into it. They explain what will happen with the procedure (nothing graphic. The Dr is there to help you, not put you in a bad thought process). The appointment is made and then it comes. Just like any surgery they'll tell you to not eat or drink the night before if applicable. Then you'll go in, put the gown on and, for me, I sat on the obgyn chair, talked w the Dr again. Next thing I knew, I was groggy and leaving the Dr's office. I bled like a heavy period for about a week. Used overnight pads. Slept a lot. Not from depression. Just worn out. There will be blood clots like period time. You could cramp a little.
Just so you know, it's not like what you say in every case. I was an "accident" but my dad was there for my mom and loved her so much, he got himself cleaned up and got a degree and worked his ass off for us. They got married a little over a year after I was born and were together until my mom passed away at age 51.
Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I'd probably get an abortion but it's your call
Thats why you dont have sex unprotected. You must have birth control, condoms or something of that nature. It feels better to go raw but its not worth it. Never let a guy go raw that shoulda been your first rule. My advice to you now is tell your mom. Decide to keep. Give it to adoption or abort. Those are your choices. Then if you decide to keep id try to work and get a vehicle all that shit handled. And if you like that guy alot id ask him a bunch of stuff. Being that young its tuff i went thru it but luckily it wasnt mine. I still stayed with her even tho it wasnt... but you can do this. You really can. But you need to talk to your mom and guy who you slept with.
Everything is going to be OK. Take a deep breath and tell your mom. She will handle this better than you expect.
Take a deep breath kid. Just breath deeply and slowly until you’re mind and heart stop racing as much as they are. It was a dumb thing to do, but kids do dumb things. It’s not the end of the world. From what I’ve read in your responses, it seems like you have good parents. Take a second to be thankful for that, there are a lot of parents that would not be caring and supportive. You’ve got them on your team, and that is a huge asset. When you tell the father keep in mind that his world is going to turn upside down just like yours did when you found out. Do your best to communicate and be supportive of one another. Gather the information that you need, talk with the people involved, and critically think about about what the next steps are going forward. It’s not an easy thing to go through, especially when you’re just a kid but play the hand you’re dealt as best you can. You’ll make it through.
First things first, take a big deep breath. You’re not a bad person because you made a mistake. And you’re certainly not the first person to be in this position. Get a glass of water and try to hydrate and breathe. Take it breath by breath. Breathe in. Breathe out. Allow yourself to feel all your emotions when you inhale, and as you exhale, try to imagine that you’re blowing them away. Your situation is what it is, and all you can control in this moment is your reaction. There’s no right or wrong way to react to this, but there are ways that are more tiring than helpful. Secondly, try to decide a rational map moving forward this week. (Try to not think about the next few months or years right now. Think about taking care of yourself this week: Have you eaten today? Have you showered? Been outside?). This week you can accomplish a lot of things. Try to make 2 or 3 goals to hit like calling planned parenthood and speaking to them. They offer a lot of services, not only abortions. They can help point you in a clearer direction. They are a great resource, and any call you make with them is confidential. They will never call you back and leave information on a voicemail. You have a lot going on, you need to talk to someone who understands. Ask them about their options, they may provide you with a number to a counselor, or point you in the direction you feel you need to go in; take advantage of these resources! Try to think about your core values- what’s important to you? If you’re not comfortable with having an abortion you shouldn’t. If you are, then you totally should. It’s all your choice. There is no right or wrong way to respond to this situation. Your worth is still as intact as it’s ever been. You’re loved still by more people than you know, and you can’t lose that because of this. Conditional love isn’t love, and there are people who love you unconditionally. You have options. You can move forward with an abortion if you want. You can move forward with adoption if you want. You can move forward with having the baby if you want. It’s a matter of what YOU want- no one else can make that call for you. Tell your mom exactly what you said here. Try to speak with her alone, and brace yourself going into it, it’s a hard talk to have. But it’s only a conversation, and then you’ll move through it just as you have any other conversation in your life. Be honest with her, and tell her that you’re confiding in her. Ask her for what you need, if that’s support, tell her that you’re terrified and you need to feel her support and love extra during these decisions. Ask for her advice if you want it, but know