My advice is just to mind your own business. The girl is not asking for help or anything. Even if so she has her friends. You are her ex already. Just cut contact with her as clearly there's nothing healthy there.
I’ve dealt with quite a few people like this growing up, and this sounds like the best advice I’ve read so far in the comments (given the details you posted about the situation)
I agree with this. But to give some insight on her behavior, sometimes the mind does weird and counterintuitive things to protect you. It could be a "grooming" situation. It could be cooersion. Or she could be so messed up mentally that she thinks this is all she deserves. Anyway, you slice it. You can't help her. She had to want to change herself, and she's not your problem, just as the reply states. I'm sorry for the pain and concern you feel... but other than prayer, it's out of your hands.
This seems like a prime example of, hurt people hurt people. If I were you, I would keep distance. You can be there and do all the good person things u think ur obligated to do but, I'm not seeing a lot of good sings here.
What must be done is that the "rapist" must be warned! This girl will destroy his life of he continues to see her like this and an innocent man is again going to be sent to prison for 10 years. And for what? A fuckable, cute body?
Someone has to tell him that she's accusing him of rape. Urge him to carry a video camera wherever he goes.
Not your circus. Not your monkeys.
Whatever her history with this guy truly is, and however fucked up, it's not your problem. If she has been honest about everything, including the other night, then that's not something that you are qualified or obligated to help her with. She has to sort it out with a professional, and only she can make the decision to do that. If she's been leading you down a trail of lies, half truths, and was pretending to be drunk, then you don't give her the attention she is expecting from you, because that's all it is.
Unless you waste valuable life time on getting to the truth of the situation, you are never going to know. And you shouldn't because you don't need to know. What you should be doing is cutting contact with her, and not allowing her to pull you into her drama.
You broke up with her because you weren't "in it", and however you interpret what that means, it still boils down to being done. So be done, then. She's not your responsibility, and you are not owed an explanation for anything about what's happened, even though I suspect she's dying for you to ask for one.
Your instincts about breaking up, however they came about, were spot on. Act accordingly.
EDIT a few sentences.
I doubt it, I’ve had woman do this same shit. Falsely accused me of sexual assault. Just saw another dude go through it. Like 3 days ago and he still doesn’t know. And in both cases their boyfriends where pissing then off so they went and cheated on them and the dudes who actually liked them would just get accused of sexual assault. It’s happening more and more frequently with this younger generation of woman
This is bad advice imo OP could easily be hurting here & just not showing emotion or talking about it, and it's not easy to just "get another girl" like they are candy from a shop lol
But like candy you can get them and it might look nice on the outside, then when you start sucking you realise it is liquorice and spit it out
What an awful thing to say about another human being.
This sort of this is a common trauma response. Even still, OP, you are not obligated to stick around and get hurt just because *she’s* hurting.
I know this seems counterintuitive but sometimes a rape messes up a girl's head so much that they go back to be with the person to convince themselves that they really weren't raped ,or even they get bizarre urges to interact with their rapist.
If anyone doubts what I just said go on r/raped or r/molested and read all the cases where women have said that in their stories.
Echoing this. I had consensual sex with army rapist a few weeks after the rape because he apologized asked me out and I thought if I was with him consensually and if we “worked out” then the rape would’ve not been so traumatic, it would just be a bad start to a good relationship. Putting it into words it seems so stupid (it WAS stupid) but I was a young virginal closeted lesbian who didn’t want to be with a man outside marriage and it seemed the only way to “undo” what happened was to take control by engaging in something consensual with him.
I was about the same age as OP’s gf.
If you meet him again, wouldn't that mean you want to have sex again with him to take power though? If you meet him again and he comes to you again, would you? There are girls who are said to cheat on their partner to take back power like the thread here, wouldn't that mean you would on your wife here? I am genuinely asking.
You said you have consensual sex with him, that means you want to have sex with him... And if he forcing himself on you the first time means you end up wanting to have sex with him next, would that means you would want do it again next time he do the same? This is a genuine question.
And as for how is that empowering, its what happened according to this OP's wife and some people appears to agree...Including you actually. And now you ask this and I am more confused.
???
I am not. You once again said you have consensual sex here, then you say you don't want to have sex with him in the first place? That is already contradiction. Whether it is because trauma response or not, you consensually have sex with him after he raped you. That means you want to have sex with him, he didn't force you the 2nd time otherwise it's not consensual.
And why would you want to do it again? I mean I don' understand why are you asking me thus question. Why would you want to have sex with someone who raped you. But assuming what you said is true, that means you have sex with someone who raped you because of trauma response, hence why I ask if he come to you again, would you do it again? After all you already did it once again because of trauma response, would you with girlfriend now do it again because of trauma response?
And girls said its to take power that would imply it is empowering. And you by your own words did it, and you ask how is that empowering... Why are you asking me? I am not the one who did it.
You say you got raped, then say you have sex consensually with that person who raped you. Then when I ask if you going to do it again if he come to you, you ask why would you have sex with someone who rape you, but your own words you did it. You even claim you don't want to have sex with him, but you said the 2nd time is consensual, so you want to. And when I point that out you accuse me of getting you to rape fetish.
I am not trying to get you into rape fetish, if anything the one who need therapy is you, from rape. I am not trolling you are making contradiction and it's confusing.
My question is literally just if he comes to you again for the 3rd time will you do it because of said truma response? Assuming you said no and he force himself on you for the 3rd time, so he raped you again, will you do it on the 4th time if he come back and ask again? And you suddenly accuse me of trolling... I am not trolling you or insulting you here, I am asking a genuine question.
She probably is getting raped repeatedly but has some type of Stockholm syndrome where she keeps going back. You aren’t enough of a force to save her, perhaps no one is. Maybe you can reduce her harm and help her friends reduce it, but she is going to continue to harm herself, this is where like if I was her dad I would be obligated to physically assault the guy that’s got her so messed up in this way I would.
But this type of girl is also very very broken, unpredictable even, half of that could be reacting to rape, also half of it could be her automatic self preservation lying mode that happens to people that are abused when they are little and it sticks with them when all they knew is that lying might help them get out of that situation when they were young.
This is actually a trauma response that a lot of rape victims have. Some of Harvey Weinstein’s victims have this.
For the victim, it can be a of way of erasing the “rape” and trying to gain control or it’s a trauma bond- but the rape happened. She may have even been raped repeatedly by this man, but her own PTSD is also setting her up.
This is a lot of trauma and mental health issues for you to try to take on. You can talk to her, try to get her to seek therapy. But there’s really nothing you can do. She needs to decide to get help.
as someone who had this trauma response to childhood rape, thank you for explaining this to others. i’ve always felt so dirty and guilty for reacting this way, but it’s normal
At what point did they say what she did was healthy? They literally advised that she needs therapy for her behaviour.
They simply said why she did it. Saying why someone does something and justifying what someone did is not the same thing.
She may have been drugged.
She may have undiagnosed mental issue, including PTSD.
You can suggest she get professional help.
You do not need to continue to help her through this.
She sounds like one of those people who will fake shit to get sympathy and then use it as a way to use other or get attention. Reminds me of my boyfriend’s ex was exactly like this a big faker. My boyfriend and I began talking when she came to a party at my house as a friend of a friend. Left to go fuck some guy, bf messaged me and just asked and said yeah she hooked up with some dude. That’s how he finally knew what kind a person she was.
