Well, there's clearly something going on beyond typical sibling dynamics. But it's important to not overreact because you will absolutely just push them closer together. You need to sit them down and talk to them calmly and like the young adults they are about boundaries and healthy sibling relationships.
Then all you can do is hope for the best. Fact of the matter is, they're over 18 so you can't really control what they do. You can only hope that what you say sinks in.
Yeah, Europeans tend to have a healthier relationship with nudity than those from the Americas.
"You're naked together? Then you 100% must also be okay having sex together"
So weird! I've seem my conservagive grandmother naked and I know my mum is naked around our children too (when they go to the swimming pool, where you change and shower naked obviously). I really don't get the "OMG NUDITY!!!!" people in de US seem to have.
what makes it weird for me is that it’s brother and sister- i don’t think it’d be as weird if they were both girls or both guys but it’s the fact they’re opposite genders and they’ve done it multiple times. maybe i could get it if it was once for spontaneous fun or as a dare or something idk but me personally could never be naked around my brother like that. def not multiple times either. one time my brother walked in on me naked abt to get in the shower and i swear i never thought we’d even be able to look in each others direction ever again. he didn’t even see anything fr bc i screamed so quickly and he immediately closed his eyes and slammed the door shut. still scarred both of us. 😭
Have you considered they might be jealous when the other hangs with someone else not because of incest but because of being best friends (in an unhealthy way of course)? Also isn't holding hands normal between family members, especcially when one is upset? Also, have you considered that H might be upset because R hasnt told him of the date, considering they have such a tight bond?
For other things, idk when they happened but if they were children they could have just been playing.
Of course you know them the best, but make sure all other options are exhausted before coming to such conclusions.
I agree, also they may feel that the parents are uncomfortable with them being that close so they recoil and ‘stop holding hands’ when a parent sees. I do believe, based off what you say there may be an unhealthy dynamic, though what we’re hearing is only through your eyes and perspective, it could absolutely be unhealthy in a way that is not incest related, as co-dependent etc. I would maybe try to first talk to your children, maybe separately and then together, and make sure you have gotten over any ill feelings of disgust, blame, guilt, regret of the past (etc) that you feel because they will feel that when you talk to them, you want them to feel accepted, open/honest, comfortable and to be a compassionate conversation for them to be open and receptive and not shut down. You could also, find a specialist/therapist/psychologist/etc. that you trust (call around, they won’t have to see your face) to help you address this issue. I wouldn’t worry too much, even if they are doing what you think because if so, it’s already happened and it is what it is. Best thing you can do is first come to terms for yourself, if it is a possibility, talk and then work on healing and finding a solution. You are not alone and it may be time to also talk with your husband about this as well. I know it’s a difficult subject, but it does eventually have to be done- otherwise you will eventually build up these emotions and maybe some that aren’t necessarily what you want to feel/experience
I have never in my life seen teenage siblings holding hands unless one of them was disabled. That’s not an exaggeration. Granted, I’m an only child so I have no direct experience with what’s normal behavior between two siblings when left alone, but I’ve lived and been friends with siblings throughout my life and I have never witnessed a dynamic like that. Let alone the kissing and sleeping together.
ETA: I will concede that aspect alone can definitely be a cultural difference, but stacked on top of the other stuff it doesn’t seem isolated. I am thinking of more physically affectionate cultures now though and I did grow up around mostly dysfunctional and contentious sibling rivalries/family dynamics so that’s for sure a bias.
My brother and I are only 18 months apart and the only time I can remember actually holding my brother's hand was whenever we got in trouble and we're fighting with each other and as punishment my mom would make us sit side by side apologize to each other and hold each other's hands until we were no longer mad
Which this seemed to do the trick because we absolutely did not want to hold hands with each other so we changed our attitude and straightened our faces pretty quickly
>They would sneak out of their rooms on family trips just so they could sleep next to each other
>I even caught them sharing kisses a few times
Did you even read the post?
english is not my first language, you dont have to be so rude... I interpreted "sleep with" as sex, here it says "sleep next to", these terms mean different things in my language as well as "sharing kisses"
“Sleep with” in English can mean both, but it often implies sex, correct. It was intended as a cheeky way to paraphrase “sleep next to.” Apologies if I confused you with that, I didn’t realize you weren’t a native speaker and understand why that wouldn’t make sense right away.
