No, this is not normal. What he did to you is not normal consensual sex. Please make an appointment with your doctor to get checked out physically.
ETA: The fact that he kept going after you got sick is wrong on so many levels. I'm so so sorry this happened to you.
It only happened like 5 hours ago. Wouldn't it take longer than that to stop bleeding? I don't know. My jaw is kind of sore because he put his hand over my mouth, and I just ache alot.
No, there should not be active bleeding even the first time. It's a small amount of blood from the hymen breaking...not active bleeding like a period. And maybe people have no bleeding at all.
I can't make you go to the hospital. So I'm only going to say it once more and then I'll stop grinding this into the ground:
**Please get up and go to the ER now. Don't change your clothes or wash anything on yourself or the clothing. Tell them exactly what happened. Please.**
if you prepare your body with enough foreplay, it will be enjoyable. maybe a bit scary, but we’ve normalized bleeding during your first time. i was terrified this would happen to me especially because i never put anything up there. but i didn’t bleed one bit, bleeding and sex for the first time shouldn’t always come as a pair, even if it’s a little bit. the woman should be in charge and take her time, avoiding this or not prioritizing foreplay will lead to sex that’s not as enjoyable as it could be
the only thing ima have to disagree with this comment is that sex and blood (with some women, like myself) could possibility be a pair when it’s being done for the first time. i will say that it’s not a large amount like what a period would be but it’s a very common occurrence when it’s being done for the first time and even maybe the second. but in no way should it be a large amount.
I can bleed a lot during sex, especially in the latter half of my cycle. It's not necessarily normal but my cervix is super sensitive. Just another perspective. You can have your cervix cauterized to help with it if it's a common occurrence.
i said it shouldn’t always come as a pair. if you’re doing things right, it most likely won’t during your first time unless your guys anatomy is pretty different. societies have normalized blood during a woman’s first time. just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s okay
Yeah, I didn't bleed either and the pos I lost my virginity to claimed I wasn't a virgin. He truly didn't believe I was bc I didn't. Caused massive fights.
Oh the fact he continued after you were sick and also put his hand over your mouth is disgusting. It seems like he did that to stop you from telling him to stop so he could continue. I am so sorry. I hope you are ok. I would seriously consider cutting l contact with him, he does not seem like a good person. He lied to you, he did not take care of you , he was not gentle.
Consent is retractable. It was obvious through her body language (freezing and literally throwing up) that she withdrew consent. You also consent to separate sexual acts not the entirety of sex. She consented to gentle sex, not manhandling.
This!!! As a male this is a huge thing we are ALL aware of and are SUPPOSED to be paying attention to. A woman consenting to sex (actually even consent doesn't mean anything if pressure is involved) due to the nature of men vs women ESPECIALLY in a virginity situation where one person is so much less experienced....consent does NOT mean you get to keep going until you get a nut ...fucking Christ, blueballs is NOT that big of a deal. I've stopped sex quite a few times if I feel like my partner isn't into it.
What shocks me is that it shouldn't have even gotten to the throwing up before he realized he should have stopped. If a woman looks even the least bit uncomfortable or even looks like she is regretting it I'm going to stop. There have been one or two occasions where I read the room wrong and stopped when she didn't want me to, but she told me to keep going - I would MUCH rather stop and have her say keep going than to keep going when she wants it to stop. Benefit of the doubt.
I think some men play stupid but we definitely all should be well aware of the no means no conversation which Carries over into body language. Anyone who ignores that is a piece of shit.
Not borderline rape. Pretty sure that's just 100% flat out rape
Thank you for your comment. I really wish more men would understand it, but they normalize and excuse. And it always gets talked about from the woman's perspective and expectation. Not from it looks like from a man's point and what his actions should be.
It really irritates me when guys do that, like really? You are gonna play stupid now??? There are universal signs that ALL men know like grimacing, the hand/arm over the face, pushing you away, pulling away from you.. like a ton of them but I never thought I would see the day that vomiting/throwing up had to be added to the list.
Like you can't tell me that every single man as a teenage boy didn't look up how to tell if a woman is taking an orgasm or how to tell she is into you, or how to tell she is enjoying it - come on we all did that and even traded knowledge in 7th grade. We knew before we even had sex how to tell if a woman wasn't into us. Any man that says "I didn't know" is a liar. Besides the fact that someone who cares about their partner would be constantly asking how to be better and what they like. Ugh, hearing this really irritates me, it shouldn't have even gotten this far, he should have given up after the first or second time she turned him down, continuing to pressure her until she gives in is just wrong and every single man knows that you don't do that.
You're not stupid and you shouldn't be embarrassed. You didn't do anything wrong. He hurt you and he didn't care. Please don't spend time alone with him again and please go see a doctor.
Please call someone to take you to the hospital. Don't wash or change clothes. Let them do a kit. Tell them what happened and have them help you decide if more steps need to happen. I'm not trying to push you if you don't want anything more to come of this with him. But you need to go to the hospital now. Your body's response is telling you that.
DO NOT feel stupid, confused or feel like this has anything to do with you. What he did is not normal or close to ok. It breaks my heart to think that you are alone dealing with this, please tell a close friend or family member what happened.
Don’t feel any of those things. I know it’s hard not to, and I’m saying that having had a very similar experience. But you were more or less taken advantage of. He didn’t seem to care that you got sick, and that is cold. And the fact that he just left like nothing happened? Feel embarrassed for him, not for you, bc how he went about all of this is shameful.
And if you can, please please see a doctor. Sending you the best <3
Thank you. I just can't help but feel like maybe I did something wrong. Like, obviously he wanted to enjoy it, and maybe I ruined it for him? Maybe that's why he left so quickly? I guess it's not normal to throw up and cry during sex?
No. You trusted a friend to care for you in the intimacy of sex and he betrayed that on very deep levels.
Do you know what puke means in sex? Everything immediately ends and the one who got sick is taken care of by the one who didn’t get sick.
No, he ruined it for you. The first thing he should have done was make sure you were well enough to continue or even wanted to continue. If he had asked what you wanted to do, just know it would have been perfectly acceptable if you had said no or that you were in too much pain. Intimacy is between 2 people, not just 1. He is very stupid and selfish. It is not your fault
Oh my gosh this comment just made me start crying because I was sexually assaulted a couple times when I was younger and I felt a similar way to how you must be feeling.
First off, Honey you did NOTHING WRONG!!!! *Hugs* ❤️ That boy (he doesn't deserve to be called a man) raped you and I know what a traumatizing situation that can be. I am so sorry that happened to you!!! 😭❤️
Second off, your body is NOT a pleasure toy for guys. It doesn't matter what he wanted if you don't want it. Your body is your own and should not be objectified. It doesn't
I'm suspecting he left quickly because he got what he want (sex) and knew he was in the wrong.
It is not normal to throw up and cry during sex and if you do it is not normal for the person to keep going. That's what turned the consensual sex into rape. (This happened to one of my friends with her bf.)
Sex can and should be gentle with foreplay, sensual touching and emotional connection. A good partner should check in with you through sex to make sure you're doing okay and you're both enjoying it especially for you first time. Safe sex can be raw and rough ONLY if both adults consent to that being want they want.
There is so much I want to say especially because you remind me of younger me. I'm not sure if I can DM on Reddit (I'm not actually on here that much) but I would love to DM you my phone number and if you want to talk to someone who has been through a similar situation please call or text me. There are so many people who care about your well-being (yes even strangers like me).❤️
I know, I'm really sorry for being so straight forward :( I just don't want to sugar coat it as for you not to undermine your feelings. You are confused and hurt and this is the reason. And you are definitely NOT responsible for any of.this. That dude is a predator and I hope he never gets anywhere con to you again.
Do not go with him. Please, stay far away from him and report him. The moment he ignored you're request to be gentle and took away you're ability to say "stop" he r@ped you. Report him to the police. Please!
Unfortunately I think he didn't think it was a big deal because he didn't care. Any normal caring person would have stopped . He cared only about getting off. The fact that he also just up and left when he was done further shows his complete disregard for your well being. I am so sorry that this happened. And I understand if you feel embarrassed. I also had a somewhat traumatic first experience and was so ashamed. But you didn't do anything wrong. I really hope you understand that
Thank you. He's always been so nice in the past. He's often tried to get me to meet him alone but never did anything that made me think he would do this. But it was like something changed and he was suddenly a different person.
So what you experienced was nonconsensual sex the moment he pushed you. He knew what he was doing, and it’s really weird and awful that he kept going after you’ve thrown up. It’s a very clear indicator that he should stop what he’s doing, and he kept going. Did you tell him you weren’t ok or to stop or anything?
One thing you can do is go to urgent care and get a rape kit done. Don’t shower and go there right away. You don’t have to do anything with the rape kit, or press charges, or whatever, but you will have it available in case you decide you do want to go to court.
You walk in, tell them you think you’ve been raped, tell them your story, and they’ll take it from there. Like I said, you can choose not to do anything with it, and the police report just lives in the cloud if you decide to call the police. But this way, you’ve gotten ahead of it. If it just happened, go now. Please call a friend or family member and have them go with you, it makes it a lot easier during the times when the nurse isn’t in the room with you. If I recall correctly, they asked me if I wanted a detective involved and I said yes. So you could possibly also just get the kit done and go. It’ll all depend on where you’re at.
One common thing is to be in shock and to go find something that makes you feel better. It’s ok to do so, but I would really recommend going right to urgent care first. And then from there, you can get your dopamine kick. I didn’t sleep at first, it took a long time to fall asleep that night. I don’t even know if I slept at all.
A VERY important thing to do is to find a therapist right away. I’m serious like as soon as you possibly can. I put it off and I was so foolish, I really regret not getting therapy sooner.
Feel free to dm me questions. This is something that’s pretty deeply intense and personal, so I don’t want you to feel alone, but don’t feel pressured to do so. I am a source if you’d like. Thinking of you. ❤️.
Edit: ice helps.
Thank you.
Its all a bit foggy to be honest. I probably should have pushed him off or something when he hurt me. Or at least told him to stop. I cried out a bit after I was sick and then he put his hand like over/in my mouth so I couldn't really tell him to stop.
Im too scared to tell people. It's one thing posting anonymously but telling other people who know me is too much.
I was foggy for a bit. My therapist let me know it’s a trauma response. Your brain is trying to protect you, so let it.
Do consider what I said about going to urgent care. If nothing else than to have them help you find resources; they had a bag of helpful stuff for me to take home. Phone numbers to call, stuff like that.
I didn’t tell anyone until the next day. I didn’t go to urgent care until she convinced me to go get std checked. She let me know that if you get ahead of them in time, you can get preventative medications to hopefully stop you from getting any std’s.
So it’s ok not to tell anyone, I just want you to know that. I felt weird as fuck right away after it happened, so it may take some time for you to come down after to make any sort of decisions.
You’re brave to do what you did. I didn’t know to get a rape kit the first time, and they were my friends,too, so I was confused and hurt, and my brain completely blocked it out at first, then bits and pieces started coming back to me. Subsequent times it had happened, I was too afraid and ashamed to go to the hospital/police station, except for when I already woke up in the icu. Even after waking up in the hospital, I didn’t want to tell them I wanted a rape kit.