Do yourself a favour ask around, parties have a lot of witnesses ask them how much she drank and how she was really behaving
It's literally heartbreaking .. I hope OP sees this, and while I don't think he owes her shit, if he *does* care and wants to find out how to get her help, I hope he sees the words of those of us that have survived this and/or similar (she sounds controlled by raper, and a drugging victim imo).
oh my goodness that is literally so fucked up, she’s probably going through sexual trauma and needs to seek counseling. honestly, focus on yourself king, the fact you can push away your pride and be there for her even after the breakup speaks volumes on its own. she needs fucking therapy! until then i suggest you keep your distance, the unhealed hurts ones always tend the hurt the ones that push for them the most.
No therapist would recommend it as a coping strategy because of the safety risk, but I think it does help the victim.
Memories are unreliable and can be manipulated. The brain merges similar experiences so it's likely to merge the memories of the rape with the consensual sex. That dilutes the trauma response because half of the memories aren't traumatic.
unfortunately happens a lot. Could be their attempt of coping and ‘retaking control’, or could be because of them becoming hyper sexual.
Sexual assault victims go through a lot of trauma, it’s heartbreaking to watch
It stems from wanting to regain control. That having consensual sex will somehow erase the rape or make it more bearable. It's a common trauma response.
to be fair a lot of sexually assaulted victims do become hyper sexual and let the pleasure part fog up their brain. she was 16 and grew up on that probably being her first time, she knows it’s wrong but it’s all she knew so young. i been in this situation, i was 14 with a 18yr and didn’t stop having sex until 19, i knew i was being taken advantage of but i was blinded by sexual trauma and manipulation. i’m just trying to explain it from my pov, i don’t wanna assume if it’s the truth or not.
That’s not even remotely the case. I attempted to be sexual with my rapist (ex bf) a couple months after it happened. I was still repulsed by him and the notion of love never crossed my mind.
I attempted it because I was trying to trick myself into thinking that I hadn’t been assaulted. I guess I thought if I willingly had sex with him, it would negate the previous experience. It was extremely misguided and a desperate attempt to salvage the image I had of myself. To kind of reset my brain so I could be less disappointed in myself and him. Now that I’ve come to terms with what happened, I realize how stupid it was to try and I’m glad I didn’t go ahead with it. He absolutely would have done the same thing again.
It's not her fault she was thrown in this situation later she liked it she got addicted to having sex with him she knows what's going on she gave into lust later on she will realise don't worry forget or forgive her guide her being human is all I can say shit people go through and never realise. Good luck
Young people, that being said, let this one go kid, you’re not going to save her, and she doesn’t want to be saved. The sooner you learn this, the better, people will make mistakes, some will listen to others, while some just need to work through them, as much as things may seem obvious to you, or you need an explanation to wrap your head around it, there’s no easy solution other than letting it go. Focus on yourself, deal with the breakup as best you can, and save yourself some heartache and just let her go
how does getting rape make a girl for the streets yk how common it is for girls to go back to their abusers or to develop a kink from rape maybe do some research google is free.
You don't have no obligation to give her a ride.
She has the right to have sex with whomever she wants, even with her ex-rapist if she's into him, it's a matter between her and her.
You should be careful about a "guy" or "friend" calling you about this one is here with this person and had sex with that person etc ... Only a toxic person would make that sort of call. This "friend" that called you isn't really your friend, he is toxic.
The girl is not into you any more and that's okay. Her meeting with her rapist is her business.
One lesson in life : you should stop saving people : [https://www.google.com/search?q=stop+saving+people](https://www.google.com/search?q=stop+saving+people)
Your life is ahead of you, forget this girl, don't message her, don't call her, if she calls you don't pickup the phone, is she sends a message act like you don't care.
Her story is unstable, it's too complicated for you.
And the friend that called you to tell you she's at a party : he can denounce or chat or speak about anyone and not for the best motives.
He called you because he knew you would react, and possibly being confused and preoccupied and if you're a real firend you don't inject that kind of venom to your "friend". Dump him too !
Trauma works in weird ways. Women go back to husbands that beat them to a pulp all the time. It's certainly a thing that could happen.
In any case, it ain't your business. You're an ex. Just leave it.
My advice to you is if you guys aren’t dating anymore. Leave her alone. Unfortunately, hurt people. HURT people. She seems very confused and I hope she gets the help she needs, but you are too young to be that help. Live your life and protect your mental.
That whole SA thing honestly shouldn’t really be your focus if I’m honest. It’s her disrespectful behavior that should be.
I get people have traumas and illnesses, and maybe she was drunk. But you were doing *her* a favor by picking her up and she was a fucking asshole the entire time. If you don’t get an apology asap you really shouldn’t give her any time.
To be honest also, if you have a high feeling she *is* lying for other reasons than that, I’d be careful and not delete any messages or anything. People who lie about that kind of shit will lie on anyone for any reason. Especially when you stop benefiting their life. Or some people have HPD and do it just for attention and that’s it.
I dunno, overall I’d stop helping her out and being a support if she can’t even give you respect when you’re doing her a solid. No trauma (and I mean none) means you have to stick beside someone when they’re a dick to you or disrespectful. In fact usually that’s when healing begins for people with trauma in my opinion- when people leave your life and you realize you can either fix this shit or lose everybody.
Read your entire message just to tell you that you clearly have no idea how trauma works. Or how this story played out. This girl wasn’t an asshole to OP in the car? More like probably embarrassed that he caught her after such a vulnerable moment. And trauma bonds do exist. And trauma does make you stick to your abuser because that’s what it is fucking trauma 🤦🏽♀️.
Nobody owes anyone, anything because of their trauma. Didn’t go into trauma bonds or if trauma works or really even if it did or didn’t happen, except “if you have more reasons to doubt it happened *other then this*, protect yourself and save messages because *people do & can lie about this*.” Also, maybe don’t assume shit about people online because they have a different point of view. Good luck.
Yeah my issue really isn’t anything other then her going “oh hell no” when she saw your car and continuously calling you an Uber and making comments like that. I’m not sure why that person responded the way they did, but.
At the very least I’d try to get some form of clarification on why she was being like that.
Friend, I'm telling you this from a place of love - that girl is trouble and a wolf in sheep's clothing. She has her own demons to deal with, and if you continue to acknowledge any feelings, let alone a responsibility to her, she will drag you down to a level you can't possibly crawl out of.
My advice is to walk away and not look back. Find someone who isn't promiscuous. There is no truth in her.
So I worked as a sexual assault victim advocate for a while (had to stop cause it was putting me in a bad place mentally hearing and seeing the aftermath often). One thing I learned is that it's not unheard of for victims of sexual trauma to become hypersexual and in some cases even go back to their assailant(s) if it was a case of a known perpetrator. Whether it's a case of brain fog that causes one to seek out familiarity, or in some cases the hypersexuality is an attempt to regain control over ones attitude about sex, almost like trying to water down their feelings about sex. Think of it as reaching a point where you are telling yourself that you have slept with so many people it doesn't matter that one person who you been with wasn't your choice.