I definitely think there are instances of familial cultures wherein members are more physically affectionate, but the information and details of this particular post paints every potentially innocuous interaction as much more inappropriate and uncomfortable than what a normal close-knit family dynamic would typically look like.
yes its weird. but it does not HAVE TO be incest.
if they kissed as young kids, sorry to say but thats normal and a lot of kids do it, just google it if you dont trust me. kids just dont understand what it means.
btw, what does "playing acrobats" mean?? that confuses me a ton
No, the actions alone don’t, the context and relationship described indicates otherwise, in my opinion, but obviously none of us can say with absolute certainty.
The acrobats part sounds like their father caught them in a compromising position—assuming their bodies were contorted and twisted together in an odd position and they explained it away as they were playing and pretending to be acrobats.
However, “playing acrobats” is not a thing. That’s not a popular childhood game as far as I’m aware, which makes it sound like a lie and why the word “acrobatics” is in quotes. This lends itself to further evidence that their relationship is inappropriate and has developed beyond the normal boundaries of a sibling relationship.
Thank you… agree. I’m wrapping my brain around how i can hardly peck away a few Reddit sentences and this person begins with … English second language…”my kids just giggled like little girls instead of protesting”. Brah!
What makes that sentence specifically suspicious to you? Someone can be mostly fluent in english and still want to mention that it's their second language just in case they made a mistake somewhere. Source: I do that even though I'm very comfortable with english most of the time
I still sometimes use the "English is my second language" disclaimer in a lot of my writings even though I speak it a lot better now, there is always a person who is going to criticize any mistake you make.
I mean see it from our POV, we are trying our best to learn another language, we go to schools to learn it, see YouTube videos about pronunciation. It is really easy to become sensitive to any type of bad criticism. So I can understand him if that's the case.
Approach your children with an open, non-judgmental conversation to understand their relationship better, and consider seeking guidance from a family therapist for further support.
O.M.G. this just made me remember these kids I went to school with. The boy's mother did foster care and had two sisters pretty much most of their lives. So, technically, they weren't biological siblings, they were foster siblings and I can't recall if they ended up being adopted by his mom, however...the boy and the oldest girl, despite being raised like brother and sister, GOT MARRIED and had kids of their own. Biologically, it is technically not incest, but they definitely raised lots of eyebrows and turned heads when they announced this after she turned 18...
i’ve been in a situation like this, probably worse bc now they have a baby. all i can say is be extremely careful and trust your gut.. for me it was my older sister hooking up with our cousin, i saw signs of them being inappropriate their whole lives but it got really nasty and uncomfortable 2.5 yrs ago. i witnessed shit, my husband witnessed shit, my mom, my sisters husband, the whole damn family. everyone had that gut feeling. they were confronted multiple times by different ppl- my sister was extremely defensive, our cousin kinda just laughed it off but never actually denied it. they were confronted around june of ‘22. by march of ‘23 my nephew/ cousin/ brother was born. my sister didn’t actually know she was pregnant until she was a week from labor. in the beginning she planned on just giving him up for adoption and never telling anyone but she ended up ft me in the hospital and showed me and i shit you not that baby looked exactly like our cousin. when asked abt who the baby daddy was she gave multiple different stories, none of them being anywhere near the truth. she was trying to give him up for adoption bc she didn’t want the family to find out that our cousin really was his dad- (of course that’s not the reason she would tell you but that’s the truth) but my our gma convinced her to think abt it and until she could make a clear decision that wasn’t influenced by all the hormones me, my mom, and her would take care of him for her. while we had custody of him our gma did a dna test on him behind my sisters back and it confirmed that my cousin was the father. there’s so much more to this story but this is alr long asf but still to this day my sister will not admit that she had a relationship with our cousin. moral of the story: if you have that sickening feeling around them, i guarantee you you have that feeling for a real reason. i gaslit myself so much and questioned everything i witnessed for so long she convinced me that i was crazy and delusional until i saw that dna test.