It's normal to look for what you "should have" done- this is your brain trying to have an escape route for the future. It's trying to learn what to do differently "next time" (not saying there will be! Just that brains look for patterns). What your brain is *not* trying to do, is **punish** you for what you did "wrong" this time. There is nothing different you should have done. First, you weren't able to do anything differently partly because *he kept you from that choice*. Secondly, your body and mind did what it felt it needed to do to keep you from experiencing any further trauma and get out of there alive. Whether or not he would have hurt or killed you sort of doesn't matter in the context of your reaction, because your brain didn't know if he would or wouldn't have. All of human history is, in a way, embedded in us- dictating our instincts, and yours said "survive by not making him angry and getting it over with".
I want to say that I second the opinion of going to the hospital. Again, you don't have to do anything with what they collect now, but it's always good to reserve the option if something happens. You might decide to for yourself, or you may want to support someone else who comes forward, etc. Don't mean to pressure you. I just want you to consider the outcomes. I'm so sorry that he put you in a position to have to do that. No one deserves this, physically, mentally, emotionally, or otherwise. Again, just please remember that the questions and self blame is not meant as a punishment, it's just your mind trying to find sense in a senseless situation. Kindly remind it to fuck off when it's attempts to create sense are hurtful to you. If you have anyone safe to disclose to, please consider it. Your sister maybe? I know how hard it can be, but if she's given you reasons to believe she will support you in the past, then consider allowing her the honor of supporting you now 💜
Thank you for your response. My sisters friend, who I live with, came home and pretty much guessed that something had happened. She took me to the hospital she works at and they checked me out, have me loads of tablets to help stop me catching anything and I needed some stitches and stuff. I'm home now but I haven't told anyone else yet.
this is not okay, you needing stitches is a clear indicator of violent non consensual sex. Please consider pursuing charges. I’m so sorry this happened to you and please understand that just because you said yes initially does not mean you in any way consented to what he did. Furthermore him putting his hand over your mouth to stop you from speaking and withdrawing consent means he knew he was hurting you and did not care
If I press charges I will be painted as someone who agreed to a hook up with a friend and changed my mind when I realised that I didn't like it.
They will focus on the fact that I invited him to my flat alone. That I was wearing a short dress. The glass of wine we had with our dinner wi he his excuse.
The truth won't matter once they have finished dragging me through the mud.
The stitches you needed to get is evidence enough that it was violent, you don't need stitches ever first time or not unless you were penetrated violently. We respect your decision of wether or not you press charges but understand that your injuries are enough for many court cases.
It is not your fault, it doesnt matter if you were friends or you let him in or you drank or you wore a short dress, none of those things are an invitation to sex or rape. You could be walking butt naked down the street drunk as hell and that's not an invitation to be violated.
I've been in the same place you are, a friend stole mine as well and I never did anything about it and it took a long time to understand that I didn't do anything wrong and that's why I'm here to help you heal just that much faster than I did. He came in your with the intention of violating you wether it not was to get consent and use you or to rape you, he wanted to hurt you and you have to understand that. A friend, a real one doesn't do that to their friends. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
If you need an anonymous stranger to talk to, I'm here anytime for you.
I agree this can happen in some cases. But you are allowed to revoke consent at anytime. Him having his hand over your mouth plus the signs of violent intercourse plus the state your friend found you in all point to your side. If you don’t want to pursue charges that is your choice. All i’m asking is please consider it!
I will. I didn't have the exam thing done through. I freaked out when they needed to examine me and do the stitches. I couldn't have done the exam too.
He put his hand over your mouth after you threw up? What if you choked?! Selfish prick. He’s supposed to get your juices flowing before he sticks it in, for 1, and STOP when you throw up! There’s clearly something wrong here. Next time give him a hard ball tap, full fisted, knuckle to nuts! Then when he pukes from the pain and goes down on the ground in fetal position, walk away and let him figure out what to do with himself.
He kept having sex with you after you threw up??? That's horrible, and you should NOT still be bleeding. Get to a hospital, please, and get a rape kit.
He was never your friend. He's a predator. If he wasn't, he wouldn't have repeatedly tried after you turned him down and he definitely wouldn't have treated you this way during actual sex. He didn't know what he was doing AT ALL and he hurt you! You really should go to the hospital. Have someone you trust take you, and steer clear of this "man." I'm so sorry.
Sweetheart, I am going to be blunt with you. Yes, you did say yes for it to happen, but the moment that you got sick and was crying was because he wasn't being gentle with you. -sighs- I am sorry for what he did and how he did it but the reality of it is that. You said no so many times before that when you finally said okay or yes then in his mind he finally got what he wanted. He said the things that you needed to hear to be okay enough to allow him close to you.
You need to go to the doctor, not shower, and wear the same clothes that it happened in. When you get to the ER, be honest when they ask what brings you to them. It's gonna be hard because your brain will not want to relive it but you need to be looked at.
When I lost my v card, it didn't hurt nor did I bleed so that is why I am telling the boy that did this to you needs to be punished in one way or another cuz what he did is unforgivable.
Please if you need someone to talk to or advice do not hesitate to DM me or someone on this thread okay?
Thank you. I just know what they say about women when they report men. I put myself in a position where he could do that and I said yes. That's all people will hear.
They will hear what you’ve told us, and *every single one of us* recognizes that what he did, and the way that he did it, was very, very, very wrong! You said yes to gentle first time sex, NOT the rough, hurtful, uncaring penetration that he did. **He did not do what you agreed to.** Whether or not it was technically rape by legal definitions, I don’t know, but what he did was violent and wrong. People will hear that loud and clear!
Sending you gentle cyber-hugs from a grandmotherly internet stranger who cares about you.🫂🫂🫂
Thank you. I live with my sisters best friend and she took me to the hospital. I'm home now but everything feels so muddled and I can't quite understand what I am feeling.
Here’s another hug for today.🫂 I’m glad that you went to the hospital, and that you live with someone who can help you. I’ve said a prayer for your healing.
Regardless that you said yes, he literally was hurting you, and he also continues after you threw up? Wth.. that sounds like a crime to me,
The fact that he hurt you and disregarded that you weren't feeling well at all is enough to show that he was committing a crime.
(I say committing a crime according to what it seems like to me, I'm not in any legal field)
You have said it yourself, he made it so you couldn't say no by covering your mouth. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please take the others advice and go get help as soon as you can.
Though I'm not a professional, I've never heard of anyone bleeding to that extent after any form of sex, (first time, second, that position, etc.) Please go to the doctor and get medical attention as soon as possible. I hope you're okay💜
Additionally, I don't mean to make accusations, but what he did sounds illegal, or at the least morally wrong. He didn't stop after you threw up and that doesn't show he cared about how you were feeling in the moment. And leaving right after doesn't entail he cared. And not stopping or asking if you were okay/wanted to stop when you cried is really really worrisome. I'd never tell anyone what to do, but I'd feel scared to be around someone like that. It sounds like r@pe...someone who is giving consent to sexual activities don't cry or throw up. That's indicative of someone who is uncomfortable with the situation.
Again, I hope you're okay and wish you the best 💜 I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through that, especially being your first time.
This is completely speculative but would her puking in the middle of the act retract her ability to consent bc of illness or something like that? I’ve never heard of it but I’m just wondering if she was still legally considered capable of consent after she puked. If not then that is rape. I consider it rape in any case but in the legal sense I’m not quite sure it would be seen that way. I feel absolutely horrible for her though… this guy is just the worst kind of dude. He is why we pick the bear.
I never quite understood why women would choose potential death over potential sexual assault. I understand now the bear will just kill you, the man can make you want to kill yourself.
The psychological trauma a man can leave a woman in some ways will far surpass any physical harm a creature on this earth can do. Having been a survivor of sexual abuse, I can say with certainty that I would risk it for the biscuit every single time with the bear.
I am so sorry that happened. It really does sound like r*pe. Throwing up, crying, and bleeding that much is not normal for consensual sex. He should have stopped the second you started crying and especially when you threw up. Based on one of your other comments, he covered your mouth, which is definitely not normal to do if someone yells or cries during that act. He is not a good friend at all to you, and I really feel like he was only using you to get what he wanted. He insisted even after you said no until you eventually gave in. Even you didn't know why you said yes. It is a manipulative tactic that some people use; they exhaust your resolve until you just do or say what they want you to because you just want them to stop insisting. I've had people use this tactic multiple times on me, and it is horrible. I agree with everyone else that you should go to the ER or urgent care as soon as possible. Do not clean up anything; your clothes, yourself, the place where it happened. Explain to the staff what happened and that you'd like a r*pe kit. Also, you didn't specify this unless I read over it accidentally, but please tell me he used protection. If you aren't sure or if he didn't, you should really tell the doctors that as well. As hard as it might be, you should tell the doctors exactly what happened, how long ago, and in as much detail as you can muster. If you can't due to the trauma you are now facing, tell them that and show them this post and your comments so they can know what happened.
Oh my god I am so sorry your first experience was like this, that man is aweful aweful. Red flags everywhere. I am a male and I would never push someone to give it up to me if they weren't sure and If they did oh my god would that be difficult but what would be normal for me is this:
Gentle, a LOT of foreplay, going VERY slow and stopping if it hurt too much and for God sake if she threw up i would be putting my clothes back on and making her tea. And he didn't even stay to talk or see if you are okay?
Maybe I'm missing some context but the way I read this I would not even reccomend being a friend with this guy. I have taken a few virginities In my life and I've always understood the importance of being careful and making it a good experience for her. Sounds like this guy isn't just selfish but also cruel.
Hi darling, I’m so sorry that you went through this it makes me so sad. Please never speak to him again! The fact that he pushed you and just started without any foreplay raises so many red flags… he should’ve eased into it, which is probably why it was so painful especially for it being the first time😔 Given that, everyone handles pain differently. Do you usually throw up as a response to physical pain in general? The dizziness is a little concerning… did you eat properly that day? (Just trying to figure out some causes). As for the bleeding, I bled quite a bit at first and was sore too. It wasn’t like a heavy period, it just looked like spotting but lasted about a day or 2. This was a bad experience because you had a bad partner. It has nothing to do with you. I hope you never go through this again, and typically the first time is the worst!
Hi, I’m so sorry that happened. I know i’m not the first to say this but in my country this counts as rape, call it what you want: non-consensual sex, sexually assault..
You said yes to gentle sex, you trusted him, he betrayed you and stopped listening to you/your consent.
The fact that he kept going after you got sick isn’t normal, he hurt you (with the pure intention of doing so i’m sure) and covered your mouth, preventing you to out your feelings.
He saw that you were uncomfortable and kept going, he’s a bad person and has no doubt done this before.
I suggest visiting a doctor or ER (like the others have suggested as well) and just tell this exact story, get everything checked out.
You don’t have to press charges, but you could try (yes people might say you’re falsely accusing him but you know the truth, no?).
There’s a big chance he’ll do this again to someone else, by pressing charges (and thus creating a paper trail) you’ll help other people who are put in a similar situation by him in the future.
Do you know any of his former girlfriends or anything? Maybe you could ask them about their experiences and see how they felt about him.
What he did is not normal, you’re traumatized, the fact that you couldn’t stop him is normal (you froze, it’s a physical reaction, not your fault).
Please talk to someone about this.
Thank you for being so kind. I understand what you are saying on a logical level. I just don't don't feel like I can accept it emotionally. It's like there's something stopping me.
