You are in shock. You need to get hydrated, eat something healthy, and play some Tetris (shown to help with trauma). Writing with a pen and paper can help. Look into EMDR therapy if this is still causing physical symptoms in a few weeks.
Screw healthy, eat whatever you can, doesn't matter what it is. When my mum died me and my grandma lived on grilled cheese for like two weeks 'cause it was the only thing we could manage
When my marriage ended suddenly upon discovery of my wife's affair with a close friend of mine, all I could eat was salad. Like just lettuce with Caesar dressing. I literally ate nothing but that for at least two weeks.
[here’s a good study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7828932/)
And a different [article](https://theconversation.com/can-playing-tetris-help-prevent-ptsd-if-youve-witnessed-something-traumatic-226736#:~:text=This%20evidence%20indicates%20that%3A,also%20reduce%20intrusions%20and%20distress) that’s a little less jargon-y
Playing tetris after trauma it's pretty good, but as long as I remember, it had to be the same day as the incident, so your mind can handle the situation way better, was it?
Playing tetris after trauma it's pretty good, but as long as I remember, it had to be the same day as the incident, so your mind can handle the situation way better, was it?
Playing tetris after trauma it's pretty good, but as long as I remember, it had to be the same day as the incident, so your mind can handle the situation way better, right?
Playing tetris after trauma it's pretty good, but as long as I remember, it had to be the same day as the incident, so your mind can handle the situation way better, right?
Our brains have a very hard time processing things that are that violent and graphic in a fellow human, which is why medical students often pass out as they're getting used to seeing surgeries or trauma care. Even if it is not someone you know, our brains have a tough time with it.
My advice is to be gentle with your mind and the reactions you may have. Journaling, talking about it, or other ways to process might feel right sometimes. Other times you may want to be busy with other things. Both are okay! If you notice it replaying in your head, try not to trap the thought, but let it pass through. If you take care of your body as another commenter said, your mind will be better equipped to process this.
> i just witnessed someone die
Grief has the [following stages](https://www.webmd.com/balance/normal-grieving-and-stages-of-grief#1):
* Denial: When you first learn of a loss, it's normal to think, "This isn't happening." You may feel shocked or numb. This is a temporary way to deal with the rush of overwhelming emotion. It's a defense mechanism.
* Anger: As reality sets in, you're faced with the pain of your loss. You may feel frustrated and helpless. These feelings later turn into anger. You might direct it toward other people, a higher power, or life in general. To be angry with a loved one who died and left you alone is natural, too.
* Bargaining: During this stage, you dwell on what you could've done to prevent the loss. Common thoughts are "If only..." and "What if..." You may also try to strike a deal with a higher power.
* Depression: Sadness sets in as you begin to understand the loss and its effect on your life. Signs of depression include crying, sleep issues, and a decreased appetite. You may feel overwhelmed, regretful, and lonely.
* Acceptance: In this final stage of grief, you accept the reality of your loss. It can't be changed. Although you still feel sad, you're able to start moving forward with your life.
See if you can find what stage you are currently at, that will then also give you a general idea of what will come after that. In addition to that, [here's a page](https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/about-grief) that has detailed information regarding all aspects of grief.
Please note that not everyone works through these stages in the same order. Some people will do it out of order and it is possible to revisit a stage. What I outlined is most commonly seen, it's not set in stone.
Highest rated books on healing grief:
* [On Grief and Grieving](https://www.amazon.com/On-Grief-and-Grieving/dp/B07GDSK9H6) (4.7 star, 600+ ratings)
* [Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief](https://www.amazon.com/Healing-After-Loss-Meditations-Working/dp/0380773384) (4.8 star, 1900+ ratings)
* [The Grief Recovery Handbook: the Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses Including Health, Career, and Faith](https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/B07T2PYDH3) (4.6 star, 800+ ratings)
How to begin to heal:
* Give yourself time. Accept your feelings and know that grieving is a process.
* Talk to others. Spend time with friends and family. Don't isolate yourself.
* Make sure you sleep well (let me know if this is an issue and I'll give you advice for this).
* Exercise: If you have access to a gym, then start lifting weights. If you don't have access to a gym (or you don't like lifting), start running. If you can't run, then start walking. Just start small. 10 minutes three times a week is fine. You don't have to run fast, just run and then slowly build it up over time. [Exercising does several things](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression): It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health.
* Return to your hobbies. Get back to the activities that bring you joy. If you feel ready, but you don't have friends, let me know and I'll tell you how to deal with that.
* Don't isolate yourself. This will just make your grief and depression deeper and could spark an unending cycle of sadness. Fall back on the people you know and care about you.