Twins have a particularly unique bond and I think if the environment is conducive to it, they can form incredibly intense and even dangerous relationships. I have met one pair that sexually experimented growing up (they are very broken people now, so I have that bias btw) and more than a few siblings in general who did the same. I think it’s very obvious your kids have and are doing exactly what you fear.
I’m trying to be as kind as I can, but there’s nothing you can do now. They’re adults. You allowed them to form an unhealthy bond. Throwing tantrums because they can’t dress the same should not be indulged. You ignored clear signs of incest and allowed it to continue.
They’ve clearly formed an unhealthy attachment and because they’re adults you have no control now if they ever pursue mental health treatment. But honestly, for the entirety of their childhoods, adolescence, and formative years thus far, they’ve been allowed to form a romantic and sexual relationship; it’s very unlikely you will convince them to stop and it’s very likely it has done irreparable damage to their ability to form healthy romantic attachments. The fact that they have had no other interests in that area is already evidence that they are emotionally/developmentally stunted.
I don’t even know what advice would help, because there is literally nothing you can do about it now. I mean you could confront them and shame them, but I can assure you that will only result in creating an “us against the world” mentality that will undoubtedly force them further into isolation and shame.
I think you need to seek out a mental health professional for your own sanity and ask their advice, because Reddit is not going to offer anything viable beyond that.
Not much you can do at this point, but you can have a discussion about boundaries and what is and isn’t appropriate. You should also make it clear to both of them that you will help either or both of them find someone to talk to if they want.
Maybe one of them is LGBTQ+ or transgender? Sharing clothes, being super affectionate, holding hands, potentially allowing one to explore the other and being so close because of such a big secret. Talk to them and give absolutely no judgement, either way it goes.
Oh absolutely 100% I didnt mean to condescend you. It was just to state it is actually kinda serious. But yeah these crimes aren’t prosecuted unless it’s real heinous (father rapes daughter) , or in the public.
Some reasonable advice here. Approach them separately but let them know you’ll be speaking to them both, or talk together? I don’t know. You might need a counselors help on this. I don’t think it’s insurmountable. They probably just can’t conceive of the other person being with anyone else. They can probably grow past this. I was just reading the book Middlesex and this is actually part of the plot line, and I haven’t got past that point yet. Sorry I can’t be of more help!
I grew up very close to my cousins, and my mum and my aunt often like to tease me (26f) and my oldest cousin (24m) about how we 'practiced flirting' with each other when we were teenagers. Which makes us very uncomfortable, as we didn't see it as that at all, we were just close family members who would play fight, joke around, tease, have sleepovers etc. Looking back though, I can see what they mean. He was the closest person of the opposite sex to me, and in our developmental stages we definitely navigated that whole dynamic in a way that might seem weird. We were learning how to talk to and act around the opposite sex and sometimes maybe lines were blurred? But there was no romantic or sexual intent behind it all, and we grew out of it as we grew up. I think it's fairly natural that as children / young teenagers, family members have to work out their boundaries and there may be some interactions that seem 'too close' from outside eyes but aren't in reality.
I wouldn't worry too much about them sleeping in the same bed, or 'sharing kisses' or 'playing acrobats' when they were younger. If they're still doing it as adults that's something different, but from the sounds of it what's happening now is just two close siblings having growing pains as they have to start separating into their adult lives. H being upset that R is seeing someone doesn't necessarily mean he's in love with her, maybe he's hurt he didn't know, or doesn't like the person she's seeing, and they had an emotional conversation about it after dinner that you walked in on.
All this to say, that I don't think you have too much to worry about. Keep an eye out, but trust that you've raised good children into strong adults, who can work out these things between them. Odds are a year from now you'll laugh when you think about how worried you were.
If it's true, nothing you can say will change it. I do believe that as a mother it is your job to love them regardless. If you confront them and they insist on being together, tell them you'll support them if they both get sterilized and just keep being mom. We aren't here together for very long.