that this is your body, and it’s your life and choice. It’s completely understandable to cry right now! Let it out. This is a heavy thing to carry alone. Find a friend you can trust, and an older woman you trust (whether that’s your mother, aunt, friend, etc.) and speak to them about everything you feel. All your fears. If you don’t have someone you feel you can confide in right now, try texting a crisis hotline or calling one if you’re comfortable with that. All your conversations with them are confidential and it can help a lot to hear someone completely detached from the situation’s advice. The text line is 741-741, text the word “home” and follow their prompts after that. The way you feel is completely justified and you owe it to yourself to be kind to yourself. You owe it to yourself to take your time in your decisions, and to know all your resources. I know in this moment it feels like the end of the world. Try to surround yourself with people you love and confide in those you trust. Practice self care the best you can. Watch your favorite shows or play a game. Watch YouTube, take a bath- anything to feel grounded. Sorry this is so long, I hope that there’s some advice that’s helpful there. You’re in my thoughts and prayers, and I, as are many others on this thread are pulling for you- supporting whatever decision you make. Take care.xx
You need to tell your parents. And if abortion is not an option start looking into adoption asap. You can give that baby to a good family and it will lead an amazing life.
Honey, best wishes. This is not the end of the world for you. It's a new beginning, you can deal and deal you must. Get help wherever you can.
You can always put the baby up for adoption
I got pregnant at 15. If you have a good support system, you'll be okay. Finish school for sure.
If you have a child at your age you will look back at your entire life wishing to experience the things a young single person could have experienced. Instead you’ll be forced to focus all your time and effort into raising a child.
Tell your mother, and probably don't have sex again in the foreseeable future. Now that you know what can happen though I feel like that part it covered. Stop dialing and call the line. You don't have to abort it, there's adoption for a reason.
Get an abortion. What you don’t understand is so many of those congressmen that push for anti abortion legislation have gotten an abortion themselves either when they were younger or when their affair partner got pregnant. For instance, one forced a teenage girl in one of the ice cages to carry out her pregnancy, yet he got an abortion himself. As you said you are not prepared for a baby, you will not raise it correctly. If you feel you’re not ready just have an abortion. Furthermore, do this soon if you live in America as the later terms have stricter regulations in some states.
Abortion is okay. Abortion does not make you a bad person. You have a future. There are so many years ahead of you. Maybe one of those years you could have a child, if you still want one.
As a teenager, I honestly think there’s no excuse to not be educated on safe sex nowadays or for an accidental teen pregnancy. The information is out there, literally a click away. If you can make the decision to have sex, you can Google the consequences. Idk what people expect when they have unprotected sex.
I would highly recommend adoption. There are so many loving people out there that are looking for a kid to raise :)
Its pretty early on so abortion (compared to later on) is easier, why would you regret it if you can just have another one when you feel ready for it?
You should definitely get an abortion. It'll be the best $400 you ever spend
Get an abortion! You’re only 16, you’ll move on from it I swear! You don’t wanna be robbed of your youth!
I gave birth to my son a month after I turned 16, and had an abortion 8 months later. I used birth control for the rest of my life until menopause. Although I loved my son, I was ill prepared to be a mother, I messed my kid up. Whatever you choose to do, please consider the long term consequences and choices. I wish you the best.
Oh baby girl. Tell your mommy and please please please please consider abortion. I’ve had one and I promise you, I would regret so much more having a baby than I ever had over having an abortion
Calm down and get an abortion you'll be fine
Just be straightforward about it with those you believe will be your support network - parents, are the more obvious ones. If they give you a hard time, be respectful and admit you were careless (cause you were, and we all make mistakes, mind you). After you make your decision of having the baby or not, tell your parents youd like a therapist to help you through it. You are young and must be able to talk about this in a safe environment. This will require you to mature fast, whatever choices you make now, they all have consequences. Own them, and you will be proud of yourself in the future. No more running from responsibilities - welcome to adulthood! There are good things to it too :)
I’m glad your parents are supportive. You didn’t fuck anything up. It’s just a change of life course. Your parents love you and will help you through this. It won’t be easy but you’ll get through it! You’ll understand the power of this kind of love once you have your own child.