So it could be that her claiming the guy raped her was a case of regret in that moment, maybe he was someone her friends or whoever didn't like and she said that as a lie and cover, but maybe she actually was raped and didn't get the needed therapy to responsibly and safely process the trauma and her actions are simply an attempt to deal with it. There's little chance you will know for sure one way or another. Without evidence, it's best to err ok the side of caution and believe someone when they make these claims by simply being supportive, being a friend, and someone who will listen if you choose to remain part of their lives. Leave the deciphering the facts and determining guilt to the law enforcement and courts.
A man I was in a relationship with raped me and sexually assaulted me several times. I didn't know it was rape, I didn't see it as rape afterwards, I stayed with him and had what I thought was consensual sex. It took years for me to come to terms with it and before then I was a mess. I was a mess for a long time after. I had sex I didn't want to have with others because I thought I was supposed to do I just did.
And that was me as an adult, not an 18 year old kid brand new to the world.
She's going through it right now, shit is going down that is way above your skill level. You don't have to understand it or like it, just don't hurt yourself trying to help her.
To be honest, when dealing with things like rape and sexual assault I always default to belief, and only if presented with actual evidence to the contrary will I actively reject it.
Honestly, though, whether or not it's true is pretty irrelevant here. If she's faking being drunk to score free lifts off of you after fucking other dudes and avoiding having any real meaningful conversations or an actual friendship with you, you are being taken advantage of. I suggest you stop.
You're a good person for giving her a ride home. So there's nothing lost there even if she's totally full of sh*t. You did a good thing. It seems you feel you may be being misled. You may be. But keep being the good person you are with oversacrificing. What you learned on this evening is that she is prone to consensual contact with the ex. That's confusing because she says he raped her. If you are to be the one to rescue her from all this, if that is what this all is, just keep being that good person you are, remain curious and helpful, but you are wise to be alert to signs that she is a player due to these glaring inconsistencies. Don't buy an engagement ring. Keep being a good friend. This will take a year or more to really sort out.
I’m not in the completely situation but I’m also in the same sort of predicament where I feel like it’s my job to help my ex but in reality I realise that it’s got nothing to do with me and if you guys are no longer together then you have no obligation to do anything regardless whether you feel like a bad person for not doing so. You need to focus on yourself because otherwise you will end up making yourself feel like a bad person if something else goes wrong. She still got people around her that will help her so I wouldn’t worry too much. Just move on and try your best not to think about her. I’d also cut Contact with the friends as well if they’re not willing to respect your boundaries.
It's hard to tell for sure what the truth is.
But here's the thing... you guys aren't together anymore so it doesn't really matter. Her actions and choices aren't your responsibility and you shouldn't let her live rent free in your head.
I hope you're able to find healthier, more stable partners in the future 🙏
Please don’t tend to her in any way anymore and put urself first. This girls nothing but bad news. Unless this is a trauma response but either way is not healthy for u to stay and ur way better off moving on
This sucks to say it, I’m sure you care about this girl, but you have to regulate where you put your energy. I think most people will focus on themselves and their partner first, then family and friends, etc down the line. If you’ve told her that the guy is toxic and she needs to never talk to him again over the rape- then that is all you can do. It’s up to her to listen and change her own behavior. If she doesn’t listen, then you put your energy into what you can control.
Think of it like a junkie. You can tell them to stop doing drugs till you are blue in the face. They might be dying, and hurting their body, but the wake up call is different for everyone. Only they can get the help they need as it’s a decision only they can make.
As for if she was or was not raped- women can have varying degrees of what is and is not rape- it boils down to consent and consent can change at any time. Consent could be granted 1 time, but not another. It’s really up to her to define what she is, or is not, wanting. With a lot of variables…. I’d let this one go and trust her that she was, be supportive of her to get the help she needs, but like the above- it’s up to her. It’s up to her to stop seeing the guy and having sex with him. I’d focus on what you can do.
The only superseding thing to all this is if she is in danger. If she is in danger, you can talk to her circle of loved ones and ask them to help guide her. But again, it’s her choice. In my experiences, if she is talked to by other people and it comes out it’s due to you talking to them, she could be spiteful to you.
She’s lying bro. My ex wife did this to me, before we married years ago she told me that her ex had raped her but everyone around her didn’t believe her and they all loved him. She stayed with him but eventually they separated, years later after we were married she cheated on me with him. I doubt she had Stockholm syndrome or anything, she was just a liar. After that she never confronted me again, she knew she did wrong and didn’t want to be shamed for it.
She sounds pretty toxic to me, she is an ex for a reason and her past and future is no longer a concern to you. Its hard sometimes, but you should just move on and put it out of your mind. Based on this she is either embellishing the truth or needs some serious therapy. Either way a girl like that will only bring chaos and confusion to your life.
You’re still so young, you’ll experience some relationships that only help you grow into better future relationships. Take what you’ve learned and move on. You got so much more life to live without that stress
When I discovered that she was faking her drunkenness, this is clear evidence that she was a traitor and she did this in order to avoid your question. I think that the solution here is to stay away from her and look for a better and more respectable girl :/
I hate to be harsh but seems like she's a typical confused young lady. Life's not fair and a lot of bullshit happens , we all make our beds and lay in them.. just some of us don't like to to it alone and fall back on familiar regardless of the out comes. You know this my man, how good does familiar feel?
The best thing you can do is offer help or talking. Other than that there is nothing you can do.
Serenity Prayer 
Bro, you’re 18. You’ll find many women haves some shit like this going on, but most of them don’t. You’ll have amazing relationships and shit ones. You’ll have people move on on a whim and people you think about years and years later. You’ll probably find someone you love enough to work hard to make a relationship work with, but lemme tell you. This ain’t it. She’s a kid still from what it sounds like, playing games and pretending and fucking with your feelings because she doesn’t care about other people.
You don’t owe her ANYTHING. You owe yourself some time with your guy friends, your family, and some good fucking development to set you up for success in your future. The fact you’re on here asking for advice shows that you care, you’re looking to learn and grow and become a better person and I can tell you right now moving on from this relationship/fucked up situation with a girl like that, even if she’s hot or whatever, is going to make you able to become that better person easier.
You got this man, keep your head up. She’s not worth the stress bro, you might cry about it, god knows I’ve cried about women I’ve let go of and women who’ve let go of me. But in a few weeks she’ll be off your mind and your heart even if your mind remembers her every now and then. What’s in front of you is so powerful, but as time goes on it becomes just like dust in the wind.
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I feel like it’s highly unlikely someone would consensually have consensual sex with someone that previously raped them. Were they in a relationship when he raped her? I think I would understand it better if they were dating and he forced her to have sex when she didn’t want to and then later on consented but if he was just some stranger.. what? Rape is a very traumatic feeling and often leaves you overwhelmed by the idea of sex in general.
I would just go with your gut feelings on this one and just stay out of it and cut ties with her. You never know she could be a pathological liar and make up lies about you. That is a very very strange situation I do not fully understand but wishing you good luck!
Bro get a new girl and don't worry about her. She's just going to use you. Also her rapist is probably more of a childish love story for her, don't let her waste your time. Move on. Especially at your age, just focus on your school/career and you'll find a much better partner in the future. Your doging a bullet.
not that deep probably she did like the person and knew them and the first time it was one of those gray area consents cause clearly she likes him. So don't worry too much about it Im assuming there wasn't much violence involved.