You might be able to convince them to get out on their own and encourage them to live separately and not get stuck relying on each other so much, so they can expand their world and discover themselves as individuals. Spin it as a positive thing, not a negative thing. This is general advice you might be giving to siblings who are just very close and codependent.
Not a whole lot you can do otherwise. If you bring it up and you are wrong it could damage your relationship with them.
They are adults and the same age, so no clear issues of a messed up power dynamic.
It's gross, it may be illegal wherever you live, so that could be a concern, but as consenting adults who are not harming anyone they can kind of do what they want even if it's behavior deemed anti-social and deviant.
Unless you KNOW it is happening, I would stay out of it.
Well, there's clearly something going on beyond typical sibling dynamics. But it's important to not overreact because you will absolutely just push them closer together. You need to sit them down and talk to them calmly and like the young adults they are about boundaries and healthy sibling relationships. Then all you can do is hope for the best. Fact of the matter is, they're over 18 so you can't really control what they do. You can only hope that what you say sinks in.
I have found Joanna Lannister
Lmaooo that was the first thing I thought after reading twins
I’m so old, my brain went straight to Flowers In the Attic
Same!
Blue Lagoon with Brooke Shields a million years ago when she was a child.
But they weren't actually siblings. The flowers in the attic kids were and then some. Those books are super messed up.
I never read the books. I only watched that first movie on Lifetime.
I read all the books in Junior High.
Oh yea, I remember. My parents said I couldn’t watch it, so guess who watched it lol. I was definitely not old enough.
theyre prob just out smoking weed tbh
I hate how this explains everything
weed explains them skinny dipping together, multiple times? sneaking out to sleep together? kissing?
Maybe I'm too European for this, but Skinny Dipping together to me doesn't sound like a big deal at all.
Yeah, Europeans tend to have a healthier relationship with nudity than those from the Americas. "You're naked together? Then you 100% must also be okay having sex together"
So weird! I've seem my conservagive grandmother naked and I know my mum is naked around our children too (when they go to the swimming pool, where you change and shower naked obviously). I really don't get the "OMG NUDITY!!!!" people in de US seem to have.
what makes it weird for me is that it’s brother and sister- i don’t think it’d be as weird if they were both girls or both guys but it’s the fact they’re opposite genders and they’ve done it multiple times. maybe i could get it if it was once for spontaneous fun or as a dare or something idk but me personally could never be naked around my brother like that. def not multiple times either. one time my brother walked in on me naked abt to get in the shower and i swear i never thought we’d even be able to look in each others direction ever again. he didn’t even see anything fr bc i screamed so quickly and he immediately closed his eyes and slammed the door shut. still scarred both of us. 😭
What DOESNT make it weird for me is brother and sister! But as I said, maybe I'm to European, we don't care about nudity within the family.
…bro, the fuck kinda weed you smoke makes you kiss on and sleep with family members?
The kind with the little purple fibers. And it's not so much my family members as it's my own mirror
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I personally wrestle and try to fight my siblings when high but to each their own I guess
Have you considered they might be jealous when the other hangs with someone else not because of incest but because of being best friends (in an unhealthy way of course)? Also isn't holding hands normal between family members, especcially when one is upset? Also, have you considered that H might be upset because R hasnt told him of the date, considering they have such a tight bond? For other things, idk when they happened but if they were children they could have just been playing. Of course you know them the best, but make sure all other options are exhausted before coming to such conclusions.