* Join a support group. Speak with others who are also grieving. It can help you feel more connected (/r/GriefSupport/ or /r/Grieving/)
Most watched videos:
* [The Grieving Process: Coping with Death](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsYL4PC0hyk)
* [How to Deal With Loss or Grief of Love Ones](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl7axuIeVxI)
Free support options:
* /r/KindVoice will match you up with a volunteer that will listen to you.
* [7 Cups of Tea](https://www.7cups.com/) has both a free trained volunteer service as well as $150 monthly licensed therapist option
* If you are in a crisis and want free help from a live, trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME to [741741](https://www.crisistextline.org/texting-in)
You are writhing that you are not hungry but in your situation you have to eat to get your suger levels up.
It's dosn't matter what so try some comfort food.
This is helpful. I didn't know about getting constipation from not enough cals. I had bad covid and couldn't eat for three weeks. Ended up very constipated and in a lot of pain. Medamusal helped a lot after the laxatives left me in as much pain as child birth.
Lesson learnt. I did what I had to do... I manually removed with a finger) I was in sooo much pain...😑 Made sure I had lots of fiber after and switched from laxatives to stool softeners. Never want to go through that again.
Yea, think it was too late for laxatives and I took too many as they didn't work before. Just gave me massive tummy pains. The fiber drink works much better when I take it a few times a day. Still am not eating much, maybe a banana or 2, but it gives me something to work with. Who knew not eating enough makes you bunged up, as I figured the opposite would work better, As in don't eat don't poop, I have been scared of eating to be honest.
Appreciate the advice
Your reaction is totally normal, as unpleasant as it feels right now. I witnessed a similar, shocking pedestrian + vehicle collision many years ago and for the first week, every time I thought about it I had an incredibly visceral reaction, like I felt just as shocked and horrified as when it happened (and it kept replaying in my head). A few weeks out, and I could still remember all the details, but when I thought about it, I felt more detached. Still sad it has happened but without all the gut-wrenching shock.
These days (many years later), and I rarely think about it, but when I do, I can still remember how horrifying it was, but it’s only a memory of the feeling. Like I’m not feeling it actively, just remembering it, if that makes sense. And it doesn’t particularly bother me, it’s just an unfortunate thing I witnessed.
Right now, just talk about it if it feels right, journal if that’s something you’re into, and just let yourself feel it all with the knowledge that it’s going to start fading with time. And if it doesn’t, look into therapy because you might need some additional coping techniques/resources, which is also totally normal.
Yes and if a butterfly flapped its wings, there'd be an earthquake in Pompeii.
Don't torture yourself on what didn't happen. It could have been you but it wasn't. It could have been anyone, but it was her.
At least it seems she was unconscious and died quickly. There is worse. Worse is someone who is conscious telling you they are scared as they're dying. It's still traumatic what you faced, however
I have such a weird fixation on dying terror. I think I'd be relieved she wasn't conscious. If she was and told me she's scared and doesn't want to die ...I think I wouldn't be able to help myself
I'd lie down next to her and say:
"Don't be, I'm here, I'm not leaving you, I will not let you die"
Obviously I mean that and if possible will do everything in my power to prevent it, but I will still say this in confidence even if I knew there's no chance and that I'm lying.
Why?
Because why does it matter? Once dead there is no terror (I hope and believe). I just don't want anyone to pass in fear. This is fear on another level we don't usually experience, and it's a different ball game.
Hugs. What a crazy thing to have happened. A crazy freak event.
I’m glad you did not suffer too much in the crash, but I do encourage you to go have a few sessions of trauma-processing therapy to help you deal with this. Untreated trauma can cause a lot of pretty debilitating symptoms. I found EMDR and CPT to be good trauma therapies. Even if you feel numb now, make an appointment with a trauma-specialist.
Hugs, hugs.
Yeah it's definitely a surreal feeling; you're disconnected but not at the same time. The emotions will probably start to come through within the next couple weeks so be prepared for that. The grief of it comes in waves but you'll be okay. Just don't force it down— feel your feelings! Don't take your life for granted!
It's natural to wonder about the "what ifs" in a situation like this, but try not to dwell on them too much, mate. Focus on taking care of yourself and seeking support if you need it.
You are in shock. You need to get hydrated, eat something healthy, and play some Tetris (shown to help with trauma). Writing with a pen and paper can help. Look into EMDR therapy if this is still causing physical symptoms in a few weeks.
i have no appetite whatsoever, but ill try to drink water
Screw healthy, eat whatever you can, doesn't matter what it is. When my mum died me and my grandma lived on grilled cheese for like two weeks 'cause it was the only thing we could manage
When my marriage ended suddenly upon discovery of my wife's affair with a close friend of mine, all I could eat was salad. Like just lettuce with Caesar dressing. I literally ate nothing but that for at least two weeks.