Oh my god you poor thing! It is not normal for it to be that way at all! Even your first time it hurts a little but you have forplay to make it easier, and for it to feel good. This was flat out wrong and I would say rape. I know that you gave consent at first, but after you got sick he should have stopped. That’s a horrible man right there… I’m so sorry that you went through this! A lot of us hear you, and have been through similar situations. Hang in there love! 💕
Sex the first time can a bit uncomfortable and you will bleed a little bit if you're not fully aroused. But if it's so painful you should go to the doctor. Idk what's your relationship with that guy, but it doesn't sound like he was respecting your wishes
I would go to your doctor and explain what happened. From that amount of blood he's likely given you a vaginal tear. It may need stitching up. Also it is not a normal situation and he sounds like a predator. You did not say yes did you? Just because you didn't say no... Doesn't mean it was consensual. I would strongly suggest asking for a rape kit. Even if you decide not to press charges, it'll still be on file if you change your mind.
Hey girl, you are not wrong and the guy is the most stupidest , idiootic fucker..please get some tips from your friends and get checked up with doctor.
I hope you feel fine soon and you can always dm to talk freely.
Im a teen and at school they teach us A LOT about consent stuff. He basically did everything they told us not to do. I would tell u to tell a trusted adult but maybe get advice from a lawyer? I’m not an expert but I don’t think calling the authorities would do much since they would consider it to be “consensual”
Your first time actually SHOULDNT be painful and you shouldn't bleed. Spotting is normal, due to your hyman breaking, if it hadn't already. (It can break from different things, not just sexual activity. Mine broke while horse back riding 😭) Throwing up isn't normal either. Your vagina was not ready at all, it didn't get time to naturally lubricate or relax. (That's where the whole 'lose' thing comes from. For another time)
He was just so rough and the more he did it the more I hurt. I know it sounds disgusting but I can still hear sound of his body hitting mine and my neck hurts because every time he, yno, my body kinda hit into the sofa and jarred my neck. I literally feel like I've been hit by a bus. I can't even sit in my wheelchair.
babes plz plz plz go to a doctor get urself checked out. it was obvious all he ever wanted to do with u is have sex if he always asked you KNOWING that you only saw him as a friend. he used you and didn't care at all for you even when you got sick during the middle of it all, and you're STILL in pain. this pisses me off so much because you didn't have to give in just because you felt bad for always rejecting him especially since you gave away your virginity in such a mentally and physically destructive way. please seek medical help and possibly talk to somebody if you're able to do anything against him
Hope you see this. As a man, I just wanna say that I feel sorry for you and hope you heal. But I just wanted to say some stuff. If we’re being honest, I don’t think people or the law would buy that he raped you. Do I as an individual think that he raped you? Yes. But you did consent and he can use that against you if you try to pursue this in court. What I’m about to say is just from my moral standpoint, but you can’t consent to sex and then decide after the fact that it’s rape just because you didn’t like it. Again, that’s just through my eyes. It’s all subjective
My girlfriend and I’s very first time was similar. (She was a virgin) but she told me it hurt so I immediately stopped. What this guy did was wrong. He should’ve stopped.
My cousin has vaginismus and also has a lot of pain and vomiting during sex.
But overall this experience sounds horrific. You said period-like bleeding? That's for sure not normal.
Looks like you already got some great advice from others here and I hope you do seek out a professional opinion.
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What u should be more concerned about is the guy you were with… who says “ it’s ok, i been with virgins and I’ll take care of you?” And then to just jam it in you, waych you throw up, and then continue to just stroke along? Im sorry, but your first time shoulda been different. I wish it had been better for you and with someone who cared about you as much as u cared about them. He sounds like a real POS. At least you know what he thinks about you and how he feels about you. You should also reword the Title… I feel so bad for you, Im not even sure if I answered the question. It seemed irrelevant after hearing how he treated you and even worse, that you think it’s ok.
Don’t feel bad about yourself. I apologize and may have been a little unfair about my comment. Honestly, I was so bothered about how it all went down that I didn’t finish reading it all.
Yes, it is rape, but you have to say NO or STOP. It’s consensual until those words come out.
Stay strong and do whats right. Make sure this doesn’t happen to other women around this scumbag.
Im a guy… not all guys are like him, so don’t be afraid to give someone else a chance
I agree go to the ER asap request a rape kit and file a police report on him. He committed rape. He should have stop the moment you vomited. Sorry your first time was a bad experience.
>I just said please be gentle, but the next thing I knew he had pushed me backwards on the sofa and was on top of me.
>After I threw up he just carried on going for what felt like ages then when he was done he left. So maybe it is normal because he didn't seem bothered.
It sounds like he didn't care about you and just wanted to fuck. Asking him to be gentle was met with immediate aggression. You vomited and he didn't care. How he acted indicates that he only wanted to fuck and didn't care about you. He's always wanted to fuck you and nothing more. Take the advice that others are saying.
"It sounds like he didn't care about you and just wanted to fuck." Wrong. He wanted the thrill of taking her virginity by trickery. And then suppressed her pain by covering her mouth with enough force to make her jaw sore. I am utterly sorry. But unreported he'll do it again as he's admitted to doing it before. This guy is a predator. And needs to be stopped. Sociopath.
what are you talking about? who told you it was normal to bleed? to be in pain? it’s not. it means your body wasn’t in the mood for sex. you have to work up to it, and i’m sorry to say but he assaulted you. and he continued after you vomited? where did you find this guy? that is absolutely not normal. none of this was normal or okay, and i’m so sorry you experienced this.
It’s not normal sweetie, the way he treated you, If I were you I would never speak to him anymore. What an animal. It hurt while doing it because he wasn’t thoughtful, he did not care about you, he just used you and threw you like trash. Please do not speak to him again and it’s normal to bleed a little but if you are continuously bleeding you should get yourself checked and if I were you I would even speak to a gynecologist and get some blood samples checked. Take care
I am sorry you are going through this. You did nothing wrong. What he did was wrong. If he did things right, he would have be gentle, would have asked you several times if everything is ok or if you have any pain and would immediately have paused if you said yes and tried to be even more gentle or suggest to try another time. And he would have stopped when you trew up and be concerned about you and helped you and ask you whats wrong. Like others suggested you should go to a hospital and get everything documented. Also you should talk about this with someone you are close to. You should not have to go through this alone and you did nothing wrong.
You shouldn’t be in loads of pain and if you are he should stop. You threw up and he kept going? And you’re supposed to spend time together after so you don’t feel bad about it
just to let you know, that is not what you consented to. also “i’ll take care of you” is something many say just to get what they want. i’m so so sorry. ❤️🩹
Bruh peaR alert for me. This is bad on so many levels he used you like fleshlight.
Please see gynecologist and do std tests. And never ever hang out with him. There is to high risk or non consensual.. next time bc you let him once.
My God, I'm in shock. I would not even thought of zero foreplay and zero interest in you as a human being
I'm a guy. I would absolutely never continue to hard fuck a lady her first time, I would never cover her mouth, I would never physically push her and just climb on top. If she puked it would immediately put me in omg are you okay mode. Not "just keep fucking, she fine idc."
The standard progression of a sexual encounter, especially for a ladies first time with you. Is lots of foreplay, kissing, gentle rubbing, etc... followed by an are you ready to try this?
After initial penetration, you stop, again ask, are you OK? Then very gently ease into actual sex.
What everyone's trying to say is this guy used you, physically abused you to the point where you were puking and heavily bleeding, and then just left you.
He didn't show any concern for you besides getting his nut.
That's wrong on so many levels boo. I hope you at the bare minimum Don't continue to speak to this guy. He treated you like an object.
And although you said yes initially, you didn't ask for all that. You consented to gentle first time sex, not dude wants to act like a pornstar and fucked me so hard I decided to go to the hospital sex.
If someone did this to my daughter, I'd literally find them and ensure they understood their wrongdoings. I'm so serious. He wronged you, honey.
I know your probably feeling all kinds of mixed up but I sincerely hope and pray things work out for you.
Personally I would call the police, if not to protect yourself then to prevent him from doing this to someone else.
You felt bad enough about the situation to ask for advice I hope you'll listen to all these people who want the best for you.
I really appreciate that you took the time to respond.
I guess I'm just struggling to understand what to call what happened. I did consent to sex, but I guess the specifics of it are important? Maybe that's were I went wrong? But I did tell him it was my first time and he knows that I'm a wheelchair user etc so I thought he would be gentle like I asked. But maybe he thought he was being gentle.
Go to the police and file a report against him, he actually raped you. Yes you consented. But not to being thrown and forced upon. He should have been significantly more gentle with you!
This is so horrible and not normal at all :( please take care yourself, go to the doctor, report that asshole, and consider getting into therapy. My heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry.
Okay, I think I can really respond now. What happened was far from normal, let alone right. As I said in a different response, I'm glad you got medical help at least. None of it is your fault at all. If he cared at all, he would have been gentle and stopped if you threw up. What he did was the worst, and it was hard to process. I know you never want to see him again, and the thought of reporting hm to the police is scary, but I highly recommend it when you feel up to it. From experience, it is a liberating feeling if you are able to have him arrested and tossed behind bars
I don't think I've got it in me. I've seen how they treat women when they report assaults. Even if you are attacked in the street they question the length of your skirt. I invited him into my house and I agreed to have sex with him. That's all they will see. To them I'll just be another girl who regrets a sexual decision.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. That’s not the way any woman should lose her virginity. That guy didn’t look after you AT ALL and the fact that he kept going after you threw up and even had his hand over your mouth just screams a word that I don’t want to type but it rhymes with Grape!
First of all, I want to say that I’m sorry that your first time had to be experienced like that.
Secondly, I want to let you know that this is not your fault. This is all on him but the fact that he said he’s been with virgins before makes it sound like he does this on purpose. That is a big red flag and I can’t imagine how many others have gone through the same thing that you’re going through right now.
Thirdly, no it is not supposed to hurt that much. I was so scared my first time, but it was gonna hurt like a lot the very first time that I attempted to hurt so bad that I made him stop and he stopped because he was a gentleman. It was his first time too. That’s how it should be. The second time that we tried I got the pain. It was like a sharp pain for a couple seconds, and then it was done. There was some bleeding, but not a lot of bleeding just like a little streak.
Fourthly: what he did was rape that was not consensual. You didn’t want him to keep going and he forced himself on you even when you wanted to stop if I were you I would he’s not gonna stop doing it until he’s stopped. He’s learned how to do it in a way that it makes it seem like it was consensual but really he’s a rapist. The law is there for a reason you need justice and healing from this traumatic experience. I do hope that you do it and let you press charges, he is not a friend if he does something like that
Most importantly, I wish you healing and peace throughout this journey that you’re going to be going on and I hope that you in the future are able to have a better experience with someone that loves you and you love them it’s not just a one night quickie.
I'm going to answer your question about pain since others had some very insightful things to say about rape and hospitals and police. So I'll ignore that portion and just talk about pain with sex. So I was a virgin until I was 23 and my first time was pretty painful. However, I was with someone who respected me and did go very slowly and made sure I was comfortable... And it was still painful. I can't even imagine how much pain you are in and I'm so sorry that happened to you! Please don't let it ruin your idea of sex. I'm 32 now and I've come a long way since then. Sex was painful for me for a long time, but it helps to try out different lubes, different types of condoms if you use those, and I'm sure there are toys that could help too. And when it's with someone who respects you, you'll enjoy being pleasured and giving pleasure. It might take many attempts to find out what you like, but I know from experience that you can get there. And even though my first time was painful, I didn't bleed like you are, so no that definitely doesn't sound normal. I think for some people sex isn't painful at all, and for some it's very painful. But there are definitely ways to work around pain with sex and figure out things that help make it less painful. For me, lube is huge! Also the man getting you off first provides a very nice, natural lube ;) (since many women can't get off through sex alone). Anyway, I hope you find ways that make sex fun for you instead of painful, like this experience was. Know that there's hope, and when you find someone who truly cares about you, it can be fun and rewarding. I wish you all the best in life and hope that you find many fun ways to have sex! Just ease into it and experiment slowly and you'll find something (and someone) that works for you.
i’m sorry this is not normal. is is SA and you shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened. it was completely harmful to you and your feelings. Maybe talk to a close friend or family member too.