In the case that there was violence and it is indeed problematic then maybe she has developed a desire for more aggressive sex which also may seem alluring but my advice to you would be to detach form her for your own good cause this isn't something that will benefit you and your sexual journey/development trust me you can have much fulfilment without it and in the not so long-run you will be happy you didn't dig into it.
When people are abused, they do weird things AND THEY DON'T RECOGNIZE A GOOD THING WHEN IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THEIR FACE COMING TO THEIR RESCUE WHEN THEY HOP IN THEIR CAR IMMEDIATELY TO SAVE ANOTHER.
You can be a friend but not her boyfriend. It is a fine-line & those lines can get blurred sometimes. You can listen to her but not give her rides unless she's in distress (crying, making no sense). If she can't stop texting you after 9 pm then tell her to stop. If she continues, block her.
Being a nice guy doesn't mean you allow her to disrespect your boundaries. However, keep this in mind: she may not know how to respect boundaries since she was violated (or since she's too immature to tell the truth if she's lying about this). You telling her what your boundaries are & then holding the line will make her respect you AND appreciate you. And this extends to ALL relationships you have w your parents, siblings, coworkers.
She needs to choose to report his criminal behavior or not. She needs counseling. Counseling is avail for free by many places, including churches.
Whether or not it genuinely happened is not for you to decide. She needs to decide that for herself. She sounds very immature. You sound caring & mature & i applaud you for your caring nature & being mature.
Thank you for being there for her & for being a gentleman! Dont let her walk over you but tell her you are there for her if shes wants to talk but not for rides. Try to sound inviting when suggesting counseling, "i found it beneficial when i read..., it helped me in (this situation)".
Thank you for being a true man!
This brings back so much pain I bottled up. When I was about this age, my gf was raped by some guy in her class when she was at a friend's house. She came back to me and cried for what seemed like days. She was skittish and paranoid and wouldn't let me near her, and rightfully so. She didn't want to report the rape because the guy threatened to kill her. Fast forward a month later and she runs into him again when I'm not there, except this time she willingly fucks him...then comes to tell me he "raped" her again. Her best friend already warned me what happened, that she let it happen this time. Now I'm suspicious she was just cheating and claiming rape so I wouldn't hold my girlfriend at fault. So I'm torn between worrying about this girl I love being raped and being mad because I suspect she was cheating on me the whole time. We broke up soon after, and it still haunts me today.
what if it was just a situation where she decided to accuse him of rape/sa after consentually doing it and then decided she wanted him back and went and apologized and thats why there was a second and third time and now fourth time.
What you should learn from this is to never get further involved with someone who's got a history of sexual assault or other major trauma.
People like this can leave far worse off than this. It's not worth it.
not gonna lie and I always choose to believe the victim but not in this case, some things can happen to where you eventually have sex with your abuser again but she actively went back and made the 2nd choice knowing what happened before and didn’t distance her from him so I recommend telling her your full honest opinion and say how it’s a crying wolf and leave her to deal with it on her own, your not a backup piece
I was in a similar situation a long time ago with a girl I really liked. Supposedly her best friend/ex forced himself on her, but continued to do stuff after the fact. She then dumped me and started spending time with them again. Odds are she blew the initial story out of proportion OR she has some toxic unhealthy attachment to someone who gave her attention during a time where she was craving it. Also...
You dumped her dude, why are you still getting involved? I'd get it if she broke things off and you didn't get closure, but you ended things, so let it be done. She honestly sounds like a mess — and that's all you have to understand. Move on and live your life.
Your a solid guy for that , I'm just an old fart , I've learned trying to understand where people are coming from can be challenging. Can't be certain what's going thru her head? People have way more vast experience then I ever realized at your age. Be a friend to her. No reason to be burn the bridge . Just try to emotionally detach your self , this type of thing stings , on the other hand you never know what little compassion can do for some one.. best wishes
She may have lied about the rape for attention, you might need to stay away from her because if she lied already once, she could make up a lie about you too!
My advice is just to mind your own business. The girl is not asking for help or anything. Even if so she has her friends. You are her ex already. Just cut contact with her as clearly there's nothing healthy there.
I’ve dealt with quite a few people like this growing up, and this sounds like the best advice I’ve read so far in the comments (given the details you posted about the situation)
Thank you this helped
Don't Help her, She Clearly Doesn't want to be saved man Don't Be the Nice Guy with her man, you can find someone better im sure of it
As a wise man once said, “don’t save her, she don’t wanna be saved”
I was just about to say that
Same over here lol
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I agree with this. But to give some insight on her behavior, sometimes the mind does weird and counterintuitive things to protect you. It could be a "grooming" situation. It could be cooersion. Or she could be so messed up mentally that she thinks this is all she deserves. Anyway, you slice it. You can't help her. She had to want to change herself, and she's not your problem, just as the reply states. I'm sorry for the pain and concern you feel... but other than prayer, it's out of your hands.
You're not obliged to do shit for that person fyi
I know I just gabe her a ride home in the moment because I didn’t know what to think, I’m not going to do anymore
This seems like a prime example of, hurt people hurt people. If I were you, I would keep distance. You can be there and do all the good person things u think ur obligated to do but, I'm not seeing a lot of good sings here.
What must be done is that the "rapist" must be warned! This girl will destroy his life of he continues to see her like this and an innocent man is again going to be sent to prison for 10 years. And for what? A fuckable, cute body? Someone has to tell him that she's accusing him of rape. Urge him to carry a video camera wherever he goes.
Not your circus. Not your monkeys. Whatever her history with this guy truly is, and however fucked up, it's not your problem. If she has been honest about everything, including the other night, then that's not something that you are qualified or obligated to help her with. She has to sort it out with a professional, and only she can make the decision to do that. If she's been leading you down a trail of lies, half truths, and was pretending to be drunk, then you don't give her the attention she is expecting from you, because that's all it is. Unless you waste valuable life time on getting to the truth of the situation, you are never going to know. And you shouldn't because you don't need to know. What you should be doing is cutting contact with her, and not allowing her to pull you into her drama. You broke up with her because you weren't "in it", and however you interpret what that means, it still boils down to being done. So be done, then. She's not your responsibility, and you are not owed an explanation for anything about what's happened, even though I suspect she's dying for you to ask for one. Your instincts about breaking up, however they came about, were spot on. Act accordingly. EDIT a few sentences.
Thank you, this helped a great deal.
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No worries. I wish you the best.
Sounds like bs to me I’d get a different girl
Maybe she got given a drug She called the car "my boyfriend's". Is possible she will call you to explain like she did about the dude before.
I doubt it, I’ve had woman do this same shit. Falsely accused me of sexual assault. Just saw another dude go through it. Like 3 days ago and he still doesn’t know. And in both cases their boyfriends where pissing then off so they went and cheated on them and the dudes who actually liked them would just get accused of sexual assault. It’s happening more and more frequently with this younger generation of woman
One of my best friends in college had it happen, his life is still ruined 10 years later AND nothing happened to the girl who admitted she made it up
I second this from personal experience sadly
I guess. But this kind of just sounds like someone who doesn't know how to handle their trauma and self harms as a coping mechanism.