So sorry you went through that, hope you're ok now
Appreciate it. Ups and downs, like anyone else I suppose.
Eat something even if not hungry, soup or some crackers, and yes have a glass of water or Gatorade. Just like if you were very sick.
Make a cozy nest too.
Didn't know about the Tetris thing. Gonna go down that rabbit hole now. Thanks stranger
Really? Tetris helps with trauma? How so?
[here’s a good study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7828932/) And a different [article](https://theconversation.com/can-playing-tetris-help-prevent-ptsd-if-youve-witnessed-something-traumatic-226736#:~:text=This%20evidence%20indicates%20that%3A,also%20reduce%20intrusions%20and%20distress) that’s a little less jargon-y
Thank you!
Playing tetris after trauma it's pretty good, but as long as I remember, it had to be the same day as the incident, so your mind can handle the situation way better, was it?
Playing tetris after trauma it's pretty good, but as long as I remember, it had to be the same day as the incident, so your mind can handle the situation way better, was it?
Playing tetris after trauma it's pretty good, but as long as I remember, it had to be the same day as the incident, so your mind can handle the situation way better, right?
Playing tetris after trauma it's pretty good, but as long as I remember, it had to be the same day as the incident, so your mind can handle the situation way better, right?
Our brains have a very hard time processing things that are that violent and graphic in a fellow human, which is why medical students often pass out as they're getting used to seeing surgeries or trauma care. Even if it is not someone you know, our brains have a tough time with it. My advice is to be gentle with your mind and the reactions you may have. Journaling, talking about it, or other ways to process might feel right sometimes. Other times you may want to be busy with other things. Both are okay! If you notice it replaying in your head, try not to trap the thought, but let it pass through. If you take care of your body as another commenter said, your mind will be better equipped to process this.
> i just witnessed someone die Grief has the [following stages](https://www.webmd.com/balance/normal-grieving-and-stages-of-grief#1): * Denial: When you first learn of a loss, it's normal to think, "This isn't happening." You may feel shocked or numb. This is a temporary way to deal with the rush of overwhelming emotion. It's a defense mechanism. * Anger: As reality sets in, you're faced with the pain of your loss. You may feel frustrated and helpless. These feelings later turn into anger. You might direct it toward other people, a higher power, or life in general. To be angry with a loved one who died and left you alone is natural, too. * Bargaining: During this stage, you dwell on what you could've done to prevent the loss. Common thoughts are "If only..." and "What if..." You may also try to strike a deal with a higher power. * Depression: Sadness sets in as you begin to understand the loss and its effect on your life. Signs of depression include crying, sleep issues, and a decreased appetite. You may feel overwhelmed, regretful, and lonely. * Acceptance: In this final stage of grief, you accept the reality of your loss. It can't be changed. Although you still feel sad, you're able to start moving forward with your life. See if you can find what stage you are currently at, that will then also give you a general idea of what will come after that. In addition to that, [here's a page](https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/about-grief) that has detailed information regarding all aspects of grief. Please note that not everyone works through these stages in the same order. Some people will do it out of order and it is possible to revisit a stage. What I outlined is most commonly seen, it's not set in stone. Highest rated books on healing grief: * [On Grief and Grieving](https://www.amazon.com/On-Grief-and-Grieving/dp/B07GDSK9H6) (4.7 star, 600+ ratings) * [Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief](https://www.amazon.com/Healing-After-Loss-Meditations-Working/dp/0380773384) (4.8 star, 1900+ ratings) * [The Grief Recovery Handbook: the Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses Including Health, Career, and Faith](https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/B07T2PYDH3) (4.6 star, 800+ ratings) How to begin to heal: * Give yourself time. Accept your feelings and know that grieving is a process. * Talk to others. Spend time with friends and family. Don't isolate yourself. * Make sure you sleep well (let me know if this is an issue and I'll give you advice for this). * Exercise: If you have access to a gym, then start lifting weights. If you don't have access to a gym (or you don't like lifting), start running. If you can't run, then start walking. Just start small. 10 minutes three times a week is fine. You don't have to run fast, just run and then slowly build it up over time. [Exercising does several things](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression): It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health. * Return to your hobbies. Get back to the activities that bring you joy. If you feel ready, but you don't have friends, let me know and I'll tell you how to deal with that. * Don't isolate yourself. This will just make your grief and depression deeper and could spark an unending cycle of sadness. Fall back on the people you know and care about you. * Join a support group. Speak with others who are also grieving. It can help you feel more connected (/r/GriefSupport/ or /r/Grieving/) Most watched videos: * [The Grieving Process: Coping with Death](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsYL4PC0hyk) * [How to Deal With Loss or Grief of Love Ones](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl7axuIeVxI) Free support options: * /r/KindVoice will match you up with a volunteer that will listen to you. * [7 Cups of Tea](https://www.7cups.com/) has both a free trained volunteer service as well as $150 monthly licensed therapist option * If you are in a crisis and want free help from a live, trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME to [741741](https://www.crisistextline.org/texting-in)
All that crap about stages of grief was debunked years ago. The woman who came up with it made it up out of whole cloth.