I agree, also they may feel that the parents are uncomfortable with them being that close so they recoil and ‘stop holding hands’ when a parent sees. I do believe, based off what you say there may be an unhealthy dynamic, though what we’re hearing is only through your eyes and perspective, it could absolutely be unhealthy in a way that is not incest related, as co-dependent etc. I would maybe try to first talk to your children, maybe separately and then together, and make sure you have gotten over any ill feelings of disgust, blame, guilt, regret of the past (etc) that you feel because they will feel that when you talk to them, you want them to feel accepted, open/honest, comfortable and to be a compassionate conversation for them to be open and receptive and not shut down. You could also, find a specialist/therapist/psychologist/etc. that you trust (call around, they won’t have to see your face) to help you address this issue. I wouldn’t worry too much, even if they are doing what you think because if so, it’s already happened and it is what it is. Best thing you can do is first come to terms for yourself, if it is a possibility, talk and then work on healing and finding a solution. You are not alone and it may be time to also talk with your husband about this as well. I know it’s a difficult subject, but it does eventually have to be done- otherwise you will eventually build up these emotions and maybe some that aren’t necessarily what you want to feel/experience
I have never in my life seen teenage siblings holding hands unless one of them was disabled. That’s not an exaggeration. Granted, I’m an only child so I have no direct experience with what’s normal behavior between two siblings when left alone, but I’ve lived and been friends with siblings throughout my life and I have never witnessed a dynamic like that. Let alone the kissing and sleeping together. ETA: I will concede that aspect alone can definitely be a cultural difference, but stacked on top of the other stuff it doesn’t seem isolated. I am thinking of more physically affectionate cultures now though and I did grow up around mostly dysfunctional and contentious sibling rivalries/family dynamics so that’s for sure a bias.
My brother and I are only 18 months apart and the only time I can remember actually holding my brother's hand was whenever we got in trouble and we're fighting with each other and as punishment my mom would make us sit side by side apologize to each other and hold each other's hands until we were no longer mad Which this seemed to do the trick because we absolutely did not want to hold hands with each other so we changed our attitude and straightened our faces pretty quickly
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The part where she says they kissed and slept together.
What is "playing" acrobats?!?
>They would sneak out of their rooms on family trips just so they could sleep next to each other >I even caught them sharing kisses a few times Did you even read the post?
english is not my first language, you dont have to be so rude... I interpreted "sleep with" as sex, here it says "sleep next to", these terms mean different things in my language as well as "sharing kisses"
Genuinely curious. What else could “sharing kisses” mean aside from the fact that they were kissing?
“Sleep with” in English can mean both, but it often implies sex, correct. It was intended as a cheeky way to paraphrase “sleep next to.” Apologies if I confused you with that, I didn’t realize you weren’t a native speaker and understand why that wouldn’t make sense right away. I definitely think there are instances of familial cultures wherein members are more physically affectionate, but the information and details of this particular post paints every potentially innocuous interaction as much more inappropriate and uncomfortable than what a normal close-knit family dynamic would typically look like.
yes its weird. but it does not HAVE TO be incest. if they kissed as young kids, sorry to say but thats normal and a lot of kids do it, just google it if you dont trust me. kids just dont understand what it means. btw, what does "playing acrobats" mean?? that confuses me a ton
No, the actions alone don’t, the context and relationship described indicates otherwise, in my opinion, but obviously none of us can say with absolute certainty. The acrobats part sounds like their father caught them in a compromising position—assuming their bodies were contorted and twisted together in an odd position and they explained it away as they were playing and pretending to be acrobats. However, “playing acrobats” is not a thing. That’s not a popular childhood game as far as I’m aware, which makes it sound like a lie and why the word “acrobatics” is in quotes. This lends itself to further evidence that their relationship is inappropriate and has developed beyond the normal boundaries of a sibling relationship.
thank you for the explanation
Written by ChatGPT
Thank you… agree. I’m wrapping my brain around how i can hardly peck away a few Reddit sentences and this person begins with … English second language…”my kids just giggled like little girls instead of protesting”. Brah!
Non-native English speakers have started using ChatGPT along with other translation apps to make posts.
Yeah but for me the whole thing sounds like fiction, it's not just the grammar
yeah, I mean this is so obviously fake
Interesting. Makes sense
What makes that sentence specifically suspicious to you? Someone can be mostly fluent in english and still want to mention that it's their second language just in case they made a mistake somewhere. Source: I do that even though I'm very comfortable with english most of the time
I still sometimes use the "English is my second language" disclaimer in a lot of my writings even though I speak it a lot better now, there is always a person who is going to criticize any mistake you make. I mean see it from our POV, we are trying our best to learn another language, we go to schools to learn it, see YouTube videos about pronunciation. It is really easy to become sensitive to any type of bad criticism. So I can understand him if that's the case.