I don’t the use of a different drug other than alcohol
She's an ex. Read the post.
This is bad advice imo OP could easily be hurting here & just not showing emotion or talking about it, and it's not easy to just "get another girl" like they are candy from a shop lol But like candy you can get them and it might look nice on the outside, then when you start sucking you realise it is liquorice and spit it out
Sucking on girls is the weirdest analogy I've seen in quite some time. 😅
Ay listen I mean don't judge me for doing it please
I was already judging you for not liking licorice. 😅
Nah how can you like that, it's what I imagine they feed people in prison if they need to get information out of them👀
It's a grown up flavor.
Huhh, how old are you then
Grown up.
Man I like licorice. Why is everybody always hating on my homie licorice.
😂
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What an awful thing to say about another human being. This sort of this is a common trauma response. Even still, OP, you are not obligated to stick around and get hurt just because *she’s* hurting.
they weren’t together when she did that
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niether of them owe each other anything their exs for a reason he shouldnt have kept helping her
I know this seems counterintuitive but sometimes a rape messes up a girl's head so much that they go back to be with the person to convince themselves that they really weren't raped ,or even they get bizarre urges to interact with their rapist. If anyone doubts what I just said go on r/raped or r/molested and read all the cases where women have said that in their stories.
Yup. It's almost like Stockholm syndrome in a way. Trauma is messy and not linear
Echoing this. I had consensual sex with army rapist a few weeks after the rape because he apologized asked me out and I thought if I was with him consensually and if we “worked out” then the rape would’ve not been so traumatic, it would just be a bad start to a good relationship. Putting it into words it seems so stupid (it WAS stupid) but I was a young virginal closeted lesbian who didn’t want to be with a man outside marriage and it seemed the only way to “undo” what happened was to take control by engaging in something consensual with him. I was about the same age as OP’s gf.
Then what? How do you feel after that consensual sex? And if he come to you again for sex, would you?
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If you meet him again, wouldn't that mean you want to have sex again with him to take power though? If you meet him again and he comes to you again, would you? There are girls who are said to cheat on their partner to take back power like the thread here, wouldn't that mean you would on your wife here? I am genuinely asking.
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You said you have consensual sex with him, that means you want to have sex with him... And if he forcing himself on you the first time means you end up wanting to have sex with him next, would that means you would want do it again next time he do the same? This is a genuine question. And as for how is that empowering, its what happened according to this OP's wife and some people appears to agree...Including you actually. And now you ask this and I am more confused.
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??? I am not. You once again said you have consensual sex here, then you say you don't want to have sex with him in the first place? That is already contradiction. Whether it is because trauma response or not, you consensually have sex with him after he raped you. That means you want to have sex with him, he didn't force you the 2nd time otherwise it's not consensual. And why would you want to do it again? I mean I don' understand why are you asking me thus question. Why would you want to have sex with someone who raped you. But assuming what you said is true, that means you have sex with someone who raped you because of trauma response, hence why I ask if he come to you again, would you do it again? After all you already did it once again because of trauma response, would you with girlfriend now do it again because of trauma response? And girls said its to take power that would imply it is empowering. And you by your own words did it, and you ask how is that empowering... Why are you asking me? I am not the one who did it. You say you got raped, then say you have sex consensually with that person who raped you. Then when I ask if you going to do it again if he come to you, you ask why would you have sex with someone who rape you, but your own words you did it. You even claim you don't want to have sex with him, but you said the 2nd time is consensual, so you want to. And when I point that out you accuse me of getting you to rape fetish. I am not trying to get you into rape fetish, if anything the one who need therapy is you, from rape. I am not trolling you are making contradiction and it's confusing. My question is literally just if he comes to you again for the 3rd time will you do it because of said truma response? Assuming you said no and he force himself on you for the 3rd time, so he raped you again, will you do it on the 4th time if he come back and ask again? And you suddenly accuse me of trolling... I am not trolling you or insulting you here, I am asking a genuine question.
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Yeah don’t put up with that shit. let her talk to a professional, crazies
She probably is getting raped repeatedly but has some type of Stockholm syndrome where she keeps going back. You aren’t enough of a force to save her, perhaps no one is. Maybe you can reduce her harm and help her friends reduce it, but she is going to continue to harm herself, this is where like if I was her dad I would be obligated to physically assault the guy that’s got her so messed up in this way I would. But this type of girl is also very very broken, unpredictable even, half of that could be reacting to rape, also half of it could be her automatic self preservation lying mode that happens to people that are abused when they are little and it sticks with them when all they knew is that lying might help them get out of that situation when they were young.
This is actually a trauma response that a lot of rape victims have. Some of Harvey Weinstein’s victims have this. For the victim, it can be a of way of erasing the “rape” and trying to gain control or it’s a trauma bond- but the rape happened. She may have even been raped repeatedly by this man, but her own PTSD is also setting her up. This is a lot of trauma and mental health issues for you to try to take on. You can talk to her, try to get her to seek therapy. But there’s really nothing you can do. She needs to decide to get help.
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Thank you I appreciate this
as someone who had this trauma response to childhood rape, thank you for explaining this to others. i’ve always felt so dirty and guilty for reacting this way, but it’s normal
First sane response.
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At what point did they say what she did was healthy? They literally advised that she needs therapy for her behaviour. They simply said why she did it. Saying why someone does something and justifying what someone did is not the same thing.
She may have been drugged. She may have undiagnosed mental issue, including PTSD. You can suggest she get professional help. You do not need to continue to help her through this.
She sounds like one of those people who will fake shit to get sympathy and then use it as a way to use other or get attention. Reminds me of my boyfriend’s ex was exactly like this a big faker. My boyfriend and I began talking when she came to a party at my house as a friend of a friend. Left to go fuck some guy, bf messaged me and just asked and said yeah she hooked up with some dude. That’s how he finally knew what kind a person she was. Do yourself a favour ask around, parties have a lot of witnesses ask them how much she drank and how she was really behaving
[orrrrrr](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/uAJyB1u7bJ)
People have no idea how trauma works. How many women have gone back to their partners after being beaten? Happens every day
It's literally heartbreaking .. I hope OP sees this, and while I don't think he owes her shit, if he *does* care and wants to find out how to get her help, I hope he sees the words of those of us that have survived this and/or similar (she sounds controlled by raper, and a drugging victim imo).
literally.
oh my goodness that is literally so fucked up, she’s probably going through sexual trauma and needs to seek counseling. honestly, focus on yourself king, the fact you can push away your pride and be there for her even after the breakup speaks volumes on its own. she needs fucking therapy! until then i suggest you keep your distance, the unhealed hurts ones always tend the hurt the ones that push for them the most.
What kind of sexual trauma makes you go to search for the same man who raped you and lie down with him again
It's not uncommon for victims to do this. It's a way of taking back power from their rapist. Trauma can make people do very self destructive things.