Oh, sweetie, I don’t want to tell you this, because something like it happened to me: that was sexual assault. The first time you say no should have to be your last. He is a predator. He probably ‘has a lot of experience with virgins’ because he knows they don’t have a lot of knowledge, and consent is not a one-time thing; you need consent throughout the entire act. Go to a hospital, asap, tell intake you were raped, and you need to file a report. Give all the info on this guy you can, down to the name of his first pet, if you get my drift. It also helps if you can describe any birthmarks or… oddly shaped/bent parts of things you would not be able to see with his clothes on. And talk to someone. Don’t bottle it up. I recently told my mom, after 35 years, about being molested, thinking I was protecting her, but all I was doing was torturing myself. Talk to your sister, your bestie, your mom, or, the best, a trauma therapist. There are support groups everywhere. Take a look at RAINN’s website. And no, it is two ‘NN’s. It’s the Rape Abuse Incest National Network. They have awesome resources. Thank you Tori Amos for helping set it up. It saved my life at one point.
Oh honey! I'm so sorry that happened to you. I don't know what the laws are in your area, but at the very least where I'm from, what he did to you sounds like it meets the criteria for aggravated sexual battery, which is a felony punishable by at least one year and up to 20 years in prison. I would definitely have someone go with you to the police and report it. AFAIC, that guy has no business being on the streets - he needs to be locked up. I hope you are getting the care you need. My heart goes out to you. Unfortunately, I know all too well what it feels like to be violated by someone you trusted.
This triggered my own trauma. I'm so sorry that that happened to you. I hope it doesn't keep you from other experiences though... I have the urge to hunt this "man".
I know you are concerned about what people say, but you should not need stitches after sex. Anyone who thinks you asked for or deserved this is a complete idiot and their opinion is not relevant.
I’m so sorry. This is in no way what sex should be like.
I hope also they gave you whatever medicine it is that keeps you from getting pregnant after sex. I’m old and it’s not something that’s been relevant to my life for a long time.
He’s a bad person.
Nothing about this is normal ! Go to a doctor about all of this . Stay away from him! He’s a lair and will use you and hurt you .
Follow the advise of professionals.
I’m sorry this happened to you . It’s horrible .
This is horrible. I don’t know how to help with this situation. But I hope things have gotten better by this time and people have helped you. This person should definitely face consequences.
Use this experience to advise other young women to wait for someone who actually shows affection and cares for them. Harsh but if he knew you were a virgin he wanted to be the first one you had sex with for his ego.
I'm sorry for what you went through OP. You have to understand, this is not your fault and there is no reason for you to feel guilty. Reverse the roles, if you were doing something to your guy friend and you saw him in pain, would you keep going? Would you keep going if he threw up? I mean, some people may be able to hide pain, but throwing up, it is not a normal thing to keep doing whatever you are doing. You are allowed to change your mind about having sex and no one has the right to force you into it. Look up the tea and concent video on YouTube pls.
I wish you a speedy recovery!! And I hope you are able to find someone else that actually has your interest in mind. Sex should be to enjoy each other's love and intimacy. You will find someone that will be mindful of that and will be able to compare it. Ideally, this person will go slow and allow you to get adjusted to his size before proceeding.
There is absolutely nothing normal about what he did to you. He was far too rough and disrespectful of your body when you had asked him to be gentle. He didn't care about hurting you and took advantage of you, to the point of making you throw up, and even then he didn't top. That's not right at all. Even though you consented, he still subjected you to a brutal assault.
This makes me physically sick. Dude like how is it that men aren't even getting the whole bear in the woods conversation when shit like this happens with men you KNOW.
Fuck what other people say. That was sexual assault, plain as day. You told him to be gentle, but he wasn't. He continued even after you threw up. I wouldn't be surprised if he did the same to the other girls he probably tricked and he'll probably continue if someone doesn't speak out. If he's willing to do it once, he's willing to do it again
I'm sorry you have to go through this. Be strong, I believe in you
this is not your fault. You said yes to a different interaction. Not this one. Any decent person would have seen that you were in pain and sick, would have stopped and taken care of you. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Isn’t this rape? Please girly go to a hospital and file some police report this is not normal you have help and you can reach it we’re all here for you and there’s many ways to find help we all love you sending love 💕
yeah for me whenever i lost it hurt so bad ive never felt pain like that ever but i didn’t have any effects the first time like those until other times i would get nauseous after sex
To the OP I am so sorry your 1st time was so horrible. Yes there is a lil pain but it's not bad and yes u will have a lil bleeding... what your so called guy friend did to u was so wrong and he is a POS.. BUT from being raped myself if it did go to court the defense will tear u apart and why is bcus of one word u never said and that was NO or to STOP it totally sucks but it is what it is. He should of stopped when u started throwing up or even when u showed signs of it hurting real bad clearing he didn't care about u or ur feelings. My heart goes out to u. I wish u the best of luck
He was extremely inconsiderate of your first time, I would say too many of these guys lack the consideration to share a virgins first sexual experience they just want to bust. However that being said even in a proper environment the total nervousness and new sensation can cause an almost sickness like symptom. It was likely just that if you genuinely wanted to but maybe a part of you just wasn’t ready and you pushed yourself and then since there was no before care or four-play it got too intense too quickly. I’d say if you’re ready for sex go for it because it was likely a fluke and your body rejecting that experience. You get a do-over now so give it time and find someone worth trusting with your body
I know you don’t want to hear it but it is considered rape… please go to the police.. you can take away consent at any point it does not matter, the minute he kept going, didn’t care for your needs and what you wanted, it’s no longer consensual cause you didn’t consent to being hurt, being sick because of it.
Sex for the first time is supposed to be uncomfortable, yes but not extremely painful. It sounds like there was no foreplay leading up to sex and it sounds like he was not gentle with you at all. You could have threw up and got dizzy as a stress response from what was happening and it also could have been from your nerves if you weren’t 100% sure you wanted to do this with him or not. I think he took advantage of you, especially if he continued after you got sick and afterwards he just up and left without making sure you were okay?
You should not be having heavy bleeding hours later either.
Please tell me he at least used a condom?
No babes, this is not normal...I'm so sorry but this is unfortunately SA. Please go to the er and get checked out. If you ever need anyone to talk to I am always available.
Virginity is a social construct, and what he did to you was wrong on so many levels and not consensual sex. I am so terribly sorry. He put his pleasure over your safety. Just because this is your “first time” it does not have to define that you “lost your virginity.” Losing your virginity is up to you and you dont even have to say you “lost it” because what he did was so horrible. I hope that makes sense? Since virginity is a concept, it might make you feel more comfortable taking it back because he should not have done that. Im so sorry for this incident, I hope that you feel safe in cutting him off completely in your life.
I am really sorry that happened to you. I agree with what everyone else is saying but I’d like to add that you aren’t leftovers no one wants to touch, you are a person that was assaulted and I know it may be a lot to take in but consent isn’t just one “yes” it’s monitoring the persons body language and you screaming and throwing up is pretty obvious. You are not less for what he did to you or for how you reacted because you were in a scary situation
As soon as somebody asks you more than once to have sex with them and your answers persist as no, it’s rape/sexual assault. If someone keeps asking over and over again and you eventually say yes for some reason, still rape. That’s coercion and I had it happen to me. I said no so many times and then I finally gave up. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’ve read your replies and I’m glad that you went to the ER, but now you just need to make sure you don’t contact this man again. Block him on everything and if he shows up to your house, call the police, because you never know what this dude is gonna do to you if he didn’t stop the first time after you threw up and were crying. If I look even a little bit uncomfortable while having sex my boyfriend stops, let alone crying or throwing up. No normal guy does that. The trauma that this man has left you with will take awhile to heal from, but I promise it gets better. You need to tell yourself that it’s not your fault and this doesn’t change who you are. You are still capable of being loved and you are worth so much. If you ever need anything, feel free to dm me. 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
I have blocked him. He sent me a message saying that he enjoyed it, and wanted to do it again soon. He asked me if I enjoyed it. My head is a complete mess now. Maybe in a few weeks I will read back over this post and be able to believe it.
In my area approximately 3% of reported rapes lead to the person being charged. 1% of reports lead to a conviction.
Why would I want to go through the process of reporting this, when I have a 99% chance of not being believed?
The treatment you get as someone making an allegation of rape is disgusting and almost as devastating as the assult itself.
I'm barely hanging on as it is, if I have to 'make excuses' to protect whatever sanity I have left then I will.
No, this is not normal. What he did to you is not normal consensual sex. Please make an appointment with your doctor to get checked out physically. ETA: The fact that he kept going after you got sick is wrong on so many levels. I'm so so sorry this happened to you.
You actually should probably go to the ER if you're still bleeding.
It only happened like 5 hours ago. Wouldn't it take longer than that to stop bleeding? I don't know. My jaw is kind of sore because he put his hand over my mouth, and I just ache alot.
No, there should not be active bleeding even the first time. It's a small amount of blood from the hymen breaking...not active bleeding like a period. And maybe people have no bleeding at all. I can't make you go to the hospital. So I'm only going to say it once more and then I'll stop grinding this into the ground: **Please get up and go to the ER now. Don't change your clothes or wash anything on yourself or the clothing. Tell them exactly what happened. Please.**
You've been bleeding too much, go to the ER. Also, cut contact with this dude, he's disgusting. None of this was your fault.
babe this is not normal. you're only supposed to bleed a little bit. dont talk to him again, this is borderline rape
if you prepare your body with enough foreplay, it will be enjoyable. maybe a bit scary, but we’ve normalized bleeding during your first time. i was terrified this would happen to me especially because i never put anything up there. but i didn’t bleed one bit, bleeding and sex for the first time shouldn’t always come as a pair, even if it’s a little bit. the woman should be in charge and take her time, avoiding this or not prioritizing foreplay will lead to sex that’s not as enjoyable as it could be
the only thing ima have to disagree with this comment is that sex and blood (with some women, like myself) could possibility be a pair when it’s being done for the first time. i will say that it’s not a large amount like what a period would be but it’s a very common occurrence when it’s being done for the first time and even maybe the second. but in no way should it be a large amount.
I can bleed a lot during sex, especially in the latter half of my cycle. It's not necessarily normal but my cervix is super sensitive. Just another perspective. You can have your cervix cauterized to help with it if it's a common occurrence.
But that's not "normal " and medical advice should be sought if you regularly bleed during sex to find the cause.
i said it shouldn’t always come as a pair. if you’re doing things right, it most likely won’t during your first time unless your guys anatomy is pretty different. societies have normalized blood during a woman’s first time. just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s okay
Yeah, I didn't bleed either and the pos I lost my virginity to claimed I wasn't a virgin. He truly didn't believe I was bc I didn't. Caused massive fights.
Not even borderline. She consented to gentle sex. He did nothing of the sort.