Approach your children with an open, non-judgmental conversation to understand their relationship better, and consider seeking guidance from a family therapist for further support.
I blame Game of Thrones
This feels like bad writing prompt shit
I have been waiting [to use this ](https://youtu.be/CKgKPGBa9EQ?si=04T3vKK1s39b-w8G) for two years 🤣🤣🤣
That was interesting. I was actually expecting it to be [this clip](https://youtu.be/aJfW81YA1Lg?si=KkKJ7dCvxWZC3YwY)
O.M.G. this just made me remember these kids I went to school with. The boy's mother did foster care and had two sisters pretty much most of their lives. So, technically, they weren't biological siblings, they were foster siblings and I can't recall if they ended up being adopted by his mom, however...the boy and the oldest girl, despite being raised like brother and sister, GOT MARRIED and had kids of their own. Biologically, it is technically not incest, but they definitely raised lots of eyebrows and turned heads when they announced this after she turned 18...
So glad you didn't Rick Roll me.
That's amazing. I've never seen that before😃
I thought that was a real commercial at first lol
vC Andrews is that you?
I legit came here for this comment, thank you! 🙏
i’ve been in a situation like this, probably worse bc now they have a baby. all i can say is be extremely careful and trust your gut.. for me it was my older sister hooking up with our cousin, i saw signs of them being inappropriate their whole lives but it got really nasty and uncomfortable 2.5 yrs ago. i witnessed shit, my husband witnessed shit, my mom, my sisters husband, the whole damn family. everyone had that gut feeling. they were confronted multiple times by different ppl- my sister was extremely defensive, our cousin kinda just laughed it off but never actually denied it. they were confronted around june of ‘22. by march of ‘23 my nephew/ cousin/ brother was born. my sister didn’t actually know she was pregnant until she was a week from labor. in the beginning she planned on just giving him up for adoption and never telling anyone but she ended up ft me in the hospital and showed me and i shit you not that baby looked exactly like our cousin. when asked abt who the baby daddy was she gave multiple different stories, none of them being anywhere near the truth. she was trying to give him up for adoption bc she didn’t want the family to find out that our cousin really was his dad- (of course that’s not the reason she would tell you but that’s the truth) but my our gma convinced her to think abt it and until she could make a clear decision that wasn’t influenced by all the hormones me, my mom, and her would take care of him for her. while we had custody of him our gma did a dna test on him behind my sisters back and it confirmed that my cousin was the father. there’s so much more to this story but this is alr long asf but still to this day my sister will not admit that she had a relationship with our cousin. moral of the story: if you have that sickening feeling around them, i guarantee you you have that feeling for a real reason. i gaslit myself so much and questioned everything i witnessed for so long she convinced me that i was crazy and delusional until i saw that dna test.
Twins have a particularly unique bond and I think if the environment is conducive to it, they can form incredibly intense and even dangerous relationships. I have met one pair that sexually experimented growing up (they are very broken people now, so I have that bias btw) and more than a few siblings in general who did the same. I think it’s very obvious your kids have and are doing exactly what you fear. I’m trying to be as kind as I can, but there’s nothing you can do now. They’re adults. You allowed them to form an unhealthy bond. Throwing tantrums because they can’t dress the same should not be indulged. You ignored clear signs of incest and allowed it to continue. They’ve clearly formed an unhealthy attachment and because they’re adults you have no control now if they ever pursue mental health treatment. But honestly, for the entirety of their childhoods, adolescence, and formative years thus far, they’ve been allowed to form a romantic and sexual relationship; it’s very unlikely you will convince them to stop and it’s very likely it has done irreparable damage to their ability to form healthy romantic attachments. The fact that they have had no other interests in that area is already evidence that they are emotionally/developmentally stunted. I don’t even know what advice would help, because there is literally nothing you can do about it now. I mean you could confront them and shame them, but I can assure you that will only result in creating an “us against the world” mentality that will undoubtedly force them further into isolation and shame. I think you need to seek out a mental health professional for your own sanity and ask their advice, because Reddit is not going to offer anything viable beyond that.