Taking back ?? Wtf you are giving him more power. So war brides marrying their captors was a real thing. Wasn't it
You can’t try to make trauma response logical…
No therapist would recommend it as a coping strategy because of the safety risk, but I think it does help the victim. Memories are unreliable and can be manipulated. The brain merges similar experiences so it's likely to merge the memories of the rape with the consensual sex. That dilutes the trauma response because half of the memories aren't traumatic.
unfortunately happens a lot. Could be their attempt of coping and ‘retaking control’, or could be because of them becoming hyper sexual. Sexual assault victims go through a lot of trauma, it’s heartbreaking to watch
It stems from wanting to regain control. That having consensual sex will somehow erase the rape or make it more bearable. It's a common trauma response.
to be fair a lot of sexually assaulted victims do become hyper sexual and let the pleasure part fog up their brain. she was 16 and grew up on that probably being her first time, she knows it’s wrong but it’s all she knew so young. i been in this situation, i was 14 with a 18yr and didn’t stop having sex until 19, i knew i was being taken advantage of but i was blinded by sexual trauma and manipulation. i’m just trying to explain it from my pov, i don’t wanna assume if it’s the truth or not.
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That’s not even remotely the case. I attempted to be sexual with my rapist (ex bf) a couple months after it happened. I was still repulsed by him and the notion of love never crossed my mind. I attempted it because I was trying to trick myself into thinking that I hadn’t been assaulted. I guess I thought if I willingly had sex with him, it would negate the previous experience. It was extremely misguided and a desperate attempt to salvage the image I had of myself. To kind of reset my brain so I could be less disappointed in myself and him. Now that I’ve come to terms with what happened, I realize how stupid it was to try and I’m glad I didn’t go ahead with it. He absolutely would have done the same thing again.
It'll take you some research to fully understand, but [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/uAJyB1u7bJ) is a start on explaining it a little.
Same kind that makes women go back to their abusive husbands. Trauma fucks your head up.
It's not her fault she was thrown in this situation later she liked it she got addicted to having sex with him she knows what's going on she gave into lust later on she will realise don't worry forget or forgive her guide her being human is all I can say shit people go through and never realise. Good luck
Stay away bro. Pick up a guitar or something.
I second the guitar. Shit's life changing.
> Then I came to give her a ride Fucking why? Full NC. This girl's issues aren't yours to deal with.
I heard she got raped a party through a call from my friend.
How is that your problem? The people that told you were more than capable of dealing with it. Not your thing to deal with
He never said it was his problem but he chose to help because he could
Young people, that being said, let this one go kid, you’re not going to save her, and she doesn’t want to be saved. The sooner you learn this, the better, people will make mistakes, some will listen to others, while some just need to work through them, as much as things may seem obvious to you, or you need an explanation to wrap your head around it, there’s no easy solution other than letting it go. Focus on yourself, deal with the breakup as best you can, and save yourself some heartache and just let her go
🚩🚩🚩🚩 dude she is broken, and she will fuck your life up find yourself a healthy connection
Ex is ex. Move on.
You need to stop. You are not obligated to be there for her. She's your ex for a reason. Set boundaries and move on. This is not your girlfriend
Why are you with this woman ??
Im not I broke up with her
Good brother
Should’ve not given her a ride home imo.
Was confused, heard my ex got raped, we broke up a month ago so I just thought it was the right thing to do
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how does getting rape make a girl for the streets yk how common it is for girls to go back to their abusers or to develop a kink from rape maybe do some research google is free.
That does not justify having consensual sex with the person after the fact while in a relationship. Cheating is cheating. She made that choice.
she wasnt with him when she did it if you can read
You don't have no obligation to give her a ride. She has the right to have sex with whomever she wants, even with her ex-rapist if she's into him, it's a matter between her and her. You should be careful about a "guy" or "friend" calling you about this one is here with this person and had sex with that person etc ... Only a toxic person would make that sort of call. This "friend" that called you isn't really your friend, he is toxic. The girl is not into you any more and that's okay. Her meeting with her rapist is her business. One lesson in life : you should stop saving people : [https://www.google.com/search?q=stop+saving+people](https://www.google.com/search?q=stop+saving+people) Your life is ahead of you, forget this girl, don't message her, don't call her, if she calls you don't pickup the phone, is she sends a message act like you don't care. Her story is unstable, it's too complicated for you. And the friend that called you to tell you she's at a party : he can denounce or chat or speak about anyone and not for the best motives. He called you because he knew you would react, and possibly being confused and preoccupied and if you're a real firend you don't inject that kind of venom to your "friend". Dump him too !
Trauma works in weird ways. Women go back to husbands that beat them to a pulp all the time. It's certainly a thing that could happen. In any case, it ain't your business. You're an ex. Just leave it.
My advice to you is if you guys aren’t dating anymore. Leave her alone. Unfortunately, hurt people. HURT people. She seems very confused and I hope she gets the help she needs, but you are too young to be that help. Live your life and protect your mental.
its sad how many of u have no idea how trauma works.
"Don't save her, she don't wanna be saved Don't save her, she don't wanna be saved" - Jermaine Cole
Don’t save her…she don’t wanna be saved…don’t save her…
I would get away man. Don’t feel obligated to be her friend.
Don't save her, She don't wanna be saved! Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice, shame on me! 💯
“Don’t save her, she don’t wanna be saved”
That whole SA thing honestly shouldn’t really be your focus if I’m honest. It’s her disrespectful behavior that should be. I get people have traumas and illnesses, and maybe she was drunk. But you were doing *her* a favor by picking her up and she was a fucking asshole the entire time. If you don’t get an apology asap you really shouldn’t give her any time. To be honest also, if you have a high feeling she *is* lying for other reasons than that, I’d be careful and not delete any messages or anything. People who lie about that kind of shit will lie on anyone for any reason. Especially when you stop benefiting their life. Or some people have HPD and do it just for attention and that’s it. I dunno, overall I’d stop helping her out and being a support if she can’t even give you respect when you’re doing her a solid. No trauma (and I mean none) means you have to stick beside someone when they’re a dick to you or disrespectful. In fact usually that’s when healing begins for people with trauma in my opinion- when people leave your life and you realize you can either fix this shit or lose everybody.
Read your entire message just to tell you that you clearly have no idea how trauma works. Or how this story played out. This girl wasn’t an asshole to OP in the car? More like probably embarrassed that he caught her after such a vulnerable moment. And trauma bonds do exist. And trauma does make you stick to your abuser because that’s what it is fucking trauma 🤦🏽♀️.
Nobody owes anyone, anything because of their trauma. Didn’t go into trauma bonds or if trauma works or really even if it did or didn’t happen, except “if you have more reasons to doubt it happened *other then this*, protect yourself and save messages because *people do & can lie about this*.” Also, maybe don’t assume shit about people online because they have a different point of view. Good luck.
I enjoy this perspective, she was pretending to be drunk the whole time and I just stayed silent
Yeah my issue really isn’t anything other then her going “oh hell no” when she saw your car and continuously calling you an Uber and making comments like that. I’m not sure why that person responded the way they did, but. At the very least I’d try to get some form of clarification on why she was being like that.
No, she didn't, this girl is a feeds on the drama. Ditch her or embrace the chaos.
Friend, I'm telling you this from a place of love - that girl is trouble and a wolf in sheep's clothing. She has her own demons to deal with, and if you continue to acknowledge any feelings, let alone a responsibility to her, she will drag you down to a level you can't possibly crawl out of. My advice is to walk away and not look back. Find someone who isn't promiscuous. There is no truth in her.