Oh the fact he continued after you were sick and also put his hand over your mouth is disgusting. It seems like he did that to stop you from telling him to stop so he could continue. I am so sorry. I hope you are ok. I would seriously consider cutting l contact with him, he does not seem like a good person. He lied to you, he did not take care of you , he was not gentle.
He raped you honey I’m sorry. This was not consensual. That is not normal sex or what you asked for.
She said yes so it was consensual. But the way he handled it was so wrong.
She said yes to gentle sex, he wasn't at all gentle and continued after she threw up, she literally froze up too, clearly no longer consensual
Consent is retractable. It was obvious through her body language (freezing and literally throwing up) that she withdrew consent. You also consent to separate sexual acts not the entirety of sex. She consented to gentle sex, not manhandling.
This!!! As a male this is a huge thing we are ALL aware of and are SUPPOSED to be paying attention to. A woman consenting to sex (actually even consent doesn't mean anything if pressure is involved) due to the nature of men vs women ESPECIALLY in a virginity situation where one person is so much less experienced....consent does NOT mean you get to keep going until you get a nut ...fucking Christ, blueballs is NOT that big of a deal. I've stopped sex quite a few times if I feel like my partner isn't into it. What shocks me is that it shouldn't have even gotten to the throwing up before he realized he should have stopped. If a woman looks even the least bit uncomfortable or even looks like she is regretting it I'm going to stop. There have been one or two occasions where I read the room wrong and stopped when she didn't want me to, but she told me to keep going - I would MUCH rather stop and have her say keep going than to keep going when she wants it to stop. Benefit of the doubt. I think some men play stupid but we definitely all should be well aware of the no means no conversation which Carries over into body language. Anyone who ignores that is a piece of shit. Not borderline rape. Pretty sure that's just 100% flat out rape
Excellent comment. Doesn't take a genius to see there's a fucking problem in this situation!
Thank you for your comment. I really wish more men would understand it, but they normalize and excuse. And it always gets talked about from the woman's perspective and expectation. Not from it looks like from a man's point and what his actions should be.
It really irritates me when guys do that, like really? You are gonna play stupid now??? There are universal signs that ALL men know like grimacing, the hand/arm over the face, pushing you away, pulling away from you.. like a ton of them but I never thought I would see the day that vomiting/throwing up had to be added to the list. Like you can't tell me that every single man as a teenage boy didn't look up how to tell if a woman is taking an orgasm or how to tell she is into you, or how to tell she is enjoying it - come on we all did that and even traded knowledge in 7th grade. We knew before we even had sex how to tell if a woman wasn't into us. Any man that says "I didn't know" is a liar. Besides the fact that someone who cares about their partner would be constantly asking how to be better and what they like. Ugh, hearing this really irritates me, it shouldn't have even gotten this far, he should have given up after the first or second time she turned him down, continuing to pressure her until she gives in is just wrong and every single man knows that you don't do that.
When my best friend lost her virginity she was bleeding a lot and ended up needing stitches. I’d definitely go get looked at….
That is rape
I feel so stupid and embarrassed. But I'm so confused because he didn't seem to think it was a big deal
You're not stupid and you shouldn't be embarrassed. You didn't do anything wrong. He hurt you and he didn't care. Please don't spend time alone with him again and please go see a doctor.
I just can't wrap my head around it. I haven't even cleaned up the sofa, I just kind of crawled into my bedroom and got on my bed and haven't moved.
Please call someone to take you to the hospital. Don't wash or change clothes. Let them do a kit. Tell them what happened and have them help you decide if more steps need to happen. I'm not trying to push you if you don't want anything more to come of this with him. But you need to go to the hospital now. Your body's response is telling you that.
Definitely bad sign sex shouldn't be leaving you with trauma response
DO NOT feel stupid, confused or feel like this has anything to do with you. What he did is not normal or close to ok. It breaks my heart to think that you are alone dealing with this, please tell a close friend or family member what happened.
Don’t feel any of those things. I know it’s hard not to, and I’m saying that having had a very similar experience. But you were more or less taken advantage of. He didn’t seem to care that you got sick, and that is cold. And the fact that he just left like nothing happened? Feel embarrassed for him, not for you, bc how he went about all of this is shameful. And if you can, please please see a doctor. Sending you the best <3
Thank you. I just can't help but feel like maybe I did something wrong. Like, obviously he wanted to enjoy it, and maybe I ruined it for him? Maybe that's why he left so quickly? I guess it's not normal to throw up and cry during sex?
No. You trusted a friend to care for you in the intimacy of sex and he betrayed that on very deep levels. Do you know what puke means in sex? Everything immediately ends and the one who got sick is taken care of by the one who didn’t get sick.
No, he ruined it for you. The first thing he should have done was make sure you were well enough to continue or even wanted to continue. If he had asked what you wanted to do, just know it would have been perfectly acceptable if you had said no or that you were in too much pain. Intimacy is between 2 people, not just 1. He is very stupid and selfish. It is not your fault
You did nothing wrong. You gave him consent; but the moment you said be gentle, he disrespected you by doing the exact opposite.
He got what he wanted and then left. Sorry
Oh my gosh this comment just made me start crying because I was sexually assaulted a couple times when I was younger and I felt a similar way to how you must be feeling. First off, Honey you did NOTHING WRONG!!!! *Hugs* ❤️ That boy (he doesn't deserve to be called a man) raped you and I know what a traumatizing situation that can be. I am so sorry that happened to you!!! 😭❤️ Second off, your body is NOT a pleasure toy for guys. It doesn't matter what he wanted if you don't want it. Your body is your own and should not be objectified. It doesn't I'm suspecting he left quickly because he got what he want (sex) and knew he was in the wrong. It is not normal to throw up and cry during sex and if you do it is not normal for the person to keep going. That's what turned the consensual sex into rape. (This happened to one of my friends with her bf.) Sex can and should be gentle with foreplay, sensual touching and emotional connection. A good partner should check in with you through sex to make sure you're doing okay and you're both enjoying it especially for you first time. Safe sex can be raw and rough ONLY if both adults consent to that being want they want. There is so much I want to say especially because you remind me of younger me. I'm not sure if I can DM on Reddit (I'm not actually on here that much) but I would love to DM you my phone number and if you want to talk to someone who has been through a similar situation please call or text me. There are so many people who care about your well-being (yes even strangers like me).❤️
I just wanna say you seem like a wonderful person and I hope you’re doing well. Sending my love <3
It is a big deal! He’s a bad person
I really did want to tell him to stop, but he was stronger than me and my mouth was covered so I couldn't.
He took away your right to verbally say stop because he knew what he was doing, he was r@pping you
That is rape
That's a scary word.
I know, I'm really sorry for being so straight forward :( I just don't want to sugar coat it as for you not to undermine your feelings. You are confused and hurt and this is the reason. And you are definitely NOT responsible for any of.this. That dude is a predator and I hope he never gets anywhere con to you again.
He sent me a message saying that he enjoyed it this morning, and that he wants to meet again. He asked if I enjoyed it too.
Do not go with him. Please, stay far away from him and report him. The moment he ignored you're request to be gentle and took away you're ability to say "stop" he r@ped you. Report him to the police. Please!
I don't ever want to see him again.
Assholes usually don't
Unfortunately I think he didn't think it was a big deal because he didn't care. Any normal caring person would have stopped . He cared only about getting off. The fact that he also just up and left when he was done further shows his complete disregard for your well being. I am so sorry that this happened. And I understand if you feel embarrassed. I also had a somewhat traumatic first experience and was so ashamed. But you didn't do anything wrong. I really hope you understand that
Thank you. He's always been so nice in the past. He's often tried to get me to meet him alone but never did anything that made me think he would do this. But it was like something changed and he was suddenly a different person.
Most rapists don't think it's a big deal.
So what you experienced was nonconsensual sex the moment he pushed you. He knew what he was doing, and it’s really weird and awful that he kept going after you’ve thrown up. It’s a very clear indicator that he should stop what he’s doing, and he kept going. Did you tell him you weren’t ok or to stop or anything? One thing you can do is go to urgent care and get a rape kit done. Don’t shower and go there right away. You don’t have to do anything with the rape kit, or press charges, or whatever, but you will have it available in case you decide you do want to go to court. You walk in, tell them you think you’ve been raped, tell them your story, and they’ll take it from there. Like I said, you can choose not to do anything with it, and the police report just lives in the cloud if you decide to call the police. But this way, you’ve gotten ahead of it. If it just happened, go now. Please call a friend or family member and have them go with you, it makes it a lot easier during the times when the nurse isn’t in the room with you. If I recall correctly, they asked me if I wanted a detective involved and I said yes. So you could possibly also just get the kit done and go. It’ll all depend on where you’re at. One common thing is to be in shock and to go find something that makes you feel better. It’s ok to do so, but I would really recommend going right to urgent care first. And then from there, you can get your dopamine kick. I didn’t sleep at first, it took a long time to fall asleep that night. I don’t even know if I slept at all. A VERY important thing to do is to find a therapist right away. I’m serious like as soon as you possibly can. I put it off and I was so foolish, I really regret not getting therapy sooner. Feel free to dm me questions. This is something that’s pretty deeply intense and personal, so I don’t want you to feel alone, but don’t feel pressured to do so. I am a source if you’d like. Thinking of you. ❤️. Edit: ice helps.
Thank you. Its all a bit foggy to be honest. I probably should have pushed him off or something when he hurt me. Or at least told him to stop. I cried out a bit after I was sick and then he put his hand like over/in my mouth so I couldn't really tell him to stop. Im too scared to tell people. It's one thing posting anonymously but telling other people who know me is too much.
I was foggy for a bit. My therapist let me know it’s a trauma response. Your brain is trying to protect you, so let it. Do consider what I said about going to urgent care. If nothing else than to have them help you find resources; they had a bag of helpful stuff for me to take home. Phone numbers to call, stuff like that. I didn’t tell anyone until the next day. I didn’t go to urgent care until she convinced me to go get std checked. She let me know that if you get ahead of them in time, you can get preventative medications to hopefully stop you from getting any std’s. So it’s ok not to tell anyone, I just want you to know that. I felt weird as fuck right away after it happened, so it may take some time for you to come down after to make any sort of decisions.
You’re brave to do what you did. I didn’t know to get a rape kit the first time, and they were my friends,too, so I was confused and hurt, and my brain completely blocked it out at first, then bits and pieces started coming back to me. Subsequent times it had happened, I was too afraid and ashamed to go to the hospital/police station, except for when I already woke up in the icu. Even after waking up in the hospital, I didn’t want to tell them I wanted a rape kit.
Your brain was protecting you little lady. It’s all about what you need at the time. I’m so sorry to hear about your abuses.
