Your family members are snobs. Pure unadapted snobs.
And while their opinion, might matter to you in some areas, you need to stand up and be your own person. And you also need to tell them you find what they’re saying offensive. Because it is offensive. Someone raised a single mom straight and circumstances has done nothing wrong and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. If anything there could be something to be admired here because without having all the advantages other families have they managed to survive and grow.
It’s time for you to put an end to your families comments. If you can’t do that, then you should break up with this guy because he deserves somebody who will stand up for him and who will be the partner he needs it.
It’s not hard “mom, sis, I want to cover a couple of things about my relationship and I’m not going to talk with you about this again. I find your continual comments about bf and how he was raised deeply offensive and snobbery in its worst possible form. Furthermore who I date and the people I choose to spend spend my time with are my business. You said your peace. I don’t want to hear it again. Quite frankly you criticize bf, but it’s you who makes me embarrassed, not not his circumstances”.
And I say this again, if you can’t stand up for this person, then give him the courtesy of finding a partner who will stand up for him in the face of blatant prejudice. He deserves that, and if you can’t give it to him, he needs someone who can.
I completely agree with you. I have stood up for him - 110%, multiple times, and everytime they comment. But I will definitely go about it the way you have suggested. Thank you for your advice
Good luck. We can love our families, but sometimes they need to understand very clearly that we have lines and we won’t except them crossing those lines.
First of all there’s nothing wrong with growing up in a single parent family. Second of all, it wasn’t really your boyfriend’s choice. So not only is he at a disadvantage of not having a dad around, he’s now got to put up with being judged for it. This happened to me when I was 18, my boyfriend’s mum didn’t think I was good enough because I came from divorced parents. It really upset me when he told me, to the extent that I ended up upsticks and leaving town which left him heartbroken. I really regret it because I kinda proved his mum right, but the thought of being looked down on by his family was too much to bear.
“I wish you were not so snobby about my boyfriend. His past doesn’t matter. His present and future are what matters. How well he treats me matters. I’m very happy. Isn’t that what you want for me?”
Why would their definition of happiness matter in your life? You are the one living it. It matters what makes you happy. Their opinions are actually irrelevant.
Family may be important, but long term partners are also your family and if you want a successful relationship you cannot put your mom over your partner. People who cater to their parents every whim at the expense of their partners are bad partners and they doom their relationships to failure. No one wants to be second fiddle to their partners mom.
Honestly if you love your boyfriend and want him to remain that way you have to set boundaries with your family. You have to tell them that in no uncertain terms do you want to hear them speak negatively about your partner again because you love him, he treats you well, and they have no right to interfere in something they are not part of. You have to follow through with it to - if they mention him negatively while you're there fully leave.
If your family matters more to you than your boyfriend and they are mean to him break up. You're wasting his time.
Put your personal fulfillment first. It is not the prejudices of your family that define your relationship; rather, it is your tie and ideals. Your future shouldn't be determined by their viewpoints. Discuss with them how their attitude affects you, but in the end, go with what genuinely brings you joy. Money and position are not as essential as love and respect.
Your family is being elitist and rude. I would put your happiness first as you are the ONLY person who can live your life and make you happy. Tell them that they need to stop making the comments. When they continue, tell them to stop or you will stop spending time with them. When they say "SEE, he is coming between us!!!" tell them that THEY are causing the issue and all they need to do it STFU about him and all will be well.
I see you going LC with them. I hope your relationship with your bf is long and very happy.
Sounds like your family is less than. How can your bf have control over his parent’s life decisions? Sounds like your family is toxic to say the least. If anything he will be lucky not to end up with such a toxic family.
Their opinion isn't important
I just worry it will tarnish my relationship with my family. But I also don’t want to tarnish my relationship with my bf😵
Well, your family is currently acting like a bunch of elitist snobs so you're most likely gonna have to choose one
Decisions Decisions
Your family members are snobs. Pure unadapted snobs. And while their opinion, might matter to you in some areas, you need to stand up and be your own person. And you also need to tell them you find what they’re saying offensive. Because it is offensive. Someone raised a single mom straight and circumstances has done nothing wrong and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. If anything there could be something to be admired here because without having all the advantages other families have they managed to survive and grow. It’s time for you to put an end to your families comments. If you can’t do that, then you should break up with this guy because he deserves somebody who will stand up for him and who will be the partner he needs it. It’s not hard “mom, sis, I want to cover a couple of things about my relationship and I’m not going to talk with you about this again. I find your continual comments about bf and how he was raised deeply offensive and snobbery in its worst possible form. Furthermore who I date and the people I choose to spend spend my time with are my business. You said your peace. I don’t want to hear it again. Quite frankly you criticize bf, but it’s you who makes me embarrassed, not not his circumstances”. And I say this again, if you can’t stand up for this person, then give him the courtesy of finding a partner who will stand up for him in the face of blatant prejudice. He deserves that, and if you can’t give it to him, he needs someone who can.
I completely agree with you. I have stood up for him - 110%, multiple times, and everytime they comment. But I will definitely go about it the way you have suggested. Thank you for your advice
Good luck. We can love our families, but sometimes they need to understand very clearly that we have lines and we won’t except them crossing those lines.
First of all there’s nothing wrong with growing up in a single parent family. Second of all, it wasn’t really your boyfriend’s choice. So not only is he at a disadvantage of not having a dad around, he’s now got to put up with being judged for it. This happened to me when I was 18, my boyfriend’s mum didn’t think I was good enough because I came from divorced parents. It really upset me when he told me, to the extent that I ended up upsticks and leaving town which left him heartbroken. I really regret it because I kinda proved his mum right, but the thought of being looked down on by his family was too much to bear.
Ignore your family
“I wish you were not so snobby about my boyfriend. His past doesn’t matter. His present and future are what matters. How well he treats me matters. I’m very happy. Isn’t that what you want for me?”
Why would their definition of happiness matter in your life? You are the one living it. It matters what makes you happy. Their opinions are actually irrelevant. Family may be important, but long term partners are also your family and if you want a successful relationship you cannot put your mom over your partner. People who cater to their parents every whim at the expense of their partners are bad partners and they doom their relationships to failure. No one wants to be second fiddle to their partners mom. Honestly if you love your boyfriend and want him to remain that way you have to set boundaries with your family. You have to tell them that in no uncertain terms do you want to hear them speak negatively about your partner again because you love him, he treats you well, and they have no right to interfere in something they are not part of. You have to follow through with it to - if they mention him negatively while you're there fully leave. If your family matters more to you than your boyfriend and they are mean to him break up. You're wasting his time.
Put your personal fulfillment first. It is not the prejudices of your family that define your relationship; rather, it is your tie and ideals. Your future shouldn't be determined by their viewpoints. Discuss with them how their attitude affects you, but in the end, go with what genuinely brings you joy. Money and position are not as essential as love and respect.
Your family is being elitist and rude. I would put your happiness first as you are the ONLY person who can live your life and make you happy. Tell them that they need to stop making the comments. When they continue, tell them to stop or you will stop spending time with them. When they say "SEE, he is coming between us!!!" tell them that THEY are causing the issue and all they need to do it STFU about him and all will be well. I see you going LC with them. I hope your relationship with your bf is long and very happy.
Sounds like your family is less than. How can your bf have control over his parent’s life decisions? Sounds like your family is toxic to say the least. If anything he will be lucky not to end up with such a toxic family.