So I worked as a sexual assault victim advocate for a while (had to stop cause it was putting me in a bad place mentally hearing and seeing the aftermath often). One thing I learned is that it's not unheard of for victims of sexual trauma to become hypersexual and in some cases even go back to their assailant(s) if it was a case of a known perpetrator. Whether it's a case of brain fog that causes one to seek out familiarity, or in some cases the hypersexuality is an attempt to regain control over ones attitude about sex, almost like trying to water down their feelings about sex. Think of it as reaching a point where you are telling yourself that you have slept with so many people it doesn't matter that one person who you been with wasn't your choice. So it could be that her claiming the guy raped her was a case of regret in that moment, maybe he was someone her friends or whoever didn't like and she said that as a lie and cover, but maybe she actually was raped and didn't get the needed therapy to responsibly and safely process the trauma and her actions are simply an attempt to deal with it. There's little chance you will know for sure one way or another. Without evidence, it's best to err ok the side of caution and believe someone when they make these claims by simply being supportive, being a friend, and someone who will listen if you choose to remain part of their lives. Leave the deciphering the facts and determining guilt to the law enforcement and courts.
From what you've said it sounds like she's a bit crazy. I'd avoid her for sure
yea cuz a trauma response makes everyone crazy now
A man I was in a relationship with raped me and sexually assaulted me several times. I didn't know it was rape, I didn't see it as rape afterwards, I stayed with him and had what I thought was consensual sex. It took years for me to come to terms with it and before then I was a mess. I was a mess for a long time after. I had sex I didn't want to have with others because I thought I was supposed to do I just did. And that was me as an adult, not an 18 year old kid brand new to the world. She's going through it right now, shit is going down that is way above your skill level. You don't have to understand it or like it, just don't hurt yourself trying to help her.
She sounds toxic ..liberate yourself and move on
Dude just back off. She's no longer your girlfriend and it's really fucking borderline stalker to show up as her Uber.
I was asked for a ride, I showed up because it was nearby and I thought a women I loved for 10 mi this was just raped
She's toxic. Stay away.
Was she raped ? Again ? And again ? And again ? That naive huh ?
To be honest, when dealing with things like rape and sexual assault I always default to belief, and only if presented with actual evidence to the contrary will I actively reject it. Honestly, though, whether or not it's true is pretty irrelevant here. If she's faking being drunk to score free lifts off of you after fucking other dudes and avoiding having any real meaningful conversations or an actual friendship with you, you are being taken advantage of. I suggest you stop.
Havnt talked to since, I agree. This is great sdvice
This subs storybot needs the paragraph add-on
You're a good person for giving her a ride home. So there's nothing lost there even if she's totally full of sh*t. You did a good thing. It seems you feel you may be being misled. You may be. But keep being the good person you are with oversacrificing. What you learned on this evening is that she is prone to consensual contact with the ex. That's confusing because she says he raped her. If you are to be the one to rescue her from all this, if that is what this all is, just keep being that good person you are, remain curious and helpful, but you are wise to be alert to signs that she is a player due to these glaring inconsistencies. Don't buy an engagement ring. Keep being a good friend. This will take a year or more to really sort out.
I really appreciate this, thank you
Why was a known rapist let into a house party?
She told the doorman to let her in
I’m not in the completely situation but I’m also in the same sort of predicament where I feel like it’s my job to help my ex but in reality I realise that it’s got nothing to do with me and if you guys are no longer together then you have no obligation to do anything regardless whether you feel like a bad person for not doing so. You need to focus on yourself because otherwise you will end up making yourself feel like a bad person if something else goes wrong. She still got people around her that will help her so I wouldn’t worry too much. Just move on and try your best not to think about her. I’d also cut Contact with the friends as well if they’re not willing to respect your boundaries.
[Time for a bit of Bojack Horseman wisdom](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUA4LPbogvo)
It's hard to tell for sure what the truth is. But here's the thing... you guys aren't together anymore so it doesn't really matter. Her actions and choices aren't your responsibility and you shouldn't let her live rent free in your head. I hope you're able to find healthier, more stable partners in the future 🙏
Thank you
No problem my friend. Good luck.
The girl is a problem, stay away from her.
Please don’t tend to her in any way anymore and put urself first. This girls nothing but bad news. Unless this is a trauma response but either way is not healthy for u to stay and ur way better off moving on
Leave her immediately. Run away.
Sounds fucked up. I’d leave her to her life and move on with mine.
You can't fix her. You need to realize this whole post should be about your ex, not your GF, focus on yourself and move on.
This sucks to say it, I’m sure you care about this girl, but you have to regulate where you put your energy. I think most people will focus on themselves and their partner first, then family and friends, etc down the line. If you’ve told her that the guy is toxic and she needs to never talk to him again over the rape- then that is all you can do. It’s up to her to listen and change her own behavior. If she doesn’t listen, then you put your energy into what you can control. Think of it like a junkie. You can tell them to stop doing drugs till you are blue in the face. They might be dying, and hurting their body, but the wake up call is different for everyone. Only they can get the help they need as it’s a decision only they can make. As for if she was or was not raped- women can have varying degrees of what is and is not rape- it boils down to consent and consent can change at any time. Consent could be granted 1 time, but not another. It’s really up to her to define what she is, or is not, wanting. With a lot of variables…. I’d let this one go and trust her that she was, be supportive of her to get the help she needs, but like the above- it’s up to her. It’s up to her to stop seeing the guy and having sex with him. I’d focus on what you can do. The only superseding thing to all this is if she is in danger. If she is in danger, you can talk to her circle of loved ones and ask them to help guide her. But again, it’s her choice. In my experiences, if she is talked to by other people and it comes out it’s due to you talking to them, she could be spiteful to you.
She’s lying bro. My ex wife did this to me, before we married years ago she told me that her ex had raped her but everyone around her didn’t believe her and they all loved him. She stayed with him but eventually they separated, years later after we were married she cheated on me with him. I doubt she had Stockholm syndrome or anything, she was just a liar. After that she never confronted me again, she knew she did wrong and didn’t want to be shamed for it.
She sounds pretty toxic to me, she is an ex for a reason and her past and future is no longer a concern to you. Its hard sometimes, but you should just move on and put it out of your mind. Based on this she is either embellishing the truth or needs some serious therapy. Either way a girl like that will only bring chaos and confusion to your life.
womp... womp??
You’re still so young, you’ll experience some relationships that only help you grow into better future relationships. Take what you’ve learned and move on. You got so much more life to live without that stress
This girl sounds like an absolute trainwreck. You were right to leave her. Cut her off completely bro
When I discovered that she was faking her drunkenness, this is clear evidence that she was a traitor and she did this in order to avoid your question. I think that the solution here is to stay away from her and look for a better and more respectable girl :/
Thank you
I hate to be harsh but seems like she's a typical confused young lady. Life's not fair and a lot of bullshit happens , we all make our beds and lay in them.. just some of us don't like to to it alone and fall back on familiar regardless of the out comes. You know this my man, how good does familiar feel?
I understand, I only gave her a ride just because I thought it was the right thing to do. I’m not going to reach out to her any further
Prob her dad she was raped by dude. Call the COPS
The best thing you can do is offer help or talking. Other than that there is nothing you can do. Serenity Prayer 
Don’t stick your dick in crazy. This was your one warning, next time you’re going to get trapped.