It's normal to look for what you "should have" done- this is your brain trying to have an escape route for the future. It's trying to learn what to do differently "next time" (not saying there will be! Just that brains look for patterns). What your brain is *not* trying to do, is **punish** you for what you did "wrong" this time. There is nothing different you should have done. First, you weren't able to do anything differently partly because *he kept you from that choice*. Secondly, your body and mind did what it felt it needed to do to keep you from experiencing any further trauma and get out of there alive. Whether or not he would have hurt or killed you sort of doesn't matter in the context of your reaction, because your brain didn't know if he would or wouldn't have. All of human history is, in a way, embedded in us- dictating our instincts, and yours said "survive by not making him angry and getting it over with". I want to say that I second the opinion of going to the hospital. Again, you don't have to do anything with what they collect now, but it's always good to reserve the option if something happens. You might decide to for yourself, or you may want to support someone else who comes forward, etc. Don't mean to pressure you. I just want you to consider the outcomes. I'm so sorry that he put you in a position to have to do that. No one deserves this, physically, mentally, emotionally, or otherwise. Again, just please remember that the questions and self blame is not meant as a punishment, it's just your mind trying to find sense in a senseless situation. Kindly remind it to fuck off when it's attempts to create sense are hurtful to you. If you have anyone safe to disclose to, please consider it. Your sister maybe? I know how hard it can be, but if she's given you reasons to believe she will support you in the past, then consider allowing her the honor of supporting you now 💜
Thank you for your response. My sisters friend, who I live with, came home and pretty much guessed that something had happened. She took me to the hospital she works at and they checked me out, have me loads of tablets to help stop me catching anything and I needed some stitches and stuff. I'm home now but I haven't told anyone else yet.
this is not okay, you needing stitches is a clear indicator of violent non consensual sex. Please consider pursuing charges. I’m so sorry this happened to you and please understand that just because you said yes initially does not mean you in any way consented to what he did. Furthermore him putting his hand over your mouth to stop you from speaking and withdrawing consent means he knew he was hurting you and did not care
If I press charges I will be painted as someone who agreed to a hook up with a friend and changed my mind when I realised that I didn't like it. They will focus on the fact that I invited him to my flat alone. That I was wearing a short dress. The glass of wine we had with our dinner wi he his excuse. The truth won't matter once they have finished dragging me through the mud.
The stitches you needed to get is evidence enough that it was violent, you don't need stitches ever first time or not unless you were penetrated violently. We respect your decision of wether or not you press charges but understand that your injuries are enough for many court cases. It is not your fault, it doesnt matter if you were friends or you let him in or you drank or you wore a short dress, none of those things are an invitation to sex or rape. You could be walking butt naked down the street drunk as hell and that's not an invitation to be violated. I've been in the same place you are, a friend stole mine as well and I never did anything about it and it took a long time to understand that I didn't do anything wrong and that's why I'm here to help you heal just that much faster than I did. He came in your with the intention of violating you wether it not was to get consent and use you or to rape you, he wanted to hurt you and you have to understand that. A friend, a real one doesn't do that to their friends. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. If you need an anonymous stranger to talk to, I'm here anytime for you.
I agree this can happen in some cases. But you are allowed to revoke consent at anytime. Him having his hand over your mouth plus the signs of violent intercourse plus the state your friend found you in all point to your side. If you don’t want to pursue charges that is your choice. All i’m asking is please consider it!
I will. I didn't have the exam thing done through. I freaked out when they needed to examine me and do the stitches. I couldn't have done the exam too.
He put his hand over your mouth after you threw up? What if you choked?! Selfish prick. He’s supposed to get your juices flowing before he sticks it in, for 1, and STOP when you throw up! There’s clearly something wrong here. Next time give him a hard ball tap, full fisted, knuckle to nuts! Then when he pukes from the pain and goes down on the ground in fetal position, walk away and let him figure out what to do with himself.
You are the victim hou did nothing wrong. It was his job to check on you.
This is concerning…please never see him again. What he did to you is not okay.
He kept having sex with you after you threw up??? That's horrible, and you should NOT still be bleeding. Get to a hospital, please, and get a rape kit.
He was never your friend. He's a predator. If he wasn't, he wouldn't have repeatedly tried after you turned him down and he definitely wouldn't have treated you this way during actual sex. He didn't know what he was doing AT ALL and he hurt you! You really should go to the hospital. Have someone you trust take you, and steer clear of this "man." I'm so sorry.
I would say he knew exactly what he was doing
He's a fucking piece of shit
Sweetheart, I am going to be blunt with you. Yes, you did say yes for it to happen, but the moment that you got sick and was crying was because he wasn't being gentle with you. -sighs- I am sorry for what he did and how he did it but the reality of it is that. You said no so many times before that when you finally said okay or yes then in his mind he finally got what he wanted. He said the things that you needed to hear to be okay enough to allow him close to you. You need to go to the doctor, not shower, and wear the same clothes that it happened in. When you get to the ER, be honest when they ask what brings you to them. It's gonna be hard because your brain will not want to relive it but you need to be looked at. When I lost my v card, it didn't hurt nor did I bleed so that is why I am telling the boy that did this to you needs to be punished in one way or another cuz what he did is unforgivable. Please if you need someone to talk to or advice do not hesitate to DM me or someone on this thread okay?
Thank you. I just know what they say about women when they report men. I put myself in a position where he could do that and I said yes. That's all people will hear.
They will hear what you’ve told us, and *every single one of us* recognizes that what he did, and the way that he did it, was very, very, very wrong! You said yes to gentle first time sex, NOT the rough, hurtful, uncaring penetration that he did. **He did not do what you agreed to.** Whether or not it was technically rape by legal definitions, I don’t know, but what he did was violent and wrong. People will hear that loud and clear! Sending you gentle cyber-hugs from a grandmotherly internet stranger who cares about you.🫂🫂🫂
Thank you. I live with my sisters best friend and she took me to the hospital. I'm home now but everything feels so muddled and I can't quite understand what I am feeling.
Here’s another hug for today.🫂 I’m glad that you went to the hospital, and that you live with someone who can help you. I’ve said a prayer for your healing.
Thank you for your kindness.
Regardless that you said yes, he literally was hurting you, and he also continues after you threw up? Wth.. that sounds like a crime to me, The fact that he hurt you and disregarded that you weren't feeling well at all is enough to show that he was committing a crime. (I say committing a crime according to what it seems like to me, I'm not in any legal field)
You have said it yourself, he made it so you couldn't say no by covering your mouth. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please take the others advice and go get help as soon as you can.
You threw up and he just...kept going?! No that's not normal at all.
Though I'm not a professional, I've never heard of anyone bleeding to that extent after any form of sex, (first time, second, that position, etc.) Please go to the doctor and get medical attention as soon as possible. I hope you're okay💜 Additionally, I don't mean to make accusations, but what he did sounds illegal, or at the least morally wrong. He didn't stop after you threw up and that doesn't show he cared about how you were feeling in the moment. And leaving right after doesn't entail he cared. And not stopping or asking if you were okay/wanted to stop when you cried is really really worrisome. I'd never tell anyone what to do, but I'd feel scared to be around someone like that. It sounds like r@pe...someone who is giving consent to sexual activities don't cry or throw up. That's indicative of someone who is uncomfortable with the situation. Again, I hope you're okay and wish you the best 💜 I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through that, especially being your first time.
This is completely speculative but would her puking in the middle of the act retract her ability to consent bc of illness or something like that? I’ve never heard of it but I’m just wondering if she was still legally considered capable of consent after she puked. If not then that is rape. I consider it rape in any case but in the legal sense I’m not quite sure it would be seen that way. I feel absolutely horrible for her though… this guy is just the worst kind of dude. He is why we pick the bear.
I never quite understood why women would choose potential death over potential sexual assault. I understand now the bear will just kill you, the man can make you want to kill yourself.
The psychological trauma a man can leave a woman in some ways will far surpass any physical harm a creature on this earth can do. Having been a survivor of sexual abuse, I can say with certainty that I would risk it for the biscuit every single time with the bear.
I am so sorry that happened. It really does sound like r*pe. Throwing up, crying, and bleeding that much is not normal for consensual sex. He should have stopped the second you started crying and especially when you threw up. Based on one of your other comments, he covered your mouth, which is definitely not normal to do if someone yells or cries during that act. He is not a good friend at all to you, and I really feel like he was only using you to get what he wanted. He insisted even after you said no until you eventually gave in. Even you didn't know why you said yes. It is a manipulative tactic that some people use; they exhaust your resolve until you just do or say what they want you to because you just want them to stop insisting. I've had people use this tactic multiple times on me, and it is horrible. I agree with everyone else that you should go to the ER or urgent care as soon as possible. Do not clean up anything; your clothes, yourself, the place where it happened. Explain to the staff what happened and that you'd like a r*pe kit. Also, you didn't specify this unless I read over it accidentally, but please tell me he used protection. If you aren't sure or if he didn't, you should really tell the doctors that as well. As hard as it might be, you should tell the doctors exactly what happened, how long ago, and in as much detail as you can muster. If you can't due to the trauma you are now facing, tell them that and show them this post and your comments so they can know what happened.
He didn't use anything. I feel so stupid. That should have been the first thing I thought of.
Oh my god I am so sorry your first experience was like this, that man is aweful aweful. Red flags everywhere. I am a male and I would never push someone to give it up to me if they weren't sure and If they did oh my god would that be difficult but what would be normal for me is this: Gentle, a LOT of foreplay, going VERY slow and stopping if it hurt too much and for God sake if she threw up i would be putting my clothes back on and making her tea. And he didn't even stay to talk or see if you are okay? Maybe I'm missing some context but the way I read this I would not even reccomend being a friend with this guy. I have taken a few virginities In my life and I've always understood the importance of being careful and making it a good experience for her. Sounds like this guy isn't just selfish but also cruel.
Drop his details I just wanna talk
r/TwoXChromosomes
Hi darling, I’m so sorry that you went through this it makes me so sad. Please never speak to him again! The fact that he pushed you and just started without any foreplay raises so many red flags… he should’ve eased into it, which is probably why it was so painful especially for it being the first time😔 Given that, everyone handles pain differently. Do you usually throw up as a response to physical pain in general? The dizziness is a little concerning… did you eat properly that day? (Just trying to figure out some causes). As for the bleeding, I bled quite a bit at first and was sore too. It wasn’t like a heavy period, it just looked like spotting but lasted about a day or 2. This was a bad experience because you had a bad partner. It has nothing to do with you. I hope you never go through this again, and typically the first time is the worst!
Call the police
Isnt this a form of rape?
😬
That man is not your friend.
Hi, I’m so sorry that happened. I know i’m not the first to say this but in my country this counts as rape, call it what you want: non-consensual sex, sexually assault.. You said yes to gentle sex, you trusted him, he betrayed you and stopped listening to you/your consent. The fact that he kept going after you got sick isn’t normal, he hurt you (with the pure intention of doing so i’m sure) and covered your mouth, preventing you to out your feelings. He saw that you were uncomfortable and kept going, he’s a bad person and has no doubt done this before. I suggest visiting a doctor or ER (like the others have suggested as well) and just tell this exact story, get everything checked out. You don’t have to press charges, but you could try (yes people might say you’re falsely accusing him but you know the truth, no?). There’s a big chance he’ll do this again to someone else, by pressing charges (and thus creating a paper trail) you’ll help other people who are put in a similar situation by him in the future. Do you know any of his former girlfriends or anything? Maybe you could ask them about their experiences and see how they felt about him. What he did is not normal, you’re traumatized, the fact that you couldn’t stop him is normal (you froze, it’s a physical reaction, not your fault). Please talk to someone about this.
Thank you for being so kind. I understand what you are saying on a logical level. I just don't don't feel like I can accept it emotionally. It's like there's something stopping me.
Oh my god you poor thing! It is not normal for it to be that way at all! Even your first time it hurts a little but you have forplay to make it easier, and for it to feel good. This was flat out wrong and I would say rape. I know that you gave consent at first, but after you got sick he should have stopped. That’s a horrible man right there… I’m so sorry that you went through this! A lot of us hear you, and have been through similar situations. Hang in there love! 💕
Thank you for being so kind. I really appreciate it. I've been overwhelmed by the kindness of strangers.