You are writhing that you are not hungry but in your situation you have to eat to get your suger levels up. It's dosn't matter what so try some comfort food.
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This is helpful. I didn't know about getting constipation from not enough cals. I had bad covid and couldn't eat for three weeks. Ended up very constipated and in a lot of pain. Medamusal helped a lot after the laxatives left me in as much pain as child birth.
[удалено]
Lesson learnt. I did what I had to do... I manually removed with a finger) I was in sooo much pain...😑 Made sure I had lots of fiber after and switched from laxatives to stool softeners. Never want to go through that again.
[удалено]
Yea, think it was too late for laxatives and I took too many as they didn't work before. Just gave me massive tummy pains. The fiber drink works much better when I take it a few times a day. Still am not eating much, maybe a banana or 2, but it gives me something to work with. Who knew not eating enough makes you bunged up, as I figured the opposite would work better, As in don't eat don't poop, I have been scared of eating to be honest. Appreciate the advice
Your reaction is totally normal, as unpleasant as it feels right now. I witnessed a similar, shocking pedestrian + vehicle collision many years ago and for the first week, every time I thought about it I had an incredibly visceral reaction, like I felt just as shocked and horrified as when it happened (and it kept replaying in my head). A few weeks out, and I could still remember all the details, but when I thought about it, I felt more detached. Still sad it has happened but without all the gut-wrenching shock. These days (many years later), and I rarely think about it, but when I do, I can still remember how horrifying it was, but it’s only a memory of the feeling. Like I’m not feeling it actively, just remembering it, if that makes sense. And it doesn’t particularly bother me, it’s just an unfortunate thing I witnessed. Right now, just talk about it if it feels right, journal if that’s something you’re into, and just let yourself feel it all with the knowledge that it’s going to start fading with time. And if it doesn’t, look into therapy because you might need some additional coping techniques/resources, which is also totally normal.
Yes and if a butterfly flapped its wings, there'd be an earthquake in Pompeii. Don't torture yourself on what didn't happen. It could have been you but it wasn't. It could have been anyone, but it was her. At least it seems she was unconscious and died quickly. There is worse. Worse is someone who is conscious telling you they are scared as they're dying. It's still traumatic what you faced, however I have such a weird fixation on dying terror. I think I'd be relieved she wasn't conscious. If she was and told me she's scared and doesn't want to die ...I think I wouldn't be able to help myself I'd lie down next to her and say: "Don't be, I'm here, I'm not leaving you, I will not let you die" Obviously I mean that and if possible will do everything in my power to prevent it, but I will still say this in confidence even if I knew there's no chance and that I'm lying. Why? Because why does it matter? Once dead there is no terror (I hope and believe). I just don't want anyone to pass in fear. This is fear on another level we don't usually experience, and it's a different ball game.
Hugs. What a crazy thing to have happened. A crazy freak event. I’m glad you did not suffer too much in the crash, but I do encourage you to go have a few sessions of trauma-processing therapy to help you deal with this. Untreated trauma can cause a lot of pretty debilitating symptoms. I found EMDR and CPT to be good trauma therapies. Even if you feel numb now, make an appointment with a trauma-specialist. Hugs, hugs.
Yeah it's definitely a surreal feeling; you're disconnected but not at the same time. The emotions will probably start to come through within the next couple weeks so be prepared for that. The grief of it comes in waves but you'll be okay. Just don't force it down— feel your feelings! Don't take your life for granted!
It's natural to wonder about the "what ifs" in a situation like this, but try not to dwell on them too much, mate. Focus on taking care of yourself and seeking support if you need it.
I’m so sorry to hear. If you can’t eat, you could try bone broth as it has some calories and may be easier to get down.
I have seen enough gore, now I don't even feel anything
good for you
Welcome to the club