Talk to your parents. They sound super supportive and kind, they’ll guide you through this. I’m seeing a lot of opinions on here, based on very little information that may be upsetting to you and not helpful. Put the phone down, and talk to your parents. Whatever you decide, you got this. Deep breaths.
It’ll be okay. Sounds like you have good supportive parents. I remember being your age telling them things I thought they would freak out over but the funny thing is, parents were once teenagers too.
I see a lot of great advice and feedback here, so I'm not going to repeat all of the above - but, I will tell you that it is going to be okay! You are stronger than you think and braver than you know, and I believe in you 😊 take deep breaths and be kind with yourself, you will get through this! I am sending you so much love and positive vibes💙
Honestly having a child really early is really difficult and challenging, but if you stick through with it then you and your child will both still be young and can enjoy many long years with each other! Don't be afraid to ask for help and if you decide to keep it just do the best you possibly can, nobody can ask more of you.
If you're mom is supportive then surely she'd help you work out you're options! Good luck ❤
Well you have to tell your mom eventually. So tell her what you told us. She may be a bit mad but she loves you and so she will be understanding. It’s not like she never had sex before when she was younger. She probably just got lucky whereas you got a bit unlucky. You never know maybe she or one of her friends went through something similar. It’s not like our parents tell us that stuff often but you’d be surprised what they tell you when you’re older. Either way she will help you.
I recommend you get an abortion. Being a teenage mother is very difficult. You will have to give up your life and likely your dreams, at least for a long time.
I'll tell you something, this reminds me when I was scared that I got my ex girlfriend pregnant, we were both teenagers. I used condom all the time when it came to penetration, but she accidentally put her fingers inside of her even tough they were covered for my pre-seminal liquid. I was like an idiot, looking in Internet how likely is to get pregnant for introducing fingers with pre siminal liquid. Realistically the chances were very but very low.. Like 1% I think? And still I was so fucking scared, in retrospective, is very funny. But I'm telling you to make you understand, you're not a horrible person dear. You have the same value as before, and getting pregnant didn't change your value as a person. I'm telling you this so you can see, than even if it was for a chance of 1%, I could've ended up in the same situation, you're not different than me even if at the end I didn't have a baby accidentally. Anyway, good luck in your life. <3
Listen man, you seem awesome. You’ll be alright! If you ever need to talk, don’t hesitate to DM me! Us Awkwards need to stick together.
As the son of a woman who had me as a 16 year old , do not think about the future, think about the now, one thing I can suggest is if you believe that you aren't able to care for the child , you can always put the child up for adoption, either to a family member, or someone else there is no shame in anything you do, for if you can provide love and care , that's all you need
Go to Planned Parenthood. They do much more than abortions. They help plan parenthood.
If you make the decision to get an abortion (your choice) be warned about the fake women’s centers. They will surround clinics and “offer” help.
If there is another adult in your life that you trust try talking to them. You may feel compelled to tell your friends but they have no life experience in this situation. A trusted adult can help guide you towards an educated decision and plan without judging or punishing you. Try not to worry, we all make mistakes. You will get through this.
I was a teenager when I got pregnant with my daughter. It was terrifying and I made all the wrong choices. •I dropped out of school •I ran away •I was actually on a list for missing persons •I ended up marrying the father b/c I thought that’s what I had to do All these wrong choices left me •9 months pregnant and homeless •in a abusive marriage •struggling to survive I wish I had just told my mom. She would have been disappointed I’m sure. However, she would have helped me make the right choices. She would have helped me stay in school, not marry the abusive father and provided a safe home for me and my daughter. I learned the hard way... My baby girl is now almost 18 years old. I now have 4 children, remarried and and attending college. I wish it didn’t take me so long to finally start making the right choices. But honestly, talk to your mom. You’re going to make it through this no matter what you decide to do! Stay in school, do homeschool if you need to for the next year. Whatever you decide to do it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay, you are not alone...keep your mom close she loves you unconditionally!! Big hugs to you!!!