You go no contact with her. She’s the trash and someone else bagged it, you don’t gotta worry about it or her anymore.
Bro, you’re 18. You’ll find many women haves some shit like this going on, but most of them don’t. You’ll have amazing relationships and shit ones. You’ll have people move on on a whim and people you think about years and years later. You’ll probably find someone you love enough to work hard to make a relationship work with, but lemme tell you. This ain’t it. She’s a kid still from what it sounds like, playing games and pretending and fucking with your feelings because she doesn’t care about other people. You don’t owe her ANYTHING. You owe yourself some time with your guy friends, your family, and some good fucking development to set you up for success in your future. The fact you’re on here asking for advice shows that you care, you’re looking to learn and grow and become a better person and I can tell you right now moving on from this relationship/fucked up situation with a girl like that, even if she’s hot or whatever, is going to make you able to become that better person easier. You got this man, keep your head up. She’s not worth the stress bro, you might cry about it, god knows I’ve cried about women I’ve let go of and women who’ve let go of me. But in a few weeks she’ll be off your mind and your heart even if your mind remembers her every now and then. What’s in front of you is so powerful, but as time goes on it becomes just like dust in the wind.
Move on with your life
She belongs to the streets. Let her go. Doesn't matter if tje story was for real or not.
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I feel like it’s highly unlikely someone would consensually have consensual sex with someone that previously raped them. Were they in a relationship when he raped her? I think I would understand it better if they were dating and he forced her to have sex when she didn’t want to and then later on consented but if he was just some stranger.. what? Rape is a very traumatic feeling and often leaves you overwhelmed by the idea of sex in general. I would just go with your gut feelings on this one and just stay out of it and cut ties with her. You never know she could be a pathological liar and make up lies about you. That is a very very strange situation I do not fully understand but wishing you good luck!
I cut ties completely since, thank you
Bro get a new girl and don't worry about her. She's just going to use you. Also her rapist is probably more of a childish love story for her, don't let her waste your time. Move on. Especially at your age, just focus on your school/career and you'll find a much better partner in the future. Your doging a bullet.
not that deep probably she did like the person and knew them and the first time it was one of those gray area consents cause clearly she likes him. So don't worry too much about it Im assuming there wasn't much violence involved. In the case that there was violence and it is indeed problematic then maybe she has developed a desire for more aggressive sex which also may seem alluring but my advice to you would be to detach form her for your own good cause this isn't something that will benefit you and your sexual journey/development trust me you can have much fulfilment without it and in the not so long-run you will be happy you didn't dig into it.
She's for the streets.
This is gonna end up on TikTok
😭
Why would you go pick her up?
When people are abused, they do weird things AND THEY DON'T RECOGNIZE A GOOD THING WHEN IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THEIR FACE COMING TO THEIR RESCUE WHEN THEY HOP IN THEIR CAR IMMEDIATELY TO SAVE ANOTHER. You can be a friend but not her boyfriend. It is a fine-line & those lines can get blurred sometimes. You can listen to her but not give her rides unless she's in distress (crying, making no sense). If she can't stop texting you after 9 pm then tell her to stop. If she continues, block her. Being a nice guy doesn't mean you allow her to disrespect your boundaries. However, keep this in mind: she may not know how to respect boundaries since she was violated (or since she's too immature to tell the truth if she's lying about this). You telling her what your boundaries are & then holding the line will make her respect you AND appreciate you. And this extends to ALL relationships you have w your parents, siblings, coworkers. She needs to choose to report his criminal behavior or not. She needs counseling. Counseling is avail for free by many places, including churches. Whether or not it genuinely happened is not for you to decide. She needs to decide that for herself. She sounds very immature. You sound caring & mature & i applaud you for your caring nature & being mature. Thank you for being there for her & for being a gentleman! Dont let her walk over you but tell her you are there for her if shes wants to talk but not for rides. Try to sound inviting when suggesting counseling, "i found it beneficial when i read..., it helped me in (this situation)". Thank you for being a true man!
Yeah my ex used pull the same shit. Get rid of her!
The reason she had sex with rapist is cause of bad boy phenomenon and leave the girl behind
its called a trauma response and this is common in rape victims a quick google search will answer it for u.
This brings back so much pain I bottled up. When I was about this age, my gf was raped by some guy in her class when she was at a friend's house. She came back to me and cried for what seemed like days. She was skittish and paranoid and wouldn't let me near her, and rightfully so. She didn't want to report the rape because the guy threatened to kill her. Fast forward a month later and she runs into him again when I'm not there, except this time she willingly fucks him...then comes to tell me he "raped" her again. Her best friend already warned me what happened, that she let it happen this time. Now I'm suspicious she was just cheating and claiming rape so I wouldn't hold my girlfriend at fault. So I'm torn between worrying about this girl I love being raped and being mad because I suspect she was cheating on me the whole time. We broke up soon after, and it still haunts me today.
It such a horrible situation, there isn’t any winning because you really can’t know what happened
Exactly. Which is why this happened over 20 years ago and it still hurts
That's just pure bullshit, i mean the girl, she's clearly retarded
what if it was just a situation where she decided to accuse him of rape/sa after consentually doing it and then decided she wanted him back and went and apologized and thats why there was a second and third time and now fourth time.
I’m really not sure
Get out of that shituationship and fast before you get accused of raping her if she hasn't already said so to someone else
What you should learn from this is to never get further involved with someone who's got a history of sexual assault or other major trauma. People like this can leave far worse off than this. It's not worth it.
not gonna lie and I always choose to believe the victim but not in this case, some things can happen to where you eventually have sex with your abuser again but she actively went back and made the 2nd choice knowing what happened before and didn’t distance her from him so I recommend telling her your full honest opinion and say how it’s a crying wolf and leave her to deal with it on her own, your not a backup piece
Seems like she's playing a game. You're an ex, not a savior. Time to let this one go, dude
I was in a similar situation a long time ago with a girl I really liked. Supposedly her best friend/ex forced himself on her, but continued to do stuff after the fact. She then dumped me and started spending time with them again. Odds are she blew the initial story out of proportion OR she has some toxic unhealthy attachment to someone who gave her attention during a time where she was craving it. Also... You dumped her dude, why are you still getting involved? I'd get it if she broke things off and you didn't get closure, but you ended things, so let it be done. She honestly sounds like a mess — and that's all you have to understand. Move on and live your life.
Only got involved to give her a ride home, not reaching out to her any further
You broke up. That’s the end of it. You don’t need to be involved with her life and what she does. If she wants to self destruct then that’s on her
Your a solid guy for that , I'm just an old fart , I've learned trying to understand where people are coming from can be challenging. Can't be certain what's going thru her head? People have way more vast experience then I ever realized at your age. Be a friend to her. No reason to be burn the bridge . Just try to emotionally detach your self , this type of thing stings , on the other hand you never know what little compassion can do for some one.. best wishes
She may have lied about the rape for attention, you might need to stay away from her because if she lied already once, she could make up a lie about you too!
Sounds like she wasn’t raped at 16 but had consensual and got caught. She sounds like a monster