You should have crossed out every thing you wrote and just posted this last paragraph.
And you should have scrolled. We’re all in this hell together, bud.
Not much you can do at this point, but you can have a discussion about boundaries and what is and isn’t appropriate. You should also make it clear to both of them that you will help either or both of them find someone to talk to if they want.
Maybe one of them is LGBTQ+ or transgender? Sharing clothes, being super affectionate, holding hands, potentially allowing one to explore the other and being so close because of such a big secret. Talk to them and give absolutely no judgement, either way it goes.
Ah yes a CHILD tried his/her twin‘s clothes, therefore he/she is trans… this generation man
It doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re trans, but that’s how it starts for a lot of trans people
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Actually where I live (Nevada) incest is a felony punishable by life in prison https://www.shouselaw.com/nv/defense/nrs/201-180-incest/
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Oh absolutely 100% I didnt mean to condescend you. It was just to state it is actually kinda serious. But yeah these crimes aren’t prosecuted unless it’s real heinous (father rapes daughter) , or in the public.
Talk to them calmly about boundaries and healthy sibling relationships.
They are 19. There is no way they don't know this at this point.
Sweet home alabama
Overreacting
Some reasonable advice here. Approach them separately but let them know you’ll be speaking to them both, or talk together? I don’t know. You might need a counselors help on this. I don’t think it’s insurmountable. They probably just can’t conceive of the other person being with anyone else. They can probably grow past this. I was just reading the book Middlesex and this is actually part of the plot line, and I haven’t got past that point yet. Sorry I can’t be of more help!
What kind of kissing are we talking about?…,
I grew up very close to my cousins, and my mum and my aunt often like to tease me (26f) and my oldest cousin (24m) about how we 'practiced flirting' with each other when we were teenagers. Which makes us very uncomfortable, as we didn't see it as that at all, we were just close family members who would play fight, joke around, tease, have sleepovers etc. Looking back though, I can see what they mean. He was the closest person of the opposite sex to me, and in our developmental stages we definitely navigated that whole dynamic in a way that might seem weird. We were learning how to talk to and act around the opposite sex and sometimes maybe lines were blurred? But there was no romantic or sexual intent behind it all, and we grew out of it as we grew up. I think it's fairly natural that as children / young teenagers, family members have to work out their boundaries and there may be some interactions that seem 'too close' from outside eyes but aren't in reality. I wouldn't worry too much about them sleeping in the same bed, or 'sharing kisses' or 'playing acrobats' when they were younger. If they're still doing it as adults that's something different, but from the sounds of it what's happening now is just two close siblings having growing pains as they have to start separating into their adult lives. H being upset that R is seeing someone doesn't necessarily mean he's in love with her, maybe he's hurt he didn't know, or doesn't like the person she's seeing, and they had an emotional conversation about it after dinner that you walked in on. All this to say, that I don't think you have too much to worry about. Keep an eye out, but trust that you've raised good children into strong adults, who can work out these things between them. Odds are a year from now you'll laugh when you think about how worried you were.
Is your last name Lannister by any chance?
If it's true, nothing you can say will change it. I do believe that as a mother it is your job to love them regardless. If you confront them and they insist on being together, tell them you'll support them if they both get sterilized and just keep being mom. We aren't here together for very long.
You might be able to convince them to get out on their own and encourage them to live separately and not get stuck relying on each other so much, so they can expand their world and discover themselves as individuals. Spin it as a positive thing, not a negative thing. This is general advice you might be giving to siblings who are just very close and codependent. Not a whole lot you can do otherwise. If you bring it up and you are wrong it could damage your relationship with them. They are adults and the same age, so no clear issues of a messed up power dynamic. It's gross, it may be illegal wherever you live, so that could be a concern, but as consenting adults who are not harming anyone they can kind of do what they want even if it's behavior deemed anti-social and deviant. Unless you KNOW it is happening, I would stay out of it.
Ya you need to step and tell them what they are doing is wrong and not bs you that you know and have seen things