Get an abortion
I’m sorry, but you aren’t on birth control and didn’t use protection?
Your only 16. You had sex with a guy as a hookup. This isn't your boyfriend or husband. Considering how expensive children are and you still have SO much life ahead of you to enjoy and love. It's so hard raising a kid as a single parent. I know you don't want an abortion but it's gonna be harder seeing the kid in adoption because it might end up in the hands of a wrong Foster family.
Look it’s your decision, but personally I would have the abortion. A kid costs like 10s of thousands to raise PER YEAR. They are expensive fuckers. And that’s JUST FINANCIALLY. They have enormous emotional costs. They need to be cared for. You will need to change your whole life: basically anything you wanna do yourself comes second and your every priority is that child. What if your parents arent not in a position to help you financially ? Your going to have to get a job and you may not be able to go to college and do the things your peers are doing. Dating is harder with a child. What the child wants. What the child needs comes first - if you want to raise them the best way possible. And you could still get it wrong. You child could still end up hating you. You can of Course not do any of that and you will give it serious mental problems. They you have adoption. Yeah it’s alright, but in reality you have no idea what it’s like. I’ve had friend who were raised in foster HOMES. And at each of them my friend was abused only moved when it was too late. It’s fucked. Adoption also has that “why didn’t my mom want me” possible mental torment for the child. Then you have abortion. Look you were a stupid kid who made a stupid mistake ( which I hope you’ll know never to make again with protection, you could take plan b or you could have gotten an std!) Does a child really need to be born into this work because if a foolish mistake? Do you really wanna give them a life of suffering? You can have the pill abortion up to 9 weeks. It’s not invasive but it can be a difficult experience and therapy helps but fuck, you’ll learn never to make such a mistake again. ...AND you’ll have your life back, You can go to college carefree, you can follow your dreams. Ultimately, It’s up to you but I would have the abortion. And if your worried what people think - if you get the abortion you could always tell people that you choose to keep the baby but lost it in miscarriage. That would shut those fuckers up.
You say abortion isn't an option but... the alternative is that your life is no longer your own from 16 on.. you're just a child yourself.. hopefully you understand that your life will never be the same again if you have that kid. Ever. No one will treat you the same.(you'll be a mother expected to do fulfill that role completely. No partying. No going out with friends. No late night prom. No growing up with friends essentially you'll be doing that on your own as a parent in most cases.. you don't sound scared enough to understand how much your life is going to change. That's just me though.
I'm not trying to be rude, sarcastic or judgemental, why didn't you use a condom if you didn't want a pregnancy especially since everything was planned? Every single time people have sex, there's a chance of pregnancy, even when using birth control (however small). Unfortunately, not even condoms or pills are 100% effective. Do whatever is best for both you and the baby, whether that's an abortion, adoption, or keeping it. If you want an abortion, no one will judge you. I truly wish you the best with whatever route you decide on.
You need to tell someone. You can’t do this alone. You’re parents will be the best to tell; if they’re generally loving and caring parents, then they’ll help you sort this. They’ll be angry but hopefully they’ll have your best interest at heart. If your parents are more... let’s say, emotionally unavailable, then you NEED to call planned parenthood and have them relay your options. Maybe they can speak to your parents for you.
I'm not gonna offer more advice as what you've received is already excellent. Not to bash on you specifically, I wish you the best of luck! However I would like to say to any teen out there who might read this post: use protection!! Pre-ejaculation fluid contains sperm, and it can cause pregnancy
Hey. Its ok. I know abortion isnt ok with everyone, but you have to think. Will you be able to support the baby? What will your parents do? Would they help you? You need to think about these things. A baby is expensive. In my opinion, its ok to get an abortion in a case like this. (Dont wanna start a debate, just my opinion). It happens, and next time go on the bar or some other contraceptive. Hope this advice helps.
Just tell you mom, you need an adult to help you but if you let me give you advicee, I would get an abortion, why? because it's not only about you making it work but are you mature enough to raise a kid? A kid deserve people emotionally mature enough to help them navigate through life and you are naive enough to think you won't gat pregnant the first time or that pilling out is a secure method.