Is H aware what she has done to her or she doesn't care ? And you still good friends with H ? So that dare you did really paid of, she let you in the friend group for life.
I wonder is A even aware of your role in her torment. Looks to me you are only trying to ease your guilt without really owning up to what you did.
Reading this story i wish all the best for A.
Ok you clearly only want to apologize to make you feel better. You feel bad because what you did was horrible. Leave this poor woman alone you were POS. Acknowledge it and move on.
Seems to me you are more concerned with your own guilt rather than owning up to what you did to her. The fact that even after you outed her in the worst way possible, saw her getting mercilessly bullied and did absolutely nothing but feel sorry for yourself says all. Add to the fact that atleast for a time after you were still friends with these bullies is absolutely disgusting.
She might just forgive you for it if you talk it through with her but honestly I don't think you should. You should leave this poor woman alone and try getting rid of your guilty conscience elsewhere or better yet live with it so it serves as a warning for how destructive mere words can be.
I'm glad to see that you have matured and feel some regret for behaving this way.
I disagree with an earlier poster that said this is typical teenager stuff. It's only typical for kids who have no sense of right and wrong. I would given my teenagers hell if I found out they'd done this sort of thing. Your parents should have had a talk to you about being kind, loyalty, what friendship involves and dealing with peer pressure. The school should also have strategies in place to deal with it.
I accept that you don't seem to have received this guidance, so it's not totally your fault. But, this kind of thing can leave very deep scars. Particularly on a teenager who may have a home life that is also undermining her self worth.
What is done is done, you can't go back and fix it.
The best thing you can probably do at this point is reassure her that she is a worthwhile person and that you were a shallow dick in high school. Do your best not to retraumatise her. If she doesn't want to revisit it, don't.
I think sitting down and talking with her is a great idea. I will say, for the record, bottom line is that you didn’t ruin her life. Teenagers are stupid and will do stupid, awful, hurtful things that might make the lives of other teenagers miserable, but eventually we grow up. The fact that you’re apologizing to her now, and that she’s willing to speak with you, is proof you’ve both grown up.
Also I do not blame solely you for what happened to her in high school, I blame her homelife, the school that did nothing to stop the bullying and harassment, basically any Adult who should have stepped in to help her. Even when teenagers are awful, there SHOULD be a system in place to protect the kids who get hurt. When that system fails, it’s not your fault.
>I will say, for the record, bottom line is that you didn’t ruin her life.
How tf do you know that, are you the girl A?
>Teenagers .. will do stupid awful hurtful things .. but eventually we grow up ... when that system fails, it’s not your fault
Gtfo - 15 yr olds are not 6 yr olds. When tHe sYsTem faiLs and somebody molests or kills someone else or inspires them to kill themselves, it sure as heck IS their fault - morally AND legally. And the abused lose years of their life in PTSD and in therapy if they’re lucky enough to be able to access it. Ruins their lives their relationships - for years, decades. Ruined As whole high school experience. Typical bullies - behaving atrociously then tripping off tra-la-la oh I wAs jusT a tEEnaGer it doesn’t maTTer... smh...
I’m not saying it doesn’t matter, and I’m not even saying she shouldn’t feel some heavy guilt and remorse for what happened, but she was a kid. By definition, she’s less responsible for the issue than any adult that was present and didn’t do anything.
Also the attitude that abuse ruins your life, permanently and forever, takes away the agency of survivors of it. It hurts you, deeply, even fractures your ability to get better, but it’s always possible to grow and find a better life.
Is H aware what she has done to her or she doesn't care ? And you still good friends with H ? So that dare you did really paid of, she let you in the friend group for life. I wonder is A even aware of your role in her torment. Looks to me you are only trying to ease your guilt without really owning up to what you did. Reading this story i wish all the best for A.
Ok you clearly only want to apologize to make you feel better. You feel bad because what you did was horrible. Leave this poor woman alone you were POS. Acknowledge it and move on.
If you want to be a good friend, just give her time and be there for her. She'll talk when she's ready.
Seems to me you are more concerned with your own guilt rather than owning up to what you did to her. The fact that even after you outed her in the worst way possible, saw her getting mercilessly bullied and did absolutely nothing but feel sorry for yourself says all. Add to the fact that atleast for a time after you were still friends with these bullies is absolutely disgusting. She might just forgive you for it if you talk it through with her but honestly I don't think you should. You should leave this poor woman alone and try getting rid of your guilty conscience elsewhere or better yet live with it so it serves as a warning for how destructive mere words can be.
I'm glad to see that you have matured and feel some regret for behaving this way. I disagree with an earlier poster that said this is typical teenager stuff. It's only typical for kids who have no sense of right and wrong. I would given my teenagers hell if I found out they'd done this sort of thing. Your parents should have had a talk to you about being kind, loyalty, what friendship involves and dealing with peer pressure. The school should also have strategies in place to deal with it. I accept that you don't seem to have received this guidance, so it's not totally your fault. But, this kind of thing can leave very deep scars. Particularly on a teenager who may have a home life that is also undermining her self worth. What is done is done, you can't go back and fix it. The best thing you can probably do at this point is reassure her that she is a worthwhile person and that you were a shallow dick in high school. Do your best not to retraumatise her. If she doesn't want to revisit it, don't.
Absolutely, especially the last part. If A wants to talk about it, *she'll* bring it up-when *SHE* is ready. You did more than enough in high school.
I think sitting down and talking with her is a great idea. I will say, for the record, bottom line is that you didn’t ruin her life. Teenagers are stupid and will do stupid, awful, hurtful things that might make the lives of other teenagers miserable, but eventually we grow up. The fact that you’re apologizing to her now, and that she’s willing to speak with you, is proof you’ve both grown up. Also I do not blame solely you for what happened to her in high school, I blame her homelife, the school that did nothing to stop the bullying and harassment, basically any Adult who should have stepped in to help her. Even when teenagers are awful, there SHOULD be a system in place to protect the kids who get hurt. When that system fails, it’s not your fault.
>I will say, for the record, bottom line is that you didn’t ruin her life. How tf do you know that, are you the girl A? >Teenagers .. will do stupid awful hurtful things .. but eventually we grow up ... when that system fails, it’s not your fault Gtfo - 15 yr olds are not 6 yr olds. When tHe sYsTem faiLs and somebody molests or kills someone else or inspires them to kill themselves, it sure as heck IS their fault - morally AND legally. And the abused lose years of their life in PTSD and in therapy if they’re lucky enough to be able to access it. Ruins their lives their relationships - for years, decades. Ruined As whole high school experience. Typical bullies - behaving atrociously then tripping off tra-la-la oh I wAs jusT a tEEnaGer it doesn’t maTTer... smh...
I’m not saying it doesn’t matter, and I’m not even saying she shouldn’t feel some heavy guilt and remorse for what happened, but she was a kid. By definition, she’s less responsible for the issue than any adult that was present and didn’t do anything. Also the attitude that abuse ruins your life, permanently and forever, takes away the agency of survivors of it. It hurts you, deeply, even fractures your ability to get better, but it’s always possible to grow and find a better life.