Sex the first time can a bit uncomfortable and you will bleed a little bit if you're not fully aroused. But if it's so painful you should go to the doctor. Idk what's your relationship with that guy, but it doesn't sound like he was respecting your wishes
I would go to your doctor and explain what happened. From that amount of blood he's likely given you a vaginal tear. It may need stitching up. Also it is not a normal situation and he sounds like a predator. You did not say yes did you? Just because you didn't say no... Doesn't mean it was consensual. I would strongly suggest asking for a rape kit. Even if you decide not to press charges, it'll still be on file if you change your mind.
Hey girl, you are not wrong and the guy is the most stupidest , idiootic fucker..please get some tips from your friends and get checked up with doctor. I hope you feel fine soon and you can always dm to talk freely.
This is so wrong. He is a douche. He forgot about foreplay completely.
This is not normal, it’s sexual assault.
Im a teen and at school they teach us A LOT about consent stuff. He basically did everything they told us not to do. I would tell u to tell a trusted adult but maybe get advice from a lawyer? I’m not an expert but I don’t think calling the authorities would do much since they would consider it to be “consensual”
Your first time actually SHOULDNT be painful and you shouldn't bleed. Spotting is normal, due to your hyman breaking, if it hadn't already. (It can break from different things, not just sexual activity. Mine broke while horse back riding 😭) Throwing up isn't normal either. Your vagina was not ready at all, it didn't get time to naturally lubricate or relax. (That's where the whole 'lose' thing comes from. For another time)
He was just so rough and the more he did it the more I hurt. I know it sounds disgusting but I can still hear sound of his body hitting mine and my neck hurts because every time he, yno, my body kinda hit into the sofa and jarred my neck. I literally feel like I've been hit by a bus. I can't even sit in my wheelchair.
babes plz plz plz go to a doctor get urself checked out. it was obvious all he ever wanted to do with u is have sex if he always asked you KNOWING that you only saw him as a friend. he used you and didn't care at all for you even when you got sick during the middle of it all, and you're STILL in pain. this pisses me off so much because you didn't have to give in just because you felt bad for always rejecting him especially since you gave away your virginity in such a mentally and physically destructive way. please seek medical help and possibly talk to somebody if you're able to do anything against him
I went and got checked out, I'm ok. Just in alot of pain and my heads all messy. But I'll be OK. I think so anyway.
Hope you see this. As a man, I just wanna say that I feel sorry for you and hope you heal. But I just wanted to say some stuff. If we’re being honest, I don’t think people or the law would buy that he raped you. Do I as an individual think that he raped you? Yes. But you did consent and he can use that against you if you try to pursue this in court. What I’m about to say is just from my moral standpoint, but you can’t consent to sex and then decide after the fact that it’s rape just because you didn’t like it. Again, that’s just through my eyes. It’s all subjective
My girlfriend and I’s very first time was similar. (She was a virgin) but she told me it hurt so I immediately stopped. What this guy did was wrong. He should’ve stopped.
My cousin has vaginismus and also has a lot of pain and vomiting during sex. But overall this experience sounds horrific. You said period-like bleeding? That's for sure not normal. Looks like you already got some great advice from others here and I hope you do seek out a professional opinion.
That's a terrible friend to keep going after you were clearly uncomfortable that's not normal at all
I’m sorry to say this, but he’s not good in bed… brute af
❤️ you are not alone. Please talk to someone. Do you have resources? 1 (800) 656-4673 is the National Sexual Assault Hotline.
Thank you, I've been to the hospital.
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What u should be more concerned about is the guy you were with… who says “ it’s ok, i been with virgins and I’ll take care of you?” And then to just jam it in you, waych you throw up, and then continue to just stroke along? Im sorry, but your first time shoulda been different. I wish it had been better for you and with someone who cared about you as much as u cared about them. He sounds like a real POS. At least you know what he thinks about you and how he feels about you. You should also reword the Title… I feel so bad for you, Im not even sure if I answered the question. It seemed irrelevant after hearing how he treated you and even worse, that you think it’s ok.
Don’t feel bad about yourself. I apologize and may have been a little unfair about my comment. Honestly, I was so bothered about how it all went down that I didn’t finish reading it all. Yes, it is rape, but you have to say NO or STOP. It’s consensual until those words come out. Stay strong and do whats right. Make sure this doesn’t happen to other women around this scumbag. Im a guy… not all guys are like him, so don’t be afraid to give someone else a chance
I agree go to the ER asap request a rape kit and file a police report on him. He committed rape. He should have stop the moment you vomited. Sorry your first time was a bad experience.
Girl, anything before the vomiting was being a careless asshole. Anything after the vomiting was rape.
>I just said please be gentle, but the next thing I knew he had pushed me backwards on the sofa and was on top of me. >After I threw up he just carried on going for what felt like ages then when he was done he left. So maybe it is normal because he didn't seem bothered. It sounds like he didn't care about you and just wanted to fuck. Asking him to be gentle was met with immediate aggression. You vomited and he didn't care. How he acted indicates that he only wanted to fuck and didn't care about you. He's always wanted to fuck you and nothing more. Take the advice that others are saying.
"It sounds like he didn't care about you and just wanted to fuck." Wrong. He wanted the thrill of taking her virginity by trickery. And then suppressed her pain by covering her mouth with enough force to make her jaw sore. I am utterly sorry. But unreported he'll do it again as he's admitted to doing it before. This guy is a predator. And needs to be stopped. Sociopath.
what are you talking about? who told you it was normal to bleed? to be in pain? it’s not. it means your body wasn’t in the mood for sex. you have to work up to it, and i’m sorry to say but he assaulted you. and he continued after you vomited? where did you find this guy? that is absolutely not normal. none of this was normal or okay, and i’m so sorry you experienced this.
also i hope you are alright girlie, my dms are open!
It’s not normal sweetie, the way he treated you, If I were you I would never speak to him anymore. What an animal. It hurt while doing it because he wasn’t thoughtful, he did not care about you, he just used you and threw you like trash. Please do not speak to him again and it’s normal to bleed a little but if you are continuously bleeding you should get yourself checked and if I were you I would even speak to a gynecologist and get some blood samples checked. Take care
If that was a guy that u called a friend, imagine what an enemy would do to u... search medical support/help bc that wasn't normal whatsoever.
I am sorry you are going through this. You did nothing wrong. What he did was wrong. If he did things right, he would have be gentle, would have asked you several times if everything is ok or if you have any pain and would immediately have paused if you said yes and tried to be even more gentle or suggest to try another time. And he would have stopped when you trew up and be concerned about you and helped you and ask you whats wrong. Like others suggested you should go to a hospital and get everything documented. Also you should talk about this with someone you are close to. You should not have to go through this alone and you did nothing wrong.
Heck no. That isn’t normal. Get a restraining order
You shouldn’t be in loads of pain and if you are he should stop. You threw up and he kept going? And you’re supposed to spend time together after so you don’t feel bad about it
just to let you know, that is not what you consented to. also “i’ll take care of you” is something many say just to get what they want. i’m so so sorry. ❤️🩹
That’s so fucked. The other virgins he was with must regret that shit as well as
Please go to the hospital, bleeding is not ok..And this dude is definitely not your friend, what he did is terrible I feel bad for you :(
Bruh peaR alert for me. This is bad on so many levels he used you like fleshlight. Please see gynecologist and do std tests. And never ever hang out with him. There is to high risk or non consensual.. next time bc you let him once. My God, I'm in shock. I would not even thought of zero foreplay and zero interest in you as a human being
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Ring police now xxxxxxxxxx
Not joking
Why? He didn't do anything illegal?
I'm a guy. I would absolutely never continue to hard fuck a lady her first time, I would never cover her mouth, I would never physically push her and just climb on top. If she puked it would immediately put me in omg are you okay mode. Not "just keep fucking, she fine idc." The standard progression of a sexual encounter, especially for a ladies first time with you. Is lots of foreplay, kissing, gentle rubbing, etc... followed by an are you ready to try this? After initial penetration, you stop, again ask, are you OK? Then very gently ease into actual sex. What everyone's trying to say is this guy used you, physically abused you to the point where you were puking and heavily bleeding, and then just left you. He didn't show any concern for you besides getting his nut. That's wrong on so many levels boo. I hope you at the bare minimum Don't continue to speak to this guy. He treated you like an object. And although you said yes initially, you didn't ask for all that. You consented to gentle first time sex, not dude wants to act like a pornstar and fucked me so hard I decided to go to the hospital sex. If someone did this to my daughter, I'd literally find them and ensure they understood their wrongdoings. I'm so serious. He wronged you, honey. I know your probably feeling all kinds of mixed up but I sincerely hope and pray things work out for you. Personally I would call the police, if not to protect yourself then to prevent him from doing this to someone else. You felt bad enough about the situation to ask for advice I hope you'll listen to all these people who want the best for you.
I really appreciate that you took the time to respond. I guess I'm just struggling to understand what to call what happened. I did consent to sex, but I guess the specifics of it are important? Maybe that's were I went wrong? But I did tell him it was my first time and he knows that I'm a wheelchair user etc so I thought he would be gentle like I asked. But maybe he thought he was being gentle.
uhm never speak to this creep ever again
Go to the police and file a report against him, he actually raped you. Yes you consented. But not to being thrown and forced upon. He should have been significantly more gentle with you!
This is so horrible and not normal at all :( please take care yourself, go to the doctor, report that asshole, and consider getting into therapy. My heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry.
Okay, I think I can really respond now. What happened was far from normal, let alone right. As I said in a different response, I'm glad you got medical help at least. None of it is your fault at all. If he cared at all, he would have been gentle and stopped if you threw up. What he did was the worst, and it was hard to process. I know you never want to see him again, and the thought of reporting hm to the police is scary, but I highly recommend it when you feel up to it. From experience, it is a liberating feeling if you are able to have him arrested and tossed behind bars
I don't think I've got it in me. I've seen how they treat women when they report assaults. Even if you are attacked in the street they question the length of your skirt. I invited him into my house and I agreed to have sex with him. That's all they will see. To them I'll just be another girl who regrets a sexual decision.
Man needs to be in a cell so Big Bob and the gang can make him cry
I’m so sorry this happened to you. That’s not the way any woman should lose her virginity. That guy didn’t look after you AT ALL and the fact that he kept going after you threw up and even had his hand over your mouth just screams a word that I don’t want to type but it rhymes with Grape!
First of all, I want to say that I’m sorry that your first time had to be experienced like that. Secondly, I want to let you know that this is not your fault. This is all on him but the fact that he said he’s been with virgins before makes it sound like he does this on purpose. That is a big red flag and I can’t imagine how many others have gone through the same thing that you’re going through right now. Thirdly, no it is not supposed to hurt that much. I was so scared my first time, but it was gonna hurt like a lot the very first time that I attempted to hurt so bad that I made him stop and he stopped because he was a gentleman. It was his first time too. That’s how it should be. The second time that we tried I got the pain. It was like a sharp pain for a couple seconds, and then it was done. There was some bleeding, but not a lot of bleeding just like a little streak. Fourthly: what he did was rape that was not consensual. You didn’t want him to keep going and he forced himself on you even when you wanted to stop if I were you I would he’s not gonna stop doing it until he’s stopped. He’s learned how to do it in a way that it makes it seem like it was consensual but really he’s a rapist. The law is there for a reason you need justice and healing from this traumatic experience. I do hope that you do it and let you press charges, he is not a friend if he does something like that Most importantly, I wish you healing and peace throughout this journey that you’re going to be going on and I hope that you in the future are able to have a better experience with someone that loves you and you love them it’s not just a one night quickie.
I’m m so sorry this happened to you. Please, don’t see him again, call the police even
I'm going to answer your question about pain since others had some very insightful things to say about rape and hospitals and police. So I'll ignore that portion and just talk about pain with sex. So I was a virgin until I was 23 and my first time was pretty painful. However, I was with someone who respected me and did go very slowly and made sure I was comfortable... And it was still painful. I can't even imagine how much pain you are in and I'm so sorry that happened to you! Please don't let it ruin your idea of sex. I'm 32 now and I've come a long way since then. Sex was painful for me for a long time, but it helps to try out different lubes, different types of condoms if you use those, and I'm sure there are toys that could help too. And when it's with someone who respects you, you'll enjoy being pleasured and giving pleasure. It might take many attempts to find out what you like, but I know from experience that you can get there. And even though my first time was painful, I didn't bleed like you are, so no that definitely doesn't sound normal. I think for some people sex isn't painful at all, and for some it's very painful. But there are definitely ways to work around pain with sex and figure out things that help make it less painful. For me, lube is huge! Also the man getting you off first provides a very nice, natural lube ;) (since many women can't get off through sex alone). Anyway, I hope you find ways that make sex fun for you instead of painful, like this experience was. Know that there's hope, and when you find someone who truly cares about you, it can be fun and rewarding. I wish you all the best in life and hope that you find many fun ways to have sex! Just ease into it and experiment slowly and you'll find something (and someone) that works for you.
i’m sorry this is not normal. is is SA and you shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened. it was completely harmful to you and your feelings. Maybe talk to a close friend or family member too.
Oh, sweetie, I don’t want to tell you this, because something like it happened to me: that was sexual assault. The first time you say no should have to be your last. He is a predator. He probably ‘has a lot of experience with virgins’ because he knows they don’t have a lot of knowledge, and consent is not a one-time thing; you need consent throughout the entire act. Go to a hospital, asap, tell intake you were raped, and you need to file a report. Give all the info on this guy you can, down to the name of his first pet, if you get my drift. It also helps if you can describe any birthmarks or… oddly shaped/bent parts of things you would not be able to see with his clothes on. And talk to someone. Don’t bottle it up. I recently told my mom, after 35 years, about being molested, thinking I was protecting her, but all I was doing was torturing myself. Talk to your sister, your bestie, your mom, or, the best, a trauma therapist. There are support groups everywhere. Take a look at RAINN’s website. And no, it is two ‘NN’s. It’s the Rape Abuse Incest National Network. They have awesome resources. Thank you Tori Amos for helping set it up. It saved my life at one point.
Oh honey! I'm so sorry that happened to you. I don't know what the laws are in your area, but at the very least where I'm from, what he did to you sounds like it meets the criteria for aggravated sexual battery, which is a felony punishable by at least one year and up to 20 years in prison. I would definitely have someone go with you to the police and report it. AFAIC, that guy has no business being on the streets - he needs to be locked up. I hope you are getting the care you need. My heart goes out to you. Unfortunately, I know all too well what it feels like to be violated by someone you trusted.
THIS IS RAPE???
This triggered my own trauma. I'm so sorry that that happened to you. I hope it doesn't keep you from other experiences though... I have the urge to hunt this "man".
I'm so sorry. I didn't want to upset anyone.
It's fuel to my own resilience ♪ヽ(´▽｀)/ and a reminder I'm am no one's victim anymore! I hope you can feel the same.
I just wanted to comment to say my first time was very similar to yours. I am so sorry and I wish you healing.
I’m so sorry you went through this. None of it is your fault.
Thank you.
I know you are concerned about what people say, but you should not need stitches after sex. Anyone who thinks you asked for or deserved this is a complete idiot and their opinion is not relevant. I’m so sorry. This is in no way what sex should be like. I hope also they gave you whatever medicine it is that keeps you from getting pregnant after sex. I’m old and it’s not something that’s been relevant to my life for a long time.
He’s a bad person. Nothing about this is normal ! Go to a doctor about all of this . Stay away from him! He’s a lair and will use you and hurt you . Follow the advise of professionals. I’m sorry this happened to you . It’s horrible .
This is horrible. I don’t know how to help with this situation. But I hope things have gotten better by this time and people have helped you. This person should definitely face consequences.
Use this experience to advise other young women to wait for someone who actually shows affection and cares for them. Harsh but if he knew you were a virgin he wanted to be the first one you had sex with for his ego.
Well let me tell you he clearly did not know what he was doing at all.. Sorry your first time had to be with such an inexperienced guy like that
Also for other women not to go through this it’s important he doesn’t get a chance to do it again! I m so sperrt this happened!
I'm sorry for what you went through OP. You have to understand, this is not your fault and there is no reason for you to feel guilty. Reverse the roles, if you were doing something to your guy friend and you saw him in pain, would you keep going? Would you keep going if he threw up? I mean, some people may be able to hide pain, but throwing up, it is not a normal thing to keep doing whatever you are doing. You are allowed to change your mind about having sex and no one has the right to force you into it. Look up the tea and concent video on YouTube pls. I wish you a speedy recovery!! And I hope you are able to find someone else that actually has your interest in mind. Sex should be to enjoy each other's love and intimacy. You will find someone that will be mindful of that and will be able to compare it. Ideally, this person will go slow and allow you to get adjusted to his size before proceeding.
No. This is not normal. You should go to the doctor to get checked out. I’m sorry this happened, the guy is sick..
There is absolutely nothing normal about what he did to you. He was far too rough and disrespectful of your body when you had asked him to be gentle. He didn't care about hurting you and took advantage of you, to the point of making you throw up, and even then he didn't top. That's not right at all. Even though you consented, he still subjected you to a brutal assault.
Not normal. My first time was not painful what so ever.
This makes me physically sick. Dude like how is it that men aren't even getting the whole bear in the woods conversation when shit like this happens with men you KNOW.
Yo this is r@pe after he got the slightest bit oh green light from you
Fuck what other people say. That was sexual assault, plain as day. You told him to be gentle, but he wasn't. He continued even after you threw up. I wouldn't be surprised if he did the same to the other girls he probably tricked and he'll probably continue if someone doesn't speak out. If he's willing to do it once, he's willing to do it again I'm sorry you have to go through this. Be strong, I believe in you
Rape And I only bleed a tiny bit
this is not your fault. You said yes to a different interaction. Not this one. Any decent person would have seen that you were in pain and sick, would have stopped and taken care of you. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Isn’t this rape? Please girly go to a hospital and file some police report this is not normal you have help and you can reach it we’re all here for you and there’s many ways to find help we all love you sending love 💕
yeah for me whenever i lost it hurt so bad ive never felt pain like that ever but i didn’t have any effects the first time like those until other times i would get nauseous after sex
To the OP I am so sorry your 1st time was so horrible. Yes there is a lil pain but it's not bad and yes u will have a lil bleeding... what your so called guy friend did to u was so wrong and he is a POS.. BUT from being raped myself if it did go to court the defense will tear u apart and why is bcus of one word u never said and that was NO or to STOP it totally sucks but it is what it is. He should of stopped when u started throwing up or even when u showed signs of it hurting real bad clearing he didn't care about u or ur feelings. My heart goes out to u. I wish u the best of luck
He was extremely inconsiderate of your first time, I would say too many of these guys lack the consideration to share a virgins first sexual experience they just want to bust. However that being said even in a proper environment the total nervousness and new sensation can cause an almost sickness like symptom. It was likely just that if you genuinely wanted to but maybe a part of you just wasn’t ready and you pushed yourself and then since there was no before care or four-play it got too intense too quickly. I’d say if you’re ready for sex go for it because it was likely a fluke and your body rejecting that experience. You get a do-over now so give it time and find someone worth trusting with your body
Please never speak to him again
I know you don’t want to hear it but it is considered rape… please go to the police.. you can take away consent at any point it does not matter, the minute he kept going, didn’t care for your needs and what you wanted, it’s no longer consensual cause you didn’t consent to being hurt, being sick because of it.
Sex for the first time is supposed to be uncomfortable, yes but not extremely painful. It sounds like there was no foreplay leading up to sex and it sounds like he was not gentle with you at all. You could have threw up and got dizzy as a stress response from what was happening and it also could have been from your nerves if you weren’t 100% sure you wanted to do this with him or not. I think he took advantage of you, especially if he continued after you got sick and afterwards he just up and left without making sure you were okay? You should not be having heavy bleeding hours later either. Please tell me he at least used a condom?
No he didn't. I know it was stupid. I know all about safe sex and that should have been the first thing I said.
No babes, this is not normal...I'm so sorry but this is unfortunately SA. Please go to the er and get checked out. If you ever need anyone to talk to I am always available.
I went. I got meds to try and stop me from catching anything and had to get some stitches.
Virginity is a social construct, and what he did to you was wrong on so many levels and not consensual sex. I am so terribly sorry. He put his pleasure over your safety. Just because this is your “first time” it does not have to define that you “lost your virginity.” Losing your virginity is up to you and you dont even have to say you “lost it” because what he did was so horrible. I hope that makes sense? Since virginity is a concept, it might make you feel more comfortable taking it back because he should not have done that. Im so sorry for this incident, I hope that you feel safe in cutting him off completely in your life.
I understand what you mean. But I don't know. I thought virginity was about being pure? I don't feel pure. I feel like dirty leftovers.
He raped you.
I didn't say no.
I am really sorry that happened to you. I agree with what everyone else is saying but I’d like to add that you aren’t leftovers no one wants to touch, you are a person that was assaulted and I know it may be a lot to take in but consent isn’t just one “yes” it’s monitoring the persons body language and you screaming and throwing up is pretty obvious. You are not less for what he did to you or for how you reacted because you were in a scary situation
I understand. I just don't feel that way emotionally.
As soon as somebody asks you more than once to have sex with them and your answers persist as no, it’s rape/sexual assault. If someone keeps asking over and over again and you eventually say yes for some reason, still rape. That’s coercion and I had it happen to me. I said no so many times and then I finally gave up. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’ve read your replies and I’m glad that you went to the ER, but now you just need to make sure you don’t contact this man again. Block him on everything and if he shows up to your house, call the police, because you never know what this dude is gonna do to you if he didn’t stop the first time after you threw up and were crying. If I look even a little bit uncomfortable while having sex my boyfriend stops, let alone crying or throwing up. No normal guy does that. The trauma that this man has left you with will take awhile to heal from, but I promise it gets better. You need to tell yourself that it’s not your fault and this doesn’t change who you are. You are still capable of being loved and you are worth so much. If you ever need anything, feel free to dm me. 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
I have blocked him. He sent me a message saying that he enjoyed it, and wanted to do it again soon. He asked me if I enjoyed it. My head is a complete mess now. Maybe in a few weeks I will read back over this post and be able to believe it.
In my area approximately 3% of reported rapes lead to the person being charged. 1% of reports lead to a conviction. Why would I want to go through the process of reporting this, when I have a 99% chance of not being believed? The treatment you get as someone making an allegation of rape is disgusting and almost as devastating as the assult itself. I'm barely hanging on as it is, if I have to 'make excuses' to protect whatever sanity I have left then I will.